#also high-key pretty sure the heart as well but im too tired to double check that

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

"If your entire body is replaced by speedforce are you really the same person you started out as? "

i mean seeing as how skin cells work in the real world I gotta go with "obviously"

I gotta tell ya, if your brain completely dies and then rebuilds itself from scratch then you might wanna go see a doctor. Same for any nerve cell, really.

Cause yeah, skin cells do replace themselves at a very quick rate but your brain? You're stuck with what you got. And, uh, it's arguably the most important part. It's what makes you 'you'.

[eddiekaspbraklives-blog]

I never should have said anything. (1/?)

Summary: Bill has some unspoken feelings he’s not sure how to deal with; especially when those feelings are centered around his best friend.

Pairing: Stanley/Bill

Word Count: 2,115... I’m sorry

Warnings: A bit of swearing, angst(but it WILL turn happy !!)

A/N: Everyone is 16+ in this, so they’re in high school. Inspired/modeled after something that happened with my best friend at the time and me. Why not incorporate my life into stories, right ? This will have a few chapters, so stay tuned !!

-

Bill had been the first member of the losers club to get their drivers licenses. Richie had been next, then Mike, Beverly, Ben, Eddie, and last but not least Stanley. Because of this order, Bill had been the first to get a car. Richie had been slacking and wasn’t practicing his driving, so he only had his permit and couldn’t drive everyone around. The rest hadn’t gotten in enough hours to be eligible for the drivers test that would permit them their full license. Given the circumstances, Bill had pretty much become the bus driver to the losers club.

As usual, it was a Friday night and the 7 friends had decided to gather at someone’s house to hang out. Richie’s, to be exact. This was actually a rare occasion, but this evening his parents wouldn’t be home until late at night so they would have the house to themselves.

Unsurprisingly, it was Bill’s job to pick everyone up who didn’t have a ride and bring them to Richie’s. Which was... Well, everyone.

With the other 6 teenagers in his car, he made his way to Richie’s house across town. Mike was riding shotgun, playing some tasteful music on the aux cord while the other 4 were squeezed in the back. Ben, Bev, and Eddie were arguing over the best cake flavor, while Stan stayed quiet and glanced out the window. He felt weird not saying anything, but in his opinion cake was nothing to argue over, so he kept his eyes trained on the trees passing by until a voice pulled him back to reality.

“What do you think, Stan?” Beverly questioned.

He turned to look at her, confused from his lack of attention to the conversation.

“What do you think the best flavor is?”

He shrugged. “If I had to pick one, I guess red velvet is pretty good.”

The 3 beside him erupted into sporadic chatter, trying to talk over each other to discuss how good red velvet really was. Stan rolled his eyes, beginning to turn back to the window until Bill spoke up from the front seat.

“That’s m-m-my favorite too.” He said, smiling softly and looking at Stan through the rearview mirror.

Stan grinned back, glancing up at Bill and meeting his eyes. The two gazed at each other for a moment before Bill tore his eyes from the mirror and focused back on the road, pulling into Richie’s driveway.

“Alright everyb-body, out.” Bill announced softly, putting the car in park and twisting the keys to power it off. He watched everyone file out one by one, resting his hands on the wheel until Stan was the last one in the car.

“If Richie makes us play truth or dare again I’m going to kill him.” Stan mutters, looking at Bill before stepping out.

He laughed shortly and followed the other 5 to the front door, letting Ben knock and seeing Richie open the door to greet them.

“Sup fuckers!” He smiled widely, making way for everyone to come inside.

“Wow, real classy Richie.” Eddie teased.

“Fuck off.” Richie scoffed and rolled his eyes, pulling him inside.

Stan and Bill walked in next to each other behind the group, laughing at Eddie and Richie and giving one another a knowing look, heading into the kitchen for snacks.

Bill opened the pantry while Stan went for the fridge. They piled snack boxes and bags into their arms and headed back to the living room where their friends were. As the group saw them approaching, Mike greeted them.

“Thanks mom and dad.” He teased, as the two handed food out.

Stan felt his face flush. The nicknames technically grouped them together as a couple. Don’t think about it too much. He thought to himself.

The 7 found themselves getting situated on the seats available, squeezing themselves in wherever they could fit. On the loveseat were Ben, Mike, Beverly, Stan and Bill. Richie and Eddie were on the reclining chair with Eddie on top of the other boy.

“Well, this is a tight fit.” Ben noted, gesturing to the fact that the 5 of them were packed into the couch like crackers in a box.

“Would you rather sit on the floor?” Richie challenged playfully.

“Don’t be rude!” Eddie scream-whispered, smacking his hand lightly. Richie just tazed him in response.

“Not really, no.” Ben said, looking at the cold wood floor.

Richie rolled his eyes, picking up the remote and setting up a movie on the tv.

“What are we watching?” Beverly asked, looking to the tv.

“Insidious. Chapter 2!” Richie beamed, clearly excited.

A few in the group rolled their eyes, but Bill looked next to him to see Stan’s reaction. He knew he hated horror movies. Stan glanced back at him, giving him a look that could only mean oh shit. Bill leaned over to whisper in his ear.

“D-don’t worry. I’ll p-protect you.” He said with a sweet smile.

Stan felt his face heat up a little bit, smiling at Bill. “That’s appreciated.” He said simply. They both turned back to the television as they heard the previews start to play. Richie quickly skipped through them, and the movie began.

They all kept their eyes glued to the screen as the night went on and the movie progressed, subconsciously huddling together even more than they had been before. By the time 2/3 of the movie was finished, Stan found himself curled up to Bill with their hands intertwined, pressing into him any time he knew a jump-scare was coming.

He had definitely taken notice of the fact that his hand was in Bills. To be quite honest, he didn’t know if that was normal. The two were very touchy-feely and that was a common and comfortable thing for them, but they’d never done this before. He had seen Richie and Eddie hold hands often, but the whole group knew they liked each other. He tried not to pay too much mind to it and just watch the movie, but it seemed like an elephant in the room to Stan.

As the movie was coming to an end, both Bill and Stan had found themselves growing tired. Bill had wrapped an arm around Stan and was rubbing his back at this point, while Stan rested his head against Bills chest. Half asleep, Stan heard Richie yell something in one of his obnoxious voices and lifted his head, realizing where he was currently placed. He looked up to Bill who was also waking up a little and smiled down at him. Stan smiled back but sat up, checking his watch.

“It’s 9:50. My curfew is 10:30 and you have to take everyone else home first, should we get going?” Stan asked Bill, being honest but also making an excuse to get out of his current situation. Bill nodded in response and stood up after Stan pulled his hand apart from his friends.

“Okay, is everyone r-ready?” Bill asked the others, looking at their nodding heads and slipping on his shoes. The others said their goodbyes as Richie stood in the doorway, whispering something in Bills ear before he walked out. After Bill made his way outside, the others followed him like a group of baby ducks with their mother as everyone loaded into the car. This time around, Mike switched seats with Stan so he could ride shotgun.

Stan plugged his phone up to the aux, playing death cab for cutie for a relaxing ride home. Bill looked at the speaker and then back to Stan, grinning.

“You and your indie m-music.”

Stan briefly twisted the corner of his mouth up into a half smile and lay back in his seat.

The ride home was quiet. Bill dropped off Ben first, then Beverly and Mike. Stan’s house was the farthest away, so Bill was taking him home last.

As the slow music played through the car, Stan noticed a change in the environment once Mike got out of the vehicle and said goodnight to his friends. He turned to look at Bill and noticed the troubled expression on his face, his eyebrows scrunched up as if he was thinking too hard about something.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly.

Bill almost did a double take, obviously being pulled out of thought. He glanced at Stan for a few seconds before speaking.

“W-was I coming onto you?”

Stan’s eyes widened slightly. “No.” He said simply, feeling uncomfortable at the question.

“Yes I w-w-was.” He mumbled, looking to the road and avoiding eye contact.

“I didn’t-“ He stopped himself and paused. “I mean, I didn’t think so.”

“I’m sorry.” Bill said flatly. “Richie s-said something to me b-before we left. He said it l-looked like I was coming onto you. He-he started asking m-me if I l-l-liked you.” He struggled to get out.

Stan felt his stomach sink a little at the last comment. He noticed how Bills stutter was much worse than usual. That usually only happened when he got really anxious. He cringed as he realized he had pretty much ‘set the mood’ with his choice of music, hearing Hold No Guns begin to play.

“I mean... Do you?” He asked quietly, looking down at his hands. He didn’t like this. He didn’t want to be having this conversation.

Bill didn’t say anything.

“Bill?”

“Y-yeah.” He paused for what seemed like an eternity. Stan was unclear if he meant that as in he liked him, or if he was just responding to his name being called until Bill spoke again.

“I do.”

Stan’s heart sped up.

“F-fuck. That’s p-probably s-so weird to you, isn’t it?” He said in an almost frustrated tone.

“It’s okay.” Stan answered, not sure what to say back.

“I didn’t m-mean to come onto you. I know I c-c-crossed a line.” He informed Stanley, picking up speed in the car.

“Slow down, Bill.” Stan said calmly.

“Why w-won’t you say anything? Anything im-important?” He asked, growing more and more upset.

“You’re going too fast.”

Bill didn’t lose any speed. “I don’t even know w-why I m-mentioned this. I shouldn’t have.”

“It’s okay, Bill.” Stan repeated flatly as they pulled up at the top of his street.

“I know t-this isn’t your street.” Bill told him, parking the car and gripping the wheel tightly.

Stan didn’t answer.

“I know you don’t l-like me.” Bill threw out. Stan felt his heart lurch. “I j-just need you to know, I guess?” He said, stress and self doubt evident in his voice. “I know you’ve heard R-richie and them joking about-about us dating. They’re jokes, I k-know that. But at the same time, they’re... They’re not.” He confessed. “I don’t know when it h-happened, it just did. You’re just so cute and-and you always make me laugh and I t-think it’s adorable how you bird watch and all these o-other.. Other things. There’s a l-lot to love about you.” He cut himself off as he realized he basically confessed that he was in love. Bill froze, as did Stan.

Stan felt like he was going to throw up. He looked to the screen in Bill’s car that read the title of the song playing, and cursed death cab for cutie in that moment. This was like a movie scene; he didn’t like it. Swallowing his pride, he looked at Bill only to see he was already looking back.

There was something in his eyes. Stan knew that look. He knew that if he didn’t make as much distance between them as possible, the distance would soon be closed.

“I r-really want to kiss you.” Bill said, throwing his pride out the window.

An uncomfortable silence fell over them. Stan looked at the clock in Bills car desperately, reading the time. “It’s 10:28. I need to get inside.” He said flatly, reaching for the door handle.

“I’m s-sorry Stan. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” He began to panic. “I don’t want to l-lose you, you’re my b-best friend.” He whined.

“You won’t.” Stan said, but he knew he couldn’t guarantee anything.

“I’m s-so fucking sorry. I n-never should have said anything.” He apologized again, realizing what he had just done.

Stan opened the door and stepped out, closing it as Bill rolled down the window.

“S-stan!” He called out, watching him make his way down the street and towards the house.

Stan looked back as he stopped in front of his doorway and saw Bill resting his face on his steering wheel. He looked away and sighed, entering his house. He felt like the whole weight of the world was resting on his shoulders. This was bad.

What had just happened?

[tessavirtueandmoir]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

Daniel aka one of the Finnish guys cause I didn’t want to get lost in the club (I also hate club so it was like a double whammy)

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Is outgoingly shy a thing? I used to be super shy and still am around guys, but im definitely more outgoing in everyday life than I used to be

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

MY BESTFRIEND WHO FREAKING FLEW TO ENGLAND THE DAY I CAME HOME AND I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO SEE HER YET.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Depends on who you ask, I guess.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

More likely than not.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Blond hair, blue eyes… the eye colour doesnt really matter tbh but that seems to be the trend. Not douchey.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Uhh.. that’s wishful thinking.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Those dang Finnish boys #lifecrisis

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Yes.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Probs one of those Finnish boys

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

I sent an article to my mom about how Canada was gonna be colder than Antarctica and mars. lmao I love this freaking country.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Freedom 90 - Pitch Perfect Cast

Saturday Night - Whigfield

New Year’s Day - TSwift

New Rules - Dua Lipa

Hopeless Romantic - Scott Middough

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Yeah dude point me to a girl who doesn’t

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

Lmao no not really

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I turned 20 and apparently had a life resolution. Ditch those crappy people y’all, they aint worth your time

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Debatable…

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Don’t even remember who my first crush was so that’s probably a no.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yo. My kryptonite. My res only had showers for the 4 months I was there and I legit cried when I say my bathtub so.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

As long as I can’t hear them, I don’t really care

21. What are you bad habits?

Getting super snippy when I’m hungry. Um… constantly being on my phone? Idk what else. Being blunt?

22. Where would you like to travel?

I just want to go back to England at this point

23. Do you have trust issues?

hahahah AHAHAHAHAHHA bye

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

the fact I didnt wake up until like mid afternoon in the uk… now literally nothing

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My stomach? Or maybe my arms

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Check my phone notifs

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Maybe a tad darker because im literally pale af but otherwise no

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my best friends aka girls

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

No? One of my ex’s once told one of my friends to check on me though cause he was worried.. it was strange.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Also, debatable. I’m loving my alone life right now.

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

If it wasn’t I would literally cry so. Every time I get it cut we make sure it goes into a pony because of dance and stuff.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

Anna Kendrick and is Tessa Virtue a celebrity? I think she is. Wow… that is quite the threesome honestly. Gotta have different life experiences I suppose.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

grasysdoihj

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

Dance and soccer. dance is a sport dont argue with me

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV I guess. But either option would be pretty lame.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

In my 20 years, yeah probably

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing, I usually check my phone or something

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

Not an inconsiderate douchebag. And someone that lives in the same country as me.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

NEWLOOK, River Island, ASOS, RW and Co, Dynamite (sometimes the Bay)

40. What do you want to do after high school?

Be a lawyer.

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Nah man.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m fucking mad and u best walk away before I slit you in half. Or I’m tired. Or im not comfortable with the situation

43. Do you smile at strangers?

I barely even look up so no

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Bottom of the ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

That maybe it’ll be cold enough for me to take a bath at some point… I have a lame Canadian life. And I also don’t wanna be a university drop out so there’s also that.

46. What are you paranoid about?

People following me… like not on social media. Just like in general

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

Potentially? Idk man, probably not

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Oh yeah. But I told my friends about it so does that really count?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Navy

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Everyone wishes they were T Virtue so.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish I could make myself want to go to the gym an exercise. But yet, here I am

53. Favourite makeup brand?

Anastasia Beverley Hills/Tarte/Fenty Beauty

54. Favourite store?

Did I not already answer this?

55. Favourite blog?

Mine. Shameless self promo

https://graysonwadsworth2.wixsite.com/hayitsgray

56. Favourite colour?

Grey/Teal/Burgundy

57. Favourite food?

G A R L I C B R E A D

58. Last thing you ate?

I’m about to eat a huge ass bowl of oatmeal

59. First thing you ate this morning?

This huge ass bowl of oatmeal. It’s 9:25 PM in case y’all were wondering.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

Many. For dance.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

No, I’m an angel. Just kidding.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope.

63. Ever been in love?

Yep.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

Happened on a cruise ship in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea and I stupidly decided to play a game where we were trying to get our faces as close as possible without kissing… I was dumb okay lmao.

65. Are you hungry right now?

Mildly.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

I talk to my Tumblr friends more than my real friends

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Why is instagram not a choice. Tumblr I guess.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

I’m watching the movie what not to expect when you’re expecting

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Harneet, Keira, Emmy, Katerina, Andy, Meghan x 2, Madi, Sydney, Emily, Lauren, Cassidy… wow… that’s so many

71. Craving something? What?

Not to be sick.

72. What colour are your towels?

My personal towels are teal. But we have brown, black. and grey ones in the bathroom too.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

there’s 6 on my bed right now

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

does one laying at the foot of the bed count cause otherwise no

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

I legitimately cleaned out my entire closet this week and found my ENTIRE collection of webkinz so if we’re gonna count those probs like 300 lmao

75. Favourite animal?

Elephant

76. What colour is your underwear?

Pink

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Cookie Dough OR French crisp from Laura Secord

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Grey

80. What colour pants?

Grey, white and pink

81. Favourite tv show?

GREYS ANATOMY

82. Favourite movie?

Moulin Rouge or Angels and Demons

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean girls who are you

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Jump Street

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Janice

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory or Crush

87. First person you talked to today?

I honestly have no idea, probably meg though… or I definitely snapchatted people

88. Last person you talked to today?

Meg

89. Name a person you hate?

Well, that would be mean.

90. Name a person you love?

My British bestie, honestly, I don’t know why I love her so much. It’s strange. My cat is the next backup.

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

No? Violence is never the answer. Passive aggressiveness is

92. In a fight with someone?

Not that I know of

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

All of my sweats are basically roots, and I honestly have too many

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

TOO MANY

95. Last movie you watched?

Pitch Perfect 2

96. Favourite actress?

Anna Kendrick OR Reese Witherspoon

97. Favourite actor?

I am currently blanking on male actors at the moment. Let’s just go with Ryan Reynolds cause he’s funny af and married to Blake so

98. Do you tan a lot?

I burn a lot.

99. Have any pets?

A really bitchy cat

100. How are you feeling?

Sick #iloveairplanes

101. Do you type fast?

Yes, unnaturally fast. I can also type without looking at the keys which weirds a lot of people out.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Doesn’t everyone? It wasn’t stuff that I did myself though

103. Can you spell well?

Usually yes, lately no. I need to go back to school obviously

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

My grandma

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yep

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Accidentally on purpose yes

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes, and I got bucked off and now refuse to ride another horse

108. What should you be doing?

Writing an essay that’s due on Friday

109. Is something irritating you right now?

The fact that I can’t fall asleep, but that’s the norm so

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Only when they broke my heartttttt

111. Do you have trust issues?

I swear to god I’ve already answered this one

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My best british friend. She legit left me crying in the middle of the club

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Gray gray. Or Gray goose.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes

115. Do you play the Wii?

I used to. My console is in my closet now though

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yes, always.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

MA FAVE. It’s the only soup I eat.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

YES. MY OTHER FAVE.

119. Favourite book?

13 Reasons Why, or Atonement. Soon to be: Scrappy Little Nobody

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No.

121. Are you mean?

I am blunt. Sometimes those two can get confused

122. Is cheating ever okay?

No, y’all are scum bye

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Uh… if my white shoes get dirty I clean them so they’re white again

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No, but I believe in crushes at first sight #themodel

125. Do you believe in true love?

I mean.. maybe.

126. Are you currently bored?

Yes, hence why I’m answering all these questions

127. What makes you happy?

My friends

128. Would you change your name?

I currently am, but not my first name.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer the crabbbbbb

130. Do you like subway?

Uh…. sometimes. But it’s not my go to

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Yikes, this has legit happened to me and I had to dip so fast im not even lying

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Definitely one of those Finnish boys

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Take back your picture in a frame

OR

sometimes the clothes do not make the man

134. Can you count to one million?

Who would ever try that? It would take forever.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

When I told all my profs I couldn’t write my midterm cause I had a concussion and I went to the Dominican instead #rebel

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed

137. How tall are you?

5′ 3″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Straight hair that is curled

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Neither, I hate both. But if I had to choose, summer

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

May

143. Are you a vegetarian?

No, I’d literally die because I hate vegetables

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

T E A

146. Was today a good day?

Tbh I laid in bed all day so that’s pretty ideal

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind - Dr. Suess (how philosophical wow)

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Nope

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

The young team were still getting most of their ice time in Ilderton and were preparing for the Western Ontario sectionals in the juvenile category, but in late autumn of 1998, just a week before sectionals, Scott broke his right arm playing flag football. That is the longest sentence ever wow.