#also hi to all my new followers ahhh i really wasn't expecting this much interaction from my prev post!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

clericofshadows · 9 months ago

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immortalizing your tags... thoughts to follow under the cut <3

this whole kaidan/zaeed saga for me is about acceptance... acceptance of regis's death, acceptance for the love they all had for each other, and acceptance for what's to come. so of course he's a bit worried about his parents because it's so new, young, and... different. aurelia and eduard were so happy to have regis in his life to help him get through BAaT, so there wasn't much to worry about when they made it official.

adrian my beloved... I need to make a sculpt of him at some point... both him and Atlas tbh

aurelia just wants zaeed to feel welcome <3 it was a fun interaction to write. and local disaster adrian shepard it's a miracle he's made it this far lmao.

regis's specter will never leave, as intwined as they were. always an echo in the background. very fun to weave him in here and there.

I liked writing kaidan and his father especially. both in the alliance and aware of how things work, about the status quo and what's really going on. kaidan is going to try his hardest to make sure that the alliance knows he's out for them if they force another shepard. and eduard would pick up on that as well, knowing how famous he was.

"the old friend in the brass" is my favorite ongoing bit tbh. yep, they were definitely friends~

vik knows all ;) and they thought it would clear the air a bit, show that they accept them as much as they accepted regis and kaidan.

ahhh the blue suns tattoo... I struggled with that part and that caused this to sit in my drafts for months. I didn't want it to come off as conflict for the sake of conflict, but I also didn't want this to be perfect family dinner. so of course he would notice it, and of course kaidan would get mad about it because he wanted this to be perfect. and it gave me an excuse to segue into the motorcycle and proposal spot bit.

regis is a flashy guy, so of course he'll ride something that's utterly ridiculous. and be protective of it. he's def a car guy even if he doesn't want to admit it lol. and a little call back to an earlier kaidan/zaeed fic when zaeed commissioned helmets for them without knowing about their motorcycle hobby <3.

so many good reveals. BAaT. and perhaps my favorite part of vik's reveal as to why they didn't teach regis in this bit of my canon. hannah makes herself the bad guy so often in regis's eyes but she does little to change that... I need to make them talk one day. perhaps in a future ME2 era fic ;)

young regis pics! especially green eyed regis... once he was "free" from his mother he went a bit wild, changing things about himself and becoming the regis we know today. also some backstory to the little flower tattoo I gave Zaeed on his hip <3.

kaidan did want acceptance from hannah, mostly because he loved her son so, so much and didn't want this to come off as something... rushed? inauthentic? an insult? best to find out from him than through the grapevine... although it went far better than expected. mostly because she recognized zaeed and trusts hackett and well... she appreciated kaidan coming to her about it.

and maybe that's my favorite thing about regis's hannah. "find your peace, I wish I could find mine." is this about atlas? her treatment of regis? her constant war between alliance and mother? who knows... not even me

thanks again for your tags, gave me lots of excuses to ramble :D

nothing will shine as bright

Description: Post ME2 Prologue Era--Kaidan brings Zaeed to meet his family, and some of Regis's family is along for the ride.

Title is from The Sun, The Moon, The Star - Æther Realm

Pairing: Kaidan Alenko/Zaeed Massani, past Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard

Sequel to: so let love reign.

The ride over to his family’s orchard was light. All of them making meaningless conversation, getting to know each other and catching up.

The way Vik and Zaeed chatted implied a deeper friendship, but Vik was always the type to be able to engage with anyone. Still, he couldn’t shake the feeling that they knew each other beyond basic Omega business. Kaidan had made himself comfortable leaning against Zaeed, looking forward to seeing his parents again but also a little worried about how the meeting would go.

A part of him worried about his age–Zaeed was older than his mother but just under his father’s age. Not that he thought his family would judge him for that, but it was still… a worry.

His father was a bit of an unknown. He loved Regis right from the beginning, even after learning what part he played in the action that ended BAaT. Even considered Regis a son of his before they got together. It surprised the hell out of Kaidan seeing how well Regis accepted the attention from Eduard Alenko.

Again, Kaidan doubted it would be an issue. Dad was always the type to trust his judgment and take no bullshit. Mom seemed to like Zaeed on the vid call, only being caught off guard about how soon it was… Something Kaidan was still a little uncomfortable with if he had to be honest, but Regis more or less blessed their relationship.

Always looking after him, knowing him too damn well.

If all goes well, they’ll make Zaeed an honorary Alenko in no-time. Zaeed never talked about his family, and Kaidan never wanted to pry just yet. Maybe he’ll like the attention. Maybe he’ll fight it off. Time will tell.

Adrian, a good pilot as ever, made the trip smooth and quick, landing the skycar out in the field near the main house. “We’re here!” he announced, opening the doors with a press of a button.

They all climbed out of the skycar, getting their bags and heading towards the house, where his mother was waiting with open arms. “Hope you all had a good trip!” she greeted, walking towards them. “Good to see you both.” She shook Vik’s hand and gave Adrian a hug.

And then she turned to him, breaking out into a smile. Kaidan opened his arms, always ready for one of her warm hugs. “I’m so glad you could make it, sweetie.”

Kaidan smiled. “Of course. Always happy to stop by if I can. Beautiful weather for today!”

“And that’s exactly why your father is grilling out in the back,” she said, pulling away. She turned to Zaeed. “Zaeed, was it? Happy to have you here!”

“Happy to be here,” he echoed with a nod. “You have a nice slice of paradise out here. The kind of gorgeous place I’d like to retire one day.”

“Many generations of our family have been here,” she said, starting to walk back to the house. “And we always love to host friends and more of the family."

Zaeed looked lost, seemingly not knowing how to reply to that. His mother could be intense sometimes with her love of hosting, welcoming anyone into her home. Kaidan reached over and grabbed his hand, following his mother to the house. "She's right, you know. This may be your first time here, but if you make a good enough impression…" he trailed off grinning.

"In which I have no doubt you'll be able to do," Vik piped up from behind.

She laughed. "Tell me if I need to back off and I will. I'm just happy Kaidan has someone outside of us and the Alliance in this unfortunate mess."

"I'm glad I was able to find the time to be there for him," Zaeed said softly. "It hasn't been easy on me either, hearing the news."

“No, it hasn’t,” she echoed. She reached over to open the door, but Adrian beat her to it. "You charmer," she chuckled, heading inside.

"Anyone want anything? A snack, refreshments… I have all kinds," she said, heading straight for the kitchen.

The aroma of freshly cooked bread filled the air as he made himself comfortable in the living room, mixed with other dishes being warmed in the oven. If he had to guess, knowing his mother's preference for comfort food any time she knows he's heading home, there's plenty of baked and fried dishes waiting for him.

"I think we're alright for now," Adrian said, shutting the door behind him. "Need to save room for that lovely meal! Already smells amazing in here."

Zaeed sat down on the couch, leaning against he armrest. "Been a minute since I've had a home cooked meal. Looking forward to it, ma'am."

Kaidan smiled at Zaeed's attempts to make a good impression, already knowing that his mother was bound to rebuke his attempts to be formal if he kept it up.

"Hope it tastes as good as it smells. Eduard is nearly done, if you want to check up on him," she said, busying herself in the kitchen. "And Zaeed? No need for that."

"Just trying to be a gentleman," he replied.

"For me or for Kaidan?" She asked lightly, taking a tray of buns out of the oven. His father must be grilling burgers if she made those.

And here comes her way of telling Zaeed to be more casual. Kaidan remembered when Regis was too formal when he first met his parents, still teenagers healing from BAaT.

Looking back, it was clear then that Regis wanted something more. He fell hard for him, but BAaT lingered around him, preventing him from making that first move, always worried that Regis thought worse of him after what he did.

No, after what they did. Kaidan may have made the killing blow, but Regis's stasis made it easy for him.

Something Regis always reminded him of when his thoughts about BAaT kept him awake on sleepless nights.

He really should tell Zaeed.

Vik laughed as Kaidan watched Zaeed flounder, trying to figure out a way to respond. "Now, Aurelia, be nice to our guest."

"I am! Tradition, I swear. You don't want me calling you 'sir' so there's no need to call me 'ma'am.'" She said, waving a hand towel at him. "But if you insist on being nice, help me out in the kitchen. I could use some extra hands from all of you."

"You don't want me in there," Adrian protested, staying in the armchair.

"I wasn't talking to you," she laughed as Vik got up, already checking on some of the pots on the stove. "How about you, Zaeed? Any skills in the kitchen?"

Zaeed walked over, glancing at the filled oven. "I'm good at following a recipe. But I'm a god–” He coughed. “I’m good at grilling."

Nice save there, love. "Mom won't wilt if you say a few curse words. Remember Regis's mouth?" Kaidan said, joining his mother. “Always tried to exceed the supposed maximum number you can string together.

Kaidan recalled the first time Regis let out a string of curses in front of his parents, damn near burning up on the spot. Eduard burst out laughing and welcomed him to the family.

She shooed him away. "Go help your father. I'll order them around. And he's right. I'm married to an Alliance soldier, remember?"

"I'll keep that in mind," Zaeed said, giving Kaidan an incredulous expression.

He shrugged minutely, already heading to the back door to the patio. "Try not to interrogate him too much, Mom."

"That's what the dinner is for!" She called back. She was probably joking.

Hopefully.

He was not about to recount the details of how they actually got together. Especially about Omega.

Not exactly the smartest place to go, but he and Regis wanted to let loose and well… they definitely did and more.

His father had the grill going, a platter of burgers already piled up and waiting to be eaten. Kaidan took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of smoky meat and the clear air outdoors. "Kaidan! Did Aurelia send you out here?" He greeted, setting down his tongs and opening his arms.

"She enlisted everyone else to help her finish up," he replied, giving his father a hug. "So that left me here with you."

"Well, I could use a food runner in a bit," he said, gesturing over to the table. "Going to start bringing some plates over."

"Always happy to help," he said, waiting by the grill.

"How are you doing?" He asked, temporarily shutting the lid. "I know you spoke to your mother yesterday–and introduced your new beau–but I want to hear it from you."

Kaidan sighed, knowing this was bound to pop up. "Doing better day by day. Zaeed helped me through something I was avoiding, and he's been great. I think we both needed each other," he admitted. "We had history, you know. The three of us, I mean."

"Aurelia said," he nodded. "That mysterious shore leave you went on a few years back, hmm?"

"Maybe," Kaidan said, not quite meeting his father's gaze, staring out into the distance, looking at the beautiful fields of his childhood home. "Regis left me a video that we watched together, and he damn near outright stated that he wanted Zaeed and I to get back together. Basically gave me the blessing to move on."

"He knew you too well. I guess you stayed close with him after your short leave? I remember that you weren't off long." His father’s tone betrayed no judgment.

"Not like you're probably thinking. Stayed friends. Met up a handful of times for drinks. Nothing more until…" Kaidan trailed off, closing his eyes. "We were Alliance soldiers and he was a merc that mostly roamed the Terminus system. It couldn't have worked out."

"But it does now?" He asked, a knowing look in his eye. "Or else you wouldn't have brought him here. Hell, it took you how long to invite Regis over?"

"Longer than it should've," he reluctantly admitted. "Things were a lot different then. That's not a good comparison to make."

His father winced. "Sorry. Does he know?"

There’s only one thing he will be asking about here.

"No. Not yet. I've been thinking of telling him while we're here."

"Don't rush it if you aren't comfortable."

"It's not that," Kaidan said. "He's seen my biotics. He's not the type to judge, and I know he's not going to judge. No, it's just…" he shook his head. "I've never told anyone about BAaT without Regis being there with me. And we both wanted to tell him about it together."

And now we can't.

"He was with me the whole time. Yeah, at the time I had eyes on Rahna, and I know that hurt him. But he stepped up alongside me when Vyrnnus went too far and continued to support me in everything after. Everyone else there feared me, feared what we could do. But Regis?" Kaidan let out a sigh, wondering if he should admit to his father what Regis said to him many times while reminiscing about BAaT.

"He would've traded places with you," his father finished for him, coming to a realization. "Is that it?"

Kaidan nodded. "Yeah," he said, his voice breaking. He cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure despite knowing his father wouldn't judge, not here, not now, not ever. "Always pissed me off when he would say that, but I also knew where he was coming from. After joining the Alliance, I understood the type of man he could be."

"Ruthless bastard with a heart of gold?" he asked, a smile gracing his features. "Dealt with a few of those types."

"Something like that," Kaidan couldn't help but laugh. "And now the Alliance wants another soldier like him."

"Is that what your meetings were about? What are you going to do?"

"Become an N. Work closely with Admiral Hackett concerning high profile missions. Finish Regis's dream of better regimens and opportunities for biotics within the Alliance,” Kaidan explained. His father opened up the grill and motioned for him to grab another plate.

“A very ambitious ideal. Is this something you’re doing for yourself or because the Alliance wants you to?” His father took the ribs off the grill.

Kaidan replied, taking the now filled plate over to the table and grabbing another. “To answer your question: I made sure to do this on my own terms. The Alliance still wants Regis, but I’m going to make damn sure that they cut that shit out.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they start using his likeness as a damn recruitment tool,” he muttered, filling up another plate.

“Neither would I, and honestly I don’t think even Hannah could put a stop to it,” Kaidan said bitterly. He arranged the plates on the table, covering them with foil to keep them warm.

“Coming through!” Kaidan turned to see Zaeed holding the door open for Adrian, who was holding a heavy casserole dish of baked mac and cheese.

“I see she made you the food runner,” Kaidan chuckled, pointing to an open spot on the table.

“You know I can’t cook, so this is the best I can do,” Adrian said, setting the dish down.

“At this point, all you have to do is watch the food,” His father said, shaking his head.

Adrian shrugged. “Do you want good food or not?”

He rolled his eyes, turning to Zaeed who was still hanging out by the door. “Zaeed, was it?”

He nodded, finally making his way over to join them. He stood next to Kaidan, keeping a bit of distance between them. Kaidan pressed himself up against Zaeed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, squeezing him in close before letting go, trying to get him to chill out and relax around his parents. “Dad, meet Zaeed Massani.”

“Eduard Alenko. It’s my pleasure,” His father replied, setting down his utensils and wiping his hands down with a towel. He held out his hand.

Zaeed shook his hand. “Good to meet you, Eduard. Beautiful place you have here.”

He smiled. “That always seems to be the first thing people say. And it’s true.”

Kaidan laced his fingers with Zaeed’s. He gave him a smile in response, looking at him with open fondness.

“So, you’re my son’s new beau. You see, Kaidan here was a bit cagey on how you met.” Kaidan blushed at his father’s words. “But he did mention you’re a merc.”

Zaeed glanced over at him before clearing his throat. “I am, yes. Mostly out in Terminus, occasionally in Citadel space. These days I’m keeping an ear close to the ground, after all the shit that has happened.”

Seems he has already taken Kaidan’s words to heart.

His father nodded. “All I care about is knowing that my son has someone that’s not family out there with him. Someone to keep an eye on him out in the black.” He gave Zaeed a knowing look.

“I’m aware of exactly what Kaidan’s going back out there for, so I can do more than that,” he replied with a nod, not shying away from his father’s piercing gaze.

“Do you have Alliance connections?”

“Have an old friend in the brass,” Zaeed said, keeping it vague. Kaidan had a feeling his father would be grilling him about it later. “Has its benefits, on occasion.”

His father finished plating up the hotdogs, sending Kaidan off to bring them to the table. He shut the grill down for now. “I’m sure it does. I don’t like that my son is getting back out there so soon.”

“Neither do I, Dad, but… I need to do something. After what we saw, after what I saw… something big could be coming.”

“And everyone is blind to it. Not like we can expect anything different.”

“Amen to that.”

The next few minutes were a flurry of dishes and food, such a large spread for the small group, but Mom would make sure they all head home with some leftovers and well wishes. To his surprise, she even made a set of asari pies using fruit native to Thessia, an exorbitant cost that didn’t escape Vik’s notice.

“You are a treasure on this planet,” they said, recognising the recipe as they brought them to the table. “Did you happen to know this is my favorite?”

“I didn’t! But I’m glad it is. I’ve been wanting to try out some recipes and when I heard you were coming down I had to try it out. Hopefully it tastes good. I promise I won’t be offended if you don’t like it,” his mother replied, sitting down at the table next to Kaidan. Zaeed took the other seat next to Kaidan, and Adrian, Vik, and his father sat across from them.

“I doubt that will be the case. The few times I’ve been here, the food has been excellent. Some of this is admittedly new to me. Earth comfort food is what Adrian called it,” Vik replied, starting to grab food as they passed the dishes around.

“We thought it would be a good menu to have. Simple, but good,” his father said.

“And many of these were Regis’s favorites,” Adrian said softly, placing a hand over Vik’s. They smiled at him in return. “I thank you for that. He would have loved this.”

“Yeah, he really would,” Kaidan echoed. “Didn’t escape my notice either. Thank you.”

“Remember when we ordered that takeout that claimed to be ‘authentic Earth-American burgers,’” Zaeed started, the attention now on him. “And Regis took one bite and biotically tossed the whole bag across the room?”

Kaidan laughed, stopping mid-bite. “Yes! I thought he was going to march to that restaurant and demand our credits back.”

“What stopped him?” his father asked.

“Didn’t want to leave the room,” Zaeed chuckled.

“So, you met on shore leave…” she started, trailing off. “Willing to share any more details?”

“Yes,” Vik agreed, looking at the two of them. Kaidan shared a look with Zaeed, who kept his expression carefully blank. “Remind me when that shore leave was?”

Kaidan wasn’t about to lie to Vik, who was damn good at sniffing them out. Likely from their many years of working on Omega. “Going by the Earth calendar? October of 2180.”

Vik smirked. “You cheeky little bastards. And you didn’t visit me? Ah, I had to hear all about your adventures from the gossip.”

Kaidan shook his head as the table erupted in discussion. Always stirring up trouble, Vik. It’s why they and Adrian fit so damn well together. “You were on Omega?” His father asked. “Explains how you ran into a terminus merc.”

His mother shook her head, laughing softly. “So you two were being scandalous, is that what Vikram is saying?”

Zaeed looked like he wanted to disappear, but he recovered quickly. “They brought me in, hook, line, and sinker,” he leaned in close. “Wouldn’t have had it any other way.”

“Dammit, Zee,” Kaidan muttered, feeling his cheeks heat up. Zaeed mouthed the nickname, tilted his head to the side, and kissed him on the cheek. His mother cooed at their affection.

All good signs so far. Doesn’t mean he won’t escape a grilling later.

“So, you’re saying it's a story a mother doesn’t need to hear about her son. Got it.” She laughed, pulling Kaidan into a hug. “Must have been a good trip if you stayed friends.”

“It was,” Kaidan finally recovered, leaning into his mother’s hug before breaking apart. “And Vik? Sorry for not visiting.”

“I’m just playing, darling. I suppose I should offer my own apology for revealing your hand. Just couldn’t resist,” they trailed off with a knowing grin. “Come on, if you can survive me, you can survive this relationship.”

Adrian lifted up his drink in response. Vik did the same, clinking their bottles together.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Vik? Thought we were friends!” Zaeed said, shaking his head.

“Friends until they can fuck with you,” Adrian said with a knowing look. Vik punched him lightly on the shoulder.

“No comment,” Vik replied. “This food is excellent by the way.” Both his mother and father beamed at the compliment.

The conversation stilled as they dug into the food, making light chatter. Zaeed managed to integrate himself well, fitting into their dynamic damn near seamlessly.

As they slowed down, the conversation changed. “So, Zaeed, where are you from?” His mother asked.

Kaidan didn’t even know the answer to that.

“All around. I was a traveler. Tried out a few different paths, even Alliance at one point,” Zaeed began. “I stayed out of the FCW, but I did eventually venture out in the black. Found myself in Terminus, and here we are.”

“Is that where you got the Suns’ tattoo?” his father asked, touching the bare skin of his neck, the same spot where Zaeed’s tattoo was. The air became tense. Adrian and Vik both froze, waiting for Zaeed’s response. His mother placed her hand on top of his father’s, giving him one of her signature eyebrow raises.

Zaeed didn’t flinch at the question. Instead, he leaned forward. “Nothing escapes your notice, huh? Waiting for a good moment to ask?” His father opened his mouth to reply, his expression carefully neutral, but Zaeed beat him to it, waving it off. “It’s not something I’m ashamed of. Kaidan and Regis were both aware. Hell, I was waiting for someone to point it out.”

Kaidan placed his hand on top of his. Zaeed twisted his hand so that their fingers would be laced together. “Zaeed was one of the founders,” Kaidan said in lieu of his boyfriend, making it clear that he’s well aware of his past. “But that is history.”

“Never said it was current,” his father said, not quite backing down. Not that he blamed him. Kaidan and Regis both knew about his past, about Vido. Not all the details but enough. “I thought Batarians founded the Suns?”

The Suns’ logo isn’t obscure, but he knew it didn’t escape Adrian’s notice for sure. He shouldn’t judge, and maybe that’s what they talked about after Kaidan and Vik talked about the T’Soni footage. He may play at being a fancy civilian pilot, but he smuggles as much as he does legit runs.

He should’ve known his father would recognize it. Maybe his mother did too, not wanting to cause a stir.

“It has long since become a goddamn cesspool,” Zaeed spat out. Talking about the Suns was almost always a sore spot with him. “Did we create it under the greatest of morals? No. I wasn’t a good man then.” I’m not a good man now, Kaidan heard. “It’s a part of me, and I won’t deny it. Judge me if you want, but it’s a reminder that I survived. Yes, you're right. The official story is that the Batarians founded it, but only after I was betrayed when I didn't want to employ them and get involved in their trades.” He pointed to the scar on his face, never letting go of Kaidan’s grip. “I love your son. I loved and still love the one you probably considered one too. And my biggest goddamn regret is not saying any of this shit sooner.”

Fuck. They hadn’t said it to each other yet, but the feelings were understood, underneath the surface.

“I love him too. And my heart will never forget Regis. Isn’t that what this get-together was supposed to be about? Celebrating and remembering him? Zaeed is a part of that. He is a part of me,” Kaidan said, raising his voice. “Of us. And if you judge him, you judge Regis.”

His parents didn’t immediately respond, both seemingly at war with themselves. Vik looked like they wanted to say something, but Adrian shook his head, stopping them.

Kaidan clenched his jaw. “I’m going to get some air. Thanks for the meal.” He stood up and put his napkin on the table, ignoring his parents' protests.

He found himself halfway over to the barn where he and Regis kept their motorcycles. He thought back to the damn helmets Zaeed had made for them, not even knowing about their hobby but wanting them to share in his. Yet another thing that had in common. Yet another thing that would’ve made their relationship great.

Footsteps crunched the leaves behind him, and he whirled around to see Zaeed, hands stuffed in his jacket pockets. “Wasn’t about to leave you alone.”

“Leaving me alone probably would’ve made them judge you even more,” he sighed, leaning against the wall of the barn. “I’m sorry.”

“I wouldn’t make them the damn bad guys yet,” he said softly. “Just worried about their son who lost the love of his life and is shacking up with a guy damn near twice his age.”

“Well, I’ll give them more to talk about.” Kaidan unlatched the door of the barn and headed inside. “Let’s go for a fucking ride.”

“The motorcycles you talked about earlier,” Zaeed realized as he followed him inside.

Kaidan pulled off the tarp that covered the bikes. Regis’s red and black monster and Kaidan’s blue and silver slim machine looked as new and as clean as they were when they bought them a few years ago.

Same condition as they were when they drove off in the country after they returned home to tell the Alenkos the news of their Normandy notification.

“Fucking beautiful machines,” Zaeed breathed, leaning up against him. “You two were holding out on me. Damn, the helmet gifts were selfish on my part, but now I definitely realize how accurate they were.”

Kaidan kissed him on the cheek. “Thoughtful without even knowing it. Regis was a stickler with his monster. I may have ridden it maybe twice as the driver.” He closed his eyes and let out a breath. “But he isn't here to bitch to me about it, so we're going to take his Alchemy for a ride.”

“I can hear him now,” Zaeed said, his voice rough. “Yeah, let's piss him off.”

Kaidan grabbed his helmet from the cabinet and passed a spare one to Zaeed. They weren't in the best gear for riding, but nothing a quick flash forge of tech armor won't fix in a pinch.

His codes still worked and the motorcycle roared to life in a loud purr. All he could hear was the shout Regis would let out every time he got on his bike.

Zaeed whistled. “If I didn't know him I'd say he was compensating for something.”

“It's so ridiculous,” Kaidan agreed with a laugh, ignoring the wetness that started to gather around his eyes. “He loved it.”

“Yeah, I'm sure he did.”

Kaidan hopped on and Zaeed got on behind him, wrapping his arms around and resting his helmeted head on his shoulder. A mirror to earlier today.

With one last deep breath, Kaidan took off and drove towards the dirt road leading to the back of the property heading into the country.

– –

They drove in silence, only letting the sound of Alchemy’s roar fill the air. Zaeed never asked where Kaidan was planning on going, but he did have a destination in mind.

About thirty minutes out is a little clearing next to a small pond, a short walk from the road. A favorite spot of Regis’s, due to the large, lone apple tree that provided a perfect bit of shade.

A secret haven for the locals. Many initials have been carved into that tree or at the wooden table and benches that have made their way over to the spot.

A slice of life he wants to show Zaeed.

The air was cool and slowly the sun was starting to set, but Kaidan didn't care. He needed to get away for a moment, to get away from the judging, but loving eyes of his family and take Zaeed for himself.

Soon enough, they arrived and Kaidan parked Regis's motorcycle off to the side, powering it back down with his omnitool, the roar of the motor quieting down. It felt like he was silencing Regis and his spirit.

“That's one damn good bike,” Zaeed said, unwrapping himself from Kaidan and stepping down from the bike, taking off his helmet. “I can see why he's so protective over it.”

“It amazes me he never went into engineering. He just… forged his own path,” Kaidan said, running his hand down the side of the warm machine before taking off his own helmet. He reached out for Zaeed's hand. “Follow me.”

He was a grounding presence as they walked the well-worn trail heading to the peaceful clearing, footsteps crunching the leaves and a soft breeze rustling amongst the trees. Kaidan took in a deep breath, smelling the outdoors that was his home.

But it didn’t quite feel like home without Regis taking this trip with him.

Zaeed was making it easier.

The trees parted to reveal the clearing, and Kaidan led him over to one of the picnic tables closest to the apple tree, sitting down with a sign. Zaeed settled against him, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him in close to his side. Kaidan rested his head on his shoulder, closing his eyes. “I shouldn’t have stormed off.”

Zaeed let out a snort. “Well, it led you to bringing me here, so it can’t have been that terrible of a decision.” “No, I guess not. They would’ve heard that beast of his and immediately knew where we were going. Fuck, I miss him.” He let out a shuddering breath, trying to hold back the sob that threatened to escape.

“This is where he wanted to propose, wasn’t it?” Zaeed asked.

“Yeah, it sure as shit was. Look,” he pointed with a shaky hand. “We even carved our initials on that tree.”

Many couples had done the same. His and Regis’s were near the heart of the tree.

“You sure did,” Zaeed said softly. “Excuse me.” Kaidan wanted to argue as Zaeed stood up, but he watched him find a spot just underneath their initials and added his own with a dagger carefully hidden in his boot. He put his name above Regis so it was sandwiched between them.

He was the glue that brought them all together in the end.

When Zaeed sat back down and put his arm around him, Kaidan broke, sobbing into his chest, thinking back to that damn video, that damn ring, that damn Regis.

Zaeed held him tightly, and Kaidan chose to ignore the wetness he felt on his head from where Zaeed was resting his chin. Silent sobs wracked them both in the heart of the Canadian country, as the sun set and the stars that became Regis’s grave started to twinkle and shine.

But nothing will shine as bright as Regis and his biotics, a beacon on both the battlefield and in their hearts.

Distantly, he heard the roar of a motorcycle, and they slowly broke apart, still holding each other tightly. His omnitool pinged and he checked it while wiping his eyes.

Dad: May we join you?

Mom: We took your bike. Sorry if I messed with your settings. I have some of the Thessian pie, if you two just want some of that and we can go.

“Think we all should talk,” Zaeed said, clearing his throat.

Kaidan nodded, not exactly trusting his voice right now.

Kaidan: Come on over. If you have tissues or at least napkins… that will be appreciated.

Mom: We sure do.

Kaidan didn’t reply, and tried to steel himself and regain some of his composure before his parents entered the clearing. He knew this is where his mother proposed to his father, a little jewel of the country. It’s a damn shame the apples weren’t in season.

Another thing he so desperately wanted to share with Zaeed. Another thing he wanted to share with Regis once more.

They didn’t break apart for one moment, listening to each other’s heart beat, listening to the other’s breathing. In and out. One second at a time.

The tell-tale sound of footsteps traveling on leaves filled the air, and his mother and father approached them. His mother was holding a picnic basket, while his father carried a small cooler.

“Oh, sweetheart,” his mother said, rushing over to put the basket on the table and passing him and Zaeed some tissues. “I’m so sorry.”

“No,” Kaidan said, his voice rough. “I’m–”

“You don’t have a damn thing to apologize for,” his father interrupted. “If anything it’s–”

“No one’s apologizing for a fucking thing,” Zaeed said with a finaility, all attention on him. “So, let’s cry about Regis, eat some damn good pie, and see where it goes.”

Kaidan started to laugh, which initially sounded like a sob, his shoulders shaking until the laugh bubbled out of him, a loud bark utterly unlike him. Zaeed joined him, squeezing him tight, and soon enough, they were all laughing. Kaidan ignored the tears that sprung in his eyes, blaming them on the laughter.

Hope you’re happy, wherever you are, my love. And also cursing my name for taking out your Alchemy.

When everything calmed and quieted down, his parents reintroduced themselves, Zaeed did the same, and was frank about his tattoo. “I may not be a Suns any longer, but I do run a similar way of life. That goddamn way of life brought me to Regis and Kaidan, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. And now with all the shit that’s going on in the galaxy…”

“You can’t hang up your gun just yet,” his father guessed, and Zaeed nodded.

“And I also made a promise to keep an eye on him. Can’t do that if I don’t have my goddamn gun.” Kaidan leaned in to kiss his cheek, smiling at Zaeed’s words. They must be a blotchy, wrecked mess, but he didn’t care.

His mother busied herself into passing out the pie and some bottled drinks. Just water, knowing they had to ride back to the property in the dark. “Vik and Adrian offered to come, but we didn’t know if you wanted a full party here.”

“Maybe not,” Kaidan said, taking the plate with a nod of thanks. “You took my bike?”

“Aurelia insisted,” his father shrugged.

She nodded. “Been a while since your girl has been out. Quicksilver needed some love. Lord knows Alchemy did. Think he's yelling at you right now?”

Kaidan paused mid bite, tilting his head to the side. “I don't know, actually. Maybe the sight of Zaeed riding it with me could've made him pause.” He sniffed, setting down the pie and reaching for a clean tissue to blow his nose. Reaching back for the pie, he took a bite, humming at the sour, juicy taste of the fruit. “He would’ve loved this too.”

“Right, he always liked sour things,” his father said. “Him and his weird obsession with hard lemonade, for one.”

Even his parents noticed that odd fact about him. Sure, he would enjoy mixed drinks filled with syrup and fruit, but he’d always ask for hard lemonade if someone was buying or grab a case or two when it was their time to buy drinks.

“He got that from Hannah,” Kaidan replied. “Always bugged me that he never shared my taste for alcohol.”

“Make that our taste,” Zaeed said in between bites. “This is excellent, by the way. What did Vik think?”

“Asked for the recipe immediately,” his mother laughed. “Said it was one of the best interpretations of the pie they’ve had in years. And I got the feeling they meant decades.”

“Likely so,” Zaeed replied. “Vik’s been around. And well, I wouldn’t exactly be here without them. Sort of.”

“Really?” Kaidan asked. “I could tell you both knew each other beyond passing.”

He rubbed at the scar on his face. “You already know that Hackett helped me out after I was betrayed. Vik was the one that healed me up.”

Kaidan already knew all the other details. How exactly he was betrayed. His drive for revenge. This adds even more context. Probably even helped explain why Vik also accepted them so readily.

“The same Hackett that is overseeing your new orders?” His father asked. “Small galaxy.”

Kaidan nodded, finishing his slice of pie. “Yeah, same person. Threw me for a loop when Zee told me about their past. Just means we have a good group here.”

“That it does,” his mother said, cleaning up the table and putting the dirty plates in the basket.

“Vik made it clear about their own thoughts on our little… grilling of you, Zaeed. And I know you said no apologies, but I'm sorry for putting you on the spot about your past,” his father turned to Zaeed.

“Like I said, it's fine. I don't blame you one goddamn bit. Thanks for letting me come.”

“It was no trouble,” she said. “Now, are you boys going to head back with us or enjoy the night air for a little longer?”

Kaidan looked over at Zaeed. “There's one more thing I'd like to talk about before we go. About… how I met Regis.”

To his relief, his parents didn't react other than a nod and wishes for a safe drive once they’re on their way, along with a message so they know when to expect them. Zaeed looked at him curiously, but he didn’t protest until his parents were well out of their sight.

“Am I missing something?” He asked. “I thought you two met in biotic training. Unless you wanted some more alone time…” he trailed off, but his concerned look didn’t leave despite his suggestive comment.

Kaidan scooted closer to him on the bench, resting his head on his shoulder. “That’s the easy way to put it.” He took a deep breath, and he launched into the story of BAaT. Of meeting Regis and Rahna and everyone else. Kids under the wrath of a turian merc. Kaidan’s own attitude and where that got him. The friendship he formed with Regis early on, never noticing Regis’s feelings for him until after BAaT.

Zaeed stayed a silent, steady presence next to him as he continued on, talking about their treatment. The conditions they were under, the injuries many of them sustained, the lack of care all for results. The red sand that was introduced for some. Kaidan got very little.

Regis got a hell of a lot more.

“Explains why he smoked those damn Astras,” Zaeed interrupted. “Always wondered how he got into that habit.”

Vik got him into it as a safe way to deal with the cravings. They didn’t expect him to start using them more recreationally. Kaidan wished he still had that old lighter that Regis gave him to hold onto so that he had to go through him for cravings.

Even if he could light the damn things easily with his omnitool, he never did. He was in control of his habit to an extent. Kaidan can’t really say anything, though.

When Regis would smoke, Kaidan would share with him.

Kaidan nodded. “Yeah, they dosed us to see the limits of what we could do. It stopped after they overdosed one of the students. Claimed it was a result of the implant, but we all knew what really happened. Eezo overload and implant failure.”

Zaeed cursed, shaking his head. “And something tells me there’s worse shit you haven’t told me about.”

Kaidan couldn’t help but laugh, which prompted Zaeed to let out another curse. “I’m getting there.”

There was no use delaying it. All the kids who had to use their biotics to build something. The glass of water offered to Rahna, who reached out with her arm.

Kaidan springing to her defense after Vyrnnus broke her arm. The talon to his face and then–a stasis. But too late, as Kaidan already primed his kick and somehow snapped his neck despite Regis’s field.

The aftermath was easier to talk about now, with Regis’s words echoing in the back of his mind. None of this was your fault. We all wanted something to happen to him. One day, they will see it like I do.

I wish it was me in your place instead.

When they took you away, I promised I would look out for you. That hasn’t changed.

That will never change.

When Kaidan finished telling Zaeed about BAaT, he noticed a meteor streak across the sky, a bright white line that quickly faded into nothing. He wasn’t sure what it meant, but he’d take any sign that Regis was out there. “And there he is, still looking out for me. Maybe he wasn’t pissed off about Alchemy.”

“You said he made you a promise, Regis doesn't break them lightly,” Zaeed said, looking up at the sky, waiting for a sign of his own, perhaps.

“No,” Kaidan’s voice hitched. “No, he doesn’t.”

Zaeed was quiet for a moment before pulling him into a hug. “I could tell how fucking hard that was to tell me. I'm sorry you went through that. You both were goddamn kids.”

“Thanks,” Kaidan said, returning his hug and not letting go just yet. “It was just… a heavy burden to have weighing on us. Regis got off easy in comparison, and he tried to make sure I didn't let anyone get to me afterwards.” He closed his eyes. “That's when I knew he loved me. Still took him a couple of years to make the first move. I was too scared, still too afraid of what I could be. I could've worked through it on my own eventually, but he made sure I didn't have to do it alone.” Yet again, he could feel tears gathering.

“And you aren't alone now. Not as long as you have me, godammit.”

“I love you. Thank you for being here.”

“I love you, too. Thank you for letting me in.”

– –

The drive back was quiet, their flash-forged tech armor helping to light the way on the dark roads that led back to his family’s property.

Vik was waiting for them at the barn, sitting on one of the stools in front of the workbench. “Everything okay?” They asked.

Kaidan powered down Alchemy after parking it next to his Quicksilver, deconstructing his tech armor. “Been better, but we're good. Thanks for waiting on us.”

“Don't mention it. Get some sleep, darling. Remember, you're also here to learn some new tricks before you get back out there.”

“Don't worry, I haven't forgotten,” Kaidan tried to return their grin, but it felt forced. Vik luckily didn't comment on it.

“And Zaeed, you are welcome to watch,” they said with a knowing look.

“Might have to take you up on that. I love seeing biotics in action.”

“You'll get plenty of that. Just remember whose home you are staying in,” they chuckled, and Kaidan felt his cheeks heat up at Zaeed's gaze.

“Thanks Vik,” Kaidan rolled his eyes.

“Anytime. Adrian helped get your old bedroom in order. All you have to do is get some sleep,” they repeated again with a pointed look. “I won't lie and say I was silent after you two left, but I think tensions were high solely because of who we were remembering.”

Kaidan was sure Vik was being tactful, and his parents did say that Vik got a few words in. “Regis wanted me–us–to move on.”

“I know. My kid clearly cared for the both of you, and I wish he told me about you three,” Vik said, looking at them both. “But he's always been a secretive sort. You should probably tell Hannah about this. I think she’d appreciate knowing another aspect of her son.”

Would she? Hannah approved of them, seemingly happy Regis found someone that managed to get him in the Alliance he was so seemingly against back when they first met and were talking about their lives and dreams. Sometimes Kaidan wondered if his drive to join the Alliance caused Regis to do the same, knowing he had his own plans with his cybernetics education.

But Regis was happy in the Alliance. Despite Torfan. Despite his mother’s reaction. Despite… the beacon.

Kaidan wasn’t sure how she’d react to him moving on so fast, even if he does give the extra details, send a few pictures, and bring Adrian and Vik in on this to help his case.

It’s a conversation he will have to have soon.

“I’ll talk to her,” Kaidan said, motioning for Zaeed to help him cover the bike. “I had a meeting with her first about what to do next.”

“How was that?” Vik asked. “I’ve only talked to her once since… the funeral.” Still hard for them all to say.

“Fine, if a little… well. You know,” Kaidan said, making a so-so gesture. Vik nodded along. They understood. “I have her support in many ways, though.” “Personally and professionally. Good,” Vik said with a nod. “Well, I shouldn’t keep you. Need you to be well rested.”

“Should I be worried?”

“No, I imagine you’ll be a good student. Reaving, bubbles, and fields can take a lot out of you, so we’ll need plenty of calories. Especialy you.” Vik got up from the stool. “Which means if Zaeed is a good boyfriend, he’ll be supplying that for you.”

“Well, if the Alenkos will let me take over their grill, I’ll be a good boyfriend,” Zaeed said, grabbing his hand and tugging on it to urge Kaidan along.

“So does that make Adrian a terrible partner because he doesn’t do that for you?” Kaidan asked.

Vik laughed. “I love him with all my heart. Keep him as far away from a kitchen as possible. He makes up for it in other ways, and well, we don’t burn as many calories in comparison.”

“Huh, I didn’t know that,” he admitted, locking up the barn and making sure everything was powered down.

“Younger maidens, yes,” they said. “They need more energy to grow, just like your teenagers and young adults. But once we mature beyond that, it evens out. It’s still not the same caloric deficit. I had to learn a lot of adjustments on the fly after BAaT.” After they said the name of the program, they stopped and looked at Kaidan. “Sorry, does he?”

“He does,” Zaeed answered. “Just learned about it. Fucking hell.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself.”

“Not that it’s any of my goddamn business…” Zaeed trailed off, looking at Kaidan and Vik. He knew where this was going.

Vik interrupted, “Why didn’t I teach Regis?”

Zaeed nodded, glancing over at Kaidan. He returned his gaze with a nod, hoping that it told him he was fine with the question. Kaidan honestly didn’t know, and he never asked Regis about it. Considering Regis was always a little pissed at the whole situation every time it was brought up, it wasn’t something worth pursuing. They were here now, and Regis tended to not dwell much on alternatives. What happened, happened, and he was going to deal with it.

Well, with Regis’s unhealthy tendencies to hold a hell of a grudge. What he would give to hear Regis rant again…

“Politics,” they damn near spat, the venom evident. Kaidan wasn’t surprised. It made sense. After all, humanity’s biotics were all about the politics.

“It’s good PR to have the son of a high ranking Alliance officer endorse the program, right? But I know Hannah wanted me to do it, despite me being an old Commando. And I never really got the chance to teach him the way I wanted after he told me that he was joining the Alliance, but alas… I wouldn’t necessarily say that it would’ve been better for him to have learned from me. It brought him to you, after all.” Vik motioned towards him.

That’s what Regis would always say. He never regretted BAaT because it brought them together. Didn’t stop Kaidan’s vein’s from turning to ice. Didn’t stop the feeling of relief that Regis was there anyway. The selfishness of knowing him despite the torture they went through.

No, Kaidan thought to himself, it wouldn’t have been better for Regis to have learned how to control his biotics from Vik.

One thing he didn’t know, however, was that Hannah wanted Vik to do it. “Did Regis know that his mother wanted you to teach him?”

Vik’s eyes widened, their markings stretching across their face. “Wait, she never told him? This whole time, she let him think that she blocked me from…” they shook their head. “Can’t believe she let herself be turned into a bad guy. Explains why Regis never really cornered me about it beyond when he first asked me about it.”

Kaidan knew part of that story. A young Regis asking Vik to be his teacher, to be like the asari commandos he heard stories about as a kid. But Vik only said to ask his mother, and that was the end of the conversation.

“In some ways,” Kaidan continued walking back to the house. “She already was for not letting Regis spend more time on Earth, but that doesn’t explain why she never explained herself. Unless… she didn’t want to poison the Alliance for him? I don’t know.” He sighed. “I’m sorry, there’s really no use speculating about it.”

“And Regis wouldn’t want us to anyway,” Vik said with undisguised frustration. “I’d say the Alliance was poisoned for him long before BAaT. Clearly BAaT and its ties didn’t deter him either, but you had a lot to do with that.” Something… else was lingering in their tone that Kaidan couldn’t place.

He felt bold. “In what way?”

“I’m not saying you forced him. Goddess, darling,” They shook their head.

“What are you saying?” Kaidan tried to keep his voice neutral, but the weariness and emotions of the day were bearing down on him.

“Sometimes I wonder what his life would’ve been like if he didn’t join. That’s it. But I’d imagine he would’ve followed me to Omega and used his cybernetics degree for all the right and wrong reasons, and ended up in another dangerous situation,” Vik sighed. They stopped at the back door of the patio. “Unlike Regis, I think about every damn thing. You think I wouldn't with how many centuries I've been alive, but I've never been good at acceptance. He was destined for greatness and far away from the quiet life. I’m just… I’ve lost a lot of friends and people I loved. I didn’t expect to lose him so soon.”

Kaidan felt like a dick. “Vik, I’m—”

“Sorry? Don’t be. You are looking out for your love the same way I’m looking out for my kid. What’s the phrase? Water under the bridge?” They held out their hand.

Kaidan shook it, feeling the soft hiss of Vik’s corona intersect with his own. A foreign sensation so unlike the field that would form between his and Regis’s.

“Water under the bridge,” Kaidan repeated. “You got it right.”

“Adrian’s a good teacher. He also helped get your bedroom ready to go with your luggage.” Vik stepped aside to open the door. The lights were off in the house. His parents must’ve already gone up to bed.

“Thanks,” Zaeed said with a yawn. “It’s been a long day.”

“Especially for you both,” Vik said as they all walked quietly up the stairs. Adrian waved at them from the hallway. His hair was down from its usual bun, and to Kaidan's amusement, he was wearing a long-sleeved shirt with asari writing on it.

“Hope you had some good time alone,” he said, opening his arms for a hug. Kaidan accepted it, inhaling deeply, smelling the same hint of citrus that Regis loved in his own scents. He knew they used the same hair products, both enjoying taming and styling their curls best they could. Another indulgence Regis loved was expensive self-care products, comparing notes with his uncle.

“We did,” Kaidan said quietly, pulling away. “Thanks for waiting up.”

Adrian waved it off. “Anytime. You’re basically my surrogate kid, so I’m going to be your surrogate uncle and tell you to get some rest. Also because Vik is going to kick your ass tomorrow.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes but was smiling all the same. “We’ll see about that.”

“I look forward to it.” Vik bowed. “Good night to the both of you.”

“Good night,” Kaidan said, and Zaeed nodded, following him to his old bedroom at the end of the hall.

It was nearly as he left it the last time he and Regis visited. The bed was already unmade, piled high with warm blankets and pillows, his old blue comforter a nice sight to see. His walls were still covered with old pictures and posters, and Zaeed looked around, taking them in, grinning at some but never saying anything. He stopped at an array of photos on his old dresser.

Photos from when Regis was visiting in between his classes and when he graduated with his cybernetics degree. Still young and before they enlisted. Kaidan did a bit of schooling online, but finished his biology background by going into a specialty medic track while in the Alliance.

Zaeed picked another photo up. Regis was grinning in his graduation regalia, holding up his degree while Kaidan kissed him on the cheek. He remembered his mother taking that picture, smiling and laughing at their affection.

“He was so young,” Zaeed said. “No tats, no scars… looks completely different.”

“Torfan changed him,” Kaidan said, taking the photo from him and putting it back on the dresser. “Face was still full of metal though.”

“Sure was,” he laughed. His gaze turned to another picture, taken not long after BAaT. It was a selfie of Regis Kaidan had framed, always pulling it back out every time Regis tried to hide it.

It still had Regis with his natural green eyes instead of his gene modded red.

“Didn’t know he used to have green eyes either,” Zaeed said, probably thinking of his own. “We could’ve matched.”

Kaidan has thought about that too. “Not long after BAaT is when he got into body mods. It was like no time at all when he started changing things about himself. Going for a face full of piercings, full sleeves of tattoos… he didn’t get the neck ones until after Torfan. His chest wasn’t long after he got the ones on his neck.”

“And the one on his back?”

“Not long after we landed in Omega,” Kaidan said, wishing he could trace the lines of that cybernetic heart.

“I knew the story behind his neck. Hell, when I got his Black Widow, I saw that skull of his staring back at me,” Zaeed said. “His arms were because of his father, right?”

“Porcelain flowers because of his late grandmother’s tea sets. Yggdrasil directly because his father had one on his back. Treated like a connection to Earth, and I asked Regis if I could get it too.” Kaidan rubbed his leg where the tattoo was. “Damn near knocked me over with the kiss he gave me.”

“I can imagine that… think it’ll be okay if I get some of his flowers on my hip?” Zaeed asked quietly, almost hesitant.

Kaidan leaned in for a kiss, soft and sweet. “I think he–and I–would like that. I was going to get a big piece done on my back as well. Haven’t decided what yet. Maybe a bit of eezo ink too.”

“Sounds like something we can try to do together.”

“I’d like that.” Kaidan let out a yawn. “Best get to bed. Sounds like Vik is going to kick my ass tomorrow.”

“Do you know exactly what they’re going to teach you? Haven’t heard any of that biotic shit before–well, maybe bubbles.” Zaeed asked as he grabbed his luggage, sorting through his bed clothes and grabbing his toiletries.

“A few things. I sort of know the theory behind them, but it’s not going to be easy.” Kaidan started to unpack his clothes too, grabbing what he needed and starting to tug off his clothes before pulling on the soft red plaid pajama pants he stole from Regis. A bit too long on him, but they were something to steal.

He walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. Zaeed settled behind him, shirtless against his own bare skin, wrapping his arms around his stomach as Kaidan began to brush his teeth. “Either way, it’ll be a hell of a show.”

Kaidan hummed, going through the motions before spitting out the paste. “Just wish Regis were here to do it with me.”

“So do I.” He kissed the top of his head and swapped places with him. “My turn.”

So easy to get lost in the domesticity. Kaidan wished they had a few more days.

– –

Kaidan stared at his omnitool while sitting on the edge of the bed, thinking back to what Vik said earlier about Hannah. It was late, but he knew she kept long hours. And he doubted she, like the rest of them, was getting much sleep lately.

Zaeed was already under the covers, scrolling on his own omnitool.

It will be just a quick call. He can also update her on the T’Soni situation from his perspective, hoping that Hackett already had that conversation with her.

“Going to call his mother?” he asked.

“Thinking about it.”

“Then do it. Need a minute alone?”

Kaidan shook his head. “No, but I am going to pull on a shirt.” He reached for the sweatshirt he brought with him, branded with the Alliance marines symbol, and tugged it on. “I’m going to tell her about us and what we had with him, but I won’t make you part of the call unless she asks.”

“She’s going to ask. She’ll know,” he laughed, but it didn’t sound carefree. A little strained, either from the weight of the day or facing yet another meeting with a parent.

Kaidan snorted and got up to sit at his desk, sending her a quick message.

She replied nearly instantly with a link, no message attached to it.

Kaidan took a deep breath and opened the link, keeping his bed out of the view. She appeared on the other side, her dark black hair down in waves instead of its usual bun. She looked tired, older, wearing a purple turtleneck that immediately reminded him of Regis.

“Hackett told me you were with family and to not bother you. What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Nothing’s wrong, but Vik wanted me to talk to you about something. First, need me to talk about the whole thing with T’Soni?”

She waved it off. “Not now. What more can you say? I know Regis didn’t want her on board, and more than that, I realize how idiotic the Council was for not putting her up in protective custody when he asked.” She scoffed. “He made a hell of a choice that day. Though, it shouldn’t surprise me by now.”

“That he’s willing to sacrifice to get the outcome he wants?” Kaidan challenged, unable to prevent himself from striking out.

“No.” Her face was still. “That he was willing to make the ballsy choices that would have nearly every admiral in this leadership squealing. If he didn’t keep back our fleet, he could’ve doomed the goddamn galaxy. Of course, no one’s going to see it that way,” she sighed. “But I’m with you and him on that. He did the right thing. Always tried.”

Kaidan bit back his comment. Should’ve told him that more often.

“I know what you want to say, and trust me, I have plenty of regrets. So, why was Vik wanting you to talk to me?”

Hannah was always good at reading people. But not her son.

How to best start this story… “Remember the man in Regis’s will that he gave his arsenal to? The ones that weren’t on the Normandy?”

“I do,” she nodded, narrowing his eyes. “It wasn’t the time to ask or contest when we were handling it. Who is he?”

Kaidan let out a breath. “Zaeed Massani was an old temporary third in our relationship a few years ago.”

To her credit, her expression barely changed, save for a slight widening of her eyes. “And when you say temporary…”

“A few weeks. An ill-advised shore leave on Omega that showed we were a little in over our heads…”

“And you met him there,” she guessed, not accepting the bait for the story. He was grateful for that.

Kaidan nodded. “It’s a bit of a long story but… yes. We mutually agreed to pursue him and well… we stayed friends after we parted ways.”

“Had to if he willed his goddamn Widow to him. Skull engraving and all?”

“Skull engraving and all,” Kaidan echoed. “He’s not just some friend to us.”

“But I didn’t know him,” she said, lacing her fingers together on her desk.

“Vik and Adrian didn’t either in that way,” Kaidan said. “Vik only knew Zaeed in passing due to their work. Adrian mostly knew Zaeed because of Vik, not because of us.”

“Runs in the same circles as Vik, huh. So, what are you going to tell me next? Don’t tell me he’s part of T’Loak’s circle…”

He was sure Zaeed had to be careful to not make himself known at that comment. “He’s an independent merc.”

She nodded, leaning back in her chair. “Okay. What is this really about, Kaidan? You call me late at night to tell me of an ex-fling of yours that ended up making such an impact that Regis willed his goddamn armory to him. Well, that’s now explained because of his work. But why did Vik want you to tell me this? Another reminder that my son and I never talked to each other?”

Kaidan let her rant, keeping his face still. Here goes nothing. “Regis gave me a separate video for me to watch. I finally watched it.”

“He recorded me a short one too,” she said, her face softening. “What did he say?”

“He wanted me to move on with my life. Find someone else. And in that video, he mentioned Zaeed by name.”

Her face, again, betrayed nothing.

So, he continued. “When I left Arcturus, I met up with Zaeed before even knowing about the video. He just happened to be on Earth. So, I finally faced that damn video with him by my side, and Regis dropped that bomb out of nowhere. Regis hoped that Zaeed would be that person for me to rely on and one day love.” His voice caught on the last word. “And Hannah, I loved your son. I love him still, but… Regis gave me his goddamn blessing and I’m not about to waste an opportunity we both wanted after that shore leave.” He didn’t think he still had tears to cry, but more threatened to fall.

“You don’t need my fucking blessing for anything, kid. Regis… found himself with you. And I am so grateful that he had you, and I’m sure your parents felt the same way about him. Do I think this is too soon? Maybe. You need time, but time isn’t something any of us have these days. Just… introduce him to me at some point. I’d like to know the man that managed to pull both of you in,” she said, crossing her hands on top of each other on the table.

Kaidan never expected that response out of her. Likely due to Regis’s influence, his own thoughts on his mother seeping into whatever opinion Kaidan tried to create on his own.

But there were too many times that made it difficult for Kaidan to paint her in a good light.

“Thank you,” Kaidan said, wiping at his eyes. “I don’t want you to think that I’m just throwing away what we had. We were so damn close to tying the knot.”

“It took Atlas and I years,” she said. “I understand. Find your peace. I wish I could find mine.”

“Vik wanted me to call you because I’ve already brought Zaeed down to meet Mom and Dad,” Kaidan blurted.

This time, she did react, not hiding her shock. “Already? And how did that… no, it’s not any of my business.” By the way she sounded, she definitely thought it was her business. “A couple of rough spots but… they want me to be happy,” Kaidan said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“And I want that for you too, truly. So, you called me to size up my reaction. Fair enough. If he’s okay with that, I want to at least say hello,” she said, quickly recovering.

Kaidan didn’t have to say anything. Zaeed got up from the bed, pulled on his tank top, and moved into the frame.

“Wait a second… you’re Hackett’s old–” she cut herself off.

“He knows,” Zaeed said, moving to put a hand on his shoulder. “He knows I’m his old friend and old beau. Nice to meet you, Admiral Shepard.”

“Just call me Shepard, Massani,” she said with a laugh. “Fucking hell, this galaxy is tiny. Explains why your name kept gnawing on me, but I couldn’t place it. Never been good with names…” she trailed off. “My kid must’ve trusted and loved you a lot to give you his gun. That’s all the endorsement I need.”

“I carry it with pride,” Zaeed said. “I know the meaning of what he engraved on it.”

“Good. Take care of each other. We’ll talk more later. You both look tired.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long day,” Kaidan said, stifling a yawn.

“I bet,” she said, giving them both a small smile. “Between the bullshit going on with that asari, your impending future, and introducing your partner to the family… get some rest. Give the Alenkos my love. I’ll try to make a trip down soon.”

He thought it was funny how she gave meeting the parents the same level of stress as all the other shit going on in his life.

“I will. They’ll be happy to host you.”

“That I know for a fact. Take care of each other. Not just for Regis, but yourselves. Might need to get some stories out of you.” Before Kaidan could reply, she closed the link.

Zaeed squeezed his shoulder tighter.

Kaidan felt a little lighter after having that conversation, but now, all he wanted to do was snuggle up with Zaeed for as long as he could. A part of him also wanted to grill her more on the BAaT story he learned from Vik, but this wasn't the time.

And really, there wouldn't be much of a time without Regis there with them.

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