#also hi im not dead but im working on my new job and ive been really busy

[dragonnarrative-writes]

im the anon who sent that gaz ask and omg kyle's interlude was so good!!!!! im just giggling thinking of kyle wondering how much does she know? did she catch on somehow? fuck I have to take her out quick before she finds out how many projects ive finished and the whole time miss new girl is like. wow this guy fucking sucks at his job i want him gone from my hospital >:(

mans thinks shes gonna file a case with a police and she just thinks he's incompetent as shit

I'm so tickled. That's exactly what's happening.

CW: discussions of death and dying, autopsies, medical neglect

There’s something going on on the cardiac floor that you just… can’t quite put your finger on.

This isn’t the first hospital you’ve worked at, but you’re also new to urban healthcare, so you don’t want to rock the boat by being paranoid. But traffic from the cardiac floor is… steady. You’ve read the papers, know the stats like the back of your hand. And the cardiac floor is perfectly in line with expected trends. Every. Month.

There are fluctuations, of course. Plus or minus three to seven lives is nothing remarkable in cardiology. Macabre, maybe, but true. But that’s unnatural. In the seven months you’ve worked here, you’ve seen waves elsewhere in the hospital. The plastics floor had a month with zero deaths followed by a month of a persistent infection sweeping through the otherwise reasonably healthy patients. Oncology has seen a steady decline in patients sent your way, thank goodness. Even emergency and intensive care aren’t as fixedly consistent as the cardiac floor.

When you wonder about it aloud to the director, Dr. Martins just shrugs. “We have a good team up there. Very good at keeping things clean and double and triple checking their work.”

“But if that’s the case, then the number of deaths should be going down,” you point out.

Dennis gives you a rueful smile. “That’s not always how human bodies work, unfortunately. You know that.”

You do know that. Which is why the consistency grates against your nerves. So you decide to do a little digging.

The name that comes up the most often in the chart notes is one Kyle Garrick.

That’s actually not 100% accurate. He’s charting exactly the way he’s supposed to. And no nurse has complete, individual access to patients 24/7. But every dying patient he has access to is… perfect. Their blood work, labs, vitals, prognosis, medication adherence and refusal is almost too-the-letter, textbook precise.

The most obvious answer is that Garrick, and probably a couple of other nurses on the floor, are fudging the numbers.

The idea is infuriating. You hate the way the administrators keep changing medical record systems just as much as the next person, but inaccurate charting is a safety issue. People can, have, and do die because someone writes down the wrong timing for medications or assumes that a patient’s vitals are unchanged. If anything, this is probably worse than that. The fact that everything is so pristine probably means that some patients are just being written off. The nurses might be deciding who gets the excellent care the hospital is known for and who gets neglected.

You stay three hours late investigating the next cardio patient that ends up in your morgue.

After examining the body and reading, rereading, and re-re-re-reading his chart, you find it. A stutter in the dosages of blood thinners, a slightly higher blood pressure reading from someone who isn’t nurse Kyle fucking Garrick. Just enough evidence to have you testing the body with an aspirometer almost too late. And there it is. A fatal air embolism.

You want to scream, but the dead man doesn’t deserve that.

Three weeks later, sipping from your water bottle, someone calls into the office. “Knock knock.”

Dennis practically lights up. “"Good morning, Kyle. Been a bit since you've come to see us. Care for some tea?"

Your eyebrows shoot up. Dr Martins hates unexpected visitors. Then you look over your shoulder, and you understand. Even old queens aren't immune to pretty privilege. The man that’s leaning in the doorway is gorgeous. Maybe its because you work with dead bodies all day, but his eyes and skin seem to glow, even under the fluorescents.

"Can't," the man says, apologetically. "Just dropping someone off."

"Well, at least let me introduce our new nurse!"

The fact that you’re wiping crumbs off of your mouth over a paper plate is the only reason no one sees your face fall when you hear him say, “Nice to meet you. Kyle Garrick.”

[schmafs]

happy webcomic day! my comic, where the heart is, is still running over at @wthicomic and on comicfury! it's been a real joy to work on it so far and im very excited to keep going with it :)

that aside, here are some webcomics ive been enjoying the past few months! check em out, tell a friend–itll really make someones day!

dead or alive “Wanted alive for fraud, Clay is on the run. Blackbell is wanted dead for 13 counts of murder. The two meet in the town of Nowhere as they attempt to evade capture. When secrets from their pasts come back to haunt them, Blackbell and Clay soon find out their paths are more intertwined than they initially thought.”

(action, western)

dead or alive is a western with incredibly charming characters and a fun adventure overall! im so interested in some characters’ backstories (namely blackbell). i know it’s gonna go so hard…

arc of the spark “Bangaroo, a hot contender in the Spark Wrestling League, seeks to bring his lost family back together by wrestling his way to money and fame. The league has other plans for him however, as he unwittingly finds himself tangled up in its dubious, shady underbelly.”

(action, mystery)

a fun story that, to me, is reminiscent of saturday morning cartoons! great character designs and phenomenal action sequences.

it’s all a dream in the end “A catlike protagonist wakes up to find themselves asleep, and meets a colorful cast on their journey to waking up; a clown, some talking meat, a dream copy of her younger brother, and a rabbit that claims to be in the same never-ending-dream situation. Along the way, she learns to trust people she should, fear things she should fear, and maybe just enjoy the moment sometimes as she moves from dream to dream.”

(horror, surreal, marked tws for blood, violence, and strong language)

this comic is recently finished, and boy is it a neat time. the surreal (and, well. dreamlike) elements in it are really fun and well thought out and it’s a comic i keep meaning to reread so that i can see all the bits of foreshadowing the author laid out towards the beginning of the comic. great color schemes overall, too!

phantomarine “Phantomarine is a spooky-but-sweet fantasy webcomic about a ghostly princess and her perilous journey across a haunted sea, hoping to save her soul from a devious, shapeshifting death god known as the Red Tide King. Expect all manner of maritime mysteries – monstrous sea creatures, sacred lighthouses, strange afflictions, accursed marauders, feuding gods, grand sea battles, and a heaping helping of humor in-between!”

(fantasy, adventure)

im not quite sure where to begin with phantomarine because it’s just that good. bursting with heart and with beautiful scenes and color palettes overall. the worldbuilding in it is also very well thought out (particularly with regard to the religion of the world).

maladious “It’s 2002, and sixteen-year-old Julian Lewis has just debuted as the newest member of Olympos, America’s premiere superhero team. Admittedly, he's kind of terrible at his job–-but he’s got the heart of a hero and the best mentors he could ask for.

However, when a mission to intervene with a low-tier villain attack reveals that an old foe isn’t quite as dead as he’s supposed to be, Olympos must untangle a web of new enemies and old ghosts in what is undoubtedly their greatest challenge yet.”

(horror, action, thriller, rated 16+)

maladious is another comic with a charming art style, but i think the most interesting thing about it by far is the mystery the author is cultivating. i can tell they’re cooking something, but i don’t know what yet and i want to stick around to find out!

invincea and the warriors from hell “Orphaned and mute from infancy, Invincea has never had an easy life. But when what little she still has in a world that rejects her is violently torn away, she sets out to find justice.

Lost and wounded, she soon meets the mysterious bard Lon Quillow, and together they are catapulted into a cross-country string of adventures bringing them closer together as they learn about humanity, empathy, and the deep desire of all people to be understood and accepted.

What has been lost can be found again…”

(fantasy, adventure)

i absolutely adore invincea. the characters are all incredibly charming and the art style is delightful to look at and very reminiscent of cartoon saloon’s work! im so curious about where the story’s going to go next!

tiger, tiger “Tiger, Tiger is a story of a young noble lady, who steals her brother's identity and his ship to sail across the world to find love and adventure, and to write a book about her favourite subject: the fascinating life cycle of sea sponges!”

(fantasy, adventure)

this is one ive been reading for a while! once again, the characters are all very charming, likable, and authentic in a way i cant quite explain. absolutely gorgeous grayscale art in this one.

golden shrike “Something has shifted in the world. Sheltered deer twins, Runi and Nero, will get to see it all unfold.”

(fantasy, adventure)

the author consistently draws these beautiful natural scenes with equally beautiful colors, and i really enjoy the lore theyve put together about the deer world!

starbord: the journey home “In a part of the universe alien to them, all that Zachary Higgins and J.C. Coleman want is to get back to Earth. There's only one problem: nobody's ever heard of a planet called "Earth". Stuck with an experimental spacecraft and trapped in a galaxy teetering on the brink of total war, they'll turn to unlikely friends and face uncanny foes in their journey home.”

(action, science fiction, adventure)

going back to the idea of authentic characters, each and every character in starbord feels authentic to me. theyre all really well written and the main characters in particular feel like people i could meet in real life. the story is also compelling!

inhibit “Victor is a resident at a home for kids who haven't yet proven that they can control their powers. With a transfer only a few weeks away, he has one last chance to prove he is capable enough to go home to a normal life. But just when he most needs things to go smoothly, everything starts to fall apart, and he finds himself tangled in the plot of a mysterious arsonist…”

(science fiction, adventure)

this one’s got some great mysteries going on, and at the moment the plot is ramping up and i seriously cant wait to see what happens next! very likable characters here, too!

a d6 story “A tale of The UnKing. As a familiar horror infiltrates Folia City, a crew of unlikely heroes must fight to save their world as they know it..”

(horror, action, science fiction)

im not sure where to begin with this comic aside from the fact that the hook is absolutely crazy. you just have to trust me on this one.

milos from home “An anxious Torchic and classically amnesiac protagonist Eevee take a shot becoming a Rescue Team. Also something's screwy with the world at large, but one step at a time.”

(fantasy, fan fiction, adventure)

this one’s a pokemon mystery dungeon fancomic, and the author has some really interesting takes on pokemon culture and interpretations of what certain pokemon look like! i care so much about each character :,) except for one. i’ve never wanted to punt a rat (dedenne) into the sun so bad in my life.

first song “10 years ago, a private company opened a portal. It went wrong. Our material plane was smashed into the land of the dead; Limbo. Spoon was at Ground zero of the explosion but survived, and now he wanders the wasteland with his guitar and the demon that inhabits it - encountering ghosts and other survivors on a quest to return to his childhood home. At the same time he is hunted by a mysterious woman who is single-minded in her drive to find him.”

(science fiction, supernatural, post-apocalypse)

i just KNOW the author of this one is cooking something crazyy. we’re still pretty early on in the story, but i can feel it! the fact it’s in black and white also goes a long way in establishing the vibes of the whole thing.

inheritors “The setting is a post-apocalyptic, alternate Earth. Most of the planet was destroyed by a rogue AI program, called Apollo. However, one continent was able to be saved by the goddess Athena, and was able to evolve and adapt to urban life today. Now, Apollo is making his presence known within the existing cities, and new information is coming to light. Who created Apollo? Where are the gods, now? Most importantly, what does it mean to truly be human?

As if all of that wasn't enough pressure, Space-Time's grandson is having an identity crisis over the sudden realization that he's going to outlive everyone he's grown close to. So y'know, there's a whole existential crisis sub-plot along with the mystery surrounding Apollo, the gods, the world of Faerie, and some strange, alien newcomers in the city.”

(action, science fiction, modern fantasy, drama. marked tws for topics of religion, depression, self-harm, bullying, child abuse, attempted suicide, and struggles with identity)

this one’s also pretty early on in the story as well, but i was immediately captivated by the silly little drawings in the first couple pages. i also know the authors of this one are cooking very hard with the worldbuilding! definitely check this one out so youre here whenever things start getting wild!

[morguemaw]

ARGHGHG hi guys!!!! Sorry ive been dead!! Ive been busy with a on and off job :D Im currently wanting to save up for something, so i figure id open some quick coms while i finish my last com since i have a break for awhile! Im currently just going to open 30$ full bodies with cell shading! Im also happy to say i take cashapp but also Paypal! ( its working for me now lmao ) Im currently slightly testing a new less cutesy style, but i can still do a cutesy! Feel free to dm me here :3

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Dead Plate (Part 1)

hello!! its been a while since ive posted but here i am!!! so this game is Dead Plate created by STUDIO INVESTIGRAVE

i had played one of their games before, Elevator Hitch, and i really really enjoyed it! so im very excited for this new game that theyve released

though, this game is probably really different from Elevator Hitch, because that game was a visual novel type of game while this one has restaurant tycoon gameplay

still, im very excited

i hope i can get all the endings today (but probably not) as always, spoilers under the cut!

i know its literally just the title screen BUT it looks very classy

also the music? its a bop like yo BellKalengar is the composer and sound designer and like yo!! amazing job its literally just the title screen and im amazed already LMFAO

alright then lets begin

lolol i like the way they named the buttons for doing the tutorial, skipping the tutorial or just leaving the game on auto progress time to show up at 5 am then

the art is really cute these characters are really cute too esp the protag

i know its just the tutorial but i am very nervous LOL doing service jobs make me nervous (even tho this is only a fictional one)

bro protag why did u skim the interview thing 😭 is that why u've had 28 jobs in 7 years 💀

ooh interesting the cooks have an order in which they cook meals i need to remember that

wow so theres a lot to do huh theres seating the customers, taking their orders, bringing those orders to the kitchen, serving the food, going to the cash register to take their payments, cleaning up the tables AND throwing out the trash its a lot more than i was expecting,,,, lol good luck to me i guess

so like fun fact im actually not that good at playing games LOL esp this kind of game where theres like people and they have like a happy meter kind of thing going on i wonder if any of the endings will be tied to how well we do during the work day ?? probably

also can i just say that the music is really good i like the kinda jazzy (is that the right word??) vibes going on

it makes me less nervous about serving customers since its very chill LOL

WHY IS THIS CUSTOMER HITTING ME WITH A HARD QUESTION

I HAVE NO IDEA IF WE HAVE TO-GO BOXES OR WHATEVR WHAT HUH ?????

there is a right answer and i have no idea what it is im gonna lose my mind please. ok well lets pick an answer

im gonna go 'no' since the restaurant has a strict menu that changes daily right? so maybe they wouldnt do to-go boxes or ordering ahead and stuff (RIGHT???)

oh phew ok i picked the right one

LOL the banter between the protag and the tutorial guy (i dont know his name)

??? what the hell this customer just left right as i got the food bro 😭😭 have some patience damn this aint a fast food place

now i have to throw away this perfectly good meal (sorry cooks)

oh no now the real game is starting uhh aight alright then lets go

ok so that was like only three customers, i did pretty well but the day's not over yet shdajhsdsakhj i feel like a disaster n it was only three customers LMAO

oh it was only 3 customers for day 1 nice (i got jumpscared by the sound effect for the day ending LFMAO)

ooh green onion rolls,,, it looks good damn now i want to eat LOL

BITCH YOU LIVE LIKE THIS?????? damn,,,,

the music for this area is pretty chill tho

THE BATHROOM IS FLOODING??? AGAIN ?!??! BRO ??? THATS DISGUSTING

the window has a horrible view its just another building

oho? she? who???

bro dont leave the dishes for later thats sooo gross

??? HOW DID YOU BURN CEREAL???? WHAT DID YOU EVEN DO ??

i am appalled at the protag's lifestyle i cant even

so he has not finished writing lyrics and love letters for this girl he mentioned earlier the game is not revealing her name and im wondering why hmm its very sus

sorry im laughing so hard??? its mostly empty except for some cans and the fucking green onion rolls im cackling?? they look so out of place in this fridge LMFAO

bro how are you so bad at cooking that you burnt food in the microwave??? what are you doing???

wait. is his bed the couch???? bro i feel so bad for this guy

he biked through the rain,,,,, and he thought doing it fast would dry him,,, in the rain,,,,, im starting to understand why he somehow managed to burn cereal

he doesnt own an umbrella

aww this is cute thanks boss

he LIVES here??? wow damn his apartment is upstairs thats very cool

LOL protag keep ur mouth shut

day 2 here we go

SHIT HELP I TOOK TOO LONG ONE OF THE CUSTOMERS LEFT NOOO im restarting jkdsljlds its a good thing i saved

ahh i did way better this time but the day ended right as i was about to take out the trash LOL

oooh those look tasty too

oops ok so like i started day 3 right

well i was like 'i'll take out the trash before serving any customers' so that i can just easily clean up the tables right

uhh but then suddenly this happened ??? so like protag dropped the bag and cut their finger and the boss is having an odd reaction to the sight of blood methinks

HTHE BOSS JUST SLAPPED HIM ??? WTF

bro he just slapped him then was like 'oh dw someone else will clean it up' hello???? you just slapped ???? me ???

ok then moving on to the rest of the day i guess??

kinda weird looking but it still looks appetizing (the magic of art LOL)

oh shit theres a magazine ?? oops im gonna go back and read through previous ones oh nevermind its just the same one lmao

ohhh so this is where i buy items ok aight

and this catalogue is how our protag knew about the job for a waiter it also has an interview with our boss (Chef Vincent Charbonneau, i finally know his name) about the low number of employees i was wondering why we were the only waiter in the restaurant and i guess thats why

ok i bought the rollerskates cuz i need to be faster for the customers

oh and u can interact w the telephone to call 'her' but she doesnt pick up oof

sorry what is happening right now

what is that weird squelching sound?!?!?

BRO?? WTF WAS THAT ??? so like his body felt itchy, pressed Z to scratch and then suddenly lines were all over his body and then knives came out and i am so very confused

i think that was just a dream but what a weird nightmare

i guess onto day 4 then ?? at least i have my sick new rollerskates now

ooh that looks tasty

man i think im too slow cuz the timer always runs out while one more customer is still around lmfao, oh well

oh shit another nightmare

ohh so i can only equip one item at a time hmmm well since i bought the watch anyways i guess i'll use it

PFFT A CUSTOMER LEFT SORRY LADY,, she was waiting to be seated but i was preoccupied with serving food oopsies

restarting the day then

the nightmare hmm is the protag's name Rody since thats what it says on the label

DAMNIT I TOOK TOO LONG AGAIN

ok im just gonna use the rollerskates this time

AGGHH I KEEP TAKING TOO LONG ON THIS ONE CUSTOMER

restarting again,,,,

should i just let it go? probably but im not going to

IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND IVE RESTARTED SO MANY TIMES

ok well youve not seen it but i have restarted day 5 soo many times and i am hungry so,,, here's where i'll leave it for today

even though i am struggling and getting frustrated, im really enjoying the game so far! i wish i wasnt so terrible at playing it so i could see more of the story LOL

like what is up with the boss? who is this girl that the protag likes so much? what is up with his weird nightmares??? and will i ever be able to finish day 5 ?????

tune in next time LOL byebyeee

[lizaluvsthis]

What got you to start drawing the boys do you take requests? Cause I like the cafe au

IT MIGHT SEEM CRAZY ON WHAT IM BOUT TO S-

When I said I've been a SMG4 fan for 4 years, I left the channel for i dunno how many weeks or months has it been. Then one day I saw WOTFI 2023 recommended in my youtube page and was.

"Wotfi 2023? But I thought- wait- who are these characters again?"

Turns out I forgot that Ive only seen SMG4 and SMG3's (cocomelon ass) designs during wotfi 2022 where it was both of their first redesigns from the movie. I stopped watching for a bit cuz I got busy.

Then I came back to see they were both redesigned in a better version now. Now that I thought about "where was their second redesign then?"

So I knew that I had to binge watch every single episodes from smg4's channel right after wotfi 2022

I then saw how much Three has changed ever since after the 2022th christmas episode.

If I were to be honest, watching igbp for the first time in my life even Mar10 day. I was about 85% sure that Smg3 worries too much for Smg4's sake.

They both are cosmically linked and three can feel what the other of his partner is feeling soooooo?

*circles both of my hands*

Three's gay. He looked fruity he felt fruity. During the movie and during right after he helped four's ass to get his channel back from running again.

It suddenly gave me some time for my brain to tell me "DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS COULD BE A HINT- THIS IS MAYBE AN ENEMIES TO LOVERS!" I responded to my brain like- HELL YEAH I'M NOTING THAT DOWN.

Cuz I cant just sit here and just "watch the movie without sayin nothin" I HAD to do something AND make analysis about it because thats what I do when I notice simple details!

So when smg3 confessed those feelings of his to Smg4 and even running to save his life back again and even after saying "we're friends!" This gave me a bit of a shock. Three. Did you know what you did? Did you realize how much it meant for smg4? Did you FORGET- that you said you and him werent friends during the 2020th wotfi?

So then after all of this time... that means smg3 has been the one and always a tsundere to smg4

Even after the castle disappeared, him and three's chemistry started going into an actual progress from both of their chemistry from the relationship.

Thats a dedication for me right there. I do it not only for fun, I do it for my wants, have, and needs.

I know its funny for a minor like me to do all of this dedicaded in just a simple job, I have all kinds of specialities to include my works and skills and use them for this fandom again from how I did to the past ones. (But those past fandoms are dead-)

Ahem- what was I talking about again? Oh right- 3 and 4... sorry got a little bit too chatty-

So I noticed even more about Smg3's notebook and was like- "gahd damn- three had his own personal notebook this whole time?! Whats even inside of it? I'm curious..." so yeah-

Now jumping to where I watched 2023 of wotfi again (twice now) to see its context about it- I was flabberGHASTED in after the "drawing" and also the mysterious tv guy whose also appearing on as the final antagonist in the modern era and a new one from the new era.

"Holysht. This is about to go bonkers for the fans making up stuff about those 'what-ifs' that smg4 made from the previous video back then. (The part where waluigi won or desti being alive)

I'm curious enough to see what happens and even if its about tv adware. Yes too.

(THERE. In November I started to become quite more invested from the fandom and decided to drop in my luggage and load out all of my junks called Info-Analysis?)

So- hello! (Again-) :D it was a pleasure meeting every and one of you all- I stopped in just to come back from the fandom that I never made commentary about but now I can ^^

I started with doodling and knowing basic anatomy and shapes of SMG3 and SMG4's design (the new one) so that I could start on doodling about them. But what I didnt expect for myself is that I had created a long time chapter of "Indigo Secret" that wasn't supposed to be there on purpose.

It was just supposed to be a "silly" comic about it from where ■■■■■■■■ to ■■■■■■■ about the problem and then the part in this that came into ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■ from ■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

*BEEP*

I took myself a big motive after my blog gained 10+ followers and more notes. I thought working here 24/7 would make me feel something more for destiny and the trip!

So- yeah. Work. :) even when I'm at school I also complete my assignments and all of the shts and after that I can continue on with continuing the pages and with some cute doodles with the boys from a scenario playing through my head.

Now you have me making all of this and that ^^

Thats whay I'm popular for :)

--

---

--

2nd answer...

Thank you for liking the cafe au! It means so much to the both for me and shay from the collab to move on!

I did say from my boundaries I take free art request 1 at a time only- and I could allow a second art request if I do have the time ^^

Yes I do take art request :)

(Except for-

oc-shipping with SMG3/SMG4 cuz they're both together in the au

NSFW

Some stuff that I can't approve on-)

Ask away :)

Thanks for asking me stuffs anon I really enjoy talking ^^

[tableintheteacherslounge]

Abbott Elementary S03E07 thoughts

Melissa having a spare room baring in mind we’ve seen her house feels fake sorry - How will she have a room mate but noone look at her pictures and keep control of her kitchen. I get its gonna be for plot but i don’t buy it

I’m w ava that’s a woman who just found out she’s not pregnant - that’s a woman who’s been successfully slutting it up (how’s she gonna slut it up with a roommate)

Omg protective barb 🥺 (ALSO BARBS RIGHT BC MEL WOULDNT GIVE OUT HER ADDRESS WILLINGLY)

AS SOON AS SHE SAID NERD I THOUGHT JACOB

“I know its gods will but hes gotten awfully creative” 😭😭😭😭😭

I love it when Mr johnson lore gets unlocked

Manny and the beard whew 😮‍💨 I was literally wondering where he was so I’m glad they’re using him again

Janine ur SO SMART this is such a good idea and not like a janine unnecessarily fixing a problem like an actual good idea- good job babygirl

Not ava spilling the tea to the whole room

Ponytail melissa at home is so personal to me, I love that this continues from s2, this is just who she is, she throws her hair up when she’s at home. I like that she’s wearing the eagles hoodie we’ve seen before too. Love the hair, makeup & costume details on this show

“I only know how to cook for 12” 😭

Finally mel talking about her breakup! Damn maybe it really was “im not bringing this to school” this whole time

Also Gary being a dead ringer for her dad?? I’m not saying my headcanons are more correct than the show but I disagree with this statement. Gary is not schemmenti coded.

Omg the jacob melissa work momming work sonning ive been dreaming of

“And dont forget theres a 3 booked limit 😒” barb is PISSED and i LOVE IT

“Oh i know what a google doctor is 😤”

Barb really is the best character on tv im sorry noone can do it like sheryl lee ralph like they just cant Shes everything

Janine forgetting the key term (pottery wheel) in her analogy she is so me

“Jacob if u dont like my ziti just say so and i will heave myself out that window” 😭😭

“I went to find mr johnson but he was still crying” NO 😭💔 hes just a sensitive guy 😔

“Mrs howard i blew down the house” 🥺🤏🏻 I love the kids being so central in this ep, I’ve missed that recently, and the kindergarteners are soooo cute

“🐷 I am a pig 🐺 i am a wolf 😄 and im a librarian who thinks she can just change everything around here 👋” IJBOL no please give sheryl another emmy I beg

“This programme is more of a distraction than an improvement” that’s teaaa actually. Thats so often what councils etc do, distract with new flashy things rather than fix the real problems. Even though in this case it’s well meaning it does make u think how big a priority should the library actually be? But actually children reading is super important and what did they say last season? The librarian was an alexa in glasses? 🤣

“You okay? You look like raven having a vision” 😭 you don’t understand how often i say this

I have thoughts on Barbara’s intentions and my instinct is gregory needs to keep her name out his mouth. I do think it’s really important that Janine stood up to Barbara, just maybe gregory made barbara seem worse than she was

“It’s been a rough week I could use the pick me up” i just love mr johnson

My immediate reaction was this one of my favourite episodes of the season - lots of excellent Barb moments, the kids, more mr johnson, story arcs I enjoyed and felt completed.

Janine standing up to Barbara was a really big deal for her considering her hatred of conflict and worship of barbara as a mother figure. It made me really proud to see how far janine has come.

But the longer since watching the less I like it. And it’s two main things:

- the jacob melissa room mate situation feels like jumping the shark for plots sake and not something realistic for those characters. So as much as I enjoy them and their dynamic and their growth it just feels fake.

- I dont care about the librarian. The set up feels like she could stick around and I just don’t care for new characters, I like my main people. (But then the same apprehension was had w the district people and they’ve not seemed to be around much).

I do still really like this ep and it definitely ranks highly in the season, just idk, some eps I enjoy more over time but this has made me feel more confused as to what will happen next I guess.

[yj-98]

my brain is perpetually melting lately so im like not super comprehending it but i looove hearing ppl talk about what theyre into and i am just nodding along so enthusiastically when you talk about rdr2 . also take this as me asking about it as i said im nodding along

crow im sorry </3 honestly i understand 100% and i hope the brain fog lifts for you<3 but im happy its fun to hear about <3 thank you for nodding along and asking about it (in spirit) so let me lay the generic history + synopsis of both games because i have . sort of just been dropping context as i talk about two brothers and their horrible father (<3 and the good one)

anyways im about to be very autistic<3 buckle up

red dead redemption (2010) started off as a spiritual successor to a game called red dead revolver (2004) that rockstar bought after the game had been cancelled after it failed to follow thru with funding issues in 2000 (capcom. as in mega man capcom, was paying for a studio to make it, but funding dropped and and that studio closed so rockstar acquired the studio + eventually got the rights for rthe game). HOWEVER they wanted to do more w/ the concept

so john martson was born in 2010 w/ the first red dead game. youre introduced to a this former outlaw in 1911 who's family is being used for blackmail as he makes his way across a fictionalized version of the american south/west + mexico trying to track down his former friends because the US govt wants them dead. hes polite but no-nonsense and hes sarcastic sometimes and mentally unwell and also so kind. hes very funny honestly like rdr1 john my beloved. and he helps people along the way! he makes associates with all kinds of people. he deals with the people in his old gang (javier escuella and bill williamson), including his father figure dutch van der linde. hes described as his fathers greatest success and greatest downfall. hes returned to his wife and son and 'uncle' only for the US govt to raid their home, kill uncle, and it forces john to tell his wife and son to run while he makes a last stand, knowing that theyd stop at killing him. because ultimately these games are about redemption. and it almost succeeds, but his son grows up to avenge him

and its a fun game! its a wonderful story its really well done with interesting twists and turns and a HEARTBREAKING ending with this kid just. continuing that cycle. killing a government man puts a target on his head too. and rockstar couldve gone with a sort of . 1910s-1920s set sequel where you explore what the kids fate is. instead in 2018 we're given a prequel in the form of red dead redemption 2.

its 1899 and its the end of the golden age and the age of the "west" is honestly decades gone. dutch is clinging to an old life because he hates the US government, doesnt trust the law, etc. hes got a group of misfits including two men hes raised since they were preteens (arthur morgan + john marston) alongside his oldest friend (platonic life partner? sorry. theyre toxic old men* in love) hosea matthews.

(*old for 1899)

so arthur morgan is born in 2018. hes not mentioned once in rdr1 because he didnt exist! and rockstar gives themself the very hard job of making us LIKE a protagonist new to the story as a whole. and it works basically immediately. id argue its almost impossible to hate arthur when he feels so human. ive rarely like. played a game that beat for beat feels very much like reading a novel and i am. so honest when i say he feels human. they all do. but you hear his thoughts, you read his journal entries, you hear his comments to himself and his way of interacting with the world around you, let alone with other people. hes so endearing, if not a bit gruff and rough around the edges, and then he warms. especially around hosea, or in quiet moments with john or his friendship that blooms w/ a man named charles (i will not get into this.) or his kindness with sadie adler, a widow you meet in the prologue (shes sooo).

and then arthur starts dying. hes dying from the end of chapter 2. theres 6 chapters total + two epilogues w/ john. chapter 1 is essentially the prologue. youre given ONE whole chapter with arthur before It Happens. and hes declining. and you get hints. he starts coughing.

rdr2 is a story of arthur and the events that lead to rdr1 with a splintered family. you know the events of rdr1 will happen as absolutes: bill dies. javier dies. dutch dies. john and abigail (his wife) will die. jack, their son, who in rdr2 is maybe all of 5 years old, will one day kill a man. but that seems so distant

its a death march, its an avalanche, its a butterfly effect. its a car crash its a trainwreck. and youre a rubbernecker. you cant look away, you have to play his part in the play. the events that ultimately are the catalyst happen a month prior to the games opening: dutch picked up a man named micah bell, and micah is not a nice man. and he knows exactly how to play dutch like a fiddle. and dutch's ego is too big to know hes being played. they rob a ferry boat. it goes badly. people die. the pinkertons are after them all. they run into the mountains and almost die. dutch's ego is bruised and he Needs to correct it. they run into his old nemesis and they steal that guys plans to rob a train. you could say that this was the true catalyst for the events for the rest of the game but ultimately it doesnt matter. micah has his grip on dutch, and dutch just robbed one of thee wealthiest men in america, who has an ego that matches

meanwhile arthur is an attack dog, and he attacks the wrong target on orders he doesnt like. a weak man dying of tuberculosis. it infects arthur, unwittingly. arthur can quit these jobs. its doesnt matter. he will die in 6 months

rdr2 is a story of trying desperately to pump the breaks as more and more people die. its about hope and trying to save as many people as you can. its about people who fall through the cracks and who the 1% hate coming together and the reality of being used in a cult of personality. its about one man falling apart and taking 20+ people who looked to him like a shepherd, down with him. its about desperately clinging to the past as the future rockets forward. its about loyalty its about betrayal its about dying.

arthur is shown chapter after chapter as he gets weaker that his father is willing to let family die. that when dutch loses hosea in ANOTHER botched robbery he is not the same man. that he's willing to let both his sons die. and when arthur realizes his time left is short, hes desperate to make things right

arthur dies letting john escape. dutch and micah look down at him as hes dying and walk away. arthur is buried facing west. for the sun. john inherits his hat and journal. john tries to build that fateful home with abigail and jack. you spend the epilogue with him as he tries to make wrong puzzle pieces fit and shave down the parts of him that were his fathers son so that they can try to live normally. he succeeds. the epilogue lets you face micah and dutch as john and arthurs friends who survived (charles + sadie). you kill micah. he deserves it. dutch lets john live.

time does not stop. rdr1 looms ahead. you ignore this and play ranch simulator as john draws in arthurs journal and writes and scratches out words and draws hearts around his wifes name. you can find arthurs grave and sit with him.

i spent 1 month putting off arthurs death. i mourned him in real time when he died. games to CHANGE the brain chemistry

[unearthlychild34]

I am sometimes smart enough to be able to outrun myself. What a gift.

I have had plenty of people ask me why I hold to my religion in an era when it is becoming passé. I can give lots of pretty reasons, ones that are true and that I even believe, ones I think are enough to satisfy them. I was raised in it, it provides a kind of structure I find valuable, society is better when we believe in principles like love, hope, and justice, even simply that I think it’s true.

Then we get deeper, the things I rarely admit out loud. I’ve seen too much to ever successfully shake it off. As Flannery O’Connor and Graham Greene wrote, I know any attempts to outrun it will only circle me back around. Because at its heart, Ive had too many moments when fate could, or perhaps even should have ended differently. Ended with me being dead. Over and over and over again.

As much as I wish it was selfless, at its heart, I am haunted by the idea that I shouldn’t be here, and I need to understand why. There has to be a why. Especially on the nights when my continuing to live feels like a mistake.

Ive spent my whole life being able to see too much, know too much, feel too much. Everywhere I go, I feel like a harbinger, an omen of doom. It is not doom I create, but I continually find myself situated in places right before chaos breaks out, as old things die and new ones must be born out of the still-screaming ashes. I talk to people who have loved people, places, and institutions which have supported them their entire lives, out of which they build families and identities and homes. I can’t understand what that must be like.

Ive been told before that I have a gift for prophecy, of a kind of intimacy with God in communication. It’s rarely felt like a gift.

I recently found a blog which pondered the relationship between God and his prophets. How they often wished for death, an end to the burden. They wondered if this is why God came down, to find out why these beloved ones wanted to die. If he too grows tired of himself sometimes. Im certainly tired, but I don’t know of what.

People ask me what I want from life. All I can do is scream “meaning” into the void and politely smile as I respond “Oh, you know, Im young, Im not really sure.” Because Im not sure I’ll find it. Im falling in love with a woman who suffocates under the mere idea of organized religion as I consider pursuing seminary. I want to go back to school but know my body can’t handle it, my heart can’t handle it. I might go anyway. Im working a job that lets me see beautiful sunrises, be active and work with my hands, but also meaningfully engage my mind and do something genuinely valuable for my community. Someone else would do it if I didn’t. Maybe I could accomplish more as a college professor. Maybe I could accomplish more as a stay-at-home parent. Maybe I could accomplish more if I devoted my life to research, or wrote inspiring books, or worked in a nonprofit setting. Maybe this is the most good I’ll ever do, right here and now.

Maybe I’ll die tomorrow. Maybe it doesn’t actually mean anything. Maybe my existence is both anomaly and unremarkable, and my continuing presence here is also unremarkable. Maybe everyone is better off without me anyway.

But Im not ready to accept that. So all I can do is keep telling myself that I believe in love, hope and justice for a reason. That it does have meaning. And if God does get sick of himself sometimes, that only means that he understands why I feel so nauseous tonight. And maybe I will someday find that meaning. Maybe not. But I won’t find it if I don’t look.

[storiesofsvu]

Alright, happy Thursday hoes, lets get to this.

Mothership first

Okay… interesting open…

Omg…how many times are they gonna use the trope of “don’t touch that!” “who the hell are you?” surprise it’s the new laywer…

Not surprised its another old white dude, but at least he’s not as old as mccoy

Okay seriously…. If they get rid of Samantha I will not be watching this show anymore..

I wonder if they’re going to bring this staff change up on svu too considering this guy is also now carisi’s boss… but the writers seem to have forgotten that these shows all exist together until they want to do a crossover.

If this was svu the ada would be storming into the squad room yelling at the detectives for making a mistake that’s gonna cost them their case. Why don’t we get to see that on mothership? I want more crossing over between departments, cops never show up in the gallery either, just to testify if they’re needed.

Oooo yesss that maroon suit. I see you ma’am!

Man they’re just right fucked with this case aren’t they?

This defence attorney is super crusty

How come these videos are coming up NOW and not before things went to trial??

This judges office is barba’s office. They really only have so many sets, hey? (also the continuity of that office on this show/universe drives me fucking insane).

My subtitles keep cutting in and out and that is also driving me insane

Toronto time.

Will I pay attention? Likely no

JESUS FUCK talk about a cold fucking opening wow.

Big surprise I stopped paying attention halfway through the ep. Like, it’s fully muted right now and I’m working on writing LOL

SVU time

BRUH is this maria stuff ive been seeing all over twitter legit?! I thought people were fucking clowning LOL

Olivia in uniform just fucking makes me so fucking weak every single time

Clearly the other captain hasn’t been in the field a lot if that was her immediate reaction to that crime scene

Okay… hear me out… olivia literally saved maria’s life and stayed on the phone with her ALL night. We all know she has a habit of taking in strays… there’s no doubt maria became a cop because of liv… maria would have reached out TO HER about her graduation, not the other way around…

Velasco getting actual screen time finally. I do have to say, im back on my Velasco bullshit…

LOL. I know it was unintentional but the harshness of velasco’s knock on the door killed me.

4 hours of law and order is too much. Im getting bored and this is the show I actually like. I think imma start skipping Toronto cause mothership does hit some days

If this girl has a good enough lawyer she could easily get off on an insanity type plea… tbh this episode would’ve been way better on criminal minds. That would’ve been bad ass.

This episode is almost over and we got absolutely NO closure on the maria thing AND we didn’t get to go to court. Im OVER this fucking show man lol

Liv being back in her bac nail polish era is bomb though

Fin doesn’t strike me as a scotch guy… this is weird..

Okay… liv is really not okay. Like this girl needs support, she needs proper and regular therapy, she needs a break from work. Go home and spend time with your son instead of drinking cheap wine alone in a bar? Also while we’re talking about drinking alone after work being all sad, can we touch on the fact that her mother was an alcoholic, and that was what *killed* her… this is incredibly worrisome and I doubt we’re ever going to touch on it/get it fleshed out like we should…

Okay we at least got some maria closure. Thank you.

OC time!

Jet *attempting* to control stabler, woof. At least someone’s trying loooll

This bitch is so dead

Part of me feels like its bullshit that se wouldn’t know any of this about her own brother, but also I never talk to my family so…. LOL.

Fuck he’s creepy as shit

There is NO WAY THAT TINY MAN IS THE SAME SIZE AS ELLIOT

The fact that it took THIS long for someone higher up to question his anger/trauma/etc affecting his job is wild.

THE BARTENDER IN ME IS FUCKING DYING. I had a PHYSICAL reaction to that conversation.

“you’ve never had a long island ice tea?!” “I don’t like ice tea it’s too bleh” guy promptly orders two to prove that theyre good? THERE IS NO ICED TEA IN LONG ISLANDS

Cragen’s really just gonna be in the last second of this episode isn’t he?

Everyone: proper ear pieces

Jet: nah. Air pod.

I really thought that stabler was gonna be missing for a like, a good chunk of time with no one knowing.

OHHHH right! The foil he found in the bathroom garbage and immediately licked… right… I forgot about that. Now the question is who it belongs to…..

[geckosliktheireyes]

.. So my irl bestie has made the risky promise of- "if you write fanfic, ill write fanfic" so here i am, posting this shit, to spite her, its an au ive been working on bc i feel like the universes fit together- heres some of my ideas.

Lumera- a world renound sword maker, shes made legendary swords that have defeated dragons to fleets of armies. Famous for her craft she lives on a large estate in Lythos, a small town of peaceful people in the earth nation, a non bender,. Though with her fighting techniques youd never tell the difference.

Vander- a friend of Lady Lumera, secretive, and strict, a metal bender

Alear- raised within the walls of her mothers villa and workshop, she took up a severe intrest in martial arts, quite practiced in it she frequents to Dojo on Lythos to her be trained, by Vander of course, a long time friend of Lady Lumera, a non bender who is soon plunged into her responsibilies and the pressure of being the Avatar

Clanne- the boy is a water bender- a.. Clumsy one at that- though hes one of Alears cloest friends- he keeps all sorts of secrets hes been sworn into by Vander

Framme- Alears other friend, a girl who may rival Alear in her martial arts abilities, a water bender who can only use it for healing abilities, though she doesn't seem to bothered by that, she happens to be a loud mouth, and is very upset by what her brother and Vander aren't letting her know.

Alfred- prince of the earth kingdom, and frail in his own way, though if you mention that youll be subjected in tagging along with his job through the nearby mountain range, he never met Alear until they met in a china shop, Celine wanted new china for her tea parties,, and Alear didn't quite know how she ended up there, but lets just say they didn't leave with any china, nothing was left in one piece

Ivy- princess of the southern water tribe, reluctant as her father dives into the possibilitys with dead bodies, water bending, and war. Shes caught in quite the mess, unsure of what side she should be on, not wanting to leave her poor kid sister behind with people who manipulate the long dead.

Diamant- prince of the fire nation, he met Alear while camping with his father and brother. The "avatar" had gotten caught in Alcryst's hunting trap, which was quite a hilarious fiasco of his yelled apologies and offers of everything he owned as a "sorry" , he decides to try to teach Alear fire bending which they soon realize is easier said than done.

Timerra- a powerful air bending monk, known for.. Being the chillest around really, she finds the "avatar" amusing, and is also quite suspicious of if this girl is really capable of anything other than tripping over her own sword and completing others to no end.

Idk if this is crap or not i havent shown anything ive written publicly since 2014 💀

Heres a lil snippet of the first chapter, so yall can see what my writings like and if its worth reading or anything. Im a newbie definitely, and.. Very wordy but my irl bestie said she'll be my beta reader and editor for me! So hopefully that will improve if she gets the time to do so.

"Alear knew something was off the moment her mother informed her it was time to forge a sword of her own. Lumera was a master in the crafting of blades of all sorts, but never seemed too worried about teaching Alear the details of her work. Alear was alright with it, she had her own talents, such as her martial arts, that she was always working on, Lumera understood her child walked a different path than her own. Which. Is why it confused Alear so when her mother became adamant she needed a sword of the finest silver and the sharpest blade as soon as possible. And even more confused she became when her mother told her she would forge the sword to make it the closest to her liking. It was a nerve wracking process which made Alear appreciate her mothers work to no end..however LIberation was done in due time. The silver and gold sword felt heavy in her hands, but.. a sort of comforting weight , one she knew would help protect her shall it ever need too. Lumera gave a soft chortling laugh.

‘’My child you are not supposed to hold it in such a way- your lucky your have gloves ‘lest you cut yourself!’’ She took Alears confused and clumsy hands, showing her the proper way to handle the blade.

‘’Oh.. I still don't understand why I need a sword- much less one of silver and meteorite metals! I think this sword is better than even the blades you use!’’ She exclaimed…feeling the grief for Lumeras financial state. ‘’I don't see the issue? The daughter of a sword master should have something to show for her lineage.’’ She gave her child a bright smile, her light blue hair tied back into a regal bun, as she reached into a wooden crate by her side and pulled from it a steel sword with a blue leather hilt, the blade having been dulled of course but Alear sure as hell didn't know that. As her face convulsed into an expression of panic and confusion. Her mother lunged at her, swords clashing as Alear defended her face from a slash , in a less than graceful manner." soyeah. Uhm we'll see if i write it- lemme know how my writing is.

And heres a drawing of the main cast's designs, hope i combined ATLA with ENGAGE nicley and this isnt just a total cringe fest ill look back on as i tremble in terror of the memory in passing years.

Also engage dlc looking tasty

[plasticfreckles]

how aforementioned fictional men from this post would react to the fact that my prof failed my paper WITHOUT EVEN READING IT

(we're still in love obvs bc ive had so many breakdowns about this over the weekend that theyve kinda fused into one long-winded breakdown just lemme have this my sanity is holding on by a thread and its getting thinner by the second)

jaal ama darav: would still not have this problem, but would let me cry into his chest tentacles and go to my university and cause a scene my guy

liam kosta: well guess what bitch we're having takeout and boba and comfort movies and SO MANY BLANKETS AND STRING LIGHTS

saren arterius: would have either bribed prof and/or uni so this would not happen, but if it DID happen theyve got another thing coming honey

thane krios: ok now he'll help. help me write long sentences and also intimidate the prof bc wow are you a dishonorable shitbag sweet chalupa jesus

zevran arainai: murder now? too late already did it you're welcome oh they already marked it failed in the system? no problem let me just [daggers the servers] now lemme smash

banck trevelyan: we are now having a mental breakdown together we're writing a new paper and it only says [prof is a whorechild] its very cathartic

dorian pavus: the audacity on this professor. runs them out of their job faster than they can say "failed"

jackie welles: ok now they're getting beat up within an inch of their life he said he'd catch a case if the prof didn't let me pass and they didn't so now he's gotta back his words up with action its really on the prof your honor

johnny silverhand: assuming the place had not been nuked prior to this event would do it then even if he told me to shut up, stop crying and cowgirl up earlier. (could also just mean you're too dumb for this degree shit. - well YEAH but they could've figured it out BEFORE im about to start my thesis paper thankyouverymuch)

goro takemura: that would mean that really, the arasaka goon he got to write my paper for me failed, so they're getting run out of their job so far they may as well just live in a cardboard box. also blackmail the prof

river ward: damn girl that sucks. need a hug? want me to run for another pizza? drive you to a different library? like tell me what you need and youll have but you'll need to tell me (river i dont KNOW what i need) damn girl that sucks. need another hug?

dorn il-khan: the sucker is so dead he'll find a way to get into lunia and kill them again bc obviously dying once wasn't enough for them to get their shit together

rasaad yn bashir: would go to the prof and just talk at them until they read the fucking paper

data: honestly would just download the grading guide and do it himself also add the fact i was failed without having been assessed into the profs file dont worry about it its fine

thranduil oropherion: bitch NOT ONLY did they assign THE QUEEN a paper they FAILED her?! lemme drag their ass to mordor ill drop their disgusting head into the firepits myself and it will not be attached to their body anymore

kim nam joon: damn girl that sucks. want me to check if there's a place you can report it to? because that doesn't sound normal. are we sure they're not on a power trip and you just got to deal with it? anyway we'll fix this together and you'll pass don't you worry about a thing

dustin bates: wow they FAILED you without doing their fucking WORK? [drops track about aint-shit opportunist bastards and capitalism commercializing education like bitch i paid 160€ in this assumed free education country for a degree the least you could do is do your fucking job]

the apocalypse dj: ["accidentally" backflips into the prof so they drop their notebook and it breaks wow looks like karma's a bitch huh]

[arlecchno]

5 hours of sleep squad …. i honestly dont know how well i sleep but today i had a dream and alhaitham and kaveh were in it (i only got to chat w haitham tho) i was in this gigantic ass library type thing and it looked so cool , the entire thing was made out of dark brown wood and it was so pretty (i actually had another dream where i was in the same building before where i was running errands around the “school” HAHAH) but yeah since it was a library / school type place i was obviously there to learn shiz and — this is the weird part — the lesson was on dreams !!!!!!! and like bro ?? are my dreams becoming self aware ? 😨 i thought the lesson was interesting but alhaitham tried to gaslight me into not liking it (an exaggeration , he just thought i was lying when i said it was interesting) i think he was supposed to be like ,,, a helper to me in the dream idfk it was funky as hell - sorry for going off on a tangent about my dream LMFAO

WHSJSJ fischl is my baby shes one of the first 4*s i got and i kinda relate to her on some level , i too love playing pretend , but mostly when i was younger id pretty much spend all my recess roleplaying with my friends . trying to imitate my favorite characters is a pastime ive always enjoyed , and it honestly makes me insanely happy when people say i kinda act like my faves (ig its smth i do subconsciously LOL) because its like “WAIT . THEY THINK IM LIKE THIS INSANELY COOL CHARACTER I LOVE WITH A BURNING PASSION ???? [inaudible screaming]” recently ive found myself a new genshin rp friend and . dude . id never have thought that playing as alhaitham would be so goddamn fun . screenies for funnies:

(making cynos joke was so much fun too so i included it)

bro i lost my mf 50/50 to jeAN on haithams banner - not even a diluc , tall men hate me ig LMAO and it really doesnt help that ive been drained as hell from school lately so ive been slacking w my fricking primo farming ;_;

YESS the fungi event was lovely but tbh … the entire event i was just yelling about how i wanted to see cyno HAHAHAH - i suffer with chronic writers block (/hj) so . like . [dead alex sound]

GREAT NEWS my injury has healed hooray !!

absolutely , escaping school is great , id probably go on more field trips if it didnt mean id have to do makeup work tbh , i hate doing makeup work .

DINGDINGDING ! YOU ARE CORRECT ! the region i was going for was indeed mondstadt ! aster (my oc) lives in mond and is originally from khaenriah , im glad i didnt draw in their face yet because their eyes wouldve totally given away the fact they were khaenriahn LOL

my week was honestly pretty busy (atleast to my tiny brains standards , i feel like you could also tell by how long it took me to send another ask 😭😭) i had two tests today (that i frickin ACED HAHA im so proud of myself) one of my friends and some guy i share a bunch of classes with also gave me pieces of their cotton candy and the guy told me good job for actually doing my work LMFAO (i usually fall asleep in that class … haha ,,) and one of my other friends complained about also wanting food so i called him friendless (even though i thought the guy who gave me a piece of cotton candy didnt like me so i dont think he counts as a friend ??) my friend also recently introduced me to a series they liked and now im practically obsessed because DELICIOUS . i also recently did heizous hangout quest and GODDAMN he - he is so . im so gay for this detective motherfucker i was practically screaming at my ipad … haha …… heizou is honestly so my type he has such a way with words and i DO NOT know why a lot of npcs / characters in game talk about him negatively how do people not like him - yeah but i also almost went on a full genshin lore tangent to my ipad because of my uncontrollable urge to explain things SMH . oh my god the part where heizou said that he wanted us to be his partner all the time and i just straight up actually screamed , yes heizou ill be your partner forever if yk what i mean - HAHAHAH i also made a collection of goofy genshin triangles on one of my friends old schoolwork in math class hehe

aaaanyways id like to return your question ! how have your recent days been ? and if you dont deem anything of note or dont want to share , if you could choose anyone in genshin to share a house / be roommates with who would you choose ? (since these are again two questions , if you want , fire back two as well !) also , dude i have a terrible habit of rambling like crazy , so i totally dont mind if you ramble and stuff in replies (because i do that wayy too much as well LOL)

— jellyfish

HELLOO TO YOU!!!! your dream sounds so funny LOL in the 2 years i've played genshin i've never had any genshin characters appear in my dreams,,, it's always boring ones that revolve around my life. but nevertheless your dream made me imagine how alhaitham would act around you 😭 and the way he tried to gaslight you LMAO he's so cute and goofy

haha i love how enthusiastic you are about fischl!!! we all have that one character that we have an undying love for to the point that everyone you know in life knows them (for me that'd be kazuha,, every time someone sees him it'd just remind them of me hehe)

THE RPS LMAO “i just find you rather annoying.” THAT'S SUCH AN ALHAITHAM THING TO SAY!!! also i'm pretty oblivious so this just made me realize that the denial is a river in egypt tiktok meme is also pointing out the fact that the nile. is a river. in egypt???? i just found out it's a wordplay thing???? denial (the nile)???? damn i really thought it's like a random word being thrown to make it seem exaggerated or something 😭😭😭 i'm really dumb LMAO how did i not figure that out sooner 🙁🙁🙁 the fact that i know the nile is a river in egypt is embarrassing too like it never occurred to me to piece the puzzles together...

man that sucks 😭😭 i remember when you messaged me on genshin talking about it LOL please humbly accept my offer of my c2 diluc to you,,, he's been in my hands far too long and i cannot fathom the fact that he keeps appearing in my 50/50's (tighnari pls come home i beg). i was on a 50/50 for haitham too and the very loud sigh of relief i let out when he finally came home is insane. i've basically farmed everything in the new area (i have 99% exploration progress now due to it) and have milked my welkin for him so i'm glad he actually came home... the things i'd do if diluc appeared in screen instead should be left unsaid 🤗

YAYY GLAD TO HEAR YOU'RE WELL NOW!!!

aster is such a badass name and the fact that they're originally from khaenriah???? awesome as hell. hope they're besties with kaeya because that would be totally legen... wait for it, dary!!!! (cue my love for barney in himym i just had to quote him)

also very glad to see that your week has been going okay!!! would love some cotton candy rn tbh they're so good </3

and heizou's hangout quest.... honestly same. i haven't exactly finished all of the endings but i've done some and it made me squeal and giggle every time he flirted with us 😭 made me feel like a total loser with his charming words bro i can't believe the npcs in game have such negative views on him because me personally if i was in the game, i'd immediately fold for him the second he breathes in front of me HAHA i'm . not weird at all.

my week has been slow actually, i finished my finals a while ago so we have nothing to do now so i've been doing absolutely nothing at school LOL! senior year is coming up soon so i might be more busy and focusing more on my studies... it's sure gonna be hell for me.

and recently i've been packing up my stuff because i'm moving out!! (hence why i haven't posted a new asphodelus chapter lol i've been so busy). it's been rather slow for me tho since i have a lot of stuff and it's kinda hard to choose the ones i'd have to throw or give away because like,, i love all of my stuff 😭 my mom has helped me with some but i still got a shit ton of stuff to declutter. basically everything is a mess rn

other than that, i think everything's been a-okay! i'm just reaally busy with irl stuff now but i think i can survive through them :D (i hope i do because i am one inch away from going insane). also my mom's been trying to convince me to drive lately since i'm supposed to start now but i have been avoiding it,,, it's scary being on the road and i am far from ready to risk my life 😔

as for your question, i think out of everyone, i'd choose kazuha. before you say anything, i'm trying to not be as biased as i can since like kazuha is my favourite character ever— but yeah, i think i can accept the terms of living with the kaedehara kazuha. he's such a nice guy and although he's a very very lightweight and behind all that charming looks he's a pretty scary guy himself (cue that scene where he threatened that treasure hoarder in the archon quest that he'd brand his forehead with hot iron) i think i could actually survive living with him. he'd do his set of chores, i'd do mine, everyone gets their happy ending. if i were to live with my other favs like kuni and alhaitham i think i would just die. kuni would be rude as fuck and alhaitham would just bully his way out from doing our shared chores. i cannot deal with them. (i'm sorry my sweethearts i'll do you two justice one day)

time to give a question to you!!! how's your progress in genshin going? (it can be exploration wise, storyline, anything) and what's your current main genshin team rn :0

hope you're having a great day!!! it was fun talking with you hehe i've been dying to get an ask since the blog has been real quiet lately, and i'm glad it's you! have a wonderful day ahead :P

[prideandpen]

not to be all boo-hoo my dad died and now i’ll never be happy again because like. obviously that’s not true. but like. im so fucking angry. if there was one good thing this year gave me it was the acceptance that I do still want to write to publish and make something of myself as an author and i had been intending on really trying to figure out how to make that happen and now? now I have been without a job since june when i left my shit retail job and been dragging my feet on finding a new one because i have been so incredibly fortunate enough to be able to live with parents who haven’t needed or expected me to put up rent

and i really thought that maybe 2023 was going to be my year, because it couldn’t possibly be worse than the bullshit ive been through this year. and now my dad is dead. and not only is that so painful because of all the things I probably should have done differently and because his doctors basically killed him by being careless and negligent and not very good people doctors but also because even with my brother moving back in im really going to have to try and find my footing again in a job im all but guaranteed to hate and struggle in which will no doubt wreck my energy and ability to create.

i really thought for a while that maybe I was finally getting closer to being happy. like generally as a whole happy - like with my life instead of good moments and good times in the midst of everything being a struggle. i thought i was going to find my way. thought that in six months I’ll be thirty and finally fucking free of my twenties and it’s got to get better, right? because i’ve been trying and putting in the work to get better and be better. and the last ten years have been such a constant challenge and now i have to turn 30 without my Dad. how can i be excited to move on to the next part of my life, the part that I thought was going to be progress and movement and finally finding the light at the end of a very long tunnel. it’s such a fucking joke like. am i just not supposed to be happy in this lifetime? is that it? i exist to keep the peace and slog through and enjoy nothing but moments and things and never find contentment? i’ll do it but it’s so fucking ridiculous any time i ever start feeling like maybe there’s a chance for me, maybe i can do it, other people get to be happy, get to be content, get to be someone or make something of their lives i am proven wrong.

my journals have years worth of entries that end with the determination to be hopeful that slowly achingly slowly morphed into the decision to believe rather than just hope. and i just don’t see the point any more when all it ever gets me is a new hole to dig myself out of

i don’t know what im doing with my life. i never have. and now it’s like life is just doing away with me because i couldn’t figure it out in time. just gonna shuffle me away into the corner somewhere to let me gather dust like a forgotten project. Even if I do somehow figure out now it’s always going to be a little bitter

[cielospeaks]

meme from online here

more info:

2015: my boy severin! <3 weird little undertaker of my heart. i also love jojo so i daresay my art is both 1. finding a more "me" style and 2. improving.

2016: good art vibes continue as i discovered loid this year! also more gijinkas! the lovely and wonderful maddy, jellie, and pamela! <3

2017: this year was fun bc i wanted to draw a mokouzart every moth and for the most part succeeded. my art was wonky and bad proportions but i was having fun and thats the most important thing imo

2018: my art was still bad proportions but i was starting to get more self conscious abt it. art school does that to a guy -weary emoji face- but dont be concerned there was still a lot of heart and i was getting more into storytelling in fics. hence the kasulaeg good stuff.

2019: this was def a weird time for me artwise- somehow i wasnt satisfied with how anything looked most of the time. i think just lifewise weird stuff happened too so it was really a time of change. also my art self esteem had been damaged pretty badly from art college and mobile game fans online (you know who you are). this one of rosa and kasumi is really goated tho, probably the last time ive been really happy for and actively cheering on the c y l winners. (tho i am happy for chrom/tiki/robin/corn tbh)

2020: this year was kinda me trying to get my groove back tbh. socially stuff had happened too (in 2019) but weirdly this was a big time for self discovery for me. during the job lockdown i was able to binge d q 11 and realized how fun games and fantasy anime genre has the potential to be. and i made a new friend! this treblesal is actually a redraw but i love their faces in this the best <3

2021: this year was where i felt like my groove was finally returned. minor setback of a computer crash in january aside, i started a series of an-allegroface-a-week and it was actually really fun and satisfying. in oct there was this platonic fave month which was so much fun. <3 sevil and kisumi are one of the awesome results of it! (not the brotp but the artwork)

2022: i feel like this was such a big year bc of n w h but thats just silly. but at the same time its kinda true lol. my creative kick for aime tachi was back, along with a need to go to d l and a sense of right and wrong which had been tested over the years. sure its gotten me nothing but trouble but im still a bit glad for it. i also decided to get creative w shading and pencils, and found that thin pens work a lot better for antonio's luscious locks. and that meant a very cool trebletonio drawing for his character day! <3

2023: 2023 had a lot of good content imo, it was hard to choose just one. but its gotta be the monty one man. i spent the whole year working on it no joke. more weird stuff happened last year but i do think i made steps to improving at art. that being said i have more unfinished artworks than schubert has unfinished symphonies (thats not saying much. he has one.)

2024: this year is only halfway done and so far ive drawn some things(tm). but i had to give it to mokouzart, i love these little freaks so much. notably this year ive started drawing the shines in characters' eyes? i like drawing them w the quote unquote dead eyes but its nice trying this too.

[gooogigi]

may twenty second, two thousand and four

Under the Skin (dir. Johnathan Glazer, D.P. Daniel Landin), 2013

my brain is incapable of many processes. one of which being an ability to share emotions as i feel them. was recently informed by my coworker that this might mean i have a "disorganized" attachement style? to me, it just seems like i learned to move through the world by means of suppression, otherwise known as being an adult.

regardless of my emotional aptitude, i seem to be reaching a simmering point. Not destructive boiling, but my pysche blows steams and softly bubbles, with no real end to the slow accumulation of psyichic heat in sight.

in short, im fucking depressed. not as a feeling but as a state. it's a state ive lived with for a while. I thought it was normal to not want to get up in the morning. i think it is, only for things you don't want to do, not an every day thing. my mind, afraid of what stopping might mean, runs a self-fueling engine of thought and emotional viscera. it is so hard to sleep, and it has been hard for years. my mother, god bless her, haunted by the same phantom-psyche that follows her every waking moment.

im returning to this site for a couple for reasons: one, the nostalgia of sharing with the world in this way, anonymous yet unflinching. without a care of what will happen to these thoughts once i post. it is also an exercise in attempting to put words to feelings as they appear. lastly, this site is pretty dead. My friends never use this. I'm journaling in an internet graveyard, and it feels nice to be back here. to remember the person i was when i was figuring myslef out at 16.

i am sorry to report that, at 28, i am still figuring myself out. i fear i never will. i guess i should explore what figuring myself out means. at times i think i'm engaging in a form of self-stockholm: holding myself hostage to ideas of what life should look like, and falling in love with the fallacy of fulfilling this prophecy. i met adam at my orgy situation, and he said he was a porn producer. he pays his own rent (allegedly) to live in the same neighborhood i was graced by the city of new york to be able to afford. what's stopping me from directing some porn, and maybe doing the same? It's obvious the film and art world do not view me seriously, and would rather wait until i'm one foot in the grave until any contribution is taken seriously. and it's not that i feel as if ive made any major contribution to the aforementioned fields, but just that the side glances, the uninterested smiles, the "yeah lets meet sometimes", the "we're sorry to inform you's" they each hurt a little, and in this short life i have accumulated so much rejection it should be astounding i've found a way to give my life any meaning at all.

so how does my life have any meaning, and in turn, have any reason worth living? well, for starters, the yes's ive received, have been enough, i guess. In the past four years ive lived astounding emotional lows, almost at post-australia levels. i have been able toi come up for air because of the forces outside of myself that make life better, nto worse: i got an apartment i can afford in a nice neighborhood, i have a residency, I have an exhibition here and there, i have a job. i don't have friends in my vicinity, and at times ostracize myself form them, but the times i do manage to be with other people has been nice. but in recent moments these yeses have exhibited precarity: theres ways for my building to remove my stabilized rate, my job has had a slow season and it's clear i am first on the chopping block, i have a studio im too tired to use, and no opportunities to at least force me to work.

also, i miss my emotionally irregulated ex. more on this later im sure.

I could probably live better if i just let go of any idea of what i thought life would be, but my idea of what life could be is what saved me the first time. but i think im running myself into the ground trying to be someone i cant. I can only do the best with the life that has been presented to me. i cant tell if this makes life more or less worth living.

[solardick]

Card И. The next step is equaleving it to the & card. As it stands for the same letter. As and. The addition.

And it looks like they captured the last episode and externalized it as someone else. Stilled smoked half a pack though. Because i’m a dumbass but, that’ll never change. And that also showed that am i not alone in the way i react to. BS. Though on a small scale for my level of experience to causes.

Though i also found it curious about the И card image i used resembles the letter & to a high degree. No? I think so.

Naw, starting to not like russia. Chechen and the letter X. Becomes a general. In his prime. Good bye child, good graces to you.

My advancements on the tarot have been, suppressed by something else. Lately.

Kind of just want the calm before the storm. Its a quiet. Sombering. Well, heres the outcome of all those years conditioning. Disease.

Thats where ive been, grew out from it.

Oh, wise one i bow. The special forces are an A. Though, there’s this queer moment. For the letter V of an image of a feminine body gracing the subject with water. As strength is in truth. Read it from wiki. Must be true.

But as we explore and i’m given new information. One finds a window to the exclusive. And where that strings leads.

“The unit i, also known as imaginary number i, represents the value of the square root of -1 and part of the number system called imaginary numbers. An imaginary number is the value of the square root of a negative number. The numbers are not fake just simply have no place on the number line like real numbers.”

At any rate. Going yo resign from being a part of the health and safety comity. Can’t do it. Not if i have to come home and be alone. I can’t function. I’ll just drift from any responsibilities and not have a head in the game. And with Pluto moving in. Knowing i don’t own my own life. Just gonna fuck it all up anyway. As soon as i open that door. Its silence. Nothing else. No words. No sound. No movement. The same as its been all my life. Even when coming home to house full of assholes. Never been any communication at home. Bever will be.

As for the present time. I can sit there and game for 16 straight hours or sit behind my phone. And let words speak for themselves. It’s not like anyone has ever had anything to say to me anyway.

Fucken stupid fucken country abd stupid fuckrn healthcare systwm. Fuck you. Dont call me at work. I cant answer. Called bavk after work. No sound. A dead line. Well i tried. Leave the infection to fuck my insides. After 3:30 or on the weekend. Whem? Monda6 fucken morning. Thats ehen. Its bad enough. Im not even allowed to go t o a clinic.

Hello operator from anoyher country. That has a hard time soeaking my fucken language. Fuck you.

Maybe it’ll get so bad that i’ll have to go get surgery and waste a hundreb thousand dollars instead of a 20$ bottle or anti biotics instead. Sounds like aplan. Fuck i hate canada.

Ivr done a couple hours on duo-lingo. Think im qualified enough to get a job working for the russian helarhcare system behind a phone.

They are so fucken with me. Fourth call…. Hello do uou speak french. Not functionalyl enough to describe anything. Ok. Give me your number my colleage will get back to you. Its fun spendign an entire lifetime being fucked with. 39 tears and counting. They’re never going to stop.

Hello suicide. Welcome back. Whats up buddy. My longest known friend.

Cheers to tyranny. Theres more of it than not. Always was. Always will be. Well go to the hospital wait in the E.rmR for another 13 hours. For them to tell me to come back another day. Pray. I cant go through the proper channels.

Get me out of this horrorscope prison cell you’ve put me in.

I dont want to pay for health insurance anymore. All i get is the opposite. If i cant even get my rights fulfilled. Image trying to do a privilege.

Its like driving is a privilege. That i have to pay for even if i don’t drive.

Though i can smoke, cigs and pot, and game and watch tv buy alcohol. No problem. Its handled with curtesy and a smile. I even have a guy, that will give me methadetamines. For free! Wow. Not that i’ll do it willingly. Doesnt mean i havent been drugged with them. To make me unstable. Went to go get a cup of coffee. Recently. They put speed in it. I expect canada to make that legal soon too.

As for the health and safety comity, that i got roped in applying for. I declined it. Everytime i did that as a kid. People did it anyway. And i got shot in for it. So nope. Not with pluto moving in on it.

The world is designed for people wirh engeneered stress disorders. To get fucked by life. I do t look forward to the day wheb im completly dependant in the health care system. When im old. Holy fick.

Fifth call. From an unknown number. Hi, my colleage didnt soeak french yesterday. So we’re calling to be evil degenerate fuckers of humanity and rub in as much as we can. While tour supposed to be at work where you have zero reception. And cant take calls. Told her to suck to evil out of my ass.

Well since im goign to be waitingn here for anothe r ten hours. Go smoke some smokes. Study russain if the drowsiness doesnt go away.

Too bad the words for “bad language” or “abuse” is seemingly identical to “Mother”. Being мат and мать. I cant tell the difference. Being being explained that ь succeeding the previous letter combines them to a y sound. And yet. Listenign to audio recordings of both мат & мать. They sound the same.

These are what you’re looking for. The differnece for here at the moment is passive abuse versus active abuse. Is there a difference? There is. One gets away with it and the other doesnt. Because we’ll bred to be passive and receptive. The same go for the abuse. It wasnt eliminated just changed gender. It safer to abuse people with passivity than activity. They’re no consequemces involved.

Looking for things like this. When it comes to the power of symbols. And attached meaning. As for the russian to english equates abuse with the mother. Beign abused by “caretaker” “authorities”. Or abusing the mother. And not by the mother. And these cockskrs here fucken with me.

Im not allowed to have a non-abusive mothet. Or father. Or sibblings. Doesnt matter. Its all мат to me. But one continues on with the passivity until the other explodes or implodes. Or kills themsleves. Somehow. And vents out the frustration. And then you go active abuse. Beat them down for callign you out. Thats life.

Other than that. The A-fool should be feminine. And the E fool masculine. All life starts with the feminine. And the play on words. Like beauty vs booty. They sound similar. Amd yet not at all different. A booty is beauty. And eau brings it all back to the caressing of the mother and the lion. Other wise we have two male fools each besides the devil card and associations to carnality. Which works beautifully. Because. An upside down A. Represents inclusion. A one for all. But doesn’t add them. As a sum total. Because it’s all about the individual. At this point. Which is fitting also for eau is litterally to word for water in french. But we’ee trying to be ignorant like most of these other fuckers. And detach the tarot script from its perversion of its designed rape of mankind.

For example. This little girl is being repeatative about calling out for daddy, dah, dah! Da dah da da. I put my book down. Look her right in the eyes. Gave her the attention she was missing with a detached/attached sense of silence. And she quieted down completely. Little girls are like that with me. They reach out and call me daddy. The breeding ones. Do nothing about abuse me. And the older ones are usually super chill.

And i come back in and the guy that was beside me is gone and a woman took his place. Both of is chewing on jerky.

It’s interesting that the russian letters change their pronunciation as another letter when it comes to them being placed to hard and soft consonants or at the beginning of a word to the end of a word. D turns into k. V turns into F. This seems like a fun area to explore the use of imaginary/complex numbers and bridging them to the real. If i understand that right. Theres not much difference between the russian words for water and vodka. And vodka is supposedly pronounced as votka. Wheres as the D changes form to a T.

Hey look, my conscience is back and the fear of reprimand. But, you know what? Y’all right. I don’t need one.

The tragedy of the baltimore bridge collapse happened at the same time as health service canada called. While not being able to respond. Down in the water. People died. But only the construction workers minding they’te own bussiness. But save for there not beign andingle car on the bridge because authorities where given a warning. They just left six people on the bridge anyway? Yeah ok.

Checked my phone. That be 10 calls to or from the gap. With nothing. A dead line and bs.

Well thee goes three hundred dollar cause im not allowed to go to a clinic.

That was a waste of everyones time. Sorry wewont help you. Come nack when your dying.

Well time to go home and chain smoke.

Does it hurt? Sometimes. But since there aint any pain receptors there. You dont feel much at all. Do you have reason to beleive its an std? What?! Ive been single for twenty years. (She gave a suppressed gasp of astonishment)( i know im super sexy and all) women give me fuck me eyes all the time. If their not trying to fuck me over. If i habe an std its because someone purposfukly gave me one.

Sorry im going to touvhc your prostate. You may feel uncomfortable…… ok. Whatever. That’s my prostate? Feels like every other partof my ass. (Uncomforatble. And raw. And like its infected. Goes with the stages of the moon. Like an infection does) People say that feels good? Know what feels good. Taking a huge shit. After youve been holding in it all day. Am i right?!

Oh Ну, ar leat i learned soem russian grammar while waiting these last ten hours. Djould hav eyet to the pot store first. Now its closed. Maybe i’ll

Find a big roach in the ground. Well if all the children didnt get to them first.

It’ll go away on its own. Its been over a month. Yeah sometimes it takes longer. Ok then. Probably something i got drugged with.

An dnow its time to wait for my jailers to mentioned exactly what i told to nurse today. And then ill punch them in the nose as hard as i can. Still need to get my hunting permit for a quick painless way out.

Wahts it mean when you find a dead goffer before spring? That sunmer isnt gonna come at all? Can. You imagine everyday being fall? Wakenup in the morning put on a winter coat fo home in the evening wearing shorts and a wife beater. There

hasnt been a winter. This year. Its perma fall.

Well its 1 am. Got to get ul in four hours. Guess im not going to work. All i can feel is the sicknessnin my ass. And even agter going to the hospital. I walk out. Not knowing any better than i did. Not having a diagnosis. And a cheap quicky look. I fucken hate life.