#also hi . i got suddenly super busy so idk if ill be able to get to those event starters

[thelittleststarr]

What happened to the tumblr format i'm scared

[swimfuel]

okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut

i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)

general status quo stuff:

signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home

he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough

his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw

the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat

they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa

they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age

kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine

(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)

and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way

they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly

karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house

i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat

but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach

and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns

and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration

i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits

kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)

karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.

i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]

the Blood rant:

i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together

i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]

OKAY wow that got tangential anyways

SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:

kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years

another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children

okay so here's more status quo stuff:

the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)

the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young

the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town

the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots

the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though

the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by

feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life

so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while—mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)

it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)

in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady

kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons

meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her

okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well

he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter

kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step

hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself

so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake

GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all

more little details:

vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad

karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school

jade is one of nepeta's best online friends

sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it

the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa

kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not

karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep

and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:

signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters

nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away

the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out

more random hcs this time with kids:

kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals

also nepeta + jade online besties

also bec can inexplicably still teleport

the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell

actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things

aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting

meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread

[wanna1things]

Soulmate!Park Woojin

haha i lov him my first born son, my illness friend, my bab

Genre;; fluff + uhh college!au,, soulmate!au, musical...theatre!au??, graduation!au at the end?????? is that a thing really i don’t knoww

Warnings;; mentioning of like an alternative version of park woojin’s dark past,, that damn dark past…. I had to warn you

Pairing;; Park Woojin x reader

Requested;; no ho ho ho i’m writing this so this account doesn’t die ++ this is also kind of for the anon who asked me to make the soulmate thing into a series sorry i never replied lol but im in a park woojin mood so woojin comes next

Soulmate AU Type;; soulmates experience the same illnesses at the same time until they get in a relationship together (?? is that the right way to put it idk) + soulmates are confirmed by a flash of light when you touch for the first time after you start dating

Summary;; Your best friend Woojin is alway sick when you are sick. You brush it off as being because you spend pretty much every second of every day with him, but maybe it’s something more...

Style;; bullet point

Word Count;; 1796

Also in this series;; Daniel | Jihoon  | Jinyoung | Minhyun

don’t tell anyone the idea from this came from this amazingly fun fact;; woojin is 2 months and 27 days younger than me AND he got shingles EXACTLY the same time in his lifetime as me; so 2 months and 27 days after me; so he is my illness amigo

you and woojin basically grew up together

from the moment his family moved in next door to you you’ve been best friends

i mean the friendship started in a very… different way

you used to hear him singing and dancing in his backyard

and you sang back at the top of your lungs in a desperate attempt to start a conversation lol

when you were in middle school you two used to write your own little musicals and perform them for your families

they weren’t particularly uhh technical?? but they were adorable and your families loved it

there’s so many embarrassing videos of those musicals dfjshdf

when you and woojin both caught chickenpox at the exact same time and were confined to your homes

both of your parents winked at each other

they had the idea that y’all were soulmates because duh that’s how soulmates work

as middle school and high school went on you both always had colds at the same time, you got appendicitis within days of each other and you both had your tonsils out on consecutive days

you brushed it off as it just being a coincidence because ;; well;; you were together 24/7 of course you’d get sick at the exact same times you basically had the same germs

you both got closer and closer until you were pretty much inseparable, people either assumed you were dating or that you were brother and sister tbh you two always used to say you were twins to fool people lol

nobody ever really fell for it though

in your last year of high school, both you and woojin started to date people

most of your other friends had all found their soulmates and honestly

as much as you loved being with woojin you were pretty sure you both needed to start having a look for your soulmates

every time you saw woojin with his girlfriend, something ached in your heart that you couldn’t put your finger on

you just chalked it up to you being a bit jealous that you couldn’t be around your best friend as much, nothing more

little did you know woojin felt the same whenever he saw you with your boyfriends

he knew exactly what it was though, he’d had a crush on you since like;; lol middle school

maybe even since he heard that terrible singing response

but he thought you obviously didn’t reciprocate this since you wanted to look for your soulmate so he just;; did the same as you

and there was like a one in 7 billion chance that y’all would be soulmates anyway, so he looked for his own

but he’d never keep a girlfriend for too long, either because they noticed how he only had eyes for you or woojin just felt bad leading them on

you two still spent time together though

every week you made time for a movie night and sleepover

you’d just turn up in each other’s houses, basically addressing each other’s parents as mum and dad too

your parents could both see there were some unspoken feelings between you two but they just let you sort it out between yourselves

when you started to apply for colleges you made sure to apply to the same ones, or ones close to each other

both you and woojin wanted to major in music/dance and drama

which everyone thought was adorable because of y’know those musicals

but both of you still tried your hardest to forget that

SPOILER ALERT

you both got accepted on the same course at the same prestigious performing arts college

you stayed best friends the whole way through college, taking the same classes the whole way through

also since you went to college there was some sort of unwritten agreement not to date people?? like you couldn’t explain it but you didn’t really want to search for your soulmate anymore (you don’t NEED to search he right here!!!)

halfway through your course your college did a rendition of romeo and juliet

OF COURSE you and woojin went for romeo and juliet i mean (cliche) OF COURSE you both get it too

aaaaaaaaaaah you both conveniently forgot about the kissing scenes

but being actors who must rise above™ you both just agree to deal with the kiss

UMMMM sike you totally did not deal with the kiss

that night you literally fell over just thinking about kissing woojin

did i forget to mention that since the middle of the last year of high school you realised god

you have a bIG crush on mr park

big is an understatement actually gosh

just the thought of kissing your crush made your heart rush 9999 miles per hour but NO you have to be a mature actor

after your little heart attack session you get to learning the lines

you and woojin are doing not the traditional romeo and juliet but a kind of revamped version, a bit like west side story orrr the romeo and juliet film with leonardo di caprio

basically its modern day and with like gangs and stuff rather than families??

AND IT’S CALLED ROMEO AND JULES YES

and in this woojin is a mafia boss’ son lol

the first time you walk into the rehearsal you see woojin standing at the front of the stage in this fancy ass suit with a silk red shirt under and you almost like;; have a nosebleed

“y/n, are you okay??? you’ve been staring for like the past 3 minutes lol”

you realised you’ve been staring a BIT (a lot) too long and go and join him onstage to rehearse

SKIP to 2 weeks before the performance

it comes the time when you have to;; practice the kissing scene;;

you managed to negotiate with the director that there only be one kissing scene because otherwise your poor heart wouldn’t be able to handle it

as you run through the lines the;; kiss;; is getting;;; closer and closer;;; aaaa

woojin suddenly held your face in his hand like he was cradling something precious

OOOOOF here it comes

“Jules, I am more sure than anything that we were put on this earth to find each other.”

he smiled one of those like really cute smiles he does you know where it shows off his ADORABLE snaggletooth

and then he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours

and you swear to god it was like your heart stopped

as it was going on your brain was basically scrEECHING ok yOU LOVE PARK WOOJIN OHHHH MY GOD

when the scene was over you both wandered back to your rooms with a permanent blush comPLETELY lovestruck

until you both woke up the next morning with throat infections

you stayed in bed until the afternoon when you went to pick up your phone to ring woojin and complain like god this guy got you ill AGAIN

when you see you have an incoming call from woojin

“y/n!!! why did you not tell me you had a throat infection omg you better hope this is gone in 2 weeks because i canNOT perform with my throat like this”

“woojin... i did not have a throat infection before this you dummy it’s your fault i bet its because you decided to stay up playing cooking mama or something until like 5 am yesterday”

“MAYBE I DID BUT THAT’S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS”

woojin hangs up almost immediately because it’s just hit him

you and him both got sick at the exact same time okay

your parents were right you really were soulmates

SO, he rises out of his bed and brainstorms a confession plan

and he decides that at the end of the performance of romeo and jules he’ll reveal his love lol

luckily you both recover in time to do the show but you don’t have time to rehearse the kissing scene

which you’re really thankful for because you don’t know how much more your heart can take

on the night of the play you both share a hug backstage before going on

and you convince each other not to be anxious

it’s just like one of your musicals from when you were younger

both of your parents are in the audience too

the performance starts and it goes like super well

the dance sections are amazing and woojin’s dancing is so like… beautiful you almost forget your lines lol

the kiss scene actually goes surprisingly well

but halfway through you hear your parents and woojin’s little sister go ‘oo’ and wolf whistle lmaoooo

which makes you both blush and fumble a little bit

in the ending scene where you and woojin die because of a hit put out by the mafia boss

there is a whole ass STANDING OVATION

you and woojin are really shocked but you hold hands and smile widely at each other because like this was your dream since you were kids??

and woojin is just staring at you because god you looked so happy in that moment it was like you were glowing shfdsj boys so lovestruck n WHIPPED

as you go backstage you and woojin are just talking and in total shock about the whole thing

“listen woojin i can’t believe it went down so well like did you hear those cheers?? oh my god!!!”

“haha yeah did you hear both of our parents and my sister when the kiss scene happened i was so embarrassed”

“oh my god woojin why did we even invite them honestly i wanted to go and hide in a whole-”

“y/n will you go out with me?”

“honestly when i heard them i felt like i was going to die - wait what? are you serious?”

you look at woojin and you realise he is like… deadly serious

“well duh i am”

“oh darn okay then yeah uhhhh yeah i’ll go out with you??”

he holds your hand tightly and there’s a sudden like flash of light

and woojin just whispers

“i knew it, i’ve known it for years”

and you smile and lean forward to kiss him because god

are you pleased that your best friend and the person you have loved for years is your soulmate

and of course your parents are pleased because damn that 6th sense was CORRECT

UHH BONUS

when y’all graduate obviously top of the class

you make a wonderful plan

to dig up your dark past together

and at graduation you recreate one of the first musicals you did as kids

it goes down so well and the whole class just cheers and screams and cringes along with the hilariously terrible and childish storyline

and basically it’s the damn cutest thing yes

i take that back YOU TWO are the damn cutest thing

ok im going to sleep now uh enjoy this and i’ll do the other members uhh SOON

[mugoki]

[ 5 March — 14 March, 2021 ]

1K Pages Readathon wrap-up

Here are all the books i read for #1kpagesmarch challenge! 💗

Total pages read: 1104 / 1000 (if my math is correct)

Here are my book reviews:

The Old King in His Exile (2017) by Arno Geiger

Arno Geiger tell in great detail of his father's slow change into dementia, how his strange behavior and mannerism suddenly isn't made to fit in their everyday life, as if he'd been put in exile. But also of his father's childhood, in a way to explain the new ideas and needs the illness put in the old man's head. Beautiful story of a man struggling to chase his memories as the world around turn stranger. 180 pages 🌟 4/5 stars

- - - - -

Diary (1956) by Olof Lagercrantz

Went into this book blind, don't think i've read this author's books before. Idk, i couldn't get into it. The text doesn't feel 100% genuine, feels written specifically for an audience instead of personal journal and even if the language is poetic - is like uninteresting smalltalk. Olof lives near a graveyard, and when he isn't thinking deeply about death and life, he mention cute women he has seen during the day. I dropped this book at 55 pages read (out of 159 pages), giving it 1/5 stars 🌟

- - - - -

111 Ways to Save the Planet (2019) by Jonna Karvonen and Marie Schjulström

111 listed ways to save the environment as a single human being! First the book tell of the bigger picture, if each person change their old ways and educate, we are bound to make a difference. If not for everyone else, at least do it for the animals.

I haven't read much environmental books but after some severe signs of our dying earth lately, i felt i wanted to do something but had no idea what. Found myself incredibly inspired by this book! Many of the points speaks to different kind of people: like the regular joe or the broke student or the business owner or a parent. Like the book have something that everyone can do within their own restrictions and boundaries.

I used post-its to remember a few points that spoke to me. 92 pages and 5/5 stars 🌟

- - - - -

Aniara (1956) by Harry Martinson

Tried reading this sci-fi novel after watching a super interesting youtube movie review, but the language of the book made me too impatient to continue. The concept sound insanely good though! The spaceship Aniara on its way to Mars suddenly end up off course and hover indefinitely waiting for an asteroid to help turn them back, but as the years go by, the passengers grow more desperate and crazier.

When reached chapter 15 (out of 200) i felt frustrated, like "i can't go on like this". Got myself through only 32 pages out 188 pages before calling it quits. 2/5 stars 🌟

- - - - -

Homework (1989) by various authors*

Anthology short stories about childhood school memories from early 1910s up to 1960s. Very interesting how school looked, worked and felt like during those days - more god praising and physical punishment than i far expected. But every story had something i enjoyed reading. 223 pages, 4/5 stars 🌟

*Bengt Anderberg, Mats Arvidsson, Sun Axelsson, Jonas Gardell, Lotten Gustafsson, Staffan Göthe, Cecilia Hagen, P. C. Jersild, Nina Lekander, Bodil Malmsten, Agneta Pleijel, Margareta Strömstedt, Maarja Talgre, Karl Vennberg, Claire Wikholm, Herta Wirén and Pia Zandelin. Editor: Lena Persson.

- - - - -

Desperate Characters (1970) by Paula Fox

Sophie and Otto are a married couple in their 40s. She is a bit naive or at least timid while he is cynical and bad at showing emotions.

Sophie gets bitten pretty severely by a wild cat, and for some reason she doesn't want medical attention. I think it's because the bite is the most exciting thing happening to her life since forever, or maybe she just doesn't want to be a bother? So she let it become infected spreading up her arm, but with the pain, her personality changes from being someone passive - to being able to argue, angry and be loud.

Meanwhile Otto has a problem of his own. His longtime business partner and friend Charlie has decided to start his own lawyer company. Charlie manipulate their customers to turn their back on Otto and join his new company. At first Otto is very cold about this, as if he doesn't care but as the story progresses he slowly open up how betrayed and hurt he feels about the whole ordeal.

Other stuff happen in between, memories of when Sophie had a secret romance with someone else, their house get vandalized, they go to dinner parties.

All the other characters speak in this weird similiar manner btw - they hold monologues about something that leads to another topic that leads to another, then back to the first one. It reminds me of the theater somehow. 182 pages and 3/5 stars 🌟

- - - - -

It is Strange Nowadays (2009) by Karin Flygare

Birgitta cares for her mother who slowly succumbing to dementia. It's ugly and tragic and frustrating, but also beautiful. When suddenly becoming a mother for her own mother, Birgitta finds herself struggling to maintain her own identity and life to care for a woman who is rude, reluctant and downright bothersome towards her with constant need for attention. I quote "Even though i'm worried, i'm angry over the fact that she's ruining my day." and i can't help feeling frustrated with her. Every waking moment, always calling, taking care of everything and still get no recognition. But also a child's love for their parent, staying through everything despite getting hurt. I can relate so much with my own life situation.

I know this is fiction but it all sounds so realistic, and even the care-home process feel well researched. At one point, the agent of a low quality home tries to sign themselves as their legal guardian for her mother, but luckily she is quick to notice and makes herself present. Good job! Also, good book! 207 pages and 5/5 stars 🌟

- - - - -

The Sea-man (2012) by Carl-John Wallgren

A big sister witness how some guys at school drench a cat in gasoline and sets it on fire, killing it. This leads to the bullies to daily harass her little brother who has slight intellectual disability. One day they get jumped, the brother is forced to eat dirt and the big sister get a branch shoved up her rear (no joke, wtf). Then another classmate shows up and bargain to leave them alone in exchange for something. The bullies want $100. The big sister and classmate start stealing clothes from shops to resell them. I only read to page 106 out of 287, when the sea creature finally gave an appearance. But by then they had already payed the bullies and gotten rid of the conflict. I felt exhausted and unmotivated to continue. 1/5 stars

- - - - -

In the Grip of the Lindworm (2014) by Hans Ohlsson

One of many horror stories from his novel collection called Stranger, Intruder. The story tells of a grandfather taking his granddaughter on a three day hike through mountains and forest, as a pick-me-up after a recent accident took both her parents. She is bitten by a snake during her pee break and start getting really sick. We feel stressed with grandfather as he tries to find help before it's too late. It's based on a Swedish mythological creature called Lindworm, which could bring both luck or misfourtune. Never heard of it causing illness but wish he would have filled in some info instead of relying on the reader to automatically know. I'm definitely going to continue reading this collection though! 4/5 stars and 27 pages 🌟