#also he is truly andy's son like why is it so hard to find images of him smiling 😭😭😭😭

[faeryaesther]

Jack Draper requested @songganna ☆

[buckyownsmylife]

sunlight sunset - andy barber smut

The one where Andy throws you a baby shower and you thank him after.

Warnings: smut (p in v), masturbation (f), dirty talk, probably a little bit of daddy kink, pregnancy, the misconstruct of gender that I tried to avoid by referring to biological sex only, curse words, dirty talk

A/N: this was requested by 🤰 anon and it turned out to be much fluffier than any smut I’d ever written previously. Also, I ended up changing the idea of the reader’s “thank you”, I don’t really know why,  but I just figured Andy would be in really soft mindset after a baby shower 🤷��♀️ Also, this is sort of a part two to this fic

Andy’s P.O.V.

“Shh, everyone! I think I hear her!” All around me, the sound of conversation suddenly dulled, people trying to make themselves smaller to fit behind furniture or walls and I had to cough to hide a laugh, but truly, it was just sweet. There weren’t many people in my apartment, Y/N didn’t have a lot of friends she cared enough to let them be a part of her pregnancy, and I still hadn’t managed to get her father to accept the idea of his baby girl having a baby, but at least her mom was here and Jacob was too.

“Do you think she’ll like it?” My son asked me, fingers absentmindedly playing with a blue balloon while his eyes remained trained on the door, waiting for her to burst through. I knew he was hoping for a little boy, someone he could help shape and not worry about, but I was rooting for a baby girl despite not having the guts to admit it to my girlfriend. I could just perfectly see it, me and her, raising this little version of her together, and she’d be loud and opinionated and the best parts of both of us and I just loved her already. 

I knew it was a girl. I just knew it. I felt it deep in my gut, every night when I talked to Y/N’s still barely-there belly. But I let her and Jacob believe it was a boy. That was just something I kept to myself and my unborn child, the secret that would come out tonight.

“I sure hope so,” I muttered, trying to look unworried but probably failing. It’s just, Y/N had been having such a hard time lately, between telling her parents about the pregnancy, moving in with me, telling Jacob and her friends and it was just a whirlwind of emotions for us both, but of course, it hit her harder than me. She was the one dealing with the body changes and the misconceptions that people had about the nature of our relationship. I just wanted this one experience to show her how this pregnancy wasn’t all stress and tears.

But of course, I should have known better.

“Surprise!” Everyone shouted when the door opened, a surprised Y/N covering her mouth as she took in the balloons, her friends, the cake and me. And then, as if on cue, she burst into tears.

I shouldn’t have expected any different, really. After the first initial shock wore off, I found myself chuckling as I beckoned my sobbing girlfriend into my arms, delighted to have her warm body to squeeze again.

“Baby, don’t cry… This is supposed to be a nice thing!” It only made her cry harder, clutching at my shirt as I couldn’t control my amusement, trying to get her to separate from me just enough so I could cradle her face.

“It is nice! It’s so nice… I don’t deserve you, Andy.” The thought was so absurd to me that a fucking snort came out as I grazed her cheekbones with my thumbs. God, she was beautiful. And mine. All mine.

“Oh, please, sweetheart. If anything, I’m the one who’s unworthy of you.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

The utter stupidity of the statement had me gasping, and then promptly slapping one of the arms with which he was holding me. “Don’t be an idiot. You’re too intelligent for that.” That earned me one of those hearty laughters that started from the depths of his chest and that warmed me to my very core, leaving my face burning. God, how I loved this man. And how I loved to be the reason for his laughter.

“C’mon, princess. Let’s open that envelope. I’m dying to know what we’re expecting.” Oh, right. As if on cue, my hands started sweating and my heartbeat picked up, the anxiety about knowing our child’s biological sex finally hitting. I was hoping for a boy, but I knew he wanted a girl. As much as he tried to hide it, I could just read right through his expectant face.

With shaky hands, I reached into my purse and pulled out the little red envelope that the doctor had given me. At first, I thought it was weird that Andy had decided to skip this one appointment, since he was so enthusiastic about being a part of everything, but now, as I stared at the balloon and the familiar faces of my friends, it made sense.

“Can I open it?” He asked, almost too quietly, large palm turned up as he waited for my reaction. I didn’t need to think about it, immediately dropping the paper in his hand, almost laughing at how ridiculously small it looked with him holding it. “Here we go.”

I knew all around us, everyone was waiting to hear the single word contained in that note, excitement barely concealed as the air around us felt electrified with it. But I couldn’t even care. At the most, I noticed my mom and Jacob holding hands not that far from where I stood with Andy, and the image made me smile right as my boyfriend’s face lit up like a christmas tree when he processed the doctor’s ruling.

“A girl. It’s a girl. We’re having a girl!” He darted into my arms and behind me, I felt as someone else - most likely Jacob - hugged me too. They were followed by each and every person in the room, until there was no one else to congratulate me on the news. We ate cake, talked and then, one by one, everyone left, and it was only Andy and me.

When I turned to look at him, after seeing the last visitor out, it was only to find his darkened, lust-filled eyes staring right at me as he sized me up, his hands in his pockets and the sweetest cockiest smirk on his lips.

“Come here, baby.” There was no hesitation, I didn’t even think before I moved in his direction. As I approached, he sat on the couch behind him, hands beckoning me closer and closer, until I was just close enough that he could easily pull me to straddle his legs.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he whispered as he nuzzled his bearded face against my neck, tickling me while making my pussy throb at the same time. A shiver of pure desire ran up my spine, right as I started to unconsciously grind my crotch over his, already desperate for a release.

“I-I’m thinking…” I tried, only to stop in a gasp as Andy suddenly seized my waist, forcing my movements to gather some speed. The friction was nothing like what I truly wanted, but it was just enough to make me whimper for my boyfriend’s wonderful touch.

Andy’s P.O.V.

“Tell me, sweetheart,” I urged, knowing that I was teasing her and knowing that she knew, especially since I couldn’t keep the smirk off of my face. “If you tell me what you want, I might give it to you.”

It was an offer she couldn’t resist, I knew even before I whispered it in her ear, but as I kept stimulating her body and she didn’t find a way to stop me, instead of finally confessing what was going through her mind, what I got was an exasperated, “Stop doing that! I don’t wanna cum yet!”

It made me laugh and decide that I definitely wouldn’t be stopping any time soon, so I opted to suck on one of her earlobes, appreciating the little shiver that she tried to hide before asking, “Why not?”

She hesitated for a second, but I couldn’t tell if it was because she wanted to hide it or if she simply still couldn’t gather her thoughts enough to voice them, although the way her fingers were buried in my shoulders made me think the last option was more probable. At last, she admitted right right before throwing her head back and whining, “Because I want to be the one pleasing you.”

She was heaving now, delicious breasts bouncing before me and just begging to have my mouth wrapped around one nipple, but her confession felt so silly I ended up laughing and capturing one of them between my fingers, instead.

“Can’t you feel what seeing you like this does to me?” I asked, making sure to raise my hips so there was no denying the hard line of my cock against her cunt. “I’m sorry you don’t feel like cumming, princess, because that’s exactly what you’re going to do. So just relax and accept it.”

It didn’t take long for her to cum after that, and I took in every beautiful second of the perfect image as her eyes rolled to the back of her head and her hips seemed to take a rhythm of their own.

“That’s my girl,” I cooed softly as I watched her slowly come back to me, eyes blinking lazily to look up at me from under her eyelashes with an expression that was simply sinful. “Can you open this for me, baby girl?” I asked as my hands remained occupied with holding her up, gesturing towards my own crotch, but it felt unnecessary when her hands immediately flew down to rub the boner I’d been sporting for quite a while.

“Yes, princess. Can you get my cock out, please? I really need to be inside of you now,” I confessed, nose rubbing over the soft skin of her neck as her small hands expertly unzipped my pants and I raised my hips up just enough so she could wrap her fist around my member and pull it from its confines.

Y/N’s P.O.V.

Nothing felt quite as good as having my hand wrapped around Andy’s cock, knowing it would be inside of me, making me whole in just a few seconds. And knowing that he was giving me the control to grab it and put it in me myself just had me excited like nothing else.

“You’re not wearing any underwear,” I noted, raising myself just enough to rub the head of his member against my lower lips. The action had him grunting before groaning in frustration, grip in my ass tightening in a sort of warning.

“No, I figured it’d be easier this way. Didn’t anticipate you being such a tease, though.” The grumpy tone of his voice made me giggle, and I slowly lowered myself down on his hard cock, moaning out loud and holding my own breasts as he hissed to the feeling of my pussy squeezing him.

“You feel so fucking good.” Just the hoarseness of his voice had me whining, even before he used the grip on my ass to make me start riding him. “You make me feel so good, baby girl. No one can make me feel as good as you do.”

Only this man could have me simultaneously melting from his sweetness while cumming on his dick while he pounded me from the bottom. “I wish I could keep you right here, sweetheart. Right here, sitting on my dick, all day, everyday.”

I saw the way his eyes never left my bouncing breasts, and when he licked his lips with an expression of pure hunger, I came, knowing I was bringing him with me when he let out a high-pitched moan and picked up his pace.

“Fuck, I’m yours, princess. I’m yours. Thank you for giving me our little family. I love you.” Grabbing his hand to give a kiss to his knuckles, I took a second to appreciate just how incredible this man was. Despite how hard this could be, I knew I’d never regret having him beside me.

[babysizedfics]

i have a goal to watch all the pixar movies before monday n it got me thinking about my favorite one (cause looking forward to something helps me finish things 🙃) which in tUrn got me wondering what u think the sides favorite pixar movie is n why n stuff

-🦑

oh my gosh i have no idea how many pixar movies there are but that certainly sounds like a big project!! have fun!!

*checks pixar wikipedia* Okay I went hard with this

Roman: Toy Story

He's definitely a nerd about the history behind it and the fact that it was the first entirely CGI feature film and it's the roots of pixar. Plus it's a creative idea, toys coming to life, the characters are all unique and funny, and I can imagine him relating to both Woody and Buzz:

Woody because being a team leader who struggles to actually maintain his friends' respect when he lashes out at an outsider, plus desperately needing validation from Andy/Thomas. Buzz because he's a hero figure who has to learn that he is not as invincible as he thinks he is. Also the way they bicker but then become best friends makes Roman emotional thinking about him and his brother Vee.

Virgil: Monsters, Inc.

Monsters scaring people because it's their job. The protagonist realising that the way he carries out his job does more harm than good and vows to be better. A small child who everyone runs away from screaming calling them dangerous and terrifying, being practically adopted and taken care of by a soft loving hairy father figure who realised that they aren't scary, just misunderstood.

Yeah, this one hits Virgil hard.

But he can't watch it when he's regressed! Too scary for itty bitty baby Vee.

Patton: Ratatouille

First of all Patton thinks rats are adorable and hates that they get a bad rep. Also he really loves the way food and cooking is portrayed as an artform and is impressed by how just a cgi image of it can actually make everyone hungry.

But essentially he loves that the theme focusses on acceptance despite people's differences and encourages people to abandon prejudices. In Remy the rat of course, but also in Anton Ego the food critic. It shows that despite an icy exterior and perhaps being overwhelmed by negative experiences and becoming hardened, there is always hope to reignite a softness inside of someone.

I just think Patton wiuld really dig the moral that no one is completely evil even if they seem that way, you can always inspire someone to be better. (Not saying this is a fact, it's an opinion and idk where i personally stand on it but i think patton would think that!) Patton subconsciously grabs onto it also because he is scared by his own negative emotions, specifically anger and jealousy, and his worst fear is them making him a bad person. But this film reminds him that you can never lose that soft part of yourself, and its comforting to him

Logan: Finding Nemo

If Logan were a geography teacher he would be the one to put on Finding Nemo for his students at least twice a year, on the last lessons before winter break and summer break. He loves that the film introduces the audience to so many different variations of ocean life and that they actually manage to teach them a little about each one, such as how old turtles can get and the fact that octopi release ink when they're frightened. That and it addresses industrial fishing and human destruction of natural habitats.

And he won't admit it but seeing Marlin fight so hard for his son despite all obstacles is heartwarming to Logan and reminds him of the fact that he would truly do anything to protect his family now that he has them. The fact that Marlin expresses his affection through being strict and enforcing rigid rules is relatable to him and watching the chracter realise that he has to be flexible to allow his son to flourish reminds him to loosen up a little.

BONUS

Janus: A Bug's Life

This is definitely Janus' cup of tea. Individualism and anarchy. Condemnation of unquestionably obeying authority. Addressing that oppression can stem from a leader's genuine fear of what they know their subjects are capable of (overthrowing them).

He's also a sucker for plots that centre around deception and misunderstanding, and the fact that the protagonist mistakes a group of circus performers for esteemed warriors and those same performers mistake him for a talent scout makes him chuckle.

Remus: The Incredibles

He loves the chaos, he loves that the heroes disregard the law, he loves imagining all the horrific ways they could use their powers to defeat their enemies in progressively creative and disturbing fashions and loudly complains of 'wasted potential'

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Major Crimes Re-Watch-Boys Will be Boys.

The episode starts out with a young girl running away from someone through a park.

I know MC is all about solving murders, but my favorite cases are the ones where the victim is possibly still alive and the team is working against the clock to find them. To me there is a lot more excitement and anticipation than there is in the same old same old, find a dead body let’s see who killed him/her. Also, I find the cases that involve children engage me more as a viewer because I really care about what happened to the child whereas sometimes the “victims” are such creeps I really don’t care who killed them.

“Just tell them to look for a tomboy in white skirt.”

“Is Michelle a boy?”

“She used to be Michael, now she's Michelle.”

Andy and Sykes are at the missing girl’s home trying to get descriptions of her and information about her and they’ve been there talking to the father and son for a while so why the heck did they wait so long to tell them Michelle was transgender? That should have been one of the first things they told them.

“OMG, you did it, you called the police.”

and

“We have turned our lives upside down for that child, what more do you want from us?”

Wow. What a bitch. Right away, we can see that we are not dealing with a Mom of the year here.

“Is there any way that you can get the pictures of the kid offline?”

Aww...Andy is in the middle of an investigation but is upset by the pictures of the bullies pulling Michelle’s pants down and is concerned with saving her from more of this humiliation. Tao, the other dad, is already on it. I also like the cases that involve kids because we see the parents on the team react as parents. Yes, they are professionals but I’m sure they look at these kids and think “My god that could have been my daughter/my son. 

“Just find her or him or whoever he is.”

Interesting that even after finding out that Michelle is transgender not once do Andy or Sykes refer to Michelle as anything but her or your daughter, they never refer to her as a male the way that Taylor does here.

“Looks like a girl’s scrunchie.”

Andy is the one to recognize a piece of purple fabric for what it is and he knows what it is called. Definitely has a daughter

. “What are you looking at faggot?” The first time I watched this episode, not knowing Rusty was gay, I thought he was just embarrassed to be called a faggot in front of Kris, but this time around, the look on his face told me something different. It was as if Rusty had an “OMG can people tell just from looking at me now,” moment?  And how great was Julio slamming the kid for saying that.

“How old are you?”

“15, how old are you?”“

“Old enough to recommend you get tried as an adult.”

Sharon is not flattered to be a hot MILF with a 15 year old hitting on her J “You know the last guy I dated was gay.”

Oh Sharon honey you are SO nosey when it comes to Rusty. As soon as Kris says this to Rusty, Sharon perks up, ears pricked with interest to see how Rusty is going to respond to this.

“Even tougher than working in internal affairs.” Jack actually has a moment of compassion and understanding for Sharon. He is also still working hard to ingratiate himself into Sharon's life. But why? Is it really to get what he wants from her or is he looking for some kind of reconciliation? That‘s what I was wondering the first time I watched this episode. Now I know. First time around, he almost suckered me in. I felt like Sharon was being overly suspicious of his motives, as he seemed to be trying to do better. Now of course I know she was completely right to be so suspicious, but I guess she just knew him better than we the viewers did. I can see why she gave him the benefit of the doubt so many times, he’s very good at knowing how to play her to get what he wants, but she’s wise to him now.

“It bothers me, a lot.”

Andy is the one who notices the sort of caring way that Michelle was buried. I wonder if having Andy the most involved with this little girl is foreshadowing for the upcoming daughter episodes by showing us that fatherly, tender side to Andy.

“Is it possible he was under...”

“She...Let’s stick with she, it helps me identify with the victim.”

Love the way Morale's nods his head at Sharon for recognizing that Michelle identified as a girl and she would remain a girl even in death. And typical for Emma not to have the sensitivity to recognize this. Also, this is a lesson she learned from Andy in episode one. Great continuity.

“I think that transgender kid was brave as hell, it took guts to live in the open like that and her father deserves credit for supporting her.”

Jack is so right here and he  sounds like he is being open-minded and compassionate, but is he? Or is this just a way of trying to get Rusty to open up about being gay. Interesting that it was Rusty who came out against the father buying dresses for his transgender child saying that he might has well have put a “beat me”  sign on her back. Of course, Rusty is still pretty much ensconced in the closet and for him it’s all about hiding who he is. Even now that he’s come out, he is still uncomfortable with overt signs of being gay, such as refusing to hold Gus's hand in public. He still feels like it needs to be hidden, something that is private. “You can't hide who are, as I'm sure you know.”

“What? What do I know?”

“Well as you know from being a foster child

Jack trips over his words as Rusty becomes suspicious of what he is talking about and starts to panic that Jack can see he’s gay. But Jack could also be talking about himself here. He is trying to do everything right, helping out with Rusty, cooking, trying to make himself helpful so Sharon doesn't throw him out, but ultimately he cannot change who he is and this domestic helpful side will only last for so long.

“She only wants one.”“Who only eats one pancake?”“Uh, your wife.”

This, to me, defined the Sharon and Jack relationship the first time I watched it. That one little statement spoke VOLUMES. Rusty knows more about Sharon in the year that he has lived with her than Jack does having known her for 30 years. That's pretty telling when it comes to the Sharon/Jack relationship--and given the look that passes between them, they know it too. It tells both the viewers and Rusty that Jack really doesn’t know Sharon at all. Later we will see that Andy truly does know who Sharon is. Even before they were dating he knew when she needed to have her confidence bolstered, “Sharon, for whatever it’s worth, you did great” and knew when she was upset and might need someone to talk to, “I’ll stay…In case you need me.“  When they are first dating and are with the whole team at Marianna’s funeral, he isn’t sure how comfortable Sharon will be with a PDA and lets her take the lead by reaching out to hold his hand (in such a cute way) Only after she makes the first move does he later wrap an arm around her waist and she leans into him. Another time, knowing Sharon needs things to remain professional at work, he looks around to make sure no one is watching before opening his arms to her in her office and allowing her to walk into them. There are countless little things that he picks up on that really show us how different the Sharon/Andy dynamic is from the old Sharon/Jack. 

Now, let’s get to the bigger question here. Neither Sharon nor Rusty put maple syrup or anything on their pancakes. Who eats dry pancakes? LOL.

“Are you two dating now?”

I love the way that Sharon flicks her fork at Jack to get him to shut up. Jack is direct in his questioning while Sharon just listens in and tries to gather clues. Andy did say she was sneaky, while Jack is definitely the bull in a china shop type.

“Maybe he's confused.  I could help him sort out his priorities.”

OMG, if I'd been drinking something I'd have spit it out over that one. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Seriously? There is nobody whose priorities are more messed up than Jack Raydor’s. And the fact that he is so completely unaware of this is astonishing. Jack is the LAST person who should be offering Rusty advice on priorities. 

“Listen I only told you about the ABUSE he went through so YOU could be sensitive.”

I like the way Sharon emphasizes the word abuse here. Jack has just questioned her about Rusty being gay since he was out hustling guys, as if this was some kind of choice for him and she wants Jack to know that Rusty wasn't hustling guys because he was gay and wanted to, that it was about survival and ABUSE and she certainly doesn’t want Jack talking to him about it. 

“You spent virtually no time with our children when they were Rusty's age, why are you so interested in him?”

“Look I am brutally aware that I am not a good parent. It's not necessary to remind of that every five minutes.”

“Oh it is.”

“Maybe I'm interested in the kid because you are.”

“I wish you would develop the same interest in finding yourself an apartment.”

And just like that, the nice little family breakfast is over. Sharon may be over how Jack has treated her in the past, but she can’t forgive or forget what he did to their children, mainly because he is still not making any efforts to rectify things with them. Instead, he’s using Rusty and when he says maybe he’s interested in Rusty because she is, that is EXACTLY what has Sharon worried. He’s using Rusty and she doesn’t want him hurt the same way Emily and Ricky were hurt by him. And while Jack thinks his little plan is working and that Sharon is getting used to having him around, she‘s NOT.  She wants him looking for that apartment.  She has been through this all with him before, dozens of times. She doesn't have any trust in him and is suspicious, with good reason, of his every move.

“You sure you want to do this, sir? Because who you see in there isn't going to be your daughter, and that image is going to be stuck in your head for the rest of your life.”

Father to father Andy tries to talk Michelle’s dad out of seeing her body, knowing how traumatic it will be. Although he’s seen many dead girls and dead women, you just know that Andy knows he’d be traumatized for life if he had to see Nicole like that. 

“I'm a good mother, I'm a good mother, I'm a good mother.” Sorry, the more you say it doesn't make it so. Without saying a word Sharon isn't having any of it. This is a woman who treated her child as if she were a destroyer of the family because she was transgender, was deaf to the little girl’s fear of the bullies and fought her husband and daughter every step of the way when it came to Michelle’s transgender journey. Then after her son killed Michelle, she buried the body and covered it up. Yeah, you’re a good mother all right.

BTW-Sharon looks absolutely extra fab in this episode, hair; make up and wardrobe are perfect.

“You want this case you GROW up and look at these pictures side by side.” and “Where's Hobbs? Captain where's Hobbs?”

Provenza has really had enough with immature whiney Emma and yes, where is Hobbs? In rewatching these episodes I think they made the right decision to get rid of Emma and to quit bringing in diffferent DDA's and instead focusing on Andrea. She's definitely the best in the bunch. Andrea is tough as nails, but she‘s professional and while she isn’t afraid to speak her mind she is also a team player. It is so much better when the team all works together than when they are at odds. They always seemed to be at odds with Emma.

“You think I understand boys who think they're girls? I'm just as much at sea as your jurors will be. But I know when a kid has had his head bashed in.”

That’s what it all boils down to. Gay, straight, transgender, black white purple, a child was killed and it nothing else matters. Provenza is definitely out of his element here and refers to Michelle as "him". Which makes sense for his character. Andy, on the other hand, never slipped. Michelle was always a she to him. Then again, when Provenza’s transgender former partner came back in The Closer, Andy was far more accepting of her too. Provenza has trouble with any kind of change whereas Andy doesn’t. 

“Have a miserable life.” So glad Louis is going to juvie, that kid needed to pay for what he did to Michelle. Julio took such pleasure in letting this punk know where he was going--I think I lived vicariously through that.

Last scene in the murder room-

This was a tough one for the whole team. Everyone is sad and shaking their heads as they clear off the murder board and put evidence away. Sharon is wiping her tears watching them having just listened to Michelle’s voice again on her voicemail. I think the kid murders would be the toughest for any of them, but for the parents on the squad, Sharon, Andy, Tao, and Provenza, it must make them think a lot about their own children.

“It's just like old times.”

“Yeah, really, really old times, Elizabethan, I think.”

Jack is trying to bring back memories of their good times, but Sharon is reminding him here that those good times were a really, really long time ago and are ancient history. 

“Was this your idea or Rusty's?”

Sharon could see Rusty was slightly uncomfortable with going to the movies with Kris, but she agreed to go when he said it sounded like fun. Still she is worried that Jack is pushing him into a relationship with Kris.

“Men, at our core we're really all alike.”

Not exactly. Wonder if this was some foreshadowing for the upcoming Andy storyline. Jack and Andy have some similar characteristics yet at their core they are very, very different men. Sharon will soon come to learn this.

[withered-pages-blog]

Abuse of Power (Olivia Benson Imagine)

Olivia was quick to take you under her wing the moment she met you, she remembered it vividly. Arms tucked between each other, hair acting as a curtain to hide your battered face, you shuffled through her office door and stood in the centre of the room, eyes cast off to the left and out of the window.

Olivia was always good at approaching victims, she was understanding and sympathetic - but not in a condescending way, in a way that always brought comfort when delivered properly.

“I understand how difficult this must be for you,” she began softly, crossing the room to sit on the edge of her desk and motioning for you to sit.

Your eyes raised hesitantly to hers as you lowered yourself into the seat she’d offered you, fingers picking at a loose thread in your wool sweater.

“But, I also want you to understand just how brave you’re being by coming forward.” You suppressed a frown at this, you knew she was trying to comfort you but you still somehow took it as some sort of insult.

The detective noticed this and her smile faltered for a moment before reforming, “Please, I’m here for your safety,” she assured you, lowering herself to your level and examining your face closer, “so tell me who did this to you.”

A few moments passed before you let out a shuddering breath, blinking away tears as you nodded meekly, hands shooting up to quickly swipe at your wet cheeks.

“It hurts,” you told her, tears beginning to fall freely. “It hu-hurts.”

You cupped your swollen eyes in shaky hands and whimpered, not even flinching as you felt warm hands press against your back to soothe you. Olivia knelt there with your heaving form for a while, listening to your cries that grew increasingly aggressive before you finally regained control, your senses slowly returning.

“Sh-she was always so nice,” you sniffed and wiped your nose with your sleeve. “She was never angry or violent or..” You softly began crying again and as you prepared for another fit, the brown-haired detective offered you a tissue, holding the full box in her hands.

“Take as much time as you need, Y/N.” She said warmly, and your eyes clenched shut as you blew gracelessly into the tissue, utterly soiling it.

“I-I was invited out somewhere,” you scrunched the tissue and shoved it into your jean pocket, “a p-party.”

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, closing your eyes and trying your best to recall the night’s events. “Andy didn’t want me to go - said she didn’t like the host, my friend Layla. I kinda just shrugged it off, y'know? Andy would throw fits and give me the cold shoulder when I did something she didn’t like but she never..” You clenched your eyes shut, biting your lip to keep it from quivering.

“She’s never hit you before?” Olivia pressed softly, and you nodded, “I-I mean she’d get mad and break our stuff but she never really tried to hurt me before last night. Nothing more than a push or shove.”

You missed the concerned look Olivia was giving you as you continued, “She’d break things or withhold money from me. I-I don’t work, I’m in school, so she’s really the only one bringing any cash to the table.”

The detective leaned back for a moment, eyes finding her office door and the face behind it. Carisi. She motioned with her hand to you, and then raised her hand to her lips. It took Carisi a moment of squinting at the woman before his eyebrows shot up and he nodded, his lips forming an ‘o’.

“Who was that?” You asked cautiously, eyes scanning over retreating form of a man. “Just one of my detectives, I asked for water.” Olivia responded, clearing her throat to gain your attention.

“So, Y/N, you say your girlfriend, Andy - is holding your funds if you don’t conform to her wants?” You looked down shamefully, “Well, it is her money, but she promised she’d support me while I was in school.”

Olivia took a deep breath and furrowed her brows softly, “Y/N, you need to understand that just because she helps you get by, doesn’t mean she owns you.” You shook your head, an offended look crossing your coloured face.

“She doesn’t! Sh-she just.. Its her money!” You felt your lip quiver again at the look Benson gave you, a pitiful look.

“She’s holding you financially hostage, Y/N. That’s a complete abuse of power.” Olivia told you, “and now that she’s taken that next step, hurting you like this, there wont be any turning back. She’ll hurt you again, she’ll only escalate.”

You cried again, face twisting and tears falling profusely from your now bloodshot eyes. You were about to speak again when you heard Olivia’s office door slowly creak open to reveal that same lanky man from five minutes prior.

He flashed you a charming smile before noticing your tears, noticing your bruises and cuts, and noticing the strict look Benson was currently giving him.

“Sorry for bargin’ in like that, Sarge, I’ll be on my way.” He apologized as he handed both his superior and you water, hers in a coffee mug and yours in a styrofoam cup.

All was silent as the two of you sipped from your water, and you internally thanked both Detective Benson and Carisi for bringing you this much-needed lubricant for your dry throat and hoarse voice.

When you were sure you couldn’t stall any more time, you crushed the cup in your hand and tossed it into the small trash can by the desk Benson had perched herself on.

“If I leave, I’ll be done for. I’ll have to quit school to get a job, a-and I’ll have to find my own apartment, my parents are travelling so I can’t go to them.” You frowned, “I have no one here. I moved here to be with Andy.”

Olivia had sent many battered men and women to shelters to ensure their safety during trials but for whatever reason, she hated the idea of sending you there, sending you anywhere where she couldn’t keep an eye on you. You were young and vulnerable just as many abuse victims were, but as she looked down at you, she convinced herself that you needed more.

“Y/N,” Olivia called you, and you hummed in response, “Y/N, where did your mind go off to?” The woman teased playfully.

You blinked your daydream away and turned to the mature brunette, “I agree, yes,” you blurted out as Olivia’s fingers worked the buttons of your white work-shirt up.

“I’m sure, I’m sure you were absolutely listening to me just now.” She laughed and you blushed bashfully, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to zone out like that.”

Liv just smiled at you, cupping your cheek for a moment before turning from your shared bedroom and into the lounge where Noah was currently perched on the sofa.

“What were you thinking about?” She asked from the far end of the apartment, grunting softly as she plucked her son off of the sofa and into her arms before returning to you.

“Just nervous,” you lied, unwilling to truly admit that you were reminiscing your first ever meeting - something you often did.

“You’ve known everyone at the precinct for over a year now, why are you nervous?” Liv asked, gently sitting Noah onto the covers of your bed. “I just want to do a good job.”

Olivia turned her back to you, exposing the length of her back through her red cocktail dress. She was in the middle of latching some expensive earrings onto her ears as she hummed, flashing you a smile from the mirror.

“You’re going to do great, sweetie, I know it.” She assured you, and you smiled at her, sitting on the bed and tracing your fingers through Noah’s soft locks. The toddler was quick to grip your fingers and shove one of them into his mouth, gnawing with wet gum and teeth.

“Its my first, remember?” You reminded the brunette, and she chuckled, “Didn’t you train for four years to get where you’re going tomorrow? Hype it up, Y/N. I’m excited, aren’t you excited?” Her radiant smile exposed itself to you before she quickly picked up her son, “Noah, aren’t you excited?” She cooed to him with that warm, motherly tone of hers.

You laughed and just as you opened your mouth to retort, the front door practically burst open and in came a flustered, completely drenched man who furiously shook his umbrella, careless of who’s home he was currently in. Typical Barba.

“You two owe me your lives,” he hissed, throwing his overcoat off and loosening his tie. “A little water never hurt anyone,” you teased, letting out a soft laugh at Rafael’s hard glare that only softened when he was handed Noah.

“Thank you again for doing this, Barba,” Olivia turned on her charm and took your hand in hers, purse tucked under her arm as she blew Noah a kiss and headed for the door. “Mommy will be back soon, honey.” She called, and you bit your lip at the image of Barba alone with such a lively child.

Barba grumbled something incomprehensible as the door closed, and that was it, you were in a cab and on your way to some exotic restaurant to celebrate your graduation and immediate hire for work at your girlfriend’s precinct.

Who knew something so terrible could lead so something so magnificent.

[tessatechaitea]

Dark Days: The Forge #1

Sometimes when I see John Romita Jr. artwork, I think, "What did I ever have against Rob Liefeld?!"

Hawkman's final journal? Hooray! Go to hell, you stupid prick! And I thought these were going to be dark days!

Does anybody else find it weird that Carter Hall records his journal on Swiss cheese? Many years ago (I guess? There's no time stamp on the opening scene!), Carter Hall recorded the crashing of a spaceship on his lunch. But since he didn't know the word "spaceship," he wrote "sign written in metal." That will probably be important later but for now, it's time to move the story into the present. And where better to begin an adventure story than The Bermuda Triangle! Wait. I should rephrase that. "Where better to begin an adventure story in the 1970s than The Bermuda Triangle!" Oh boy! Eight year old me just came in his pants! I mean if that were possible. Nothing but pee would be coming out of there for at least another five years.

You know you can read and reread the data once you get somewhere safe? Or did you not save your data to the cloud? Idiot. You should use both terrestrial and cloud backups!

That scientist sounds like me in high school after first hearing Mr. Crowley: "There's something in the metal!" Batman rescues the scientist whose name is Dr. Madison (MADISOOOOOON!). Batman tells Dr. Madison that the only to safety is back through the volcano. Batman: "The only way out is in!" Dr. Madison: "Does that actually make sense? I don't think that makes sense." Batman: "If we don't go back through the lava, we'll be covered in lava!" Dr. Madison: "Do you ever listen to yourself speak?" Batman: "Outside will also have flying debris! Inside is just, um, you know! Liquid hotness!" Dr. Madison: "You mean lava?" Batman: "If you want to get technical about it! Now get in my Liquid Hotness Proof Bat-mech (trademark and action figure pending!), sit on my lap, and don't ask me if that's a bat-grapple in my pocket or if I'm happy to see you! I'm never happy!"

So they had to go back through the lava to get to the ocean? Batman does know Dr. Madison was standing in front of a window overlooking the water, right? How was just crashing through that not an option? Especially since Batman loves crashing through panes of glass!

Whenever an editor tells Scott Snyder to make something more exciting, he should just say, "Shut. Up!" Aquaman helps with the rescue and then he and Batman get into an argument about who's keeping bigger secrets. Batman probably wins that one because even if Aquaman had some really juicy secrets to tell, I'd never remain interested long enough to hear them. I'm already bored with this paragraph because I had to type "Aquaman" three times. Apparently the Blackhawks have some super secret covert black ops shit going on again. Remember how they returned in All Star Batman? Oh, you got tired of reading that series too? Well, believe me. They returned there. Meanwhile on Mogo, Cornelius the Guardian wants Hal to do something seedy to him.

"Don't tell Guy! I just got him to stop calling me gay!"

Oh sorry. His name is Ganthet. I must be thinking of Roddy McDowall's character from Scavenger Hunt. Speaking of Scavenger Hunt, I caught an episode of Family Ties the other day when some actor walked on and I was all, "Hey! That's short sleeves, checkered shirt, black sneakers!" Plus his son in the episode was Chunk from The Goonies. Should I mark irrelevant passages like these with asterisks?!

Ganthet having once asked Hal to jerk him off is now canon.

Once again, everybody in the universe is gossiping about how Earth is going to destroy the universe. If only the Justice League would stop saving it already! Just let somebody destroy Earth for the greater good, you hypocrites! Ganthet has pinpointed the threat to the universe in the Batcave so Hal Jordan decides to go invade it and not radio Batman saying, "Hey, buddy. I've got a possible issue that maybe you can help out with. Let's meet up in the Batcave." Instead he decides to sneak in and start going through Batman's things. I get it. It's the only way to ensure that a couple of heroes fight so all the fangenders can lose their shit over it. This part was probably Tynion's idea. "Hey! You know what I've read in comic books about five thousand times? That part where two heroes fight over a misunderstanding! Can we add that scene?!" And Scott Snyder snorts and wakes up and is all, "What? Whatever. Just write the script already! If I wanted to write it, I wouldn't have purchased you from your parents!" Anyway, Batman isn't home so Hal has to fight Meadowlark. You know, Not-Robin. Duke!

What is Duke reading to get his Green Lantern information? The Who's Who books from the mid-80s? That's where I get all of my information too!

Is Green Lantern just fucking with Duke or is there something about the yellow flaw that I don't know about? I thought it was completely gone. Is this Snyder and Tynion trying to backdoor the flaw back into the ring but only if the person using the ring is inexperienced and stupid? In the next panel, Hal Jordan says, "It's good to see Batman's still recruiting teenagers." Hey man. You better be careful with statements like that. At least he's not, you know, fucking them. Duke Thomas admits to not having a code name yet. That's adorable. All this fucking time and he still doesn't have one. Why can't Snyder just spit one out already? Waiting to find out his superhero name is like waiting for Sting to come in your mouth. Not that I'd know and not that it was the worst sixteen hours of my life. Meanwhile there's this place called The Campus underneath Philadelphia where The Immortal Men are headquartered. One of them is Immortal Man because of course it is. The other one is a guy in a robe with shaggy eyebrows that might be Carter Hall but I'm hoping is anybody else. Another one of their possible members would have been Elaine Thomas, Duke's mother. But she went crazy from Joker Toxin. They apparently know they need to save the world from something bad that's coming because it's always easier to tell a story about prophecy. It would be too hard to wedge these Immortal Men into the story if they didn't already know some huge Crisis was about to happen. So the guy in the robes isn't Hawkman because Hawkman gets the next scene. He's been having visions during the times between death and reincarnation. Whew! I thought he wouldn't have some secret inside information to get him right into this upcoming Crisis! In his vision, he sees a gigantic Batman statue with lots of people tied to its legs. I guess somebody is going to have to kill Batman before he becomes evil! After that scene, John Romita Jr. takes over on the art. I should probably snort some Ativan before continuing. Mister Terrific is helping Batman with the Mystery of the Dark Days. Hopefully they'll explain it in long, large word balloons that cover up most of the art. Something has been interfering with the harmonic frequencies of Earth-Main-Earth and Earth-2 (which I guess is back to its normal self? Or maybe Mister Terrific just got off before he wound up in that whole World's End mess? For some reason, I can't remember the story well enough to know if Mister Terrific was in any of it. Thank Jesus!) but neither Batman nor Mister Terrific know what's going on yet. To help them figure it out, Batman decides they must let Plastic Man out of his prison cell. They say they agreed to lock him up because he was too powerful but I think they just got sick of his stupid jokes. Back in the Batcave, Duke and Hal are investigating the Mystery of Batman Investigating the Mystery. It all started when somebody said, "That whole electrum in the tooth thing that resurrects the dead Talons is stupid! It's not scientific at all! Who comes up with such dumb shit?! DC Comics sucks!" Then Scott Snyder was all, "Wait! Wait! You haven't heard the whole tale of that! You shouldn't believe everything you see at first sight! You should wait for the second sight! Or maybe the third sight if everybody on Twitter complains about the second sight! But I don't think they will because this is going to be a huge Crisis! You'll love it!" So instead of electrum being in the teeth, Batman found a metal that shared the same energy signature as the helmet of fate, the quintdent of Aquaman, and the bracelets of Diana. To investigate this metallic mystery, Batman created a team that everybody forgot about. Everybody except me, of course!

Halo's costume is terrible. But Geoforce had better stay away from her anyway!

Duke has no idea who the wobbly speech bubble is. But that didn't stop him from saying, "Dick? Is that Dick? You know, Dick Grayson? Nightwing? Is that you?" So the metal is probably Nth Metal which would make it more believable that it was resurrecting the Talons. Because nobody is going to say, "Nth Metal can't do that!" I mean, they might. But they'd be wrong because Nth Metal isn't real and it can do whatever the fuck it needs to do when the writer needs it to do it. Although if it were Dionesium, nobody would say, "Dionesium can't do that!" Because that's exactly what it was made for! It's just that Nth Metal works better, plot-wise. Why would Aquaman's five-pronged trident have Dionesium in it? Deep in Batman's secret Batcave, Duke and Hal come to a door. Apparently the owner of the voice is behind it. I hope it's not The Joker. I hope it's Detective Chimp. I also hope it's revealed before this issue is over! Batman has also been keeping another secret in Superman's fortress. With the help of Mister Miracle, he unlocks the unopenable room it was stored in. It's a big yellow tower that Mister Miracle recognizes but I don't. Maybe it's Qwardian! It could also be something from Final Crisis which I've never read. Or something from an obscure 1967 Batman story. Or maybe it's something that, when it's explicitly named, I'll say, "Oh yeah. Fuck. I totally remember that thing now!" Anyway, I don't think it's important enough to reveal this issue. Because The Joker needs to be revealed in the Hal Jordan scene! Oh look! The Joker was the voice! What a surprise! Surprise! Are you surprised? Oh! You should also keep in mind how there were three Jokers, remember? That was a dumb bit that had to be thrown in so that Batman would say, "Impossible!", when he asked the Moebius Chair what the Joker's name was. Remember how that one guy on Tumblr got all pissy with me when I said they'd never reveal The Joker's name and how could I know that and I don't know what I'm talking about and all that shit? Fucking stupid kid. I didn't even get to say "I told you so!" to that kid when the reveal was that the Chair's answer was that there were three Jokers! Well, I'm doing it now! I fucking told you so, kid! So that's the end of Dark Days: The Forge! Maybe that thing Batman revealed was The Forge. I guess the next stop in this series is the event, Metal. It'll probably be about Dionesium and Nth Metal and how, when combined, everything is destroyed! What will this Crisis be called? Not just Crisis in Dark Days, right? How about Alchemical Crisis on Earths Starring Plastic Man?

[hellobarbarellauniverse]

Starting from scratch...at 31

When you feel like you’ve faced it all and it can only get better from here. But it doesn’t.  I was fully aware that all new beginnings are hard but I was not ready for this. The months of July and August had me bent over, staring blankly at walls in rooms that were not mine to keep, crying, wanting to give up and go home, not knowing if I have enough money for food, wanting to keep fighting because I have always pushed through no matter what, feeling alone, feeling thankful for my friends and feeling hungry. But mostly, feeling depressed. After victoriously returning from my 4 months in Longreach thankful that I have made it back with no major injuries (well, I did loose a toe nail but that’s a small price to pay) I imagined that just like everywhere else in the world I was living before, I will land a job easily. Finally get this Australian dream going. Get a car, start surfing, live in a cool shack. After all, I did suffer enough, right? I have the motivation, I have the experience, I have the skills. Let’s do this. Man was I wrong. Noosa is a paradise. It is also a spot where everyone from Australia and overseas wants to live so the competition is crazy. If you don’t have your own business or a history here, your options are pretty much hospitality or tourism. If you are not a certified barista (like everyone beyond the age of 16 seems to be) or a knowledgeable cocktail barman, there is the option of waitressing (if you can gracefully carry at least three full plates and casually entertain your posh guests). If none of those apply, plus you are an immigrant (”What visa are you on? Oh, sorry, we don’t really like that.”), there are the options of dishwashing or cleaning the resorts. I shrugged at that thought, thinking never-ever-ever will I sink this low. I did not come all the way here to wash dishes or scrub toilets (which I will learn later is not all that bad when your account is cleaned out).

Long story short, I have spent two months looking for a job. It does have a (hopefully) happy ending, but I am certainly not there yet.

To avoid being too pathetic, these are just few moments and things I have learnt along the way. I thought it would be good to have them somewhere in case I should get too comfortable with life again. 

I have moved five times during two months. I was living with a girl that pretended I am not really there and watched cheesy American teenage shows and stupid movies way too loud. For someone who needs their own space to keep their sanity this was also the time when I got that psychically unstable that I made myself sick and ended up projectile vomiting a whole night through. Holding on to a glass in my bed at the end of that madness because I was too weak to run to the toilet and there was not enough liquid in me worth making it all the way anyway. I think I was suppressing the stress both from my living situation and being unemployed and running out of money.  I was told that I should stop hoping that I will get a normal job and should go stocking the shelves in supermarket. Apparently, that is the “price you pay when you’re living the Noosa lifestyle”. I would be spending hours filling in the applications for dream jobs in Melbourne and updating my LinkedIn. And 5 minutes later, I would be compiling an excited cover letter saying why I am the right candidate to clean rooms in resorts. Which never worked out anyway because I “don’t have the right resort cleaning experience”. I did not know that there is a special technique to scrub the toilet but OK, fair enough.

At one point, I considered packing my stuff and fleeing to Melbourne since I thought there must be more job opportunities, also in my field. I did not go through with it as I did not have enough savings to get me going not even the first month and I couldn’t go through this all over again. Plus Melbourne in winter is misery.  I received the best feedback from a dream job application to a conceptual design studio in Melbourne saying that “as we are looking for a candidate with around 5-6 years of experience, we did feel that your background was not yet extensive enough to fulfill the needs of this role, though given your enthusiasm and work history so far, I am sure in time you would grow into the perfect fit.” I did not get this job, but I was given hope that a) being foreign does not necessarily disqualify you b) I have got what it takes to apply for these kind of ambitious jobs. 

This made it so much harder trying to understand why none of my applications and walk-ins in Noosa were successful. Not even a freaking job in a shitty restaurant! OK, I was a bit selective but what’s the point of living in Australia when you slave away in an Indian joint? I basically begged for jobs, saying that anything would work for me. 

At this point, your whole persona starts to slowly fade. The self-esteem and believing in your skills are gone. 

I have spent a few nights on a couch with friends, depending on them to feed me, cheer me up and keep me going. Bless them. I have moved to another room that belonged to a surfer dad with a small child who is surfing in South America at the moment and was kind enough to rent me his own room. I have photos of his son next to my bed. I have shoved all toys, kids books, Lego castles and other random shit into shelves and under the bed, as I couldn’t see myself living 5 weeks in a room of a bachelor without losing my mind again.  The Lego castles went, the fleas came. The fat grumpy cat George infested the whole house with fleas. Me and the two other girls living here have dozens of bites all over our bodies as the fleas have spread from George to all the carpets and rooms and thrive. When I finally forced the girls to clean and flea bomb the whole house after days in agony we washed George and pulled (I’m not kidding) what would have been close to 300 fleas out of him. I fucking hate living with cats. And since I was the only one following the requested routine to keep cleaning for the next 14 days, they are back. I will be out. I got excited that I can exhibit my photos from Longreach during the Horizon Underground festival. I got so excited because I love this project and I want to go places with it. It’s the first project I truly believe in. Then the curator shut me down claiming that “ he thought that they were not significantly linked to the other material planned for display ”. The other material next door was an exhibition about how we perceive death. I guess my raw images of dead lambs and dingos hanging from sign posts are not a very obvious link. All right then, I will find a more suitable place. I don’t have the money for prints anyway.  I am an occasional babysitter. I am not that person who thinks kids are cute and uses silly kids language. I think I was not too bad with Izzie, she is a cool kid. Until her sleeping time when she realized both her mum and dad took off to Splendid in Grass festival and I was afraid the neighbours will call the child protective services hearing her agonised screams “Mommy! Mooooomy” for almost half an hour before I gave up and rocked her to sleep again (what killed my back a bit). Or that moment when aa old lady asked me on a playground “How old is your girl?” and I replied “Dunno, 15 months?” :D 

I can hardly talk about living healthy as I am far from buying all good stuff I would like to have including fresh veggies, smoothies, quinoa salads with feta and such. Meat-what? One positive thing is that I have hardly touched sugar as I’d rather buy an apple or bread than a chocolate stick. When you have budget of 10 bucks and are hungry, you weigh your options carefully. It’s actually fun looking back at my emotional rollercoaster. I am also surprised I am not in an institution yet. Here is where I would like to thank my loyal friends (you know who you are) that let me pour my heart out and keep me going. JULY 11 Homeless and living out of my suitcase again. Squatting at Anna’s before moving in to Andy’s. JULY 12

Hi Barbara yes I would like you to exhibit in the green room at the old Ambo and to be on our volunteer staff during Horizon. Publicity! Please someone buy my prints. I got invited for the interview from the mysterious graphic design studio in Noosa that had no info on who they are but their requirements matched my skills perfectly!

JULY 13

I think I can’t make it anymore. JULY 18

Interview with Jaxon and Megs from Clandestino Roasters. Not so casual as expected, they made me sweat with tasks questions and “tell us something about yourself” questions. Somewhere along 50 minutes into the interview I gave up and pulled out my Longreach card. I really want to work for them, such lovely people and such a cool company. JULY 24

I think I’m done. I have no money, I am in debt back home, I owe money to my friends. I have no job. I eat the same breakfast (on a good day it is the same ritual of adding a quarter of an apple, stolen honey and three almonds to muesli, on a bad day it’s a discounted bread with butter). I am not buying basic things. I have no insurance in case something happens. I have no car. I ride Anna’s bike. I take buses together with school kids that don’t have a drivers license yet and an old guy with a catheter coming from his private parts that is ducktaped to his thigh who smells like lemongrass air refresher (I’m guessing to cover the smell of urine). I think it’s time to think about giving up and flying back.

JULY 25 Jaxon called me and offered me the job! Starting August 14. Hallellujah!!! Things might be happening! FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT. Happy but still broke. I went to a bottle shop go buy prossecco to celebrate it but then I realized I got no money. But I still wanted to celebrate. So I bought myself a body lotion instead, since I haven’t had one for a couple of weeks considering it a luxury. I might be broke but I’ll be smooooooooth.

JULY 26 The worst 8 hours shift at Skal cafe that left me thinking that hospitality (especially busy bistros) might not be my thing after all. Too many orders, zero training, too much stress and no lunch break. I was bugged. Since my first interview with Kelly, I had two trial shifts of 3 hours and this shift. I still don’t have a definite answer if I have the job. I am starting to think that building doors in a factory is the way of less resistance.  JULY 27 I might have a job on the horizon but it’s only 2 days weekly which will not give me enough to cover my basic needs. And I want the luxury to have the insurance if I ever go to the ocean on a board again. I keep looking.

JULY 28

I wrote my artist statement. It is taking shape. When does this end and I can finally eat like a normal person and sleep without having nightmares of how much money I already owe. JULY 29

Brankos B-day bonanza. Fun. Patrick told me that they hired someone for the factory job who had a forklift license. That’s out of the window too then.

...........

August is a bit of everything. I keep being broke, I need to move out by 16th (somewhere), I had to turn down offers from friends to rent out cool places because I have no idea if I can pay the rent. But I also started this job this week and some of it is just too good - I feel like a person again and I am doing what I love to do. I also have an occasional cleaning gig. It least Donna talks to me like I am a person and not just a cleaner. The highlight of this week was meeting that local who was sending me to go pack carrots at night at Cole’s and telling her how much I love working for one of the coolest family businesses in Noosa while she snorted that she has to go to a staff meeting at a bar.