#also happy kafka release day~

[izaswritings]

Rating: G

Category: Gen

Relationships: Blade & Kafka, Blade & Silver Wolf, Elio & Kafka, Kafka & Stellaron Hunter Members

Characters: Blade (Honkai: Star Rail), Kafka (Honkai: Star Rail), Silver Wolf (Honkai: Star Rail), Elio (Honkai: Star Rail), Sam (Honkai: Star Rail)

Additional Tags: Stellaron Hunters as Found Family (Honkai: Star Rail), Platonic Relationships, Partners in Crime, Prompt Fic. Surprise Party, Team Bonding, Character Study, the inherent hilarity of ur coworkers being ur found family and also u are all wanted by the state, Space Comedy

Fic Prompt courtesy of @pinkprimrose05!! Thank you so much!

Fic Request: What if the Hunters' release dates coincide with the day they joined the organization, and they decide to have an anniversary celebration of sorts for Kafka? Or: The Stellaron Hunters throw a party.

[shroomdreams]

She Makes Me Laugh (WLW Special)

Dom!HSR Women x Girlfailure!GF

cw: oral sex, collaring, hypnosis, fingering, tit/nipple play, public sex, usage of strap-on (reader receiving), temperature play a/n: happy pride month! and also happy yuri day! here's the wlw special, i hope you all like it! it took me a while, but I finally got it done!

Kafka:

You met Kafka while she was on a mission from Elio. You were one of the key pawns in her script, so she started getting closer to you in order to ensure the completion of the plan. What Kafka didn’t expect is to start feeling... fluffy things things for you. When you would hand her a flower you picked off the street, stuttering about how you thought of her, you were unknowingly plucking at her heartstrings.

She can’t help but pity you. You, the clumsy IPC grunt getting tangled with a Stellaron Hunter. Just the slightest scent of her perfume has you wrapped around her finger, giggling and twirling your hair as she purrs your name. Sweet, silly thing, do you know just who you’re dealing with? Kafka can’t help but lament your innocent nature, but such things were not meant to last. Not when it comes to the script.

But Elio had a surprise for her. He left out a crucial detail before Kafka was briefed on the mission. When she came to you, covered in blood and viscera, she expected this to be the last of your meetings. What she was not expecting was for you to blubber about how her clothes are all ruined, and that she NEEDS to come home so you can try and scrub her outfit clean. My my, aren’t you a curious one?

Being an employee of the IPC means you had more than enough money to pamper your girlfriend with a nice, relaxing bath. Sure, your face was the color of a tomato the whole time you were scrubbing her back, but Kafka can’t help but tease you during this intimate moment. She turns to face you, exposing her soapy chest. She laughs when your hands fly up to cover your vision, then letting out a cry when the soap solution makes stings your eyes. Kafka seizes this opportunity to use her ability on you.

You were already compliant before she used her hypnosis on you, but now you eagerly stripped off your clothing to join Kafka in the bath. Your hands roam her body as you feverishly kiss her neck, Kafka letting out a giggle when you try and fail to capture her lips, whining as she presses a finger to yours. “You’ve been such a good girl for me,” Kafka says, holding you close and stroking your hair. “I should give you a reward. So sit pretty for me, alright sweetheart?”

Her dexterous fingers knead your breasts, cupping and tugging at your nipples with ease. You whine, laying your head on her shoulder as she teases your hardening nubs. The soapy water that clings to your skin makes it all the easier for Kafka to tug your nipples, rolling the buds between her index and thumb fingers. You squeal when Kafka slides one of her hands to the valley between your legs, her middle finger rubbing circles on your clit.

“K-Kafkaahhh...” She lets out a breathy laugh when you moan her name, teasing your entrance with her fingers. You whine, hands resting on her wrist as she eases a finger inside your wet cunt. “Ah! Kafkaaa-” Her middle finger moves in and out, rubbing against your walls. A sob escapes your lips when she adds another finger, adding to the intense pleasure you feel. Sure, you may have masturbated a few times, but your awkward fingers were nothing compared to Kafka’s. Speaking of which, Kafka nibbles at your ear before plunging another finger inside. Mouth hanging open, you’re powerless to stop the stream of moans and cries escaping you as Kafka’s fingers speed up, bringing you to orgasm. Your hips twitch upwards trying to chase her touch when Kafka pulls out.

“Open wide, little fly.” Kafka places her fingers in your mouth, watching as you eagerly clean your release off her digits. “You felt good, didn’t you? How about you show me some gratitude and eat me out?” She whispers. “A- Ah wan’ eat you ouff,” You whimper, still suckling on her fingers. “Mommy, wan’ taste you! Please!” Kafka raises an eyebrow, amused at how she managed to drag out this side of you.

The two of you don’t even bother to wipe yourselves dry as Kafka lays on the bed, spread out like a goddess. You hastily kiss up her legs, nipping the flesh of her thighs as your breath tickles her pretty cunt. Strings of Lightning wrap around your neck, collaring you to Kafka’s hands. “Go on then, little fly. Show mommy just how much you love her.”

You didn’t need her to tell you twice, as you start licking up her pussy, moaning as she tugs the strings leashing you to her. You eagerly push your face in, nose bumping against her clit as your tongue enters her pussy. Kafka rewards you with a low moan, her free hand playing with her chest as you eat like a starved man. Through the fog of lust and residual hypnosis in your mind, you thumb at Kafka’s clit, causing her to raise her hips into your face. Her moans grow progressively louder when you seal your lips over her clit, suckling on it while you desperately finger her cunt. Kafka throws her head back, her juices spraying all over you while you whine and lick at her cunt.

You kiss her stomach as Kafka pets you, praising you for a job well done. A week later, you quit your job by exploding your office as Kafka whisks you away, aided by Silver Wolf wiping away your records from the IPC’s database. You’re as clumsy as ever, but Kafka thinks its the most adorable thing ever, especially since you started making explosives for them to use.

Kafka secretly thanks Elio for letting the two of you meet, happy that you can stay by her side until the script eventually tears you apart.

Himeko

The fact you manged to pull a woman such as Himeko is something not even the Genius Society can comprehend. You, who trips on air and frequently knocks things off the table, having Himeko pepper kisses to your face while you blubber about whatever topic you’re interested in. Even the Astral Express jokes about the differences between you and Himeko.

In your first meeting, you spilled some coffee on Himeko’s dress. She had to pull you up from the bow you were in, her golden eyes looking into your tear-filled gaze. Eventually she managed to calm you down. Himeko couldn’t help but laugh whenever you stuttered, finding you oh so adorable.

Your consequent meetings had her observing your movements. You were trying so desperately hard not to mess up, constantly in a nervous sweat while you pointed out some interesting things in the environment. The way your eyes flicker to her when you talk about your favorite things, and how you stare up at her with such adoration when she talks about her journeys on the Express.

One day, you bring her to the opera house, dressed up all pretty in a white number that matches her dress. From the outside looking in, it looked like the two of you were getting married, and you weren’t exactly helping when you present her with a bouquet of flowers. Seeing you go through so much effort makes Himeko want to keep you all to herself! You even rented out a secluded part of the balcony just for the two of you. The opera performed below went forgotten when Himeko initiates a kiss, pulling you close into her embrace. You drown in her perfume, eyes squeezed shut as your hands awkwardly place themselves on her waist.

You had to be quick and subtle- Else you risk a shot reputation and being banned from the opera house. Taking off your gloves, you graze your hands over Himeko’s exposed leg, slipping under the slit of her dress and cupping her clothed pussy. She giggles, whispering in your ear. “Daring today, are we?” “I want... I want to make you feel good, Himeko. Can I?” Oh, you’re just too cute to handle! Where did that clumsy girl go? Either way, Himeko lifts herself off the seat just a bit, swaying her hips as she pulls down her shorts and underwear.

You wet your fingers before doing anything, licking them up and down before shyly ghosting your fingers over Himeko’s clit. She sighs, running her hand through your hair as you palm at her sex, teasing her lips and gradually building up the courage to dip a finger inside. Himeko softly moans in your ear as you wriggle your finger around, pulsing around the digit while praising you. You eventually dip another finger inside, receiving contented sigh from Himeko.

Keeping a delicate balance of speed and quiet was not an easy feat to achieve, but you managed to make it work. You bury your face in Himeko’s chest, kissing the valley between her breasts while kneading her nipple through the cloth. Himeko places a hand to her mouth in an attempt to stifle her moans. “The opera’s... mmmh~ Ending soon... Better make it quick, honey.” You heed her words, angling your fingers to the sensitive spot in her walls. Himeko leans back into her seat as she cums, squeezing your fingers as they piston in and out, fucking her through her orgasm.

When the two of you get cleaned up, Himeko rewards you by fucking you senseless with a brand new, shiny strap-on she got just for you. You babble and keen as you feel the toy reach the deepest parts of your cunt, clawing at the sheets as you push your hips up against Himeko’s. She lightly pats your ass, pushing your back in a sinful arch. The position has you cumming quick, gushing around the dildo and creating a white ring at the base. However, it wasn’t over just yet, as Himeko grabs your leg and settles it over her shoulder. You’re pretty sure the neighbors would have filled a noise complaint from how loud you were screaming from the pleasure.

Even though she couldn’t bring you with her on the Express, Himeko still makes time for you whenever they stop by. She loves her adorable, silly girlfriend so much!

Jingliu

First off: How the FUCK did you survive meeting such a dangerous woman? No seriously, just... how? You should have died by her sword the second you made contact with her, but you’re still alive? Not even Jingliu herself understands why she hasn’t killed you yet- Whenever she raises her blade to deliver a killing blow, something within her falters. Hanging around with a mara-struck is dangerous, you know? So why do you still accompany her?

Maybe it’s because you’re still quite young. You’re a few centuries younger than her, pursuing someone who reached reached her 1000s at the least. Shouldn’t you be going after people your age? And the fact you can barely fight with any weapon annoys her a lot. If you’re going to be clinging to her like some lost puppy, she should at least discipline you to hold a sword.

So that’s exactly what she does, demanding that you bring a sword before meeting with her, or not bother seeing her if you fail. Thankfully, your grandfather’s sword is still in good condition, hopefully enough to survive Jingliu’s training... Okay maybe you overestimated your sword, since it sustained damage after the first session. But you weren’t about to give up. So when you come back, you had managed to find a craftsman willing to refine your sword.

Subsequent meetings with Jingliu devolved into training sessions, where she would bring your body to its lowest point and push you to your limits. She will admit, she was a bit fascinated by your ability to bounce back from your injuries like it was nothing. Perhaps you were touched by the Abundance? The thought of the Plagues Author extending THEIR filthy touch to you makes her blood boil.

At the end of one particularly intense session, Jingliu has you pinned down with the blade of her sword pinned to your neck. Instead of the normal fear, you just looked at her with such love-filled eyes, as if she wasn’t about to slay you right then and there. Jingliu’s icy breath hits your face as she stabs her sword to the ground, as she ravenously captures your lips, shoving her tongue inside as you squeal. She tears off your clothes, revealing a canvas for her to ruin.

The feeling of a cold tongue invading your cunt was definitely something new. Jingliu keeps your thighs apart, her cool touch making you shiver from the contact. Her crimson eyes stare up at you as she nibbles on your clit, making you whine from embarrassment. Jingliu closes her eyes as she continues sucking your bud. A string of saliva connecting her mouth to her pussy is visible when she releases her hold on you. “Keep your legs apart for me, pet.”

You immediately do so, using your hands to keep yourself spread wide open for Jingliu to ravage. She pulls you upward by your hips, sitting on her legs as she licks her lips. You mewl, wiggling your hips to try further entice her. This earns you a sharp bite to your thighs. “Naughty thing. Remember your place.” That’s all she said before she dove her face in your pussy, while her hands sneaked down to play with your tits, causing you to cry out from the icy sensation. You rut against her face, which makes Jingliu groan in approval, smearing your juices all over her.

In combination with your clit being abused and your nipples being roughly tugged, you came quick, squirting all over Jingliu. Of course, it wasn’t the end of it, as she tugs off her dress. You suddenly feel yourself being horny all over again when Jingliu’s pussy kisses against yours, whining from the sensitivity. Jingliu sighs as she perfectly slots between your legs, rutting against your pussy, fluids mixing in a puddle beneath your sinful dance. She plays with her tits as you babble about how good it feels. “You’re mine, you got that?” She growls, feeling her release building. “I’ll carve myself into your body so you’ll always remember who owns you.” Jingliu moans as she cums against you, pushing down into you to the point your delirious mind hopes you’ve melded as one.

You can never go back to your boring job in the Divination Commission after that. For until you become mara-struck as well, you become Jingliu’s personal pet. Hooray?

[antimatterz]

how they take selfies with you

dan heng, jing yuan, seele, gepard, march, sampo, kafka, blade, tingyun (separately) x gn!reader

honkai version. i posted the same thing on my genshin writing blog so if it seems familiar, that's why. might do this again if more characters are released. there's a bit of possessiveness in blade's but that's about all.

content under the cut | masterlist

dan heng

he's surpringly easy when it comes to convincing him to take selfies with you. as someone who's often found in the archive room, he also likes to keep his own little "archive" of all that you experienced together, no matter how big or small the moment might've been. however, to get him to actually lose his stoic demeanor in said pictures is a little harder. he often looks super serious in pictures but you manage to make him smile sometimes. and oh, when he smiles in pictures you just spontanously combust because his smile is <333

jing yuan

jing yuan is known to have a very soft spot for you and it shows in the pictures the two of you take together. gentle smile, an arm over your shoulder as you lean against him. as a general of the cloud knights, he is often busy. to make up for the times you're unable to see each other, a lot of selfies exist (and he looks at them whenever he misses you or has a rough day on the job). he likes to show you off a little, and he is more than happy to talk about you when someone asks him about the person he poses with on his phone wallpaper. told ya, he has a massive soft spot for you.

seele

this girl appears super tough, but i can totally see her loosening up around you! still a girlboss ofcourse but with a massive soft spot for you that brings out her fun side. though a lot of pictures are very dark due to her living in belobog's underworld, that doesn't stop the joy from radiating off them. she isn't a big fan of taking selfies but makes an exception when you join in. honestly i can see her trying to appear all cool with a peace sign but in reality she just looks super cute with your arm around her waist. oh, and just wait until she discovers the existence of filters. she will beg you to try them all out together!

gepard landau

especially in the beginning, selfies together are kind of a rarity because he's simply too awkward lol. you might have to use your puppy eyes often if you want to snap a picture with him. but don't worry, later on he'll let loose a little and maybe even take the initiative to take pictures together. at first he looks in the camera with a blush, rather stiffly. but after a while he gets more comfy with the whole ordeal. it all begins with a simple hand on your shoulder, but at some point he will find his favorite pose; gepard likes holding you against his chest as you take pictures together, which is the cutest thing ever.

march 7th

this girl absolutely loves taking selfies with you. the time you two spend together is basically a vlog, as she records all the things you do. "y/n, smile!" she exclaims somewhere around five times per minute, as you are faced with her phone and a smiling march who leans her head onto your shoulder and snaps a photo. she finds it adorable how you sometimes look a little confused as she surprises you with another selfie. she always looks super cheerful in your pictures together as she adores spending time with you, and it's contagious! your photos radiate joy.

sampo koski

he's probably a little hesitant about taking pictures together (he's scared he might end up finding them on those wanted posters, you know) but at some point he gives in and oh, it will result in the most extra selfies to exist. he isn't afraid of funny poses and silly faces and goofy filters and you two just have a lot of fun as you take picture together. however, as he is still sampo koski, they will eventually leak and end up on a poster so yeah, there's that. as you find a picture of the two of you together plastered on a building (with a statement that emphasizes that it regards the blue-haired male) you can't help but laugh, tearing it from the wall as a keepsake.

kafka

pictures might leak, which may expose her whereabouts, but this woman couldn't care less. she knows she looks stunning in pictures and when you join her to take a selfie? that's the prettiest picture to ever exist in her eyes (and i agree). they appear very casual but she's totally showing you off! she wears a coy smile, fingers curling over your shoulder as she holds you close, to let everyone know you're taken. her goal is probably to take a selfie with you with a stellaron in the background, basically her favorite things together in one picture.

blade

this guy likes to show you off, believe me. he wants everyone to know that you're his, and he always holds you close when you take pictures together. he barely looks into the camera, having his eyes on you most of the time. only when he places a kiss on your cheek he gazes into the camera slyly, as if to say "they're mine, back off." he knows very well how good the two of you look together and not only that, he secretly just loves to have many pictures of you. fun fact, he carries a polaroid of you together with him and gets blushy when the other stellaron hunters tease him with it.

tingyun

she adores you, and it shows! every picture you take together is so so cute and pretty and it's just goals. she always wears the sweetest smile on your photos and you're lying if you say that her smile doesn't make your heart flutter! your pictures together just look very comfy and loving, with the most adorable poses (cheeks against each other, finishing each other's heart, and so on). her ears perk up every time you open your camera and ask her to join. sometimes, she gets a little shy when you wrap your arms around her before snapping a picture, and her ears would droop a little which is also very cuuute. but the cutest thing? the joy in her pretty eyes hehe.

[wormdevourer]

wrote some more of those yet more focused on themes ,, idk why I made them so sad :(

𝓗𝓢𝓡 𝓗𝓔𝓐𝓓𝓒𝓐𝓝𝓞𝓝𝓢

𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙪𝙙𝙙𝙚𝙣 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕤: 𝕓𝕝𝕒𝕕𝕖, 𝕣𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠, 𝕒𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕖, 𝕓𝕠𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕝𝕝

warnings: mentions of death

Blade was absolutely devastated after your unexpected passing. through all the suffering he’s been through in his life, this was by far the worst case. you were the main source of happiness in his life, and now you were gone, like the sun ducking behind the clouds.

the other stellaron hunters had also clearly noticed the changes in Blade’s attitude - he spent most of his time training to avenge you, or angrily sulking in his room. he barely ate or talked to the others. his Mara was also considerably worse, with it flaring up increasingly more often nowadays. he despised his life now - you’d done everything in your power to make him happy and to enjoy his life, even if by just a little bit, but now that was all thrown out.

on one particularly quiet night, Kafka came to Blade’s room to check on him.

“hey, Bladie,” she called, knocking on his door, “open the door, please.”

an irritated grumble was heard from behind the door, yet he made no move to open the door. Kafka simply took that as a sign to come in.

once inside, Kafka noticed just how messy the room was. training dummies were piled up in one corner, each one slashed to bits. the lights were off, the fan running high, and the end of Blade’s bedsheets were torn up by claw marks. underneath the messy blanket sat Blade, sulking and probably crying.

“Bladie?” Kafka asked, slowly stepping closer to his bed as she glanced around, looking concerned.

“…go…away.” Blade’s gruff voice sounded from under the blanket, followed by a sniffle, “…I don’t want…to talk.”

“Bladie, I’m only checking on you…you’ve seemed really down ever since Y/N-“

“don’t…mention them.” Blade snaps.

“alright, alright, I’m sorry…”

a moment of uncomfortable silence followed as Kafka stood there, examining the room around her.

“…you really loved (them), didn’t you?”

“shut up. Just…shut up.”

“if you don’t want to talk, I’ll leave you alone to grieve.”

“good. go.”

Kafka lets out a sigh and hesitantly leaves, shutting the door behind her…while Blade is left to grieve and suffer.

———————————————————————

Ratio was shocked when you suddenly passed. this wasn’t in his calculations at all. he found himself feeling oddly lonely…those comforting late-night study sessions turned into quiet, saddening nights on his own. he never thought he’d say it, but he missed you. he missed you so much.

Ratio’s students that he tutored have obviously noticed the man’s change in demeanor. he seemed…quieter, not as fiery or degrading as usual. he barely even insulted them anymore, it was shocking.

the man spent many days wondering if his work was really worth it. he’d considered trying gambling like Aventurine did, yet he didn’t quite give in yet. whenever he wasn’t losing himself in his studies, he just sulked in his bed. it was unlike him, and it made him feel pathetic.

one particularly solemn night, Ratio lay in bed, brushing away the tears that stung at his eyes. he missed laying in bed beside you, listening to you ramble about your inane interests…he missed your voice as you laughed quietly, nodding along with his occasional questions.

Ratio curled up in his bed, hugging his blanket close and wishing it was you. his tears soaked the pillow, his violet hair messy with sleep. he was a mess…and yet all he wanted was not to improve his mental state, but just to bring you back. he wasn’t usually one to easily express his emotions around others, but when he was alone, he could finally release all his built-up sadness and stress.

“…what’s wrong with me…?” he mumbled to himself, sighing against the blankets he clutched so tightly, “I shouldn’t be so…so vulnerable. this isn’t the Ratio I know.”

he sighed again, nuzzling his face against the blanket. memories of you ran through his mind like stabbing pains, each one more bittersweet than the last. he’d never loved anyone as much as he loved you, and he wasn’t sure if he ever would.

eventually, he fell asleep, his face buried in the tear-stained blanket you’d once laid under with him…his dreams were filled with you, the slight scent of you lingering in his room.

———————————————————————

Aventurine wasn’t emotionally prepared for your sudden death. he’d never really considered life as precious until yours ended. throughout his rampage on Penacony, he was always willing to toss his life into the gamble if it meant a better outcome…but in this reality, there was no such thing as a better outcome for you.

he managed to keep up his usual smug and confident demeanor, but when he was alone, he just completely crumbled. he’d thrown himself deeper into gambling, and he wasn’t going to stop until things got better. his coworkers at the IPC only had a slight hint of what happened, since the quality of his work had decreased.

in the middle of one of Aventurine’s breakdowns, Topaz knocked on the door to his office to ask him about an upcoming IPC mission.

“Aventurine? are you busy, or can I come in?” Topaz asked, feeling Numby rub against her shins.

there was a muffled sob from inside before Aventurine mumbled out a miserable “one moment.”

after about a minute, Topaz was welcomed inside by Aventurine, who seemed as confident as usual, save for the noticeable tear streaks on his cheeks.

“uh…you okay? you don’t look…as happy as usual.” Topaz asked, looking concerned. Numby squeaked up at Aventurine, earning a weak smile from him.

“y-yes, I’m alright…why wouldn’t I be?”

“because of Y/N’s death…? it’s perfectly normal to grieve, you know…”

Aventurine looked down solemnly at the mention of your name. “i…suppose so…”

Topaz tilted her head curiously. “are you not sad about that?”

Aventurine shook his head, mustering up a sheepish smile. “of course I’m sad. I’m…I’m just good at hiding it.”

“look, if you ever need to talk, you know that you have friends like me here at the IPC…”

“I…I know. I just…don’t know how to.”

Topaz sighs wistfully, watching as Numby rubs against Aventurine’s legs. the little warp trotter must know that he’s upset.

“I just…loved them so much.” Aventurine painfully admits, tears stinging at his eyes again, “and yet…they will never return to me. I’d rather lose a trillion bets than have to say goodbye to them forever…”

———————————————————————

Boothill was utterly broken by your death. it reminded him of his late daughter, having to say goodbye to someone he loved so dearly. why did this always happen to him? it broke his heart - it was like the universe was telling him to never get close to anyone.

he’d resorted to completing more and more dangerous tasks, throwing himself into harm’s way just to get his mind off of things. his bounty grew and grew as he became more criminally wanted, but he didn’t care. it was like he was numb to everything except thoughts of you. the most prominent thing in his mind was the thoughts of your happy face when he picked you up in his arms, telling you about his favorite missions he’d completed…laying in bed late at night, listening to you ramble on and on about something random that you liked as he held you close, his cold metal body soothed by the warmth of the blankets and you by his side.

of course, he didn’t have anyone to talk to about this kind of thing…the only person he was remotely close to was Dan Heng, and he was equally as shaken up by your death. the cowboy didn’t want to put any more of a load on Dan Heng’s shoulders by venting to him, so he kept all those thoughts in his mind. he knew it wasn’t healthy, but he felt that it was better to help his friend than himself.

Boothill kept his feelings bottled up for weeks, each day growing more grueling and unbearable then the last. he knew he couldn’t go on like this, so he finally arrived on the Astral Express to find Dan Heng.

“Dan Heng, you in there?” the cowboy asked, his voice gruff with the weight of his bottled up emotions. the door to the Express’ library slid open, showing Dan Heng in his messy room. his hair was ruffled from sleep, he was still in pajamas, and books littered the room around him. on top of that all, he looked exhausted - just as Boothill did.

“what do you need, Boothill?” Dan Heng asked, rubbing his eyes to somewhat relieve himself of his tired look.

“I, uh…wanted to talk to ya ‘bout Y/N…” the cowboy mumbled hesitantly, not wanting to upset Dan Heng any more.

Dan Heng nodded, allowing Boothill to come in. the brown-haired man sat on his sleeping bag while the cowboy leaned against the shelf of books, sighing.

“I…dunno what to do, brother,” Boothill began, his eyes covered by the brim of his hat, “I’m…lost.”

Dan Heng nodded in silent agreement. “I understand how you feel. I haven’t exactly been cheerful either.” he gestured around the room, motioning to its unorganized state.

“Yeah, I…fudge, I just want ‘em back, brother…I’m tired of missin’ them.” Boothill added, before his voice got slightly quieter, “I…wasn’t ready to say goodbye.”

———————————————————————

(do not repost / steal / translate to any alternative sites !!)

[goodluckclove]

70 horrible questions Hmmm... 14, 15, 34, and 62 c:

So 14 and 15 I'm mushing together. Because we have cats - Bob Odenkirk the Cat (otherwise known as Bob/Bobis/Bobby/Big Bob), and Nipsy (aka Nipsqueak/Nip Nip/Nipper/The Merper/The Stabber). They're enemies which I think is because Bob is like twice the size of Nipsy but he is also very, very stupid. We joke and say he has one thought a day. And Nipsy has intimacy issues and if you pick her up she'll make the most little Merps.

But I miss our cat Kafka. I've had her since she was 16 and we lost her recently. She was a weird looking cat with little legs and no teef, and near the end of her life she started playing with toys for the first time. We'd hear her at 2AM having conversations with this mouse toy she loved. I think she was hunting. I did a tribute to her on the back of the paperback of my novel instead of including an author photo.

What was my last dream about? The last dream I remember vividly was my wife Riley telling me that they were going to quit engineering and become a dancing robot street performer. And I was trying to be supportive but I was concerned until they put on a trilby and started doing a robot dance. It was really impressive, and my last thought before waking up was I think they're onto something.

What makes me happy. Hm. Lots of things. I'm really easily amused and I think that's one of my most valuable qualities. Redbull released an elderflower flavor that I love because I'm a sucker for botanical flavors. Someone bought a paperback of my novel for the first time, that's crazy. Saw a really cute Chihuahua yesterday and I'm still thinking about it. Most things, really!

[pocketsizedowls]

The first time I read The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, I was in my second year of college.

At the time, despite going to a university that was a 12-hour drive away, I faithfully returned home during every break, every holiday, and every long weekend. Much like Gregor Samsa, the protagonist of The Metamorphosis and breadwinner of the Samsa household, I thought my family needed me. They couldn't function without me. Texts and calls flooded in every day from my siblings, my mother, my father, so at the end of my second year of college, I wrote a creative nonfiction essay about The Metamophosis. My family is not like Samsa's, I claimed. Even if I get transformed into a bug like Samsa did, they would never faint at the sight of me. They accepted me each and every time I returned home from college, slightly changed from the last but still human at my core. They loved me, I said. They always will.

The recent release of Teniwoha's "Zamuza" via Project Sekai's N25 brought me back to that essay, and upon rereading it for the first time since I wrote it four years ago, I... pity myself. At 19, I had not yet come to terms with my family's dysfunction, my mother's narcissism, and my father's neglect. Being parentified growing up often means that you're the last of your siblings to realize you were cheated of a proper childhood, and that growing up too quickly has detrimental consequences on your health. Cortisol, the steroid hormone released into your body during long periods of stress, is only good for your body in smaller doses. Today, I am writing this post at 6am after rolling around in bed for hours, stuck in the limbo of waking and sleeping. Unfortunately, insomnia is only one of the issues that arise in adulthood after living in fight-or-flight mode your entire life. I would love to tell you more, but that would make this post way too long, so let's move on to the interesting stuff:

I see a lot of my younger self in Mafuyu Asahina, who puts on a "good girl" facade her entire life in order to meet the expectations of her demanding parents. By that I mean, she sacrifices her happiness and her identity to secure love and empathy from her mother, and boy do I know helpless that feeling can be. I only wish that when I was in high school, I also had good friends like Kanade, Mizuki, and Ena. That it didn't take me so long to realize that I am not responsible for my parents' emotions and that I did not need to take on adult responsibilities at a young age to be loved. Because love, as most people learn at a young age and I learned when I was a little older, is supposed to be unconditional.

Gregor Samsa, who transformed into a bug at the beginning of the story, died at the end of The Metamorphosis due to familial neglect. After sacrificing his entire life and identity to serve his family, they moved on quickly without him once he was no longer useful as their golden child. This would have been my fate, had I not pivoted my priorities later on during college to focus on myself. This would have been Mafuyu's fate, if not for her good friends who are unconditionally invested in her well-being. The song "Zamuza" is inspired by The Metamorphosis, and the song is often called "Samsa" when referred to in English. A tribute to Samsa, I think this song is not only Kanade's attempt to save Mafuyu, but also her way of making sure that Samsa, despite being forgotten by his family, will continue to be remembered by her audience.

Take a listen, if you haven't yet:

[holocene-sims]

people you'd like to get to know better

i was tagged by @stargazer-sims @nectar-cellar & @simulation-machine - thank you so much!! 💗💗 not totally sure who all has and hasn't done this yet, so feel free to ignore! but i'll tag: @mangosimoothie @happy-lemon @windermeresimblr @minty-plumbob @igglemouse 💌

last song: accidentally in love by counting crows

favorite color: it's hard to pick tbh - either green, purple, or black!

currently watching: nothing but youtube videos that serve as my entertainment while i cook & eat dinner. the last videos i watched were (1) about the terrible state of dam infrastructure in america, and (2) a skyrim retrospective

last movie: oppenheimer! i saw it twice in theaters lmao - on release day with my parents and then on the VERY last day with a friend. and yes, of course i also saw barbie :)

currently reading: the odyssey & franz kafka's metamorphosis in the original german

sweet/spicy/savory: oh, spicy all the way! i prefer my food so spicy it could melt my face off

last thing i googled: "which mtDNA mutations cause leber's optic neuropathy?" (yes this is for a class sjdjskds)

current obsession: um,,,the cream soda dr. pepper

currently working on: surviving lmaooo. i was working on tag games, answering asks, catching up on simblr stuff & some story posts to add to the queue because it's ending soon-ish, but i've been derailed by constant chaos, assignments, and me getting a nasty respiratory virus this week

[scotianostra]

Our second quality actor of the day, Happy Birthday Peter Capaldi born April 14th 1958 in Glasgow.

Peter grew up in Glasgow and attended the Glasgow School of Art, while studying there he secured his first breakthrough role in Local Hero (1983). He has also had roles in Dangerous Liaisons, The Crow Road, The Devil’s Whore and Torchwood: Children of Earth but it was his brilliant portrayal of political spin doctor, Malcolm Tucker that got him noticed.

In 2010 he won the BAFTA Television Award for Best Male Performance in a Comedy Role and the BPG Best Actor Award. In both 2010 and 2012, Peter won the British Comedy Award for Best TV Comedy Actor. A film spin-off from The Thick of It, entitled In the Loop, was released in 2009.

As well as appearing in front of the camera, Peter is an award winning film maker. In 1995, he won the Oscar for Best Short Film (Live Action) for Franz Kafka’s It’s a Wonderful Life. He also wrote Soft Top, Hard Shoulder, which won the audience award at the London Film Festival, and wrote and directed Strictly Sinatra. Peter’s stage credits include Professor Marcus in The Ladykillers at the Liverpool Playhouse, which saw the play transfer to the Gielgud Theatre in London.

I was thrilled when he became the 12th Doctor Who in 2013, but disappointed he didn't stay longer.

We last saw Peter in the thriller series The Devil's Hour, season tow is being filmed just now, he is also the voice of Seamus MacGregor in the animated show, Big Mouth. He is also lined up to star in an Apple TV show, Criminal Record, an 8 part thriller set in London.

[dropintomanga]

Manga I Enjoyed in 2022

Happy New Year, everyone! I know this is somewhat late, but better late than never. I originally wanted to do this in a video format like I did for my favorite 2021 manga. But after some health issues that started late last year and finally went away this month, I decided to write about my favorite manga of 2022 instead of recording myself in an awkward manner.

Here we go!

Honorable Mention: Choujin X by Sui Ishida - This title reminds me so much of Masakazu Katsura’s ZETMAN. It’s about a young man named Tokio Kurohara who suddenly becomes a supernatural being called a Choujin after being attacked by one in the street. Tokio then enters a world where he meets other Choujins, good and bad, and realizes that he’s part of a larger scheme that potentially involves him being a “god/savior” of all Choujins. I love the art and the story is fascinating. I feel that this is potentially Ishida at his finest when he’s not being rushed to create a fun story (which is what happened with Tokyo Ghoul: re). I’m glad that chapters of this series are somewhat sporadic as it allows time for a more structured story and one that I know Ishida is wanting to tell.

On to my top 5 of the year!

No.5 - Kaiju No. 8 by Naoya Matsumoto - After Spy x Family and Chainsaw Man, this is the next big breakout anime hit from Shueisha. Kafka Hibino was once a young man who wanted to become a kaiju-fighting soldier alongside his childhood friend, but instead is now a 30+-year old cleaner of kaiju remains. He one day encounters a certain powerful kaiju who enters his body. Kafka becomes a threat of humanity all while retaining his. He enters a kaiju defense force in order to control his abilities and protect those he cares about.

When I saw promotional art of the series posted all over France last year, I realized I had to check this series out. I’m so glad I did. The art is amazing, the story is intense, and the soldier outfits are really cool. Kaiju No. 8 satisfies any fan looking for something new that’s similar to Attack on Titan.

No. 4 - Frieren: Beyond Journey’s End by Kanehito Yamada and Tsukasa Abe - I don’t really hear many people talk about this series, but I feel this is one of the best fantasy stories I’ve read in a while. It also has one of the best manga heroines this decade so far. Frieren is a long-living elf who once saved the world from a demon king alongside a group of adventurers. 50 years later, she embarks on another journey to see off the hero who changed her life long after his death all while making note of humanity’s struggle to define themselves with the short life span they’re given.

I feel that this series is somewhat Yotsuba&!-ish in terms of having memorable chapters that are one-offs. However, when it gets to the major story arcs, Frieren excels in delivering gut punches. The flashback scenes are amazing and Frieren has a variety of facial expressions that make readers appreciate her. I have kept up with the Japanese releases and the story keeps getting better and better. This series has a way of making you think about human nature.

No. 3 - Akane-banashi by Yuki Suenaga and Takamasa Moue - I got into this series in the Fall after hearing Hideaki Anno and Eiichiro Oda praise it. This is arguably the best series in Weekly Shonen Jump right now and it’s not even a battle manga. Akane Osaki, a young girl whose father was a rakugo performer, is on a mission to become the best rakugo performer in all of Japan after her father was shamed in front of a major rakugo audience. It’s very refreshing and the hype does remind me of the early days of The Promised Neverland. 

This manga is a really good case of how to use art and panels to tell a very cool and well-paced story. I also love how the main character is written as she stands out among the many popular male Jump protagonists. I think what makes this series so good is how relatable the characters and setting are. There’s always something exciting happen in every chapter because of that.

No.2 - Sensei’s Pious Lie by Akane Torikai - This series isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and I can’t recommend this to anyone who’s experienced sexual trauma and hasn’t healed completely from it. But I can’t help but be enamored with seeing how messy the characters in this series are. Misuzu Hara, a teacher, is a victim of sexual abuse by her best friend’s husband. One day, she finds out a male student of hers is interested in her. Misuzu then learns the student is also a victim of sexual abuse and the two become involved in a complicated entanglement that affects everyone around them. 

This is a very uncomfortable read, but I understood what Torikai was trying to say. When it comes to love and sex, people get caught up with the worst aspects of both in terrifying ways. And there’s ways to overcome them when possible. People are often known as monsters to many are still human beings at their core. You can still care about someone and want them out of your life for good. There’s no one to root in this series and I’m glad Kodansha USA brought this work over because sex (and especially sexual violence) is very often a difficult topic to talk about and life is sadly never that black or white.

No.1 - Goodbye, Eri by Tatsuki Fujimoto - Another Fujimoto one-shot on what it means to live in the face of loss. I’ve written about this one-shot in the past and the last pages still stick out to me to this day. I appreciate how Fujitomo uses the main character in a way that shows how a major loss of a relationship can affect someone even when they get older.

I want to remember people who will eventually leave me and celebrate their lives. I just hate how everyone is pressed to move on and not process whatever grief they will experience over their lifetime. Goodbye, Eri is highly relevant to everyone today because there’s only so much one can take when it comes to death and when we don’t take the time to talk about it in a productive way with people who will listen, we lose what makes humanity beautiful. In a time where some folks are talking about immortality and living on via technology, this manga reminds me that what we really want from life is genuine and unconditional love from people.

I hope you enjoyed this list and here’s to a fun 2023 full of exciting manga titles to read!

[fatebinds]

hc +🌞🏆😃🧡💯 for any and all, or your choice!

thematic headcanons !

for max:

hc + 🌞 for a day-themed headcanon

he has, obviously, never been sun tanning in his life. that deadly laser truly fucks him up when he doesn't wear sunscreen... and lbr, this man doesn't bother to put it on. he just complains about shedding like a fucking lizard later on.

hc + 🏆 for a goal-themed headcanon

for the laziest, self-serving bastard in the world... he's pretty good at getting what he wants and doesn't care too much how it happens. if he has to act like a manbaby for it, he will. and frequently does.

hc + 😃 for a happiness-themed headcanon

there is nothing in the world that makes him happier than being waited on and complimented. even doing drugs and crazy rituals comes second! shows you how big his ego is. :/

hc + 🧡 for a friendship-themed headcanon

sorry to all of his 'friends' but they are almost exclusively just means to an end for him. he would shove them off a cliff in a heartbeat if it meant getting his way.

hc + 💯 for an achievement-themed headcanon

he's pretty proud for getting his music on spotify. yes, he was the one who put it there... but still.

for shari:

hc + 🌞 for a day-themed headcanon

shari does all her best sleeping during the day, mostly in the break room at work. night time is just so... scawy.

hc + 🏆 for a goal-themed headcanon

as a little kid, she really wanted to become a ballerina. probably for the best that she didn't, considering the pure damage of the sport! the one good thing to come out of her brother going missing.

hc + 😃 for a happiness-themed headcanon

french fries are the only thing that can cheer her up these days. not for long, but it's something.

hc + 🧡 for a friendship-themed headcanon

she really wants more friends but is convinced that nobody likes her and that she's a nuisance, so she constantly sabotages her relationships so that nobody has to continue to deal with her. franz kafka ass...

hc + 💯 for an achievement-themed headcanon

getting a job at the hospital, or like... at all, is probably the biggest thing she's accomplished in a long time.

for alan:

hc + 🌞 for a day-themed headcanon

when he was a little kid he used to stare at the sun. somehow, he didn't end up going blind. probably messed up something tho!

hc + 🏆 for a goal-themed headcanon

his biggest goal in life is to move out of antioch and make a new life for himself away from his family.

hc + 😃 for a happiness-themed headcanon

he's never happier than when he's working on a project. call him a white dad the way he wants to build a fucking deck.

hc + 🧡 for a friendship-themed headcanon

he is grateful for the ones he has and their patience, if you can call it that, for how little he actually knows about the world.

hc + 💯 for an achievement-themed headcanon

he's very proud of his art :) but also really insecure, don't look at it.

for leon:

hc + 🌞 for a day-themed headcanon

chronic insomnia (he gets nightmares) frequently has him getting out of bed with the sun. good thing his job starts early!

hc + 🏆 for a goal-themed headcanon

at one point, he really wanted to get released from being institutionalized so that he could live his life. now that he's out... it's not what he expected.

hc + 😃 for a happiness-themed headcanon

he truly does not remember what true happiness feels like.

hc + 🧡 for a friendship-themed headcanon

he used to have quite a few pen pals from those write to a criminal websites, but hasn't kept up with them in several years.

hc + 💯 for an achievement-themed headcanon

i don't think this man has a single real achievement. i mean, he won a spelling bee when he was seven. that's about it.

for kalypso:

hc + 🌞 for a day-themed headcanon

she has the sigma grindset DOWN. daytime is for working. night time is... also for working, but sometimes the work is more fun.

hc + 🏆 for a goal-themed headcanon

her biggest goal used to be to move to new york and open her own firm, once she had the proper experience. she even wanted to go back to school, if a more prestigious one, to continue her studies.

hc + 😃 for a happiness-themed headcanon

truthfully, she's happier now in antioch than she was pre-crash. maybe it's just a sense of belonging she was missing. <3

hc + 🧡 for a friendship-themed headcanon

in high school, she never really had a lot of real friends and mostly just swirled around between different "popular" groups because of her parents and their money.

hc + 💯 for an achievement-themed headcanon

the life she's built post-crash is pretty impressive, even if it's not as impressive as surviving in the wilderness for all that time.

[petrichorade]

Hii :D I just wanted to say I LOVE ADORE CRY SCREAM over your Ratiomei art. I love them both sm I wanna swallow them sjsjsksk

But I'm kinda new to the Ratiomei corner of the fandom, and I'm afraid I don't know much about the ship. So I would really appreciate it if you tell me why you ship them and what made you ship them. Or what lore made you ship them. ANYTHING! Lmao just give me more Ratiomei food 😞😞❤❤❤

Awwwww thank you so much for the compliment! And glad that you asked actually! I will answer your question as an excuse to spread the brainrot 😈😈😈

Kind of going chronological starting from here:

They were first introduced when Honkai Star Rail is still in 1.4 version if I remember correctly! 1.6 version Drip Marketing happened on October 31th 2023 11:00 A.M (GMT+7) at that time, and the 5 star Character that were revealed being Ruan Mei (Ice-Harmony) for the first half and Dr.Ratio (Imaginary-The Hunt) for the second half. It's pretty cute that Hoyo dropped them only 5 minutes apart (Xueyi, the 4-star as well though, after Ratio) since they usually postpone 2nd half 5-star for a day or two. This is their early drip marketing banner that some of you are familiar with!

But I really haven't start seeing things here, I love them both as their individual selves and crying a little because I want them both so bad but they literally gonna be released right after Argenti, who's been on my warp list for long long time ever since I saw his leaks ^____T (I'm an F2P Player, and still until now, so yeah)

// long story short, I receive a happy ending by attaining the 3 of them with extreme grinding + Ratio ended up being free :D //

Also I saw some of their gameplay leaks, some beta players weirdly likes to put them together in a team? Makes me goes '...hm?' But I haven't manage to see stuffs yet. ((edit: I just realized this is a beta testing thing where these players basically put two characters that were about to be released in the same team to test out synergy and everything))

Then it all starts with THIS TRAILER. It was revealed here that there will be a new region being unlocked on Herta Space Station and it's turns out to be Ruan Mei's workspace, the Seclusion Zone. It's all cool until I realized Dr. Ratio were being placed in the SAME AREA.

I compare this trailer to previous character trailers, and literally can sense something.

Taking Imbibitor Lunae and Fu Xuan's trailer for example; them both being in the same planet (Xianzhou Luofu) but their character's animation were taken in different place, Dan Heng IL on Scalegorge Waterscape, while Fu Xuan on the Divinition Commission. Yet both Ruan Mei and Ratio's animation, not only took place in Herta Space Station, specifically the SECLUSION ZONE itself, not other places. I'm starting to lost my shit there, because I'm assuming SOMETHING goes on BETWEEN THEM if they were at the very same place.

And to be very honest, at this point many thing happened pretty fast as I also saw their fanart together out of no where. Either after I saw one particular art of them drawn together with kafblade (will share the link later) or I'm being silly try typing 'ruantio' on search and found them, but learned that they're being referred as ratiomei more often!

The brainrot being so pure, I'm starting to sketch them out of the blue...and create something decent. But I'm not ready to reveal it yet, letting the art fermented for a while. Until hoyo, again, dropping that they will be the next Battle Pass matching profile pictures :]

Idk if some of people aware of this, but BP profile pictures most of the time always just...pair folks not coincidentally + matching themes as if they were couple. This the list of characters that were paired for BP chibi profile pictures before (also note it's so far always been male-female);

1.0 - Himeko & Welt

1.1 - March 7th & Dan Heng

1.2 - Kafka & Blade

1.3 - Jing Yuan & Fu Xuan

1.4 - Bronya & Gepard

1.5 - Jingliu & Yanqing (this one's questionable a little lol

Therefore, right after this info getting dropped, I'm finally posting the art itself, being my first RatioMei fanart 😂

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Now jumping into when the 1.6 updated + the lore was revealed!

I'm going to be honest as I play along the way (and for those who's interested with this ship but not playing HSR): they basically have zero direct interactions.

But! I may have create a breakdown of they might potentially knows each other a bit, you can read it on my twitter thread here! (and sorry not sorry if everything came out very delusional)

Dr. Ratio also left so much notes on that specific area of the Seclusion Zone that looks like a greenhouse lab and were packed with her critters + the imitation of Tayzzyronth (Aeon of Propagation)'s emanator. Compiling them all ↓↓↓

Besides that, they're also mirroring each other so much;

1. Ruan Mei actually didn't want to be part of Genius Society in the beginning yet gaining Nous' gaze. She even tossed the Genius Society invitation letter to trash can when she receive it. Meanwhile Dr. Ratio completed doctoral degrees in 8 fields and actually wish he could be part of the Genius Society one day, but the moment he receive letter from Interastral Peace Corporation (IPC) instead, he thought he might never be able to gain Nous' attention at all.

2. Related to previous part, there is a literal reason why 1.6 patch were named "Crown of Mundane and Divine". These two were more of a 'two pages in the same book' as what my mutual refers it. If you completed the trailblazer mission for patch 1.6, the reward name being "Mundane Recto, Divine Verso". The reward literally obtained if you done BOTH of their trailblaze continuance where BOTH of them also will eventually became express' visitors. //I keep highlighted the 'both' term because it's seems that, despite the almost non-existent interactions, they're still tied together one way or another//

I want to dig deeper about this Recto-Verso concept since it's a printing terminology and it resonance so much with their overall traits, maybe I'll create separated post for this later!

The 'mundane' and 'divine' crown itself is visible on their head, being their hairpins (this is my personal approach);

Ratio -> laurels/leaves ; grows on everywhere on the branch, unnoticed -> the way Ratio saw himself being a mundane between all the mediocre people, not special. Representing Mundanity

Ruan Mei -> flower ; grows near the tip, most of the time one top of tree branches, eye-catching, facing the sky -> Ruan Mei having a goals to be an Aeon, reaching for the sky and getting Nous (Aeon of Erudition)'s attention. Representing Divinity

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Fun Fact Section

Ratio literally have a voice line if he were being put in the same team with Ruan Mei + opinion about her 😂 if you want to listen to his voice, check this out. He talks about fellow Simulated Universe participated Genius Society member as well, though. But it makes me freaking ill with the fact that he CHUCKLES a little in the middle of talking when added to the same team with her like I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE LOVER BOY

And to note, Dr. Ratio belongs to another faction under Nous beside Genius Society, the Intelligentsia Guild. And nope, he's not (directly) part of the IPC despite he works for them according to the storyline. I have a professor irl who also works as a consultant for a corporate company beside his academic career, and that's how I kinda view Ratio 'works for the IPC' wording goes :)

Now this is the interesting part comes! Besides him, there's an eye-catching figure who belongs to Intelligentsia Guild, and it's being...Ruan Mei's grandmother! This fact was written on Data Bank, not the playable character section (where you can level them up etc.)

Another fun stuffs I found on Dr. Ratio's lore is the one I highlighted in red;

My theory is that Ruan Mei's grandma might be also part of the rumored council, supported by the fact that Ruan Mei's intelligence were mostly inherited from her maternal line. I can only assume Ratio and her grandma knows each other, and it's potential that Ratio might have heard/know about Ruan Mei not based on other people's view, but from her grandma herself (judging how eager he learns the truth from credible sources). Also here's more thing that makes me hopeful for them;

Ruan Mei's grandma have been watching her for years, and from this, I kinda feel hopeful we're soon getting Intelligentsia Guild lore + further depth about these two characters as I felt like we've only knew them at the tip of an iceberg.

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This is all I can pretty much provide you of why I like this ship. And again, it's all about matters of preference, I love these two characters both as individuals and as a ship, they're very precious to me and I want to continue drawing them even more TwT so thank you so much for asking this question and make me starts my day with joy! Love you muachhhh

[celestie0]

i love that i could understand gojo, yayyy!!! oh my, there are only a few reads that i’m looking forward too; next week’s jjk manga release, kickoff, the recent fic that you’ve teased. yep! thats the list.

i wont spoil which chap it’ll be but im alr so curious how you will receive it dear reader given how deeply youve given his character thought 🫶🏼💕

this makes me so curios, you don’t understand. i’m eager enough to invent a time machine, though idk if ill go back and experience reading kickoff for the first time all over again, or read the next chapters. super confused, i’ll probably experience it for the first time once more and them edge myself for the next releases.

you’re a folklore/evermore girlie too? SAME WOMAN SAME!!! my favourite songs ever are cardigan and august, oh and i very religiously vibe over you’re on your own kid and innocent, what are your favourites?

i actually enjoy the dynamic between gojo and his father so much, it makes me sniffle and giggle all the same. such a good man, papa gojo was 🫶🏻 i hardly ever find myself connecting with any sort of fatherly dynamic in fics unless its kafka’s father, but damn you wrote papa gojo so sweet and heartfelt that i break down :((( i really want more of him! he makes me feel what my own didn’t.

it’s absolutely adorable how much passionate reader is about her career, and it never ceases to amaze me how much dedication she has towards filmmaking, it’s hard to find such passion in today’s fast paced world, only a few can see their dreams to the end. also gojo’s relationship with soccer and how it originated? hands down the most heart-wrenchingly beautiful thing i know of.

they both need each other, and i need my own kickoff gojo, gonna manifest him for myself. (runs to her abracadabra-zoobiee-zoobaa-hoo-haa-room.)

THANK YOU AGAIN SM FOR YOUR WORDS I HAVE SM FUN TALKING AB KICKOFF W YOU omg its got me out here emotionallll. that’s so lovely you write poems my dear i could TELL honestly haha you have such a breathtaking way w words n deliberation

aww love, lots of warm hugs and fuzzies for you!!! your words uplift me so much, they make my entire day, like thank you so much!!!! you’re the sweetest ever ❤️

also im sorry for such late response, i haven’t been doing well the past couple days.

🫶🏼💌

the fact you’re looking forward to my works that much makes my heart feel so full 😭💕 thanks lovely. AND NOT THE TIME MACHINE HAHHA i’m screaminggg ur too flattering skskdjdhdhd

OMG cardigan is one of my absolute favesss pls. i also love exile, betty, tis the damn szn & rwylm. yoyok is sooo good def my fav off midnights ahh. i also adore red album in general i love her acoustic sounds. atw ten min is my FAVE SONG OF HERS. are you excited for tortured poets dept?? 🫣

ouuu im happy you love papa gojo 🥺 i got butterflies when i was writing ab how he met gojo’s mother haha it’s a love story i want so bad 💕 there will def be more of him, mostly in gojo’s last pov chap i’m super excited to explore more of himm. i’m glad you’ve connected w him :”)

plsss you’re so real haha i’m manifesting a kickoff gojo for you (version of him once he’s gotten past his commitment issues tho LOL)🕯️ you deserve ittt.

no worries dear i’m sorry you’re not feeling well still 😭 is it like a fever now? i really hope you feel better!! i’ll be thinking of you

[newagesispage]

                                                                           SEPTEMBER    2023 

THE RIB PAGE 

Riley Keough had a daughter last year that was named Tupelo Storm Smith-Peterson.  

***** 

To celebrate 40 Licks, the Stones gave out ice cream. ** The new album, Hackney Diamonds is finally hitting us in October!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hackney: Lacks originality, old, boring, broken glass. Diamond signifies 60 years. Oh, I can’t fucking wait!!!** Dartford, Kent has revealed, ‘The Glimmer Twins’. The bronze sculptures of Mick and Keith were done by Amy Goodman. 

***** 

Jon Stewart, John Mulaney and Pete Davidson are doing a sort of mini stand- up tour. 

***** 

There is another Kavin out there!!? 

***** 

Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way. -Kafka 

***** 

The latest sexual harassment news: Bill Cosby was charged with a new lawsuit y singer Morganne Picard. 

***** 

The Kate McKinnon Barbie can be bought. ** Greta Gerwig is the first woman to be sole director of a billion -dollar film. ** Bill Maher, continuing his role as the grumpy old neighborhood guy, got his boxers in a twist about the Barbie movie.  Hey, Bill: It’s only a movie! 

***** 

Ohio voters rejected a ballot measure that would have raised the threshold for amending the state constitution. 

***** 

Twitter was held in contempt of court when Musk wouldn’t release Trump’s twitter account to the DOJ. He was fined $350 thousand and forced to release it. 

***** 

David Weiss will investigate Hunter Biden. 

***** 

The new film, Liquor Store Dreams looks great!! 

 ***** 

Days alert: More than 25 Days cast members signed a petition to remove co- executive producer Albert Alarr. He has been reportedly harassing the set for some time. After an investigation because of offensive remarks, bullying, intimidation and inappropriate groping, he is OUT!! Janet Drucker is taking over.  Now, perhaps former cast members will be happy to come back for cameos. ** Word is that Dick Van Dyke will come to Salem on the first day of September!!** Tate and Theresa back for the funeral? Oh, C’mon .. Let's get these this fam back together!! 

***** 

Carlos Santana praised Dave Chappelle and then went on his own anti-trans rant. A woman is a woman and a man is a man. - Santana** Vampyre cosmetics has ended their deal with Alice Cooper. Cooper was asked about a statement he said in the 70’s that, “everyone in the future will be bisexual.” In part of his answer, he talked about the trans community saying kids should “at least become sexually aware” before considering their gender. He also called cases of transgender, “a fad.” The Alice Cooper makeup collection was only introduced 10 days before it was discontinued. 

***** 

Freddie Mercury’s belongings will be auctioned. 

***** 

AOH1996 is a new pill that looks very promising for cancer. 

***** 

Can’t wait to see Jules starring Jane Curtin and Ben Kingsley!! 

***** 

Bad news for Alexei Navalny: 19 more years.** It seems that Prigozhin and others from the Wagner group were killed in a plane crash. 

***** 

50 Cent was fed up with bad microphones at a show and threw one into the crowd. The mike gave Power 106 host, Bryhana Monegain a nasty looking head injury. 

***** 

2 bodies were found in the Rio Grande. One victim was found in the orange buoys that Texas is using as immigrant deterrents. 

***** 

It seems like more men than not are bald these days. 

***** 

There are yet more indictments for Trump. Why haven’t we seen one for inciting an insurrection? There are 18 co -conspirators in the Georgia indictment. Trump supporters are giving out names and addresses of jurors. If the cultists think that a president can do anything he wants, why were they so upset about the Lewinsky scandal? ** It seems to make no difference if the judges tell him to keep quiet, he just keeps talking. ** A memo found by the NY Times shows the planning of the fake elector plot. ** The FBI killed a man in Utah who threatened Biden and Alvin Bragg on Truth Social. A woman in Texas has threatened a judge. How many people will Scary Clown 45 take down as a direct result of listening to him? It is like they are on autopilot. Just waiting for the next way they can agitate this country. ** Both sides are getting mileage out of tis recent mug shot. It will probably be one of the best known pics in history. Green Day is selling shirts with the mug shot that read, ‘ultimate nimrod’. The $ will go to victims of the Maui wildfires.** One of Scary Clown’s cohorts at Mar A Lago has changed lawyers and testimony. 

***** 

Is Trump ineligible to run for President? There is a provision in the constitution that is part of the 14th amendment. Could this let the states decide if he can be on the ballot?? 

***** 

The first Republican debate was held on Aug. 24. 6 of the 8 present vowed to support Trump no matter what, if he is the nominee. Asa Hutchinson and Chris Christie did not raise their hands. Vivek Ramaswamy seemed very paranoid. He belittled the others for their prepared answers. Christie called him the Chat GPT candidate which was pretty funny. They talked abortion. Tim Scott and Mike Pence want this solved on a Federal level. Nikki Haley says they won’t have the votes. She is right. She seems to be the only one that claims climate change is real. Haley and Ramaswamy have already promised to pardon Trump. I won’t be surprised when they all come to blows. The crowd seemed poised not to listen to anything they had to think about. Trump supporters don’t seem to care how outrageous he is (whether he is there or not) and he does not care how outrageous they are. Reporters say they are finding that while interviewing many republicans, they no longer apologize for their racism. **Nikki Haley and Mike Pence seemed to get a bit of a bump from the debate. 

***** 

It seems some abortion- ban states are putting big $ into pregnancy centers that give minimal medical care. 

***** 

Streaming has started to be bundled just like cable. Isn’t this what we were trying to get away from?? 

***** 

Will the UAW strike? 

***** 

Tyler Massengill was sentenced to 10 years in prison and ordered to pay Planned Parenthood $45 mil. 

***** 

What the Hell is happening over at Washington Week?? The best political show on television has been revamped. Now they are pairing with The Atlantic and have added Jeffrey Goldberg as sometime host. I was routing for Laura Barron-Lopez as permanent host. 

***** 

Hey Mitch McConnell, there is no shame in being old and retiring. Why do these Senators think that they should be able to handle the Nations business when they appear to be senile? A lot of us get old and don’t get to continue in jobs we can no longer do. Enough is enough!! Give others a chance to lead!! 

***** 

White boys don’t eat pussy.- Elvis Presley 

***** 

Boo! To Jersey Mike’s for taking out the Miss Vick’s chips. Trying to keep it bland?? 

***** 

A street was renamed in NY to Black Benji way. 

***** 

State Farm and Aaron Rodgers have officially ended their relationship. 

***** 

Results of how the Dobbs decision has affected the job market are coming to light. Much had to shift in the medical community because of the Supreme Court. 

***** 

Extreme heat kills more people than all the other climate disasters. 

***** 

We are keeping an eye on international waters. Russia and China approached Alaska so we have sent naval patrol. 

***** 

Republican Senators have been bragging how wonderful all this infrastructure is. Most voted against it. Good for the current administration to remind us all of that. Bipartisan infrastructure is important to remember at election time. ** Word is that DeSantis gave $95 thousand to a Christian Conservative. 

***** 

Noah Gragson was suspended from Nascar for ‘liking’ a sick meme about George Floyd. Social media is often showing us what people are really like. ** There was a brawl at a white sox game. People are angry! 

**** 

John Cusack is touring with his movies. Please actors: More of this!! 

***** 

In the first pre -season game, the Browns won over the Jets, 21-16. 

***** 

R.I.P. Mark Margolis, Sharon Farrell, Bill Cunningham, William Friedkin, Jerry Moss, Bryan Randall, Hawaiian wildfire victims, Linda Haynes, Robert Swan, Rodriguez, Ashlea Albertson, Bob Barker, Arleen Sorkin and Robbie Robertson. 

[astranva]

Marry Me?

Word Count: 3.1k

Category: fluff!!!!

Warning: the intro is a little poetic, a few curse words.

Summary: In which someone gets down on one knee and it isn’t Joe.

Backstage Girlfriend! Universe Masterlist

..

When you get your heart broken, there are a lot of songs and poems you start to relate to.

Love is a Losing Game by Amy Winehouse, no longer becomes just a slow song you might hum along; it becomes a fact you live by. 

A love like Noah and Allie’s from The Notebook is one that makes you flip your TV channel, because who could love someone like that?

Kafka’s letters to Milena start to make no sense, because how can a man tell his lover “For myself I am too heavy, for you I am light” and mean it? 

Heartbreak fucks you up. It shakes everything you know about love; to a partner, to a parent, to a friend, and to yourself. 

But then you meet someone new, and you realize that maybe the door should be left ajar. Maybe you can accommodate another visitor, in hopes of that visitor isn’t just a passerby. Suddenly, you realize that you don’t hate love because how could you hate love when them calling your name gives you some untamable butterflies? How could you hate love when their mere presence makes you forget about all the sleepless nights you spent crying, wondering if you were worthy of love? 

How can you hate love when you receive it so loudly, so softly, and so passionately? 

Having your heart broken by Harry wasn’t something you had expected. You had expected fights–bad fights, even, and you had expected distance, but you had never expected having to stay quiet as his manager told you that your boyfriend was out on a date with someone who wasn’t you to drive more traffic to his new movie. You didn’t expect to see your boyfriend coming home with a smile on the same lips he kissed someone else with, knowing that you knew–that you saw. You never expected a crowded relationship.

And maybe you didn’t expect to move on either.

“My girlfriend actually styles my outfits,” is the one of the things you didn’t expect Joe to say on national television, “Y/N is just-she’s-she’s incredible at everything honestly.”

“Hey, man, this is my girlfriend, Y/N Y/L/N,” is another you also didn’t expect to hear your boyfriend say as he introduced you some celebrity friends.

“Tell me if it gets too much,” as well, with his arm around your dress-clad waist, lovingly looking at you and ignoring the flashing cameras on the red carpet.

Two years pass by, and not a day went by without you feeling loved in the relationship. Not a single day went by without Joe’s “I love you”s, or sending you silly pictures to make you laugh at work, or kissing you until you were a giggling mess. Not a single day went by with you questioning his love.

With his mouth opened slightly agape in a tiresome slumber in your arms, your hand was stroking through his soft hair, holding him as he slept through the movie he told you he’d stay awake during but you knew better—you knew him better.

“I could die right now, Clem,” Jim Carrey as Joel, told Kate Winslet in the movie playing on your shared TV, “I’m just…happy. I’ve never felt that before,” he said as they both lied on ice, hands intertwined, “I’m just exactly where I want to be.”

And you smiled, mind racing with a million memories.

Memories of Joe nervously asking you out on a date. Memories of Joe blushing when your hands had brushed for the first time. Memories of your first kiss. Memories of him holding you as you told him about your heartbreak. Memories of disagreements, where no matter how mad, the both of you never could go a day without communicating. Memories of Joe unapologetically loving you.

You released a short sigh, leaning down a little to press a soft kiss to his temple, smiling when he snuggled more into you with a small groan.

If someone had asked you: “What made the shift?” You wouldn’t know how to answer, but right there and then, with him in your arms, and with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind playing on the TV, you knew.

He was your person.

You knew that you wanted him in your life for as long as your lungs accomodate you, and for as long as your heart beat for you, and for the love you could finally say you deserved.

It was a week later when it happened. One moment you were walking to your car after getting a new sports bra instead of your comfort one that you had been using and abusing for years, and the next, you were standing and looking at rings.

“Are you interested in Cartier, miss?” 

You smiled politely, “I’m not so sure, I’m just-I’m just looking.”

“Boyfriend? Girlfriend?” The man smiled.

“Boyfriend, yeah,” you chuckled bashfully.

The man hummed, “You look in love,” he pointed out, “Any special occasion?”

“I think,” you paused, furrowing your eyebrows a little as you gave him a smile, “I think I want to propose actually.”

His eyes went wide, and as did his smile, his fixed posture dropping as his hands went to his heart, “Oh!” He exclaimed, “We do live in modern times!” He grinned, “Come in, come in, I’ll show you the great deals.”

And you did. The man, whose name turned out to be Roberto, seemed excited as he showed you different bands; silver, gold, rose gold, thick, thin, 15% off, 40% off.

You were polite as you looked and nodded along, complimenting every ring he showed you and holding it in your palm.

“I just-Nothing really screams his name, you know?” You told him, turning around to glance at the shop.

There it was.

A flyer, stuck on the memo board they had behind the cashier stared back at you with its big, bold text screaming at you:

MAKE YOUR OWN JEWELRY!

Jewelry making workshop: 4 days, materials covered.

Ask us about the workshop!

“You have a jewellery-making workshop?” You asked Roberto, pointing at the flyer.

He hummed in confirmation, putting a ring back in its place, “It’s very fun.”

“How do I register?”

And then you found yourself having to lie about your whereabouts to Joe.

“I have a meeting with Rian Johnson tonight.”

“Hey, baby. No, trouble at work. I’ll be a little late.”

“Stressful week at work, yeah. The crew’s expected to stay late on set for two more days.”

Never would you have ever thought that you would be sitting opposite to a 57-year-old man, in overalls, as an only student in a jewellery-making workshop, melting and shaping metal.

Joe wasn’t someone who went all out and crazy with jewellery. In fact, it wasn’t a usual sighting to see him wearing rings, except years ago when he wore one on his pinky.

It was why you decided on making a simple design, and you were thankful for that because you were sure a 4-day workshop and with your minimal skills, you couldn’t do anything too complicated.

“And now,” Sid, the 57-year-old instructor, began quietly with a proud, soft smile, “Carefully put it in the box.”

You carefully held the finished ring, forgetting to breathe for a moment as you carefully put it inside the small black velvet box, a loud exhale leaving your lips as you looked at it.

“Good job, Y/N,” Sid smiled, watching you.

You laughed in excitement, not realizing that you were crying until you sniffled, “Do you think he’ll like it?”

“You made that ring, sweetheart,” Sid replied, “With your own hands. Any person who doesn’t love that is not worth keeping.”

By the time you were back, Joe was putting down his guitar, his head turning towards the door before a smile came to his face.

“Home sweet home,” he said, standing up with his arms open as he welcomed you in a hug, kissing your head, “How was your day?”

You hummed, looking at him with your arms around his waist, smiling as you replied, “It’s good now.”

“Cute,” he chuckled, leaning closer to press his lips against yours, “Have you eaten properly? You know iced coffee isn’t food, right?”

You rolled your eyes, “I had tacos,” you replied.

“Good choice,” Joe said with a smile, pecking your lips, “When are you going to rest?” He asked, “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” you replied, pecking his lips, “How about a dinner date on Saturday?” 

“Where?”

“Wherever you want,” you said.

“We can stay home and cook something nice, what do you think?”

“I’ll cook,” you said, “Whatever you want.”

It was when Saturday came that you realized what it was that you were about to do.

You woke up two hours before Joe from the restless sleep you got. You were an anxious mess. From making sure you were squeaky clean with a shower, to moisturizing too much, to making sure your house was spotless, to shakily preparing breakfast, you had no idea how you were going to be even a tad bit calm for the night. 

The velvet black box remained hidden in one of your purses; a place where you knew wasn’t risky because Joe never had a reason to go through your bags nor were they always in his sight.

Your heart remained frantically beating in your ribcage. Your hands remained shaking. Your mind remained alert enough to remind you to breath every minute or so.

“Mooorning,” you heard, feeling Joe’s hand on your waist before he pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“Good morning,” you smiled the best you could, turning to the side to place your hand on his neck as you stepped closer to kiss him.

Joe hummed, smiling as he squeezed your hip before his eyes fell on his mug of coffee, ready for him to drink, “Thank you, baby.”

You only smiled, turning around to turn off the stove on the scrambled eggs you were making for the both of you.

Mornings with Joe were always so peacefully quiet. He’d show you funny tweets, you’d show him funny TikToks, and then you’d both talk about the day you had ahead, all whilst seating beside each other, having your breakfast in the kitchen.

It was your conversation that had your calming down, but if you were to narrow it down, it was Joe’s presence that calmed you down. 

Joe was simple. He had fans left and right, he was a main character in one of the most watched shows, and he made music that could make someone ascend to heaven, but he was very simple to the core. If you were to ask Joe about his perfect day, he’d say it’d be spent with you, some music playing with a nice meal, then maybe you’d take a walk around the park before going back home to cuddle to a movie he’d sleep in the midst of.

Maybe it was why your dinner date was one where the both of you weren’t dressed up for.

Instead, you were in plaid pajama bottoms with a black t-shirt from his Djo’s Decide merch. Joe was in sweat shorts, and in a t-shirt that you had gotten him as a joke months ago that said “I ❤ MY GIRLFRIEND”, with his hair a mess.

You were thankful for the t-shirt you were wearing hiding the bulging pocket of your pants, and even more so when you both had finally sat down to eat.

“Look at thaaaat!” Joe exclaimed, looking at the food you had prepared as the both of you sat on your dinning table.

You laughed shyly, giving him a shrug, “As if you weren’t helping me with it.”

“All you,” he shook his head, taking your plate in his hand as he began to put food on it, “Tell me about your week?”

And then you fell into the effortless conversations you both did so well. Laughter, dramatic gasps, a shit ton of compliments, and more laughter were shared as you both ate.

“And then we finally made it to the show,” you concluded your story, “Thankfully, Phoebe hadn’t, like, begun her set yet so we were so fucking lucky.”

“Was she good live? I can only imagine how cool her shows are.”

“She was so good,” you replied, talking about Phoebe Bridgers, “Like, I’d tell you I had a favorite song from the live show but I just don’t. They were all so good.”

“We should go together,” he pointed at you with his fork, “You know what, I think we need a new, like, a new goal.”

“And what’s that?” You smiled, leaning your head on your hands as you looked at him.

“We should see every single artist live,” Joe dramatically replied, “I’m talking Stevie Nicks, Cardi B, Phoebe Bridgers, Niall Horan, Silk Sonic. Literally everyone.”

You laughed, “Oh yeah? Are you planning on living until we’re 150 years old?” You teased him.

“We just-It’ll be easy! How fun would that be?”

“What? For you to be seen at every single show? Do you realize how absolutely crazy fans would go if they got pictures of you at all these people’s shows?”

He waved you off, “Then they’ll know I’m having a fuck ton of fun with my girlfriend,” he replied, “It’s a nice goal. Admit it.”

“It’s nice,” you admitted with a smile, “I could actually just call Niall though,” you said, “We’re not so close but we’re friends. He’s, like, one of the nicest people to ever exist.”

“You know Niall Horan,” Joe’s eyebrows went up with a smile, “That’s cool.”

“Want me to get you an autograph?”

“Fuck off,” he laughed, tapping your leg with his underneath the table, “Wouldn’t it be a little awkward if you talked to him? You know, given that you’re, you know…”

“Harry’s ex?” You asked, watching as Joe nodded. You shrugged, “No, Niall’s a nice guy. I think we sort of became friends a little, like, beyond Harry.”

Joe nodded again, “Alright so it’s a yes to seeing Niall live,” he said, “Do you know the rest of the One Direction guys, too?”

You shook your head, “Just Niall. Harry mostly kept contact with Niall more than the rest so I only met him.”

“I would’ve cried if you were friends with Zayn, honestly,” Joe said, making you laugh, “For real. He’s–The guy’s fucking majestic.”

“And he’s so unbothered,” you said, “Like he’s just out there doing his own thing and nobody knows a thing about him.”

“Exactly,” he said before grimacing, “Are we talking about your ex’s band on our date?”

“Not anyone’s fault he was in a successful band,” you chuckled.

“He’s successful,” Joe pointed out, making you nod. “Anyway, how’s it going with Rian Johnson?” 

And then just like that, you both continued to talk some more.

It was 15 minutes later when you seemed to zone out, your mind going to the velvet box in your pocket as your heart frantically thumped against your chest, anticipating the awaited moment.

Your mind was elsewhere as you and Joe began cleaning the table, with him telling you about some pointless celebrity gossip he saw on Twitter that you both enjoyed so much.

It was when your hands were washed, that Joe wrapped his arms around your waist, leaning closer to leave a soft kiss to your neck, then cheek, then finally, your lips.

“Thank you for dinner,” he said.

“You liked it?” You wrapped your arms around his neck, a smile on your face.

“Loved it,” he said, “I love when we do that.”

“What?”

“This,” he shrugged, “Home-cooked meal, or any food really, just staying together and having a slow day,” he shrugged again, “I love it,” he said before smiling, “I love you.”

You smiled, moving your hands to his cheeks, “I love you,” you repeated. “Can I ask you a question?”

Joe hummed, nodding slightly.

 “Do you imagine us together, like, forever?” 

“Fuck yeah,” he gave you a look that screamed “What sort of question is that?” before he nodded, “Are you kidding?”

“You do?” 

“Are we not-Are we not past that point? I thought it was obvious that we were, like, in this for eternity type of thing. No joke.”

“Just making sure,” you said before taking a deep breath, “Um, just so that what I’m about to do isn’t awkward,” you slowly removed your hands from his cheeks, watchin as Joe gave you a confused look.

Shakily, your hand grabbed the velvet box in your pocket, taking it out as Joe’s eyes went to it. 

And before he knew it, you were down on one knee.

His eyes widened, a shocked grin on his face.

You cleared your throat, avoiding eye contact, “J,” you began, “I didn’t prepare a speech because I knew I’d forget it. But I want to see every artist live with you,” you said, “And I want the home-cooked meals, the slow days, I want it-Fuck, I want it all with you,” you laughed, sniffling as tears fell down in your hot cheeks before you finally looked up at him, laughing some more at his shocked expression, “Will you marry me?”

Instead of answering, Joe was down on his knees, grabbing your face in his hands as he pressed his lips on yours, one hand moving to tangle his fingers in your hair as he did.

“Yes,” he answered, out of breath, “You’re so fucking insane for that, you know? Yes. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

You laughed in glee, wiping his tears, “Oh my God,” you laughed, kissing his lips once more.

The moment you pulled away, Joe looked down at the ring, making you remember the jewellery. You took out the ring, holding it with your fingers, “I made it,” you sheepishly and quietly said, “The waves are-It’s cheesy but we said our first I love you’s on the beach and,” you shrugged with a giggle.

“You’re unreal,” Joe shook his head in disbelief, “You had it made for me?”

“No,” you shook your head, “I made it. I made it myself,” you said, holding his hand in yours, “It was this 4-day workshop,” you said, “It’s not much, I kno-”

“Fuck ooooff,” he frowned, shaking his head, “This is the best fucking ring I have ever seen in my entire life,” he said, “You made it. You actually made it.”

Softly, you slid the ring onto his ring finger, grinning after you did so before looking at him.

Joe sniffled, letting out a small laugh as he turned his head, bringing his shoulder closer to wipe his tears before looking at his ring-clad hand, shaking his head in disbelief. 

He stood up, holding his hand out for you, “Come here,” he said, pulling you up before pulling you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you, “I love you. I love you so fucking much, yeah?”

“I love you so fucking much, too.”

[defdaily]

‪[TRANSLATION] Arena Homme+ Magazine April 2021 Issue featuring JAY B

Translated by defdaily.

JAY B is free and starting again from scratch. That is what JAY B has in mind. GOT7’s leader announced that he would be leaving JYPE as the group stays together. JAY B is preparing to debut as a solo musician while planning to also release mixtapes and hold exhibitions as Def. We had a chat with JAY B, who has gained more freedom and strength, at the swimming pool about courage, depression, literature and aspirations.

Did you come here alone?

Yes. I took a taxi here. I was the type to go around freely even when I was in JYPE but catching the taxi to work this time around felt new.

All GOT7 members decided to leave JYP but stay together as a group. As a leader, you needed to make a decision, right?

Although we ended up leaving JYPE, we wanted to continue as GOT7. We all agreed to leave [JYPE] and try it between ourselves.The product made from me taking responsibility/taking charge was the single 'Encore’ that was released not too long ago. I was involved in the whole process with a new record label. I was happy to see a good response [to the single]. It was lacking in some areas but I was just very proud that we were able to show a different step. Since we showed through this single that “we did not disband”, what’s next is more important. When we left JYPE, Director Jung Wook mentioned "Your role as a leader starts now." I'm realizing it now.

”I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I wanted to start again from scratch.”

Your role as a leader actually starts now.

I used to find the role of a leader burdensome at times but now I feel a greater sense of responsibility. While supporting each person’s journey, I thought I needed to be the one to step up once we got back together. We also talk regularly in our group chat. Not long ago, Jackson went to China. When Mark went to the USA, I could see him off but when Jackson was leaving, we couldn’t be together because of a schedule. So I told him to have a safe flight, apologised for not being able to see him off and thanked him too. He replied saying he’ll take care and be back.

What motivated you to leave the large agency you've been working with for a long time?

The thought came to mind suddenly as we were promoting as GOT7. Am I taking all these benefits I get for granted? When a schedule is released I just do it, and when they ask me to confirm things I do, but what kind of long process has it gone through before it came to me? Who sends a request and how is it processed? Why am I only waiting until it reaches me and simply watching it unfold? I wanted to be directly involved in that process. I wanted to learn everything about the process of releasing an album and how difficult it is. I want to be humble and start from the bottom again.

Didn't you need the courage?

Of course I did. I was also afraid. My position has risen to all the way up here, but when it comes to my actual knowledge, I think I'm only down there. I was afraid that the difference would feel too big once I left the company. But I think I would have been more afraid if I stayed at JYPE. Since that difference would have grown bigger and bigger. My real self is here, so I should face it head-on a little faster. That's what I thought.

As JAY B or as Def. who releases mixtapes and holds exhibitions, you must have had the desire to do something new.

I want to do research and build it up step by step without haste. JAY B will show hip hop and RnB music that appeals to the general public and Def. will do activities that Def. wants to do. It could be mixtapes or exhibitions, or other different kinds of fictions. Def. is the nickname I used as a bboy before I became a trainee. It’s like air floating about freely. It could be house or soul or acoustic or even modern rock. In a way, you can say that Def. is close to my “main self” but since I debuted as JAY B, I’ll also show a devoted side of myself through JAY B. I want to be a person who can do both what he has to do and what he wants to do freely.

Listening to your mixtapes, and hearing that you like the styles of D’Angelo and Ray Charles, you seem to be attached to the Southern US rhythm and blues and soul music.

I do like them a lot. I like the entire hip-hop culture that originated from there. That culture also includes DJing, graffiti and even bboying. Since I started as a bboy, I would look up older videos to watch, study the culture and also look into what each dance move symbolizes, with my bboying crew and that's how I became fascinated. What captivated me the most was their obstinacy. I felt respect towards the conviction and obstinacy they carried with their culture.

Is that mood still incorporated in your music and dance?

Yes. For example, I don’t think choreography is dance. I think dancing is when music plays and you like the rhythm and start humming and bobbing your head and moving your body. I think dancing is a free act you do out of enjoyment.

What was the reason you joined an idol group after starting out as a bboy?

I gained an interest in music too, not just dancing. When I was young, I listened to D’Angelo’s music and wanted to become a singer like him. But I was rebellious when I first joined JYPE. Haha. I was even suspended for a month once as a trainee. I definitely said hello but they said I didn’t so they said "If you're going to be stubborn, then go home" and me with my young heart replied “Then I shall head home.” and left. Then I met up with my bboying crew after a long time, and in just a few months it turned into a different world. The crew members were above me and I was worried because I could feel myself far away by myself. Should I go back to bboying? Should I continue as a trainee? In the end, I wanted to do my very best in whatever I chose so I decided to focus on becoming a singer. Since I wanted to do music, it was a choice I made with no regrets.

You started as a dancer and ended up as a main vocalist. What was music to you back then?

It was a challenge. Trainees are divided into singing and dancing. I joined as a dancer but what I wanted to do was become a singer and not just do dance. But since I was put into the dancing division, I worked even harder with singing to break that prejudice. I often felt defeated. I still feel defeated with singing. Haha. But music is about endless research. Now it’s more about research than studying.

You grew up as an only child to your parents who did farming?

I was an ordinary kid. I enjoyed Haruki’s Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage and thought the “colourless” kid was just like me. I was a calm kid who helped his parents with their farm work. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have any older siblings but they said I used to talk to myself a lot. My mother said there was a way she would know if I was home or not. If I was home, she would hear me talk to myself and be like “Oh really?” “Yes really” haha.

It’s extraordinary to read Haruki at that age.

There was an older friend that I knew and he was really cool. He looked really cool reading on the bus with his legs crossed. He said “Hey, Read a book and build up some knowledge.” As I was trying to be cool like him, I gained a favourite author and started reading more since I enjoyed it.

What kind of books do you like?

When I was a teenager I often read Kafka On The Shore. It felt like Kafka was just like me, and so while reading it, I even cried. The style of Murakami Radio was also interesting. The ending phrase “But I like that more…” was very witty. I’m collecting books from secondhand bookstores from authors who won the Young Author awards. I like Lee Jang-wook's short story Byeon Hee-bong. The main character knows the actor Byun Hee-bong, but the world doesn't know him. He would ask "Don't you know Byun Hee-bong from the movie The Host?" But no one knows. I like stories that don’t intend to be funny but they end up making me giggle.

What do you read these days?

I try to read poetry. I purchased and read the first volume that appeared on Moonji’s Poetry Collection, but it has too many Hanja characters. Haha. I started with Munhwak’s Poetry Collection. I have volumes 1 to 85. I also read poet Park Joon's collection of poems and poet Lee Eun-gyu's Affectionate Name. I even underlined and wrote things down.

Among the idols and musicians I’ve met, I think you are the most extensive reader.

We went on tours often and we would have a lot of time in my hotel room. When I went out I took pictures and when I stayed in my hotel room I read books. When I go on an overseas tour, I pack around 30 books in my suitcase. Then I bring back the books that left an impression on me, and those that didn’t sometimes I dispose of them there. These days, I look for independent publications too. I often look for independent publishing bookstores in Nakseongdae or Haebangchon. There are many books that contain honest stories that are not refined, and the power of those sentences is great.

How does reading influence your work?

The poetic expressions with poetic license help when writing lyrics. You read a new sentence and think “What is this expressing?” You receive inspiration from that image being expressed in a new way. I think of lyrics as poetry too. There are times I write how I feel honestly, but when I want to include a certain meaning I’d want to write the lyrics like poetry.

In your photo exhibition <ALONE> last year, you took pictures of objects and signs in the middle of the road.

Wouldn't it feel very lonely if you think about it from an object’s point of view? The camera captures just an instance but the object will stay there. I think each person has an insatiable loneliness. I like the artist Seonglib’s works, and I feel loneliness in his drawings. I don't know why I keep talking about loneliness, I guess I’m familiar with loneliness.

Seems like you take more pictures of objects and landscapes than people.

I don’t really like taking pictures of people. You can clearly see a person’s emotions in their eyes. I prefer hiding things rather than revealing them too much. I prefer objects, backgrounds, and natural objects rather than subjects that openly express 'It's me!'. Tranquil things, I like when you go past something and go “that’s how it was.” I try my best since my job requires being presented to people but that’s also how I am.

Who do you like as a movie director?

I like Woody Allen’s directing. My favourite is Match Point. It's a love story that goes beyond taboos, and it's electrifying. The face of the actor who secretly asks the reunited lover to give him her number remains in my memory for a long time. How could he direct such a real-looking, raw look in their eyes? When I was a theater and film major, I used to take directing classes rather than acting. If I were to direct a film, I would like to shoot an eccentric witty romantic comedy like Love Fiction directed by Jeon Gye-soo.

Are you self-conscious as an artist?

I’m interested in a variety of genres, and interact with crews often, but I think goofing off just because they are an artist is an arrogant attitude. Everyone is their own artist, no matter what they do, right? I'm not trying to be pretentious, I just think there's a difference in expression, and people who work in the office are also doing their own art. That’s why I’m a little shy about the title “artist.” Is there a need to be puffed up with pride because I’m an artist? I’m just a person.

While filming for “What's in my bag” and revealed your medications for depression and panic disorder. When did you face your depression?

I didn’t know I had depression. I thought I was being weak for a short while and let it pass. But on an occasion I got examined and found out I had depression. They asked how I lived by without going to the psychiatrist. I said I just thought I was the type to feel blue. Haha. I’m the type that doesn’t show [what is wrong] but they said I was in a state where I needed treatment. After going to counselling and taking medications, I’m much better now.

“I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but depression is both a common and dangerous illness.”

I think you’re cool for having the courage to talk about this.

I got diagnosed and looked at the people around me. There are friends who are ashamed of it and try to hide it, and there are friends who talk about it as if it’s insignificant. I just wanted to talk about it. It may not show, but it’s both a common and dangerous illness. A mental illness is an illness too. Among my fans, or those who read this interview, if there is someone who feels depressed, don’t be ashamed of it and I hope you receive treatment and overcome it. It’s not an embarrassing thing and it doesn’t need to be hidden. And I was filming content where I show what’s inside my bag; I can’t lie. I wish everyone would be healthy.

Are you bad at lying?

Yes. If I have to tell a lie, I think it’s just better to not say anything. Since I’m the type that’s honest and straightforward, I also don’t like beating around the bush.

Can you share a way one can take a step forward towards recovering from depression?

Look at the world in a broad view. Know that there are many places you haven’t been to yet and there are many things you haven’t felt yet. It's also good to take a walk and go off your usual route and take a path you've never been on. Small adventures can also be of great help. Just by leaving the house you’re already halfway there. I think there are more ways you can refresh yourself outside rather than inside. Also, I thought I was an honest person but after being diagnosed with depression, I thought I should be more honest with myself and more faithful to myself. At times like this, think of yourself before others.

What do you believe in?

I just believe in god. I don’t have a religion. I don’t know what kind of existence god is but I do believe that there is a god. When I’m thankful or am having a hard time, I pray. “Thank you.” “Please let me get through this wisely.”

What is the greatest motivation that moves you?

As long as I’m alive, I want to continue doing work that will leave a message. I believe that there is no next life. I think I should live this time diligently to the fullest. To have no regrets.

Translated by defdaily.

[allsassnoclass]

hiya hazel! could i please get 4, 8, 19, 25, 30, 51 for unmute, and you know what also 36 but with a no context big spoiler from any wip for the writer's asks? -megs 💙

@igarbagecannoteven hiya megs! thank you for asking!

4. Do you have writing habits or rituals? I wouldn't say so! I just kind of sit down and do it. I mean I usually scroll through tumblr and/or play a few rounds of solitaire first, but I wouldn't call that a specific writing habit, it's more just something I do at my computer habitually, and I don't do that when I'm writing in a notebook.

8. Favorite trope to write. I do genuinely really enjoy writing fake dating and all that that entails! Figuring out how much of it is actually fake, walking the line between good acting and revealing genuine feelings, pining, etc. The only thing about fake dating is that to do it well most of my fake dating ideas take a Lot of words, so the projects themselves are intimidating. Otherwise, I love mutual pining, too!

19. First line of a WIP you’re working on.

Most days, Michael is woken by a tiny body jumping on his bed at full speed, ramming knees and elbows into all of his important organs while laughing maniacally.

25. Linear or non-linear, and why? for writing order or story structure? i write linearly because it's easier for me to keep track of things and ensure that it all sounds consistent that way, and the vast majority of my stories are linear narratives, but i would love to successfully do a non-linear narrative some day!!! i have two ideas that are specific non-linear narratives I have to plan out, but I also would love to do one that's kind of less structured? more about the vibe? idk if that makes sense but I really enjoy non-linear narratives when they're done well, and I hope to one day be able to do that

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written. let's do a throwback! bear trap metaphor!

He was a wounded animal snarling at the person trying to release him from the bear trap, not yet realizing that he needed the help.

51. Describe the aesthetic of your story unmute in 5 sentences or words. okay this is going to get longer than 5 sentences/words because i need to explain myself. i made a moodboard already but the moodboard has rusty red undertones and that's not the fic. unmute is light blue. i want so desperately for unmute to be light blue. so that's the first sentence! light blue! watching saturday morning cartoons as an adult and missing the simplicity of childhood. sleepily slow dancing in the living room. a collection of post cards, edges frayed from frequent handling. and the beloved franz kafka quote: “I can’t think of any greater happiness than to be with you all the time, without interruption, endlessly, even though I feel that here in this world there’s no undisturbed place for our love, neither in the village nor anywhere else; and I dream of a grave, deep and narrow, where we could clasp each other in our arms as with clamps, and I would hide my face in you and you would hide your face in me, and nobody would ever see us any more.”

36. A spoiler for story _________. oh buddy there's going to be an explosion. like. the whole building comes down.