#also got a shirt windbreaker this dress that i roll up n wear as a top (i loved the color n neckline) n some bike shorts but the inseam on

[destructive-ilya]

OH OHMG GUYS I GOT THESE PANTS YESTERDAY THAT LOOOK SOO GOOD ON ME THEY FIT LIKE PERFECTLY LENGTH N EVERYTHING ON SALE TOO

[jflemings]

— the smallest man who ever lived

pairing: jessie fleming x reader, jessie fleming x child!reader

synopsis: your ex-partner comes looking to make amends

warnings: angst, absent father, unknown unresolved trauma

a/n: timeline doesn’t exist to me i just talk shit

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? / Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? / Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy? / In fifty years, will all this be declassified?

you clap and wave to fans as you walk around the pitch, kyra coming up behind you to sling an arm over your shoulder. arsenal had just won against spurs on penalties at meadow park and the home crowd was only making the winning high more intense.

instead of sitting on the bench, piper was in the stands with jessie. it was a rare occasion that jessie got to come to one of your games she wasn’t playing in, so she took the opportunity for what it was and made a day out of it with piper.

she had made pancakes for the two of them before getting her dressed in your arsenal jersey and doing her hair in two little buns, smiling as piper sang north london forever and repeated cloé and katie’s chants. she made sure to pack snacks and raphael up in her ninja turtle bag and then the two of them went to the coffee shop near your place to get hot chocolate’s before heading to the game.

you wave to them from where they sit before taking a few photos and signing some things, finishing your lap with kyra still hanging off you like a sloth.

“is jessie in an arsenal jersey?” kyra asks as she waves to them

you can’t help but roll your eyes “as if. i think she’s wearing red socks though”

kyra snickers and pulls you along, kicking at steph’s feet as she passes “i’m sure she’s having the time of her life”

“piper will make sure of that”

your short conversation is cut short when leah grabs kyra’s shoulders from behind “where’s my partner in crime! i thought she’d be on the pitch with all of us”

you lean your head back against kyra’s arm to look at her “jessie’s got her. they’re sitting in the stands”

leah rolls her eyes playfully and throws an arm over the younger australian, breaking kyra’s hold on you and dragging her into half of a headlock as she continues talking to “make sure she knows where her loyalties lie l/n, we can’t have her becoming a blue”

“she sleeps in her catley jersey before every game day and sings north london forever at the top of her lungs when we get her dressed. she’s gonna be fine” you point at her “but i cannot be at fault if she wears a chelsea jersey to a match, she’s a mama’s girl”

“she’s also auntie ky’s girl” kyra pipes up as she wrestles with leah’s arm “which has to mean something”

kyra breaks out of leah’s hold and slaps her on the forehead before running off laughing. leah surges forward and tires to nab the back of her jersey but misses before calling out to steph to grab her. leah too jogs off, leaving you by yourself for a few moments.

you’re scanning the crowd of supporters when a man standing near the tunnel catches your eye. his arms are crossed tightly over his chest and he’s not got any fan gear on, just a plain grey shirt under a black windbreaker and black jeans. you squint slightly and cock your brow as you try to subtly get a look at him. only when he uncrosses his arms and tucks his hands into his pockets does a lightbulb go off in your head.

your blood runs cold and you speed walk off the pitch, your face set in stone as you approach him. he cocks his head slightly and steps back when you get closer, allowing you to properly look at him for the first time in four years.

his hair is shorter and his eyes still hold the same passiveness they did before. his skin isn’t tanned like it always was when you were teenagers so you guess that he might have been in london for a while. a scowl settles on your face.

“what are you doing here” you harshly whisper whilst dragging him to an area with more cover “you shouldn’t be here”

“y/n” he says placidly

your mouth goes dry at the sound of your name coming out of his mouth, a pit forming in your stomach at how easy it rolls off his tongue.

“you shouldn’t be here” you repeat firmly, looking behind you to make sure none of your teammates are watching.

he tuts “i came here to talk to you”

“at my game and after four years of nothing? i don’t think so” you spit, further backing him into a corner and hiding him away from any prying eyes “i gave you a chance to talk years ago and you told me to fuck off”

“and i shouldn’t have done that” he says calmly “but you didn’t give me much time to think about it before you moved to london”

you can’t help but scoff “didn’t give you much time?, liam, you had a year before i moved! you shut me out”

he throws his arms out and drops his jaw “i didn’t know what else to do i—

“y/n?”

you snap your head around to the new, oh so recognisable voice, and sigh. your face softens at the sight of jessie standing there with a worried expression on her face, her hands reaching for you, and piper no where to be found.

she looks over your shoulder briefly before locking eyes with you “you alright?”

“he was just leaving” you wave off half, your attention now fully on your partner.

“no, actually, we need to talk”

“no, actually, we don’t” you say forcefully, grabbing jessie by the arm and standing in front of her slightly “we have nothing to talk about, you made that very clear when you told me you wanted nothing to do with me when i got pregnant”

liam looks from jessie to you, his brown eyes swirling with desperation “i made a mistake, i was young and stupid and wasn’t ready for a kid”

“and you think i was? you think i was ready to be a mother, to have to potentially end my career?” your grip tightens on jessie’s arm and you feel her hand lay over yours “do you think i was ready to have all my friends shut me out and be completely isolated from everyone i knew? i wasn’t ready but i made a choice, and every single day i make sure that i am the best mother for her that i can be” your voice wavers slightly and you feel jessie’s thumb draw circles on your knuckles.

this isn’t the place to have this conversation. fans are still filtering out of the stands and your teammates are fifty metres away and your girlfriend, your ever loving, kind, worried, girlfriend is standing behind you as you try to get your ex to leave you alone.

you had hoped that him saying that he wanted nothing to do with you or piper would be the end of it. because despite how many times you tried to contact him the first six months of piper’s life, he ignored you. he didn’t want to know you or your baby and it wasn’t fair that he got to show up on a random sunday and try to make amends.

liam looks behind you again and draws his mouth into a thin line, his eyes cold as he refuses to verbally acknowledge jessie “i want to know my daughter. she needs two parents”

the tears that were building behind your eyes disappear and are replaced with white hot fury “she’s got two” you grit out “and a whole lot of family that would do anything for her”

“teammates aren’t family” he stresses to you, his voice now pleading as he tries to convince you of something that isn’t true.

“a teammate is the one who was in the delivery room with me when i gave birth. my teammates were the ones that flew from all over the world to meet her. my teammates have given her more love than you would ever have to offer” you begin to raise your voice as your breathing goes ragged “my teammates, my family, have helped me give her the best life i could ever offer her.” you get right up in his face as jessie holds your arm in a silent plea to not make a scene.

she pulls you slightly and you step back against her. your brows furrow and a frown has settled on your face. you can tell by how she’s holding you that jessie is probably wearing a matching expression. he stands tall and looks down the bridge of his nose at you, apparently unfazed about what you just told him.

“jessie can’t replace her father” liam snapped at you, his brows drawing together.

“there is no father to replace” your face goes rock hard as you try your best to not let your anger simmer over more “and even if there were, she’s done a great fucking job at doing it”

he falters and his eyes go wide in shock. his facade quickly drops and he rushes to pull a piece of paper out of his pocket as you turn your back “y/n— wait, can you just— here’s my number and my address. please just give me a call, i want to know piper”

you reach and snatch the paper out of his hands before pointing at him “you do not get to insult my partner and then turn around and say that you want to know my daughter. jessie is everything to her, absolutely everything, and there is nothing or no one that will ever replace that”

jessie leads you away from him and into the tunnel, rubbing your back up and down as you hold back tears. you stop for a moment once you’re far enough down and lean on the wall “piper?” you question quietly.

“with leah and manu” the canadian answers softly “are you okay?”

you look up just as your hands start to shake. tears cloud your vision “he shouldn’t be here”

“i know”

“he gave me nothing when i got pregnant” you stress to her, your voice cracking “he told me that he didn’t want to be apart of our baby’s life and then told me to fuck off when i told him she had been born” you cry to her “jessie he didn’t even want to know her name”

jessie‘a face twists into a scowl and her hands flex by her side before pulling you in by your shoulders. you cry into her shoulder softly as she twirls her fingers through your ponytail and holds the back of your neck “do you wanna go home and talk about it? we can see if leah will take piper for the night”

you nod and pull yourself off of her, wiping your tears with the heel of your palm “let me just go get my stuff and talk to leah”

jessie swipes her thumb under your eye and nods, watching you go into the change rooms.

“mummy!” piper yells, standing up on katie’s cubby “you played so good!” she praises, reaching her arms up and wrapping her legs right around your waist.

“thank you baby” you reply, kissing her on the forehead. you set her down again and walk to leah who’s packing the last of her things in her bag.

“can you take piper tonight? i know this is so last minute, and it’s alright if you can’t, but jessie and i need to sort some things out”

leah looks over her shoulder and frowns slightly “of course, are you okay?”

you nod and plaster a fake smile onto your face “yeah i’m all good”

if leah notices your clipped tone she doesn’t say anything about it. she hands piper her backpack to put on as she puts her toiletries bag in her own backpack.

you lean down to be at your daughter’s eye level “you’re gonna stay with auntie leah tonight okay?”

“but what about ice cream!” piper pouts cutely. you sigh and brush her check affectionately.

“i’m sure if you ask nicely leah will take you”

piper immediately turns and pulls on the hem of leah’s shorts “leah” she draws “can we please get ice cream?”

leah smiles down at her and pats her head affectionately “of course we can. i’ll even get you a double scoop”

piper’s eyes brighten and she claps with glee, her little buns bouncing as she rapidly nods her head. she turns to you again and wraps her arms around her neck “bye mummy, be good”

you scrunch your nose as she pulls away “you be good” you tap the tip of her nose before standing, now looking at leah “if you need anything just let me know and i’ll drop it over”

leah winks and waves you off, allowing you to quickly go to your own cubby and grab your things. you skip a shower and push the door to the dressing room open, speed walking to get back to jessie.

she’s leaning against the wall with one hand in her pocket whilst she scrolls on her phone, her cap low on her head. when she hears your cleats on the concrete she turns to you “ready?”

you hum and nod affirmatively and let jessie take your bag off your hands and sling it over her shoulder. the two of you walk out to her car in silence, the only sound surrounding you being the rushed, rhythmic sound of your cleats on gravel and the afternoon breeze that’s blowing past your ears.

the car ride is silent as well. you keep thinking about the interaction over and over again whilst jessie drives, stealing glances at you every so often. the tension in the car is thick but you’re too in your head to notice it.

you’re on autopilot from the moment jessie pulls up to the moment you finally strip yourself of your kit and get in the shower. the steam encapsulates you, allowing you to feel like you can finally breathe. this shouldn’t be how your afternoon goes. normally after a win you’d celebrate with the girls in the dressing room and then take piper for ice cream, not stand in the shower on the verge of tears after your ex decided to show up to a game.

you feel horrible. not only had you caused a scene, but you had done it in front of jessie. all she was doing was coming to check on you and she got insulted by the man who couldn’t look at you after you told him you were a lesbian. it made your gut swirl.

beads of water run hot down your back as you finally break, choked sobs escape your throat and tears fall down your face uncontrollably. you can’t even bring yourself to care that you’re not alone in the house, you just need to get everything that’s built up out. 

when you turn off the water you’re still crying but make the attempt to dry your face with the towel. as you get dressed you still sniffle, not being able to get the image of your twenty year old pregnant self out of your head.

it was fucked up. so, so unbelievably fucked up that someone who was barely an adult, who was still figuring out who they were, had to care for a baby. you wouldn’t change it for the world, but that doesn’t mean that you deserved to get tossed aside during the most vulnerable time of your life the way you did.

hanging your head, you lean on the counter and cry harder, completely missing the knocking on the door. you aren’t even aware that jessie had come to check on you until her arms are wrapped around your body, one hand coming up to cradle your head comfortingly.

you drop your weight into her arms “it’s not fair!” you wail “he can’t do this to me! he can’t fucking do this to me!”

jessie coos in your ear “i know. i know, he can’t. he doesn’t have that right”

“he left me, h-he left me when i needed support the most!” you choke, standing up to wipe your eyes “steph was the only person in the delivery room with me when it should’ve been him! ellie, and mackenzie, and alanna, and lydia were outside waiting to meet her, not him! sam got on the first flight out when she heard that i was in the hospital. how dare he say that my teammates aren’t my family when they were all i had”

jessie’s jaw drops as you tell her this. she knew that your national teammates were there for piper’s first moments, and you had said in passing that one of them was in the delivery room with you, but she had no idea that steph was the only one with you.

“and then he says that she doesn’t have two parents, are you fucking kidding me!”

wrapping her arms around you securely, jessie guides you to sit on the toilet and catch your breath. you sob into her neck as she squeezes you, trying to make you feel as secure as she can.

she’d never felt hatred like this before. hot fury courses through her like lava and completely overtakes her body. there were a few things that you hadn’t told her about your ex, and she never pushed you or asked questions. she knew your feelings towards him and how he treated you when the two of you initially broke up, but she had no idea how seeing him again would affect you.

she kind of wishes she didn’t hold you back when she did.

you lift your head from her neck “i don’t want to see him. he can’t meet piper, i won’t put her in that position” you determine “i don’t want her confused when she has you, it wouldn’t be fair to either of you”

the canadian nods “okay” she says firmly “it wont happen”

[sttngfashion]

5.26 and 6.1 - Time’s Arrow

Oh my god. Y’all. It’s a new Fashion It So post. In the year of our Picard 2020. Yes.

For literal years, Charlie and I have been like UGH WE NEED TO DO TIME’S ARROW PARTS 1 AND 2 BUT IT’S JUST SUCH A MONSTER.

Well, I’m doing a complete rewatch of the series with my partner and we just got to these two, so IT IS TIME. 

We open in a cave in San Francisco, where Data and Picard are checking something out:

Rent for the cave is $6,000 per month

Showing them around is this guy in a Science Outfit:

He’s ready to go night biking

We’ve seen this look before in both Silicon Avatar and Devil’s Due, and it’s functional, yet cute. Basically a windbreaker in jumpsuit form. 

They find a couple of items in the cave, including a pocket watch from 1889 and also:

I left my head in San Francisco

IT’S DATA’S HEAD!!! And it’s been there for FIVE HUNDRED YEARS. What could have caused this? And why is Data’s head so absolutely terrifying?

Is that fondant

This head is, in a word, haunting. The 2020 of heads. 

Data and Geordi chat in Ten-Forward about what the presence of Data’s head in the cave means. Data says it means he’s mortal; that someday he will die, and that’s comforting. Spoiler alert: that’s not what it means. But it’s a nice conversation.

Also, Guinan is here!!!

Merlot My God!! 

Or maybe: Burgundy-lightful!! Or perhaps: De-Crimson-alize Sex Work!! Okay that last one was a stretch but I really think I missed my calling as a nail polish shade namer. 

Anyway, she’s here in her classic look of a pizza-sized hat and a flowing gown/coat/top/robe. The collar here is a little too close to a mock turtleneck for my liking and honestly - this is a little staid for our friend Guinan. I want a TEXTURE or a SWEEP or some WIDE RIBBING or some PLEATS. Don’t worry, though...she will get plenty more later.

Then there’s some plot which frankly we DO NOT HAVE TIME to get into but let’s just say: the away team goes to a planet, there’s a temporal disturbance, and Data ends up here:

Huge mood

Where are we? Or should I say WHEN are we??

Well that old-timey font is a good clue...also the horse

Are we in the Old West land of an off-brand Disneyworld? Are we going to ride something called Large Lightning Mesa Train Tracks? What colorful characters will we meet here?

Winner of 1893’s Mustache Medal

This type of ‘stache is called a Fu Manchu, after the character Dr. Fu Manchu. It’s not...a great look? But it is memorable, which is sometimes enough. He’s also wearing a simple black cap, probably made of silk. He’s keeping it cazh.

So where are we?

SAN FRANCISCO, OPEN YOUR GOLDEN GATE / YOU’LL LET NOBODY WAIT / OUTSIDE YOUR DOOR

Yes, it’s San Francisco. And it’s *eyes popping out of head like a cartoon wolf seeing a busty babe* 1893!!!! That temporal disturbance was...disturbing.

So who else do we have hanging out?

Please check out our Vaudeville act, Knit Cap ‘n’ Bowly

These dudes understand those famous Bay Area MICROCLIMATES, amirite? We’ve got a Henley. We’ve got a buttondown. We’ve got a vest. We’ve got a coat. No matter which way the thermometer decides to go, THEY ARE READY. Also loving the pop of forest green on Knit Cap’s knit cap. 

We also have a 49er:

No, it’s not Steve Young. I googled “famous 49ers” to complete this joke so if there is a more famous 49er please let me know

It’s a literal 49er. Since it’s 1893, this guy’s been hanging around in town for a while, and he’s also familiar with the layering techniques one must master if one is to conquer the Bay Area’s climate. He also has a kicky Colonel Sanders-type tie. He asks Data for money and gives him a few panhandling tips. He’s chill. We like him. But don’t get too attached if you know what I mean!!!!

Data decides he needs somewhere to stay, so he finds a hotel:

Brian.

Why is this so funny to me. Brian. Why would you name your hotel Brian. Brian!!!! I know it’s a last name but like...Brian. HOTEL BRIAN. 

This bellhop’s name is not Brian:

Where’s your hat, bro

He’s giving us a classic bellhop look, complete with too many buttons. He gives Data the very important information that there’s a poker game happening in the back of the hotel, which means: Data is about to be RICH rich. 

The poker game includes a few good looks:

Louie Anderson IS Wolverine IN a Lands’ End barn coat

Two plaids? Sir...I salute you

Colonel Sanders Goes to Carnaval

Data, of course, wipes the floor with them so hard that he wins their clothes:

Didn’t get that barn coat tho

Yes, that’s the actual vest and the actual hat of those guys from the previous scene. Oh, I love it. I love Data in a vest over his uniform and I love Data with a feather in his cap. Let’s call it macaroni.

Meanwhile, out on the street, the plot is happening:

Beige: inescapable

This is our first taste of the decadent 1890’s sleeves that appear in this episode, and these aren’t even the best sleeves!! These are an amuse-bouche of sleeves. An armuse-bouche, if you will. 

Anyway, these two are aliens disguised as humans who are here to steal the 49er’s life energy. 

Pew pew pew

I told you not to get attached!!!

Back on the Enterprise, Guinan is doing mixology:

She would never call it something as stupid as mixology though

She tells Picard that he needs to go check out the temporal disturbance, too, even though captains don’t normally go on away missions, and then she gives him this look:

It’s that serious

When Guinan looks at you like this, you do what she says. 

Now this outfit is much better than the earlier one. We have some pleated sleeves, which I didn’t even think was a thing you could DO. We have some sort of functional(?) strap(??) across the front. We even have matching fingerless gloves which always make a look A LOOK. And if Picard wasn’t sure whether he needed to go on this away mission, she then gives him THIS look:

Okay now it’s REALLY serious

Back in 1893, Data is making something:

It’s actually just a really complicated and large music box that plays “I Left My Head in San Francisco”

He’s gotten his hands on some more period-appropriate clothing, including a bow tie and a vest. Since he’s not wearing arm garters and his sleeves appear to be the correct length for his arms, we can conclude that the shirt was custom-made, not ready-made, because Data is now a baller due to his poker earnings. 

Then, Data sees this in the paper:

I know her!! From work!!!!

Yes, it’s Guinan. In 1893. In a hat!!!!

We cut to the literary reception, which is honestly not as well-attended as I thought it would be, considering it got a GIANT photo of Guinan on page THREE of the paper, but okay. And who should we spy there but:

You’ll love my secret blend of 11 herbs and spices

No, it’s not Colonel Sanders. (Sorry, I really have Colonel Sanders on the brain because of that Lifetime movie.) It’s Samuel Clements, AKA Mark Twain. I had an English teacher in high school who explained the origin of his pseudonym (it indicates a mark of two fathoms, aka twelve feet, on a steamboat) and for some reason she shouted MAAAARK TWAAAAAIN when she told us that story so now her delivery of that line is in my head until I die I guess.

Anyway, it’s Mark Twain.

He’s wearing his iconic white linen suit with a black bow tie, and he’s also wearing a lot of prosthetics, because the actor playing him (Jerry Hardin, AKA Deep Throat from The X-Files AKA Melora Hardin AKA Jan Levinson-Gould’s dad) (was that too many AKAs) (you get it, right?) didn’t look enough like Mark Twain, I guess? In conclusion: what if eyebrow wigs were a thing?

Twain is having a chit chat with “Madame Guinan,” who is wearing what can only be called a sumptuous gown:

It’s 11:30 and the gown is sumptin’ sumptin’

There are so many ELEMENTS to this look! First of all: the color. Royal purple. Fit for a queen. Appropriate. 

Then: those sleeves! These sleeves are known as “leg of mutton sleeves” because they KIND OF look like a leg of mutton. Have you ever seen a leg of mutton? I haven’t. I’ve only seen these sleeves. Plus they have a stripe?? No, I don’t know why, but I LOVE IT.

The cuffs and the cravat bring this from “dress” to “lewk.” Top it all off with this hat and you have a true 1893 mood.

What bird is that feather even from

We get a few good extra looks in this scene as well:

Pink Lady is NOT wearing a corset

Look, sometimes you don’t have enough period-appropriate undergarments for all the background people and that’s fine. But I WILL notice.

Is that Loretta Lynn

I am loving all of this! That purple dress is fantastic, those stripes? I die. Military man has some fun flair on his shoulder, and there is a dude in a beautiful turban back there. Plus, another Black lady in addition to Guinan and That One Ensign Who Is On The Bridge Sometimes.

Data rolls in to the literary event in a different suit with a CRAVAT:

Craving a cravat

Data is like “we serve together on the same starship in the 24th century” and Guinan is like “huh” but then she’s like “okay” which...I’m not sure if I would believe that? But let’s just say it’s fine. 

Over in the 24th century, the literal entire bridge crew is checking out the temporal disturbance and I DON’T LIKE THIS AT ALL:

Blue Man Group...on ACID

These beings are like ghosts but also like Dr. Manhattan but also like pure energy. 

Then everyone goes through the temporal disturbance AND THE SEASON ENDS. 

Fortunately for you, this post will continue...right now.

Okay, so we’re back in San Francisco in 1893. You can tell by the horses:

Also the fruit carts

Samuel Clemens is strolling around with a reporter, telling him that he has a great story for him that involves time travelers and, like, protecting the nation.

Here’s the thing about this episode’s version of Mark Twain: he’s kind of a dick. Was the real Mark Twain kind of a dick? I just feel like Mark Twain should be JAZZED about meeting time travelers and not acting like a fuckin’ time cop* and trying to put the Enterprise crew on blast. 

Anyway I love his double-breasted vest.

See my vest

The reporter’s hat is technically period-accurate, but that style is SO associated with the 1930s-1950s that I would have gone with something else. He looks cute though.

Meanwhile, Data is wearing a three-piece suit:

My positronic olfactory synapses are interpreting something as...a fart

I hate brown, but this is fine.

Additionally, the beige baddies from before are back and this time, they’ve got a SNAKE CANE:

Love the snake cane, hate how they suck the life out of people

But we are not here for them, we are here to see our faves in period clothing. Our first look is at Riker, who is dressed as an actual cop, not a time cop like Mark Twain:

The past just had...so many buttons

I guess if you’re a time-traveling white man there are worse disguises than a cop. But WHERE DID HE GET THIS UNIFORM? I choose to believe that he found a cop with a similar large handsome body to his own and beat the shit out of him and stole his clothes. Now we can all enjoy imagining a cop being beat up.

The badge that Riker is wearing is a great historical detail; the SFPD started wearing them in 1886 and are reportedly the first law enforcement agency to have worn the seven-pointed star, which is now a common shape among sheriff’s departments across the United States.

But let’s move on to a better look: Dr. Beverly Crusher:

Curlz MT

Okay, now I have more questions. Beverly obviously wouldn’t beat someone up for their clothes, so where did SHE get HER outfit? And who did her hair? Did she do her OWN hair? Where did she get a curling iron? Does she know how to use a curling iron? Was it one of those ones that’s actually made of iron that you have to heat up in a fireplace? 

We will get answers to zero (0) of these questions.

We actually get a much better look at her dress later, so let’s focus on that cloak!!! I love it and I also love her hat. Okay, I guess I had less to say about those than I thought.

Bev and Will, along with the rest of the officers, have somehow procured a room/apartment in some lady’s lodging house. It’s cute!

They gave it 5 stars on AirBnB

This also raises questions. How did they get this room? How many bedrooms does it have? Are they sharing one large bed? If so, who has to sleep crossways at the foot of the bed and why is it Geordi? We will get zero answers to these questions as well, so let’s move on to arguably the hottest costume in this two-parter:

I’ll be in Holodeck 4

Whewwwwwww. He’s giving us a rolled sleeve. He’s giving us a casual tweed vest. The pants? They’re perfect. And he KNOWS how that slouch is working. It’s working VERY well. But the Irish landlady? She’s having NONE OF IT.

Absolutely NO nonsense

She needs the rent, but Picard charms her and she leaves. So I guess that’s how they got the room. Her look is knitwear-forward:

Eileen Fisher does sound like an Irish name

She’s got a shawl AND a cardigan! The cozy factor is OFF THE CHARTS. She also has a brooch, because a touch of fancy is always welcome. I will say that her hair is a little more fashion-forward than I’d expect for a woman of her age and station. This is straight up 1890s hair, and she would probably still be rocking an 1860s look, which isn’t as sweepy and would likely involve more braids. Still, she looks lovely. 

Geordi is also here looking dapper:

Make the collar as high as you can. I want to be sliced open by my own collar

You CAN go wrong with a three-piece suit, but it’s difficult to. He can’t wear his visor, so he has some kicky shades which we’ll get a better look at in a sec.

Back at the Hotel Brian (lol), the bellboy (who we learn in this scene is Jack London, inspired to be a writer by Mark Twain [citation needed]) lets Mark Twain into Data’s room and allows him to look around unsupervised. This is very bad hotel management. 

Great Scott

Then Data and Guinan show back up, and Mark Twain hides in an armoire.

One short day in the emerald brocade

I think one reason I love Guinan’s looks so much, both in the 24th and the 19th century, is that our color palette is very similar. We’re both winters. Bold jewel tones are the vibe. This one is in a beautiful deep green fabric with what looks like a velvet flocking pattern on it. The collar is also velvet, and I love that sleeve with a flounce on top like there wasn’t already enough fucking fabric on the sleeve so they just added a random piece to be like “yes, bitch. I’m a sleeve.”

Naturally, the hat is also jaunty af:

San Francisco’s hottest milliner is: Madame Guinan

This hat has everything: feathers, netting, a brim, an angle that makes you think it’s going to fall off but it doesn’t. We stan.

Meanwhile, Picard is setting up a sensor in a hospital while wearing a hat:

I’m bowled over

We haven’t even asked where Picard got these clothes, but I would like to point out that he’s dressed as a lower-class guy, while Riker is a cop, and Geordi looks like a gentleman. Was there even a discussion they all had about how they would disguise themselves? Was Picard like “I just really want to wear a beat-up bowler hat” and since he’s the captain, they extrapolated from there? This episode is NOT CONCERNED about any of this. They all have clothes, end of story. 

Bev even has TWO outfits!!

Hello nurse!!!!

I love this look. She still has her unlikely hairstyle happening, which means her nurse’s cap is sitting atop her voluminous hairstyle. (Not very practical, but realistic!) She’s sporting a simple striped dress and a button-on apron. (Look closely and you can see the two buttons holding the apron to the dress.) The fabric underneath might be cotton seersucker, but it’s likely a lightweight cotton or linen twill. You can see how closely her look matches these nurses from a similar time period:

Hello nurses!!!!

Deanna is also in this scene and this episode, but you wouldn’t know it from what she’s given to do. HUGE SHOCKER: TROI NOT GIVEN ENOUGH TO DO IN AN EPISODE. 🙃

She still looks beautiful:

Why aren’t capelets more popular

We never get a really GREAT look at her whole outfit, but I can tell you that it has a capelet, it’s in the red family, and the hat has a lot of business going on. For those reasons: approved. It has a flounce in the back too:

More fabric = more wealth

Sometimes I think about just how much fabric it took to make these old-timey dresses and I’m like...how did anyone get anything done?? It takes me like 4 weeks to finish a pair of leggings and those have like 5 seams and I own a serger. These historical bitches were sewing whole ass dresses in no time at all. 

Okay, so Bev is in this hospital and here come some more energy-stealing aliens, disguised as healthcare professionals this time:

I cannot take a medical professional wearing a LIGHT BROWN TOP HAT seriously, sorry

Bev AND this energy-stealing alien have BOTH managed to get their hands on the SAME nurse’s uniform?? I guess in the case of the alien, she is a shape-shifter, so she got her clothes from...that. And her hair. 

I hate this light brown top hat. If you’re going to wear a top hat, don’t DISRESPECT IT by making it BROWN, but if you’re going to make it brown, make it a good brown, like chocolate. Stupid energy-stealing aliens.

There’s a skirmish, the energy-stealing aliens disappear, and the real cops show up:

MOUSTACHE

Of course, the cops showing up is bad, because when has a cop showing up ever made a bad situation better? Never. Defund the police, but don’t defund handlebar mustaches. Those can stay.

Fortunately, Data has gotten a ping on that machine he was building before and shows up on a motherfucking HORSE:

Brent just wanted to show off

He’s back in his brown striped suit and red tie. Okay.

Everyone returns to the boarding house to suss out the situation, and we get a look at what Riker is rocking underneath his cop jacket:

Suspend me daddy

You can see very clearly here how the collar is not actually attached to the shirt. This was a thing people in the olden days did so they could wear their shirt for multiple days in a row and just switch out the collar and cuffs so they looked clean. As someone who is wearing the same sweatshirt for the third day in a row, I support this method. (If you’re interested on more info about collars, here is a very enjoyable article about them.)

We are also blessed with a better look at Deanna’s sleeves and bodice:

Black lace cuffs? Decadent!!!

You can also see Geordi’s shades, which suit him really nicely. One thing I’ve been enjoying on this rewatch is just how well LeVar Burton can act without having his eyes visible. He’s great. Let’s just all think about how great LeVar Burton is for a second

And also Bev’s dress:

I legitimately want this dress

I don’t think those buttons are functional. Can you imagine how annoying THAT would be? But I am absolutely in love with this dress. Two paisleys, Beverly???? A goddess. I’m also dying for that brooch with the chain. A+ look all around, great work.

Finally, FINALLY, Guinan meets the rest of the crew:

When you meet someone you won’t actually know for 500 years

She is wearing a hat that looks like a toilet paper cozy. Did your grandma have one of these? They’re so stupid and I love them so much. 

Picard and Guinan meet for what is the first time for her, but not the first time for him, and honestly it is...sensual?????

If I got a m’lady from P. Stew I wouldn’t even mind

Patrick and Whoopi truly do some nice work in this ep. But we are here to yell about clothes, so: LOOK AT THIS DRESS ON AN EXTRA:

Gimme dat dress

I just want that dress to wear around my house. I legitimately bought an 18th century costume dress to do just that, so don’t think I won’t literally do this.

OKAY, WE ARE ALMOST TO THE END. 

The crew, plus Guinan, go back to the cave where this all started:

Cave Club, the only club that meets in a cave

We get a nice look at the bodice of Guinan’s dress here and guess what: MORE BUTTONS. Buttons on the lapels, and also buttons on the front panel with the pointy top. I wonder if she has multiple front panels for that dress in different colors, like a Swatch watch. 

Unbeknownst to them, Mark Twain followed them!! Then there’s a scuffle with the energy-stealing aliens during which a few things happen:

Data’s head flies off

Mark Twain gets sucked into the temporal disturbance

Guinan gets hurt

Picard stays behind to make sure Guinan is okay

So we end up with Mark Twain on the Enterprise, where he sees Worf, and he’s like:

Buh-WHAT

Worf is also confused:

This is...extremely perplexing

We have a few more looks back on the Enterprise, including Regular Guinan:

ShoulderSpreads™: The Bed Spread for Your Shoulders

I love love LOVE this outfit. The color is perfect, the shoulderspreads are perfect, the front draping is perfect. It looks like a velvet housedress from the 1960s except FANCY which is kind of my ideal aesthetic. And it’s red (my fave). 

We get a quick glimpse at the barber uniform:

Bitch let me pass, idc if you wrote Huck Finn

This barber does. not. give. a. fuck!!!! 

Geordi reattaches Data’s head, the one they already had, which means this whole thing was a ding dang closed loop. The reattachment also kind of diminishes the whole conversation they had earlier about how Data’s head in the cave meant that Data could die someday, because...he didn’t. He still might, but his head is back and he’s fine now.

Meanwhile, Picard is still back in 1893 and they have to go get him, but only one person can come back through the temporal disturbance, so Mark Twain is like “duh I’ll go get him.” 

And finally Guinan and Picard can talk about how their friendship spans 500 years!!!!

Hey girl

Hey

YOU’RE WELCOME

*abolish the police