#also from the newsletter. mayonnaise mention.

[the-meme-monarch]

I’LL CRUSH MY TV FOR ITS HORRIBLE CRIMES

[bendyneko]

Can Expensive Tech ‘Toys’ Really Be Disability Aids?

It’s quite simple really. Feeling guilty about spending £1,000+ on ‘toys’ and writing this to make myself feel better!

I suffer from some weird issues, some things people might think are stupid or outrageous even, yet they can be highly frustrating; have you ever dislocated a finger when pressing a light-switch? I know I have, and it’s true, it’s legitimately stupid.

What’s the solution to this? Use something else to switch them, or simply don’t use the switches. I’ve opted to not use the switches. Voice control is getting good now (I use Apple’s array of stuff, so I’m talking about Siri), like spooky levels of good, I use the voice button on my Apple TV remote (probably the only one) dictate messages, etc, it’s great. Therefore, why not let this control something that causes me legitimate issues, such as the aforementioned switches?

Spending £300 to kit out a single bedroom flat with wifi light bulbs (six of them, yes, £50 each) might sound insane, but “Siri, turn on the lights” or “Siri, dim the lights” etc, makes things a million times easier. I can set them to switch off automatically, switch on automatically, even have them change colour to ease my migraines (I currently have yellow/warm white LED bulbs, they help, seriously). I can even control all this manually from my phone or iPad.

Only two people so far know I’ve bought these, Myriam and mum, I want to surprise everyone else with how plain -awesome- this will be.

Toy two is more of a personal preference thing. I suffer from anxiety, social anxiety thanks to a breakdown at work; being around groups of people either terrify me, or if I know them, exhaust me. To fix the issue of being terrified of being around the endless, irrational, faces of terror, I zone out with music. My current Sony headphones aren’t a cheap pair at all (£150) and are fantastic, but I can never truly be alone in a crowd, plus wires getting caught on everything when I need to use my phone (to pay for things, Tesco club card scanning, replying to messages, etc)

What’s the solution? Wireless noise-cancelling headphones. So why not go crazy? I like Sony headphones, and I like weird tech (Touch/proximity activated stuff is like magic), so why not get a set of cans that fit with that? Sony MDR-1000X, even the name is cool. Newest Bluetooth audio spec for wirelessness, auto mode switching depending on environment, touch controls on the ear cup, proximity sensor to enable the mic to hear people talking to you (yes, literally putting your hand up to your ear) full noise cancelling and even a built-in audio processor. How much? £360.

Excessive? Most certainly, but considering some cans cost ten times that or more, plus those (for me at least) lifesaving features, not to mention they look incredible, they’re a bargain. I wonder if they can block out my neighbour’s loud music, well we’ll soon find out, won’t we!

This last one is also an indulgence, a ‘do you really need this?’, raised eyebrow, accusation. Simple answer is ‘yes’, here’s the long answer.

I currently have a Pebble Time Steel smartwatch, and while it works, there’s things I wish it could do, at times it feels like a watch that will also tell me about emails/messages/etc, as well as being a remote for music on my phone. Honestly, it’s invaluable. Fumbling with a phone while using crutches, just to see a newsletter email, is frustrating. With a smart watch, look at my wrist, sigh/roll my eyes, carry on. I’m greedy though, and I want more.

I have tachycardic arrhythmia, and that’s causes dizziness, panic attacks (and is responsible for a phobia/extreme dislike of heartbeats/hearts), instead of having to stop and count my heartbeat (ugh), why not look at my wrist?

Maybe I want to reply to a message with a stupid smile 🙃 (or usually 😑), or do stuff without my phone, like see where I am if I’m panicking and feeling lost, or even read the news to calm me down (well, not so much these days…)

My Pebble can’t do that, and at the end of the year, Fitbit will cease support for it entirely (Pebble went under, Fitbit bought the carcass/assets), plus it disconnects from my phone all. the. fucking. time. (admittedly that’s due to me using my phone and pushing the app out of ram rotation, but it’s still endlessly frustrating)

My solution to this, is an Apple Watch. This also comes with the added benefits of Siri, the ability to control the afore mentioned light bulbs (oh am I gonna have fun with that) as well as having the support backing of Apple, meaning it won’t suck when paired with my phone (a now ancient iPhone 6+). It also has the ability to work out and about without my phone. Not to mention Apple Pay and store cards, which by itself is amazing (I use Apple Pay a lot). I believe it can also control my Apple TV too (for which I often forget where I put the remote), and I haven’t even mentioned Neko Atsume! (Gotta check on the cats, right?)

One thing I only have a weak justification for, is buying the £199 ‘Milanese loop’ strap… My hands like to break out in hives when the weather is hot, these go up to my wrists, and watch straps are a nightmare (one notch down makes it too loose, etc), this strap has a magnetic ‘clasp’, so infinitely adjustable, meaning I can make it comfortable (plus it looks pretty, and I mean very pretty). Also bought the (product)Red strap and the charging base/stand thing. 

That’s £730 total, on a watch.

To be fair, In the grand scheme of watches, £730 isn’t that much (check the prices of mechanical watches, tourbillons are my favourite), hell, Garmin sell a smartwatch that’s £900! Plus the improvements and convenience it’ll bring to my life is worth the cost, in my opinion, especially with how much the Pebble has helped me.

Yes, the watch I bought is gold coloured (Milanese, which I always want to write as ‘mayonnaise’ for some reason, is black, (product)Red strap is…red, and the ‘standard’ strap is ‘midnight’ blue), might do a comparison with the Pebble’s ‘gold’ (more of a musty yellow) to the Apple Watch, I’ll see.

There, I’m feeling a bit less ‘guilty’ now. One other thing I bought is a Father’s Day/Birthday/Thank You combination gift of a PS4 Pro (comes with some free trash game which I already own/have nearly finished, called Horizon Zero Dawn) for dad, which cost just a little more than the light bulbs… I still balk/am left agape at £300 for six light bulbs…

Thanks for those ‘disability aids’, DWP, also fuck you for the 10 months of unimaginable stress and problems you’ve caused me, my family and my friends. From the bottom of my heart, fuck you. I really can’t say it enough.

New toys, gheeee! ☺️

TTFN