#also for some reason they had. right before the end credits rolled. renew s5 and i was like???? werent you guys greenlit to season 6????

[weirdbabs]

i had a dream that guillermo had been approached by a legendary vampire (like. the actual dracula or something like that) who told him that he could fix his problem and make him a full vampire. so guillermo ends up doing everything he says, which includes roping derek into it, and at the cumulation of it all the vampire had him kill derek which guillermo, whos so desperate to finally become a full vampire, does. and it does work, guillermo gets everything he wants from dereks death and thanks the vampire, only for the vampire to tell him that its just the start bc next theyre going to kill the house vamps (to somehow become more powerful thru their deaths?) which guillermo is opposed to

the vamp insults guillermo, telling him that hes too weak to seek real power and that he had no issues killing the vampire that turned him whats the difference with these four, and guillermo gets defensive but struggles to answer bc holy shit hes right i killed derek, who up till this point ive defended against even my vampire family, was it even worth it?? while hes dealing with that personal crisis, the vampire tells him that hes going to kills them with or without his help and then begone

guillermo sneaks into the vamps estate later intent on killing him before he could hurt his family, and sees that he has guests. he wants to be a vampire now, not a hunter, so he wants to keep the killings to a minimum and resolves to kill the vamp when hes alone. (we get to see a shot of the guests as guillermo sees it, the majority of the shot blocked but the vamps faces still clear as day and its the house vamps but guillermo couldnt recognize them bc nandor had his back to him, laszlo had a fake beard over his beard, nadja had her hair done like the bride of frakenstein and w as wearing the most modern clothes ive seen her in, (still matching with laszlo), and colin robinson was dressed like a fedora guy. guillermo for some reason said, outloud, to himself, that the vampires guests were really attractive??)

anyway guillermo tracks down the vamp when hes alone and confronts him, the house vamps enter in mid fight, guillermos secret is revealed by the vamp, everyones hurt (nandor bc guillermo was turned by someone else, laszlo/nadja bc he became a full vamp and didnt tell them). the vampire somehow revokes guillermos vampiric powers, making him human again, and guillermo manages to kill the vamp right before he could kill nandor, and everything is back to the status quo, except that now the vamps dont trust guillermo and he was left with the knowledge that he had tasted his childhood dream and now he may never be able to achieve it again. guillermo stares out a window looking at the freshly risen sun hitting the trees and sighs. he heads towards the front door, for some reason princess carrying a tarp covered nandor, who has his arms wrapped around his neck and is instructing him on what to do to make the ride comfortable and not mess up his hair. he steps outside, pausing when the sun hit his skin, takes a deep breath before descending down the stairs and the episode ends

most of the fandom was losing their minds over nandermo, quite a few people were talking about how fucked up dereks treatment was, a lot of people were complaining about the return to normal and how nothing can ever change in a sitcom, and meanwhile i was so upset that the only thing i had to say was:

“guillermo when he cant recognize laszlo: holy shit that man is attractive

#yeah. that episode was. not my favorite #im gonna try to take whatever i can from it. even if i have to remove all context #i can play with the shit and fart show scenes like dolls. if i want”

[batmenplayingpoker]

Let’s talk about: Arrow 5.19

In which I’m forced to defend Felicity.

After a month’s hiatus, Arrow has returned. Adrian Chase has been exposed as Prometheus, but he’s escaped, and the entire episode revolves around Felicity’s acts of desperation conflicting with the higher moral ground that Oliver has decided to occupy this week.

First off, shout out to Dinah Drake, who didn’t have a whole lot to do but worked what she got.

So anyway, as I mentioned, the dramatic tension of this episode revolves around Oliver v. Felicity (or Oliver and Diggle v. Felicity) with a little bit of Diggle v. Lyla thrown in there at the end. I should say that my feelings about Felicity throughout the course of the series has been conflicted at best. When she was basically a vehicle for “witty” one-liners and double entendres, I mostly rolled my eyes and ignored her. When she was elevated to romantic lead and Supreme Goddess, I hated her. And yet for most of season 5 I’ve ping-ponged back and forth between ambivalence to maybe, sorta, almost liking her in spite of myself?

And yet throughout the series, regardless of my feelings for the character, I have loathed the paternalism levied on her, levied on every prominent female character, in fact, with perhaps the exception of Sara (I would have to go rewatch S2 to be sure). The entire conversation between Oliver and Diggle had me practically seeing red, as they bemoan Felicity’s descent into that moral gray zone that only they are supposed to enter.

The face I was making, it was kind of like this:

Consider this line of dialogue:

“We knew she was involved, and we let her get in deeper.”

The entire conversation is framed in this way, as their failure to exercise control over Felicity’s actions. To be clear: it’s perfectly fine to express concern when you think someone is making poor choices, but they did that. Both Diggle and Oliver on separate occasions expressed their concerns to Felicity, and she took note of those concerns and decided to continue on the path she was going down, because she’s a grown ass woman who can make her own mistakes. It doesn’t mean she’s justified in what she does, she can be wrong! But at the end of the day she is the one responsible for her actions.

To make matters worse, it’s clear this conversation between Oliver and Diggle is not about Diggle taking Oliver to task for failing to exercise control over a team member as the leader of Team Arrow, but for failing to exercise control over her as her ex-fiance! 

Felicity did look pretty amazing in her heist gear, I must say. It was completely inappropriate for the occasion, and I’m not sure why you need 3″ wedge heel boots and smoky eyeshadow for a caper, but whatever, she was wearing something other than those glasses and those ugly designer dresses and she looked amazing! That works for you, Felicity. You should go on capers more often. 

But back to my rant: Sometimes Felicity’s bad choices are just Felicity’s bad choices, and she should be allowed to make them and live with the consequences of making them without being immediately absolved. But the show writers have consistently shown a wariness or inability to give Felicity any kind of moral complexity. She is routinely deified as “the best of us,” “the strongest of us,” “our moral voice,” and her questionable choices are always narratively justified or nullified. Her complicity in Susan’s firing earlier in S5 was waved away with a weak “I didn’t know what Thea was going to do!” (she asked you to plant leading evidence on Susan’s computer and you didn’t know what she was going to do with it? I thought Felicity was supposed to be some sort of genius!) It makes for a character who, when you get down to brass tacks, is pretty boring, who isn’t allowed anything by way of character growth. The scrapes and bumps she must heal from are always inflicted from the outside; her problems are never hers, she’s a victim of the mistakes of others.

For whatever reason, the writers can’t stop themselves from tripping over themselves to elevate her, even with awkward throwaway lines like the one from Diggle in this episode:

“Felicity Smoak is one of the best people I’ve ever known.”

It’s weird, the way other characters talk about her. I have some very close friends who I love with all my heart, but I don’t think I have or would ever appraise them in quite that way, surely not in a pseudo-argument with my spouse (especially since Diggle was basically saying “If even Supreme Goddess Felicity could go darksided, then oh god you, my wife, it could definitely happen to you.”) And this is far from the first time that other characters have talked about Felicity in a way that is entirely unique, that is not found in the way characters talk about any other character. It’s like an edict from on high; every now and then the Powers That Be must possess someone and use them as a mouthpiece to remind the audience that this is a good character and we love her, OK? 

This was also true about Oliver and Felicity’s relationship when it was getting off the ground and/or in full force, by the way. Diggle’s descent into the king of Olicity shippers was just weird, but even that pales in comparison to Laurel shipping Olicity on her deathbed. Why do we need everyone to love and endorse this relationship, this character? It suggests a lingering, uncomfortable insecurity in the writer’s room, a fear that they can’t adequately convey how good and right this relationship or that character is without having it explicitly reinforced by anyone and everyone. 

And let’s talk about Lyla for a second. Unpopular opinion: I hate Lyla.

I know, Digg. But hear me out. In a meta sense I have never warmed to Lyla. She was introduced as a replacement for Diggle’s S1 love interest, who we never saw or heard from again, and she eventually became Amanda Waller’s ARGUS replacement. That’s two black women that Lyla’s stepped in the shoes of, taking their place in the narrative. I’m not trying to draw anything from two data points, I’m just saying it’s enough to give me pause.

Amanda Waller was not a good person. Her decisions as the head of ARGUS weren’t even morally questionable, they were often morally wrong, yet in spite of that, Team Arrow worked with ARGUS on a number of occasions for their own ends (and, again, going back to Felicity, I can’t blame her being frustrated for being told she can’t follow the team’s general “ends justify the means” ethos because she’s been placed on a pedestal as the team’s moral beacon). In this episode Diggle expresses dismay about Lyla becoming “like” Amanda Waller, but what? Excuse me? Wasn’t she always complicit, if not outright involved in some of Waller’s questionable leadership decisions? Lyla wasn’t some powerless lackey, she was fairly high up in ARGUS even before Waller’s death. She chose to be there, she chose to act in concert with Waller, and Team Arrow often benefited from those choices. They’re all hypocrites.

This episode maybe (for me, hopefully) has sewn the seeds of the dissolution of Diggle and Lyla’s marriage. At the very least, it’s a problem that will doubtless linger. Early in the episode when Lyla takes a piece of evidence for ARGUS, the camera lingers on Dinah’s disapproving expression. This suggests to me that there is some merit that perhaps they’re going to explore Diggle and Dinah’s relationship to some extent. How do I feel about this? I don’t know. I’m happy to have Diggle do something other than act as Oliver and Felicity’s cheerleader, I’m happy for him to finally take a stance against his wife’s dubious actions, so I’m certainly interested to see where this is going. But I fear for Dinah if she devolves into Diggle’s arm candy.

The B-plot is Quentin “Hoss” Lance ignoring Rene’s boundary-setting by taking it upon himself to summon Rene’s daughter for an impromptu, surprise meeting, which ends with Rene’s renewed commitment to getting his daughter back. 

I get that this plot is supposed to be heartwarming, but Quentin bowls through Rene’s concerns due to his fresh grief over losing his daughter. To Quentin’s credit, he’s doing remarkably well for someone who’s managed to lose his two daughters THREE times, but sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is recognize that you’re not good for them, and if Rene truly feels that he isn’t good for his daughter, then it’s a good thing that she’s in a more stable environment. Let’s not forget this is a guy who runs around in a hockey mask and carries a gun; he may not be passing out drunk, but I still have some serious concerns about his ability to provide a stable environment. And for Quentin, it’s not even about Rene--not really. It’s about Quentin vicariously living through Rene, because he misses Laurel.

And finally, there were at least three references to Curtis’s “lawyer friend.” This is a strange turn of phrase to be repeated multiple times throughout the episode. Not “Curtis’s friend, who’s a lawyer,” not “a lawyer I’ve been put in touch with, thanks to Curtis,” but Curtis’s Lawyer Friend. Curtis’s Lawyer Friend. Curtis’s Lawyer Friend. Is this alluding to something (someone)? Or is is just strange dialogue? The writing on Arrow is so uneven that it’s difficult to distinguish when they’re attempting to signal something and when they’re just writing sloppy dialogue. Is “Curtis’s Lawyer Friend” supposed to ping something? I honestly can’t recall if we’ve got any relevant lawyer characters waiting in the wings; personally, I’d love for “Curtis’s Lawyer Friend” to be Damon Matthews, but again, maybe they weren’t attempting to signal a new, incoming character. Maybe Rene’s lawyer will, forevermore, simply be known as “Curtis’s Lawyer Friend.” Maybe that’s his actual name. I don’t know. ‘Til next week, which looks like a bottle episode.