#also for some reason these don't look that sharp so we're going with 2 gifs per row even if i hate it

[notsosecretlyalesbian]

A.J. Cook as Jennifer “JJ” Jareau in Criminal Minds | 09×04: To Bear Witness

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

Infinite wealth finale part 2! It's finally over... Feels unreal 🙃 I've actually reached this point.

SO. What's next? Well. I decided to hop on to the Pirate game after this and then I'll do the DLC content for this game. Why? Because I'm still 100% blind and have not seen a single spoiler about anything in the Majima game. And I don't know how long I'll be able to remain that way if I wait.

Some light commentary about the ending in terms of Kiryu at the end of the post!

Hoo boy, isn't this the area where the helicopter lads attacked us in Y6? Man, wouldn't it be really silly if it happened aga-

:(

Come on. I was joking!!

Nevermind! The BOYS are here!! And they're looking real sharp 👀❤️ Glad to see you back in leather pants, Majima!

I like Daigo's outfit, he looks neat!! But. It would have been VERY funny if he'd pulled up to this shitstorm in his stuffy chairman suit. Like, really funny. This is cool too, though!

...

for me? 👉🏻👈🏻🥺

Awww, game! You shouldn't have!!

Well... if you insist :)

Christmas came real early this year, eh? Thanks, RGG Studios! And also thanks to the random NPC who left this beautiful piece of equipment on the ground 🫶🏻

It was a cool fight! Overall Ichi vs Ebina felt more epic and cinematic, but this one had more emotional impact. So it all ended

Ohhhh, Ebina. Kiryu knows. Kiryu knows this too damn well. Has known for DECADES, now:

And I absolutely think the 'jimas know as well.

I can see where Ebina is coming from, though. The Yakuza ruined his life and now they want to go back into society and not even get punished?

This is a big issue that really doesn't have a solution that satisfies both parties. Yes, they are criminals and they have hurt and killed countless people, for... who knows how long. And now society at large is supposed to accept them back in? To the victims and their families it'd definitely feel like these people don't have to take any accountability for their actions.

But! Will the problem ever truly go away if the ex-yakuza keep being shunned? We already saw them going back into that life because they had no support network or a chance to even try to support themselves financially any other way. The yakuza will never cease to be a thing if the people trying to leave it don't have any other place to go.

Both sides have their points. There was no way to solve this issue without a big number of people being hurt in some way.

HELL YEAH!! Now we're talking!

You can't make amends in death!! You have to keep living and you gotta make that shit COUNT!

Thank you, Ichi and everyone else on the team!! You got through to him! You actually did it, you absolute madlads!

Gahhh;; if only Kiryu knew how proud Nishiki and Kashiwagi would be if they had seen this scene... 😭

Ichi, you are a saint. Bless your sweet heart. You are so much better than I am. Because I want JUSTICE FOR MY MANS HANAWA AND I WANT IT NOW. Yeah, yeah. He had his reasons and he's giving himself up to the cops. And props to him for that. But.

The problem here? I'm an angry, spiteful little woman. I hold on to grudges like Kiryu holds on to guilt; nonstop, intensely, and about too damn many things. Good on you for trying to change, Eiji. Genuinely. You're still on my shitlist, though. It's on SIGHT.

Okay, onto other things!

I hated the music they played until the credits. I don't care about the lyrics, the vibe just didn't match the scene for me. They were going for that hopeful tone, but it just felt JARRING when I was watching a half-dead Kiryu get dragged into that helicopter and then surgery at the same time. Muted the game, but it managed to ruin the mood for me.

I bet a lot of people liked the song choice and I respect that. For me... it was 100% a miss.

HIIII SWEETIES OMG 🥺😭🥺😭❤️😭🥺😭❤️😭 IT'S HER?? IT'S HIM?? THEY'RE HERE??? I'M NOT DREAMING?? I feel like Kiryu at the end of Y5, staring up at Haruka in wonder. I'm not even mad about not seeing the reunion, I'm just happy to see these two 😭❤️ Haruto has grown so much...

He lives!! AND he has a name!! YIPPEE! Good for you, Kiryu 🥺❤️

Some people might be shocked at the state he's in, but I truly am not. He's getting cancer treatments!! That shit WRECKS you physically and mentally! Just seen it happen recently with a friend. Those treatments are NO joke.

Kiryu was already in a rough shape and now he started cancer treatments this late into the process? I'd be more surprised if he looked even remotely okay. He's fighting on, and he's a KING for it. That's. My. BOY!!

Now. Time for the big guestion:

DO I THINK KIRYU IS DEAD?

I... no. No I don't. And I have a reason. Though, I will fully admit that I am constantly crushing pure and unfiltered copium into a fine powder and snorting it every hour. But still...

Yes, the death flags are too numerous to count. Yes, to the point that the game feels like a funeral march - a fun one, but a funeral march nonetheless. Yes, Kiryu does think he'll die and he started receiving treatment alarmingly late. All valid points that I see clearly.

BUT. What I don't see is RGG Studios, of all game studios, being so utterly DISRESPECTFUL as writers that they would kill KIRYU FUCKING KAZUMA off-screen. Kiryu?? WON TOU got an on-screen death! Terada got TWO hella dramatic ones!!! And they'd just kill KIRYU off screen?? I just... I don't see it. I feel like if they'd planned to have Kiryu die here, it would have been during the scene with the jarring song in it, before the credits.

Do I think we'll get to see Kiryu again? Maybe not!! He's definitely not gonna be a playable character ever again, I'm not THAT deep into my copium high. This was the conclusion of his arc as a main character. Hell, maybe we won't see him again! But I'd honestly prefer them leaving Kiryu alive and never seeing him again to just... letting this ambiguous thing play out and then getting a "lol yeah btw... he died after that" in the next game.

Some people might not see why it'd make a big difference. But it does, to me. And I do think killing Kiryu off like this would be an atrocious writing choice to make. But that's honestly just my very subjective and heavily biased perspective. If they did it, I will not like it one bit, but that's life. All art will always have people who appreciate it and people who hate it. If you like this as a way of writing Kiryu's death, that's cool.

As I said, I'm going into Majima's game 100% blind. My only wish for it? I want to know Kiryu's status. No, I don't need to see him, I just want to know what happened. I'd hate for this specific subject to be left this ambiguous.

[aprillikesthings]

It's 2:30pm I've had breakfast and coffee and my adhd meds, let's go

EDIT I got partway into the second episode wooo

okay so you know that moment of Catra THONKing her head on the locker that I couldn't stop laughing at yesterday? I recorded it with my phone just now, including me laughing

OKAY THE VIDEO SHOULD WORK *NOW* Anyway now you know I watch all of these in an open tab of Netflix. I don't even fullscreen it bc I'm constantly bouncing between that tab and this one.

(The long fic that is the whole reason I'm rewatching is the left-most tab in case you were wondering--it's literally the fic, netflix, this tab--mmmmost of the rest of the open tabs are other fics, the wikipedia list of episodes, a couple of fanvids, and a bunch of meta)

Also my laugh sounds weird to me here I blame my allergies

Also I really did have some wine last night, huh

OKAY back to Glimmer giving Scorpia that little speech

And yeah I know I just mentioned the parallels between Catra and Glimmer, but like--Catra also did this. She also gassed up Scorpia with the specific intent of encouraging her to do something she wanted Scorpia to do (attend Princess Prom).

And neither of them said anything un-true! But they were still both manipulating her for their own ends.

yeah! by blowing it to smithereens

Anyway back on Beast Island they're trying to gtfo

Except Entrapta doesn't want to go D:

Like she flat-out says, "I'm staying."

There's creepy-ass vines climbing all over everything and knocking out some of the power

"-was so confusing. I just wasn't suited for friendship. I belong here."

(Ohhhhhh I get it--it's the same "crippling self-doubt" thing this place does to everyone.)

ALSO THAT'S CREEPY

She-Ra is just like, Absolutely Not

Man I feel bad for both of them. But also there's a bunch of creatures with sharp teeth surrounding them

Anyway the fight scene that happens is too much to go into detail about, but Micah gets bit, a much bigger creature attacks them, the vines keep trying to take over Entrapta who keeps saying variations on "nobody understands me, that's okay, just leave me here"

Those vines are a great Metaphor for some kinds of mental illness, like depression--that lie to you and tell you this kinda shit.

Bow, who is as always Mr. Emotional Intelligence, says "Did you think friendship is easy? It takes WORK to be there for other people!"

Bow: "Because we're not EVER going to leave you behind again! And we never gave up on you, even when you were with the Horde! Because that's what friends do!"

(oooh that's some tasty foreshadowing! Seriously this is a great scene in general but also HMM who else might they not give up on)

(...wait multiple people actually now that I think about it)

;_;

OH GOD Micah's magical protection shield breaks and Adora, bless her, is like "WE ARE OUT OF TIME. Entrapta, we flew here on an ancient First Ones ship."

Adora might be a littttttle infantalizing in tone here but tbh it worked, so

lol there's more monsters so Entrapta calls her robot to beat them up

"I'm glad we're friends."

(Ugh they wrote Entrapta SO WELL. Like yes it was her special interest that got her to want to leave, but she does care about her friends and she makes an effort--and it's obviously AN EFFORT--to thank Bow for being kind to her. Her words sound slightly stilted, bc saying these sorts of things is a learned skill that doesn't come naturally, but she still means them!)

I had a split second of confusion before realizing this is definitely Double Trouble lol

headcanon: when Double Trouble is alone, they twist their hair all the time the way I do

OH GOD oh shit okay I'm going to just copy/paste from the fanmade transcript:

Double Trouble: I was looking forward to meeting this Entrapta character before I left Bright Moon. But of course, as you know, she wasn't there. Hordak: What did you say? Double Trouble: Oh, you don't need keep up the charade with me. I figured out the truth. You had Catra send Entrapta to Beast Island, so She-Ra would run off to rescue her. A brilliant idea! The perfect distraction. I have to applaud your work, you really had me going. So scorned by Entrapta's betrayal. ...Even now you look like you had no idea! Double Trouble: Brava. I mean, I did consider the alternative...

Double Trouble: That she made you think she was your partner in crime, while really she is the one who betrayed you... Double Trouble: But between you and me, there's no way she's that good of an actor. Double Trouble: Well, I'll leave you to it. Congrats again. Great work all around.

OOOOOH DOUBLE TROUBLE IS SUCH A LITTLE SHIT (and I love them)

Hordak is so pissed he blows some shit up. And shows A Real Human Emotion!!!

in the meantime, they got Entrapta et al safely on the ship

but Bow properly tells the ship to take them back to Bright Moon

And the Horde sends off a bunch of troops as Double Trouble watches and says, "Too easy, as usual."

to quote Double Trouble themself from an earlier episode, "Espionage is a long game, kitten."

OH HO THEY'RE IN CONTACT WITH GLIMMER!

(Oh, that means Double Trouble didn't actually escape, they switched sides, right)

AAAAAUGH

Glimmer and Scorpia teleport out JUST as Bow, Adora, Swift Wind, and Micah show up oh my god that is some Shakespeare-level shit. Like the "camera" backs up and we see Glimmer and Scorpia sparkle away JUST as everyone else runs in from the side D:

But yeah Micah goes looking for Glimmer (his daughter he hasn't seen since she was A CHILD) and

this BITCH

Micah knows what's up. "What is this traitor doing here???"

Catra doesn't know Hordak knows oh god do I hate this my adrenaline is through the fucking ROOF, she just knows Hordak wants to talk to her

Yeah she only barely gets missed by a blaster shot

NOT EVEN USING HER NAME, HUH

AAAND ROLL CREDITS

okay just gonna jump into the next episode, will reblog only when I run out of images

Adora: Stay here, King Micah. The Sorcerers Guild is on their way to help protect Bright Moon. I promise, Your Majesty, we'll bring Glimmer home to you. Swift Wind, take Bow and Entrapta to the Fright Zone. Find Glimmer, we can still stop this. Bow: What are you going to do? Adora: I'm going to the Crystal Castle. I have to keep Light Hope from activating the Heart of Etheria.

She turns into She-Ra

Roll intro!

I usually skip the intro but

eheheheheheheh

*ahem* anyway

oh lord that door is going to open to something

I WAS RIGHT

Scorpia tries to say Glimmer's "a new recruit! Glimmax....Pinkhairton."

Okay but also Lonnie is clearly on Scorpia's side here. "We thought you got out??? If Catra sees you here--"

One of the themes of She-Ra is actually that bad and abusive management causes high turnover. (Like for real my manager is great and that's why I've been at my job eight years.)

Lonnie: "But you're one of us, Scorpia. We won't stand in your way."

Which makes Scorpia emotional

ANYWAY back to Hordak's perfectly justified temper tantrum at Catra

Catra continues to play the "She was a traitor!" card. Anyway he just keeps blasting and she just keeps running

Hordak: "And after I'm through, you can't even begin to imagine the punishments Horde Prime will inflict upon you."

Everyone in the Horde is literally like "Just wait til your father gets home!!!!"

Hordak is just blasting shit all over the place as Catra runs!!

And I've run out of images again, time to reblog

The next episode itself is a two-parter, and I think that rather than split them up I will just watch through, which might mean I have to reblog this post multiple times.

Finishing out season four!

s4, eps 12&13 Destiny

Usual reminder: this is a REwatch and there’s spoilers ahoy, I make a lot of bad jokes (some of which are Adult In Nature), I reference other cartoons, I make random asides.

(also, this time specifically, I had some alcohol)

Tbh? it's a lot like watching things like this with me in person aaahahaha I always want to pause and infodump shit -_-

lol Emily is destroying Shadow Weaver's garden

Emily acts like Mal the cat does sometimes. WHAT IS IN YOUR MOUTH you are not supposed to have that! Get out of there!

UGGGH

it's easy to forget how BIG Scorpia is??

LOLOL oh my god I went downstairs for like an hour and a half talking to my partners about the most random shit and then playing with the cat and also: I've had most of a can of wine.

One of these:

YEAH (that's a huge image)

so if these get weird: blame the wine I guess

oh also @corpseauthority and I picked out fake fur and minky fabric for the ears and tail of my Catra cosplay :D :D :D I'M SO EXCITED

OKAY BACK TO SHE-RA

the only thing better than Scorpia's "huh?" is Shadow Weaver's flat "what"

Shadow Weaver: no we need the other princesses Glimmer: well they're gone but-- Scorpia, Shadow Weaver, and Emily: WAIT, WHAT???

AND THEN

okay but is the guard telling you this Double Trouble

ROLL INTRO

that thing was not meant to hold four humans and a horse with wings

why are you SNIFFING HIM

Entrapta: "I don't know you" Micah: "Yes, you do. You stole my food." Entrapta: "OH YEAH! It was delicious :D"

oh god Adora's like "....but are you okay? we came here to find you 🥺"

and she's like YEAH I'M GREAT

"each more deadly than the next??? it's PARADISE"

I love her so much oh my godddd

Bow: "We're here to rescue you" Entrapta: "didn't I just rescue YOU?"

Bow mentions Hordak and Entrapta pulls her little new bug-eye mask down :(

Adora: so hey we uhhhhhhhh really need your help due to a terrible secret of the First Ones that nobody but us knows

"WHy didn't you say so???"

well that's a callback to s1 ep1

THERE SHE IS!! MY BABY 😍 I LOVE HER SO MUCH

nooo

anyway Kyle, Rogelio, and Lonnie come in and Catra's like OH UHHH so...what's happening

Lonnie: "we just got back from conquering another Rebel town" Kyle: ":D You should've seen us!! It was all:"

and then he kicks Scorpia's old locker, with the drawings on it, and Catra gets mad

Ironically the degree to which Catra is UPSET is making me ship them harder lol

bb you need a break you are getting feral

Man Lonnie has her number lol. "What is wrong with you? We're winning! Even you should be happy."

god I love when she's this deranged

she slams poor Lonnie against a locker

john cena dot gif

but also OH DO THEY REMIND YOU OF WHO YOU USED TO BE? HMM? what you really wanted??? what actually gave you something like joy or contentment????? are you trying to just erase any part of you capable of feeling good?????????

Kyle is RIGHT

The cinematic parallels between Catra and Glimmer in this episode ("forget my friends I'M IN CHARGE HERE and YOU NEED TO FOLLOW ORDERS") are *chef's kiss*

Catra realizing this isn't what she actually wants: part ....a lot

STOP REMINDING ME I HAVE FEELINGS!!

The other three leave, she yanks the drawings off Scorpia's old locker, then THUMPs her head on it. And then Double Trouble shows up!

okay wait tho the way she pauses and then thumps her head on it is so funny I wish I could gif it, it's so cat-like and also Very Emo

I don't think this is supposed to be funny but it IS and I cannot stop rewinding and laughing. I blame the wine.

THONK

help i've rewatched it like five times now

okay

lol right??

Me, when I was info-dumping my own fic at myself: is it weird to imagine these two banging??? Me now: nope

Double Trouble: "Apologies for the delay, kitten. I got ...held up...in Bright Moon"

Anyway they give a little speech about how the Princesses keep fighting and She-Ra is away

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK

(now THERE's an old fandom reference ahahaha)

"We can't let them return to the Fright Zone!" TOO FUCKING LATE

YOU STOLE HER GARNET YOU WOULD THINK SO

Anyway they argue about the possibility of Glimmer taking Scorpia back to the Fright Zone

GOD I HATE IT WHEN SHE'S RIGHT UGGGHHHH

lolol I am. like. less than ten minutes into the FIRST OF TWO EPISODES and i've hit the image limit.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Hunt Me Down (2)

Humans are confusing creatures.

Tags/warnings: Alien!Jungkook, Human!Reader, deal with it, it's not Alcoria and not Prey oops, size difference because deal with it part 2, kook has a split tongue oops, also sharp teeth be careful cause he bites

Additional Chapter Warnings: alien boy trying to understand humans, mild Angst, kook still has no filter, some backstory

Chapter Length: short

<- Previous | Next 🔞 ->

"I'm really thankful you're here, you know that?" Your sister says, hugging you in a welcoming way, while you just smile and hug her back. She's been feeling a bit homesick lately, you've noticed- Taehyung having snitched to you about it, one of the main reasons you started to regularly visit her during human holidays like on her birthday today.

The alien in question greets you with an awkward side hug as well- mainly because he doesn't really know how to hug, and also because he's a little too tall to properly do it. But it's fine- you've come to accept it all. "Oh, and Jungkook offered to help you!" Your sister says- and before you can ask, the man in question steps forwards, hugging you as well.

His is a short one, polite, but he seems very careful not to hurt you in any way. You notice that he smells rather nice; a little sweet, but also like rain, and faint gasoline- probably stuck to his clothes from roaming the town outside daily. "Did I do this correctly?" Jungkook asks after stepping back a bit, and you can't help but smile, nodding.

His eyes light up at that.

While your sister and Taehyung go to prepare the main living area of the house, jungkook follows you into the kitchen, where you start to take out the ingredients you'll need. "I've learned that your species likes to have designated resting spots." He starts, probably to fall into conversation with you. "I didn't know that." He says, and you shrug.

"Ah well- I guess? Back home, I tend to fall asleep at my desk or on the couch, depending on how tired I am, or at what time I decide to sleep. I usually nap randomly." You laugh, and Jungkook furrows his brows.

"Aren't you diurnal?" He wonders. "I've read that all humans are only active during the day." He mumbles, before looking at the meat you take out.

"I guess we're supposed to be? But my sleep schedule is pretty bad, so I don't really keep track of it these days." You shrug. "Here- you can cut this-" You start, showing him a little part on how you'd like it cut, "-like this please?" You ask, and he nods eagerly, before taking the knife and vegetables from you.

"Humans are very creative with food." He says. "I like that. Food used to be very basic here before your kind inspired mine to try new things." He nods, very focused on the task you gave him.

"Some of us think of it as art almost." You tell him, as you put some oil in a pan. "I personally only like cooking because.. well, it brings people together."

"Well, humans are very social." He nods. "I've not seen your parents however. Aren't they usually there to celebrate these holidays?" He wonders innocently, and you stop your motion for a bit, before you move on.

"They've passed away." You simply say, and its quiet for a moment, only sound the sizzling pan- before you notice his eyes on you. "Its fine though, it was years ago." You try and reassure, occupying yourself with cooking again.

Until suddenly, Jungkook pulls you against him, a little awkwardly bending to properly hug you. "I- uh.. jungkook?"

"I've seen Taehyung do this to his human when she was upset, and it made her happy again." He explains his actions. "Is it making you happy as well?" He wonders.

"The food is going to burn-" You start but he just pulls the pan away from the hot plate, continuing to hold you.

"I don't like seeing you upset. I apologize for bringing up a negative topic by accident." He mumbles. "Is this helping you? I'm unsure if I do this correctly." He asks, and you can't help but hold onto him a bit.

"It is." You laugh after a moment, making him part with a proud glimmer in his eyes. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome." He replies, before you both continue your tasks.

At some point, jungkook simply watches you do your thing in the kitchen, conversation between the two of you surprisingly easy. "I apologize if I am not that good at Courting you." He says after a while. "I know this right now does not assign as a date, as we're not alone, but I'll make sure to do well."

"Ah, honestly I'm not that good at it either." You shrug. "I've not had anybody ask me out before, so, I guess we're both learning as we go." You say, but he now seems genuinely confused.

"You mean you have not been pursued before?" He asks, and you nod.

"I don't go out much, and I keep to myself a lot. I'm not that social." You admit to him. "I only really leave my home to visit my sister here, other than that, I'm a homebody." You say.

"So you are unexperienced in partnerships in general." He states, and you nod. "Does that mean you've also not had any interc-" he starts, but your sister suddenly shoved him pit of the kitchen, making you laugh loudly.

"Not in my kitchen mister, nuh-uh!" She scolds, and Jungkook looks a little like a scolded puppy as he looks at Taehyung, who just shrugs. "I can't believe them sometimes." She mumbles to you, but you just shake it off.

"Its fine, we're just different." You defend Jungkook. "Do you want me to bring this into the living room?" You wonder, and she nods, helping you bring everything onto the table, both Taehyung and Jungkook already staring in wonder at the dishes displayed. When everything is set and done, you sit down, beginning to eat, and its quiet for a bit, until your sister speaks.

"I'm so full, ugh!" She gasps with a smile. "I haven't had this in ages!" You laugh at her, happy as well, before you let yourself fall to your back next to Jungkook who's sitting next to you. He looks down, a little confused before taehyung speaks up.

"Humans become tired after a good meal, I've noticed." He explains to Jungkook. "Its a little odd, but then again.." he shrugs, letting your sister lean against him as she grows tired as well.

"That's a very odd habit." Jungkook mumbles. "And impractical to survival as well." He says, though you just stretch your arms out, before curling up on the floor, using the pillow you've sat on underneath your head now. "Are you really going to rest now?" He wonders, and yiu nod, eyes already closed. "I did not think you would feel quite so comfortable around me that easily. Are you always this careless?" He asks, and you shrug.

"Taehyung and my sister are here." You mumble. "And it would be kind of counterproductive to kill me in my sleep when you want to court me, right?" You joke, and he blinks once, twice-

Before his lips turn into a smile, his eyes closing as he laughs openly- both your sister and Taehyung watching fondly. It's hard to get such a reaction from someone of this planet.

"You're right." Jungkook simply says, looking down at you with a smile.

And you smile back, thinking about how you could actually see yourself falling for him.

[tinyboxxtink]

"...So I Married A Monster" *Chapter 1*

[Yes I know it's absolutely inappropriate/irrelevant but this gif was too priceless not to use it, okay?]

Chapter 2 is HERE!

So, I gotta shout out the anon who asked me to explore this idea from a one-shot I wrote. Which actually was a request from @word-scribbless, so really this was a team effort. LoL.

Alright so here's the sitch:

You're dating Rafael Barba, and you finally decide to introduce him to your kids. Everything's going fine, until he figures out your ex-husband "Billy Loomis" is actually William Lewis!

Chaos ensues.

RIGHT?

Alright so I just decided to elaborate on the one shot, so I hope you enjoy this introduction.

Yes, I don't know why we're going back into the dark dark depths of angsty, dark storylines, but here we go. It's William Lewis once again, so you already know it's not going to be some fun fluff piece.

Plan your expectations accordingly.

Also, @storiesofsvu said they might read this one, so there's that. Eeep.

Obviously my lovelies are the best as well.

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

—————

You twirled your hair nervously, pacing back and forth in your living room. Rafael Barba, the man you were seeing, was on his way over, it was just a normal day. Except that it wasn’t. Today was the day you were going to introduce him to your kids. Something he wasn’t even aware you had.

You had your reservations about dating guys without kids, as it never really worked out. Men without kids didn’t tend to understand the problems that came along with it, like having to cancel plans at a moment’s notice if one of your kids got sick or something. But Rafael seemed like a really good man, and though he didn’t seem like the “I love kids” type, you had gotten to know him enough to know he came from a good family, and that he might be open to at least meeting yours. You hoped you were right.

Soon your doorbell was ringing, your toddler Kylie came bounding towards the door.

“I’ll get it!!!!” She squealed.

“Uh– No no, Kylie!” You intercepted her on her way to the door, snatching her up in your arms.

“Maggie!” You tried to call her softly, not wanting Rafael to hear you. Your eleven year old came strolling out of the living room while on her phone.

“What?” She barely looked up at you.

“Can you take her? Please?” You asked her sweetly, causing her to move her phone down from her face.

“Why? Who’s at the door?” She raised a skeptical eyebrow at you.

“Just…a friend,” You looked towards the front door nervously. Maggie noticed your hesitance, it finally made her forget about whatever she was doing on her phone.

“Who is it, mom?” She pressed.

“I’ll explain everything, okay?” You gave her a pleading look. “Just take her in the living room and I’ll be there in a minute,”

“…It’s a guy, isn’t it?” She crossed her arms in a sassy manner.

“Maggie!” You pleaded.

“Ok fine…” She rolled her eyes and took Kylie from your arms. “Come on Ky, let’s go find a snack,”

“Thank you,” You kissed her head and ruffled Kylie’s hair as they walked towards the kitchen. You fixed your hair once more and swung the door open, revealing Rafael standing there holding flowers for you.

“Hey baby,” He kissed you softly while handing you the flowers. “I can’t believe I’ve never been to your house, it’s gorgeous,”

“Probably because we’re in New Jersey,” You teased him. You knew how much he hated Jersey, so the fact that he came all the way out here on his day off, really meant something.

“Probably,” He nodded with a teasing smile.

“So…there’s also another reason, I’ve never asked you here,” You ran your fingers through your hair as he entered your foyer.

“Oh?” He asked, curiously.

“I um, so– remember when I told you about my ex husband…?” Your voice trailed off.

“Yeah, that he was a real douche,” Rafael rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, but there’s a good thing about him,” Your eyes glanced over to where the girls had run off to.

“…Oh?” Rafael had a hint of worry in his voice.

“He’s a…” You looked down. “He’s a good dad,”

“….A good dad?” You heard Rafael’s voice shift an octave higher.

“Yes…” You forced yourself to look up at him. “In fact, he’s been keeping the girls all summer,”

“The girls?” He blinked, trying to wrap his head around it. “As in, multiple?”

“…Yes,” You bit your lip. “….You can run screaming now, it’s okay,”

“Ay, carino…” He put both hands on either of your face. “…Where are they?”

“Really?” You bit your lip with a relieved smile.

“Of course!” He kissed you and wiped a few tears that started dropping down your face as he spoke.

“…Okay, come with me,” You took his hand and let him into the kitchen. Maggie was handing Kylie a pudding cup and a juice box when you walked hand in hand with Rafael. Maggie gave him a side eye, while Kylie instantly bounded over with her snacks and a huge smile.

“Hi!!!!” She beamed at Rafael, sticking out her left hand which of course made the snacks fall out of her hand onto the floor. Maggie groaned in frustration as she ran over and picked up the snacks, now eyeing Rafael up and down.

“…Who’s this, mom?” She asked you, not taking an eye off Rafael. He didn’t seem phased at all, he just stuck out his hand to Kylie, since she addressed him first.

“Hi, I’m Rafael. And what’s your name?” He smiled warmly at her, making her eyes sparkle.

“I’m Kylie!” She shook Rafael’s hand furiously with a huge grin. Maggie snatched her up quickly, breaking their handshake.

“I’m Maggie,” She said curtly.

“Maggie,” You said through gritted teeth. “Be nice,”

“Oh it’s fine, carino,” He chuckled, smiling at Maggie. “I was protective of my mami when she’d bring strange men home too,”

“So you’re saying you’re a strange man?” Maggie smirked.

“Maggie!” You hissed.

“I guess you’ll have to figure that out yourself, chica,” He smirked back.

“…Guess we shall, amigo,” She narrowed her eyes, but quickly smiled. She liked this guy.

“Wow…I’m impressed,” you whispered to Rafael as the girls got more snacks for you and him.

“Thank you, mi amor,” He smiled before kissing you on the cheek. “And thank you, for trusting me enough with your kids,”

“Anytime,” You smiled warmly as you pulled him into a real kiss.

“Gross!!!!!” Kylie made a gagging sound before collapsing into giggles. This had gone better than you could have imagined.

-----------

After you and the kids all had snacks, you set up a movie for them to watch while you and Rafael went to your kitchen table to have coffee and talk more about the situation.

“So...I guess this is a stupid question, but why haven’t mentioned you had kids before this, carino?” Rafael ask while he sipped his coffee.

“Well..” You nervously stirred your coffee with your spoon. “I guess I was selfish,”

“Explain,” He pressed.

“Well I don’t typically start a first date with ‘hey by the way I have kids, so you might wanna run now’,” Your explanation caused him to chuckle in amusement.

“Yes I can see that,”

“And honestly by the second or third date, I don’t even like the guy anymore so it’s just pointless,” Your voice lowered even more as you started to allude to your feelings for him.

“...I see,” His chuckle turned into an amused smile. “And with me…?”

“With you...I wanted to introduce you,” You looked up to meet his eyes, hoping that would be enough explanation. His growing smile made it obvious it was.

“Well, I’m glad you did,” He put a hand over yours. “So I guess you want to keep me around, huh?”

“For now,” You teased him with a small giggle. He leaned over to give you a kiss, but your phone began going off. You looked down to see the screen:

BILLY CALLING

“Oooh, one sec baby,” You grabbed the phone. “It’s my ex,”

Rafael nodded in understanding as you turned from him to have the conversation.

"Hey Billy, what’s up?” The mention of their father’s name caught Maggie’s attention.

“Is that daddy?!” She called across the room. “Tell him WICKED was so fun!!!!”

“Wicked?” You repeated into the phone with a sharp tone. “Billy...did you take them into the City?”

“Daddy lives in the City now,” Kylie added to the conversation.

“He WHAT?!” You stood up and moved away from Rafael as your voice raised. “Billy, when were you going to tell me you moved to New York City?”

“No, I think it is a pretty big fucking deal,” You growled into the phone.

“Swear jar!!” Kylie giggled.

“You know how I feel about the City,” You ignored her as you lectured your ex.

“...And how is that?” Rafael raised an eyebrow.

“Shut up, you know I love it,” You rolled your eyes at him. “I just don’t want my children--” You were cut off by Billy’s questioning.

“What? It’s nobody, Billy,” You saw the hurt in Rafael’s eyes when you called him a “nobody”. You walked back over and squeezed his hand.

“I don’t want to get into ‘the talk’ with my ex on the phone, baby,” You explained softly.

“Well I was pretty sure you introducing me to the kiddos was ‘the talk’, but clearly I was wrong,” He shook his head and stood up to go, but you squeezed his hand tighter preventing him from walking away.

“I’m sorry Billy, that was my boyfriend,” You gave Rafael a small smile, hoping for his approval. His grin back gave you all the approval you needed.

“...What?” Your brows furrowed. “Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know I needed your permission to have a boyfriend, Billy,”

“No, he just met the girls today. In fact it wasn’t even like fifteen minutes ago--” Billy’s voice was rising, Rafael could hear obscenities through the phone.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business--” You bit your lip in nervousness.

You hated it when he got like this, he had quite the temper on him. It was one of the reasons you got divorced. That, and the fact that he was constantly absent from your lives for work. It was like raising the girls on your own anyway, so you figured you’d make it official.

Rafael noticed the fear in your voice, and he went into a protective mode. He grabbed the phone from you and spoke to Billy with an eerily calm voice.

“Listen Billy, I don’t know who you are, but I don’t appreciate you calling here and intimidating my girlfriend when we were having a perfectly nice day,”

“.....Barba?” A very familiar, terrifying voice came through the ear piece.

“E-Excuse me?” His voice wavered.

“Rafael Barba, is that you?” The voice half laughed; all of the color drained from Rafael’s face.

“...Lewis?” Rafael barely whispered, causing your eyebrows to furrow again.

“Loomis,” You told him, causing him to furrow his own eyebrows. “His last name is Loomis,” You clarified.

“You have some balls, detective,” His evil chuckle made Rafael’s blood run cold. “First you and the red headed bitch try and put me away, and now you’re fucking my wife?”

“She is NOT--” Rafael clenched his fists.

“You know what, as much as I enjoyed this trip down memory lane, I think I’d like to talk to my wife,” William quickly tried to avoid any more detection.

“Like hell you will--” Rafael started to growl, causing you to snap the phone out of his grasp.

“Um, Billy,” You gave Rafael an accusatory look as you spoke to your ex. “Can I call you back?”

“I don’t want that man near my kids,” Billy stated angrily.

“What?” You blinked in surprise. “Why?”

“He’s a bad man, Y/N,” William lied.

“W-What are you talking about?” You looked at Rafael cautiously.

“What is he saying?” Rafael questioned angrily. “Whatever he says, he’s lying,”

“No I’m not, he’s the one who’s lying to you sweetheart,” William quickly shut Rafael down as he heard his accusations through the phone.

“I-I have to go,” Your voice quivered as you hung up on Billy.

Your mind was racing. Who could you trust?

-----------

After you hung up, you just sat there for a second trying to process what had just happened. You didn’t have much time, as Rafael started throwing a million questions at you almost immediately.

“You were married to William Lewis?” He hissed. “Do you have any idea what that man did to me? My squad? My best friend?!”

You suddenly snapped to attention as the familiar feeling of being interrogated kicked in. “Dining room, NOW,” You grabbed his arm and pulled him into the other room, away from your children’s ear shot.

“What the FUCK are you talking about, Rafael?” You now raised your voice a bit. “I don’t know who the hell you’re talking about, but I married Billy Loomis, not this-- William Lewis,”

“Oh please,” Rafael scoffed with a dry laugh. “That’s barely an alias!”

“I’m sorry, are you insinuating I’m a moron?” You crossed your arms. “You think I’m that stupid not to know my husband is a...whatever you think he is?”

“He’s a MONSTER, Y/N!”

“What are you talking about?!” You tried keeping your voice below a roar, but this was getting to be a lot. “You just heard his voice, you don’t even know if it’s the same--”

“He knew my name,” Rafael simply said. “He knew who I was, and he taunted me about it,”

“He taunted you?” You laughed sarcastically. “How did he ‘taunt you’?”

“He’s rubbing in the fact that he escaped NYPD, and now he’s upset I’m fucking--” He paused at the offended look on your face. “...Dating, his ex wife,”

“Wow,” You exhaled exasperatedly. “Wow,”

“Look I’m sorry to be crass, but those are the words he used,” He put a hand to your face, but you stepped back. “Except he used wife,” He added.

“What are you talking about?”

“He still thinks you're his,” Rafael explained. “He thinks of women as things, as property. And he clearly thinks he still ‘owns’ you,”

“Look I-- I don’t know who you think Billy is,” You shook your head as you walked towards a cabinet full of family photos on display. You picked one up and handed it to Rafael: A family photo at the beach.

Billy’s arms were around you, his gorgeous smile at it’s full power. That smile was heart melting, you fell in love with it as soon as he had flashed it your way in a coffee shop. Maggie’s arms were around his neck, and Kylie was in your lap with her hands raised in glee. It was a few years ago, Kylie was a baby and Maggie was nine.

“But this man isn’t a monster,” You finished your thought. “He’s a kind, generous man. He’s a wonderful father, even if he wasn’t that great of a husband--”

Rafael’s eyes were wide and horrified as he saw Lewis’s arms around you, that sick evil grin looking at him as if he was taunting him through the frame. He snapped his head up when you mentioned him not being a great husband.

“Why do you say that?” He cut you off. “Did he hurt you?”

“What?” You laughed, as if thinking that Billy could ever be violent was the funniest thing in the world. “No, he never hurt me Rafael. That’s why I don’t understand--”

“Look, I don’t want to scare you Y/N,” Rafael put the photo down and put his hands on your shoulders. “But this…’Billy’, he isn’t who you think he is,”

“And who is he?” You gave him a curious look.

“He’s a…” He looked into the other room, making sure the girls weren’t listening. “He’s a serial killer and a rapist,”

“What?!” You yelled rather loudly, stepping out of his grip. “Alright, that’s it--” You started leading him to the door.

“W-What are you doing?” Rafael began to panic as you showed him out. “Y/N please, you have to listen to me--”

“No, I’m not going to sit here and listen to you say such vile things about the father of my children,” You narrowed your eyes.

“Why would I make this up?!” He cried, trying to stop you from shutting the door on his face.

“I-I don’t know,” You looked down, thinking about it. Why would he make up such terrible things about Billy? Then you thought about what Billy had said: Rafael was the bad man.

“Maybe because YOU’RE the monster,” You suddenly glared.

“W-What?” Rafael’s voice fell to a whisper, hurt tears came to his eyes.

“Billy said you were a bad man, maybe you’re trying to flip all of this on him. Maybe Billy was trying to warn me, and you’re trying to get to me first,” The more you said it out loud, the more it made sense to you.

“NO!!!!” He almost screamed, tears now dripping down his cheek. He tried desperately getting back into the house, causing you to put more pressure on the door to keep him out. You had never seen him this...unhinged, before.

“No, Y/N please,” He pleaded with you. “You have to listen to me. Please, for the love of God baby you HAVE to listen to me--”

“No, I don’t have to do anything Rafael,” Tears stung your own eyes.

“I-- I thought we had something,” Your heart was breaking as you spoke.

You had thought you were really falling for this man. This kind, sweet, amazing man. And now it was all unravelling, his true colors were coming out. You almost let this psychopath into your children’s lives.

“We did-- we DO!” He was shaking; he was so upset. “Why do you think I’m being so adamant about this? I-- I love you!”

“Shut up!” You barked at him. How dare he say that to you for the first time, at this of all times?

“You-- You need to leave, Rafael,” You pointed to the driveway. “And don’t come back. Don’t call me, don’t text me,” Your voice was stern but filled with tears.

“No,” Rafael barely whispered, his eyes filled to the brim with fresh tears. “Don’t do this, Y/N. Please don’t do this--”

“NOW,”

“Look-- I’ll go,” He put his hands up in defeat and started to walk backwards off your porch. “But for the love of God-- PLEASE, just--- Just google the name ‘William Lewis’,”

“...Why?”

“You’ll see I’m telling the truth, I swear you will,” He looked at you with serious eyes. He was really convinced of what he was saying to you. Your heart started winning over your head, but just for a moment. You had to think about your children’s safety, you couldn’t listen to the ramblings of a crazy man.

“I don’t need to do that Rafael, you’re clearly the psycho,” You snapped before slamming the door in his face. As soon as it was closed, you sank to the floor and pulled your knees to your chest as you silently sobbed, trying to not alert the girls about the chaos that had just erupted.

Why did this have to happen?

[slashingdisneypasta]

Human!Freddy Krueger x Fem!Reader || Oneshot

Title: What The Fuck Now, Freddy!?

Notes:

This is not inherently romantic, at all. Or sexual. Just... Freddy being a bastard, and you are caught in the crosshairs- and are forever linked with him because of it.

I've been listening to Lizzie, a lot lately- and this is inspired by 'What The Fuck Now, Lizzie!?'

Also- I'm thinking this will have a part 2. Due to the ending not being quite enough. Maybe a part for the court proceedings!

Plot: Many will know the story of that terrible day Krueger essentially snapped- killing his wife, Loretta Krueger. She saw the basement, they say, and he didn't like that. Their daughter saw the whole thing and suffered a traumatic response to seeing the sight of her mother, strangled to death, by her father- and forgot the whole thing.

But if she were to remember something, one day.

She may remember something no one knows about that day, aside from Freddy himself.

She may remember, that someone else was there.

She may remember you.

//

Alternatively- you're being blackmailed by Freddy who found out you, another supposedly Plain Jane in Loretta's 'mothers club', is cheating on your husband and calls you up to help deal with the mess he made. Because who else did he have?

Warnings: Okay lemme see, its basically a potluck of triggers. Hm. Murder, swearing, cheating (You, on your husband. Not with Freddy), getting rid of a body, a child gets traumatised (Obviously, Kathy/Maggie), Freddy himself, mention of the basement and all that entails, reader with a very questionable moral compass. Look, I think if you can watch Freddy's Dead, you're good here.

I'm just heading out the door, to go grocery shopping - or, at least, that's the story I tell my husband. When really I don't do the grocery shop until the day after tomorrow. He never notices... - when the phone rings. By very nearly tripping over my feet in my endeavour to catch it before the ringing stops, I manage pick up the phone with very little injury besides an achy, slightly twisted ankle. "Hi! Hi, sorry, I'm here. Hello?"

Pouting, I sit down at the kitchen table; Rubbing my poor ankle to sooth the pain, which would soon diminish anyway. Still- I'm sorry, ankle. I'll try to chill.

When the voice on the other end reveals who it is who's called the house, I lose all need to be pleasant. Damn. I really need to memorise this goddamn number... so I can not answer it. "Whatcha wearin'?"

"Thank god Harrison didn't answer this, you fuck." I deeply roll my eyes. Thank god Har's out. No, this is not my mister, not the man I was going to meet just now- but its bad, enough. In an entirely different way. Its stupid, blackmailing, son of a... hundred maniacs. "What do you want?"

"What a way to answer the phone, Y/N. Gee, seems like every time I we talk, I'm learning how you really aren't in the right place, are you? Cheating on your poor husband, swearing... These aren't really signs of the perfect suburban house wife, is it?" Gritting my teeth, I keep from lashing out. I've learned, if you stay real quiet, Freddy wont have anything to pull from and will get bored quick. "Why so silent, hm?"

"... " Oh, fuck me. I cant help it. "Wondering where you get off judging me on being 'suburban', actually."

"Anywhere I like, thanks."

Oh... oh. Gross?

He doesn't see the disgust tearing my face into two perfect halves right now, but my silence must be enough as he laughs. The sound is directly into the phone, and harsh on my poor eardrums. Ugh... "Oh for gods sake... What are we? Fourteen years old?? Come on- why'd you call?"

"Uhhhh... " Quickly, midway through that drawn out 'um' sound, Freddy's voice transitions, and gets a whole lot darker. Something deep in his chest dislodging, to make it so. Perhaps, his heart. "Well... you might wanna come and see for yourself."

"Uh, I don't think so. I have somewhere to be right now- "

"Oh well you don't, anymore." And its clear what he isn't saying- or else I'll tell Harrison about Carter and set your life on fire. "Tell your boy toy you're takin' a reign check for the day. I think you'll last. In fact... after you come over here, you might be out of the game for a couple a hours at least- maybe days."

Hold on, hold on Freddy what the fuck- "What!?"

"... Believe it or not, I didn't actually mean for that one."

Moron.

~

Nevertheless, no matter how just... off setting, Freddy is, I had to when he asked. I had to jump when he said so.

Because if not, then he would tear my life apart.

So here I am, about to knock on that big red door he lives behind, wondering what I'm walking into. Where's Loretta? Where's Kathy? How long will the visit be? I told Carter I'd be an hour or two late- any longer and I wont see him at all today. Which would absolutely suck.

Just after my knuckles come down on the wood the first time, a hand comes down on my shoulder and I immediately jump out of my skin... then slowly look around.

There's Freddy, a cheeky grin on his face. It does nothing to set my nerves at ease. "Ugh... Why are you out here?"

"We're going to the backyard. Lets go." Taking me by the shoulders, he marches me around the side of the house, instead of through it for some reason, and into the familiar backyard. I've been here numerous times, as Loretta likes to hold our club meetings here - Barbecue's, tea's... that sort of thing. Just to let the kids play together and so the adults can enjoy some adult conversation. Its a nice yard... but depending on what her horrid husband is about to show me, it may not be considered as such anymore... - , but I'm now starting to develop a sick feeling in my stomach.

Honestly- I don't know much about Freddy at all. Yes, I went to school with him, but that doesn't mean much when he was a freaky loner kid the whole time. I remember he killed the class hamster once- that's about the only splash he ever made in the news pool; But it definitely stuck.

Yes, Loretta cleaned up his image a fair bit since getting married, but now he's blackmailing me, and as far as I know I'm now alone with him.

Suspicious of him suddenly, I slip out of his grip with a dirty look flashed his way. Don't touch me.

He just rolls his eyes, leading me around some hedges.

And then everything stops.

Him, me, the air; The air around me, the breeze, the breath in my throat.

There lays Loretta, on the ground. If I was really really naïve, I could imagine she were sleeping... or passed out, at least, due to the way she's sprawled out. No one would lay down like that willingly.

But... her eyes are open.

For a moment I'm tempted to kneel down; Take a closer look. Find out how, myself. Is she bleeding anywhere that I cant see now? Are her lips turning blue? If I moved some short red hair out of the way- would their be marks on her neck yet?

But then I come to my senses...

And freak. The fuck. O u t.

"What, the fuck, did you do!?" I whip around, looking at Freddy now which entirely new eyes. I mean, before I sure wasn't fond- but now I'm filled with something new, looking at him. Something a lot worse, something that makes me want to run. Run, and hide, and stay there.

And all these, even though he hasn't really changed. He still wears a mischievous smirk, stony blue eyes eating up my reactions... like always. But this time its just so so much worse. "Made some dead weight- now you're gonna help me get rid of it. So!" Finally, though its been only a matter of seconds, he turns his gaze off of me and I'm glad. That gaze is far too heavy. "Ideas?"

Only for a moment am I lost for words, struggling to push anything out. "I... I'm sorry??"

His gaze returns to mine, but this time my eyes are hard as his are dark. "Help. Me. Get rid of her. Fucking. Body. Or do you want your dirty laundry aired for the whole community to hear?"

Before I can help myself, I let out a sharp laugh, only succeeding in making Freddy's scowl deeper. "Freddy- this secret's a lot bigger, then mine. Sure, I might get divorced- but you're going to prison!" Does he get that? He's g o i n g to j a i l. Crossing my arms, I try to avoid looking at my ex-friend's body. I cant. "I'm sure as hell not gonna be in there with you, for being an accomplice."

I really cant look at her... I can only focus on Freddy. And that takes a lot of energy- its taking everything in me, in fact. Everything I have. But I have to. If its him or her, there's no choice.

But... then a creepy smile spreads across his face- a vast polarity to the frustrated glower of before. It makes my blood run cold.

"Ohhhh..." He looks almost ferocious, even in his composed state. Like a monster. Like any moment a fanged, inhuman creature is going to burst out of him and I'm going to wake up, and this will have been a nightmare. A horrible nightmare. The kind where that creature haunts me for a long time, after its over. After this over.

He's going to haunt me.

"You must think this is my first time... " My heart turns to ice, mouth hanging a little open... what the fuck have I found myself a part of!? Suddenly all the children's disappearances on the news lately come to the forefront of my brain... "Sweetheart, give a man his dues. I'm a hard working kinda guy... " I watch his gaze flicker to a door - the back door? No... The basement door, - and when a filthy smirk pulls at his mouth, my heart flies up into my throat. God, it makes me feel sick. I want to be violently ill. "My first was my adoptive Dad... pretty sick, huh?"

The fact that he didn't say anything about the basement, makes my imagination go wild. I swallow it down, though.

I just need to get out of here, and never think about this again.

And to do that I need to help Freddy get rid of this goddamn body- and... probably... testify at court... As the panic starts to finally rise up in my, right up to fill my throat, I immediately take in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Okay... " No time to freak out. Now's the time for action.

Gaze flickering to Loretta again, I try to acclimatise to the sight. I think its a lost cause, though. "How did you get rid of him? Your Dad?"

"No, that's not gonna work. He was a drunk dead beat, and I just had to tell the police some guy's he owed money to came over to the house." Freddy grins happily at the memory, but then just as quickly, scowls at his poor deceased wife's body- that certainly cant fight back. I just tack this onto the long list of reasons I hate him. "Lore's such a goddamn goody goody- we cant do the same thing. You don't think I woulda thought of that??"

"Hey." I snap, hands braced on my hips as I flash a glare his way. "This is not the time to get defensive!"

"Whatever... "

Then- suddenly, something occurs to me. Confused, I look around; A deeply horrified feeling disturbing my stomach. "Hold on... Where's your daughter?" Seeing no sign of her anywhere, I definitely start to panic again- especially when I look to Freddy and just see a pert look in his eyes as he looks back at me, a smile that strikes something horrid inside me. My eyes narrow. "You sick fuck- where the fuck is she!??"

"Under the bed."

"What the fuck does that mean!?" I exclaim, frustrated and freaking out. He did not- he did not! Killing your spouse is one thing, but the kid?? Your own kid??

I don't wait around for him to be cryptic some more, and rush right into the house to look for her. Under the bed, under the bed, under the fucking bed...? Which fucking bed!? Forcing ferocity out of my voice, I carefully call out to Kathy. Hoping to god she answers. I try to sound normal. Maybe a little bit cheerful; Excited.

But my voice wobbles.

"Kathy?? Sweetheart, its Y/N! Are you hiding? I have something for you... " ?? You have something for her, Y/N?? God... now you have to figure out some kind of treat.

You know what? Whatever. We'll figure that out later.

Lets just hope we aren't searching for a corpse. I'd definitely be sick, seeing a child... the way Loretta is...

Shaking my head and clenching my fists, I try to focus on Kathy.

I check under the bed in the guest room because it comes into view first and she isn't there, then her bedroom and she isn't there either... and get a sick feeling as soon as I enter the last bedroom. Freddy's and Loretta's.

God, I've never been in here before but its like a museum peace now. A horrible one. Like if you would walk into the Titanic... or the Borden house.

"Kathy? You in here?" Flicking on the light I kneel down on the ground, and check under the bed.

And something immediately crashes over me, as the sight of her covering her eyes down there. It isn't exactly relief, because this whole situation is still phenomenally fucked up for her, but I am selfishly glad to not have to see her body... crumpled, just like her mother.

"Hey sweetheart," My voice quivers slightly now, but I quickly swallow. No. No. Now, you must be strong Y/N. "Its just me. Your Daddy was looking for you, and couldn't find you! It got him worried!"

"I... I don't wanna see Daddy. He hurt Mommy." Kathy doesn't remove her hands from her face, and stays firmly by the wall- too far away for anyone to grab. My heart sinks.

Slowly straightening up again, I try to take that piece of information in. Turning to the doorway, I see Freddy there. he must have followed me. I didn't even notice. Slowly, and quietly ferociously, I say; "She saw?!"

He has the good sense to look embarrassed, even if it is just to make fun of me. "It was spur of the moment... " He shrugs. "I didn't have time to get a babysitter!"

What a fucking excuse. For gods sake.

I'm definitely dealing with a psycho- if that was even a question before now.

Swiftly, I look down under the bed again, because I'm afraid that if I continue to engage with him- I'll scream, and I'll lose my breath, and I'll scare Kathy even more. She's at the forefront of my mind; That's all I can think about.

But what to do with her after I get her out from under this bed, I don't know. I cant give her back to her father... but I cant hand her over to the police either because that would involve telling them about Loretta, and... Freddy will definitely kill me, for that.

This is a nightmare of a situation.

I'm just opening my mouth to say something - what, I don't know yet, - when she speaks, instead. "Is he there?"

"... Yes." I wont lie to her; That would be treating her with not nearly as much respect as she deserves.

When she takes a deep breath and rubs her eyes, as if just trying to keep herself together, my heart clenches. God... and to think I might not have picks up Freddy's call today. I would have been leaving her with this. For the first time today, I'm morbidly glad I came.

She speaks in that loud, hissy way that kids think is a whisper. "Can he... can you please make him go away?"

Immediately I straighten back up and look to Freddy again, my eyebrows raised halfway up my forehead. Like well? "Get out."

"I don't think you're in a position to make demands here, bi- "

"Do you want Kathy to live down there now!??" I snap, trying not to be scared. Not really feeling scared, actually. Just happy to have a reason to tell him to get the hell away from me.

A deep frown creases his mouth, deeply unhappy about the situation, but steps back. I only hear him step out of the way of the door, but its good enough. Quickly, I get up and close the door - fighting with myself not to slam it, - and lock it.

Then I return to the floor, and see this time Kathy has uncovered her eyes. She looks so small, smaller then she actually is, and she looks like she's shaking. Little red bows and piggy tails in her hair are messy from crawling under the bed. "He's gone, sweetheart. And I locked the door."

She just nods, so I take the silence as a chance to offer my hand to her. "Take my hand, sweetie? Come on out from under the bed. Its cold down there, and no one wants you getting sick." I need to upkeep the family friend bit, I need to sound caring and collected. I need her to trust me.

Her big eyes, not Loretta's colour or Freddy's, look nervous as hell. And she shakes her head.

Taking a deep breath, and I conjure all the sincerity as I can. And mean it. My eyes soften and I try really hard, to resent myself as someone trustworthy- which is hard, seeing as I've never really been that. I mean, I'm cheating on my husband. I told Carter today the same lie I told Harrison when i knew I was going to be late. The only person I think who knows the truth behind all my lies is Freddy. That says something about a person, that the only person who knows them is a psychopath.

But I want to, I need to, be good for this little girl. And there's no time for me turn my life around so it has to start with this. How fucked is that?

"... I promise, I'll take care of you. He wont hurt you."

After a few whole minutes, in which I stay silent because yes she's a child, but she's still thinking, she crawls over and takes my hand, letting me lead her out. Crawling into my lap as I cross my legs under her, she buries her face in my shirt- hiding. "You promise?"

Taking a deep breath, because I've really done it now, I offer my pinky for her to see if she turned her head. I know Freddy's listening to all of this through the wall, but I try not to freak out. "Pinky swear?"

"Pinky swear." She peaks out from my shirt, and curls her little finger around mine. Okay... "Y/N... I'm scared."

"Yeah... Me too, sweetie."

What am I going to do?

[prodtrouver]

Stuck With You

𖧷 You've always felt like he hated you. The way he acts cold with everyone and acts the coldest to you. It was as if he stayed away from you, so you wouldn't melt his freezing mask. Little did you know, that's exactly what he was doing.

Pairing: bad boy! Yeonjun x teacher's pet! Reader

Genre: slight angst, fluff, good reader x bad boy

TW: profanities, a little bit of bullying- nothing else (tell me if you see some) (also Yeonjun is kinda a jerk here, in the beginning only)

No. Of words: 1788

Wrote by Admin Lin ⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺

You don't understand.

You never understand why he doesn't like you very much. Sure, he's the school's bad boy, and he treats everyone coldly, especially to you! If not, he treats you like he's freezing.

The way his face would cringe or show disgust whenever you're near him or the way he would shove you to the side when you accidentally shoved him. You just don't understand!

Today is no exception- the bad boy was talking to his friends. The sly smile plastered on his face, gone in an instant when he sees you walking towards him and his friends.

Unbeknownst to him, you were there to talk to one of his friends.

"Hey, Soobin- are you still down to go to the park this weekend? The others want to finish the film earlier and maybe, we could hang out." You smiled and insisted.

The tall male smiled, his dimple stood out. However, before he could answer...

"Why would he need to go with you?" Yeonjun spoke, and a frown appeared on your lips.

"It's a group project..." You whispered, doubted that he heard it because the expression of disgust stayed on his face. Soobin waved his gigantic hands in front of you.

"I'm free and I'm okay with it! If you and the others don't mind, we can have a picnic!" Soobin enthusiastically insisted, the sweet smile came back to your lips.

"Sure! I'll tell the others! See you in class!" You waved your hand and ran to your classroom. You felt excited and sad since you've always had a tiny crush on Yeonjun...

"Why did you accept?" Yeonjun crossed his arms, the sleeves of his blue varsity jacket folded up to his elbow. Soobin sighed in disbelief at his friend's 'bad boy' image.

Soobin opened his locker and took his needed books. He turned to face Yeonjun; "and when will you tell her the truth, coward?" He closes his locker and begins walking.

"I'm not a coward, and what truth? I got nothing to say to that teacher's pet or whatever," Yeonjun followed Soobin, who rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever- you like them, that's the reason you're like so freezing with them." Yeonjun groaned in annoyance at his words.

"Fuck no," Yeonjun avoided looking at Soobin's gaze.

"Just admit it, you like them!"

"No!"

Suddenly, Soobin stopped his tracks when he saw you with one of their friends.

"What you looking at-," Yeonjun stared at you and Beomgyu. Both having an annoying, delightful conversation outside of their classroom. Yeonjun felt even more annoyed than he already was.

He walked pass Soobin and head towards you and his dear friend. He forcefully shoved his shoulder against your arm and because of his tall figure, you fell back to the ground.

"Ow..." You looked up to meet Yeonjun's freezing and annoyed gaze. He rolled his eyes and entered your classroom before classes start. Beomgyu helps you up and Soobin rushes to your side.

"I'm so sorry, y/n- I don't know what got over him," Soobin clasped his hands together to apologize on behalf of Yeonjun.

"No worries..." You softly smiled and masked your hurt frown. Soobin muttered another 'sorry' before he followed his hyung.

"You and Yeonjun got beef or something?" Beomgyu raised a brow as you both enter the classroom. His palms in his pocket and his eyes glued on your shriveled figure.

"I don't know why he hates me- I don't remember doing something terrible to him," you both sat down two rows in front of Yeonjun and Soobin.

"I think you intimidate him," Beomgyu lets out a chocked chuckle at his words. You glare at him before you opened your history book, feeling eyes stuck on you from behind.

"How the heck so I intimidate the school's bad boy? I should be the one that feels intimidated," you replied, your eyes reading on the said history of two rulers hating each other, only to fall in love on the end.

Beomgyu noticed what you were reading and let out a laugh. You looked at him with a puzzled expression.

"Foreshadowing," he patted your head while you remained puzzled. You asked what he meant, but he shrugged it off. A sly smirk danced on his lips.

You went back to reading and didn't notice Beomgyu turn around. His gaze met Yeonjun's and Soobin's who looked at him, curious.

Beomgyu's smirk only grew wider before he turned back to face you.

English class has always been your top subject. You would exile everything that subject has.

You enter the classroom, seeing that it is empty, you took your seat in the middle row. Your book in front of you whilst you rewrite your messy notes.

Suddenly, you heard the door open. In a glimpse of an eye, you saw Yeonjun enter. His eyes immediately landed on you, of course. You are the only person in the classroom.

You avoided his sharp gaze that was targeting you. You focused on your notes, although; the silence is making you sleepy.

Yeonjun's stern gaze was stuck on you. A soft smirk plastered on his plump lips when the thought came into his mind.

The thought of you forgetting there is no English class today. He lets out a scoff when you, aka the teacher's pet, and top student of your class, forgot there are no classes.

He saw how your head bobbed because of your drowsiness. Your eyes closing as if they gave up on you. The pen on your hand fell to the side before you rest your sleepy head on your folded arms in front of you.

Yeonjun quietly stands up from his seat and walked his way to you. His steps heavy yet peaceful. He sat on the chair in front of you.

Your very peaceful state baffled his feelings. He rests his arm on the back part of the chair to face you.

Your hair strands cover your attractive features, tucked behind your ears for Yeonjun to admire you.

Your kissable lips that remained irresistible to him since he first saw you.

Then he realized; he doesn't want to be around you. He's afraid to crush your heart with his bad boy demeanors, which is why he never paid much attention to you, and only showed you disgust and hatred.

He hates how you're his weak point, the key to his soft side. Especially since he admitted to himself that he truly does like you.

The eye bags under your eyes showed how exhausted you are from everything. Teachers putting their trust on you and for some, even pressures you to be a good example for your classmates.

He doesn't want to wake you up for 2 reasons. First, you're peaceful, tired, and beautiful (like always). Second, it's an opportunity for him to study your face features that just lured him to you.

He just lets time pass by.

Okay, maybe letting you sleep for a while is a bad idea. The sun has set and he notices a few lights of the school are now off.

That basically means you're stuck here at school for the night or until someone gets you.

Yeonjun faces you and gently wakes you up. "Wake up," he muttered, but no response. He did that again and this time, you woke up.

Your eyes widen, and you lean back on your seat. Yeonjun sat in front of you, his bitter expressions long gone and replaced with a concerned one.

You look around and realize the sun is gone. You no longer see the sun...

You look at Yeonjun, a puzzled with an annoyed expression on your face. He noticed and raised his arms,

"Not my fault- you forgot there is no English class today and fell asleep. That doesn't sound like my problem," Yeonjun stood up from his seat.

"That's the least of my problems right now... It's now evening! We're probably stuck here!" You stated and packed your things.

"They locked us in this classroom. They didn't notice us and just locked the door." Yeonjun stated, the tone of his voice was cold again. You sat back down as you ruffled your hair.

You're bombarded with home works and the school has no Wi-Fi for you to do your research. You groan in annoyance before you smack your head on the table.

Yeonjun was shocked- he has never seen you in such an annoyed state.

Silence took over as the clock continue to tick. You and Yeonjun seated far apart from each other; one in distress, one causes distress.

"Listen, I didn't mean to not wake you up-,"

"Oh, really? You hate me, so I'll totally believe that," you cut him off. He becomes quiet once again and watches you rest your head on the table.

"I can't believe I'm stuck with you," you sighed. Yeonjun crossed his arms, but you could feel a smirk on his lips.

"You should be grateful that it's me," he said. You turned your head to face him, a glare on your face. Instantly, his smirk disappeared, and he made his way towards you.

"Do you hate me, y/n?" He asked, and you were taken aback. He stood in front of you, his palms pressed against your desk, his eyes staring into yours.

You can't seem to look away either.

"I... Shouldn't I be asking that?" You looked down at his hands. The silver rings hugged his enormous hands look interesting, you find your feeling weird.

"I don't hate you, y/n- in fact, I actually like you." Now you feel dumb-founded.

Choi Yeonjun, the school's bad boy, aka the boy who treats you with disgust, likes you?

You shook your head and start flicking your forehead. Your eyes close shut when you feel the pain from your flicking.

"I'm not dreaming, right?" You glanced at Yeonjun, who had a sweet smile on. The butterflies in your stomach fly around.

"You're not dreaming, I do like you," he said once more for you to hear. You lean back on your chair in disbelief.

"Wait, wait- you still treated me like shit! How will you make me forgive you?" You realized and you puff your cheeks. You crossed your arms whilst Yeonjun leaned closer to your face.

"Close your eyes, I know a way," Yeonjun whispered. His haughty tone no longer there, instead it was a softer one. It felt more loving.

You did as you were told. You heard him snicker and suddenly; you felt something warm on your lips. You open your eyes at the same time the warmth left your lips empty.

You look up at Yeonjun, who cracked a smile.

"I'm stuck with you and I'm not complaining."

[aashi-heartfilia]

Star Dress Mini Series #04 #05

Hello guys, I'm Aashi here and Welcome back to my Star Dress Mini Series.

This time I'll be reviewing two Star dresses one after the another. Reason being, I published an article yesterday about SDM and hence wasn't able to continue this series.

So to make up for the loss and making it more interesting we're doing 2 major star dresses today: Cancer and Leo.

Let's take a look at Leo Form first.

This SD has so much potential then it looks. It is the SD from the leader of Zodiac and hence has a lot of future potential. It is also Lucy's goto SD for Close Combat battles and it provides her with basic light attacks.

The two moves we have seen her using so far are Regulus Lucy Kick and Regulus Punch which are good attacks since they not only raise her power but also works on people having camouflage spell (Spriggan 12, Jacob Leiso)

It dosen't provides her a weapon or anything but a good SD for Close Range Combat.

The ratings are as follows:

Attack: 5/10

Defence: 5/10

Versatility: 4/10

Appearance: 9/10

Future Potential

The future potential I see here comes from the King of Zodiac himself. It is already stated that Lucy can get some powers from the spirit, which also means Lucy should be able to do some ranged attacks we have seen Loki perform in various arcs.

One of the best Leo and Lucy battle has to be in the Battle of Fairytail vs Bikslow. So of Lucy could use spells like Regulus Impact, it will make a big impact on the overall ratings of this form.

Additionally, if she's able to enchant her regular Fléuve to Toiles with Regulus magic, it can be even better for long ranged attacks.

Or she can just go creative and make moves like Regulus Shot (light bullets) or Regulus Claws maybe? The possibilities are endless!

The SD after update will be:)

CQC: Regulus Lucy Kick, Regulus Punch

LRC: Regulus Impact, Regulus Wave

Cancer form

Personally, it is one of my favourite forms! Not only it is a complete badass but also gives Lucy a much needed agility. It made its debut in the Alveraze arc when Lucy was pitted against Brandish Mew of Spriggan 12.

This form is known for its quick and sharp moments and gives her a pair of blades reminiscent to the spirit itself. The extent of damage it can do is still unknown because we haven't seen it in action since then but the Dual Blades makes Lu-chan very formidable.

The overall ratings are as follows:

Attack: 8/10

Defence: 5/10

Versatility: 2/10

Appearance: 8/10

Even if the attack potential is unknown, it is one of her best suited forms for attack. It dosen't gives her a shield or anything but offence is the best defence, keeping that in mind it gets a solid 5. Appearance is simple and classy, it suits her very well but it can be improved. Versatility? It's not like her swords have a variety.

Future Potential

Lucy is not Erza but I can see her coming up with a different variety of blades that deal with Water Magic. Cancer is a water sign and hence her blades should have some kind of water resistance too.

It can easily be displayed in any battle that has to deal with water. Or maybe like Kyria, the blade Dragon Slayer if Lucy can also cut some certain emotions from people?

This is actually one of Cancer's abilities as shown in the Celestial Eclipse Arc where Cancer had a battle with Gray. Cancer also had some S- class dancing skills if I recall correctly.

So if Lucy starts performing those Michael Jackson moves in the middle of a battle it would be straight up hilarious and sensible at the same time!

So yeah, that's all that can be done to improve this already badass form.

~Thanks for reading~

Cheers! Aashi Shukla

Follow for more Fairytail content. The gifs don't belong to me and neither the fanart.

[bobasheebaby]

70 Scrubs Prompts

Yup, another prompt list. Most of these are actually light and funny, though some are a little heavier. I tried to pick ones that would work outside of a hospital setting. Again it’s super long so cutting at 15. 

1 “And who’s to say this isn’t what happens? Who can tell me that my fantasies won’t come true? Just this once ... “ — John JD Dorian

2 “Look NAME, I don’t know if it’s possible for me to put how I feel about you into words, but I guess I’ll give it a shot. I never really believed I’d find somebody that I love as much as you. I love you more than anything in the whole world. NAME, I love you more than FRIEND.” “Oh my god” “It's kind of hard for me to say, but it's true.” — John JD Dorian and Elliot Reid

3 “I grew up on the street ... No, not the hood. The Sesame Street.” — John JD Dorian

4 “As I looked at all the relationships around me ... Some that had gone on forever ... some that were reigniting ... and some that had just begun ... I realized something: It should have been me.” — John JD Dorian

5 “NAME, you can’t test love. When I met NAME, it seemed he/she was more in love with his/her best friend than with me.” “Honey, they’ve got that almond biscotti FRIEND loves, so I was wondering if I could borrow some money so I can get him/her some.” “No, you got him/her a present yesterday.” — Carla and Turk

6 “You’ve been wrong so many times that I'm not even going to say something is wrong anymore. I'm going to say that it's 'NAME'.

— Perry Cox

7 “I just took a pregnancy test, just tell me when a minute's up.” “I just put some pizza rolls on the microwave oven; the minute that bad boy rings we're good to go.” “Oh, my god, I can't stand it, 30 more seconds.” “OK baby, don't get too excited, they have to cool off for at least a minute.” — Carla and Turk

8 “So, uh, you going to lunch with your brother/sister?” “Yeah, I... well, you know, I would've invited you, but I already made the reservation for two.” “So call and change it to three.” “Ohh, I'm not gonna mess with that hostess. You know, she uses sharp tones.” — Elliot Reid and John JD Dorian

9 “Nothing in this world, that's worth having comes easy.” — Bob Kelso

10 “Yeah, I'm not that great with kids. They've got such tiny hands. It's creepy.” — Elliot Reid

11 “I love this moment so much, I want to have sex with it.” — Perry Cox

12 “Oh, my God! I'm gagging and vomiting at the same time. I'm... I'm gavomiting!” — Perry Cox

13 “So he/she has a cute butt. Everyone has a cute butt. I have a cute butt.” “You should bring it in someday.” — John JD Dorian & Carla Espinosa

14 “The problem with people who only want what they can’t have is that once they have what they want, they don’t want it anymore.” — John JD Dorian

15 “I guess when you care about someone, you’ll do whatever you can to make ’em happy.” —John JD Dorian

16 “The truth is, it is all your memories, the joyful ones and the heartbreaking ones that make up who you are as a person” — John JD Dorian

17 “‘Cause even if it breaks your heart to be ‘just friends’, if you really care about someone, you’ll take the hit.“ — John JD Dorian

18 “The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.” — John JD Dorian

19 “Sometimes in life when you get what you want, you end up missing what you left behind.” — John JD Dorian

20 “Sex is only good for two things. Making babies and revenge.” — Jordan Sullivan

21 “What's going on?” “I love you too dumpling, but I have to work late. I'll make it up to you this weekend.” “NAME’s on the phone with his/her mom/dad/parent, so we're taking five.” — Jordan Sullivan, Ted Buckland and Perry Cox

22 “By the way, NAME’s here but I'm not going to kiss and tell.” “Oh really? Cause I just got your text that said "bone city".” “Oh really? That came through?” — JD and Elliot

23 “You're gonna love it here, sport.” “Get out while you still can.” “Uh...” “Seriously, get out while you still can.” — Bob Kelso, Ted Buckland, and Keith Dudemeister

24 “Ted, what are you doing?” “I like to do stomach crunches after lunch.” “Ted, lunch was four hours ago.” “Yep, I wasted most of my Tuesday.” “It's Wednesday.” “Aw, man! I missed SHOW!” — John JD Dorian and Ted Buckland

25 “Well, it took a whole tube of gel, but I finally got my hair down.” “No one male or female ever cared, NAME.” — Ted Buckland and Perry Cox

26 “Thirsty, huh?” “Helps the tears taste less bitter.” “Cheers.” — John JD Dorian and Ted Buckland

27 “I have to get ready man. I want my date with NAME to be perfect. What do you think about a romantic horseback ride on the beach?” “Ooh, like you and I did for your birthday.” “Yeah but except this time with two horses.” — John JD Dorian and Turk

28 “I am wearing red. Should I not be wearing red around her?” “She's pregnant, she's not a bull.” — Elliot Reid and Turk

29 “This is why the headache didn't go away, it is actually pronounced 'analgesic', not 'ANALgesic'. The pills go into your mouth.” — Turk

30 [She/he sees NAME holding a beer] “What are you doing? [He/she threatens to open it] “You better not open that.” [He/she opens it] “Okay, you better not drink it.” [He/she takes a sip] “All right, You better not enjoy it.” [He/she expresses enjoyment, person A bitch slaps his/her beer] “Did you just bitch slap my beer?” “Are you calling me a bitch?” “Yes. Yes, I am!” — Carla and Turk

31 “Is there another guy on this planet who is that sensitive?” “Okay, let it out. I've got you. NAME has got you. Hold me tighter, a little too tight...There is a good spot.” — Turk and JD

32 person a “This plan is fool proof.” Person c “That is impossible. You two are involved.” Person c “We will see about that!” [Person a and c crash into each other as they try to walk away] — JD, Perry Cox and Turk

33 person a “I don't think we have anymore wine. NAME, can I have some of yours?” [Person C’s narration: I felt like NAME was starting to blame me for all of this.] [person b Spills his/ her wine in person c’s face) “I spilled mine too, honey. You know what you should do? Ask for some NAME’s.” [Person C Spills his/her wine on his/her crotch] “I spilled mine too.” — Carla, Turk and JD

34 “Wait NAME! I have an idea.” “You have another idea? Well I've got to tell you, I'm done with your ideas and not just for now but forever! Okay, are we clear on that?”  “It's a good one.” “I'm listening.” — JD and Turk

35 “He/she is not allowed to dream about me. It gets too freaky in there.” “Cirque de Soleil freaky. One time, he/she was skinless.” — Carla and Turk

36 “How often do you make love?” “Twice today.” “Actually it was three times. You were asleep for the last one.” “Wow, that really happened? I thought it was weird that you were in one of my sex dreams.” — Marston, Turk and Carla

37 “How was your first stress-free day?” “Horrible. And you?” “Worse. Let's make a baby. If it doesn't work this time I'll kill myself.” “Not helping with the stress.” — Carla and Turk

38 “Dude, there you are. Two things; First, the aliens are here and they're wearing track suits.” “Oh, that's Nana.” — Turk and JD

39 “Are you nude right now?” “Yeah! How'd you know?” “Your voice is always higher when you're nude.” “That's true.” “It's not weird you know that at all.” —JD, Turk and Perry Cox

40 “You know, I actually like NAME. So, don't do that thing you always do.” “If you're referring to the game "Find the Saltine", relax. I don't even play that with NAME anymore.” [Later] “Behind your ear.” [Withdrawing Saltine from behind his ear] “My friend, you have found the Saltine. Uh, but, don't tell NAME we're still playing.”— Elliot Reid, JD and Turk

41 “Dude, he/she keeps a hug schedule with his/her friends!” “Okay, NAME ... looks like someone's getting crossed off their 2 o' clock spot and getting penciled in for never! How does that feel? Does it sting?” Person B Narration: He's hurting! Hug him/her ... hug him/her now! — Turk and JD

42 “Dude, don't sweat it - It says here that the ostrich is generally a docile creature.” “Thank God!” “It also says their kick can kill a man!” — Turk and JD

43 “Just don't repeat the same mistakes you made with me. For instance, don't speed down the road pretending your brakes are out. I don't care if it got you laid once in high school. It is not funny and I still have not forgiven you for killing that pony.” — Elliot Reid

44 “NAME, I don't photograph well. On my driver's license, I look like Gary Busey.” — Elliot Reid

45 “We have a very complicated past.” “Yeah, I hurt him/her, and I'm not proud.” Person B narration: I'm a little proud. — Elliot and JD

46 “NAME and I keep it superficial.” “Love the superficial. Dynamite teeth today!” “Oh thanks buddy!” “Sparkly.” “Yeah!” — Elliot and JD

47 “Will you tell me what NAME’s fantasy was?” “Nope.” “Did it involve chains?” “No.” “Whips?” “Mm-mm.” “Candle wax?” “No.” “Role-playing?” “No.” “Lasers?” “Mm-mm.” “Hamsters?” “Negative.” “Was he/she a Mexican apple thief?” “If only ...” — JD and Elliot

48 “Why don't you just move into my place?” “Oh, great, then we'll be two losers under one roof.” — Elliot and JD

49 “NAME, what you said before ... I knew you were right. Anyway, I'm sorry I got mad. You were wrong about one thing, though - we are moving forward.” “NAME, I'm thirty years old; I'm single, I'm homeless, and I'm pretty sure I just soiled myself.”

— Elliot and JD

50 Person A “Ohhh, my God, you're right.” Person B “Don't let him/her be your puppet-master.” Person C “Hey!” Person B “Hey.” Person C “What's up?” Person B “I have a headache.” Person C “Take some aspirin.” Person B “Don't tell me what to do! You're not the boss of me!” — Carla, Elliot and Jake

51 “I've never connected with a guy/girl like this before. I mean, even though it's only been two weeks, I already feel like I know NAME better than I know myself.” “What does he/she do for a living?” “I should know that.” — Elliot and Carla

52 “Look, the reason I've been acting so weird and having my friends hang around us all the time is because I really think that we have a shot for something great, and I don't wanna go and ruin it by sleeping with you too fast. I mean, what was I supposed to do?” “Well, you...you could have just told me that.” “Yes, but you're forgetting I'm a crazy person!” — Elliot and Jake

53 “I've seen the Wiggles live in concert ... twice.” “Did they perform 'Big Red Car'?” “They opened and closed the show with it. It was awesome.” — Perry Cox and Turk

54 “What's wrong with me?” “You're an annoying, whining man-child.” “That question wasn't directed to you!” “What question?” — JD and Perry Cox

55 “I’m notifying all my old boyfriends/girlfriends today that I'm officially off the market.” “I'm sure the 'pulse' setting on your shower head will be devastated!” — Elliot Reid and Perry Cox

56 “If there is one thing I have learned, it's that you can't schedule love.” “I think your credit card statement would beg to differ.” — Bob Kelso and Perry Cox

57 “Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present, Man/Woman Not Caring.” [points to self] — Perry Cox

58 “If you're worried about people seeing your ass, do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.” — Perry Cox

59 “Should I talk slower or get a nurse that speaks fluent moron?” — Perry Cox

60 “Do you actually listen to yourself when you speak, or do you find you drift in and out?” — Perry Cox

61 [thinking] Why don't I ever listen to me? — JD

62 “And you know what else? I quit!” “No you don't!” “Well I'm leaving early today!” “No, you're not! You're coming back to my office to do busy work!” “Fine, but I'm getting a soda first!” “Whatever.” — Ted Buckland and Bob Kelso

63 “Your dog is creepy.” “Aww...be nice to Rowdy. The guy we bought him from used to keep him in a box full of old hats.” — Elliot and JD

64 “I thought we cared about each other ...” “Oh please, if you didn't want to sleep with me, you'd have done the same thing.” “Well, I'll tell you one thing, the last thing in the world I wanna do is sleep wit'cha now!” “Do me right here.” “Okay.” “See!” — JD and Elliot

65 “Huh! I put all those fliers up, and nobody wants me to live with them!” “Oh, come on, NAME. I'm sure you'll eventually find a roommate who's a... clean, non-smoking vegetarian that rinses the shower thoroughly after each usage.” “Oh, well, if you don't, it gets mildewy.” “You know, you should move in with my friend: Anal McLooney.” — Elliot and JD

66 “You know, I've been thinking a lot about us lately.” “Me too.” “God, you drive me crazy.” “Oh, you drive me crazy!” “Sometimes I just lay awake at night, thinking about how unbelievably lucky I am to have you in my life.” “Sometimes you're so controlling it makes me want to strangle you..” — Paul and Elliot

67 “Tonight, I am going to make all of your fantasies come true.” “You know, NAME, I would be happy just to have sex above the covers once.” “Yeah ... never gonna happen.” — Elliot and Paul

68 “You know, it's funny... when I said "I love you," it was an accident - and I never really loved you at all.” “That is an absolute riot.” — Elliot and Paul

69 “Okay, here's what you do: First you say that, even though our relationship is ending, you don't have any regrets.” “Oh, my God! Are you actually telling me how to break up with you?” “You're right. Go ahead.” “If you could just start me off, that'd be super.” — Paul and Elliot

70 Person A “You never explained that U2 thing, did you!” Person B “You know, I've been thinking about it, and maybe it's not such a bad thing that that happened! Right? I mean, things have been going really well between us, and maybe it was fate! I could've been looking at my Bel Biv Devoe CD and said, "I love Bel Biv Devoe" - which I do, by the way. And I'm not ashamed of it.” Person A and B “That girl is poison..." Person A “NAME, look, I just think that if you guys are meant to get to this point, it'll happen... naturally.” Person B “You're right! "I love U2!" Dammit! Why do I always have to say every little thing that comes into my head!? Ugh, I really wish you wouldn't stand so close to me after you take your hummus break. See! I didn't need to say that! I'm gonna tell him.” Person C “Love you!” Person B “Love you more!” Person A “Ugh!” Person B “You know what - brush your teeth, then judge me!” — Carla, Elliot and Paul