#also for fuck sake she was worried about him she wasnt blaming him

[eloquent-apollo]

how many more times do we have to say it

cults fuck with your brain

"but Thea didn't know Jean was 16!!" I don't care!! I care that she looked at him laying in bed literally almost dead and blamed him for it because she thought it was a result of him sleeping around. Like how do you look at this boy who can't walk, breathe properly, has hair ripped out, bruises covering the majority of his body and go "yeah this was him up to his old tricks again, oh well🤷🏻‍♀️" (Also there could be a case for the Ravens knowing Jean was younger because Jean said a few times that a child showing them up on court didn't endear him to them but no one wants to hear that either)

.

[stopbeingcurious]

You make me feel young again*

PART TWO / MASTERLIST

Pairings: Post Azkaban Sirius Black x Reader

no smut, sorry :/

“Y/n he’s my roomate!”

Thoughts cloud your mind, an unreadable face expression shown on your face. You just fucked your Professors roommate, and Sirius said last night, he was coming home today?! The thought made you panicked, a bead of sweat threatening to fall from your forehead if you stress anymore.

“I- Sirius i need to get out of here before he gets gets home!” Sirius nods his head. His face soon changed from concerned to realisation.

“We need to get you gone quick Y/n, i don’t know when he’s going to be home” You grab your dress and wand and check the time, 1:03pm, shit, that’s late! You scurry around trying to remember whether you brought anything else or not, you damned yourself for drinking last night as your memories slurred.

“Do you have a fireplace? I don’t have my apparition licence yet” Sirius nods quickly, wrapping his arm around your back, ushering you down the stairs but you were to late, you heard the faint rumble of the flu network...

“Shit, shit, shit” Sirius face palms. “Y/n, i’m so sorry” He didn’t even try to hide you, he just stood there and waited for Remus to walk round the corner.

Your eyes grew wide as you realised that you had Sirius’ shirt on and a pair of his boxers that you couldn’t even see and a silk dress in my hand, we couldn’t even play it off, we couldn’t make up some silly exuse, then Sirius started to guide me towards the kitchen, but that was the first place Remus went.

The panic rises even more, you bit your lip trying to breath normal and quiet breaths after running around like a mad man.

“Sirius!” Remus shouts from around the corner, he was getting closer. At this point you gave up completely in trying to hide, you might as well surender. “Why’s there two glasses of firewhiskey on the table” He shouts again. Remus turns the corner, of course where you were hiding...

“Y/n? Oh... Y/n?! Sirius?” Remus face went from confused to wide eyes too angry but then back to confused. You bit your lip and stayed silent.

“Sirius, what. the. fuck” Remus couldn’t look you in the eye. Sirius then grabbed you by your shoulders and moved you behind him, obviously reading Remus discomfort.

“Let- Remus, let me see Y/n out, then we can’t talk about this” Remus huffed and turned around, letting you and Sirius do the walk of shame to wherever the fireplace was.

There was an awkward silence as we walked... it were more like a shuffle.

“Sirius, i’m really sorry” Sirius smiled and scoffed, like nothing was wrong. You were in slight disbelief but then you remembered why you were so attacked to him in the first place. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for Pup” He kissed your cheek and backed away from the fireplace.

“Forth Avery Manor”

Third Person POV

Sirius let out a loud huff as Y/n disappeared, he didn’t want to face Remus, Remus could be scary.

Sirius saunters as slowly as possible, stopping to brush the dust off photoframes he didn’t even acknowledge before today. Finally he reached the kitchen, where Remus was sat at the table, head in hands.

“Please tell me it wasn’t you that left them horrible marks on her body” Sirius knew what Remus was referring too, he found them rather pretty, he was proud of them, obviously Remus didn’t think so.

The silence answered Remus question.

“For fuck sake Sirius” Remus banged his fist on the table making Sirius flinch. “That’s my fucking student, ive taught her for years!” Remus voices his anger, tugging at the roots of his hair.

“In all fairness Rem, i didn’t know that she was your student until this morning” Sirius was calm about the situation, this told Remus that he didn’t care much but Sirius did care, he just wasn’t a very empathetic guy.

“Tell me the story then” Remus rests his head on his arm and cocks an eyebrow in question.

Sirius told Remus the story in detail, all in detail but the part where they had sex, he didn’t think Remus wanted to hear about that part. In all honesty, Sirius was excited to tell Remus about this girl, about how amazing he was in bed, about how she rocked his world that night, that excitement went out the window very quickly.

“She said she wouldn’t go to the bar” Remus mutters under his breath, away from Sirius so he didn’t hear.

“Did you have sex?” Remus holds his hand out in question, you could see where he had dug his nails into his palms.

“Erm... ~yeh~”

Remus face palms, many questions and scenarios to do with his work fill his mind, overwhelming him slightly.

“I’m sorry Rem, i truly didn’t know” Remus shakes his head.

“What, and if you did know, would that have stopped you? Would you have been able to control yourself?” Remus asks seriously.

“If i knew she would fuck me like that then no” Sirius joked, immediately regretting it seeing the look on Remus face.

“Sirius! Your disgusting, genuinely disgusting, i have to teach that girl, i have to watch her sit in my class, knowing that- ugh i don’t want to think about it” Sirius laughed at Remus reaction, he thought that Remus would take it harder than this.

“Did you tell her how old you was?” Sirius sucked in a breath, offering Remus a shy smile and sorrowful eyes.

“No, Pads...” Remus realised that Sirius had lied about his age. Remus hands snake into his hair, pulling at the roots in annoyance.

“What’s next, are you going to tell me you got her pregnant” Remus laughs.

“Oh shit...” Sirius fakes concern. Remus eyes shoot open, he looks like he’s ready to throttle Sirius.

“Joking, only joking, please don’t kill me” Remus hits Sirius round the back of the head.

// later that night

Sirius knocks on Remus bedroom door, it hadn’t exactly been awkward since the whole situation, seeing as they were joking about it in the end but it wasn’t the same.

“Yep” Remus answers, eyes shooting up from the book he’s reading.

“I just wanted to apologise, like genuinely apologise, i realised how bad it actually was” Sirius fiddles with his thumbs, standing in the doorframe.

“I thought you said it was good?” Remus asks, jokingly talking about the sex. He knew what Sirius was talking about.

“Oh no the sex was some of the best sex ive had in a while and that’s saying something, i meant how bad it was, what i done Rem, i’m sorry” Remus cringed at the subject of his student but his eyes turned soft when Sirius voiced his apologies.

“Sirius, you said it, you didn’t know that she was my student, there wasn’t much you could do about it, neither of you” Sirius nods. “I’m dreading going back to school now, i cant imagine how embarrassed the poor girl is” Remus eyes lying back on the book.

Sirius sniggers. “There are so many things i could reply to that comment with, but for your sake, ill refrain” Remus made a disgusted face.

“Sirius, your gross”

// back to school

Going back to school wasnt as bad as the pair thought it was going to be. Y/n was incredibly worried, she was worried that Remus would think less of her, that he was disappointed. But when they saw each other, they just nodded and smiled. Until one day.

Remus asked Y/n to stay behind after lesson.

Y/n immediately knew what the subject of their meeting would be about. She was afraid. She was embarrassed.

Y/n knocked on her Professors classroom door.

“Come in” She walked into his class, warily.

“Ah Y/n, come sit” He offered a welcoming smile.

You obliged, you sat and fiddled with the hem of your skirt, staying completely silent.

“Y/n, first of all, i wanted to let you know that you’ve done nothing wrong here, your an adult and you can make decisions for yourself, i’m not angry or annoyed or dissapointed at you, it’s a natural thing, you know that” You nod with a smile, a releif being lifted of your shoulders. “And sorry about my language, i was in such shock,” The Professor scratched the back of his head in awkwardness. This still doesn’t change that your Professor saw you looking like a disheveled mess.

“Also, i wanted to give you this” He hands you a little tub of gel. You look at him confused as to what was in his hand.

“It’s bruise gel, it will help your marks” You thank Remus for the gel, the hickeys had gone down a little bit since he last saw.

“I know a bad bruise when i see one, that was bad Y/n” He chuckles, your glad you can joke about his with him, you feel comfortable.

“You can blame me for that one, that wasn’t my fault” You laugh with him.

“True point, i’ll tell Sirius off”

// grimmuald place

“I gave Y/n some of my bruise gel to get rid of those retched marks you gave her” Sirius feigns offence.

“You got rid of my masterpiece, i was so proud of that Moons!” He laughs. Remus rolls his eyes at Sirius, not being able to tell if he was being serious.

“But how did you make them marks so tenebrous?”

[feeling-uncomfy]

SO.

I'm blaming @mindless-monochrome and @trademarked-but-not-really for this but also thank you for the angst :))

I tried to keep as close to cannon as I could for the most part, but I indulged in a little towards middle/end because Tokoyami needs some love dammit >://

Brb I'm gonna go sleep for 24hrs

Let's go!

Tokoyami looked at Mina as explosions rang out from above the surface. Mina seemed to be hiding any anxieties she had well, and Tokoyami was grateful. The last thing they needed was Dark Shadow going bonkers in the dark. Mina sent a grin his way before a woman came falling down.

Mina shot some acid her way. Tokoyami told her to stay back. This was his territory after all. Tokoyami couldn't help the fear that built up when the woman had called him cocky, though. Mainly because she was correct. He wasnt as skilled as she was.

Tokoyami quickly got to work, either way. He had to deal with the threat quickly, otherwise Mina and the others may be put in danger. He couldn't stand for that. The woman knew what she was doing, however. Tokoyami found himself covered in gashes and cuts in minutes, trying to get a solid hit in was a no go. He barely dodged well aimed swipes.

A flash of red, and Tokoyami was jumping back, his collar bone getting sliced. He fell backwards, swearing loudly. He just needed a little more time, just a little more...

Finally, the woman's hair was reduced to short spikes. They had gotten rid of her weapon. Now Dark Shadow could get in close and restrain her, and they could join the others and assist in stopping the main villain, even if Tokoyami found it hard to walk. He was fine.

He didnt take into account that the woman would still use what remained of her hair, and Dark Shadow was sent backwards, hissing in pain. The shards were sent around wildly.

Tokoyami's eyes widened as he heard Mina scream in pain. He turned quickly to see her falling, hitting each and every stop along the way. He was frozen in pure fear for a hot minute, until he forced himself to run over, images of the summer camp flashing through his mind. He'd let enough classmate suffer already for his sake, and now Mina was hurt.

Tokoyami checked her over. 'Please dont be dead, please be okay...' Mina was breathing, she was injured, but alive. It was his fault. He felt anger and shame rising up, Dark Shadow pulling on his control like a dog would a leash. Tokoyami let loose. 'I hope the others are having an easier time than us...' was his last coherent thought before it went black.

It hurt just as much as last time, being wrapped up in shadow to the point where Tokoyami couldn't breathe properly. Hawks had taught him breathing exercises for when things like this happened. He prayed they would be enough.

Sunlight crashed through suddenly, and Tokoyami saw the woman disappearing. He turned to Mina, feeling numb and tired. He dragged himself over, and tried to cover her as the rocks fell and crushed them both instinctively. A particularly large rock smacked down on his head, and Tokoyami groaned in pain as his conscious faded quickly.

Hawks stood in the hospital room, restless. Normally around now, he would be annoying his intern and trying to teach him something. Now, he was stuck investigating a case while his bird bro was off on an island.

That reminded him, Hawks needed to call his intern. Hawks had jokingly promised he would fly over and embarrass Tokoyami if he didnt answer his texts, but now that it had been a solid seventy two hours scince his intern had clocked in, Hawks found himself getting worried. His phone buzzed, and he excused himself.

"The island of Nabu is being attacked by villains!" Hawks's eyes widened. His intern was on that island. Without thinking, he took off down the hallway, kicked the door open and started flying. "Notify U.A! Class 1A has been assigned to that island for a government project."

Hawks flew faster, getting worried. His intern could be in danger. Hell, knowing Tsukuyomi, he had risked his life and was already dying. He let out a huff of exasperation, but sped up again. Hawks could only hope he'd get there in time to find him.

Tokoyami was shaken awake. His head was pounding, and every bit of him told him to go back asleep. Mina hissed in pain, and Tokoyami was awake. He stare upwards at the rocks around them. Mina did too. "No one will be able to find us down here... what'll we do?" Tokoyami went to shrug, looking down at Mina. She hadn't sat up, looking ready to slip off again.

"Rest, Mina. You're hurt. I'll take care of this." Tokoyami hoped he sounded more confident than he felt. Mina slurred out something along the lines of "Are you sure...?" And despite the fact that Tokoyami wanted anything but to be left alone, he nodded and the cave fell silent.

Tokoyami moved slightly, and bit down a whimper of pain. Everything felt like it was on fire. Tokoyami begged for it to stop as he pushed through some rocks. Dark Shadow helped a lot, and soon enough they could see daylight again. Tokoyami's body was in excruciating pain, though he forced himself to move forward.

There was a sudden mini avalanche to his left, and his leg was crushed under the rubble. Tokoyami couldn't stop the scream of pain that escaped him. Fuck, it hurt so much. He begged it to stop. His conscious was fading in and out again. He looked down at Mina, another wave of pain and exhaustion hitting him so hard he slipped and fell back. He couldn't move, the adrenaline from the fight had gone.

Trying his hardest to keep his fist above the rock, he closed his eyes. Someone had to find them, Tokoyami begged for someone to find them. Mina had to get to a doctor, and fast. Tokoyami tried moving again. Nothing.

Hawks flew in, scanning the area. He could see the destruction from a mile away. It's probably the problem-children Eraserhead warned him about. Hawks huffed and flew around the island. He saw two kids falling. "Oh shit..." Hawks processed what he just saw as he watched them get closer to the ground.

It clicked. "Wait, fuck!" He sent feathers out to break their fall. Yeah, definitely the problem-children. Hawks continued to search. Where would his kid be if there was a large-scale battle like this... Hawks stopped. He flew towards a cave-in on the ground.

He saw lots and lots of rubble. He heard helicopters fly overhead as he spotted it. A hand. Hawks panicked as it fell back under. Hawks flew down to where he had seen it. "Kid?! Kid, are you down there?" There wasnt a response. Hawks swore and started digging.

It took a while. Hawks got more and more worried. What if he didnt get down to his student in time? What if that hand falling was the last of his strength leaving him...? No, no, Hawks couldn't afford to think like that. His student was strong. His kid would get through this.

His kid...

Hawks said the words over again. He shook his head and continued digging, his arms tired slightly, his hands not used to the labour. He heard a cough from close by. "Tokoyami? Kid, that you?" He couldn't help the relief that washed over him as he saw his kid again. He was covered in light injuries, but he seemed okay.

Hawks spoke too soon. He winced as he noticed the teens eyes wouldnt stay open all the way, continuously closing and the student seemed to try stay conscious. Tokoyami looked up at him, coughing again. "...Hawks? What are you doing here...?" Hawks breathed a sigh of relief, smiling to himself. "I'm here to help. I brought assistance, too." He looked down at Mina, only noticing her now.

"Is she alright?" Though Hawks didnt find himself as concerned, he thought he should ask anyways. Tokoyami jumped a little, and manoeuvred to pick her up. Hawks noticed Tokoyami hissing in pain and clenching his teeth. "She hit her head, and might have a concussion? Anyway, she needs a doctor as soon as possible." Tokoyami was pale— well, paler than usual, and he tried to stand up.

Hawks had to catch the two kids as Tokoyami's leg gave out. Hawks heard a small gasp of pain leave his student, and he got worried. "Kid, you both need doctors. We'll get you both out of here, okay?" Tokoyami shook his head and tried to stand again. "Mina needs it more than I, sir. We cant afford to—" Hawks noticed something coming towards them. "Tokoyami—!"

He didnt finish his sentence as his kid was sent crashing down again with a cry of pain. There were red spikes piercing his shoulders and back. Hawks sent feathers down the cave without thinking. He moved Mina behind him and held onto Tokoyami securely as whoever attacked them yelled in agony. 'Good.' Hawks thought bitterly. Tokoyami was shaking, still trying to will himself to move.

Hawks placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him. "Hey, hey, it's fine..." Comforting people had never been Hawks's strong suit, but he had to try for his kid. Tokoyami shook his head, rapidly losing consciousness and blood. "Gotta....keep...Mina....safe....c...cant..."

Hawks blinked down at his kid. He turned back to Mina, who was still out. "She's okay, you did good." Hawks rubbed circles into Tokoyami's shoulder. Tokoyami's eyes were glazed over. Hawks sighed again. This kid wasnt going to give in until his friend was safe, huh?

Hawks shifted and showed him Mina. "See? She's safe, and we're going to get you both medical help. Okay?" Hawks reassured his kid. Tokoyami seemed to want to argue, but had to bite back another noise of pain. Hawks simply ran a hand through his kids feathers.

Tokoyami let out a series of noises that weren't human sounding. Hawks paused. "Did you just..." Hawks looked down at his kid in amazement. Tokoyami let out more chirps of distress. Hawks sighed. He chirps back, and was amazed by the immediate affect it had. Damn, he should've tried this earlier. Tokoyami was put at ease by the sounds and stopped struggling to move.

Hawks watched the kid for a little while longer. Tokoyami tenses as another wave of pain floods him, more pained chirps leaving him. "Hey, it's okay. You can go to sleep now. You're both safe." Hawks is right there, and Tokoyami let's his eyes shut. 'Its only for a few moments.' He tells himself.

Hawks watches his kid fall under, going slack in his grip. He let's out a breath. Damn, this kid was exactly like him. And part of Hawks wanted to yell at him for it. Guess he knew why Edgeshot and Best Jenist yelled at him now. He turned towards where the spikes had come from. Speaking of the others...

"Hawks!" Endeavor and some other hero is calling down to him. He looks up and grins. "Heya, I got two here. And one of the villains." He called up. Endeavor nods. "Is Shouto down there?" Hawks shakes his head, and Endeavor frowns. Hawks sets Mina into a stretcher and waits until Mina is halfway up to start flying up, Tokoyami held tight in his arms. Hawks doesn't like how light he is, but that's a question for another day.

Mina is awake as Hawks gets to the top, and she smiles at Tokoyami in Hawks arms. Hawks gives her a thumbs up and starts walking towards a doctor. Tokoyami shifts again, eyes opening. Hawks groans. Tokoyami had barely closed his eyes. "Kid, go back to sleep." Tokoyami shakes his head and goes to move, wincing in pain. "I can walk."

Hawks raised an eyebrow. "Really? I'm not even sure you can stand." Tokoyami huffs, and shifts out of Hawks's arms. There's definitely pain shooting up Tokoyami's legs, but the pain is the only thing keeping him conscious right now. Tokoyami shuts his eyes tight, feeling nauseous and sore. He wont give in, though. Hawks nods as Tokoyami shoots him a smug look.

Hawks doesn't budge. "Let go of my jacket, and if you can still stand, I'll let you try walk." Tokoyami stops. His grip on Hawks's jacket if the only thing keeping his upright. And they both knew that. Tokoyami reluctantly let's go, and his leg screams in agony. Tokoyami almost does too. But even though his whole being is shaking in pain, he's standing.

Hawks swears quietly, but backs off. "Fine, you can walk the rest of the way." He doesnt want him to, though. Tokoyami doesn't even get a step in. He puts his weight on his bad leg, and pain shoots through him, and Tokoyami's whole world turns upside down, bile rising in his throat. Hawks doesnt hesitate, catching him as his kid falls with a yell. Hawks is cursing himself for letting him try, obviously hes too hurt for something like this, Hawks isnt going to let him go again.

Hawks picks him up again. Tokoyami goes quietly, other than a few weak noises of pain. His eyes are already dropping, closing as he drifts off again. Hawks just holds him slightly closer. He approaches the doctor, who goes to take Tokoyami off of him to examine his wounds. Hawks surprises both himself and the doctor by pulling back, not letting him near. The doctor tries again. Hawks steps back on instinct.

"Sir, I need to see him to heal him." The doctor said, reading for him. Hawks takes another step back. "Sir, please!" Recovery Girl hobbles over, and pokes Hawks's shin. "Set him down on the bed, Hawks." She points over at the bed, and Hawks moves over, setting him down.

The doctor goes to touch Tokoyami, and Hawks slaps his hand away. Jesus, what's wrong with him? Recovery Girl shakes her head and shoves the doctor off. She moves closer to Tokoyami, and swats Hawks hand away when he reaches to stop her.

Eventually, Recovery Girl uses her quirk. Tokoyami was completely out now, breathing even and light. Hawks had practically scrambled to pick Tokoyami up when another doctor came in. They apologised, and quickly left.

Hawks carried his kid to the rest of the class, which expressed their panic over another unconscious classmate. Hawks stepped back and gripped tighter when they get closer. Jeeze, he really needed to stop. But alas, he stayed the whole day, keeping a constant grip on Tokoyami.

The class turned in for the night, all exhausted and sore from the days battle. Hawks stayed up, telling himself he was watching the whole class. Tokoyami moved halfway through the night, groaning as he woke up. Hawks jumped up. Tokoyami looked around for a second before jumping up, wincing in pain.

Hawks had a hand on his shoulder, pushing him down gently. Tokoyami didnt go easily, and Hawks tried to calm him down. "Kid, hey. Its alright, you're alright..." Hawks's heart may have shattered when Tokoyami let out a sound of pure fear.

Hawks watched his intern curl into a ball. Tokoyami's breathing was off, and he was shaking. Hawks reached out to help, to do something, anything. Tokoyami let out a sob and Hawks's could've cried himself. He shushed his kid and sat up on the bed, wrapping his wings around Tokoyami. Once his wings were effectively covering Tokoyami, Hawks brought his arms gently around his back.

Tokoyami was tense, his hands trembled as tears flowed down his cheeks. Hawks let out a series of chirps, rubbing up and down Tokoyami's back, who responded with shaky chirps of his own. They went back and forth like this for a while, until eventually Tokoyami's breathing returned to normal. He was leaning heavily on Hawks's side, eyes closing.

Hawks smiled, and ran his hand up and down Tokoyami's back in circles. "Its fine, you're allowed to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." Hawks voice was barely above a whisper. Tokoyami blinked sleepily up at him. "Promise?" Hawks was taken aback by how quite and... childlike his voice was. Tokoyami sounded like someone his own age, for once. Hawks smiled again, and squeezed his shoulder softly.

"I promise."

Hawks wasnt sure when he had drifted off, but when Bakugo got up because Kirishima and Denki were freaking out and caught them snoozing, Tokoyami completely hidden, he said nothing.

When Yayorozu calmly walked over to Jirou, who was clutching her ears in pain and saw, she didn't wake them. When Iida practically hurled himself over to Midoryia and Uraraka in fear, no one stopped them.

Aziawa came in around six thirty to check on them, and by that time they had all joined together on the couch. Aziawa let himself smile at the sight. He saw Hawks conked out, no sign of Tokoyami. He saw the wing move and it clicked. He sighed and fixed some blanked on the kids. He heard the door open and turned around.

Katsuma and Mahoro were standing at the door. Aziawa said nothing, and let them in. He was surprised to find that Katsuma was holding Edgeshot's hand, but then he saw the badge on his bag and understood. He left them alone, and resumed his spot outside the front door, acting as their bodyguard.

The next morning was slightly chaotic, as the class freaked out, thinking that Shouji had disappeared overnight, only to remember he wasnt able to move properly yet so he had stayed in bed. He was still grateful they checked on him, though.

Hawks woke up to Bakugo and Iida arguing, and moved to get up, but stopped. He still had a snoozing Tokoyami wrapped in his arms. He looked a lot better, Hawks noted. Hawks smiled. His kid had gotten some decent rest in the end. Mina came over, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

Hawks grinned at her. "Um, I just wanted to say, well, Todoroki reminded me..." she pointed over her shoulder to Todoroki, who was listening to Denki explain something. Hawks nodded. "Thank you for saving us. I got really worried for a second there." She looked at Tokoyami, and smiled. Hawks noticed it seemed a lot more genuine than the ones she had given out earlier.

Tokoyami yawned and opened and eye, immediately closing it again. Mina laughed and turned to walk away. "I heard from Shouji he gets cranky in the mornings, so good luck!" Hawks waved her off. Tokoyami's simply pillowed his head in Hawks side, ready to back to sleep.

Hawks laughed softly and poked his interns head. "Hey now, you're gonna miss breakfast." Hawks heard Tokoyami mumble something, shaking his head. Hawks laughed again. "I'll pick you up and bring you over, I mean it!" Tokoyami pulled his head out and stared up at him, his expression was hard to read.

"Thanks for not leaving." The words were spoken quietly, but they were genuine. Hawks melted on the spot. "Aww, kiddo. I promised I wouldnt leave ya. I dont break promises if I can help it." Tokoyami shrugged, and hugged Hawks. Hawks froze, Tokoyami was never this affectionate. Hawks smiled and returned the hug.

"Now let me sleep." Tokoyami buried his head back in Hawks's side, and pulled the blankets over himself. Hawks let out a loud laugh, gaining the others attention. "You were right, Ashido." He grinned at the girl. "He really is moody in the mornings." Denki snorted, and Mina burst out laughing.

Soon, everyone was laughing and chatting like normal fucking kids. 'As they should' Hawks thought to himself. He hefted Tokoyami over his shoulder, holding him in one arm. Tokoyami gave a shout of alarm and complained the whole way over, but was silenced by Bakugo's pancakes.

Hawks grinned and laughed along with the kids, a wing subtly draped over Tokoyami, who seemed grateful. Hawks sighed, content for the first time since he received that phone call.

This was nice.

Well, it was until he had to leave. Hawks really didn't want to, afraid that of he turns away, Tokoyami and his class might get hurt again. Tokoyami assures him they'll be fine, even though Recovery Girl told Tokoyami to go back to bed as he was still concussed. In fact, many of the kids were left concussed. Hawks was worried about how wrong this could've gone....

Tokoyami was dragged back to bed by Mina, who promised Hawks she'd keep an eye on him. "After all, I owe him for taking care of me! Did you know he took the brute of the rocks collapsing?" Hawks stopped, and so did Tokoyami. "Ashido, wait—" Tokoyami tried to stop her, but she was on a roll now. She explained the fight in detail, and how they messed up.

"Yeah! The whole cave was coming down on top of us, but he still protected me! When I woke up..." Mina trailed off, looking unsure. She squeezed Tokoyami's hand tighter. "What? What happened?" Hawks was going to kill his intern either way, might as well hear the whole thing.

"...I honestly wasnt sure if he was alive or not. If Dark Shadow hadn't come out, I would've been convinced he was... yaknow...." Mina trailed off, staring at Tokoyami. Hawks raised his eyebrows in surprise. Mina continued.

"Man, I feel bad. After all that, he told me I was hurt and needed to rest. He ended up clearing us a mini path to safety." Tokoyami shifted uncomfortably, eyes on them. Hawks looked at his kid, who avoided eye contact. Hawks shook his head.

"So not only did you fight a villan head-on in you're own, get crushed by rocks, you then had the audacity to try tell me you were fine. Tokoyami I—" Hawks begun his lecture, only to be cut off.

"Tokoyami Fumikage get your ass to a bed right now before I make you!" Aziawa had come in at one point, Midoryia in tow. He already had one self-sacrificing child trying to help. Now there were two. Hawks watched in astonishment as Tokoyami stuttered.

"Wait— Mr. Aziawa, I'm fine— I swear—" Aziawa just grabbed Tokoyami's uninjured arm and dragged him upstairs. "First Midoryia, now you? Wait, where's Bakugo?" His voice trailed off as the three disappeared upstairs. Hawks laughed as he heard Bakugo curse from the balcony.

Mina laughed with him. "I'll make sure he stays in bed, promise!" She smiled up at the hero. Hawks grinned back. "Dont forget to take care of yourself too." Mina nodded. "Obviously, I'm not stupid like those guys—"

"Shouji, I swear to god! I said dont move! And what did you do? One job, kid, you had one job!" Aziawa shouted from upstairs.

Denki and Sero howled with laughter, though it dissolved into groans as their wounds were bothering them. Jirou simply buried her head sleepily into Yayorozu's sweater. Iida was dragged into a pillow fort made by Uraraka and Asui.

"Hawks!" Endeavor called from the front door. He, like Hawks, hadn't been able to let go of Shouto, who seemed uncomfortable, and a little frustrated. Hawks sighed and looked at Mina. "A hero's job is never done. Take care of Tsukuyomi for me, will ya?" Mina nodded as Hawks left the building.

Mina watched over Tokoyami like a hawk (according to Mina the pun was intended) and in no time at all they were returning to U.A, and classes begun again.

Tokoyami walked into his dormitory room and flopped onto his bed. He heard Bakugo yelling, and Midoryia laughing nervously. Tokoyami sighed and melted into his bed.

Yeah, it was good to be back home.

Jesus this took forever...

I ended up not sleeping for 24hrs and adding to this so it's got more words (22608) so hdhdjdhd I'm sorry

I'm gonna go eat my body weight in food and try sleep more but I regret nothing!!

[just-zenitsu]

Zenitsu should've had an arc where he slowly learns how to love himself with the help of his friends and realizes he's not weak and has worth and doesn't deserve pain and doesn't deserve to be treated like shit- I just want him to have some shred of confidence please please please please please ple-

ok so every time i had an ask like this ive always just said ‘but look at the bright side! what are hc and aus for! gotoge had problems,, etc etc’ and i feel like ive always just glossed u guys over and maybe even made it seem like these opinions dont matter so im gonna take the time to try and answer this a smidge seriously (under read more bc its long, also im not tagging bc tumblr might fuck up the formatting again rip) (also warning for manga spoilers)

(also disclaimer sdjfhksd i havent read the manga! so im gonna go off of other people’s claims about zenitsu having wasted potential. and to be fair ive read the few last chapters, or at least PARTS of them) 

im not new to having a favorite character whose more or less claimed to have had a lot of potential but losing it in canon bc of, for a lack of a more general term, ‘’bad writing’’. and im not saying kny has bad writing, i dont think im one to judge that JUST yet but for comparison yall should know that i have a fav character in another series that is written so badly that he has the personality of cardboard and was only given life thanks to fanon content. and i dont blame people when they say they dont like said character! its the same as zenitsu, only that this guy, this yellow idiot, actually has a much more solid grasp on how he acts/feels/does things! but more often than not, this linear perspective does damage to how deep his character actually goes, thus just making him the stereotypical ‘pervert’ in an anime. ive seen people say that he’s just the same as mineta!!! which is just. very sad for me

i understand why they’d think like that though, maybe there wouldve been a difference if kny became more popular b4 bnha, but who knows! anyways, back to zenitsu. now, i understand if people ever found his actions uncomfortable or annoying! but when people say that he’s just a crybaby and that he’s literally just dead weight that’s when i get,,, well, iffy. and this is kinda where the frustration comes, we see zenitsu overcoming these obstacles off screen, apparently it was even only just mentioned in a passing comment that zenitsu had stopped having to fall asleep to do missions and cried less when he was going on solo missions. these are the tidbits that i wish was shown more explicitly in canon, showcasing his growth and such. MAYBE it was touched upon once kaigaku came up, but thats another problem, literally kaigaku only showed up once in a flashback and then suddenly he’s a demon? sure a brief flashback that showed him being in gyomei’s orphanage wouldve been enough to put some light, but i think there was still some things that wasnt touched upon when we discuss how kaigaku was portrayed in canon. i think he’s even MORE misunderstood compared to zenitsu. they have (arguably) been in the same situation in their childhood, have drastically different personalities and dealt with it in their own way, but in the end i think he was just used so that zenitsu had a big bad he had to defeat. i think there wouldve been more impact if we were shown thunder fam interacting more, imagine how cool that wouldve been, ESPECIALLY if kaigaku just wasnt thrown into the manga and was given a chance to interact with kamaboko before hand. just, a lot to think about.

and now we have what happened in the last few chapters, w tanjirou becoming a demon and after all that zenitsu just says something along the lines of ‘ill make u pay for hurting me and my future wife (nezuko)’ which sucks to a degree. but count the fact that gotoge was inching towards zennezu, as i mentioned in a previous post, he was worried about nezuko getting hurt by tanjirou. im also a bit disappointed that he didnt really do much in terms of, well, caring for tanjirou, but one GOOD thing that i really liked happening was in the previous chapters bEFORE tan got turned to a demon, the part w him assuring inosuke that he can still hear tanjirou’s heartbeat, and then consecutively screaming at tanjirou that he had to stay alive, he went as far to say that he hears nezuko’s human heartbeat and that he has a family to return to, which was, surprise surprise, apparently somewhat a LIE! i cant confirm this unfortunately since ive long since lost the explanation but someone said that zenitsu wasnt actually able to hear nezuko’s heartbeat then, meaning he lied for tanjirou’s sake bc he knew that if he’d pull through something, he’d pull through it for nezuko. (there’s also that part where zenitsu fought hard to keep this family alive since well, he doesnt have one to return to, which is just. ouch) another thing i liked about this part is that he wasnt!!! crying!!!, but both inosuke and tanjirou were and dont u just love the irony. dont u just love it when zenitsu, resident crybaby of the demon slayer corps, is the one who shouts at the both of his friends, who are usually the ones pushing him, yelling at him to stop sniveling and fight, to raise their chins up and to not give up? i think these few moments are JUST ABSOLUTELY TASTY. 

but. unfortunately, they are glossed over once we have what happened in chapter 203.

tl/dr; zenitsu’s character is something much more than a crybaby who’s a pervert and annoying. these points overshadow the fact that he’s a kind person, who was willing to protect nezuko despite knowing she was a demon just BECAUSE he trusted tanjirou that much and that he had a kind sound! he’s willingly THROWN HANDS when someone talked bad about kaigaku, a person he ADMITTED HE HATES, because he respects them as a person! zenitsu is much more than a crybaby who’s a pervert and annoying. if only canon were able to explain much more clearly than these few tidbits that we were given.

//im crying at the club im so sorry this is so long oh god oh fuck. anyways ive been disappointed time and time again and ive long since really stopped looking forward to the best to my fav characters and ive been p negative in previous fandoms so its why i avoided complaining like this in this blog but yeah kjfhkjsdf thank u for reading,,, 

[pwnyta]

Nobody ASKED for any of my shitty Pokemon character doodles... BUT IM IN A MOOD.

SO yall have to deal with it.

This is under a read more so dont come at me about it being annoyingly long. Blame Dumblr. Theres a SHIT TON OF DOODLES UNDER THE CUT.

First off I wanted to give Holly a whole classroom of friends... it wasnt GONNA be an all girls school... but I kept crankin of little girly Mons....

I dont actually have a shiny Darumaka or Eevee... but theyre two of my favorite shinies...

I drew these four after so theyre a bit different in style. Shiny Swirlex has the same excuse as the other two shinies... I just love the shiny colors

They also needed a teacher so I repurposed one of my older characters because I thought itd be funny to have a swan teacher... cuz swans are so scary but they care for their babies well.

Darla and Delilah can be bothered with threats because theyre safe with Mr Shandra.

Mikhail only takes classes that are small enough to fit under his wingspan so he can keep them all safe. And Eva and Tiffany learn from the best and just get pissed off like their teacher.

((Hes more bark than bite though... hes not a great fighter and a double weakness to Electric? Garbo. But he puts up a convincing enough front.))

And because he was a swan I gave him a life mate. The only other being that gets any softness from him.

He was an ex pirate.

Mikhail has no interest in criminals!!! So the captain gave up the pirate life and married a very short tempered bird and gained a lot of weight...because I wanted him chubby.

---

‘’Spider’’, Esi, and dear ol Dad. Despite Reds best efforts to keep Esi out of Osborns hands he still ended up an immensely shady bastard but at least hes not as broken as ‘’Spider’’.

I didnt finish their moms because I couldnt settle on a design for Spiders mum....

Now Spider works for Caedere his beloved boss who would never ever lie to him ever. (Hint: Spiders nature is ‘naive’)

---

I tried revamping Ray and Hebanon...  but Ray still gay as hell for his boy.

I bullied Sparky a little. He’ll probably be fine even if Rays got a Mega evo. Its the name of the game Ray... hes supposed to knock his opponent out... you cant get pissed when ever Hebanon gets fucked up in battle.

---

Did I post these? Am I ever gonna finish these character sheets? No. And look I forgot the most pressing detail of Zippos and thats his fuckin Arbok mark on his back. IM A FOOL.

Kreetan and his mum and dad.

So many little comic things I’ll never finish because theres too many and instead of just stopping and finishing something I keep adding to my unfinished doodles instead. This is why I dont take requests or anything.

I time where Leif and Cyndy actually grow up?

THEY ALL HAVE CAT EARS.

Zippo is curious.

.....AS A CAT.

Polly is here too!! And shes ready to punch someone RIGHT IN THE NOODLE.

I also thought itd be nice to draw out some other Chars of Zippo and Crizs generation.

Theyre.. as you may have guessed are not finished yet.

Clem is a timid lad, Mira... not so much. Very brave

Addy is a modest princess type

Jubilee is a sassy lass.

And Criz. A sweet bashful boy whos never done anything wrong and certainly will not die because no one would be cruel enough to let that happen.

((EYES EMOJI))

Babby Clem, Addy, and Jubilee.

WHO’RE THESE ASSHOLES?!

---

Updated Mistletoe. One spooky righteous(in his own mind) lad.

She only looks stoic to start... but shes quite the weirdo.

She just got here and shes ready to go home. What a mood.

Now for some less polished individuals....

Meh meh meh lookit me IM OMI. Im gonna put three of the exact same Pokemon in the same group so Pwnyta has to suffer tryna come up with different designs.

...But I do like them. I imagine that they remain Ekans because they wont need the mark of their tribe so no one will no where they come from. So spooky.

I was torn between the codename ‘Sundown‘ and ‘Daybreak‘ for Crobat.

By day hes a wholesome trustworthy priest... by night he tortures people for a shady shady bug man. He’ll determine if youre truly innocent.

Doc has to deal with all these fuckin weirdos... he just wants to be a doctor... BUT AT WHAT COST DOC?!

This is a sequel to the doodle comic I was makin in a previous post... Kop and Doc develop an interesting friendship (In Kops mind. Its more a ‘stalker with a crush’ situation) But hey if Kops not being paid then hes got no reason to hurt Doc.

...Docs a fun character to bully because hes so smarmy and small.

---

AND NOW FOR SOME SCIENCE BITCHES.

A man of few words and an intense curiosity with mortal beings and his own existence.

A spooky lad who doesnt quite mean to torment his subordinates... its just his Pressure.

Id imagine his form changes are a bit like Iron Man in IW when hes fighting Thanos.

I drew some more science bitches...

Some casual clothes for the original three stooges.

Shes deaf Franz! She cant hear you.

Ya know IDK if itd be ‘canon‘ that they all met as kids... I just thought itd be cute. Little psychic babies all doofin off together... the most troublesome one being asleep 90% of the time due to being an Abra.... and narcoleptic. Abra sleep so much naturally... Geller sleeps even MORE... thats why hes so incredibly smart even for an Alakazam.

I had a whole little redo sketch comic idea of Mewtwo breakin loose and fuckin shit up.... (its never been finished)

Franz tries to put him to sleep. (it doesnt work. He needs Emanuel and Nola to save him and he gets his arm broken for bein such a cheeky lad.)

Mewtwo doesnt have too much of a problem with Geller due to his soft spot for kids and pure desire for knowledge... but if hes gonna protect the other assholes then PERISH.

Dont worry though big boss Deo wont let his subordinates die let alone the second smartest after him... and saves them all pretty easy. A sharp tentacle arm through the chest will stop even Mewtwo.

Some booboos happen tho...

But hes fine eventually and finds his ex wife home watchin the kids.

Shes promptly expelled.

Geller also goes back for Dilla and steals him. Lifes too short not to adopt an ancient fossil baby.

Emanuel isnt delighted... but he doesnt have the heart to call the authorities on a man who risked his life to save him.

Fossil Mons come in two types-- Resurrected fossils which have the skin color of the primary coloring of their Pokemon form so they can be solid black or blue or red or w/e... Ancestors of ancient Pokemon have normal skin tones.

And another comic sketch idea... where Geller and Roswell are gifted with some fancy new Mega stones... Ros? Not too keen on the idea hes seen what can happen to a bitch when they Mega Evo... he aint got time for that. Geller goes HARD for SCIENCE.

Ros: Geller I know your a spoon guy but stick a fork in that bastard cuz hes done. COOKED. If he thinks im riskin my ass for his bullshit. Lets go tell him off together (im scared to go without you...)

Geller: We experiment on living things all the time for the sake of scientific progress.... are we really too good to be subject to our own studies?

Ros: YES. ABSOLUTELY.

After seeing Geller use his without hesitation, putting his body through a world of hurt for the sake of SCIENCE!!! Ros couldnt pussy out on his boy...

His Mega is just FABULOUS and now he loves it.

--

I was also makin a team with the Pokemon that have the highest stats (non Legends/Psudos/Megas) but I got bored after Blissey. She has a Togekiss wife I didnt finish either... Oh well.

Shes a bold lass and prefers double battles with her support wife. She doesnt like using dangerous moves as its in her nature as a Blissey to heal.

---

(I forgot his whiskers... OH WELL)

I wanted to give Flaminio some people who missed him after he got spirited away by his Ghosts.

After he disappeared people looked for him but he was never found and years and years went by and people stopped looking. Even Clove and Ceto had to move on.

Koban is a loyal bitch though and he never let it go. He still wants his friend back. Hes an old boy now... so old people probably call him ‘Nekomata‘ and wonder when his tail is gonna split.

[beepbeepdickie]

I'm Just Going to Sit Right Down (and Cry Over You)

Okay so this is my first multi chapter fic ever and I'm super nervous, it's a mutant!Eddie headcannon so let me know if you want to be tagged! Also the title of this story and all the chapters will be Beatles songs, the title was a cover by the Beatles tho, not an original song. Hope you enjoy!!

Pairing: richie tozier x eddie Kaspbrak

Word Count: 1,590

Summary: Eddie is hiding something from his friends, and it's something they can never figure out.

Warnings: slight language, very slight mention of violence, mention of panic attack

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

Chapter one- Drive my car

Eddie Kaspbrak had lived a relatively normal childhood, well, as normal as it could be for someone like him. The 18 year old had been on the run with his mother, Sonia, for the first 5 years of his life before finally settling down in Derry, Maine. The quiet town served as a perfect recluse for the gifted teenager and he had never been happier. Although Eddie couldn't remember anything before Derry, he couldn't complain, it was home to him. He had absolutely wonderful friends who he loved more than anything, semi good grades, and a average mother who was ridiculously overprotective, but for a good reason.

Around the age of 6, his mother had told him. According to Sonia, Eddie was born with abilities that he inherited from his father, Frank Kaspbrak. Apparently he had died protecting them from 'bad people' that wanted to take Eddie away for his powers. After that they had been constantly running for 5 years until those people had finally lost track of Eddie. At the time, Eddie couldn't fully comprehend the severity of the situation at hand, he still didnt. He simply thought he was a superhero and that his father was his gardian, kind of like Spiderman. For about two years Eddie had no idea what type of powers he had, so he kind of just let the idea die, thinking the whole idea was just a figment of his overly active imagination. That is until he turned 8.

Eddie was minding his own buisness playing in the living room while his mother watched TV on her favorite chair. Eddie however became increasingly bored with his toys and begged his mother profusely to watch his show.

"Eddie bear I told you, for the last time, I'm in the middle of my show, you will have to wait your turn." Sonia whispered, hushing him quickly and turning her attention to the brain rotting contraption once more.

This however has set eddie off. He started to throw and absolute fit, he began screaming and crying to watch his show. The screaming continued, growing in volume and intensity until suddenly his show was on and a vase had crashed into the opposite wall. Eddie jumped back so quickly he nearly toppled over the back of the couch. His mother stared at him wide eyed before she began to cry, Eddie was confused at her negative reaction when he himself was absolutely estatic. He was telekinetic for fucks sake.

After that he went ballistic, and tried to use his abilities for everything, chores, homework, cooking. After all, what was the point of touching anything when his mind could do the work? Sonia on the other hand had different ideas, quickly reprimanding him about how dangerous it was to go using his powers for everything and told him he was never to tell anyone or ever use them unless completely necessary. Eddie obeyed, scared by the intensity of her words and vowed to keep it to himself at all costs.

Here he was, 10 years later and he still hadn't uttered a word. Even he and his mother rarely brought it up. So in his mind, he had a relatively normal childhood, but his mind was also the problem.

"Earth to Eddie, the bell just rang dipshit, stop daydreaming." Stan, one of Eddie's best friends had teased, snapping his fingers incessantly in front of his face.

"Aw, stop it Staniel, you know hes having a good dream about me by the way hes drooling right now, arntcha Eds?" Richie crooned, ignoring Stan's griping, and putting his arm around Eddie's shoulders.

"Quit it Rich, and dont call me Eds." He snapped, a little more irritable than usual due to all of these memories piling at the surface. It seemed harder and harder by the day to keep lying to his friends.

"Someones grumpy! Good thing too, I like em feisty!" The curly haired, bug eyed, fool pinched his cheek before walking away in the direction of his class. Eddie just stood in the hallway blushing ever so slightly before Stan interrupted his thoughts.

"Eddie stop staring, its rude, and get to class." He smiled knowingly before heading after Richie.

Unfortunately, for about 3 years now, Eddie knew he was in deep for Richie. As soon as the losers hit high school, The goofy boy had rocketed to a good 6'3, his cheekbones defining his beautiful face, his freckles looking like constellations even in the sunlight, and his smile brighter then ever. Today he looked especially pretty, in a black turtleneck and ripped jeans, his earrings and black nail polish making him even more irresistible. In other words, he was perfect. Although an annoying trashmouth, Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.

"Fuck," he grumbled, hearing the bell ring. Recently he had been late for class almost everyday, his mind causing him to stop and think about Richie about every three seconds. Eddie, unlike Richie, was a phony asthmatic, a good 5'6, had a crooked smile, and mop of curly hair that was a sad imitation of Richie's. He was nothing compared to the object of his affections, and everyone knew it too.

Instead of dealing with walking into class late, Eddie just decided to skip, something extremely unusual for someone like him. He blamed it on the stress of junior year and made his way to Richie's truck to hang out for the last period of the day. Rich drove him home everyday anyway, so it was convenient and practical, it was definitely not because Richie has a blanket in the back that smells just like him.

Eddie spent the hour in the bed of his truck pretty much having a mild panic attack, puffing on his inhaler way more than needed. Now not only Richie was occupying his mind constantly, but the shit about his powers too. He just needed to forget. For almost a whole 10 years eddie had kept his powers in the back of his mind so why were they bubbling so close the surface now? Eddie sat in unmoving state of worry, so zoned out he didnt even hear the dismissal bell ring, a familiar string of curses startling him out of his train of thought.

"Jesus fuck Eds, what the hell !" Richie cursed loudly once catching sight of the boy puffing his inhaler in the back of his truck. "You scared the shit out of me!"

Beverly laughed walking up to the duo, "Shouldve seen your face Rich!" The redhead was smoking on a cigarette while giggling at Richie's flushed face.

Ignoring Beverly, Richie continued, "as much as I like finding cute boys in my car, what the fuck are you doing?" His questioning glance trained on Eddie.

Eddie brushed off the question easily, "I skipped and just came here, no big deal." Hands shaking slightly after coming down from his panic, he rounded to the passenger door, ignoring their shocked expressions.

"You what?!" Bev screeched before running to Eddie and putting her hand to his forehead, "are you feeling okay hun?" She cooed.

"Fuck off Bev, I'm 18 not 5, I just felt like skipping, stop looking at me like that!" He swatted her freckled hand away while snapping for the second time that day. Beverly and Richie looked hardly convinced but dropped the subject anway due to his clearly irritable state. As cute as Eddie was- according to Richie, he was quiet fiery when pissed off.

"Okay well, see you guys later, movie night at Bill's tomorrow." She reminded flippantly before jogging over to Mike's car, where he and the others were waiting for him to take them home.

Richie waved in the direction of the other Losers before joining the boy in the truck and looking over at Eddie, concerned, so he made it a point not to look back at him. Eddie tried to conceal his shaking hands in his jacket but of course Richie, only observant when he didnt want him to be, noticed anyway. The silence was broken all too quickly.

"Eds, what going on? You know you can talk to me right?" Richie whispered into the too quiet truck.

And Eddie was mad, mad because he couldn't tell Richie this time, and he told him everything. Richie was his sole confidant, although he was a walking trashcan, Eddie knew he cared and would listen to anything he had to say. Not this, he reminded himself. Eddie gripped his jacket sleeve until his knuckles turned white and Instead just opted to ignore the question until he arrived home and hopped out of the car before Richie could say anything else. The other boy gave Eddie a quick look of longing and almost reluctantly, the car pulled away and sped down the street as Eddie let out a breathe he didnt know he was holding.

He was fucking pissed. Why did this have to happen now? Why were his powers fucking with him now, why were these memories returning now when he had suppressed them for so long, so effortlessly? Everything just felt... off. Eddie glanced in his front window noticing his mother's looming figure wasnt in her chair, where it was everytime he came home from school. Eddie shivered, it was probably nothing. As he opened the front door he saw his mother in the kitchen, placing back and forth, basically sobbing, Eddie felt his entire stomach drop.

Sonia next panicked words left Eddie's heart plummeting into nothing. "Eddie- they know where you are. You have to leave, now."

Tag list

-@jesusbinks

[tamaharu]

i rewatched it again. anyways. the last episode was the end of the world, which was her first adventure off 21st century earth, marked a big change in the characters. the first step of roses integration into the role of companion (her phone being changed) began, and the doctor began opening up about the time war, something that affected that iterations doctor so completely. it begins to showcase roses horror at the way everyone is focused simply on themselves in the crisis, and doesnt stop to consider the earth or the ramifications of doing what they're doing, and this characterization is a bedrock of her character and how she is with the doctor. this is only touched on at the end of that episode however. but, then. the unquiet dead.

the whole episode showcases how her love for humanity and her compassion for people is just clashing with the way the doctor lives. wanting to check on the old woman rather than the ghost in the amphitheater gets her kidnapped and left to die. then, shes the only one directly and vocally opposed against giving the gelth the freedom to inhibit dead bodies, even before its revealed that the gelth are evil. because of this, she clashes with the doctor so much. maybe it used to be his style, compassion, concern, respect for the dead, but war made him cold and cynical. he straight up tells her he can change to his morality or leave. rose is the only one who thinks the dead deserve the respect to be left alone, is the one most concerned for gwyneth is terms of how gwyneth is faring up in a friendly human way, not just concerned for her for the sake of sympathy and worry over the connection to the gelth. and losing her, rose really begins to realize how fucking devastating the life is.

the doctor sure as hell is not in love with her in this episode. is amused by her, cares for her, is impressed by her, yes. but when his own morals at the time so directly oppose hers and her presence hasnt reformed him yet, it is definitely not love.

no. its not quite love until the gelth reveal themselves, and all the doctor can focus on is one single thought: rose was right. sure, she didnt know the gelth were evil, but she knew it wasnt good, allowing anyone to posses corpses without true consent from the dead. and hes trapped in that cellar and asking if its even possible if she can die and he rightfully blames himself, but she forgives him anyways.

and hes in love. right there in that cellar.

(but also that section where she comes out in the dress and says blimey! and says she looks beautiful and is like ah shit i just showed a feeling and turns it into a backhanded compliment is the best and also that time when rose is like i cant die while in the past right and the doctor is like i brought you here and im so sorry and shes like its not your fault. and then she says we'll go down fighting, together, and they grab hands and the doctor says im so glad i met you and she says me too and then they grin at each other? yea)

watching the ghosts w dickens season 1 ep is so weird to me because i think i somehow skipped it in my first watch and then i didnt watch it finally until this year and it was like ??? because its accidentially so out of place in my rose and doctor narrative. like. he isnt even in love with her yet? what?

[rogueofsorts]

You know what.

Okay. Seriously just so fucking tired and fed up with everything Trump related and I refuse to post anything on Facebook because I'll immediately be ridiculed and shamed for NOT supporting one of the worst leaders we have ever had. But I need to rant. First of all. I'm so tired of everyone who does support Trump telling those of us who do not that we're sheep. Why? Why are we sheep? Because we chose to not vote for someone we don't like? Because we chose to not vote for someone who comes across as a racist, sexist, arrogant pig to us? Okay. Fine. We're sheep for not believing what you believe. But I thought it was the other way? Thought you were a sheep for believing what everyone else believes? Hm. Okay fine so I'm a Fucking sheep for watching multiple news reports, speeches, videos, etc and seeing how horrible big ole Don The Man treated human beings. And not wanting to vote for him. Not just one specific human. Multiple. Women. Men. Black. White. Crippled. Veterans. Perfectly healthy. It. Did. Not. Matter. If you didn't support him he blew it up in your face on NATIONAL TV. With no shame. I'm a sheep for that. Got it.

Then you get the people who tell you you're stupid for voting for someone only because of how they are as a person, not their political stances. (Now. Before everyone freaks the fuck out on me. I didn't support Trump or Hillary. I voted but I did a write in. I would not and did not vote for either of those dim wits. This is America. You do have a fucking choice even when they make you seem like you don't, you do. And it may not always matter at the end of the day but my conscience is important to me.) but TELL ME how many woman didn't vote for Hillary because she let Bill cheat on her and tramp around on her. TELL ME how many people didn't vote for Bernie because he was old. Because he wanted to legalize. TELL ME how many didn't vote for ANY ONE OF OUR CANDIDATES WHO WASNT A PERFECT WHITE MALE JUST BECAUSE OF THAT. NOT BEING A PERFECT WHITE MALE. now I'm not fucking sitting here and saying any one of those candidates are better than who we ended up with! That's a debate for a different time. We're here to discuss Trump.

Okay so NOW. Tell me. Why is it that Trump has been in office for almost a year now and people are still sitting here blaming things on Obama?? We might as well still be blaming shit on George Bush for fucks sake. Seriously people. Trump is in office. If he wanted to change and fix all these things he told you he was going to either it would have been done by now or at least discussed. But you're lost? Hm. Sounds like empty promises which is exactly what Trump ran his campaign on. That and racism. Pure racism at its finest. Seems like Trump supporters are the fucking sheep to me.

Now for my next part. So now people want to say our unemployment is the highest it has EVER BEEN and it's just SOoOOooOOO easy to buy a house now. So now I actually need someone to cite this info and show me proof. I'm almost 21 years old and for the first time in my life I've been unemployed for over a month. Due to unfortunate circumstances, yes. But I just want to mention that in a span of 75 miles and 6 different towns, size ranging all the way to 12,000 I have applied to what is now FORTY SEVEN jobs. Not a single one can or will hire me. Now I know that my one person being unemployed doesn't say much. At all. But I'm NOT. THE. ONLY. ONE. I'm really not. And how will it not get worse? Coming from a person who has actually taken the time to sit back and see what is happening to our country in multiple different perspectives how am I ever supposed to believe it won't get worse. But don't worry!! I can probably get a job building the wall right? Or maybe in a few months when Trump decides to level a country with nuclear bombs for no reason other than HE felt threatened I'll just be drafted into the army and have no choice!! (Not that I have anything against serving our country. It's not my first choice. Or even my last. It's a job I can't see myself doing. I have mad respect for those who can.)

Now let's talk about buying houses!!!! So. I have discussed housing opportunities with multiple realtors in three different states. And every single one of them has told me the same thing!! They have all told me I need to settle down RIGHT. NOW. And buy a house now while I still can! While I still can? Not that houses won't be available, they just won't be affordable. People think prices are inflating now? Give it ten years. Give it FIVE even. It'll double. Triple. Not only that!! Not only that, they also told me don't even try to buy it upfront. It's not worth it. They told me my best option would be rent to own!! So I can't even call the house I am buying MINE. And it can be ripped away from me. Sure a house I bought could be too. Just a little more difficult when you own something vs renting to own something. Do you see what I'm saying here? Not to mention. I'm Fucking 21. Do you think I'm even possibly close to financially or mentally ready to BUY A HOUSE?? Not even a fucking little bit. (Hello? I'm unemployed.) I haven't even gone to college yet. (Working on it though) but I sure as hell don't know where I want to live the rest of my life!! So basically I'm being told buy now or forever hold my peace and constantly be jammed into some shitty apartment with a shitty landlord. Neat!

I am SICK. AND. FUCKING TIRED. of all these people sitting here calling me a sheep. Calling me a follower. Telling me it's not as bad as it seems. Telling me things are better than they were before. No. They're not. They're not at all and if you're going to come at me saying they are I need cited proof or I will instantly shut you down. I am not here to be ridiculed for what I believe. I am not here to be pushed down and smothered for worrying about my future. I'm sorry but I no longer give a fuck about you 90 yr old bastards who are retired and lived your good years. You'll probably be fucking dead before Trump even leaves office. You are not the one who gets to sit here and judge the millenials and the baby boomers for being worried about OUR BABIES. And honestly why the fuck are you not worried about your babies? And your grand babies? I am TERRIFIED. ABSOLUTELY TERRIFIED. To raise a CHILD in this world. I feel as though I would be SELFISH to bring a baby into a world so full of hate. And blind eyes turning the other direction. And people who don't care. People who are so mean and racist and dirty to the core that they can just. God. That they can just Fucking let him act like this. And treat us like this. He's not leading us. A leader would walk alongside us. A leader would feel our pain. Our angst. Our sadness and anger. A leader would carry these burdens themselves as well. Do you see the big orange man doing that?? Because I sure don't. He seems to be enjoying himself just fine while the country suffers. The country he is supposed to be taking care of. We're here Trump. We're here. We're scared. We're sad. And you aren't beside us. I fear the path we are going down. I really. Really really fear for all of America anymore. We have dark times ahead of us and the saddest part is that most of the country is blind to it. They have their gold thrones so who cares?

[unicornninjabitch]

Me to my therapist: No I’ve been doing really well :)

Me to strangers on the internet who dont give a fuck: Yo guess who’s having a depressive episode?! It’s me bitches

Here’s a secret, I’m a shitty person. I’ve hurt people that no amount of apologies could help. I wish I could’ve ended somethings on better terms than I did and I wish I could erase myself from some people’s lives cause all I did was fuck them over. I know this and I like to think if given the opportunity I could give them the apology they deserve cause, believe it or not, I’m a fucking disaster. I don’t want to sound like an Edgelord™, but I really am a fucking mess. I could blame the childhood I had or my own issues and you know those might be part of it, but I also know I’m basically always smashing my self-destruct button. I know I run from good things cause for so long my life motto was “Leave before you’re left” cause everyone left. My dad, uncles, aunts, cousins, best friends, my mom, exes, everyone left me behind at some point. For years I refused to call anyone my best friend because they all disappeared. Hell one of them left cause I didn’t have feelings for him and I blamed my fucking self. I told myself for months “If you just pretended you could’ve liked him” like that would be fair to either of us. For fucks sake even my middle school relationships I ended when they were good because I was terrified I’d get hurt. The only relationship I didn’t fucking run from was the one where I got cheated on like 3 times cause I was a dumbass freshman who thought some boy really changed for me. For gods sake I still get put on edge when people say nice things about me cause for so long nice things always came with a but or some kinda favor that needed to get done. I don't even ask my family to help me with a bunch of things cause that meant I owed them and owing people was a place I didn’t ever want to be (especially financially)

I think what it comes down to might be I’m scared to let myself be happy cause being happy was always followed by something terrible following it like if I stay alone and depressed then I can’t ever be let down. I know that’s a terrible way to approach life and it’s not healthy and I wish I could say I’m working on it, but I don’t know how to take that out of me. I think I’ve always been that way though, well at least a good portion of my life. I thought being abandoned was normal, but then I had friends and they would talk about their families. Their families were fucking great, they had their parents and the biggest complaint was their curfew or how they always had to sit down together to eat and a HUGE part of me kinda hated them. They had no idea what I would have gave for that, for a happy family, a normal family that were there for each other and consistent, for parents who didn’t start screaming the second they made eye contact. Here they were with the nerve to complain and I know I didn’t know everything about their home lives but it didn’t stop me from being angry or sad or deflecting every question about my family. And this shit all went down before my depression really started up can you believe that?! Like at least 2 years before and it just got fucking worse. I got sadder and angrier as the years went on cause my parents fought more (and i swore a divorce wouldve helped this but nope) and they still complained about curfews and sleepovers and dinners and what was baby Alex up to? Baby Alex was trying to keep a broken house from completely shattering and working and playing the messenger and being the middle man and parenting and being too grown up for a fucking 12 year old, so I stayed away from everyone and I delt with everything by taking it on myself. It wasn’t good, I’d hit myself and skip meals thinking if I got skinny I’d be pretty and refusing to sleep and cutting up my wrist and I probably did other dumb shit too.

Man and 8th grade was just the start of my eating issues, actually maybe it was 4th, but whatever. Okay so the 4th grade parts more one kid called me fat so I swore off breakfast and to this day I can’t eat till I’ve been awake for at least 2 hours. Then 8th grade there were days I’d only eat chips for lunch, but 9th grade was by far the worst. Okay 9th grade picture this you’ve been called fat since basically 4th grade and a lot of your 8th grade year your dad keeps saying “Oh you should eat better. You need to be more active” shit like that and you keep going on “family diets” plus the everyday self hate of being a teenager and society's beauty standards you cant meet. One day in the beginning of 9th grade I was really hating my body so I decided I’d go on a diet, so of course I downloaded an app and stared at pictures of skinny people with hip bones poking out and thigh gaps. However this app wasn’t worried about exercise or healthy food, but instead just calorie intake (see the problem already?) I thought if I keep the calorie intake below what the app says I lose more weight and faster. My daily eating schedule was a 90 calorie gatorade, half of a pb&j, half a carton of chocolate milk, and the smallest portion of dinner I could get (sometime with lunch I’d eat exctly 6 fries), but I mostly drank diet green tea and ice water. Each week I gave myself one “cheat day” where I ate whatever the fuck I wanted, but even then I tried to limit myself. I got called anorexic a lot at lunch because of how carefully I cut my food and pushed the remainder away from me. It was mostly kids joking and I mostly laughed it off or flipped them off cause I didn’t care they were joking. Until one day a friend offered me half his gatorade, so I took it drank some and put into the app how much I drank to which he said “Holy shit you really count your calories?” so I shrugged him off just like so what it’s not like I’m doing anything dangerous. Now mind you somedays my calorie intake was down to like 500 and the average for me at that time was like 1000 maybe (i dont remember its been a long time but it wasnt healthy). What stopped this you ask? Well I was talking to my mom one day and I was proud cause I lost like 15 pounds and a friends mom noticed (she asked if I was sick) and I noticed and I was just really proud, but my mom just said I was like obsessed, which looking back I was but at that time I was so pissed cause I didnt think I was. Then I stopped for a little, but it started up once I noticed I was gaining weight back. Then my mom had a miscarriage and got really depressed so she stayed with her boyfriend at the time who lived like 6 hours away. Food became like a huge thing, I ate a lot of junk food everyday cause I felt guilty. At that time me and my mom were butting heads a lot for whatever reasons and I was in the room with her when she learned the baby’s heartbeat stopped. I of course told her I was okay and didnt cry cause I wanted to be strong for her since she wa a mess, but I was like totally numb inside and totally blamed myself. (Now I logically know it wasnt my fault but I still feel like it was somehow if that makes sense?) Now my moms gone for the first time in my life, I’m with my dad who at this point I still can’t stand, my brothers are fighting a lot, I’m still distancing myself from friends, I’m dating a total douchebag, and it was just a lot for me, so I just constantly comfort ate cause I didn’t know how to talk about these issues to anyone.

Now back track to me saying I’m s hitty person, I was dating this guy and I loved him, I really dd, but I was scared. My last relationship was awful and bad and no one deserves that kind of relationship, but nonetheless I start dating this guy and it wasn’t healthy, I dont think. We were on and off for a while,I picked fights cause I was always told fightings normal in relationships, but we didn’t ever fight and I thought relationship fights were screaming and crying and slamming doors and shit like that cause that’s all I knew. Eventually we were together straight for about 6 months (I think all together it was about 9 months) and they were good for the most part, we may have moved too fast and planned forever too soon, but we were happy and didn’t care cause we loved each other. Then we broke up for good and I regretted it for a long time and we still talked convinced we could be friends after swearing we’d get married and other shit, but it didn’t work that way, so after about a year of us talking to each other scared to let go and move on and shit we finally said what we’re doing isnt good and we have to go separate ways. I was still miserable for awhile cause a part of me still loved him and maybe a part of me always will, but we unfollowed each other on everything and I think for myself I blocked him to make sure I didn’t do anything dumb.

After I like healed or whatever I dated this girl, she was fucking awesome, cute as hell, funny, just great and we were together not long but I had strong feelngs for her, but the Gender Crisis™ came and I didn’t know how to tell her what was going on so I told her I had some shit to figure out and we broke up and I immediately blocked her everywhere cause I didn’t want to hurt her like I did with that guy,and maybe it was dumb to do it that way, but I didn’t know how else to do it.

The moral of this is I’m awful, I do this shit at least once every summer, and idk how to talk about my issues in any other way than to word vomit to strangers on the internet.