#also for all ik they didnt even use that term in the originals since i have to read translations because i only speak and read english | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vampireqrow-moved · 4 years ago

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hey so I agree with a lot of the stuff in your post about the transphobia involved in the origin of the pansexual label, but I just have one question: what are the actual impacts of people with good intentions calling themselves pan? If you don't hate pansexuals and consider them bi, why type up a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of the origin of the label if it means the same thing in the way that most non transphobic people (your audience) use it? a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways (like bi and lesbian and anything really) and plenty of valid identities from problematic roots and evolve over time as people use them differently (queer, transsexual). so how is a person with good intentions using a not-perfect label in a way you don't like a threat to the community? if someone is using the label pan transphobically, wouldn't their bigotry exist independently? if pan people do not act in transphobic ways besides using the label pansexual, realistically what is changing if they call themselves bi beyond holier-than-thou aesthetic activism? plus, a blog on the internet isn't going to get everyone to stop identifying as pansexual, especially considering multiple prominent celebrities ID as pan. so why spend all that energy quibbling on semantics because some bi people use a slightly different word when you could be worrying about Literally anything else? just feels like you want to find something to argue about lol. extremely disappointed that I had to break a mutual

im going to respond to each thing you bring up chronologically- im not trying to nitpick or prioritize certain things you say ill just forget things if i go out of order and i dont want to miss something important. ALSO! i will be typing less formally (like keysmashes and shortening words n stuff) in this response than my og post bc its 1am as im starting to type this so im tired but i want to be clear that i am like. taking this seriously and im not like. mocking u in anyway if it could read that way?? i hope not but just in case anyways here it goes!

in terms of actual impact people with good intentions identifying as pan: honestly im not sure the full scope of the impact this has, so ill only be speaking to what ive personally seen which might not be all. but like... id argue my younger self has good intentionals iding as pan. i wanted to support trans people, even if i didnt understand a lot of the nuance involved. as a result of this, i developed a sense of superiority over other bisexuals and a mentality that bisexuality was a primitive and lesser sexuality. that mentality is harmful, and although im not sure if it affected bisexuals around me (of which there are many most of my friends are bi ajfjfjf) its still a harmful mentality and can easily hurt people even if i specifically didnt. also using it even with good intentions, which i know many people have, still spreads and further normalizes a label that imo can not be separated from its transphobic origins. this effect is not as extreme as other forms of transphobia and biphobia by A LONG SHOT. the bi community faces a lot of other issues but that doesnt mean this one isnt worth addressing if that makes sense?

if i dont hate pansexuals: ik this is part of a larger point which i will adress but i specified this in my post bc i see a lot of other posts that are negative towards pansexuality have "i hate pan ppl" somewhere in it or a close equivalent. i do not shame these ppl for their anger, i just wanted to be clear i think a lot of pan ppl are bi ppl with good intentions choosing a label they dont fully understand based on a misunderstanding of bisexuality.

why write a paragraphs long manifesto on the harms of pansexuals origin: ok 😭😭 the real reason here is that im literally just bad at summarizing. like thats literally it. i also like talking, its a bad combination. plus ive been thinking abt this for like. over a year im not even kidding and just like i have a lot of thoughts and figured if i was going to bother making my own post instead of rbing someone elses that i might as well get everything i wanted to say off my chest. ALSO BTW i literally got an ask like a week ago that was several paragraphs long asking me to explain my thoughts on why pan was harmful and some other stuff so like. this is partially responding to that and partially just me wanting to air my grievances ? idk if thats the right expression 😔😔

why write the post if my audience of people who identify as pan arent doing it in a transphobic way ? again sorry i didnt really understand the phrasing so i hope this is a vaguely correct summary!! um but like... again imo i think pan cant be separated from its transphobia and like. again imo iding as pan is like. a transphobic action/choice? obviously one transphobic thing does mean someone necessarily is like officially a Transphobe (it CAN be depending on the action but i dont think that applies here) but that doesnt mean there arent problems with what they did. this is like very complicated, but like. someone doing something harmful without the knowlege that its harmful doesnt make that person a bigot by any means it just means they didnt know. and i feel thats the case here? a lot of ppl (myself included until recently) know next to nothing abt pansexualitys origins so a trans inclusve sexuality might seem like a safe and good bet just because they dont know too much abt it, and like? i cant hate those people cause that was me for 5+ years and djgjfjdj you just dont know what you dont know!

basically i think iding with a transphobic label is inherently a singular transphobic action that doesnt make the person transphobic by itself, but is still a transphobic instance.

a lot of identities can be used in transphobic ways like bi, lesbian, etc.: this is true and a point i attempted to make on my original post, but i might not have clear enough. my issue with pan is specifically that it is a transphobic response to a preexisting identity. lesbian isnt an attempted trans inclusive indentity that replaced an identity that already existed (which have many trans ppl identifying with the og label). transphobes can use whatever labels they want, but transphobes using a label vs a label having a transphobic origin is very different. bigots use inclusive and supporting language for their bigotry all the time but language that originated with that bigotry is worse.

many valid identities stem from problemstic origins (like transsexual and queer) but the words evolve: ok my paraphrasing is a little weird there. anyways. the thing here is that. those are slurs. reclaimed slurs that can be empowering to many people, yes, but slurs nonetheless. reclaiming a slur is taking a harmful word and wearing it as a badge of pride. first off, pansexual is not a slur (ur not implying that in anyway just. saying) and it isnt being reclaimed when people dont treat it as having harmful origins. transsexual is the way some people identify but ppl acknowlege its a slur and originates from transphobia. ppl love to act like queer isnt a slur, which is an issue in and of itself, but just. factually it has historically and is currently being used against ppl with the intent to hurt them. pansexual isnt on the same level as these and other words like the f slur, d slur, etc. pansexual originates from trans and biphobia WITHIN the community and not outside of it, and most pansexuals dont see themselves as reclaiming the title because they dont think anythings wrong with it in the first place. and reclaiming it just seems unnecessary considering its history? theres no empowerment from using pan as a label as opposed to queer or transsexual, and it just divides the bisexual community for no reason.

how is a person using a not-perfect label a threat to the community? ok i dont think its a threat but still an issue if that difference makes sense? id like to reiterate a few things ive said before, but for me personally, it made me look down on bisexuals and see them as lesser, and it made people around me see pan as the "trans inclusive" sexuality as opposed to bisexuality, and basically its usage just leads to further biphobia. is this the worst of biphobia? no!!! but its still biphobia and why not attempt to target and minimize that? i have no way to singlehandedly stop biphobia, but my post might get through to my friends who id as pan and that small thing is better than nothing.

if someone used the pan label in a transphobic way, wouldnt that bigotry be different from people using it not transphobically?: someone claiming all bi ppl are transphobic and only pan is the acceptable label is obviously a lot worse than someone iding as pan and saying bi/pan solidarity but again, the second isnt not an issue because the first one is a bigger issue, its just a smaller issue in comparison. i wouldnt say the bigotry is different, one is just worse than the other, but it still has the same problems.

if pan people dont do anything transphobic other than id as pan then what changes with iding as bi over pan other holier-than-thou activism: its just one less person using a transphobic label? which isnt that big but it might lead to their friends stopping iding as pan and cause fewer people around them to see bi as a transphobic identity. which is small scale stuff, i wont try to blow it out of proportion, but thats still a step in the right direction and hopefully more people follow with it. its not terribly huge or lifechanging but something small that may only affect the people close to you is still something rather than nothing.

a blog the internet isnt going to get people to stop iding as pan: oh absolutely not. honestly i expected to get unfollowed/blocked more than change peoples minds regarding the pan label (im surprised i only lost two followers so far honestly) but again, someone literally asked me to do this and i wanted to be clear on my stance on the label, since in the past ive been supportive of it. im not expecting the post to get more than five likes, its more directed to my followers rather than the internet as a whole. im not expecting a large impact, im hoping to change the minds of my followers and friends who id as and support the pan label. thats it. if something bigger comes from it- great! but thats not what im aiming to do.

prev point + many prominent celebrities id as pan: the first name that comes to mind is someone im not a fan of for separate reasons but thats irrelevant. i mean im repeating myself a bit but some celebrities in the past validated and made me feel excited abt my identity as a pan person when they came out, and it justified the label to me, even when i had doubts. i have never interacted with a celebrity and do not plan to change their minds abt their identity. again, my post was for my friends and followers and maybe who ever was scrolling through the biphobia tag and decided to read my post.

why spend that much energy worrying abt the pan label instead of something else: ive spent waaaaay more energy thinking abt a singular meme i didnt like regarding my favourite rwby character so like. maybe i just overreact to things lol. maybe i have a lot of energy and since i cant talk my friends ears off abt my favourite fruits or the different voting methods i learned in my math class or what would dreams taste like, then i gotta put my energy into something. idk. i have a lot of energy and honestly? this didnt take that much. but i felt it weighing on me as my friends talked positively abt the pan label, when i felt guilty for the superiority i felt over my bi friends INCLUDING my best friend and favourite person in the world so like. i spent enough energy worrying abt it, and like. in hindsight since its been over 12 hours since posting it, im thinking abt it less. i was more worried abt feeling dishonest with my friends than actually worrying abt pansexuality, but i figured i owed them an explanation for why my feelings around it had changed.

just feels like you want to find something to argue about: okay i DO love arguing but im not pulling this out of my ass for fun. its in response to posts ive seen on my dash, asks i recieved abt pansexuality, and my way of letting people know my views have changed and why since i know at least some people are curious.

i am sorry to lose a mutual as well, and i genuinely hope things go well for you, but uh yeah thats that.

again, if people have further questions im willing to answer them i just might take a while bc i have school and other stuff 2 do but uhhh yea sorry if im clogging ur dash sjfjfkkf

#asks #long post #anonymous #pansexuality #biphobia #transphobia #my post

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kob131 · 5 years ago

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Hey remember when Soku said he was gonna stop talking about RWBY?

Guess who got caught lying?

https://sokumotanaka.tumblr.com/post/184748210112/phazonfire-the-rwde-tag-is-so-fucking

I don’t know what tag you’re looking through about the homophobia thing considering the majority of the people seem to be gay and would probably call you out if they saw this.

I don’t remember you guys ever calling anyone out for calling Illa a ‘psycho lesbian’ because villain + gay = psycho lesbian apparently.

Oh wait, which tag is it that says that? hm...

Look people doing rewrites on the series is a non problem, and the dumbest gripe.

so is 99% of what you fuckers pull. Like bitching that a catgirl was put into a catsuit.

But rwby isn’t well written some is allowed to watch it to fix it to reconstruct or deconstruct it there is no harm to this and the series could benefit from a rewrite.

Too bad you assholes break the show EVEN FURTHER when you do rewrite shit *cough* RE:RWBY *cough*.

If you don’t like it don’t go through the constructive criticism tag just to cry cause someone doesn’t wanna kiss rwby’s butt like you do.

Last time constructive criticism existed in the RWDE tag: 900 BC.

Yeah sure.

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https://sokumotanaka.tumblr.com/post/612590859661295616/your-idea-of-nit-picking-is-not-the-correct-use-of

I don't know how to tell some of ya'll that just because you constantly argue against criticism and the other person gets tried to talking to a brick wall doesn't mean you win.

This ain't your preschool, this requires critical thinking skills which some of ya'll clearly lack.

And just because you reject facts and demand that your delusions are true doesn’t make the other person a brick wall. You just don’t understand how to debate.

Your idea of nit picking is not the correct use of the term. Nor do whoever you are know what is and isn’t criticism on a subject.

Nit picking. Noun. “looking for small or unimportant errors or faults, especially in order to criticize unnecessarily.“

Literally all you do.

Also I’m only an asshole to people who are assholes back. So don’t pretend like you know me and mind your own? Deal? Deal.

Sorry Soku, that makes you a sexist, racist, transphobic Nazi. You know, since that’s MY Modius Operandi.

Also your blog is FILLED with bad political takes so you’re the LAST person I wanna hear tall about “not picking”

“Can white people approiate basic human decency?”

Remember that take on your old blog?

Now what were you saying about politics...

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https://sokumotanaka.tumblr.com/post/611875463897497600/i-didnt-watch-vol-7-thank-god-but-a-friend-of

I didn’t watch vol 7 thank god,-

So you have no idea what you’re about to say? Got it.

but a friend of mine on my discord mentioned flynt and neon returning (with Ik finally) and boy they really gave the catgirl a hoodie with cat ears on it? And Blake has a catsuit? Miles, Kerry, Shane and Monty always talked about how “subtle” they are with things like scenes and designs and they put both the catgirls in outfits that are so on the nose it might as well be a part of your skin.

Where was that said again?

Also that;s not were the term catsuits come from. It comes from cat burglars using them.

Isn’t that like going “Hey black guy put these big lips on over your other lips? Or the black guy having a fucking basketball printed on their jacket?” Good lord, in a world where people can be born with cat ears, and tails don’t you think it’s kinda freaking disgusting that these exist where humans can wear them?

And before you say that’s the point, in a world where none of the faunus get to say how they feel about these things and don’t have real life minority reactions to things like white dudes walking around with grills and fros and crap it kinda isn’t when the faunus girl wears a hoodie depicting one of the features of her own race that they were hunted down and slaughtered for.

Considering that it’d be no different than a white person getting cornrows-

Also it kind of is since black people walk around emphasizing their DARK SKIN, which is the basis of their discrimination.

You’re just race obsessed.

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https://sokumotanaka.tumblr.com/post/611637391064694784/hmm-funny-that-the-rich-white-girl-who-was-racist

Hmm funny that the rich white girl who was racist gets an overpowered semblance that shares alot of feats like her team like being able to make runes that increase speed, Platforms, Remove gravity, shoot projectiles, Make people stick to them etc etc. Oh and she has the ability to summon monsters that show feats of strength that rivals one of her partners.

Meanwhile the minority character is shown to fuck up alot, gets treated like shit and never gets an apology from said racist, get nerfed constantly, have her weapon poorly sautared back together while the rest of her team gets upgrades and has the weakest semblance of the three.

Seems alittle off white writers.

And who has the better fight record than the other?

... The minority?

Hm, seems off black complainer.

Oh did that sound racist? Hm, dunno why it sound considering you said the SAME THING

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https://sokumotanaka.tumblr.com/post/611636922643857408/so-let-me-get-this-straight-vol-7-has-ended-and

So Let me get this straight, vol 7 has ended and apparently they lost the one relic they had, still haven’t found the newer one or did but still have to deal with Ironwood and several others. Cinder is still alive, Neo is siding with her out of fear? When she wanted vengeance and could team up with rwby.

this is volume 7 of supposedly 10 so three more seasons and they still haven’t sat down and talked about what they’re supposed to to against the immortal grimm lady, they don’t know where the relic at beacon is and ozpin’s still ghosting them, and they’re foolishly gathering them all in one spot instead of taking the maiden and the relic and putting both of them on the farest corners of the planet? I thought they were going to atlas to meet with someone Weiss knew as the Anton Sokolov Play dishonored! of their world to build a rocket and send at least one rocket into a black hole and never have an issue with Salem again.

three more seasons and a plan hasn’t even been formed to deal with her or the relics, Emerald and Mercury are doing nothing, Cinder has no goal except to be the new adam and chase the heros and get her ass kicked, Hazel’s doing nothing, The comms are down and we haven’t heard a peep from whoever runs Vacuo, Blake and Ruby have still had barely any interaction, Weiss hasn’t apologized for her racism, We never addressed how and why did Raven appear in Yang’s dreams, Why did ren from shields over his hands and show off feats of strength that rival yangs or his weird ability to sense tyrian? Neo’s eyes changed color when she saw Raven and her teleport ability. Lore Like how semblance, Lien (the money that looks like credit cards but has zero numbers on it work) The examples of agriculture, Flora and Fauna, dust and so on.

A. Haven’t they said it’s more like twelve?

B. Nope, Ozpin’s back. But hey, who needs to actually KNOW what you’re talking about?

C. Can’t do that, don’t know where the Spring Maiden is. Would have known this if you watched Volume 6.

D. They never said that and expressly said they were meeting with Ironwood to get the relic somewhere secure. Gee, that’s the THIRD thing you’ve gotten wrong. Hm...

E.So Soku, how does Quirks affect agiculture? What were the original Quirks like? Who had the first Quirk? What was life like for people when Quirks were uncommon? Hm? Nothing is said?

MHA is shit, SOku said so.

But sure, three more seasons to cram that all in AND a plan and character interaction/Growth and so on, this is a lovely mess of a show.

And as you have shown, you paid attention to 0% of it so how would you know?

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So how’s that tar and feather treatment treating you Soku? Because I have so many more ways of humiliating you, happy showcase them as long as you open that bitchy little mouth of yours.

So go ahead and keep posting. It just lets me indulge my sadism without remorse.

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smengus · 7 years ago

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favorite kpop songs of 2017 from a fan who got into kpop the beginning of this year

aye!! 2018 is almost here, and i have been DYING to make a favorite songs/mvs in kpop of this year thing. it has been a fucking ride let me tell you.... first things first, just to celebrate this year and give myself some leeway, there will be 17 songs!! and they are in no particular order!! i am not a favorites person, i have too much love in my pitiful heart.... anyway, lets start!!

17. movie - btob (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42A-rFdralM) there are many things i love about this song. i got into kpop quite literally the very beginning of this year, and thats wild, but this song was one of the first of many i had heard, and didnt know much about then but love now. i specifically remember going through that one hot 100 kpop song playlist on youtube and finding this one, and instantly love it. its one of the classics of this years, and def opened my mind to a lot more.

love’s like a movie~

16. really really - winner (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tBnF46ybZk) ohhhhh my god i could go on and on about this song. out of all the wonderful kpop songs weve been blessed with this year, this is the one that’s consistently stuck, and everyone knows it. its just that song. the music video is gorgeous and diverse but so simplistic with the black and white. dare i say its iconic; all of it.

널 좋아해~

15. rookie/red flavor/peek-a-boo - red velvet (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0h8-OTC38I) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyiIGEHQP8o) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uJf2IT2Zh8) ok, so yall are gonna hate me for literally putting all of their 2017 title tracks but oh my god... every single comeback they had this year was amazing, and id feel like id be playing someone if i just chose one or the other. like most sm groups, its not hard to absolutely love all of their songs. but in terms of aesthetic, sound, and all around look, red velvet killed it this year. so there. hope yall are satisfied with this.

peek a booooo~

14. fine - taeyeon (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHXUM-6a3dU) to keep this b/b/g/g pattern going, im choosing this one next and dear lord. this is another song id heard in the very beginning, and i was... frankly i was shocked. like, btob was surprising, but it was what i expected it be: boy group, fun, catchy, etc., but with taeyeon... god, her voice and the whole video... i was tearing up, not gonna lie. the lyrics especially got to me. its been in most of my playlists consistently this year, and i cant say the rest of the album isnt a must listen, just a recommendation from me personally.

its not fine~

13. dramarama - monsta x (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1afdZk0qcI)

ok, i had a hard time on this one. its common knowledge they went through 3 major comebacks this year, all of which were amazing, but originally, beautiful is what stuck with me. i love the heck out of that song. then dramarama dropped a little over a month ago and... lets just say thats what convinced me to finally start stanning them for real. i have a thing for story driven music videos (bonus points if the story is actually mad good), so combine that with the absolutely amazing song and choreography, and you get their best comeback yet. honestly, it was so good, i urge yall to check it out if you havent.

dramama ramama ramama hey~

12. cherry bomb - nct 127 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkuHLzMMTZM)

this song... THIS SONG... oh my god. i dont have an in depth discussion over the music video or the song or any of it but good lord... if youve heard it you know what im talking about. its another one of THOSE songs. its too bad it was generally slept on, but god... can i add i also love the choreography??? like a lot???? im the biggest hit on this stage~

11. palette - iu (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9IxdwEFk1c)

yall KNOW i wasnt gonna put this one off any longer. this is also the song that got me to start stanning this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, spectacularly awesome woman. she’s great. and this comeback?? ive easily listened to the whole album about 50+ times. i was going to put ending scene instead since i adore that one too, but this is the one that really stuck out to everyone. aesthetics?? on point. lyrics?? poetic. voice?? like an angel. lmao, i really love iu...

i like it, im 25~

10. as if its your last - blackpink (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Amq-qlqbjYA)

ok the best part about this one was... since i was a new baby fan, at the time, the only group i really like, stanned, was bts. but i wasnt shut off from the rest of the music community tho, ofc. thats what im truly into kpop for: the music. so duh, i knew about blackpink and their bops (whistle was a personal favorite of mine). but for some reason, over time, they casually just became another group i was into? like, i knew the names, voices, roles, songs, etc.. so when i heard they were having a summer comeback, while i was free from school no less, i was ecstatic. i rewatched the teaser several times, stayed up and hyped with people online. and it finally dropped and instantly became my favorite song by them. its so goooood. my wife lisa, like, yas baby slay that rap while looking cute af. i love it very much, and im sure other blinks do too.

blackpink in your area~

9. dont wanna cry - seventeen (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97cx53Tpp6g)

yeahhh, im not gonna choose their most recent comeback for this one, sorry guys... its a good song, dont get me wrong but! this one is the one lmao. its so fucking beautiful. when i watched the mv for the first time, i was in awe cause the choreo was so good, and so different from what i had seen before, but it went with the song so well. its a very good listen.

울고 싶지 않아~

8. move - taemin (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEyUNeZqmY)

yes. yes. yes. this song??? yes. oh my god. so, this next bit is gonna be a bit sad (to read and to write), but just because an explanation is needed for each of these... im a shawol. i was the second i watched 1 of 1. and god, it still hurts so much to think of what happened? but, this explanation is taemin. so, i was into shinee, period. i knew taemin was a solo artist. i dont know why i wasnt paying close attention to it, but one day move just like, dropped. out of nowhere. and i went ‘where tf...?’ and watched it and OH MY GOD. i cant convey on here well enough, but bitch, i rewatched that shit repeatedly. the song was constantly replayed, and it finally pushed me to take the step and go back and listen to all his other stuff (which i love). its just so... androgynous and he dont give a flying fuck how he looks, dances, or sounds, and i adore it. definitely another THAT song of this year, dear lord.

youve got got the rhythm~

7. 1+1=0 - suran (ft. dean) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA6G74gk6R8)

ok, i was torn over this one. i bet everyone and their mother knows her for her “collab” with my boy suga, if i get drunk today. and YES!! THAT IS AN AMAZING SONG AND IM STILL SO PROUD OF BOTH OF THEM. but bitch, this had dropped sometime whenever, idk when since i dont stan and her, and i saw it on youtube and thought ‘shes the suga girl, i wonder if thisll be good’. i was so surprised when i listened to it. the music video?? snatched. the song?? snatched. wig?? bitch its gone. lets just say, first listen, i had already loved it way more than the song i originally knew her by.

1 plus 1은 0~

6. ddd - exid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axVvZrDz60k)

i put this one off long enough too. and this is obviously a very split opinion. they also dropped night rather than day which i am also 100% over the moon for. but god, i love sexy exid. and that is exactly what this comeback was. sexy, powerful, and aesthetically catchy as hell. (btw, exid is another group i actually stan, so i had been anticipating this one; i watched it while i was at school dusbgukg). so sad solji couldnt physically make it this comeback, but she was in the album, and that was enough for us. still wishing her the best recovery!

덜덜덜덜~

5. dont recall - kard (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41Dp7Q-SM1Y)

oh kard. the group that had millions of fans before they even debuted... they gave us many tasty treats this year, all of which were total bops, but dont recall... bruh, its just stuck with me. i still know all the others, but when i think kard i immdiately think the of the legendary beat drop tied with the beautiful mv of dont recall. also another THAT song, no doubt. sorry i dont have much for this one, i dont know much about kard, but this song has personally been a go to of mine for the past many months.

그만해 i dont recall~

4. ko ko bop - exo (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdssuxDdqKk)

lmao, you will not catch me in a 10 mile radius even THINKING about power. i drink to forget. its cute and all but... mmmm.... ANYWAY. im gonna be totally honest, i really love their 2016 year in terms of music more than i did this one (lotto, lucky one, monster, etc., etc., etc.,) BUT! out of the comebacks they had this year, i am 100% 10x more into ko ko bop. not gonna lie, i didnt dig it at first listen. but a little later, i tried it again and... hooo boy, what a good song. i dont know anything knowledge based about music or music production, but i know that ko ko bop is a good song. very good.

shimmy shimmy ko ko bop~

3. gashina - sunmi (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur0hCdne2-s)

ok. OK! so... yall gonna hate me, but i intentionally put off listening to this for the longest time. why?? i have no clue, its a great song. but i did. so by the time mama 2017 (IK THAT LATE) came around and i found out my boy taemin would be doing a collab stage with sunmi i was like... ‘ok i need to know who this girl is...’ i FINALLY sat my butt down and watched it and BITCH. okokokok, scroll back up, skim that taemin one, and imagine all those feelings, except like, gay. like, instead of thinking it was inspiring, i was just thirsting and being absolutely in love because holy shit everything about the song and the video are perfect????? THE LYRICS THOUGH TOO??? absolute women power i was 100% there for jesus christ. 왜 예쁜 날 두고 가시나~ 2. snow - zion.t (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiGSDywrX1Y) this song made me cry :( straight up, when i first watched it, i cried so much. it got even worse the second go round when i knew the lyrics. its so.... beautiful. im a big fan of zion.t as well, so this was no disappoint for me. i luv it... and fun fact, its my favorite music video ever, kpop or not. im very into cinematography and photography so it was such a treat to watch it. youd have to watch it for yourself to know what i was talking about.

눈이 올까요~

1. anything from bts this year (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MBdVXkSdhwU << this is dna just cause i dont wanna post 3 songs lol)

yall honest to god probably hate me. ‘we just read this whole list to get a biased, lazy ass answer?!?!’ but hear me out... lmao thats all i got. bts is my ult group, but ult group or not, every single thing they dropped this year was spectacular. truly honest to god, its probably been their best year yet. jk, idk about that, 2015 and 2016 were pretty good. BUT STILL. spring day, not today, dna (lots of ayes), ALL OF IT SO FUCKING GOOD. gosh, i love them...

dna~

well, thats all of them! keep in mind, this is a personal opinion thing, and there many, many, MANY songs of this year i loved, but this is a list and its gotta end somewhere, so i chose the ones that really stood out to ME. this was probably a waste of time, and bet this gets no notes, but in my heart, it was worth it. i love writing and ranting out my thoughts. this was my first year in kpop, and while yes, there were a few devastating and heart breaking moments that im still not fine about, it was good. my friends are gonna hate me, but this is just one of many years to come of me being into this shit. hope next year delivers as good as this one did. happy new years kpop fans!

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survivormontenegro · 5 years ago

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Episode 8: “#StayLowAndGoGoGo” - Tom

I MADE IT WOOOOOOOO MILESTONE NUMBER 2

WE MERGED. THANK THE LORD, THE STARS AND EVERYTHING ABOVEEEE.

okay and thoughts. so evan went byebye, which was what needed to happen, super sweet, but him leaking stuff was really a mess. Merge is so exciting, I already love Caeleb, Jones & Mo, three legends already yay!

IM ALSO BACK WITH BENJ MY KING! I HAVE MISSED HIM SO MUCH.

MERGE I AM SCREAMING!!!

I am sorry Evan, we did 100% throw this challenge but hey ajdjdjf even tho we threw this challenge it was a freaking 5-4 points LOL thank god I didn’t do more than just put Marcus Lehman.

Let’s go merge, thank god I didn’t turned into pre merge flop!!

MERGE!!!!!!

IM REUNITED WITH ALI!!!!!!!! KING!!!!!!!!! im so excited omg so we had a HUGE catch up told each other all the tea of each others tribes

He suspected I was the flipper but doesn't care LOL so yay!!! Ugh I have missed him its so great to have him back as someone I can fully trust and rant to about everything! I also had Jones queen to help get me thru the tribe, just wish she replied more lol! ily guacamole . mitch also great, so glad he survived the budva decimation that I caused oops

I don't think anyone suspects me n ali are close, and everyone thinks Julia/ian/Jason are a trio and either ian or Jason have the idol LMAO this is so funny. I was even on call w the tribe and we were discussing it im thinking lolllll ik ali has it and no one else rlly does wowow

we think alex has durmitor idol bc . apparently it was not found pre swap, caeleb claims he made the end but it was gone, jones and mo don't seem active enough to guess

reunited w ian king aswell hes great, gonna meet some new ones like jules aka almia queen and tom the Australian he was cool on the call so its good ik everyone so far on this tribe except 2 ppl really, while 8 people on the tribe have not meet 4 others so I hope im connected well?

I honestly don't know what will happen from here . like is it og vs og tribe? swapped tribes? something new? IDK! All ik is my top 3 allies are ali jones mitch and I want to try get us far !! but idk how to do that so...… stay tuned

Still can’t get over that I made merge AHHHH

But wait...

THIS IS A CONSPIRACY THEORY BUT THE FREAKING COLOR OF THE MEEGE TRIBE IS SIMILAR TO MEEGE IN SWITZERLAND???! AND THE TWO STARTING TRIBES WERE LITERALLY ALMOST THE SAME COLOR. THIS WILL NOT END LIKE SWITZERLAND, IF IT DOES I AM GONNA CRY.

Anyway I got in touch with Mitch and Benj. I talked with Mitch first then I learned it was Benj who flipped during the Noah vote. I mean I honestly thought it was Mitch ahsjdjd but I guess the talk I had with Benj about rocks/ties back then was an omen. Anyway Mitch tells me he forgives Benj so I guess that’s something? Julia confirms to me that Mitch is saying the same thing to her so ok. I then chatted with Benj and he did tell me he was the one who flipped because he was not close enough with Noah to go to rocks for him which is understandable but I’m still weary on Benj.

Tom then tells me Mo and Caeleb are grilling him for JJ and Evan’s demise. Right now Tom feels that Mo/Caeleb/Alex/Jones are a thing and that they’re just using Benj. That’s kinda a good info to use to get benj on our side??

Anyways I don’t know if this is alarming or what but on the tribe call Tom told Mitch and Benj he knew about the Budva idol being found because Julia told JJ and then told everybody. I think Mitch and Benj were shocked that Tom knows? Idk I maybe paranoid but let’s see

Right now me, Julia, Jason and Ali are trying to hide the fact from Benj and Mitch that we made sort of a pact with Tom and Jules to vote together come merge. I trust Tom to know that I think he will vote with us but idk about Jules. Tho Julia and Jason seem to trust her so I hope she sticks with us!!

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Last minute additions -

I got a vote cover from the choosing thing!! Drew didn’t really tell me what it did but if I had to guess what it was I’d say it’d be like,, a dark week thing where votes won’t be revealed? Who knows tbfh

SO I KNOW I'M TERRIBLE WITH WRITING CONFESSIONALS, but this is my first Survivor game, I'm not used to using Skype and it's weird having to type it to a whole other window just to get a confessional but WHATEVER ILL TRY TO DO AT LEAST ONE A DAY. Even if it's just like about random shit! Even it's just an astrology lesson! Anyways JJ, I mean, Alex is coming at me saying he thinks it's 6v6 now and i'm like......who's gonna tell him. BECAUSE EVEN IF IT'S ME NOT DOWN FOR OG DURMITOR ( i love them but game wise idk if i can hang with them ) I DAMN WELL KNOW other people might not be down for that. I'm just tired of the assumptions though I know Alex means well I'm just TIRED ugh he's a pisces moon too so he'll sense it from me so I better act NOT ANNOYED but I can't help it UGH. Did I miss the people from OG Durmitor? YES! Did I miss the gameplay and none of them calling out JJ on his shit and being surprised that JJ got out for being a crackhead? NO. NOT AT ALL.

okay so merge and I have lots of thoughts, i am gonna do it person by person so i cover it all ahh.

Alex C: Okay he lowkey terrifies me ahh. Like he is quite gamey, and both Mitch & Jules have said he is kinda leadery and potentially a bit pushy? I see him as an early merge boot (ideally), because I think he'll get a lot of attention on himself? He is fun though, and I like talking to him - we will see, maybe if idk Jones/Mo/Caeleb goes he will be a more workable ally from an underdog spot?

Ali: trash, disgusting, send him home, I never want to see that mess...

Benj: a KING, I have missed Benj so MUCH. He is such a, SUCH A KING, i love him, I'm so happy we are back together. I think he could be a great duo for me, since us two being close can be kept quite lowkey ha! We will figure it out, but he is going NOWHERE on my watch

Caeleb: Okay he is like... one of the only other newbies left in the game, and is potentially quite lowkey, so I'd like him to stick around for a while I think ahh! He seems super sweet, and could be someone to go to the end with if my faves go bye bye.

Ian: I've said it since round two, and I will continue to say it. Ian is the biggest threat in the game, I've been knew and I'm not dropping it. I will not allow him to go far, like he is super nice, but also... we are not allowing a threat like Ian to walk to the end.

Jason: Similar to Ian, I'm really feeling duo vibes with him and Ian, maybe even a trio with Julia I'm not sure? He scares me less than Ian, and I'd probs want Ian out first versus Ian? He still is also a king tho, even though I always get vibes that he doesn't like me eeeek

Jones: A legend! I can tell already, I fully get legendary vibes from her. But like... it makes me upsetti spaghetti that I really don't think I can let her get too far, like she... is someone I could see as a season winner, so she might need to go sooner rather than later, although getting her out might be easier said than done tbh

Jules: Okay an icon. Jules we LOVE in this house. I literally stan Jules with my 100% full heart, they know ALL and on my watch? they go NOWHERE. my clout is being used to keep an eye on Jules, even tho they are a much better player than me, and they will be able to watch their own back and go super far

Julia: Witch queen. I want her to go really far too tbh, like I love her and am so happy we have actually been able to work together this season. She told me about her self-vote thing she got from the merge feast, which is a big trust display. I think if I can get her woke about Ian/Jason, she could be a big ally and super important about my game long term. I think if we can get Alex C out particularly (since apparently they have history), then maybe she will be more willing to FINALLY make a move on them.

Mitch: I'm always sketched out by him KASDFA. Like I think he would work with me for sure, but I also like... don't know sometimes, like... he knows I was gonna vote him out premerge, can that go away? I think he could be a good ally moving forwards though , we will have to see.

Mo: MY SON. I MISS HIM. I'M SO HAPPY HE DOESN'T HATE, I THOUGHT HE DID. Its super exciting and like I said before, he is doing super good this season and I'm super proud of him. I wanna go far with him, but I think not being on a tribe with him till merge could be an obstacle to that ahh :(

Tom: Tom is a mega-cracked king. Like he is SO entertaining, and on a personal level I really vibe with him. I will not do him dirty, and I wanna go to the end of this game with him. We will see what happens, would love to be a juror voting for him at the end.

So overall final thoughts. I have a dream F4 alliance of 'The Flippers and the Flop' aka me, Tom, Jules & Benj, since those three flipped on their original tribe and I'm a flop. So I want that as F4, Julia at F5 (but maybe further, I love her too), and then for the rest:

6th: Mo 7th: Caeleb 8th: Mitch 9th: Jones 10th: Jason 11th: Ian 12th: Alex C.

We will see and figure it out and be flexible. Its gonna be a mess, but we will see. I just wanna make confirmed jury, then I just wanna play a bomb game, like finalist-schminalist, i just wanna end the season and my game not being an actual joke KASDFLAS.

hi i just wanted an idol

Okay so i dont know like when the last time i did one of these was but lets just start at last tribal council; I am lowkey so glad that evan is gone and we didnt try anything too fancy he really would've made merge that bit messier. But uhm also why the heck did he have to vote me grrr i wanted to try to not get any votes for a really long time but oh well cant have everything good happen in life.

M E R G E!!!!!!!! Yesssss finally merge has happened the playing field is even and i am ready to rumble. Bit nervous to see where abouts i stand in the tribe because i didnt feel very included in the original durmitor tribe and there are two people i havent met in benj and mitch.

Okay so like wtf is going on right now, sure say hello and all that shit but why is Mo, Alex and Caeleb like proper interviewing me, who do you think you are ELLEN? No youre not please stop investigating on what happened between jj and evan vote offs like i do not owe y'all anything..... i was probably going next if we didnt have that first swap! I am more than happy to tell them like what happened just it will be altered in favour of myself and they wont get the full indepth explanation.

Sorry I don’t have a vid confessional today laid ease

But um ya I think I’m getting TARGETTEEEEEEEEED or at least someone within the durmitor dominators group is. WHich is SKETCHY!! Idk it just feels really obvious since that core group of 4 literally,,, tag teamed all 4 of us first ,,, hello??? Mam?? I get we just met like 2 days ago but you could be a lil more discreet ab everything 😤

But ik we can’t just assume based on that,, If we’re just going by that logic then their hitlist is Alex, Caeleb, myself, then Mo. but idt it could be that,,, concrete?? They could just be playing us like Noah/Michael/Mitch TRIED to do before,, but we got them so ya 🥰 anyways,,

If we can somehow get a plan out of them or at least a name then we’ll be ok,,, that way we’ll at least know what’s going on for SOME PART. Mitch and julia seem kiiiind if close? So hopefully she’ll tell him some shit and come back to me ab it - if I have to play the idol then,,,, I guess,,, I will,,, but I don’t want to. Like let me save it for when IM in trouble at least sksksk who knows,, maybe I AM in trouble and I’m just a crackhead 🤷🏻‍♀️

But ya that’s my rant I’ll be back soon laid ease mwah

Okau so like woo! i won the first immunity of the season how bloody exciting! I honestly was confident going into the challenge however i didnt know whether or not i was going to win. I love the fact that i got shot 0 times so i literally could've gone asleep and potentially still won lol. But at this point my mission of staying low and go go go'ing has to be intact i cannot seem like a big threat in this game it doesnt get me far. So im telling everyone that im surprised and that it was really just based on luck and based on nothing so my target does not grow! So glad to have immunity in this game honestly first merge boot probably wasnt going to be BUT i know this round can get fucking messy so anything could've changed #StayLowAndGoGoGo

okay this is a grr grr angry confessional. WHY IS EVERYONE BEING DUMB AND JUST BEING ATTACHED TO TRIBE LINES. Like I messaged Jones, Mo and Alex about it yesterday, and Jones my meme queen gave like a good response, but Mo particularly I was like... wut?

Like Mo is my org son from all the way back in Azores, so I always have his back... but like... when someone messages you about being uncomfortable with tribe lines and not wanting to stick to them, giving the HEAVIEST HINT POSSIBLE that I'm not attached to like Ian and Jason, your response should not be 'I'm just accepting my fate'... Like that is such a red flag to me, no player should just... be resigned to stuff? Like Mo PLEATHE.

In other other news, we love Jules still. Tom is being weird recently, I think he doesn't trust me anymore, so I think my dream at the moment is a F3 of Jules and Benj, Tom 4th and Julia 5th? Mitch terrifies me (and he knows I shot him, which caused even more distrust), Alex is super nice but is like... evidently not trusting of me, Mo is my son but I wanna SHAKE HIM, Jones is my fave I love her already, really like Caeleb too he is so nice.

I'm just frustrated, I feel like.. people aren't willing to do enough and its making me frustrated I just wanna scream. Like at this point, I expect to go midjury, like 9th, and I'm thinking who I'd vote. I would vote Jules, because they are always on the ball and their read is unmatched, I'd vote Ian because he has playing smart since round one, I'd vote Benj because he is one of the few that has his head screwed up about not blindly sticking to tribe lines.

Of the rest? I'd like to vote for Tom/Jones, but would probs need to see more gamey game from both. I could respect Mitch's story to get to the end, but don't necessarily see myself voting him. I could vote Julia or Jason. The one who is currently least likely to get my vote is probably Mo, I am just... frustrated with him. Like he could do SO GOOD, I just wanna give his head a proper wobble, like.... LISTEN TO ME. I am telling you I would flip just READ KSALDFA.

I ranked who I'd vote for in FTC if I was a juror so far and its currently:

Jules > Ian > Benj > Mitch > Julia > Tom > Jason > Jones > Alex C. > Caeleb > Mo

And the order in which I trust people is:

Jules/Benj > Julia > Tom > Ian > Jason > Caeleb > Jones > Mo > Alex C. > Mitch

I have thoughts. I know its been a hot sec since I have sent one in but I have been just busyyy. So this one might be long and it'll have all my thoughts post-merge.

My first thought: Being reconnected with old tribemate (Jules and Tom). I love Jules. She's so kind and wonderful, might be hard to reach occasionally but when she messages its always full and heartfelt. I think that can go a long way in this game as she's fun to talk to and makes you feel like she's with you. So that also mean shes very dangerous of course. Tom is less so fun. He's kinda sarcastic kinda hard to read kinda edgy. He always acts like he's a little too busy for things. But he is fun and he has fed me a lot of information about Budva post swap, so thank him for that. BUT I'm like lowkey really annoyed with him. Losing that last challenge on purpose was dumb as hell. I know Evan is deceitful and hard to work with, but like hell keep that in your head and get him off as an easy vote right after merge. Because If they hadn't lost and instead we had gone to tribal (Durmitor), then we hopefully would've lost Mitch, secured the dynamic as 7 OG Durmitor vs. the 5 OG Budva, and it would have been much harder for Tom and Jules to chose the Budva members over the numbers. Obviously this works best for me and OG Durmitor but that just means that I don't know what Tom and Jules are thinking and overall that means I can't really trust them.

Second thought: That challenge was actually really fun. It put this merge into perspective and CLEARLY showed where people are at right now. The fact that OG Budva was so organized in their slaughter and got out Alex like hella fast and then me before we got out any of them was so showing. They are tight and they will remain to be tight. The fact that they were able to be so coordinated seems scary as well. AS it might mean that Tom or Jules or even Mitch or Benj is actually working with them to make sure we didn't win that immunity. Plus Tom won it and that is scary to me because I already was wary about trusting him in the first place. Putting thought one and two together makes me wary overall, because that means that together Tom and Jules and Mitch and Benj might be choosing to work with old Budva (I mean Tom and Jules don't have any inhibitions about voting out old tribemembers so) and old Durmitor might just be screwed.

Third thought: Annoyed that I was shot and destroyed second. I thought I was making a good impression with everyone. Maybe its not a good indication but also sad face.

Fourth thought: New tribe members! I love them all to an extent. Ali seems to be fun to talk to and likes chatting back and forth. But also he did say he was surprised I was out so early and since I know that Alex didn't shoot Julia then he was definitely shooting me. So I don't think I trust that all too much and he might be too sneaky. Jason seems nice. Not much to say our conversation has been pleasant but only so. The same with Ian tbh. They seem cool but thats it. Julia is fun and her background makes her seem like a total bad ass and a really cool lady, but she's been soooo hella dismissive of me. I don't like the way she's playing the game. I think she's putting on an act and playing a character to throw people off. I heard she was like sad or crying(?) that someone shot her and Tom confronted me about it. And sure I shot her but like hell thats the game. I'm 90 percent sure she was shooting me. I'm annoyed, and people seem to love her which just makes me think she's being dismissive to me because she thinks I won't be around too much longer and she doesn't have to put in the effort. And that's dumb, like if I do go I really hope this is the start of the Jury because I will have something spicy to say to her in the event she makes it to Final Tribal. Or maybe things will change and I will learn to really like her and stuff.

Fifth Thought: Game plan for tomorrow. My strategy going forward is simply to be not targeted tomorrow. That is truly the crux of it, because at this point I think I might get votes. I know that apparently I have a habit of getting votes in a new tribe (David and then Noah) so honestly I can see it happening, especially if they are worried about Alex having an idol and they got him out of the challenge first just to vote me. But if I can survive then I think I can go a little farther. The power struggle right now is 3 groups of 4 battling. There's the total Budva members, the total Durmitor members, and then the middle ground (Jules, Tom, Benj, and Mitch). I asked Tom who was more important the original tribes or the new ones and he said he wants it to be old but most likely will be new which basically means that he will vote with Budva. So in the event I survive with numbers I'll ride that until I need Alex (and his idol that I'm prettttty sure that he has but I can't be sure) out and will try to rally that we need him to be gone. If I survive but I'm not on the side of the numbers I wanna create a good bond with Ali and Jules as were all newbies and work that until we can start eating Budva from the inside. I'll see though DKSDSKDSK. I don't think it would be wise to concrete that before this first vote because their reasons for voting off JJ and Evan was apparently that they were making alliances with everyone. I don't want them to see me that way.

Sixth Thought: Okay another Idol Bridge BIG OOF. Those are hard as hell, and I am so confident that both tribe idols are gone which means there might be 3 idols out there pretty soon which is scary as hell. Durmitor Dominators are hoping to work together to get it and maybe we can actually use that together rather than having it hidden like this time. (Which I really think that Alex has it but whatev). If I'm idoled out imma be so sad but like also okay thats an okay way to go.

Have fun with this. Feel free to chop it up into mini confessionals or use it in its entirety. Up to you! Love ya hosts ur beautiful

okay a gamey and a dumb update.

julia proper wants to flip on ian and jason which iconic... its truly time. I wasn't necessarily going to vote them out first, but if that's what is gonna happen, that is what's gonna happen.

in a memey update, JJ just got cast in another game and it reminded me of a JJ-ism I never confessed about. JJ was on call and showing me... a pet in a glass box, but i didn't know what the pet was or what it was supposed to be, because I couldn't see it. but he was like wow isn't it cute, so i fully called a stick which was the only thing i could see, cute. a STICK.

anyway so like.... back to game. i think the merge boot will be ian or jason which dun dun dun! its probs overdue and will happen, or it'll be me! we will see anyway

why am i drinking white wine with julia on call at 3am, we are truly the wine mum duo drinking our way till the end

I think I'm in the middle of everything atm, which is a weird place for me to be. I'm not in the center, I'm not looking from the outside in, I'm not really a part of anything major or in any alliances and it's an odd feeling. I know I need to do something to secure myself in something but everything in this game just feels up in the air, it's odd. I don't know if it's just how Survivor is, but it's a very strange feeling not having a proper grasp on what's going on with EVERYONE. I have ideas but not a lot of real confirmation for much besides Jason/Ian, Mo/Jones, etc. Anyways. IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY OKAY I'm boring AF this game

Ok so for starters the immunity challenge ended after 2 hours of its posting adhgfjgs Tom won so big woo for him.

The Budva baes agreed to target Alex/Mo/Caeleb/Jones in this challenge and we got Mitch, Tom and Jules to work with us. Well kinda because the four (Me, Ali, Julia and Jason) of us were the ones who did most of the shooting to eliminate the Durmitor four and we just like went back and forth eliminating one another. I was the first to die in my group so big yikes!! I don't know if that's an omen idk but I do know that I was killed by grandma jones. So I killed grandma too oops!

Anyway, fast forward to today. I got an idol clue from the Hamburger but idk if this will help me get the idol hfjhsgf. So I shared it to Budva Baes and with Tom. Who knows we might get it idk.

In other news, on call Jules flipped because of an earthquake jgfjshgf

A tribe call happened that had almost everyone except Jones and Benj join which lasted about like 3-4 hours?? Anyway, me, julia, jules, jason, ali, mitch and alex played cards against humanity so that was fun!

After Alex and Jules left the call, the five of us who remained then proceeded to plan for the vote. As of now I think we're gonna throw our votes towards Caeleb because apparently he doesn't talk to them that much? I do talk with Caeleb but nothing game related so I guess I'm on board with that. We're not gonna target Alex rn because Julia mentioned that Alex might wanna work with budva people? or that maybe just a ploy, either way Julia and Mitch thinks Alex has the durmitor idol so that's something to be weary.

If I had my way I want to target Jones because during the call, Mitch and Julia expressed how they want her to stay and how they insta love her and to me that's kinda dangerous. But rn I don't think the numbers are their for me to go after Jones. Another hot topic on the call we had was Benj. I'm really becoming more weary of Benj because umm idk even tho we talk I feel like he's hiding something.

So far, the plan is for Julia to approach Jules about voting Caeleb. Jules is important for this vote because she's like in the middle rn and we need numbers. Also ghasgdd julia got a freaking auto-vote on herself for this incoming tribal council so we are screwed if they vote for Julia. Tom is also important but me and Jason have an alliance with him that Ali and Julia are not aware of so he's good hopefully.

Anyways as of now, the plan is Caeleb (which kinda sucks because I kinda like him) but who knows whats gonna happen. Just hope things go in my favor for this vote.

Apparently I’m a secondary target for the vote, but I’m like oddly at peace? Maybe it’s because I’m super tired but being anxious is never fun so I’m relieved that I’m so calm.

This tribal is so freakin messy. Literally everybody be crackheads and I am a freakin crackhead. I knew Mitch was gonna do me in again, I am sad that JJ blew up chances with Tom working with us, and I can't trust Jules because she's right in the middle. I think Benj is still with us. But gosh they'll vote me tonight and I wannnnna survive. If only I could like strongarm whoever has this freakin idol into playing it for me.

Anyways, I love Grandma's boys. They're all sweet and nice and wonderful and I want us to get this to work out. I hope Alex can work his magic, but also I hate that this has turned me into someone who is just riding the coattails at this point. Maybe I need to do some FREAKIN crackheadidness but hell we'll freakin see.

ALSO

Jones has the IDOL OOOOOOOOOO. I think she might play it for me if things are looking bad. Literally my grandma is the most amazing I love her. Things be crazy and cracked here in Podgorica but the spice is nice.

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okay this confessional is a call out post, to basically the entire cast except for jules and benj. like its negative and mean, so I'm gonna scream, and then write some actually strategy and smart stuff KLDSAFAS.

Julia. I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART, but. You have got us into such a pickle and are playing the middle too aggressively, dragging me kicking and screaming with you. Why would you make a Budva chat yesterday, to flip on it TODAY, that is such, SUCH a quick turn around

Alex. You are so sweet, and I really enjoyed the call yesterday, but you are already terrifying as an ally and are giving off JJ game vibes. This 'alliance' I'm in, of Jules/Julia/Me/Alex/Mo/Jones... terrifies me, WHY IS NOBODY TALKING. And then I love how Alex was like 'lets vote out someone from each side across two rounds' and then like... suggests Jason, a) one name b) one vote. And then it's like... he goes okay maybe Mitch the following round? Another OG Budva? I have to laugh, I have to LAUGH, this alliance is so fake askdlfaf. I love everyone in this alliance as people, but as allies I'm not feeling it.

Jones. You are a legend, and naming my plants was so fun, but you go so crickets its really scary, like it just looks SO sus. I wish you were more open gamey, I really wanna work with you grrrr.

Mo. Mo is my son, and I love him, but oh. my. god. is he frustrating to play with JLSAKDFAF. I have never played with someone who is so passive and who literally... does not say anything. Like on calls, he is so fun because he is the sweetest and a great guy, but his only comments and contributions have been 'I think I am going' and 'I have accepted my fate'. mo, MO, you can't be doing this and pulling these shenanigans, you are so likable just... give it a go and play the game HNNNGH.

okay that was mean and negative but I fully needed to scream. To clarify my situation, last night Julia made a chat of all the Budvas - Benj after the call, and we settled on voting Caeleb? But Julia wants to flip, and formed this group with Alex of them two, me, Jones, Jules & Mo. Like Julia, I get playing the middle, but this is playing. the. middle. I didn't want to be in such a middle position I hate this so much SKADLFASF.

It's really frustrating. I want Ian/Jason/Alex out because they all terrify me on a game level. But Julia has put us in the middle in a way that we are gonna have NO NUMBERS TO MAKE A MOVE UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Like I just wish she ASKED me before she made a group with Alex that I got dragged into.

I feel like me and Jules have to just... get in with Mitch. Its the only way. And Caeleb too I guess? Like I think the alliance I'm going to need is like... Me/Tom/Jules/Caeleb/Benj/Mitch... like that's a 6, and with Julia might be the numbers we need going forward.

I'm like... not gonna win this season I know it already. Jason is gonna be furious with me, as is Ian. And then I'm gonna have to flip BACK in two rounds. This is literally the exact game I've played before that hasn't worked.

Having said that, the main thing I did wrong before was that I didn't own my moves. So I need to own it, when I vote out Jason I need to talk to Ian and pull me in, so we can just... remove Alex. I just want everyone gone already askdlfa, its so so so tiring.

Here is what I want to happen now:

Ian > Alex > Jason > Mo > Jones > Mitch > Caeleb > Julia > Tom > F3: Me/Jules/Benj

but like... its just... im in such a bad mood about all this, its really... just enough.

Also for the funsies, if I was a juror, at FTC from most to least, this is who I'd vote for so far:

Jules > Benj > Mitch > Ian > Julia > Jason > Tom > Caeleb > Alex > Jones > Mo

So this tribal is shaping up in our favor... hopefully. I think Jason's for sure going now at least. It should be a 9-3 vote if everyone's telling the truth... which would make it so easy to split the votes because I'm pretty sure Jason or Ian have the idol. The most we can hope for is make them think Caeleb is going home for sure.

Pray for me. I don't wanna be a merge boot. I feel like I have a lot more game to play.

im about to save jason and fix all my problems.

i'm gonna push the vote onto ian, saying jason is very nervous and seems like he will play an idol, pushing the vote onto ian. Then I will tell Jason before/after (to be decided) the vote that I saved him, thereby securing his trust so that we can make a move on Alex next round.

I have NEVER played so aggressively, and tried to take control so much in the vote, but Julia put me in a crap situation. But I'm not gonna like... sit here and have it happen, I am here to play a good game, I said so in my application.

I think this is the way of ensuring minimal blood on my hands, and I've wanted Ian out since round two KLASDFA.

I wake up and I then learn that HOW IN THE WORLD ALEX KNOWS THAT CAELEB IS A TARGET THIS ROUND???

Mitch told him? Like what the hell is happening???! I talked with Alex and he says he’s ok with Caeleb which is really weird??

Tom then goes online and tells me Alex has been going around telling people different names and he told Caeleb my name >.>

AND NOW JULES AND BENJ ARE MIA AND ITS REALLY SKETCHY

I am gonna get voted!! I can feel it ahsjdiff so much for my never voted out status :(((

50 minutes till tribal and the plan is to vote out Jason but make Jason think it’s Ian or Caeleb? Unless I’m getting blindsided which in that case, well done. I’m really tired and I just want some Mac and cheese and a nap.

why is the one time alex and jones pip up to squash my beautiful plan. like go back to being crickets at all signs of game talk thank you very much.

alternatively... tom and jules could come in clutch, flipping caeleb to vote out alex that works too.

i'm annoyed with jones/mo/alex they can go. like i've wanted jason and ian out as a duo for ninety-five years, but maybe i wanna keep them around.

Jones is fuckinf PISSED

THESE BUDVA ARE CRACKED AND WANNA CHANGE THE VOOOOTE SKSKKSJSJSKSJ WE HAVE LITERALLY 40 MINUTES

If Jason idols himself, I’m idoling Caeleb and I’m gonna gonna kill someone

If Jason idols Ian and we get Jason out I’m laughing my ass off

If Jason idols himself and I idol Caeleb and I’m SOMEHOW IDOLED OUT then fuck that shit I’ll literally kill someone

I just wanna tell these Budva in space jam then it’ll be ok

I DO NOT WANT TO BE VOTING JASON AT ALL THE FUCK I WANT TO GET ALEX THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BUT NO CAELEB APPARENTLY WANTS TO VOTE JASON I HATE THIS THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO GET MY HOMIE JASON OUT!!! WAS I CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM AND IAN ALL WEEK? MAYBE SO! BUT I DON'T WANT HIM OUT YET!!! I DON'T!! WE ARE TRYING TO BLINDSIDE ALEX BUT THIS AIN'T WORKING UGHGHGHGHG *STOMPS ON THE GROUND* UGHGHGHGH I HATE THIS GOODBYE

me flipping my vote to make it a 5-4-3-1 sending Ian out... I'm either the second coming of Natalie Anderson or 11th place.

The moment Mitch, Julia and Ali stopped responding to me and Jason I felt it. That we were being bamboozled and it looks like we did.

Tom and Jason were true to me and the end and I love them for that. Screw snake Julia because she really fucking played me like a fiddle lol and fuck Ali, mitch and benj hahahahahahahahaahahahahahHaha Because it really hurts! Alex is a scheming lying bitch and at least Mo half lied to me oof

At least my vacation is saved. I love the hosts, Drew, Seamus, Johnny and Asya for having me. I stan Nicole G forever. Bora Bora will always be my home. Goodbye tumblr survivor!

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