#also every time i talk about rude rukongai songs i am talking about nanny's rude hedgehog song

[recurring-polynya]

*sees you like Discworld character, sees you like Renruki* how do you think a Discword Renruki AU would look?

Unfortunately, a Discworld Renruki AU is simply impossible, at least for me. The problem, you see, is that I crib my entire characterization of everyone out of combinations of Discworld characters. I get a lot of positive comments about my characterization of Byakuya and Renji, but I will tell you my secret. In fact, I made you a diagram:

Renji is six feet tall and red-headed and has a lot of muscles. He has an innate sense of right and wrong, he wears his heart on his sleeve and he has bags of krisma. But he also comes from the streets and he will break the rules if he needs to, and he would understand the Sam Vimes Boots Theory of Economics in his soul (or soles, as the case may be). 

Byakuya is rich and powerful, a Son of the Seireitei, but he doesn’t have the kind of power Veterinari has, he’s not a machinator. He really is sort of a man on the street, trying to keep the peace and sighing a lot. I constantly have Renji pulling one over on him by affecting an act of guileless goonishness, just like Carrot does to Vimes. Also, Byakuya would kill a king if he had to.

I admit, I also occasionally throw in a bit of Sybil when I am writing Byakuya-at-home-- he’s as noble as you can possible get; he’s good at being noble and knows how to work the system, but he would really just rather be at home with his dragons orchids. Also, he is easily charmed by dirtbags. 

Byakuya and Renji must be in the Watch, there is no other possibility, but the nobility in Discworld are disgusted by the Watch, except for Vimes, who came about his nobility illicitly. Rukia is mostly Angua, except when she’s Susan Sto Helit. She can’t work for Byakuya, but also be his sister. It just doesn’t work. 

(In other parts of town, Urahara is somehow simultaneously Moist von Lipwig, Rincewind, and Cut-Me-Own-Throat Dibbler. All four Karakura kids smush together to form Tiffany Aching.)

I think the problem is simply that Discworld is a tremendous work of character writing. You could easily drop an OC in there somewhere, but I can’t do an AU where I replaced the characters, because Discworld is its citizenry.

Now, what would work is dropping Discworld characters wholesale into the Bleach universe. The Watch could just form a Fourteenth Division, except that Detritus and Littlebottom would have discovered the murdered Central 46 roughly 28 hours before Hitsugaya and Matsumoto did. Vimes would punch Byakuya in the jaw in the middle of a Captains’ Meeting for trying to get Rukia executed in the first place. Nobby would somehow managed to lift the Hougyoku off of Aizen as he was escaping to Hueco Mundo.

Edit (because I forgot): The Ramkins would be the heretofore-unnamed Fourth Noble House. Sybil loved Hisana, and has a good relationship with Byakuya because she Gets Him, even though Sam still wants to wring his neck 90% of the time.

We never actually see much of the Kidou Corps in Bleach, and I see no reason why they aren’t just the staff of the Unseen University. Who else would think it was a good idea to give Yamamoto a kidou cannon, but Mustrum Ridcully? (”D’you think we might be able to do a bit of hunting with it? Shoot a Menos, like?”) Akon and Ponder Stibbons would be besties.

Karakura Town, Lancre, same difference. Granny Weatherwax would take one look at the Karakura kids and declare them all Hers. She would also punch Urahara in the jaw. Nanny Ogg goes to Isshin’s clinic for her rheumatism medicine, and also to pinch his ass. Agnes would declare herself a Vizard (Perdita rather likes the idea that perhaps she is an Inner Hollow, despite the fact that she very much is not), and they let her hang around because she has a great singing voice.

Ironically, I cannot figure out where Death fits into this AU, but please enjoy one of my favorite fanfics of all time, where Death adopts baby Rukia. It is exquisite.