#also even more fridge horror: if we assume he dropped off the radar for a little while

[where-the-water-flows]

like on the one hand, obviously di feisheng wouldn't have been at all surprised when the first (second third however many were sent after him to their deaths) di assassin came for him, because he's im/ex-plicitly doing what he's doing (best at sword/founding the alliance etc) to keep himself safe from di fortress, and you don't do that unless there's, y'know, something to keep yourself safe from.

on the other hand. killing other di fortress kids clearly fucked him up! it was not something he wanted to do or enjoyed doing, it was something he was grimly doing because it was that or die, and also under threat of the mind control bug/ringing bell torture. even when he has amnesia, his nightmares feature him begging to know why they have to kill each other.

literally as soon as he physically can, he goes back to di fortress to free the other orphans, and when he's storming the gates, he very clearly uses nonlethal tactics on everyone between him and master Di. He bowls those kids standing guard over, but they show up at the end at the back of the crowd getting freed like everyone else, not really looking that worse for wear considering the second most powerful man in the jianghu just rolled through them.

so. how fucked up you think he was when he had to fight - and presumably kill - another di fortress orphan, after he'd escaped. after he thought he was free of it, after he thought that he was out?

the later ones, sure, it's awful but at that point it's sort of a numb horror of 'never quite free'; the first one, though, after however long of not having to do that, after maybe even convincing himself that he can just bide his time and get strong enough and no one will ever make him do that again, that between his skill and his (in)famous identity and maybe even the fucking alliance he's formed he's almost safe, that he's as free from the fortress as he can possibly be with the bug still in him....

and then he finds himself locked in combat, again, with another kid who knows the feeling of ringing in his bones and who knows that the only way this fight ends is with one of them dead at master Di's command.

(bonus round: how grimly grateful was he to be able to free the ones sent after him, even if it was through death - he at least could make it fast, make it...clean, ish, for a death in combat.

make it almost kind.

how long has he spent his life with that as the shitty back up/consolation plan - if he can't find a way to deal with the bug in him somehow, the knowledge that at least maybe he can get a few of them out from under the control of the fortress, even if it's just via the edge of his dao)

[relaxedreptile]

Mend

Pairing: Hyunjin X Reader

Swearing. Jealousy. Mentions of a breakup.

A/N: This idea sort of just... came to me a few days ago and I busted this out. It’s a bit heavier and more angsty than I wanted, but I hope you all like it! 

I’m still working on a very long piece for Hyunjin and a few more requests in my asks, please look forward to what’s coming!

Also, what do you all think of GO LIVE? Personally, I’ve had it on repeat since it came out!

Stay cool.

-

“Hey! I know we planned on hanging out tonight but Changbin and I are kind of on a roll here with this song of ours and the deadline is only in a couple days so we’re really desperate to keep this going and-“

“And you won’t be coming home to watch a horror movie with me?”

“Or a cheesy rom-com, we never really decided.”

You and Chan were best friends. After showing up to your first day at your shared university, Chan was introduced to you as your tour guide during freshman orientation. While everyone else in your group hung back and anxiously glanced around at the foreign environment, you and Chan instantly hit it off and continued a conversation at the front of the crowd for the entire tour. 

He told you about growing up in Australia and his love for music (you tried to hide your giggle when he mentioned him and his friends’ Soundcloud endeavors) whereas you talked about all the classes you were taking and your dream career.

Meeting Chan took a lot of pressure off of your shoulders when it came to starting at a new school and embarking on a new stage of your life. Not only did he restore your faith in nice people still existing, but he gave you advice on teachers, told you the best places to hit up for snacks during a late night study session, and you got to meet all of his friends.

You got to meet Hyunjin.

Hyunjin was your age, two years younger than Chan, and one of Chan’s honorary brothers. They met through Minho, another boy in the group, who was partnering with Hyunjin on choreography and went to Chan for music to use. 

Honestly, you’d be surprised if anyone met your eight stray boys and didn’t want to get close to them; their charm is hard to resist.

And, unfortunately for you, so is Hyunjin’s.

You occasionally saw each other when the nine of you hung out as a group, greeting each other upon arrivals and exits, waving when you saw each other on campus. Soon, that grew into you guys gravitating towards each other at hangouts (sitting next to each other and sharing a bowl of popcorn on movie night, stepping out for fresh air together during one of Jisung’s big parties) and making plans on your own without the rest of the boys. It was no surprise to the rest of the group when Seungmin called you while you were on your first official date with Hyunjin and had to explain what you were doing (and why you would have to hear about how annoying Jisung was being at another time).

You and Hyunjin’s relationship, despite your fears, didn’t disrupt the dynamic of your friend group. Splitting your guys’ time between dates and takeout dinners with the boys was easy and your lives almost barely changed once you became official.

Which was the problem.

While behind closed doors you and Hyunjin were as “lovey-dovey” as they come (“get a room, you two!”), the rest of your college campus just saw you two as the best friends you had been for the months between meeting and getting together.

It left a sour taste in your mouth every time someone asked if you could hook them up with Hyunjin and it was like a punch to Hyunjin’s throat every time someone made a suggestive comment about how you looked that day in front of him.

It was what eventually broke you guys up, all the jealousy and occasional bickering over people who were “just friends”. You two were the only people on each other’s radar through and through, but insecurity is a powerful thing.

It was a rough breakup. You didn’t leave your room for a full 29 hours (Jeongin timed it) and finally walked out with a tear-streaked face and hoodie (that may or may not have been Hyunjin’s). 

Hyunjin poured everything he was feeling into his dancing and his performance at your university’s end-of-year showcase almost had you tearing up all over again; everyone was moved by Hyunjin’s choreography, but you were the only person in the audience who knew the whole story and therefore, felt it the most. 

The slight distance between you and all the boys that summer after your freshman year had ended had worked to ease some of the lingering tension between you and your ex-boyfriend. The two of you were able to grow back into a friendship once the new fall semester reunited the nine of you but things could never really go back to the way they used to be, regardless of the presence or absence of romance.

That didn’t stop either of you from staying close to the other boys and you and Chan were still as inseparable as ever. He was hard at work right now, trying to wrap up his and Changbin’s senior project (Jisung is still pissed that he isn’t allowed to help), but you two had decided to hangout tonight to make up for Chan’s busy schedule.

“Are you sure you won’t be back anytime soon? I can wait,” your tone was pleading.

You could hear Chan talking, but it was too muffled to make out what he was saying; you figured he was speaking to Changbin.

“Tomorrow’s the only day of the week that Changbin doesn’t have an 8-am, so he wants to stay here no matter what but all of our work is on my laptop and I kind of need that tomorrow for my 8-am but he probably won’t be awake early enough to-”

“You owe me, Christopher.” You only ever used his English name to tease him. This way, he would know you weren’t actually mad, even if your disappointment was genuine. 

You hung up while Chan was mid-apology, shooting him a quick test saying you “got it” with a couple of hearts.

Your phone was left discarded on Chan’s kitchen counter as you munched on a piece of pizza; you had made it to Chan’s apartment about fifteen minutes before he called and you weren’t really in a rush to go back to your small stuffy dorm room and loud roommate.

Chan lived in an apartment off-campus with Changbin and Jisung which acted as an unofficial go-to for your friend group; one of you was usually sleeping on the couch, taking advantage of the insanely fast WiFi, or clearing out their fridge regardless of the actual owners were home.

This was the reason why you didn’t look up from your sad dinner when you heard the front door open, assuming it was just a pouty Jisung or hungry Felix.

However, the voice that greeted you was neither as animated as Jisung’s nor deep as Felix’s.

“Y/N?”

The final piece of the crust almost got stuck in your throat.

You hummed a response, still chewing and starting to formulate an escape plan.

“Is Changbin here? He left his notebook at my place and I think there are some lyrics in it, he told me to drop by to give it to him.”

You gaped at Hyunjin, surprised at how similar your situations were. Your explanation of what Chan had said was quick, hoping it would get Hyunjin out of the apartment as soon as possible.

It’s not that you didn’t want to be around Hyunjin, it’s just that you two hadn’t hung out alone since your breakup and the two of you hanging out together in this apartment at this counter was a little too familiar.

“Do you mind if I wait with you, then? I’ve barely eaten all day and this pizza smells a little too good to ignore.”

He was already seated in the stool next to yours before you could get a word out. You nodded anyway, though, and pushed the stack of paper-thin napkins the pizza place had given you between the two of you.

“Have Chan or Changbin showed you the song so far?” Hyunjin said with a mouthful of cheese and tomato sauce.

Even while eating he looked perfect; his lips glistened with the oil from the pizza slice in his hands and anyone could admire his toned forearms thanks to the way he pushed up his sleeves to avoid staining.

“No, but I haven’t even bothered asking,” you told him, “I figured they were keeping everything top-secret until the showcase.”

“I tried bringing them some food the other day before class and Changbin basically shoved me back out the door,” Hyunjin giggled. “The same thing happened to Jeongin, apparently.”

“If they could resist Yang Jeongin what chance do I have?” You joked.

Except, Hyunjin didn’t laugh, he was completely silent; even his chewing had stopped. You couldn’t think much of it, the boy next to you snapped out of it quickly.

“I keep forgetting that they won’t be here next year.”

They, Chan and Changbin and Minho, the three seniors in your friend group. 

“I’ve been avoiding thinking about it,” you admitted. “I’m mostly worried for Jisung, honestly, he’s losing his best friend and his group-mates all in one year.”

This was partly true. Jisung’s best friend, Minho, was indeed graduating along with 2/3 of 3RACHA, but you weren’t worried about Jisung having to adjust to the change. It was actually Hyunjin you worried for the most; he was the most sensitive person in your friend group and tended to be apprehensive towards change. Not seeing three of your favorite boys around campus was going to be hard for all remaining six of you, but Hyunjin was terrified of being left behind or replaced. 

“But… but they’ll still be living here!” You quickly added, gesturing to the apartment the two of you were in. “They’ll still be here with us, really.”

“I’m going to have to find a new partner,” Hyunjin tried masking his sadness with a weak smile.

Your instincts kicked in, making you place a gentle hand on Hyunjin’s arm. You stroked your thumb back and forth along his sweatshirt, hoping he could feel the comforting gesture underneath all the fabric.

“Didn’t Felix tell you? He’s planning on switching his major after this year! He wants to go into dance, too.”

Hyunjin turned his body to face yours, your hand losing its grip and falling back down to your side.

“He’s changing his focus at the end of sophomore year?” 

You shrugged. “It was his last chance to do it. You know how much he hated finance.”

Hyunjin nodded. “He only kept up with that for as long as he did for his parents; I’m glad he finally has the chance to do what he’s always wanted to.”

You were in agreement there; Felix had finally prioritized his own happiness.

“And this way you don’t have to worry about a new partner!” You tried sounding hopeful, knowing that while Felix would be a healthy addition to the dance department at your university, Hyunjin would take losing Minho hard; he was basically his mentor.

“And… and I’ll still be here. When-If you need me.”

The two of you locked eyes. Fear rose up your spine, chilling your skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps.

With a flash of his pretty smile, Hyunjin instantly calmed your nerves.

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

You cocked your head to the side, not sure what Hyunjin was getting at. 

He turned away quickly, starting to fidget with the pretty rings on his pretty fingers. 

“With Chan leaving and all.”

“Oh. I mean… I’ll obviously miss him like everyone else, but he won’t be too far away. As long as he gives me my movie nights I’ll manage.” You joked.

Hyunjin glanced back up at you, his eyebrows slightly scrunched in thought.

“Was this a date?”

You visibly jumped back into your seat. “What?”

“For you and Chan.”

“Oh. Wait, what?”

The boy in front of you got up off his stool, walked a few steps away from you, crossed his arms and stopped.

“I thought you two were a thing now. You had always been so close and I thought… since we… after I… I figured you guys would’ve made it official by now.”

“Hyunjin… Chan and I are just friends.” What had gotten into him? “That’s all we’ve ever been.”

“Are you sure?” Hyunjin’s voice was getting louder, his fists getting tighter.

You opened your mouth to respond with a little attitude, but Hyunjin beat you to it.

“I know you weren’t planning on finishing this pizza all by yourself and people don’t usually go on movie dates,” he scowled while saying the words, “alone.”

“I never called it a date, you’re the one who started using that word.”

“Well, what else am I supposed to think? When you and I started spending time together without the other guys we were dating within weeks and you and Chan have always been basically inseparable-”

“Is that what this is actually about?”

“-and it doesn’t help that you always wear his sweatshirts around now or crash at his place all the time. You’re practically throwing it in my face-”

“There’s nothing to throw in your face, Hyunjin.”

“-that I’ve been replaced!”

Hyunjin regretted the word as soon as it left his pretty lips. He started blinking quickly and licking his lips, anything to distract him and keep him from running his mouth again.

“Replaced?” You repeated. “I… I haven’t… I’m not trying to replace you, Hyunjin.”

Silence.

“All eight of you guys have your own place in my life, they can shift and change regardless of what the other ones are doing. And, frankly, you’re making it sound like I’m just trying to check all of you off of a list, as if I’m here solely to get with you guys at one point or another.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Hyunjin said quickly. “It’s just… all I do is think about us and what we had whenever I see you. And right now, I see Chan in the same places that I used to be and it hurts. It really fucking hurts!”

Hyunjin’s eyes were wet, the dim kitchen light reflecting off the trails down his cheeks.

“I thought I would be able to deal with the breakup better if we kept our distance but when summer ended and we came back… all of a sudden, the spots next to you on the couch were always already taken, you were already partnered with someone else in class before I could even get halfway to your seat, I felt… I feel like you don’t need me anymore, that I’m a random leftover piece next to a puzzle that’s already finished.”

You forced yourself not to point out how these fears that both of you shared were what pushed your relationship to its breaking point. Now wasn’t the time.

“I thought that the distance was best for both of us,” you started. “But… I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss you, miss what we had. I miss you, Hyunjin, I miss us. We were friends before we started dating and I thought that that meant it was possible for us to revert back to that stage in our relationship but every joke you made or smile you gave me just kept my feelings for you right where they were.”

You got up slowly, inching towards the sniffling boy.

“Of course I still need you,” you whispered, “I want you in my life.”

Your arms wrapped around the neck of the boy you loved, pulling him close into your body as your shared tears left their mark on your clothes. 

“There’s always a space for you when it comes to me, whether or not that’s a good thing. You don’t have to compete with anyone for my time or love.”

You both knew you weren’t just speaking about Chan or even the rest of your friend group but also the people around campus and in the city who had caused such an insecurity to grow within both of you.

“We have a lot to work on, don’t we? If this is going to work?”

You didn’t answer, you couldn’t, you just squeezed Hyunjin tighter to give yourself the courage you knew you would need in preparation for what would come with the future.

The future with Hyunjin by your side.

[kingsandbastardz]

#also even more fridge horror: if we assume he dropped off the radar for a little while#while he was y'know. getting set up and also used to living outside the fortress#hes had... at least a couple of years to spend getting used to not having to kill except by his own choice#a couple of years not under the control of master di.#a couple years where sure he was killing and fighting to survive and get stronger#but he wasn't killing other di fortress orphans.#might have even half convinced (half dreamt half hoped) that he'd never have to kill another di fortress orphan again#somewhere between 15 and 18 probably and still a teenager even though hes working his way up the ranks--

dredging these out of the tags. hah.

So here's a thing I've always kept spinning about in the back of my brain - the idea that Di Feisheng didn't keep the Di name purely out of lack of a different option or laziness (example: dao is Dao), or whatever other mundane thing. He literally could have changed his name at any time and if he didn't want to, he could have just told the 3 kings or Wuyan to come up with something for him. They would have an itemized list an arms length long by the evening.

But imagine he kept the name specifically so Master Di would know where he is in the world. From Master Di's words in that confrontation episode, it's implied that they couldn't break through Jinyuan Alliance to get to Di Feisheng - that they'd continuously thrown assassins at a wall of martial artists and they just never made it through the gauntlet. But... what if... it's actually the opposite?

In this context, that means Di Feisheng created a deliberate pipeline straight to him where his people are explicitly told to let the children through unencumbered and he'd personally take care of them. No one knows or questions why.

He waits for them. And then at night, or in the morning, or whenever the kid appears, as quickly and efficiently as possible, he kills them.

As a result, he cements his reputation in jianghu as the most ruthless and cruel baby-killer in the whole damn world. And the thing is, they wouldn't be wrong.

like on the one hand, obviously di feisheng wouldn't have been at all surprised when the first (second third however many were sent after him to their deaths) di assassin came for him, because he's im/ex-plicitly doing what he's doing (best at sword/founding the alliance etc) to keep himself safe from di fortress, and you don't do that unless there's, y'know, something to keep yourself safe from.

on the other hand. killing other di fortress kids clearly fucked him up! it was not something he wanted to do or enjoyed doing, it was something he was grimly doing because it was that or die, and also under threat of the mind control bug/ringing bell torture. even when he has amnesia, his nightmares feature him begging to know why they have to kill each other.

literally as soon as he physically can, he goes back to di fortress to free the other orphans, and when he's storming the gates, he very clearly uses nonlethal tactics on everyone between him and master Di. He bowls those kids standing guard over, but they show up at the end at the back of the crowd getting freed like everyone else, not really looking that worse for wear considering the second most powerful man in the jianghu just rolled through them.

so. how fucked up you think he was when he had to fight - and presumably kill - another di fortress orphan, after he'd escaped. after he thought he was free of it, after he thought that he was out?

the later ones, sure, it's awful but at that point it's sort of a numb horror of 'never quite free'; the first one, though, after however long of not having to do that, after maybe even convincing himself that he can just bide his time and get strong enough and no one will ever make him do that again, that between his skill and his (in)famous identity and maybe even the fucking alliance he's formed he's almost safe, that he's as free from the fortress as he can possibly be with the bug still in him....

and then he finds himself locked in combat, again, with another kid who knows the feeling of ringing in his bones and who knows that the only way this fight ends is with one of them dead at master Di's command.

(bonus round: how grimly grateful was he to be able to free the ones sent after him, even if it was through death - he at least could make it fast, make it...clean, ish, for a death in combat.

make it almost kind.

how long has he spent his life with that as the shitty back up/consolation plan - if he can't find a way to deal with the bug in him somehow, the knowledge that at least maybe he can get a few of them out from under the control of the fortress, even if it's just via the edge of his dao)