#also cher lloyd i want her back every day i wish she was still making music i did think she was coming back in like 2021 or something

[minody]

anyway i just listened to these albums back to back and they really are just perfect pop albums

like i knew i loved them for reasons but i hadn't listened to them in full in so many years, they really are great pieces of modern production

like they're both so well received, they got radio play, they weren't flops by any means i think, but as album projects they feel underrated in the pop canon

[sannisideup]

sweet despair

All it took was one moment for her whole world to shatter to pieces. 

She didn’t want to ever believe nor accept that one person, that he, could affect her so much. She didn’t want to give him the power to destroy her.

It hurt so much. 

She could feel the pain in her chest, like a weight that never refused to leave. She could feel it in every breath, a never-ending agony. 

She still couldn’t face her best friend on account of how similar they both looked. She couldn’t face looking at someone who had red hair that was ruffled just the same because he had taught him to do so. 

She didn’t want to hear his laughter only to find it attached to a different person. He had hurt her, but she still wanted him to stay. 

She didn’t expect that loving someone would hurt so fucking much.

Before Hogwarts, she had spent her childhood watching movies with princes and princesses. Watching happily-ever-afters. She had seen how happy her parents’ marriage was; how great love was. His parents’ love had only further convinced her that love was indeed very real and very beautiful.

Oh, how very wrong she was.

When she had fallen in love with him, she was absolutely taken with his playfulness, the way he refused to take life seriously, the way his smile lit up his eyes, making him look incredibly beautiful. 

When she had fallen in love with him, he had taken her on unimaginable dates; she had never laughed or smiled so much in her entire life. He had shown her the world, in technicolor.

When she had fallen in love with him, he had showered her with gifts. It was nothing over-the-top or expensive. In fact, they were small trinkets made with love rather than wealth. Once he had given her a necklace that was charmed to turn warm whenever he touched the second half of the half-moon.

The necklace had turned ice cold a long time ago.

When she was in love with him, he had treated her with utmost respect and love. He had looked at her like she was the most beautiful woman in the world. He had promised her once, that he would never, ever, ever hurt her, because hurting her hurt him, too.

When she was in love with him, he gave her toe-curling kisses that weakened her knees and brought tears to her eyes. He made her scream in pleasure like no man ever had; he loved her like no one had.

And then he came home with hickeys all over his body.

She had kicked him out at first. 

It was a mistake. She wanted him back, with her. It had only been a month, he would still want her. He would still love her.

She wanted him to stay. He didn’t.

It broke her heart.

She watched the months pass. 

And then one day, he showed up with a blonde girl on his arm, a diamond ring on her left hand. He had a bright smile on his face, his eyes lit up with unadulterated happiness. 

She found the necklace shattered in tiny pieces.

When he had his first child, a little girl with bright, blue eyes, she had felt the air leave her lungs, as if it was her last breath.

She sobbed in the hospital bathroom as her tears splattered onto the tiled floor.

When she found herself watching the father and daughter play on a broom, her little pigtails blowing in the wind, her childish laughter echoing in the air, her heart squeezed with the reminder of a future she had lost. 

She had bought all the children a going away present before they left for Hogwarts for the first time, but she found herself unable to look his daughter in the eye.

When she came back after her second year, her eyes filled with admiration for her, the war heroine, she found herself looking away. 

She couldn’t face his child, if it wasn’t hers, too.

When he was forty-three, his body was ravaged with an incurable disease that left him bed-ridden and magicless. 

She found herself sprawled in the middle of the night at the St. Mungos Medical Library researching his disease. She didn’t know how else she could help without completely losing herself in the process.

When his body was lowered six feet under, her heart was beyond repair.

She finds herself reaching out to his daughter, wanting to see admiration in her eyes again. 

It is finally time to let him go.

One mistake it's all it really takes To take my breath away Go on put the knife in Run away, don't need you anyway Although I wish you'd stay Go on put the knife in

~ sweet despair, cher lloyd

773 words

ok so this angst was a whirlwind of emotions, hoenstly. it’s inspired by the song sweet despair by cher lloyd. as u can see the story quite literally parallels the set of lyrics ive indented up there. 

\also like pls dont find this unhealthy longing & obsession “cute” or “goals”; it’s toxic af. no one should be in lvoe w/ someone for yeaaaars after o.p. has moved like srsly. u should at least try to move in, that’s what’s emotionally healthy but basically this is angst for a reason & i just never want to become dependent on anyone so much so that i start to lose myself just ufck no

IF YOU’RE HURTING THE WAY HERMIONE IS IN THIS FIC, TALK TO A FRIEND/FAMILY MEMBER/THERAPIST DON’T TORTURE YOURSELF I MEAN SERIOUSLY. YOU DESERVE THE BEST THIGNS IN LIFE!! :)

& that seriousness aside, whyst the fuck did fremione not happen?????

p.s. if u havent heard sweet despair by cher lloyd go listen to it, homie. aite thanks (also i rly dont use the word homie like that but i felt like it so whatevs)

p.p.s. i couldn’t have ever written something this good if it wasn’t for @anievul who i consider an angst-reading queen. like legit, she has read so much angst, and is super picky about it, so like she’s the bomb.com. thank u for all ur help!! <3