#also cat caleb totally enjoyed the attention

[georgecostanzaatemysoup]

CRACK FIC

This is my attempt at writing a CRACK fic. I’ve never actually written one so apologies if this isn’t what crack is supposed to be (I’m new here). Thank you for sending me this :)

Caleb stares at his book in frustration. He bats at the page with his little kitty paw, trying to get the stupid page to turn, but it stays stubbornly on the current one.

He looks up at his actual body, sprawled out in the sun, and telepathically says, “A little help.”

“Shh, shh, I’m busy,” Frumpkin replies, tilting his head back. “Maybe in an hour or two.”

Caleb narrows his eyes at him before looking towards his friends. It’s been six hours since he accidentally switched bodies with Frumpkin and none of them seem to have noticed. He’s more than a little disappointed in them; especially Caduceus and Beau.

Where is that high perception when you need it, Caleb thinks to himself, his eyes settling on his friends.

Is he really this weird that they don’t notice his body laying in the sun like a cat? He knew his idiosyncrasies would come back to bite him in the ass eventually.

He looks forlornly at his book. He just wants someone to turn the pages. He can’t very well fix this mess if he can’t read up on the subject, and Frumpkin has steadfastly refused to open a book.

“I like being human,” Frumpkin tells him. “I probably won’t get yelled at for sitting on the counter.”

“Fjord did not mean it.”

“Lies.” Frumpkin pushes himself closer to Caleb, nudging him with his head. “Pet me.”

“I am trying to read.”

“But I want to be petted. Come on,” he nudges Caleb again, “pet me.”

“You like being human so much, go bother someone else for pets.” Caleb loves his cat to pieces, but right now he’s getting on his nerves.

“Fine.” Frumpkin pushes himself to his knees. He reaches out, shutting the cover of Caleb’s book, and he stands up. He flashes Caleb a grin and heads over to the group.

“I created a spell with you in mind.”

“And I am flattered.”

Caleb meows, annoyed, and follows Frumpkin. He watches as his cat surveys the group for a few seconds before plopping down next to Nott. He pats her hand twice, like he usually does in his cat form when he wants her attention.

She’s talking to Jester but she looks away from her for a few seconds, giving Frumpkin a curious smile. He smiles back and lays down, resting his head in her lap. She shakes her head, gently running her fingers through his hair, and continues her conversation.

This isn’t fair. Frumpkin knows he’s closest to Nott; he knows he can get away with this because of their friendship. Caleb’s cat is a devious little shit. 

He stalks over to Caduceus and sits next to him, staring at him with his large, blue kitty eyes, hoping he sees something human in them. He’s disappointed when Caduceus just smiles at him and pats his head.

He will not admit the pats feel good.

***

They conclude their short rest around eleven, the cart rolling back down the dirt road towards the next town. Caleb is sitting next to Frumpkin, trying to convince him to at least open his book, but his cat is too busy watching Jester’s tail.

“Leave her tail alone.”

Frumpkin doesn’t respond, his eyes tracking the movement. She’s doodling in her sketchbook, her feet dangling off the back of the cart, her tail twitching lazily back and forth.

“Don’t.”

Frumpkin reaches out, swatting her tail, and Jester jumps. She turns, looking around curiously. He hoped she would see through his cat’s innocent facade, the book he picked up held upside down in front of his face, but she looks past them.

She grins suddenly, looking at the sky.

“I felt that, you dick,” she says jovially and returns to her sketch, humming under her breath.

Frumpkin waits until she’s distracted again before swatting her tail a second time. She giggles, swishing her tail back and forth, and Caleb sighs. She thinks the Traveler is messing with her; this is not helping.

He hops up into the front of the cart, perching next to Beau. He meows at her, trying to convey to her that he is not really Frumpkin, but she absentmindedly reaches out and scratches between his ears.

He hates that he purrs a little.

Dammit.

***

Caleb manages to convince Frumpkin to open his book once they settle into a tavern. He’s sitting in the middle of the table, his eyes scanning the words, trying to figure out how to fix this problem. Fjord sits across from him, his hands curled around his mug of coffee, fighting to keep his eyes open.

It’s been a rough few days. Caleb doesn’t blame him.

He’s not even aware he’s called Frumpkin to Fjord’s side until his body falls gracefully into the chair next to him; a relaxed smile on his face. He puts his arm over the back of Fjord’s chair and says, “I have arrived.”

“What?” Fjord looks over at Frumpkin, startled by his sudden arrival. “Oh, hey Caleb.”

“Something got you down in the dumps, big guy?” Frumpkin asks playing with the straps on Fjrod’s armor. “Need to talk about it? May I interest you in a few biscuits.”

Fjord furrows his brow. “Are you okay?”

“Ecstatic, big guy. Simply ecstatic. I have thumbs.” He holds up his hand, wiggling his thumb. “I can open doors and turn pages in books.” He spares a mocking glace at Caleb who hisses softly.

“Are you high?”

“High? Me? Why yes. High on this human life I am living.” Frumpkin lounges in his chair, his arm still around Fjord’s shoulder. “Are you high as well?”

Fjord snorts, shaking his head. “I wish. Why don’t you go and sleep that shit off before you do something stupid.”

“I am all for doing something stupid.” Frumpkin stands, excited. “Where is the blue one? She will do something stupid with me.”

“Caleb, I don’t...” Fjord trails off, watching as Frumpkin hurries away to find Jester. He sighs, shaking his head. “I ain’t bailing them out of jail.”

He looks over at Caleb, tilting his head to the side. “You not hanging with Caleb?” He reaches out, running his hand down his back, and Caleb’s back arches in pleasure.

He fights the urge to nudge his head against Fjord’s hand, returning his attention to the book. He keeps reading, hoping to find some answers before he gets to the end of the page, but he’s disappointed.

He needs someone to turn the page.

He looks up at Fjord, half asleep, his head dipping too close to his coffee. Caleb reaches out, batting his hand with his paw, and startles Fjord awake. He looks down at Caleb again, yawning wide.

“I don’t wanna play right now, Frumpkin,” he says propping his head up with his fist.

Frustrated, Caleb bats him again.

“Why d’ya keep doing that?”

He lifts his paw up, pointing at the book, and mines turning the page. Fjord’s eyes widen and Caleb actually thinks he has finally convinced someone he is not Frumpkin, but his hopes are dashed when Fjord whispers, “How the fuck smart are you?”

He needs new friends.

***

Yasha is the one who finally catches on, and Caleb will forever be grateful to her. She’s sitting outside on the tavern’s porch, flipping through her book, the sun slowly dipping below the horizon.

Caleb is next to her, having given up trying to read, and together they watch as Jester and Frumpkin come running around the corner. Behind them, a tiny, wizened half-elf chases them, brandishing his cane.

“That is a sacred temple,” he yells in his croaky voice. “How dare you?”

Frumpkin turns, sticking his tongue out at the man, and Jester giggles, doing the same thing. The man eventually runs out of steam, waving his hand at them, and hobbles his way home.

Still laughing, Frumpkin and Jester sink onto the steps on either side of Yasha. Caleb knows his cat better than anyone, and he always soaks up Yasha’s undivided attention.

This time is no different. He plops his head onto her shoulder, nuzzling against her neck, and Yasha freezes.

“What are you doing?” she asks carefully, one hand curling around her book.

“Getting comfortable,” Frumpkin answers with a satisfied sigh.

“You’ve never done this before.”

Frumpkin stills, realizing his mistake, and swears softly under his breath. He sits up, looking between Yasha and Jester, and sighs.

“Alright, you caught me. I’m a shapeshifter.”

Caleb chirps at him, the equivalent to a kitty snort, and both Jester and Yasha look down at him; Yasha’s eyes widening.

“Caleb?” she says softly.

He nods his tiny kitty head.

“Holy shitballs!” Jester exclaims covering her mouth with her hands. “If he’s Caleb does that mean...?” she turns to Frumpkin, frowning. “Oh come on, you were so much fun today!” She crosses her arms, pouting.

“Jester, we have to switch them back,” Yasha tells her kindly.

“I know, but it’s just...” Jester sighs, uncrossing her arms and hanging her head. “I know.”

They stand up, Yasha catching Frumpkin by the arm when he tries to run away. Jester scoops Caleb up and carries him inside, cooing at him; it’s almost nice.

It’s actually really nice.

He’ll never tell her.

[sociallyawkwardfoxwriter]

May we have a jealous!Caleb WF? But not a normal jealousy, those are boring. Plus Caleb doesn't hit me as one of those. Instead he'd totally be like a cat when they're jealous. Jealous cats always make the perso they dislike know they're there, will always claim the spot next to their friend, and just in general be a little jerk. Heck, Frump would totally help with this too.

Honestly, jealousy is not at all my thing. I’m all for that good, good communication and trusting your partner. However, I love when Caleb leans hard into acting like animals when he polymorphs. So, Caleb acting like a jealous cat is wonderful and I loved writing it. Also, how drunk Caleb is in this is completely up to you.

Enjoy!

While he tried his best to avoid eye contact with Beau, her determination made it impossible to completely avoid her. Whenever she got the chance, a knowing look was directed at him that he pretended to not see. Despite knowing she was watching him the instant the flirty woman decided to make her way over to Fjord, the urge to assert himself between them was too strong. Before she even got the chance to take the open stool next to Fjord, Caleb moved next to him and asked the first question that would grab the other man's attention.

He should have expected the woman to be too determined to let that stop her from trying to chat up Fjord. She simply dropped into the open spot next to Beau and inserted herself into the conversation. Although she normally would have commented on an unwanted guest, the smirk directed at him meant that wouldn't be happening. Rather than engage with her, Caleb turned all his attention to Fjord and did whatever he could to make it clear the woman wasn't welcome without saying it outright.

Unfortunately, the women either didn't care or was completely oblivious to his annoyance at her presence. Even when Frumpkin planted himself between them and hissed every time she attempted to pet him, she remained in her seat. Her stubborn determination to get Fjord's attention remained through all of Caleb's attempts to push her out of the conversation.

It took a suggestion of a round of drinks for her to finally move away from the table allowing Caleb to relax for the first time in an hour. As Beau opened her mouth to make a comment, an arm stretched across the back of his chair that brushed against his shoulders. He didn't realize just how close Fjord got, until he whispered in Caleb's ear.

"If you wanted her to go away, you shouldn't have agreed to a round of drinks."

"I don't know what you're talking about." He barely got the sentence out of his mouth before he flipped the finger at Beau for her laughter. "She is perfectly... friendly. Why wouldn't I agree to spend more time with her?"

"You've given her the cold shoulder since she sat at the table."

"I have not."

"Well, you certainly haven't been friendly."

"Why would you say that?"

To his surprise, the arm on the back of his chair wrapped around his shoulders to pull him against Fjord's side as he pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "You're acting like Frumpkin when someone tries to take his napping spot."

"I am not."

"You very much are, but I think she finally got the hint."

"I wasn't hinting at anything."

"You're right. Hinting wasn't the right word to you. She finally picked up on you defending your territory."

"I do not have territory to defend." With a huff, Caleb plucked Frumpkin off the table to prevent his shaking hands from giving him away. "I am just a little tired after a long day of travel. If I came off as rude, that was not my intention."

"Bullshit. You knew exactly what you were doing."

"Oh, really. And how do you know this? Can you read my mind now?"

"Don't have to."

"Why is that?"

"Because I like to think I know you well enough now to know when you intentionally try to get a stranger to leave."

"I think you're just unnecessarily reading into things."

"Agree to disagree. Either way, it doesn't look like she'll be coming back, so you can relax now."

After letting out a low hum, Caleb completely melted into Fjord's side and tipped his head back to press a quick kiss to the underside of Fjord's chin. "If I do that, I might fall asleep. I am barely keeping my eyes open as it is."

"Finish your drink. Don't worry about falling asleep. I can take you up."

"Thank you, Fjord."

"You're welcome, Catleb."

"Shut up." A half-hearted slap to Fjord's chest brought a laugh from him that jostled Caleb's position against him. "You are not funny."

"I'm hilarious."

"You are a better pillow when you keep your mouth shut."

"Someone's a grumpy cat."

"Beauregard, how does a trip to the beach tomorrow sound? I have something to throw in the ocean."

Fjord grabbed his hand out of the air and laced his finger through it on the way to the table. "Point taken. No more cat jokes, and this stays right where it belongs."

"Deal."

[iamalivenow]

Welcome to the Mighty Nien.

It keeps echoing in his mind, over and over again, as he sits in his workshop alone. Infinity better than the probably worry that would have been there instead, the fear that Caleb lifted to the surface, that his conspirators are going to hang him out to dry, and okay maybe that's a still there, in some capacity but Nott's- Veth's voice just keeps looping and looping and looping.

He reports to his Queen, updates everyone he's meant to, and tells the few servants he employs about his fake trip to Asarius. He picks up his cleaned ceremonial robes and buys more ink and parchment and sits in his work room and keeps thinking about it.

The absolutely radical kindness of their actions, of Jester holding his hand, of Caleb kissing his forehead, of Caduceus' unwavering understanding, it's just completely discombobulated every singular aspect of his life.

He can barely focus on the research.

So he takes a walk.

How he ends up in his backyard with gardening supplies he doesn't know.

Well, he does, conceptually. He went on a walk and stoped by a greenhouse and spent an obscene amount of money on plants and tools with which to plant those plants, and then he walked home. But what possessed him to drop three platinum on this completely confused new hobby- and it does have to be a hobby, he's decided, because how else is he going to justify this- he couldn't say.

He has good dirt, he remembers Caduceus saying at some point.

Welcome to the Mighty Nien.

He digs for a lot of the day, sleeves and pant legs rolled up. It's exhausting work, and his muscles begin to ache an hour in, but he doesn't want to stop, not really. If he turns his head he can see their massive tree from here and it just makes him want to work even harder.

He bought flower bushes and saplings, because – because they seemed harder to kill by accident.

Begonias and azaleas and camellias and one bush of lilacs he imagines he could get growing up the wall. Some maples and peach trees to, though they're going to take years to bloom. Well- he glances at the behemoth of a tree- maybe he could be a little tricksy with them.

“Hi Essek! Just checking up to see if you're not like totally depressed or something? We saw jellyfish today- it was really cool! Wish you-” Jester's voice makes him jump- which makes him also realize he hasn't been floating for some time now. Or using magic at all.

He looks at his yard, feels the sweat drip down his back.

It somehow didn't even occur to him too.

“I'm fine. Busy gardening.” An absurd thing to say but he's not going to allow himself to back peddle. “If Caduceus has any tips to pass on I'll be glad to hear them. Enjoy your- Jelly fish?”

There's no response so he settles back down on the ground, feet resting on the grass- he pulls his muddy boots off and flings them in the direction of the house before he gets back to work.

There is the question of how exactly Caduceus manages to get things to grow without the sunlight. Gardening is a luxury entertainment here, probably why he was so heavily up charged for his new plants.

An hour later, hes on his knees, trying to transfer his third maple when a coworker is at his door.

He raises up in the air in an instant, grateful for his cloak and the way it covered all of the muck.

…

“Hey Essek! Can you teleport to us! We have magic questions and crime questions and stuff uh- oh yeah! Bring your parasol! Or a any-”

He's on his knees, weeding.

It's been a week, a day of which was spent in the archives studying and not thinking about Dunamas but instead badgering the attendants on plant science and demanding foreign almanacs until they very kindly told him they were closing for the day.

But his maples are as tall as he is and his peaches are starting to blossom, and it's all worth it.

(Worth what?)

He stands up, brushing his hands down his smock.

“I can be there in five minutes, but you would need to be stationary.”

He's going to burn a lot of spells just to spend time with them, but it's the least he could do right? And it's not like he doesn't want to do this anyway. He cleans off and takes the time to scry on Jester, where she sits on the railing of their ship. He can see Yasha and Caleb who is... holding an octopus?  Jester wasn't kidding about the parasol though, with how broad and dark the shadows they cast off are. The sun must be rising from the way the water looks.

Esek opens his parasol and jumps.

The smell of the ocean hits him first, then the rocking which makes the floating harder than it should be, and finally the brightness. His eyes sting, and water just enough that he has to close them before they start actually burning.

“Hello.” Caleb whispers before there is an octopus on his face.

“I presume it's yours and not just a random thing you found hanging off your boat?”

“It's my cat.”

“Of course it is.” Essek opens his eyes slowly, all the of tentacles tug off and Caleb is standing there, smiling.

“In my defense, I was put up to it.” And he tilts his head in Yasha and Jester's direction.

And then it's just like that night he had dinner with them. Falling into the steps he's only danced once before but it's good to be here. Jester jokes around and Caleb- Caleb still watches him with more attention but it's not as if it's wholly undeserved.

“Breakfast- oh. Do you want to join us?” Caduceus stands in a door and Essek nods, maybe rushing a little bit to get below deck and out of the sun, maybe rushing because he missed Caduceus and presumably Fjord and Beau too. And to ask if Veth was with them or if she had decided to stay behind.

“I've taken up gardening.” He says over breakfast and god, Caduceus really is a good cook. “Maybe Jester mentioned it.”

“I forgot, sorry!” Jester calls from the other end of the table, tucked at Beau's side who gave him a long look and a nod earlier. “We were excited by you not being depressed.”

“Ah.”

“What are you planting?” Caduceus asks before he can start thinking too deeply into that.

“Nothing impressive- nothing as impressive as your very large... attention grabbing tree.”

“It brings the neighborhood together.” Beau says between bites and now Essek has his chance to nod back at her.

“I can see it from the yard.”

“An eyesore?” Fjord, to his left, or should it be Captain Fjord now?

“An inspiration.”

Caduceus smiles and pushes more fish on to his plate.

He doesn't have the heart to tell him he already had breakfast.

[goat-yells-at-everything]

Final Thoughts: The Witch

*SIGH*

I didn't hate it.

I wanted to hate it. I use to hate it.

I didn't hate it.

I didn't even hate William as a character as much as I use to. Still hate Ineson, though.

My Bias

Let me start off with my bias. If you couldn't tell by now, I love goats. What originally drew me to The Witch that day in Family Video (not sponsored) was, of course, the goat on the cover. After watching the movie I did some reading on it and the VAST majority of coverage about the movie was about Black Phillip. "Fine by me!" I thought. "I'd rather read about the only star that matters here anyway!"

And that's how I learned of Charlie. Charlie was a beautiful black buck with gorgeous piercing golden eyes. There isn't much base information about him but from my own research and knowledge, I beleive Charlie is an Old Irish. Funny enough, the striking horns that earned Charlie his place in the movie because of how large they were are not actually that big by Old Irish standards. These boys can grow some IMPRESSIVE racks. *cough* 

Charlie was not the most dedicated actor on set. If they wanted him to be boisterous and act aggressive, Charlie wanted to take a nap. If they wanted him to hold still and display the calm demeanor of The Devil, Charlie wanted to run around like a kid discovering his legs for the first time. This description didn't shock me in the least. "Thats...thats just a goat?" I thought. "Thats just how they ARE." Goats are like...well, goats are unique animals. While even a cat can be trained with enough patience and the right reward, goats are wonderfully intelligent and MIND NUMBINGLY STUPID animals all at the same time. You look into their eyes and you see the infinite knowledge of the universe AND the mindless empty void AT THE SAME TIME. That is just the nature of the domestic goat. So of course you will never have a goat do what you want it to on the first, second, or even tenth try. If you work with goats in any way, you just need to accept this.

So Charlie, this incredibly intelligent and extremely stupid animal, was on a set of a movie where He was the antagonist in the minds of the characters, actors, and crew. Charlie could have been just fine on the set if the actors had kept their animosity to filming sessions, and most of them did just that. Most of the actors and crew were, at worst, neutral towards Charlie when not actively filming a scene with him. Most of the actors.

Ineson was not among them. Ineson is quoted as saying "From the moment we set eyes on each other it was just kind of hate at first sight." Now, because of their vast infinite nothingness in their heads, goats really aren't capable of "hate at first sight," but they CAN sense animosity from others towards them. Like when your cat knows that your dad hates cats. They just know. So you have an incredibly intelligent moron that weighs just over 200lbs looking at this imposing angry man that was Ralph Ineson and he knows the man does not like him and Ineson has decided that every action Charlie makes is just to spite him, specifically.

It was not the best paring...

By the 4th day of filming, Ineson reported that he was on pain killers for the remainder of the 5-week shoot.

The thing was, the rest of the actors and crew (aside from Eggers but he was trying to direct a goat in a movie so he gets a little leeway) actually recall how sweet and wonderful Charlie was. Anya Taylor-Joy has said that the shoot was a "beautiful" experience. Anna Kilch, a veteran animal trainer, said Charlie was a dream to work with.

So I'm not the biggest fan of Ineson...

The Movie

With that said, what did I think about the movie?

It was...not horrible. In fact, if I put aside my own animosity towards Ineson, it was pretty ok. There are PROBLEMS, no doubt about that, but it was decent.

The Good

The atmosphere was beautiful. It was shot in a quaint little bit of nowhere in Northern Ontario. Pretty sure they put a blue filter over everything but it really did work. It muted all the color and made it all very dreary and damp feeling. In most other situations this would be a major detriment but the overall feeling of hopelessness from the characters was perfectly accented by the misty and drab landscape.

The characters....there were problems but I'll touch on that later. What I liked was how they represented the Deadly Sins.

William is pretty clear. He is the Sin of Pride. It was his pride that had them exiled from their settlement. It was his pride that caused him to lie and steal from his own family. It was his pride that kept his family in a place that was blighted and would not produce anything. It was his pride that made him refuse to see Black Phillip for what he was.

Katherine was also very clear. She is the Sin of Wrath. Her anger at Thomasin for the loss of her infant blinded her to everything around here. It blinded her to Thomasin's innocence. It blinded her to her other childrens sins. It blinded her to how hard Thomasin worked to regain her mothers favor. And, eventually, it blinded her to the avatars of the devil that came to her that dark night.

Caleb, again, very clear. He is the Sin of Lust. Caleb was a bright young boy who was dedicated to and dearly loved his family. He loved one family member a little too much. Caleb lusted after his elder sister. That lust eventually lead him into the arms of the titular Witch as she seduced him with her HUGE....tracks of land... c:

Mercy and Jonas are harder to pin down. Eventually I settled on Envy and Sloth respectively, though I'm not 100% sold on them. Jonas I'm a bit more sure on. His character is fairly one note and all about shirking any work his elder sister tries to give him. I settled for Envy for Mercy mostly because of the scene near the creak. She seemed to envy the attention her father and elder brother gave to Thomasin. Neither one are very strong connections though.

Thomasin didn't really show a sign of a serious sin until the very end. Actually, she almost seemed to embody ALL of the sins in the end after being almost pure as snow for the whole movie. Almost. She displayed minor sins throughout the movie but it made her a believable character. She was a young woman, somewhere between 14 and 16 I'd say. She got angry at her siblings, she wasn't totally focused on her chores, the normal teenage stuff.

However, by the end of the movie, Thomasin displayed nearly all 7 Sins. She was wrathful towards her father. She was greedy for her mothers love. Black Phillip's offers display Gluttony (Butter) and Envy (the Dress). She was certain that she was right in all of her actions, blinded by Pride. She was apathetic once her family were all dead, leaving them all to rot in the elements as she wallowed in self pity. And finally she disrobed and frolicked with the devil in her Lust.

The Bad

Oh yes was there bad.

The sound direction was OBJECTIVELY horrible. What should have been ambient sound effects were too loud, the dialog was WAY too soft, the music was all over the place. It fell well into that nasty hole that Horror has of turning all the sound to soft and quiet before hitting you with a sudden jolt as the action jumps to life. When used well, this can elicit a visceral feeling in the viewer that lets them connect with the urgency of the scene. When used wrong, its just a cheep tactic to get a scare just like jump scares. This REALLY needs to be called out more often in Horror. We all denounce jump scares as cheep and over used and we need to do the same for the auditory equivalent.

The dialog was really hard to understand. I understand the choice considering the setting, but it was the biggest wall that kept me from enjoying anything the first time around. By the nature of Old Low English, words would blend into one another and become almost gibberish. Its a very lovely language to read, but a chore to listen to. I put on subtitles this time around and was able to follow the story much more easily. I would absolutly advise putting on subtitles while watching it.

The ending was the weakest part of the movie aside from the sound issues. I mean the very last scene. Everything leading up to that was actually very well done. The way Thomasin goes to Black Phillip and demands he talk to her. The way he offers her everything she could ever want. How you see both the hope and defeat in Thomasin when Black Phillip began to talk to her. It was clear he was the one who set in motion the cogs that ended with her families death but they were all victims of their own sins in the end. She saw his power over their insignificant lives and was crushed by his seeming superiority to the Lord she had been raised to love. At the same time, she saw the power he could bestow on HER, a clear tangible power unlike the "story" of Heavenly Power that she never saw physical examples of.

To end on the scene of this naked woman, no longer the innocent girl burdened by heavy trappings of modesty, walking into the woods with the black billygoat hot on her heals would have been so powerful. Just cut to black right there. You can even still have the witches chanting as it cuts to black and the end credits fade in.

But they decided to take it one step further and it did NOT help the ending. It was just too over the top with the naked women writhing erotically around this fire. When the camera turns back on Thomasin and she begins writhing and moaning and laughing and you see her rise into the air, maybe its just me but it took away the power of that sure confident woman walking into the woods.

It just feels like a step too far and would have been much stronger if they'd just left that part out.

The G.O.A.T

The best part was still Charlie.

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

A crown grows out his head,

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

To nanny queen is wed.

Jump to the fence post,

Running in the stall.

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

King of all.

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

King of sky and land,

Black Phillip, Black Phillip

King of sea and sand.

We are ye servants,

We are ye men.

Black Phillip eats the lions

From the lions' den.

[momoception]

º 50 Questions for your Sim º

I saw it from @northernlightz​ so thank you for the tag 😂

Since Crescent is my favorite sim EVER, I wanted to make this about her ♥

1: How old is your sim? She's 80 y.o. 

2. When is your sim’s birthday? November 22nd

3. What is your sim’s zodiac sign? Sagittarius

4. What is your sim’s ethnicity? She is a converted vampire, but she was born as a witch ♥

5. Does your sim have any nicknames? She doesn't. She really likes her name so she ask people to not put her any nickname

6. Do they have a job? If so what is it? She is a freelancer programmer

7. Where does your sim live? In a huge castle-like house in Windenburg

8.Who does your sim live with? With her husband, Caleb Vatore, three of her five children, Mikhail, Margrette and Lyssander, AND THE CUTEST DOG EVER, Sparky!! ♥♥♥♥ Also the ghost of her dead cat, Bastet, who’s always looking at Margrette for some reason.

9. What environment did your sims grow up in (strict, loving, cold etc.)? Weird (?) I mean, she was born as a witch, her mom is also a witch and she saw her father’s death so... yeah (?) when that happened they move out to Forgotten Hollow so it was kinda dark too, but always full of love.

10. What are your sim’s favorite food? She can’t eat human food :( but she used to love hot dogs

11. What is your sim’s favorite drink? Blood (?)

12. If they have one what is your sim’s favorite color? Wine red

13. Does your sim believe in any clichés (like love at first sight, etc)? Maybe some of them, like yeah, love at first sight, karma...

14. What is your sim’s sexuality? Straight

15. What is your sim’s gender identity? Female 

16. Is your sim type a or type b? I didn’t get this one 😂

17. Is your sim introverted or extroverted? When she was teenager she was very very shy, also because her classmates always made fun of her scar. But after meeting Caleb and Devon (her best friend) she gained that confidence and with the years Crescent is someone totally different from her teen years, she loves to talk to strangers, even dead ones.

18. What is your sims favorite woohoo position? She just like to do it in the coffin (?)

19. Is your sim a pet person? If so what is their favorite animal? She’s actually a dog lover, right now she owns a Bull Terrier called Sparky, he’s old now and she used to have a sphyx cat, Bastet, she died of old age and her ghost is rounding the house. But she screams everytime she sees a dog.

20. Does your sim have a best friend? Yes, Devon (Parker) Cooper. They know each other since teenage, but now Devon is an elder, and Crescent is really sad about that.

21. What is/was your sim’s favorite school subject? History, she has a really good memory. .

22. Is/was your sim a high, mid or low achiever in school? She was a high. She was a perfect A student ♥

23. Are they planning to go or have they already been to college? If so, what would be or what was their major? Crescent did not go to college because after her 20th birthday she moved out to Strangerville to solve the mystery ♥

24. What are your sims political beliefs (if they have them)? None

25. What is one thing your sims wants to do before they die? Well, she can’t die (?) but it would be leave her children with great power and wisdom, especially the girls since they are also witches.

26. Does your sim have a favorite TV show (cable) and/or movie? She doesn’t watch a lot of TV

27. Is your sim a Netflix viewer? If so what are their top 3 shows. Yes! She loves Lucifer, OITNB and Grimm (she hated the end)

28. Does your sim like books? If so what’s their favorite one? She reads a lot since a kid. Her favorite books are and always will be Henry Puffer’s

29. Does your sim enjoy video games, if so what is their favorite one and do they play on PC or console? Her favorite is Alice Madness Returns, but she plays on PC because she hates console controls

30. What is your sim’s personal style? Dark most of the time, but she also enjoys pastel colors, she uses them in summer.

31. Does your sim have a lucky charm? Yes, the Vatore family ring

32. Is your sim religious? No

33. What kind of music does your sim listen to and who is their favorite artist? She actually enjoys pop, and she’s a good dancer!!

34. Is your sim a festive person? If so what’s their favorite holiday? Y.E.S. She loves EVERY SINGLE HOLIDAY, she’s so happy when is Christmas or Easter. But her favorite is Halloween!! ♥

35. What is your sim’s favorite type of weather? She loves autumn weather, not too cold and not too hot, and is always windy ♥♥

36. Does your sim prefer to start fights or finish them? Finish them, and if it’s possible ignore them... but sometimes.

37. Does your sim have a dream job? She wanted to be actress as a kid, she even went to acting club, but then she realised it was just a dumb dream

38. Does your sim have any siblings? She has a half-brother, younger than her. His name is Andrew and he was born after Crescent’s mother, Victoria, got married again.

39. Does your sim get along with their family? She loves her whole family more than anything in life and death. She actually wants her mother and brother to move up with her.

40 What is your sims favorite hobby? Cooking and programming. She’s really good at it ♥

41. What does your sim look for in a romantic partner? She’s already married, but she fell in love with Caleb because he was always a good and supportive friend, he help her when she moved to Forgotten Hollow with her mom, he always protected them from the not-so-friendly vampires, even if he knew about her linage, her always appreciated Crescent even with her scar. (Even so, Crescent rejected his first marry proposal)

42. What is a secret about your sim? She killed Caleb’s first wife 😵

43. What is a wish your sim has? See her children all grown up into grand master vampires, powerful witches and very human-like people. Also she wants to renew her vows with Caleb ♥

44. What is a flaw your sim has?  She’s a sadic

45. How do others generally perceive your sim? Like a strong woman that you better be careful with, strong personality, and low patience. Also a fierce mom and wife, that can do anything if it’s for her family. Like a matron (?)

46. Does your sim have a greatest achievement? If so what is it? Bring her dead mother to life

47. If they have one, what is your sim’s greatest regret? Give her first daughter, Dandelion, a better education and more attention than any other of her children.

48. Does your sim have a favorite emoji? 🙄

49. Does your sim use simstagram? If so what’s their @? She doesn’t have one

50. What is the last text your sim sent (and who did they text)? “Look Margrette, if that console is not turned off right now I'll take it away from you. Is that clear?”

[ihavenoside]

((Just some random joke rp on disc.ord that needs to be on my blog because I can’t breathe. It’s about Connor’s 52′s date.)) @9th-in-a-line @rkmodelseries

((Connor 52 asking 51 to borrow/raid his closet, which he doesn’t have much of either.))

52: I need to borrow one of your work suits for my date. 51: okay... Why don't you go buy yourself a suit? you work at the DPD don't you? 52: your clothes are nicer than mine. PLEASE, I want to impress her! 51: ... fine. 52: oh, and I'm borrowing the car. 51: over my dead body you are. 52: that can be arranged. 51: 52, you're going to become 53 if you take my car. 52: IT'S MY CAR TOO?! 51: no, it's not. it's registered under my code. not yours and if you take it, I will report it stolen and arrest you myself. 52: you're no fun. 51: you can impress her with a taxi service. 52: fine. I'll go ask Caleb to borrow his bike. it's CoOlEr anyway. 51: by all means. try but stay away from my car. Red: (petty sibling squabbling lol.) ((I started this off so most of the time the perspective rper is now rping their own muse.))

52: -spends the last hour before his date to just stare at connor's car, contemplating-  51: -safeguarding the keys because he always has them on him-

52: -sighs, because he can't hack an old model car- 52: -calls gen- Is it possible for me to borrow your car? rkmodel: (lmao)  

Caleb: ....I have a few extra helmets, just take the bike. 52: But, what if it rains???? I can't have my date be rained on! 51: your date can wear the cat ears helmet. Caleb: Then it's a cute story to tell your grandkids Red: (lol)

52: What???????? Caleb: A first date, caught in the rain? Maybe sharing your first kiss? It's romantic. Her hair and make up will be fine, and that's all that matters. 52: Rain? Romantic? Oh. I was an idiot for this date. Maybe I should just call and cancel. Say that something came up. RKModel: (lol) 

Caleb: Shut up. Out of all of us I have the most dating experience. Go. If she can't accept our shared innate awkwardness then this is the time to find out, and you can move on to someone who will,. Caleb: Markus knew I was awkward the moment he looked at me and somehow still managed to find me attractive

52: But you both just kind of fell into the swing of things. I don't even have my own vehicle to take someone on a date, or my own clothes. I should stop while I'm ahead. These sort of things don't go well for me. I'll just message her, and say that one of my brother's got into an accident and that it's really important. Then, maybe she won't feel like I ditched her? Because I'm not ditching her. It's just that I don't know what I'm doing. 52: ...Maybe if Connor let me borrow his car, I can think about it on my way to her place? 52: Maybe?

Caleb: I offered my bike....Good to know it's not good enough for your steamy date. 52: .... Your bike is nice, but Connor's car is awesome. 52: Ah! I'll find another car to borrow.

Caleb: My bike is fucking rad!

52: Your bike.. is okay...

Caleb: Pull up on a bike in one of my jackets and she'll think you have a sexy bad boy side.

52: That requires so much documentation, Connor 52: Help a brother out here!

Red: (just Markus in the back round. 'fucking hell, these are my successors... and I love one of them.')

Caleb: Don't complain, I'm right about the badboy vibes, you love my leather pants.

52: She won't think I have a bad boy side! She'd probably think I'm a poser, and trying way too hard!

Caleb: Because you're already trying too hard....

52: Ah, so you agree with me that I should cancel the date?

Caleb: You want the fancy car and I offered you the bike, don't dish everything out on the first date, make her earn something -he says as he was the one who proceeded to sleep with Markus before they had any kind of real date-

51: your not guilting me into lending you my car.

52: But, I'm practically you! Let yourself borrow your car?

Caleb: he doesn't even let himself borrow a good night of sleep

51: no. I don't need to lend myself my car, ITS MY CAR. Red: (Caleb's going hard lol) RKModel: (lmaooo) 9thinaline: Sass master Caleb, Dropping truth bombs, spiting hard facts. Red: 51 doesn't have a come back yet lol

52: Neither of you are helping. Things were easier when I didn't exist. What kind of brothers are you?

Caleb: I OFFERED YOU THE BIKE!!!!

52: I DONT WANT YOUR STUPID BIKE! 52: I WANT CONNORS CAR!

Caleb: THEN DON'T ACT LIKE I'M THE ASSHOLE

52: YOU'RE NOT HELPING!

51: and you're being a brat.

Caleb: I am doing everything in my power! What do you want me to do, suplex the keys off him??? Caleb: Don't. Say. yes....

52: Yes.

Caleb: I'm going to mule kick you into oblivion.

52: ???? Try me, bitchhhhh.

Markus: I stuck my dick in crazy, and I let crazy stick his dick in me. Caleb: I'm not crazy, I'm the reasonable one here. I offered my bike and helmets, which is all I can do and he's acting like I'm a bad brother!

52: Your bike is a death trap! I could have compromised with Connor by now and successfully obtained his keys from him if it wasn't for your "offer"! Markus: -facepalms-

Caleb: I guess I'll go fuck myself then since I'm such a piece of shit for offering. Caleb: Y'know what no, go fuck yourself, take a taxi!   

51: you wish. I already said no.

52: -mocks- Oh, look at me! I'm big man Connor, and I have my own car that really isn't even mine, because Cyberlife bought it, and I pretty much stole it, but I won't people use it because I'm a jerk. And look at me!  I'm big man Caleb, and I have my own bike, and it's super new because I totaled the other one because it's a death trap, but look, I'll still offer it for someone's date, and I'll talk about how I'm successfully dating someone else in the meantime!

Caleb: A car would also be totaled if another, larger caar barreled into it going 30 mph....but go off I guess

52: Leave me alone, Caleb.

Caleb: Have you tried dating a guy? They seem to be way less stressful... Markus: I beg to differ. Caleb: Then beg.

52: And you sound SEXIST!

Caleb: I mean...a guy has treated me better than most of the women I know...so there's that.

52: Well, good for you and you love life that I really don't care about. 52: Anything else you want to share????

Caleb: I feel like a good masturbation session would release A LOT of your tension...since you're asking what else I have to share.

52: Well, since I have the same face as you, maybe Markus could give me a handy instead? 52: What about that? 52: Sounds good?

Caleb: I have a few traits over you, like height, eye color, humor, not lOOKING A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH YOU UNGRAATEFUL LITTLE SHIT.

52: Those are some big fucking words coming from someone WHO FELL FOR THE FIRST GUY WHO GAVE THEM ATTENTION  AFTER BEING DEVIATED! 52: Who are you to judge me, Caleb! 52: I told you to leave me alone!

Caleb: When you know you know, and clearly you don't know, Caleb: Markus and I knew, and we thoroughly enjoy ourselves because we can relax around each other, this girl has you so nervous you're tearing a family apart over a car that isn't even yours??

52: I think she's doing me a favor, because right now? This "family" sucks. Because, oh? I'm sorry? I'm sorry that I didn't come equip with a program that makes me well-prepared for dates-- or for anything else than working in law enforcement? I'm sorry that you're so much more advanced than me that you don't become nervous about things being perfect and exact? I told you, Caleb-- I didn't want your offer in the first place. This was a conversation between Connor and I, and you interrupted.

Caleb: I was trying to help you and I'm the one being attacked like I'm a bad person and I reaslly don't appreciate it. I'm trying to be a good brother and it's okay if you don't want it but don't act like I'm a bad brother for offering.... -scene: Caleb's eyes welling up because he was honestly just trying to help-

52: Whaaaat a bitch. -Reaches his hand to his ear and takes out his audio processor- RKModel: lmaooo, this is awful

51: -talks telepathically- did you forget we can talk this way? 51: but good job. have fun on your date, or lack thereof if you going to be this bull-headed.

52, to Connor: -talking telepathically- I'm blocking you, now. Bye, now~ Thanks for nothing!

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E18 (May 15, 2018)

@eponymous-rose​ is out tonight, so here I am instead, tiny-footed in her enormous...shoes? This metaphor’s escaped me.

Preshow is the crew filling a whiteboard with chat-directed drawings. It includes Mollymauk covered in pyramids, Jester’s lollipop, and Caleb on fire. You know, as it happens. Liam smiles very convincingly next to it.

Anyway, tonight’s guests are Liam and Sam, who arrives late and brings his Emmy. This fool.

Tonight’s announcements: new website! Critrole.com. It’ll have updates, news, events, and Sam suggests a daily vlog from BWF. The hardcover version of VM Origins will have its launch date announced this Thursday morning on said website. Liam pulls out a copy of the thing and it looks great. Also, everyone except Liam will be participating in the Stream of Many Eyes livestream in LA June 1-3, which will include multiple live D&D games. More information and tickets here. 

Crit Role Stats! Nott currently has the most kills of the MN with 16. Her HDYWTDT on the hill giant puts her at 5, tied with Molly for the most.

Caleb has cast the most spells of the group with 146. The next closest is Jester with 100. Liam: “It’s that ritual casting, yo.” However, Jester’s cast a larger variety of spells (22 to Caleb’s 20). This doesn’t include the Wand of Smiles (Caleb: 1, Jester: 4).

Sam is still stuck in character creation in Pillars of Eternity. Liam calls BS since he asked how to walk, but Sam reminds him you walk before going into the CC. He’s spent an hour and a half making a Cipher. BWF made Pike, but picked the wrong voice. Liam suggests picking Grog’s voice in his remake. Liam played the opening nine times and eventually had to reinstall the whole thing to unlock the VM portraits. Sam has a traumatic realization that he has the same problem & will have to reinstall as well.

Caleb is strongly regretting entering the Victory Pit due to the exposure it’s gotten them. He didn’t think there would be any bigwigs this far out, but he was “shocked” to find he was mistaken.

Nott isn’t happy with the notoriety either, but she’s conflicted; “she enjoys the supportive glances of her comrades, her teammates, but every once in a while is reminded other people are watching too.” Both agree the afterparty went badly.

Re: the Trent namedrop, Liam: “I can’t believe he’s here, this far out... I didn’t take in a lot of what happened for the next twenty minutes.”

During a discussion of distractions during an episode, Sam talks about how he and Laura were drawing a shared picture last episode whose arms and legs became dicks over the course of the episode.

Nott was surprised to find she was of value to the team during the hill giant fight. She’s still getting used to her abilities, but being so small and taking down something that big was a confidence boost. “She’s super jittery and nervous about everything and she drinks to compensate. I think this is going well for her, helping the team.”

Frumpkin happened post-asylum, so there was no danger of Trent recognizing him. Liam: “He was tapped for school at 15, meets Ikathon at 16 & goes with Astrid & Aeowulf, goes home for the first event with his parents about a year later, burns the house at age 17, and then was in the asylum until age 28. He ran and was totally alone when he got out; the first step was a cat, the second step was a goblin, and the next step was a group.” Sam: “Your guy was institutionalized for over a decade? I should reconsider who I travel with...”

Nott doesn’t necessarily believe Yasha is a spy, but she doesn’t know why she keeps disappearing or what she’s doing. She doesn’t even know what Yasha is, just that she’s super powerful and scary.

GIF of the week: @trisail. It’s the Trent reveal moment with overlays of Caleb shorting out. Heh.

Lengthy discussion about the “leave the table” moment. Liam found the scene super satisfying as it played out and doesn’t regret it. However, it’s a game for his friends first and foremost, and the primary purpose must be to entertain his friends and make them laugh and gasp, and this way robbed them of their reactions. He doesn’t think there would have been an issue with them being at the table--they’re all respectful audience members, and they’ve all been present before at other reveals. Plus, his story is very complicated, so “what am I gonna do? Spill it out all over again for Fjord, for Jester? It just didn’t seem feasible.” Caleb’s story has been in Liam’s head for a long time, so he was glad to get it out. Liam got the most responses on Twitter ever after his first tweet that he’d told his friends to go back and watch.

None of the other cast members aside from Ashley & BWF have watched the Caleb scene yet. Ashley found it pretty crazy and “a lot.”

Liam reminisces about seeing Vex’s heartbreak at Percy’s death and Grog’s privy conversation with the sword, even though he wasn’t part of those scenes, and wishes he hadn’t excluded his friends from his reveal. “I didn’t get a cat o’nine tails out of Taliesin’s closet and flagellate myself, but...a small course correction.”

Caleb’s reveal clarified some things about how Nott views Caleb; neither Sam nor Nott are dumb, and they both knew that he was suffering from something terrible. This just confirmed that & fleshes out the details. Nott’s views of Caleb’s victimhood, and her wishes that he no longer have to suffer, have not changed. 

 Liam points out that the intimacy of the show has changed over time, allowing them to pursue deeper conversations between characters instead of just the wacky hijinks they started with. As an example, he points out the difference between the first Liam/Keyleth scene where people hid behind hats vs. later Percy/Vex scenes where everyone was respectful and quiet. Sam enjoys that they can now have fun-fun (getting out of tricky situations and fighting together) alongside adult-fun (deep conversations and new relationships). BWF points out they’ve spent more time with these characters already than a full 5-season primetime show.

Sam became addicted to playing D&D precisely because of the level of depth you could reach with these characters, which you can’t achieve anywhere else.

In the thirty minutes before the Caleb conversation, Liam was wildly conflicted about what he was going to do (reveal everything, reveal only parts, lie). At the same time, “it’s killing [Caleb] to keep it all bottled up,” and even though Caleb’s really smart, he’s not a mastermind, and it may have still been too soon. However, Liam was also ready to stir the pot--he’s getting antsy that so many backstories haven’t been revealed, even though they’re theoretically a sixth of the way through the show. He also points out that Caleb has achieved his goal of finally getting into the library, so there’s nothing keeping him from leaving at any time. “That’s Caleb talking, not Liam.”

Laura & Travis interrupt to Facetime in & pretend they meant to call BWF’s mom for Mother’s Day. It’s pretty darn funny, and they confirm they totally watch this show from home when they’re not on it. Nerds.

Sam also takes a moment to loudly, angrily remonstrate Laura & Travis for taking pho home to eat. “You do not take pho home to eat. You eat it at the restaurant. It does not travel.” Discussing Sam’s food snobbery, Liam reminisces about how proud he was of some homemade blueberry pancakes he made after his kids were born. He shared a picture of them with Sam, who then sent back a picture of pancakes Sam’s wife made that “looked like something out of a magazine, there were raspberries, and everyone was like OHHHH, OHHHH, and I was alone and tired in my kitchen.” Sam: “I’m the worst person.”

Sam had guessed that Caleb’s backstory had something to do with fire, but had thought maybe he’d accidentally hurt/killed someone. “It’s pretty bad to accidentally hurt someone with fire. It’s super bad to intentionally kill someone with fire who is related to you.”

Caleb has no idea what happened to the other two children. The last thing he remembers before hospitalization was the house. Liam still thinks of Caleb as young since he’s essentially lost eleven years.

Sam asked Liam why he wanted to play someone so dark after Vax instead of someone more lighthearted. Liam’s just attracted to these kinds of stories; “this is what I want to do with my spare time.” He’s fine with other people being jovial instead of him.

Fanart of the Week: This gorgeous thing by Wesley Griffith. Apparently, Travis said this is his favorite representation of Fjord so far.

Nott doesn’t think she can do powerful magic; she’s just excited to be able to do small things. Liam’s dying to know Nott’s backstory: “She’s like a little bag of knives who’s hyperintelligent and drunk.”

Sam pauses to plug a new organization, Nerds Vote, a nonpartisan encouragement to register to vote.

In re: Beau’s reaction to Caleb’s reveal, Liam discusses his other options. He thinks Fjord is very intelligent but an unknown who might be evil. Jester he thinks would be the most likely to be repulsed or run away. Yasha’s her own kind of stranger who always leaves. Molly’s a 24/7 party animal that’s wildly different from Caleb. He feels Beau was the best choice; Beau had something he wanted anyway (and had shared a secret with him) so he didn’t have second thoughts acceding to her request.

Even though Nott has forgiven him, Caleb’s not looking to be forgiven or have anyone pat him on the back. He doesn’t believe “it’s going to be okay or it’s not his fault.” He knows he’s absolutely to blame and there’s a massive degree of self-loathing, so Liam feels Beau was the absolute perfect person to tell since she was going to be dry, pragmatic, and real. “No fluff, all...elbow-corners.” He didn’t want someone to coddle him and she was the perfect person for that.

He recognizes that they’re both Empire kids and share that history. Caleb also has been paying attention to everyone, and he feels Beau is clearly not happy with the Empire regardless of what she says, which aligns with Caleb’s feelings as well. Liam thinks it was a great choice to break it to her first, & he feels it wouldn’t have been fair to exclude Nott if he were to finally spit it out.

Nott’s not concealing anything from anyone about her backstory; it’s just that no one’s asked. Caleb never asked about anyone’s backstory because he didn’t want return questions.

Sam likes Liam’s story choices and calls them brave.

The original idea for Caleb stretches back so far that Liam thought of the name Astrid even before Matt introduced Pike’s cousin, Astrid. When they started discussing character creation for the new campaign, Matt okayed repeating the name. The German accent came much later in character creation (i.e. after the development of backstory). To Liam, Caleb’s backstory reads more like KGB or Pet Murderer over Hitler Youth, since as far as he knows it was only the three children involved, not an army.

Of the choices available to the group, Sam most wants to go back to the Gentleman. Liam wonders if Pumat has skeletons in his closet. (How many closets does Pumat have, I wonder?)

Sam segues into his difficulty remembering the difference between the Soltryce Academy and the Cerberus Assembly since they both have “C-A” sounding names. Liam: “Look, folks, he can either be really funny, or he can know the details.” Sam: “And that’s... where Ikathon is? And then there are the Halls of Erudition? There are too many things!” I have never identified more with him than this moment right here.

I have a brief, violent heart attack when an accidental keypress navigates me away from this page and I think I’ve lost it all. False alarm, please reduce heart rate to under 100bpm.

After Dark: Emmy and a lovely mace for Pike Edition

Liam elucidates the difference between a mace and a morningstar. Sam just about knocks his Emmy off the shelf getting the aforementioned mace for demonstration.

Sam’s asked which 90s Disney Afternoon show his character would like best. Sam: Darkwing Duck, Talespin, Gummy Bears, Fraggle Rock. Liam: Duck Tales.

Does Nott regret saying she’s Caleb’s mother after knowing what he did to his last mom? Sam: “Oh, wow. I didn’t even think about that.” Liam: “How could you not? I’ve been thinking about it for weeks!” Sam: “Well, it’s not like he’s a Terminator-style hunter of only mothers...” Finally--no, it hasn’t crossed Nott’s mind, but Sam will inform her soon.

The ultimate food sin for Sam--transporting pho is pretty high on his list, but he decides on ten-dollar wine. (Two-buck chuck, you know what you’re getting, swillwater flavored like wine; ten-dollar wine is actual wine that is terrible.) He recommends splurging for the fourteen-dollar wine. Sam loves cheap Chinese but Panda Express doesn’t count as Chinese. “No good Chinese restaurant ever advertises, ever.” Salted vs. unsalted butter is also a big thing. This is all because of Sam’s wife, he says; Liam points out that a year after they first met, when Sam moved to LA, Liam went over to Sam & Sam’s wife’s terrible apartment where they made very fancy salmon wrapped in that clear waxy rice paper stuff I can’t remember the expensive name for.

Caleb had very little left offensively in the hill giant fight. All he had was Sleep and Shield and a weak cantrip, so all he could do was gamble and guess on the timing. When he first cast it, Sam told Laura it was a big mistake. 

A viewer question tries to goad Liam & Sam into a tickle fight. Liam threatens BWF with the mace instead. 

Sam agrees to grow a small beard for Liam’s birthday, a little “chin music.”

And that’s all for the night! Is it Thursday yet?

[cityboylt]

The New Edition Biopic and The Fundamentals of the Box Test

*I’m happy Bobby and the rest of the producers had enough class to not have a Whitney actress in the movie. That would have been disrespectful in my opinion.*

One day in 83 while watching Video Music box with my brother, the “Candy Girl” video came on and my first thoughts were that these kids are only a couple of years older than us. It was like seeing your cousins on T.V.

A year later with my allowance money the first cassette I bought was the self-titled New Edition album.

The biopic pushed my mind back to an 8 year old boy’s first direct interpretation of sensibility harnessed, love discovered and the wonderment of youth through song. The Temps, Tops and Jacksons belonged to my parents’ generation and the kids of my peer group and a bit older were the beneficiaries of those times and memories perceived through the eyes of their youth, so it is only fitting to claim the boys from Boston as being linked to mine. They breathed the neighborhood air of “street chic” of the time (on T.V. anyway). Almost every girl I knew from cousins to classmates adored them; each had their favorite group member along with the magazine pin ups. They knew all the songs and practiced all of the dance steps.

Guys were no different, sure we practiced the dance moves because of the effect they had on the female of the species. I knew dudes trying to exude each band member’s persona to get the attention from the ladies. Truly funny stuff!

Being young and having what appeared to be your life and dreams for future relationships played out in song was a feeling of invincibility. The throngs of “the youth equation”, multiplied then fractionated to each block in the inner cities across the country could be viewed by the world. All hoods shared N.E., they were ours; they belonged to the ghetto youth!

The presentation was one thing but the music, that music was something altogether fascinating. While young groups of the past sang songs that emulated the adult world of love and loss or covers to prove their chops, N.E’s recipe for the masses was distributed on a line that nowadays is more than blurred. That line for youth artists has been all but obliterated! But I digress.

New Editions songs had kids dating, but the tunes always kept the innocents intact. And there it was the key, the purity of love songs, the fundamentals of the box test. CHECK YES IF YOU LIKE ME, CHECK NO IF YOU DON’T!

It gets no cleaner than that. No pressure to be something you were not for the responsibility of adult games always ends in adult problems. But to encapsulate and exploit the meanderings of young love and hold the attention of many is a true gift. For all of Maurice Stars actions (Agree or disagree) he had his finger on the pulse of the intersection of R & B, Modern Soul and the Hip-Hop aesthetic that these 5 young men were standing on. Yes anyone could have been chosen but something can be said about having the “it factor”.

They grew up with us; they became older teens as we did. And by the time you get to the concept hit churner “N.E. Heartbreak” in 88 (what essentially is their “White Album”) all bets were off. Who was stopping them? Bobby gone, no problem, enter Johnny Gill. But as I discovered (like many) that wasn’t supposed to be the swap (Ralph). The same issues that plagued many an artist more than touched them and their loved ones. Money, women, booze and drugs always seem to accompany the world of the “super star”. The question again is raised, who was stopping them?

To touch on that a bit, I remember hearing all of these stories as a kid and stacking them up to urban legend, to discover that all of it was true makes the bio even more potent. Transparency creates trust so no matter what we feel about the life style, we as music listeners benefited from the product given.

Wood Harris has proven again why he is one of the most underrated actors of the craft working today. The approach he uses to channel Brook Payne should be studied in a master class. The camera truly loves his talent and that fact is never lost on him. Each movement is like a cat, economically never wasting his surroundings for grandiose gestures. Though the eyes and voice never raise to express any indifference or qualm about each individual or problem brought to his doorstep, he senses it all and misses nothing. The space between he and the young actors were minimal, displaying how he was the only one granted entry into the hearts of the 5 then 6 young men outside of their mothers.

Chris Robinson has arrived with this work.

With each linger of the camera to capture reactions buried so deep to the point of explosive engagement is a testament of his maturity as a film maker (I would like to see what he would do with a bigger budget product again). For a Television produced film the cinematography was of the highest quality. Sure the editing was not great due to the extensive commercial breaks but I’m quite sure it plays flawlessly in the made for home viewing version (How it was meant to be enjoyed).

One of my favorite directed scenes was the recording of “Can You Stand The Rain”. It was a sure reach back and “tip of the cap” to the scene in 1998’s “The Temptations” bio pic, as the Temps laid down the vocals for “Just my Imagination” which can be argued that both are the same song in essence( I can’t believe that it’s been almost 20 years since that came on television). I believe this was done deliberately; we are given that optic to infuse memories of that older scene and to help us realize this was the Temps for this generation when N.E. stepped on the scene so to speak.

The young counterparts chosen for their roles were a spot on marriage of looks, voice, movement and charisma.

As I mentioned before transparency is key, trust and honesty is the ground work for any relationship. So what N.E. is asking of its fans is to open our memory and mind to their story with no additives or preservatives. They are also making no apologies for what we see, but they are pleading with us to understand. This can be no more obvious than the portrayal of Bobby Brown by Tyler Marcel Williams and Woody McClain. Through all of the antics what is painfully clear was Bobby was just a kid, a kid like the rest that never truly developed as a tamed soul for his spirit thrived on the ferocity of his ego and undeniable talent. But at his core was a scared little boy, one guarded more than most of his N.E. brethren.  My biggest takeaway from Bobby was that he was no different from the rest of the group, and they he, the others just hid it well and Bobby was (and still is on some level) a force of nature. Not even Brooke Payne could contain him.

Bryshere Y. Gray and Donte Hoagland shared performance as N.E. / BBD tough guy and leader then later mogul Michael Bivins was spot on. Every time they spoke I just thought of Mike Bivins. I no longer saw the actors. They captured Bivins total soul; the man/child stayed making chess moves early on. His Knowing that things were amidst the whole time and met the challenge head on forcing him to take his career in his own hands was a testament to a nature that cannot be taught but you must be born with. But I suspect it was the inevitable evolution just sped up on steroids in Biv’s case. Mike was a young lion amongst lions, only to be alpha tested by fellow alpha male B. brown. Gray understands the give and take of acting, and is gracious in his delivery. He almost comes across as a dudes dude but all heart is at the center of this young man. Thus is why he was the best actor to portray Mike Bivins. Gray will be around for a very long time if he keeps his commitment to the art form up. A true talent has arrived for sure!

Luke James places us in the shoes of the awkward but power house voice of the one and only Johnny Gill. To understand the position he was placed in and to realize how he maneuvered through that situation and his own fame, the ups and downs is to pierce into the mind of a professional. Wise beyond his years (and because he was the “old man” of the group) we see that his love for singing and performing was what kept him a float with his brothers. If he did not have the love for his craft or them he could have and probably should have distanced himself a very long time ago. It takes a certain power within and great humility to know you are the best but still deal in a complex system all in the name of “The Show Must Go On” and friendship.

Who knew that Ronnie DeVoe (Keith Powers and Myles Truitt) had depth? To know his truth about the uncertainty of standing on your own two feet after being carried your whole professional life is the ultimate wake up call. One that he did not fail to answer when the time came to diversify his ability to make money and feed his family even under direct criticism from people who could only dream of accomplishing what he and the rest of the group did for so many years; along with the smiles and happiness they brought to countless lives is immeasurable! Yes even in that moment he could have and should have (Probably did) looked at the fact that he was a part of something special that changed the lives of his family and friends and granted them legions of fans. Yes he did that a no one could ever take that away.

The enigma, wrapped in a riddle, placed in a maze, the ultimate wild card of voices, the underrated Ricky Bell comes to life and nearly death as told through the eyes of Elijah Kelley and Caleb McLaughlin respectively. As with Ronnie DeVoe not much is known about him personally, the others had break out solo careers out front and or behind the scenes. Outside of N.E. and B.B.D. I only remember in high school that he sang the hook on a personal favorite of mine called “Baby Please don’t Cry” by The Red Barron and some years later tried his hand at a solo project. Other than that it was pretty much a quiet existence. We are given a glimpse into his personality as a precocious tween, his calm and seemingly level headed approach to stardom which came across as the “boy next door” archetype with a great voice but not standing out in one way or the other. But once the layers are peeled back the pressure of show business is not what ensnared him but quite the opposite in a very tumultuous fashion. For all of the group members the infamous “Home Again” tour was the death nail on the coffin of N.E. or so it appeared. For the first time in the series we see the look of confusion and pure horror of what the future held for his career. The bottom dropped out from under him sending Bell through the trap door of self-imposed calamity with the great revelation of his drug and alcohol abuse. This was more than likely always there but we are given the sense that this tour or the total implosion of it was the final threshold leading to his total dependency of narcotics.

The revelation of what the true drug of stardom can cause anyone to fall under was explained with acute balance and honesty by the older Bell (Elijah Kelley) which made the last 30 minutes of the story hold itself together as a complete, and intricate portrait of stardom, and the surviving of it once you find out that it is a thing within itself to survive with or without. Bells point of view was important; I dare say the most important of all in my opinion (We are not privy to the rest of the band member’s drug use outside of Bobby and Bell, but we could surmise that we should not be surprised if it ever was revealed if all or most were users at some point in their careers).

We now come to “the Voice” of N.E. Mr. Ralph Tresvant (Algee Smith and Jahi Di’Allo Winston). Both Smith and Winston make us care about the load he had to carry for all those years, knowing that he was chosen before the rest to become a potential solo star. We as the audience develop an understanding early on about his loyalty for his brothers. We care so much that we carry that burden with him throughout his journey as the only New Edition front man, even though a coup was arraigned to replace him with Gill by fellow group member Mike Bivins by the time “Heartbreak” was about to be recorded. The lessons learned by this is in life you only get one chance to strike oil and if by some chance opportunity is placed in front of you again to become “that dude”, would it really be the same as the first unknown adventure?

The reality that one man’s sacrifice does not always equate to understanding from the very ones you chose to sacrifice for. And as for Ralph T., he appeared to relive the same regret over and over again once the others decided to venture out for fortunes untold. A good friend once told me that:  

“If you are a creator of a work you must strike first for the very true reality of your counterpart is planning the same ideas and not knowing you exist, and the only thing that will present itself is a work fulfilled but the deeper regret of not being the first will always haunt you”.

In Tresvant’s case that very notion became a reality from within his own N.E. family, first with Bobby, then Johnny, then somewhat with B.B. D. Even as the character is portrayed as a mature gentlemen years later, Algee Smith brilliantly emotes a twinge of the “what if” sickness written all over his face.

I posed the question before, what was really stopping them. I figure it really depends on what each of them wanted to accomplish. In many ways they haven’t as of yet come to that intersection of true choice. It’s like as if you can go your whole life believing that your purpose is to do what comes naturally then the inevitable happens, placing our own road blocks in our path. We come to realize the only thing stopping us is…us. Not mothers and father figures, we get older. Not managers and record labels, hire lawyers and read your contract, control the content you present to the fans. Love and obligation, be truthful and transparent, true love does not suffer the acts of the foolish for too long. Vice, knowing when you are at your weakest and not be too prideful to beg and plead for help.

New Edition has traveled a road spanning nearly 40 years and people still want more. Even if they never created a new song the ones they have are enough to reinvigorate the tragic state of R N B and hopefully inspire a new generation of “Popcorn Lovers” and “Heart-breakers”.