#also cant let the other idiots out into space with any other doctor

[galacticlamps]

im sorry im sorry im sorry i know it’s been well over a year but i accidentally thought about Short Trips: Deleted Scenes (again) and it’s killing me (again) so i think im just gonna go ahead and post all these stupid thoughts that have been plaguing me about it since i first heard it & maybe that’ll help clear up some space in my head for like, real life things.

Spoilers I guess? It’s like a year and a half old but also high key the most recent 2nd doctor content i believe we’ve gotten which is like, the only negative thing I can say about it

The TLDR version is this:

I literally cant believe how sweet it is? Painful, but sweet. Like. I don’t honestly know what’s more likely - did they set out to write Jamie a nice little straight love interest and just fail miserably at it by constantly likening her to the Doctor AND paralleling the Doctor’s perspective with her ex’s AND putting Jamie’s relationships with both of them in direct tension with each other while constantly letting his with the Doctor win out?

OR - did they do a very 1960s thing and say hey we’re gonna write what’s essentially a story about how much Jamie and the Doctor love each other and release it on Valentine’s Day thinly disguised as a one-off romance with a french lady?

Now, as a general rule, my attitude toward questions like that is usually “don’t know, don’t care, doesn’t matter” - and while I 100% stand by that, I also have to admit that this particular audio seems to pay enough attention to detail that I’d kind of think I was selling it short if I assumed too many of these things were just meaningless coincidences, you know?

Anyway, that’s the most coherent/overarching thought. And here’s a disorganized list of things I absolutely cannot get over about it (they don’t form any kind of argument, mind, they just all happen to live rent free in my head):

- Celine is first taken in by Jamie being an idiot (specifically him claiming not to speak French, in perfect French); likewise, her entrance in the scene where they actually kiss is marked with a little anecdote about her hat getting stuck on a doornail and her scolding it as she attempts to fix her un-tameable appearance, and the narration says Celine “would often clown for Jamie like this” - all of which, while undeniably adorable, don’t exactly strike me as entirely original traits to have been assigned to Jamie’s love-interest (but also Celine is so cool and her perspective on film/media/time is an excellent addition to the long list of dr who characters)

- When they’re in the present, describing Jamie’s relationship with Celine in 1908, they call him her “companion” and highlight his going nearly everywhere with her, which earns a laugh from the 4th doctor (and me as well, though probably for slightly different reasons - but like, is that really all it takes to have a fling with someone in 60′s era who? bc if so...)

- Celine’s ex-fiance is still in love with her and is jealously watching when she kisses Jamie ... and then the Doctor appears beside him, evidently doing the exact. same. thing. They have the following conversation:

“You know, it’s not prudent to spy on people. But then, people in pain can’t be expected to act prudently.”

“Pain, monsieur? You mistake me.”

“Ah, do I? Good, because I rather thought you’d lost something.”

“What would you know about loss monsieur?”

- I’m sorry doc but who do you think you are, saying stuff like that and smiling sadly at the floor to boot? I 100% had to pause it here the first time I listened, just to not throw my laptop across the room. 

- Then when I recovered continued, the Doctor closes the door so they can’t watch anymore and explains “Possessing things comes so terribly easily to some men that losing them can feel cruel, intolerably cruel. In my experience, only the very best of men cannot be tempted to answer that cruelty with more - I do sincerely hope that you are the best of men.” (guess who gets described as the best of men by the end of the audio?)

- Jamie and the Doctor apparently develop a habit of walking along the river in Paris in silence

- During one such walk, Jamie suggests Celine come with them since she already figured out about the Tardis - and when the Doctor’s worried by this, he says he only allowed Jamie & Celine to grow closer “because of Victoria.” Jamie takes offense at the ‘allowing it’ comment and also refuses to admit he knows what the Doctor means about Victoria, which leads the Doctor to say that he knows how fond Jamie was of her - he was too, of course, but with him, “it was different, wasn’t it?” Jamie only says maybe that’s true and maybe that’s not, but his voice catches until he changes the subject

- Jamie doesn’t see Celine for days both times that she’s recovering from the shock and depression of her work being destroyed. In contrast, when the Doctor’s not well, Jamie’s "afraid” and “guilty” and hardly seems to leave his side at all, if his being there “rushing to embrace him” the second he wakes up - after a period Jamie describes as “at least a week” - is anything to go by, anyway. so either bf writers need to learn how to write a committed straight relationship or admit that’s not what they ever intended in the first place

- Oh yeah, and the Doctor spends that week "asleep” in Jamie’s bedroom - no, there’s no explanation as to if that’s where he was when he first collapsed or if it’s where Jamie decided to take him bc why would they feel the need to explain him being there? why was it even relevant to tell us it was Jamie’s room in the first place?

- The Doctor somehow manages to control the Tardis enough to take Celine on one trip to an alien planet and then return to the correct time & place for her to use the footage she recorded there in her new film - and while the audio doesn’t do very much to explain how that was possible, it does treat this as A Pretty Big Deal, and immediately afterward the Doctor has to spend a week communing with his past self (and/or the Tardis?) debating how likely it is that the Time Lords could use this to trace him. When he decides it’s not worth the risk and they have to stop the film from ever being shown to the public, Jamie asks why he agreed to it in the first place, and all he can say is “Because, Jamie, you asked me to!” earning awkward stares from the crowd.

- Oh, but, lest we forget, that little outburst is also immediately followed by him putting his arm around Jamie’s shoulders, and, shockingly, apparently beginning to actually explain the truth about the danger from the Time Lords - until they’re interrupted, of course idk why exactly but the idea of a 60s dr wanting to come clean with a companion but not being allowed to bc the show demands the war games be something of a reveal hurts me in a very good way

- The mental image of “the Doctor and Jamie, resplendent in borrowed evening wear”

- The audio admitting that Jamie’s not very good at subterfuge, and the Doctor asking if he’s going to be alright with them having to steal the film back from Celine - and Jamie’s little “Aye, Doctor” as he feels a ‘glass arrow piercing his chest’ glad to see bf is reading all my letters about exactly how i feel any time something sad happens to james robert mccrimmon

- The Doctor’s anxious to get out of there for obvious reasons, but he hangs around bc Jamie wants to see Celine again - which doesn’t happen, because of her aforementioned shock & depression, but she does leave Jamie a note that ends “you and that Doctor of yours - look after him Jamie, he loves you dearly, as do I.” yeah, if you didn’t want people to draw a parallel there, you could’ve picked, like, any other wording in the world.

- In case you weren’t fully convinced I’ve been reading too much into this whole audio already, consider this: Celine dies in Long Island in 1968, three days before her birthday - 1968 is when this story would’ve taken place in the show’s history (between Fury & Wheel), and dying three days before/after a birthday in America seems a bit... well I had some deja vu from it, anyway

- Four of all people being the one to bring back the film - I know he does it bc Sarah Jane makes him, but personally, I often feel like despite the length of his run, 4 is the Doctor with which we might’ve gotten the fewest glimpses into his interiority, so the fact that it’s him and not one of the more overtly sentimental Doctors makes it feel like it carries even more weight somehow, to me anyway. I think I wrote a post saying roughly the same thing about 4 & Fate of Krelos/Return to Telos but maybe I only did that inside my own head lol. Still, I’m all for any opportunities for Jamie to be one of the few characters to draw some noticeable emotion out of Four, but in fairness I haven’t touched too much of his EU stuff to really be able to compare the frequency with which this happens with other past companions

- Is Four referring to Two or Jamie when he says he got the film from “an old family friend”? Two did the actual stealing, but he probably means Jamie’s involvement - either way, it’s an interesting way of describing old companions - or selves?

- When Jemima goes to call Jamie a thief, Four is “roused” to defend him: “he really was the very best of men” again, any time four freely shows he cares about someone, im over the moon about it

- Oh ha ha, there’s an audio called “Deleted Scenes” featuring the Doctor who’s most affected by junked episodes. And at the end of it, a character who’s spent her life researching and lecturing about a lost film gets to watch it be ‘rediscovered’ after it’s gone unseen for decades. I feel marginally less stupid for reading into the other details of a story like this when it ends up deciding to be to be clever & slightly meta like that

But yeah

all in all, it’s kind of amazing to me that this genuinely reads like they sat down and said okay boys it’s valentines day, let’s write an audio where jamie kisses a girl, since that hasn’t happened except as a plot device in one story in 1967 - but then when they got down to business they accidentally(?) wrote a story all about how important his bond with the Doctor is and how easily that can be compared to a legitimate love interest (even if the love interest in question is a one off character & the extent of the relationship appears to be like one kiss & then having Jamie spend most of his time around the Doctor instead)

I realize there’s something slightly illogical about writing the words “shipping aside” after a post like this but seriously - no matter how many categories you’re able to see two & jamie’s relationship fitting into, this is 40 minutes of big finish just hitting you over the head with how powerful/special/important that relationship is, and with them being two of my favorite characters, i really haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since

[nevrgoinoutastyle2876]

Hey so I don’t normally posy other fandom stuff on here but this is my most followed account and I need some advice on a fic. It’s destiel, please tell me if it’s any good and if you like it I’ll post the link to the rest of the story

——————

"Very well. Have it your way," Crowley turned to Azazel and Alistair, "boys, shall we?" I saw a smirk cross all their features, and before I knew it, Crowley and the others were shoving me and my friends into the water.

My name is Castiel Novak, and I'm a mess.

One big giant mess. Let me tell you about my day, how it went from good to bad, and how I ended up getting pushed into a lake.

Today, it was summer. Well... months into summer. School would be starting in just about six days. I woke up to quickly find out that it was one of the hottest days of the year. The sun was beating down like thick blanket and never left the clear sky. If I had to guess I'd say the kids in my neighborhood were all playing in sprinklers and having fun, trying to make the most out of what little they had left of summer. Since school was starting very soon, I thought that I should possibly do the same thing, and make the most of what I had left of the season.

I woke up early in the morning. I traveled down the stairs to see an all to familiar view. My Dad was no where in sight, probably in his room writing. My mom was sitting at the kitchen counter reading a magazine, completely ignoring the chaos in the living room.

To tell the truth, what was happening in the living room wasn't all that bad, but, still disturbing. Even though I've seen a lot worse go down in that room. The tv was on and Gabriel, my little brother was sitting on the floor in front of it, constantly changing channels. Anna, my sister, sat on the couch. She was pressed all the way to the end of the couch, trying to still sit there while being as far away from the other end of the couch as she could.

Why was she trying to stay away from the other end of the couch you might ask? Well... Luci, my oldest brother, was there, and so was his boyfriend, Michael. Michael and Luci have been dating for about a year or so. I was shocked they'd made it this long, seeing at they were polor opposites. Michael graduated highschool with a perfect GPA and taking a all advanced courses, while being a star football player as well. Now, he's going to college and spends his free time either with Luci or shadowing the doctors at the hospital so that it'll be easier for him to get a job there. Probably as a heart surgeon or something. Also he had a spotless criminal record.

Meanwhile, Luci had probably all E's in his classes before he dropped out. Never once touched a football and spent most of his time smoking weed with the other bleacher-creatures during the games. He was not attending any colleges and was job-less. His free time was spent either with Michael or at the police station, and it sure as hell wasn't for volunteering. I remember a couple times mom and dad refused to bail him out, so Michael had to go do it.

So yeah, I'm shocked they made it a year. But anyways, right now Michael was over and sitting on the couch with Luci. Well, it was more like Michael was sitting on the couch and Luci was sitting on top of him. They were making out. It was disgusting.

They were making weird moaning noises as Michael's hands practically groped Lucifers torso and chest. I wanted to gag.

I soon decided very quickly that I didn't want to be here, so slipped out the front door before anyone would stop me. Mom and Dad never cared if we went anywhere so I figured they'd be fine if I just left for a little while.

I opened the door and quickly went outside. I closed the door behind me and took a step out into the morning air. If I had to guess I'd say it was about 9:00am, the sun was blazing across the sky as I sat down. I let the warm air and occasional cool breeze wash over me. It was one of those, buy ice cream, go to the beach, summer days. I wasn't much of an outside person, but I enjoyed them none-the-less.

I stood up in my short sleeve, buttoned, baby blue shirt, and jeans before I began to walk down the street. My friend Charlie lived a few blocks down from me, and a few blocks down from there lived Dorothy. See, I had friends, but, there was only two of them. I have known Charlie forever, so we were always close. We met when we were probably five. I remember being at the park with Luci when I saw a small red-headed girl fall from the jungle gym. She looked hurt so I ran from Luci to see if she was alright. She was bleeding, but shockingly, not crying. I went to the bench where Mom was. I rummaged in her purse for the Band-Aids I always made her keep in there for reasons such as this.

I helped the girl bandage her arm to stop the small amount of blood. When I finished she turned to me with an incredibly bright grin and said, "are we best friends now?" And ever since then, we've never left each other's side.

Then Charlie met this girl named Dorothy when we first started middle School in sixth grade. She was pretty badass for a twelve year old and she shockingly decided to sit with us. So she became part of our group too. Now sixteen and we were all inseparable.

Charlie was the fun nerd in our group, she always had the best and craziest ideas out of all of us. Her bright and spunky personality made her instantly loveable. Dorothy was a bit more grounded but was always up for adventure, so when Charlie got an idea, Dorothy was the one to make it happen.

I was the downer of the group I assumed, mainly because I always tried to talk them out of their crazy ideas. But they were both stubborn and I bet if they had the chance to go to Oz they would take it in a heartbeat. They never listened to me, and of course, dragged me along with them every time they were up to some shenanigan. Like the day Charlie said we should go downtown and take edgy pictures of the train tracks, so we could be douchy hipster wannabes. The next day Dorothy grabbed her camera and yanked us downtown to the train tracks. That day we almost got hit by said train on the tracks.

See what I mean? Bad Ideas. But I will admit, there has been some good ones. Like two summers ago we were all sitting at Dorothy's house, bored with nothing to do, so Charlie randomly said we should go into town and take some weird class. We spent the whole afternoon learning pottery and making clay. That was fun.

So, in conclusion, I love my friends and their idiotic selves. That's why I was on my way down there now, to go do something interesting. I approached Charlie's house very quickly. Her house was small, probably the smallest out of all our houses. She was an only child and therefore really didn't need that much space. Her house was painted a red-ish orange color, it was like a burnt faded orange kind of. I don't know how to describe it, but it was pretty. Her grass was bright green lined with pink flowers around the house. Cute little white shutters to match with the windows.

The door was a plain brown and I smiled at it before I knocked. I always liked her house. I waited only mer seconds before the door burst open. Charlie looked like she had just been running. She grinned at me when she saw me standing in the doorway.

"I saw you coming from my room and came running." So I was right. She waited a bit before turning to stick her head into the house, "MOM IM GOING OUT WITH CAS!" She called, slamming the door shut immediately after.

I smiled at her again as she linked her arm with mine and started off down the porch steps. Today Charlie was wearing baggy jean shorts that went down to her knees, as well as a Star Wars t-shirt. Her head phones were wrapped around her neck and the cord trailed down her back into her pocket, where her phone probably was.

"Anyways, hi best friend!" She finally greeted once we made it to the sidewalk. I couldn't help but smile, even if it was faint.

"Hello Charlie." I greeted back, watching her long red hair bounce with each step.

"I was hoping you would come by today." She told me, seeming determined. I tilted my head a bit.

"Oh? Why's that?" I asked curiously, taking notice we were on our way to Dorothy's.

"Cant I just wannna see my friend!?... Alsooo when you were sick last week, me and Dorothy went out and discovered something really cool. We gotta show it to you." She sounded excited and picked up her walking pace subconsciously.

We made it to Dorothy's shortly after leaving Charlie's. Dorothy come out almost as fast as Charlie had, giving us her signature smirk before heading out. She was wearing skinny jeans and a brown shirt with her brown hair in a side bun. She was gorgeous I always thought, but not that I was into that kinda stuff.

We started walking down the road together, I started to sweat.

"Man it's hot out." Dorothy complained, sighing and wiping her forehead. Charlie smirked,

"Well duh, that's cuz I'm out here bitches," she grinned as Dorothy gave her a playful shove. I smiled shyly.

"Shut up," she told Charlie, still grinning, then laughing.

"So can anyone tell me where we are going." I asked curiously, changing the topic. I noticed Dorothy smirking.

"You'll have to wait." She told me, causing Charlie to suppress a smirk. I frowned.

"Guys, we are getting far away from town and-" I was quickly cut off by Charlie.

"Oh my gosh Cas, don't be such a stick in the mud. We'll be fineee." She urged, but I wasn't convinced.

"It's just that, you guys don't always have the best ideas..." I mumbled. Charlie looked fakely offended.

"How?!" She questioned while I just looked down sheepishly.

"Well, like... The train incident... that time you almost got us stuck on a flight to India, or when you and Dorothy got me to join your prank fight and we got covered in quick drying paint. Or when we went to the movies and that guy-"

"Okay, okay! You've made your point!" She informed quickly, a flustered blush forming on her face. I couldn't help my grin just a little bit.

After walking for what felt like forever, we were at what I thought was the edge if town. We lived in Michigan, smack dab in the center of the glove, in a town that, if you walked far enough, it turned into all wilderness. I think that's where we were now because on our very long walk we passed a bunch of trees and ponds. Now we were at the end of the dirt road, the very end before it faded into trees.

I would say I was scared, I would say being in the woods made me uncomfortable, I would say we should head back, but, I love nature. Nature is calming and beautiful, how could I say to turn back when we are in the best part of our town?

Charlie turned to me and grinned, Dorothy walked ahead of her. While Dorothy cleared the path, Charlie grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the opening Dorothy made by moving tree branches.

"Close your eyes." Charlie told me, and started guiding me through the forest.

"Please don't run me into anything." I pleaded, not fully trusting my red-headed friend. I could practically feel her eye roll.

"I won't," she grumbled, even thought she probably had been planning too before I stopped her.

"We're here!" Dorothy said, excitement filling her voice. Charlie smiled brightly and let go of my hand.

"Open!" She commanded cheerfully. I let my eyes flutter open and widen at the sight in front of me.

It was an absolutely beautiful lake.  It seemed almost deserted. No one was here and it appeared to be a place where no one ever went. The sun was shining bright and created a sparkling reflection in the crystal water. Trees surrounded the entire lake, lillypads and cat tails laid where the water meets the grass. Flowers, exotic ones that were bright orange and neon pink were also by the trees. I was shocked.

I took a step forward and grinned wide. I turned my head back to my two friends who stood behind me.

"How did you-" I started to ask how they found it, but Dorothy was already answering.

"Find it? Easy. We were going for a walk in the woods when, poof! Here it was! No one was here, and we knew we had to show you." She told me, smirking proudly as her and Charlie came closer to stand next to me.

"Well... I love it..." I stutter, speechless. I heard Charlie laugh next to me but I couldn't drag my eyes away from the beautiful sight to look at her.

I wasn't sure how long we had been there. It was a while that's for sure. We sat on the edge of the grass, our feet hanging in the water. We were just chatting about school and such when we heard something. It was yelling and laughing in the distance. The noises we're coming closer and I tensed. I recognized the noises all to well.

It sounded like Crowley and his friends. Fergus Crowley MacLeoud was his full name, but he had everyone call him Crowley. He was basically the head jock at school, despite him not being particularly that athletic. He somehow still made the football team and managed to be the most popular boy in school. He hung out with Azazel, Alistair, Lilith, Abbadon, and a few other of the popular kids. He didn't even like Abbadon, hated her to be exact, but still hung out with her because she was popular and head cheerleader. Lilith was another cheerleader, and incredibly beautiful at that, but very rude, she also had a little sister four years younger in Gabriel's grade. Her name was Ruby. Azazel and Alistair were just super creepy and rude. I hated them both, they always wanted to pick on someone. That someone usually being me.

They all seemed to follow Crowley blindly, except Abbadon, but she cooperated. I could hear their annoying screams and laughs getting closer, so I decided to stand. Charlie saw and stood too. Dorothy looked up at us both.

"Guys, it's okay, nothing's is gonna-" I knew Dorothy was gonna say nothing was gonna happen, and that we'd be fine, but she couldn't. That was because guess who came through the trees.

Crowley and his friends. I'm not typically one for swearing, but I really wanted then to f-off. Dorothy saw them and finally stood as well, glaring a bit as she watched the tree branches move, revealing them all.

"Well, well, well..." Crowley announced in a British accent. Today he was wearing black jeans and a black v-neck t-shirt. Lilith wore a white sun dress and Abbadon wore a t-shirt saying, "the devil made me do it," and jeans. Everyone else wore very similar clothes to Crowley.

"Why are you here?" Dorothy asked bravely. Crowley grimaced.

"This is our spot so I'll have to ask you the same question." He growled, clearly very annoyed. Charlie jumped next to me.

"Anyone can come here, it's not just your spot." Dorothy spat, taking a step closer. No no Dorothy stop. Why do you have to be so brave?

"I suggest you leave before someone gets hurt." Abbadon threatened, pointing a pale, flawless, slender finger at Dorothy. Her nail was long and painted a bright shade of red that matched her lips perfectly.

But obviously, Dorothy wasn't going to back down. "Excuse you, but who the hell do you think you are. You don't own us." She snarled in return. Abbadon looked offended at her words, almost recoiling. A scowl formed on her sharp features. Then before I knew it, Crowley, Azazel, and Alistair were walking over.

I gulped, wishing that Dorothy just kept her mouth shut. Crowley stood right by us with his minions behind him.

"Leave." His one word filled the whole forest with venom and left a sting right in my throat because suddenly I couldn't speak. And even though Crowley was shorter then me, chubbier then me, and probably less strong, the way he carried himself made him so much more intimidating then I ever could be.

"We aren't leaving." Dorothy stated harshly. Crowleys stern facial features quickly changed and he back away from me and grinned.

"Very well. Have it your way," Crowley turned to Azazel and Alistair, "boys, shall we?" I saw a smirk cross all their faces, and before I knew it, Crowley and the others were shoving me and my friends into the water.

If someone reads this and likes it, please let me know and I'll post more chapters

[uncookspaget]

I know I’m not a big blog and have like any followers, infact I love that. This is my space away from reality, friends, family and I love it, there’s no stress just stories and art and I get to come and go as I please. And I don’t have friends I need to check up on here, which sounds kinda rude but I like this space as my “me time”. So to say. This is my no responsibilities space. My silent appreciation and support of things that help me escape.

But the last month has been so fucking wild, so I’m going to vent rant here for a bit, first let me say this, I am trying get disability, because I have health issues and learning disabilities, so I had to sit and do an assessment for like 6 hours or something, back in November. But anyway it was to figure out what I might have come to find out I have a severe disability with numbers, anything to do with numbers, and then I found out I have autism, which not really a surprise I did my research before, like I have with other stuff. I know myself so well that I can go online research stuff and already know what I have before a professional tells me.(always get professional advice!!!!) So when I found out my mom laughed cause she knew that I already I knew that before being told. But anyway I have autism, severe disability with numbers, (I’m going to brag about myself a little cause I have something to be proud of) my reading and writing are that of a college level, and I have a extremely fast processing speed. So this was all very validating for me.

Then I guess like a week later? I’m sitting in my apartment with my mom, dad, and younger sister, we hear the fire alarm go, and well we’ve lived here for like 5.5 years and in those years we’ve had three fires, and multiple false alarms to the point we thought oh it’s nothing someone burned lunch, right? So my dad goes knocking on doors and I go with him, a lot of old people live in the building and might not hear it, so as we go to the fire doors he opens it and black smoke poured out of the one door and I screamed not go in there so now we know it’s bad, like really bad, like I’ve seen movies and shows and those cant express the very real fear I’ve felt then. So I run back to my mom in the apartment and she said grab the papers and some clothes, my sister shows up again (turns out she went out and then ran BACK INTO THE BUILDING TO GET US!!) and she’s grabbing we’re rushing by the time we open the door, not even 3 minutes have past, it looks like night, darker than night, I can’t see our emergency exit sign. So when I saw that all I could think is we might die, like this could be it. Me and my sister wanted to go off the balcony but my mom is 61 and we’re on the second floor, so she gets me a wet hand towel and tells me to crawl so went through all that smoke to the side stairwell that isn’t in the direction of the fire. We get out but I can’t breathe I’m coughing so hard I’m gonna puke in front of all these people so I’m spitting and I can’t breathe and I’m crying. And my sister is crying, and I can see the fire and I can’t look away. Like this is real, like more real than I can ever imagine. They had two ambulances there and my dad took me to one, and eventually I went to the hospital by myself, finally my mom and sister could come see me I spent three hours there, and went through three oxygen tanks I honestly should’ve done a fourth one but I wanted to leave and the doctor was no where to be seen and the nurse I had was kinda an idiot, like that sounds rude but my mask fell on the floor then he was going to give me the same one then he dropped my new mask on the floor and almost gave it to me but sister wouldn’t let him, so I can say he was an idiot. I still haven’t processed anything from that day. I can’t follow along with time. It passes but I’m not here and I’m not there at the fire, it’s kinda like floating. I’m conscious but don’t know how many days have past and I don’t know what day or time it is, I’m so confused I couldn’t remember when we had the fire, my mom had to tell me it was a week before then when I thought it was. We stayed in a hotel from the Friday it happened and then the Sunday after 6 o’clock ish they said it was okay to come back in, but when I went there to see it I couldn’t even be in there the smoke and chemicals were everywhere in everything, they said that it was cleaned it wasn’t there was soot on our furniture and appliances, I went there a few time the first week, my mom needed to call the insurance company, (she doesn’t own a cell phone, she’s 61 and will never own one) and I couldn’t even be inside I would sit on our balcony. Now I’m at another hotel with my mom while my sister and dad stay at our apartment, they have ocd and don’t want to be anywhere else.

It’s now been two weeks and next Friday will be three, I can’t stay at our apartment cause I’ve been getting nose bleed, headaches, I can’t breathe. I can’t even walk around like normal anywhere without wheezing. Now we’re gonna have to move, but the prices are insane, and it would have to be a three bedroom not two like we have, I’m almost 20 and I share with my 18 year old sister we’ve never had our own room. And I’ve packed away almost all my stuff away in storage so cleaners can come, and I don’t have my paints, so I can’t even de-stress that way. Not to mention I’ve been having problems with my oldest friend, and I don’t really know how deal with this situation on top of it all, and yes it’s all the small and big things adding up, and I know it’ll mean nothing one day, but for now I’m allowed to feel these things and I’m allowed to be upset. I know people won’t read this in fact I don’t even know if I’ll post it, but I just need to release a little bit.

Also with Covid-19 being so much worse then it was 2 weeks ago I can’t do much except go from my hotel to the apartment, which isn’t good for me. Did I mention I have compromised health? Lol yeah I think I forgot to mention I have asthma, so when I got to the stores or go out to get food I’m risking a lot, especially with old parents like my dad is almost 69 and my mom also 61 and has compromised health, and no body is taking this shit seriously. I’m scared for me and my family and others. But when I go out nobody respects my space or any other persons space, like do you not get it? Life is real dangerous right now and you don’t care? Maybe it’s cause I’m angry and have been through trauma and stress, and I am young and look healthy but IM NOT! I’m young but I’m not healthy! I have asthma! Which yeah other people have it worse but I have no where to go I can’t stay and isolate in my apartment and I can’t really stay in my hotel if that happens. Not to mention if the hotel shuts down. I’m scared like really when I think about it I feel kinda sick from stress. Why can’t people try to understand the situation? It’s scary and dangerous and you don’t know peoples situation. I’m so done and tired, please everybody be respectful and keep you’re distance. Stay safe and stay home people. Don’t risk it, it’s not worth yours or anybody else’s life. Be strong we got this. Peace and love to you all ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[egobangin-tonight]

gOD okay im doing a rant about work bc i dont know where else to put it and i need to Screm™

(Its v long srry)

For people who are new, I work in a hospital, i work in an ER, and im a secretary. All i do is answer calls, transfer calls to doctors and nurses, and set up transportation for patients when theyre deemed ready to go upstairs (by the doctor and the nurse) after the admitting department has provided a bed for the patient.

I cannot stress that last bit enough; i set up transportation AFTER all steps have been checked off. I am the LAST person in a chain of events that allows a patient to get upstairs. As a secretary I have no actual power; i am physically unable to interact with any part of this process except for the one assigned to me.

SO

Around 12:20, i get a call from a man asking for a status update on their father. Elderly man whos been waiting for a bed for about 2 hours now. Our ER is insanely crowded compared to most hospitals and today our census was around 90-100 (which is average for us). Having a long wait time is to be expected, especially since the floors patients get admitted to are equally booked and crowded.

So i tell the man the typical response i give to people inquiring about relatives waiting to go upstairs, “the patient is going to be staying overnight but there is currently no bed assigned.”

“so do you know when he’ll be going upstairs??”

“No, from my screen it says that they are still currently waiting for the bed to become available on the floor. So until the space is freed up somehow, they will have to stay in the Emergency Room.”

Now this is usually when they say “can i speak to the nurse taking care of so n so; i just want to make sure theyre okay” or “oh thats okay, i just wanted to make sure they were on the board”. But no, this dude couldnt be okay with either of those choices.

“So you cant tell me when theyre going upstairs?”

“No, I cant. Were not the ones who distribute the beds. Thats Admittings responsibility.” (I literally just gave him is answer 30 seconds ago)

“So who can I talk to to get information on my dad?”

“…do you…do you mean his current status? Because then I can transfer you to his nurse-”

“No i mean information on his bed.”

“Admitting.”

“Can u transfer me there?”

So I transfer him. Poof, gone, goodbye, hope he gets his answers.

IMMEDIATELY, he calls back. “Is this the emergency room?”

“Yes, how can i help you?”

*repeats the entire thing again*

“Sir, i CANT help, admitting is the only department that can give you any answers. If theyre transferring you back to me, its because they cannot help you.”

“But there has to be some kind of waiting list. If hes going upstairs, who determines who gets a bed upstairs first?”

So like, the problem is that he 1) does not work here and 2) does not understand what the actual issue is. Because his dad is most certainly next in line. The problem is that the floors are so filled to the brim with sick patients that theres No Space For Him. Its not us trying to withhold beds, its us having more sick patients than we can handle.

And its even more complicated than that: some people are special needs and require an enclosed room. Some people are in isolation, some people are contagious, some people are a fall risk, some people need security, some people need 24/7 surveillance. Because the floors are so packed, we have Hallway Beds which is basically just the ER but with less patients so its calmer and quieter. Some people dont qualify for the hallway placements or ‘Overflow Beds’ because of the aforementioned needs.

Basically, his dad needed a bed on a floor that was at max capacity and unless there were some extreme last minute changes, there wouldnt be any space.

So i tell him “We CANT speed up the process any faster, we have to wait for people to leave the floor and make space for him.” Its like a car on the curb blocked in by two other cars. Yeah, you want the space that car is in, but until those other two cars are dealt with, youre just gonna have to sit there.

He asks if he could get transferred again so I transferred him.

They IMMEDIATELY transfer him back. So i transfer him again. This time, before they transfer him back to me, they tell us to transfer him to our Charge Nurse. So we do that. And for 5 minutes, hes on the phone w our Charge before she tells us to transfer him back to admitting. So we transfer him AGAIN.

and he calls us !! Either they hung up on him or they ignored the call but he calls back asking for the Charge Nurse. And when she refuses to pick up, he asks for admitting.

This went on for over a fucking hour. An hour of ONE fucking ignorant entitled selfish piece of shit calling and harrassing us to page “The Charge Nurse” “Admitting” “The nurse taking care of my dad” “The DOCTOR taking care of my dad”.

And every single time he called it was for one of these people. And the problem was that we all talked to him!! All of us!! I talked to him! My coworkers did! The charge, admitting, the nurse, the doctor !! They all answered and he still kept calling. And it was getting to a point where we started ignoring his number because he was stopping us from answering OTHER calls.

And he would call from other numbers because we werent answering his call.

Just

AN HOUR AND A HALF of nonstop calling for what ?? To expedite your dad upstairs?? To skip everyone else whos been waiting ahead of him? Why do u think your dad deserves special treatment??

No one understands how our paging system works; i just hold the call and it gets set to 1 of 19 speeddial numbers. And i page that specific speeddial number overhead in the loudspeaker. I cannot physically force anyone to pick up that number; if they hear it and choose to ignore it, i can never MAKE them answer it.

At around 1:30, i notice that his dad has received a bed. Which is good! So when he calls, im still fucking irritated but i tell him “is this about your dad? Bc he now has a bed and-”

“Oh I already know that, i already talked to the charge nurse and admitting and made that happen”

What?

“You made that happen?”

“Yes, im just trying to talk to the doctor for something else”

So I transfer him to the doctor and stare at my coworker bewildered bc…this dude is full of shit lmao Theres no way HE did it, this is not any random fast food joint where you can complain to the manager and get shit done your way. Everything is done in order, no amount of yelling or grovelling is gonna make anything go faster. Because its not that we dont FEEL like admitting people, its that we as an entire unit cannot FIT that many people.

So either 1) the patient left. Either AMA (against medical advice) or discharged. And discharge is more likely because if the patient that left was an elderly or bedconfined patient, then an ambulance couldve picked them up to bring them back to a nursing home or something similar

2) the patient in the room was downgraded to a hallway bed WHILE they were on the floor. Which is believable but AWFUL. Hallway beds are just stretchers in the hall, and you can get an Actual room when one opens up: all it does is allow you to be in a floor with a max of 30 people instead of a floor of up to 150+ people. So to get bumped down is terrible

Or 3) someone who had a hallway bed and was waiting for a regular bed got bumped and skipped in favor of this random dudes dad. Which is EQUALLY bad

But also, I really didnt know what this dude wanted. Because now that hes got the bed i would assume thats finished and he could just go to sleep or something. Once the bed is assigned and the last charting is complete, getting them upstairs is SUPER quick compared to everything else. About 20 mins max to pick up the patient and travel across the hospital to get them upstairs.

But hes apparently been bugging the doctors to complete their charts, harrassing the nurses to do the same; the entire 20 or so minutes i was ignoring him was to essentially get them to finish the chart. But like…??? They have other patients?? And they had to stop what they were doing to answer the calls. And even they stopped responding because they knew that if they heard their name over the loudspeaker, it was because of this dude.

So finally, at like 1:50, I pick up the line. And hes asking for the doctor. And i ask him WHY is he calling the doctor, because theyre not gonna pick up for him, and all i can do is page overhead.

And in the most fake, cali girl kind of voice (bc he DID have a cali girl voice only now it was clearly fake chill) “well, i WAS trying to get the doctor to pick up the phone but maybe you can help me instead.”

“Oh, I’ll definitely try my best.”

“So is there anyway I can get my dad upstairs a bit faster?”

And im like u fucking idiot, you fucking dick wasting all this time, all MY TIME “See you called at 1:30”

“Yes.”

“And i asked, i specifically asked 'was this about your dad? Because he has a bed right now’ and you dismissed me because you felt that the doctor could give you answers, not realizing that if you had just told me 'yes, its about my dad’ i wouldve told you that everything was set up and that we were waiting for transportation to bring them upstairs.”

“Well yes but-”

“So because you thought you were cutting out the middle man, you made me page these nurses and doctors overhead to get NOTHING done. When I couldve just answered you from the getgo.”

And im so irritated and HEATED bc this dude called for 30 minutes just to make his dad skip ahead of everyone else and there was NO way i was letting that happen.

“So is he just waiting for transportation to go upstairs?”

“Yes.”

“Is there anyway I can do that myself?”

“??? No?? Only the transporter can bring them upstairs.”

“Why?”

“???????because its their job????????? Thats what they do???? Bring patients from the ER to the floor.”

“So you mean to tell me that I have to wait? Wait like I had to wait for admitting to get off their asses and get my dad a bed?”

“Thats generally what happens when theres a line of people; you go in order”

So i tell him, “Do you work here? Because unless you are a transporter you are physically unable to bring him upstairs” and hes like “well i should be because no one else in this hospital is doing their job. How is it I managed to get my dad a bed in just three minutes?? How is it that if hes being transported from one department to another, why cant I just wheel him up in a wheelchair.” Im answering his stupid questions as simply as possible but hes just refusing to listen. Like why we need to have transporters transport patients (bc the ID is the only thing that unlocks the door, bc the transporters are the only ones with access to the whole building) or like why its going to take longer because we have limited transporters tonight.

And like..i need to leave…bc i just have no tolerance for people anymore. I cant do it, i get so livid, i wanted to break my phone and smash it into the wall. If this fucker was out on the block i wouldve been throwing fists; he WOULD be catching these fucking hands.

I cant remember word for word what he was saying because it was just him yelling and cursing at me about how this entire building is incompetent, how we told him to wait until his dad got a bed and if he had listened, if he hadnt INTERVENED, he would STILL be waiting, that if he was working there things would be going alot more smoother, shit would be getting done, how theres no reason the place should be understaffed because its the holiday weekend and we should be prepared for this (not realizing that the department literally understaffs us BECAUSE its the holiday weekend and the census is always lower than usual)

Just him assuming no one was doing their job, then complaining for almost TWO HOURS and then assuming that his complaining worked when in reality it was just completely coincidental; that if he really 'got a bed in three minutes’ i wouldve seen a bed appear at 12:40, not 1:30.

And they taking it out on the transporters as if they WANT to be understaffed and stuck transporting patients to 7 different locations across the entire building; patients who need to go to the floors, to sono, to CT, to MRI, and then required to be taken back. To be so understaffed that people delegated to cleaning have to stop and pitch in once in a while to help their coworkers. And he had the NERVE to try and skip past people who were patiently waiting, who were waiting longer than his dad had been waiting.

He asked to speak to the “Head of transportation ” and i wanted to laugh so hard, i could not stop myself from mocking him “oh the HEAD of transportation! Let me transfer you.” Straight to the fucking operator lmao kiss my ass have fun trying to find that person at exactly 2:03am on a monday morning and a HOLIDAY no less

The dad eventually went upstairs. He waited like everyone else in this ER and from this point on, if he wants to cause a scene, im sending the son Straight to the floor his dad is sleeping on so he can harass them because i am done™

[quicksilver-rain]

Toni and Thor!! Im lov them

This is long because I am verbose:

Full Name: 

Toni doesn’t actually have a last name, but at some point she made one up because she assumed that because everyone else had one, they must be important. So I guess her last name is technically Frewin

As far as Thor is concerned, words like, “beast,” and “eldritch terror” and “ohmygod, what the fuck is that?” get thrown around a lot. He’s usually introduced to people as “Thor, the Mechanical Beast,” if someone Toni’s travelling with is feeling particularly dramatic, or more often than not, “my dog, Thor,” by Toni

Gender and Sexuality: 

Toni’s cis-female and either aggressively ace or too busy trying to survive to worry about things like feelings and relationships.

Thor doesn’t technically have a gender, being that he’s made of metal and magic, but Toni’s always called him by male pronouns and he’s never corrected her. He doesn’t have a sexuality at all, also due to being a one of a kind metal/magical doggo.

Pronouns:

She/her and he/him respectively. Though people also tend to call Thor “it” as well.

Ethnicity/Species:

Toni as a character started out half-elf in the first D&D campaign I used her in, but now she’s a human. She’s from Summerfell, so I guess that’s her ethnicity, if she was out and about in the real world, she’d probably be Hispanic/Irish or Spanish/Italian.

Thor’s…um… breed? Is something akin to a shar-pei, and he looks like a walking Fu Dog statue. I guess technically, he’s a war-forged, but we’re running 5e and that’s not a race anymore.

Birthplace and Birthdate:

If you were to ask Thor where and when she was born, he would tell you that she was born screaming and crying and bloody in the tunnels of Moonhold pleading with the Gods for a miracle or several. Toni would tell you that she doesn’t know where she was born or who her parents were, but that the Miner’s Camps and Tunnels are the only homes she remembers. 

If you asked Toni where when Thor was born (made?) she’d tell you that she thinks he was forged in the mountains by the a mysterious man and brought to life by his magic and that he wasn’t born so much as he opened his eyes and there he was. Thor would agree with this statement. 

Guilty Pleasures:

Toni’s basically a scavenging urchin that steals to survive, so her guilty pleasures are things like sleeping in beds and stealing nice soaps from shopkeepers that yell at her and taking baths. She also has a fondness for sweets and likes to be read to. 

Thor’s guilty pleasure is chewing bald patches in Inn rugs and scaring people that deserve it. 

Phobias:

Toni used to be a miner in Moonhold, because that’s basically the only “job” the poor have around there. One day there was a cave-in, pretty much everyone got out safely, except for Toni, who was pinned beneath the fallen rocks and couldn’t free herself. She screamed for help, but the wardens of the mine simply cordoned off the tunnel and sent the miners elsewhere. Toni kept up yelling for someone to help her until she passed out from blood loss and shock, and the next time she opened her eyes, she was alive, missing pieces, and was being stared at by Thor. Later, she was kidnapped by mages (doctors) that wanted to figure out how her shiny new prosthesis were attached to her and nearly died a second time because people are shitty and some of them like to experiment on people. Because of this, Toni has severe claustrophobia (mostly in cave-like environments). She’s also scared of boats and deep water, because she’s heavy now and sinks like a rock, and is scared absolutely shitless of anyone that calls themselves a doctor. She also has a not insignificant fear of being forcefully separated from Thor. 

Thor, for what it’s worth, is terrified of losing Toni and is scared of what might happen to her if the Bad People take her again. 

What They Would Be Famous For:

Toni actually won the Belt of Fortitude during a bare knuckle brawl against some Joseph Jostar lookin’ motherfucker. She was exceedingly lucky and made a lot of money that day that she doesn’t know what to do with. She does know the criminal underbelly of Raven’s Warf is in awe of her skill and power.  

Thor, by virtue of being Different, is famous simply for existing. Doubly so because Toni’s the Grand Champion of the Raven’s Warf Fight Club.

What They Would Get Arrested For:

Stealing, probably. Or illegally participating in underground fighting rings. Or trespassing.

No one could arrest Thor. He’d rip them apart. Also I don’t think they make handcuffs for dogs.

OC You Ship Them With:

There’s no one for either of them, really. One of my friend’s character’s, Raenon used to flirt with Toni a lot, but nothing came of that. 

Thor is uninterested in ships, unless they’re the little paddle boats that look like ducks, because those look just like big ducks.  

OC Most Likely To Murder Them:

I personally don’t have an OC that wants to kill either of them, but there are plenty of people that want to see how each of them works. Dead or alive doesn’t matter. 

Favorite Movie/Book Genre:

Toni actually can’t read anything but thieve’s cant and the occasional stray word, but she likes listening to fairy tales and ballads. 

I feel like Thor’s favorite book is probably either some really trashy romance novel, or Pride & Prejudice, no in-between.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche:

If Toni was ever inclined to watch a movie, she’d probably hate forced romances that are convenient to the plot, if only because she wouldn’t get why the idiot protagonists are making out when there’s a countdown timer to the end of the world. Also, she’d probably yell, “LET DISABLED CHARACTERS BE DISABLED!” at the television at least once. Probably more than that. She’s thankful that she has her prosthesis, but while they help dramatically with her every day life, there’s a lot of compensation and general fuckery related to them. She’d also really hate disaster movies, too, for obvious reasons. 

Thor would not be into the humans vs. robots trope, and he would also high-key hate any movie where a robot begins questioning its humanity. Thor is alive, as far as he can tell, he can feel the sun on him and thinks for himself and  loves Toni more than anything. He doesn’t need to debate the philosophy of the human soul and life, he’s already experiencing it. And that is enough for him.

Talents and/or Powers:

Toni’s got the power of highly volatile and not wholly understood magic. Also she’s got one metal arm/shoulder, one metal leg (from mid-thigh down) and thre metal fingers on her otherwise flesh hand. She has a very high threshold for pain, and also is squirrely as all fuck. 

Thor has magical energy constantly clouded around his head and tail, functions as both a space heater and a bag of holding, can speak auditory binary (which is how he communicates with Toni), and can reduce a stone keep to rubble in a day and a half if given a reason to.

Why Someone Might Love Them:

Toni tries her hardest not to give people reason to dislike her, because she doesn’t think she has a lot going for her. She’s no nonsense, but kind to people and likes to take care of people she doesn’t think can take care of themselves. She’s also very comfortable with herself and Thor and has a sort of angry confidence about her. 

Thor, need I remind you, is a giant doggo, and also a good boy.

Why Someone Might Hate Them:

Oh man, there’s a lot, the least of which is just that Toni doesn’t trust people very easily and sometimes comes off as being really rude or blunt, when she’s just stating facts as succinctly as possible. She doesn’t mean to be mean, but sometimes when you’re being chased by mages, you don’t have time to spare people’s feelings. She also tends to bottle things up until she has a minor freakout that’s usually set off for a good reason. She also collects stuff like a magpie (she used to be an artificer and this was how she got components) and aggressively hoards her things. 

Thor has a lot of teeth, and when he growls, it sounds like thunder. 

How They Change:

Well, aside from the species swap, Toni’s a little more accepting now, though she’s not even remotely trusting. She’s not quite over her claustrophobia, but she can function well enough in a cave if there’s a need for her to. She’s gotten better at listening and can read at least a few of the smaller words.

Thor’s pretty fluid as far as changes go, he doesn’t age or grow like everyone else does, but he’s learned the nuances of sass and has finally figured out how to work doors in a way that doesn’t involve them being torn off their hinges. 

Why You Love Them:

Oh dude, Toni and Thor are my first D&D characters, and even though pretty much every campaign I’ve played in with them has been cancelled, I just really like playing as this scrappy little street rat just doing her best to get by. It’s just so nice. It’s also really nice playing a team of people that love and look out for each other and sort of have this forged by fire relationship. 

I'll add a picture of them latee, perhaps, I'm on mobile right now and don't have access to any references I might have of them.

[jasmine-jules]

Slave to the Game(A Jack the Ripper Story): Chapter 4

Word Count: 4900+

Warnings: Graphic depiction of violence(the murder), Murder, Mild language, Implied rape

Here’s our master list for the next chapters, and if you want more!

~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve read plenty of crime novels in my youth, stealing moments at night to read The Murders in the Rue Morgue by Edgar Allen Poe, The Rector of Veilbye by Steen Steensen Blicher or A Study in Scarlet by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. The one thing that is never actually discussed in these books is how dull and painstakingly long the interrogation process is - person after person going through the police department giving us nothing more than extra paperwork. To only give the department some gray hairs and the need to pull all nighters at the morgue.

In addition to the long nights, there was one other thing that seemed to cause my accelerated aging. The police station had recently had an accident in their crime lab, making it unusable, so they elected our morgue to do assist in the investigations. This means my alone space is constantly violated by the same three policemen, and each of them having an air of disapproval surrounding them. That not only means I don’t have my space, but my space is being filled with bigoted men who don’t think women deserve to be in the workforce, especially those of a higher class like myself. Bigoted men who think they know my lab better than I do. Bigoted men who clearly don’t deserve to be in law enforcement because they are idiots who don’t know how anything works.

“Are you sure that goes there?” a voice said from behind me.

“I’m pretty sure I am doing this right.” I said coldly as I was pushed aside from my work table by Mr. Arnold James. I mean seriously, even his name sounds bigoted, “I have worked here for nearly 3 years now, and I was practically raised here as my father owned this facility before he passed.”

Having elected to ignore me, he pushed aside the evidence that I had been working on, and replaced it with almost an identical piece of evidence then proceeded to use the tool wrong. I threw my hands up in the air and walked out of the morgue in defeat.

“Miss Bellaus! I thought you’d be working!” Archer exclaimed as I walked into his office area, where he was filing the reports to send to the police department. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t trust him but I would rather be with someone who might be on the wrong side than those who <i>are</i> on the wrong side. Even if they are two completely unrelated topics.

“Can we kick them out. Please. Let them do things wrong at a different morgue. I cannot stand another moment of their bigoted...ness.” Archer chuckled at my comment.

“I wish, but if we don’t let them use our morgue then we will not be allowed to continue working on the Leather Apron murders and we really can’t have that happen.” I gave him an inquisitive look, “...with the murders being connected to your relationship with Jessamine? Now, how about you get back in there and show those bigots who’s the boss around here.” I grimaced at the thought but walked out of his office towards the morgue anyways. As I stepped down the stairs back to where the bigoted men resided, I couldn’t help but feel that something was off about that conversation.

“Oh, look! The little girl is back again.” Mr. Arnold James exclaimed and I nearly punched him in the nose right then and there.

“For one, my name is Miss Bellaus not little girl.” He looked indignant at the apparent disrespect I was showing him, but I barreled on, “Number two, you are doing that wrong. If you look at the piece of evidence I was examining and compare it with yours, you’ll see my subject will show quite a bit more of what you are looking for. Your subject, while it is bigger, it has less blood on it, while if you look at mine you can see a much larger amount of blood on it, allowing me to have an easier time of collecting the sample and twice as much evidence. Though that is not where your mistakes began. The first mistake was believing that everything I did was wrong and proceeding to re-do every experiment I had already completed only because I am a woman.”

Shock rose on their face and Mr. Arnold James looked ready to explode, his face turning more red than the crimson dress I was wearing, “Did you think I wouldn’t notice? I am quite a bit more observant than any of you pigs are,” I spat. “Which is why while you weren’t looking, I went back and replaced it with my specimen once again because you had even been using the microscope wrong while completing your experiment. I mean, how hard is it to use a microscope anyways??” I exclaimed.

I turned to the other two men in the room, having finished tearing Mr. James Arnold a new one. “Number three, you two have not been using gloves the entire process so there is a good chance that if I had used that evidence for a testimony in court it would be disbanded because we would’ve been accused of tampering with it. Now, if you would be so kind and start actually doing this right then maybe we'll get along or I am going to kick you out and have Mr. Clay report you to the chief of police for insubordination towards the head of the morgue.”

They didn’t bother me for the rest of the time they were there. I’m pretty sure they had asked Archer for my schedule of when I would and wouldn’t be there because I actually never saw them again. The only evidence that they hadn’t ran away completely was the crumbs of food left on the work tables. Which goes to show their incompetence once more.

Another highlight is that after my outburst whenever I walked into the police station to bring a report that Archer or I had filled, it’d get very quiet and the men would nearly jump out of my way to let me pass

That being quite a happy improvement, especially since Archer and I were present for many of the interrogations involved with the Leather Apron case. Although, all interrogations we were present for had quite similar results since most of them were only questioning the witnesses, not actually interrogating suspects. They all had the same thing to say about what they saw the night of the murders. The prostitute was seen entering her apartment with a young person, most likely a boy. The young boy wasn’t seen leaving the apartment but the next time someone went to find her, she was dead. Giving us absolutely nothing to go on. Then the police would find a lead from the thousands of letters sent into the police station, follow it, arrest someone and release the suspect within three hours because the police found they had a rock solid alibi.

Then came one letter. At first, it was just set aside as some person trying to rile up the police but then they sent it down to my lab for examination. They did this with every letter they got. They were trying to see if anything useful could come of it. Nothing ever did. They were all fakes and I could easily pull some fingerprints, which if the Leather Apron was as smart as we all thought, I wouldn’t be able to find any incriminating evidence. I also never read them, it would take up time that I really didn’t have. I don’t think the police read these letters either. Although, this letter was spotless. No fingerprints. No stains. Not even a spec of dirt that I could try to trace. Absolutely nothing. So I did read this letter.

Dear Boss,

I keep on hearing the police have caught me but they wont fix me just yet. I have laughed when they look so clever and talk about being on the right track. That joke about Leather Apron gave me real fits.

I am down on whores and I shant quit ripping them till I do get buckled. Grand work the last job was. I gave the lady no time to squeal. How can they catch me now. I love my work and want to start again. You will soon hear of me with my funny little games. I saved some of the proper red stuff in a ginger beer bottle over the last job to write with but it went thick like glue and I cant use it. Red ink is fit enough I hope

ha. ha.

The next job I do I shall clip the ladys ears off and send to the police officers just for jolly wouldn't you. Keep this letter back till I do a bit more work, then give it out straight.

My knife's so nice and sharp I want to get to work right away if I get a chance. Good Luck.

Yours truly

Jack the Ripper

Dont mind me giving the trade name

PS Wasnt good enough to post this before I got all the red ink off my hands curse it No luck yet. They say I'm a doctor now. ha ha

The letter slipped out of my hands and a thud echoed in the room as my back hit the wall. I clasped my hands against my mouth as a scream threatened to escape. It wasn’t even the fact that this letter was possibly the real thing but something about it felt familiar. But I had no idea what. My first instinct was to call out for Archer but if he was apart of this somehow then what would he do if I showed him this letter? Try to destroy it? If I left it here and he found it, would it disappear like that piece of cloth did? The letter did say to keep it until something else happened but should I even be listening to whoever wrote this letter? Was anything in this letter even valid? My train of thought was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Hey Miss Bellaus, can you look over-” Archer’s voice abruptly stopped as his eyes fell upon me. He dropped the papers he had in his hands and rushed over to me. “What happened? Did something happen to Jessamine?” I shook my head.

“No. Nothing’s happened to Jessamine.”

“Well then what’s wrong?” he exclaimed.

“One of the letters the police sent to us just... caught me off-guard. It felt too real but I don’t think it’s gonna be anything to worry about.” I responded.

“You sure?” I nodded again. “Alright then.” Disbelief shone from his eyes but if I was truly in shock, I wouldn’t be in the best state of mind, right? “I just wanted you to look over a report I had written out for the police about the heart attack victim we had yesterday.” he said, changing the topic.

“Right. Sure.” I walked numbly over to the table where he had set the report. “What did you want me to look for?”

“Just double check I had everything right. It’s just been a hectic few weeks so I haven’t been completely focusing on wording.” I read over it and handed it to him.

“That seems fine.”

“Right. Thank you Miss Bellaus.” and after a few seconds, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes I’m absolutely fine.” I said sharply, “I’m just going to finish up testing a couple more letters before I head out.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow.” I nodded as he walked away. He paused and turned his head, “You know you can always talk to me. Right?” I smiled at him tersely. I took a deep breath and released it when he finally disappeared through the door. I don’t think our conversations have ever been like this. Even when we first met, our conversations flowed without any weirdness about it. I felt my shoulders slump with frustration. I really do hope he has nothing to do with the Leather Apron, or I guess Jack the Ripper now, because then once this is all over we can go back to how everything was before. Which would be nice. I sighed once again and walked back over to where I had dropped the letter. I slipped on some gloves - no point in contaminating it even more right? - and started looking it over again.

I wasn’t exactly lying when I told Archer I would be going over letters before I left. It just wouldn’t be letters, only one. I examined it and began writing down every little thing about it, the color of the ink, the material of the paper the letter was written on, the possible utensils used, really anything that could give me a lead on who wrote this. By the time I had finished, nothing stayed undocumented. That just left me with one thing. What to do with the report and letter. Logically, I should leave it here and file it away because that’s what would have done before all of this but every warning bell goes off in my head when I think that because if Archer is involved, then leaving this for him to find would possibly be catastrophic. So if I didn’t leave it here, where would I put it? My house? Where any of my servants or mom could find it? I do have a locked drawer where I keep all of my work related stuff, but that doesn’t mean someone could still get in. Though my room is the only place Archer wouldn’t go because even a serial killer has to follow proper manners in this era. My eyes flickered over the letter as I pondered what to do.

“I’ll bring it home with me.” I decided aloud. I slipped the letter and report into my handbag and made my way to the door. The carriage ride passed with little incident and by the time I got home it was almost dusk. I had decided to stop at a little sweet shop, I felt deserved something tasty.

“Good Evening Miss Bellaus, are you up for some dinner?” One of my maids, Elizabeth asked. I smiled sweetly as her,

“That would be amazing. Thank you Elizabeth.” She smiled at me and I walked to my room. I took the key that hung behind my dresses and opened up my drawer, sliding the letter and report in. Now I guess I just wait.

~~~~

September 30th

I shuffled my legs beneath the covers before rolling onto my back. Sharp pain ran through my body and I shot up into a sitting position. I cursed under my breath as I twisted my arm around to my back and ran my fingers across. A hiss of pain escaped my lips as my fingers ran across already scabbing scrapes. What the hell. I rolled out of bed, stumbling as I hit the ground. I stripped off my nightgown and twisted to look at the scrapes on my back. I stared in horror at the reflection. Calling them scrapes was an understatement. They were more like gashes running in long streaks across my back. They resembled the kind of marks that were left on Jessamine’s back after one of the nights we had spent together, only a more extreme version. They were deep and they were colored a dark red, implying that whoever had given them me was in extreme pain...or in immense pleasure. I paused at the thought, <i>What happened to me last night. And why can I not remember.</i> I broke out of my train of thought as I heard footsteps approaching the door.

“Miss Bellaus? Do you need any help? I heard crashing.” One of my maids, Grace, asked through the door. I closed my eyes in annoyance. She must’ve heard me getting out of bed.

“I’m fine, Grace. Thank you.” It was a few seconds before I heard her footsteps leading away from the door and I let out a breath. My breath was sucked back in as an idea came to me. I rushed to the door and ran to catch up to Grace, not caring if the door slammed.

“Actually, Grace!” I reached her side, “I do have one question.” She dipped her head, allowing me to continue, “Do you know when I left the house last night and about what time I got back? If so, do you know where I was headed?”

“You only left the house for a short while, Miss, then you came straight back with a friend. But don’t worry, I won’t tell your mother.” she said with a small smile.

“No, no. I don’t worry about that. I can’t remember,” I spoke in a small whisper, my fear getting the better of me.

“I don’t understand, Miss. You don’t remember a single thing from last night?” I shook my head and I felt panic sweeping across me. Why don’t I remember anything? I have three gashes on my back. Surely I would have to remember getting those.

“Did I leave the house after I came back with the friend?” I asked, trying to get a better picture of what might’ve happened. Grace nodded,

“About two hours later when I was tending to the fireplace, you and your friend snuck out. I assumed you were going out to a pub or something. I don’t think you saw me. Then as I was heading to bed just a little after one in the morning, you came back to the house. I couldn’t see much as the lamps were all out, but you were staggering like you had been hurt. I went to bed shortly after that; I wouldn’t know if you snuck out again after that.”

My heart plummeted. I went out twice last night maybe more. Both of which I had a friend with me. Both of which I couldn’t remember a single second of. Grace seems to think that the friend I had with me was… but I would never cheat on Jessamine. At least… I had thought I wouldn’t.

“Thank you Grace. That’s all for now.” I said, dismissing her. She looked reluctant to leave me alone but she walked away after a few seconds. How do I not remember any of it? It was obviously a rough night, with the deep gashes on my back and my staggering in last night. My hands involuntarily gripped my head, pulling harshly at my hair. Why don’t I remember it. I <i>should</i> remember it.

Memory flashes took over my thoughts in a second. Days where I could remember waking up but don’t remember actually falling asleep. Moments halfway through the day where I lost hours of time, moments where I thought I just had gotten lost in thought or in whatever I was doing. Moments where I was in the middle of making dinner but the next thing I remember was getting ready to go to bed. Full nights missing and if I thought hard enough I would be able to line them up perfectly with the last two murders.

I let out a strangled cry. What the hell is happening to me. Filled with panic, I fumbled through my closet for something that I could get on easily. I tore off one of my dresses off the hook and put it on. I fumbled with my brush on the desk and the letter from Jack the Ripper floated to the ground. With shaking hands I lifted it up and suddenly I knew why it felt so familiar. I shook my head in panic. No No No No No. It can’t be. My hands blundered on my desk as I looked for something with Archer’s handwriting. With trembling hands I compared them.

They didn’t match.

I gasped in relief, my eyes filling with unshed tears. But why does this letter still spark recognition? There is no reason I should still feel this way towards the letter. I felt my chest start to constrict as I felt the now familiar symptoms of panic start to settle in.

In the throes of my panic, I shoved my feet into a pair of shoes, not even caring if it looked presentable and rushed out of my room. I almost crashed into Grace but I rushed past her, ignoring her cries of worry. I let my instinct lead me and I honestly had no idea where I was going, but the path I took felt eerily familiar. Only I did not remember ever going down this street. But that’s the problem, is it not? I can’t remember. How many days or nights have gone by that I don’t remember.

The scene that I came upon was swarming with policemen. I pushed my way through into the scene of the crime, bile rose in my throat and I could not push it down this time. I reached a wastebasket just in time as I retched. Her ears were missing. Just as the letter from Jack the Ripper said.

“Miss, you can’t be in here.” A policeman said with worry. I shook my head.

“I’m with the police department, head of the Morgue involved with the Jack the Ripper case.”

“Jack the Ripper, eh? Fancy new name you got there.” he replied cockily.

“It works better.” I whispered as I walked back over to the body. “What’s her name?”

“Catherine Eddowes.” I nodded and surveyed the body. From first glance her face had been mutilated, her throat severed, and a giant jagged wound in her abdomen. As I stepped closer I could tell that her kidneys and uterus had been removed, just like the last victims. Only in Eddowes case, the mutilations to her body were way worse than the others. Just like the last victims, I knew she would look similar the Jessamine even though I couldn’t actually see her features anymore. “We actually found a first body, just a few blocks from here. Although we don’t know if it is is connected to, what is it..Jack the Ripper?”

“Two murders?” I choked out in horror. The policeman nodded,

“The only thing we don’t know is if she is connected. Only her throat had been slashed. No wound in the abdomen, like the previous two and Eddowes.”

“Do you have a picture?” I asked, my voice a little stronger now.

“Of course.” He called over to a man with a camera and the man walked over. “I need the picture from Elizabeth Stride’s crime scene.”

“Did you just say...Elizabeth Stride?” I blurted out. The policeman sent an inquisitive look to me,

“Yes, why? Do you know her?” The man with the camera pulled a picture out of Elizabeth Stride.

“She is...was one of my maids. She’s usually the one that checks on me in mornings so that the kitchen maids can start with breakfast if I am up but...it was a different maid this morning. I mean I would normally notice if one of my maids are missing but...I wasn’t in the best mindset this morning.”

“That’s a start. We’ll need you to come in at some point for some questioning. You aren’t in trouble, but we need to know everything about Miss Stride. Do you know anything about Miss Eddowes here?” I shook my head reluctantly,

“Only that she looks like one of my friends Jessamine, as have the other two but I have already told the police this.”

“Thank you for all your help.”

“Much obliged. I will send in a report of Eddowes later today, same with Stride.”

“Thank you. I will call a carriage for you to head over to the crime scene.”

“I will not need one. I need to go somewhere first before I go see Miss Stride.” I walked out of the room as proudly as I could but the moment I got out of view from the scene I broke into a run with a destination in mind.

Robert James Lees. The clairvoyant Archer and I had run into almost three weeks ago, after we went to the first Whitechapel Vigilance meeting. I got to the edge of his street and paused. Do I really want to do this? Sink this low? I took a deep breath and walked the rest of the way there. I only hesitated briefly before knocking on the door. I saw a quick flash of someone looking into the peephole before it disappeared again.

“Miss Bellaus. I’m surprised to see you here.” he said, opening the door just enough so his face could look out. He was obviously opposed to letting me in.

“I need your help. I’m...forgetting things. Huge blocks of time.” I could still sense hesitancy, and I shared much further than I wanted to, “Time missing over the nights of the Jack the Ripper murders.” His eyes widened at the last phrase.

“Come on in.” He opened the door wider to let me in and as I walked through I felt a sense of finality as the door clicked shut behind me.

“I was hoping you would be able...maybe bring back up past memories or something. Or I don’t know, talk to the victims….I just need to do something.”

“Follow me.” he told me, leading me in his sitting room. “Now you need to know something Miss Bellaus, I cannot actually bring back memories for you. That is something you need to figure out how to do yourself. The one thing I can do is give you some insight for why you are having these blackouts.” He gestured for me to sit down, and as I did he walked over to a cabinet, opened it and pulled out a letter. “This is something I received from your father. Shortly before his passing.” He held it out to me and tears welled up in my eyes as I recognized my father’s handwriting.

Dear Mr. Lees,

I am sending this letter in hopes that you will be able to someday help my daughter understand. I know she will come into contact with what I am to share with you, and I wish you will share this when she asks about certain things.

There is a drug. Commonly known as the Devil's Breath but she will know it as Scopolamine.

I let out a sobbed breath as I read the last line. Scopolamine is a drug that if used correctly, can quite literally take the free will of any victim but if used another way, would be seriously addictive.

I became addicted to it after an unfortunate accident with the chemical. I never realized the effects until later. Major blackouts. Periods where I would make dinner and not remember eating it. Going to bed but not remember waking up. I don’t know what I did in the duration where I was on this drug.

I eventually rid myself of this illness but I never truly recovered. I still had frequent blackouts even after I stopped taking the drug and I began to notice not only my memory was affected, my physical health began to decline as well. I guess that is why I am on my deathbed now.

My daughter did come in contact with it once, but I quickly steered her away from it but even once can be the downfall of anyone.

One reason I am writing this letter is someone who had become like a son to me had taken an interest. One of my students wanted to do a research paper on it, I tried steering him away from it as well but once he had his mind set on something, he never let it go. I took this student under my wing in hopes of putting this mind of his to something useful, maybe one day taking over my morgue and in league with my daughter, I knew they could do anything if they had each other. Though every once in awhile I would find him back at his old reports with one of those wretched white flowers in front of him scribbling away and I knew I didn’t try hard enough. I only hope he doesn’t go any further with his research. Clay really did achieve anything he put his mind to.

I gasped at the revelation. Clay. Like Archer Clay. But a wave of doubt ran through me, Archer had never mentioned he knew my father, let alone having had him as a mentor or father figure. It couldn’t possibly be my Clay.

I wrote this letter with a second reason. To warn my daughter of the possibility Clay never stopped his research.

Don’t show her this, or let her know this letter even exists if she never asks. But if she comes to you with worries of blackouts, please show her this. I just want her to be safe.

Sincerely,

Thaddeus Bellaus

P.S. I love you my dear Dinah Fae. Always live with love in your heart.

“Thank you for showing me this, Lees.” I told James with a sob, clutching the letter tightly against my chest, holding onto one of the last things my father made.

“Oh my dear. I wish you had never shown up on my doorstep and I wish I never had to give you that letter.” he murmured.

“Me too.” I whispered.

“Now be on your way. I’ve done all that your father wished me too. I hope you find your way in this mess.” he replied. I smiled sadly at him and dipped my head to him before walking out the door with the letter held tightly in my hand. I have some work to do.

[samraclaus]

Do em all boredom sucks

Thank u lets get personal: send me a number 
1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? - Bloom by the paper kites, somebody else by the 1975, beautiful sea from sing street, amnesia by 5sos, tarot by alt-j, and coming up roses from begin again 
2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - either lily Collins, calum hood or Ezra Miller
3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. - “…men have integrated feminist values into their lives, whether or not they use the label, and this is also an important barometer of the impact of feminism."
4: What do you think about most? - certain people in my life or sometimes death tbh 
5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?- "me too omg” from Nichole 
6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? - with 
7: What’s your strangest talent? - I can imitate people and characters really well but they’re always weird voices 
8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) - girls are beautiful. Boys are confusing but also beautiful. 
9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? - no :/
10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? - literally like an hour ago I do it so often lmao 
11: Do you have any strange phobias? - uhhhh I’m afraid of everything 
12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? - the only thing that’s been in my nose is a really long qtip at the doctor and never again no thanks that’s scary 
13: What’s your religion? - Islam (not religious tho)
14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? - probably taking a walk or going to the park 
15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - behind but good candids are the best 
16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? - either sir sly 
17: What was the last lie you told? - that I was okay and not to worry lmao 
18: Do you believe in karma? - kinda yeah 
19: What does your URL mean? - my name is samra but it gets autocorrected to Santa so it became a meme in my friend group 
20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? - weakness: I guess my anxiety. Strength: staying positive outwardly 
21: Who is your celebrity crush? - Ezra Miller and calum hood 💕😭
22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? - no
23: How do you vent your anger? - I either punch things or just yell at everyone 
24: Do you have a collection of anything? - a small collection of mugs!
25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - hmm both are kinda stressful but I’d probably like video chatting more 
26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? - not at all 
27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? - I hate the sound of people chewing. I love the sound of hairdryers and vacuums. They make me sleepy 
28: What’s your biggest “what if”? - what if I died? Or. What if I actually told people how I feel?
29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - yes to both!!! - 
30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. - right arm: basket. Left: pillow
31: Smell the air. What do you smell? - nothing really tbh 
32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? - louder than life 
33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? - east!
34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? - Calum lmao 
35: To you, what is the meaning of life? - making the most of the time you have even if you mess up along the way. But for a depressing version: you live and then you die. That’s it
36: Define Art. - anything that you make that represents something and you think is beautiful 
37: Do you believe in luck? - kinda
38: What’s the weather like right now? - warm 
39: What time is it? - 11:39 pm
40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? - not yet 
41: What was the last book you read? - cellist of Sarajevo 
42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? - love it
43: Do you have any nicknames? - my dad calls me samronis and some people call me sam 
44: What was the last film you saw? - uhhhh I think holes (what a night lmao) 
45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? - I broke my arm on my scooter 
46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? - no, I used to think they were kinda scary. I don’t now but still no 
47: Do you have any obsessions right now? - flowers probably 
48: What’s your sexual orientation? - bisexual 
49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? - I think once in middle school, it was really dumb, someone just said that I said something mean about my friend 
50: Do you believe in magic? - not really 
51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? - sometimes, but I usually just let it go cause I feel bad lol 
52: What is your astrological sign? - taurus 
53: Do you save money or spend it? - usually spend :/ 
54: What’s the last thing you purchased?- sour patch kids 
55: Love or lust? - either but love is better 
56: In a relationship? - not right now 
57: How many relationships have you had? - only a couple 
58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? - no :/
59: Where were you yesterday? - moving back and forth from my old house to my new house
60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? - literally my entire room lmao 
61: Are you wearing socks right now? - always 
62: What’s your favourite animal? - guineas 🐹
63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? - I actually don’t have one, I just live my life 
64: Where is your best friend? - I have no idea tbh but probably at home 
65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. - imsograntired (my sister), blushedaesthetic (erin), granterin (other erin), and basically all of my friends tbh 
66: What is your heritage? - Turkish??
67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? - taking a shower and texting sam 
68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? - trump 
69: Biggest turn ons? - personality: humor, sarcasm, if you're a good person, cocky but not too much ya know. Physically: tall, nice hands(hands are so important wow 👀)
70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? - eh I guess, I try my best to be a good friend 
71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? - SAVE THE DOG WTF ILL LIVE ON THE STREETS WITH HIM 
72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? - id probably tell people but make sure they don’t freak out too much and have them so funny things with me b) What do you do with your remaining days? Id do things with my family and friends all day every day and travel a bit if I can. Id tell people what I’ve always wanted to tell them without being scared. c) Would you be afraid? - I’m afraid of what happens after death, if it’s simply nothing, that’s what scares me. It’s impossible for someone to think of what it’s like to be absolutely nothing. I won’t even know I’m nothing because I’ll just be gone. But a big fear is how upset my family would be. I would hate to hurt them like that 
73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. - love 
74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? - a beautiful sea from sing street 
75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? - 9203
76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? - trust, compatibility, not taking everything seriously 
77: How can I win your heart? - be there for me, give me space if I ask for it, talk to me all the time tbh and watch movies with me 
78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?- probably 
79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? - i haven’t made many good ones so I honestly can’t think of any rn 
80: What size shoes do you wear? - 8-9
81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? - “life is hard when you’re an idiot"
82: What is your favourite word? - UGH I LITERALLY TOLD SULTANA MY FAVORITE WORD YESTERDAY AND I CANT REMEMBER NOW
83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. - love 
84: What is a saying you say a lot? - what do I even say ever these are so hard 
85: What’s the last song you listened to? - a.m. By 1D 
86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? - dark green and pastel pink
87: What is your current desktop picture? - a picture of me and my friends 
88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? - Donald trump 
89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? - "do you like ___” I’m weird with this question because even when I do like someone a lot, I just get really scared and end up lying and I hate that about myself. I need to be pushed 
90: Turn offs? - not caring about my problems, ignoring me
91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? - reading minds or flying 
92: where are your parents from? - Bosnia! 
93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? - while my aunt was in the hospital 
94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? - definitely calum 
95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? - Italy!!
96: Do you have any relatives in jail? - not that I know of 
97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? - yes, and right on my sister too. I had too much mayonnaise :/
98: Ever been on a plane? - yes ugh I hate planes 
99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say - i would be too stressed to talk to the whole world so I have no idea

[rowdysakura]

The Drama You’ve Been Craving - Rizumo Week 2017

title: the drama you’ve been craving rating: t fandom: ao no exorcist / blue exorcist characters: izumo kamiki, rin okumura, unnamed exorcist fic series (on ao3): all the good in me is because of you (it’s true) dedicated to: @crxdus / @demirin

Izumo twitches. Just a small tick in her right brow. It’s enough to make the poor exorcist manning the missions desk want to turn tail and run and never ever look back. Thankfully, it’s the reptilian part of his brain screaming in fear over being a very, very small prey in front of a very, very dangerous predator or else he might have pissed himself. As it is, he’s sending heartfelt prayers to whatever deity or ancestor that may be listening to him to let him out of this encounter alive.

In turn, Izumo can only wonder when everyone around her started turning into blubbering idiots.

Slowly, the young woman places her hands on the desk before leaning into the other exorcist’s space with a firm scowl in place. It’s a bit more difficult than usual with her newly found girth around the middle, but the table isn’t too high and Izumo manages it just fine once she goes a bit up on her toes.

“I’m sorry,” Izumo begins, not sounding sorry at all. In fact, she sounds sweetly sinister. “Could you repeat that?”

The man behind the desk can only cower as he slowly draws up a hard backed folder in the hair’s breadth space between their two faces. He looks entirely too relieved as he flips it open, forcing the young woman before him to draw back, revealing a missive of some sorts.

“I-I-I said th-that--ehem, I said that as of today, Miss Kamiki, you’re no longer allowed to take any True Cross sanctioned jobs, no matter the Branch. It’s not a permanent ban just a sort of ah, probation due to your, um, your current, ah, circumstances,” finishes the man, eyes darting meaningfully from Izumo’s extended belly and her eyes and back. He totally nailed it.

“’Circumstances?’”

Something twists in the man’s gut. Her tone is carefully light, airy, as if she could not care less. Considering this is Arc Knight Kamiki Izumo, the True Cross’s single biggest workaholic after one Okumura Yukio, he highly doubts that’s the case. An odd sense of impending doom descends over the man. He’s going to die, he realizes, Kamiki is going to kill him. He can run and she will most literally shoot the messenger or he can stay put and be strangled to death.

The inevitability of his end brings a sort of calm to the man. He nods easily before answering almost inaudibly, “Yes.”

Izumo makes a sort of noise of acknowledgement before her dangerously narrowed eyes slide to look at her partner, one Rin Okumura, beside her.

Rin, who had been watching the exchange with a sort of detached amusement, stiffens as a strange, immediate need to surrender shoots through him. His eyes shift to meet Izumo’s gaze even has his hands come up in defense.

“Oi! I’m only an honorary Knight anymore! I don’t have anything to do with this!” the half-demon splutters in alarm, his hands waving frantically in front of him.

Izumo’s gaze snaps back to the exorcist behind the desk who also throws up him hands in surrender, dropping the folder.

“By whose order?”

“S-sir Pheles--!”

“Ha, Pheles can’t ban me from all branches he’s only in charge of the Japanese Branch...,” she trails off, a triumphant glint in her eyes and the curve of her mouth. It shouldn’t take very long at all to send her familiars to a nearby branch and gain a mission there. Damned demon meddling in her family life. So what if he’s an uncle of sorts?

“Erm, well, Sir Pheles suggested it but, well, the current Paladin is the, uh, one, who approved it so--,” the exorcist’s throat closes up in terror as the fire in Izumo’s eyes reaches a new pitch. A mere moment later absolute relief courses through the desk exorcist, causing him to slip slowly, bonelessly, from his chair to the floor when the red-eyed menace turns completely away from him to focus on her husband.

“Yukio, hm?”

Sweat began to bead along Rin’s forehead.

“Well...he is a Doctor so maybe he has the right idea, yanno! You should probably take a break especially so close to your final months. It at least couldn’t hurt...? Um, Izumo, where are you going?”

“Just to have a chat with my brother-in-law, is all,” replies Izumo airily, stalking in the direction of the nearest door, the Paladin’s office key in hand.

“W-wait!”

Rin gives a quick apologetic bow to the exorcist now slumped on the floor before scrambling after his wife.

“Izumo, wife, dearest, love, light of my life, you can’t go threatening Yukio! He’s the Paladin! I’m pretty sure that’s like one-hundred percent illegal!”

“I’m pregnant, Rin! Not sick or fragile or wilting away!”

The purple-haired woman jams her key into the door before yanking it to reveal the waiting area before Yukio’s office.

“B-but! The baby!”

The half demon rushes after her, closing the door much more gently behind them.

“Exercise is good for the baby,” Izumo counters ruthlessly turning a glare onto the trailing Rin. Her arms cross defensively in front of her chest. “And don’t think I don’t know you talked with him. He wouldn’t have done it, otherwise, seeing as last time I knew he trusted in my abilities as an exorcist.”

Rin fiddles nervously with Kurikara’s strap across his chest, an anxious grimace pulling at his features.

“It’s not...it’s not you I don’t trust, Izumo!” he blurts out in a half yell, coming to a stop. His gaze firmly fixed on the floor. “I-I know you’re great--you’re the best I know and I wouldn’t want anyone else at my back but...mistakes can happen. Exorcists can get overwhelmed or tricked or hurt no matter how good they are.”

He rocks a bit on his feet, anxiety rising with no response from Izumo, before forging ahead more quietly.

“I’ve always worried about that, y’know? It’s not just because you’re pregnant. It’s just now...now, its more than you, it’s our kid, too. And it kinda seems like you...don’t even really care? You’re just the same reckless you taking the same dangerous jobs. And I know I’m one to talk but I just...,” Rin finishes with an explosive sigh before only shrugging. His eyes do not leave the floor in front of him as his tail lashes to and fro behind him.

There’s a long pause of silence broken suddenly by the sound of Izumo’s ever decisive footsteps. Her boots come into his view as she stops. She doesn’t say a thing.

Lips thinning, Rin raises his gaze from Izumo’s heavy boots, noting bare calves, thin capris, and her over sized, waist length, and unbuttoned exorcist’s jacket. A far cry from her usual, more protective outfit of thick pants, arm and leg guards, and full length jacket, much like Rin wore now. It’s too vulnerable, too exposed, and leaves him feeling sick with worry.

When he finally reaches her face, he’s surprised. Izumo’s arms are still crossed, he had expected to see something like irritation or anger once finally meeting her stare but instead there’s something soft. Appreciation, understanding, and care edged with a deep affection. Even after all this time his heart still skips a beat when Izumo turns such looks on him.

He’s such a sap, really.

“Izumo...?”

She sighs, gently, before spreading her arms. Not one to pass up a rare invitation such as this, Rin immediately steps forward to scoop her up into a hug, resting his chin on her shoulder. Izumo had stayed short while Rin had shot up in his final years of puberty and now she had an extra bump he needed to bend around, but Rin wouldn’t mind all the back cramps in the world so long as he got to hold her.

Izumo’s arms come up around him in turn as she presses her face against his opposite shoulder.

“I know,” she murmurs, voice muffled against him. “I know all of that and I do care. I do worry. Why do you think I bring you with me now?”

Rin hums in consideration. Finally, he replies, “Because you like to boss me around?”

Izumo seems to choke on air as she smacks his back, an indignant cry bubbling out, “Rin!”

Her husband only laughs as they draw apart to look at each other, bringing a soft smile to Izumo’s face.

“Just checking! Just checking,” he snickers, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

Izumo only rolls her eyes, huffing out in an haughty manner, “Well, I suppose it is a bonus.”

“H-hey!”

Izumo sighs, hands dropping from Rin’s to grasp one of Rin’s between them, “I bring you with because I trust you to watch out for me when I can’t watch out for myself. There’s nothing I don’t trust you to keep me safe from.”

She smiles up at Rin, her expression full of absolute confidence in him.

Rin feels his mouth drop open. His eyes wide in startled wonderment. The flame of his love for her, ever present, seems to suffuse out from his chest, filling him with warmth until he’s near bursting with tenderness. He kisses her and Izumo’s face flushes almost immediately, burning a cherry red even as she returns it.

When they pull apart, Rin cant help the grin that splits his face or the way his tail wags excitedly behind him. His own cheeks and pointed ears are flushed as well but its fine, he doesn’t mind looking the fool as long as it’s for Izumo.

“You’re such a sap,” Rin tells her delightedly, drawing a flustered protest from her, before pressing yet another kiss to her forehead. “I can’t believe you like me that much.”

“We’re married!”

“I know!” he says, just as excited as the first time she’d said so. The grins slips away suddenly as he seems to realize something. His tail droops low as he slumps, peering at Izumo through his lashes. “I’m still worried, though.”

Izumo only tilts her head to the side, smile still in place as she returns Rin’s scrutiny.

“Hmmm, how about a compromise, then?” she asks, watching Rin perk up curiously. “I won’t quit taking missions completely, I just can’t just sit around doing nothing, it’ll drive me up every wall, but I’ll start taking more lower ranked ones, okay?”

“...and I’ll still come with?” questions Rin after a moment’s pause.

“Of course.”

“Heh, well, I can’t argue with that. As long as you’re happy and safe, I’m okay with it,” he declares, pressing their foreheads together affectionately.

Dryly, Izumo replies, “So glad you approve.”

“Mm, so does this mean you won’t yell at Yukio now?” asks her husband hopefully. He’s taken both her hands in his, rubbing a thumb soothingly over the backs of them.

Forehead touches and hand rubbing is usually a good enough distraction to pull Izumo from whatever warpath she’s set herself on. It’s a good move and has saved many a person from evisceration by spoon...when it’s worked. How unfortunate today is not one of those days.

Izumo smiles serenely at up Rin and kisses him gently on the nose.

“Oh, no,” she says, tone positively the embodiment of sweetness. “He’s dead to me, now.”

Rin sighs forlornly.

“I’ll get the mop.”

[readfelice-blog]

Moominland Chronicles Siebzehn: infatuation is not a gift

Blog guide: all italics are my wednesday edits.

Before we begin:

Anyone who suddenly might be unexpectedly flush, my crowdfunding campaign has less than 24 hours left

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/acht-ocho#/

Well then, hello, no more letters lets return to moominland.

You might remember in my last chronicle that my bloody tale of woe was still in action, after many pills and spending time with a really wonderful gynaecologist who spoke about death with me - following my lead, (she didn't open an appointment with a death chat, I don’t think doctors are normally allowed to even think the word) it was finally determined I have chlamydia.

Surprise!

What fun eh?

I’m on antibiotics now, it should be gone by this weekend, and the bleeding stopped about 2 weeks ago after I started a combination of blood clotting pills and the contraceptive pill. My suspicions are it was stress, hormones and chlamydia that caused the gushing of blood, it would be an act of suicide on chlamydias part to deprive itself of so much iron, which it needs to survive.

So as inferred previously, the NHS would of caught this sti months ago, I would not of cost my insurance company thousands of euros or been subject to various ultrasound spy dildos and gleeful practitioners telling me I was pregnant rubbing their hands together in anticipation of jumping into my vagina, or surgeons hysterically clutching scalpels, so overjoyed to be operating again.

BUT, if I had dealt with my insurance issue diligently, and gotten a proper gynaecologist much earlier and done my research carefully, AND LEARNT GERMAN, this would also not have happened, so I can't deny my own responsibility in all of this either. I still retain my idiot abroad status, which I need to work on to be a proper functioning expat.

So, I’m lying in bed a bit nervous because I’m printing my first copies of my publication tomorrow to fly them to italy at the weekend: it’s Tuesday as I type this horizontal on my phone. As I'm away and just embarking on the next chapter of my project, the making it really real bit, I thought it best to get this log drafted and up before I go.

They’re done, some of the pages are wonky, but they look great actually.

Follow the diary of this project here:

https://felicezhukov.net/bocem-diary

(Because death lurks round every corner, it’s best not to have any unfinished business.)

It’s been quiet, I’ve been napping a lot and taking pills and cutting down salt, my social life has utterly ground to a halt aside from the occasional quick drink and my trips to the studio to practise the live element of this project, which has been revealing itself to me and making me consider myself in a new light, somewhere between a musical performer, a stand up comedian and just all out weirdo, but I’ll refine this at a later date.

What I want to talk about this week are the letters to Nicolás Jaar, but not as a letter to him. As thoughts directed into the macrocosm of the internet.

Because I finished ‘I love Dick’, at first I wrote a very clumsy synopsis and realised many of the critical details had passed me by, academic references sifting out of my mind like flour and swirling away into the air. It has made me realise I need to study what I read, but again that's a thought to refine later.

Still, I was left with a very strong impression which fermented inside me like kimchi and whilst sat in my kitchen earlier between courses, my eyes resting on candlelight, it struck me, the protagonist of the book, Chris, was bullying dick, suddenly it was crystal clear that her infatuation was never weathered by Dicks resistance, that Dick could be curious and still also be anxious about her attention, that victims make mistakes to. But she ploughed on, regardless of his protests, for a long time.

Now, my letters to Nicolás Jaar only lasted a matter of months in comparison, and did not include any colluders, but they were still deeply personal and troubled. Week after week I decried the suffering in my life, the cruelties I was facing, the emotional carnage of my break up and my alcoholism, addressing them to someone I’d formed an infatuation about solely on the impressions of his public persona and his music.

When I was 15 I was obsessed with the doomed relationship of courtney love and kurt cobain, as a the eternal odd one out with nowhere to go in the countryside I entertained myself by creating a character called enigma, who lived in New York. I drew hundreds of drawings of her in different attire that looked more like fashion illustrations than anything descriptive, my mum used to get frustrated at this waste of talent bound to repetition, and enigmas neck was always to long.

Enigma had a lover, called jake, chiselled jawline, a genius musician with a tortured soul, he seduced and slept with all of New York’s cultural elite, but he loved enigma. Though they stayed plural and their relationship was often fraught, they were absolutely bound together, forever destined to explode and then reassemble.

Jake didn’t kill himself.

That fantasy has taken new form, enigma looks like me now, but it is the foundation of every infatuation I develop.

Nicolás Jaar was in the middle of a grueling international tour, I mangled what I read about him into some kind of twisted connection between us, he was travelling the world to the backdrop of me destroying every last vestige of my life,in all senses of the word, selling and trashing my life’s work and possessions, leaving my husband, leaving my home of over 10 years.

Then In its closing chapters I retold and fictionalised a very unsettling story about murder and submersion, the whole thing taking an unsavoury twist with me paralleling beauty and the beast, what if the beast had killed beauty?

I was the beast.

But aren't we all the beast sometimes?

I can only imagine how tiring and unsatisfying months of touring can be for someone creative who wants to innovate and explore in their work, it would be my personal hell, that rotation of groupies, hangers on and gargantuan crowds, barely a moment to breathe and personal space so diminished that you stop knowing who you are any more. In the midst of this to be receiving unsolicited attention from a mentally damaged stranger on twitter, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week, could only serve to heighten the stress you're already experiencing and cause you to disassociate yourself from your inner core even more.

In my mind I was pleading to be saved by devoting all my attention to him, in my unhinged state I felt like by baring everything to a man I’d never met he’d be so disarmed he'd surely empathise, find solace in my garbled stories of misadventure and anxiety.

But now I see how selfish it was, to project on to another human, after all dick was just a human to, with all his own baggage to cope with, though infatuation can amplify its object the reality is noone is really built to cope with that kind of attention, not Dick, not Nicolás Jaar.

Though it was an interesting exercise in some way and will always be part of my oeuvre, probably more definitively so because it exists on the internet, so if the walls don’t come crashing down it is relatively protected, it wasn't kind. I was not trying to help Nicolás Jaar, or create something nourishing, it was selfish. Infatuation is, at its core, selfish, the object is merely that because there is no connection, or at least in this example. There was never any exchange between us, just me pouring all my illness into him blindly.

And I know this well because I have suffered with others becoming infatuated by me on more than one occasion, it’s not pleasant.

In Turin, on stage, he seemed so broken and at odds with himself during his set, he appeared to be really unhappy, my most noble act in this whole enterprise has been to stop writing him letters and focus on myself. I do feel angry with the former me though there is no use regretting what has already passed and life moves on as surely as the sun and moon pass each other in the sky.

In the end i cant punish myself, to err is humane, to forgive divine, I must forgive myself as well.

I’m glad im returning to Turin a more advanced and thoughtful person, I’m going to order in a restaurant this time (well, maybe, but I’m definitely going to buy chocolate) and have a nap before I go out on saturday, I’m going to go to Italy this time, not to stand wretchedly at the feet of a man who owes me nothing and asks for nothing from me. Because as someone grappling with their own fears about performing: this kind of incident is one of the key aspects of what I am terrified to illicite, so i say to you my readers, that I'm sorry to Nicolás Jaar and I will never repeat this journey with any future influences in my life.

I wonder if Chris Kraus has ever apologised to Dick, I’m going to give it a google now I think then try to get some sleep.

Goodnight all, next week I’ll regale you with my Italian trip and who knows what else.

Should ever our paths cross, I don't think I could be like chris, I feel like I’m done exposing him, so it may very well be that whatever ending this story could have, this here will be the end in terms of its written account, I might never type the words Nicolás Jaar on tumblr again.

And by the way, I’ve already uploaded my album, because actually I detest exclusivity, it’s free to download and publically available on 2 of my music based accounts, it’s not hard to find, trust me.

[angrybelieverconnoisseur-blog]

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Hi I own a 2004 Saab in New Jersey. I am returning to NJ next month and would like to drive it. I own the car, but I need a car insurance plan for one month. I am 18...Is this possible to do? Or is there a rental car option for 18 year olds?""

Is someone else covered under my car insurance to drive MY car?

A guy I'm dating will ask to use my car from time to time because he has trouble with his, but I'm hesitant because even though he has his own car and own car insurance, I don't think he's covered under my insurance to drive MY car. Does anyone know exactly how this works??? I have Nationwide, if that makes a difference............""

Why is everyone whining about being required to buy heath insurance?

you probably don't realize it, but you practically are required to buy car insurance. if you wreck and you have no insurance, it's not very pretty, especially for your money. Same thing with heath. if you get sick and don't have insurance, it's not very good! i don't understand why people so strongly oppose requirement to buy heath insurance, but don't even stop to think about car insurance, the same principle.""

Car Insurance Rates: Wyoming vs Nevada?

Car Insurance Rates: Wyoming vs Nevada?

Company Car - Insurance - Accident.?

Well, driving home last night from a club with my friends. Almost finished dropping my friends off we go through a puddle, me not knowing how high it really is so I assumed it was only little. Coming out of the puddle, the water was coming up-to the car bonnet (dashboard). So the engine and power, all cut out.. So we have to get out, and push the car to a higher ground. Obviously, the engine has flooded and after a few attempts of jump starting it, didn't work. So I had to ring the break down service to come pick us up. As this is my fathers car (company car), will I have to pay any excess? Considering that I am 19, will the cars insurance be valid? (Meaning, will I be able to drive it again?) Car: BMW 1 Series (118) Advice please?""

How much do you pay for car insurance?

I'm a 22 year old male living in GA and mine is $770 every 6 months. I've never had a wreck or nufin. How old are you and how much is your car insurance every 6 months. It's confusing because some people will say they pay, for example, $1000 in car insurance, but they don't say whether it's every 6 months or every year. Please be specific as to if it's 6 months or a year. Thanks very much. I just want to know how much more I'm paying than all of you. lol""

What is the comparison between permanant life insurance and Roth IRA?

Advantages if any Disadvantages if any

Cost of insurance on a mercedes Benz each month?

i have to do a gay project

MotorBike Insurance For CBT...?

i was just wondering if i bought a Honda CBR 125r and i got a provisional license ad done the CBT would i need insurance to ride on the roads for 2 years or would i not need insurance until i could save up money for lessons, theory and practical test....???""

What is the average annual/weekly contents insurance cost?

What is yours or what is the average?

Old DUI and Insurance rates.?

Unfortunately I was a stupid kid and received a DUI in July of 2007 in the state of PA. Now after years of traveling and studying overseas I am living in California and about to buy a car in a few months. I am wondering if anyone knows whether or not this DUI will play a major role in getting insurance?

Car insurance?

I just bought a brand new car and recently changed my car insurance company. Today after leaving a meeting I hit a fire hydrin while backing up leaving a nice hole in my back bumper. I called my insurance company and submitted a claim but am more concered with the my insurance premium going up. Does anybody know if it will go up or not. I have not submitted a claim in more then 5 years and only pay 86.00 a month for full coverage including collision and renters insurance for my house. Does anybody know about this kind of stuff??

""How much does a lower back x-ray cost with no insurance in Houston,TX?

I have shattered my tail-bone or something and I can't sit down for more than 5 minutes but I don't know if I can afford it.

Is an automatic car cheaper to tax and insure?

This may sound stupid, but i was looking into driving lessons when i came across an advert for an automatic driving school. I was wondering if, at the end of it, would it make an difference to my insurance if i had a stick or automatic? Thanks""

Why do men pay higher car insurance?

I have to type a 1,000 word essay on why men under the age of 25 have higher car insurance rates, and it's due on Friday, I already the majority of it done, I just need some answers and links to websites giving a detailed explanation to why younger have to pay more. thank you :)""

Can you have two different insurance policies on one car?

I am buying a car from my friend and I will have it paid off in August and the insurance will be in his name til August but I want to know if I can go ahead and get insurance in my name on the car in July while insurance is still goin to be on the car in his name as well. Is this possible?

How much will my car insurance go up?

I already pay $270 a month for car insurance for my truck. If I were to buy a 1992 Jeep Wrangler, how much more will it go up?""

Would insurance be extra expensive on X-Police Car (Impala)?

I am 16 and want a car, I love x-police cars. But me and my family dont know what the insurance would be like on a x-police car. Do any of you have a guess? Thanks!""

Can i get car insurance without owning a car?

Before the smart *** answers come in, let me explain. I looked up this subject and saw many people saying that's stupid, why would you want insurance on something you don't own . This is not the point. I'm a full time college student in Massachusetts and take the train around to get to places because its easier that way living in the city. It's illegal to drive here without car insurance. So could i get coverage driving a parents or friends vehicle? My parents don't have the money to add me onto their policy so i want to know if i could get my own, almost like a non owner policy, and be covered driving their vehicle in case anything ever happened? I heard that as long as you have the owners permission, you're covered. that doesn't sound right though.""

How do speeding tickets affect your insurance?

i received a 81 dollar ticket and lost 2 points last friday. im 16 and i was driving my moms car. the car is in her name and so is the insurance so since I got the ticket how will it affect my mom's insurance? i am not on the insurance nor on the title for the car.

Is comprehensive car insurance cheaper if you own the car?

is it cheaper than if you had a loan out on it? why is this? thanks

""What is the rate of car insurance in denver, co?""

also, i am going to be going school there and i am from hawaii..will i have to change my license plate and get a new car insurance or can i keep my hawaii insurance because im just a student.""

How much is motorcycle/scooter insurance in southern california?

i am looking to get a used honda ruckus scooter with 250cc motor, is that size motor still considered a scooter or motorcycle? will i have to get a M1 or M2 license? and how much would insurance be? i live in the los angeles county area.""

What's the average public liability insurance cover figure in the United States?

What's the average public liability insurance cover figure in the United States?

Insurance Rates?

I'm a 17 year old male and I just got my 1st speeding ticket today and it was a 6 point ticket how much do you think my insurance rate will go up by

How much would insurance cost for a 2011 Hyundai Elantra for a 20 year old?

I have never been in an accident and never got a speeding ticket. What would it cost a month?

Can drivers of the same car have different insurance companies/policies?

I just got my license in December and I'm driving my mom's car but I need car insurance under my name. We all know how expensive that is, especially for a teenage/new driver. So IF I were to find a different and cheap insurance company, can I cover her car under my name? My mom has Safeway Insurance, if that helps.""

How much to insure audi 80 tdi (1.9 litre) ?

I am soon to be 17 and take my driving test, I have an audi 80 tdi being offered to me for 50 with the only fault being a broken break light. It is a 1.9 litre diesel and is apparently (according to the internet) cheap to fuel. Insurance no doubt on a 2.0 litre would be expensive. On the car insurance websites I get quotes from around 6500> I've heard however that the price on the websites is exaggerated and actually the price is much cheaper. How much do you think it would cost me to insure ? How could I reduce this cost? Is it worth getting a pass plus certificate? If the insurance on this IS a ridicuous price as it says on the insurance websites, what saloon car is cheap to insure? (preferably with a modest engine size:P) Thanks""

Do you need insurance to get a license in the state of Florida?

I am seventeen years old and still haven't gotten my driver's license. I've been driving with a permit for more than enough time, been to driver's education courses, all that like. My question is this. Must I have insurance to have a Driver's license? Is it possible for me to have the license without insurance?""

What is the best life insurance to get BEFORE melanoma diagnosis?

I am 99% sure I have melanoma on my leg. Have apt soon to get this confirmed and staged and start the process. I am a nurse, I know the process, and know the outcome can be one of many. I do not currently have any life insurance, never have. I have 2 small children and it is JUST me and then, no close friends, no family. Worst case scenario, if I only have a short time to live, what would be the best LIFE insurance I can get before getting this diagnosis? I would need something in which they could not cancel me if I am diagnosed with cancer within days of purchasing a premium. Today is May 11th, I should have my diagnosis by May 29th. I would like the biggest policy at the most affordable rate (I don't make as much money as you would think), but its also important that I get the fewest stipulations. By the way, I hate to admit it, but I am a smoker. I quit from 2009 to late 2010, but then started up again when I started RN school (am an LPN now, graduate from RN school in 3 weeks). Any solid advice would be appreciated. In laymens terms please.""

Estimate on how much my car insurance will be?

I'm financing a new (or relatively new) car pretty soon, it's probably going to be a Nissan Altima which is a very safe car and is probably going to be either brand new or no more than 1 - 3 years old. I'm just worried about how much I'm going to be paying for full coverage insurance because I haven't had a car in a couple years thus I haven't had car insurance in a while and when I did, it was only no-fault insurance. Also, I'm young (22) so that will make my insurance high. However, I have a spotless driving record so that should help. I also live in a safe county if that matters. Anyone have a ball-park figure on how much I can expect to be paying, monthly? Thanks.""

What is a good place to get affordable health insurence if your employer dosn't offer any?

What is a good place to get affordable health insurence if your employer dosn't offer any?

Car insurance change of address?

My car is registered in upstate but I came to ny recently because of my recently wife. I just leased a brand new car like two weeks ago and they are asking me for proof of residency. I registered the new car in hicksville li not in upstate. So i want to change my car insurance to hicksville but after a week change it back to upstate. Will there be any conflicts with my car insurance? Please help..

Fully comp car insurance?

Hello wondering if I am covered to drive another car if we both have fully comp car insurance and if engine sizes have to match thanks

Auto Insurance Question: Please help!!!!!?

I asked this yesterday too, but did not get any responses; so if you have any information at all, or this has happened to you, please list an answer! I just recently lost my beautiful 1977 Monte Carlo to a fire! It was all original, and the adjuster found it to be worth between $12,000 and $13,000. Due to my ignorance of insurance, we were put into a stated value insurance policy worth $6,000, and now, I am only getting $6,000 for my car. I feel ripped off. I am young, and don't know anything about insurance, but trusted my agent. The car has been in my family and was gifted to me from my dad a little less than one year ago. My agent asked for photos, and a letter from my parents with what they thought the worth of the car was, signed saying it was a gift. So, that's what we gave him. They stated in the letter they paid $6000 for it 8 years ago. We were never told to get the car appraised, or that we had to keep up on checking to see if the value had gone up so we could change our policy. Do any of you have any advice on how I can get the insurance company to give me all the money? Is there anything I can do at all? Thank You so much!""

Integra 2 Door VS 4 Door Insurance?

I know it has multiple factors, but how much would this change it? I'll be under my dad's name who has had a clean record for over 10 years. I'm 16 and live in an extremely low-crime city in California.""

Insurance for 2001 mustang?

I'm planning to buy a 2001 mustang convertible, 2 door and I'm 16, it will be my first car and I was wondering on average how much insurance would I pay?""

Car insurance for teens?

what is the price difference between the insurance for an adult and for a teen. if it depends in the car then i am thinking in buying a Honda Accord of Civic, or an Acura Integra or Acura Legend.""

Why should teenagers have to pay so much on insurance for a BRZ or FRS?

What just because it looks like a sports car it is?? Since 2007 teenagers have been disapointed that they can't get a subaru WRX or STI because of the turbo charger and now that they've made a two door without turbo it's STILL off limits for teens?? It's FOUR cyclinders. Give us a break. All you old farts drove muscle cars when you were our age.

Cheap Auto Insurance in FL?

I'm 19 years old and I got my license in Sept of 06 (almost a year) My insurance is REALLY HIGH! By myself I am looking at around 700 a month (my car is Fianced, 04 Mitsu lancer ES) so I am put under my 22 year old boyfriend insurance. With his 02 Audi A6 and my car, we are paying 495 a month. (South Florida) (Esurance is who we have) We have called Geico and Progressive adn State Farm and nothing is giving us a smaller quote. Does anyone know a good insurance company that is cheaper with students, new drivers, etc..? We also do not live in the same household, and some insurance agencys will not cover us for nothing living together. But anyways, just let me know if you know of a cheaper insurance agency. Thanks.""

Investments and Life insurances with Zurich International?

I am thinking of taking some investments and insurance policies with Zurich International. Has anybody had any dealings with them? And, if so, has your experience and dealings with them been positive or negative? Are they as good as they say they are?""

Car insurance black box (auto saints)?

I am going to have my car insured with a black box soon from auto saints, because it's much cheaper than any other insurance that I have looked at. My question is, after the second year does the insurance go down a lot with a years of no claims bonus (my friends say it doesn't) . So is it worth it? and do I have to keep the black box for the second year as well or is worth it changing insurance company after the second year?""

How much will my car insurance go up?

I just had my first accident. A minor fender bender where my car collided into the rear of another car. The damage to both our cars was very minimal. I have a puncture or two in my grille, other guy had black marks from where my license plate edge hit the bumper. My insurance is already going to cost me $900 to claim it because I'm under 25; now how much is my premium likely to increase to?""

Car insurance for 16 year old?

How much does it cost a month for my 16 year old for car insurance in ct

How can I get car insurance?

Let me give some more information. I'm 20 years old, female, live in NJ and need to buy my own car and insurance soon. I've never had my own policy before and I was wondering how I would go about getting one. Also, what are some companies to use? Thanks!""

What cheap classic car would you recommend for a 17 year old?!?

I turn 17 in October and so i have began to start looking for cars and the insurance that it will cost me. from looking on go-compare, i've found that the cheapest cars to insure are old classics like the VW beetle or Rover mini. I would really like to know if there are any other cool looking classic cars out on the market that would suit a 17 year old? they will have to have a small sized engine as well. recommendations would be great! thanks""

What is TRULY the cheapest car insurance?

I am looking to get a second car and I really want to know what the cheapest insurance is. (I am 17, so the insurance will be high anyway) There are tons of commercials for Esurance, Progressive, Allstate, etc, etc but really what is the cheapest? I'm just looking for liability insurance, nothing else, bare minimum. Have any of you switched to one, and what have you saved? Thank you!!""

Motorcycle insurance?

I'm just wondering how much this will cost if I get one in the future. I'm 17. I have had a car accident recently (last thanksgiving). And yes, I was at fault. I don't feel like naming my excuses... the insurance companies won't care anyway. But don't worry, no one was hurt. So anyway... what prices are we looking at if... 1. I get it now with my parents insurance? (we own four cars... I already have one) 2. I wait until I'm 18 and move out to a college dorm and have it as my only vehicle? 3. sport bike vs regular bike? 4. I wait a few years until the car accident is off my record? No lectures about safety please. just give me some numbers.""

""Planning on buying a newer car, wondering how much my insurance will go up or if it will at all?""

Right now I have a Ford mustang, and i'm paying about $800 every 6 months, i'm planning on getting a 2006 Grand Prix so since it's not a sports cr but it's newer will my insurance rate stay the same? Will it go up? Or am I lucky and will it go down?""

Will a hyundai tiburon considered a sports car to insurance companies?

i want one for a first car. but mom is worried it will jack the insurance since im a guy

How can I cancel my geico car insurance?

I pay for my geico car insurance every six months because I save some money instead of paying monthly. Here is a thing I am going to out of US for 3 months and I do not need insure my car however I already paid for the 6 months.

How much would insurance cost for a 2011 Hyundai Elantra for a 20 year old?

I have never been in an accident and never got a speeding ticket. What would it cost a month?

How much (Aprox.) would car insurance cost for a living in Iowa?

19 year old male living in Iowa, zip code 50659 '96 Camaro.""

About how much will basic insurance cost for a 30 year old male once the new Insurance system is in place?

right now I can't afford insurance but will be required to buy it anyway starting in 2014, I am curious as to how much it will be. As I understand it, it will be basically figured at three different levels of service and three different rates depending on your age and the coverage you want. so for a 30 year old male who wants basic coverage how much would I expect to pay? just ball park. like $200 to $300 per month? more then that less then that? this question has been deleted over and over again I don't understand why.""

What is the best car for a teen to buy that has to pay insurence?

I want to get a 2005 Mustang V6 and have it under my parents name because I have to pay Car INSURANCE. Also What is the gas mileage like? PLease respond back to me ASAP Thank you

Universal Health Insurance?

I am conservative but I go agree that we need universal health insurance. But I haven't studied too much in depth on it. In your eyes (both liberal and conservatives answer please) are the pros and cons of unversalizing healthcare? How would universal health care work for people with diseases like diabetes, cancer, AIDS? What about people who have not been diagnosed with diseases, and tend to only see a doctor when they are sick? What about preventive care (aka mammogram for women, prostate check for men)? What are experimental medical procedures and experimental medications? What about fertility clinics for women who cannot become pregnant? What about anything else I forgot? And please, no arguing, this is just opinions.""

State Farm Insurance Rate Question?

My dad added a new plan to his inurnace coverage that teh insurance rep told him would only cost him $3 a month. Next thing we know, our premium goes up by about $100. Is there a way to tell if the lady lied about the $3 a month thing and that it really was more like $15-$20 a month? I asked another rep and she said that there was a rate increase.It very well may be a rate increase, but these people just seem so incredibly shady that I'm not putting it past them one second to lie. Perhaps I can ask a different state farm why there was an increase in our bill? Basically, how can I find out for SURE what that $100 increase was for? Without asking the reps we usually go through? Perhaps call the main State Farm branch? Thanks!""

Why my car insurance coming so expensive?

I am in leeds and thinking of buying a car but when i am searching all comparison websites its coming about 1000 pounds a month. I have 3-4 yrs expierience in driving in USA and i was paying there like 30 pounds per month. I talked with insurance company and they are saying that because i just came to UK as well as have international licence its coming that high my car comes in group 17 of insurance. Any other solutions for these? if people are new here i dont think they are paying these much every month Please if you know any good agent who can reduce these let me know. Else can i take insurance from usa or my home country India?

How much will the auto insurance cost?

2010 Ford Focus Sedan, how much will the insurance cost?""

Why do woman drivers get cheaper car insurance?

Why do woman drivers get cheaper car insurance?

What is the best and most cost efficient way to move?

We are moving from Atlanta, Georgia to Boston, Massachusetts. I was researching possibly renting a moving truck, but I'm having difficulty finding the best option. I was considering U-haul, but from other message boards, I got the impression that as the costs add up with insurance and mileage and whatnot, it appeared to not be the best option out there (or maybe it is in comparison to other companies, I am not sure). Does anyone have any suggestions or past experience with a good moving company? We are looking for the best price option, and possibly a company where we could pick up the truck in Georgia and drop it off somewhere in Mass. **the trip is roughly 950 miles""

What is the best type of life insurance to purchase?

I know nothing about life insurance but I would like to buy some to assure me and my kids will be taken care of in the event my husband passes. He only has one 1 issue which is Rheumatoid arthritis, otherwise in good health. . Me and my husband are both close to 50 years old. What is the best insurance to purchase? I know that term insurance expires. Does that mean if you do not pass within the term you do not get any money back that you have paid into it?. Thinking about a 250.000 dollar policy. Thank you.""

Ive had my car insurance for a year with no claims.?

now i want to switch insurance company as new one is much cheaper. can i get a letter / email from the old one saying that ive had no claims during the year??

Importance of public insurance?

what is it's importance to the public insurance user?

""How much, on average, is contents insurance?""

I'm attending university soon and I will be flatting. I want to get contents insurance for my belongings. I will be taking $10,000 worth of things with me (Clothing, Shoes, Accessories, Laptop, iPod, Bedding, Books, small shelves, clothing rack etc) What is the average cost for insurance per week? Any answer will help. I'm working out my budget! Thanks in advance.""

Mustang GT Insurance Prices?

Does anyone know how much it would cost on insurance for a brand new Ford Mustang GT?

WHEN to negotiate car insurance claim acv?

Hypothetical: my car is hit while parked. Repair costs are likely more than ins co thinks the car is worth, making the car a total loss. I file 3rd party ins claim, and they want to see it in person. Do they give me an offer upon seeing it, or will they only inspect and give me an offer at later time? I want to be prepared maximize to my settlement or negotiate up the car's value so it will be fixed, but don't know at what part of the process to negotiate. (approx 4k in damage, and car was worth 3-4k before) And what's the best way to do this? bring ads of similar cars for sale, or...?""

""What can i do? i am a 20yr old male, living in southern california with no job or insurance?""

i went to the hospital a couple days ago for chest pain, ended up being fine. i got the bill today for 15,000 dollars. like i said i have no insurance or job and currently living with a friend. i do side jobs to pay a little rent and for food. do i qualify for medi cal or CSM? i move from friend to friends house. parents live back in Illinois i have only a brother that lives out here. is their anything i can do to get this bill to go away? i also have no car or own anything of significant value.. no bank accounts.""

How much does medical insurance cost per month?

I'm talking about medical insurance gotten through an employer. And I'm interested in the FULL premium, not just the employee's share. (So if your employer pays half, multiply your payment by 2.) Whatever your situation, please let me know. Because I want to know what to expect for each of the following situations: - Employee Only Insured - Employee + Spouse - Employee + Child - Whole Family Thanks!""

Health Insurance Policies For Smokers?

How are health insurance policies for smokers differ from that for non smokers?

What good is term life insurance?

I fully intend to live longer than most term life insurance policies cover! Whole life is more practical, to my way of thinking.""

Health Insurance question for California?

Is there a state program for minors(age 16) of low income?

AIG car insurance in west coast?

hi i recenlty moved from east coast to west coast...i used to have car insurance with AIG while at eastcoast....does any one know if AIG serves car insurance in westcoast also.....especially in Los angeles

I just got notice my insurance premiums jumped so I high I cannot pay them.?

I just got notice at work this morning that my insurance is going from 79.00 every two weeks to 179.00 and with my family which I have on my insurance went from 345.00 to 750.00 every weeks. I cannot afford this! I have no idea what to do. I only make 1700.00 a month. What can I do?

I would like to know if anyone knows of an affordable Medicare health insurance supplement in Arizona?

I would like to know if anyone knows of an affordable Medicare health insurance supplement in Arizona?

What car can i hav 4 dead cheap insurance and whats the best insurance comp.... (im 18)?

I passed my test 6 months ago and still aint gotta car! i hav been looking at a honda civic 1.6 but im not sure what i can get insured on.. i know i can get insured on a 1.0L corsa but i want sumat a bit better (sumfin like a ferrari lol)?

Do foster kids get health insurance? Any insurance?

suppose a adoptive kid w/ parents w/no health insurance. the adoption gets dissrupted and now they live in a foster home.

How much would insurance cost for a 2011 Hyundai Elantra for a 20 year old?

I have never been in an accident and never got a speeding ticket. What would it cost a month?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/texas-burial-insurance-instant-online-quotes-anthony-parker/"

[coreyrayhorn-blog]

A year in infamy, a year of sorrow, and depression that followed

2016 was probably the worst year of my life with the exception of my closets grandfather passing away in 2005. Simply saying 2016 was awful because Clinton lost isn’t adequate as in my case. I did work for the Clinton campaign as a phone volunteer, I donated money, tracked the polls, and devised personal strategies to watch for on election night. Not to mention I also ordered several bumper stickers for the campaign (all of which were removed by bystanders.) But blaming a years fait on a single event isn’t enough, although a lot but not enough. 2016 also marked the first year of college for my friends and I. Some of us took the transition to college better than others, I did not. I make decent grades, ranging form a medium of Bs and As primarily, but grades don’t gauge my mental physic. Moving to college was an adjustment, nights of personal pity due to homesickness, trying to figure out the ends and outs of college, and other personal mountains to climb. One thing that got me through 3/4 of my first semester was the thoughts of a woman winning in November. Being that those dreams were crushed within 7 hours of television coverage, my life went on hold after that. Since the election, my dedication to college has plummeted. There are clubs, elections, and benchmarks I would love to meet but the desire isn’t there. At the end of the day, the only thing I can think of is going home. I have friends which have helped me on my worst days, they may not have knew it but depression is always around the corner. Personally I try to stay reserved on my slight depressionistic tendencies, but it always find a way to creep out. I’m thankful for my friends of now and those I have lost along the way. From 2016 to now, my friends of now have all been solidified by college. Many of the friends I communicate with now have only been around for a couple of months in my life. I’ve had friends and significant others that I have lost along this journey called college. I don’t regret having those relationships and in fact I wouldn’t have changed them for the world. There are some people in my life that I have removed; not because of who they are but because of me. Some days pass by without a thought of those who have came and gone in my life, but other days it feels like they are always on my mind. I don’t want to rekindle my previous friendships, it would be too hard to turn back. I believe with all my heart, quoting an episode of Hannah Montana of course, that “some friends are in your life for a reason and some only for a season.” That quote does have some merit, but everyone who has ever been in my life or will ever be, will always be remembered as having a reason. I don’t hate any of my prior relationships, I just hate the process of letting go. Moving on, 2016 has affected me in more ways than the loss of friends or the huge election defeat of my lifetime, it provided me with something I never knew before, depression. Depression isn’t something you mess with or wish you had so others could pity you, it’s scary. This dark shadow in my life hangs over me like death over a stage four cancer patient, the threat is imminent but the strike is unknown. Depression will sneak up on you in the most random times in life, one day in class, talking to your friends, or even in the midst of falling asleep; depression sucks. I refuse to seek help in a doctors office because the only thing that would happen is being put on drugs to ‘help’ the problem; it actually only eliminates it for a short while. I wish I was being over dramatic, that my thoughts of depression were fake, but they aren’t. It feels like my life is comparable to a car, I should be the driver but I’m stuck between passenger and taking the wheel. I’m not going to lie, the election did push me over the edge but it revealed something that was lying deep inside me for years. The best solution to my problem was a free medicine called refuge in Christ. Since college, I lack the effort and want to attend church every Sunday. I claim that I’m tired or I don’t have enough time to do everything I want on the weekends, but that’s only a half-truth. All of those things said prior about not attending church are very much true, but my willpower is not controllable. Directly after the election my church was ablaze with “We are now hopefully going in the right direction”, “Pray for our leaders”, and other prayers that have never seemed to work for me. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in prayer, but I also believe that you can’t pray for those who don’t want to be prayed for. I’m far from perfect and I expect God to still watch out for me regardless of what I do in my daily life. Now this doesn't mean shoot someone and be like “yeah its okay, I got Jesus” because no, it’s not. What it means is God got me through some rough times in my life, one of which was the election. As you can tell I talk about this ‘election’ like it was WWIII but it was to me. I wish I could explain it and if I could maybe I could cope 100% with the loss, but I can’t. Anyways, my depression was somewhat relived with the power of prayer and the Holy Ghost (Spirit.) There I was on a December night, the time was around 3AM and my mind was racing with the threat of January 20th (Inauguration day.) With nothing else to do and for the first time since election night, I had a little talk with Jesus; by little I mean huge… I got down beside my bed, which means you know I’m about to have a serious talk, and folded my hands for a man to man talk with the light of my life. My first words, that I can recall, were “Why did you do this to me?” I wont lie, I was mad at God for over a month and a half. I prayed for months upon months that she would win, “Protect her God”, and he just let me down big time. Yeah I’ve said it’s all in God’s hands, but I didn’t know why in the world he chose that joke of a racist, xenophobic, trashcan spray painted orange to be put in the White House. But during my long talk with Jesus, it came to me, the revelation I was looking for, Trump needed to be President for something better to come. Now what do I mean by that? I mean that, yes Hillary would’ve made a good president in my opinion but in order for our country to be truly ‘Great’ something ‘Bad’ must happen, that was Trump. Regardless of your feelings towards Obama, you can’t say that Trump is better than, I don't know…Bush 43 and 41? No you cant! Id settle for a good ole country boy any day over a born rich, small loan of a million dollars, idiot and chief any day. But my conclusion of my talk was what I said prior: we will be even better one day in the end. Not to sound like a crazy pastor out to scare people into becoming Christians, legit the end of time for America. America isn’t the only country in the world and it’s not God’s only country either, but it’s important. America is #1 in world leadership, military, and economy; eventually you have to fall. America will never fall out of the top 5, but maybe it was time for a reality check like “hey buddy, if you don't check yourself before you wreck yourself you will be nothing.” I also refer to the literal end of time, Revelation, stars falling out the sky, the works. I don’t fear my place of burial and my soul’s direction when I die, I do fear the end of time before I get my life going. I don’t think the world has much longer according to my faith. It’s not because of the ‘gays’ or ‘liberals’ either, it’s just about that time. I feel like the world was taking a step forward since the last World War: civil rights in the US, more democracies around the world, space travel, science, living longer, advanced nations. Sadly, the world is getting back into more wars, nations are leaning more on the ‘conservative route’ which means to conserve civil rights and religion, finally I also think it could be 40+ years from now too. Because if we truly follow the Bible, we know that no one can literally project the end time, it’s just signs. Since time for God is everlasting, our lives may come and go before the end, but to God it could only be the 8th day. This post was starting in one direction but diverted to another. I will later write about my reading of “What Happened”, a Hillary Clinton memoir about her election loss, that it hopefully helps me come to a full close on the loss. Just remember to stay close to God if possible, don’t let politics completely rule your life, and know the education is key, just know what lock to put it in.

[script101]

Last guesses before I buy the finale on Sunday. NO SPOILERS, just a list of possible clues.

I’ve compiled the clues I’ve noticed, but I do not have enough information to pull it all together.

There are still literally decades worth of Doctor Who that I haven’t seen. Even if it turns out that I had correctly recognized clues I was supposed to see, I expect to be surprised by the finale.

I am standing by only one thing: I MAINTAIN THAT THE EVENTS AND TIMELINE OF THIS SEASON SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN AT FACE VALUE.

Here is a list of things that have jumped out at me as potentially being a significant clue:

•CLOCKS ARE VISIBLE AND THERE ARE TICKING SOUNDS IN THE MUSIC. If an actual clock is not present, we are explicitly informed that time is running out.

I'm ambivalent about "Before the Flood", but I do remember the intro with the Bootstrap Paradox. We heard the opening of Beethoven's fifth there and right at the beginning of "The Pilot".

•UNIT has been conspicuous in its inexplicable absence.

•There is an “OUT OF ORDER” sign on the TARDIS (“The Pilot”). I think this was a clue for the audience.

•PEARL MACKIE IS SO TALENTED I BET MOST VIEWERS DO NOT REALIZE WE’VE BEEN TOLD VIRTUALLY NOTHING ABOUT BILL.*

•When BILL ASKED WHY THE DOCTOR NOTICED HER, we do not see Peter Capaldi answering. Instead WE ARE SHOWN A PICTURE OF THE DOCTOR’S GRANDDAUGHTER in the center of the frame. All other dialogue in that scene had the actors in the center of the frame.

•SEASON 10 TAKES PLACE IN 2017 (“Pyramid”, Bill makes a joke about the orange abomination currently defiling the House that Hillary won by over 3 million votes.)

•THERE IS A PARADOX AT THE CENTER OF THIS SEASON THAT APPEARS TO BE COLLAPSING IN ON ITSELF.*

•They stated, as a fact, that the TWELFTH DOCTOR HAS BEEN teaching at a University IN BRISTOL for DECADES. Bill says he’s been known to be there for a long time, first suggesting 50 years, then saying “My B-Line in the office says OVER 70.” Even if Bill was off by HALF, this MEANS that for the entire run of the series (and before!) THE TARDIS HAS BEEN IN TWO PLACES IN THE U.K. AT ONCE.

•NATO knew to contact the Doctor, but, the doctor has been watching Missy’s prison cell. THE TWELFTH DOCTOR AND THE TARDIS HAVE BEEN IGNORING DOCTORS 1-11, THE FATES OF HIS COMPANIONS, and ALL ALIEN ATTACKS.

•NO HOSTILE ALIENS HAVE ATTACKED THE DOCTOR.

•A spaceship landed on the Campus and left a drop of sentient oil behind.

•Granted there is a confound*, but I believe that the through-line for Missy has not changed: MISSY WANTS HER FRIEND BACK. SHE WANTS THE DOCTOR TO TRUST HER AGAIN. I BELIEVE SHE IS SINCERE.

•John Rogers says if you want to know what a show is about, pay attention to the last scene in the pilot. The LAST SCENE of “THE PILOT” was TWELVE CHANGING HIS MIND ABOUT ERASING BILL’S MEMORY. He yells at her to leave before he changes his mind again. THE DOCTOR IS SEEN ALONE REMINDING HIMSELF THAT “I CANT DO THAT ANYMORE, I PROMISED.” Bill indeed runs out of the office, pauses on the stairs, we see flashes of what she saw, she smiles, then continues running away. Once she has exited the building SHE SEES THE DOCTOR outside BY THE TARDIS. HE TELLS HER IT IS NOT IMPOSSIBLE THAT BILL WON’T EVER SEE HEATHER AGAIN. HE OFFERS THE USUAL: ALL OF SPACE AND TIME. How much time elapsed FOR HIM between when she left the office and when she was outside? It's cannon that "short hops" are tricky. And we are supposed to believe that after decades of being grounded by "Mom" (Nardole), and being a guy who has spent centuries flying the TARDIS with the parking break on (rotfl; it's still sooooo funny, lololololol), he managed to walk into the TARDIS and land her perfectly down stairs? Maybe. There is no proof he didn't and he is wearing the same outfit. It's also possible that a lot of time elapsed. I don't know.

•Am I just noticing it, or has the doctor had more costume changes this season than he has ever had? Each doctor has a costume. Maybe there is a slight variation, and Eleven changed after losing Amy and Rory because losing them CHANGED HIM. Twelve actually seems to have, dare I say it, a wardrobe containing multiple different items of clothing that don't all look identical. Is this new? Is this significant?

•A planet called MONDAS is significant somehow.

•Two decks of that spaceship look like scenes from other episodes. One deck looked like the fields from Smile (I can’t help but wonder about “Floor 507”, the supposed “solar farm” from which no one supposedly returned? We were told about it by a lying liar, but it looked like it was the same field down to the tracks made by two people crossing through the wheat.) Another deck looked similar to the landscape in “Eaters of Light”. I do not know if that matters at all.

•I find it so implausible that Bill survived the injury she appeared to have sustained last week that I genuinely find it more plausible that she suffered no injury at all.

If that injury were real, her heart and both lungs were damaged irreparably. There was no blood, suggesting all tissue surrounding the wound had been cauterized from the still-visible sparks of FIRE from the gun. If so, the damage to that tissue is beyond repair. And crucially, HER SPINE AND SPINAL CORD WERE VAPORIZED. Forget "any sufficiently advanced technology..." Not applicable. Bill is, as far as we know, human. Damaged heart, damaged lungs, NO SPINE, and NO SPINAL CORD is instant death. "Sufficiently advanced technology..." also doesn't explain how she was standing and talking or how Twelve was able to put a message in her subconscious because she was still alive: no medical treatment had been done yet. A person we are meant to believe is human is seen with an injury no human could survive.

It's more plausible she suffered no injury at all, she merely believes that she did. The pain she felt outside the hospital? The game for "Mr Razor" was to make Bill believe she couldn't leave the hospital and position himself as someone she could trust. The bastard could have something like a taser on the box that causes pain whenever it's helpful to the con.

On a stage, a similar effect could be done with mirrors. Mirrors would also explain the inexplicable rigidity and why she fell backwards rigidly. I don't know if this is a thing, but "Time Lord MIRRORS are bigger on the inside", and "Twelve was too upset to dare look at the wound let alone look closely" are more believable than a human with that injury not being DEAD INSTANTLY before she collapsed at the knees to the floor. Also, if Bill would recognize a former prime minister, why wouldn't she recognize a dalek?

•TWELVE HAS FORGOTTEN WHAT THE TIME LORDS DID TO HIM. HE DOES NOT REMEMBER THE EVENTS OF “HEAVEN SENT” OR “HELL BENT”.

•I DO NOT BELIEVE STEVEN MOFFAT IS CRUEL OR AN IDIOT. I AM BRACING MYSELF FOR BEING HEARTBROKEN, BUT LOGICALKY I FIND IT IMPOSSIBLE THAT THE DOCTOR WON’T REDEEM HIMSELF AND FIND A WAY TO SAVE BILL.*

•THE DOCTOR WILL NO LONGER TEACH. MISSY IS LEAVING AFTER THIS EPISODE. WITHOUT THE VAULT, THERE IS NO REASON TO GROUND HIMSELF.

Each asterisked clue individually:

~~~~~

•WE HAVE BEEN TOLD SHOCKINGLY LITTLE ABOUT BILL.

Pearl Mackie is so insanely talented that she created nearly everything we “KNOW” about “Bill Potts” from scratch. For reasons that may or may not matter, we have, per the scripts, been told almost NOTHING about Bill. This is IT: 1 She has a foster mom that she is very close to (you have to be very close to have that contentious a relationship) . 2 She was 26 years old in “Pyramid”. (7 or 8 years older than I was expecting the character to be). 3 She wanted to go to the University but never applied. Finances likely, but we don’t know. 4 We have no clue what Bill’s desired major would be or is. 5 She works at a restaurant on campus. She was insulted in “The Pilot” because of her job. She still has that job. 6 Bill is gay. 7 Bill Identifies as black. 8 Bill has an idealized version of mother and that ideal very important to her. 9 No mention of dad or grandparents. 10 Doesn’t want to know how the Doctor knows her mom. 11 She has netflix. (Really digging for anything!)

Dollars to donuts, Bill HAS to have wondered if the Doctor really IS her grandfather. No, not because of the picture. We have been given no real reason why The Doctor had singled out her from the other hundreds of people in his large lecture hall. It’s shown as being filled to capacity with people actually standing. There is a piano.

~~~~~ •MISSY. We have a confound. It's not just that she's hilarious. It's that Michelle Gomez is obviously NICE. She has very beautiful pale blue eyes. “Icy blue” Unlike other actors who can look cold, she does not. Why? Because no matter how talented she is, there is absolutely nothing she can do to affect the constriction of her pupils (Method acting is dangerous if you're playing a monster). I think part of why everyone loves Missy (even though we should hate her), is not ONLY because MG is wickedly talented, nuanced, and is gifted with innate perfect comedic timing that is truly genius. We like HER because we can see and are subconsciously registering that her pupils are dilated. Subconsciously, we are registering that her emotional state while she's filming is "I like the people I am working with and I’m having fun.” I can't not like her. If I’m wrong and Missy really is on “Team Evil”, this is why I was wrong. I WILL HAVE BEEN 100% WRONG ABOUT THE CHARACTER, no question. I'm just saying this is WHY. She DID successfully unnerve me at least once long before I had a clue who her character was in season 8 in a scene the lighting was very bright (8x01 I think) and her pupils constricted. Without very bright lighting, her character LITERALLY can get away with murder. It's physically impossible to not like Michelle Gomez. You can’t help but like her. I can tell by simply looking at her that IRL she’s as kind and warm as she is talented and funny.

~~~~~

I think there is a paradox in this season that will allow Twelve to realize he’s been a psychopath since the closing credits of Pyramid.

I do think it’s possible that this season will collapse upon itself.

What is the cause of the paradox: during the entire run of the series, all of the events of the series have been happening while Twelve ignores Dalek invasions, losing all his companions, cybermen, watches Missy while Harold Saxon is the Prime Minister????????, UNIT has no idea, Torchwood has no idea, the TARDIS herself doesn’t care that she’s been within 50 miles of herself… all while Twelve sits in his office, teaches classes, guards the vault and….? Huh?

~~~~

Bill will live. This is based on my certainty that Steven Moffat isn’t a moron and knows he will not be forgiven if he kills the second companion of color and who is also the first gay companion after the first woman of color (Martha) was treated like garbage by Ten. Especially if this companion is killed because she went from being completely controlled by one man that she trusted as a parental figure who failed her due to arrogance and recklessness (Twelve), to being completely controlled by another man (“Mr Razor”) whom she trusted as a parental figure while he was merely using her as a toy in a larger game designed to hurt the other man. It’s just gross. It won’t happen. Technically Missy is a woman with no memory of what happened on that ship (paradox).

Also, if Bill dies, that's all the episode will be about. If Bill dies and Twelve doesn't realize how awful he's been since the end of "Pyramid", that's all this season will be about for many people. Even if no one working on the show grasps that (which is hard to imagine, Peter Capaldi seems like he's made of hugs and puppies and everyone knows he was a fan of the show since he was a kid), that would be a pretty lousy way to thank Peter Capaldi and Michelle Gomez for their work over the past three years. "People who loved your characters now hate them and feel betrayed. There's the exit. Bye." (shakes head) Logically, it's unlikely. I am still preparing to be heartbroken and angry and devastated even though logically it makes no sense that anyone would want end the season that way.

[Yes. I AM that traumatized by the election and yes, as a person who has been explaining Doonesbury to people since I was 8 years old only to have my first election stolen IN MY OWN DISTRICT, it's utterly devastating to have it be pretty obvious that RUSSIA stole our last one and put an off-the-charts textbook Narcissist in Madam President Hillary Clinton's house. (And yes, I AM qualified to diagnose psychopathy and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I never updated my IMDb profile; my masters was in corporate psychopathy.) All the polls showed Hillary winning. All the internal polling for Florida had Hillary winning the state. I honestly think we were hacked. I. Don't. Trust. Anything. Anymore. After this past election, if I were trapped in "The God Complex", I'd see an exit sign. So yup, I'm expecting that even FICTION will slap me across the face and laugh at me for being stupid enough to have cared in the first place.]

. Sorry.

The question posed in “Smile” didn’t resonate when it was about tiny robots; when looking at a person it does: “Should Missy be held morally accountable for a crime she has no memory of committing and would NOT ever do again?” (sigh) No. Without any qualifications. No.

It would also be creepy if she was sincerely trying to repent but THE MENZ ruined it. No.

~~~~~

I though there were so many icky sexist aspects of season six, but I don’t think Steven Moffat intended to be sexist and I'd wager good money that he knows sexism is bad. Bigots and Sexists double down when challenged. Steven Moffat has NOT. He has CLEARLY been listening and reading criticisms, thinking about them instead of doubling down or ignoring them, and trying to course correct. Clara was the Doctor’s equal. It now seems clear that we are supposed to realize she was the better of the two. We have seen increasing additions of intelligent strong women. I know people hate Steven Moffat. I don't. At all. No one is perfect. Not everyone is Barry Levinson. Steven Moffat excels at writing intricate plots. Writing naturalistic, normal, every day dialogue is not as easy. It's not his thing. I'm not insulting him. No one is equally awesome at everything. There is a pattern to his writing style: The person who knows what’s going on is the person who appears the smartest (and this has often been Missy!). Everyone else is reacting to the person in control that knows what's going on. Logically, I don’t think he’ll end his run with Twelve being a psychopath and Bill dead. I am bracing for it, but logically, no.

~~~~~~~~

We might not see Clara until Christmas.

~~~~~~~

Clocks clock clocks.! Tick tick tick! The ticking in the music... It's the opposite of a Tennessee Williams play. Alma: "Even your clock makes music when it strikes!" Me: "Even your music makes 'clock' when it plays!"

I love the incidental music and the theme music for this show. Running in a retrograde progression for a few seconds... hinting at Shepard tones... too clever. :-)

~~~~~~

My perfect ending (which I have think has a 0% chance of happening): This season rewinds itself TO before the semester starts. Twelve gets rid of the space oil and therefore rescues Heather before she’s swallowed. He forges Bill’s admission/acceptance papers. Bill and Heather have all the same classes. Heather doesn’t want to leave. The Doctor? Never heard of him. No vault. No Doctor on campus No guns. No cybermen. Bill and Heather have a chance at having a nice normal life.

The Doctor, having realized his casual cruelty, will start remembering Clara. This will lead into the Christmas finale.

[mentalrubikzcube-blog]

Confront Yourself Ch. 2

Chapter 2 We arrived at the hospital and I was rushed inside. I only caught a few images of what was going on because my eyes were still very strained and sore. My head was also still trying to work up the strength to make sense of all of this. Daya stayec at my side. She was alwats there for me. I even saw Spitz there. Daya threw him out. Apparently there was a bit more to the story. Daya woukd later on confide in me that Spitz originally was gonna bring me to the hospital in his car and as he was "helping" me in he got rather "handsy". Daya had been looking for me and checked if I was smoking, which was the go to spot if I'm not waitressing. She saw Spitz and called the police and 911. I was completely unconcious the whole time and dont remember the assault or the fainting. It had to be from lack of sleep. Once the nicotine hit my sytem combined with Spitz's rage, I guess it was too much and I collapsed. I cant belive, well actually I can, but still. How could you take advantage of your employmee? Who am I kidding, its Connor Spitzman were talking about. Scoundrel extrordinare. After sometime in the ICU, I was aloud to go home and told to get rest and take a week off work. Daya stressed to the nurse that she would make sure I made a full recovery. She definitely would hold hold up her end of the bargin. She took me home and tucked me into bed. Very little was said. We both knew that I needed to just rest. What was there to talk sbout anyway, it had been a traumatic day for us both. She needed rest just like I did. When I suggested she stay the night she about cried. Daya was one of the few who knew that extending an invitation like that wasnt common for me. She thanked me and got the couch ready for her to sleep later. After a wonderful dinner of chicken cordon bleu and golden potatoes we both headed to bed. I fell back into my deep space sleep. It felt good to let go and finally recharge. As I lay there, I Kofeel tears roll down my cheeks. Why am I crying?  I thought to myself. I wiped them away and fell again into my comatose sleep. Numb. Black. Perfect. Serene. Gone too quick. Before I knew it Daya had brought me breakfast in bed. Waffles, eeggs, bacon, mixed berries, orange juice, even a side of cinnamon butter, and finally a little vase with wildflowers. The works. "Wow, thanks D." I was so grateful to gave someone who cared about me so much. She smiled and headed out of the room. Returning with my Firefly mug filled with rich Columbine coffee. "Three packs of sugar and just enough cream to coat your throught so you can drink more, right?" Daya chuckled I smiled. She knew me so well. Now before you getbthe wrong idea. No, she is not my girlfriend. She is however my best friend and I would literally die without her. She keeps me grounded and I do my best to do the same for her. After breakfast, coffee, and a morning smoke I wanna get out and go for a walk. If I'm gonna be on sick leave then I atleast wanna get some fresh air and get outside. That's the best way to feel better if youre system is upset. I tried to go for walks whenever I need to clear my head or just feel better in general. As I was getting ready Daya was in my ear telling me about how what if I fainted again and that I needed to be careful, I assured her I would be and she finally relented and let me go on my walk. I walked up the street and around a few corners. I passed pretty neighborhoods and not so pretty ones. I finally came upon a small strip mall. I wondered along the siewalk gazing st the colorful and vast stores that were included by one another. Matress store. Carribean dining. Hat repair place. Subway. I kept walking and then I saw a shop worth looking into, it was called Miss Lovely Lovely's Curio Cabinet. From the outside it looked like a vintage bookstore. I opened the door and it triggered a little bell. A lady emerged from a chair and greeted me warming then the sun after a long frost, "Hello traveler, may I offer you some Egyptian cinnamon tea?" She was a very sweet old lady. She had long almost transparent white hair and her eyes were an emerald green. Very shiny and flawless. "No thank you." I repiled. I looked around the shop in amazement. There were so many things. Clothes, books, toys, trinkets galore, and so much more. "Look around dear and let me know if you need anything." She said sitting back down. I did just that. This place was fasicinating. Vintage and modern stuff mingled together. It was beautiful and kept blinking thinking it was a dream. How have I not been here before? I ask myself. After looking at the jewlery and clothes, I gravitate to the books. After looking throught many titles I was compelled to ask her if she had a book that could help me sleep. That space sleep was temporary and I know it. "Ma'am, do have anything about insomnia?" She smiledcat my request. She disappered to the back and reappeared with a small brown leather bound book without a name. "I was hoping you would have come sooner, Reylnn Yorfath." Shd said my name, How did she know my name? I pondered in horror "Wwww-ho arrrrre you?" I stuttered "Miss Lovely Lovely of course." She chuckled "I go by many names, but that isnt important, you need this book to fix what you have broken." I didnt know what to do, so I accepted the book with no name and looked it over. It was rather tiny snd the pages were stained from the years. It also had a vintage air about it. Flipping through I saw that many of the paragraphs had multiple sentences underlined. It was very intriguing. I still didnt understsnd how she knew my name, but I wanted that book. "Hhhhh-ow much?" I asked, sounding like an idiot "No dear, this is a gift, before you can be at peace you must confront yourself." She said lovingly "Thank you." I said quietly tucking the book into my purse, I slowly made my way out of the store still amazed and looking around. Once outside I immediately light a cigarette. What just happened? I asked myself I began to make my way back to the house before Daya got worried. When I got to the front door, I looked in the window and saw Daya was sitting on the couch reading a book. I love the way her hair shimmers in the sun. To be honest I might have a slight crush on Daya, but I would never tell her. It woukd ruin our friendship. Anyway, I make my way inside and greeted her. She immediately started into how far I walkdd and if I took breaks as to not get too tired and pass out again. "Yes, Mom, I made sure to be careful." I teased her, she got a little frustrated but eventually laughed it off. I set my things down and told her about the little shop. She had never hesrd of it before. Weirdly, she checked the internet for it but there was nothing as if it didnt even exsist. Then Daya became a litte worried and asked me, "Are you sure you went there? Maybe your head is messing with you. I told you, you needed more rest." Daya huffed and looked at me concerned. I had left out the part about the book thinking she would freak out, I was even happier now I hadnt. I knew what I saw. It was real. Everything happened just like that. But then I began to question. Had I really gone there? Theres nominternet listing and my mind has been being weird lately. I swore it really happened thought. It seemed so real. Thoughts swirled around my head and I knew I had to see if I had the book. But I didnt want Daya to see and ask me about it. She woukd think I was crazy. I said rather shyly, "Well, I'm gonna go get some rest then. I guess my head is just still messed up. Anyway thanks Daya." Then I slipped away to my room with my purse. Once insixe inside I closed the door and locked it. I put the purse on the bed and stuck my hand inside. I felt my wallet, perfume, sunglasses, smokes, lighter, and other odds and ends. Where was the book? Had I really imagined all of that? I began to think to myself. Suddenly I panicked and thought once more, Am I going crazy? Did I hit my head harder then I thought? Is this insomnia eating away at my memory and thought patterns? I started to shake a bit, but I looked once more in my purse. Wallet, keys, sunglasses, BOOK! It was there. How had I skipped it the first time? Or was my mind just playing tricks on me again? I didnt know. All I knew was that I had the book and now I could finally cure my insomnia. I sat on the bed and began to read. I was shocked by how accurate and headon this stuff was. Before I knew it Daya was knocking on my door for dinner. I stashed the book under my pillow. Because for whatever reason I didnt wanna spark her curiosity. I wanted this treasure all to myself. I unlocked the door and met Daya in the living room. Waiting for me was shrimp and rigatoni. It smelled amazing. I couldnt wait to dive in. Daya gave me the pills the doctor perscribed and we ate. After a great meal and equally great converstaion we both agreed it was time for bed. "You need anything?" Daya asked as I was brushing my teeth. I shook my head. We echanged goodnights and she shut of the lights. I slid into my room, anxious to see what else the book said. Already it had me addicted. I was somewhat experiencing withdrawl when at dinner. Which I thin was more guilt then anything. I wanted to tell Daya, I really did, but I knew she wouldnt understand. So I would keep it to myself until I knew for sure it cured me of this insanity which I was desperately on the brink of. I read to myself, "Life is defined as the state or quality that distinguishes living beings from dead ones and from inorganic matter, characterized chiefly by metabolism, growth, and the ability to reproduce and respond to stimuli. The period between birth and death. But to Live means something else entirely. Live is defined as to remain alive, be alive, to exsist in a specified way. We all are given Life, but seldom do any of us Live. We need to live. Be alive and go out and enjoy the world. Get out of our comfort zones. Aid our fellow man and conquer the earth the way The Creator intended. For out Creator is Life and we only Live through Him. For the wages of sin are death, but the Gift of our Creator is Eternal Life through His Son. All you must do is believe." I shut the book and rolled my eyes, "Great, a religious book, but still how did she know I was gonna come in there, I mean Im sure she gives everyone the same book but how did she know my name?" I wondered to myself, I didnt know how to explain all of it, so I decided to try an sleep. I place the book on my nightstand, roll over, and pull the blanket up. Maybe I'd give the book another chance tomorrow, even for being a religious book it wasnt bad. I fade into a deep sleep and I'm standing in a meadow. The breeze is light and airy. I gaze around at the cloud filled blue sky and the crisp green grass benath me. Out of nowhere I hear a voice say, "Do not be afraid, whom I have chosen. For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out My Spirit on your offspring, and My blessing on your descendants. They will spring upnlike grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams. I am the First and the Last. Apart from Me there is nothing. All who make idolsare nothing, and the things they treasure are worthless. Those who would speak up for them are blind; they are ignorant, to their own shame. No one stops to think, 'Is not this thing in my hand a lie?' Such a person feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him, he cannot save himself. I have made you,  you are My servant. I have swept away your offenses lime a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to Me, for I have redeemed you. Sing for joy, you heavens, for the Creator has done this. Shout aloud, you earth beneath. Burst into song, you mountains, you forests and all you trees, for the Creator has redeemed you, He displays His Glory before you. Be gratious and humble becore your Creator!" While the voice spoke everything around me was changing constantly. Before I knew it I was no long err in the meadow but up in space looking at earth from above. Just floating along in space with no problems. Then suddenly I was in the mountains looking down on the majesticness of the world down below. Then suddenly I was deep in the woods and the wind wooshed about creating a harmonious rhythm through the branches and the leaves. I was amazed by everything I saw. Out of nowhere there was a flash of lightning and booming of thunder. I instinctively dropped down out of fright. I heard the same voice one more and it spoked louder now, "I am the Alpha and Omega, The beginning and the end, there is nothing without Me. Nothing! Bow before your Creator you miserable creation." I got down on my knees and bowed, and in the blink of an eye I was back in my apartment in my bed like nothin happened. What just happened? I thought to myself. I fell back asleep after much tossing and turning, no crazy dreams this time. Just a deep deep deep sleep.