#also can yall believe june is half way over?!?!?!?

[gigglecoffin]

cleo and charlie

[jbbarnesandnoble]

Hungry Eyes: One-Shot

Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: a night out with your friends leads to you singing karaoke in front of an entire bar. you might be singing in front of them, but everyone knows who you're singing to.

Warning(s): fluff, drinking, bar setting, cringy dialogue (i did not hold back on this one yall) happy ending, my bad writing, and this was only edited once (by me, i can tell you in full confidence that my editing skills suck)

Word Count: 3,059

Prompt: Hungry Eyes by Erik Carmen

A/N: this has been sitting in my drafts since june i believe, and i have wanted to post it so badly! so naturally when i try to post it (after MONTHS of not postint) tumblr stops working and messes my whole plan up... im sorry my friends, but second times the charm (that's how the saying goes, right??)

(not my gif)

It is 9:38pm on a Saturday night, Dirty Dancing plays on your TV in the background while you get ahead on some work. It is your fifth time watching it this week, but you can’t not watch it, it is your favorite movie after-all. On the coffee table next to you, your phone vibrates. Picking it up, you greet your friend on the phone.

“What up babe, I hope you’re wearing somethin’ sexy ‘cause we’re going out tonight!” Natasha announces into her phone. You sigh, knowing there is no way for you to escape going out tonight, not after bailing on her the last four times.

Which is how you find yourself here, at O’Malley’s Bar and Karaoke. Sitting at a center table in the dimly lit bar while an intoxicated man belts out a Fleetwood Mac song. You choose a seat at the mostly empty table. Nat, who is talking with her younger sister, Yelena. Sits on your right and Sam -your other best friend- sits on your left.

“Y/n, haven’t seen you 'round here in awhile. How’s it hanging?” Yelena asks, shifting in her chair, she tries to hear over the sound of the man's bad and loud singing. If you can even call it singing.

“She's been avoiding us,” Nat says, pushing all your buttons perfectly. You do your best to ignore her antics. The wood chair scraps against the hardwood floor as you pull it out and sit between your two best friends. You answer Yelena’s question with a generic answer, ignoring her sister - and her comments - who doesn't seem to care.

“What’s up, kid. It’s been a while since you last came out with us. Nat finally blackmailed you to come with?” Sam jokes with you. You turn to face him, as he sips his water. Ice clinks around in his glass from the quick movement.

“Drinking water tonight?” You ask, more out of intrigue than anything else, though it is a good way to turn away from the current topic. Since you don’t feel like explaining your reason for not hanging out with your friend group much anymore.

It isn’t like you don’t want to go out with them, you do. But you aren’t all that fond of being around Bucky and his girlfriend Dot. You have had a huge crush on Bucky since college and have been best friends for even longer. You thought that over time that small childish crush would go away, but much to your dismay, it did not. In fact, it grew and it never stopped growing. So now, here you are, years later, in love with your best friend who you can’t have because he’s in love with someone else.

That explanation is a great way to kill everyone’s fun. Which is why you haven’t told anyone why you don’t want to hang out anymore. It’s too hard to see them together. You pushed past the pain for almost an entire year, but you aren’t sure that you can do it anymore.

“Somebody has to keep an eye on these kids,” Sam explains, acting as a true mature adult. “Also I drove,” he adds, quieter than the first part, he hides behind his drink.

“There it is.” You say, to which he responds by pretending to be hurt that you didn’t believe he would be the mature one by choice.

A waitress comes around moments later asking you what you would like to drink and eat. A smile on her face the entire time, one you recognize as a customer service smile. Completely fake, but real enough that the customers are none the wiser. You thank her, asking for only a glass of water.

“Forget whatever she asked for, she would like a beer.” Natasha interrupts the young waitress as she is about to leave the table.

“Natasha!” You shout at her, she shrugs in response taking a swig of her own beer.

“I agreed to come out with you, but I didn’t agree to drink.” You point out and it’s true. You don’t feel like drinking tonight and you have to drive yourself home so you really shouldn't be drinking.

“You agreed to drink when you said you would come out with us, plus Sam’s driving.” The redhead tries to argue as she leans back in her chair.

“Yeah, he’s driving you, unlike some people I drove myself.” She shrugs, becoming uninterested in the conversation. She goes back to talking to Yelena.

The same waitress from before comes back, water in one hand and a beer in the other. She sets them both down in front of you, a smile on her lips the entire time. Her long black hair sways back and forth as she moves around the table. She checks in on the rest of your friends who had just arrived.

“Y/n!” Clint and Tony yell in unison. While Steve greets you more calmly than the others as he claims a seat across from you. You offer a kind smile in return. Your eyes scan over the group that had sat down at your now full table and you notice two faces missing from your group.

“Are Bucky and Dot coming out tonight?” You ask no one in particular. Everyone shares glances and avoids looking in your eyes.

“It’s been so long since you’ve been out with us, we all forgot you didn’t know.” Tony said, eyebrows drawn together and a sympathetic smile on his lips.

“Know what?” you ask, letting your intrigue get the best of you. Sam is the first of your friends to speak up, seeing as he is one of your closest friends the duty fell to him.

“Buck hasn’t been out with us for a while, kid. Once you stopped hanging out with us we started to see less and less of him. Now he rarely hangs out with us.”

Your eyes scan around the table, no one is looking directly at you except for Sam and Nat. You shrug, not seeing the huge deal about the whole thing. It’s his choice not to come out, just like it is your own.

“He’s been distant with us.” Tony adds, hiding behind his drink

“His loss.” You state causally, though deep down you are a bit disappointed. It has been a while since you last saw him, it would be nice to know he is doing well.

-------

Two beers and most of the bar’s nachos later, you’re having a better time than you expected to. You forgot how much fun being around your friends is. You wish you hadn’t been such a child about the whole Bucky thing. You could have been having so much fun had you simply ignored your own feelings instead of dwelling on them.

A group of young girls is on the stage, singing along to some new pop song you have not heard before. They are not the best singers, but you can tell they don’t care. They are having fun and enjoying themselves that is all that matters. The song ends and the crowd, filled mostly with drunk people, clap and cheer as they exit the stage.

Someone’s hand pulls three times on the sleeve of your shirt. Grabbing your attention from the drunk guy who stumbled onto the stage. His friends cheer loudly as he gets ready to sing and someone from the crowd yells happy birthday. Across the bar, you find a table full of young guys and girls. Balloons and streamers decorate the booth. A banner hangs above it, written in bold blue marker reads, ‘Happy Birthday Tom'.

“Y/n, you know what you should do?” Yelena starts and you can tell the alcohol is starting to kick in the tiniest bit. Though she seems to be better at holding her liquor better than some of your other friends. “You should go up there.”

“No, no way. There is no way I’m going up there.” You argue, holding your hands up as if trying to physically stop her idea.

“Come on, it would be so much fun! Plus, if you do it Clint will pay you twenty bucks.” The blond bargains with you, both of your eyes look to where Clint is happily unaware of her idea. A smile spreads across your face.

“Fine, but I’m gonna need one more of these and you’re buying,” you say, waving your empty beer bottle back and forth.

You take your time finishing your beer, your nerves grow larger with each sip. Soon enough, Yelena caught onto what you were doing and yelled at you to drink faster. Well, you think that’s what she was doing. With her switching between Russian and English it was hard to tell what exactly she was trying to say. And Natasha’s so-called “help” did nothing, seeing as she was also speaking in Russian.

“You’re up next,” Sam announces which earns cheers from all your friends. Settling back in his chair, he pats your shoulder offering an encouraging smile. The next four minutes go faster than any other song before. The girl on stage announces your name and you reluctantly walk onto the stage. Your friends cheer you on, which helps ease your nerves. Also, the fact that most of the bar is drunk, the chances of anyone remembering this is not very high.

“Hey Sam, why didn’t you tell her they broke up?” Steve asks from across the table, which gains the rest of the group's attention. Except for Clint who never knows what’s going on. Which usually has to do with the fact that his hearing aids are off about half of the time.

“That’s his job, not mine. I’m not his babysitter.” Sam says curtly.

“He can tell her when he gets here,” Tony tells everyone in the most nonchalant way possible. All eyes are on him, confused by what he means. “I texted him, told him she finally stopped avoiding us," he pauses to correct himself, "Him, and came out for the night.”

“You drunk genius!” Clint shouts

“You’re drunk too, you idiot,” Yelena yells at him. He promptly turns his haring airds back off and mumbles something about being the soberest one there in response to her statement.

“Shut up all of you, she’s singing,” Nat yells at them.

An upbeat melody begins playing over the speakers. A small screen in front of you flashes the lyrics of the song you picked on it. Another second passes and it’s time for you to start singing. You start off quiet, not quite believing in yourself yet.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you,

I've got this feelin' that won't subside

I look at you and I fantasize

You’re mind and tonight.”

Your friends, after being quiet for a while, start cheering you on again. Their support gives you the confidence you need. From in the crowd, Sam yells, “That’s my best friend, y’all, stay jealous.” which causes you to laugh, you collect yourself and keep on singing.

“Now I’ve got you in my sights,

with these, hungry eyes

one look at you and I can’t disguise”

The song continues on and suddenly you feel like Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing. Feeling more confident you attempt to do some of the dance moves that you can remember from the movie. You aren’t the best dancer, but you don’t care all that much, you’re having a lot more fun than you thought you would. In fact, you’re almost happy Yelena encouraged you to go on stage.

“I want to hold you so hear me out,

I want to show you what love’s all about

darling tonight.”

The next set of lyrics pop on the screen, not that you need them, you know this song by heart. It’s then the front door swings open and your eyes find a set of steel-blue ones, your heart skips a beat or two, or maybe three. You stutter over the words once or twice before you collect yourself enough to sing the next words.

“I’ve got hungry eyes

I feel the magic between you and I

With these hungry eyes

Now I’ve got you in my sights.”

Lyrics that meant nothing before, now mean a little too much to you. All thanks to Bucky, who had to enter the bar while you were on stage. With your heart pounding a little harder thanks to him, you keep on singing and the crowd keeps cheering. You watch as he chooses to stand a few feet behind your group rather than join them.

“I need you to see

this love was meant to be.”

Your dancing has slowed to a slow sway back and forth, your eyes never leaving Buckys. The music is quieter than before and all you can see is him. You try your best to look away, but it’s too hard when he’s staring at you like that. With his soft and gentle smile and his hair that is so fluffy all you can think about is running your hands through it. At this point, you’re well aware that you are singing to him. What you don't notice is that your friends - and everyone else in the bar - are also well aware of what is happening, and who you are really singing to.

“I feel the magic between you and I.”

“Now I’ve got you in my sights

With my hungry eyes.”

Just like that, as quickly as the song began it ended. The bar fills with applause as you leave the stage. Making a b-line to your friends who are all standing when you reach them, ready to pull you into a hug.

“Dude, that was amazing. I was even considering giving you twenty bucks myself… But I won’t, I’ll let Clint do that.” Yelena says, patting you on the back and leaning her arm on your shoulder.

“I didn’t know you could sing like that.” Steve complements, in his usual awkward manner. You thank him as he pulls you into a small hug.

“Get out of the way losers,” Sam yells from the back of the group, which makes you laugh, “You got some pipes on you, kid. I’m a bit hurt that you never told me, your best friend, that you can sing. But I’ll forgive you this time. All it'll cost you is a pizza.” he says with a wink so you know he’s only kidding, not that he needed to do that. He is your best friend, after all, you know him better than Steve and Bucky do.

Sam pulls you into a huge hug when your eyes meet Bucky’s who is standing behind the group. You turn your eyes away when you go to hug Nat next, “You should probably talk to him.” she whispers into your ear before letting you go and yelling, “Next rounds on me!” Which is the perfect chance to escape. “Waters all around!” You hear her add while walking away, boos erupt from all of your friends and a smile pulls at your lips.

“Hey, wanna get some air?” Bucky asks when you’re close enough to hear him, you nod without hesitating.

It is a bit colder outside from when you first left your apartment, a cold, Autumn breeze blows through your thin blouse. You regret not grabbing your jacket before leaving the bar. In an attempt to gain some warmth, you wrap your arms around yourself.

“Dot and I broke up,” Bucky blurts out, the sudden confession causes you to stop in your tracks. He does too, choosing to stand next to you. “I feel like an idiot about the whole thing if I’m being honest. She said that she couldn’t date me while I am in love with someone else. It took me too long to realize who she meant, when I did, everything else began to make sense in my life again.”

“So, who is it?” you ask, somehow convincing yourself that it can’t be you.

"And I thought I was an idiot." he states, a smug, joking smile on his lips.

Before you have the chance to ask him what he means. His lips crashs into yours and his hand cup your face. The kiss is slow and sweet and everything you ever imagined it would be plus more. It’s the kind that sweeps you off of your feet and steals your breath, and leaves you feeling a little dizzy afterwards. It’s the kind of kiss at the end of a rom-com when the guy finally gets the girl.

“I feel it too,” he says through soft pants, his forehead resting against your own. You hum, silently asking him what he means. “The magic between you and I, I finally feel it. Although it’s about five years overdue.” His words, as cheesy as they might be, are perfect and romantic in every way possible. Your arms wrap around his waist, pulling him closer so that your noses are almost touching.

You’re about to say something when your stomach speaks first, doing it’s best to be as loud as possible. There is a moment of silence between you before you both start laughing. Bucky’s hands fall from your face and down to your shoulders to pull you into his chest. You stand there laughing with your face buried in his chest.

“Let’s go find you some food, yeah?” he asks you, fingers running through your hair. You nod into him, more than happy to find something to eat.

“You never answered my question from before.” You say and you begin to walk to find food, your arm looped around his waist, his around your shoulders. It takes him a moment to realize what you��re talking about when he does he says,

“This girl from work, I've been in love with her since I first saw her.” He teases with a playful smirk on his lips.

“You are really mean, you know that?” You complain, faking a pout. A laugh bubbles in his throat before he plants a kiss onto your head.

“Yeah, but you still like me.” he points out before stopping to shrug off his jean jacket, after he notes the goosebumps littering your skin.

“Can’t have you catchin’ a cold on our first date.” You smile up at him as you walk to the closest pizza shop that is down the street.

[hiirunakaarchive]

– to act in haste (3)

↳ Facts could never be disputed, but natural and insensible phenomenons like fate were fickle and ever-changing. Ethan hoped that maybe the outcome of this god-awful situation he was in right now could be fickle and ever-changing too.

↳  (pt 1), (pt 2), (pt 4)

◇ pairing: ethan ramsey x mc (haruna sakurai)

◇ genre: like 99.9% angst, 0.1% comedy (?) i hope that part of the story was funny man idk

◇ word count: 4.6k+

◇ tags: @aworldoffandoms, @perriewinklenerdie, @jooous​, @senseofduties​, @moteestro​, @anything-but-reality​

◇ author’s note: hey friends, i hope yall are staying safe and indoors during these strange times! classes have been moved online, so i’ve been writing and lo and behold –– part three to my series (which i finished a lot sooner that i expected :o) ! i was honestly writing this thinking it’d be the finale but the 10k word count was telling me smth else, so a FOURTH part is gonna be posted and THAT is gonna be the last one! also not to toot my own horn but i really, honestly, TRULY believe this third part is the best ive ever written, and i hope you guys like it as much as i do! like always, feedback is super appreciated and i’d be more than happy to add anyone to the tags! happy reading!

–

Dr. Ramsey was almost never wrong.

Almost.

And he hung on to that almost with a vice-like grip, that one in a million possibility that maybe this time, he could be wrong, and God, he had never wanted to be wrong so badly. But anyone with half a brain could put two and two together and figure out why his spiteful ex-lover stood in his office long after her shift had ended; white coat folded neatly and hugged against her chest with a sealed envelope at hand. Yet, despite knowing fully well what that letter being slid across his desk meant, he dared to challenge the inevitable truth. To let himself hope—

I could be wrong.

He took it in his hands carefully, and tore the envelope open.

Let it be wrong. Let it be wrong, let it be wrong, let it be-

”You’re resigning.”

He read it slowly and steadily, gathering himself with one long breath and the last sliver of calm he could find.

Over the course of the year, Haruna Sakurai had become some sort of a celebrity in Boston’s exclusive world of health care professionals, dubbed the perfect model to emulate in all aspects of being a doctor. She was as kind as she was intelligent, but unflinching in her righteous principles and a terrifying force to be reckoned with.

She was Edenbrook’s most valuable asset, yet the letter of resignation laying open on Ethan’s desk seemed to taunt him in ways that delved beyond a professional context. He regarded it hollowly, absorbing the great loss her departure would serve to the hospital, but also let his mind pathetically wander to the thought of where her resignation would leave the both of them.

It was silly and stupid, because they weren’t even romantically involved anymore. That tranquil period where they sat across from each other in comfortable silence, danced in his kitchen until they realized breakfast was burned, talked and laughed until they couldn’t breathe – it was such a distant memory that Ethan was convinced that it was nothing but a dream. 

It didn’t matter because she was slipping from him anyway.

“Losing you would be quite a blow to the hospital, Dr. Sakurai. Is there anything that would make you reconsider?” He had to be impartial. 

Convince her to stay. For the hospital, not for yourself, you selfish prick. No more of this lovesick nonsense.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her, and it was deplorable. The year Haruna spent on the fellowship had changed her. She stood taller, spoke louder, smiled wider, and Ethan convinced himself that losing her was a trivial price to pay for the success she so deserved. 

Haruna had grit her teeth and accepted his twisted gift, abandoning that whirlwind romance they had, and as compensation, acquired invaluable knowledge that no one could pry from her cold dead hands. She had so clearly moved on, thus, there was nothing left to do but for Ethan to make peace with it and follow suit. 

“I’m sorry, but my mind is set. It’s a...career move.”

Yet why did he still insist on making her stay?

“A career move? Dr. Sakurai, you do know that you’re employed at one of the best hospitals in the United States.” He pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, and she rolled her eyes at his statement of the obvious.

“Of course I do, but our partnership with Panacea Labs has them trampling on every standard and principle that made Edenbrook one of the best in the first place.”

“I hate saying this as much as you hate hearing it, but that’s not something we can change.” Ethan sighed as he rubbed his temples. 

“I know, so I’m leaving before it disappoints me further.”

“Life in and of itself is a disappointment, Dr. Sakurai.” he argued. “We-“

“I’m going back to Japan.” She blurted.

Haruna bit her lip, bringing a hand to her face like it was a secret she meant to keep and just as suddenly as she said it, Ethan’s world stopped all at once. The clock that hung just above the entrance to his office stopped ticking. He saw Haruna’s lips moving as she continued to speak, but couldn’t hear a thing. Every joint in his body seemed to have froze and gone numb. Dead silence enveloped Dr. Ramsey to the deepest part of him that it could dig.

Dr. Sakurai’s confession rang in his ears like a siren, and Ethan wanted nothing more than to make it stop. The loss of what they had stung him to the point that he almost clutched at the imaginary ache of his chest, but despite that, he carried on. Seeing Haruna was never easy, but the dull sting at the sight of her served as a very real reminder that she wasn’t just a dream. That there once existed a period where Ethan loved a woman so much that he was no longer himself. She was real and tangible, and as long as she remained so, Ethan fooled himself into thinking he had a chance and the luxury of time in fixing what seemed to be irreparable.

You can’t fix this anymore. 

That cruel realization slapped him back to reality.

“-y parents are encouraging me to come home and work in their hospital. I’m hoping that it can offer me new and invaluable insight– Dr. Ramsey are you listening?”

Ethan lifted his gaze from the envelope on his desk and met her eyes. He stood from his office chair and planted his hands on the surface of the table, leaning forward.

“I’m listening. And what insight, pray tell, can the Sakurai Medical Centre give you that Edenbrook can’t?”

The tone of his voice adopted a subtle bitterness to which Haruna raised a brow. She uncrossed her arms, imitating Ethan’s pose and setting one hand parallel to his on top of his desk.

“It’s a new experience.” She responded impatiently, “A more challenging setting.”

“In the hospital that your parents own? How could that setting ever challenge you the same way we do here?” He continued to prod.

“In ways you couldn’t possibly hope to understand. Are we done here?”

“Not until you tell me the real reason why you’re resigning, Dr. Sakurai. You’ve made a name for yourself in this city, you’ve accomplished what thousands of doctors wished they could at your age. How could you leave that all behind?”

Here they were again, arguing, God, they were always arguing. Both of them were far too proud and far too stubborn to swallow their pride and back down. The only thing that seemed like a capable reminder to keep things civil was the mahogany desk that kept them mere inches apart. 

She placed a hand on her hip and leaned closer across the table.

“I think you’re taking things too personally, Dr. Ramsey.” Haruna accused.

She was close. Too close, and Ethan swallowed hard and realized he could never win against her.

He looked away, in denial. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Haruna scoffed.

“Really? Then look at me and tell me that I got this far so early into my career because of my own hard work. Tell me that every doctor in Boston would know my name even if you didn’t use your position to land me that spot on the diagnostics team even though I was in fourth place. Face it, Dr. Ramsey, you don’t want me to leave because it means that everything you did was for nothing.” She spat.

Ethan threw his hands up in aggravation. “Sakurai, this isn’t about me, god damn it! This is about you compromising a perfect career that–”

“You don’t know what it’s like!” She yelled, her voice resonating across the room. 

The sudden raise in volume took Ethan by surprise, and he bit back a response as Haruna scowled in an attempt to calm herself.

“You have no idea what it’s like...walking into that room everyday with doctors like you, June and Baz, and knowing that I’m not even supposed to be there. I come in here and see you and am just reminded that every bit of success I have now is because you loved me. Too damn much, if you ask me.” 

“You want to know the worst part of it all?” She laughed despite herself. “Acting like I didn’t enjoy every minute of that fellowship, when the truth is that I relished in it. I spent this entire year resenting you yet basking in all this knowledge and these opportunities that you gave me. Then I’d come in the next day and hate you a little less than I did the day before. One day, I woke up and realized that I probably never even hated you at all. If anything, I was...grateful.” She cringed as she said it, then looked at Ethan with contempt.

For the first time in a long time, it wasn’t directed at him, but at herself.

“Do you get it? I can’t keep working here, because the mere sight of you is proof that I’m just as greedy and self-serving as bastards like Declan Nash, and I’d sooner die than become a doctor so disgusting. If I can’t bring myself to hate you, then...” She trailed off and looked away, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

The revelation was all too much for Ethan to process, and his mind was riddled with questions. For over a year, he’d wake up in a cold sweat from nightmares of how she regarded him with immeasurable animosity. Was she trying to tell him that, that too, was a facade? A tense muscle in Dr. Ramsey’s jaw relaxed as he asked her quietly,

“Are you running from me, Haruna?”

“If I am?”

They looked at each other in a moment that seemed to end all too quickly, and the weight and meaning of what she said dawned on the both of them. Her eyes widened at the proclamation she mistakenly let slip and Dr. Sakurai snatched her letter of resignation from Ethan’s desk, starting towards the door.

“Never mind. Forget it.”

For a moment, he considered listening to her. To let her go like he’d always done. Every time they spoke, she always ended up leaving anyway. Ethan persuaded himself into believing that she was better off without him, but–

You are never going to have another chance after this.

And he realized, that the moment he let her leave that room, everything would really be over. He’d have to live with the regret of never having taken that final opportunity to mend what they’d both thought was unmendable, or at least try to. Would she have also wished that he’d tried to stop her?

“Wait...I said wait!”

Ethan bolted towards the exit, and Haruna froze in her tracks as he slammed the door back shut as she was about to leave. Her back was to him and his arm remained situated on the wooden surface, inches from her head.

“I need to know, Dr. Sakurai,” He breathed,

“Do I still mean something to you?”

Ethan heard her sharp intake of breath, taken aback by his sudden inquiry. Cautiously, Haruna turned to face him and that calm air of hers that always seemed so natural now looked like nothing but a brittle front to hold herself together.

“You do.” She admitted.

“I still love you, Dr. Ramsey. So much. I’ve loved you all this time but I-“

Her breathed hitched, and like a dam, she, and that distant and unbothered facade she was so adamant on maintaining, collapsed. Her cheeks were wet with tears and Ethan’s face fell as Haruna buried her face into her hands. He willed himself not to hold her.

She wouldn’t want you touching her. You don’t have the right. You don’t-

But against his better judgement he took her in his arms, and the solace he felt with the familiarity of this woman’s warmth, who seemed so small trapped against his chest, overwhelmed him with emotion. It had been so long since he last touched her, and both Ethan and Haruna knew that it may very well be the last. So he held her. He held her the way he wished he could have in the year that they didn’t speak. The way he should have held her from the start. And she let him.

He wasn’t sure if he could ever embrace anyone else the same way ever again.

“God, Ethan, where did we go wrong?” She sobbed.

He rested his chin gently on her head and didn’t respond, because he knew that nothing he could say in this predicament that they were in– no, that they’ve been in, would console her. Dr. Sakurai’s shoulders shook uncontrollably as she cried, and Ethan felt her go slack against him, holding her tighter as he lowered the both of them gently to the floor. 

***

She was in his arms for the next hour. Sixty minutes of pure silence, apart from her weeping, and Ethan could do nothing but comfort the woman. He looked up at the ceiling as Haruna sniffled, and couldn’t remember the last time she had let herself be so vulnerable in front of him.

“We can’t be together like this.” She finally spoke, her voice raspy from the crying.

“I-” Dr. Ramsey began, ready to argue. He knew better though, and sighed as he leaned his head back against the wall. “I know.”

“Good. So you know that you have to let me leave, then.”

He stayed silent in an attempt to avoid the question. Of course he knew that, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. If he did, he’d be acknowledging that this was for the best; and more often than not, the right decision wasn’t always the easiest.

“Haruna, I...” He started in protest, but paused as he felt Dr. Sakurai’s hand slide up to rest on his cheek.

He looked down at her, and wondered if he was being too transparent. If she could see how broken he was at realizing the choice they both had to make. She sat up a little straighter, still in Ethan’s arms and rested her forehead against his. Then she asked him quietly. Pleadingly.

“Please, Ethan.”

How could he ever say no to her?

So he responded wordlessly, tilting his head and bringing his lips to hers. Haruna met him halfway, and a year and a half of fierce self-restraint and inexplicable pining for the feel of each other erupted all at once. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer by the nape of his neck. Ethan cupped her face in his hands as he kissed her, softly at first, but every second that passed with her mouth on his summoned a tide of longing that he forced himself to keep latent all this time, and it only urged him to kiss her harder.

“I love you.” He groaned against her mouth. “God, I love you.”

She merely smiled at his reckless confession, holding him by the lapels of his coat until, Ethan, breathless, forced himself to pull away. He brought a finger below her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. Her eyes were red and swollen from the crying and her hair was disheveled from the moment of passion they just shared, but Ethan couldn’t recall ever being in love with her more than he was in that moment. 

“Haruna, marry me.” 

Her eyes widened in surprise. She looked like she was going to say something in protest, but Ethan continued in order to validate his outrageous request.

“Not now.” He interjected. “You’re going to go to Japan, and become the best damn doctor they’ve ever seen. Your success will be your own, and no one will ever remember that you were ‘The’ Ethan Ramsey’s protege in the first place because you’ll become someone a hundred times better.” 

Dr. Ramsey pushed himself off the floor, and pulled Haruna up following that. Her eyes had begun to shine with tears again, dangerously close to falling, and Ethan held her face in his hands. He offered her a comforting smile, but he wasn’t certain if it was meant to reassure her, or to hide his own brokenness.

“Then, if these god damn stars ever choose to align for us and we see each other again, however long that might take, we’ll get married. Is that clear, Rookie?”

She laughed through the tears.

“Crystal, Dr. Ramsey.”

–– 

Dr. Haruna Sakurai departed for Japan the following week. No one knew of her resignation except for the diagnostics team, Naveen, and her closest friends from intern year, so Ethan remained unbothered at the gossip that rang through the hospital when one day, she had stopped coming to work and no one knew why. 

After that evening where he vociferated that almost childish marriage pact, Dr. Ramsey and Dr. Sakurai failed to have another chance to speak. He was busy with his own doctorly duties and Sakurai was preoccupied with tying up any loose ends before she left for good. They’d merely pass by each other in the halls and their interactions alternated between a subtle smile, a curt nod, or a discreet brush of the fingers.

When Haruna accepted his poor excuse of a proposal, Ethan thought he’d convinced himself that it was going to be alright. That things would turn out fine because they parted on good terms and with the knowledge that they’d made the right choice.

So he had to pretend, and to an extent he never did before.  

Pretend like he wasn’t heartbroken at the fact that she didn’t say goodbye. 

Pretend like he wasn’t just as surprised as everyone else when he came to work and didn’t hear the sound of her voice by the nurses’ station like he would everyday.

The feigning of indifference had embedded itself so deeply into his routine that Ethan believed it was real. He readopted his strictly objective nature, like how he used to be before he met her, and just like that, his world went numb and grey.  

“I’m worried for you, Ethan.” Naveen sighed as he sat across Ethan’s desk, genuine concern written all over his face.

Dr. Ramsey didn’t bother looking up as he flipped through applications for the year’s new batch of interns. “We have hundreds of patients to treat and a budget cut that still needs to be solved. I’m not who you should be worried about, Naveen.” He replied dryly.

“My shift ended twenty minutes ago, my boy,” Dr. Banerji chuckled. 

“I’m not here as administration, I’m here as your friend. Now tell me, why are you acting this way?”

"Acting what way?” Ethan quipped, setting down a folder to give his mentor his full attention. “I’m not any different from the last twelve years we’ve been working together.”

“Completely and wholly devoted to your job, I know. But in the past twelve years I’ve known you, you’ve never been so...” Naveen rested his elbow on the armrest of his chair as he pondered for the right word. “Anesthetized?”

Banerji eyed Ethan carefully, almost strictly. 

“You’ve always been a workaholic, Ethan, but never to the point that you neglected your own health. You’re a walking contradiction as a doctor.”

Ethan knew he was right. If there was anybody in the world that he could never win against in an argument, it was his mentor and his mentee. The three of them were an elite trifecta with a unique bond equipped with boundless knowledge, and Ethan swallowed hard as he remembered her for the first time in the four months since she left. 

After coming to terms with her resignation, Ethan thought that their parting satisfied him enough to live on happily and assured of their love for each other. But the following week of being deprived of her presence and being reminded he might never see her again made Dr. Ramsey realize that it was stupidly naive of him to think so. This was nothing like the two months he spent in the Amazon, because he didn’t have that certainty of her greeting him when he inevitably came back. He was unsure of whether the stars really would align for them like he suggested, but certain that he’d never love anyone the same way he loved her. 

He drowned himself in work and almost stopped coming home. The bags beneath his eyes had grown so much more prominent, and four months of this self-negligent lifestyle had aged him more than twelve years of working as a doctor of internal medicine ever could. Of course Banerji had been the first one to notice.

“She’s there everywhere I go, Naveen.” Ethan confessed, unable to keep it to himself any longer.  

“Can’t even leave this damn office and grab a coffee anymore. I ordered my usual roast at Derry’s, and you know what happened? The barista snuck me a free espresso Romano! Told me, ‘for the other pretty doctor,’ and I almost lost it.”

Dr. Banerji stared in disappointment at his own pupil’s oblivion. He had given him too many invaluable lessons to count, but the one thing he never succeeded in helping Ethan understand was the importance of subjectivity. That sometimes even the most logical and calculated decisions were no match against the fickle loyalties of the heart. 

“Answer me honestly, Ethan,” Naveen dropped all hints of playfulness. 

“Do you regret letting her leave?”

–– FIVE YEARS LATER

“Do you regret letting her leave?”

When Naveen asked that question, the answer popped into Ethan’s mind shamefully quick. Accompanied with that epiphany, his world, the one that went numb and grey, began to scream altogether. The imaginary pain that once pricked him frivolously like pins and needles hit him all at once and burst into flames. Shallow incisions made to his heart with every thought of her and what could have been, transitioned into relentless, deep cuts that came at a pace faster than he could heal. 

Over the course of five years, Ethan stopped trying to fight it and left his heart to be mangled by the regret.

“Yes, I regret it.” 

Today marked his seventeenth year of working at Edenbrook, and Dr. Ramsey had lost count of how many batches of interns had come and gone. He still thought about her occasionally, when he’d see her friends in the hospital or at midnight in bed and alone with his thoughts; but time had done a fairly adequate job of healing that wound. Five years in retrospect didn’t seem that long, but it was enough for Dr. Haruna Sakurai’s face to blur and drown into the deepest recesses of Ethan’s mind. 

“He’s so freaking fine, but I swear he doesn’t have eyes.”

Making his rounds, Ethan’s brows furrowed irritably at the interns he caught gossiping in the hall. He tucked his clipboard under his arm, more than ready to reprimand them until a calloused hand caught him by the shoulder.

“Shhh. I want to know what they’re saying about you.” Ethan turned his head just enough to see that it was Dr. Lahela.

He never expected to grow close with one of her brother-like figures, but him and the surgeon spent too much time together at the gym, and Ethan grew fond of the younger doctor more than he cared to admit.

“You know Dr. Tremaine? The pretty one with a sixteen thousand follower count on Instagram? She asked him to dinner and he just walked past her like he didn’t hear anything.”

“You did not turn down Dr. Tremaine.” Bryce covered his mouth with a hand, feigning shock and Ethan retorted almost immediately with his own dry humour. 

“I think you forget sometimes that the thought of your best friend still torments me.”

“Right. Sorry.”

They turned back towards the young doctors, so deep into their conversation that the two didn’t even bother hiding anymore. Ethan leaned against the wall patiently as Bryce cleaned his stethoscope with an alcohol wipe he dug out from his pocket.

“Dr. Castillo’s brother did his residency here too, and rumour has it that Dr. Ramsey actually had a fling with an intern from his batch a couple years back.”

“Shut up. She must’ve been so hot if she could make Dr. Ramsey budge.”

Ethan leaned over to Bryce, unsure of why he was even following his request of keeping silent.

“My ears are bleeding, Lahela.” He aggressively muttered under his breath.

“Wait, they’re getting to the good part. You know how I love hearing Haruna’s praises sung– wait, Dr. Ramsey!” The surgeon’s voice faded as Ethan ignored his plea, beginning his march towards the rumourmongering interns. 

“–Super hot, super smart, and super scary. Apparently she punched Declan Nash in the face once.”

“Shut up! Who is she?”

“You know the one from the last issue of Times? Like, total medical prodigy? Asia’s top doctor who-”

“–Turned her parents hospital into Japan’s top research facility, I know the whole deal. What about her?”

“So, like, she used to work at Edenbrook right? Apparently-”

“You two, interns!” Ethan barked down the hall.

“Dr. Ramsey!” And his terrifying approach was drowned out by Harper Emery’s own voice and the loud clicking of her heels as she rounded the corner.

Complete, utter fear settled into the young doctors’ eyes as they realized that they were in the company of Edenbrook’s most skilled and accomplished staff, one of whom they were gossiping about. Their gaze darted between a cool and collected Harper, and Ethan, who was very visibly seething, and found they could look nowhere else but the floor. 

Harper and Ethan rekindled their friendship following Aurora’s transfer to Mass Kenmore. Harper realized that she wanted the fellowship more for Aurora than she did for herself, and thanks to the younger Emery distancing herself from Edenbrook and her aunt’s legacy, the women were closer now than they’ve ever been before.

“We need to talk.” Harper demanded, despite being aware of the tension.

“It might have to wait, Dr. Emery, I’m in the middle of something important.”

Harper stepped towards him and spoke in a voice low enough that only Ethan could hear, her tone demanding his full attention.

“Dr. Ramsey.” Harper repeated, more firmly this time.

Ethan sensed the urgency in her voice, and looked between his friend and the interns. Exhaling once, he shot them one more infuriated look before turning back the way he came and following his colleague. Ethan eyed Dr. Lahela expectantly as him and Harper strolled past.

“You're up, scalpel jockey.” And Bryce smiled excitedly, closing his eyes and getting into character before storming down the hall.

“Coffee must be one hell of a drug if I’m seeing not one, but two interns chatting ‘til kingdom come while they’re still on the damn clock! Both of you, names!”

Harper failed at containing a smile. “You’re a horrible influence, Ethan.”

He shook his head, repressing his own laughter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That pupil of yours wouldn’t leave me alone until I showed him the ropes of...what did he call it, ah– oral persecution. So what was it that you wanted to tell me?” 

“You and Dr. Hirata will be in attendance for a medical conference in Kyoto as Edenbrook’s representatives.”

He nodded in response, continuing to look straight ahead as they walked. “Hmph, like always.”

“And Dr. Sakurai will be present as the keynote speaker.”

[tiffgeorgina]

alright trailer thoughts

watch it here slutties: https://twitter.com/SHOBlackMonday/status/1216778009044291585

1) HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT’S HERE THIS FEELS SURREAL

2) HOLYYY SHITTTT

3) but actually let’s get it. this song bangs showtime stays on their excellent editing.

4) trying to analyze showtime’s trailers is like trying to grab smoke so this is going to be extremely barebones for a while. 

5) somebody drives off with the busted up limbo, but we can’t tell who it is yet bc their face never comes into view. they’re wearing a gray suit tho, so it may become more obvious who it is once the episode itself is out.

6) mo is being dramatic asf which as of 1x10 is perfectly in character lmfao

7) bro what the FUCK did you do to your hair i gotta ask fuck the 80s. also there’s this character on IMDb tagged “Vanessa (hair like mo)” so that makes more sense now maybe?

8) establishing shots that almost make me think mo is hiding out in california. since we know his orphanage story is bullshit, maybe he’s visiting family? maybe this is where that marcus wainright iii character comes in? since i dont think he’s in the trailer?

9) keith is living. almost has out-of-the-closet energy. i bet that scene of him roller skating is either after a) he comes out to his wife and divorces her or b) he gets a call from mo and flies straight out to cali to meet up with him.

10) the editing is so good you guys holy shit they jsut never quit over there do they?

11) a shot of mo in some suburb. could be a family member or a friend’s house? which again leads me to think he’s in california.

12) there’s this TV show called “America’s Most Unsolved Crimes” that mo shows up on bc he’s being solely blamed for the crash. how dawn and blair managed to avoid any blame whatsoever is beyond me, but mo is an excellent scapegoat since he confessed on record. no idea who the guy sitting on the desk talking about him is tho, since he wasn’t announced as one of the new guest stars. probably just a one off. maybe this is where “reenactment dawn” comes in from the IMDb page?

13) mo is bringing back the 70s and i do not like it. when i said the 80s were cool bc nobody knew how to dress themselves This Is Not What I Meant.

14) he wouldn’t just casually play basketball with some random kids, these are probably either his cousins or his nephews or the kids of a friend. again leads me to believe he’s in california, possibly visiting marcus? it would make sense. either that or we finally get some real concrete background on mo that isn’t total bullshit.

15) keith is in contact with mo. it’s hard to tell if keith went to cali to see mo or if mo came to NY seeing as both are extremely suspicious. assuming mo is in cali that is. keith is definitely going to get mo back in the game. speaking of mo, this entire first 30 seconds is Mo-centric, so i bet mo’s arc is going to be plottier than blair or dawn’s in 1“A” (showtime doesn’t really have A and B arcs for this show bc there’s no midseason hiatus i just like the terminology)

16) throwback thursday lmfao

17) no idea who this guy shooting/probably fake shooting is?? like no idea. could be nothing of importance and just a transition filler/tone setting moment.

18) the heat is on motherfucker! let’s get this cat and mouse shit im ready for it!

19) here we go here’s dawn. back at the jammer group. back at DAWN AS THE PRESIDENT HIRING A BUNCH OF WOMEN???????? BIIIIIITTTTCCCCHHHH I LOVE TO SEE IT. INCLUDING DEANNA CHENG (she’s friends with casey which means she’s friends with half the cast we should’ve known she wasn’t going anywhere) AKA THE SALES CLERK WHO HARASSED DAWN IN 1X02????? YES BITHC

20) then wayne and yassir fucking it up (nice facial hair wayne it’s hideous kjsfkjdhg) and the women throwing paper at him??? LKJRHGKLJSERH????

21) blair and tiff dressed up??? guys. they’re going to some rich people gala thing. this is what i was talkinf about. im almost certain this is how blair and harris meet. their wives are gonna see each other after not having spoken in years bc of whatever but they used to be friends so they go to talk and the husbands and dragged along and *closet case to closet case communication sounds*

22) ok now BLAIR’S on the exercise craze? i thought that was just gonna be dawn like in s1 also how long is this exercise montage in the show bc there are some things a god fearing lesbian shouldn’t have to see. this weird mirror talking shit feels like voyeurism from this perspective i feel like i shouldn’t be seeing this.

23) she’s still topping him??? after all that??? aight yk it’s part of the dynamic

24) tiff is wearing the same dress in “you do, hunk” as she is in the bit where they get out of the limo and deal with the paparazzi so i presume that workout scene is immediately before that gala thing im establishing a #timeline

25) the skants reveal??? we call that PLOT DEVELOPMENT i love a good callback to the first season

26) the shocked gasp i can’t tell if it’s good or bad. also does this mean tiff’s starting her own company? since georgina is liquid?

27) larry telling dawn that mo’s on his way back for revenge? spliced with mo staring at the wall like he so frequently does while smoking? mayhaps this editing went off also i never thought i’d say this but the brotherfucker has a point mo is gonna pop off when he sees yall again

28) FBI wyd........ that’s a lot

29) that falling out last season bit: blair’s definitely talking about tiff’s parents, and im almost certain andrew flubbed right there and improvised over it by saying “autumn.” well im appreciative of that bc a) it’s funny and b) it indicates when this is going on a bit. it’s not like we’re two years in the future or anything. this is probably gonna start a couple of months after the crash and that’s it.

30) no idea who blair is talking to tho since i can’t see the woman’s face. could be one of tiff’s friends? idk. also nice hair tiff

31) that ball spinning around like a gumball in a machine? weird transition but aight. also immediately after, dawn is in the lehman office, again no idea why. probably the same scene as larry telling her that mo is plotting his revenge but idk why she’s there.

32) that shot of a plane coming into JFK? now im near certain that mo is in cali it would make so much sense please showtime just MAKE SENSE. 

33) confetti and mo’s entrance? you know what it’s what i should’ve expected tbh it’s all so delightfully in character EDIT: THE CONFETTI IS NOT BEFORE MO’S ENTRANCE. YOU CAN SEE DAWN’S CLOTHES CHANGE COLOR, IT WAS JUST AN EDITING TRICK.

34) mo’s just gonna pull up, zero fucks, in the middle of the day. much different than how i thought this scene would go, with a lot of betrayal and drama involved instead of this bitch just pulling up. now idek if dawn and mo are in contact before this, when before i was almost certain they would be.

35) what blair says here is definitely not the first thing he says when mo walks in, i can tell from the editing. also im near certain that blair doesn’t say “bro.” it sounds edited in/done in post (his voice pitches up a lot there when that’s usually a beat when your voice would fall), so i wouldn’t be surprised if blair curses a lot there and they just had to edit it to stay in the green band. 

36) ol polluted waterfall lookin ass jshgkjfdhg mo quit lying that hairstyle is not popular fuck off

37) im loving this tagging order tbh. paul scheer getting tagged in the trailer is just. what he deserves. do we consider keith a protagonist now? he’s in all the promo material by name and face now.

38) regina and andrew look so good god yes also the editing is so GOOD fuck

39) keith (hand holding emoji) blair

        getting hit by random vehicles

40) NO THE LIMBO FUCK SHIT THESE CARS WERE NOT MEANT TO LAST almost looks deliberate :eyes emoji:

41) what’s keith doing with this barbershop quartet wtf

42) almost certain that’s tiff singing? based on 1x09 this oughta be good lmao

43) THE HEEL CLICKING IS TAKING ME OUT HGKJDHFGKJFD. could this be mo and marcus? who knows?

44) look at all the cash wtf what’s all that cash for? ah shit here we go again

45) tiff entering another dimension followed by dawn doing what is certainly a mountain of coke? kind of poetic cinema ok

46) ok dawn’s wearing that green suit again from my icon so??? what does it mean what does it all mean

47) who is mo squaring up with tf? is this marcus? i can’t tell in this lighting maybe it’s fake shooting guy idk also where the fuck are they? some party? but not a rich ppl thing just a thing? idk

48) guys. we have it. the fucking airdate. i have been stanning since the first fucking episode almost a year ago today and finally we have an airdate. respect to the new stans but yall dont know what seven and a half months of network radio silence in regards to your current obsession feels like. @hatimbinaba msged me and said we had a date and the shot of adrenaline i felt was like nothing else. serotonin is currently stored in the black monday and now the serotonin is stored in the ME. Sunday, March 15, 2020, 10 pm motherfuckers. put that shit on the calendar. also looks like we have a slightly earlier timeslot which is nice.

49) and to top (ahah) it all off we have blair just straight up gay panicking at the end. that’s definitely tuc and june and if yall have been following yall would know that tuc is playing blair’s love interest and june is playing tuc’s wife so this is all very jghsrkjghs im rly excited for this scene. no way of knowing if this is before or after blair and harris get together but it’s still kshgkdjhgdkj. rich people golfing? more like rich people existing lmao. also where’s that onion video i need to find the onion video fuck this is just like the onion said would happen. i will post it and make memes later. 

50) then blair just gets hit??? by the golfcart?? and there’s this scream that is definitely not the scream of andrew, tuc or june so??? whose scream was that??? did they add that shit in post??? tf???? also tuc and june barely flinching is really decapitating me kjshkrjdg

51) there’s no way of knowing if tiff is also at the golf course, but if she isn’t? then it’s just blair and his canon love interest and canon love interest’s wife???? which is so funny “hey come play golf with me” “oh is anyone else coming?” “ya my wife” “you’re so stupid i have to question how you’re even still alive”

52) WHEEWWWW AND THAT’S IT YALL!!! BUT A COUPLE MORE THINGS. some distinct absences: no known shot of marcus (which is wack yall would think they would want to plug the hell out of dulé hill) and very few shots of harris and corky. why. promote your newcomers some more tf.

anyways that’s all on this long ass post. @ mutuals expect more freakouts xx love yall this is unedited just raw emotion

[ltwilliamhavers]

Byrock Lake Summer Camp

its time for another rosawatts fic, i guess. lol. 

thank you anon for sending this in!! i was excited to use these emojis bc theyre actually MY favorite emojis!! however. this fic probably isn’t what you were expecting like. at all. lol it was the only way i could think to connect these emojis!! this could also be considered a ‘platonic’ rosawatts fic technically? bc theres nothing romantic in this fic just btw

also just an fyi for this fic- people named charlie and traci are mentioned in it! traci is eva’s canon sister (who i headcanon as older than her) and charlie is eva’s twin sister who i like... completely made up. charlie isn’t canon lol. just lettin yall know. (she’s also in another one of my fics)

one last thing! this fic is a little more than 5k words, and word counter says it should take about 20 minutes to read so you should probably settle in if you do plan on reading it. anyway thanks for reading this mess until here lmao

It had been a very hot and humid summer at Byrock Lake Summer Camp. It wasn’t even summer yet, per say, since it was only nearing the beginning of June, but it was reaching the point of the year where it’s temperatures are the highest ever. It’s located in such a place that makes it feel like summer weather even if you’re visiting in the middle of December.

Summer heat brought all the other summer related consequences along with it. Sunburns, headaches, along with lots and lots of bugs. Spiders ran rampant along the grounds, setting up camp in almost any corner they could get too. Fire ants nests were found almost everywhere along the grounds, barely five feet apart from each other. Mosquitoes seemed to appear almost out of nowhere, completely destroying anyone who had forgotten to put on bug spray. The smell of bug repellent was abundant everywhere you stepped in an attempt to try to get all of the insects under control.

Byrock Lake, at the very least, had semi-decent cabins. They looked like log houses, except a lot smaller, and each group’s cabins were all located within ten feet of each other. The boys’ cabins were at the top of the hill; the girls’ nearer the bottom. These cabins also had no means of modern air conditioning, all that was used were old fans that made so much noise that there’s no way anyone could fall asleep with them on.

This is where thirteen year old Eva Rosalene and Neil Watts were going to spend two weeks of their precious summer vacation.

The reason that they had been sent to this summer camp together was mostly for a band get together. Every year, their school’s band director tries to get the entire band group on some sort of excursion together so that they could all spend some more time together, and get to know each other better outside of school. The band director, along with the school, always chooses one of the cheapest summer camps to send all the kids to so that they could pay it all off immediately. The parents don’t have to pay any money to send their children on these trips, so there’s virtually no reason for the parents to not send their kids.

On the entire three hour bus ride to Byrock Lake, Neil had barely taken a second to breathe in between his sentences, complaining about their destination.

“I mean, Eva, come on! How can you be even slightly optimistic about this place? It’s going to be hot and sweaty and so gross! For two weeks! That’s, like, basically an eternity!”

Neil, sitting on the side closest to the aisle in the seat he’s sharing with Eva, has turned his body sideways to face Eva head on as he complains to her. Eva stays quiet, politely listening to her friend go on and on about this summer camp.

When Neil finishes this last sentence, he huffs loudly and crosses his arms, still facing Eva. She looks at him blankly, not giving the thick-glassed boy next to her the reaction he’s looking for. “How do you even know this place is going to be bad? You haven’t even seen it yet.” Neil looks at Eva incredulously after she says this. “Eva, really? Have you not heard about past band members talking about this place? It’s horrible! There’s bugs everywhere.” He says this last one with his arms waving around, trying emphasize the word everywhere.

Eva rolls her eyes at Neil. “Then wear bug spray.”

Neil ignores this comment, and continues. “They don’t even allow electronics! Can you believe that? How are we supposed to have any kind of fun without video games?” He turns to the side, pouting and crossing his arms again. Eva raises an eyebrow at him. “Wait, I thought you told me you brought your GameBoy along with-” she says, before she’s quickly cut off by Neil shushing her loudly and placing one of his hands over her mouth. Eva lowers her eyebrows, glaring at him. Neil takes his hand away when he knows she’s done talking.

He leans in closer to her, speaking in a half whisper. “Are you kidding me, Eva? You can’t announce that! There’s teachers sitting at the front of this bus! I don’t want this to get taken from me. Not again. My parents would be pissed.”

Eva half smiles, thinking about the last time he got his GameBoy taken away from him. He had brought it into class one day, aiming to play it while they were taking a test, and asked Eva to ‘cover for him’. She just rolled her eyes and didn’t say anything when the teacher started making her way towards Neil. It got taken away for almost a week.

She moves past the fact that Neil has attempted to smuggle his GameBoy into their summer camp get together, and starts trying to encourage Neil. “Well, I don’t think it’ll be all that bad. Besides, my mom said that it would be fun.”

Neil glances over at her. “How does she know?”

“What?”

“Did Traci and Charlie go?”

Eva looks at Neil with a look of confusion. “Neil, if Charlie went, she’d be on this bus right now. We’re in the same grade. Also, she’s not even in band. Why in the world would she be on this trip with us?”

Neil ignores Eva’s quips at him. “Well then, how about Traci?”

“I think this whole thing was started after Traci left middle school, so… no.”

Neil sighs loudly, and slumps himself down in his chair. “Then your mom lied to you.”

“Don’t call my mom a liar!”

“Besides, my parents didn’t bother to entice this summer camp to me. They knew it wasn’t going to be that great- they just signed me up for it and shipped me off.” Neil looks down at his feet. “I think my dad just wanted me out of the house.”

Eva looks at him, not knowing what to say next. Neil’s home life had always been a touchy subject with him. Anytime she’d try to bring it up, Neil would immediately shut down or try to change the subject with a joke. She never knew what to say when he brought it up.

They sit in silence for a few minutes, Neil still slumped in his seat, looking at his feet, and Eva had busied herself looking out the window. The dark green trees outside had gotten more and more abundant, and the amount of commercial buildings outside had decreased. It was obvious that they were getting closer to wherever this summer camp was.

“We don’t even get to go swimming.”

Eva looks over at Neil in surprise, not having expected him to start up a conversation again. He’s still looking at the ground.

“Well, this place is called Byrock Lake. It literally has the name lake in the title, and we don’t even get to swim in it?” Neil glances up at Eva, as he starts going on another tangent. “I mean, I think it’s the least that they could do. It’s going to be way too hot there.”

Eva smiles, glad he’s back to his normal self, not dwelling on his life at home. “Maybe you could sneak into the lake to go swimming. I wouldn’t put it past you.”

Neil looks at Eva, and smiles. “Yeah, maybe I will.”

She looks taken aback at Neil’s response. “Neil, I was- I’m joking. Don’t do that. You could get kicked out.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Oh no, I could get kicked out? Of this lousy summer camp which is one of the last places I want to be this summer? Oh, how horrible. I can’t even imagine.”

Eva was about to say something about how angry his parents might get if they got a call saying that Neil had gotten kicked out of Byrock Lake Summer Camp for trying to swim in the lake, but decided against it. She didn’t want to bring up his parents for no reason. She decides to just elbow Neil for his sarcasm, and Neil laughs.

A teacher at the front of the bus stands up, and all the kids instantly go quiet, including Neil. As much as he might talk about breaking the rules, he’s too straight laced to ever actually do it. As all the students direct their attention at the teacher, he starts talking.

“Alright, kids, we are approaching Byrock Lake Summer Camp. Please make sure to exit the bus as quickly as possible, and grab all of your belongings from your compartments. The school is not responsible for any items lost because you left it on the bus. As soon as we are all ready to go, your group leaders will take you to your cabins so you all can set up. Feel free to ask your group leaders for instructions afterwards.” He takes a quick scan over all the students once he had finished, and then turns around to sit in his seat again. All the kids start talking again, and Neil groans in his seat.

“Man, I can’t believe I got Mr. Castells as my group leader,” Neil pouts, talking about the scary-looking man who had talked just a few seconds ago. “You got Mrs. Noel! You are so lucky, Eva. She’s so nice. I wish I had gotten her.”

“Well, I don’t think it would make any sense for a girl group leader to stay with the boys.”

“Eva, I wasn’t being serious.” He says, turning around again to face her. “I just meant… man, I wish I had gotten anyone but Mr. Castells.” Eva laughs. “Better not say that too loudly or he might hear you. You wouldn’t want him to take away your GameBoy, would you?”

“Eva! I told you to be quiet about that!” Neil says flusteredly, through clenched teeth, as Eva laughs.

The bus then quickly slams on the breaks and almost every kid hits their head on the seat in front of them. Neil, due to the fact he was sitting sideways, was slammed forward and fell into the tiny space in between his seat and the seat in front of him. Eva busted out laughing at seeing her friend stuck haphazardly in a small space. His face turned red from embarrassment, and quickly picked himself up out of the space as the other band members started leaving the bus, Eva still laughing at Neil’s mistake. Neil mumbles to her to knock it off, too embarrassed to say anything comprehensible to her.

“Alright, smooth guy, get a move on,” Eva manages to say in between fits of laughter. Neil quickly stands up, not looking at Eva, and they make their way off the bus, making sure to mumble a quick ‘thank you’ to the bus driver so that Mr. Castells doesn’t yell at them.

Once they get off and grab their duffel bags from under the bus, the bus driver quickly speeds off back onto the road, leaving all the kids behind. Neil sighs beside Eva. “Man, this is horrible already and I haven’t even been here for a minute yet.” He glances at Eva, and then spins around to follow the rest of the group. As Eva joins him, she can’t deny that she thinks he’s right. She can already feel herself start to get sweaty due to the immense heat in the area, and she can hear the cacophony of buzzing mosquitoes in the surrounding area.

“Oh, and another thing!” Neil angrily says to Eva, as she catches up and starts walking besides him. “The boy’s cabin is at the top of the hill! I have to lug this whole duffel bag up a hill, are you kidding me? You have it so easy. Your cabins are at the bottom of the hill.” Eva giggles at Neil’s exuberant manner of complaining. “Oh, get over it. I think you’re gonna be fine.”

“That’s what you think,” Neil says. He starts acting as though his bag is weighing down on him, and he’s struggling to carry it. “Oh, Eva, I don’t think… I can make it… this might be the end for me… this duffel bag is just way too heavy to carry up a hill…” Neil says, speaking as though he were a tired, old man, which makes Eva start laughing. Neil lights up when he sees that Eva finds his shenanigans funny. She turns to Neil, eyes twinkling. “Alright, old man, hurry up. I don’t want to get left behind by the group.”

Eva turns around and starts walking, smiling as she hears Neil yell, ‘Hey!’ behind her, and his footsteps running to catch up with her.

* * *

Sat down at one of the cheap tables the camp had bought for it’s barely air-conditioned dining area, Eva had been eating her dinner in a plastic tray, sat down with her other band friends. She kept quickly scanning the dining hall, wondering where her best friend had gone off to. She didn’t think that he’d just sit without her, but it was definitely worrying her as an option.

Her fears were quickly put to rest when she saw a quick movement to the left of her and the loud clack of a plastic tray being set down. She looked over, and saw Neil quickly taking a seat next to her. The other people at the table glanced over him, but quickly turned back to their own private conversation.

“Neil? Where were you? I was worried you sat down without me.”

He turns to look at Eva and puts on his mushiest voice that he can muster. “Aww, Evie, did you miss me? How sweet!” Eva immediately rolls her eyes. “Nevermind. I take that back. I wish you had sat somewhere else without me.” Neil fake pouts at Eva, which draws out a small smile from her. Neil, satisfied, moves the conversation forward.

“So… you don’t wanna know where I was?”

“I literally asked you where you were when you sat down.”

“Oh. Well, I wasn’t listening.” Eva sighs at him, and Neil continues. “I was playing my GameBoy!” He shows her his GameBoy discreetly under the table, where he was holding it, showing a Pokemon battle screen.

Eva looks at him with a deadpan face. “That’s really what you were doing instead of coming to the dining hall?”

“Yes, Eva,” he says, pressing the yes as though it was obvious that this was the most important thing in the world. “Anyway… I need to ask you something,” Neil says, as he shoves the GameBoy into one of his pant pockets. Eva looked at him cautiously. “Well, when you phrase it like that, I don’t know if I want you to ask it.” Neil waves his hand in a dismissive way in front of her face. “No! It’s nothing bad. It’s just… I want you to stay up kind of late in your cabin tonight. I wanna show you something.”

“That’s not a question.”

Neil lets out a drawn out groan. “God, Eva, just- will you stay up late in your cabin tonight for me? I would like to show you something.”

Eva smiles and crosses her arms confidently. “Thank you. And… I don’t know. Won’t you get caught? Because you’re sneaking out of your cabin, yeah?”

Neil rolls his eyes. “Pssh. I’m not scared of getting caught.” Eva glares at him with this obvious lie. Neil pretends like he didn’t see. “I’m not in the cabin with Mr. Castells, so I’m gonna be fine.” A whistle blares near the entrance to the dining area, and all the students look over to see their group leaders standing by the door. Mr. Castells starts waving the students over, and most of the kids start standing up to leave. Eva and Neil stand up with the rest of the kids, heading over to their respective leaders.

“Just, promise me you’ll be up, okay?” Neil says hurriedly, as he starts walking towards Mr. Castells.

“Uh, yeah, Neil, I’ll try,” Eva responds, and then turns around to get into the line in front of Mrs. Noel. She turns to the other line where Neil is, and he gives her a thumbs up before they start walking in different directions towards their cabins.

* * *

Sure enough, at around midnight, Eva hears a knocking on her cabin window. She quickly jumps, having just been starting to doze off. She was starting to think that Neil had been joking about meeting her at her cabin, or maybe he ended up chickening out. But sure enough, when she looked outside the window, she saw her thick-rimmed glassed, light brown haired friend staring at her through the other side. Eva stares at him, astonished. Neil simply waves back at her with a toothy grin. He then waves the universal gesture for ‘come forward’.

Eva leans closer towards the window, and Neil puts his head on his forehead and shakes his head, obviously sighing. He then leans towards the window and points to the direction of where the door is. Eva then understands- Neil was trying to get her to come outside.

She quickly throws on a jacket over her clothes- even though the days might be sweltering, the nights can feel like they’re freezing- and tiptoes outside as to not wake any of the others. Once she gets to the door with little to no noise, she makes her way to where Neil was standing. When he sees Eva, he cocks his head to the side. “Eva. You thought that gesture was ‘get closer’, and not ‘come outside’? Really?” Neil says, in a hushed whisper so that no one inside of the cabin can hear them. Eva looks downwards, embarrassed. “I didn’t know what you were trying to insinuate! You weren’t saying any words, it was kind of difficult for me!” Eva responds, in the same whisper as Neil. “Besides, I can always just go back into my cabin.” Neil’s eyes widen at this threat. “No no no! Don’t do that. Please, this is important to me.” Neil gives her puppy dog eyes when he says this, and Eva just laughs and rolls her eyes.

“Okay, show it to me.”

Neil looks at her, one eyebrow raised. “What?”

“You said you wanted to show me something. Where is it?”

“You’re going to have to follow me to come see it.”

“Wait, what?” Eva said, a little too loudly, which was quickly followed by a shush from Neil. Eva starts again, now in a whisper. “You don’t have it with you?”

Neil sighed. “It’s not really a thing I can just carry with me, Eva.”

“Okay, well how are we supposed to walk around in the dead of night?”

Neil flashed his toothy grin as he held up an incredibly bulky flashlight. “I came prepared. Come on, Eva. How’d you think I got down here?”

Eva gave up, and let Neil win the conversation. “Fine, okay. Lead the way.” Neil smiled at her, stepped onto the dirt road in front of the cabin, and once they were a safe distance away from the cluster of cabins, they turned on the flashlight.

* * *

The area they were walking seemed even darker than it would’ve been originally. The surrounding brush around them was so dense, and the trees around them so tall, that they could not even see the sky. There wasn’t even a star to light up where they were walking.

Eva started shivering next to Neil. “Are you sure you know where you’re going?”

“Absolutely positive,” Neil responds confidently. This does not help Eva’s fears in the slightest, as Neil has told her this multiple times in the course of their friendship, almost every time having him totally and utterly confused as to what he was actually doing.

Eva glances at him, not trusting him even a little bit, but finds Neil facing forward and marching towards their destination with an aura of confidence around him. Eva looks forward, too, doubting her earlier suspicions about Neil having no clue where he was leading them.

The two of them continue on their way, Neil still smiling, obviously excited for their end goal and Eva, next to him, shivering in the cold forest. Eva side eyes him as they make their way down this dirt trail, the only light source they have a small, bulky flashlight. She tries to start conversation, so that she doesn’t have to walk through a dark forest in dead silence.

“This place better be good,” Eva says, half joking, trying to get a reaction out of her friend. He chuckles and glances over at her.

“Oh, trust me, it’s pretty great.”

“Good enough to get caught and kicked out of a summer camp for?”

Even though Eva can’t quite make out Neil’s movements in the dark, she can assume that he rolled his eyes at her remark. “Eva, please, you need to stop worrying about that so much. I know your mom would have a hissy-fit, but I’m sure she’ll get over it eventually.” Eva thinks to herself that she wasn’t scared about her parent’s reactions, but Neil’s. He continues his train of thought. “Besides, we aren’t going to get caught. None of these counselors care enough to go out in the middle of the night to go catch some kids.”

“They’re camp leaders. Not counselors. They aren’t getting paid for this,” Eva says, stifling a yawn throughout her sentence.

“I think that just proves my point even further.”

Eva is about to say something else to Neil, trying to keep the conversation going, when she suddenly feels a drop-off and feels like she’s falling through space and time. She looks down and realizes that her foot had only gone down only a few inches than what she had expected. The air around her immediately seems to warm up, and it seems just a little bit lighter than the forest before. She looks around her and realizes that they have exited the forest.

“Hey Eva, watch out, there’s a drop off there,” Neil says with a monotone voice.

“Wow, thanks for the heads up. I really appreciate it,” she replies as Neil snickers.

Neil steps closer towards her, stepping down the drop off with no reaction, unlike Eva before him. “Alright, close your eyes.”

Eva spins around quickly. “What?”

“Just close your eyes!”

“I don’t think I trust you enough to do that.”

Neil sighs. “Eva, come on.”

“How am I going to walk through this place if my eyes are closed?”

“It’s dark enough already that I don’t think you closing your eyes will be much of a difference. Besides, I’ll guide you,” he says, finishing on a note of what felt like true sincerity to Eva. She gives up, sighing, and looks back at Neil. “Promise you won’t do anything bad?”

“Jeez, Eva, do you really not trust me that much?”

Eva glares at him until he answers the question.

“Fine, fine. I promise I won’t do anything weird. Does that make you feel better?”

“It does,” Eva says, smiling, and closes her eyes. She feels Neil grab her forearm. “Alright, I’m just gonna try to lead you. It won’t take that long.”

The next minute or so consists of Eva, blind, wandering through a dirt trail with only Neil to guide her. She trips over rocks and small branches multiple times, and Neil tries to convince her multiple times that this place will truly be great. Even though it didn’t take very long, it felt like an eternity to Eva who had to wander blindly.

“Okay, we’re almost there,” Neil said, still trying to calm Eva’s nerves about where they were headed. “It’s gonna be great. Just… step up a little bit.”

Eva follow’s Neil’s directions and kicks her foot up way high, and her foot hits something, which quickly causing an ‘OW!’ from Neil’s direction.

“Jesus, Eva, not that high! You just kicked my leg,” Neil yells, and it causes Eva to start laughing. “Christ. I’m gonna have a bruise there tomorrow.” Eva keeps laughing at Neil’s exaggerations. “Alright, Eva, this time, only put your foot like a couple inches in the air.”

Neil manages to get the blind Eva up onto the area that he was trying to get her to go. Instantly, Eva can feel the feeling of wood planks beneath her and the soft swaying of the area they were standing on. Eva smiles, taking a guess at where they were located.

Neil continues to grab her forearm, and leads her a couple steps forward, once stepping behind her and positioning her shoulders to face a certain way. Eva continues smiling. “Can I open my eyes now?” She hears footsteps moving beside her, and Neil answers, “Yeah, in just a second, hold on.” Eva looks over to where she expects Neil to be standing, her eyes still closed. “Do I get bonus points if I’m able to guess where we are?”

She hears Neil sigh, a ways behind her. “No. You don’t get bonus points. No guessing.” She hears a few more cautious footsteps, getting quieter, so she can assume Neil is walking away from her. “Okay, Eva, open your eyes!”

When she was finally able to open her eyes, she just expected to see Byrock Lake, but in the dark and she’d barely be able to make out the water. Only part of her prediction was correct.

Yes, she was standing on the pier to the infamous Byrock Lake, but it was so much better than she had imagined. In the sky, the stars were so bright that they looked lighthouses at the far end of the sky. There were more up there than she had ever seen in her entire life. The entire sky looked like someone had taken white paint, and splattered a dark black canvas with as many dots as they could manage. She could only see stars in the sky- the moon that day had been a new moon. Eva took a few moments just collecting in her brain the image of the beautiful starry sky, before she had looked down at the water.

Byrock Lake was reflecting everything that Eva had just seen in the sky. The water was pitch black, but the soft rippling of the water allowed it to easily reflect the starry sky. The stars in the water looked like they were moving and spinning around, like a galaxy over millions and millions of years. Eva gasps out loud and covers her mouth with her hands.

“Oh my god, Neil, this is…” she says, not finding a word to describe what she sees before her.”

“Pretty great, huh?” he says, walking up from behind and then taking his place to the left of her. “I knew that you would like it.” He looks over at Eva, who’s still entranced by all the beautiful stars in the sky and the ones that looked like they’re trapped in the water.

Eva takes off her long sleeved jacket- it had gotten warmer when they had exited the forest- and is left in her Byrock Lake Summer Camp t-shirt that all the students were directed to wear on their first day. Eva sets down her jacket, and makes her way closer to the edge of the pier, Neil still watching her movements. She kneels down at the edge of the wooden dock, and placed her hand on top of the water, touching the stars from above. The water feels warm as she plunges her hand into the lake. Her hand quickly seems to disappear, due to how black the water is, and more shining stars take the place of where her hand used to be.

Neil eventually walks over to where Eva is kneeling, and continues to stand as she looks into the dark abyss. “It looks like a liquid galaxy,” Eva says, moving her hand around in the water, disturbing the surrounding area of stars. Neil laughs. “Yeah, I guess that’s one way you could put it.” He continues to stare at Eva for a few minutes, before rolling up the hem of his pants and taking off his shoes, setting them on the dock. Eva looks up at him. “What are you doing?” she asks, but gets no response as Neil sits down at the edge of the dock, legs leaning off which go into the warm water. Neil puts his hands behind him, holding him up, saying nothing. Eva quickly realizes what he was doing, and does the same. Soon enough, they’re both sitting at the end of the dock, looking out on a sea of stars.

“How did you know about this place?” Eva asks, looking over to her left, still seeing Neil staring off into the distance. He smiles. “My grandpa took me here once.”

Eva stares at him, eyebrow raised. “On the whole bus ride up you were non-stop complaining about this place.” Neil laughs. “Yeah, well, when I went with my grandpa it was just us. I didn’t have to go along with a hundred kids that I barely know and eat sub-par food for two weeks.” Eva looks back at the water, internally agreeing with him.

“We always loved to go stargazing. We’d try to go to many different places to see a different view.” Neil laughs. “Well, the stars don’t look all that different, but the different environments surrounding you can always be a fun change.” Neil looks over at Eva, who is now the one still staring out onto the lake. “I sat on this dock for hours when I saw all of this. Amazing how much of the sky is covered up by pollution, huh?” Eva voices her agreement.

They sit there on the edge of the lake for a little while, Eva swinging her legs, messing with the ripples in the water, and Neil seeming perfectly content with not moving at all. Eventually, Neil speaks up, a smile on his face. “Hey, Eva?” She doesn’t look up at him, still to entranced by the sky above and in front of her. “Yeah?”

Before she even has a chance to fight back, she feels a pair of hands on her back, pushing her forward. “Wait, wait, wait- NEIL!” Eva yells quickly, just before she’s pushed tumbling into the lake in front of her. She quickly swims up back to the surface, wiping the wet hair out of her eyes and spitting out water that she accidentally inhaled. “NEIL WATTS, I SWEAR TO GOD-” Eva starts to yell, but when she looks up, she can see Neil setting down his glasses and backing up to the end of the dock. He starts running full speed towards the lake. Eva’s eyes widen.

“Neil, no, I swear, if you splash me I will-” Eva starts, but not before Neil yells excitedly, jumps off the end of the dock as far as he can, and splashes in only a few feet away from where Eva was swimming. Eva immediately wipes the hair out of her eyes again, and opens them to see Neil Watts swimming beside her, a wide toothy grin on his face and his hair, usually combed right down the middle, all swept back by the water.

“I hate you. So much,” Eva says through gritted teeth, glaring at Neil who was still smiling at her. “Oh, come on, Eva, that was fun!” He glances at her, a little worry showing on his face. “You’re not gonna get out, are you?” Eva smiles a little bit at how worried Neil got. “Well, the damage is already done, I guess,” she says, with a fake melodramaticism in her voice.

Neil looks at her, surprised by her answer, and grins widely.

Eva smiles back.

[theday]

tagged by @ikyh and @younghyuuns ill be doing both sets !! :D thank you both for tagging me!! this got long so yall dont hav 2 read <3

ru?? rushee’s set!! me: wow ru does not sound like rushee at all ? djsjdhhjd im dumb but i realize now

i. do u believe in astrology? whats ur sign and do u line up with the features usually attributed to it?

fucc... i guess i do ;-0...... and yeah i think?????? like they say capricorns are cold bitches and funny nd im like ya thats me... but they also say we’re hard workers and im like uh.. dont know abt that karen !

ii. what’s ur favorite pair of socks?

bbbbbbb..... socks huh...... i guess my ankle ones? there are also socks that have actual designs on them and those r usually thicker.. keep my feets safe! most of them have pkmn designs bc.. yeah... love the poke mans

iii. what’s a food that reminds you of a specific moment/memory?

i could think of anythiing and get reminded of one situation if that makes sense.. but i thought of pineapple..pizza... anyway the memory isnt anythngn special its just me staring at my delicious hawaiian pizza..... at my favourite pizza place.... love that shit

iv. what’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

i dont have the actual hours but the latest ive stayed up.. like willingly would be until 2am

v. how has ur taste in music changed throughout ur life?

went from 1d to 5so/s + other bands to utaite.... they cover vocaloid songs ig i never kno how2 explain what utaites r then 2 kpop.. but i still listen 2 bands + kpop and utaites.... so nothing much has changed ive just gone broader.. wider... expanded my tastes... 

vi. who’s ur fashion icon?

oh definitely kim wonpil

vii. what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done without realizing?

i breathe dumbass particles.. i cant think of one bc my brain probably blocked off all access to my horrifying past but ive been thinking abt how i used 2 send the boy i used 2 like 1d songs....................... 12 y/o old me rly thought. he’d listen.... 12 y/o me thought spamming him was a good idea glad ive learnt from that! 

viii. what’s something you want to brag about?

my grades but it didnt get me into psychology so nvm ! its still good though i didnt expect to get an A1 (hghest grade) for combined humanities since ive had a B my whole life without it i wouldnt be able to move on education wise lmao so thank god for that thanks cambridge thanks bell curve sunbaenim 

ix. when you imagine urself being happy in the future, where exactly are you (like the location!)?

oh definitely an apartment somewhere where its always windy and the curtains are always Moving and the sun just Shines in the room but its not that hot either its just full of warmth and yeah thats the dream maybe also walks in the park without having 2 worry abt sweating my pits out u kno! tldr anywhere but here

x. what’s something you’ve always wanted to own?

let me Think.... i dont need a lot/?? but id love hm.............. i want stability but realistically i want all the hh pcs from the code albums. 

xi. how’ve you been lately?

good good! i finished my *** fic and its. im proud of it though i know its not that good nd i can do better but its done ! and hm i could be going to see mx but asking my mum is stressing me out speaking of her she wont stop Coughing and she refuses to see the doctor ;-/ love those sleepless nights ! other than that i just want 2 get out and feel the sun ???/ wanna get out of this house yea but i need to be.. shady with my money i cant get a job because school is starting in a month and im going overseas again sometime next month so ! no ones gonna hire someone who can only work for 2 weeks at most dhzjhhs shouldve worked when i had the time dumbasses only

ok now falen

1. what’s been on your mind??

hm redacted feeling towards my mum but i cant say them bc itd be insensitive 

2. what are you looking forward to? 

mx? possibly but also finishing my enrolment papers

3. story time!: how and when did you get into day6!!!!!

fuck...... listen up LADS. 

ive told the same story like 10 times but im never gonna get tired of saying this shit bc i love miss boxy so much nd she deserves the appreciation anywy she introduced me 2 day6 after i saw this one (1) picture of brian in minion glasses and instantly i knew in that Fucking moment thatd id die for him. so i asked for the name of my murderer and was introduced to day6 whom frankly id never heard of b4 bdjhjh she sent me all their mvs and i still remember the night . i remember walking out of this japanese restaurant, twitter open, chat wiht boxy there and i was like.. interesting ill go listen when im home so i Did! and my mind was blown away bitch? i honest 2 god expected them to be a boy group,,, dancing and shit yknow? i didnt know k bands existed ! so as a previous 5/sos stan i was like wow. this??? this shit is 10/10 a fucking BANGER thats what i felt listening 2 i smile and just going :O over the fucking instruments so idk if how can i say was the last or second song but Damn. .. it made me scream thanks mister j** he rly dragged me by the collar of my shirt and threw me face first into Heaven so i watched everything i asked my friend for video recommendations and after boxy sent me a page with their face and names i was like this jae kid is 182 cm? wow gotta stan now im stupid and stupid for glasses and tall people so ! it happened bithc,, ugh i lov eday6 so much i remember binge watchng all their vlives after the july after party live (that being the first vlive i watched Ever in my entire life and i laghed so hard despite not understanding a damn thing) please id giv my heart and soul2 day6 im so happy with the way ive progressed as a myday :^( 

bonus when i first started stanning it was 26th june and shortly after i made a stan acc teasers were being dropped but i didnt kno why ppl were freaking out i remmeber seeing jae’s teaser nd going ? ok? its just a pic damn ;-/ and then eveeryone was like: dowoon! choker! me: wdhs? what

4. ????do you have any allergies????

did u think of jae and no i used to be allergic 2 dairy products but thats disappeared

5. a fond memory???

bowling with friends and im just a disaster of a friend im always so loud with them and i thank god everyday that they handle my energy ? i would cheer for them even if they got a gutter or whatever and when they got a strike id go clap like crazy i love my friends i also went i have the power of god and anime on my side before flinging the ball and theyd laugh despite not knowing what vine that was from i love my friends... psg if ur out there yall are the best x i miss hanigng out with them as a trio.. three of us :( 

6. do you paint your nails?? if so, what are your fave colors to use?? if not, why??  

thats so.. tiresome.......... dont u have 2 wait for it 2 dry and shit ? my mums always worried abt ruining the colour or some sht nd im like !!! okY!!!!!!! tldr its a pain in the ass

7. what are your favorite colors?? what are your fave colors to wear??

i like hte colour of the sky... all the colours........ yeah love that bithc and lately ive been wearing a lot of black shirts finally went out of my embarrassing colourful phase ! 

8. what languages would you like to learn?? for what reason(s)??

japanese nd korean jp because i listen to a lot of things in japanese and korean for the same reason but my priority would be jp even tho id love to communicate with my faves i just... yeah although im not exactly making an effort 2 learn bc im lazy but if i Could.... itd be those two

9. when you get stickers, do you use them or do you keep them??

DHDGFHDHDGDSJHJSJAKSSJHFHS THIS FEELS LIKE A CALL OUT???? i keep them......... 

10. are there any groups that you might get into/want to get into?

hm... well theres knk ive learnt their names and im finally able to put name 2 face so thats nice svt too if htey didnt have such large numbers... thats all for now i think?? i love evry girl group though i love gIRLS... 

11. how are you???

idk im constantly just fine?? not the im sad but im fine kind of fine im literally just neutral half the time wjhddshs wild 

both of your questions were really unique and i loved answering them thank you so much for tagging me and if youve read until the end thank you i hope you have a good day!

[cheerisuu]

Im Back.

Boy, how time flies fast when you’re busy keeping things feel right. I mean, they’re supposed to be. I’m going to make this update as quick as i can and as precise as i can, bet i cant do both tho lmao.

It has been approximately 3 weeks since Rock Bottom (i guess it’s what you call it? Well, close.) and things has been quite, nice.

The month of July has really been a journey of what felt like forever. Today is the 12th of the month and i have come to the point where i realised that the mind is the only thing that keeps us from doing or achieveing something that we want. And this applies to a couple of situations:

I learned how to do a buck tuck.

This is one of the few things i achieved as i underwent through a “therapaeutic healing” after the incident. I surrounded myself with the few people that im friends with in our Pep Squad and fortunately my friend Dapitanon, P. also had a common friend which made our days more progressive. Just the act of cheering for each other to do one’s best really lifts everyone’s morale.

“It’s really all in the mind.”

We ARE physically capable of doing things but our mind seems to think that there’s an invisible obstacle that prevents us from pursuing what we want to achieve. I realise this as we were practicing for a back tuck, which i proudly achieved (with a spotter pa hehe). But that achievement was already some proof that if i can have control over my body, i can do all things if i just believe just enough to do it right. Heck, I think I’ll attach my tuck video somewhere on here.

1st of July.

We went to a dog cafe.

Idk what’s with me but i really like to do something special at least once a month with him and WITHOUT telling him. After all, I can’t just let myself be carried away with the emotions that lead me almost to the verge of thinking it was over, right? So despite our awkwardness and difference of treatment (slight), I still picked him up (with miraculously good timing too) with our Navara and was able to use it for the whole day before returning it back to my Granddad’s. Did i mention he got car sick? It was the cutest. (Am i weird for saying that? Doesn’t matter tho lmao) i thought of going to the dog cafe cause i was thinking, “Hey dogs can like help with your mental and emotional health right? So why the frick not.” Im surely going to post a little GIF here somewhere on how cute the doggos were. And when i tell you, dogs CAN bring the purest out of anyone. We literally were like talking to babies man and boy the dogs were HUUGE, only the pugs were like “hey hooman u can luv me unlyk diz oder bitchez” haha. But if ever things do go well for us in the future, we are DEFINITELY going to get a golden retriever man. It’s my dream!

Anyways, we also got to watch our first movie as “barkada pero gusto ang isat isa” or BPGAII, it was Toy Story 4. And bitch, dont get me started on how we were wondering if it was a child’s movie or not coz boi, we did NOT like the jump scares at ALL. But still, me being an emotional, soft potato, it still made me cry in the end. The meaning behind was great it was all about taking the risk, which was kind fitting? For him at least hekhek. Basically Woody chose to be with his hoe, Bo, for Buzz, his bro. But this aint no movie review so, *boop.

I gave him my skin care?

Ok tbh this was so random right. He realised my skin was glowing better (coz bitch, we aint lettin no sadness ruin this skin ya feel?) so he asked what was i using cos he was contemplating on his gorgeous face that he was getting ugly now. (The audacity, am i right?? Lol) so i CLEARLY (no pun intended) put into the effort of giving him some travel bottles and put in some samples of what moisturiser and micellar water i was using right, and i guess it worked out well? I also got to drive it TO him still. But the good side of this was i was able to be with my Granddad and spend some time together as his driver hihi.

LADY DRIVER.

So I’m getting good at this driving thing right, as driving from Malaybalay to Cagayan, Davao to Tagum and vice versa, Tagum to Maco and back. So i might as well be good at city driving and yall cant tell me otherwise lol,

(SIDENOTE:except for the fact i got stopped by the Yellow Ranger in Ecoland coz i was at the left lane at a traffic light and my mom told me to go straight WHICH WAS WRONG I GUESS THATS A THING RIGHT, so i was almost charged 1500 pesoses. But thank Heezuz i was with my mom and she was able to talk through the officer but sadly we had to name drop my Granddad since he was a known regional director at LTO before. Sorry Pops, i swear it’ll be the first and last time.)

Back to real time, i helped him with his errands and was really lucky with the timing coz my Dad went off for a trip and my mom was left with his car. So yup, got the chance to borrow it for half of the day and drove all the way to Maa to get a keyboard his friend is letting him use for the mean time, her name is Jen and she’s the sweetest. (No backstory will be dropped for privacy). Aight, so we drove back to their house at Magallanes but didn’t have enough time to say hi to his folks coz it was noon and they were on siyestas, right. I still regret why i didnt like fake-pee or something tho. HahahahahahahDONTJUDGE. We ate for some late lunch at SML and felt korek coz before we joke about “asa ta nag park?” And now we get to be in the situation haha. It’s funny coz just when i thought things were detoriating between us, the world just chooses to keep things tight and close and say something like “oh, u guys are having an emotional conflict and struggle about ur relationship? Here are things that only REAL couples do and i hope u enjoy em!!” Dumbass. Jokes aside, I drove him home and goodbyes are still awkward, but i was starting to understand the type of ‘low-key’ he means.

Usapang Gym.

Oh wow it’s already the fifth point. If you manage to read this far, congrats! You get nothing but to keep on reading this rollercoaster wreck lmao. I wasn’t expecting he would pay the whole month at our gym and expects me to come with him. And it came to me: i kept on thinking that i should ask for assurance but in reality, he really does mean what he said about just being “me”. Things were different but things also got better. It’s like losing some and gaining some right? Like a body excrcising, losing weight, gaining muscle, idk its a weak analogy but its close enough for yall to understand. It’s our first week today, (it’s Friday) i hope i could keep up tho haha. I guess I’ll keep progress updated? Idkidkidk. Also, i got to mention thats he is VAIN af. Idk if its a good thing or just a tragedy waiting to happen haha. I also became his coach, (oha san kapa haha), he told me he wanted help with increasing his verticle as he would help me with abdominals. So i bought sets of ankle weights only to find out the first one didnt suit him so i had to buy another set. AND IT WAS HALF THE PRICE I BOUGHT THE FIRST SET AND IT WAS BETTER. Prices will be disclosed. (250) So i like, i do my own workout right and he suddenly shows his hot-headed side of things coz he was upset he had to go home early coz there was this no-towel-no-workout policy at my gym so we had to cut our day short.

In times like these, my mind just goes to places to different situations. All the what-ifs start filling up my mind on how he could react to other situations that would cause a similar effect on what his character was showing right. But in the end, i still give kudos to myself coz im able to keep up and cope with how quick his personality changes sometimes. And sometimes, im the one with a crack on the head lmao. Well, most of the time.

TAKE AWAYS.

Fast forward to this very moment, its 11:30 in the evening and im recalling all of this on a positive note. Today was an addition to a great day we had as a rest day from gym. We watched Spiderman: Far From Home and i guess its now my current favorite and HAD to watch it twice.

Speaking of Twice, bruh i want to do a dance cover so bad of #Fancy or #YesOrYes coz i been itching and the choreo is sooo goood! Not to mention Twice was in Manila last 29th of June. *sighs in broke* but i cant say it was the best concert from them coz there were complications like Jungyeon had a sty and was wearing an eye patch the whole concert, Dahyun got sick after along with Mina who wont be attending the 2019 Twicelights Worldtour because she gets anxiety attacks and feels insecure about performing on stage suddenly. I mean i know you got no idea what im talking about but its just sad to think of the fact that even someone so adored by many people, someone who has great physical, social and emotional support, can still feel the lack of these mentally. And if you’re one of those people who feels anxious about anything? I hope you get well soon and i hope you find the true meaning of your purpose in this simulation, because you are not alone. x

In addition to almost wrapping this up, i also treated myself again something from Adidas (coz again, bitch, if no man gon treat me i gon treat myself! HAHA!) which i later on realise i now own 3 bags from there and thinking to get a fourth one....someone help me¿ i also have to mention i already treated myself about a week ago (🎶) by waxing my own axillae, grooming my own brows, a gorgeous lippie from Beauty Cottage called Elegant Impressionist shade #9 Byzantine for half its original price haha, nothing beats fishing me through a sale. Speaking of treat, my Dad gave me my first pair of Tigers man and i cant help but tell yall its the same pair that the He wanted and it totally pissed him off that i got the pair he wanted first so bad and now he doesn’t know what to do coz he’s afraid if we have the same pair we might wear it at the same time and it would be cringy and weird (now for normal people that would sound cute right, matching kicks and all. But no. Not in this lifetime.), since im just blabbering of how im spoiling myself might as well end it here folks.

Guess I’ll keep you updated on how stuff might go on from now since class is fast approaching. Tomorrow I guess I’ll be attending a send-off party for our friend she’s going to the U.S soon. Oh, did i mention the re-run for Endgame is out? 🤔

[epb-archive]

Okay, this is me trying not to care too much about Brighter by Wingit on Ao3 or @wing--it on tumblr (and failing miserably)

DISCLAIMER: Everything is my opinion and is in no way attempting to bash other fic writers because writing is hard and everyone that put their personal time into doing this and sharing fics with people over the internet deserves praise and to feel proud of what they’ve written. For this reason I won’t be naming any other fics aside from Brighter because that’s the focus and #Boost Ur Fandom Writers ya feel

DISCLAIMER 2.0: I realized I told @wing--it  that i’d have a meta done for their fic except I realized I’m not entirely sure what Meta is so I’m probably not good at it wow this is long im sorry okay let’s do this thing

Actually as I’m writing this, I realize it’s just going to turn into a giant ass review for Brighter and I don’t know how I feel about that but @wing--it hi, i love your fic, we’ve been over this right? Under the cut this goes. (contains mild spoilers for Brighter but I’m trying not to say everything outright)

Brighter is a Victuri fanfic that is by far one of the best I’ve read in terms of storyline, characterization, conflict, and angst revolving around that conflict.

Starting with storyline, Brighter is a godsend fic that gives that good ass almost immediately after the GPF life for Victuri. So the two of them figuring out their relationship and working out how to live together in a more intimate sense (that being on their own and not constantly surrounded by Yuuri’s family and the patrons of Yu-Topia). Now, there are some other good ass fics that also have the lives in St. Petersburg and that do this shit well (actually, I appreciate every fic out there, shout out to all fic writers yall are doing gods work) BUT something different that stands out about Brighter is how the storyline isn't just focused on Yuuri Katsuki.

Honestly, at the most current point (10 chapters in, updated last on the 8th of June) the two main characters are NOT Victor and Yuuri, but Yuuri and Yuri which is??? Possibly one of the few fics I’ve seen where these two are the main focus while still having the fic be Victuri centered. Like without getting too much into Yuri’s storyline for the sake of spoilers (though it’s kind of revealed in chapter 3 or 4 i think, pretty early on) This fic, by far, has some of the best characterization of Yuri P that I’ve ever seen.

Which is saying a lot because I will often stop reading a fic because of how they characterize Yura (especially if he’s a major recurring character in the fic). Yura does play a huge part in this fic in terms of his own character development and conflict (godddd I just really fucking love his story line) and Tash!!!!!! Gives a solid reason why Yura would be “”angsty”” 24/7 and h*ck!!! It’s just ugh!!! Everyone knows, if you’ve gone through your angry teenager phase, it’s so incredibly difficult to stay mad 24/7 unless something’s happened or something’s happening (mental illness notwithstanding) and like just godddd. Okay??? Okay. So Anyways, Yura opens up to Yuuri (eventually) and friendship happens and honestly out of this entire fic Yuuri and Yuri’s friendship is my favorite. Like yes, this includes Victor and Yuuri’s relationship or Victor and anyone else or any of the characters combines. I just think Tash did such an amazing job working with Yuri in the fic and I’m already emotional this is a mess I’m sorry.

Okay, So that’s Yuri’s character. On to Victor’s. I think Tash does a beautiful job having Victor adjust to life loving someone. Like here, we have a guy who’s spent his entire life trying to please and surprise so many people, like aside from splurge stuff, what has Victor done for himself? When going off that logic (and like the 50 in depth tumblr posts about this) Brighter is so beautiful in his characterization. Because it starts with Victor and Yuuri being soooo in love and everything’s perfect!!! For exactly .2 seconds

Because everyone knows that’s not how relationship work and people have to work together and have conflicts and allow room for being human together. (And dont get me wrong, I am just as likely to read a 50k coffee shop au with 0 conflict because I enjoy not hurting). Anyways, Victor’s characterization is essentially him trying to figure out how to be genuine (and failing on multiple occasions) and just him trying to teach himself that he doesn’t have to do what he thinks Yuuri would like to get him to stay because Yuuri loves him and they’re in this for the long run but still Victor  IS STRUGGLING to figure this out.  Tash just. God. Tash just does this so well.

And Victor. He’s also subject to his own anxieties but in a different way from Yuuri and??? Like the fact that he’s throwing himself back into his career after a year break and to go back to his way of surprising people and then coaching Yuuri and choreographing short programs for him, yuuri, and yuri too (i think he was doing 3 short programs anyways). The ice skating portion of this fic is so fucking important, which of course it is, in an anime about ice skating of course it’s fucking important but what I mostly mean is that it doesn’t necessarily take second to the romance in the fic with is easy to do. The Ice skating and the romance are like on par with each other with the only vaguely second plot line being Yuri’s story line which is :,,,) still

Anyways  I just fucking love this okay I’m so sorry this got off track I’m not even done yet but please, read Brighter.

Last on characterization is of course, the main character, Yuuri Katsuki. Alright, I just h*cking love Yuuri in this fic. Like?? He’s so understanding and doesn’t deserve half the shit he’s gone through because if!!! SOME PEOPLE just TALKED IT OUT1!!!!!! Maybe. But no. Tash’s way of writing Yuuri is one of the ones that I appreciate the most. His way of dealing with things (which is to overthink then not solve anything) or his way of sherlocking through other people’s problems (see: Yuri P see: Victor N) His insecurities are all #relatable and just, Idk how to talk about this because i really can only say how perf i think tash did with him and that’s nonsensical imo anyways yuuri in brighter is like best yuuri hi i would die for him to be happy

For Brighter, the conflict and the angst go hand in hand (though tash has been hinting at things getting more painful in the next update and i’m not ready but :,,,) ya kno) and so without spoiling anything I just want to say that the conflict/angst is different in a way that it’s something that doesn’t seem improbable and is just 100% believable like past the characterization in the fic, I could almost 100% see this happening in canon which is a weird feeling and idk if the movie turns out to have any of these problems I’m gonna pay Tash like $20 or something (so open ur paypal now cause I have a feeling). Specifically here I’m talking about the conflict between Victor and Yuuri (not necessarily Yura’s because that’s something I definitely don’t want to happen but god it makes for some really good ass story telling and background on a character).

For Victor and Yuuri, it’s a matter of being honest about one’s feelings and just you know, um, telling the truth and not saying what you think someone else wants to hear. Which doesn’t really sound hard or difficult at all but here we have Victor who’s done everything for other people up to recently in his career and has probably never been so deeply in love as he is with Yuuri right now so he’s confused and I’ll give him that. HOWEVER, sometimes, Victor just needs to have a little more faith in Yuuri’s feelings for him.

The same goes for Yuuri though, the conflict isn’t 100% Victor’s fault. Some of the blame is deff Yuuri’s and Yuuri’s anxiety (which is essentially a whole nother Yuuri except darker with idk maybe a goatee and constant bad ideas). But also you can’t blame a character for being anxious and stuff and really I’m not ragging on Victor for this but I also don’t think Yuuri’s entirely to blame here? Like I’m so bad at meta okay I’m sorry buT I think to a degree they both have insecurities and doubts that are straining the relationship. They really do try to work through things but on Yuuri’s side, he almost always links the problems back to himself and in term him not being able to satisfy Victor like sexually and emotionally I THINK. Like…….. Okay I can’t go into it because I’m not sure how to put what I’m thinking into words

Another point I cannot stress enough and can’t actually find a good place to put in even tho this was number 1 on the list of things I wanted to talk about in here is This conflict is seriously all good conflict. Brighter has character’s growing and developing and just. Nothing seems forced or out of place?? Like it wasn’t just put there in order for there to be something wrong. Actually I think i did mention this but I cannot stress enough how much the conflict in brighter just fucking makes sense!!!!! I’m actually repeating myself I know but seriously my favorite part…. Second favorite part after Yuri’s characterization is how good the conflict and problems Yuuri and Victor have are. Like they’re honest to god relationship things and fuck!!!!!!!!! It’s so good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But essentially, Yuuri and Victor need to have a good oldfashioned talk but that’s not going to happen because Tash is about to rip out our hearts and I’m ready for once.

Alright, that’s been my not meta. I’m sorry @wing--it if you’re on mobile and cant read under the cut, it exists and also I’m sorry that this got so long……. But you know i told you!!!! It was gonna be long I just really fucking love brighter and i cannot express that enough. I tried to be coherent here in talking about all the things I enjoyed and I definitely missed something like the JJ conflict but this is almost 2k in length and I’m really embarrassed bcos of how passionate I am about this.

tl;dr: just read Brighter for fucks sakes, that’s all I want. More people to read brighter and scream about the character(ization)s and just heck!!!!!

[blondeandbubblyent-blog]

blonde & bubbly : 10.29

in this episode: a recap of the hills at the one year mark and the most recent awards

sabine: hello and welcome to very first episode of blonde and bubbly! i’m sabine al-masri and i’m here with my lovely cohost, business partner, and beautiful fellow blonde madison ware.

madi: hi everyone! Like Sabine just said, I’m madison and i’m so excited to be here today and chat with you guys today! For the very first episode of our new podcast we’re going to do a little recap of everything that happened to past year on the show, to celebrate the one year anniversary of the reboot! 

sabine: so since i have only been here since june, madi will cover the first half of the hills and i will cover the second, so madi, the floor is yours. also, today’s podcast is sponsored by veuve clicquot, madi and i will be opening and drinking a nice bottle of 2008 vintage brut rose on today’s airing.

madi: thank you peach! so when the reboot of the show started back in november 2016, there was a completely different atmosphere if i can say so. A lot of the first cast members left, i think there less than ten original members left? Kazi got with Mia in december and Finn was with a girl named Kate. The first couple of the show were Brenda and Miguel, i cant exactly remember if they got together at her iconic birthday party or not. Miguel was such a funny guy, he always had jokes and was nice to see on the timeline. They’re both parents now. A few weeks later came Sonny, Quentin and Noemi, some of the most appreciated cast members here. Then Sawyer,Sabrina, Xavier and Thomas. Thomas and I rapidly got close and became best friends, although people always said we had a thing and were dating, which was not true. we were also in a sorta triangle love type of thing. at the time i was helping a friend, named kai, who needed a fake girlfriend. so of course i said id do it and pretend to be with him and all. but i was very close to thomas, and everyone could see it. they thought i was cheating on kai with thomas, sawyer even came at me for this, i remember it perfectly. then kai left and thomas’ kid was born and he got with riley. i had this thing with a guy named reese, but he was always fighting with everyone on the timeline and never actually happy? i remember nobody understood what i liked in him. He was actually a very nice guy, but had definitely a lot of issues. 

sabine: and for the second half of the hills recap, i have a shit memory so i’ll be using things from gossip as highlights. i don’t remember much from the beginning of my time here, but there was that raf, kai, bella drama i remember. that love triangle. that was kana was a huge player too, and him and erin had their drama. sawyer was with aiden, yaya and carina were that on and off thing. 

madi: then summer came along and we got a lot of new people, including toni, aries & adrian. a lot of the old problematic cast left, thank god. things were rather calm at that moment. I think just a few weeks before that i broke up with reese and then we almost got officially back together but he cheated on me with one of my friends, so i was having kind of a rough time. but i got back on my feet and traveled and forgot about him. 

sabine: It was  also around that time that Antigone joined the show, right? funny story here, we used to be friends and then i hated her and now we’re the best of friends again. i didn’t like her “married men” phase and not a lot of people did either, i remember she got a lot of shit for it. larkin was a cry baby back then and so was astraea. some anon i remember called atlas and jinyoung from the start so congrats to that anon. i never knew that erin was pregnant with kana’s baby, was that true?

madi: Acutally i still dont know if this is true or not!

sabine: there was that huge baby fever eruption over the summer and people had those stupid rumors about kazi cheating on mia. can i just say? to anyone who thinks kazi and mia would ever cheat on each other? you’re an idiot. oh, elijah got mugged right? that was wild.

madi: the cheating rumors have been here since the start and they’re just..pathetic. It’s sad to think that someone spent a year sending those to a gossip. and it’s so sad to see two of your close friends go through that.  i also forgot to mention, the golden couple had their wedding back in july. it was a beautiful ceremony, however, like at every events on this show, someone acted like a fool and made it all about them. that someone? is crazy astronaut girl. yes, astraea. i think she broke her hand at the reception then wouldnt stop complaining about it. she was probably in a fight with blayze.

sabine: he has a thing with astraea! she was literally in love with him. dean and barbie were together at that point. i think thomas and i were dating at this point too, it was kind of on and off around the time of the wedding. okay here’s another anon i want to point out. “who the fuck is libby and why do people like her”. to answer that libby is an amazing human being and people don’t like her, they love her. javon and naomi were a thing. jagger and thorne became athing. sofia and finn were a thing. antigone and raf had their beef.

madi: astraea was obsessed with blayze and with the idea of having a boyfriend really. there were a lot of couples at that time, and they all broke up a few weeks later. 

sabine: and this part is gold, when asked who the cutest couples were, gossip responded “gia & fitz, aiden & sawyer, finn & sofia.” that just shows you how far we’ve traveled. and people thought bryce was some kind of casanova who went around breaking hearts for fun, which couldn’t be further from the truth. a few weeks later aries and toni got together and stayed together for a while, until she broke things off. another bashir joined the show too, Abel. he and sabrina immediately got into a relationships. around the same time or so, antigone and adrian had broken up, again. and missy joined the show. she had a thing with him, and sadly left because she didnt feel welcomed. 

madi: then fall came along and some people from the past came back, like effy, cyrus and sofia. and this is where im going to stop the recap, because if you’ve watched a few recent episodes of the show, you know what happened. if you havent, you can always watch them all online on mtv’s website! 

sabine: and now moving on to last night’s awards, there are some that i saw and was like bullshit, you know? what did you think mads?

madi: i think the reactions we inevitable! i kinda expected them and thought i wouldnt be surprised by the results of the votes, but i was. 

sabine: the first award that kind of threw me off guard was the most under appreciated one, i don’t know how rallo weaseled his way in there but i don’t think he should have placed. i mean if people really got to know him the way i have, i would say there’s not much to appreciate.

madi: really? i love rallo, he’s one of my best friends. he knows literally everything about me. i didnt expect people to vote for him tho, but im actually happy they did. i see a lot of his tweets that arent about his idiotic musicallys get unanswered and it angers me. i hate when people here ignore others. 

sabine: for cutest couple, i would have placed q, sonny and noemi in first place. they’ve just always been constant and loving and i don’t think, as far as i can remember, them having issues. so i think they should have at least tied for first, or been first.

madi: i think it wasnt a surpise that mia and kazi won. what i was surprised to see tho is that antigone and adrian won, seeing by the anons on the gossip i never knew people really thought they were cute or so. it’s nice to see them top a couple like mazi. i also completely agree with what you said on quentin, noemi and sonny, we love an unproblematic couple. to be honest, i hate to pick between couples, i feel like im always betraying one of my friends, am i the only one? probably.

sabine: here is what pissed me off the most, the cutest couple that never was. adrian and toni, me and kazi, and fitz and gia. i don’t know why any of those recieved votes or the votes that they did, but whoever voted for those hasn’t been paying attention. adrian and toni for starters, aren’t close like they used to be, so maybe a couple months ago they would’ve actually made a “cute” couple but now, no way. me and kazi, are just friends, i’ve said before he’s like a cousin to me. and fitz and gia were a couple weren’t they? or am i wrong?

madi: well first of all, adrian and toni were never a couple i believe so? just like kazi and you, right? a troll sent yall names and people just decided to go for you guys. as for fitz and gia, they were together for a long time and were very cute, so i understand why some people voted for them. 

sabine: well that’s a wrap on our very first podcast. thank you so much for tuning in, and next week we’ll have a special guest joining us. madi, will you sign us off?

madi: it would be an honor! thank you everyone for listening to us! i hope to see you all during the press tour, we’re madison & sabine from the hills, blonde and had too much bubbly so it’s time to say goodbye and we’ll see you next time!