#also booker is definitely crying from holding his eyes open so long

[non-un-topo]

Booker versus the owl eyes

[caitlesshea]

passed down like folk songs

4 times Nile hears Joe and Nicky tell a fake story of how they met + 1 time she hears them tell the real story.

1.

“We met at university.”

Nile pauses from where she’s sucking down her milkshake through a straw even in New York City winter because Chicago, when she smiles at whatever flowery love story Joe and Nicky are currently telling a bakery owner. 

“How lovely.” The owner says and then smiles at Joe’s humorous turn of events. 

Nile’s glad she made them take her to Max Brenner, even in this weather, because even though they aren’t tourists, she is. And neither one complained when she saw them greedily lap up the hot chocolate. 

She also saw Nicky eyeing a Hug Mug and she grabbed it before he noticed. Even though no one else celebrates Christmas, she does, so they’re all getting gifts.

“He was my English tutor.” Nicky says and Nile snorts, recalling both of their animated stories of their distaste for learning English when they did, hundreds of years ago.

“He was my best student.” 

And, Nile’s back to gagging. 

She loves them, she does. But there’s only so much poetic love she can hear them wax about each other before she tunes it out. 

She should’ve dragged Andy along with her, but her and Quynh opted to stay in their town home they’ve owned since the Industrial Revolution or something, and lord knows where Booker’s fucked off to. 

So, she’s walking around New York in November, so Joe and Nicky can go to their favorite bakery on the other side of the city from where their place is. 

“He really didn’t need any help with English.” Joe teases and Nicky smiles like this is a story they’ve told before. 

“Nope. We’ve been married for eight years now.” Nicky says to the owner, who squeals loudly. 

They end up leaving the bakery with more pastries than they paid for, much to Joe’s delight. 

“Eight years, huh?”

“It has been eight years since our last wedding.” Nicky says and Nile’s eyes bug out of her head.

“Wait, you’re actually married?”

They both stare at her like she’s lost her mind and she doesn’t know why she thought they weren’t.

“We’ve been married for a long time. Different places, different names, different countries.” Joe shrugs and grabs Nicky’s hand as they continue their walk. 

Nile pulls another bit of milkshake through her straw and follows after them. 

2.

“Your friend is very hot.” The woman, Anya, smirks at Nile as she gestures over her shoulder.

“Who?” Nile asks incredulously because for one quick moment she wants to answer with I don’t have friends but she knows that’s not exactly true so she just gapes at Anya with her mouth open. 

Anya, the daughter of their mark, who Nile is supposed to be getting to know, just points rudely towards Joe.

“Are you lovely ladies talking about me?” Joe slides up to Nile and puts an arm over her shoulders.

“No.” Nile says at the exact same time Anya says yes.

Anya smacks Nile’s arm playfully and smirks at Joe.

“I was just telling Nile how attractive you are.” 

Nile stares at Anya wondering when she got so bold and then looks at Joe who’s smiling and blushing, which she didn’t think was possible.

“Why thank you. But I am happily taken.” 

As if summoned by Joe mentioning he’s taken, Nicky comes over and places a hand on the small of Joe’s back as he separates from Nile.

Anya is pouting but Nicky just smiles.

“Were you talking about me, love?”

“I was just about to tell Anya how we met skiing in the Alps on vacation.” Joe turns to look at Anya and continues. “My Nico is not the most coordinated and he got his skis tangled and once we realized he was okay I asked him to join me in the lodge and we had hot coco in front of the fire. He still makes fun of my love for mini marshmallows.” 

Nile smirks at the story, knowing that some of it is probably true and when she turns back to Anya she notices what only can be described as heart eyes.

“That is the sweetest story.” Anya gushes and just as she’s about to go on, her father, their mark, walks up and smiles at her.

“Darling. Who are you friends?” 

As Anya introduces them Nicky turns to her and winks.

Yeah. They’ve definitely told that story before.

3.

“Do you wanna dance?”

Nile turns at the question and comes face to face with the most attractive woman she’s ever seen. 

“I’m Nile.” Nile blurts out unintelligently and the beautiful woman laughs and Nile’s fucked.

“I’m Frankie.” The woman, Frankie, smiles and leans closer to Nile. “Dance with me?”

Nile nods as she finishes her drink and turns in time to catch Joe’s smirk. She rolls her eyes and lets Frankie pull her out to the dance floor.

They’re in London, because Booker needed to be here for something he couldn’t say, but right now Nile doesn’t care. She convinced Joe and Nicky that they needed a night off and they let her drag them to a club. 

She’s forever grateful they agreed. 

She lets Frankie grab her hips and pull them flush together and after a couple of songs Nile feels want like she hasn’t since she died in the desert. 

“Your friends are staring at us.” Frankie whispers in her ear and it pulls Nile out of the moment.

“Huh?”

“Your friends. They’re protective?”

“Oh.” Nile tugs on the belt loops of Frankie’s jeans. “Yeah.”

“Introduce me to them.”

“What?”

“I want to meet your friends.” Nile looks at Frankie incredulously because really? 

“Kiss me.” Nile says instead. 

So Frankie kisses her and Nile ends up dragging her to meet Joe and Nicky. 

“Joe. Nicky. This is Frankie.” Nile introduces them as she steals Nicky’s drink right out of his hand. He scoffs and smiles so she knows he’s not mad.

“How do you know Nile?” Frankie asks them like they didn’t all meet tonight. Nile would find this weird but she’s immortal so what even is her life?

“Nile and I met at work.” Joe answers. “But I brought my husband to a work party and I’m pretty sure he stole my best friend.” 

Nile’s breath catches in her throat. She knows Joe’s telling a story and she knows they’re friends but something about the way he says best friend makes her heart clench. 

“And how did you meet your husband?” Frankie asks as she slides closer to Nile.

Nile assumes she’s being nice, trying to get to know them, but the cynical part of her that has only grown more and more since she became immortal wonders why Frankie is asking all of these questions.

“Oh, it wasn’t much different than this.” Joe gestures to the club and even though Nile knows it’s a lie her eyes still bug out of her head. 

“Really?” Nile squeaks and Joe smiles.

“Yes, although I think it was called a speakeasy. The one we met at had a dress code and everything. Fedoras, suspenders, the whole nine. Nico was very dashing.” 

Nicky smiles at Joe as he kisses him quickly, once, and then turns back to them. 

“He bought me a drink and the rest as they say is history.” 

Nile chuckles and Frankie seems enraptured by them and Nile gets it, she does, but she tugs Frankie back onto the dance floor. 

Later Frankie puts her number in Nile’s burner phone and Nile throws it on the ground and crushes it with her boot.

4.

“Did Dr. Jones tell you I introduced him to his husband?” Luca, the curator at the museum they’re canvassing asks.

“No, I don’t think so.” Nile smirks and Joe rolls his eyes.

“He didn’t introduce us so much as we met when I was helping curate one of the museum exhibits. Nico, as you know, is a photographer and he was hired to take photos before the opening.” Joe smiles like he’s replaying a pleasant memory. 

“Love at first sight?” Nile teases and Joe and Luca laugh.

“Seemed like they couldn’t stand each other at first.” Luca smirks and Nile raises an eyebrow at Joe who just shrugs.

“We figured it out eventually.” Joe turns to her and Nile knows the moment Nicky walks into the room because Joe’s gaze has left Nile and is now focused over her head. 

“Practice makes perfect.” Nile mumbles and Luca smiles at her as Joe leaves them to go stand next to Nicky.

+1

“Hurry up!” Joe calls after them as Nile, Andy, and Quynh cross the street to catch up to them.

Nile pulls her scarf tighter around her neck to keep the chill away. It’s New Years Eve and they’re back in London, because Booker, and they’re trying to beat the crowds out of the city to get back to Copley’s. 

They’re about to jump onto the sidewalk when Nile hears it; tires skidding, a sickening crunch, and Booker’s ear piercing scream. 

“James!” 

That’s new. 

Before Nile can even process what’s happened, the car is speeding away and Joe is trying to grab Booker by the shoulders while Andy and Quynh land on the pavement next to a woman, unconscious on the ground, body twisted in an unnatural way.

“Nile.” Nicky takes her by the shoulders and steers her away from Copley, lying on the ground, blood pooling around him, and the woman, who it looks like he was trying to save. 

Booker is inconsolable and suddenly London makes a lot more sense. 

“Booker.” Nile goes to say as she steps around Nicky and stops in her tracks when she sees the woman.

“Frankie.” Nile falls onto the pavement unconcerned with her jeans getting soaked as she gently touches Frankie’s face. 

She wants to scream, she wants to cry, she wants to blame this universe for all that is unfair. 

Booker’s hiccupping sobs cut through most of her inner turmoil as she turns to Andy and Quynh.

“We need…” Nile clears her throat. “We have to call the police.” 

“Nile.” Nicky’s voice is soft and she turns sharp eyes on him. 

She’s about to argue with him when there’s a loud gasp as Copley shoots awake right into Booker’s arms. 

“Sébastien.” Copley whispers as Booker starts crying in earnest now, mumbling in French, as Joe holds both of them. 

“We have to get off the street.” Nicky says quietly.

“We can’t leave her.” Nile grabs Frankie’s hand, the woman she spent a half a night with, and knows she can’t leave her alone.

“Nile.” Andy tries to placate her.

“No.” Nile stares Andy down. “No.” 

“Frankie.” Copley crawls over to her and Nile’s eyes widen and she’s about to ask how he knows her when Frankie gasps awake and turns to cough up blood.

“Shit.” Frankie says as she grabs her head and watches in abject fascination as her legs heal. 

Nile has just a moment to catch Frankie before she passes out and hits her head on the pavement.

“Now can we get out of here?” Andy asks exasperated and everyone nods as Nile picks Frankie up.

Back at Copley’s, hours later, Frankie listens as Joe and Nicky explain everything to her. 

Nile wants to comfort her, wants to know if this is why she felt drawn to her before, months ago. 

She has so many questions but they can wait until Frankie asks all of hers. Luckily Copley doesn’t have many, and he and Booker are cuddled on the couch together.

“Nicky and I met in the Crusades.” Joe says cheerfully, and Nile’s thrown back to the church almost a year ago when she heard the same story. 

In retrospect, it probably shouldn’t have taken her almost a year to figure it out. 

“We killed each other.” Joe jokes as he winks at Nicky.

“Many times.” Nicky smiles at Joe but Nile can see what she now knows isn’t just an underlying sadness of hurting his love, but the battle he wages within himself, nearly a millennium later, thinking he’s still not worthy, that he’ll never be able to repent for those sins he made outside of Jerusalem. 

“They never get to tell the real story.” Nile says quietly to Andy. 

“Real story?”

“Of how they met. I mean before tonight they maybe told it three times? You and Quynh, Booker, me.”

“Ah. Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“That must be really hard.” 

“They have fun with it.” Andy shrugs as she looks over at Quynh.

“I’ve heard some of the stories.”

“They’re not just stories.” At Nile’s questioning glance Andy continues. “I mean most of the things have happened, they just leave out the part where they already know each other.”

“Huh.” Nile thinks back to all the stories she’s heard them tell of how they met or how they got together and her heart aches that they’ve only been able to share the real version a handful of times.

“You’ll be able to have your own stories someday.” Andy nudges her and she looks over at Frankie.

“We met at a club.” Nile smiles at the memory. 

“Yeah, but tonight is when you really met. And someday they’ll be another to share it with.” 

That makes sense and Nile smiles at the possibilities. 

“So, Copley, are you gonna tell us why you were meeting up with a CIA analyst?” Joe asks Copley and Nile watches both Copley and Booker look at Frankie and then Copley gets up and goes toward his office.

“I was gonna tell everyone tomorrow.” Copley says as he leans against Booker, who pulls him closer to his side. 

Copley drops a file down on the table and Joe and Nicky open it. 

Nicky quickly loses all the color in his cheeks and stares at Frankie with something akin to awe.

“Is this real?” Joe asks and Copley nods.

“She’s a descendant of Nicky’s. We worked together before I left the agency and since I can never let anything go…” Copley trails off. “I got in touch and she said she was interested in her ancestry. I was gonna tell you what I found before I brought her in but well…”

Frankie looks around at everyone and then she makes her way over to Nile. 

“Hi.” Frankie says quietly to Nile as everyone else in the room starts talking over each other.

“Hi.” Nile says as they sway closer together.

“Is this why you never texted me?”

“Yes.” Nile breathes and Frankie smiles. 

“I forgive you.” 

“Oh you do?” Nile teases her and Frankie smirks before turning back to the rest of the room. 

Nicky has a strange look on his face and Frankie turns her questioning gaze to Nile. 

“He’s trying to figure out which one of us to give the shovel talk to.” Nile smirks and Joe laughs with his whole body as Nicky winks. 

“Is he?” Frankie smirks and tugs Nile impossibly closer. 

“Yeah.” Nile breathes against Frankie’s mouth before she closes the distance and kisses her.

“Let’s give him something to talk about.” 

This is a story Nile can’t wait to share.

[rassasassalin]

Merry Christmas, everyone!  Especially for the poor folks that have to work during the holidays.

Dude, I'm gonna cry at the first fucking sign I see tonight being a get well soon Dean one.  I mean, I love it, but also I'm in serious emotional pain here.

On a totally separate note, Corey and Booker are looking Hella.

On an even separater note, what is with the bees sign.

Goddammit John Cena stop doing sweet things like this I want to be annoyed at how you're never going to be a fucking heel even though you should be.

...them doing Christmas in Chicago worries me.  Hopefully the crowd will be nice tonight?

WHOO, ELIAS, WHOO!!! -also happy rusev day to the dude holding that sign, a happy rusev day to us all- I love when he does his drifter thing.  I mean, I like him being in the center of the ring too, but I really like it when he walks and plays at the same time.

Elias: WWE stands for Walk With Elias Everyone else: Oh shit, he's right!

Welp.  7 minutes in.  Couldn't go for fucking 7 minutes with a CM Punk Chant.  ANd poor Elias is wrong.  Even when he's not here, Punk's gonna end up interrupting.

I really love Elias.  I can't believe how much I love Elias and Cena interacting.  Holy shit.  Holy shit.  I can't wait til that gets gifed.  Elias is a Gift. Chicago wasn't even booing about how shitty Chicago is.  Chicago knows.  Cena, nobody was booing, what are you doing- I mean, I know what you're doing, but still.  Cena, It's Chicago, they ARE jerks.

Are we gonna get a Christmas Carol with Elias?  Because I would hella watch an Episode of Raw where Elias is Scrooge and has to deal with various Ghosts of Christmas to teach him the true meaning of Christmas.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD, ELIAS IS THE BEST, WHAT A MAN No, Elias you dumbfuck, don't keep going after Cena, he's down, leave the fucking ring before gets up and kills yo- oh no, not a match, Elias you were doing so good now you're going to loooooooooooose because you're being an asshole and it's Christmas.  Babe, you giant hipster asshole, why couldn't you have just given the suckerpunch and left while you were in control and winning?

Sometimes I forget how strong Elias is.  I don't know how I manage to do that, because look at the fucking man, but I do.  Maybe it's the scarves.  Or the cut of his jeans.  Probably the cut of his jeans.  If he wore normal jeans, I'd think he looks like a brawny lumberjack viking hybrid.  But his jeans are way too much something I'd see someone wearing in Starbucks.

Things I hope Elias doesn't do tonight: Tap.  He can get pinned, he can pass out, but I really don't want him to quit.

Yep, a pin.  Well, you know what, It was a good match.  Elias looked awesome in it, so I'll take it.  A heel, after all, is only as good as the Faces they can be beaten by.  Not counting the David and Goliath kind of flukes, which are great when they happen but not common.

Give Seth Samoa Joe, Kurt.  Jason, shut up, I appreciate you but let Seth have his revenge which is more pressing than your own. Kurt, don't make Seth team with Jason.  He can't team with that face. Fuck, I miss Dean. Seth looks so tired tho, seriously, is he doing okay? Holy shit Roman paid off Kurt so HE could get Joe all to himself.  Roman.  Roman, did you talk to your Shieldmate about thhhhHHHAAAAAAAA CRUISERWEIGHTS

Kendrick!  JACK!  KENDRICK VS HIDEO!!!!! Jack's little eye rolls are adorable.  I love heel Jack.  He's like an old Bond Villain.  I love posh and technically polite but definitely Heel Brits.  It's a cliched trope but it's so good when it's played right.  It reminds me of Regal when I was watching him and I was old enough to really appreciate his character.

Jack please, behave yourself so you don't get killed by a knee.  I'd really appreciate if you stay around because I love you and I don't want you dead.

Things that bother me about wrestling: when wrestlers roll down their kneepads or take off their elbowpads when they're about to hit a move.  I always worry about them hurting themselves when they do it.  Always.  Everytime.

I'm reminded now how much I really liked Steph's outfit last week.  I don't think I even really noticed it at the time, because I was thinking too much about what was happening in the ring, and what was to come, but now definitely, I can sit back and be like, damn, I wish I could pull that look off.

...oooooh nooooo the rumble's in phillllllly shittttt

AW THEY'RE SO FUCKING CUTE I LOVE BO AND CURTIS And.... they're actually not that bad at singing???  Wow.  I'd give them some figgy pudding.  Merry Mizmas, everyone, and a Happy Rusev Day~

I love when Paige's entrance is going, and she comes out and the lights hit her just right and she looks like she's tinted purple.  Makes her look like she could be a villainess in a comic book.

You know one day, maybe they'll actually go full circle with the whole story about Bailey not going to be able to really go all out like she should in the ring as far as going "hardcore" goes, and she's going to do it by murdering all the other female wrestlers around, beating them with kendo sticks until she breaks them- the sticks, that is, not the other wrestlers- and knocking them around with chairs and shit, and then she ends up ruling the women's division with an iron hug on ECW- which will totally exist again by this time and Dean will be the face of it so that he can let his mouth go and do the wrestling that he does best but just not quite as hardcore because let's be real I don't want him actually seriously getting hurt and/or cutting himself or his opponents open anymore, but there should be a nice balance that can be reached between nasty looking bumps and staying safe.

Things that always makes me wince with women's wrestling: when a chick just faceplants straight onto the mat.  It makes my tits hurt just thinking about it.

Oh wow, okay, I didn't think a heel would win tonight.  Curious.  But then, Absolution can't really loose right now, fair enough.  It'd kill their momentum.

STOP FUCKING SHOWING DEAN GETTING HURT.  Goddammit WWE why do you do this to me, I used to know that if someone actually got hurt, I'd know because you wouldn't show it.  Now you're like, hey no, let's watch it against thirty-two times, let's watch it again now in Slow Motion.  You did this to me when Enzo nearly died, you did this to me when Cesaro fucked up his teeth, you did it when Seth destroyed Cena's nose, I just really fucking don't appreciate this.

Renee: Hey Joe, you wanna apologize to me for fucking up my husband.

Joe: Dean can be home with those he loves the most. Renee, his actual wife, who is not at home with him at Christmas: ..................

Heath, baby, why didn't you get your kids christmas presents???  Rhyno, why are you trying to kill Heath?  This was not what I was picturing when you said you were going to toughen up Heath.  I was hoping for like, Rocky training montages.  Bring in Bob Backland again.  Maybe making him eat a whole bunch of crackers without anything to drink.  This is ridiculous, and by that, I mean not nearly ridiculous enough.

HELL YEAH RHYNO KICK HIS ASS OH NO RHYNO welp.  It was a good attempt.

Trying to figure out if I like the sound of *Merry* Rusev Day.  Like, it's not grammatically incorrect, but maybe it's like how you never say Merry Holidays because it just sounds wrong.  Merry Hollidays makes me flinch and cringe and want to cry out in confusion.  Merry Rusev Day doesn't kick me in the gut quite like that, but it also doesn't really roll off the tongue, so...  Hmm.  Must think on it.

Holy shit, Curt Hawkins.  Maybe give him a win as a christmas miracle???  Nevermind, It's Finn.

Jesus Christ, why are they having Finn fighting Curt on CHRISTMAS.  They really, honestly, don't know what to do with him, do they?

Concept:  They use the fact that Finn is obviously being misused and that we all know that Vince doesn't believe in him, to turn him heel.  But only heel to those who work for the company.  Like, the same but opposite of Roman, where everyone who works for the company treats him like a face despite when he does very heel things like TRYING TO MURDER A MAN WITH A MOTOR VEHICLE, I LOVE YOU ROMAN BUT YOU STILL DID THAT AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SUFFERED NO CONSEQUENCES FOR THAT, ATTEMPTED MURDER SHOULD AT LEAST GET A TITLE SHOT TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU.  Seriously tho, heels and faces are changing, they have been for a long time now, the fact that they keep making Heels that have valid points and grievances so the fans are actually sympathetic to them, and we have the people in charge to make that sort of stuff work.  It'd just be like, the next step up from what happened in the Attitude Era with Stone Cold and Vince- in that Austin was clearly NOT a GOOD guy, but he was the lesser of two evils, and if I had to choose who to cheer for between him and McMahon, I'd be cheering for the Rattlesnake every time.

One of the Bella's is so making a return during the women's royal rumble and I'm not really excited about it.

BOYS LEAVE GOLDUST ALONE It looks like they got that DVD out of the dollarbin, omg.

Titus, you're beautiful, never change

Oh god, here we go, time for me to love and cry and be uncomfortable and laughing all at the same time.  Nice to know that Sister Abigail was a scrooge. More things I don't really like- how they keep doing promos but they're not going at in or around the ring.  I feel like they're hyping it up and it's never going to live up to OH MY GOD NEVER MIND BRAY'S ACTUALLY HERE, BRAY MY LOVE, MY DARLING SWAMP SANTA CULT LEADER God I hope when Bray and Matt have their showdown- which obviously must happen on neutral grown between their home compounds- they have like, an actual army on both sides that they can lead.  I want a whole hoard of sheepmasks and people wearing clothing made out of brocades and couch covers and shit using shields made of old broken down rowboats. Things I miss from TNA: Matt being able to teleport and shit.

...Guys, I love you, I adore the Bar you set, but that's messed up guys. oh ouch guys, come on, Kurt obviously wants him as his kid, that's harsh, dang.

Oh MAN I HOPE MUSTAFA'S IN THAT STREET FIGHT HE WAS SO FUN DURING THE HALLOWEEN MATCH DUDE.  ALSO, maybe a return of Street Drew?  Pff, ehehe, "street" drew.  What a dweeb.  I love him.

....WHERE IS Oh my god.  Oh my gooooooooooooood....  Drew.. Drew, why do you let him do this to you?  I mean, I like the jacket, it's much nicer than Davari's, but- HE"S GOT NAUGHTY AND NICE ON HIS TAPE AND NOW I ACTUALLY WANT TO CALL HIM SUGARPLUM, dammit Enzo don't make me- LOOK AT DREW APOLOGIZING FOR ENZO TALKING SHIT ABOUT COLE, EVEN THOUGH COLE WAS SO MEAN TO HIM WHEN HE WAS A GUEST COMMENTATOR!!!!!!

New Year, new cruiserweight Champion?  One can only hope.

Elf Drew half standing on the second rope, le gasp.  What a brave bab- TOZAWA'S WEARING CHRISTMAS COLORS

Aw, Gulak lost his jacket. I really do wish that they had Davari wrestle more. I love hating his character, and it feels like I never actually get to see him do shit anymore.OH SHIT DREW, NO!!!!! CEDRIC, I LOVE YOU, BUT WHY DID YOU LET DRWE RUN INTO ENZO LIKE THAT, DREW'S GONNA GET IN TROUBLE FOR THAT, STOPPING GETTING DREW IN TROUBLE, HE CAN GET INTO ENOUGH OF THAT BY HIMSELF. That camera work was honestly not great during this match tho, honestly, I feel like I missed so much during it???  But we can ignore all that and be thankful for being able to see Drew Gulak with his naughty and nice fists, and getting to see Tozawa being festive, and Cedric getting a win over Enzo, and most importantly, Mustafa getting a win in his hometown.  Savor it, because that shit doesn't happen every day in the WWE.

Why do they gotta fucking hamfist this fucking shit with Nia and Enzo?  Why couldn't they like, ease into it?  I can't.  I literally can't even watch this shit, I can't, I'm embarrassed by it all OH THANK GOD ALEXA, BEST COCKBLOCK thank you from saving from that.  I think I wouldn't hate it quite so much if they didn't both "How y'doin'?" to each other so much, there's something about how it clearly doesn't come easy to her to say it and it the script is so hokey and it's not like, charming hokey.  It's less well written than the stuff they did between Enzo and Lana, and that's saying something.

Roman kills me when he holds the belt like that.  If he was an actual heel, and treated like a heel, and he was doing it because he doesn't give a shit about the title, then that'd be fine.  That'd be good character work.

Nice drive by by Roman tho.  That's good shit.  That's what I came to see. Also, i could totally be wrong, absolutely wrong here because I don't have the volume up very high, but was the crowd chanting for the Bruiserweight?  I might just have UK Wrestling on my mind and am hearing things wrong.  God, I want a weekly UK show.  Even a monthly one.  I'd put up with once a month as long as at least every three months, I get to see Dunne and Bates fight. Joe does such a great Uranage.  And the way he flies through the ropes.  Who gave such a hoss of a man the right to be so nimble? Yes, thank you Book, nine months without Dean, that's fucking great.  On the plus side, when he comes back, oh the Pop.  He's gonna get such a pop.

Ah yes, see?  Roman doing heel things despite being a Face.  You can't go messing with the ref's, my sweet.  If he was just going to go and kill Joe, he might as well have invited Seth to join in with him. SHUT UP COREY DEAN'S CAREER IS FINE They've been using the steel steps a lot lately.  And fucking with people's throats.  Does somebody on the writing team have an odd kink?  I mean, I'm not super complaining- well, I'll complain about the throat things just because I feel like it's too easy for mess up and really seriously hurt someone like that, and also because the coughing gagging noises the guys tend to make afterward sets off my own gag reflex and I hate that-, because it could definitely be worse.  It's not a something on a Pole match, at least, but... eh.

Beating the Bah, Seth? What a cute.   YOU WHAT MOTHERFUCKER????  JASON OFFICIALLY HEEL, OFFICIAL HEEL Also glad to see, upon closer inspection, that Seth doesn't actually look totally exhausted, it's just that he has a bit of a lingering bruise around the eye.  Maybe a bit of a shiner.

Welcome Back, Bo and Curtis, you lovely gifts you.  WHOO!  Singalong~ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY BABIES!!!!!!!!!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO MY BABIES THEY AIN'T BEEN DOING NOTHING BUT SINGING NICE CAROLS AND GIVING OUT GIFTS TONIGHT Rip, Bo, you were killed by a beautiful clothesline. Curtis is going to break his neck again, gonna have to go back to wearing the brace. Okay Braun, you won, no please just leave the ring and not continue to murder my boys, don't be a grinch, don't be a grINCH BRAUN PLEASE STOP LISTENING TO THE CROWD, DAMMIT just leave my trash boys lay there dead, you're making this a very bad Rusev Day for them.

Bliss looks like she's gonna cry, awwww... Ah, yes, there it is, there's my Asuka's Gonna Kill You chant.  Love that chant.  Probably more than I should. YES!  YES!!!!!  I always want Asuka to kick people in the face after she explains to them that they ain't ready for her, and HERE WE ARE!  She made me wait for it, but I forgive her.

I give about as much of a fuck about what Brock feels about anything as Brock gives a fuck about Slater's kids. But I'll look forward to seeing Paul

STOP.  FUCKING.  SHOWING.  THAT.  SHIT.  WITH.  DEAN.  THANK.  YOU.  KINDLY.

So, it's not that I have a problem with Jordan turning heel.  It's pretty much the clear turn, you know.  But I don't like how there doesn't seem to be a reason... why?  Like he went from "I'm gonna prove myself Dad!" and going toe to toe with some hella talent, to "Daaaaaaaaad, gimme a maaaaatch...!" to "I'm the best in the world, you should be honored to get to wrestle with me" with like...  Well, between the first two there was a reason-ish, with him trying to fight even though he was hurt and because he kept losing and kept getting hurt he had to start whining to get his way.  But there was no lead up to this point now.  We haven't got to see anyone telling him how good he is, inflating his ego- like, a female who maybe wanted to get better chances at the belt so she starts hooking up with Jordan to try and get good with Kurt or get back at him, like Emma had threatened that one time, that would be something that makes sense- or him getting some cheap fluke wins that he makes out to mean more than they are and he starts to think he's an A superstar instead of a C+ to B one, you know?  Now he's all swaggering around talking about how he's better than Ambrose?  Who was just hurt last week?  To the man's tag team partner who is also his brother?  Are you shiting me???  It all feels so inorganic.

I hate when Sheamus doesn't do all ten beats.  Like, I know so many other people are ingrates, but I've always adored you Sheamus, why are you punishing *me*, personally?  Because that's what that is.  It's a personal attack against myself.

Crowd's looking at something, what are they- Ah, yes, Jordan got up, okay. Jordan is definitely physically impressive.  I'm looking forward to the point in time when they make his character less obnoxious.

Fuck me, I love when Cesaro does the sharpshooter.

I...  um.......... So what I'm getting out of this is.... When Deano comes back, he's going to come back as a well beloved, Austin-like Heel as he makes Jason Jordan's life a living hell for having the balls to take his title?  This is... interesting?  hmmm....