#also because of thtf

[rollercoasterwords]

here she is boys 😐

[messrsrobyn]

hiiii i adore all your stuff!! (very demure 🙂 very mindful 🙂‍↕️) just wanted to ask ur opinion on something i saw on tiktok about the marauders fandom using diversity amongst characters like a checklist of things to tick off and not actually doing that representation justice as a result? like, for me, i feel like i’d rather people have a go at including diverse characters than simply having everyone be cis, thin, and white, but i do also understand that there can also be harmful portrayals of these things. i’ve written fics (mostly wolfstar) and i still include things like james being desi and dorcas being black, and try to incorporate this into their characters rather than only appearance but also, when they aren’t the pov characters of the fic it can be difficult to go in depth into their representation. obviously, i can go and write a james centric or dorcas centric fic and go more in depth, but that’s just not possible in every single fic. i don’t want my portrayals to be seen as tokenising or anything, but a lot of the fanon identities have become canon in my head. (even like welsh remus and french sirius (which people in the comments of this tt were getting mad about authors using google translate for bc it’s inaccurate and saying that we only included it bc french it “hot” even though the black family motto is literally in french??)) idk, just wondered your thoughts since you always seem to say everything so well! xxx

sorry this is so long!! i love your yaps on tiktok if this warrants a spoken reply lmao <3

HIHI

literally the least relevant part of this but remus is welsh !! she-who-must-not-be-named confirmed it !! also that's,,,, so silly. yeah the motto is french??? and yk what yes the french accent IS hot but i don't think that's why we include french sirius. more so bc,,,, he's french,,,,??

MOVINGGG on i think the most important part of this is that diversity does not necessarily mean that everything is represented to the same depth every single time. one of my friends (hi rachel) phrased it as:

"diversity is a salad not a melting pot"

i think it's incredibly unrealistic to look at every individual work and expect them to go in depth about every single part, especially with side characters.

when we talk about diversity in fandom (or diversity in media in general tbh) for me at least, it just means the diversity being there as a whole. we can find fics that center around desi james and his experiences, we can find fics that center around dorcas' race (thtf is incredible here for example), we can find fics that center around the trans experience - salad pot. everything is available, you just have to find the parts you like the same way you dig in a salad bowl and take what you want.

diversity also means normalising the fact that representations are made. to have them there without necessarily needing to expand upon it??? just normalised. (like trans reg fics obviously go in depth from his pov but BACKGROUND trans reg will just be like "two cresent scars on his chest" 🙂↕️ normalised 🙂↕️). big conversations are necessary as a Whole, but not in every individual work imo.

i don't think it's "tokenising" to not go in depth about them, i think this is,,, a hobby. LIKE MAYBE THAT'S BAD TO SAY BUT i wouldn't call it tokenising to include desi james in a fic without necessarily going into detail about it because that's a very popular hc in the fandom. i think it's worse to say that diversity needs to be perfect or it shouldn't be there at all.

if the pov isn't focused around the character in question then i think it's perfectlyyy fine to just throw in a few things. this is a fun hobby. we don't expect perfection and the fact that this fandom is drawn from the veryyyyy undiverse core material and we've got this!? incredible.

generally i just don't think many people on tiktok get how fandoms work because they've joined when it's become popularised WHICH IS OKAY!!! welcome !!! have fun !!! but fandoms have ALWAYS been about adding diversity and creating queer ships and it feels like recently there's a lot of people policing on what to do when that's just Not How It Works.

i don't think diversity is being treated as a checklist, i think the in depth works are out there, there are people who write in depth povs of experiences and there are HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of fics. we can't expect every single one to have big conversations about it, especially not with side characters. sometimes it's nice to be represented without them making it your entire personality.

i can only speak from the trans and disabled side of it but i KNOW that there's plentyyyy fics that go in depth about that, and i don't expect every fic ever to go in depth. if i want a disability focused fic? i'll find one. other than that yeah it's fine to just say that remus is using a cane rn and not go into detail about it. esp if he's a background character.

does this make sense?? i hope soooo i just woke up and this is the first thing i did xxx

[perfectpumpkinpie]

I feel so starved for gay content. I'm also so bad at finding them - queer content, queer creators - and when I do, it seems like gay content for straight people, because the fanbase seems to be flooding with straights (tm).

Girl in red? Sweater Weather? Amazing till the comments were filled with straights arguing thtf the songs can be for everyone, yet tryna push queer people out?

[rollercoasterwords]

genuinely thank you so much for writing thtf. it's my favourite thing to read in the whole world for so many reasons. like other than where it's obviously devastating (in SUCH a good way), idk it just makes me so happy

I think it's the first wip i followed from start to finish and I have to say that part of 2022 was not the greatest but yk, every few days there'd be a new chapter. and it was great.

I fucking love Dorcas talking about "a butterfly in the palm of your hand" it's changed the way I think so much. like you would not expect this from a fanfic lmao but it's pretty much exactly what I needed to hear at the time. living just to live, even if it's complete shit, not caring about what they're leaving behind. ch 42 (i think) where all they're doing is just washing the dishes but it's so special and they're listening to dawn storm is so important to me I love it SO much. fucking amazing.

ngl I don't really think there's anything I don't like. every character feels so right - regulus in particular sticks out to me, like there's such a good balance between him doing pretty bad things because he's not a particularly "good person" but also not being a complete dick. also I would die for marlene mckinnon and the way you write her is just so fucking good. the way she is just so alive to make up for her shorter life is so beautiful to me. I could ramble on for a very long time about everything in this fic but I dont want this to get too long lol

the music you put on the chapters is also really good like I'm pretty sure the first time I read it I didn't listen the music and then I reread it with the music and it was like a whole different experience

yeah i would've sent this earlier (like maybe a year ago) but looks like I put it off for a really long time lol

also - really love where atwmd is going rn I'm so excited for more chapters, i love Sirius Black etc etc

ahh thank u this is so sweet! i love hearing that thtf resonated w people it definitely feels like the fic kinda took on its own life & became a little philosophical journey that i was not entirely expecting lol. i think writing a story where i knew my main characters were going 2 die the whole time really made me contemplate like. ok what do i actually want 2 say abt death, and by way of that what do i wanna say abt life? bc like. as someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife i didn't wanna write a story that says "well it's ok bc they can be happy in the afterlife" <3 bc like. that does not comfort me lol. & i also didn't wanna write a story that was like "it's ok bc there's gonna be a good future 4 others after them," bc i think life means something and matters even outside of futurity. i didn't wanna play into this narrative that u have 2 Do Something 2 make ur life meaningful by making sure u have an impact on the future, etc; i wanted 2 write abt life as meaningful outside of that. & i also specifically wanted 2 write abt life as something beautiful & meaningful even with the bad stuff mixed in, and even if death is abrupt and scary and painful and unwanted. like i purposely made both their deaths pretty brutal bc i personally find the idea of a "bad death" really scary! the idea of dying before ur ready, dying scared or alone or in pain or all three, etc...and i think part of why that's so scary is bc we place this big emphasis, again, on a linear timeline of life, where death is The End, and if The End is bad, then the story's a sad one. but death is just one moment in the sum total of billions of moments throughout your life; why should that bad cancel out all the good? why should a story be sad, just because the last page of it is sad? you can open the book to any page and find happiness, and love, and warmth, etc. & that's what i'm trying 2 say w "a story is not its end."

anyway. this got much longer than expected lol i love 2 ramble abt thtf but! again ty 4 the kind words glad u enjoyed the fic glad u enjoyed the music as well!! i love the playlist 4 that fic <3

[rollercoasterwords]

Ok this may come off as ramble-y but i just wanted on come in here gush abt how much I love your fics!! I'm a big fan of atyd so intially that's how i found your work -- through Sirius' perspective -- and i loved that shit (dare i say more than the original,, they're both amazing ofc I'm just biased coz Sirius is my fav character). I come from a super religious/conservative background and I have never related so much to a character with internalised homophobia -- like the resemblance was a little uncanny ngl lol.

But yeah,, than i read 'thtf' becoz i was craving some lesbian fics (coz the marauders' fandom is in a lesbian drought let's be real). And it was so good and i absolutely bawled my eyes out. You're writing i think especially shined in this fic and i remember i would go back an reread pages because they we're so beautifully written lol.

And then i read ur cowboy and zombie au fics (even tho I don't really ship jegulus/marylily) but they were still amazing and so, so fun!!

My favourite fic of yours by far tho is ur most recent fic, 'As the Worm Moon Dies'. I'm a sucker for fics that expand on the world-building/magic of hp because i feel like there is so much missed potential in the og hp series due to jkr neoliberal centrist politics (gag). I loved how u depicted magic in series as more of a spectrum and how every human has the capability for it. I loved how u described the elves and their enslavement becoz holy shit is that a horrible plot point in the og series (dw!! they liked being enslaved!!). Sirius as a death eater is so weird becoz canon sirius would never -- but it also shows just how much of an influence James and subsequently the Potter's had on his life. Ooooh also don't even get me started on the werewolf fighting rings and the hypocrisy of pureblood societies its absolutely so fascinating to me!! Ahh i've reread it so many times already lol. (and obviously, the wolfstar is *chefs kiss*)

I love ur writing so much i actually started reading the captive prince series solely so ic ould read ur fanfics on it lmao. (up to book 2 -- so far very interesting -- and wondering what Laurent's perspective could possibly contain).

Honourable mentions to ur nobleflower and emmary fics because they were awesome and ur characterisation of emmaline as a butch aloof lesbian is now absolutely cannon to me!!

Anyways sorry for rambling so much i just needed to fangirl about ur works!! I just wanted to thank you for all the time you put into them and your services to the marauders fandom. Oh, and if you ever published a book one day i would read it no doubt.

aww thank u 🥹 this is so sweet it’s always crazy 2 remember that there r like…real live actual people out there who r resonating w the things im writing etc so i v much appreciate the kind words 💕 also reading captive prince just 4 the laurent pov fic is crazy lmao but i hope u enjoy the series…book 1 is rough but book 2 will start bringing u back and book 3?? bananas….

[rollercoasterwords]

Hello, since you updated As the Worm Moon Dies I wanted to ask, is it a happy ending? Because for some reason I remember you saying somewhere (notes? Tumblr?) that it would have a happy ending but I could have imagined it.

Hope you have a wonderful day 😊

have v specifically avoided saying it would have a happy ending actually lol i don’t wanna get people’s hopes up bc oftentimes when people ask “is this gonna have a happy ending” it means like. r the characters all gonna end up happy together at the end w everything wrapped up w a bow on top etc…also like it’s just v subjective like 2 me thtf has a pretty happy ending but many people would probably disagree lol.

anyway the best i can offer u is that the ending will be bittersweet…it won’t entirely be doom & gloom but it also will probably not be a straightforward happily-ever-after. one thing i have promised (major spoiler ofc):

i have said that sirius & remus will be together at the end. so! there’s that at least <3

[rollercoasterwords]

i actually just read atyd. like finished yesterday. and i had been putting it off because of things i heard about it on twitter/tiktok.

and oh god i don’t know how many times i’ll have to remind myself that it’s easy to get on a soapbox and claim something is problematic (a term that imo has lost most of its meaning) without critical analysis or understanding of what fan fiction is.

also i think the person talking abt their perceived issues w/ atyd could be coming from people all over tiktok saying atyd dorcas is white. which i don’t even remember being described. and even if she was, i fully think the fic was written before pottermore described her as Black. like ofc the fic won’t match current things we know because it was finished years before the marauders got super popular.

definitely agree w u that the word "problematic" has lost most of its meaning lmao!! like....literally it means nothing without context. calling something "problematic" is the beginning of an idea, which should then be followed by an explanation of how or why you take issue with that thing. and yet i see so many people using it as if it's the end of an idea, as if saying "this is problematic" is some sort of Ultimate Conclusion. v frustrating!!

and yeah i have seen the "critique" about dorcas being white in atyd, but to me that is a perfect example of what i mean when i say half the "critiques" are in bad faith. because taking issue with the fact that dorcas isn't described as Black in atyd assumes that mkb

knew that dorcas was canonically Black

chose to ignore that canon information because she'd rather not write dorcas as Black

and that just....isn't true?

first of all, dorcas being canonically Black is not widespread knowledge outside certain specific circles of the fandom, and it certainly wasn't widespread knowledge (as far as i'm aware) back in 2017-2018 when mkb wrote the fic. in fact, last year, in 2022, when i started writing thtf (a fic in which dorcas is one of the main characters), i didn't even know that dorcas being Black was canon. i thought it was just popular fanon! this is because i literally could not find any canon information about dorcas meadowes' race. i was informed by a reader that the reason that info is canon is because there was, at one point, a picture of dorcas on pottermore. in 2022 when i was looking for that picture, it literally wasn't there.

so basically - thanks to one picture that was on the pottermore website for a limited amount of time, a small percentage of the fandom knew that dorcas meadowes was Black. if you were not part of that small portion of the fandom who knew about the picture, you had no way of knowing that dorcas had any specific race in canon. dorcas as a character has gained a lot of popularity over the past like...2ish years, but she's literally a side character with one single sentence in canon, and historically most people have not been doing deep dives into research about her if they're using her as a side-character in their fics. back in 2017-2018, dorcas was not nearly as popular and the info about her canon race was not nearly as widespread as it is now (and it is still, again, somewhat niche information contained to a small portion of the fandom at large!)

so the actual situation, to my knowledge, is that mkb just...didn't know about that picture on pottermore. dorcas was a fringe side-character, essentially just a name on paper, and her role in atyd was really not that important. this wasn't a situation where mkb actively chose to change the race of a character, this is a situation where she picked a random name from a random side-character, unaware that she was missing a niche bit of canon info, because--again--this was a fanfiction she was writing, not a hyper-researched published story. (for christ's sake, she fucking spelled "walburga" wrong--clearly she was just a person wanting to write a story about remus + sirius, not a fucking harry potter researcher who was trying to strictly adhere to every single bit of canon info out there on the pottermore website, y'know?)

and this is what i mean when i say a lot of these "critiques" are in bad faith. because to say "dorcas is white in atyd" only works as a "critique" if you're starting with those assumptions above. and so essentially what you're getting is a bunch of people implying that mkb chose to ignore dorcas's canon race, which is incredibly misleading, but then other people see that and go "oh what a horrible racist thing to do!! this must be a Bad Story!! i will never read it ever, because i don't read Bad Stories, but i will continue to spread this information that atyd is racist, because that is Activism!!" and personally i just. think that is a really shitty thing to do. and also just an odd way to interact with these sorts of posts!! like, if someone says "dorcas is white in atyd," why is your first assumption that mkb purposely ignored canon info about race? why are we so ungenerous in our assumptions towards each other, when fandom spaces are meant to be about community? why not instead ask, "oh, why is dorcas white in atyd? did mkb know she was Black?" like....if people weren't rushing to burn each other at the stake, we might actually be able to have more productive and respectful conversations with each other, like "why, when we don't know a character's race, is the default people return to so often white?" but that is not a conversation that requires a Human Sacrifice to rake across the coals as penance for Imperfect Writing, y'know?

[rollercoasterwords]

rae.... how are u...... how's life.... what are you reading rn & is it good? how do u like ur tea? what's your fav sentence you've ever written? and most importantly how's the weather!

hi hello!! what a nice message i'm doing good life is fun rn i'm on a little. weeklong vacation been having a good time walking around + exploring etc...got 2 pet some sheep got a fun manicure bought a bunch of presents 4 my friends + family went 2 a spa!! 4 the first time fun new experience...getting a tattoo tomorrow afternoon which i am v excited abt <3 unfortunately the trip is coming 2 an end i have tomorrow & then half the day wednesday before i take a train back home in the afternoon and then i have. one week!! 2 pack up my entire apartment + say goodbye to all my friends before i move...life is a whirlwind rn & it's mostly fun atm but next week i'm worried that the sadness of leaving behind the city(&country!) where i've lived for 2 years is finally gonna start settling in </3

as for reading i've been in a bit of a book slump lately...been wanting something fast-paced + fun but haven't been able 2 settle on something new to actually pick up & start...i did finally start reading volume 1 of marx's capital this past week but it is. SUCH slow going...i'm taking notes + reading it in v small chunks 2 try & absorb it all so i haven't even finished ch 1 yet lol

i am not a big tea drinker 2 be quite frank!! i much prefer coffee but i have recently sort of given up coffee 4 health reasons...still treat myself 2 a fun coffee beverage every so often but she is no longer a daily staple in my life </3 so i have sort of been replacing her with. peach iced tea <3 which is very easy 2 find here & satisfies my craving 4 a cold sweet drink...generally speaking i'm not a hot-drink guy i like iced beverages & that holds true 4 tea...i like it iced & sweet...except i don't like sweet tea (us-south version...sorry southerners). & when i do drink hot tea i want it 2 be sweet...i want honey or sugar...some milk as well...& my favorite hot tea is yuja tea <3 the kind that looks like jam + comes in a big jar & u mix it into hot water. DELISH that was my winter beverage this year i drank it religiously

favorite sentence i've ever written. well i don't have one...i've written many sentences that i love i simply don't think i can pick a favorite <3 ONE of my faves that i can name off the top of my head tho is the last line of thtf! also wrote a song this year w some of my fave lyrics i've written chorus goes "and if i'm a rabbit/you can cut off my feet/and if you are hungry/what's my body but meat?" which i am quite fond of i'd include that in the favorites list <3

as for!! the weather!!! there was a big storm at the beginning of the weekend so it was very rainy + windy for a bit but honestly i liked it because the temperature dropped so much that it was actually quite pleasant outside for most of friday + saturday...cloudy & drizzly & a little cool. but the sun came back full force by sunday so now it's. SO fucking hot & it's incredibly humid as well...honestly think i'm getting used 2 the heat & humidity tho it's not destroying me the way it did last summer...still hate it tho >:( moving 2 a colder climate soon & while i'm sure i'm going 2 freeze 2 death come november after years of getting used 2 mild winters right now i am just. REALLY looking forward to cheating my way out of summer...should start cooling down in september right when i'm moving whereas if i wasn't moving i'd be expecting another month of heat...#lifehack

[rollercoasterwords]

i was just rereading the last chapter of the hand that feeds - as i often do when i need to feel like a knife is digging in my chest and i need to some absolutely scrumptious gut-wrenching angst - and OH MY GODDD!!! i forget how fucking good that ending is and then i reread it and im telling you - literal goosebumps!!! the first section ending with 'This is a story about war.' i literally get chills everytime i read that!!! and the final few lines:

'A butterfly lands in the palm of her hand. She watches it flap its wings once, twice—and then it flies away.

Here is a secret.

Are you listening?

This is a story, and a story is not its end.'

my god reading this part after the emotional turmoil of the previous chapters is literally an out-of-body metaphysical experience. i feel like im dying!!! i love it!!!! :)))))

anyway it just sums up the fic so well and feels like such a thematic like thesis?? it just so perfectly presents such a compelling outlook on life and what defines its meaning and true value. like what makes a tragedy isn't its violent ends or its hateful and tense moments!! its the love and the family and the joy that truly make their lives a tragedy!!! and i love how you so beautifully execute that!!

anyway im getting serious brainrot right now, so i really just had to rant!!! now i have to reread!! kicking my feet and giggling for the angst!!!! <3

AHHHHH screaming u literally Get It. like...YES the ending to thtf is truly so special to me and one of my favorite things i've ever written. gonna use ur brainrot as license to ramble lol SPOILERS obviously

ok so the thing about the ending of thtf is that it is not at all what i originally had planned! like, i don't think it was until i was maybe...halfway? or like two thirds done with the fic that i just sort of had a moment where i was like NO i cannot end it this way it doesn't feel correct...and then i had like a eureka moment where everything fell into place and that last line appeared fully formed in my mind TRULY it was spine-shattering

so like. ok. when i started writing the fic i KNEW that i was not going to do any kind of afterlife epilogue, just because...well personally i was raised to believe in heaven and hell and center my life around that, and i lost that faith as i grew older, and now the idea of an afterlife just. is not something joyful or happy to me. like i know many people believe in some form of afterlife, but personally try as i might i have never been able to, and so i have had to seek meaning in life while believing that like. death is just it. i think ur brain dies and ur done and gone like i don't believe in souls or ghosts or anything lol. but even aside from like whether or not u believe anything happens or exists after death to me personally it's just been so much more meaningful to seek meaning in life absent any conception of an afterlife.

so i knew there wasn't going to be an afterlife. but i also knew i wanted to kill both dorcas + marlene in these very tragic and abrupt ways. like i specifically did not want to give them peaceful deaths. marlene dies afraid and alone and begging a god she doesn't believe in not to kill her here and now with so many things unfinished. dorcas dies consumed by rage and revenge and violence without ever getting a chance to heal from any of it, leaving behind friends and family who love her. and i wanted that partly because i love tragedy, yes, but also because...that is so often what death is. and that is so often what is terrifying about death. like most of us don't get any control over how or when we go, and it could be today or tomorrow and it could be peaceful or violent or painful. and that's so scary!

but i didn't want to end on that note, obviously. because the point of the story i was writing was not just to go "death is terrifying and the End and we don't get to choose when or how it happens!!" what i wanted to say was--death is terrifying and lonely and we can't control it, but life is beautiful and worth living anyway, perhaps even moreso because death is so out of our control. all the painful and scary and beautiful and joyful moments we experience are life, they are living, and there's no one experience that is objectively Better or Worse. like...grief and pain and sorrow are part of the experience of human life, just as much as joy and love and happiness.

anyway, so originally i was going to end with a little epilogue chapter from mary's point of view, sort of her and emmeline after the end of the first war like reflecting a little bit on their friends' lives and moving on. but honestly...that didn't quite fit with what i was saying, because again, what i wanted to say was that life doesn't need to be like...this endless continuing thing to have meaning. like you don't need to be remembered or leave A Mark on the world in order for your life to matter. i didn't want to make it seem like marlene and dorcas's lives were meaningful because of the people who would continue to live after them (although i do think that can be meaningful!! it just. wasn't what i wanted to say).

so what the final chapter ended up becoming is really this synthesis of like. my own worldview regarding life and death--and i feel like writing this story honestly helped me to like pin down that worldview which was a little more nebulous and difficult to articulate before. but like--last chapter. i wanted to take all these moments, both good and bad, from marlene and dorcas's lives--again, to emphasize that the "good moments" are not somehow inherently more important or meaningful than the "bad," that all life is experience and humanity and just...worth it. even the painful moments have meaning. and i also wanted to chop those moments up in time, to show that--hey! time doesn't matter.

like, we're so bound to this very linear view of timelines where life is like...i dunno. a straight line or a road or something. something you start and then you follow through to its end, and it's supposed to be like...a journey with a Final Destination. and we get scared of the End of that linear journey and we try to find ways to prolong it or tell ourselves that it doesn't have to ever end, that it can just keep marching forward in time.

and i mean, i'm still young. maybe my views will change. but as much as we are bound by linear time, i don't think that we need to measure life by those standards. all the moments of your life, good and bad and beautiful, they all exist somewhere in the fabric of the universe, forever. maybe that's a little optimistic streak of the spirituality i was raised with, but...yeah. all moments in life are meaningful, and they all exist somewhere in time, and so why does it matter what the "last" moment is? maybe death will be peaceful, or maybe it won't, but it's okay, because your death isn't your life. and that's what i'm trying to get at with the very last line--literally, a story is not its end. you can go back to any moment of a story and experience it again, you can skip around and read your favorite parts, and a story wouldn't be a story without every word and page in the book, y'know? so why should we fear the very last page? and why should we despair over the conflicts and the bits of the story that make us cry? it's all part of the story! it's beautiful! i love life and i love being human! and dorcas and marlene's lives were beautiful and tragic and wonderful and that's what being human is, and they died alone but they didn't live alone, and just....yeah! this ending is so so special to me <3

[rollercoasterwords]

hi rae! i’ve been reading your stuff for a while from the shadows and i gotta say i love your style! and i also really enjoy reading your (socio-political/philosophical) ramblings here :)

i just started reading thtf (i’m kind of late to the party i know) and i just got to caradoc’s disappearance and i cannot explain the way it left my skin crawling. or maybe i can. idk how much you know about latin american history and dictatorships but in the 70s they were a ~thing (sponsored by the us, tale for another day tho)

anyway the way u portrayed caradocs disappearance reminded me of the last civil-military dictatorship in argentina in which (suspected) opposition was literally “disappeared” and u could complain to no one. the figure of the “desaparecido” is historically and emotionally strongly charged for us because there were (and still are!) families who never knew what happened to these people. No bodies, no closure

I have tried to share some sources about this with a none-spanish speaking friend but it was kind of hard. Here https://www.lavoz.com.ar/noticias/politica/videla-1979-no-esta-muerto-ni-vivo-esta-desaparecido u can read about it in Spanish if you’re interested (sé que hablas algo de español :) ) and for anyone reading it works pretty well with a translator

anyway those were my two cents!! i love it when fanfiction helps us think (hopefully critically) about our world

hi ahh thank u so happy 2 know that u have. been there in the shadows all along <3

and yeahhhhh oh yeah i studied a lot of latin american history as an undergrad so i am def. familiar w the string of us-backed dictatorships across central + south america in the 20th century + los desaparecidos en argentina it is actually. insane 2 me that so many people buy into the lie that the us is some kind of paragon of freedom + democracy when it's literally publicly available + easily accessible information that the us has worked to overthrow democratically elected leaders in other countries around the globe for decades and decades. but thus is the nature of political propaganda i suppose!

anyway. did not have los desaparecidos at the forefront of my mind when writing the caradoc disappearance but can definitely see the connection there!! + appreciate u sharing the article--def a good read (here's a link 4 anyone interested) like es exactamente esta idea que "no tiene entidad no está ni muerto ni vivo, está desaparecido" que es tan horrible y en el contexto esta cita es escalofriante like estudiaba la historia de argentina pero nunca sabía el origen específico de la frase 'desaparecido' so. yeah appreciate u sharing the connection!!

[rollercoasterwords]

hey, i am absolutely obsessed with your dorlene fanfic (the hand that feeds) it is so so good, so I was wondering if you could put it on goodreads so I can add it to my reading challenge (every book (and fanfic) counts!) if that’s possible ❤️‍🩹

hi!! tysm i'm so glad u liked the fic 💕 and i do very much appreciate u coming to me and asking whether u can post it on goodreads, bc my answer is -- please don't lol. i understand that u want to count it towards ur reading goal + i know this is coming from a place of u appreciating the fic, but even tho it's long my fanfiction is not a book, and i really don't want it to be treated like one. many people are respectful + kind on goodreads, but there are also many people who take posting fics on there as license to treat them exactly as they would books by rating + reviewing them publicly.

but my fanfiction didn't have an editor. it didn't have people looking over it + helping me with it; if it was a book it would be a first draft. it's also not intended for like....a broad goodreads audience. it's posted with tags on ao3 specifically so that the people who find it are people who are filtering + seeking out stories like mine, if that makes sense. i don't want random people to come across it and treat it the same way they'd treat a book, because it is a separate form of literature with its own conventions + expectations. but because not everyone who uses goodreads understands that, i've seen some pretty nasty stuff about my own + my friends' writing from people posting fics on there, all of which could have been avoided if those people just kept their negative reviews private.

if you really want to add the word count to your reading goal, one option is to add a book of the same length + maybe just leave a little note for yourself that says like "thtf" or something so that you know what it is. or if you want to make a new "book," then i'd ask that you just put something like "fic" or a broad term, or just like....nondescript letters, something where you'll know what it is but you're not actually putting the title of my fic + my username out there for anyone on goodreads to find + treat like a book, y'know? or u could also make a private spreadsheet to keep track of the fics u read, instead of using goodreads to track them. at the end of the day, what matters is that you'll know you've met your reading goal, right?

anyway - thank u 4 the love + thank u for asking me instead of just posting the fic on goodreads without permission! i appreciate it 💞

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Hi 👋

Just wanted to pop in and gush about your writing a bit. I think atyd Sirius' perspective is what really got me into this fandom, and then THTF just like, scratched an itch in my brain with how beautifully complex and complicated and real the characters are. I just finished reading The Heart That Bleeds. Your writing scrambles my brain in the best way, and the way you write endings is just. Like, there are no words. I'll be reading and I'll be fine (because yay angst) and then I'll read the last line or two, and I'll have to put my phone down and stare at a wall with all the thoughts and also no thoughts in my head. Kinda like a short circuit.

Hope this makes the slightest bit of sense 😂 Still in the post read haze.

hello!!! thank u SO much love 2 hear that my writing makes u short-circuit <3 u are a beautiful and complex machine + i am poking around in the wires + laughing like an evil scientist <3

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Hi! when you're outlining for a fic, how long do you spend on the outline?

honestly it just depends on the fic but overall...not a ton of time, generally speaking. mostly just because this is a hobby, so a lot of the time i'm kinda just raw-doggin it and running on haphazard voice notes that i send my sister + scribbled bullet points!

but here's like...what outlining looked like for some of my fics:

the hand that feeds

definitely the fic that i spent the most time outlining. i basically divided it into chunks based on the timeline, then broke those chunks down into smaller pieces and would outline in detail as i wrote. before i wrote each chapter, i'd usually make a little bulleted outline in my notebook with the main plot points/events that i wanted to cover in each chapter, and i also had a few pages where i was keeping track of info like different character's ages, canon timeline, etc. that i could refer back to! but it was more of an outline-as-i-write process rather than like...me sitting down and creating a super detailed outline beforehand

the heart that bleeds

for this one i think i just had like one notebook page where i looked over thtf and made a timeline of events, then broke the story down into chunks again (for this one it was season + year, i think) + filled out that timeline with the major plot points i wanted to add

aftermath

pretty sure i literally just made a list of the character's names for this one lol

alice, look at me

i think for this one i made like...a bulleted list where each bullet point was a year, and then under it i filled in any big plot points/events that i wanted to have happen in that year

nothing fades like the light

i...did not even make an outline for this fic lol. it was purely outlined in voice notes sent 2 my sister. when i was starting a new chapter on my word doc i'd make a list of the major plot points on the page and then hit enter a few times and start writing, and delete each point as i finished writing it. kinda like a check-list!

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listened to bite the hand by boygenius today and am now going to reread thtf for the 4th time xx

honest to god the best fic I have ever read but it has ruined me reading anyone elses interpretation of dorcas & marlene because yours are just canon to me

also do you have an update timeline for the zombie fic? I am afraid it is holding me hostage I am that excited for the next chapter <3

love your work!

omg bite the hand!!! someone told me about that song while i was writing thtf and i listened 2 it and immediately became obsessed so. completely relate lol

sorry 2 have ruined dorcas + marlene 4 u </3 unfortunately i relate 2 this too i think i sort of ruined them for myself by spending so much time creating their characters lol. now if i read a fic that doesn't match the little guys in my head i'm like WHAT dorcas would NOT do that...and then i remember that dorcas is one single sentence in a book i don't even like <3

as for the zombie fic! i do not have any timeline except for the fact that ch 3 will be the next thing i work on once i finish this. cowboy au. which i have literally 2 scenes left to write in and told myself i was gonna finish today but the last chapter has just been getting way too fucking long lmao. but!! i am on vacation for the next 3 weeks and while i'm gonna be traveling for like...half of that i'm still hoping 2 spend a lot of time writing so. hopefully i'll have the third ch up sometime in the next 2 weeks? apologies 4 holding u hostage <3

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Opinions on Pandora's name? *tea emoji* Personally I don't really like the name and I really need to know if it was canon because if not, I believe Luna would never be named Luna if her mother was named Pandora, just agsjdl. I think she has a name more along Xenophilius' type. I also believe the Lovegood was her, so Xenophilius took HER family name, not the other way around <3.

i'm not entirely sure i understand the first part of the question! are u asking about whether i like pandora's first name? or luna's name? or like whether pandora was the one who named luna? personally i am not sure about any of that i'm happy with all their first names lol

in terms of last name i honestly don't have a super strong opinion! i've seen people make her pandora rosier and know that's a popular hc, and i've also seen the hc that her name was pandora lovegood + xenophilius took her last name. i think in thtf i made her pandora fortescue? maybe? or maybe i didn't even give her a last name i will be honest i do not remember lol

i feel like i'm pretty neutral about pandora's last name; it really only matters to me in the context of whatever story she's in. like if i was writing a story where her family background was important or if i was reading a story where her family background was important then last name would make a difference, but otherwise she's just pandora ~whatever~ 2 me

[rollercoasterwords]

Hey! Hope you're enjoying the holidays:)

I think the way you've fleshed out characters like Dorcas, Marlene (and everyone in the marauder's era, to be honest) in your stories is really interesting considering that most of them are blank slates in canon. You made the characters your own, and I was curious to know your process. Marlene and Dorcas as they're portrayed in THTF are, in my opinion at least, your own original characters due to how deeply you fleshed them out and how human you made them. I'm trying to find better ways to flesh out my own characters and would love some tips. How do you go about fleshing out/creating characters? Do you have any templates you use or techniques?

hello!! i have very much been enjoying the holidays although i regretted that somewhat this morning lmao WORST hangover i have had in. months. possibly years. but i am mostly recovered now <3

and thank u so much!! so happy to hear that u liked my portrayals of dorcas + marlene -- ur definitely right that they're essentially ocs lmao. when it comes to fleshing out characters, i don't really have a set technique or any templates that i use, so i'm trying to figure out how to give tips...like, generally speaking i am not a very organized writer on paper and most of my process for anything is just. coming up with a centerpoint in my head and then building out around that, if that makes sense? like, there'll be something that initially sparks the idea for a story, and then it's just a long process of coming up with details that can get me to that point.

(ended up rambling on as i tried to explain this so putting the rest under a cut lmao. also spoilers, kinda)

like--okay, so with dorcas and marlene, the reason i was interested in their story was because canon left such a blank slate. so the initial spark for the story was seeing the hc that dorcas + marlene were together + dorcas went after voldemort after marlene died, and that's what got her killed. i was like wow that sounds like SUCH a fun tragedy! i wanna write a story where that happens. and so then it was like--okay, i basically need to sculpt two characters to fit into these narrative positions that i want to write.

and u guys know me, i want everything to be as angsty as possible. so i was like, trying to make two characters where i could include just as many heartbreaking details as possible in the story of how they come together. like it's a doomed love story, right? and so one of the first things i knew was that i wanted to have a setup where marlene joins the war despite dorcas trying to convince her not to, and then dorcas joins the war for marlene to try and keep her safe, so there's sort of this underlying resentment to their relationship that makes everything hurt so much worse when they both ultimately fail in what they were trying to do. that dynamic of somebody sacrificing something for a person they love and then resenting the person they love because of it is something that i find really compelling. so having all that in mind, i needed to think about what would motivate these characters and how they would think differently about the war and where they would be coming from, which was like the foundation of much of their personalities and details about them.

and then i also knew going into the story that i wanted to start off with like. a fun little enemies-to-lovers setup where they're in different houses and get forced to work together and end up falling for each other despite hating each other at first--so that was like, another foundation i was building off as i was deciding what houses they'd be in, who their friends would be, what about their personalities would make them clash in the beginning, etc. etc.

so...yeah, i guess my writing tip of what works for me is finding a centerpoint--something you want to have you character do, or a relationship dynamic u want ur character to have with someone else--and then building out from there! that is my usual strategy :)