#also because ive not got all the time and money in the world and cant speak every language

[readymades2002]

if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff

[flamboyant-king]

Magfest was fun! Walked around as Cammy, made a lot of “merch,” talked to a bunch of cool dudes, traded wares, met new friends and finally met old ones, got a jello shot from a Raccacoonie cosplayer, ate so much awful food, learned of new games, and got inspired.

I made so many buttons of cammypus and other funny creatures, folded 50+ origami boxes for the perler bead crafters, and drew on any paper I can find. It was nice and now I have no money.

[hecksupremechips]

Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel

[nonbinary-sticks-the-badger]

occasionally i think about who i would headcanon as "puts minors dni in their bio not because theres something inappropriate but because they hate kids"

[19871997]

NEED to read a natemac cmd fic kind of desperately now. Um. also thinking about the people connecting them… off the top of my head, sidcros, tyson barrie, mitch marner? like. cmd in cole harbor like I Am Here To See Sid. Uh. Definitely The Only Reason. ALSOOO weren’t they on that one golf trip together with sidcros and marner too???

GUYS. i cant believe we forgot. team north america. they were actually teammates at some point. also according to my personal favourite nhl related site hockey teammates notable shared teammates, outside of tbarrie, include: aaron ekblad (more 1oa connections and such, via tna), am34 (see aaron ekblad), nail yakupov (rip), our beloved rnh (on tna, more 1oa angst and such, something something rnh seeing how connor is w leon and then how he is w natemac at the world cup and then having a sit down with him), jeichel, JODROU ! (team north america i miss u every single day, something something jodrou having a sit down w natemac 'we broke up three years ago bud either fuck mcdavid or stop flirting with him for all our sakes'), calvin pickard, and also burakovsky and macdermid who were both on the otters w connor and the avs w nate

ALSO. somehow over the years nate's turned into connor's most consistent hook up (they were messing about during tna, spilled over into the regular season - not every time they played each other because sometimes they really do have to dip out the city as soon as they've taken their skates off, but nearly every time, and the all star game is. well. like sure, its entirely for fans and to make money but watching connor win fastest skater year on year... sometimes the competancy kink wins out over the competitiveness) and OBVIOUSLY. this changes during the 2022 playoff series (connor has some misplaced blame in the anger/disapointment post-ecf (probably knows it's misplaced but wallows in his misery), airs nate's texts and calls and the tiktoks and tweets he sends him entirely, cannot think about him without thinking about how much pain leon was in during that series, can't watch him lift the cup, can't watch him be so fucking proud of cale, without feeling sick with jealousy, and obviously someone (rnh/tbarrie..?) notices how he's so weird about it all and connor's insistent that it has nothing to do w how they were hooking up ('it's not just hooking up if it's been going on since 2016, connor' 'what else would you call it?' 'the most annoying courtship ive ever had to witness. i just got here from the leafs, connor') and that he can in fact be super normal just in general and maybe this is the natural end of their situationship ('you are way too old to be using words like 'situationship', tyson' 'who just got asked about their biological clock, connor') and its fine. really) AND THEN sid extends an invitation to connor (and to leon becuase lbr sidcros INVENTED the hockey boybestfriends who cant do anything without each other) to train at gary's that summer and connor accepts a bit too quickly knowing he'll have to sweet talk it to his agent a bit because he did agree to biosteel like, six months ago, but cmon it's sid! and in the euphoria of training at gary's (max. 20 people) instead of biosteel (half the damn gta) it slips his mind that cole harbour's second son will also be there until leon reminds him when he facetimes him. ('are you sure training with crosby is worth seeing your ex for half the summer?' 'dylan's at biosteel' '...' 'leon i have got to quit the nhl. he's not even my ex.'). ANYWAY. training at gary's also involves jonathan drouin and it's fun for connor to see what nate's like around someone he really does care about, instead of, say, a fuckbuddy and leon notices him be so fucking weird about drouin and connor's watching sidney freaking crosby and brad freaking marchand do puck battle drills in nova freaking scotia when he realises he might actually have a crush on nathan mackinnon. who's flirting with jo drouin so aggressively connor has half a mind to send a text into the old erie group chat sincerely apologising for when he was clumsily trying to flirt with dylan. (leon tells him later that helping jo with his wristshot is not actually flirting, because helping someone with thier job is not flirting, and connor mortifyingly realises that all those times leon wanted help with his stick dangles back in hte day he was not flirting. leon also tells him that he has got to get his jealously under control before jo notices, because he really doesn't deserve to get caught in all this, connor). something something eventually jo does talk to him and ends up asking if he's with leon 'out of curiosity, you guys seem close' and connor can't help himself but ask similarly about nate -> 'we messed around as kids, years and years ago, but he, uh, has his eye on someone' -> connor pretends he isnt crushed about it, because he's not, obviously, and just because nate's been connor's most consistent hook up definately doesnt mean that connor was nate's, and connor can kind of only assume it's cale, or quite literally anyone else in the denver area (is there a greater denver area? it's not really connor's bussiness to know, anymore or ever, really) -> connor and nate FINALLY. talk

maybe at the fated golf trip w sid and mitch? mitch is making nate laugh and giggle and connor realises he has it really fucking bad when he thinks that he wants to be hte one to make nate laugh like that. jesus christ -> ends up coming last by an insanely large margin -> after nate's like let me make you feel better, and they havent done this since the regular season, and jo told him that nate likes someone, and connor just, can't, be a convenient hook up for him anymore, because he knows the way these things go and he knows that the smart thing to do is to quit while youre ahead and failing that, pull the parachute when you're falling, not when youre crashing into the ocean, and nate thinks. either he can respect that, and that's fine, or he can push, just a little, because it's connor and he's pretty sure he's been a bit in love with him since team north america (and tyson has a tendancy to tell him that he falls in love with his friends as easy as breathing, but it's a different type with connor, because he loves cale, he loves gabe, he loves EJ and tyson and jo, and yeah sure he's a little bit in love with all of them, but connor he's wholly in love with, so much so that he doesnt really know what to do with himself, doesn't know what to do when he sees oilers admin post clips of him, leon and tyson messing around, or when he sees him and ekblad turn back into sixteen year olds with eachother or when he sees the way he sticks to leon's side like there's nowhere else he can be, wants to accept that he wouldnt even crack top ten of connor's list of people he cares a lot about, but.) anwya. -> nate pushes a bit connor thinks nate knows? and has known the entire camp and gets a bit upset about it -> nate literally just found out now. world changed. stunned. tyson cannot find out for at least a year. he owes cale a slushie (cale, who was there at the all star game. cale who shoved him in connor's direction when they were all at the bar and told him to stop making eyes at him if he wasn't intending on picking him up). -> they get together ♥️ eventually.

[confessions-official]

i feel shameful. im 15 and for 2-3 years of my life, i have been homeschooling. nothing bad about that, i started homeschooling because i got bullied alot + my adhd doesnt work well with schedules so me and my mom work together on our own homeschooling program where i do bookwork on my own time since my mom cant bother for a schedule either as shes a manager at a pharmacy. the one thing i dont like about this is that im left at home. all day. sounds great in the beginning, who doesnt love being at home but in the long run, ive learned to feel so.. shut in. i go on walks occasionally and when my mom is off we sometimes go out together its not like im locked in but heres the situation. i live with me, my mom and my brother. my mom is disabled, nearing 53, and barely has free time so the times we do go do something together that isnt after a medical appointment is like once a month and my brother whos 32 is autistic and earns money from disability checks due to his autism and while he has a drivers licence, he prefers to not drive as his autism is very distracting so hes pretty content with staying home and playing video games while also taking care of the house and giving me my meds. i on the other hand am a disabled 15 year old whos disability and asthma limits me from taking walks sometimes + i live in texas so those walks are also 10x worse and i also dont have a backyard to just atleast go and sit down in. my problem is that im so shut in and antisocial that i am not exaggerating when i say i have no irl friends. and even though i have online friends, im so antisocial and scared that ive limited myself to two friends by themselves and one friend group that i barely talk to. my isolation scares me because while im content with my life, i know it isnt healthy for me in the long run. im ruining my social skills but i dont know if its my own fault or my moms. because my mom even encourages me to relax and not even get a job or anything. i feel so useless.

im unknown to the world and i will die forgotten by my relatives who will pass before i do.

 

[threepoint14art]

Ok so first of all i love reading your guys' tags always and forever, second of all @chocottang HIII CHOCOO (please do tell me if tagging annoys you!) You turned my braincell on, you asked such a simple and normal question and now you are gonna get lore'd about spring im so sorry- ok ok so answer here and then i start ranting about all the things ive done to this poor man if anyones interested:

He is not on the aro spectrum he just never really thought about romance for the LONGEST time. Rubbing my hands like an evil fly why would that be? Read to find out

Also while spring himself is not on the aroace spectrum i do present cami, owynn, bonnie and puppet to you humbly, the silliests ever

Basically, as you MAY have noticed, the guy has a lot of burn scars (shocking), that's because when he was little his house burnt down and his parents died and he got super fucked up, he's been in the foster system since he was like 10, no family wanted to take him in because his parents had him when they were super young and thus were disowned. So we start off strong with that, and it gets worse!

I wanted to make spring a little more unhinged because wowzers the sprintrap animatronic is evil, however his chill attitude captivated me, so i decided to make the unhinged him be his younger self, children are cruel adults are scary people in the foster system get treated as "a way to give people who cant have bio kids families" or "charity cases" instead of normal children with a lot of unnadressed issues who deserve a change to grow up with a semblance of normalcy. He was alone and scared and angry at life and thus tended to get into a lot of fights and to stealing stuff and such. Problem kid status + visibly scarred led him to never really finding a permanent home, not that he wanted one, because most of the adults in his life scared him and also wanted him to have a "new" life, AKA forget his parents and accept these new strangers as parents, horrible!

This little kid who is very scared and alone and wishes for nothing more than his parents calming him down again meets 2 even smaller kids and just, projects onto them. He started coping with all the stuff in his head through taking care of children and pretending it was also him who was being taken care of so softly and tenderly, the children being meg and fox. He just starts taking care of them and subconciously growing up really fast to get them the support and whatever they need and then out of literally nowhere hes 18. He's like "oh crap wth" Gets send off to the real world having BARELY graduated from highschool and with some money, he cannot bear the thought of losing any more people and just looks into becoming the other 2's legal guardian and gets them out of the system to live with him in the worlds cheapest house he could find

So what I mean is that he hyperfocused on being a caretaker and getting money and growing up and getting ten thousand things that the thought of romance was not even anywhere near his head, having FRIENDS was nowhere near his head. He had to find a job he had to enroll the other 2 into school he had to find another job he had to make sure their house didn't fall apart by the seams. Also fun fact, the more he grew up the more he realized he is a literal carbon copy of his dad, but visibly scarred! have fun looking in the mirror buddy

In his head, he does not really see himself as a full grown adult even though hes 24, and his weird thought of "adults being scary" still persists even though he himself is one, he doesn't like talking to grown people and that isn't helped by how he spent most of his life with Fox and Meg, he is not used to talking to people his age or older and he was too busy to actually process that romance might be something he wanted when he was just drowning in ten other thousand things already. As he got older and fox and meg also got older and got partime jobs his burden was lessened a lot and he was allowed to CHILL a little

So those 2 idiots in the drawing are vincent and leti,,, they might look like ocs and at this point they kinda are but they ARE based on the bg characters of Camarero and "Novia", they both also have their own can of worms to unpack it's insane.

Spring met Vincent at work, new coworker new hire and then Leti just stopped by sometimes to talk to vincent and he went thought ten billion crisis because "having a crush as an adult is so embarassing i need to be paying taxes"

So TLDR he had his first crushes ever at 24 because at that age he was actually allowed to chill a little and his brain finally had the room to process that romance was in fact, real. He also had to go through the "i like men???????? Im poly??¿¿" thoughts at 24, he shoulda've been at the club/ref

[j3st3r-13]

jimmy and michael parallels

so i was watching the reuniting the family mission and the conversation between jimmy and m is fucking insane because they completely parallels one another. 

these ate some quotes 

“im a fat shit that you ruined!” this is said by jimmy however it works in michaels perspective too, you could argue that his family “ruined“ the old Michael. they also both clearly have low self-esteem issues.

 “your just a lame and angry psycho sometimes,” jimmy says to Michael but jimmy could be considered an angry psycho. when gaming jimmy trolls and torments others on the game to such extreme lengths that someone actually kidnaps and tries to kill him over it. and it’s pretty well known that jimmy is lame and I think tracey calls him lame multiple times. im pretty sure that her main insult to him which is far too much of a coincidence.

“I get so mad and I can’t control things.” jimmy talking about himself but this quote alone sums up Mikey’s character perfectly. although jimmy talking about the helplessness he feels in his own life probably due to his unique upbringing and his clear low self-esteem, it is far too much of a coincidence that this quote can also be about Michael and how his anger and his inability to keep in control is what sets the game into motion. he pulls down madrazos house in a blind rage which means the vangelico job and Trevor coming back. and back in Yankton he couldnt control Trevor and brad, which leads to the actual game. this quote is followed by “shit just falls on top of me.” jimmy talking about how he’s struggling to navigate his parent’s rough marriage and finding his place in the world but in therapy, michael complains that it’s all getting on top of him and he’s lost on what to do.

“I wanna say I love you and hug it out but all that wimpy shit is just...... lame” the ellipsis is where jimmy goes on about his gay friends which ill will mention in a minute but anyway. Jim has probanly picked up struggling to open up from his parents, im willing to bet money on Amanda and michael haven’t said I love you and mean it since north Yankton, which is proven to hurt kids. Michael himself also struggles to tell his family how much they mean to him when i play I thought that Amanda thinks that Michael doesnt love them, he does but just cant express it all that well. also michaels family never like hug or anything, with franklin m gives him fistbumps which he doesnt with his family the most that they’re touching one another is the occasional bump into one another. 

“I would say gay but that’s not cool anymore.” jimmy talking about his gay friends rn but if you watch the actual cutscene look at Michaels face he looks angry and a little scared. looks like denial to me. as someone who was part of the LGBTQ community i can see the gay denial ive experienced it myself. and rockstars aren’t complete idiots they knew what we would think about M and T. they hint at it themselves and the fact that jimmy talks to him about being gay?? too much of a coincidence for me. it also speaks volumes about how repressed and in the closet Mikey is, he gets angry/ scared when his family talks about being gay. I wanna shake mike until it clicks that he’s fucking gay. 

“im so upset that we can’t even see each other,” jimmy says this to mike but we know for a fact that Michael is heartbroken when Amanda and the kids move out. paralleling each other again!!

“your just a drunk lame dad.” “you know what, that’s the nicest thing anyone ever said to me.” how often is jimmy insulted in the game, not only in missions but you overhear it all the time. so swap whos speaking to who and it still makes sense. jimmy is prolly so staved from regongition from his father, look how much jimmy copies him and his ideals/ thoughts. to me? seems like he’s trying to mirror him so mike starts treating him like a son (this one kinda got away from me tbh)

then jimmy ruins the mood and asks for a car. amazing. 

I love this game so much because all of it has much-hidden meaning and it’s so fun to analyze. im not saying I like jim, in fact, i hate him cause he is so annoying but,. It shows how much effect michael's behaviour and words affect the rest of the family. im so glad that they went to family therapy. sorry that this is so long but i just had to give my thoughts on this, we analyze amanda and michaels relationship but never anything with the kids. idk really but yeah

[syrupspinner]

i just beat Half Minute Hero: Super Mega Neo Climax Ultimate Boy

at least i think so? i beat princess and evil lord 30, and ive been told thats supposed to unlock knight 30, but it just kinda didnt. i wanted to do more of the side modes but i guess since i completed the main campaign i can say its beat? whatever i cant play any more

so yknow how xbox won the 7th gen console war right? the wii focused on a casual market, so its only competition was with the ps3. fortunately, the ps3 cost 599 us dollars (my internet is fucked right now but i promise thats over $1000 today) and was built in such a roundabout bullshit way that yeah you could technically get higher specs, but 3rd parties had no idea what they were doing, so all commercial comparisons made it look bad. i bring this up for irony's sake, because considering that the ps3's fatal flaw as inaccessibility, the psp was a hotbed for indie games. it was popular enough to attract creative devs, but not popular enough to attract shovelware, and digital distribution taking off right about then means that its off to the fuckin races

enter half minute hero, which would later be released as half minute hero super mega neo climax ultimate boy (which ill be calling HMHSMNCUB for short) on steam. congrats on landing the lucrative supermega sponsership!

the main mode is called hero 30, and it works like this. each level is basically an ultra-condensed jrpg. random encounters last like one second, you can usually cross the entire levels map in like 15 seconds, and itll usually that about half a minute to level up enough to beat the levels boss. which is great because every level has a time limit of 30 seconds. theres like a statue you can pray to for more time, but it costs more money each time, and you usually only need to use it like twice max

yeah, the first thing that tipped me off to this being a handheld game is the level structure. you ever notice how few handheld/mobile games there are with long levels or open worlds? the exception is genshin-style gachas, which only really took off to keep up with how phones are powerful enough to emulate a ps4 now. if you ever wondered why luigis mansion dark moon was the only one in the series with a short mission structure, its because its the only game in the series native to 3ds. its to match the ethos of "play a little then move on" that most in-your-pocket games find success with. itd be awkward if you were in the middle of a triple-a cinematic moment when your bus got to your stop

anyway! the game is fun enough. it fulfills the niche its trying to fulfill pretty well, i think. i can imagine busting this out on a steam deck (i dont have a steam deck) on a road trip or something, busting through a few levels. a lot of the levels near the end (im talking level 30 out of 31) took way too long in my opinion, the punishment for failure being that you lose like 20 minutes of gameplay is like a jumpscare in a game that was so fast-paced until then. but other than that, target hit, congrats game

it does a lot for replayability too, which was super important when it came out and still underappreciated now. i was a pretty poor kid, so i ended up just replaying levels in mario 3d land over and over again. games with seemingly endless content like final fantasy tactics a2 were like a godsend, you can just keep playing and playing forever! nowadays i feel like people value shorter games more then ever, but that might just be that im an adult with spending power, so ive got a life with errands and shit AND ive got like a million other games on my backlog.

but i digress. there are titles that you can earn based on your performance in a level, some of which are mutually exclusive. they mostly exist to point you towards scenarios they accounted for and dont want the player to miss out on. like, theres a title for if you reach a village before lava is meant to destroy it, which gives unique dialog. theres also a bunch of equipment in each level that you usually have to go out of your way to grind for, and you dont have a lot of time to waste in this game so it asks for juuuuust enough strategy.

oh yeah, the dialog. this game has a pretty irreverent tone. it likes to parody jrpg conventions, with the villains pointing out that their apocalypse spell will kill them too, and npcs in distress snork mimimimimi snork mimimimi. sorry i dozed off for a sec, im just kinda sick of irony. i feel like i dont have to tell you that it kidna sucks when something is afraid to take itself seriously. that said, i feel like the game does a good job at keeping the tone consistent and keeping it from being annoying. believe it or not, this game doesnt wanna waste your time, so it keeps the quips brief. also the skip button is lightning fast. all in all, not to my taste, but it does what it sets out to do well, so its hard to really insult it for that

theres also, allegedly, a ton of additional modes to unlock when you beat the main game. they shake up the gameplay WAY more than i was expecting, they have totally different fundamental mechanics. evil lord 30 is about summoning different minions suited for different tasks to defeat enemies, like a real-time strategy instead of a jrpg. i love the magic circle mechanic, its so simple but it does a great job of building risk/reward when the time limit is still a major factor. then theres princess 30, which is a fucking shoot em up? theyre all complete with 30 levels and stories that are just as fleshed out as the main campaign (for what thats worth), although there arent the same depths of branching paths and optional equipment. i was VERY presently surprised

but uh... thats where it ended for me. theres supposed to be knight 30 but it just kinda didnt unlock, even though it says online its supposed to show up after you beat the first three modes, which i did. its a shame i couldnt play around with it, but im not unsatisfied with the experience i had. it used to go on sale for like 3 bucks but it hasnt budged from the full $11 since last year, so... i guess i lucked out? personally, i think thats a prefectly acceptable asking price if youve got some space change on you, especially if youre more of a completionist type and you know youre gonna squeeze the extra value out of getting all the titles and shit. for everyone else, its worth a shot if you dont mind more repetitive gameplay loops. if you dont die and skip all the cutscenes and everything you could probably beat this game before the refund window is up, so there ya go

half-minute verdict. i had fun, but i dunno if i would buy it for 10 bucks. humour was meh but i liked the gameplay gimmick and i really like the replay value. wish it didnt screw me outta knight 30

[back2bluesidex]

Idk if this is something you’d want to read but after reading your post about being lonely, i definitely feel the same way 😅 albeit probably a little different. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this feeling so i thought maybe i’d share this. I just started a seasonal job in retail at 22, ive never had a “real job” because since i was 14 i was considered the “family babysitter” & once i turned 16 i kept applying for jobs so i didnt have to keep babysitting, nothing worked out because i was always met with “you need more experience “ & i kept getting that until i was 20 (when i just gave up & accepted I’ll probably be a babysitter for family/family friends forever 🥲). Ive only really been surrounded by kids & family, my mom took me out of highschool in my 1st year because she hated the public school system & decided to “homeschool” (which was go get my ged at 18), so i never got to experience the highschool life & friends, i was pretty isolated. Aside from getting rejected from jobs constantly, i wasnt able to go to college after either because it was too much money & that “nobody would be at home watching kids”. So ive just constantly felt very alone & whenever i would mention it i was met with things like “dont be selfish. you should be thankful youre not out there in the world, it’s evil” etc etc. Along with the fact i dont know how to drive, i had a huge fear whenever i was 15/16 so i never learned then but when i was 18 i didnt have that anymore & wanted to. I was constantly trying to get people to teach me, but no one would and driving school costs a ton which i didnt have bc no paying job. That added on to that feeling & i kept feeling behind

So fast forward to now at 22, i was finally able to get a seasonal job at victorias secret and nov 4 was my first training day. I still have that feeling & now im just stressed about everything. They immediately put me on cash register & very vaguely explained things to me, so i wasnt the best when trying to check people out & i know in retail you’ll get horrible customers sometimes and that’s literally all i got. I was so overwhelmed & i did accidentally mess up someone’s change (which was fixed!) so i had them screaming at me 2 hours in my first training day. And i cant stop thinking about how inadequate i felt during that & that whole day really. I would get judgmental looks from the other workers when i would ask questions, because ive never done anything like this before. I kept getting looked at like i was stupid for not knowing things & that messed with me (still is). I dont think itll be like that entire time im there, im hoping at least.

And i still dont know how to drive, i tried once this year from my older sister but she started grabbing the wheel when i was trying to drive because she panicked (i was going in a straight line in a empty parking lot) & stated she’s never trying to teach me again. My younger cousins learned how, have their license and new cars already & i hate that i feel jealous and angry about it because it is family, but everyone who helped them constantly told me they couldn’t with me year ago & still now. I get subtle remarks of “your cousins can drive already/youre 22 & relying on others to drive you” etc. (they also all have jobs already & not a seasonal one like me) But yeah, i feel so alone & inadequate at literally everything, have for years. Breakdown all the time because i have no clue on what to do & i have no one to talk to about it.

Rant over, sorry for how long it is, im probably being dramatic too, there are people who have it worse than i do 😅 but yeah, i get that feeling! I do hope you feel better better about it 🫶🏻🤎

Don't say sorry! It's alright. Rather I am glad that you found me and my blog safe enough to share your troubles with.

and let me tell you that you are just 22. You still have a whole lot of time ahead to make money, to learn driving, to make friends, to enjoy life and do everything you want to do.

Don't ever think you are late or that time is slipping away from your clutches! It's not.

I am 25 and I can't even cook. Can you believe it? a 25 year old woman who can't even fry an egg properly while cooking is a basic survival skill? my friends can make a whole feast if they want to and I only know how to boil some instant noodles. At times this made me feel like an inferior too but no, none of us are inferior to one another because what I can't do - you can and what you can't do - I can. we are all lacking and it's okay.

Also, if those people made you feel like a fool just because they didn't train you properly then it's their fault, not yours. when you start working you need to learn one thing that is to make you skin thick. It's only you who needs to know the truth - that it's not your fault - and the rest of the world can go fuck off.

and what if you did some mistakes? we all are allowed to do so. mistakes are the only way we get to learn, isn't it?

So, please, darling. Cheer up! You have a ton of time to buy that car or get that job or tell people to fuck off when they ask you to watch their kids. Things aren't over yet. You are doing good. You will do even better tomorrow and one day you will be the best! I believe in you and I am proud of you!

even though I know we are basically strangers but just know this person right here, an elder sister to you, will always be proud of you no matter what!

if you want to talk, slide into my inbox any time. I will always welcome you!

Love you!! 💕💕💕💕

P.S: You should have charged for those babysitting sessions.

P.S.S: I, too, don't know how to drive. LMAO!

[danko420]

im having a hard time not getting fired by my job...

I've already run my mouth in support of Palestine to a few different people but ive been keeping a mental checklist of like... morally reprehensible thoughts and activities... basically everytime someone says something and i have to bite my tongue or else go into a rant about why Thing Bad.

Yesterday was sort of the last straw but i'll cover the previous 2 first:

- nice irish lady wearing h*rry p*tter merch (i cant believe in 2024 i still have to explain to ANYONE jkr is a terf who thinks all transwomen are perverts trying to harass women in public washrooms but HERE WE ARE. ALSO p sure we have a transwoman in the office but i havent had a chance to talk to them yet so not 100% sure. By wearing it, even if its old and not a recent purchase, you are signaling to trans and queer people who see it that you value fantasy kids stories more than the real world suffering of marginalized people, and are not a safe person to talk to... and shes HR)

- several people using and encouraging use of generative ai to produce images instead of paying an artist (the first time it came up was someone trying to generate a design for a floral centerpiece for a banquet- which we were already hiring a florist to handle... so, trying to steal work from small local business owners. second time was when i was designing some posters for around the office, someone made a joke i dont even remember about what we could put on one and i think i replied like "yeah if i can find a picture of it" and they were like "we have ai we can make pictures of anything!" and i swiftly removed myself from the conversation. At least that time we werent going to be taking money from anyone because they were just fun posters and were in no way generating profit but STILL.)

- my boss drives a tesla (didnt realize it was a tesla when i got in but saw the big tablet screen in the dash and started rambling about how stupid cyber trucks are- to which she mentioned her husband wanted one. when i mentioned it was like they threw out all the established knowledge and practices for vehicle safety we had developed over like a century of having cars she seemed to imply that was good in a gotta break to remake things sorta way (i think her exact statement was about like... we would still be all using diesel if things didnt change, which like... not really the same thing as getting rid of crumple zones and side mirrors but go off i guess). i said m*sk was evil and she said she didnt support what he does but does support the work his scientists are doing, and its like... cant do one without the other... owning a tesla means financially supporting el*n m*sk, therefore it is immoral- i do not have the patience or time to list all his crimes, if you dont know already pls look it up. ALSO she named it Toad (like from mario) because its red with white detailing and im like... cute but not cute enough to make up for it being a tesla)

and im just... im just so tired every day. I come home every day scared i put my foot in my mouth and i will be let go... part of me hopes i will be so i can be free of this purgatory and 2 hour daily commute, but im not actively or consciously trying to risk this job because it took me 5 months to fuckin find it...

Its just like.. if i know better its my moral obligation to correct someone, to mitigate harm, but in doing so im risking harm to myself (losing my job, someone snapping and physically attacking me, etc)

im just really disappointed in the world every damn day

[sucktacular]

cw weight loss mention.

today.... is a good readmore!! good news!! a lil bit of a vent here and there cuz my brain is a mine field, but over all im feeling kind of good?

not to like.... pat my own lil head about it or anything but i went outside today. AND i went on a WALK on my OWN around the neighbourhood.... I've never walked around here on my own, and i think the last time I went out for a walk on my own was a year and a half ago when i had to come out here to check out the room for rent (current room). so its really been a hot fuckin minute. i was honestly feeling super anxious. but i put in my head phones and listened to my music and text-talked to some friends and it made it a lil easier. ; w;

I've been working out a lot too for the past few days!!!! My lil weights and lots of other exercises.... I feel really good about it so far honestly and I really hope maybe I can keep this up. especially through winter.

honestly im terrified of winter coming. i really dont want to feel stuck inside again and things get worse? I want so badly to go outside on my own. Be able to do shopping when I need. Go get little treats! Take care of myself and my needs. I'd really really like to work on getting a job or some sort of money source.because disability denied me over and over despite having even a therapist letter confirming like. heyyy theyre fucked up!!!, but like.... i want so badly to have money again. and i want to save and i want to put it away and also... being on social assistance im not allowed to leave canada for more than 7 days in a row and that is straining the FUCK out of my relationship and like my life moving forward at all in general. we cant go on a trip to the Adirondacks for the seasonal change and im super fucking bummed out about it honestly. and its literally just cuz of social assistance keeping me at home. its literally so fucked.

but anyway. im trying my fucking damnedest and im trying soooooo hard to keep upright and now sink and slip back down. Ive got some friends in my corner. and thats great. but its all on me at the end of the day. and if im being frank i fucking HATE HOW IM LIVING!!!!!!!! I DONT WANT!!!! TO BE DEPENDANT!!!! ON PEOPLE!!!!! i dont want to be stuck at home, the summer is fucking gone and i barely did anything.... i want to go out! i want to go to concerts! i want to go to festivals!! i want to go to meet ups and visit friends and i want to do so many fucking things!!! i want to explore, i want to see the world, i want to eat food and meet ppl and experience. i want so much out of my life. but im absolutely holding myself back. and i know its not entirely on me to just push myself out of that because i also dont want to burn out. and i know mental illness and i know i know i know.

but

im so tired of this. im literally clawing in my cage here and i dont feel like anyone really GETS that? idk idk maybe ppl do im just out of my mind and this ISNT ME. this isnt who i want to be, and i know i dont really get much of an option in that? cuz my brain is going to fucking keep doing what it is doing. but i AM getting therapy. I AM talking about the hard hard fucking shit. the shit that makes me want to kms the shit that makes me want to peel my skin off or just disappear entirely. im trying. and i dont want to crash and i dont want to burn and go back to this again. but like... idk man if i dont fucking push myself up im NOT gonna get back up. im complacent in the comfort of hiding away from life. when i want nothing more than to love everyone and kiss my friends faces and hold their hands and go to places and see things and eat things and do stuff blah blah blah

im strong.. im smart.. im creative... I CAN dance the dance. but im terrorized by the thought of existing enough to not be wanted around by even just one person LMAO;;;;;;

anyway this is getting a bit venty but

I WENT OUT!!! I WALKED FOR LIKE 30MIN. I GOT SWEATY. I CAME HOME. I WORKED A LITTLE. I DID MY DISHES YESTERDAY. I WORKED UP A HUGE SWEAT LAST NIGHT. I MAKE MY BED EVERY DAY. THE WEATHER IS CHILLING. I LOST 20LBS SINCE APRIL!!!! I HAVE A BETTER SLEEP SCHEDULE AND IM TRYING MY DAMNEST TO KEEP BRING IT BACK A BIT MORE (4/6am - 3/4pm right now. I'd love to wake up by 10am at minimum honestly). IM MOTIVATED IM TRYING SO FUCKING HARD.

i need to remember im independent. and i fucking adore my independence. and i need to stop being so complacent to allow ppl to care for me. like obv my heart is open to it and i let people in and i dont shy away. to be a human is to care and receive care. but my independence is a deeply deeply personal thing for me and without it im... just not myself. im just not me. im just not at my full potential. and i reallllly need to work it out.

[onlyjaeyun]

ZADIE LOVE AHHHHHHH i kid u not i was on the edge whenever i saw ur wc update literally went "OMG OMG ITS HAPPENING" am i ready to actually start reading? no ill never be but i am also soSOOO invested in what happened between hoonyn i HAVE TO BRACE MYSELF

ok enough yapping and onto to the actual chapter 👉🏻👈🏻 im actually gna start crying yn was probably the sweetest little girl ever surrounded w her loving family im so happy she had her maternal aunt at the very least 🥹 she even saved up money to get her brothers' gifts she's so precious 🥺🥺 NOOO LITTLE HOONYN WERE LITERALLY EACH OTHERS CONSTANT SUPPORT IM SO BROKEN 😭😭😭 THEY WERE TOO PURE TOO GOOD FOR THE CRUELTY THAT IS THE WORLD

yn's gift is in a little box? a jewellery mayhaps... STOP OMG HOON'S HER SECRET SANTA!,!/&;&&: SKDJAKSJS (icb they nvr gotten each other b4 tho 🧐) WORLD PAUSE SUNGHOON WANTED TO DO WHAT NOW?:!/& someone hold me i feel faint. we've COME SO FAR IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO BAWL 😭😭😭😭😭😭 "not only show you how over the ongoing war between you two he is, but also one he could use as a way to maybe win you over again" IM IN TEARS. THE WAR IS ENDING 😭😭😭

im actually so proud(?) of hoon for accepting his feelings like to go from saying the meanest things 24/7 to a person to actually admitting that you still want to have that person around takes alot of courage and he has my respect for that!

ok so he chose a sentimental gift... A SNOWFLAKE NECKLACE?:!/$ MAYBE?? 🤔 IM LITERALLY ABOUT TO START BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS WHY AM I SO NERVOUS 🤕 HE FAWKING WROTE HER A CARD IN JAPANESE. yep im out. 😭🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭🤣🤣🤣😭😭 STOOPP ITTT HE GOT HER A RING W HER MOTHER'S BIRTHSTONE?:!/!/ IM ACTUALLY IN TEARS THAT IS SOOOOOOOOOO PRECIOUS IM GONNA START BAWLING he's so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 & yn now knows its from hoon 🥺😭🥺🥺🥹🥹🥹

THE FUCKING DOORBELL. THE FUCKING WITCH. WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HER IM GNA FUCK HER 🆙 !!!!!! no but can we talk about how yn stood up to her MY POOKIEPIE MY LOVE 🥹 she's so strong for that ❤️‍🩹 & riki n hoon 🥹 coming in to stand w her 😭 hoon just standing behind her supporting her, ready to step in anytime ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

oh im soo fucking that bitch up im filing my nails as i type rn im gna scratch her face and no one can stop me. its the fact riki still calls her mom and she goes and do shit like this. i just cant phantom how people like her call themselves parents. yn making that decision whilst she was still so young 💔 no one really should have been in that position in the first place

i know uve alrdy shown us this part in the wc update but it still HITS ME SO HARD "of all people in this world, it was your hands he had put his tiny heart into because he knew you’d always keep it safe and protected, only for your absence to scar him forever" im actually broken. & OF FUCKING COURSE ITS THE FREAKING WITCH THAT HAD SMTH TO DO WITH THE LETTER NOT REACHING HOON.

ill say it time and time again but the friendship dynamic u create in everyone of ur fic is so precious and beautiful 🤍 all of them will fight and stand by each other through the darkest of times 🫂

ive actually teared up reading this chapter 🥺 this was everything, u always amaze me with the ideas u have and the way u execute them 🤍 this chapter was worth its wait <3 i truly enjoy reading every single update and idk what else to say other than thank you for sharing the masterpiece that is cold hearts with us all 🤍🤍

have a very very good night zadie <3

oh my sweet souled lia 🥺

thank you SO much for this ask. i never know what to say when you guys send me messages like these because im just baffled by how much love and attention and support you guys not only send me but my characters. i think it's safe to say that i will keep this so close to my heart. it's such an honor to receive such amazing reactions to the things my characters experience and ik im rambling but like, seeing you all so invested in this smau makes me so happy and im so grateful for everything. thank you baby. i love and appreciate you so much 🥺🤍🩷☀️💐🌷

[forestryfae]

man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen

i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.

i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.

i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.

so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.

the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.

plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.

and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.

like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf

[frutigerfaggot]

Hihihi Kosmo. I can’t play more bg3 for a while (ran out of space on my puter, need to order an external hard drive and move it onto there <\3) and I’m going through Hyperfixation Withdrawal. You know how it is. So MY POINT IS in the meantime you should tell me about your tav I wanna hear about your tav please tell me about your tav. Also I’d like to hear how the games going for you and all that, if you don’t mind sharing :)

HIHIHI ARI :) sosorry about your puter </3 stay strong in these tough times soldier!! also i do know The Hyperfixation Withdrawal 🤝 i need my daily dose of Guys From My Computer to keep me going youknow. ANYWAY I DONOT MIND SHARING I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THINGS AND HEARING ABOUT THEM ALSO !!

as for gameplay i havenot. gotten far. </3 i keep remaking my tavs because i came up with something better. but so far i keep failing checks and getting blown up and catching on fire and falling and dying and so on <3 its so funny. to me. its like a recurring gag on a sitcom. shadowheart keeps befalling the same fate as my tavs as well. go girl give us nothing ! (said lovingly)

RAMBLINGS BELOW I GOT CARRIED AWAY SOSORRY.

^^^^ my main man Amari !! only one picture because i may have made them in august and. forgot about him. so sorry king

he/him . or they perhaps... heart <3

high half elf and. a bard. <3

romancing astarion (

also his name means eternal in hebrew because well. i think thats funny. guy named immortal dating a guy who is immortal. anyway.

the most i got lore wise is that their background is urchin. perhaps learned instruments and whatnot to make money.

i wish i had more worked out but. alas. melchior and those damn old men (aldente) plaguing my mind.

^^^^ MELCHIOR... MANDATED DARK URGE TAV. YOU KNOW.. more pictures because i made him the other day. theen remade him again today which is why this took so long so sorry </3

he/him <3

seldarine drow and. a rogue .

romancing that damn vampire also. because i kept hearing things about durge and astarion. no other reason <- lying

picked melchior because. seems like something a weird little guy would name himself.

okay. i am a poser i havent played much. however i know durge lost memories and so on. but i was making this dude before i decided to make him my durge tav and. i donot want to change his lore

he was the worlds worst conman. grunkle stan style. warrant in 25/50 states youknow. doesnot remember any of this. when asked about his background hes too prideful to admit he doesnt remember anything and lies each time. horrible at keeping up with these lies however and everyone is so painfully aware (but he doesnt realize that).

also i think its funny to imagine these guys Adventuring and whatnot and coming across various wanted posters for their questionable little buddy. and each time hes soso close to remembering something but brushes it off as an equally charming and beautiful and great at everything stranger you know. do you get me <- is unwell

got that good. that good for nothing. dude is SHIT at EVERYTHING. ive rolled a critical failure on damn near everything with him. i like to imagine this annoys astarion to no end because. well im normal. im about to get ill about that vampire. so sorry.

gets to the point where astarion starts doing things for him because he cant do anything. melchior is beyond amused and begins to fail horribly on purpose to annoy him. everyone in the party hates these two. two guys dragging their party down <3 love loses !

horrible at reading social cues also. because i heart projection. cannot tell when hes being made fun of. or flirted with. astarion cannot win with this guy. makes a catty comment and melchior goes "thanks dawg!" and daps him up so hard he gets a spinal injury.

gofd theres so muchmore about these two and their ddynamic that ive made up in my mind but this is getting long and my fear of being cringe is winning. you know how it is. ANYWAY THANKYOU THANKYOU THAN K YOU !!!!!! YOU SHOULD ALSO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TAV(S) . IF YOUD LIKE. OR ANYTHING BG3 RELATED REALLY I LOVE HEARING ABOUT THINGS !!!!!! <3 also i intend to draw these two. at some point. i make no promises however you know how it is another note... been thinking about making a third dude for gale or perhaps karlach. but these two r enough fornow.

[kasaneteto]

sorry i simply must complain for a moment

ive been complaining about my roommate too much on instagram so im doing it here instead 🖕 fuck you

MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!!!! tell me why this man is turning 26 NEXT WEEK and can’t remember to pay me back for the bills. won’t do any chores unless he’s asked to or HE has friends coming over. i literally feel like im living with a teenager.

i’ve recently realized just how much ive coddled him and made excuses for him because of his mental health struggles and the way his parents treated him his whole life. ive also realized that its entirely up to him to recognize that his mental health struggles & trauma are HIS problems to deal with and i shouldnt have to temper my expectations because of that. i can only tell him he needs therapy so many times before it’ll just go in one ear and out the other like every other thing i say to him. he is so incapable of any kind of self-reflection or self-awareness, has no concept of how his actions might affect others, can’t make any compromises without throwing a fucking tantrum about it. it’s exhausting. he requires so much attention and validation in order to be happy. being in the same room is like an invitation to talk to him. AND HE SAYS THE SAME SHIT. its like ive exhausted all dialogue options. he always makes the same stupid jokes that are just *goofy or purposefully obnoxious comment about what im doing* and i DONT have the energy to entertain that shit every day. but it RUINS his mood if you dont partake in his humor and then he just sulks. he cannot be serious. everything is jokey goofy fun time. when finn and i told him she’s trans & that we broke up his response was just to stare at us like a deer in headlights and go “oh. okay. sorry thats just a lot to process” which is like. just such a perfect prime example of how he cannot handle anything serious or heavy. when he got cheated on he was inconsolable and would not leave finn and i alone (and we wanted to help!!! we care about him!!!) he literally would follow us to our room and we would have to ask him for alone time!!!! he’s like a baby!!!! he’s so deadset on finding a new partner and i just wanna scream in his face NO RELATIONSHIP YOURE IN WILL EVER WORK IUT UNTIL YOU WORK ON YOURSELF AND UNPACK YOUR TRAUMA!!!!!!

he always uses money as an excuse like “ohhh i cant afford it” motherfucker. you can’t afford anything that isnt something you want. so you cant afford to pay me bills on time but you can afford a new monitor for cyber monday? you can’t afford therapy but you can afford to get a shitty fake christmas tree because THATS what’s important to you? he lives so fucking hedonistically and acts like he lives paycheck to paycheck when he makes 22 DOLLARS AN HOUR. MOTHERFUCKER YOU MAKE MORE THAN ME. YOU CAN FUCKING AFFORD IT YOU JUST DONT BUDGET OR SAVE AT ALL.

ok sorry i had to get that shit out because im so frustrated with him. i had a party the other night and he just sulked around until his friends came, hung out with them and only them the whole time, then continued to sulk and complain once they left. then sat around scrolling on his phone while my friends helped me clean everything up. my friends who actually are responsible and arent just in their own world with no consideration for others.

its not like he’s a bad person or even a bad friend because he truly isn’t. he’s just so emotionally immature and does not have the strength to look inward & realize that he is the source of most of his unhappiness in his life currently. its really hard to live around given the stage of my life im currently in.

i wish i could tell him all of this to be honest but hes so fucking sensitive. i HAVE tried to talk to him about a lot of these issues too (him needing to he asked to do chores, not paying me back etc) and its always the same thing. he gets better for a couple months but it quickly goes back to how it was before. im just like so done acting like his problems are mine. done asking him for favors. i hate that living with him has made me lose so much respect for him (he has no moral backbone) because like. i can see that he wants to be better. he just isnt strong enough to admit that hes the problem in his life right now. anyways. thanks for reading this if you did lol