#also at some point you just gotta eyeball it when it comes to tiles

[claire-starsword]

Hi everyone, you might remember me sharing a simple palette generator for GBA ROM hacks a while ago, and I'm pleased to announce this thing has Expanded A Lot since then! I've added a tile viewer which uses the palette set up in the generator, and an option to load up palettes from a ROM as well. It also allows you to look for sprites of a certain size as opposed to only seeing 8x8 tiles.

More importantly, you can right click on the display at any time and save it as a picture, which means this is wonderful for sprite ripping as long as you know the address of a sprite and its palette. This is basically the evolution of a crummier script i made to rip the Shining Soul 2 sprites I've ripped so far, and it should make the task so much easier.

It still has a few quirks to work out (read all the info in the page), and obviously javascript isn't the fastest thing in the world, but I like that in theory anyone can use this one, I could not find much in terms of hacking tools for Linux so I started coding this one in a rush even though I planned to get to it eventually. I hope to now start cataloguing all the Soul and Soul 2 sprite addresses I know and maybe with this I'll even get to rip the rest of the sprites as well.

[playeroneplayertwo]

The Ten: 5.19

It seems a good icebreaker, or as good an icebreaker as any, to lay bare my top 10 of all time. Clear the air, so to speak. Get to know each other. It’s fair to say that this may be a make or break moment for us. Hopefully, I won’t lose you. Let’s see.

This is a list I imagine I’ll update periodically (which is why it’s dated), as my wife Kathleen (Player Two) and I play a lot of games, and a lot of new games. I’m a notoriously curious and searching type, and I love trying new games, sometimes to my wife’s chagrin. More often than not, my spare change goes to new games for the house. New games that make a splash tend to spike pretty high and then slowly fade. It’s not a great trait to have, especially in someone who tries to speak or write critically about quality (ie write reviews). But being that I’m aware of this, I hope that tempers it at least somewhat.

Anyway, where’s the list, you say? Here we go:

1. Brass: Birmingham (2018)

Oh boy, it’s a new one. Cult of the new? To be fair, Kathleen and I have played this game fairly regularly for the last eight months. By our third play or so, I knew it had locked itself into my top spot. I’d done a fair bit of research on the OG Brass (now Brass: Lancashire) prior to purchasing Brass: Birmingham, and by the time I eventually took the dive and purchased Birmingham, I was as excited to try it as I was unsure we’d actually enjoy it. At the time, it was the heaviest game we’d played, and it also relies heavily on route building–it’s in fact one of the most important parts of the game. I mention this because tactical spacial elements are not Kathleen’s forte. In fact, it’s one of her least favorite mechanics.

This is a good time to tell you that Kathleen and I think (and play games) very differently. Kathleen is a strategic player, relying on long term planning and execution to maximize scoring/performance. I, on the other hand, do not make long term plans. I find it not only remarkably difficult, but also unenjoyable. I’m a short term/tactical player. On my turn, I’m more likely to look over the board, get a lay of the land, and make the best, most advantageous play available to me at that moment.

Brass: Birmingham remarkably manages to cater to both of our play styles, which is one reason it ranks so high. Birmingham presents a myriad options for players to pursue. You’ve got a whole pile of different factory tiles you can build, a whole mess of locations or regions to move into, and about as many different strategies to pursue on your way to the end game. I don’t think I’ve ever played the same game of Brass: Birmingham twice, nor have I ever pursued the same options. The card play means, for me, that I will go where the cards lead, and I find using these cards as a guide to build my engine incredibly satisfying.

2. Covert (2016)

Dice placement. For some reason, this mechanic sounds incredibly unappealing to me, and I think it’s because it’s literally a portmanteau mechanic consisting of the worker placement mechanic using dice, two individual mechanisms that I seem to enjoy less and less. Dice I tend to avoid for their randomness (yes, I know that’s the point), and Worker Placement, in it’s most stereotypical application, I find frustrating. Why can’t I just put my worker wherever I want and just run my engine? Being stymied in a worker placement game just annoys the hell out of me.

So why do I love Covert?

It’s a pretty straightforward points race built around mission cards that have specific requirements. And using the dice as workers seems a fairly typical euro mechanism, but what I like about Covert is how puzzly it is. When you place your dice workers, they’ll be placed on round tracks with spaces numbered 1-6, and you won’t be able to place a die unless it’s adjacent to another die. In this case, you can do anything you want, but only if you plan correctly and work well with the other players. It becomes an order of operations puzzle, which may frustrate some, but I love it.

Also, I can’t get enough of that spy theme. And the production is fantastic.

3. Eldritch Horror (2013)

Ah, Cthulhu. For being the spawn of such a troubled person (HP Lovecraft), I find Cthulhu’s mythos and surrounding universe positively enthralling. 

But dice! Ugh yes, this is a huge, sprawling, long, and [sorta] bloated game that is built all around a very simple dice rolling resolution system. I have no way of justifying why this doesn’t bug me, but it just doesn’t.

Maybe I’m just a sap for the theme (Indiana Jones + Cthulhu = Win). Or maybe it’s nostalgia, considering this is the game on my top ten that I’ve played the most and had the longest. But, if I try to dig into the real reasoning here, it’s probably because this game manages to give you a big, rich, story-based experience that feels like an event when it’s over. Yes, it’s the biggest, longest play session on this list. But I love every minute of it. Even those maddening bad dice rolls.

4. Lord of the Rings: The Card Game (2011)

A long time ago, Kathleen and I came to this hobby via Magic: The Gathering, the deep, long standing king of the collectible card game. Magic is a great game, but it brings out the worst in me as a gamer. Playing Magic makes me both a bad winner and bad loser. Frankly, that’s a terrible combination. Why would you want to play with me at all?

This obvious problem led us to cooperative board games. If I’m gonna lose, why don’t I just lose with you. That’s a refreshing change of pace!

And speaking of losing, hey let’s talk about Lord of the Rings: The Card Game. The word used most frequently when talking about this game–by me and pretty much anybody who’s ever played it–is PUNISHING. And yes, it’s punishing. Kathleen and I have played a few punishing euros at this point (feed those people), but this is something else. Get a few bad card flips from the encounter deck and you’re suddenly up to your eyeballs in LOTR baddies. Orcs and goblins? Oh hai. But your dwarves or hobbits or whatever are never really out of it. Smart deck building (and luck) definitely has carried us out of the tall grass on more than one occasion. And there’s something to be said for a game as well balanced as Lord of the Rings. More than once, a game has concluded on a turn where we either win or lose based on that single turn’s outcome.

The theme doesn’t really do much for me, but I took the dive on this game because it looked like a well-designed and well-supported cooperative card game (of which there really aren’t too many). It’s stood tall over the years, and I hope it continues for a while. When I first played Arkham Horror: The Card Game, I figured it would knock this down a peg or two. But the designers’ ingenuity in the LOTR quests and encounter deck designs has been (for me, at least) a much more rewarding experience.

And I appreciate a cooperative game where you actually lose more often than you win. It seems a rarity in the co-ops we have.

5. Great Western Trail (2016)

I’d heard and read so much about this game prior to purchasing it that I almost didn’t even want to get it (which is exactly how I feel about Concordia and Trajan, subsequently). I dig the cowboy theme, but beyond that, I’d pretty much phased out all the actual details on this game’s gameplay.

But yeah, it really is good. Ya’ll were right. I love games that are heavy but are built around simple gameplay, and Great Western Trail epitomizes that. One your turn you move your cowboy on the (effectively) huge rondel board and then take an action on the space where you stop. That’s it. 

The beauty of the game comes from the remarkable breadth of options you can pursue. Using cowboys to buy cows, hiring engineers to move your train and build stations, hiring carpenters to build buildings and busy up the board, and completing objectives are some of the main tasks you’ll be focusing on, and what really clicks for me with Great Western Trail is that it’s a tactical player’s dream. The board is constantly changing, and as it changes, so must your plans. The objective cards steer you somewhat, but you’ve really gotta cut your own path across the wilderness here.

Oh, and I love deckbuilding as a sort of side dish mechanic. It isn’t always enough to sustain a whole game, but it’s great as a single piece of a pie.

6. Gloomhaven (2017)

All right, so this big beast has moved all over my ranking in the year+ since my first game. I won’t lie, it sat at #1 for a while. Then it slid a little, then a little more. I mean, it’s still at #6, so it’s not exactly plummeting. It’s the Board Game Geek #1 game of all time (as of this writing), and it’s hard to say if it’s deserving of this (and if not, what deserves the spot instead). Again, this is so subjective, and games like this or Scythe tend to be lightning rods for people who want to take a shot at the new hotness.

But yes, it’s good. It’s very good. I’m not as enamored by the sprawling nature of it as I was, nor the campaign, but being a person who loves variety, it’s scope is certainly a nice bonus. But after you haven’t played it in a while, it becomes a HUGE box that takes up a whole shelf and is a bear to set back up. And even though the box is 20lbs and takes up a whole shelf and the game takes 20+ minutes just to set up, the card play in Gloomhaven is just stellar. I love that this is essentially a tactical minis game with a euro engine. Tactical minis games rank incredibly low on my chart o’ interest, but this game takes that standard tactical minis expectation and smashes the shit out of it. 

Despite its niggling flaws, it’s an excellent game.

7. The Exit Series (2017-?)

This is the last co-op game on my list, and I just looked back and saw that there are four on here. I was just talking to Kathleen about how much I’d rather play competitive games instead of co-ops, and apparently I said that in a moment completely lacking self-awareness. Also, this is a cheaty kind of entry considering we’ve played at least eight Exit games.

Remember when I said that I liked Eldritch Horror because it was an event game that provided a big, rich experience? Well, the Exit games give you a meaty, brainier experience in a slightly shorter time period. There’s not much story–despite the designers really trying to cram one in there–but I’ll always love Exit because it’s become our Date Night game. Kathleen and I will get some nice booze, take out food, and sit down with a new Exit after we put our son to bed. The experience can be frustrating–remember we think very differently, but each experience has always been something to remember (except the Secret Lab; what happened in that one?). Special props to Exit: Dead Man on the Orient Express, in particular.

The puzzles are really satisfying when you crack them, especially after working on them for a while. We take longer than average to do these because we resist those hint cards as much as possible, so our games can stretch. But Exit should be an event, and when savored like one, it doesn’t let you down.

Also, if you have concerns about the value of an Exit game, if you look at it as an event (like going to the movies or *cough cough* playing T.I.M.E. Stories), it’s actually a very good value. Recycle it!

And finally, yes, Exit trumps Unlock any day of the week.

8. Glory to Rome (2005)

That Glory to Rome is out of print is a cryin’ shame. Our copy isn’t even a real copy, I printed a crappy DIY version at Staples and then cut and sleeved them with old Magic commons. Our copy looks bad, is cut unevenly, and has eery MTG watermarks shining through the thin weight paper, and I couldn’t care less. This game is awesome. It’s got about a million different combos that are all seemingly game-breaking, but the fact that everything is so powerful is really what makes this game so exciting.

Multi-use cards are one of my favorite mechanic, and this game is completely built around them. And like any well-designed game that is build all around cards, the design of this never leaves you feeling hamstrung by bad card draw. If you’re doing badly at Glory to Rome, it’s your fault. Sorry. You haven’t found the combo that will win the game for you. I can say this because I’m terrible at Glory to Rome, and I know it. That’s not saying I’ve not won before. I have, but more likely than not it was because I accidentally stumbled onto something good. 

Like Brass: Birmingham, no two games of Glory to Rome are the same. There are so many cards in the box, and the subtle sense of humor that permeates some of the cards just tickles me (please see: latrine).

It’s fast and exciting, and giving you options on other players’ turns is also one of my favorite mechanics.  I’ll happily play and lose Glory to Rome anytime.

9. Nippon (2015)

Full disclosure, this is the newest edition to this list, and Kathleen and I have only played this a few times, but there’s something about this game that really fascinates me. 

At first blush, it feels like Brass, but it’s not. Like Brass, this is an economic engine, but it doesn’t allow the multi-turn build up to The Big Turn like Brass. Then I thought it was a little like Great Western Trail, but it’s not really like that either. Great Western Trail presents a ton of options, but by the end of the game, you really need to work on all of them, at least a little bit, or else your score will suffer. Nippon, however, doesn’t make you do a little bit of everything. There are a number of elements in Nippon (like trains), that can be all but ignored except for certain circumstances. It’s a game built around area control via slow burn engine building. A number of other elements to the game are very specific tools you can use to hone that engine, but could just as easily prove useless under the wrong conditions.

This may be misdirected musings by someone who hasn’t played the game enough, but it feels right to me. The last time we played, I came to the realization that the game felt so fraught because I was trying to do too much. The game presents you with a large amount of avenues to pursue because you don’t actually have to pursue them all; you can’t, there’s not enough time in the game (or money!). You need to choose your actions and build the best engine as quickly as possible.

Nippon is a cutthroat fight that feels both wickedly fast and frustratingly slow at the same time. Special bonuses for completely subverting the worker placement mechanic with its own implementation that runs the whole game. It’s a puzzle that I have relished greatly.

10. Star Wars: The Card Game (2012)

Two Fantasy Flight LCGs on the list? Sweet Christmas!

But yes, this is a great game. I’m not sure it ever got much love, and it saddens me that it’s now dead, but it’s such an interesting design. That it does a fine job of simplifying deck construction is just a bonus.

I appreciate that Star Wars feels like a game of high stakes gambling. The first few turns are slow and quiet as you work through your deck and build your forces, but once conflict erupts, everything tends to break wide open. Each decision you make has massive repercussions, as single large mistakes will lose you the game. Add in some actual bluffing and a ticking clock, and this is the simplified and streamlined (if safer and less wild) version of Doomtown: Reloaded, another card game that I absolutely love. 

But where I think Doomtown ultimately fails, Star Wars succeeds. The game doesn’t get bogged down in complexity, and instead feels relatively streamlined considering its medium weight. Every time I play this game, I’m impressed by how smart Eric Lang’s design is. I feel like he played a ton of Magic: The Gathering, and then he removed all the things that bothered him (and bothered me, too).

I think this game is overlooked and underplayed, and dare I say forgotten, but for my money, it’s absolutely worth revisiting. And played over and over again.

Please remember, this list will change. Check back occasionally to see how. If you have any questions or opinions of your own, let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

Eric (Player One)

[betrayedvirtue]

COMPROMISE w/ @VisionaryFury

Annisa:

I’m pretty sure I would have remained in solitary if I hadn’t started refusing to eat. It was the only thing I could think of to try that might get me out of that room. I was beginning to actually go as crazy as they all thought I was. Try sitting in a room with no windows, and absolutely nothing to do, for days on end! At first I tried protesting but, that got me absolutely nowhere. Next I figured, if I wasn’t going to be able to get out of the five by seven, I could waste some time sleeping. Problem was, I couldn’t fall asleep so, I laid there, staring at the ceiling and walls. Then I started thinking about all the things I could’ve been doing, if I just had a book, or an iPod, or a deck of cards… Shit! I even started wishing I had some of those art materials or my journal. All that, and it was only one day in. Want to know how I knew that? Because of the food and medication schedule they had me on, second dose of afternoon meds, followed by some sort of chicken, veggie, pasta meal.

Yesterday, they had finally let me out, just in time for evening meds and quiet time in my room. Exactly what I expected, dope me up with all kinds of meds to ensure they can control me, then free me of one cage, just to throw me back into another. I slept pretty good, though. As much as I hate to admit it, it was nice to be back in my own five by seven. Plus, I had a new plan, and it was looking as if I was going to get a chance to put it into play today. My morning dosage of meds was amped up. That meant they weren’t screwing around and taking chances. Which also meant I was going to be doing some type of interaction today. I couldn’t imagine it would be another group so soon so, that meant a one-on-one… with protective duty, no doubt. Granted, with the extra meds on board I wouldn’t be quite as alert as I wanted but, I could adapt, and today I would be ready.

Mike: [[ I only have a month to turn things around for Annisa. Not have her cured, but there should be some sort of improvement. As of right now Annisa is a danger to herself and others. No one has been able to pull her out of the illusions in her mind. As time progresses it will become impossible. She’s young and could have a fulfilling life but not unless Annisa is willing to trust that we are here to help her. We aren’t the enemy. I want to be the person to help her come to that conclusion.

No way I’d meet with her in the office. It would be more of the same as in the past. Annisa not talking, distracting herself or attempting physical harm. Outside...she seems to have a like for the outdoors. I don’t want her in a straight jacket but I do advise the orderlies to up her dosage of medication. I want her lucid but calm at the same time. This will be an uneventful meeting hopefully. I have no tricks up my sleeve and I want her to know that. She’s not being manipulated but I need Annisa to meet me halfway and let me do my job.

I have things set up already. The eastern part of the gardens are reserved for us to use. There are benches and tables for us to use. It’s not picturesque right now due to the time of year, but at least we can be in the fresh air. I know I fucked up last time we were together. I never should have pushed so hard. I feel bad she was placed in solitary confinement. Hopefully this gesture will make up for it. I also hope the promise of more outdoor time will prompt Annisa to start and cooperate with me.]]

Annisa:

Part one of my plan was to wear a hole into the tile on the floor of my room. I figured the more active I was, the quicker the meds would move through my system. Heavy activity was out of the question, too many drugs onboard. But, pacing worked… kind-of. It didn’t exactly have the effect I was hoping for but, my plan was a work in progress.

Before I knew it, the orderlies were at my door, ready to take me to my meeting. However, one thing I hadn’t expected was they had a coat for me to wear, and it was my own, a lightweight, hooded parka, with faux-fur trim on the hood. My parents must have brought it in for me. Were they actually here? Was I getting some sort of day pass to go out into the world? After just coming out of solitary? None of this made any sense. Even if they were here, did I really want to see them? It’s been how long and they have not once taken my side, stood up for me, trusted me. My eyes flickered from one orderly to the other but, nothing in their expressions gave away a thing.

Nope. I didn’t want to see them. There was nothing they could say to me at this point that could make up for all the things they haven’t done. I took a deep breath and flopped down on my bed, arms folded across my chest, and stared out the window, away from the two men in the doorway.

What is it with medical staff in a mental ward thinking they have the right to strongarm you, anytime they want? I was dragged down the hall, kicking and screaming the whole way. Well, they proved they could make me go where they wanted me to but, I sure as hell was not talking to my parents. They could handcuff me to a chair in front of them but, they couldn’t make me speak.

Finally, they plopped me down outside the door to the garden and handed me my coat. “Over there.” One of them ordered, as he pointed over my shoulder. Without even shooting a glance in the direction of my parents, I tried to get back inside but, the orderlies both stood side-to-side, in my way. I may have had some drugs in my system but, if looks could kill, the two of them would be pushing up daisies.

Mike: [[ Raising a brow I can’t help but wonder why Annia is being dragged out into the garden area. I thought she’d like the opportunity to venture outside. Perhaps it’s the fact she has a sit down with me that is provoking her defiance. I hold my composure as I watch her try and force herself back into the building. I don’t believe she sees me yet. I stand but stay where I am which is near the benches and tables. ]]

“Annisa...if you would prefer to have our one on one in the office we can do that. I thought you would appreciate some fresh air.” [[ Once again I’m trying to give her a choice. However, Annisa needs to figure out that she is becoming her own worst enemy. #Zen will be watching her progress and if I can’t even get her to come outside without it being a issue he might not give me the full month he promised.I tell myself I’m not failing her. Somehow I’m going to get Annisa to trust me and know I’m on her side. ]]

Annisa:

The eyeballs of my blockade were just about looking ripe for the picking when I heard a familiar voice call out from behind me. My brows furrowed but, I did not turn around. More unexpected. It was not my parents come to visit but, him trying to throw me off my game. Like an hour in the garden would take away all the bullshit of what he did to me last time I saw him, let alone the week in solitary that followed.

Gotta give him props for trying. Even though the asshat was trying too hard in the wrong direction. All the effort he was putting into getting me to talk, and delve deep inside myself, see the truth of what it was they all believed I actually saw… if he only put one quarter of the effort into really trying to get to know me, as a person, as a patient, and not just some number he’s read about in his file. But he’s new here, and I’m sure I’m the big challenge. The one that won’t talk to her therapists, the one that has been passed around from one to the next, the one that no one else wants to work with. I’m sure he wants to make a great first impression on the boss. Get the girl that’s lost to them all to finally admit that it’s been a lie from the beginning. Wouldn’t that be grand for him? One problem with that. I haven’t lied once since I’ve been here. I saw what I did, and no amount of drugs and prodding was going to make me take it back.

They wanted me to believe it was a lie for a number of reasons. First, and most importantly, they needed to believe it was all a lie. Second, they could then pat themselves on the back and feel like they saved me. And last, they could then write me off. I wasn’t having any of it.

I shrugged on my parka and slowly turned to face “Mike.”

Mike: [[ I don’t expect this to be easy. If Annisa rolled over and played nice then I’d be worried. She’s feisty and opinionated even when she has her lips clamped shut. Her body language and facial expressions say it all. I give Annisa a pleasant smile when she turns around and I don’t act as if I’m offended when she looks at me as if  she wishes me dead. I’m not on her happy people list and I know it. Hell, I don’t think Annisa has a happy people list.

I gesture to the chairs and benches as I speak.]] “ Hello, Annisa. I thought we could spend some time talking. What would you prefer? Us sitting here  or taking a walk?” [[ The orderlies were told ahead of time we may be walking and if that is the situation they will follow behind us at a safe distance. I’m not naive in believing having Annisa drugged up will keep her under our control. She’s too strong willed for that. I place my hands behind my back and wait for her response. If she chooses to just stand there and stare at me then...we’ll just continue this in my office instead. It’s her choice. ]]

Annisa:

I eyed Mike for a long while before turning to look at the orderlies. I wondered, if we were to take a walk, would the two goons follow suit? Or would they all just assume that the drugs in my system would keep me in check? More than likely, they would go with. My track record speaks for itself. But… I hadn’t had a chance to be outside in so long.

The air had a bit of a chill to it but, I was used to that. Besides, it made me feel alive for once. I took in a deep breath and turned back around. Giving Mike one final glare, I swept my gaze around the garden and started walking in the opposite direction. My terms. For lack of a better term, I still felt like I was having a pissing match with this guy and I wasn’t giving in. He was going to learn that I wasn’t someone to be toyed with. Sure, he may have given me a little piece of outdoors. He probably read in my file that I spent most of my waking time outside, before… But, that wasn’t enough to make me like him, talk to him, spill my most sacred secrets to him. No one has ever given me what I needed to do that, and that was show me trust first. I didn’t expect him to be any different.

Mike: [[ For a moment I expected Annisa to cut her nose off to spite her face but in the end she chose to remain outside. Does she follow the pathway I chose for us? Of course not. It doesn’t matter though since any way is perfectly okay with me. Everything is a battle with Annisa. I wonder if she was like this before the incident? That is something I’ll have to find out. I need to do a intake with her parents. I was trying to wait until things were better with Annisa first. With my hands in my pockets I walk after Annisa. It doesn’t take long to catch up with her. ]] “I’m glad you decided to remain outside. I wasn’t looking forward to being in my stuffy office. I hate this time of year. The heater messes with my allergies. I end up with a scratchy throat and watery eyes. I hate it.”

[[ I won’t be taking notes today. I honestly just want to /talk/ to Annisa and find out some facts about her that have nothing to do with what got her here. ]] “Have you been out here before? Do you know what sort of plants and flowers bloom in the springtime? I’ve been told it looks rather nice. I don't have a green thumb. I touch a plant or a flower and it will die. The only reason my house looks decent is because I pay a landscaper to take care of it.” ]]

Annisa:

I didn’t bother looking off to the side as Mike caught up to me, nor did I bother to look behind me. I could hear the two monstrosities lumbering along behind us. Just as I figured. However, they weren’t immediately behind us so, if this all went sideways, I could probably get a good swing in before they could stop me.

And… he started in with the small talk. I internally shook my head. Really?! Did he actually think that just because I was an outdoorsy person that talking about greenery would pique my interest? Not to mention, here I am, a patient at a freak show, that has barely spoken in forever, but now, just because he takes me outside for two minutes, I’m going to just start chatting it up with him over flowers?! Think again, dipshit! That’s not even taking into consideration that last time I saw him, he made me relive the worst day of my life, then threw me into solitary for a week. Sure. Because, that’s a forgivable act.

I walked over to a stone wall that lined the edge of the garden. I knew if I could just look out over it, I might be able to see the ocean. It wouldn’t be my beach but, it would be nice to see the water. It took all of two seconds for the orderlies to grab onto my arm as I tried to climb on top of the wall. I shot them both a glare, and looked back over at Mike. This was a test. Would he allow me this small chance to look out over the water, even though there was a risk? Or would he let the two idiots pull me back down?

Mike: [[ I know what #Zen would want me to do but I can’t gain Annisa’s trust if I do things his way. I can assume the worst and think she’s trying to escape but she’s too intelligent for that. So I take a chance and speak up once she looks at me. ]] “ Let her go..” [[ If Annisa stays on the wall then fine maybe it’s the water she’s after. If not then she’ll be caught and placed back in solitary confinement and I’ll go to #Zen myself and hand over her file. At some point something has to give. One of us has to toss in the white flag.

The orderlies look back at me and reluctantly let her go. Now it’s a waiting game to see what she does. Inwardly I’m hoping she for once she doesn’t do something that will mess up her chances of ever getting out of here.]]

Annisa:

I had 100% believed that Mike would allow the orderlies to pull me back down from the wall and completely blown away when he told them to let me go. I half wondered if he’s just fucking with me. Letting me go so he could make it look like I was trying to escape. Slowly, cautiously, I climbed the wall to the top, all the while keeping an eye out behind me, waiting for him to change his mind and have them charge me. But, it didn’t happen. He actually passed my test. Bewilderment flowed through my veins as tossed him a stunned look from atop the wall.

Turning, I sat down and looked out over Port Angeles to the water. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I could almost taste the salt from the ocean. From this wall, I could almost believe these past few years hadn’t happened. Almost... Who was I kidding. I could never forget these past few years. There was no arguing I would never forget the attack but, what had happened to me here, since the attack, was almost worse. I didn’t want to give this up, though. I was going to sit here, on this wall, until the last possible moment.

Mike: [[ It seems that I made the right choice allowing Annisa to climb the wall. As I observe her for a moment I don’t see the person who lashes out at the world by hitting, biting, scratching and spitting at people. I don’t see the girl who acts as if it’s her against the world. I see someone vulnerable and at peace with with herself. If only I could help her have this all the time. I don't want to disrupt this moment but I have to. I clear my throat as I glance up in her direction.]] “When I was in college, I spent most of my weekends at the beach. Not to party or anything like that but to center myself and gain some perspective over my life. I doubted myself a lot wondering if I was going down the right path. The one thing I worried about is messing up someone’s life that I’m trying to help. I almost quit halfway through and told my dad I wanted to work at the Outfitters full-time but then as I sat on the beach and watched the waves crash into the rocks I remembered why I chose my career path and knew I couldn't allow fear to hold me back. I think I work in Port Angeles for the same reason. The water is a constant reminder of the promises I made to myself.” [[ I don’t know if Annisa is listening or not. I figure sharing something about myself won’t hurt.]] “ I take it you like the water...may I ask why?” ]]

Annisa:

With my eyes closed, I could hear the waves breaking against the rocks on the beach. But, I couldn’t see the view. I could close my eyes and hear that any day of the week. Today, now, I was getting a chance to actually see my beloved ocean. I wasn’t letting go of that for the world. From the top of the wall, I could also feel the cool breeze rolling in with the tide.

Since I’ve been in this place, it’s been nothing but shit, day after day, week after week, month after month. Today though, was the first time I was actually given something that made me the tiniest bit happy. I hated that it was him that gave it to me. He was going to make me bipolar with the way he was treating me. Then again, I was still pretty sure this was all part of his master plan. He tried being the bad cop, found out real quick that doesn’t work with me so, he’s changing his tactic and trying out being the good cop. Not good enough. It was going to take a lot more than this to get me to trust him. Granted, he passed my little test but, still. I needed to know that someone was going to take me at my word before I started opening up. They all knew where I stood, what my story was. I told it for the first year and a half I was here. I never wavered, the story never changed. They just never wanted to believe me. Until someone did, I was done telling it. My life story was not up for discussion. I sighed deep, letting him know he was just blowing smoke and went back to enjoying my view.

Mike: [[ This is where things get tricky. We can’t keep doing things the same way. I can’t do all the talking. Annisa can’t continue to retreat into her mind and act out at a drop of a hat. It’s evident she is enjoying herself. I have a feeling she’d like more if it. However there needs to be some give and take. I’m not asking for much. Just a little cooperation. I respect her then she has to respect me.

That is easier said than done. I know that. I run my fingers over my face as I try to conjure up a way to move this along in a positive direction. The one thing I respect about Annisa is the fact she will call a person on their bullshit. She did it with past therapist. I’m sure if she wasn’t engrossed in the view ahead of her she’d be saying a few choice words to me or attempting to claw my eyes out again.

“Look Annisa, I’m not out here to try and figure you out. As you can see I don’t have a pad and pen with me. I don’t have a recorder hidden in my pocket. We are out here because I figured this is something you’d like to experience. This doesn’t have to be the only time. I like the outdoors. The weather doesn’t bother me. All I ask is if I do this for you, I’ll get some cooperation from you. How? Like doing more than giving me death glares. Actually engage in conversation. We can make it game. When we are out here instead of in my office you ask me a question and I have to give an honest answer and vise versa. The only rule is I can’t ask about the incident that brought you here and you can’t ask questions that would compromise my job. ]]

Annisa:

This is how it always starts. I give you something, you give me something in return. Then before you know it, they are trying to convince me into believing that what I saw with my own two eyes was just some figment of my own imagination, brewed up to make sense of what I actually saw. Seriously? Who would think that seeing a vampire attack and kill my friend, then some ginormous wolf come in and attack the vampire, would be more settling than seeing a bear attack and kill my friend? Because, I want to live in this fantasy land I fell into! Not! I want to believe vampires and enormous wolves don’t exist but, I know what I saw. There is nothing in this world that is going to get me to believe otherwise.

However, Mike is the only person that has ever given me something like this. If I don’t have to talk about the attack, what could it hurt? Lots, that what. That still left a lot of wiggle room for him. I swung my legs up onto the wall so I could face him, and pulled my knees up to my chest. Eyeing him cautiously, I give him a slight nod. Worse comes to worst and he asks me something I don’t want to answer and I am forced to go back inside for not responding. It’s not like this is something I’ve been given every day, anyway. I’ve lived this long without it. It’s up to me what each question is worth.

Mike: [[ I’m wary about feeling victorious about this. What I’m doing could backfire on me at any time. Regardless, I find myself smiling and nodding my head.]] “Great...okay so...I’ll be a gentleman and allow you to go first. What would you like to know about me?” [[ I’m pretty much a what you see is what you get sort of guy. I have my doubts Annisa will learn anything mind blowing about me.

Placing my hands in my pockets, I continue to glance up at Annisa and wait for her to actually speak to me and it not be a bunch of hostile words. A person's interests gives insight about who they are. I can learn a lot about Annisa just by what sort of questions she asks me and how she responds to what I tell her. I’m excited this tactic seems to be working. I may be premature with my optimism but hell a crumb is better than nothing.]]

Annisa:

I’m surprised when Mike doesn’t jump at the chance to ask me a question right off the bat, and gives me first shot at it. That’s okay. I have one question that has been burning into my brain for a little while now about him and he said he’d answer honestly, to any question, as long as it didn’t jeopardize his job. Of course, this one might set him off a little bit but, that’s okay. I shrugged internally as I thought about that. He’s set me off more than his fair share. Time for me to get my turn. “Okay. What kind of a shrink triggers a patient in the middle of a group session when she’s stoned out of her gourd already on all the meds the hospital is pumping into her?” My gaze shot daggers at him. Yes, I know he specifically asked me not to do that but, I couldn’t help it. How did he expect me to feel about it?

Mike: [[  I’m disappointed with the question Annisa decides to ask me. I was trying to stay away from this environment. I wanted her to relax a little but I guess that will take time. All I can do is give a honest answer. ]] “ A shrink that likes to ignite fires in patients that have promise in getting better who he doesn’t want giving up on life. Was it a good judgement call? Maybe not but I never claimed to be perfect. I’m sorry for taking that approach and placing you in that situation. It won’t happen again.” [[ I’m not afraid to own up to my mistakes. I already caught hell from #Zen.

“ Okay it’s my turn...I’d like you to answer my earlier question. Why do you like the ocean so much? You appear at peace and it suits you.” ]]

Annisa:

My mouth dropped open a little at his answer. Because, I was someone that appeared to have no fire? I’ve only attacked half the staff. No, I have absolutely no fight in me. At least he apologized and said it wouldn’t happen again. That was a start. A shrink that can admit when he’s wrong. The world has not disappointed today. Although, one thought did stick in my mind and I felt like I needed to respond. “And my life looks all peaches and roses to you?” It wasn’t my question. It was rhetorical. So, I moved on.

I looked back out to the water as I answered his question to me. “I used to spend a lot of time there. It was peaceful.”

Tossing my gaze back to him, “Did you not once, ever see anything that led you to think something strange was happening in Forks?” I knew he had to have heard about the stories but, had he really never saw something odd? I think everyone in Forks had their own experiences that they waved off as just folklore. Things like “animal attacks” that happened all the time. People also disappeared all the time and it would be swept under the rug. I heard once that there had been this one family that showed up in town for a short amount of time. They never spent any time with anyone else in the town, stayed to themselves, then one day just up and disappeared. The whole family. Their house sits quiet, just like a ghost house, never put up for sale but, no one has lived there for a number of years. How can he not have one story?

Mike: [[ I stare at Annisa for a moment actually dumbstruck that even though I’m giving her an out she’s initiating a conversation that leads directly to why she is confined to this place. If she is thinking I’ll confirm her wild imaginations she’s wrong. I don't believe in the boogie man. I can’t say it like that to Annisa though. I try to chose my words wisely.

“ We both agree the ocean is peaceful. I guess that is an ongoing theme for a lot of people. Now about your question...of course I was exposed to odd things. Mainly in high school there were a lot of strange things. Large bear sightings in the woods. Missing people...rumors the Cullens weren’t human. After a while it just became talk to me since I never saw any proof of anything.  So I moved on from it.” [ I shrug my shoulders and regard Annisa for a moment.]] “ What is your favorite color? Mine is red.” ]]

Annisa:

By the look on Mike’s face, I can tell I’ve thrown him with my question. The rules were, he couldn’t ask me about the situation that landed me here. That didn’t mean I couldn’t ask him about it. He was my shrink, and he was from Forks. If I had half a chance of anyone believing me, it would be by him. I figured it had been a shot. Yet, from the way he answers my question, I can tell he is actually that ignorant to everything going on around him in Forks. I don’t know why this had become so important to me in this moment but, it had. “Purple.” I answered without another thought. Continuing on my quest, I spat out my next few questions without thinking, “Do you still live there? No wait… you already said you did. But, do you have family that still lives there? Wait… you told me that, too. The Outfitters. Don’t you think you owe it to them to know for sure? Beyond a shadow of a doubt? Especially considering, I assume your family is probably into hunting? Owning the store and all. With all the uncertainty, do you ever wonder, when your father is going out for a hunting trip, if he’s going to run into something other than a bear?” I knew this was more than I had said to anyone since I had been here but, for fuck’s sake, he was from Forks! I needed someone on my side.

Mike: [[ Maybe doing this question answer thing with Annisa is a bad idea. I’m trying to figure out if she is being for real with her questions or if she is fucking with me. I won’t end this yet. I’m curious to see how far Annisa would go. I keep my eyes trained on her and try to give her a thought proved response. ]]

“ Purple...that is the color of royalty. I can see it being a nice color on you.” [[ I nod my head at my thought then continue on with the next part of Annisa’s question. She’s all over the place. I know this time she’s working her own self up if she’s for real.]] “ How would I find out something like that for sure? I can’t question the La Push natives it’s a sworn secret...they can’t talk about it. The family accused of being vampires denied it. They did nothing to show dishonesty...unfortunately my father wouldn’t back down from hunting no matter what was out here. He thinks nothing is mightier than him with a gun in his hand.” ]]

Annisa:

Frustration seethed through my body. He was thinking about this too logically. Not an open-minded cell in his body. How do you explain to someone that one plus one doesn’t equal two anymore? That when they’ve been told all their lives that when they see hooves, they should be looking for horses, when in fact what is actually out there is zebras? I know none of this makes sense. To most, monstrous wolves and vampires are nothing more than a fairytale. Something people write books about to make their books more interesting and scary. Well, shit! They are scary! They are absolutely terrifying! This had been my dilemma for the past few years, and I was so tired of it. I honestly don’t know why I bothered with Mike. I thought maybe, just maybe, seeing as he was from Forks… but, nope. No one is ever going to believe me.

I twisted my body and let my legs drop back down off the edge of the wall, and looked back over to the water. I was going to miss this view. Because, what was the point in talking if no one was going to listen? “Forget it.”

Mike: [[ The  feisty Annisa I like to provoke arises but quickly diminishes when I don’t provide the responses that she desires to hear. I want to yell at her “Why try to convince your shrink the impossible is true when that will only assure you’ll be kept under lock and key? Why can’t you at least pretend you are accepting what you see as the bullshit we speak.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose feeling frustrated and defeated. I can’t seem to win here. All I wanted was to make this a casual thing to try and gain some trust from my patient but Annisa has just shown the only way to do that is to believe her fairy tales. I can’t do that. It goes against everything I’ve been taught. So just like that we are back to square one.

I shake my head not wanting to accept that. Something about all this bothers me. I take a closer step to the wall and climb up to the edge so that I’m sitting along side Annisa. Yeah I’m all in her personal space right now and it could prove to be a bad idea but I don’t want the orderlies to hear what I have to say. ]] “ No...I’m not going to forget it. Look I’m going to put myself on the line here as an act of good faith. There is something about your case that has bothered me from the first time I read your file. People who have disillusions such as yours where the truth is distorted there is a reason. They feel a sense of guilt for what they have done or haven’t done.

You didn’t cause the death of your friend and you never voiced you thought you did. Yes, witnessing such a death would cause trauma and everyone handles trauma differently but why of all things say a  vampire did it  and not only that why add in something like a wolf on steroids?” [[ Something is nagging at my subconscious but I can’t put my finger on it.]]

“ Okay...from what you have just asked me you want me to prove you right and me wrong which goes contrary to what is expected of me. You know what?  I’ll do it. All I ask is you give me a chance to check on some things. There are some people I can talk to and some research I can do. I can’t have distractions while I do that. So how about this...while I make an honest effort to prove you right you participate in groups and not just sit in silence, no attacking the staff, eat all your meals and take your meds without a fight. You do all that and you can have your time out here every day for an hour.” [[ I know what I’m doing can cause more harm than good and I’m asking myself what the fuck I’m doing? I can lose my licence if #Zen finds out about this shit.]]

Annisa:

I was weary as Mike started to climb the wall to sit next to me. This was too damn close for my comfort. I liked my space. Sure, I was good at getting into other people’s space when I wanted to, like jumping a nurse, or attacking my therapist but, that was always on my terms. Having Mike sitting on the wall next to me was uncomfortable and it forced me to scoot away a bit.

As Mike started in, there was one thing I could say that he was definitely wrong about. I felt guilty. I felt guilty for a lot. There were so many things I could have done differently, like not agreed to go out on that trail that morning. But, we had hiked it so many times before. I could have talked her into going to the beach, instead. Or rock climbing. There were so many other activities I could have talked her into that day but, I let her talk me into the hike. But, all that is hindsight, and as we all know hindsight is 20/20. I had come to terms with most of that. How was I supposed to know that there would be an actual vampire out in those woods? We had both been told that was all a myth. There were no vampires. The stories weren’t real. The one thing I still felt guilty about was how was it that I survived and she didn’t? What twist of fate caused her to be the one that was attacked and not me? It could have easily have been me. If I had decided to go first on the trail, it would have been me. What right did I have to live and not her? But, who was I going to talk with about all that when they didn’t believe the basic part of my experience?

My mouth dropped open like a complete idiot as he continued. Was he actually saying what I thought I was hearing? Was he actually going to look into this? Was it possible that this was going to be a turning point for me? Or was he totally just fucking with me to try to get me to become more compliant? This was a chance I was going to have to take. This was what I had been waiting for, hoping for for a long time. I needed this to happen. However, I couldn’t make promises I couldn’t keep. The meds mixed with antagonizing staff sometimes piqued my anger. I didn’t always have control over everything I did.

Turning slightly toward Mike, I offered what I could. “I can promise to make an honest effort, if you do.”

Mike: [[ I can’t say I know Annisa well enough to know when she is being upfront or not. All I know is when she doesn’t want to do something she normally flat out refuses no matter the consequences. The fact she hasn’t tried to shove me off the wall is a clue she’s being honest with me. If she says she’ll make an honest effort then I can accept that. I give Annisa a genuine smile and nod my head. ]] “ You have my word Annisa, I will make an honest effort as well. ”

[[ Wrong...wrong...wrong...I shouldn’t be doing this but something about this girl’s case has a death grip on me. I want her to be right because saying she’s insane seems out of whack for some reason.

I do plan on making the effort to find out the truth. I will try to keep an open mind and get to the bottom of this. What if she did see what she saw and there is a logical explanation Annisa could accept as the truth. It’s up to me to find out what it is once and for all. My phone vibrates in my pocket signaling this session is pretty much over. For the first time in months I feel as if Annisa and I have made progress. Yes, it could easily be fractured but still it’s progress. ]] “ Our time is almost up Annisa. Before we go inside is there anything else you’d like to ask? This would be the time…” ]]

Annisa:

I hated myself for getting my hopes up on this but, this was the first time in years that I felt like something was finally going right for me. I half expected it all to blow up in my face but, I still felt almost a little giddy at the prospect of someone having a tiny bit of faith in me. At the same time, I felt a little sorry for Mike. If he looked deep enough and found out what I knew to be true, his whole world was going to crash down upon him. How would he look those truths in the face? Could I trust him to be true to his word and put an actual effort into finding out the truth, no matter what it meant for his life? Would he make a couple phone calls, read a few articles in the news and call it quits? Or would he actually go the distance I needed him to go and uncover what I’ve been trying to tell everyone all along? Not to mention, what would happen once he believed me? Bridges, Annisa. Those are bridges I can cross when I come to them. For now I have to take his word for it. If I don’t, I get nowhere, nothing changes. No one ever learns the truth. I stay locked up with everyone thinking I’m insane, and the world lives on not knowing how close they are to their own deaths.

I look down as his phone vibrates from his pocket and he tells me that signals the end of the session. He offered me one final question before we were finished. I wanted to ask him what he would do if he found out I was telling the truth. However, I didn’t want to get him all in his own head, giving him an excuse not to look too hard. I also wanted to thank him for everything he had done for me today, or said he was going to do but, I knew better. I had been promised things in the past and I wasn’t thanking anyone until they actually showed me something in return. I read a great saying in a book one time, “Words can be twisted into any shape. Promises can be made to lull the heart and seduce the soul. In the final analysis, words mean nothing. They are labels we give things in an effort to wrap our puny little brains around their underlying natures, when ninety-nine percent of the time the totality of the reality is an entirely different beast. The wisest man is the silent one. Examine his actions. Judge him by them.” I’ve tried to live by those words when it came to trusting people. This time was going to be no different.

There was only one other thing I wanted to know. “Do you consider yourself an honest man?”

Mike:[[ Annisa’s questions never cease to amaze me. She comes from an angle I don’t expect. As a therapist it’s my job to try and be one step ahead of who I’m helping. I should be able to have a clue what direction my patient is going so I can help to guide them in the right direction but Annisa is proving to be in a class by herself. Her question in itself requires a honest answer which could prove to be an issue for most people.]]

“ I consider myself as having integrity. I wouldn’t be able to get up every morning and face myself in the mirror if I wasn’t honest with myself first. Lies always come back to bite you in the ass. They can only be hidden for so long. I’ve seen what happens to a person who lives under the illusion of lies. I never want that to be me. Am I perfect? No...then I’d be lying. I do miss the mark at times. I hope that answers your question.” ]]

Annisa:

I took in the whole of the answer Mike gave me and processed it. He could have given me a quick yes or no answer. He didn’t have to admit that he knows himself not to be perfect. I guess it’s good enough for now so, I give him a small nod before turning around on the wall and jumping back down to the ground. These next few days were going to be slightly agonizing until I see some results of his promise but, I’ve been in here how many years with absolutely no motion forward. What’s a few more days?

Mike:[[ Once Annisa is back on the ground I nod to the orderlies they can take her back to her room. ]] “ I’ll speak with you soon. You’ll get your outside time this time everyday unless the weather doesn’t permit it.” [[ I need to get back inside. I have several more session scheduled for today. I gave my word to #Zen I wouldn’t neglect my other patients to only focus on Annisa. It’s hard though. Something about her has me so intrigued. ]]

#Compromise