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ialwayscomewhenyoucall · 4 years ago

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Winterhawk Bingo (round 2!) Masterpost

I may not have gotten a bingo, but I had a blast writing all these fics! Better luck next round, maybe I'll get a bullseye. 😉

All fills are fics, hope you enjoy!

(all the fun stuff below the cut)

Knock Knock

Square: I4 - protective Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 6970

Rating: E

Summary: “Barton,” Bucky says softly, resting a hand on his forearm. He pointedly does not think about the feeling in his palm, the feeling of Barton’s skin against his own. “Barton,” he says again, a little louder this time. Eyelashes flutter, and blue eyes try to focus on Bucky, who nods in response. “Good. You’re awake.”

That’s not what he wants to say, or do. He wants to smile, he wants to pull Clint close and hold him and kiss those sleep-heavy eyelids. He wants to say, “Good morning, sunshine,” or something equally ridiculous, because Clint makes him feel ridiculous.

Barton. Barton, not Clint. Pull yourself together, Barnes.

In which Bucky and an injured Clint have to hide out in a safehouse, where Bucky would much rather be kissing an injured Clint than tending to his wounds.

So of course, in true logical fashion, Bucky decides that Clint needs a bath.

Next Time

Square: G4 - massage

Word Count: 1741

Rating: T

Warnings: implied self-harm/self-neglect, nightmares

Summary: Clint's nightmares often drive him to the range in the middle of the night, where he pushes his body harder than he should to try to get rid of the images in his brain. When Bucky finds him there, both of them get rather more than they're expecting.

Unshackled

Square: G1 - Bucky’s trigger words (chapter 7)

Word Count: 60,177 (wip)

Rating: E

Summary: When Clint wakes up with a concussion and no memory of how he got it, he figures things are bad.

When he realizes he's also shackled to the wall of the tiny room he's in, he figures things are really bad.

But when he realizes the Winter Soldier is shackled to the opposite wall?

Clint figures his bad day turned full-on disaster, and he's got no idea how he's gonna get out.

This is the story of an Archer and a Soldier. An Avenger and a brainwashed assassin. At the heart of it, two men who are bound in more ways than they know, both by heavy shackles and, eventually, to each other.

A Symphony of Souls

Square: N1 - soulmate au

Word Count: 3149

Rating: T

Warnings: brief mention of unrequited bucky/steve during the teenage years

Summary: “Maybe we just don’t have soulmates,” Stevie says. He hasn’t heard anything either. “Don’t start with me. It happens sometimes,” he says, all defensive, when Bucky shoots him a look.

“Yeah, it happens sometimes,” Bucky concedes. “But it’s very rare. What are the odds that the two of us, best friends since forever, both end up without soulmates?”

Stevie shrugs.

In a world where when one soulmate listens to music the other hears it their head, Bucky's never heard a single note. Saddened, sure he's one of the few born without a soulmate, he goes off to Europe to fight.

This is the story of his journey through time, from silence to sounds to a symphony.

Both of You Look Perfect for Both of Us

Square: N1 - free space (chapter 1), O5 - big dick Clint Barton

Word Count: 10,382

Rating: E

Pairings: established Winterhawk, established Symbrock, eventual wintersymbrockhawk

Summary: When the Avengers' resident geniuses come up with a way for the two supersoldiers to actually get drunk, Clint volunteers to chaperone them (and Steve's boyfriend Sam) at the bar for an evening. He gets a lot more than he bargained for, what with Steve serenading Sam and Bucky turning into a hopeless flirt with the first disaster blond who walks into the place.

Not that Clint exactly minds; watching Bucky flirt with Eddie Brock is almost perfect.

If only he could flirt with Eddie too.

These Dreams Just Won’t Disappear (Please Say You’ll Stay)

Square: I3 - dreamsharing

Word Count: 5311

Rating: T

Warnings: nightmares, mentions of past abuse

Summary: Clint can't sleep. He's been having nightmares as long as he can remember, and he's getting, ahem, tired, of not getting any rest.

He knows it's dangerous, but he calls on the Lord of the Dreamworld for help.

He never thought the Dream Lord would look like a regular guy, with longish brown hair and bright blue eyes.

And who ever heard of a god named Bucky?

Four Dorks, Two Bikes, One Beautiful Night written with @vexbatch

Square: I5 - wearing each other’s merch

Word Count: 5918

Rating: T

Pairings: established Winterhawk, established Symbrock, eventual wintersymbrockhawk

Summary: It’s been a few weeks since Clint and Bucky have seen Eddie and Venom, but they’re finally back in NYC and want to take Clint and Bucky out on a cute date.

They mostly keep their hands to themselves.

Mostly.

Come Apart, Fall Together written with @vexbatch

Square: O1 - mutual pining (chapter 1)

Word Count: 5454 (wip)

Rating: E (for later chapters)

Pairings: established winterhawk, established symbrock, eventual wintersymbrockhawk

Warnings: depressive and dark thoughts in chapter two

Summary: It's been about a week since Clint and Bucky had their big date with Eddie and Venom. Eddie said he'd call...

but they haven't heard a thing.

Do they call? Do they text? Or do they just sit and make life more and more difficult for each other–and for everyone else around them?

Lucky for them, Clint and Bucky have good friends–and each other–to figure out what to do. And on the other side of things, Eddie–going through a tough time of his own–has Venom to pull him through.

They may have fallen apart, but in the end they'll crash back together, inevitable as the tides, and coming together has never felt so hot.

#lirael writes #whbmasterpostr2 #winterhawk #wintersymbrockhawk #look at all the pretties!!

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sharpdressedbman · 5 years ago

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A Tribute to Chester: Life, Death, Rebirth, and How He Lives on in Memory

How do you properly memorialize one of your childhood idols? Are you supposed to scream, cry, and gnash your teeth? Or do you put on noise-canceling headphones and block out the ambient noise of the outside world for a while? All of these are difficult questions to answer. I guess that’s why they’re rhetorical. It’s hard to believe that it’s been almost two years since Chester Bennington passed. So in a way, this simple little essay is how I can honor him. It feels nice to write something that isn’t fiction or related to a blog for a change[1]. Let’s see how it goes.

Part Zero: Notes from the Underground

I must confess that I was never a member of the official fan club, the LP Underground. I suppose in retrospect that’s how I could have proven I was a legit fan despite never seeing them live in concert except via live stream. But even then, that was a rare occasion. I do remember a t-shirt I got from Hot Topic when I was 12 or so – it had the faces of all of the guys gathered around the classic script font of the band’s logo.

I don’t remember what happened to it. The last time I remember wearing it was in August 2014. I supposed by then I had outgrown it. But still, buying whatever merch I could and getting all of the CDs and eagerly anticipating the next music video all had to count for something. I knew the names of all the guys, even Mark Wakefield, who was never an official member, and Phoenix Orion (Dave Farrell?), who left before Hybrid Theory but was back in time for Reanimation – more on that later.

But I digress. Let’s get on with the real meat of why we’re here. In terms of structure, I thought it would make the most sense to go album by album, discuss some memories I have associated with each, and attempt to unpack why they remain so important to me even as time has marched on since then. Growing up with the band, as I’m sure many of you did, you might feel a similar connection that you never fully grasped until the night of the tribute show in December 2017.

Part One: Hybrid Theory

#Forfeit the game/Before somebody else/takes you out of the frame and puts your name to shame/Cover up your face, you can’t run the race/the pace is too fast, you just won’t last. [HT Track 4: “Points of Authority”]

Although Hybrid Theory came out in October 2000, I think the first time I heard it was for another month or two after it came out. It’s still one of the most vivid memories I can still recall, the first time “Papercut” blared out of a cd player. I was sitting in the basement at my buddy Andre’s house and we were playing Perfect Dark with our mutual friend Alberto. It was honestly the perfect soundtrack for the game. Here’s what I said back then: “Dude, who is this? This is awesome!”

“It’s Linkin Park.”

Even then I thought the name was cool, the way that they intentional misspelled Lincoln – the rule of cool and all that. Elementary school hadn’t even ended yet, but it was still part of my formative years, musically speaking. Before then, I had never discovered any music on my own – my friends had always shown me. My parents didn’t raise me to enjoy music – I hated classical and most of the “standards” went over my head. My parents were still throwing karaoke parties. My old neighbor John showed me James Brown. That’s how I latched onto my first favorite song of all time “I Feel Good”. Then came Third Eye Blind, another early love of mine. But that’s a story for another time, as is my recollections of Limp Bizkit. This tale is about LP.

I wouldn’t realize it at the time, but Hybrid Theory would continue to be one of the most important albums to be me as I left elementary school and hit middle school. The days of Perfect Dark and WCW/nWo Revenge began to fade[2] as Diablo II and Starcraft emerged. The sound of Chester’s howls and Mike’s swagger along with the rest of the bands driving instrumentals provided a backdrop like you wouldn’t believe. “In the End” stood out in particular, although as middle school came to an end, it became clear that those reasons weren’t ones I wish to discuss here, now. Ask me again another time. It was at the end of middle school (hell, even before) that I confronted the notion of how deeply uncool I was, and probably tangled with imposter syndrome, anxiety, and depression long before I knew what any of those terms meant.

I already knew I was an introvert who was much more inclined to stay inside playing video games, reading, or writing instead of going outside to play street hockey or anything like that. That shouldn’t have meant that I was an easy target for bullying, but hey, it was the 90s and then the early 2000s, so what could you do? LP helped me cope, even if I couldn’t always express my anger in responsible ways.

I think here is a good place to stop and point something out: mental illness has been something that has been immensely important to me – it affects me and I know it damn sure affects my wife and mother in law. I went through a very dark time in my life roughly five years ago that LP also helped me pull out of – but I’ll get to explaining that more in-depth later on. Right now we’re still in the HT era; I just wanted to talk a little bit more about my motivations for writing this piece.[3]

Part Two: Reanimation

#Keep that in mind/ I designed this rhyme/ when I was obsessed with time. [RA Track 3: “Enth E Nd]

Full disclosure: when I first heard Reanimation, I thought it had its moments. But it wasn’t something I could listen to end-to-end and love every single song. Heck, even HT wasn’t like that, since some of the songs had to grow on me. The video with the robots and aliens having a war while the disembodied robot heads of the band sing the remixed version of “Points of Authority” by Jay Gordon of Orgy was definitely awesome, but I don’t know, I had mixed feelings about the album that took years for it to resolve into me think of it as one of the LP’s early era classics that would culminate with Meteora and Live in Texas.

I have a very distinct memory of popping this cd into the car’s stereo while we were out in…Houston? Taiwan? The details are blurry now because it’s been too long. Seventeen years was a long time ago, and 2002 me was simpler, less refined, and yes, much dumber and naïve. On an emotional level, “p5hng me Aw*y” stood out, and even though it wasn’t actually a true Linkin Park song, “It’s Goin’ Down” stood out from this time period too.

Part Three: Meteora

#I’ll never fight again, and this is how it ends��I don’t know what’s worth fighting, or why I have to scream, but now I have some clarity to show you what I mean… [MA Track 9: “Breaking the Habit”]

Meteora is one of those albums I more clearly associate with Diablo II and Starcraft more than any other games. Just something about the overall darkness and broodiness of the album really fit both of those games. Also, this essay project is making me want to go back in time. Not really from a nostalgia standpoint – okay yeah I guess from a nostalgia standpoint. But it was during this era that I really started to enjoy their music videos. Believe it or not, for the longest time, not all of the songs on the album were rated five stars. I used to be stingier with that rating that I am now. It took a while for some of the songs to grow on me, but “Somewhere I Belong”, “Faint”, “Easier to Run”, “Breaking the Habit”. “Nobody’s Listening”, and “Numb” were instant standouts. I’m still not sure what happened to my original copy of this album. The last I checked, I had a burned copy, but not the real deal.

Part Four: Live in Texas

#When I look into your eyes there’s nothing there to see/nothing but my own mistakes staring back at me# [LIT Track 8: P5hng Me A*wy – Live]

Man, I remember this too. It must have come out six months or so after Meteora did, and grabbing it from Kmart was one of my best days. I think it was also the first LP album to have the dreaded Parental Advisory sticker on it, and this is probably the album I blame most for me disliking the edited versions of songs. Sometimes edits can be clever, but when they’re just bleeps or certain naughty words are blanked out, then it gets annoying. Then again, I probably wasn’t a stranger to this concept thanks to early exposure to Third Eye Blind and Limp Bizkit, as I mentioned before. Was this the first time I heard “live” performances of LP? I think it was, and it probably stoked my eagerness to see them live in concert. Alas, it was never to be.

Part Five: Collision Course

#Yeah/Thank you, thank you, thank you, you’re far too kind# [CC Track 4: “Numb / Encore”]

It’s fitting that as I pick this up on (7/21/19) it’s the day after the 2 year anniversary. I meant to have this finished by the 20th, but it just didn’t happen. Plus “Numb/Encore” was one of the first songs that started up on this go-through of the playlist. If you’re interested in listening to it, I can direct you to my Spotify profile! Numb is one of those songs that have taken on new meaning since his death, but out of all the collaborations on this mashup album, I think it’s the one that works the best sonically and thematically, especially with the juxtaposition between angst and bravado[4].

Part Six: Fort Minor & The Rising Tied

#So sick, if he’s gonna think/That the good lord would come take him/I’m shaking him, “Wake up, you son of a bitch!”# [TRT Track 14: “Red to Black”]

It was four years between the era of Meteora and Minutes to Midnight. In between that time, there was a sea change. First there was the mashup with Jay-Z, and then this came along in November 2005. I remember being more stoked for it than probably any other music that I discovered that year – and this was when Fall Out Boy, 50 Cent, and Coheed and Cambria dawned on me, among others. For those who don’t know, Fort Minor is/was Mike’s side project. He’s since done other solo stuff under his own name but between then and now he would bust out verses from The Rising Tied and incorporate them into existing songs. I always thought that Red to Black was the most LP-sounding song on the entire album and that for the longest time I thought Chester used Jonah Matranga as an alias and it wasn’t a separate person.

Part Seven: Minutes to Midnight

#In this farewell/There’s no blood, there’s no alibi/Cause I’ve drawn regret/From the truth of a thousand lies/So let mercy come and wash away# [M2M Track 6: “What I’ve Done”]

In the interest of time, these entries are probably going to get shorter and shorter. At this point, I just want to get the damn thing over with. “What I’ve Done”, the lead single was the one that struck me the most at first; I remember LP making a big deal about how they wanted to start a new sound after leaving their classic era behind. The music video was awesome, and I think LP was one of the best choices for the Transformers movies. I always thought that “What I’ve Done” would make a great wrestling song. Not necessarily as an entrance theme, but as a hype video for a PPV or a feud or something like that. EWR back in the day helped reinforce that belief though I can’t exactly remember what I associated it with – anyway, that’s neither here nor there. The day that I got this album was the same day the shooting at Virginia Tech happened. Finding out that the shooter was a mentally ill Asian dude spooked me. In today’s parlance, I was shook.[5] That’s something that has always stuck out even though it’s something I’ve not been fond of discussing, for obvious reasons. Still, for our purposes here, it is for once, actually relevant.

Part Eight: Dead by Sunrise and Out of Ashes

#Don’t want to lose my innocence/Don’t want the world second-guessing my heart/Won’t let your lies take a piece of my soul/Don’t want to take your medicine# [OOA Track 2: “Crawl Back In”]

The melodies that emerged on Minutes to Midnight, especially when it was Chester’s turn to take the mic, evolved. They turned into another platform for his music: the side-project Dead by Sunrise and their only album, so far as I know: Out of Ashes. I lump this album in with Welcome to the Masquerade by Thousand Foot Krutch and Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin. All three emerged during my sophomore year of college[6], which was another difficult year for me. I think that is when I had the most trouble sleeping, either by choice or for other reasons. Out of everything LP-related, I think I have given this the least amount of attention. It’s probably time for that to change, ten years later.

Part Nine: A Thousand Suns

#Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds/I suppose we all thought that, one another# [ATA Track 2: “The Radiance”]

If Minutes to Midnight was an attempt to step out of the shadow of Hybrid Theory, then A Thousand Suns represented an aural breakaway. It was vastly different, integrating more spoken word and turning up their signature sound to 12. I can’t remember exactly if it was in 2009 or 2010 that I was meant to go see LP as they rolled into DC. Ultimately, I couldn’t go because of a lack of transport. It all ended up moot anyway because that was the show that got canceled because of Chester being sick. Trying to dig up that post on Facebook is probably beyond me now because it’s a day late. Maybe someday I’ll be able to find it again because those days were golden (at least my pathetic little eulogy for him that I wrote two years ago.)

Part Ten: Living Things

#Fly me up on a silver wing/Past the black where the sirens sing/Warm me up in a nova’s glow/And drop me down to the dream below# [LT Track 6: “Castle of Glass”]

So if LP had been striving to break away from the sound that made them famous, it was at this point where they were “Nah bro” and went full bore back around into an ouroboros[7] of awesome. While the vast majority of A Thousand Suns[8] had to grow on me over the intervening years, Living Things grabbed me by the throat and never let go. It followed the Hybrid Theory blueprint to a T. After all this time, “Castle of Glass” still stands out as my favorite from the album, but as is often the case, it’s hard to pick favorites.

Part Eleven: Recharged

#When I was young, they told me, they said/Make your bed, you lie in that bed/A king can only reign ‘til instead/There comes that day it’s off with his head# [RC Track 1: “A Light That Never Comes”]

The less said about this, the better. It had its moments, especially “A Light That Never Comes” which showed me the potential of Steve Aoki. But the memory that stands out most clearly about the day I got this album was getting a case of Hell or High Watermelon beer. I think since I got it from Record and Tape Traders, it was the day I found the TARDIS socks for Ally and sent them to her later that week. As you probably gathered from the cluster of footnotes, this was deemed my least favorite “official” LP album, and that ranking has held up in the last six years. It does to Living Things what Reanimation did to Hybrid Theory, but for whatever reason, I can’t bring myself to enjoy it more.

Part Twelve: The Hunting Party

#Cause you don’t know what you’ve got/it’s your battle to be fought/until it’s gone# [THP Track 7: “Until It’s Gone]

Ah, here we go. LP seems to follow patterns in the creation of their albums. Cause roughly a year after Recharged, there came The Hunting Party. After A Thousand Suns came and went, it seemed like LP was on a creative lull. But then we got LT, Recharged, and THP in three straight years. This came out in 2014, and it’s hard to believe that five years have passed already. To this day, I still think that my favorite part was all of the guest appearances on their album, especially from collaborators they hadn’t featured before then, like Daron Malakian and Tom Morello.

Part Thirteen: Welcome

#First time I did it, yeah I’ll admit it/I kinda hit it and quit it and left y’all hanging# [“Welcome”]

In all honesty, this should be a footnote for The Rising Tied. It came out 10 years later, as a way for Mike to tip a wink and a nod at all his fans that were still waiting for a full-fledged sequel. Fate had other plans, though. I can still remember helping to clean Tidewater while this song blared through my headphones. This probably became one of my most played songs of 2015.

Part Fourteen: One More Light

#Who cares if one more light goes out? Well I do# [OML Track 9: “One More Light”]

We’re almost to the finish line. I was super excited for One More Light because it broke a drought of no new music until 2017[9]. The song One More Light became more poignant after his passing. I hope it still makes him proud.

Part Fifteen: Afterword

So where do we go from here? Honestly, not even the remaining members of the band know. They’re not actively looking to replace Chester, and as a group, they’re still officially on hiatus. I didn’t even touch on any of the DVD or special edition releases that I’ve barely heard. I guess in a sense they’re honorable mentions, but without having listened to them, I can’t form any honest opinions or associations for them.[10]

[/mrhahn]

[1] It seems fitting that I mention that shirt I got as a twelve-year-old because that’s when I started picking up on writing as a hobby. It was a way to release my imagination and translate what I had in mind into a story, even if those early stories were embarrassingly bad. These footnotes will serve to flesh out those asides since they’ll more than likely distract from the main narrative I’m trying to spin here.

[2] Although Revenge remains iconic! Even to this day, I still long for an N64 and another copy.

[3] Chester struggled with MI too, even though hardly anyone knew it. It’s what ultimately got the best of him.

[4] My fascination with Genius Lyrics is really helping me to analyze and better understand the meanings of the words.

[5] It didn’t help that he bore an uncanny resemblance to me…

[6] 2009, how time flies!

[7] Not sure how to spell this dang word.

[8] I regarded it as my least favorite LP album until Recharged came out. More on that later.

[9] It wasn’t until that I built the playlist that inspired this essay that I learned that there were some other singles issued between The Hunting Party and One More Light. These tracks include “We Made It” with Busta Rhymes, which actually fell between Meteora and Minutes to Midnight; “Not Alone”, which was between A Thousand Suns and Living Things; and “Darker Than Blood” with Steve Aoki that was between The Hunting Party and One More Light.

[10] One was called “Frat Party at the Pankake Festival” and the other one was “Road to Revolution”, I think?

#chester bennington #Linkin Park #mental health #mental illness #make chester proud

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vixen-visuals-blog · 7 years ago

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Tour Blog # 4- Portland, OR and San Francisco, CA

After driving for 8+ hours for multiple days in a row, the three hours from Seattle to Portland felt like nothing—we even got to the venue early. As soon as we got there, however, I realized I’d left my camera battery and charger at Shanan’s friend’s house in Seattle. I got into contact with our host, and it’s on it’s way to Cory’s parent’s house in California, but I had to inconvenience Spencer (huge shout out to him for being so nice about it) and it was money I didn’t want to spend. It’s a bummer, but I have one charger and two batteries, so I’m not hosed by any means.

I try to keep these blogs as honest as possible, so I’m going to be real and tell you that the show at The White Eagle was pretty rough. The bar was sparsely populated, and although the people who were there were engaged, TNS and Jessica were essentially just interested in getting in, playing their sets, and getting out. It’s hard to be optimistic when you spend more on gas than you get paid.

To top off a less-than-perfect night, we realized we were quickly losing tire pressure as we drove to the place we were crashing. When we stopped at a gas station, we found a screw in our tire that we had apparently run over. Cory had hitched a ride with our host, so they turned around, and picked Jess, Jeff, and me up to go home, while Michael and Shanan dealt with the van.

We also stopped for some Jack-In-the-Box tacos, which has become a pretty self-destructive running joke.

Michael and Shanan ended up filling the tire up twice and driving it back to our host’s house, and we had to call a tow truck to get a new tire the next morning. While the guys do account for these kind of things, they make it really hard to stay on budget, especially when our merch sales have been abysmal (don’t worry, it only gets worse from here).

Once we got the van back, we left Salem and headed back to Portland. We wanted to try a recommended brunch place, but we knew there would be a line, so we stopped at a fantastic donut place to hold us over. Both the donuts and the brunch were so good that I cried.

After we ate, the guys just wanted to chill out or nap in the van, but Jessica and I wanted to explore Portland a little more. We took a bus to a different part of town, where we visited a famous, massive bookstore and a coffee shop, along with running a few errands.

Having JLamb along is really a blessing. She adds a rad new dynamic to the group, and she totally gets the struggle of being a young, female creative on the road, and all the baggage that comes with it.

We met the boys at the venue, which was the first real SoFar show of the tour. The space was unlike anything I’ve ever shot for them—the “stage” was a garden, with the yard as the seating area. The boys seemed to like it, and were able to bring it into their stage banter pretty effectively. While it wasn’t the first time I’ve shot through plants, it’s the first time I shot through a tomato cage and was concerned about stepping on basil leaves.

Nevertheless, I was really happy with the photos from Portland. I’ve felt like my photos have been mediocre for the past two or three shows, so it’s putting a spring in my step to get some solid ones. This one is probably my favorite from the tour so far:

We packed up and went back to Salem, where we were staying. After devouring a plate of cannolis that were so good that I cried, we crashed hard, knowing we were going to have to be out the door at 7:30.

Which was easier said than done, considering we weren’t out the door until around 8. Oops.

The drive to San Francisco was a long one, and I slept for a healthy portion of it. By the time we got into the city, we had to immediately load in for the SoFar show and scarcely had time for dinner. We managed to scam some Chinese food from our hosts, Couchsurfing (which is a super cool company you should totally check out).

There was a miscommunication about Jessica being on the bill, so we managed to figure out a way to divide our set and share with her—it was different and harder for me to shoot, but people seemed to really like it.

As soon as the set was over, however, we received news that no musician ever wants. This is the blog post I never wanted to write.

Shanan ran into the venue as we were working merch and told us the van had been broken into. Thieves had smashed the passenger side window and taken all the backpacks they could reach. We later learned a lawyer working late in his office heard the glass break, took a few photos, and scared them off, and thank God he did.

Thinking my zoom lens (which was the only thing I had in the van other than my duffel bag) had been lost, I burst into sobs and ran outside, which I realized in hindsight was probably very unhelpful to the situation. By some miracle (or a San Francisco lawyer who wasn’t afraid to yell), the lens was still there. The backpacks of the other five, however, were gone. The only reason I’m able to give you this tour blog is because I had my backpack inside the venue with me.

During the next set, I got a call from two wonderful women who found our bags. The laptops and a wallet were long gone of course, but they went out of their way to deliver our stuff to the venue, so we got some of the important things—medications, notebooks, and Jessica’s favorite flannel—back. We owe so much to these ladies, and I wish we could’ve given them more than just a thank you.

With that act of kindness saving our butts, I was shocked to go back into the venue and hear our SoFar MC announcing to the audience what had happened, and passing around a bucket to collect donations. You could hear the wind being sucked out of the room as soon as she said it—the joyously good time of hearing music intimately ruined by a few shitty people. Seeing everyone pitch in so generously to help us was mind-blowing, and brought tears to my eyes. We ended up collecting enough money to fix the window, plus some extra.

With a bottle of tequila donated from the venue to ease our pain, and a police report filed, we had no choice but to pack it up and head to where we were crashing. Our hosts for the night helped us put cardboard over our window and we hit the hay.

I’d love for these tour blogs to just be a fun chronicle of my adventures, zipping across the west coast without a care in the world, but tour just isn’t like that. There are highs, and there are lows, and this one knocked the breath out of me. We’re all heartbroken. The incident could have been a million times worse—we had music gear in the back, and more stuff even in the cab that they could have grabbed. We’re trying to stay optimistic on that front, but it’s hard to do when you feel so violated.

Something that’s helped to ease the pain is the outpouring of support from strangers and fans alike. We are so grateful for all the kind words and offers to help.

To those of you who are asking what you can do to help: To the best of my knowledge, no kind of GoFundMe has been started, and we don't plan on starting one. The best thing you can do is just to support the band. Look at our tour dates (thenewschematics.com/tour) and encourage your friends, family, acquaintances, blood enemies, and friends of friends of friends to head out to the shows, buy merch, and spread the word. This is certainly a nightmare for all of us, but we will recover, and your support in this decidedly more difficult journey means the world to us.

I hope we have happier trails ahead of us, and that karma will come back to those who did this. On that depressing note, stay tuned!

youtube

#tourblogs #the new schematics #your year tour

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s99crystal · 7 years ago

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Answer these 88

Tagged by @alicat-doodles (thanks ali youre sweet)

I tag @aenjin, @jhopetaekmyhearteu, @cinnamonsugas

the last:

1. DRINK: Mountain Dew

2. PHONE CALL: My mom

3. TEXT MESSAGE: my friend melissa, shes the best :D

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: listening to Lost Stars by Jungkook, it kills me and makes me so emotional

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: basically cried yesterday night seeing @hystherics new art post god dang she’s good

have you:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: not even once aha

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: have not kissed eiiitherr

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: cant be cheated on if you dont take the test you feel me i dont date if you didnt catch me

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: yep

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: not clinically

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: never drank!

top 3 favorite colors

12. light pink

13. light blue

14. pasteeells

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: mm the coolest people aka @aenjin and @jhopetaekmyhearteu

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: only out of TV shows cause i dont keep up haha

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: way too much haha!

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: :O noooppe

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: my friends inspire me everyday, but i dont know if ive met someone whos drastically changed me.

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: i know em yeh

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: dont got facebook dont got a kiss in my history or my future LOL

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: I don’t got facebook, so imma follow @alicat-doodles ‘s footsteps and say tumblr friends: three i guess?

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: nope

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: nopenopenope

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: I spent the day hanging with one of my close friends, we got boba, visited our old elementary/middle school and just had a lot of fun listening to KPOP in the car!

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: 11AM haha ooops

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: uhhhh in the car coming back home from a family party i think?

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: bangtan to rest god bless

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: prob ten minutes ago

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: I wish I could be less anxious and know things are going to turn out okay. Also the lack of bangtan merch could change pls and thank you

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: Fools by JK & RM

32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: Thomas, but not Tom, no…

33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: My family members touching my hair / when my cousins get careless ahaaaa…

lost questions

34. MOLE(S): I don’t think so, oH on my neck I think I have one!

35. MARK(S): None I think (?)

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: Teacher and I pretended doctor was also a dream for my parents haha, but really just teacher.

37. HAIR COLOR: black

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: medium right now cause i got a haircut recently haha

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: besides bangtan nope

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: I can cheer myself up easily.

41. PIERCINGS: just on my ears

42. BLOODTYPE: uhhhh why you ask O.O

43. NICKNAME(S): Crystal, Mahans, Mahogany…

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single lets goooo

45. ZODIAC: Leo

46. PRONOUNS: She/Her

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: don’t get me started omg TV is my life.

K-Drama = Descendants of the Sun, American Drama: Arrow, American Comedy: Modern Family, Childhood: Full House / Drake & Josh doN’T TEST ME ON TV ILL GETCHU HAHA

48. TATTOOS: None

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: Right

50. SURGERY: no surgery!

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: I wouldn’t do it, but i love the idea of pink hair and side note namjoon with purple dyed hair gives me life while killing me goodbye

52. SPORT: Dancing & Swimming

53. VACATION: Hawaii / Japan with my friend

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: what you mean like exercise i dont got a trainer oH SHOES uhhhhhhhh

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: watermelon hopefully soon

56. DRINKING: i want some orange juice

57. I’M ABOUT TO: text friends and lie around haha

58. WAITING FOR: BTS to rest still bless up

59. WANT: Go to a BTS fan meet one day / send them fan letters ^-^

60. GET MARRIED: its definitely something i want!

61. CAREER: software engineering!

62. HUGS OR KISSES: hugs!

63. LIPS OR EYES: eyes definitely

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: im short but i like taller guys (which aint that hard cause im short hahaha)

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: middle child of family, youngest of most of my friend groups

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms!

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: both lets goooo

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship definitely but i aint gon have neither rn haha

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: Hesitant all the way. Im hella nervous 24/7 << honestly aint gon change your answer ali, its same with me hahaha

have you ever:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: aha i havent kissed anyone so no

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: if by liquor you mean straight Mountain Dew and Sprite heck yeah. but if you mean alcohol then nah

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: JIWEROUPWEOPR EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE WHAT THE NOW YOURE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: Only random people at Chipotle and stuff LOL aint nobody else ask me hahaha

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: not uh not personally…

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: I hope not

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: yeeepp… but not by any romantical peoples haha

77. BEEN ARRESTED: for my bad jokes heck yeah, for felonies nope

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: Yeah

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: Nope… but I do love and care about them :D

do you believe in:

80. YOURSELF: Mm

81. MIRACLES: Yup!

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: Only if you combo it with commitment!

83. SANTA CLAUS: I’ve never uhm celebrated Christmas, so not really…but I think the magic surrounding it is really cool!

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: This is like a whole other universe what is a date uhh

85. ANGELS: Mhmm

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): No best friends, but just close friends :D Melissa, Ashley, BRIITTTTANNNYY (trust me i call her that with all the extra letters), Angie, Elliot, Mishkah..

other

87. EYECOLOR: Brown

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: 3 Idiots pls watch itll change your life it changed mine

#thanks for tagging me ali #youre a doll #this was cool!

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onlyhiddenremains-blog · 6 years ago

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Rigor Mortis 002: Ayame Of Ends

I apologize in advance to ENDS and Ayame personally, as this honestly reflects poorly of me for taking so long. I’m more openly available to interview and be more consistent, as well as do little things between that. Shouts to anyone and everyone who still reads these interviews by the way, stay smooth.

Ayame is a Michigan born rap artist from the ENDS collective. Many moons again, we previously published an interview which at this time has been lost to the ether of the internet. This is actually framed more as a follow-up to that interview, so it admittedly seems a bit incomplete. Regardless of the framing, I had a blast talking with Ayame about his growth, his second trip to Las Vegas, and a bit more about his other interests and hobbies that contribute to his work and ENDS. As always, be sure to show love to the artist and collective. Enjoy!

RH: It’s been a good minute since we’ve talked, man. How have things been since we last talked?

A: Things have been going as well as they could, just being consistent with music and music videos. It’s really the same since last time slowly chipping away at the Soundcloud echelon *laughs*

RH: Good stuff man. Would you say your video making/editing has changed since you first began?

A: It’s been going better then when I first started. Shooting and editing a music video is a very deep and complex process. When you shoot a video, you have to kind of have this sort of foresight to see what the final product is going to be. It almost if never turns out the way you picture it in your head. It’s a challenge trying to think ahead while simultaneously focusing on what is in front of you. I have definitely gotten better at managing my vision and following through on ideas more now.

RH: On the music of side of things, I assume there’s also been growth there too, right? As it relates to both process and sound?

A: You assumed correct! *laughs* I think as a musician with a passion that is creatively focused, your tastes change and your growth happens sporadically. I think its kind of tough to look inwards at my own work and say definitively yes or no that I have actually grown. I would say people on the outside looking in have a better opinion on whether you grow or not, the music I make is right in front of my face everyday its hard to see what my growth actually is. I personally think my sound and me as a person have changed drastically since I first started doing music! Ultimately its up to the listener to decide whether its true or not.

RH: We met face to face in Las Vegas some time ago, and you recently went back. How was it this second time around?

A: The second time in Vegas really opened my eyes to my own potential and where I could try and take this. I had so much fun being with everyone who was equally passionate and creative as me. Ever since I came back I feel like that momentum I had is just flowing throughout all my music. Going to Vegas by myself was a big step for me, and I think after taking that step each one gets a little less scary to take now. Vegas changed my life internally more then anything and had me realize what I was apart of, it was truly an unforgettable experience.

RH: How have things been with ENDS as of late? Would you say they’ve also played a role in your growth recently?

A: ENDS is a huge reason for my growth 100%. ENDS as a collective showcases one thing really well: making quality music for nobody but ourselves. That influence plus helping each other out push us to higher levels, and I think a lot of the results speak to that. ENDS honestly has been really pushing the gas. We just had Deergod collab with Bones, the first ever ENDS x SESH collab and we were all very excited for it. Everyone has been killing there music lately, that was just one highlight so far :)

RH: On a personal note aside from ENDS, what goals do you have for yourself this year?

A: My plans for this year are quite lofty. *laughs* I got a lot of ideas for things I want to pursue; whether it’s projects or music videos, I want to conquer it all. I think I’ve started off towards those goals on the right foot at the very least. I want this year to be when I don't take my foot off anyone’s neck. I plan to push myself till I'm exhausted only to keep going. My passion and drive is lethal this yea

RH: I hope this isn’t too personal, but would you say you’ve struggled getting to where you are now, be it on a personal note or with making music?

A: Struggling is daily part of life right? No reason for the question to be taboo! But to answer your question yes. I struggle with depression and a sort of mild bi-polar disorder, I don’t want to sit here and tell you that’s what I have because this is me self diagnosing myself and I am only speaking on how I believe I feel. I go back and forth about how I actually feel and what I want to feel, it’s hard for me to put into words what it feels like to feel like your emotions are fake and the ones you thought were real are supposed to be fake. It’s a constant battle I live with everyday. I am a pretty open book about my mental health I think at the very least its important to talk about. I’m not afraid of who I am. I deal with it, and thats all that matters to me, but to elaborate better on the emotions bit, I have a hard time figuring out what I am actually feeling as opposed to what fake emotions are on my surface and constantly pushing me away from the truth.

RH: Do people around you in your day-to-day know of your music and support you making music?

A: Not really. I mean Junior and Dxrkz are my best friends and they're in ends so I guess that kind of counts I suppose! As for like family and stuff I wouldn't say they support me but they don’t necessarily look down on me either? It’s not a situation I want to dive into that much, but my personal friends outside of music don't and I couldn't care less if they did or not as selfish as that may sound. It doesn’t really matter who supports me or whatever I’d rather look at the people who support me now above all else.

RH: What’s kept your drive for making music alive since you’ve begun?

A: My drive is about feeling better and helping everyone else along the way. My drive is completely selfish let me just say it bluntly, I do this for me. I enjoy it, it stresses me out a lot but it gives me a sense of purpose. Before I started making music I had no idea where I was going and I felt so lost. This music stuff is blood in my veins and if you don't believe me when I say that then keep moving. I love what I do and even though I am more strung out then ever before, I have never felt happier then when I performed a song or when I drop something I created and someone telling me how much they love it. It’s a selfish career path and that's where my drive comes from.

RH: To go backwards a bit, tell me a bit more about the music video process. How much would say it’s changed from the last time we talked to now?

A: With making music videos my focus has gotten more clear on how a video should like and be represented. All I have is a camera and an imagination to bring what the track is trying to say to life. I do things slightly differently here and there, but overall I am just way more clear about how to get the correct shots, the lighting and what to film and where etc. Mind you I am no Cole Bennett lmao but I think with more refinement I can take it higher then I thought possible. Music videos are still secondary to me, I treat them with importance but my music will always be my main focus.

RH: I really appreciate you taking time to do this follow-up man. Once again, do you have any final words or shoutouts to give before we close out?

A: This music shit is meant to be fun and I’ll be damned if anyone tried to tell me how I should act what I should be doing. I’m doing it because I want too. And ENDS + CCZM reflect that attitude perfectly. I love those guys to death special thank you them for supporting me and being with me. And thank you to all my friends outside of collective who send me beats (Umistyle, 2k6, AceNarukami, Esthetic) they keep me going the most. It’s going to be a fucking great year even through all the strife!

LINKS

AYAME: Twitter / Soundcloud

ENDS: Twitter / Soundcloud / Merch

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crunkumbee · 6 years ago

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All of the autumnal asks please💥

Lantern- well we met in second grade bc I had moved to the school and I sat next to her and I was jealous bc she was so smart and she had the freckles and brown hair I wish I had but it wasn't until third grade that we actually became friends. I'm not quite sure what her first impression of me was 🤷‍♀🤷‍♀Frost- I would say not to be so scared of liking girls and to stop ignoring the fact that you liked them and to also listen to mom sooner Maple- probably sewing. I have always wanted to learn but have never gotten around to doing itHarvest- hmm I'm not really sure about that, I've never really thought about it uhhhh now that I think about it, I realise that Dean was always my favorite off of Supernatural bc I really am a lot like him. My mom is usually out of the picture bc she is always working and my dad is always pushing me harder than any kid should be pushed and I would do anything to protect my siblings and I hardly ever tell people how I feel but instead I come off angry and frustratedFireside- all the merch anybody could ever wish forCider- I used to H A T E corn on the cob but now I absolutely love it Amber- Christmas is overrated (idk if that's unpopular or not) Fog- I think I would do really well. I actually have a plan for it but I think what would get me killed is I either miss a small hole in the plan or I just make a stupid mistakeJack-O-Lantern- probably Blake LivelySpice- yeah I used to live in a really really small town with a population of under 300 people and it was a really old town with old abandoned and run down buildings and me and my cousin would ride out bikes around the town for hours a day. Well one day it was just us and she decided to leave me there alone and I was only about 10 so I was kinda scared but I saw her bike by this really old worn down house so I thought she was in there. Well I go in and I later found out she was out back trying to catch a stray cat so I was in this house alone looking for my cousin and I was wandering around the old house and there was some old porcelain dolls that were broken and note that there was no wind that day and it was mid summer but I had kicked one of the doll heads that had a purple bonnet on its head down into the kitchen and I go upstairs and it was freezing and so I called for my cousin and went back down where it was warmer and the head was back at the bottom of the steps and I freaked and ran outside and yelled at my cousin for scaring me but she swore on her life that she was never in there and I asked her about it about a month or 2 ago and she still swears that she never went in there Orchard- get me a gf❤❤❤❤❤Crow- probably science bc I'm not bad at math or English and I really like history so that isn't a problem Bonfire- I want either a ranch style house like the ones I have grown up in or a Victorian style house and I want it to have a big backyard for all of my dogs I'm going to have and it has to have a decent kitchen and a big master bedroom with its own full bathroom and walk-in closetCinnamon- Probably the 60s-80s in Georgia or ColoradoCobweb- sadly I haven't graduated I just started high schoolCranberry- it's always either my nose or my birthmark that just so happens to be on the side of my face🙄🙄Maze- I got told by this really really old guy that I looked like lady gaga Quilt- I don't like tea so I take my coffee with a spoonful or 2 with lots of creamer at home but if I go to a coffee shop it's an iced mocha or turtle lattePumpkin- honestly I think that we are all good and bad in our own way whether we notice it or show it or not Moonlit- I'm usually pretty organized unless I get really depressed which is pretty often but only then so I let things get bad Flannel- never really gone on a date ://Cocoa- I would like it to be naturally brown and leave it the same style but have it naturally straight or plain wavy bc my hair is wavy, straight, and curvy all at the same timeGhost- I don't remember her much but definitely my great grandma on my mom's side bc she died when I was about 6 but I remember how close we were and how cool she was

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