#also apparently my moms bff’s son came out to her a few months ago

[pixiegrl]

Hello all have confirmed I’m dating woman okay goodbye

[cyanisbirdmom666]

AGH I need to ✨vent✨

Most of the stuff said below the cut will be about stress, religion (Christianity), betrayal, frustration, and sadness. So yeah if you don’t wanna read about it just keep scrolling. I just wanna tell someone (in this case, Tumblr) because I don’t know who else to tell. My brother’s over it already, and Melon

Also most of the stuff down there won’t make sense since I’m not feeling great (honestly I’m mostly confused) so read at your own risk.

[context] I’m a religious girl. I go to church, read the Bible, pray and PRAISE JESUS HALLELUJAH. But I’m also very lonely. I have a few friends and they’re all from church. I have two best friends. I’ll introduce you to them, using their nicknames for privacy reasons. I’ll start with the Pastor’s family. My Pastor’s name is Ramen, and he has two daughters, Melon and Safari. Melon is my best friend. The Pine family has three kids, Beanstalk, Zuko, and Suki. Suki is my best friend, Beanstalk and Zuko are my brother, Sokka, best friends. The Doctor’s family has only one kid, Marlin. He and Zuko are BFFS. Inseparable. We all work together at church. Suki, Melon, and I work with the cameras- we’re the camerawomen that record videos for our church’s YT channel. Ramen’s mom in Cuba watches our videos, people in Mexico also watch them- there’s even a woman in Germany who watches them! Safari, Beanstalk, and Zuko handle the techy stuff. Audio, Ramen’s microphone, powerpoints, and the editing of the videos we record. Sokka’s job is just to make us laugh, and Marlin is there for support. We make a great team. And I have a feeling Beanstalk and Safari like eachother- they’re always together and Beanstalk have Safari a bouquet of flowers to her on Valentine’s Day. Is that part important? Probably not but I added it anyway. Let’s move on.

Sometimes Ramen comes over to my house to talk to my parents. It’s not often but it’s happened before. Usually talk about adult-church stuff (ie. planning activities, money, or just to talk) that I don’t care about. My great grandma died recently (she was also very religious, she had a great relationship with God. I miss her) so I assumed Ramen came over to talk to my dad about that (comfort I suppose).

I don’t mind when he comes over, because he always brings his daughters, Safari and Melon. We all hang out in my room and watch movies or do homework together. It’s fun. But yesterday, Wednesday May 12th, was different.

After Ramen talks to my parents, he usually leaves. But this time, he called my brother and I over to tell us some sad news. My dense brain was thinking this was about my late grandma.

It wasn’t.

We sit down and he says that he has bad news. The Pine family called him yesterday (Tuesday, May 11th) to tell him that they weren’t going to attend our church anymore, and that their decision is final. They don’t want to meet up with Ramen. And that must hurt Ramen since... the Pine family and Ramen’s family had been together for years. Melon and Suki grew up together in Cuba (I’m the newer, American friend who teaches them about pop culture because oh boy, Melon is a clueless bean. We met a year ago.). Beanstalk and Zuko are like the sons Ramen never had, and Safari and Melon are like sisters to Suki- the point is, that they were really close. For the Pine family to just... cut it off like that is super strange. Yam and Er (the Pine children’s parents) were always so friendly and nice- heck, they were the ones that invited our family to church! They’re the reason we got out of our Mormon church and started to attend this Christian one (much happier here, I have- well had, friends)!

For a second I thought it was a joke.

It was so unbelievable. Er and Yam didn’t even explain why they were going to leave after so many years. They have the right to leave... but it was so sudden. It felt like betrayal I guess. It still feels that way. They said that they had been thinking of leaving, for months now. I don’t know what we did wrong. What if I did something wrong? What if I made Suki mad and that’s what caused them to finally make their decision? Was it all a lie? If they were thinking of leaving for months now, was everything they did and said a lie? Why?

I only ever see Melon and Suki when we go to church or have activities. We had a lot of plans for over the summer. We were even planning on saving up enough money so that the whole church could have a DisneyWorld activity. “But Cyan, can’t you just do it anyway, even if they don’t attend church anymore?” I mean we could, but it’ll feel different. Off. Even today, when we texted eachother, it seemed off. Fake I suppose. It didn’t feel the same. It’s hard to explain why.

Them leaving is like losing them forever. Sure, Suki and I might still see eachother, but it won’t be as often. And eventually we’ll drift away. I lost half of my friends. The church lost 60% of the boy population (we’re down to two oh noooo). And Melon lost her childhood best friend.

This has happened before. See, before my family joined, Ramen was preaching at a different church. Everyone got along until there was a stupid argument between Ramen and another pastor. The other Pastor was jealous of Ramen’s popularity and finally snapped when Ramen bought food for an old dude going to church there. Apparently Ramen isn’t supposed to feed hungry old men. They didn’t let Ramen preach there anymore, and basically kicked him out. Melon and Suki had a friend at that church, named Lime. And yeah, the three would occasionally meet up but eventually, they drifted apart because Suki and Melon weren’t going to Lime’s church anymore.

And I’m afraid the same thing is happening here with the Pine family.

Everything was going so smoothly. We were making summer plans. Zuko and I were getting along really well (Erm.. I sorta like him. A lot), and Safari and Beanstalk kept getting closer. Suki and Sokka FINALLY finished their teasing war. It was perfect. But I guess perfection can’t last forever. I had honestly thought that even though the world was ending, and we were all dying (persecution, I believe it will happen, if you don’t that’s fine but don’t argue with me about it, I gave you a warning up there) I thought we’d always be together. The Pine family, Ramen’s family, and my family. Even if the other member left or drifted away, I really thought we’d always stick together.

But I guess it didn’t work out that way.

And I still don’t know why it didn’t work out that way.

So not only is that happening, but tomorrow I’m taking a big AP test that I’m definitely not prepared for. I’m cramming but I, very scared and stressed and I just wanna skip over to Summertime.

But that’s not how things work so RIP me.

🪦 Cyan Sushi, 2??? - 2021

No I’m not actually dead. But I feel like I am and will be dead soon so yeah. Piano and birds are the only things keeping me sane.

[ninolitebrown]

NO CAP

In this modern world you are supposed to have a perfect image for the net. Come off as if you do not have any flaws are issues. Everyone here are either  rich, can cook, or have straight pearly white teeth. That is what wrong with this shit. People do not believe that there is beauty in the struggle. Mfr’s edit out their blemishes and stretch marks just so that you can think they are perfect. Now all of a sudden the natural wave is commercial. 

For me natural is organically embracing who you are without any distractions. But how can you do that if your intentions were aligned with what someone else is doing - do you really believe that you are beautiful and love yourself?

I am driven by the  chip on my shoulders while being consciously straightforward. Not that I care what people think. But it’s easier to be yourself than Appeasing to this fake image that is driven by social media

THE STORM

In 2018 I lost multiple investment properties between St Louis and Atlanta. Squandered over a half of million in cash while destroying my credit 800 to low 500’s over night. That’s coming off mourning my mom and one of my best friends Drew passing. The issue is that I was trying to move too damn fast. I set a goal to buy 3 properties in 2019 - that goal turned into wanting to buy 10+. 

I was getting money way too fast to be honest. buying and flipping taking in boat loads of cash without a hint of education of the business. I was moving on street knowledge.   Same year I found out that I was having my first born. 

 just think of the stress i should of been in? 

I was broke AF with a 6 figure income - and a baby on the way in Los Angeles.

To be completely honest; I was *relieved, from the stress of holding  all the projects together without proper knowledge of the real estate business. If you ever need help on what not to do. I am your guy!!

But how can you be stressed with such a face. My baby boy saved my life in so many ways. Anyone can attest, your kid relieve you of boredom and stress of the outside world. 

2 years later, i scraped myself together and made everything i lost in investments back. How did i do it?? (You MFR’s will need to buy my book in the future)

The biggest fight was not getting my investments in order. Anyone will tell you who make money - once you had it. It is easy to get it back. Making money is an natural instinct - the shit just happen. 

Making money after losing everything is like painting with new brushes. Everything is cleaner and sharper with precision. Your strokes are more careful but you move freely because of the experience. 

HOWEVER

The real fight is the CURRENT battle to hold on to the relationship with my son who I love so much. My now ex and I separated after a tumultuous relationship molded By social media images and no substance.

Let me rewind for a moment

I met her 7 or so years ago in STL after finishing up college. We met in a club or lounge. I was just coming off a relationship a week or so prior. Honestly, i was probably still in love with the thought of that ex who i was with for a few years. While in the lounge my radar was completely off, i was only thinking about vibing with my boys. So this girl comes alone with her friend who was making eye contact with me. I saw her but did not see my current ex, i did not know they were together. To my surprise my ex was interested in me and asked for my information. I was like cool here ya go no intentions.  The interest in her stemmed from traveling. As she was a flight attendant for a commuter carrier and i had just so happened to work for a major airline. 

Within a few months of us kicking it, i accepted a job in promotion with my company to Minneapolis 

 No surprise it was cold AF up north. 

I did not know this girl I was seeing That well. But the fact that we could travel and see each other anytime because of flight perks made things interesting. Weird side note; she suggested quitting her job to move to Minnesota with me to work at Hooters. I did not think it was smart at all. 

She loved the company I worked for so I recommended her for a job. Crazy how the universe work. My then company hired her the same day she got fired from the company she worked at. Just for taking time off to  participate in a Missouri Pageant. Well that’s what she told me 

She accepted the job with my then company, which eventually moved her to ATL from STL.  

Year pass and I accepted a new job with my current job in Denver. You guessed it - long distance dating made things challenging. To be completely honest i didn’t much faith in the relationship, as I started hanging out with other girls in Denver.  I knew she was kicking it with guys in ATL but i didn’t care much, whenever we would get together it would be cool. Not to mention that on random occasions we would travel and create new experiences.

She even moved to Denver for a few months and commuted back in forth to ATL. Just to see if things would work out. The commute was challenging for her and stressful on our relationship. But it was interesting that whenever she was not working she would travel to LA to hang out with this BFF. I was obv curious because i wanted that time when she was available. She then hacked my computer found some girls that I would talk to before she moved To Denver. Got upset and moved to ATL. But in reality i always felt that she wanted to be in ATL anyway. We also “broke up “ For a week. 

Within that week i found out about a guy she was hanging out with in ATL that apparently she met during an brand ambassador photo shoot. She told me they made out. No biggie - but it was also 2 other guys, 1 she met while traveling allegedly some old rich guy with a jet - the other was a guy that was not her BFF in LA when she would take off from Denver to visit while we were together. It also came across my mind of all the athletes she seems to know from doing charter flights. I got word from a few internal sources that she was the runner/groupie for celeb athletes.

SHE MET ALL THESE GUYS WHILE  WE WERE SEPARATED FOR A WEEK *ALLEGEDLY 

I knew something was weird while we were together in Denver. We would go extended time without having sex. Which means she would be tight right? MFR be loose as a goose and I’d be like huh? How is that possible lol.

I later found out that the guy from the Jet and LA were the same person. She also admitted to having sex with him once. 

“within the week we were separated”

As a non confrontational person I typically don’t ask questions. Hell I typically don’t GAF about much or check for lies. You can tell me the sky is 14k gold, i wont’ look and would be like *Kool. 

Anyway I patched things up in ATL with her and we were back dating. 

But that didn’t mean I would ditch the female friends in Denver i was hanging out with. Why? I didn’t trust that we had a real situation - it was long distance.

LA is on my mind:

I alway considered moving to LA. My best friend Spincer moved to Cali 15 yrs ago. I was supposed to move with him. I GOT SCARED

But I was interviewing with companies in LA prior to my current gig while living in Minneapolis. I was between working with USC in their Athletic Department and 3M. My ex joined me for one of those interviews in LA. She had an idea of what i was worth. So 3M was an absolute no in her mind. She believed it wasn’t right for me. But i knew  she was hating because i was on the verge of moving to LA. So after the 3M interview i told her i was really considering taking the position. Noticed that she was not happy at all - I clearly remember telling  her that “you don’t control me” and she literally swung and hit me in my mouth while i was driving. I pulled over and told her to get the hell out of this car. All of a sudden she had an “anxiety attack”. Crazy because this happened in the city i currently live in of Manhattan Beach. 

The MFR wanted me to take her to the hospital but my lip was bleeding. I let it go, because that was my first time experiencing such an episode. Super traumatizing. 

The second time she hit me in the face was again driving in LA to meet up with my friend Shanell at Fat Sal’s after church. She got mad at me for something and hit me in the face again. *Trend (when ever you are driving and focused on something else she may swing)

*correction whenever you are not paying attention she will pull off the fake shit

I pulled over this time and was clear. “That’s the second time and the last time you put your fucking hands on me, the next time you will never see me again”

The Cali move finally happens:

So my ex moved to LBC, I finally join her in the same city for literally the first time of our relationship approximately 8-9 months after her. We have gone about 5 years without even really knowing each other or committing to a relationship.

She’s still traveling often for work, which was cool because that’s how we alway knew each other (from traveling). I still had loose ends from Denver that I had to clear up. My ex had a habit of hacking my accounts just to see who i was talking to. Guilty Conscious? Perhaps.  

5-6 months later i convinced her to boss up and take on a bigger role with the company which required office work. So at this point we are home smelling each other’s breath daily for the first time of our relationship. NOT SO FAST we get pregnant. 

Which means we don’t really know each other. However, the person i am going to get to know is in the emotional state of a pregnacy. Add that to the fact that whenever the MFR get caught in her shit she seems to have an “Anxiety Attack”

FAIRYTALE? NOT BUT NINJA WE GOT A BABY

This Ex of mine, live for that image of the net i was talking about. But in the background we are talking about one of the most toxic individuals i have ever met in my life. I got a car for her to drive that was nice, considering she had this busted honda with an awful payment plan. when we split i asked her to give me the car back in 48 hrs.  Stemming from this text that was sent to my sister 

My sis in blue - ex in white 

Even though it was in my name there’s a California loophole with registration that allows a person to trade in a car if they are listed on the car a certain way. So yea; at the 24hr mark of me requesting the car back. Guess what this toxic individual did?

While celebrating as if she made a whopping accomplishment of buying a car alone. Smh That’s on the back heels of not answering calls, text, vm or emails of me requesting my kid daily.  Not only am i still paying for Daycare weekly but the toxic individual stopped taking him so that i can’t see him there. All out of *spite Legally i am in the process of establishing paternity. even though i am on the birth certificate it’s more steps to the fuckery to have another layer of protection. FATHERS establish paternity with your kids i don’t care if things are going well right now. But also trying to get her the mental help that she deserve as her family and cronies are clueless that she is  *In Fucking Sane*

EX.  One day we were driving on the 405 leaving the valley. My EX  and me were having a conversation about her cousin. The cousin had just lost her mom to breast cancer. So i suggested to my EX to invite the cousin to LA to  visit for a while just to clear her head. She advised me that she did not like her cousin very much and would only allow her to visit for a weekend. It pissed me off because that same cousin was pivotal in helping me plan for her 30th bday/baby shower a few months prior including another friend. So i called her selfish for treating her cousin like shit. I did not like it at all. She gets mad for me calling her selfish (because i think of everyone except for her) and asked me to pull over on the 405 so that she could walk home. I said your are crazy - you are 8mths pregnant. You would not believe what happened next?  This girl opened the door and tried to jump out the car. I grabbed her arm in the process. Forced her to shut the door, i closed the window and put the child safety locks on. Shook me to the core.

Check this - that was only another level of confirmation of what TF i was dealing with. Besides the suicidal thoughts expressed to me and my 16 year old niece, the attempts to kill our son while she was preg (intentionally falling on the belly twice). The multiple times she has punched me in the face and assualts while our son was present. I had nightmares that she would stab herself in the belly I called her mom pleading to help me - help her.  She declined - later found out the mom was also bat shit crazy. 

I plead with the judge in my DVRO to protect me and my relationship with my son. After the judge read the verdict calling my ex a liar and non credible (i wish her friends would realize) for accusing me of threatening to kidsnap my son. The judge dismissed my case while advising me that the harm she has done  did not disturb my emotional peace.  BIAS as Fuck - I guess the girl will need to shoot me in the head before they determine that she’s a threat to me, herself and our son. I can go on and on about this nut from the multiple hacks into my social media - blocking all of my female friends while talking shit to them. Throwing my suits off our balcony.  Shading her female friends and the next day smiling in their faces. Accusing me of being Gay because I did not like her at all and deciding to sleep on the couch for months to avoid the toxic lunatic behavior. 

Oh the big one, the MFR had people thinking that we were getting Married in September. Anyone recall the specific date, time, location, invite list, budget, colors or perhaps marriage license? MFR I can’t either. I didn’t know shit about a September wedding. I was just as surprised as ya’ll when i was laying on the couch watching the Last Dance one Monday morning. 

she wrote a scathing Facebook message about us being broken up. And her clown ass friend rushed over to support as if we had just gotten into a fight.

 I guess it was the friend showing support after the ex rushed over to that same friend house a while back because her current BF supposedly beat her ass. *Chics do the most

Poor thing did he really beat your ass or was it a lie? I never checked back to see if you were ok 

  The Liar forgot to inform her friend that we been done. Sooner or later her cronies will finally understand how fake she is. The shit will eventually come out!!! Here’s a nugget, I specifically advised that same friend to stop posting work shit on the gram.  You don’t want them to come after you. You know THEM? One of THEM is my EX. She’s known for doing fucked up shit at work. How do i know? MFR I used to live with her. Not to mention i used to be an executive with her current company. I know plenty of people within the system. Oh the so called GOD MOTHER!! Never mind I’ll wait on this one. She’s an innocent bystander. She don’t know what she don’t know. I guarantee that she will get burnt by my ex sooner or later. The other is my old messy friend from elementary. You don’t deserve a mention. Just know that you are a snake. I have known that for years. 

My ex don’t like being a black woman, the last thing we want is all the black woman cutting her off. If she doesn’t love herself and who she is - the likelihood of her genuinely loving black women in her circle are slim to none. 

This isn’t an attempt to expose this bat shit crazy MFR.  This is what it really looks like to go natural and strip away the fake shit and be real As Fuck!!! 

*NOCAP 

PUBLIC RECORD