#also also also more i write more i realiye how limited my english is

[dwarvencraftsdirectfromorzammar]

Corpse Roads

So i watched Original Sin and i thought i would write something small for it. I had so many ideas that went nowhere and i ended up with this. I feel like its all over the place but i cant spend more time thinking about it so im posting it. Also part 2 is written already, it just needs to brew aka lay in my docs till im satisfied with it.

He's dying, slowly bleeding out in empty train carriage and he thinks about a lot of things.

He thinks about his work as a policeman, work that made him human again, work that mattered and fulfilled him.

He thinks about his mother, knowing she is safe, taken care of and finally - hopefully with some peace. Hoping that this would not break that fragile peace.

He thinks about Sophie and her warm little smiles, hoping she won't be sad for long, that she won't feel guilty. That she will find happiness in Macau or wherever her heart might take her.

He thinks of Lu Zi Ming. Man who didn't kill her sister. Father of man he almost killed because of that. He wonders about him for a second. Would he feel better if Lu Zi Ming was one to actually do it, knowing he is behind bars? Would he be able to take his revenge if there was one to take on him?

He thinks about his work for Mr. Chen, how miserable he was with it and how good he was at it. He will miss it, like you miss a memory long passed that warms you occasionally.

He thinks of Egg Waffle, his colorful shirt after his vacation in Thailand. And Lao Gao, Lao Shi and whole unit.

He thinks of his sister, how much he misses her and that finally he will be able to say sorry to her. He hopes that she will forgive him.

He thinks of Lu Li. He won't be able to keep his promise to him. But this is for the best. Even his death will be fight for his happiness.

He thinks of everyone and is full of hope.

He thinks of Lu Li. And he hopes.

First few weeks Chi Zhen is strictly forbidden to leave his bed let alone the house. In his pitiful state, recovery is painfully slow.

He is trapped in uncomfortable bed with nothing to pass the time but watch the sun move behind the blinds. Room smelled awful to begin with but the oppressive heat makes everything worse. With yellow cracking paint on the walls and bloody floors nobody bothers to clean it's like he is waiting for a butcher. Chi Zhen feels like one big festering wound you constantly pick at until it bleeds and then leaves a nasty scar. It would be better he was dead. Better to put him to rest.

So Lu Li doesn't have to choose, doesn't have to act, can focus on his happiness only. So his mother doesn't have to go thru the humiliation, her remnant child, a killer at large. It's better to die, to make their choice for them.

From his makeshift hospital bed he plots and plans, pulls on every string, calls on every favor that can kill Chi Zhen and bury him for good. With a little bit of help he ties some of the loose threads and leaves Lanya. He thanks his saviors with 'I owe you’ and he knows they will come collecting if death won't be faster.

After Chi Zhen leaves Lanya he can finally breathe easy. Knot in his chest loosens and fresh air finally enters his lungs.

That knot pulls itself tight again after he arrives in Hong Kong. Choices waiting in Hong Kong are somewhat familiar and completely new. There is a choice of how to live and if Chi Zhen slips back into familiar but new crowds, familiar and new routines he tells himself over and over it was not just a choice born out of desperation.

He wonders about Lu Li's reaction, it doesn't matter. He is good at this job, that's what matters. Still, Chi Zhen despise Hong Kong, with the worst it's everything like home and best is nothing like at home. One room dingy apartment, in never quiet neighborhood is his home now. Stream of people milling around, having muffled conversations behind his doors are a constant now and sleepless nights are chased away only with a bottle of rum in his system. Colorful lights behind windows are always illuminating the filth in his flat but he can't be bothered to even begin to clean anything. Overall, it's miserable situation so he fills his head with what ifs.

If he returns home he is going to buy his own apartment or better yet, a house. Closer to work and closer to the retirement home, somewhere you can hear only birds and leafs outside your windows. He is going to fill it with ridiculous and ugly expensive carpets, that you hang on the walls that his many guests would marvel at. To match the carpets there would be delicate and colorful tea sets that nobody would ever touch. Sitting behind glass, picturesque and useless. There would be parties held every second week, that kind, where you sit around talking instead dance around drinking.

If he could return to Lu Li he would endlessly tease him about how ugly he looked when he cried at the scrapyard, telling him it didn't matter because he was the only one to see it. Chi Zhen would invite him to his new house and wait for Lu Li to tell him its most ridiculous thing he saw. And Chi Zhen would answer - ridiculous is good as long it's by your side. Then he would point out he has particular outfits to match with carpets and tea sets and Lu Li would burst out laughing, trying to hide his face behind his hands.

If his mother accepted his apologies and his hugs he would take her to that dream house, with two nurses and everything she asked for. Chi Zhen would cook her favorite foods as she once did for him, make jasmine tea every night to drink with her even when he hates it.

If Lu Li would allow it, he would spoil Yinuo rotten, buy her that toy that caught his eye last week, take her to see all of Lanya while telling her tales of rest of the world.

If Chi Zhen had the courage, he would go back to Lu Li's side and never leave.

His head is so full of what ifs and he can't breathe. He stops thinking of what ifs and he breaths just a little easier.

Chi Zhen keeps track, he keeps track of everything.

He knows every word said in the halls of retirement home. He knows of every little thing that happens in Hua City Police Department. From investigation into Dong Lingqi, which is honestly so stupid and risky, to Lao Shi's daughter expecting a second baby.

He carefully stores every bit of knowledge and tries to take deep breaths.

Everything happens so fast, Chi Zhen is no longer a wanted man in Lanya and Lu Li gets a promotion. And still Chi Zhen doesn't want to leave Hong Kong, or he can't leave Hong Kong.

He saw Lu Li on TV that day, in pristine looking uniform talking about achievements of Hua City Police Department and Chi Zhen wasn't really listening.

He saw Lu Li, all sharp angles, jaw set tight, talking about justice and all he could think of was that he has no right. He has no right to go back, to crush into his life like nothing happened. Like they could just continue where it stopped, like Lu Li waited for him to come back. So Chi Zhen just smiles at the image in front of him. Lu Li looks good, comfortable in his new position, healthy with solid weight and pretty color in his cheeks. Chi Zhen hopes he is happy and shuts down the TV.

He starts thinking about his future in Hong Kong, what he really wants to do and he stops thinking about Hong Kong shortly after, when he gets the news that his mother is sick.