#also all your real life friends who are wonderfully lovely women and they end up dating [redacted]

[tweedfrog]

I think as a fan of romance and also a real life human sometimes you need to understand that the girl isn't going to go for the better guy she's going to go for the guy she wants and sometimes the guy she wants is her sewer rat of a bf she's been in love with since 14 and you have to figure out a way to live with that

[bellemorte180]

When @klarolinepositivity week was announced, I had plans. To which I changed and scrapped last minute because it didn't feel good enough. So, I intended to bomb as many people as possible with love. However, this week hit and it was a less than stellar one. I didn't have much time to reblog as many people as I wanted for the first two days and had intended to make more graphics to highlight fan fiction writers that I love and adore.

I had picked out several fics/authors to highlight but I only managed to make three. So below is a fic rec list for the other authors I picked and hopefully if I am feeling up to it, I can work on those graphics.

Are you even real? by @helpfulfairy

Waking up on the forest floor was not a new turn of events for Klaus. He lay there, eyes closed, feeling the sunlight dance across his skin, the breeze blowing through his hair. He sighed, he hadn’t felt this relaxed ever, and it was a delightful feeling. In his relaxation, his mind is drifting when he sees a woman.

Or the P&P au that we all deserved

Jessie, I hope you are doing well. I want you to know that I very much enjoy your writing and pure existence. You are the sweetest person who deserves the BEST things in life. This fic is a vampire Pride and Prejudice that consumes my soul. It is a beautiful work of art for being only two chapters in and I cannot wait to see where you take it.

Not All Guns and Roses by @recklessnesspersonified

A marriage of convenience among two rivals and friends with benefits. Will it end in roses or would it go up in flames. Mafia Au with arranged marriage. A little angst with a happy ending.

When I say this fic is perfection, I mean literal perfection. Mafia rivals and a badass Caroline is honestly beyond wonderful. This fic deserves all the love and so do you. I wavered between this fic and Forbidden because I love myself some Viking Klaus but I landed on this one because of you wrote Caroline. She is the perfect mafia Caroline that I want to see in my fics- ruthless. I'm completely honest when I say that I cannot wait to see what else you have in store for us.

Into Eternity by @morningstargirl666

One day, she shows up at his door, and despite her better judgement, Caroline Forbes starts a relationship with Klaus Mikaelson.

It’s not as easy as she thinks. But then she never asked for easy.

She asked for Klaus.

And she wouldn’t change a single thing.

First off, you made me cry today. Second, you really are a treasure. This is one of my favorite fics and you captured the "what could of been" so wonderfully. I know you have your big project in The Big Bad Wolf but I am curious as to what else you will grace this fandom with.

Stranger Things (Have Happened) by @princess-of-the-worlds

Detective Will Kinney is determined to expose Klaus Mikaelson as a mob boss by kidnapping his wife Caroline. Kinney just did not see this surprise coming.

It has been WEEKS since I've read this fic and it STILL has me chuckling. Like SERIOUSLY. Klaus getting that call about his wife being kidnapped and he is like "good luck with that" and hangs up is just hilarious.

I love a self-sufficient Caroline.

This fic has made me deep dive and binge a few of your Klaroline fics (also, scrolling past all the Torchwood has me curious) and while I LOVE them all, this one will always be my favorite. Please, keep writing for us.

The Witch Queen @galvanizedfriend

Caroline always knew she was different. She was keyed into her own otherness very early on. Strange things happened around the Forbes women. Her mother never really had to spell it out to her, give it a name. Caroline could always sort of feel it, and then at some point the feeling blossomed into comprehension, and comprehension hardened into fact. And with that came an altogether different kind of certainty: this was not a secret she'd be able to keep forever. One day, no matter how hard she tried to hide it, everyone would find out. And when they did, they would come for her.

Okay, so I wasn't sure if I wanted to highlight this or The Sound of Settling because I love them both (top two fav fics you've written) but chose this because I think more people need to know about it. You are a fantastic writer and such a sweet person. I really enjoy chatting with you and while I know you're busy at the moment with work and may not even see this, just know that I appreciate everything you do for the fandom.

The Raven Hunter by @lynyrdwrites

There is a killer hunting frat boys on campus. The Raven Hunter is a terrible name... not that Caroline has a reason to care or anything.

Sigh, so originally I was going to highlight the fic you wrote me (which I absolutely adore and have read more times than I should admit) but I came back to this one. This is a comfort fic of mine. It is one that I come to when I need something familiar and happy to come home to and the idea of serial killer Caroline is just up my alley.

I've read so many of your fics that I cannot get over them. Please please please keep blessing us with your writing.

Hallowed Ground by @kirythestitchwitch

Caroline's trip to Ireland was not going the way it was supposed to. She was expecting stories and myths, and instead finds that some legends are a lot more real than she could have imagined. And hot. Really hot.

I had NO IDEA what fic I was picking for you. Why? Because I love them all. I picked this one because I cannot get the idea of Caroline killing Damon in a church out of my mind. Perfection I tell you.

Now, I must praise your writing in general. Honestly, Kiry you are a gift. You're talented and a beautiful person inside and out and this fandom is SO lucky to have you.

burn your kingdom down @definedareasofuncertainty

When Caroline Forbes, the Wardeness of the North, decides to start a war against the King of the Seven Kingdoms, she finds an unlikely ally in the rightful heir to the throne.

I was torn between this fic and like a wedding dress needs dirt but my love for Game of Thrones won. This fic is STEAMING with passion, lust, and everyting I want in my fanfiction. Honestly, this is beautiful. The writing, as is everything you write, is spectacular. The yearing between them that they honestly did not want to admit to is just...perfect. Temporary ally my ass. While I suck at leaving my comments (I NEED to be better) I have to admit that you are honestly a fantastic writer and I have read almost all of your fics, and have loved everyone of them.

Acrimonious Accompaniment @supremeuppityone

This is a historical Regency human AU. It’s the day after Klaus and Caroline’s arranged marriage — and it’s just as uncomfortable as it is unconsummated. Or, how 2 stubborn people + misunderstandings = sexytimes.

Almost like everyone on this list, I pondered what fic I wanted to highlight. In the end, I went to my love of historical fics and chose the one you wrote for me. This is just beautiful with the PINING and miscommunication between Klaus and Caroline. You're writing has a light and humorous feel that brings me happiness to come back to when I need a pick-me-up.

This goes without saying but keep writing and bringing us all joy. (Also, your graphics are A+)

teeth in the grass by @little-miss-sunny-daisy

"Doors opening and shutting, footsteps in the hallway with no one around, things disappearing and reappearing around the house. That kind of thing.”

or: Caroline Forbes inherits her great-grandmother's house.

a southern gothic AU

Don't mind me. Just me sitting on pins and needles, waiting for this fic to grace my screen again. I yearn for this Kelly, but alas, you know this. As a pocket friend, I must say that not only do I enjoy your writing, but am so happy for you in every aspect of what is going on in your life. While I cannot wait for more of this fic (and from you in general) my eagerness to find out what haunts Caroline's home can wait.

A Union of Changes by @withyouandthemoon

To end a ten-year war between her coven and the vampires, Caroline had to marry the Original Hybrid Klaus in order to seal a deal of truce. With wedding preparations on the surface and wicked shenanigans brewing underneath, it was a life-changing time for the small-town witch. On top of it all, she had to deal with the unbidden charms of her top enemy, as well as her own unexpected attraction towards him. When dangerous schemes involving arrows and spells followed the wedding bells, what would become of the newlyweds?

GIRL, this WORLD BUILDING is god-tear. Like really, you built an entire fucking Harry Potter-esc type work and delivered some of the best smut I've ever read. Like holy shit. My never ending screaming over this will not end because I just want MORE. I will take this with greedy hands and run HAPPILY into the gates of hell. Please note that ALL of that is a compliment.

Cafune by @destellolunar

The hunter's curse has taken over. The hallucinations become more and more prominent as Klaus wonders if the girl with blonde hair and bright blue eyes is real or if he has already completely lost his mind.

Or, Klaus finally finds his soulmate after centuries.

Oh Sabrina, I know that I praised you yesterday for your graphic making abilities but I would be missing a massive opportunity to show case this beauty. You have a gift for words and I whole heartily mean that. If you ever feel the need to have someone cheer you up, come knock on my door because you are so talented in more ways than one that I will be more than happy to sing your praises, over and over.

All I Need by @euvixen

In which I vaguely follow TVD canon and write the soulmate/werewolf mating AU which absolutely no one asked for.

OR

The one in which Klaus finds his soulmate, gets bitten, hides his mating mark from her and waits for the day she'll let him give her one back. Fluffy, mildly angsty slow burn with possible super hot hybrid smut in later chapters.

Maddie, I do not know what is better, the sex or the lead up to the sex. Because HOLY SHIT this fic is hot. I did almost pick Could I Choose You but changed my mind and went with the first fic of course I've ever read. Honestly, you might be the best smut writer in the fandom and I love you for it. I still can't get over that you run Klarolinelookalikes.

Okay- so thats the end of my fic rec. I could have went on and on and on and on because there are so many people in this fandom that are beautiful and wonderful but I had to stop somewhere. When making this list, I had intended to grace all of you with beautiful graphics for your fics- but as you can see, that was ambitious and time was not on my side. Just know that I love all these fics and writers whole heartedly and I thank you ALL for being in this fandom.

[xaibaugrove]

Addressing the Casual (and Direct) Biphobia in the Korrasami Community

So this will either get a lot of flak or fade into obscurity. I am a member of the Korrasami community who has not been here for nearly as long as the more notable members and I am not very active to say the least. But this platform gives me the ability to speak my mind and after letting this topic fester within me for as long as I’ve been in this community, I am going to speak my damn mind because this shit needs to be said.

The Backstory

I won’t bore anyone with my whole confused bisexual life story, because this isn’t about me. But just for some background here, I was a confused bisexual for my entire life until Korra and Asami basking in the light of the Spirit Portal made me see the actual light and recognize my sexuality. Which was a little crazy for me to realize that, yeah, there is a way to be attracted to men and still be attracted to women.

I saw so much of myself in Korra. She was super awkward around guys she thought were cute, she was buff, she was tough and sometimes she just blurted out all her deep seated feelings towards guys she just met and you know, I felt that. She also fell in love with her female best friend and I felt that, too. Naturally after rewatching the series as an adult, I wanted to see if there were others out there who appreciated this couple as much as I did.

The Issue

While I found a vast online community that had as much love for Korrasami as I did, I quickly found that there were a large majority of lesbian/WLW fans who didn’t have as much love for Korra and Asami’s very real attraction to Mako. 

Take a look at the Korrasami AO3 tag. I’ve actually had someone tell me that no one who reads Korrasami fanfic wants to read anything featuring Korra or Asami with Mako. I’ve seen fics that have a timeline that starts with both women being toddlers growing up into adults without one single mention of them being attracted to boys or men at all, nonetheless attracted to Mako. And in the rare scenario that a relationship with Mako or any male is mentioned, then comes the frustrating storybeat that they either dated men because they were too shy/scared to approach each other (thus rendering the men as just things to do in the meantime) or worse yet, because they were CONFUSED OR CONFORMING TO SOCIAL/GENDER NORMS.

In the 3 or 4 years I’ve been part of the fandom, I’ve had actual conversations with lesbian friends who have found every way possible to wave away Korra and Asami’s attraction to Mako. Or even reacting in disgust to Makorra or Masami at every mention of it. Which is fair, if you’re a KA fan of course that’s an expected reaction to another ship involving your OTP but, to completely dismiss the importance of it...? There are those who would call those parts of the series “pointless” or “ridiculous”. It’s really disheartening to know that a lot of lesbian KA fans consider the queer rep in the series soured by the 2 seasons where they had to watch Korra and Asami, two bi women, be attracted to a man.

It was jarring to say the least, to have conversations with friends where I couldn’t bring up Korra or Asami’s relationships with Mako during discussions about their development without being shot down and having the relationships be dismissed. The reaction to Korra and Asami’s attraction to men was so strong that I even started to feel ashamed about how “frivolous” or “trivial” my own attraction to men was perceived. 

Not too long ago, I saw a meme on Reddit that sent me over the edge and inspired me to write this post. The user has since deleted the post, but I remember it very vividly, only because I’ve seen some version of it many times before. The meme basically referred to how frustrated the viewer had been after being told that TLOK had great queer rep, but feeling as though they were cheated having to watch them “fuck around with guys for 2 seasons” (their words), only to be saved at the end, when Korra and Asami finally get together.

When I saw it, I was immediately fuming. Because at that point, I had seen this shit so much, it hurt more than anything else. And the pain mixed with the rage but...I think the pain still comes through in my reply to the post. 

I’ve seen sooo much content and sooo many posts or comments where a user asks whether TLOK has good LGBTQ+ rep, only to have someone reply that it’s a letdown because the queer rep doesn’t happen until the finale. Another all too common discussion I’ve seen is where fans call Korra and Asam’s bisexuality into question. One example 

I understand that it sucks that we didn’t get more romantic interactions between the two women during the show for external reasons outside the creators’ control. I wish there had been a kiss here, more blushes there. But the crushes on Mako were real. And their interest in each other, albeit all too short in its depiction, is also real. And that means something to me, a bisexual woman. To say the rep is a letdown is...sad. Because Korra is featured in every episode starting from the first and Asami is featured in every ep from the 4th or 5th episode. And they’re both wonderfully, beautifully bisexual. Seeing that mattered to me. 

So, to anyone who is a lesbian or WLW and a Korrasami fan and you’re reading this post and feel attacked, just stop instead to examine your language within the fandom. I understand you want “pure” WLW content or whatever... but just stop making me feel ashamed for being a wlw who is also attracted to men... and please stop erasing that attraction from two of the few bisexual characters I have that are like me... I’m tired, so tired of having to defend my attraction to both sexes with people outside the LGBTQ+ community and those within it. 

[lee-scribbles-and-doodles]

My Top Ten Overlooked Movies With Female Leads In No Particular Order

Note: When you see this emoji (⚠️) I will be talking about things people may find triggering, which are spoilery more often then not. I mention things that I think may count as triggers so that people with them will be aware before going in to watch any of these.

Edited: 3/16/21

Hanna (2011)

So, before I get into why you should watch this movie, I just want to take a moment to say why it's near and dear to my heart. Growing up as a queer kid in the early 2000s, seeing portrayals of people like or similar to myself on anything was rare at best. It was mostly in more "adult" movies or shows that my parents would occasionally let me watch with them that I'd see any lgbtq+ rep at all. Often times they were either walking stereotypes, designed to be buried, evil, or all three.

Then here comes this PG-13 action thriller with a wonderfully written main female lead who, at the time, was close to my age, and who got to kiss another girl (her very first friend, Sophie) on screen in an extremely tender and heartwarming scene. To say the least, it was a life changing moment for me personally.

Now that I've gotten that out of the way, Hanna is a suspenseful movie about a child super-soldier named, you guessed it, Hanna (played by Saoirse Ronan) and her adoptive (?) father Erik Heller (played by Eric Bana) exiting the snowy and isolated wilderness of their home and taking on the shadowy CIA operative, Marissa Wiegler (played by Cate Blanchette) who wants Erik dead and Hanna for herself for mysterious reasons.

It also has an amazing soundtrack by the Chemical Brothers, great action scenes, and it has an over arching fairytale motif, which I'm always a sucker for.

⚠️ Mild blood effects, some painful looking strikes, various character deaths, and child endangerment all feature in this film. However, given its PG-13 rating, a majority of viewers are presumably able to handle this one. Still, be aware of these going in.

Sidenote: It's recently gotten a TV adaptation on Amazon TV, although I have not watched it, and do not know if Hanna and Sophie's romantic/semi-romantic relationship has transferred over.

A Simple Favor

A Simple Favor is a "black-comedy mystery thriller" centered entirely around the relationship between two mothers, the reclusive, rich, mysterious, and regal Emily (played by Blake Lively), and the local recently widowed but plucky mommy blogger, Stephanie (played by Anna Kendrick). When Emily suddenly goes missing, Stephanie takes it upon herself to find out what happened to her new best friend.

It's a fantastic and entertaining movie throughout, with fun, flawed and interesting characters. The relationship between the two female leads is also implied to be at least somewhat romantic in nature, and they even share a kiss.

⚠️ The only major warnings I can think of is that the movie contains an instance of incest and one of the main plotlines revolves around child abuse, although both of these potentially triggering topics are not connected to each other, so there is thankfully no csa going on.

Edit: I legitimately forgot there was drug use in this movie until now. So, yeah, if that's a trigger, be careful of that.

I Am Mother

I became mildly obsessed with this movie when it came out. I Am Mother is a sci-fi film that centers entirely around a cast of two woman, and a female-adjacent robot who is brought to life on screen with absolutely amazing practical effects.

The plot is such, after an extinction-level event, a lone robot known only as Mother tasks herself with replenishing the human race via artifical means. She begins with the film's main protagonist, Daughter. Years go by as Mother raises her human child and the two prepare for Daughter's first sibling (a brother) to be born. However, on Daughter's 16th birthday, the arrival of an outsider known only as Woman shakes Daughter's entire world view. She begins to question Mother's very nature, as well as what's really going on outside the bunker she and her caretaker call home.

⚠️ This movie features child endangerment and reference to child death.

Lilo and Stitch

When I decided to add a single Disney film to this list I initially thought it was going to be hard but almost immediately my brain went to Lilo and Stitch, and specifically about the relationship between Lilo and Nani.

On the surface, this film is about a lonely little girl accidentally adopting a fugitive alien creature as a "dog," but underneath that the story is also about two orphaned sisters and the older sister's attempts to not let social services tear them apart by stepping up as the younger sister's primary guardian. Despite its seemingly goofy premise, Lilo and Stitch has a very emotional and thoughtful center. It's little wonder how this movie managed to spawn an entire franchise.

Despite the franchise it spawned (or possibly because of it), I often find that Lilo and Stitch is overlooked and many people only remember it for the "little girl adopts an alien as a pet" portion of its plot, and I very rarely see it on people's top 10 Disney lists.

⚠️ This movie could be potentially triggering to people who were separated from their siblings or other family members due to social service intervention. There's also a bit of child endangerment, including a scene where Lilo and Stitch both almost drown.

Nausicaä and the Valley of the Wind

Unlike the above entry, I did struggle a little bit with picking a single Studio Ghibli film. Most media of the Ghibli catalogue have strong, well-written, unique, and interesting female leads so selecting just one seemed like quite the task.

However, I eventually settled on this particular film. In recent months, Princess Nausicaä has become my absolute favorite Ghibli protagonist and I'm absolutely enchanted by the world she lives in.

Set in a post-apocalyptic world overun by giant insects and under threat of a toxic forest and its poisoness spores, Nausicaä must try to protect the Valley of the Wind from invaders as she also tries to understand the science behind the toxic forest and attempts to bridge the gap between the insects and the humans.

For those who have never seen the film, I think Nausicaä's personality can best be described as being similar to OT Luke Skywalker. Both are caring, compassionate, and gentle souls who are able to see the best in nearly anyone or anything. She's an absolutely enthralling protagonist and after rewatching the film again for the first time in well over a decade she has easily become one of my all time favorite protagonists.

Whenever I see people talk about Ghibli films, they rarely mention this one, and when they do mention it, it's often in passing. In my opinion it's a must watch.

⚠️ This movie contains some blood, and the folks who either don't like insects or who have entomophobia may not appreciate the giant bugs running about throughout the movie. (Although most insects do not directly relate to real life bugs, and are fantasy creatures).

A Silent Voice

A Silent Voice is an animated movie adaptation of a manga of the same name. While I've never had the pleasure to read the manga, the movie is phenomenal. It covers topics such a bullying, living in the world with a disability, the desire for atonement, social anxiety, and depression in a well thought out manner that ties itself together through the progression of the relationship between its two leads, Shoya and Shouko. It's also beautifully animated. Although very popular among anime viewers, I've noticed that it's often overlooked by people who watch little to no anime. So I suppose this is me urging non-anime viewers to give this film a chance.

⚠️ As mentioned above, the movie deals with bullying, anxiety, and depression (with this last one including suicidal thoughts and behaviour). If discussion of those topics are triggering to you, than you may want to proceed with caution or skip this movie all together.

In This Corner of The World

Another manga adaptation, this one taking place during WWII-era Japan. In This Corner of The World follows the life of a civilian Japanese woman, Suzu Urano, as she navigates simply living and her new marriage as the wartime invades nearly all aspects of everyday life. I think this movie is a good representation of what it must be like to be living as civilian in a country at war where the fight is sometimes fought on one's own soil. It was also an interesting look into pre-50s Japanese culture in my opinion. It's also beautifully animated featuring an art style I don't see often.

Despite it being well known among anime fans, I never really see it be brought up, even among said anime fans themselves.

Side note: I've seen many WWII dramas centering around civilians but they've almost always been about American or UK civilians. This was the first movie I'd seen that features the perspective of a Japanese civilain.

⚠️ Features the death of a child and limb loss. There's also a disturbing scene featuring a victim of one of the atomic bombs near the end.

Wolf Children: Ame and Yuki

This film follows Hana, a Japan-native woman who fell in love with a magical shape-shifting wolf-man, and her trials with raising their children, who can also magically shape-shift into wolves, on her own. It's a very heartfelt movie about a mother's love and the struggles of doing right by your children when you have limited resources to actively guide and care for them. All the characters feel unique and alive in my opinion. Also, the animation is so good that my sister and I initially mistook it for a Ghibli film.

Again, like the previous two anime entries, I don't see it ever brought up outside of anime circles.

⚠️ There's some child endangerment present in the film, although none of it is the fault of Hana as far as I can remember.

Roman Holiday

Roman Holiday is about the fictional Princess Ann (played by Audrey Hepburn), who while on a whirlwind tour of Europe, finally reaches her breaking point over having her entire life be one big schedule and all her words and actions being rehearsed. In the spur of the moment, she runs away in hopes of experiencing what life is like for other women. Unfortunately, she was previously given a sedative, meaning she doesn't get too far before it takes effect. Fortunately, she is found by the kind reporter Joe Bradley (played by Gregory Peck). Believing her to be drunk and unable to get an address from her (because she has none) he ends up taking her home for safety's sake and allows her to sleep off her suppose drunken stupor. The next day, he realizes who she is, and decides to take her on a fun sight seeing trip across Rome in hopes of getting the big scoop. Along the way, they begin to fall for each other.

This is my favorite black and white, old romance film. I think the relationship between the main characters is absolutely beautiful and I have a lot of fun watching it.

⚠️ I'm not entirely sure what kind of warning this film would need. However, it was released in 1953, so values dissonance will probably be at play for many viewers to at least some extent. For example, early in the film Ann is given sedation drugs by her doctor for her behavior, something that is very unlikely to happen today. Also, Mr Bradley deciding to take Ann home to keep her safe rather than call the police or an ambulance is a very pre-90s decision in my opinion.

[hawkland]

(Mostly) Destiel Fic Recs #5

This is a LONG recs post because it’s been a while since I did an update and I fell hard into reading one author’s work (DeanRH). In fact I could easily do a rec post just of their fics alone, but for this round I’m just going to pick out a handful of my absolute favorites so far, the ones I’d recommend to start out with, along with more other authors’ works I’ve especially enjoyed lately.

Absolution at the Five-and-Dime by DeanRH (125k)  - this is perhaps THEE DeanRH fic to start with if you want a good, long read with a little bit of everything (Roadtrips! Intriguing casefic! Americana! Tasty Dean/Cas pining! Wing!kink and unique angel lore! Kinky soul fisting and tentacles!) It’s kind of two of parallel stories in one: the first, a flashback to Dean and Sam's first year hunting on their own (as well as trying to avoid hunting, and John in general); the second on how Dean and Cas finally get together during an unusual case and when Dean is able to really let go of his past trauma and accept himself/accept love from Cas. 

What I love about DeanRH’s work is that they write from the unique point of view of a drifter, so they understand living on the road, traveling place to place, and the highs and lows of that life like no others I’ve encountered in SPN before. (The author’s notes are often as much fun to read as the stories themselves). They also write a kickass angel!Cas and never lose sight of his non-human traits and background. Their writing style is unique - almost poetic in nature, and I know some readers have found it difficult to get into. But it works really well for me in their SPN fic...gives it the flavor of oral story telling as might actually happen at a drifter’s camp (with one story written exactly as such). Be warned this particular fic does play up the idea of John Winchester being mentally abusive and Dean having to turn tricks when he was younger in order to support him and Sam, so there is some dark stuff. But as someone who grew up with mentally abusive parent, reading this was extremely cathartic to me and believably written (unlike some stories that go too over the top with abusive John, or just don't understand how that kind of abuse leaves lifetime psychological scars.)

The rest of this round’s recs below the cut.

Carnevale by DeanRH (18k) - Actually the first fic by this author I read, because I just couldn’t resist a story set in my favorite place in the world, Venice, Italy. Castiel is the Angel of Venice, banished there for so long he does not even know or remember the reasons why. But Carnevale season is the one time a year he can let his wings out - figuratively and literally. And during this particular Carnevale season, he meets an intriguing masked young American tourist there with his brother and their one night stand turns into something far more powerful than either expected. This one’s hot, romantic, and achingly sad at the end as it all ties together unexpectedly with canon-verse...though with a hint for the future so it’s definitely not totally sad. I loved how DeanRH clearly understands Venice as a fellow lover of the city, the side of it most tourists never see unless they spend a long time there. This story made me cry just from wanting to be back in Venice again.

Ice cream was sweeter, food more satisfying, everything was an epicurean delight. There was just something magical about Venice, and he had lived here in the city for hundreds of years, so the shine should have worn off by now.

But it didn't, and there was always something more, something wonderful to discover around the next corner. The painted eaves of a church. The beauty of two women dancing with flowers in their teeth across the Piazza San Marco one day, overcome by the sheer joy of just being there. The way the university students still created Venetian masks, like Castiel's extravagant volto mask and Dean's humble servetta muta, with crafts that had been handed down across the generations. The morning silence that lay against the stones.

Hard Landing by DeanRH (26.9k) - A bit similar in theme to Carnevale. A pre-series Dean and Sam are sight-seeing in Spain when an angel, struck by a babel-spell, crash lands right in front of Dean. A strange yet seriously hot encounter with the angel turns into something much more complicated when the brothers return home and realize something more serious is afoot and they are both trapped in the middle of it. This is another story where things are very much not as they seem at first (as fun as that is!) It features master strategist Cas at his best, with a side helping of delightful trickery care of Gabriel and Balthazar as they deal with Lucifer, Michael...and a few others along the way.

The Sacred Band of Thebes by DeanRH (14.5k) - The last DeanRH fic I’m gonna allow myself to include in this round up, because it’s just very soft and sweet and beautiful - for a story about Dean & Cas being magically transported back in time to ancient Sparta! This is another story infused with a great knowledge of place and history, with some wonderfully delightful original characters added in that make it all the more enjoyable to read.

And now on to some other authors, I promise!

IPAMIS OL OLPRIT by emmbrancsxx0 (56k). A really wonderful fic that take a different look at what might have happened with a temporarily resurrected John Winchester during Season 14. Dean & Cas are in an established relationship here, and John here isn’t too happy about it — though mostly because he sees Cas (and Jack) as monsters, the kind of monsters he spent his lifetime hunting. This is a great fic for the emotional complexity of how John, Dean and Cas are all handled. John isn’t a cardboard evil dad, Dean is struggling between his loyalty to his father and to Cas, and Cas is increasingly bitchy/frustrated at Dean still being so desperate for his father’s approval (and all the more complex for not just being a quietly suffering perfect supporting boyfriend.) There’s some great action sequences in this too along with the emotional angst and a delicious dose of hurt!Cas if that’s your thing (as it is for me :D)

Abrenuntio by Neonbat (51k). A very dark but compelling AU take on the/a apocalypse universe. Dean, Sam and John are all alive in this post-angel war-apocalyptic world. They are part of a group of human survivors fighting against the angel army when they manage to capture “Blue” — a particularly feared angel of death. Dean is tasked with bringing Blue in for interrogation and he becomes a prisoner in their camp after John is killed. As mentioned, this is a pretty dark/sad fic (with some rather gruesome torture scenes) but I still found it quite compelling as a look at how things could have gone in some other parallel universe. And somehow the author manages to make the Dean/Cas relationship come together despite them starting out as complete enemies. This is one of those AUs that works for me because the core of the characters really shine through despite the differences in the setting.

if it all fell to pieces tomorrow by spocklee (37k) - a gorgeous post-Empty rescue fic that takes an approach I haven’t really seen explored in detail before (despite being something I’ve actually thought about as something that could’ve happened.) What if Cas has spent so long denying himself happiness, and then trapped in regrets and false-rescue scenarios created by the Empty, that he can’t trust that his rescue is real? And so he runs off to be on his own - literally stealing the Impala because he can’t handle being in Dean’s presence one moment longer - and only slowly comes to terms with the idea that it’s over now and he can be happy with/around his friends and family. This one’s both deliciously angsty and at times funny/sweet, looking at Cas’s relationships not just with Dean but with Sam, Jack, Claire, even Eileen. It does some fun stuff with other returned angels and demons who now find themselves back on Earth (and human), and...I just really enjoyed this one a lot.

Both Saved and Lost by angelfishofthelord (13.7k) Gen Cas character study, absolutely gorgeous and sad and one of those fic I couldn’t stop thinking about the day after reading it. AU where Apocaverse!Cas isn’t immediately killed by our Cas during 13x22 but instead hitches a ride back to the main ‘verse. Dean and Sam want to keep him alive for information on Michael; Cas is torn and trying to figure out just how similar—or different—they really are. Some great angel stuff here (I also highly recommend this author’s Jack & Cas “dadstiel” fics, they’re equally lovely and heartbreaking at the same time.)

flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k) - THEE “What exactly did Dean eat in Purgatory, anyway?” fic you’ve probably already heard about. *cough* I’ve been trying to work up the courage to read this one for a while and finally gave in and OH MY CHUCK I’m so glad I did. It’s perversely disturbing and beautiful at the same time, Cas is wonderfully DERANGED and ALIEN in that way that I love it when fics managed to convey just how much angels are NOT human. Do heed the tags.

Full of Grace by ilovehowyouletmefall (11k) - Another one for the weird-as-fuck-angel!Cas lovers’ list. Heaven/canon-compliant fic where Dean knows he should feel happy and at peace but he just...isn’t, even with Cas and all of his friends and family there. He finally goes looking for Cas when he’s been absent for a time and, for the first time, gets to not just see but experience his true form. Another one that hits some kinks I knew I had and others I didn’t...until now. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

don't ask me where i've been by saltwound / @1x06 (8k) - I can never resist a good 09x06 fiction gap fic! What makes this one really stand out is how well it captures Cas’s internal voice - his struggles adapting to human senses, limitations and emotions versus what/how he experienced things as an angel. The longing and feelings between Dean & Cas here are so achingly beautiful and I just wanted to cry when Cas says he misses hearing Dean’s prayers, so Dean, he...oh, I’m not going to spoil it. *happy sigh* Just read it.

this room is wrong by DarkHeartInTheSky (12k) - Sometimes I like torturing myself with some good 15x03 divorce arc angst and this fic hit that button just so. It’s an alternative take on where Cas might have ended up after leaving the bunker and features some great Cas & Sam friendship feels, when Sam sets out to try to bring Cas home. It’s all the stuff you’d wish the writers would’ve let them talk out in canon.

Well that’s more than enough for this round! Go forth, read and give some great writers some kudos & comment love!

[foodieforthoughts]

Sand and Stars - Chapter Eight

Series Summary: After the water pump being blown up, the insurgents in Baqubah are taking a hold of the food supply to the village. Camp Warhorse is in dire need of reinforcements. It has been eight months of submitting countless requests when the High Command commissions Sergeant Olivia Ross to take her group of men and women and help Captain Syverson and his team to restore a semblance of normalcy. But with the war raging, does it get two hearts closer too?

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC x OMC

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: 18+, smut, fingering, oral (female receiving), sexual intercourse, unprotected sex, foul language, mentions of war, military technicalities (thread with caution)

A/N: Dum, Dum, DUM!!! We are finally here! The smutty part of the series is here and also an added twist in the end. I hope you guys like it because we are almost reaching the end. And as always a massive thank you to the wonderful beta @thelastsock who's been a huge help. Also, thank you to @cheyentjj​ for suggesting an appropriate face claim for Liv, Julianne Hough is the only one I’ll see as Liv now.  

<Chapter Seven

Title: Chapter Eight

Sy grumbled as he stared at himself in the mirror. His buzz cut was growing out and his beard was becoming scrawnier. He turned his head to the side, grazing his finger over the cut he had over his cheekbone. He had no idea how he had even gotten bruised like that. He wasn’t one to have an opinion on how he looked, but now that he had a woman in his life, he was suddenly more mindful.

Shrugging his shoulders, Sy turned around to grab his t-shirt from the back of the chair. His eye caught the silver chain lying on the table. He grabbed it in his hand, turning the medal in his palm. Liv always wore it but somehow, she had forgotten about it today. Sy was not religious or superstitious but he liked the idea that Liv’s friend cared about her enough to gift her something to keep her safe all the time.

Placing the chain back on the table, Sy couldn't help but think about what he had going on with Liv since the night she had spent in his room. He felt their relationship had evolved; she was opening up to him, telling him about her life, letting him in. Although, his heart had ached when she had told him about her family.

Sy had his arm draped over Liv, his fingers entwined with hers. Her back against his chest, her head resting on his extended arm. It was the third night in a row when Liv had come knocking on his door. He didn’t question her, only embraced her and cuddled her to sleep.

“Are you still awake?” He had whispered that night, not wanting to disturb the silence.

“Yeah.”

“Can I ask you something?” When she nodded, he continued. “What did you mean by ‘no one’s waiting for you back home’?”

Sy stared at the back of her head. He had been meaning to ask her about it for a while, but the moment never seemed right. He was almost certain she wasn’t going to answer when Liv sighed.

“My dad always wanted a son.” She adjusted against him, pulling his arm tighter around her. “He’s a real estate broker and has made a fortune out of it. He always had the idea that a son would be the one he would pass the mantle to.”

Sy scoffed. “That’s misogynistic.”

“Yeah, that’s my dad.” Liv sighed. “After I was born, he was clearly disappointed. He took his frustration out on mom, he treated her very badly. In turn, she took it out on me. So, I never really spent time with them as much. When my brother was born, my father was overjoyed and showered my mother with all his love, and she decided to dedicate her life to my brother’s upbringing. When my grandma asked me if I wanted to move in with her, I didn’t even put up a fight, and neither did they.”

“Baby,” Sy turned her in his arms to face him. Liv’s eyes held sorrow but there were no tears. Sy wondered if she had grown so accustomed to being neglected by her parents, she didn’t even feel anything more than disappointment. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. If they wouldn’t have treated me the way they did, I wouldn’t have become the person I am today. I probably wouldn’t have even joined the army.” She placed her hand on his cheek, smiling weakly. “How would I have met you?”

 Sy smiled to himself. He had kissed her after that, feeling immensely happy for having her in his life. He would have never imagined meeting an incredible woman like Liv while being out in the desert. Sometimes he wondered if he was falling for her.

“Hey!” Liv announced, opening the door wide. She had a huge smile on her face, her skin slick with sweat and her eyes blown wide with exhilaration. “Pepps’s going to tell you everything, but I was so excited to tell you first.”

Sy raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. He could see Liv practically bouncing on her toes as she rubbed her hands together. He watched as she closed the door and walked up to him to give a chaste kiss on his lips.

“You know we’ve been trying to get more people on our side,” she pulled her jacket off, draping it neatly over the chair. She plopped down on the bed, crossing her legs and smiling widely up at Sy. “We just got someone on the inside.”

“What do you mean?”

“You told me we have intel that there’s a new leader for the militants, I suggested we should try someone to infiltrate the group. Mahmoud fixed us with a young man who is on our side but will provide us information about the militant activities.”

Sy was impressed. He had approved Pepps for trying to recruit Mahmoud’s man, but Liv had no knowledge about it. He wanted to see how much effort Liv was ready to put into getting the job done. He felt even prouder and in awe of his woman every time he saw her in action.

“Also,” She straightened her leg and fished out a trimmer from her pocket. “I managed to get it from a barber shop at the village.”

Sy smirked with a naughty thought entering his mind. “Want a trim? Maybe I could help.”

Liv rolled her eyes at him and started detangling the wires from the trimmer. “Just FYI, I got everything laser removed. So, it’s smooth like butter down there.”

Sy felt his mouth go dry with the new revelation. He couldn’t help but let his imagination run wild, thinking exactly about having his mouth on the aforementioned part of Liv's body. Explicit was often where his thoughts went when he had her in his arms lately. Her body fit wonderfully in his, arranged in his arms like a perfectly matched puzzle piece. Each night he fought the urge to wake her and make love to her then and there.

“Okay, soldier. I can practically hear your thoughts.” She snickered, pointing at his crotch. He grumbled adjusting his pants that had tightened under the inevitable effect of his filthy ideas. “And this for you. I see how you keep looking at your hair and your beard. I could give you a buzz.”

Sy scoffed, grabbing his gun from the table and putting it in his thigh holster. “I’ll get it done from someone else.”

“Sy, I’m tired and I have only three hours until I have to go to my post. So please, get your ass here.” She bent down to wave her hand over the floor. She plugged in the trimmer on the socket above the bed. She looked at him expectantly, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand.

“If anything goes wrong, we’ll just shave it all.” Sy muttered and sat down on the floor, resting his back against the metal frame of his bed. He grimaced as the familiar buzzing of the trimmer started behind him. With the touch of the old blades of the device, Sy winced involuntarily.

“Stop it.” Liv warned, holding onto his shoulder and running the trimmer along his neck. “I know what I’m doing, Captain J.A. Syverson.”

Sy groaned on hearing his full name. Liv staying in his room meant she noticed personal things about him. She had looked through his trunk for a spare t-shirt and casually asked him about his initials written on the metal box. He knew at some point she ought to know about his first name, but he was perfectly fine with being known by his last name for the time being.

“I figured it out by the way.” He could hear the glee in her voice over the buzzing of the machine. “Why did you never tell me your name's John Andrew?” She giggled, brushing the hairs out of his t-shirt.

“I was getting to it.” He mumbled bringing his legs up and resting his arms on them. “Who told you?”

“I’m not going to rat out my informant.” Liv tapped him on his shoulder and indicated him to look up. She trimmed the hair on the top of his head with her tongue sticking out the corner of her mouth in concentration. Sy smiled at her adorable face, his fingers itched to touch her. She kissed the top of his head when she noticed his smile, moving onto his side burns next.

He tried to look at her from the corner of his eyes while she trimmed his hair. Everything about this situation felt so domestic. He had no clue he had yearned for something like this, only feeling it now he was experiencing it. It felt blissful and satisfying. Sy also felt delighted about Liv’s cheerful attitude and watching her be her previous self was like a breath of freshness in the stale air of grief that surrounded her.

“All done.” Liv announced. She dusted off the hair, turning his head from side to side to check her work. “Part-time at the local salon has finally paid off.”

Sy was about to stand up to look in the mirror when a knock sounded on the door. Pats, from his men, pushed open the door. A cigarette hung from his mouth, his dark beard scraggly and long. Sy jutted his chin for him to speak, looking himself in the mirror and being content with the way Liv had trimmed his hair.

“Call from the base.” Pats informed, throwing a casual wave towards Liv before heading out into the corridor.

“Duty calls, Captain.” Liv yawned, sniffling and settling down on his bed. “Wake me up when you come back?” She yawned again as she pulled the blanket over her body.

“You’re going to sleep here?” Sy questioned as he walked back to Liv. He smiled as Liv nodded, pulling the blanket up to her nose. Sy looked down at her, smiling as he observed her bundled up on his bed. For the first time in his entire military career, he wanted to neglect his job and just curl up next to Liv. “How do I thank you for a job well done?”

Sy noted how Liv bit her lip between her teeth, looking up at him with mischief dancing in her eyes. She closed her eyes and brought her arm to rest on her forehead. “I’m sure you can come up with something.” She whispered sensuously, peeking at him from underneath her arm.

Sy felt his throat go dry again as several ideas popped up in his head. He cleared his throat and leaned down to place a kiss on her lips. “Will do, ma’am.” He said, stealing another kiss and walking out the room. He looked down at his wrist watch, anticipation already brewing for when he could get back to her.

***

Liv groaned as the voices of men from the other room disturbed her sleep once again. It was a hefty price to pay for being a light-sleeper and living around men who could be boisterous when need be. She turned around to face the wall and pulled Sy’s blanket closer to her face. She breathed in the faint smell of his musk, imagining him to be lying next to her. Habituation was a bitch because she couldn’t get a good sleep until she had Sy’s arms around her.

The door to his room creaked open, alerting her of another presence. She half turned her body to look behind as she heard the door lock and found Sy in the process of removing his holster.

“Back already?” She looked at her wrist watch and noted she still had plenty of time until she had to go to her post. “What did base want-” Her question was cut short as Sy kneeled down next to the bed and captured her lips for a heated kiss. She gasped as he pulled the blanket off her body and threw it unceremoniously on the floor. Without breaking the contact between their lips, Sy climbed on the bed over Liv, capturing her between his limbs.

When they broke away to take a breath, Liv placed her hands on his chest. “What was that?”

“I’m thankin’ ya.” His accent came out prominent and his voice grew huskier. Liv noted how far his pupils were blown as lust overtook his darkening orbs. Running his tongue over his lower lip, Sy leaned down again to kiss her while pulling at her t-shirt tucked in her pants.

Liv’s heart skipped a beat when Sy’s warm calloused hand touched her bare stomach. She arched her back to let Sy pull the t-shirt off her head. She moaned as Sy let his lips travel down the side of her neck, pausing to suck at an erogenous zone which made her toes curl. She grabbed at his t-shirt, tugged at it and helped Sy discard it, adding to the pile of clothes on the floor. She took a moment to marvel at his furry chest, raking her nails over his torso and down to his belly. Her core quivered as she eyed the hairy line that travelled down the middle of his stomach, disappearing beneath his belt.

“I want you so badly right now.” Sy breathed, resuming his work on Liv’s neck, his beard leaving a tingling sensation as it grazed her skin. She reached between their bodies and worked at his belt with an unrestrained urgency. His erection was already beginning to strain against the fabric of his pants, rubbing on her lower abdomen as he moved down to her chest. “I want to fuck you so hard.” He growled against her chest, pulling her bra down to expose her hardened nipples.

Liv gasped as Sy latched onto her nub, sucking at it and grabbing at her other breast. She closed her eyes, drowning herself in pleasure as Sy lavished attention on her tits, sucking and groping each in turn. She palmed Sy through his pants, getting a groan in response that vibrated against her chest. He bucked his hip down, rubbing his crotch against her hand which jostled against her own groin, sending a jolt of excitement throughout her body.

With sweaty hands, she tugged at his pants and pulled them down his hips. Sy shimmed himself out of them and kicked it down to join the discarded clothes. Liv licked her lips, grabbing at Sy’s hardening length which pulled a throaty moan from him. She gulped as she stroked his cock, her fingers unable to fist it entirely in her hand. Sy travelled down her chest leaving kisses along the trail. Her body shivered with what was to come as Sy hurriedly bared her to his gaze.

Lying under Sy’s lascivious stare, Liv’s core throbbed, her stomach fluttered as she felt exposed and vulnerable. She clenched her thighs together as the warmth from her cheeks travelled down to her chest. Sy licked his lips with desire blazing in his eyes. He leaned down again to kiss along her thigh, tickling her with his scruff and nudging her legs apart with his hands. She watched with baited breath, craning her neck to look between her thighs as Sy kissed his path to her mound. Her thighs shuddered as his warm breath washed over her drenched hole. She clutched at the sheets with the anticipation of feeling his mouth on her.

“Get to it already.” Liv pleaded. She could feel Sy smirking against her for which she wanted to just shove his face on her need when suddenly he ran his tongue over her slit. “Fuck.” She rasped as an exquisite pleasure consumed her body. She couldn’t help but moan as Sy pulled her tender folds apart with his fingers, opening her up to him as he lapped at her with voracious hunger.

“You taste delicious, Liv.” He cooed while stopping to pepper kisses on her inner thigh, his finger rimming her clenching pussy. Liv was aware of the many men littered around the compound, some even in the adjacent room. She bit her lip from stopping herself to cry out like a wanton whore as Sy thrusted a thick digit inside her. She grabbed at his shoulder, digging her nails in his skin as he returned to flick his tongue over her clit.

Liv was a squirming mess as Sy worked around her cunt, devouring her with a carnal need and thrusting his finger inside her with fervor. She brought her other hand to her exposed breast, pinching her nipples between her fingers. It wasn’t like Liv was a virgin, but she had to admit she had never felt so overwhelmed by a man eating her out. A strained moan escaped her lips as Sy added another finger and pumped them together, curling them inside her to rub against her swollen bundle of nerves. She could briefly feel his mouth sucking at her sensitive nub, nibbling at it momentarily before licking it.

“Sy.” She groaned. The knot in her belly was tense with her impending orgasm that Sy was trying to draw out from her. She gasped with widened eyes when a third finger entered her tight hole, Sy scissoring them while plunging them in and out of her. It was too much for her to take and with an unrestrained groan she came against his fingers, her body trembling under the intensity of her orgasm.

She laid spent on the bed, sweat covering her skin as ripples of aftershock travelled down her body. Sy licked her clean, placing a gentle kiss on her clit and climbing up to her face. She looked at him with a weak smile, noticing the grin on his lips under his wet whiskers.

“Fuck me, Sy.” She instructed raggedly. Sy leaned down to take her lips in his, her taste lingering on his lips and tongue. She took a shuddering breath as he lined his throbbing cock against her dripping entrance. In one swift move Sy entered her with a grunt, splitting her with his girth and drawing out a sinful moan from the pair. The tip of his cock rubbed against the apex of her womb, teasing it as he moved his hips to pull himself out before plunging inside her again.

“God, you feel so good.” Sy groaned as he began pounding into her with vigor. “I won’t last long.” He warned, laying over her body and bringing his arms underneath her back. He circled her lithe waist with his strong, wide arms as he mercilessly thrusted into her every time reaching up to the hilt, the metal frame of their bed rattling with Sy's thrusts. The sounds outside had faded into nothing, only the wet sound of skin on skin and rhythmic moans reached their ears.

Liv wound her arms around his neck kissing him deeply with a ravenous need to feel every inch of his body. “Cum inside me.” She breathed against his mouth, looking into his eyes with fervent desire. She could feel the unmistakable coiling in her lower belly as Sy’s pelvis ground against her sensitive clit. She knew Sy was close as his thrusts became frantic and his grunts became louder, chasing his release.

Liv dug her face in his neck as another wave of euphoria washed over her making her cry out in ecstasy. Her walls clenched around his pulsating cock and with a guttural, animalistic groan, Sy jerked his hips one last time as he finally reached his release. She felt his release painting her walls, milking him for every drop. The warmth pooling inside her mirroring the warmth pooling in her chest as she regarded Sy above her.

Sy lay over her, careful not to crush Liv with his weight. As he caught his breath, he made to move away but Liv placed her hands on his taut buttocks. halting his movement.

“Stay inside me.” She pleaded with him. Tears pricked at her eyes, her senses overwhelmed with the profound,  all consuming passion she had experienced moments ago. Sy looked up at her, his sweat slicked skin sliding against hers. A soft smile lifted the corners of his lips as his eyes focused on hers.

“I’ve never fallen for someone so hard and so fast.”

Liv stared at him, astonished at his words. She blinked, trying to understand if she was hearing him right. She was at a loss of words, confused and consumed with the fluttering in her chest. She could hear the rapid beating of her heart in her ears as the moments ticked by.

Sy reached up to cup her cheek, sympathy shining in his eyes at the overwhelmed woman in front of him. “You don’t have to say it back, but I think I love you.” He grazed his lips gently over hers, the carnal desire from before replaced with delicate emotion. The silent kiss they shared was soft and placid, enveloping Liv in an unknown tranquillity. “And to answer your question from earlier, base is sending more people here.” he added, with a cheeky smile.

***

Liv gazed at Sy while being seated from across him in his office. He was looking over the papers about the new team arriving later in the day. He wasn’t thrilled about accommodating more people, grumbling about how they worked better in a small unit. She bit her lip as the memories of their frenzied lovemaking from only a few hours earlier came to her mind. There was a huge hickey on her chest which tingled with her heating cheeks.

“Stop staring, Liv.” He mumbled, not even glancing up at her and reaching out to his cup of coffee.

“I’m not staring. I’m admiring.” She teased. She stood up, grabbing her gun from his table and slinging the strap over her shoulder. “Stop stressing about the new people.” She walked up to him and placed a kiss on top of his head. “I’m going to head out.”

“Stay safe.” He called out, shuffling the papers around.

“Be nice.” She winked at him when he looked up.

Liv walked out into the compound with a bounce in her step. Ever since Sy had told her he loved her, she felt elated. She knew she felt something for him but was confused if she liked him or was it love. She didn’t want to mislead him with false promises, waiting to make sure what she felt for him was indeed ‘love’. She'd made that mistake before.

Pepps greeted her near their Humvee. She had grown accustomed to the man’s company and respected him for his skills as a soldier and a negotiator. He tipped his cap at her, pulling his gun up from the hood of the vehicle. “It’s going to be a good day.” He commented before rounding out to the other side and getting into the car.

After an entire day of talking to various men and women who supported their help, Liv was content with their progress in increasing local assistance. One lady had offered her home-made lunch which had smelled delicious but owing to protocols, she had to decline. She had been ecstatic with the new information they had gathered from the informant about the militant leader which was apparent by the bouncing of her leg with impatience.

When they arrived at the camp, Liv noticed the new Humvees parked out front with new faces greeting them at the gate.

“Guess they are here.” Pepps announced, driving their car to an empty spot.

Liv noticed Sloan jogging up to her hurriedly. She alighted the car but was quickly held by the shoulders by the blonde. “You are not prepared for this.” She warned, turning her head to look behind her.

“What-?” Liv questioned but was rendered speechless as her eyes followed Sloan’s line of sight.

It was like the air from her lungs had been punched out. She felt her limbs become cold as a bead of chilling sweat dribbled down her forehead. She gulped as with pressed lips she stared at the one person she did not expect to see, not until she was on leave again. It was like god was laughing at her and plotting to twist her life as she watched both Sy and Alex walk towards her. 

🌟 Series Masterlist 🌟

Chapter Nine>

[lightthewaybackhome]

Sorry this is so long. Probably should have done a 2 parter.

"My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage!" - Aunt Frances, Practical Magic

 

My whole life, as far back as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be artistic. I’ve wanted to create. I love beauty. I love artistry. I love creation. I love the artsy look: jewelry, tattoos, flowing clothing, and funky hair. It is a personal aesthetic I keep returning to, especially as I get older. As a child, I tried so many different forms of art—painting, photography, drawing— but none of them seemed quite right. None of them got what was in my head out. All of them fell short until I started writing. Writing was a flame, a fire, a drug. Writing allowed me to express what was in my imagination. This is the first thing to understand.

Everyone is artistic and art is everywhere. I’ve believed this as long as I can remember. There are amazing artistic feats in our world: books, movies, video games, paintings, sculptures, and magnificent pieces of music. Yes, art can be very high and very special. But, art can also be found in charcuterie boards, homemade quilts, sourdough bread, cocktails, soup, and all ordinary things if we but look and see. Art can be high magic and art can be ordinary. This is the second thing to understand.

As I’ve embraced being a homemaker, a HearthKeeper, a woman where she’s meant to be, I came across the term domestic artist. As much as I didn’t like the book Eve in Exile by Rebekah Merkle, it gave me this. It gave me the term domestic artist. That stuck with me. It spoke to me because it captured both the first and the second thing. It captured the never-ceasing call to create which haunts me at all times, and it elevated and honored the ordinary in a sprinkling of fairy dust. It said, “Yes, you have to cook today. Three meals plus snacks and drinks. It’s your job, but, but, what if, what if instead of looking at it as some drudgery, some Cinderella enslavement, what if you looked at it as an opportunity to create beauty?”

Not every meal, every outfit, every moment of your day can be a work of art. Some days you just have to do what you have to do. Some days get upended in the opening credits with a broken washer or a sleepless child. Some days plans change. Life changes. One minute life looks like this, and then the next it’s on to something completely different. But, the beauty of being a domestic artist is that you can create art in any of these moments and in any setting. You can find art in any moment and in any setting.

See, the world tells us that homemaking, HearthKeeping, is boring. It tells us it’s pointless. A waste. You could be changing the world. Only dumb useless women keep their homes. And that’s because they’re either tied down by a dictator of a husband or the demands of children or the cultural trappings of their religion. Courage, dear heart. Courage! Homemaking is magic. Homemaking is flexible. Homemaking changes with the seasons and the woman. I, I am a bit bohemian, a bit rustic, a mixture of rugged and romantic. I grew up a tomboy, but have embraced being a woman in her home since I was a child. I love leather and lace. I love cottage-witch aesthetics. I love boots and long flowing things. I like deer heads, linen, skulls, and ruffles. I like feathers and dreamcatchers, but I also love to decorate with open space. I love pies and feeding my husband. But, look at this, one of my best friends is a classic. She loves clean lines, traditional and timeless pieces. She loves modern accents. She loves beachy highlights and hammocks. She’s not into farmhouse, rustic modern, or raw-edged wood. On any given Sunday, she’s in a pencil skirt, simple top, simple heels with her three daughters in matching dresses while I’m in distressed boyfriend jeans, a mullet-tucked top, and wearing my crow skull. We’re very different, but we’re both homemakers who love making our homes.

I have a woman in my life who quilts and that flows out into their decorating. So many of her things are beautifully hand sewn. If she wants it, she makes it. Another friend grew up in Africa and her home is filled with her love of that culture. One dear friend loves plants and grows amazing flowers that she uses to create Instagram-worth bouquets. Another woman isn’t super fluffy-feminine but she has an eye for remodeling and so is constantly making improvements on her home: flooring, painting, and more. My sisters, like me, both enjoy a minimalist approach to decorating and all three of us have a special place for coffee. Both my sisters’ homes are welcoming and peaceful even with kids running around like crazy.

That’s the point, the world tells women to band together, that we’re a sisterhood, that we should go out and change the world, abandoning our homes before we’re relegated to only kitchen and nursery work, but reality tells me that the most amazing women I know are busy in their homes. This is sisterhood. This is where we bloom. It is here that we have flexibility. For over five years, I’ve struggled with chronic health issues. Homemaking lets me decide each day what I can do and how I’m going to do it. Homemaking lets you change what you do for each season of life. Lots of littles? Keep it simple. Empty nest? Explore. Somewhere in between? Keep growing. Lots of energy? So many things you can expand into if you just refuse to believe the lie that homemaking is beneath you. Don’t be normal. Don’t believe that homemaking is a waste of time. Don’t buy into the lie that you are somehow being less than everyone else when you raise your children, love your husband, and create beauty. Have the courage to be strange. We were made for this! It suits us. This is an environment women thrive in.

When I got over my grammar inhibitions and started writing, I felt like my soul came alive. I felt like I’d finally found what I’d been searching for since I came into this world. It doesn’t matter whether I’m writing an epic story or writing about HearthKeeping or just word doodling, writing, words, stories just flow from me. Wonderfully, homemaking is like that for me, too. I want to read books, I want to learn, I want to talk about it, I want to do it. It’s not perfect. I don’t always feel glorious, but I do feel ‘right’ when I’m doing this. I feel like I’m where I belong. I feel like this is a place I can both rest in and grow in. I feel safe when I’m having a fatigue flare up and I feel excited when I think about all that I can do.

A real-life example: Sundays are long hard days. They’re days that generally spike my fatigue and my husband is worn out. They’re both the best and hardest day of the week. When we get home I make a cocktail and we crash. Inevitably, the minute I sit down my man asks for a snack and what we’re having for dinner. For several years, this drove me up a wall. It is Sunday. The day of REST, why is it my responsibility to always make food? Epic sigh. Epic whiny sigh. I would meal plan for the whole week and then wing it on Sunday and Monday, always with poor results and grumpiness on my part. Then, one week as I meal-planned, I realized that I could also prepare for the weekend. Lightbulb. Facepalm. Really? Why had it taken me into my 40th year of life to realize that if I want a quiet, restful, happy weekend, I should just plan snacks, drinks, and meals ahead of time? I’m going to blame it on my chronic health, brain fog addled mind. I’m going to blame it on laziness. I’m going to blame it on being a young homemaker. Some are understandable, some are inexcusable.

Sundays now involve way less stress because I can immediately prepare snacks and know what we’re eating the minute we get home. No more attitude issue. No more stress. Easy and nice.

Did this change the world? Does this matter to anyone but myself? Did my husband even notice? Maybe not, but this is homemaking. This is HearthKeeping. It is my job and my calling. Even without notice or world-shattering consequences, I’m pleased with the outcome. More than pleased, I’m really happy about it. It brings me joy and delight to find a better way to take care of my family. It allows me to sprinkle my Sunday afternoon with just a little bit of artistry. I make drinks, snacks, dinner. I feed my family.

See, one of the lies that the feminists preach is that we’re wasted in our homes. And yet, the majority of the women I know who work outside the home aren’t doing glamorous jobs. They’re not travel bloggers or world-renowned chiefs or CEOs. They’re cosmetologists, retail workers, bank tellers, nurses, teachers, and such. Now, none of those are bad. Working outside the home isn’t bad. (I think each family has to decide what family looks like to them.) Please, please, don’t read that as degrading. I worked retail and I think retail is important. These are all God-honoring employment in which you can strive and serve. I’m not bashing any of those jobs. I have many many dear friends who work outside the home. What I am saying is that I think we as women need to ask ourselves if leaving our homes en masse was worth it. Has it given us all the joy, delight, and fulfillment the feminists promised us?

I’ve done both. I’ve been a co-owner of a business that I helped grow from nothing to something amazing. I’ve worked as an everyday retail worker. I write and am the main editor for a small neighborhood magazine. And I’m a HearthKeeper. I will tell you right now, no qualifications, that HearthKeeping is the most satisfying job I’ve ever had. It not only challenges me every day but it also works with me. The boundaries are what I set in place and so I grow as I can. The work never ends, yes, but it also never ends. There is always something else to explore.

I think being a homemaker is largely attitude. You can buck against what you do, and most women do. Just spend two minutes on Pinterest looking at doing laundry or dishes and the bitter hatred comes pouring out. Look at the complaints women make against their churches: we’re relegated to doing nursery work and kitchen duty. What if, just for a moment, we decided to be Domestic Artists? What if, for just a moment, we tried loving our jobs instead of complaining? What if we thought that dishes meant food and good times and healing of the souls around us? What if we saw laundry as a way to keep beauty and cleanliness around us? What if we saw it as our privilege and delight to take care of the food, children, clothing, cleaning, cooking, gardening, growing of the next generation, and the men of the world? What if we embraced the domestic arts and saw them as truly magnificent, glorious, unique arts? How many of us would be able to say with a straight face that working retail is more fulfilling than managing a small world? Is it more fulfilling to go work in an office than it is to orchestrate a place of welcome, rest, and renewal for your husband and yourself? It might be more visible, but is it truly more long-lasting?

I can say that it isn’t. I can say that I think being a homemaker is uniquely suited for women and that we should have the courage to go against the grain of our world and say no. No, I’m not going to give all of myself to work outside the home when the home is far more challenging and interesting. No, I’m not going to believe the lie that homemaking is oppression and boredom. I will find beauty in the ordinary and I will embrace art in the everyday. This is one of those amazing jobs where it is what you make it. It is what you pour into it. If you think it’s boring or demeaning you won’t get anything out of it. If you think it is challenging and rewarding, you will get the world out of it. You will grow yourself and those around you. Think about what a wonderful thing it would be if we made our homes our careers! If we women really took on the label Domestic Artist in our own individual ways.

[windsweptlassie]

On Love

So as you know I made this uquiz with an open-ended question at the end, tell me something about love, and I’ve gotten the most wonderful responses! They range from descriptions of wonderful partners: 

Lauren: oh, how long I went without being myself until I met him and he showed me who I truly was and that my worth was higher than I ever thought was possible

Levi: I love who we are with each other. I love who I am with you. In your company I am me. In your company I am the best of me. The best with the best, I've told you. I wouldn't give you up for anything

Daniel: i fell in love for the first time when i was 17... at the time, i didn’t realize it was the first time, i thought i’d been in love before, a couple times actually, but falling in love at 17 was such a fulfilling experience, it felt so forceful yet so right. it’s when i first truly understood what love was. never before had i felt so understood and so cared for as i did when i was in love with her, and she was in love with me. it’s been nearly 4 years since then, and nearly 3 years since we broke up and stopped talking, and still, i think about her almost every day. i’ve never known anyone like her; to me, she was love itself.

El: oh i’m in love with everyone that i know op!!! especially my girlfriend, of course ,but also my friends and my family and random people on the street and uh

Grace: i’ve met my soulmate and we plan on getting an apartment and marrying after college

A: I’m going to ask the woman I love to marry me and I just wanted to tell someone because I am so excited

Jeremy: you ever have that feeling where basically after years of denying that someone couldnt understand you in a way or love you and then the next thing you know you happen to find that person and its just great from then on out? idk how to explain it anyways I love my boyfriend so much he means the world to me

Lucy: i am so happy i have found the one i love

to descriptions of best friends and favorite people:

Nightbyrd: Love is a hug from an alzheimer's patient who hasn't the foggiest idea who you are, but they know you're worth hugging.

H: I have been doing so much yoga with my roommate recently!! It's a great way to center my mind for an hour

Riv: [platonic] i’ve literally never met anyone who understands me in the way that my best friends do. they’re literally the best people in the whole world and i genuinely don’t know what i’d do without them. i love them with my whole heart

Cillian: when i talk about how much i love my best friend i get so teary eyed because i cant believe that such a genuinely wonderful person wants to speak to me every day - i care for her more than anyone else on this planet

O: my two besties are my sources of happiness and they’re so pretty i would die for them :D

to beautiful quotes:

Kai: "you have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on." DARCYYYY PLS MY HEART CANT HANDLW THIS PAIN

Dorian: When the plane went down in San Francisco, I thought of my friend M. He’s obsessed with plane crashes. He memorizes the wrecked metal details, ____the clear cool skies cut by black scars of smoke. Once, while driving, he told me about all the crashes: The one in blue Kentucky, in yellow Iowa. How people go on, and how people don’t. It was almost a year before I learned that his brother was a pilot. I can’t help it, I love the way men love. (accident report in the tall, tall weeds- ada limon, bright dead things)

Adam: every day I think about lemony snicket I will love you if I never see you again I will love you if I see you every Tuesday or however it goes. and it KILLS ME. love only fits in small things

Hero: “Your heart beats in my ribs and mine in yours, and both in God’s… The divine magnet is in you, and my magnet responds.” - Herman Melville to Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mary: "Love is watching someone die."

Alex: "meet me at blue diner, i'll take coffee and talk about nothing baby"

Sparrow: "How dare you love me like you've never known fear?" and "For you, the world," and "Darling, I was born to press my head between your shoulder blades," and "Will you start where I end?"

V: " You want to die for love. You always have. " and "someone will remember us, I say, even in another time" are living rent free in my mind 24/7 and I'm shaking. When will I finally be not the only one falling ?

Sahar K: To love another person is to see the face of god!!!

Miriam: all the love in the world is useless when there is total lack of understanding- kafka

Juls: Don’t you think they are maybe the same? Love and attention

to practices of love:

Leo; i love feeling happy bc somebody that i love is happy and comfortable....like its not about me i just love seeing you smile. we are safe together...idk i just feel it bro

A: I like to think love is leaning on each other during the light or dark days. Its a personal mission of mine to find out who I am and what I want. Yet I never seem to find my place in this world and as I look and look , I realise the only place I can be myself even with or without the efforts to find myself was done on that day or not, I am always tired so shall I lean on you? And you can lean on me as well. I shall be your fig tree and you shall be my favourite willow tree.

L: It's too late at night to be soul searching, but it's a journey we all seem to find ourselves on these days.

Anthi: feeling safe and at home, I guess (also I love frogs)

Julia: ive found that loving someone is like becoming your own thesaurus. you have to find or come up with infinite ways to say, you’re beautiful, or, i love you. it’s a gift

Galexies: ive been writing letters to the person i'd love one day since i was 14. i write them in a little journal usually, but i've been digitizing them into emails and sending them to one account that i'll give to them someday. i'd like to put pictures, but i haven't been outside much recently so theres that. i wonder if they'd like the sunsets i have on file, or if they'd find my cat cute in a bowtie.

Caeles: Love is sharing fruit slices and making someone tea at random

Dundy: Love is sending your friends cursed shit and watching them react in horror

to crushes and potential loves: 

Jess: I have a crush on my roommate. It sucks, but it's also wonderful. I get to be around him all the time when we're at school. we share a life together; it's rather domestic. I think a lot about marrying him and being domestic with him forever. It won't happen, and I'll move on eventually, but I'll be happy with him for as long as I can. I hope you feel loved tonight, because you are. Sleep well.

Aki: I so desperately want to believe that love is fake because I’ve seen what happens when loved ones leave but whenever I start to convince myself that I’ll never love anyone my best friend messages me telling me she loves me. She’s the only person I’ve ever pictured having a future with but love scares me and I don’t really know what to do but I think as long as she’s with me in some way, I’ll be fine

Hi: her her i keep thinking abt her.... gonna see her in 8 days or so i really miss her. its ok if shes never gonna love me like i want her to really being her friend spending time with her makes me the happiest girl on earth.... outsold antidepressants

Kit: this guy i have a crush on has hypnotically dark brown eyes and he's wonderful and shows me kindness like no one else

Juno: my crush has all the stars in his eyes

Mads: When I have the courage to meet my eyes with hers, the world stands still

Be Nice To Me: Look bro I never do these but I am yearning to hold them SO badly right now and someone needs to know it besides me

to the trials of love: 

Pppppp: I just wanna love like from the movies and what I read about.. but everyone tells me that that’s fictional and rare to find in the real world and it sucks bc it seems like all the guys I’ve met are terrible and the norms of society are all about not respecting women and uthdjdjdk

Manny: I have been in love before and I will be again but I’m not now and I miss it

Ok: I don't think I've ever been in love, though I love many people. I am waiting for the day I look at someone and can say, YES. IT'S YOU.

Chloe: idk rn i'm like okay with my love and i'm happy so we'll see i'm just a little cautious rn bc my last partner told me i didn't know how to love

L: love is so fucking complicated I don't even know where to start

Corrin: He’s not real and it worried me that I will never allow myself to live or be loved because I will always be waiting for him

Sean: Good luck it dont exist

Serena: i want 2 b in love :(( </3

13: I don’t know anymore

M: I just really don’t like dealing with it lol

to beloved characters: 

Janaya: I’m madly in love with my comfort and kin character and I hope maybe in the afterlife I can relive a life with him in some sort of dimension

Jhgjdf: when i was a kid i had a crush on ash ketchum from pokemon and id always daydream about being a female pkmn trainer and meeting him and we fall in love

to advice and prose: 

Mikolai: Love is earth, gentle and soft at first flight but upon being broken, drowns you in the dry choking wastes of its consequences...

Thex: Your hands will not go cold without someone to hold them. I am here. I will be here.

Kat: it is the nearest proof to god that i find myself surrounded by people who love in a way that complements so wonderfully the way i love

H: believe in love out of spite believe in love to prove everyone wrong believe in love because you were told not to and we will not do what we’re told anymore believe in love because it’s the strongest act of teenage rebellion we have left believe in love because it’s easier not to and when is easy worth doing? believe in love because everything says otherwise but you are untouchable, you are your own, you are not made by their design believe in love because, perhaps, you are love

Ali: I used to want a kind of love that feels like coming home and now I want nothing more than to be away from home on many different adventures

Em: you dont need to love yourself to accept it from others

to the small, the simple, and the sweet:

Ireal: Poems

O: Flowers

Fay: ah im sorry that i’m feeling unmotivated but you are very kind.

Ad: we love LOVE

A: <3

Isak: small things

H: intense

Hey: Listening to a clock ticking away

S: her

E: <3

Hania: Amorous, I adore that word ^^

Catboy: wholesome

J: i love love so much it hurts

Emmy: hi i love the song darkest of discos!! try and give it a listen!! <3

Nora: Love is painful, but most of the time love is great

Ariel: i like the comfort it can bring

M: i love love

to food!

Cool Whip: Matzoh ball soup!!

Woop: I love sausages.... I hope that's ok with you?

and animals too <3

Nee: hmm i have pet geckos and i love them very much!

96: raccoons ????

DJ Big Penis: cats

:3: I Love frogs,,, love is stored in the frog,,,

I hope that this serves as a sweet compilation of what love means! Love to all of you, it warms my heart so much to hear about your people and your geckos and your characters and soup and all the songs and quotes you love. <3 Strength to all of you who are figuring out to do about your feelings for your crush, and congratulations to you who are proposing or moving in with your person! Your words are a source of light to me, truly.

[4pondsinabox]

Women of the Waverider: Zari Tarazi

You know how some things “fans” say just really don’t sit right with you and you just sit there letting things fester in your brain for weeks and weeks until it all tumbles out into one giant essay? So yeah.

A few weeks ago, I created an extensive post on the Legends of Tomorrow Amino analyzing who I have found to be the four most hated characters on this wonderfully wacky time-travel show. All, naturally, are women and two are evidently non-white. Very curious, wouldn’t you say? After pissing some people off by stating “inherent societal misogyny affects the way we perceive female characters, especially when they act similarly to beloved male characters,” I resolved to move my argument here and see what other damage I could do.

For length purposes, I’m only focusing on Zari for today, but will be happy to transfer the others over if this makes any number of notes. Now, down to business:

Why do I love Zari 2.0 and Why Should You?

“Annoying” and “Spoiled brat” are the words I most commonly see associated with Zari Tarazi. Because the first of these is completely unhelpful in arguments (tell me WHY you find her annoying, then we can talk), I will focus on the second and how much it completely ignores her family dynamic. In the very first episode she is introduced, Zari is shown to be constantly ignored by her parents in favor of her brother. By definition, she cannot be spoiled because she’s not even given the attention she craves, much less whatever she wants. It’s no wonder her relationship with Behrad was strained to start with, when the favorite child is so evident. This is where her social media followers come in.

Kids are always in need of attention, of someone to take pride in their efforts and tell them they are doing a good job. When they don’t receive this attention, they latch on to something or someone else. Clearly, a young Zari, who had launched to fame with her dragon taming and received no evident approval from her parents, turned to her fans for support. Zari Tarazi is no longer a child, but old habits die hard and posting photos and videos online is her way of feeling like SOMEONE cares about her. “I have millions of followers but no friends” is what tells Ava and the audience that Zari has tried for so long to get people to like her from afar but has made no personal connections in the process. This is why her relationships with other members of the Waverider, which gradually grow over the course of the series, are so so important.

Ava was her first true friend, the person who connected with the real Zari, not the facade she created for social media. For the first time, Zari belonged somewhere, with a team no less. That little smile when she is told she is finally part of one? It tells all. She connected with Mick through their shared experiences with fans and supported him when he didn’t know how to deal with a particularly difficult troll. She had every intention to try and befriend Astra, even after getting off on the wrong foot. Zari wants only to make connections with people, real people, in a way she’s never been able to before. It’s hardly a crime to want to look good in the process.

The phrase “Zari 2.0 doesn’t fit with the Waverider team because she lacks experience like the old Zari” is misogynistic at its core. Zari 1.0 was “experienced” because she saw her family killed and had to grow up fast to survive. “Experience” is not the word you are looking for here, it is trauma, and trauma is not what makes women interesting. Zari Tarazi IS different in personality from the rest of the Waverider team, but that’s what makes her such a critical addition. When Mona was booted off, the writers needed another character who could lighten up the team in Ray’s absence. Zari brings the Drama but also Humor and Fun to a group of people who often forget how to have it. Amidst an ex-assassin, a studious clone, a grumbling thief, stressed shapeshifter, and brooding magician, someone who knows how to throw a good party and host it with style turned out to be a welcome change for many of them. Prior to this, only the men were given the chance to goof off while the women were always in charge of missions and rules, so isn’t it refreshing to see these gender stereotypes reversed?

But that’s just scratching the surface. Something else Zari possesses that none of the others do? Social skills. Who else was going to teach Ava how to lure popular party woman Marie Antoinette out of her element? Who else could have come up with the crazy suggestion to start a sorority and successfully draw out the god of wine and parties? Zari 2.0 may not have visible superpowers or be a hacker, but she understands people, which is something none of the other legends can claim and is a kind of superpower in itself.

The most ironic argument frequently made against her character? How John Constantine should never be paired with someone so different from him. The woman who, despite evident self-hatred, acts superior to everyone else is somehow different from John “drown my sorrows in alcohol and distance myself from everyone to act too cool for them” Constantine. Zari may have a bigger wardrobe and John might wear the same outfit over and over again, but fundamentally they have much common ground in the way they see themselves and how they hide it by acting superior around other people. This relationship wasn’t hastily thrown together like Nate and Zari 1.0, who have absolutely nothing in common. “John would never choose to be with someone like her!” You mean someone who acts just as stubborn and full of themselves as he is? Their big egos were bound to clash at first, but these similarities won each other over in the end.

It’s so easy to reduce feminine characters to dumb airheads and this is exactly why posts “defending womanhood and femininity” have been trending so much the last few years. It’s exactly why Tala herself pleaded with the fans in an interview to “please give this new Zari a chance” BEFORE any episode had even aired. Women are told that to be “strong” and successful in life they should act more like men, which is far from the truth. Zari Tarazi IS feminine, but also a successful, adored businesswoman who knows how to get what she wants. Viewers might hate her for it, but she subverts the “dumb feminine woman” trope in a way that’s incredibly important for fashion and makeup loving women today.

Before wining that the writers transformed Zari into a bunch of stereotypes, actually watch the show and rethink why you might feel the way you do about a certain character. It’s safe to say not every character clicks with every fan, but boiling hatred towards a confident, influential, feminine woman just ... does not translate well.

[captains-log-reviews]

Wendy (2020)

After my initial review of the well-known Disney version of Peter Pan, I decided to drastically depart from the traditional and go for a retelling that is a bit more (okay, a LOT more) AU for my second review. Wendy (2020) is still fresh in my mind, so it seems like the perfect time to write up a review for it.

**WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS.**

Overview/Summary:

I’ll be honest...I don’t typically like AU stories that significantly depart from the canon time period and/or location. I’m a sucker for period films, and the Edwardian London setting is, for me, almost as essential to the magic of Peter Pan as Neverland itself...so I went into Wendy with fairly low expectations, and I was very pleasantly surprised with how much I ended up liking it.

Wendy starts off in a small town American cafe sometime in the recent past (1950-1980-ish??) where we are introduced to Angela Darling, single mom and owner of the cafe, along with her three kids--Wendy and her twin older brothers, James and Douglas. Right off the bat, anyone who is familiar with the original storyline will recognize that this retelling takes a major departure from Barrie’s novel. Many of the characters we think we know are almost unrecognizable, while others (notably John and Michael, Tiger Lily, Tinkerbell, and Mr. Smee) sometimes have similar stand-ins but are ultimately missing entirely from this tale. That seems like a recipe for disaster at first glance, but the film handles the characters that it DOES have so well that the oversight can be forgiven.

Wendy and her brothers initially get the idea of Neverland in their minds after one of their friends, Thomas, disappears one day after hitching a ride on a train with a mysterious young boy named Peter (wonderfully portrayed by the ten year-old Afro-Caribbean actor, Yashua Mack). Instead of worrying about her friend, Wendy makes up fanciful stories about what Thomas might be off doing without them...but she remains fascinated by the train and the boy she saw until one day, she and her brothers decide to hitch a ride themselves. Upon arriving at the island, Wendy and her brothers are introduced to a slew of lost boys and girls and are surprised to find that their friend Thomas has not aged, though it has been a few years since they last saw him. The other children, many of whom have taken on new nicknames, have apparently never seen identical twins before and are particularly intrigued by James and Douglas, who they collectively label as, “Two-Boy.” The first half of the film (about an hour) is mostly spent on this introductory part of the story with the kids exploring their new home and generally having a good time. It’s all fun and games until they explore a shipwreck of the Mañana (a symbolically interesting name if ever there was one) and Douglas has a serious accident and is presumed dead. And THIS is where the real story begins.

“This is the story of Two-Boy broke apart,” Wendy tells us. “All that was left was a half. His heart cracked right down the middle...and all the joy spilled out.”

Heartbroken at the loss of his brother, James begins to age at an alarming rate...starting with his right hand. Worried about what will happen to him if he continues to age, James decides that the best course of action to stop his rapid aging is to cut it off...a task he assigns to Peter, as the leader of the children. But the aging doesn’t stop and James, needing medical care, is taken by his sister to the colony of “The Olds”--a shantytown on the outskirts of the island “where Lost Boys go when they’re REALLY lost.” The next time we see him, James is an adult, forging a crude prosthetic for his missing hand out of pieces of scrap metal. This “Hook” is a far cry from the elegantly dressed, suave captain we are used to; he’s old and ragged and broken...and despite my attachment to Hook’s original design, the raw emotion we get from the actor(s) portraying James in this film is flawless.

James, having become an outcast, decides that he and the other “Olds” need to use one of the children as bait to capture and kill the Mother--a magical whale that is the source of the island’s power and the protector of the children--to avenge Douglas (who was not protected) and to become young again themselves. Wendy’s pleas to her brother and her determination to see the child he was behind the man he becomes is devastating. “James, tell them to stop,” she cries. “James, you’re GOOD. BE GOOD!” And perhaps even more heart-wrenching... “James, you gotta remember who you are. Do you remember home? Do you remember Mama?” To which he quietly and tiredly replies, “...That was a long time ago.”

Douglas, of course, eventually turns up unharmed...and still a young boy, though his brother--in his grief and anger--has become an old man. The first time they see each other again after the accident, Douglas is shocked...and James is deeply hurt. More determined than ever to capture the Mother, he moves forward with the plan...but the moment he strikes a seemingly fatal blow to the creature with a harpoon, even he knows that he has done something very, very wrong. With a rousing chorus of “I love my mother!” reminiscent of the famous “clap your hands if you believe in fairies” scene, the kids (and the adults, too) cheer on the Mother until she is revived and rejoice at her coming back to life. Only James, sitting quietly off by himself, remains silent throughout the affair until, in one of the most poignant moments of the film, Douglas slowly makes his way through the water to his brother and takes his one remaining hand. “I can’t go home,” James reminds him. Pressing their heads together, Douglas quietly replies, “I know.”

As the adventure comes to a close, Wendy and Douglas are left with the dilemma of what to do with their brother, who can't return to the "real world" but has also been banished from the camp of the Lost Boys and Girls. But then Peter gets an idea and, with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes, proclaims that Two-Boy is his "greatest enemy." “Two-Boy is dead,” Wendy proclaims, standing in front of her brother. “All hail Captain Hook!” James, understanding the game, smiles and raises the claw. And so the story of Pan and Hook ends...or rather BEGINS.

What I Liked:

There was so much of this film that I loved. The subtle details like the watch James is shown wearing in a scene shortly before he loses the hand, his broken reflection in the glass at the camp of “The Olds,” the symbolic meaning behind the name of the ship... It’s super well done.

The setting threw me for a loop initially but ultimately ended up leading me to feel personally connected with the characters in a way that I hadn’t before. I grew up (and still live in) a small Southern town, and I’ve met people like Angela. They were my friends’ mothers growing up. They’re my clients and coworkers and who some of my friends grew up to be now. The cafe could be one right down the road from my parents’ house. My brother and I grew up on a lake, and one of my best childhood friends and his brother (my brother’s age) lived nearby. The scene of James and Douglas catching turtles and exploring down by the water in their hometown reminded me of the days when we’d all go looking for minnows and turtles and toads in our backyard...and watching James grow up into the sad, cynical Hook from that boy who reminded me so much of my best friend really hit me hard.

James’ character as a whole was a breath of fresh air. Though the film is titled, “Wendy,” it’s really James’ story that drives the plot. It’s not often a film takes the approach of giving us a detailed backstory for Hook (books are a different story, but...), and the fact that they not only made him the real focus of the story but also made him incredibly human and sympathetic without demonizing Pan was unexpected but appreciated. Often, in making the villain likable, authors and filmmakers fall into the trap of feeling like they must, in turn, make the “hero” out to be a terrible person (as in Maleficent, where King Stefan’s character assassination was absolutely brutal and painful to watch). Instead, what we get is a lonely little boy who covers up his sadness with mischief and mayhem and a broken man who disguises his pain with bitterness...and Wendy sees past both their guarded exteriors.

This Wendy isn’t quite the proper young lady of Barrie’s fairytale, but she, like James, has the same heart as her original counterpart. One thing I love about Wendy in nearly any version is the fact that she alone seems to see the hidden grief both Hook and Pan have and acts accordingly; she mothers Peter when he needs her without condoning some of his more morally questionable behavior and sympathizes with Hook but ultimately isn’t afraid to stand before him with her head held high even when he threatens her and the boys. She’s a compassionate character, but she doesn’t allow anyone to take advantage of that and walk all over her. Indeed, she defies anyone who tries to. This Wendy is much the same. She calls it like she sees it. When James is hurt and possibly dying from blood loss, she goes against Peter’s wishes and takes her brother to the camp of “The Olds” so he can have proper “grown-up” medical care that the kids can’t offer. Once there, she isn’t afraid or repulsed by the old men and women but instead tries her best to bring out their inner child and remind them of things that once made them happy. When Peter claims that her brother has become evil and betrayed them by growing up, she blatantly calls him out on his own guilt—“You cut off his hand, you a**-face!!” (I almost choked with laughter at that one!) I’ve always thought that if anyone of the original characters could reach the goodness in Hook, it would be Wendy. This film, in making her his sister, really showcases that, and it makes for some incredibly touching moments...particularly at the end of the film when James finally re-embraces his inner child and takes on the role as Peter’s “enemy,” the legendary Captain Hook (though he’s just “Uncle James” to Wendy’s daughter).

What I Didn’t Like:

I suppose my only real complaint, if you can call it that, is that I miss a few of the more traditional elements of the storyline. There are some iconic moments that, because of changes to the story, we don’t get in this film like the fight scene when Tiger Lily is captured and freed. We also lose the crocodile in this version, which takes away some of the fear that is usually present in Hook and which I honestly consider as much a part of the character as his anger and sadness. The film as a whole doesn’t suffer for the changes that were made, however, and I can live with them because of how well done everything else is.

Would I recommend it?

If you’re a die-hard stickler for canon or favor one of the characters who doesn’t appear in this version, this might not be the film for you. BUT if you love Hook’s character and are willing to be a little open-minded, definitely give this one a shot. I had pretty low expectations going in, but having seen it now, I’d add it to my list of favorite Peter Pan retellings.

Overall Rating:

I’m taking off just a little because I miss some of the traditional characters and elements of the story, but overall it’s a beautiful film with a lot of heart. 4.5/5 stars

[overthinkingkdrama]

Hi! So, I’ve just recently gotten into K-Dramas, and... I have a small issue, and that is though I LOVE them in the beginning, by the end they always disappoint me? Like, they start lighthearted and fun, and then by the end suddenly everyone’s in mortal peril, and I don’t care? Or they start all fantasy, and then it’s all about the romance in the end? So... Could you possibly recommend me ones that are good, or tone consistent, throughout? Please?

Hi! Thanks for dropping by for recs. These are some of my favorite asks. I just love going back through my watch list and finding dramas that fit a given criteria. It gets more fun the more dramas I've seen.

The thing about Kdramas that makes them a uniquely sticky beast is that many of them are live-shot week to week, at least for part of their run, and often the scripts are not fully written before filming begins. Popular Kdramas will also occasionally receive extensions which can cause further pacing and plot issues and (sometimes) cause a story to sputter out entirely. With the increasing prevalence of entirely preproduced dramas there's been an increase in overall drama quality and consistency in past years. That being said, Kdramas are still a decidedly mixed bag in terms of overall production quality. So it pays to either drop things with extreme prejudice if you stop enjoying them and watch widely, or to have a good drama filter friend (like me!) to give you vetted recs. As a genre a lot of the more "classic" feeling dramas have a tendency to start really light hearted and then swing super dramatic in the latter half. That's something I occasionally like, but lucky for you not all dramas are like that!

Your ask doesn't really tell me what genre of Kdrama most appeals to you, so I went through my list and tried to find you wide a variety of dramas that I think of as being well-paced and tonally consistent throughout. I've also tried to limit myself to dramas that I rated highly on MDL, although my primary criteria was "good and tonally consistent" so this list of dramas is kinda all over the map. But then, so are my tastes. Also, I kinda got the impression from your ask that you're not a fan of the uber-melodramatic side of kdramas and you want something a little more restrained and less soapy, so I tried to steer away from those more makjang dramas but did not entirely succeed, lol. I gave a couple sentences of description so you can more readily narrow down what you're interested in, and if you would like a more thorough review of the dramas some of these have full reviews on my blog which I went ahead linked where they exist.

Age of Youth: A well written slice-of-life ensemble drama about a group of 5 college age women who end up boarding together. There are a couple moments of high drama/trauma toward the end of the show that might be a turn off. But other than the finale the tone is consistent. 9/10 

Arang and the Magistrate: A dark fantasy fusion sageuk with a romance. I included this drama because it does a good job of developing the creepy worldbuilding and fantasy throughout. Though at points it can be a bit slow and the special effects are hella cheesy. 8/10

Argon: A tight, journalism driven suspense drama. Not always my genre but I found it very engaging, and at eight episodes it does not overstay its welcome. 8/10

Be Melodramatic: Another female-centric slice-of-life ensemble drama, though with an emphasis on fourth wall breaking comedy and clever dialogue. Very funny and heartfelt.  8.5/10

Cheese in the Trap: Maybe a controversial inclusion, but I very much enjoyed this drama. A slice-of-life college romance with psychological thriller elements. Some critics felt that the drama focused too heavily on the second male lead in the later half of the story, but YMMV. 8.5/10

Coffee Prince: Classic cross-dressing romance and still probably the best of its kind. A wonderfully nuanced and progressive handling of the subject matter, even after 13 years. Deals with serious subjects but doesn't go too melo with it. 8.5/10

Children of Nobody: My best of 2019, a dark psychological thriller about a child psychiatrist and a police detective who have to confront gray morality while attempting to track down a serial killer who only targets unrepentant child abusers. 9.5/10

Ex-Girlfriend Club: On the lighter side, a friends-to-lovers type romantic comedy about the writer of an autobiographical webtoon who has to figure out a way to get along with a group of his ex-girlfriends to make a movie based on his work. Only 12 episodes. 8.5/10

Go Back Couple: Also only 12 episodes (these shorter dramas tend to be better paced I find) a time-slip drama about a divorced couple who get the chance to relive their twenties and end up realizing they still have feelings for each other. This drama is both very funny and it had me bawling on multiple occasions. 9.5/10

Healer: A favorite of a lot of drama fans, this is an action-focused romance about an awkward soft boy with a secret identity as a highly skilled errand boy to criminals and an intrepid tabloid reporter who is his biggest fan. This drama is pretty tropey, but it's fun and the romance is great. 8.5/10

Hello Monster (aka I Remember You): A police procedural with a background love line about a criminal profiler looking for his lost brother and a detective looking for her father's murderer. One of my personal favorites. 10/10

Hit the Top (aka The Best Hit): A time-slip fish-out-of-water comedy about a 90s pop star who winds up in modern day Seoul and ends up befriending his biological son and meets old friends who his disappearance left in the lurch. 9/10

Incomplete Life (aka Misaeng): A realistic office drama that gave me real world work anxiety, focusing on a failed Go player who winds up an intern at a highly competitive shipping company and has to find a way to earn his keep even without the background and college education of his coworkers. Unbelievably well done ensemble drama. 9/10

Just Between Lovers: A romantic melodrama about two people whose lives were irrevocably changed by a tragic mall collapse that nearly killed them as children, meeting again as adults and finding comfort and healing in each other. A rough sit at times, but a wonderful love story with incredible acting. 9/10

Just Dance: High school, slice-of-life, drama about a dance club in a technical high school and a group of working class kids who reluctantly become involved in this club and befriend each other. Only 8 episodes (or 16 thirty minute episodes, depending on how you recon it.) 8.5/10

Life on Mars: Remake of the British show of the same name, this is a surreal time-slip police drama, about a forensics expert who gets shot in the head and wakes up in 1988. Or does he? He could also be dying on an operating table. It's hard to tell. Dark, suspenseful and trippy. 9/10

Matrimonial Chaos: An off-beat comedy about two dysfunctional couples who become inescapably mixed up in each others lives. One that's having a hard time getting divorced and another that's having a hard time getting married, and all the messy weird emotions that go along with that. This is another one of those, makes you laugh/makes you cry throughout dramas I have an affinity for. 9/10

Moment of Eighteen: A heartfelt high school drama about a straightforward but awkward loner who is forced to transfer to a new school, immediately earns the ire of a powerful student and experiences first love. Not my usual thing, but very well written with complex and likeable characters. 8/10

Mother: A cold and socially isolated woman becomes a temporary teacher and upon discovering one of her students is being severely abused and neglected, decides to pose as the child's mother and go on the run with her. Like Children of Nobody, this can be a bit of a rough watch because of the subject matter but it is very well done. 9.5/10

My Mister: A healing, human drama about a structural engineer in his 40s and a debt-ridden young woman in her 20s who end up crossing paths and saving each other from a miserable existence. My current all time favorite drama. Cannot say enough good things about it. Practically perfect in every way. 10/10

One Spring Night: A very restrained and naturalistic slow-burn romance about a woman who is about to get married and suddenly begins to question her relationship and a single father who had given up on love who find themselves irresistibly drawn to one another. 9/10

Prison Playbook: An ensemble slice-of-life drama centered on prisoners and correctional officers in their day to day lives. I find the actual het romances in this drama totally useless, but it's a large and talented cast playing a variety of lovable characters. 8/10

Psychopath Diary: Recent fave. A screwball black comedy about a mild mannered pushover who loses his memory and finds a diary that convinces him he's a psychopathic murderer, which gives him a huge boost of confidence from his new found identity, much to the chagrin of those around him and the actual owner of the diary himself. 8.5/10

Queen In Hyun's Man: A drama about a Joseon scholar who time travels to modern day Seoul and meets an actress who just landed a part playing the queen he served in the past. This one might be on the border line of too dramatic or tonally inconsistent, but it's got one of the most pitch perfect finales in Kdramas and the 45 min episodes keep it a snappy watch that doesn't drag or meander too much. 8/10

Reply 1988: A late 80s nostalgia drama about a group of families who all live off the same alley. Lovely family drama, comedy with a variety of romances. Long ass episodes especially later in the run, but I have rewatched the whole thing and I loved every minute of this show. 9.5/10

Save Me: A dark drama about a young woman who finds herself forced into a dangerous cult by her family, and is desperate to escape, and a group of 4 local young men who try to help her. One of the more unique and well done OCN thrillers. 9/10

School 2013: High school ensemble drama that launched a whole bunch of careers. In general I avoid school dramas (I know there have been three on this list so far, but those are like the only three, lol) but this show got me so invested in all these students and teachers. Also the two male leads are so shippable. 9.5/10

Secret Love Affair: A romantic melodrama about a piano prodigy from an underprivileged background who catches the eye of a married older woman and the two fall into a passionate affair. This drama involves cheating (obviously) but it's beautifully filmed and written and the music is to die for. 9.5/10

Signal: This is a supernatural crime thriller and a perennial favorite in the Kdrama community. An imbittered criminal profiler finds an antique police radio which allows him to speak with a police detective 15 years in the past, and uses this to crack cold cases and try to prevent brutal crimes from ever happening. 9/10

Six Flying Dragons: This one is a bit different from the others on the list, first of all because it's a more traditional historical drama, and secondly because it 50 episodes long. But it is so, so very good. And if you're looking for overall consistency in terms of storytelling and tone this drama has it in spades. 9/10

SKY Castle: A unique melodrama about a group of affluent competitive mothers who will go to any lengths to get they're children into the best medical schools, and a mysterious school coordinator with shady motives who gets brought in as a ringer to give them an edge. This show is kind of hard to sell but very entertaining and watchable. 7.5/10

Stranger (aka Secret Forest): The story of a stalwart prosecutor who, due to a childhood trauma is unable to feel the full spectrum of emotions, works with a bighearted police detective to root out corruption around a series of murders. This one’s rather cerebral and requires your full attention but the leads are amazing and there's a second season coming out this year I'm very much looking forward to! 9/10

The Nokdu Flower: Another sageuk drama about the latter years of the Joseon Dynasty surrounding three people who fall on different sides during the Donghak Peasant rebellion. Incredibly well written and involving historical drama. If you're not sure you're ready to commit to something like Six Flying Dragons, I think this would be another good entry point into the genre. The acting is amazing. 9/10

The Smile Has Left Your Eyes: A romantic melodrama and psychological thriller about a dangerous enigmatic young man on the cusp of becoming either a human being or a monster. He becomes involved in a fraught relationship with the sister of a police detective at the same time her protective older brother begins to focus on him as the prime suspect for a murder. High key moody and tragic if you're into that kind of thing (I am). 9/10

Touch Your Heart: On the complete other end of the drama spectrum, this show is pure unadulterated fluff, which managed to keep me giggling and swooning throughout the run, even though it's typically not my thing. An actress joins a law office as research for a role and falls for the ace attorney she's assisting. 8.5/10

WATCHER: Another OCN thriller about three different people with shady motivations who are connected to the same murder case and become involve in a corruption task force looking into dirty cops. One of those "trust nobody, everyone's a suspect" dramas with lovely complex characters and a fully engaging plot. 8.5/10

Sorry that got so out of hand! This is what happens when you don't give me a little more direction I guess. These are all dramas I quite enjoyed and I believe you will find something in there that will suit your fancy. This is a pretty accurate cross section of my tastes.

Happy watching!

Jona

[thestuckylibrary]

A Year in Reading: 2019 - Julia

2019 wasn’t kind, but fandom is always there to cheer you up. Under the cut is a list of my favorite 2019 reads <3

Please make sure to check the additional tags for each of them and happy reading!

January

The Pajama Party Incident by follow_the_sun (oneshot | 1,455 | T)

A pajama party goes horribly wrong, then wonderfully right.

heartbeat going strong by fireflyslove (oneshot | 4,364 | T)

Steve's been sent to kill the dragon holding the Princess hostage, but the Princess isn't a hostage, and the dragon isn't what he seems.

I’m a Sucker for a Wild Boy by jinlinli (complete | 9,897 | T)

Steve is a vampire who’s never met a werewolf in his life before. Bucky is a werewolf who doesn’t even know vampires exist. Naturally, neck biting means two very different things to them.

In which Steve goes for a midnight snack and accidentally gets himself werewolf married.

The Very Heart of It by merryofsoul (oneshot | 17,743 | M) - Restricted

In which Captain America adopts a dog from Bucky and they become friends — and then more.

call me old-fashioned by I_mNotYourEnemy (oneshot | 7,458 | T)

Steve rises before the sun, runs through various exercises until his muscles burn and sweat gathers on his brow. He showers and dresses and eats, and then heads out the door with dampness still clinging to his hair. His path doesn’t cross with anyone else’s until he reaches the local subway station. He jogs down the stairs to the platform and sees the man waiting there once again, the sergeant.

Or: Bucky joins Steve on his morning commute. Steve draws him and gets his number.

the long walk home by Deisderium (oneshot | 3,566 | E)

On the walk back from Azzano, Bucky keeps touching Steve's chest. Then he touches it some more. And more.

Steve bites his lip raw. AKA tiddy fic

Heckin' Chunker for Love by canistakahari (oneshot | 2,708 | T)

On the inside of the big floor to ceiling window of the office across the street, someone has used Post-it Notes to spell out a message:

W H A T I S Y O U R C A T ’ S N A M E ?

February

bucky barnes and the art class by belovedmuerto (oneshot | 1,420 | T)

Bucky takes an art class, because he wants to spend more time with Steve.

Patience by cleo4u2 (oneshot | 5,073 | E)

You should never Google yourself. Steve knows that, he's been out of the ice for over a year, but he just can't help himself. After finding a gorgeous, sexy brunette thirst tweeting about calling him Daddy, he can't help himself from responding, either.

i want it, i got it by bornes (oneshot | 1,499 | T)

Ten minutes into their impromptu mall adventure, Steve has offered to buy Bucky a designer sofa he had sat on briefly to rest his legs, a $600 headband, and a diamond-encrusted butterfly clip

Remember How to Love by betoning (oneshot | 3,852 | T)

“We shared a bed,” Bucky remembers, "and your toes were freezin’. We didn’t – nothing more, though.”

“No, Buck,” Steve swallows. “Nothing more.”

(Bucky wants more.)

tease me, squeeze me by goodmanperfectsoldier (oneshot | 3,757 | E) - Restricted

It isn’t his fault that Steve has absolutely no sense of modesty. It isn’t his fault that Steve has no desire to be in his Captain America uniform any longer than strictly necessary. It isn’t his fault that Steve tends to start disrobing as soon as they hit friendly airspace, so that he can pull on a t-shirt and sweatpants before they even make it back to headquarters, much less get home to their apartment.

The Fool in the Mirror by thepinupchemist (complete | 111,489 | E) - violence, check additional tags for warnings!

The Avengers, SHIELD, and the world at large have underestimated the pain that Steve Rogers is in.

The night after a near brush with a suicide attempt, Steve discovers the world of support omegas, and in his desperation for relief from the battlefield of his brain, demands to have one.

Enter Bucky Barnes: retired marine, millennial, amputee, brother, son, and support omega. He maybe, just maybe, can help a broken alpha heal in the twenty-first century.

The Best Way to Wake by LeeHan (oneshot | 42,285 | E)

James Buchanan Barnes lay in a glass pod in the middle of the table, frozen since he fell. Steve’s hands were on the glass before he realized he’d moved. “Wait, Captain!” “Get him out,” Steve whispered, his hands searching for a clasp, a keypad, something. “Captain, we need to keep him in stasis—“ “I said get him out!”

March

Taken by Surprise by Mireille (oneshot | 1,606 | E)

It turned out that there were things Bucky didn't know about Steve, after all. 

In the Shadow of Armistice by superheroresin (complete | 63,491 | E)

Sedryn Amathion is a young Ñoldor elf born of lower Himring near the end of the harrowed Second Age. Vice-Captain of the Forlindon Shieldmasters, herald of the High King Gil-Galad, and devotee of Eärendil, the Star of High Hope.

Or, as the ragtag Dúnedain troupe known as the Howling Commandos calls him, Steve.

The Commandos are to sabotage an orc signal tower deep within the Ephel Dúath mountains, clearing the way for the armies of the Last Alliance to march on Barad-dûr and rescue all of Middle-earth from the clutches of this new and terrible Dark Lord.

“Steve” has no way of knowing that love formed deep behind enemy lines would settle so completely inside his immortal heart, defying time, distance, and ultimately death itself.

Tinder Is the Night by rohkeutta (oneshot | 6,802 | E)

It’s the quality that gets him first. The profile photo looks like it's been taken with a semi-professional camera: it's sharp and remarkably unposed compared to most people on Tinder. The guy in the photo is the size of a fucking fridge but with Marilyn Monroe’s waistline, accentuated by the way he’s standing half-twisted towards the camera.

He’s also in the process of getting arrested.

Steve, 28, it says under the photo. New York City. Some say I have an arresting personality. This photo is from my good side. The other has a shiner.

Introduction to Fake Dating Your Best Friend 101 by crinklefries (oneshot | 24,627 | T)

Bucky stares at his best friend as though he’s absolutely lost what’s left of his dumbass mind.

“Excuse me?” he asks dumbly.

Steve sighs and sags back onto the couch, covering his face dramatically with one large, well-manicured hand.

“Dean Coulson thinks we’re dating. And gay. But like, for each other. And now I need you to fake date me so I can convince the Chancellor to fund my research.”

or;

Steve and Bucky are a pair of professors who have to fake date for academic purposes and are real dumb along the way. It's not so much a forest of pine as a whole landscape of it. It turns out fine, probably.

straight from your heart by luninosity (oneshot | 10,516 | E) - check additional tags for warnings!

Steve doesn’t mean to have the orgasm. Not exactly. Not the first time, anyway.

It’s the leather and the buckles and the capable stance. It’s the determination: familiar, and not. Steve doesn’t even know which mission this had been. Where this snapshot of the Winter Soldier had been captured, a splinter out of time. Too many to choose from. But that doesn’t matter.

His skin prickles, his heart races in supersoldier extra-double-time, with want.

Things That Go Bump in the Night by seapigeon, velleities (complete | 38,266 | E)

Many an odd critter and item have ended up on the front porch of the property Bucky house-sits in the Middle Of Nowhere, but a bleeding blond man is a first. A short inspection reveals the man to be none other than Steve Rogers; ex-Captain America, vigilante, and a wanted fugitive. Steve’s stay of a few days of recovery is prolonged, under instructions for him to lie low until the Avengers can sort out the mess that has become the Sokovia Accords. Bucky is pretty sure that he’s committing an act of treason by providing Steve a place to stay. He is also pretty sure that lengthy interaction with Steve makes one prone to impending headaches and possibly ulcers. And he is certain that he is, very assuredly, in danger of falling in love with Steve.

skin by mcwho (oneshot | 1,945  | E)

Steve is spooning Bucky, an arm draped loosely around his middle, laying on the large sofa opposite the TV. His lips are against Bucky’s hair, breathing him in.

It’d be an average Thursday night if it wasn’t for Steve being buried to the hilt inside of him and showing no signs of moving any time soon.

Rouge Fétiche by bangyababy, Neutralchaos (oneshot | 6,941 | E)

“Steve,” Bucky breathed, coming closer. “Stevie, what’s all this?”

Steve made no move to cover himself, now that Bucky had seen it, there was no point. Instead, he crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the ground. “What’s it look like?” he bit out. “I’m wearin’ women’s panties, that’s what it is.”

-

Steve has been keeping a secret from Bucky-sometimes he likes to wear women's underwear. He thinks it's wrong and he shouldn't want to do it, but he can't help it, so he keeps it to himself. But when Bucky walks in on him one day, Steve eventually has to explain himself. Of course, as it turns out, he was worried about nothing.

Army Proof by aetataureate (complete | 18,423 | T)

Despite his recent and unexpected promotion from green recruit to national icon and media darling Captain America, Steve Rogers still lacks the skills and experience necessary to thrive in the Army. First Sergeant Tony Stark has dealt with decades of tomfoolery from his subordinates, but nothing has quite prepared him for the particular brand of chaos that trails in Steve's wake.

Steve's team includes at least one competent adult in Sam Wilson, but also contains Clint Barton, a mechanic who cheats at cards and still loses, and Natasha Romanov, their terrifying police escort. Together, the gang must navigate across Eastern Europe without causing Steve’s next major international incident.

On the other side of the world, Bucky Barnes is contending with a new reality while doing what he can to keep his accidental hero boyfriend on the path that will eventually lead him home.

much tattoo about nothing by Deisderium (oneshot | 14,576 | E)

Steve Rogers gets a lot of email requests, but never one like this: James Barnes wants to use his healing factor to practice tattoos.

Turns out tattoos give Steve boners.

before we can breathe easy by belovedmuerto (oneshot | 22,052 | T)

No one touches Steve.

Bucky sets out to do something about that.

April

Count On Me Like One, Two, Three by MacksDramaticShenanigans (oneshot | 4,235 | G)

“I also need to get one of those scooter things,” Bucky adds. “That’s gotta be better than these damn crutches.” Steve’s eyes drop down to the crutches again, and he frowns. “Crutches are never comfortable,” he agrees, shaking his head. “You want a piggyback ride?” He asks, grinning as he laughs at his own joke. Bucky ducks his head and laughs along, a good-natured smile settling over his lips. “Yeah, that would be real nice, wouldn’t it?” He says, not thinking anything of it. When he looks back up, however, Steve’s already in the process of shrugging his backpack off of his shoulders. The smile melts off of Bucky’s face and his brows furrow together. Was that… a serious offer?

stay by birdjay (oneshot | 1,318 | T)

The platform buzzes, and suddenly goes quiet. The cycle has finished. Bucky doesn’t bother to look. There’s no way Steve’s coming back when he has the chance to stay. He moves to walk away, to move on with his life, somehow.

“Buck -- ?”

Bucky whirls around, hair flying.

might never be normal again (but who cares) by napricot (complete | 51,540 | E)

The beginnings of a plan took shape in Steve’s mind, as clear and simple as a tactical frontal assault. He’d prove to Bucky that this was it, he was staying: Steve was retired from the fighting game, Steve wasn’t going to let anything keep pulling them apart. Maybe then when Steve finally told him he loved him, Bucky would believe him.

All things considered, Steve thought he’d handled the whole Thanos killing half the universe thing and the ensuing bitter, desperate quest to defeat him pretty well. Sacrificing his super soldier serum to use one of the Infinity Stones wasn't a problem either, not when it meant getting back the half of the universe they'd lost, and especially not when it meant getting Bucky back. But retirement and finally confessing his feelings for Bucky? Those were proving to be more challenging.

May

Smile by WinterTheWriter (oneshot | 2,205 | E)

They say Bucky never smiles, and that's true.

Almost.

The Settler by charlesdk (complete | 52,203 | M)

“What do you want to do?”

Steve pauses and looks at them.

What he wants is to stay with them. He doesn't have any family left, they all died before he even joined the war and became... this. Captain America turned whatever he is now. But Natasha and Sam have become his family over the years. Not just because they're on the run together, fugitives and vigilantes, but way before that too.

He doesn't want to leave that.

But he knows that, realistically, he can't stay with them and they can't stay with him.

So he looks at them with a smile and lies. “I don't know.”

OR; In which Steve retires and finally finds a place to call home.

And fill our bodies up like water till we know by caughtinanocean (oneshot | 22,705 | T)

Wolves mate for life. It's both the best thing about Bucky's life, and the most inconvenient.

After six days in Steve’s arms, Bucky dreams again, for the first time since the ice — wolf dreams, four feet on the ground, the smell of the earth, and his eyes in the sky.

The moon is coming, and this reprieve — like all reprieves — is temporary.

June

Home Is Wherever I'm With You by cydonic (complete | 88,570 | E)

This is what happens when you buy a house to flip having only seen the online images: you get more than you bargained for. Bucky Barnes brings all the tools to handle a dilapidated home, but he's hardly prepared for a smart-mouthed child (with poor aim), a crying baby, and the hottest dad he's ever seen in his life living right next door.

That House-Flipper!AU.

People Change, Love Doesn't by Kateis_Cakeis (complete | 119,144 | E)

Bucky didn't fall from the train. Steve didn't die when he jumped out of the plane. They survived.

But suddenly, it wasn't enough to keep their feelings hidden. They had both almost died, only to come back stronger. Well, Steve was done pretending they were only friends, and Bucky was done too.

Surviving the war, however, brought so many challenges. Being SSR agents, eventually becoming SHIELD, building a family with their friends. Living. What would happen as the years ticked on?

miles to go before i sleep by alby_mangroves, obsessivereader (complete | 34,079 | E)

Vietnam vet Bucky is just trying to get a hot meal, and maybe a job, in the small town of Hope, but the local law enforcement has other ideas. When their brutality triggers a flashback, Bucky snaps and escapes from their custody. Hunted, exhausted, injured, he finds shelter for the night next to a cabin in the middle of the woods. He means to be long gone before the cabin's occupant awakes. Things don't turn out quite the way he expected.

All of Your Love is Sunlight by canistakahari, WarlockInTraining (oneshot | 22,657 | E)

Sometimes the path to happiness involves bad timing turned good, a butt plant, and a little everyday magic. For Steve and Bucky, it's all that and more.

if you're looking for jesus (then get on your knees) by voxofthevoid (oneshot | 18,171 | E)

S.H.I.E.L.D Agent Bucky Barnes is captured on a mission and meets Commander Steve Rogers, the erstwhile Captain America.

A Year in the Life of Sarge's Person by Angst_BuriTTo, BlueSimplicity (complete | 189,125 | E) 

This is the tale of a year in the life of Sarge’s person, AKA James Buchanan Barnes, as he tries to recover from everything that’s happened to him over the past eighty years. During that time, he is forced to deal with bad therapists, people with their own agendas, memories he doesn’t want, horrible losses from his past and almost insurmountable odds.

But this is also the story of all the crazy people Bucky meets along the way, who help him when he’s at his lowest, point him in the right direction when he feels lost, make him laugh, grow to love him for who he is, and most importantly, give him hope when he needs it most.

It’s a long and difficult journey, as Bucky works not just to let go of his past, but to also rebuild his own identity and a future for himself. And with Sarge at his side, Bucky slowly comes to realize that not everything he once loved is lost, and if he can just have enough faith in himself and those around him, he might, just might, get his very own happy ending.

Bucky IS Sarge’s person after all. As the once abandoned puppy Bucky saved one night from freezing to death, he knows, more than anyone, just how much Bucky deserves it.

Let this be light work by caughtinanocean (oneshot | 8,628 | T)

On the run with Sam and Natasha, Steve finds the words to describe his commitment to Bucky. As with most of Steve’s decisions, there are unintended consequences.

July

everything the water can be by jehans (oneshot | 5,622 | E)

“So,” Bucky continues slowly, his blush deepening, “you get the best time today. . . ,” he takes a breath, drops his voice even lower, and soughs, “I’ll let you take off my clothes. All of ‘em.”

Shit.

Steve suddenly realizes what a fucking moron he is for having initiated this line of flirtation here at the pool and right before practice.

it don't mean a thing (if it ain't got that swing) by carissima (oneshot | 6,375 | M)

“Alright,” Bucky says and stands with his hands on his hips and gives Steve a narrowed glare. “Hit me. What went wrong?”

“I uh, don’t actually know?” Steve says, and now he feels an embarrassed flush creep over his cheeks. “She stood me up.”

Bucky stares at him. Blinks once. And stares some more. “You,” he says flatly. “You got stood up?”

An Act of Kindness by greyhavensking (complete | 12,716 | T)

In which Bucky Barnes ignores personal boundaries and Steve Rogers gets increasingly flustered.

(Or five times Bucky manhandled Steve + one time it was the other way around)

crowding the hitter by rooonil_waazlib (complete | 12,917 | E)

But the trash monsters are coming closer, and Bucky’s going to be pissed if he has to get his grate replaced tomorrow.

He turns off the panini press, heads into his bedroom, and pulls his college baseball bat out of the closet, pausing only to pull on the slacks he’d just taken off. He’s going to go defend his shop, and he’s not going to do it in his underpants.

August

time on my hands (could be time spent with you) by thedoubteriswise (oneshot |  23,024 | M)

"You doing okay, kid?”

Steve releases a breath, deciding how honest he wants to be. No point in lying. No point in telling the truth, either. "Glad to see you."

"That’s not what I asked, but same to you, punk."

Quench by AidaRonan (complete | 9,417 | E)

Or the one where archeology intern Bucky Barnes meets actual archeologist Steve Rogers and reaches levels of thirst scientists once believed to be theoretically impossible.

I'll hold on a little tighter (maybe you'll stay the night) by glittercake (complete |  10,393 | E)

"No strings. I ain't got time for strings." Steve murmurs.

Bucky nods helplessly.

"Be discreet." Steve continues kissing his neck and talking, now also rubbing and squeezing his thigh. "Condoms, always. Back out anytime you want. And sweetheart—"

"Hm?" Bucky hums in a delirious daze as Steve works all the way down to his collarbone and bites, making Bucky jolt forward.

"I like it rough, don't do it any other way. If that ain't your thing, we gotta call it off right now."

this love immortal is an assassin's delight by voxofthevoid (oneshot | 12,954 | E)

After the Battle of New York, Captain America refuses to work for S.H.I.E.L.D and remains in New York. Alexander Pierce activates the Winter Soldier to handle the situation and unknowingly signs Hydra’s death warrant.

Watch With Glittering Eyes by Kellyscams (oneshot | 6,746 | E)

Witch Steve and familiar Bucky have a fun night together.

Happiness is a handful by pamurai (oneshot | 1,274 | E)

Steve's pecs compel Bucky's memories to return faster. Together they explore what makes them happy and what the future holds.

(It's Steve's tits.)

It's Been a Long, Long Time by non_tiembo_mala (oneshot | 11,862 | E)

It's been a thing almost as long as they have, since before Steve grew up and filled out his serum-given body. Connection, comfort-- whatever it is, it grounded them then and, as it turns out, it grounds them now, many decades and disasters later.

Or: the one where Steve's beautiful tits help Bucky get his memory back.

September

Do What You Did by Bentrumors (oneshot | 1,075 | E)

“Come finish what you started,” Bucky mumbles into the pillow.

“I can’t. Sam’s waiting for me.”

Bucky turns his head and glares at Steve through bleary eyes. “You’re going to leave me hanging?”

Steve shrugs.

a slow start by birdjay (oneshot | 2,689 | E)

It’s a gorgeous sight, Steve spread out like this. He wants to lick, wants to bite, wants inside where he’s hot and tight. Wants to make Steve make that gasping noise that he loves so much.

All in good time.

An Apple in the American Pie by Kimra (oneshot | 2,479 | M)

At the end of CAWS Steve runs off with Bucky, and also falls pregnant. Go figure.

October

All the sweetness and all the glory by pes (oneshot | 2,916 | M)

“Do you know,” Steve began softly, mindful of the sleeping child, “I can’t tell whom she takes after the most just yet, but one thing I know for certain. This,” he said, tracing Annie’s dimpled chin with the very tip of his finger, “this she got from your side of the family.”

(In which a visit to Bucky's new niece kindles all sorts of feelings, and a precious little secret comes to light.)

Give Up the Ghost by humapuma (complete | 44,541 | E)

Bucky Barnes is an anomaly; he's physically an Omega but has the body of an Alpha. He has a lot of the stubbornness too. Steve Rogers is an anomaly; he's a romantic and he believes in the traditions his parents raised him with. There's something about Steve that makes Bucky's Omega brain say, Mine. There's something about Bucky that makes Steve want to be more than a little reckless.

ever just as sure by ariadne_odair (complete | 7,938 | M)

“Your boyfriend is here.”

It’s take Steve a second to realise Sharon is talking to him; it then takes him even longer to respond and to stop choking on his reply. “I - er, is he?”

Sharon eyes him up like he’s lost his mind. “Well, the guy currently parking his crappy car in our car park is definitely not mine.”

Steve and Bucky are idiots. They're also in love. Obnoxiously so. Alternatively titled: Five times someone has a front-row seat to Steve and Bucky's relationship.

Where the Heart Is by Chancy_Lurking (oneshot | 12,133 | T)

“Couples are more than welcome to room together.”

Steve freezes up, feels his eyes go a little wide before he can help himself. He stumbles over his words, “Oh, I—No, we’re not—”

“We’re not going to give you any trouble about that,” Fury presses, turning to squint at them head on. “Stark likes to say we’re opened minded and close-knit. Your private life is your business, but you don’t need to hide here, understand?”

Steve goes to reiterate that they’re not a couple, but startles when Bucky’s hand settles on the small of his back. He looks at him like he’s lost his mind, but Bucky’s just smiling at him. “Never can be too careful these days,” he says.

(Steve and Bucky pretend to be a couple when they move in, but at some point, it stops feeling like pretend.)

Like gifts under trees by pes (oneshot | 6,528 | T)

Inside the leather satchel, bundled in a few layers of cloth, was the smooth swell of an egg. A dragon egg, dark, and shiny, and fluttering with life in its makeshift nest.

“I think it’s about to hatch,” Steve breathed, clutching the bag to his chest helplessly.

Bucky didn’t need to think twice.

Your voice is all I hear somehow, calling out winter by chaosmanor (oneshot | 13,597 | E) - stucky/symbiote

Bucky is remarkably functional, considering what he's been through. Then, sometimes, it's like a sullen killer is wearing his skin.

(Or, the fic no one asked for, where Bucky has a symbiote named Winter and everyone has to work out how to live together.)

Misery I Need by mwestbelle (oneshot | 2,592 | M)

"You've seen his file, right?" She let out a low whistle. "What a shame. To do that to such a pretty omega."

They thought he was asleep. She didn't mean anything by it, and if she knew that he'd heard he's sure she would have apologized. But it's her voice that he hears whenever he feels out of place, uncomfortable in his skin. What a shame.

OR a different take on Steve Rogers' body issues

November

Simple by Ellessey (oneshot | 4,043 | T)

Steve's holding Bucky's drink out to him and he's looking at Bucky in that way he does. It makes Bucky want to cover his face. It makes him want to peek inside of himself and see if he can actually spot the butterflies.

"Here you go," Steve says. "Extra hot, so be careful, 'kay?"

"Okay, thanks..." Bucky says. And then he has to swallow again, and his throat feels awfully tight but he practiced this last night and he can do this. He can. He opens his mouth again and adds, "Steve."

--

Every morning Bucky walks to a nearby coffee shop as a kind of exposure therapy. He isn't going there for the coffee, and he's not actually sure he's going there for the therapy anymore, but he's definitely going there for Steve Rogers' smile.

Every Move the Feeling Follows by thepinupchemist (oneshot | 5,412 | E)

After the Avengers win the battle against Thanos, everyone gets to go home. Steve and Bucky retire, get mated, and get surprised. They have a baby, and they get to start their lives again.

not idiots at all by icoulddothisallday (oneshot | 2,297 | M)

Somehow, despite the seventy years in the ice and his overwhelming fame and popularity, Steve’s words have never been recorded anywhere. He suspects that he has Peggy to thank for that. The words have always been a source of embarrassment for Steve, for one reason or another. When he was a child, his words were just another thing that set him apart from others. Other kids had common words - mostly names, as that was what you were supposed to say to a stranger. Some kids got dealt generic words like excuse me and good morning. Steve’s words didn’t make much sense, the ones that did were...not intended for polite conversation.

Thursday Nights with Bucky Barnes by Ellessey (oneshot | 4,662 | T)

Steve has a comfortable, well-worn routine for his Thursday nights, until the old man who runs the laundromat breaks his hip.

Then Steve has Bucky instead.

Rare Is This Love (Keep It Covered) by histoires_eternelles, musette22 (complete | 66,773 | E)

It's 2014. Captain America has been out of the ice for three years and is trudging along, saving the world and trying to get used to living in the future. Steve thinks he knows how the rest of his life is going to pan out – a life of duty, which he chose when he signed up to be Erskine’s science experiment. But then, he meets Bucky Barnes: the out-of-this-world-gorgeous mechanic and war vet, who turns Steve’s life upside down and makes him question everything he thought he knew. Slowly, Steve comes to realize there is more to life than duty and punching Nazis. Just one problem though: how on earth does a 96-year-old virgin who only just realized he may not be entirely straight make the transition from crush to relationship? Cue healthy amounts of self-doubt, awkward flirting, pretty blushing, existential crises, emotional growth, and maybe, possibly, a sexual awakening.

rather be a lover than a fighter (found peace in your violence) by voxofthevoid (oneshot | 4,355 | E)

The dust has settled, and the world is healing. Men are too. 

The Soldier's Revenge by LeeHan (complete | 76,406 | E)

Bucky Barnes turns himself in to SHIELD two years after dragging Captain America out of the Potomac River. He was deprogrammed in Wakanda and has been hunting down Hydra ever since, but he needs help if he wants to take proper revenge on his captors. He turns to his old enemies: SHIELD and the Avengers, but it'll take more than a few words to win their trust after the Winter Soldier brought SHIELD to its knees not long before. Now at SHIELD's mercy, the only thing that stands between Bucky and his revenge is the approval of Captain Rogers: a self-righteous asshole that Bucky barely knows.

All Those Little Pieces by Ellessey (complete | 40,516 | M)

Steve has never forgotten Bucky Barnes. Not their childhood together, not the horror of the moment Bucky fell too far for him to reach, and not the way he's loved him all the while.

Bucky has forgotten everything about Steve, at least at first. But there's still a feeling there, warm in his chest—and maybe now that he's found his way back to Steve Rogers and his sunny apartment, there's a chance it might turn into something more.

December

No fics for this month, since it was a difficult one.

In any case, I hope you enjoy all of these recs above and have a great 2020! <3

[carolinesiede]

Reflecting on 2020

The strangest thing about 2020 was how familiar much of it felt: Working from home, extended periods of isolation, weeks and months blending together. To a much lesser degree, those are things I experience each year as a freelancer. And while I suspect it will take awhile before the full extent of the trauma we’ve all lived through this year fully sets in, right now I’m mostly focused on gratitude. I’m grateful for the health of my loved ones. Grateful I already had a work-from-home routine to maintain during the pandemic. And grateful that I was able to quarantine with my family for much of the year—which had its challenges but also its rewards too.

In my 2019 year-end post I wrote about feeling like my career was finally on an upward trajectory after several years of plateauing. This year obviously offered some new wrinkles in that regard. I made significantly less money and felt familiar fears about how sustainable this career actually is. But having less work also gave me more time to focus on the actual craft of writing. I feel like I reached a new level in terms of voice, clarity, and the ability to self-edit. I'm the sort of person who constantly (arguably, obsessively) strives to be better, and it’s rewarding to feel like that hard work is finally slowly starting to pay off.

In addition to devoting my quarantine time to mastering a favorite curry recipe, getting really into the Enneagram, finally learning to French braid hair, and rewatching all of New Girl, I also had some really cool opportunities scattered throughout the year. I interviewed John Barrowman about his surprise return to Doctor Who, which felt like a real milestone for me. I also contributed to the Los Angeles Times’ list of TV shows to binge-watch during quarantine, which appeared both online and in print. And thanks to everything going virtual this year, I was able to attend a press panel for the fifth season of This Is Us, which is the sort of thing I’m not usually able to do as a Chicago-based critic. 

My career is always a juggling act between film and TV, and this year made me appreciate how valuable it is to be able to move seamlessly between both worlds. I took on new TV assignments covering the first season of Stargirl and the second season of The Umbrella Academy, both of which were a blast to write about. And while I didn’t watch quite as many films as I did in my insane catch-up year last year, I did fill in some more major blindspots. I also contributed to The A.V. Club’s list of the best films of 2000 and shared my own ballot over on Letterboxd. Oh, and I set up a Letterboxd this year too!

Elsewhere, I made my debut on Bustle and The Takeout, and ended the year with a Polygon article about “Kind Movies” that pretty much sums up my entire ethos on storytelling. I was also named a Top Critic by Rotten Tomatoes, which was a real honor. But the pride and joy of my career remains my rom-com column, When Romance Met Comedy. I devoted a whopping 49,000 words to analyzing 25 different romantic comedies this year. And I’m really pleased with how the column has grown and with the positive feedback I’ve received.

I have to admit, I sometimes worry that year-end highlight reels like this one can make my life seem easy or glamorous in a way that doesn’t reflect what it’s like to actually live through it. I'm tremendously lucky to get to do what I do, but I also struggle a lot—both with the logistics of this career and with bigger questions about what value it brings to the world. My goal is to approach 2021 with a greater sense of intentionality. I want to be more thoughtful in my career choices, more purposeful in how I use social media, and more active in my activism and politics. I’d also like to do 20 push-ups a day everyday for the whole year, but we’ll see how long that resolution actually lasts.

Finally, on a sadder note, one other defining experience of the year was the loss of my dear internet friend Seb Patrick, who I’ve known for years through the Cinematic Universe podcast. Seb created a wonderfully positive nerd space online, and was a big part of my early quarantine experience thanks to the Avengers watchalongs I did with the CU gang in the spring. I’m so grateful for all the fun pop culture chats we got to have throughout the years, several of which are linked below. Seb is tremendously missed, and there’s a fund for his family here.

As we head into 2021, I’ll leave you with wishes for a Happy New Year and a roundup of all the major writing and podcasts I did in 2020. If you enjoyed my work, you can support me on Kofi or PayPal. Or you can just share some of your favorite pieces with your friends! That really means a lot.

My 15 favorite films of 2020

My 15 favorite TV shows of 2020

Op-eds, Features, and Interviews

Women Pioneered The Film Industry 100 Years Ago. Why Aren’t We Talking About Them? [Bustle]

2020 is the year of the Kind Movie — and it couldn’t have come at a better time [Polygon]

Make a grocery store game plan for stress-free shopping [The Takeout]

What’s Going On: A primer on the call to defund the police [Medium]

Doctor Who’s John Barrowman on the return of Captain Jack Harkness [The A.V. Club]

Episodic TV Coverage

Doctor Who S12

This Is Us S4 and S5

Supergirl S5

Stargirl S1

The Umbrella Academy S2

The Crown S4

NBC’s Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch Musical!

When Romance Met Comedy

Is The Ugly Truth the worst romantic comedy ever made?

Working Girl’s message is timeless, even if the hair and the shoulder pads aren’t

You’ve Got Mail and the power of the written (well, typed) word

Love & Basketball was a romantic slam dunk

How did My Big Fat Greek Wedding make so much money?

America eased into the ’60s with the bedroom comedies of Doris Day and Rock Hudson

I can’t stop watching Made Of Honor

Notting Hill brought two rom-com titans together

It’s time to rediscover one of Denzel Washington’s loveliest and most under-seen romances

Something’s Gotta Give is the ultimate quarantine rom-com

20 years ago, But I’m A Cheerleader reclaimed camp for queer women

On its 60th anniversary, Billy Wilder’s The Apartment looks like an indictment of toxic masculinity

The Wedding Planner made rom-com stars out of Jennifer Lopez and Matthew McConaughey

After 25 years, Clueless is still our cleverest Jane Austen adaptation

William Shakespeare invented every romantic comedy trope we love today

Edward Norton made his directorial debut by walking a priest, a rabbi, and a Dharma into a Y2K rom-com

The forgotten 1970s romantic comedy that raged against our broken, racist system

His Girl Friday redefined the screwball comedy at 240 words per minute

Before Wonder Woman soared into theaters, the hacky My Super Ex-Girlfriend plummeted to Earth

Dirty Dancing spoke its conscience with its hips

The rise of Practical Magic as a spooky season classic

In a dire decade for the genre, Queen Latifah became a new kind of rom-com star

Years before Elsa and Anna, Tangled reinvigorated the Disney princess tradition

Palm Springs is the definitive 2020 rom-com

Celebrate Christmas with the subversive 1940s rom-com that turned gender roles on their head

The A.V. Club Film & TV Reviews

Netflix’s To All The Boys sequel charms, though not quite as much as the original

The Photograph only occasionally snaps into focus

Jane Austen's Emma gets an oddball, sumptuous, and smart new adaptation

Pete Davidson delivers small-time charms in Big Time Adolescence

Council Of Dads crams a season of schmaltzy storytelling into its premiere

In Belgravia, Downton Abbey’s creator emulates Dickens to limited success

Netflix’s Love Wedding Repeat adds some cringe to the rom-com

Netflix takes another shot at Cyrano de Bergerac with queer love triangle The Half Of It

We Are Freestyle Love Supreme is a feel-good origin story for Lin-Manuel Miranda’s first troupe

Sara Bareilles’ melodic Apple TV+ series Little Voice is still finding itself

Netflix’s sexist rom-com sensation gets a minor upgrade in The Kissing Booth 2

With Howard, Disney+ movingly honors the lyricist who gave the Little Mermaid her voice

The Broken Hearts Gallery tries to find catharsis in heartbreak

Netflix’s ghostly musical series Julie And The Phantoms hits some charming tween high notes

After We Collided slides toward R-rated camp—but not far enough

Holidate is a bawdy start to Netflix’s holiday rom-com slate

Kristen Stewart celebrates the Happiest Season in a pioneering queer Christmas rom-com

Isla Fisher gets her own Enchanted in the Disney Plus fairy tale Godmothered

Podcast Appearances

Debating Doctor Who: “Orphan 55”

It Pod To Be You: The Wedding Singer

Reality Bomb: Defending Doctor Who’s “Closing Time”

The Televerse: Spotlight on Doctor Who Season 12

You Should See The Other Guy: The Ugly Truth

Only Stupid Answers: Stargirl’s season finale

Motherfoclóir: Ireland and the Hollywood Rom-Com

Called in to Nerdette’s Clueless retrospective episode

Cinematic Universe Appearances

Cinematic Universe: Superman IV: The Quest For Peace

Cinematic Universe: Birds of Prey

Cinematic Universe: Infinity War watchalong

Cinematic Universe: Endgame watchalong

Cinematic Universe: Terminator 2

Cinematic Universe: Josie and the Pussycats

Cinematic Universe: The Cuppies 2020 (Cuppies of Cuppies)

And here are similar year-end wrap-ups I did in 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, and 2013.

[mattbrothersscriptwriter]

My Top 20 Films of 2019 - Part Two

I don’t think I’ve had a year where my top ten jostled and shifted as much as this one did - these really are the best of the best and my personal favourites of 2019.

10. Toy Story 4

I think we can all agree that Toy Story 3 was a pretty much perfect conclusion to a perfect trilogy right? About as close as is likely to get, I’m sure. I shared the same trepidation when part four was announced, especially after some underwhelming sequels like Finding Dory and Cars 3 (though I do have a lot of time for Monsters University and Incredibles 2). So maybe it’s because the odds were so stacked against this being good but I thought it was wonderful. A truly existential nightmare of an epilogue that does away with Andy (and mostly kids altogether) to focus on the dreams and desires of the toys themselves - separate from their ‘duties’ as playthings to biological Gods. What is their purpose in life without an owner? Can they be their own person and carve their own path? In the case of breakout new character Forky (Tony Hale), what IS life? Big big questions for a cash grab kids films huh?

The animation is somehow yet another huge leap forward (that opening rainstorm!), Bo Peep’s return is excellently pitched and the series tradition of being unnervingly horrifying is back as well thanks to those creepy ventriloquist dolls! Keanu Reeves continues his ‘Keanuassaince‘ as the hilarious Duke Caboom and this time, hopefully, the ending at least feels finite. This series means so much to me: I think the first movie is possibly the tightest, most perfect script ever written, the third is one of my favourites of the decade and growing up with the franchise (I was 9 when the first came out, 13 for part two, 24 for part three and now 32 for this one), these characters are like old friends so of course it was great to see them again. All this film had to do was be good enough to justify its existence and while there are certainly those out there that don’t believe this one managed it, I think the fact that it went as far as it did showed that Pixar are still capable of pushing boundaries and exploring infinity and beyond when they really put their minds to it.

9. The Nightingale

Hoo boy. Already controversial with talk of mass walkouts (I witnessed a few when this screened at Sundance London), it’s not hard to see why but easy to understand. Jennifer Kent (The Babadook) is a truly fearless filmmaker following up her acclaimed suburban horror movie come grief allegory with a period revenge tale set in the Tasmanian wilderness during British colonial rule in the early 1800s. It’s rare to see the British depicted with the monstrous brutality for which they were known in the distant colonies and this unflinching drama sorely needed an Australian voice behind the camera to do it justice.

The film is front loaded with some genuinely upsetting, nasty scenes of cruel violence but its uncensored brutality and the almost casual nature of its depiction is entirely the point - this was normalised behaviour over there and by treating it so matter of factly, it doesn’t slip into gratuitous ‘movie violence’. It is what it is. And what it is is hard to watch. If anything, as Kent has often stated, it’s still toned down from the actual atrocities that occurred so it’s a delicate balance that I think Kent more than understands. Quoting from an excellent Vanity Fair interview she did about how she directs, Kent said “I think audiences have become very anaesthetised to violence on screen and it’s something I find disturbing... People say ‘these scenes are so shocking and disturbing’. Of course they are. We need to feel that. When we become so removed from violence on screen, this is a very irresponsible thing. So I wanted to put us right within the frame with that person experiencing the loss of everything they hold dear”. 

Aisling Franciosi is next level here as a woman who has her whole life torn from her, leaving her as nothing but a raging husk out for vengeance. It would be so easy to fall into odd couple tropes once she teams up with reluctant native tracker Billy (an equally impressive newcomer, Baykali Ganambarr) but the film continues to stay true to the harsh racism of the era, unafraid to depict our heroine - our point of sympathy - as horrendously racist towards her own ally. Their partnership is not easily solidified but that makes it all the stronger when they star to trust each other. Sam Claflin is also career best here, weaponizing his usual charm into dangerous menace and even after cementing himself as the year’s most evil villain, he can still draw out the humanity in such a broken and corrupt man.

Gorgeously shot in the Academy ratio, the forest landscape here is oppressive and claustrophobic. Kent also steps back into her horror roots with some mesmerising, skin crawling dream scenes that amplify the woozy nightmarish tone and overbearing sense of dread. Once seen, never forgotten, this is not going to be everyone’s cup of tea (and that’s fine) but when cinema can affect you on such a visceral level and be this powerful, reflective and honest about our own past, it’s hard to ignore. Stunning.

8. The Irishman

Aka Martin Scorsese’s magnum opus, I did manage to see this one in a cinema before the Netflix drop and absolutely loved it. I’ve watched 85 minute long movies that felt longer than this - Marty’s mastery of pace, energy and knowing when to let things play out in agonising detail is second to none. This epic tale of  the life of Frank Sheeran (Robert De Niro) really is the cinematic equivalent of having your cake and eating it too, allowing Scorsese to run through a greatest hits victory lap of mobster set pieces, alpha male arguments, a decades spanning life story and one (last?) truly great Joe Pesci performance before simply letting the story... continue... to a natural, depressing and tragic ending, reflecting the emptiness of a life built on violence and crime.

For a film this long, it’s impressive how much the smallest details make the biggest impacts. A stammering phone call from a man emotionally incapable of offering any sort of condolence. The cold refusal of forgiveness from a once loving daughter. A simple mirroring of a bowl of cereal or a door left slightly ajar. These are the parts of life that haunt us all and it’s what we notice the most in a deliberately lengthy biopic that shows how much these things matter when everything else is said and done. The violence explodes in sudden, sharp bursts, often capping off unbearably tense sequences filled with the everyday (a car ride, a conversation about fish, ice cream...) and this contrast between the whizz bang of classic Scorsese and the contemplative nature of Silence era Scorsese is what makes this film feel like such an accomplishment. De Niro is FINALLY back but it’s the memorably against type role for Pesci and an invigorated Al Pacino who steals this one, along with a roll call of fantastic cameos, with perhaps the most screentime given to the wonderfully petty Stephen Graham as Tony Pro, not to mention Anna Paquin’s near silent performance which says more than possibly anyone else. 

Yes, the CG de-aging is misguided at best, distracting at worst (I never really knew how old anyone was meant to be at any given time... which is kinda a problem) but like how you get used to it really quickly when it’s used well, here I kinda got past it being bad in an equally fast amount of time and just went with it. Would it have been a different beast had they cast younger actors to play them in the past? Undoubtedly. But if this gives us over three hours of Hollywood’s finest giving it their all for the last real time together, then that’s a compromise I can live with.

7. The Last Black Man in San Francisco

Wow. I was in love with this film from the moving first trailer but then the film itself surpassed all expectations. This is a true indie film success story, with lead actor Jimmie Fails developing the idea with director Joe Talbot for years before Kickstarting a proof of concept and eventually getting into Sundance with short film American Paradise, which led to the backing of this debut feature through Plan B and A24. The deeply personal and poetic drama follows a fictionalised version of Jimmie, trying to buy back an old Victorian town house he claims was built by his grandfather, in an act of rebellion against the increasingly gentrified San Francisco that both he and director Talbot call home.

The film is many things - a story of male friendship, of solidarity within our community, of how our cities can change right from underneath us - it moves to the beat of it’s own drum, with painterly cinematography full of gorgeous autumnal colours and my favourite score of the year from Emile Mosseri. The performances, mostly by newcomers or locals outside of brilliant turns from Jonathan Majors, Danny Glover and Thora Birch, are wonderful and the whole thing is such a beautiful love letter to the city that it makes you ache for a strong sense of place in your own home, even if your relationship with it is fractured or strained. As Jimmie says, “you’re not allowed to hate it unless you love it”.

For me, last year’s Blindspotting (my favourite film of the year) tackled gentrification within California more succinctly but this much more lyrical piece of work ebbs and flows through a number of themes like identity, family, memory and time. It’s a big film living inside a small, personal one and it is not to be overlooked.

6. Little Women

I had neither read the book nor seen any prior adaptation of Louisa May Alcott’s 1868 novel so to me, this is by default the definitive telling of this story. If from what I hear, the non linear structure is Greta Gerwig’s addition, then it’s a total slam dunk. It works so well in breaking up the narrative and by jumping from past to present, her screenplay highlights certain moments and decisions with a palpable sense of irony, emotional weight or knowing wink. Getting to see a statement made with sincere conviction and then paid off within seconds, can be both a joy and a surefire recipe for tears. Whether it’s the devastating contrast between scenes centred around Beth’s illness or the juxtaposition of character’s attitudes to one another, it’s a massive triumph. Watching Amy angrily tell Laurie how she’s been in love with him all her life and then cutting back to her childishly making a plaster cast of her foot for him (’to remind him how small her feet are’) is so funny. 

Gerwig and her impeccable cast bring an electric energy to the period setting, capturing the big, messy realities of family life with a mix of overwhelming cross-chatter and the smallest of intimate gestures. It’s a testament to the film that every sister feels fully serviced and represented, from Beth’s quiet strength to Amy’s unforgivable sibling rivalry. Chris Cooper’s turn as a stoic man suffering almost imperceptible grief is a personal heartbreaking favourite. 

The book’s (I’m assuming) most sweeping romantic statements are wonderfully delivered, full of urgent passion and relatable heartache, from Marmie’s (Laura Dern) “I’m angry nearly every day of my life” moment to Jo’s (Saoirse Ronan) painful defiance of feminine attributes not being enough to cure her loneliness. The sheer amount of heart and warmth in this is just remarkable and I can easily see it being a film I return to again and again.

5. Booksmart

2019 has been a banner year for female directors, making their exclusion from some of the early awards conversations all the more damning. From this list alone, we have Lulu Wang, Jennifer Kent and Greta Gerwig. Not to mention Lorene Scafaria (Hustlers), Melina Matsoukas (Queen & Slim), Jocelyn DeBoer & Dawn Luebbe (Greener Grass), Sophie Hyde (Animals) and Rose Glass (Saint Maud - watch out for THIS one in 2020, it’s brilliant). Perhaps the most natural transition from in front of to behind the camera has been made by Olivia Wilde, who has created a borderline perfect teen comedy that can make you laugh till you cry, cry till you laugh and everything in-between.

Subverting the (usually male focused) ‘one last party before college’ tropes that fuel the likes of Superbad and it’s many inferior imitators, Booksmart follows two overachievers who, rather than go on a coming of age journey to get some booze or get laid, simply want to indulge in an insane night of teenage freedom after realising that all of the ‘cool kids’ who they assumed were dropouts, also managed to get a place in all of the big universities. It’s a subtly clever remix of an old favourite from the get go but the committed performances from Kaitlyn Dever and Beanie Feldstein put you firmly in their shoes for the whole ride. 

It’s a genuine blast, with big laughs and a bigger heart, portraying a supportive female friendship that doesn’t rely on hokey contrivances to tear them apart, meaning that when certain repressed feelings do come to the surface, the fallout is heartbreaking. As I stated in a twitter rave after first seeing it back in May, every single character, no matter how much they might appear to be simply representing a stock role or genre trope, gets their moment to be humanised. This is an impeccably cast ensemble of young unknowns who constantly surprise and the script is a marvel - a watertight structure without a beat out of place, callbacks and payoffs to throwaway gags circle back to be hugely important and most of all, the approach taken to sexuality and representation feels so natural. I really think it is destined to be looked back on and represent 2019 the way Heathers does ‘88, Clueless ‘95 or Easy A 2010. A new high benchmark for crowd pleasing, indie comedy - teen or otherwise.

4. Ad Astra

Brad Pitt is one of my favourite actors and one who, despite still being a huge A-lister even after 30 years in the game, never seems to get enough credit for the choices he makes, the movies he stars in and also the range of stories he helps produce through his company, Plan B. 2019 was something of a comeback year for Pitt as an actor with the insanely measured and controlled lead performance seen here in Ad Astra and the more charismatic and chaotic supporting role in Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood.

I love space movies, especially those that are more about broken people blasting themselves into the unknown to search for answers within themselves... which manages to sum up a lot of recent output in this weirdly specific sub-genre. First Man was a devastating look at grief characterised by a man who would rather go to a desolate rock than have to confront what he lost, all while being packaged as a heroic biopic with a stunning score. Gravity and The Martian both find their protagonists forced to rely on their own cunning and ingenuity to survive and Interstellar looked at the lengths we go to for those we love left behind. Smaller, arty character studies like High Life or Moon are also astounding. All of this is to say that Ad Astra takes these concepts and runs with them, challenging Pitt to cross the solar system to talk some sense into his long thought dead father (Tommy Lee Jones). But within all the ‘sad dad’ stuff, there’s another film in here just daring you to try and second guess it - one that kicks things off with a terrifying free fall from space, gives us a Mad Max style buggy chase on the moon and sidesteps into horror for one particular set-piece involving a rabid baboon in zero G! It manages to feel so completely nuts, so episodic in structure, that I understand why a lot of people were turned off - feeling that the overall film was too scattershot to land the drama or too pondering to have any fun with. I get the criticisms but for me, both elements worked in tandem, propelling Pitt on this (assumed) one way journey at a crazy pace whilst sitting back and languishing in the ‘bigger themes’ more associated with a Malik or Kubrick film. Something that Pitt can sell me on in his sleep by this point.

I loved the visuals from cinematographer Hoyte van Hoytema (Interstellar), loved the imagination and flair of the script from director James Gray and Ethan Gross and loved the score by Max Richter (with Lorne Balfe and Nils Frahm) but most of all, loved Pitt, proving that sometimes a lot less, is a lot more. The sting of hearing the one thing he surely knew (but hoped he wouldn’t) be destined to hear from his absent father, acted almost entirely in his eyes during a third act confrontation, summed up the movie’s brilliance for me - so much so that I can forgive some of the more outlandish ‘Mr Hyde’ moments of this thing’s alter ego... like, say, riding a piece of damaged hull like a surfboard through a meteor debris field! 

3. Avengers: Endgame

It’s no secret that I think Marvel, the MCU in particular, have been going from strength to strength in recent years, slowly but surely taking bigger risks with filmmakers (the bonkers Taika Waititi, the indie darlings of Ryan Coogler, Cate Shortland and Chloe Zhao) whilst also carefully crafting an entertaining, interconnected universe of characters and stories. But what is the point of building up any movie ‘universe’ if you’re not going to pay it off and Endgame is perhaps the strongest conclusion to eleven years of movie sequels that fans could have possibly hoped for.

Going into this thing, the hype was off the charts (and for good reason, with it now being the highest grossing film of all time) but I remember souring on the first entry of this two-parter, Infinity War, during the time between initial release and Endgame’s premiere. That film had a game-changing climax, killing off half the heroes (and indeed the universe’s population) and letting the credits role on the villain having achieved his ultimate goal. It was daring, especially for a mammoth summer blockbuster but obviously, we all knew the deaths would never be permanent, especially with so many already-announced sequels for now ‘dusted’ characters. However, it wasn’t just the feeling that everything would inevitably be alright in the end. For me, the characters themselves felt hugely under-serviced, with arguably the franchise’s main goody two shoes Captain America being little more than a beardy bloke who showed up to fight a little bit. Basically what I’m getting at is that I felt Endgame, perhaps emboldened by the giant runtime, managed to not only address these character slights but ALSO managed to deliver the most action packed, comic booky, ‘bashing your toys together’ final fight as well.

It’s a film of three parts, each pretty much broken up into one hour sections. There’s the genuinely new and interesting initial section following our heroes dealing with the fact that they lost... and it stuck. Thor angrily kills Thanos within the first fifteen minutes but it’s a meaningless action by this point - empty revenge. Cutting to five years later, we get to see how defeat has affected them, for better or worse, trying to come to terms with grief and acceptance. Cap tries to help the everyman, Black Widow is out leading an intergalactic mop up squad and Thor is wallowing in a depressive black hole. It’s a shocking and vibrantly compelling deconstruction of the whole superhero thing and it gives the actors some real meat to chew on, especially Robert Downy Jr here who goes from being utterly broken to fighting within himself to do the right thing despite now having a daughter he doesn’t want to lose too. Part two is the trip down memory lane, fan service-y time heist which is possibly the most fun section of any of these movies, paying tribute to the franchise’s past whilst teetering on a knife’s edge trying to pull off a genuine ‘mission impossible’. And then it explodes into the extended finale which pays everyone off, demonstrates some brilliantly imaginative action and sticks the landing better than it had any right to. In a year which saw the ending of a handful of massive geek properties, from Game of Thrones to Star Wars, it’s a miracle even one of them got it right at all. That Endgame managed to get it SO right is an extraordinary accomplishment and if anything, I think Marvel may have shot themselves in the foot as it’s hard to imagine anything they can give us in the future having the intense emotional weight and momentum of this huge finale.

2. Knives Out

Rian Johnson has been having a ball leaping into genre sandpits and stirring shit up, from his teen spin on noir in Brick to his quirky con man caper with The Brothers Bloom, his time travel thriller Looper and even his approach to the Star Wars mythos in The Last Jedi. Turning his attention to the relatively dead ‘whodunnit’ genre, Knives Out is a perfect example of how to celebrate everything that excites you about a genre whilst weaponizing it’s tropes against your audience’s baggage and preconceptions.

An impeccable cast have the time of their lives here, revelling in playing self obsessed narcissists who scramble to punt the blame around when the family’s patriarch, a successful crime novelist (Christopher Plummer), winds up dead. Of course there’s something fishy going on so Daniel Craig’s brilliantly dry southern detective Benoit Blanc is called in to investigate.There are plenty of standouts here, from Don Johnson’s ignorant alpha wannabe Richard to Michael Shannon’s ferocious eldest son Walt to Chris Evan’s sweater wearing jock Ransom, full of unchecked, white privilege swagger. But the surprise was the wholly sympathetic, meek, vomit prone Marta, played brilliantly by Ana de Armas, cast against her usual type of sultry bombshell (Knock Knock, Blade Runner 2049), to spearhead the biggest shake up of the genre conventions. To go into more detail would begin to tread into spoiler territory but by flipping the audience’s engagement with the detective, we’re suddenly on the receiving end of the scrutiny and the tension derived from this switcheroo is genius and opens up the second act of the story immensely.

The whole thing is so lovingly crafted and the script is one of the tightest I’ve seen in years. The amount of setup and payoff here is staggering and never not hugely satisfying, especially as it heads into it’s final stretch. It really gives you some hope that you could have such a dense, plotty, character driven idea for a story and that it could survive the transition from page to screen intact and for the finished product to work as well as it does. I really hope Johnson returns to tell another Benoit Blanc mystery and judging by the roaring box office success (currently over $200 million worldwide for a non IP original), I certainly believe he will.

1. Eighth Grade

My film of the year is another example of the power of cinema to put us in other people’s shoes and to discover the traits, fears, joys and insecurities that we all share irregardless. It may shock you to learn this but I have never been a 13 year old teenage girl trying to get by in the modern world of social media peer pressure and ‘influencer’ culture whilst crippled with personal anxiety. My school days almost literally could not have looked more different than this (less Instagram, more POGs) and yet, this is a film about struggling with oneself, with loneliness, with wanting more but not knowing how to get it without changing yourself and the careless way we treat those with our best interests at heart in our selfish attempt to impress peers and fit in. That is understandable. That is universal. And as I’m sure I’ve said a bunch of times in this list, movies that present the most specific worldview whilst tapping into universal themes are the ones that inevitably resonate the most.

Youtuber and comedian Bo Burnham has crafted an impeccable debut feature, somehow portraying a generation of teens at least a couple of generations below his own, with such laser focused insight and intimate detail. It’s no accident that this film has often been called a sort of social-horror, with cringe levels off the charts and recognisable trappings of anxiety and depression in every frame. The film’s style services this feeling at every turn, from it’s long takes and nauseous handheld camerawork to the sensory overload in it’s score (take a bow Anna Meredith) and the naturalistic performances from all involved. Burnham struck gold when he found Elsie Fisher, delivering the most painful and effortlessly real portrayal of a tweenager in crisis as Kayla. The way she glances around skittishly, the way she is completely lost in her phone, the way she talks, even the way she breathes all feeds into the illusion - the film is oftentimes less a studio style teen comedy and more a fly on the wall documentary. 

This is a film that could have coasted on being a distant, social media based cousin to more standard fare like Sex Drive or Superbad or even Easy A but it goes much deeper, unafraid to let you lower your guard and suddenly hit you with the most terrifying scene of casually attempted sexual aggression or let you watch this pure, kindhearted girl falter and question herself in ways she shouldn’t even have to worry about. And at it’s core, there is another beautiful father/daughter relationship, with Josh Hamilton stuck on the outside looking in, desperate to help Kayla with every fibre of his being but knowing there are certain things she has to figure out for herself. It absolutely had me and their scene around a backyard campfire is one of the year’s most touching.

This is a truly remarkable film that I think everyone should seek out but I’m especially excited for all the actual teenage girls who will get to watch this and feel seen. This isn’t about the popular kid, it isn’t about the dork who hangs out with his or her own band of misfits. This is about the true loner, that person trying everything to get noticed and still ending up invisible, that person trying to connect through the most disconnected means there is - the internet - and everything that comes with it. Learning that the version of yourself you ‘portray’ on a Youtube channel may act like they have all the answers but if you’re kidding yourself then how do you grow? 

When I saw this in the cinema, I watched a mother take her seat with her two daughters, aged probably at around nine and twelve. Possibly a touch young for this, I thought, and I admit I cringed a bit on their behalf during some very adult trailers but in the end, I’m glad their mum decided they were mature enough to see this because a) they had a total blast and b) life simply IS R rated for the most part, especially during our school years, and those girls being able to see someone like Kayla have her story told on the big screen felt like a huge win. I honestly can’t wait to see what Burnham or Fisher decide to do next. 2019 has absolutely been their year... and it’s been a hell of a year.

[ficsandcatsandficsandcats]

Thank you for your kind words! i've been trying to think of more Valdo requests, cuz you write him wonderfully, & i have a cute one (i hope) maybe Valdo & plus size reader have been friends for a long time & she's totally in love & he writes all these beautiful songs about these women & she's jealous(inside) & somehow it comes to light that the songs are about her & there's love confessions (shocking i know haha!) cuz he's like "wait no it's always been you!" Thanks so much! I hope you're well!!

Fandom: The Witcher Pairing: Valdo x Plus Size Reader Word Count: 1,605 Rating: G Taglist: @heroics-and-heartbreak​ @whatevermonkey​ @mycat-is-mylove @mynamesoundslikesherlock​ @kemmastan​ @magic-multicolored-miracle​ @writingstudent​ @mlleecrivaine​ @coffee-and-stories​ @amirahiddleston​ @ultracolorfulnerdcollection​ @astouract​ @your-not-invisible-to-me @daydreamer-in-training @morelikebyesexual a/n: Yess Valdo would be equally enthusiastic about lovers of all body shapes and sizes and you know we love a good Confession. Enjoy! xo

“Y/N!”

Your entire body lifted with your heart at the sound of Valdo’s voice speaking your name. You turned from where you’d been standing in the square and there he was. Curls somehow never mussed despite his long travels, not a single hair in his mustache or goatee out of place. The blazing, emerald eyes alight with excitement as he wove his way through the people and made his way to you. He scooped you up into a hug, nearly lifting you off of your feet, a reminder of how deceptively strong he was.

“Oh you are a sight for sore eyes,” he sighed when you both reluctantly pulled away.

“How Long are you in town this time?” you asked, trying to temper your excitement before you could be crushed by hearing that he would only be there for the night.

“I’m not sure,” he replied enigmatically, “It depends on how this latest song is received.”

You tried to keep your face from crumpling into disappointment. If that were the case you’d be lucky if he stayed overnight. His music was always incredibly well-received and you took his words to mean that the better it was lauded, the more quickly he’d want to spread it around to build word. You’d been friends for years and you’d watched him get his first instruments and create a name for himself around Cidaris. You knew that his success would take him away from you but you tried not to begrudge it. His happiness mattered the most to you and if that happiness was found elsewhere, who were you to be upset?

“Come on,” he said after a few beats of silence, “Buy an old friend a drink.”

“You’re the traveling celebrity, you’re buying,” you teased. He fell in step beside you and slung an arm around your waist. You stiffened slightly, not expecting that, and he removed his arm and wrapped up around your shoulders instead before you could protest that it was alright. Something was odd, even for Valdo, and it made you feel uneasy. You tried to shake it off and focus on the time you got together.

“So tell me of your journeys,” you asked, “New sights? New sounds? New, notable companions?”

You nearly bite your tongue at the last question, trying to sound like you were casually curious as a friend and not desperately pining for him, praying that he’d say he’d seen no one though you knew that was very unlikely. Valdo was quite popular and though you’d never had the pleasure you had extrapolated a great deal from watching him playing, thinking of the things those nimble fingers could do as well as the soft, full lips. He had a wickedness about him that told you that he’d be up for anything and that he could inspire the same level of open-mindedness in all of his partners. Gods knew you couldn’t think of a single thing you wouldn’t open for the man in front of you. He looked at you oddly and you worried for a second that you’d said that out loud but he shook his head.

“Plenty of sights, though none as sweet as your face. Plenty of sounds, though none as compelling as my voice. No companions,” he answered. You schooled your face to stay impassive as he said this though your heart sang. It was a temporary balm, you knew. Soon there would be another. As though he’d read your mind again he pulled out his journal where you knew he wrote his lyrics. You knew where this was going. All through your friendship growing up he’d read to you lyrics of his latest “muse” and you’d been forced to listen and sigh and pretend you weren’t envious of whoever could stir him to create.

“Is that the song that’ll decide your fate?” you asked, gesturing to the journal.

“It is,” he replied. There was a strange energy about him. A nervousness that was rare to behold in the usually very confident, if somewhat smug, troubadour. “It’s a ballad but I need help writing the ending.”

“Oh?” you asked, more surprises every second. Though he happily showed you the results of his work he rarely let you in on the process, insisting that he needed to be alone with his thoughts to truly decipher what his muse had inspired. You thought it sounded like pretentious horseshit but you left him with his methods, his success speaking for itself.

“It’s the story of a couple who met as youths. He, a stalwart, handsome, ambitious lad and she a witty, kind, breathtakingly gorgeous woman,” he explained.

“Hmm yes, they always are aren’t they?” you muttered under your breath.

“What?”

“Nothing, go on.”

“Well the pair grow very close, so close that all who see them think that they’re in love but the tragic truth is that the man pines alone, uncertain if his long-held affections are returned,” Valdo continued.

“I do love a good yearn,” you admitted.

“Yes, and now, after years of roaming and parting and returning and nearly confessing and losing the courage he decides that he must confess his love or go mad!”

“A logical solution,” you said with a little nod of your head, “It seems the conclusion is clear.”

“Ah yes but where I need your help is in discovering her answer,” he said, eyes staring at you with a strange intensity. Your brow furrowed in confusion.

“Well I don’t know, Valdo, does she love him?”

“I don’t know, Y/N… does she?” he asked the words meaningfully giving you an equally pointed look and you felt like you were being read a riddle that everyone else knew but you were oblivious to.

“You’d probably need to ask her?” you offered.

“I… am…?” Valdo’s voice grew uncertain and the pair of you gave each other equally puzzled looks.

“Valdo I promise I’m not trying to be daft but… it almost sounds like you’re saying I’m the woman in the story and that’s ridiculous so what is it you’re asking here? If you should talk to the woman in your song? Sure, go for it, why wouldn’t you?” you exclaimed, growing frustrated. Valdo blinked a few times, visibly flustered and taken aback.

“Y/N you are the woman in the song!”

“What?” you cried, choking on your ale.

“Of course! This song and every other I’ve ever written. It’s always been how, could you truly not know?” he asked incredulously. You gaped at him and thought back to the songs he’d written, trying to find a scrap of lyric that proved it couldn’t be you. You were used to hearing songs where you were written out by the casual mention of a slender frame or lithe body. Whenever a bard sang about lifting his lady into his arms the dream was dashed and you could not longer project yourself into it. It had been a bit lonely and sad, never hearing a heroine whose petite shoes you could walk in, but as you thought back through Valdo’s you realized that was never the case. He never spoke of his lover in diminutive terms. He talked about her beauty and her softness and her genius. Valdo could see you thinking, considering his words with confusion but no longer arguing which he took as encouragement.

“Y/N if I’ve not spoken plainly, know it wasn’t out of any embarrassment or lack of feeling, rather the opposite. I felt so deeply and strongly that I feared the loss of you if I spoke up. But not trying and leaving you is much more painful than knowing and salvaging the friendship. So I come to you, Y/N, without pretense or lyrical camouflage, and I ask you – what does the heroine of this song, the song that joins the lifelong operetta of my heart, answer?”

“Well she… she would be a little taken aback, because she spent her whole life thinking that every song was about some new muse, getting more and more jealous with every one but also hoping that her friend who she loved was happy. And then she’d be afraid that it was a dream because everything he was saying is everything she’s been longing for him to say and she’s learned that women who look like her don’t get a love worthy of song. But she’d want it to be true so badly she’d nearly be willing to just say fuck it and let her heart break upon waking, just for the joy of feeling loved by him for just that once,” you answered, a lifetime of feeling poured out in a rambling series of sentences that you feared were only somewhat understandable and barely coherent but Valdo caught the meaning and crossed over the table to get to you, nearly knocking over your ale in the process but you couldn’t care less.

“Then the song shall end with the man assuring her that it is very much real and that he never wants to be parted from her again, whether that means she travels with him or he stays with her he cares not. Because at the end of the day where she goes, he must follow, for only with her does he experience true, unfettered, blissful happiness,” he replied, green eyes scanning your face as if seeing it for the first time and trying to capture the moment forever.

“I think the song should end another way,” you argued.

“Oh?” he asked, “How?”

You answered him with a kiss that he could never translate into words but would spend the rest of his life trying to describe anyway.

[petekaos]

hey, bro! i read u listing elements that could have been better developed in 2gether and started thinking about it. when it comes to conflicts, i'd like to see couples going through different experiences and dealing w/ them. we all know the love triangle trope - honestly this is extremely tiring for me - and i feel like having a third party is not always the best way to face problems and show a relationship development. +

in 2gether for instance, wtf is mil doing? at this point, what's his contribution to the story? i feel like instead of this weird crush on tine, he could be living his life and facing different obstacles. anything really. maybe explore why he hates sarawat and how he deals being close to wat's bro, idk. when it comes to sarawatine, we know that tine is insecure, so why not explore it in a more subjective way, getting to know the roots of this insecurity? +

i see how having a third party can bring this subject to light, but will the problem be solved after the other person disappears? there are many things that might make tine insecure and it would honestly be amazing to see him facing different situations and slowly overcome his insecurity issues. that would involve conflict, drama, fights, etc. and would be kinda refreshing to see (instead of jealousy then "oh ok that person is not going to tear us apart so everything is fine now"). +

i also agree that it would feel amazing to see them saying the words bi and gay, but i guess i am happy with the fact that we don't have to be constantly listening to ppl say "wife/husband" as if they weren't two men. i am happy the show explores friendship, tho i also think we could see more about their family relationships. if we are going to watch the characters' development, why not get to know more about them as individuals (someone's brother and son and friend), right? +

and holy shit, the way women are treated needs to seriously change! gmm loves to portray women as crazy beings about guys (yea TOL this also applies to u), which is disrespectful to say the least. the fact it's a mlm doesn't mean it's ok to pretend women don't need personalities or a more well-written role. i hope this will change in the future. and that we'll also get wlw from these great companies. i ended up talking to much. i hope i made sense. as always, thx for your insight! -- emo sis

hi hi! ah i absolutely agree with all of your points, like one of my biggest pet peeves is the need for a third party to jumpstart growth in a relationship. this isn’t all too prevalent in 2gether, but mil’s character just really pisses me off? not he himself, but the way he’s been written. like you said, he could have had his own storyline and progressed in his relationship with phukong wonderfully. there comes a point for every antagonist where you can’t redeem them anymore, and mil is hurtling towards that point of no return. and i really don’t want him to! he was a good source of conflict initially but his character feels flat now. like why does he hate sarawat? is there any ulterior motive or reason to his crush on tine? how does he feel about phukong being sarawat’s brother? why did he get a bit choked up telling phukong that he likes him... like a brother? his character could have been super multifaceted and three-dimensional and a good example of someone who makes mistakes (ie hitting on tine even when he has a boyfriend and doesn’t want to be hit on) but apologises for them (we could have had a great apology scene in ep 10!). but he just keeps pushing! and it makes me so sad because we could have had a TOL style storyline between mil and phukong where mil redeems himself and proves to phukong he’s worthy of his love, y’know? because right now i’m kind of like :/ about their relationship. phukong deserves better. 

god, yeah! tine’s insecurities hit so hard on my rewatch of ep 10. i see so much of myself in him--he’s in his first proper relationship and he’s scared he’s gonna mess everything up and all of these objectively minor things keep happening and he’s so frightened that sarawat will feel it isn’t worth it that he sneaks out to right the lil spirit house thing. how many times did he apologise this episode? too many. i feel the scene where he asks if sarawat really thinks they’ll be together in 10 years exposed how much tine truly feels that he’s not enough and not worth it. he tries to keep up the chic chic demeanor and while he’s soft with sarawat and shows him all parts of him, he’s scared that sarawat... won’t want him anymore. tine and the mortifying ordeal of being known... it hits so close to home and god i wish they would explore that in a way that doesn’t have to do with other people! i hope this will be touched on a bit more next episode with pam’s entrance but how much of that is gonna hang off pam? that’s the real question.

yeah i’m happy that they don’t use the wife/husband thing too much. the bar is underground, but... well, you know. and yes! the friendships are done so so well in 2gether and i really do wish we could get to see more of tine and his friends. familial relationships would be such a wonderful added bonus to this show, especially considering that tine and sarawat’s brothers are also part of side romance storylines. tine and type are amazing and i adore their relationship. as an older sibling, i see so much of myself in type, like we’ve known our younger siblings all our lives, know all their insecurities and exactly how they could be hurt, and that’s why we protect them with all our lives, y’know? i would love to see more of sarawat and phukong and wat as an older brother! i think wat being the older brother is something really interesting? and i wish they would explore more of his relationship to phukong and being his p’.

i could go on about the treatment of women in 2gether and gmmtv in general. honestly there are very few times they’ve done women right (he’s coming to me was a good one!) and i wish they wouldn’t portray women as part of fanclubs and as fetishisers. i would love to see more earn and pear, obviously, as tine and sarawat’s friends and people they’re close to! it would make sense to see more of them, especially considering the fact that earn had that wack catfishing subplot with man. i’d have loved to seen an actual apology from him for that one as well. and air! air could have been featured heavily in ep 10 and i’m slightly bitter they didn’t actually, i mean she’s a huge part of the music club and it was a music club trip. i really hope that they do pam right and establish her as a character and not a plot device, if they do that right, then i’ll be satisfied. and yeah, i would love a wlw series from gmmtv. there are so many brilliant actresses who would take on those roles and execute them wonderfully! hopefully they listen to our prayers and see how many people would actually watch a wlw series and deliver soon. 

thank you for these asks, my friend! they really made me think and i always love to provide insight on all things 2gether and lgbt thai series stuff in general :’)