#also WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ARTIST WTF NOOOOOOOO

[bugeyedfreaks]

[agentsofshitposts]

Agents of Shitposts Reviews: A Shitty Shield Comic

Ya know, just because this is a shitpost blog doesn’t mean I can’t give a critical opinion here and there. I love AoS, but sometimes they can do some hella dumb things.

That being said, I’m going to start not with an episode but with a comic, because watching shit is too much effort :/. And the comic in question? Uhh.....

It’s...an interesting one. (Warning for strong language and probably mean-spirited opinions.)

Yup, it’s the first ever comic to have everyone debut in the comics (barring Coulson and Daisy) and the only one to really be set in the AoS TV universe and not the main comic universe. It was also free! Whoa free comic, what could go wrong?

Well, lot’s of things. First off, I think we can see why this is free: it’s basically an ad for Lexus. Gee, I have a feeling they’re gonna be using Toyota trucks in this comic :) 

Lexus shilling aside, there’s another problem with this: Greg Land is involved. “Who’s Greg Land” you ask? Look, I’ll admit, I don’t keep up with comics that much or the writers and artists behind them, but Greg Land is a recognizably infamous name because of his art style. He’s been accused of tracing over pictures and just being a lame and lazy artist in general, and let’s face it, it fucking shows.

Why is Jemma so blonde? That doesn’t look at all like Elizabeth Henstridge, she looks like she has a wig on. Ward isn’t doing any better, since he looks like a generic secret agent in a suit and looks like a big buff agent puff. Daisy...oh Daisy. Good thing she’s small. The only decent things are Fitz, May, Coulson, and the car, making me assume Land copied them.

Well, maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe the inside art will be-

Oh. Oh May no. Oh May noooooooo. Ward...what happened to you? This is the only time I’ll say Ward Deserved Better. Also apparently May started the Anakin sand meme before it was cool B)

Well maybe Coulson will look- AHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! WHAT IS THAT??!!!??? Bill Paxton is that you? D: 

By the way, if you’re wondering about the dialogue it’s not any better.

Hahahah so funny. Speaking of funny where be FitzSimmons?

...Nevermind. Oh, and Bill Paxton, or Garrett, is in this mess too. 

“Man I wish I knew better Bill Paxton quotes that aren’t from Aliens.”

Wait, wtf? He looks like Mace! With weird scars on his face! Also, the one defining characteristic, which is his turtleneck, isn’t here! So not only was this artist drawing the wrong faces for the characters, he switched them with a character that wouldn’t be introduced yet! And if you’re wondering, no, he doesn’t do anything except talk about Ward awkwardly. 

So yeah, this comic is set after episode 1x12 and is about them going after Ian Quinn (yeah, remember him?) and some evil weapon he has. So they’re infiltrating a small town where coincidentally the Tour de France is passing by. But of course, Fitz gets captured because he was still a little baby nerd during this time. I love this one panel though:

“**FYI this is considered a war crime in certain countries.”

Don’t worry kiddies, they’re not dead they’re sleeping ;) Can’t have Coulson and Ward brutally murder people hahahah can you imagine that? Haha....ha....ha. Wait, wouldn’t viewers of the show know this? Why are they dumbing it down for us? Is this comic for people who don’t watch it? Why? Well that’s kind of why it sucks, it has references to the show, but the characters and relationships are too dumbed down for fans to like. I know it’s a free comic but come on people, put some effort! 

Also, I swear to god this artist just drew the same face for Daisy and Jemma.

“Ooh, this LMD of myself is so useless! Why would I ever use it?”

Like I’m not stupid right? That’s the same face! Same face! Same face...

Anywho, the bad guys take Fitz to Antarctica, because duh. And it’s only now that I realize that there’s a different artist per chapter in this and I am a fucking idiot. But even then, the art is still sucky, with or without Greg Land. At least Ward looks a little like Brett Dalton in this part and not some MMA fighter 

“Someone ate my last box of thin mints I’m going to kill you all”

So they save Fitz, who uses the weapon to destroy everything (thus explaining why this never appears in the show) and Ward is pissy because Garrett had told them to bring the weapon back not blow up Antarctica. And of course this means a nice little reminder of Garrett and Ward’s relationship.

Aww so sad :,( 

And finally, my most hated panel about this piece of shit: tiny face Coulson.

“Mmmmmm, tiny face sees all. Tiny face Coulson fight gorilla face Coulson to death.”

So yeah, this comic sucks. If you want to check it out it’s like if a guy wrote fanfic: it be bad. The art is lame, the writing is lame, and the characters are lame. Everyone just says things they might have said in the show: FitzSimmons say boring sciency stuff, Coulson says boring jokes, May says boring sass, and Garret says boring abuse. And Daisy is there too I think. It’s just averagely bad, which makes it even more boring, because at least if everyone was flanderized it would have been more entertaining. I don’t really recommend it. You’re better off watching your least favorite episode of AoS, whose running time is about the same as it took me to read and write this post.

TLDR: you could have made a better comic. I could have made a better comic. At least it wouldn’t have Lexus boners and traced over art. Oh and we’ve probably seen the show more than Greg Land did.

[yakumtsaki]

Welcome, dear readers, to the first Union post of 2017! It might be a new year, but as we all know, some things never change.. The sky is still blue. I’m still pretending I don’t have to write papers about a bunch of dead french guys. And Victor is still the world’s biggest asshole and a fucking monstrosity on every level. Consistency!

NOOOOOOOO WTF THE DEMON WINS

-HA! Suffer you pound half-blood! You really thought you could beat me? My ancestry traces all the way back to the royal felines of the Persian Empire!

UGH don’t get too comfortable you fucking dick, cause Ronroneo’s kids are gonna Alexander-the-Great you into oblivion. Look at them, they’ve already mastered synchronized pooping! A++ military discipline.

Jojo gets an A on his second day of school? Damn, evil genius indeed. He proudly displays his grades to his parents, Komei and Victor, who of course don’t give a shit.

After a while, a heartwarming family scene emerges as a cheating bastard and a future serial killer interact for the first time ever.

-So, son, how is school going? Have you made any friends yet? You know friendship is very important, and I’m not only talking about the friendship we share with our cats, which is obviously the most important one of all-

-Bless your tiny brain, father, but friendship and all its relatives are alien concepts to me. The only friend I need is science.. and also this new set of hunting knives I ordered yesterday.

Victoria continues to excel as a criminal, 4th promotion in a row! She’s a con artist now which LMAO, very appropriate. What schemes you currently running, Vic?

-I have no idea what you’re talking about, I’m a legitimate business woman! -defrauding the elderly-

Really? Isn’t that kinda beneath you?

-Oh please, nothing is beneath me. Except soon, Malcolm ;) 

LOL 3 nice points Jojo runs out to hug his mom! The fact that the only members of their family they like are each other is truly killing me. When Jojo aged up to toddler and I saw how little he looked like Komei my first thought was ‘well we found Vic’s favorite child’ AND TURNS OUT IT’S TRUE.

-Mom! Thank god you’re home, dad talked to me today. It was torture.

-Ah, I’m so sorry you had to go through that, baby.. Don’t worry, you’re safe now.

Victoria cleans something??????

While Komei is lounging on the couch?????? WHAT IS HAPPENING 

-So that’s what relaxation feels like.. It’s certainly different.

Well since it failed to excite you get your ass back in the kitchen Komei! My god everything is falling apart.