#also I'm more confident in my appearance bc I'm not like 14 anymore so that helps

[worminterface]

worked out for the first time in a while yesterday. the muscle soreness feels nice I missed it

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XLI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

I Want You Here

(9x02/9x03 2nd part/9x04/9x05)

Hello my friends! This is the second Destiel meta from season 9.

We are gonna talk about how Dean was worried about Castiel and he wanted him in the bunker ... Obviously we will talk about how their reunion was cocklblocked by Zeke (Gadreel).

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta! Love ya girl!

Let's start...

Human!Cas and sex

In episode 9x03, Castiel ended at the street, frozen, under the rain and hungry.

That's when April appears, showing him kindness, she offered him a jelly and peanut butter sandwich. I know it has to be the most delicious food in the world for this hungry poor ex angel, and also the representation of human's kindness.

But Castiel was deceived by this woman/reaper.

She showed him good actions, she took are of his wounds... She even listened him...

He felt comfortable with her, because she made him believe in her. Castiel opened his heart and confessed why he had ended like this... He talked about vanity, now, after his fall, he understood a lot of things...

Sorry... I just... Was drooling a little over Misha's perfection....

I'm back now.

APRIL: Well, all patched up, but, God, your delts are in knots. You got to relax.

Yeah, bitch, any excuse is a good excuse to touch our beautiful angel, right? 😒

CASTIEL: Ah, it's all new to me. Hunger. Cold. This feeling, being all alone.

APRIL: You're not alone tonight.

Aaaand you know what happens next.

But let's just stop in Castiel's words... He was feeling alone, a very cold sensation he wasn't use to. He was always that self secure angel, not needing anyone to do anything. And now, feeling the most sad side of humanity, our miseries, he feels a lot of things... But one of them was LONELINESS. (I just can't forget season 14 when he recalls this and said to Jack HE WASN'T ALONE, HE HAD SAM, DEAN AND HIMSELF, I just love his improvement.)

He had sex with April, when she lied to him. And not just that, but she began to torture him and she even killed him. It was a horrendous violent act and Castiel was exposed to that.

Next scene was Dean and Sam arriving... But it was too late...

The despair in Dean's face is eloquent. He is desperate, his voice cracked, and he's touching Castiel's shoulder and face. His Express changes when he realizes Cas is dead.

But we know what happened next, Zeke/Gadreel saves Cas to win more confidence from Dean.

Now... Let's continue with the sex over here...

The burritos scene is a classic between Destiel shippers because it's sexual innuendo and Dean's blatant facial expressions. And we had jealous!Dean too.

This had been analyzed by a lot of meta writers, so I won't add any new, because it was obvious that when Castiel came out from the shower ...

A very horny Dean imagining his hot "buddy" enjoying the water falling over his well formed naked body, and there you have that face there. Just for our inquisitive and attentive eyes... Why the camera would focus Dean and not Sam after the shower line? Because Dean is affected by that... And that's why we got that quote from the hunter, suggestively bitting the burrito (may a say a dick mirror? 🤣🤣) "It ain't all just burritos and burritos, my friend," like... There's dicks too, may I show you?

Dean feels more free to make this kind of approaches to Castiel, because he knows the boundary that was there separating them for being more, is gone now. Cas wasn't an angel anymore. And maybe Dean could teach him some about sex life.

Then, the scene switched to jealous!Dean when Castiel mentioned April.

Look at this, a very classic, we love this, that's why I will talk about it, even if you readed a lot of references... We are Destiel trash and we love it...

Watch... Cas says he had sex, Sam and Dean are surprised, but both of them reacts differently. Sam grimaced an UH! And immediately drifts his eyes to his brother, why? Because he wants to caught his brother's reaction, why?, Because he suspects his brother feels something more than just friendship for Castiel.

And Dean chocking with that burrito, hilarious, his serious and jealous face is fantastic, like if he was scolding Castiel for that, he even points at him "You had sex with April?" Is like YOU CHEATED ON ME?

Just for a few seconds, because, is good, is good for Castiel. He isn't a Virgen anymore... So he had tasted having sex like any human? That's a good thing!

Dean is proud and happy to have Cas there. Happy because maybe he will have an opportunity with Human!Cas who already had had sex with another human. Like... Possibilities are huge!

Obviously we had Zeke/Gadreel cockblocking the possibilities.

Not comfortable with the L word and ...

Let's jump a little to episode 9x02, at the beginning, Dean and Sam were talking about Cas, they were waiting still for him to arrive, Dean tried to show himself cool, saying Cas was a big guy.

But when the episode keeps going, we ha d a very important encounter between Dean and Abaddon. The dialogue was a foreshadow of Demon!Dean plot.

Abaddon wanted Dean's body to use it like meat suit.

She even asked...

ABADDON: It can get worse. Trust me. 'Cause once I'm on top, I'll make you watch. And I'll use your body. Have you ever felt an infant's blood drip down your chin? Or listened to a girl scream as you rip her guts out? Because you will. It's you and me, lover. We'll have a grand old time.

The infant blood just recalled to when Dean, with Cain's mark, killed the boy from the Steins family in the bunker.

But after this, we had Zeke/Gadreel saving the day, and this dialogue between them...

Dean is uncomfortable with the use of LOVE word. Maybe bc he isn't used to talk about it, or feel it. Or because his toxic masculinity, doesn't leave him to talk about it. So is a uncomfortable word, and it shows in his face.

In 9x04, after Dean kicked out Cas from the bunker, I will talk about this later (no, I didn't forget 🤣), Sam was confused about that fact, and the brother had a tiny conversation over it... And Dean said this important lines...

HE WANTS CASTIEL IN THE BUNKER WITH HIM, MORE THAN ANYONE, MORE THAN SAM OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE SAM AND CAS ARE JUST FRIENDS, BUT FOR DEAN, CASTIEL IS MORE THAN FAMILY, HE IS IN LOVE WITH CAS AND HE IS DISAPPOINTED AND SAS BECAUSE HE CAN'T HAVE HIM THERE, WITH HIM. And because he had wished to be more than friends, maybe physically, now than they didn't have any attachments or restrictions to do that.

Later, on the same episode, we will see Charlie and Dean in his room, and Charlie noticing this...

Okay, this is very exppsitional for Bi!Dean over here... Because Charlie (as always) is pointing that he has that collection of boobs but... He... Like... This isn't the real you.

And Dean says... Don't judge me.

Perfect my friends... I loved it.

And because Dean is still in the closet, as we saw with Charlie and the whole toxic masculinity, in 9x05 Dog Dean Afternoon, we had this piece of dialogue from the one talking dog, the Yorkie.

YORKIE: Ohh, a – a cowboy hat, leather pants. The dude's a total closet case.

Okay this reference is applicable to Dean too! Even in that freaking episode... We had a couple of things...

The Sad Destiel Scene

Okay, before ending this meta, I want to talk briefly about Dean kicking out Castiel from the bunker, because to me, it was a manipulation from Zeke, but it was a tool to keep Cas and Dean separated and create a little fight an resentment between them... Because the drama and everything... 😒

But we'll the scene is very sad, because CAS even made it word saying this...

My sweet little ex-angel there... He even pull back a chair for Dean... He likes to talk with Dean... He's such a cute and sweet and educated little ... Awwwww but he didn't know his heart was about to be ripped apart.

Look at his face!!!!!!!!!! Was Dean breaking his heart or what? Damn...

Okay... Circular narrative in which in season 8 Dean was in one sided love and Cas broke his heart, now in season 9 is in reverse. Castiel aknowledged by now his feelings, so I suspect he recognized his attraction to Dean was love. But... Now... Dean is kicking him off from the bunker... Without a good reason... Lying to him.

Can I die here... I won't bother you...

More Demon!Dean foreshadow (Miscellaneous)

I just wanted to out here two things I noticed...

In episode 9x04 we had a two man of letters from the past. They were partners and they were Sam and Dean mirror. One of them under the witch's powerful spell, tried to kill to Sam's mirror, and this was a foreshadow for Demon!Dean plot again, that time when he was trying to kill Sam in the bunker too.

Another little detail was what the monster said in episode 9x05 when he was fighting with Dean.

CHEF LEO: Well, I didn't mean to kill anyone – at first. But if people got in my way, they became collateral damage. Guess you eat enough predators, you start to become one. You are what you eat, right? [laughs]

This is a reference to Dean future transformation into a monster (with Cain's mark on him) and later into a Demon. The hunter that becomes what he hunts.

To Conclude:

Castiel's innocence and despair leads him to April, the reaper that deceives him by taking advantage of his human situation.

Dean wanted Cas to be with him in the bunker because he knew Human Cas and him could have maybe an opportunity to develop something more than just friendship.

Toxic Masculinity in Dean is manifested through a lot of piece of dialogues, showing us how hard will be for him to defeat that... Persisting till now... I hope not for too long. I guess episode 15x07 was very important to show us that toxicity is ending, and the whole Healing!Dean plot in season 14.

There were too some foreshadows for Demon!Dean and Cain's mark.

I hope you enjoy this one, see you in the next Chronicles!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica

If you want to be tagged, just let me know

If you want to read the previous volume from season 9, here is the link.

Buenos Aires December 11st 2019 4:59 PM

[thecatnapextraordinaire]

I'm gonna fill this out bc I'm having a hard time falling asleep and also why the fuck not? :)

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

I love old tea cups and wine glasses. Especially the pastel colored glass ones you find at antique shops.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Has a hard time focusing, sleeps during class, otherwise good behavior I think my teacher said I was sweet once.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Bottles, they're more portable/storable

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Ughhhh I can't choose between pastel and grunge

7. earbuds or headphones?

Buds

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Chlorine

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Baseball and basketball

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

It depends on how much time and energy I have in the morning. If Adan is in a good mood, is okay with me putting him down, and I actually feel like cooking I'll make myself egg whites, spinach, tomato, and cheese with half of an English muffin and some coffee. If Adan is cranky and or doesn't want me to put him down or leave him I'll make a bowl of Life cereal with unsweetened vanilla almond Milk and have a Greek yogurt with some iced tea or water, or I'll make microwave oatmeal and have an apple with iced tea or water. I am gonna try to have jasmine green tea in the mornings now though since the mornings are cooler now.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

💜kpop💫

13. lanyard or key ring?

Key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Sour patch kids

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

The good earth by pearl buck. I read the whole book in like 2 sittings and got in trouble for it

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

In bed, feet straight out, slightly reclined on my pillows

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Probably my Adidas slides. They're basically my house shoes

18. ideal weather?

How it was today at like 6pm. It was like 70 something and there was a slight breeze

19. sleeping position?

Because of my pregnancy I'm a side sleeper now

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Notebook or on my phones notes

21. obsession from childhood?

Probably my cat

22. role model?

Hmm idk, I used to say Tim Duncan as a kid.

23. strange habits?

Well I've had trichotillomania since I was about 11 and it's been acting up again. I also have a habit of talking to myself while I drive.

24. favorite crystal?

I love rose quartz and smoky quartz and amethyst!

25. first song you remember hearing?

Por un amor by Linda Ronstadt

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Be in the water

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Snuggle on the couch in my pjs and watch movies under a blanket

28. five songs to describe you?

Haunted House by Florence and the Machine

Chicago is so two years ago by Fall Out Boy

No Choir by Florence and the Machine

Nice Guys by Beach Bunny

Loved you Before by Natalie Taylor

29. best way to bond with you?

Probably cooking. I really like to cook, I just don't have a lot of time anymore. That and letting me talk your ear off about my son lol I love him so much 💕😊

30. places that you find sacred?

State parks, beaches, pretty much anywhere in nature. Also my bed.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Lol I hate how I look right now so I really don't feel confident in my appearance like at all. But if I had to choose, I guess it'd be my straight, ripped jeans, black vans, and my plaid shirt.

32. top five favorite vines?

Well when life gives you lemons!

Where's my facking money

Look at all those chickens

What the fuck richard

I love you bitch I ain't never gonna stop loving you biiiitch

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Idk probably "baby is sleeping"

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

When I was a kid there was a radio commercial for a hotline to sign up for bartending school and I still have part of it stuck in my head at any given time. "Learn to make them all on the rocks with a twist. There's a school to attend that I highly recommend just call 1-800-bartend"

35. average time you fall asleep?

Usually around midnight

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Uhhh i think it was the o rlly? One

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Duffel bag

38. lemonade or tea?

Tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Hmm once when I was a kid there was a guy who was being chased by the police and he ran through the school building and got arrested in our playground. He had a gun too. This was before schools used to lock the doors to buildings.

41. last person you texted?

Gabriel. We're trying to pick our Xmas gifts for Adan

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Pant pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Cardigan

44. favorite scent for soap?

Rose or citrus

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Leggings and big tshirt

47. favorite type of cheese?

Muenster or gouda

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Watermelon

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

The poem by Emily dickinson called "hope is the thing with feathers" and the lyrics from 26 by Paramore "survival will not be the hardest part, it's keeping all your hopes alive when all the rest of you has died. so let it break your heart"

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Once I laughed for what seemed like forever bc I saw something about Japan firing a bullet into an asteroid and it made me think of that "moons haunted" joke

51. current stresses?

Where can I begin lol money, relationships, my parents, Gabriel, my brother, being a good mom, adan is still not talking much so we have speech therapy set up soon, my health, my appearance, living situation, holidays

52. favorite font?

Almost cursive

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Very cold, kinda dry

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Kids are hard

55. favorite fairy tale?

Cinderella

56. favorite tradition?

Tamales for xmas

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Depression, anxiety, and post partum

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I can cook pretty well, I have a pretty good memory for the most part, I can soothe scared animals, I have a lot of patience

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

I guess

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

A romance one

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Hmm parks and rec

62. seven characters you relate to?

Hinata

Zuko

Bubbles

Leslie Knope

I can't think of more

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Telepathy-bts

Blue hour- txt

Trippin- Ella Mai

Body- Megan thee stallion

Callaita- bad bunny

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Neopets, club penguin, the one learning website with the guy and the robot, Disney Channel, and cartoon network

65. any permanent scars?

Yes, I burned my arm really bad like 5 or 6 years ago and it made an indent in my arm. I have one on my knee when I fell on a toy wooden guitar and the prong things to tighten the strings got lodged in my knee. Another on the other knee from high school bc I sat on my knee, on a chair, that had a screw facing up. I have a scar on my wrist from getting an IV in my wrist when I was pregnant and had to go to the hospital to get fluids.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Peony, roses, jasmine, gardenia, lilac, violets, lavender

67. good luck charms?

My fidget cube

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Omg so Gabriels grandma apparently makes stuffing every year and in 2019 I tried it for the first time. I couldn't even swallow it, it was so disgusting.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

When you're cleaning out the lint from the dryer, if you use the big lint piece you can use it to wipe the rest of it to get the small pieces of lint off

70. left or right handed?

Left

71. least favorite pattern?

Chevron and paisely

72. worst subject?

Math

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Hot cheetos and chocolate milk/ice cream

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Probably a 5 or 6

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I had just turned 5

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Mashed potatoes

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Idk I'm basically Timmy turners mom

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Coffee

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

School ID

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies

82. pc or console?

Console

83. writing or drawing?

Drawing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Fairy tales

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Oo cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

Being a bad mother

88. your greatest wish?

For Adan to have a happy life knowing he's incredibly loved

89. who would you put before everyone else?

Adan

90. luckiest mistake?

Hmm when I was at hobby lobby, I think I was like 6 mos pregnant. I was in the back trying to get some of the metal shelves down to build a wall and I couldn't reach. I jumped and tried to grab one but just tapped it. I turned my back to look for a ladder and my work friend D yells across the warehouse "move!" And I ducked and ran and as I did the whole stack of metal shelves started falling right where I was standing.

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Lamps or fairy lights at night, sunlight during the day

93. nicknames?

Mari

94. favorite season?

Spring (Adan was born in spring ❤)

95. favorite app on your phone?

Probably vlive

96. desktop background?

Bts lol

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

My parents, brother's, and gabriels and that's it really

98. favorite historical era?

Victorian and industrial

[winterywitch]

I just want to say that I really admire the depth you put into your OC's and your confidence in talking about them! I'd like to learn more about them, but I'm on mobile and it isn't letting me search the tags, so... are there any W@tchtower Grotto characters you haven't talked much about that you'd want to talk about?

oh!! ;-; gee thank you.......................

uhhhhhhh gee idk why but it feels like i dont have an actual comprehensive post on who/what nana actually is bc most of my friends know him very well already? so here’s that

hes like... early 30s?? in terms of appearance/maturity, hes the godking of the country in midnight

nana is uh... certainly a rebel at his core thats one way to put it, a lot of core things about him for better or for worse challenge the status quo. he thinks this is a good thing 100% of the time, like he’s some kind of radical rebelling against an oppressive norm on every single norm he challenges. (its not)

he is RIDICULOUSLY people-smart, hes likely an empath and could easily be called a genius when it comes to reading people and understanding how people tend to work.

if he were a dnd character he’d be a sorceror, he casts from charisma not intelligence [though he is certainly NOT lacking in that department]

hes definitely considered the leader of his little commune of kings [involving desiderius, hachi and kyuun], those three tend to defer to him and seek him out for advice [well. they mostly Used to now its just hachi that does that last part]

he sees himself as a teacher and guide to people, which isnt inaccurate necessarily!

hes very good to his people, his country as a whole is doing pretty well financially, there’s a vibe there of everyone taking care of one another! not to mention the fact that its lovely visually

he’s right about most things and he’s comfortably aware of the fact that he’s right about most things. but hes open to being corrected! he cant possibly be right about everything ALL the time!! he just has to consider you an authority on what youre talking about, which is something he very rarely considers other people to be, or he might just ignore your correction. but sometimes he wont, which makes you feel kinda silly for pointing out his tendency for hypocrisy! how confusing. it’s hard to keep up with this one.

he, like all of his colleagues minus desiderius, thinks he is the only Good King while all the others are complete messes who dont know what theyre doing or are just flat out bad people. but like, yknow, its a fucked up dysfunctional family! that’s totally normal, right??1/11

something about him just makes you think “theres a guy who knows his shit,” its probably his sturdy [outward] confidence, his [appearance of] wisdom, his [very real] intelligence and his long list of supporters that make you think that about him

his hair is weird as shit! there are ‘stars’ in it that glow, not BLINDINGLY bright but i mean yknow, they do glow, and where theyre embedded in his hair theres increased physical sensitivity. pulling on this guy’s hair fucking HURTS, even petting it can be uncomfortable if youre not really really careful. not to mention a fucking haircut, good lord (haha)

his parents were kind of like... very emotionally shallow, they were the sorts of people to be like Oh I’m Fine ^_^ at everything, and in subtle and hard-to-detect ways, they would punish nana for showing emotion of any kind (for example, laughing at him when he would cry at sad things as a child). because of this, he is now very open about his emotions and embraces them as something he should listen to and follow rather than only relying on cold logic as his parents tried to have him do. (its a lot more sinister in practice than it sounds, because yeah most of the time it is innocent like this but at the same time, he takes his own feelings VERY seriously and if you hurt them, even if it’s just by having boundaries, he will identify you as someone mistreating him or even abusing him depending on how close you are]

[heres where we get into The Shit, big tw for abuse, csa/pedophilia and “marital” sexual abuse/assault]

his closest friend and advisor arya kurosawa has been his best friend since they were both teenagers. they met when arya was 14 and nana was 17 [in terms of appearance/maturity are what those ages refer to, they were both immortal] and they got along very well.

of course by very well i mean on top of getting along very well, nana has ALWAYS had an inherent, base-level disrespect for arya’s boundaries. it’s been there since they were teens, and it mostly manifested in nana pressuring arya to do [mostly innocent - but the pressure and coercion made them not so innocent] things he was scared to do.

they were inseparable pretty much ever since they met and VERY, very in love with each other

they definitely were a romantic item by the time nana inherited the throne from his mother, and the age gap was definitely concerning but it only grew more concerning as nana’s mental/appearance age rose because he was growing up emotionally and psychologically and arya’s... stagnated.

when nana was in his early 30s so to speak, arya was stuck at 14-15 or so. and like... they didnt really see anything weird about that, they figured “well we both met when we were kids so its not like nana is a pedophile or anything, why question something so good?”

to someone who didnt know better wrt age gaps in romantic relationships and pedophilia, the relationship between those two would have looked completely normal and healthy. there was certainly an appearance of mutual respect, support, love and commitment

nana could only treat a 14-15 year old so much like his equal. to be totally honest, even since they were teenagers, nana treated arya like his inferior, like a student that needed to be taught, and that dynamic only grew/got worse as nana aged mentally.

but at the same time arya also taught nana so many things! see? nana wasn’t some condescending prick! obviously everything is fine. there were a lot of ways sometimes in which ARYA was the adult and nana was the child ^_^ so it’s equal, right?

arya certainly didnt know any better, nana was the love of his life and that was all there was to it. he knew [because of nana] that any discrimination they might face due to their ages in this relationship was simply unfounded, cruel bigotry from a species of essentially cavemen who were afraid of fire. he knew he was progressive for his time, in a couple decades probably everyone else would come to their senses too!

long story short, one day arya very quickly, almost violently realized EXACTLY everything that was wrong. nana’s condescending behavior had come to a head and someone arya considered a playful rival had forced him, very painfully, to face the truth of what this relationship was: abuse from a man who should know better, taking advantage of a boy who didnt.

arya couldnt exactly love nana after realizing this. and it really fucking sucked. he really wanted to go back to the way things used to be, he wanted to “undiscover” what he’d discovered, but there was no way back and he felt so broken and dirty and ungrateful and bratty and selfish for suddenly feeling this way.

nana on the other hand noticed arya very suddenly averse to being touched or held or even looked at. for a while, he was very understanding about this - what that playful rival did was essentially cast a spell and at first he thought arya was just sick or physically not well or something, and that he’d get better soon.

he didn’t.

nana didn’t know what to do. suddenly arya was neglecting him, acting like he was terrified of nana. he’d never been like this before, what happened? it’s incredibly painful and confusing, losing the love of your life like that; one day you’re everything to them, and the next they’re flinching every time you raise your hand around them. nana had never hit him or abused him verbally... in fact, it was nana who HELPED ARYA gain the strength and courage he needed to become independent from his emotionally abusive parents. so why was nana suddenly the bad guy? he had no idea what happened, why, how to fix it, or anything like that.

eventually he snapped, unable to take being deprived of love and attention like this, so he just took whatever he wanted, physically, not caring what arya thought of it.

he knew it was wrong. he knew he’d definitely crossed the line into objectively unforgivable actions. but he was almost too afraid to stop and relinquish this power over arya, because then he had to A.) lose arya, and B.) be held accountable for his actions. both two very terrifying things he saw no personal gain in.

that went on for a long time, until nana sort of... slowly realized he was feeling weaker and weaker, more prone to physical weariness dizziness, severe headaches and nausea, and he didn’t put 2 and 2 together until it was too late.

arya had figured out how to start poisoning him and getting away with it.

by that point, nana realized not just what was happening and why, but also that he unquestionably, factually deserved this pain and much, much more. that realization was too much for him, it sort of broke him psychologically for a very long time, leaving him completely helpless to whatever revenge arya decided to take on him

[it was all physical and psychological torture, but arya was certain NEVER to stoop to his level and sexually abuse nana. he couldnt even think of sleeping with nana “consensually” anyway, it made him horribly sick to even consider]

eventually after a long-ass time of this, arya just got sick of looking at nana and couldn’t even be around him anymore without feeling absolutely god-awful, so he just abandoned nana, leaving him to fester in his broken body and mind

and y’know, stuff happens after that, but thats all there really is to the most prominent phase of nana’s development in THIS story. i also play him in his phase of development after that last bullet point [roughly 200 years later], where he’s fucked up in all kinds of ways and totally deserving it, but also trying to... not really redeem himself or anything like that, he knows that’s not really a thing, but rather to make himself useful to good people who want to do the right thing, in a dnd campaign

nana goes through a SHIT TON of changes, to the point that each phase of his development has his own individual profile on toyhou.se, he’s become a Big Trauma Coping Character for me and somewhat an experiment in redemption arcs, seeing what exactly should happen and how to make “redemption” arcs seem not cheap or forced

here’s the one i talked about in this post though

http://toyhou.se/335049.nana-of-the-stars