#also I stg this is the only place where people will take my mental illnesses seriously
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Old men…………………………..………
#cece plays stuff#Kiseki#trails#Victor S. Arseid#trails into reverie#hajimari no Kiseki#kiseki tumblr people where are you#I need someone to sperg to#I’m sorry to everyone who I’m probably annoying#unfortunately I still have 4 more games left#so you’ll be stuck with the old man rants for at least 5 more months#unless I disappear again#which Idk like#I’m still depressed but not having to directly interact like on Twitter makes things better for me#things are slower here which also helps#also I stg this is the only place where people will take my mental illnesses seriously#and know that I don’t need “tough love#and when I’m sad I just need to be comforted#sorry for going off lol
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I feel like this is likely a bat to a hornet's nest topic but I deeply respect your takes and thoughts overall a lot so here goes: I really appreciate that the show frankly goes out of its way to not pathologize its characters and lets the audience sit with them in the context of their own lives. So I'm kind of baffled that so much focus is given to "diagnosing" them in fan discussions, the vast brunt of which Kendall gets. I don't understand how you can watch this show and understand him as someone who's been heavily abused and had his reactions to being abused weaponized against him and come away being like "wow it's so cringe he acts like that, he must have a brain disease and is just too stupid to understand that. every action he takes is because he is manic/depressed/letting the disease manifest. if only he took the good moral Legal drugs that I do instead of the ontologically bad ones that are Illegal and for dirty addicts. hopefully one day he will Get Help and Receive Treatment so he will be more palatable (no whatever he's done up to this point doesn't count because it didn't work which must inherently be due to his own moral failings)." How did a show like this attract so many Reganites??
bat at a hornets' nest yes. yeah i've said before that i dislike diagnosing fictional characters as a general rule. it's tautological ("they do [x] because they have [y], and they have [y] because they do [x]") and abrogates further analysis of their motives or the meanings of their actions. and it's doubly irksome to me with succession, because unlike a lot of tv, i genuinely don't think that it's written within the weltanschauung of dsm neurobio determinism. ie, it's not a show where the answer to "why did he do that?" is ever supposed to be "his brain is just like that"—these actions are supposed to mean something about what the character wants and needs, and the effect of the capitalist milieu on those things. it's psychological, not psychiatric (& of course, psychoanalytic approaches are common in formal literary studies, whereas blunt psychiatric diagnosis is decidedly less so).
with kendall's drug use there are some particularly irritating ways this all plays out. i've been fiddling with my own reading emphasising the context of logan's demands on kendall and the construction of bourgeois masculinity, and have tried to place kendall's drug use as a response to neoliberal control mechanisms à la deleuze or foucault. i could certainly be challenged on elements of this reading, but what i see on this website is generally just an endless slog of very biomedicalised reads that seem to have no awareness of the particular historical and social baggage present in that model. i do agree there's an element of reactionary DARE-esque moralising going on here (stg if i have to read one more post written by someone who, like, has never so much as met a coke user and thinks all drugs instantaneously give you irreversible morally weighted heart damage, lmao), but it's honestly not just that.
i think most of the time when people do this they're not trying to be reactionary or regressive, and often they not only don't believe themselves to be moralising affective distress, but actually think the dsm diagnosis is the way to avoid that type of moralisation. this is essentially the "it's a discrete disease entity, so they have no control over it and can't help it, so it's not their fault" argument. in practice this fails on many levels. for one thing, it often implicitly assumes that 'ending the stigma' requires any kind of mental disability or affective distress to be treated analogously to physical disability or illness, as though those latter are not also consistently stigmatised and moralised—because ableism is actually more complex than that and has to do with the fact that capitalism values people on the basis of the 'use' it can make of them and their bodies, etc etc. it is also, again, a wildly decontextualised understanding of affective distress, the reasons why people use drugs—including in a manner that feels compulsive and out of control—and so forth.
i'll add also that wrt succession, i actually do see a LOT of pathologisation thrown at roman as well, and more than an incidental amount directed at connor, tom, shiv, and logan. which is to say, i don't think this is solely about people's discomfort with addicts. there's a broad tendency among fans, echoing the even broader social tendency, to see medical diagnosis as personally liberatory, and medicine and psychiatry as passing 'objective' judgments that are necessary in order for a person to 'get better.' this is essentially positivism and is very much a status that the medical profession has fought to obtain (in france you can trace certain 18th-century discourses on national decline, aristocratic luxury, and the corrupting influence of the city -> the birth of clinical medicine after the first revolution -> social hygiene and the pathologisation of the parisian urban poor -> the third republic's 'physician-legislators' and the general class status and professionalisation of medicine; i know less about the gory details of the american and british cases simply by dint of what i do professionally).
we tend to forget these histories when talking about science; it presents itself as a set of timeless, incontrovertible truths that are simply waiting to be uncovered, and we have entire industries of science communication and journalism that propagate this view. which is to say, circling back to succession, i don't believe that most people diagnosing and pathologising these characters are trying to be reactionary or are aware that there are reactionary and moralising elements inherently built into these discourses. i think they're largely people who have not been given the tools to see alternatives, like the perspectives dominant in the history and sociology of science, which are very much kept paywalled and inaccessible on purpose because this is profitable for the academe.
this type of popular literary analysis is simply not going to go anywhere as long as this is still the status and the moral resonance of medicine (and psychiatry by extension because it gained its professional independence without sacrificing the appeal to medico-scientific epistemological authority). i don't think succession viewers are any more or less prone to this type of thinking than the general population they exist amongst. i firmly disagree with this attitude, obviously, and like i said, i don't actually think succession is written 'psychiatrically,' which cannot be said for all tv lol. but i more or less expect to encounter this type of deference to medico-psychiatric judgments in 95% of social interactions and contexts, again because of a combination of institutional control of information, other forms of inaccessibility, and physicians' and psychiatrists' advocacy for their own class and professional interests, both historically and ongoing today.
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ari omfg i am crying at ur tags 😭
idek where to start omg... ill answer every tag/comment as best as i can 🥹 but thank you so much for taking the time to read this!! and write such lengthy comments omg ?!?!?! i know ure such a busy gal 🥺
how much u lost ur mind hELP SDHfbjsa
i get so giddy every time u tell me my prose is pretty pls shdfsa 🥺 and you included all ur favourite bits too!! WAAH
figuring out that first part before the line break was really tricky bc i was trying to figure out how to introduce the whole concept of the fic hsbdfjha and the words just weren't wording... so i am so glad!!! they came out beautifully to you 🥺
and that daydream line!!! i loved writing that daydream line too!! 🥺
and the beach scene!! seeing all of them so happy!! omg that scene healed my soul for real sdfbh it ached in the best way!! writing it was kinda cathartic bc i think this was around the time sht was happening to gojo in the manga 😭 and OFC. the only way yuuji will exist in this universe is if he's HAPPY. i have made that rule.
the line on scattering them to the wind to the sand to the sea sabfsajhf the image in my mind for that was ashes omg it sounds so dark saying it like this but the idea of spreading the ashes in meaningful places
and their pseudo family!! UGH i love them so much
and you're SO REAL ABOUT HIS CUTE ASS SHORTS LOL he does look hot in it fr lol he could wear pink rubber ducky shorts and still look good i hate him he is so insufferable
THE LINE ABOUT BEING HIS FAVOURITE PLACE REDISCOVERED IS ONE OF MY FAVE LINES TOO 🥺 im so glad you like it
also ari u r one of the funniest ppl i know and ur tags show it bc i laughed at 'god knew he was hot and had to create a flaw that wasn't just how annoying he is' HHAHAHAHA ... he's so pasty white it's impossible for him not to burn i stg
i also!! rlly liked that slathering love all over his chest line sdfbs bc i found it so satisfying to parallel with slathering sunblock LOL
and omg ari 🥺 you realising you love col reader is so real bc writing that fic made me realise how much i love col reader too hSBHFBSAHF i just think!!! she loves him so much yknow like... so purely and so selflessly and patiently ill sob
and the sun line!!! omg gojo i Whipped with a capital double you JBFghdfb
and OK i will say. HE ISNT THAT BAD AT BEACH VOLLEYBALL. def not better than suguru but likE he's just a lil distracted in this game 🥺 and he is so down bad that he indeed yes did print a picture in his wallet 😭
i also firmly believe that gojo is so sentimental but tries so hard not to show it asjhbdfs and u using that bald emoji is so funny PLS ++ i think the remembrances make up for the memories and people he's lost sbdhs and it's achey and sad but that's why i think he's so lowkey sentimental with things
and i could never send u to a mental hospital ari i love everything u have to say ALWAAAYSSS i appreciate you so much for pointing out your favourite bits 🥺
i am sooooo happy that you love col reader as much as i do omg jsahbdf. i just think she's so full of love. kind of bottomless rlly. insane how satoru even bagged her in the first place (good thing he knows it lol)
AND CRYING AT YOU LOSING YOUR MIND OVER A SITUATIONSHIP HELP SDHBASDF ok in gojo's defense i GUESS and reader's defense gshdfhs i feel like they've gone thru so much together that the labels hardly matter at that point 😭 it's ok. they r very much committed. esp he.
AND FR. MY HC IS THAT HE'S INTO GIRL IDOL GROUPS SHDFBHSA
AND WAAH dialogue is so tough for me and i rlly wanted to make the 'making it official' scene a bit diff than what's expected hsbfhsa fso im glad you liked that bit of dialogue in it 🥺
AND LOVE CHANGING YOU!! ALSO ONE OF MY FAVE TAKES EVER!!!
and so real omg col reader pouring him a glass of water truly solidified my love for her lmao i would full on be ignoring his ass
AND SRSLY ME TOO AFTER HIM SAYING BE MAD. IDT I COULD TAKE HIM CRYING EITHER DBFAJSH id be mean at the start but... one shaky breath im GONE
AND IKR. I THINK. gojo's a little loose lipped sometimes LIKE SDFBAS idt he even intends for it to come out but when the feelings r too high up it just spills out yKNOW???
AND THAT OCT 31 LITERALLY SAME ARI. SHFVAHSB and you GET IT!! omg what i was trying to convey... that reader doesn't force him to go back to bed but stays with him 🥺 esp since she knows it's hard for him to fall back asleep 🥺 knowing how to love him!!! exactLYYYY!!! 🥺🥺🥺
omg and the spicy scenes pLSLSSJHASBFHGSDFj
WAAAHHH pls dont apologise... for copy pasting omg ...i do the same w ur fics PLS WAAH im so glad you enjoyed this and u r so sweet w ur comments and tags and evrything WAHHH I LOVE U
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₊˚⊹。so this is what it means to be in love | gojo satoru
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wc: 8.9k
summary: gojo finds out what it really means to be in love.
contains: f!reader in mind, friends to lovers (prev. slowburn), suggestive scenes, might be mature/mildly explicit? (i only mention ‘butt’ once though…), ‘being in love’ as a journey, almost like a falls in love first (you) vs. falls in love harder (gojo), they fight, they swear, character death/s mentioned, shibuya onwards spoilers, lots and lots and lots of love
a/n: this is better read after the other parts in the collection but can work as a stand alone too!, there’s a jump between this and tell me about love (show me how) so gojo would have developed a lot in the relationship since then!
collection masterlist: conversations on love 2.5. and my body keeps saying (it's yours) -> 03. so this is what it means to be in love + (extended scene) too good to be mine -> 3.5a. this feeling inside of me—
MINORS PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT.
this is a re-upload! (because i accidentally deleted the original one!)
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Gojo catches onto love slowly.
He takes the hand you leave open just for him, and closes the space between your palms, reducing infinity.
Maybe he’s felt it all this time without knowing; after all, love looks a lot less profound as friends in your early 20’s.
But being in it—being in love? That’s uncharted territory.
Gojo’s been to a lot of places, has travelled back and forth from point-to-point endlessly. He’s survived battles, a war, near-death, and cursed spirits reincarnate; he’s got eyes—two bright blue and an extra four hidden, ones that see beyond human comprehension. Unearthing this simple truth shouldn’t shake him, shouldn’t even faze him. If anything, he should have seen it coming—
Except, he doesn’t.
It sneaks up on him, bit by bit, until he finds that being in love means getting to experience you all over again, just differently.
.
.
.
It starts with the little things.
Gojo has known you for so long (a decade and a few years more), but has only recently begun to notice everything: how your baby hairs stick out in the humidity of summer, the way you purse your lips in thought before finally deciding on a drink to order. You play with your fingernails subconsciously, out of habit, the soft taps on your nail beds an accompaniment of anxious conversations you’ve had since you were 23.
He knows you always blink twice before focusing on him, and it’s a mystery whether this is a recent development or something he’s just never noticed, but if you’re trying to enchant him by the flutter of your eyelashes, he wants to let you know that it’s working—except, he knows that you aren’t, because you’re just like that: a daydream without even trying.
These aren’t new things; he’s sure he’s probably encountered them all before, but lately they’ve evolved into cute things, and there’s no hiding the slight curve of his lips every time he spots them.
.
The sun is beaming brighter this summer, the ocean a faraway blur from the beach towel you set up under the shade. Going to the beach is never your go-to when you think of an extremely hot afternoon, but Yuuji’s been eyeing a weekend getaway since sorcerer work’s lessened significantly.
‘It’s a good effort,’ Gojo convinces you, ‘to get everyone together again.’
And it is—you see it now: Yuuji and Megumi preparing to fling Yuuta into the water while Nobara and Maki race along the shoreline. Toge stays close to Panda but he watches fondly, eyes crinkling every now and then, happy.
When you blink, the image of them softens—a captured memory in the heat haze.
The only older ones here are you and Gojo; Shoko’s always disliked the stickiness of sunblock on her skin, and Ijichi’s new position has made him constantly busy. Somewhere in the distance, you can maybe envision Nanami. He wouldn’t come if you or Gojo asked, but if it were Yuuji—
You rub at your eye, resting your chin on your hand as you will your tear ducts to please, don’t cry.
Yuuji's been smiling a lot more lately, an observation you note from the way his ears are perked up every time you look his way. It’ll never be the same as it used to be but it’s relieving to know that he can exist living as himself now. Just Yuuji.
You hug your knees tighter to your chest, wrapping your arms around it. Your place under the coconut tree provides ample enough shade but your back still burns from Gojo haphazardly slathering sunscreen on it after hearing an ice cream stand from miles away.
The mind is a weird place to be at times like this—split into bittersweet reminiscing and telling yourself to just take this moment and breathe, to live in it. You think about Megumi, and how you hurt for him, always will, for all that he’s lost despite every attempt to avoid it.
You should have been there for Tsumiki, you could have been there for both of them.
Your guilt never leaves you even on days that shine as vividly as this, but perhaps that’s the silver lining—that they’re still with you, always. You can carry pieces of them to these places, and scatter them to the wind, to the sand, to the sea, and maybe to the ice cream stand Gojo’s waiting in line of, surrounded entirely by kids. They all rise to half his size, but if you squint, you think the bounce in his step makes him blend right in.
A chuckle escapes you.
You could sort through your memories and land on one where he looks just like this—freakishly large limbs towering over a tiny, excited Tsumiki. Back then, an ice cream stop after school consisted of your pseudo-family of four, with Megumi on your hand and Tsumiki on his leg, both gripping tightly to combat a chilly 10°C.
Things are different now, evidently. Megumi’s outgrown it, and Tsumiki is no longer here. But Gojo has stayed the same, and it’s comforting to know that he will continue to be this Satoru, your Satoru, even when some things are gone.
You don’t realize you’ve spaced out until he waves the ice cream cone while walking towards you.
Gojo is a sight in trunks the color of his eyes, with seahorses and starfishes in an alternating pattern of peachy-pink against cerulean blue.
You could have sworn you asked for your own cone, but he plops down beside you holding only one. For the both of you. The side-eye you give him is almost criminal, if not deadly, but your lips twitch from the smile you’re hiding (terribly).
He raises an eyebrow and you break character, shaking your head while laughing.
“Did you eat the other one on the way here?” you tease, craning your neck to lick at the bottom scoop (vanilla-strawberry-vanilla, Gojo’s signature order).
Your tongue lands dangerously close to his fingers, and he feels it, but his eyes only land on you—your lips, how they part for your tongue to glide smoothly on his–both of your–dessert. You look every bit of an angel in the soft, pale hues of your bikini, but Gojo’s thoughts are anything but saintly.
He blushes furiously, the tips of his ears and nose bright red as he turns away from you quickly.
“I’m fulfilling your dream of sharing an ice cream cone with me.” he tilts his chin up, proud, smirking slightly. He jokes about it knowing full well that this is his dream come true, just by the look of you.
You stay quiet, rolling your eyes but never meanly, no. You only ever do it fondly—he knows, being on the receiving end of it one too many times.
The beach towel scrunches when you scoot closer, looping your arm around his as you both rest your elbows on your knees. Gojo holds the cone between you two, tipping it towards you when it’s your turn to lick.
He shouldn’t stare, shouldn’t hyperfixate, but it’s so cute how you get the tiniest bit of ice cream on the tip of your nose—as if it belongs there, soft and sweet just like the rest of you.
You look up to find Gojo gazing at you, eyes glimmering like sunlight on the ocean, and a tiny smile that only widens when he realizes you’ve caught him red-handed. Your eyes narrow suspiciously, scrunching your nose in an effort to stop yourself from grinning.
When Gojo looks at you this way, as if you are his favorite place rediscovered, your heart thumps furiously against your ribcage.
“What…” you drawl, your smile impossible to hide in the lilt of your voice.
Gojo thinks he can count every eyelash, every speck of sand dotting your face, and stil not be bored of you. He can’t stop beaming.
Is this what it means to be in love with you?
“Nothing.” he replies, almost giggling, a little bashful but with every inch of sincerity. You know that smile, the only one that holds every ounce of Satoru. Gojo smiles big and wide to everyone else, but this small one you know, is reserved just for you.
He leans in, lips coming closer to brush against the tip of your nose. Your eyes fall shut, instinctively, and the pink dot is wiped clean, a hint of strawberry dancing on his palate. He’s done this more times than he can count, has gotten this near to know that close will never be close enough, but you still jolt a bit—PDA has never been your thing.
When he pulls away, you continue to stare at each other, locked in a gaze until the ice cream begins to drip down his fingers and onto the beach towel. It misses his trunks by a hair and you both laugh at how he belatedly tries to escape it even though it’s already there.
It’s indescribable, this moment, seeing you in slow motion, laughing as bright as the sun—the sweetest sound he’s ever heard. It takes every bit of him to look away so he can wipe his hands clean from the dripping dessert.
You hand him a packet of wipes and beckon him to sit in front of you after. Squeezed onto the palm of your hand is a copious amount of sunscreen you plan to slather all over him. A touch-up, if you will.
Gojo has sensitive skin, pale as bond paper and burns just as quickly. The high points of his face are already reddening, warm to the touch when you dab at them with sunscreen.
You’re so near, so close, sitting cross-legged in front of him with your knees touching his. The tip of your tongue sticks out just slightly as you focus on his skin.
Even though he knows, he still wonders what your lips would taste like, SPF chapstick and crumbly bits from the wafer cone. He wonders what your eyelashes would feel like, fluttering over his own.
The light casts a halo around you and he thinks it’s fitting for all that you do. You pamper him like this, slather love all over his chest and back, massage it in so it dissolves into him—and he feels it so deep that he tastes it.
How can your love be so sweet? He thinks, sighing as your fingers work sunscreen up his neck from his collarbone. You always apply his skincare like this: upwards, gently—‘no tugging, please!’—something about keeping his baby face even when he’s old.
“You should join them,” you mumble, rubbing more product onto the nape of his neck. You’re leaning over his shoulder, neck brushed against his cheek.
Gojo hums, watching everyone from a distance. It’s been a while since he’s had a day like this.
“But maybe after 30 minutes, so the sunblock doesn’t wash off. You’re already burning.” you note, coming back to sit.
Of course, he’s already burning. How can he not when the sun is right in front of him?
.
You join everyone for a game of beach volleyball in the sunset of the afternoon. You’re transported back to high school, the last time you did this—you and Satoru against Shoko and Suguru, with Haibara keeping score.
From the way Gojo’s eyes are glossed over, you can tell he’s thinking about it too, the memory having seared itself into your brains forever, it seems.
Being paired together should feel familiar—the same, but it doesn’t—isn’t, because Gojo can’t concentrate, sneaking glances to notice all the little things about you that he never used to. Your skin shines from the combination of sweat and sunscreen, and when you crash into him it’s both sticky and slippery. He should really ask for a time-out before you blind him completely.
You look unfairly good in your bikini, too good he can barely hear you calling for him; between the ocean and his blood rushing, any other sound is drowned out into nothing.
Maki and Yuuji absolutely demolish the both of you, reaching 15 first in the final set. Gojo blames the loss on you of course, even though he’s missed every pass you’ve sent his way and netted 60% of his spikes.
And maybe it technically is your fault—you and your (very distracting) little things. But it’s entirely on him that he’s fallen for it, fallen for you as much as this.
.
.
.
Gojo thinks of love differently when he sees a picture of himself and all it does is remind him of you.
There’s a photo tucked safely in his wallet (saved and set as his homescreen too). Shoko snorts when she walks in on him printing it, all six-foot-three of him hunched over the small inkjet printer in the faculty room.
“It’s all digital now, Satoru,” she scoffs, taking a puff on her cigarette.
Gojo doesn’t say anything even though he knows it’s true, too focused on watching the printer push out the two-by-three inch image he’s about to cut into.
Print photos aren’t as important anymore when cloud storage spaces are just as–if not more–accessible, but Gojo is admittedly sentimental despite every front he puts up to hide it.
He’s kept every single gift you’ve given him and camouflaged it as decoration in his office, and the family drawing 10-year-old Tsumiki made is still folded between the pages of a self-help book Yaga had given him when he first decided to teach.
When every moment is experienced so vividly, seen through a muddle of infinite energies, there are those he wishes could stay still—ones that take up space to remind him: ‘this is real, it happened, and here is proof that it did’.
He already has one of all of you, fresh-faced and barely pushing the peaks of youth at 16. A tangle of arms wrapped around each other—one of his gripping tightly on Suguru, and the other hanging loosely over you. Utahime is crouched in front, holding the hand you’ve placed on her shoulder while pulling Shoko into a semi-squish-semi-hug (because out of the four of you, Shoko is her favorite—completely valid; if given the choice, she’d be your favorite too). Nanami and Haibara stay close to Suguru, squatting low to balance the photo, and Haibara is smiling, the ever cheery grin Suguru loves to dote on, while Nanami is Nanami—sharp features and a serious gaze that you all know he’ll grow into someday, handsome with age.
For the longest time, Gojo has kept that photo hidden, locked away in the drawer of his bedside table as if keeping it there means the memory will stay guarded forever—untouched, unspoiled, unruined.
It would have stayed there if you didn’t stumble upon it while looking for his painkillers during another one of his skull-crushing migraines.
You approach him with the image hesitantly, eyes damp and glossy. Years have faded the colors ever so slightly, but the corners remain crisp from being stowed away neatly. You say sorry, that you shouldn’t have looked through his things, but you remember the moment it was taken so fondly: a visit to the Kyoto campus on a one-day break to train with other students.
Gojo has many theories about time and the multitude of spaces it takes—like how a person can exist at different points in time, disparate at each instance, and still take up the same big chunk of space. The opposite can be true too, that someone can live finitely (just once) and occupy spaces in every place you look: the face of a passerby down the road, a sign at the corner of the street, or even a photograph that immortalizes people you once knew.
He only shares when you ask, aware that he tends to be a bit of a nerd about it whenever it’s brought up, but you don't mind. You like listening to it all, no matter how insightful or confusing they are for you to make sense—a version of him not many get to witness. His explanations are comprehensible for the most part, except—
When Gojo tells you that he’s kept the image in his drawer, hidden, because exposing it to the space-time that exists now will erase every reminder that it ever happened, you hug him tightly.
Your sniffles are heard from the way his head is tucked into the crook of your neck, your fingers gripping strands of his hair in empathy.
He considers your near-tears as a sign that the memory is long gone, decayed into the brittling tragedy of reality. But you smile, the corners of your lips bittersweet as you express disbelief that he’s kept it all this time.
You tell him delicately that some precious things are meant to be celebrated, put out to be remembered—to be experienced.
And it becomes clearer to him then, by the look in your eyes and remembrance soft-spoken, that what good is a photo unseen?
What good is a love unwitnessed?
When you gift him a frame a year after finding the photo, he hangs it by the wall next to his office door. The image is painful to look at, always has been (even when it was hidden in his drawer)—during Suguru’s defection, and death anniversaries especially.
The recent one for Nanami was heavy; the first time he’s ever been able to process grief fully.
Gojo can argue that it grows more difficult every time he catches a glimpse of it from his desk, but you have a way of honoring pain that doesn’t make it sting as bad—that turns it into a reminder of a love that was once there, of feelings that hurt as evidence that someone cared.
Now, he wants another photo printed, one of just the two of you. Not because it hurts, but because he wants this precious thing to be remembered and seen—for this love to be witnessed too.
It’s self-timered, snapped under the shade of a cherry blossom tree in full bloom. The picture is far from perfect: your eyes bright and mouth open mid-fear of his phone falling off the bridge railing.
You may look a teensy bit funny, but Gojo will always find it cute. Anyone can see it, at how he looks at you in that moment—like you are every bit worthy of the distance travelled and seasons waited. He gazes at you fondly, eyes holding clear skies and pink lips curling into a small smile.
It’s cheesy, but if you ask him what he thinks about this year’s flowers, he’ll tell you none of them (not even any of them combined) could compare to you. The cherry blossoms could be gone and he’d still see them everywhere (in the softness of your lips, the fullness of your cheeks, the radiance you emit when you are truly, solely content and happy).
He remembers that afternoon well: the spring breeze that jolts his phone sideways, his hand resting on your lower back, unseen in the image. There’s no real reason for visiting the blossoms on this day of all days, but Gojo doesn’t believe in coincidences, and he’s counted down exactly to a year since you both had your first kiss.
It’s so silly, because he’s never thought of things like this before. He knows you probably don’t think much of it either considering that neither of you have made anything official yet since.
And he feels a little stupid for that, honestly.
You have a drawer of his clothes for the nights he stays over (more often than not), and even though you go on these little trips that are so obviously dates, you both still just tell everyone you’re ‘hanging out’.
He’s not fooling anyone here, not when he looks at you then with the feeling of his chest expanding, stretching to accommodate the overflows of his affection since learning the ways to love you—tenderness caught in little pixels of eternity.
When Gojo goes through all 179 photos from that afternoon, he filters out the ones to delete and picks this one out especially—favorites and resizes it to fit his home screen and his wallet too.
There’s something about the look on his face that reminds him of every time he’s caught the same one on you.
He slides the photo into the little sleeve behind his credit card, catching himself smiling—this must be because of you, he thinks, and the bits and pieces of yourself that have somehow become part of him slowly, sneaking into him unknowingly.
If this is what it means to be in love, with you, then he’s fucked.
Don’t you know that he’s insatiable? These traces of you will only make him want the whole of you.
.
You find the photo while he rushes to the restaurant restroom. On ‘hang out’s like this, you insist on splitting the bill, but Gojo has always been stubborn and you’ve learned that you can never argue.
He hands you his wallet to pay with his card, and when you slide it out, the photo falls. It’s face down on the floor when you pick it up, fully expecting it to be a photocard of some idol you know Gojo follows.
But it isn’t, and your smile widens.
When Gojo comes back, you’re looking up at him affectionately, biting your lips as if to stop yourself from speaking—the same way he always does.
It’s funny because, slotted between your two fingers is the photo he’s kind of flustered you found, but he has no time to be embarrassed when he sees a little bit of himself in the way you’re staring at him right now.
.
.
.
“So, Yuuji asked if we were together.”
You quirk an eyebrow, looking up at Gojo from the pile of laundry you’ve begun folding on your bed. He emerges from the bathroom, ruffling his hair with a towel.
Over the past year, Gojo has spent his weekends off with you, sleeping over and traipsing around your room in his pajama set as if he’s lived here just as long as you.
You snort as you fold, amused that this is even a question to begin with. Yuuji’s always been known for being exceptionally dense, but you didn’t think it was this bad. Gojo was especially touchy with you during that beach trip, and you’re sure Megumi and Nobara have caught up to let him know by now, somehow.
“What made him ask?”
“I think he wants to take you away.” Gojo teases, wiggling his eyebrows as he throws the towel on the chair across your vanity.
You roll your eyes, still sweetly, indulging him, “Sure.”
It’s now a running joke that Gojo’s threatened about Yuuji stealing you; you’ve always had a soft spot for bright eyes and even brighter souls and Yuuji is as close to that as anyone can get.
It’s not like that though, it could never be; Yuuji is just like your Megumi—the two boys you want to protect and care for in hopes of treating them better than their lives have ever.
Gojo feels the same, you know, otherwise he wouldn’t have guided them as much as he has (despite his... questionable ways). Still, your hands have always been gentler, kinder—and though shorter, have always outstretched much farther than his.
You have a way of inching yourself into people’s lives that just fits. He’s experienced it first-hand, can’t even dare to imagine what his life would be like if you didn’t.
He walks across the room to you, bed dipping as he steadies a knee before draping his entire body over your shoulders.
Now that you think about it, it makes sense that Yuuji’s confused, because Gojo has always been extremely touchy to everyone, just never when the feelings mattered, with you. Kiss him once, though, and it snowballs into an avalanche of firsts. And what he’s about to do right now, he thinks, might just trigger another one to form all together.
“As if I’d let him.” he mumbles right by your ear, chin tucked by the crook of your neck. It tickles when he speaks, his nose poking at your cheeks.
“Who put you in charge?” you scoff jokingly, unfazed.
He moves away from you in disbelief, mouth open as he stares at you mindlessly folding.
To be fair, he can’t fault you. You aren’t technically official even though you have kind-of-been for a little over a year. There’s no particular reason, just that you haven’t talked about it—part because you wanted him to approach it whenever he was ready, and also, because it just never seemed like a priority.
You laugh as he stares at you, stunned into silence, the pout on his face borrowed from all the versions of yours.
There’s no point of contention because you’ve only ever loved Gojo since you were 17.
“Kidding,” you kiss his cheek as an apology.
“Don’t even joke about that.” he huffs, you’re starting to take after him a little too much.
“You’re mine.” he murmurs after, arms wrapped around your waist and legs stretched out wide to encase you.
He says it as if it is the simplest truth.
Your heartbeat quickens, too loud and pounding; this is the first time you’ve ever heard this from him, and a part of you thinks this is just another one of those flirty side-comments he makes on a whim.
“You tell him that?” you hope he can’t hear your voice shake as he nuzzles your neck, your fingers trembling on the pair of socks you have yet to roll.
He hums, hugging you tighter. He waits for you to finish folding before letting you lean against him, offering his fingers for you to fiddle with. They’re cold, long and slender, veiny just by a bit, and he always gives them to you like they’re yours, you like to think.
There’s an inhale, a breath of hesitation, before he exhales.
“Something like it.”
You don’t say anything, only nod, and it’s nerve-wracking. He’s so nervous even though he knows he doesn’t have to be because it’s just you. And there’s no need to doubt what you’re feeling. But—
“You are though,” he pauses, “right?”
He has to be sure. This is a testament to you more than himself that he’s learned to ask instead of bulldozing you like he does with everyone else. Who else will he pick that up from but you?
There’s hesitation you hear that you think shouldn’t be there anymore; the fact that you’ve given so much of yourself to this man and he still thinks you’re unsure—
“‘Cause I’m yours.” he speaks, clearly, definitively, before you can even answer. And you know—you’ve known ever since that party years ago. A simple admittance: ‘I’m taken’.
You turn around to face him, eyes shimmering.
Can he see? You’re meant for him only.
All you’ve ever wanted was to love him; everything else he’s done up until this point is already more than you could ever imagine. The labels can only do so much to capture the gravity of what you are to one another: years of history unpacked into a mishmash of feelings overlapping—it’s a lot.
You sit cross legged in front of him, your knees touching his. He’s biting his lips again, an anxious habit you want to kiss away.
Gojo has proven far too much of himself already that he’s serious with you—your kind-of-confession, that confrontation, and the days after, all the ways you’ve both learned to love each other.
You cup his cheeks.
A single word cannot possibly define what he is to you.
“I mean, o-only if you want me to be.” he adds on, blue eyes darting back and forth.
Gojo runs his mouth almost all the time and you’ve never heard him stutter once in his life. Except now.
He’s endearing like this—a version of him you are slowly discovering.
“Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” you finally say, and it’s a relief.
He feels good, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding. His arms pull you closer, hugging you tighter as you both smile.
He kisses you once, twice, maybe a million times all over, travelling across your eyelids, the center of your forehead, down to the corners of your mouth before landing a real one right on your lips.
Gojo always looks pretty but he looks prettiest like this, worry-free, with love in his eyes and nothing but pure happiness in the way he holds you.
He won’t tell you that Yuuji asked about your anniversary, not if you were together.
At least now he has an answer.
Gojo stares at you like he wants to say something, a thank you maybe, but he bites his lips instead. No words will ever amount to this feeling, he thinks, of his chest expanding and heart hammering. So he kisses you with all of it, trailing soft smacks of his lips down your neck, tickling. The tips of his hair are still wet from his shower, leaving droplets on your skin as he nips.
You laugh—sprinkled in love.
“S-stop!” you push him away, “Satoru,” giggling, “tickles!”
“We have to consummate it now.” he whispers, grabbing you by the waist to place you on his lap, squeezing your sides while nibbling at your neck playfully.
You roll your eyes at his antics, “It’s not–” you laugh out loud when he pinches your hips, “–marriage, Satoru.”
Oh, if only you knew, he thinks.
The image you’ve planted in his head is dangerous when he’s this drunk on love right now.
More decades, more years spent with you? In another life, or maybe even in this one, if time permits, he wouldn’t mind making that come true.
.
It’s crazy how much things can change—for all his life, he’s ruled out the possibility of love ever taking root in his ribcage.
You’ve managed to make it feel so easy, so good, even when he was shit-terrified not knowing how to love you like he should.
Now, he thinks, how could he ever miss out on love this way? A love this good, with you?
.
.
.
For all of Gojo’s life, he’s never had to be anyone else—always the strongest, the only one. He’s never had to change anything about himself, because what’s there to improve when you’re already the best?
In a way, this is why it works with you. You’ve taken him as he is, all the good and ugly and never asked for anything more than what he can give.
But being this in love with you—it’s foreign. There are pieces within him shifting, all on their own without him knowing.
How he wants to be better, for you. To be good enough to deserve all of it, and give back more of it too.
Gojo doesn’t realize how much love has changed him until he feels it uprooting every insecurity he never even knew existed, pulling it all up to the surface.
When things are going great, it’s hard to imagine them ever going the other way.
.
.
.
“You don’t mean that.” you mumble, voice trembling.
Gojo stares at you, at your lips quivering and the fists clenched to your sides. There are tears collecting in pools by your eyes, and if there’s anything else he hates in this world, it’s seeing you cry.
So why?
Why couldn’t he just shut up?
“Please tell me you don’t mean that,” you take a step closer, gripping the edge of his jacket, “Satoru.” your voice cracks, begging.
It’s an out-of-body experience when Gojo registers that he’s fucked up, and he sees himself now, bird’s-eye-view, and thinks this is the worst thing he could do to you after all you’ve been through.
“I need some time to think,” he says, finally, the only words coming out of his mouth—but he can’t hear himself speaking.
He should have said sorry, taken it all back, he thinks, not make it worse by leaving.
He heads for the door, heart crunching under each footstep away from you.
Is this what being in love’s supposed to do? Break his heart while yours is bleeding?
.
You’re too good for Gojo, in every sense of the word—and he knows it.
You are far too kind, far too generous, far too patient with him. You give him more love than he deserves, definitely, and admittedly enough, with how he is, you have been settling for the bare minimum but that’s on him, not on you.
He had no right speaking to you the way he did, hurting you with accusations born from insecurities he’s never before had to deal with.
He knows it.
Who accuses you of ‘meddling’ as if everything out of you doesn’t come from the goodness of your heart? Of provoking you with ‘chasing the bare minimum’ as if he isn’t aware that that’s all he’s given you to work with?
Utahime was right in telling you to be careful with him, and he doesn’t blame her for it. He would have done the same.
He should have told you there was something brewing inside of him already—should have talked to you instead of bursting from all the things people have been saying lately.
Gojo hasn’t spoken to you in three days and the feeling this compares to is worse than anything else he’s ever had to face.
.
He knocks on your door at night, a little past dinner and too early for bedtime. They echo loudly within the walls of your apartment, and you drag yourself up despite your obvious look of heartbreak.
Gojo hears your footsteps and everything moves entirely too slowly; the lock, taking far too long to turn, the gap between the door and the door frame widening incrementally. Even your face comes into view as if in stop motion, frame-by-frame, gradually.
His hands are in his pockets, lips bitten to bleed. He’s pretty sure he isn’t breathing when he takes you in—puffy eyes and a sweater that belongs to him.
(Is it sick of him to say that he still finds you beautiful this way? Even when you look every bit the part of heartache?)
Gojo didn’t have a plan coming here, didn’t have a list of things to say, just the feeling that he needed to talk to you, see you, even just be around you today.
When your eyes meet, it’s quiet. You stare into him for one–two–three– (Can you tell that they’re watery? Can you see they’re puffed up too?) and then open the door wider to let him in. You head straight to the kitchen, never once looking back while dragging your feet.
He stands outside a few seconds more, waiting for you to take it back—but you don’t, so he walks in and closes the door.
He’s been in your apartment plenty of times before, has practically lived in it by how often he stays over. But this is the first time he’s felt wholly out of place, not knowing where to put himself, just standing in the space between your kitchen counter and the living room awkwardly.
You push a glass of water towards him and he can’t stop staring at it—at you, at your fingers that he wants nothing more now but to hold.
Even with all his faults, all his wrongs, you open your arms for him to walk into, allow him in as if he didn’t just hurt you.
And he wants to cry, at the fact that this place still feels like home, at how it’ll always feel that way wherever you go.
How are you still treating him so kindly? Still taking care of him? A glass of water is one too many for someone like him.
You turn away from him to pour yourself your own then he speaks—
“You should be angry with me.” Gojo says softly, but you hear it.
You pause, tilting the pitcher back upright.
“Why aren’t you angry at me?” he says, a little louder this time, more desperate, more pleading.
Why are you never angry at me? he wants to ask.
You turn around to face him, putting the pitcher down.
Under your kitchen lights, his eyes shine like sunlight on the ocean, waves lapping on the shore. You think it might be a trick of the light, but his lips tremble when he closes them, as if he can’t speak any more.
It’s just as you’ve said, there’s no point being angry with him when your heart can never take it.
You always give Gojo the benefit of the doubt, and though he’s hurt you—though this might be the most painful thing he’s told you yet, you know that he’s been under immense pressure lately. Stressed beyond belief from negotiating with the government on policies for jujutsu society.
It’s not an excuse, you know, but Gojo always has his reasons. He'll tell you eventually, you believe that much.
You give him a sad smile, struggling to stop your tears from spilling. His fists are clenched too tightly, nails digging in hard enough to bleed. He hasn’t moved since coming in, so you push yourself off the kitchen sink towards him.
You take his hands first, unfurl each finger pressed upon his palm and rub gently. He cries quietly for a love so pure that only you would attempt to ease his hurt despite the pain he’s dealt you.
You tiptoe second, pulling the sleeves of your (his) sweater before reaching up to wipe his eyes—beautiful and blue just like you’ve always known, droplets of the ocean at your fingertips.
“Be mad,” he whispers, “please.” squeezing his eyes tightly.
It hurts more when you aren’t, he thinks.
His hand comes up to grip your wrist, bringing it down to cup his cheek. You stroke your thumb across his skin, soothing, loving, and that’s all it takes for him to pull you in. He hugs you tight, arms wrapped around you, clutching.
He wouldn’t deserve you. In any life.
Gojo’s never cried this much before, head pressed to your neck as you rub circles along his back, shushing him softly. You start sniffling too, small at first until it turns into soft hiccups when you finally cry.
Your grip on him tightens.
“‘M sorry.” he mumbles, lips moving against your neck.
“‘S–” you hiccup, “–okay.”
“Stop saying that when it’s not,” he presses against you, nuzzling your neck, “I hurt you.”
“Then don’t–” another hiccup, “–call yourself–” hic, “–bare minimum.” you cry harder.
Gojo knows your heart and the tears that leak out of your eyes; he knows they hold pain for more than just yourself but every single person in your life. You, crying now, is evidence of that truth—shedding tears for him not just because of him when he thinks he’s the bare minimum.
This must be what it means to be truly, deeply loved, he thinks, to have someone know what you mean without even having to speak it—to know your heart, and all the good and bad parts of it.
“I don’t think I’m good enough to you,” he admits, pulling himself away from you.
When he sees your face, wet, with your nose and eyes puffed up from crying, he decides that he hates it more than anything else. Makes it sick to his stomach, even.
He cradles your cheeks, thumbs wiping away your tears. A whole hand of his could cover your face entirely, but he always, without fail, holds you delicately.
“That’s not–” hic, “–true.” you gather your breathing, holding him by the wrists as he presses his forehead against yours. “Only I get to decide that. Not anyone, not you.”
You kiss his lips, a small peck before nudging his nose with yours. You soothe each other this way—in the quiet, swaying to your own tune.
“You’re good to me plenty, Satoru.” you whisper, once both of you have settled.
He opens his eyes to look at you, smiling sadly as he cradles your face, “I didn’t mean it.”
Whatever he told you that day, taking it all out on you.
“I know.” you mumble, nodding.
You always do.
.
.
.
Gojo has always loved you, in some type of way—as friends, colleagues, a-little-bit-more-but-less-than what you are today.
But how he feels right now? It’s kind of ridiculous, borderline out-of-hand, and it’s driving him insane.
It’s such a simple, ordinary thing for you to do: you rush up to him, phone in hand and scroll to some video you found online. You’re so excited, a bounce in your step as if he’s the first and only person you want to show this to. Your eyes shine bright with a megawatt smile to match, and you’re talking so, so fast, completely lit up like fireworks in the making.
He knows you think that he’s listening but, he couldn’t care less about it honestly. Sorry. Not when the words go in one ear and out the other, because all that registers is how adorable you are, giddy and everything.
He makes a joke—completely unrelated, but you find it so funny. Then you’re laughing, full on smacking his arm, doubled over, arms hugging your stomach, guffawing. Your feet are kicking the air as you sink deeper into your couch. Gojo’s standing in front of you, post-enactment of some impression he made, and he’s frozen in place but warm all over.
Seeing you laugh like this, smile like this, being so pretty when you’re happy, the pounding in his chest goes crazy.
This isn’t the first time he’s made you laugh; he does it all the time. You almost always roll your eyes and chuckle, sometimes giggle with your eyes squinting and laugh lines creasing. But it might be the first time it’s like this: with you so bright, more than the sun and every other star in the sky.
And he thinks, this is all he could ever want—to make you happy for the rest of his life.
There’s too much of this feeling inside of him, clawing at his throat, itching to get out. He’s filled with it, has been filled with it for so long that it’s starting to overflow and if he doesn’t say this now he might just—
“I’m so in love with you.”
Gojo breathes it out, as if finally releasing it after all this time. You don’t think he processes it because he just stands there, in the middle of your living room, staring at you.
Your laughter dies with maybe a little part of you too (in a good way).
He looks so sweet, so sincere, and you see his heart, so big, so honest and pure. You get flashbacks of every Satoru you have ever known, at 15, 17, 23, to now.
It’s not like either of you don’t know; it’s plain as day, how you feel about each other—and you would have been fine going on without ever having to hear him speak of love this way.
But hearing it now, it’s far better than anything you could have imagined.
You stare at him. He stares at you.
He’s shocked too.
You don’t want to embarrass him, especially if he didn’t mean to say it, so you chuckle, moving on to break the quiet.
“I can unhear it if you want,” you offer shyly, genuinely.
Gojo looks at you, confused, before a pout makes its way onto his face. You sit up on your couch, playing with your fingers as you look up at him.
Sure, he practically blurted it out, maybe in the heat of the moment, or something, but it doesn’t make it any less true. And he’s realizing that the only thing he really wants from this—
“Though…” you continue, biting your lips, “I think I’m pretty in love with you too.”
The little laugh you make has him, completely.
The grin that breaks on his face is infectious. Gojo, who is normally so pale, is now pink all over—red by his ears and down his neck. There’s a sparkle in his eyes that can be found in yours too.
This moment right here feels like first loves—teens first saying ‘I love you’.
“You think?” he asks incredulously, joking, “So you’re not sure?” he walks closer to you.
You laugh, candy for his cravings, and take his hand to kiss each knuckle before guiding it to your cheek. He runs a thumb across your skin, affection on his fingertips. His index finger hooks itself under your chin, tilting it to rest on his stomach as you look up at him.
A kiss to your forehead, tenderly, gently.
The best part about being in love?
He gets to be in it with you.
.
.
.
Gojo can’t sleep.
It’s not anything new—4 hours on average, maybe 6 on a good night. He doesn’t remember a time when sleep ever came easily.
Sleeping with you, beside you, has helped, but it’s never solved the problem. You’ve gotten him to a full 8 hours before, but never consecutively, and he’s starting to think that if you can’t do it, nothing ever will.
Your sleeping positions change every night, but they always come out as some variation of hugging. Gojo firmly believes that he might as well sleep alone if you aren’t touching.
Tonight, you’re spooning, arm slung over his waist and palm right on his chest, fingers interlaced with his. Your legs stay tangled together with soft puffs of air blowing at the back of his neck.
He opens his eyes and checks the clock by his bedside. 3:24 a.m.
He sighs deeply, carefully maneuvering his body to slip away from you. You used to wake up the first few times this happened, worried about an emergency or some kind of accident. Being a sorcerer trains you for things like that.
You’ve always known Gojo had bad sleep, just not the severity of it.
You don’t wake up to it as much as you used to, having grown accustomed to it after more nights together, but on the off-chance that you do, Gojo always kisses your forehead gently as if to tell you that it’s okay, you can go back to sleep.
You don’t wake up now, thankfully, so he grabs his phone and heads for the kitchen. There’s a sinking feeling in his chest tonight, far heavier than others he’s woken up from. He pours himself a glass of water before hopping on the kitchen counter, ready to sort through the bowl of candy sitting on the island.
The date today is October 31. Halloween. It’s been a few years since Shibuya but he still feels like he’s suffocating.
In the train station. In the box.
In front of Suguru—or Kenjaku, both, whatever.
He’s gone to therapy, just like you wanted, for the both of you, and grieving has been an interesting concept to wrap his head around since.
But no matter how much he trains his mind to deal with it, his body will always remember the feeling.
He snaps out of it when he hears your footsteps padding on the floorboards. Your figure emerges from the hallway, bed hair and eyes still sleepy, squinting.
“Satoru?” you rub at your eyes, his sleep shirt entirely too long as the sleeves extend past your fingertips. The extra fabric swings in the air. “You okay?” you whisper, approaching him.
Waking you up is the last thing he could ever want right now, but it’s hard when you’re also the only one he can talk about this with. When you know what it’s like to grieve everyone too.
He has every intention of brushing it off, of telling you to go to sleep, but one look at you—one look at him and it’s like you just know. He doesn’t even need to explain.
It isn’t hard to piece together, knowing what today is and seeing him choked up the way he is. You tell Gojo it’s your intuition, but he has a tell, and maybe you’re the only one who knows it.
His eyes—they’ve always given him away. There’s the Satoru you know, then a Satoru that’s far removed, gone away. You can spot it though, the moment it loses its sparkle, the moment it turns from blue to gray.
He feels a little selfish sharing this with you; he’s not the only one who’s lost people. You have too.
You stand in front of him and offer a sad smile, outstretching your arms as an invite, as if to tell him: you can stay here for as long as you’d like.
He moves into your space slowly, hopping off the kitchen island to slump against you.
He doesn’t hug you yet, not immediately, hands still shaky at the memory. You rub his back, hooking your chin on his shoulder as he bends down to rest his head by your cheek.
You take his hand delicately, bringing them to your lips so you can kiss every fingertip gently. When you finish, he wraps his arms around you, squeezing tightly.
“Do you want to talk about it?” you whisper, like a hushed secret.
And he wants to, but also, there isn’t anything else to say that you don’t know already. You were there the first few times he had therapy, and when he felt comfortable enough to go alone, he told you all about it anyway right after.
If there’s a secret to fighting the Gojo Satoru with guaranteed victory, they’d only have to get to you—he’d be gone, entirely. You know too much of him, own too many parts of him already.
He chuckles dryly, vibrating by your neck. A step back and he’s leaning against the counter, bringing you closer by the hip, thumb stroking. He tucks away strands of your hair behind your ear, flattening down the bird’s nest that it is from your sleep.
“Nothing you haven’t heard before, pretty.”
Gojo’s been more tender lately, especially in the night when his piercing eyes turn soft, gazing.
You pout, the same one since you were 16. You don’t know if you’ll ever get used to it, the way he calls you such sweet, honeyed things; you’ve only recently begun to call him ‘baby’ and that alone has been enough to make your head spin.
Still, he wouldn’t be your Satoru if he didn’t surprise you. With how he is now, it’s hard to imagine a time when this was all so difficult for him, when even the slightest bit of your hands touching was challenging.
It’s hard to imagine that both of you are here now, living in the same space, by the kitchen at night, with the contents of your hearts memorized—the sorrow, the pain, the joy, all the love, every single one.
He kisses your nose, and that’s comfort alone.
This is his reality now, with you, and it’s safe.
It’s good.
“Do you want to make waffles?” he hears you mumble, running your hands over his chest, soothing.
The clock reads 3:56 a.m. Early breakfast doesn’t sound so bad, could also be a midnight snack.
(But he knows what you’re doing).
You don’t tell him to try to go back to sleep, never forcing anything you know he can’t do. Instead, you offer yourself to stay up with him, keep him company. Whatever he needs.
(And he loves that about you).
.
.
.
Gojo will forever argue that you might have fallen first, but he’s definitely fallen harder.
He could map out every single location he’s laid his love on—your eyes, the flutter of your eyelashes, the curve of your nose, and your lips, the same ones he’s kissed and nipped, bitten until he gets his fill.
Your neck and chest—a canvas for his desires. He glides a finger across your collarbone before lightly tapping on it thrice.
There’s the little dip at the base of your spine, and your thighs—
Oh, he could get lost in them.
He knows.
He has. Many times.
There’s an animal inside of him that only answers to you.
When you kiss his neck and grip his back, soft moans by his ear—short and sweet. He’s a gone man, wholly devoted to you, and you only.
You breathe his name out, “Satoru,” raspily, and he sinks into you—everything, all that he has spilling in the depths of you.
How can he possibly contain all this love?
It’s scary how so much of him already belongs to you, all these years—how you’ve been carrying pieces of him, all versions of him throughout every birthday, every moment you’ve touched his life and have it irrevocably changed.
.
“Are you happy?” he mumbles by your ear, voice deep and lazy.
It’s the morning, sunlight barely peeking through your curtains. Gojo hugs you from behind, arms caging you as he traces little hearts on your sides.
“Right now?” you whisper back, chuckling, “That’s not fair.”
He nips at your ear, a small bite, before you turn to face him.
He supposes you’re right, it isn’t fair to ask that now; both your bodies are sore, well-exhausted, and littered with conversations on love.
Gojo is pretty in the mornings just like he is all the time, his hair lending well to sunlight as much as it does to the moonlight. And his eyes—they shine a different shade during the day compared to the night.
You though, you’re an entirely different creature of your own: a goddess in bedsheets and pillows, wrapped in immaculate white.
You giggle when you face him, nose-to-nose, and he pulls you in tighter, grips you by the butt to slot you in right where you belong.
Are you happy with me?
He wonders, and you can read it—his eyes his greatest tell. You kiss him tenderly, lips moving gently against his. Then you smile, sincerely, before whispering—
“Wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.”
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e93905bd99eb545b37f42ba303b69e52/bf1f95c235791bd7-c3/s500x750/bfae3d002e637fbc2fb524991057bd34fd55d1b8.jpg)
this is a re-upload! (because i accidentally deleted the original one!) thank you notes: to @stellamancer for being there since the very start!! col wouldn’t even exist without you!! you’re every much part of the creation of this as i am :'), to @crysugu for being so ever supportive, cheering me on all the time!! and for loving col reader as much as i do!! and to you reading this and everyone else who has loved this collection so far!! of course!! a credit to all the writers whose works have inspired the way i view and write gojo: to @seravphs for teen dad!gojo and cruel summer influences, i draw so much of the way i understand these characters and their dynamics from you and your beautiful way of writing them and i hope my interpretation gives justice to that!!, to @augustinewrites for keeping up with the fushigojos, this series and the way you write them, with so much love, has always pushed for me to view gojo that way!! you’ve inspired so much of my understanding that gojo does believe in love and that when he falls in it, he falls in it hard!!
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/e93905bd99eb545b37f42ba303b69e52/bf1f95c235791bd7-c3/s500x750/bfae3d002e637fbc2fb524991057bd34fd55d1b8.jpg)
comments, tags, and reblogs are greatly appreciated ♡
#ari.🐳#shotorus.feedback#i am getting to this SO LATE#but i appreciate this so much ari i am keeping this tucked in my hEaRT OF HEARTS#matcha latte
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MAYA I TRUSTED YOU
WHAT WOULD WILL POWERS SAY
ok he'd probably be like ‘hehe; guess I'm falling further into obscurity thats cool i was never amazing in the first place’
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“theres only one!”
...that is rare
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“i traded my watch to my kooraheenese friend! it plays the steel samurai theme when it goes off!”
I SMELL A CHEKOVS GUN
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“it sounds just like the steel samurai theme”
“no it doesn't!”
mayas right, it doesn't sound like the steel samurai's theme.
it sounds BAD.
seriously i feel like my soul is physically rejecting it
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put your arms akimbo at me again young lady and ill push you into your magic soul pool.
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“that whole séance thing makes trials completely different”
meh
speaking of trials, we’re back to trials! ya–– i dont want to deal with nahyuta
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“you have to pitch your terrible crossover!! i won't let you down”
as much as i disapprove of the crossover let it be known that phoenix is a sweetie pie.
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“The sacred murder dagger was used to murder someone?!?!??! BLASPHEMY!!!”
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“The lowest level of hell; the Hell of Tickling” IM KINKSHAMING KOOORAHEENISM
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“They shall not escape on their /redtext/ Freedom Express today!”
she did it yaaaaayy!
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U R DIARHOEA!!! KOORAHEEN!!!
well i
i cant argue....
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oh god no t voice acting again
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LOL YOU CAN SKIP IT AHAHHAHHA
AND THE DANCE TOO HJDSJSFAKJ
guess its not *that* important eh
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the entire court just called phoenix a shithead.
i mean people say “Polkhunka” when theyre surprised, and the term is “polkhunan”. so yeah. either hellion, or shithead. nice.
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phoenix: this makes no sense
me: ooh i cant wait for the bullshit excuse!!
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Well ill be damned to tickle-hell. Rayfa’s a television aerial.
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oh i see how they did that. i guess spirit visions have steady-cam?
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.........he ran right into it
dude why
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i just love this. “yes he ran directly at the killer, to fight them! with his arms flailing in terror!! it might look stupid and fake but actually it’s kooraheen’s biggest martial art, RonDeliteFu!”
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every time Rayfa does her hand-flinging-out pose i mistake her sash for a stick and i keep thinking she’s a muppet
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“we can’t let the special fires go out, so we make sure to remove the glass around them every year on top of a window mountain so that a woman can um...... walk around it i guess.”
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i hate to admit it but these stupid pond vision things are really stumping my blind ass
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i stg pohlkunka is the stupidest sounding made-up expletive ive ever heard
id rather heard cowabunga every time something shocking happens for godssakes
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“wow he really does care about ema”
hey show dont tell lol
“i cant believe he's come to understand their value”
uhhh well
they stated that they still hold investigations despite their magic pool parties, so uhhhhhhh yeah???? forensic investigators are usually pretty helpful??
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since Sadmad’s catchphrase appears to be ‘putrid’, i keep reading ‘purification rite’ as ‘putrification rite’
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i cant believe they did a “what if... (EXTREME CLOSE UP ZOOM) PLOT TWIST?!”
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STOP SAYING PUTRID
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oh hey its dirty hobo man! ...also i guess the ‘sexy pan up shot’ is for every new character :/
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hobo rangers go...
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...Nahyuta named him A’nohn Ihmus. A’nohn Ihmus.
Well that just cements my idea that Kooraheenians are just a bunch of Americans that stole a landmass and made up a phony baloney culture.
It has been confirmed that they are legitimately just taking english words and ‘kooraheenifying’ them.
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“i used my binoculars to spy on the rite at the inner sanctum”
A’nohn is just as perverted as his namesake from Tuhmbl’r
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“Feh. I knew you were a fool...”
Cue Franziska crashing her plane into the court room to yank on Sadmad’s braid to scold him for taking her word.
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“shall be reborn as a witless sea urchin with barbs limited to your posterior”
ok well sadmad, sea urchins asses are next to their mouths... on the bottom of them. completely opposite to the, uh, you know. Spiky part.
So I’m not sure if that serves to strengthen your point or just make you look like a moron
i mean i guess it served to enhance sadmad’s point since phoenix’d be totally smooth and unprotected, but then he wouldn’t even reach adulthood so that sea otter wouldn’t come in too early and...
...he just said phoenix will be reborn as not only mentally slow but also physically deformed.
...uh... nice one, sadmad.
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AND MAYA PULLED A REACHAROUND ON THE PRIEST
YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FROM THE HOLY MONK, GUYS
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to be fair, she could have stabbed him with a reverse-grip or not; one doesn’t have to hold their hand at any particular to perform a reach around
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oh well at least the contradiction is incredibly obvious
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at least hobo ranger has an excuse to use words like “bucko”
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i hate that,,,, theres a rule against climbing the mountains during the rite. that means that there have been perverts of yore who tried to spy on the lady changing
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hes gonna see her shad–– (sigh)
yknow, i dont think shadows are detailed enough to know which way someone is holding a knife.
also moonlight isn't that bright
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DWAAYYYYMMMN
sasquatch’d!!
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ok so... does happiraki mean “hello” or “hooray!” because its been used it both contexts
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i just realized that the Plumed Punisher theme song sounds like one of those posts where someone takes a recognizable song and fucks with it in a silly way, like pitch shifting it at awkward moments or changing the key
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i cannot believe i have to use a fucking walkthrough for this game. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm better than this.
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“no one was allowed in there and the only way up were the stairs!”
ah yes, the unguarded stairs surrounded by people who had their heads down. in prayer.
totally impenetrable.
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“What?! This is insane!!” no no, phoenix, youre doing it wrong. you have to say “this”, then sadmad has to say “is” and then the judge has to yell “insaaaaane!!” because its funny when one person says one word of a sentence each!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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‘rah rah sis boom bah, fight, fight, phoenix wright!!”
um excuse me maya who gave you the right to be cute
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why does sadmad only have one hand-guard-glove thingy
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“my bag of bluffs” is an interesting and long way to say “ass”
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they put... a maximum security prison... on top of their holy mountain. they put their criminals... on top of their. holy mountain.
they put a jail. in a church. in fact they put it higher up... closer to... god.
what the fuck. the fourth one. only accessible by helicopter.
who was smoking what when they decided this???
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(sigh) mmmmm id been waiting to use that patchwork quilt
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“hell of hangnails”
not as fetishy but still pretty–– actually you know what that sounds kinda fucked up. isn't that just kinda G rated torture anyway
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wow that incredibly obvious lie deserves the terrible pursuit theme??
maybe its the last one (i hope)
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“are you the rebel hunter!!??!?!?!??”
um well no, unless the rebel hunter is a criminal. jackass.
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...cutting dirty deals with criminals, are we, sadmad?
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“haha, the fact that the third person at the scene was a wanted criminal destroys your theory that it was the rebel hunter Keera that killed the high priest!!”
...wow... gosh i was wrong... and the fact that a wanted criminal was actually at the scene... doesn’t help me at all... because once i said that one person didi it, it couldn’t possibly be someone else... oh no... i guess it was Maya who did it... for reals... not the.... wanted criminal....
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...hang on, his little power rangers dance was the defiant dragons dance? how... did nobody notice this?? sadmad really was colluding with criminals wasn’t he. gosh. what a trustworthy guy.
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phoenix: oh no!! his testimony was a lie!!
oh no! the testimony that did nothing but damage your case was a lie!!!
??????
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sadmad: get him!
hobo ranger: (does a little hop and daintily scurries off)
sadmad: ... (takes a good five leisurely seconds to stop the background music) put everyone on high alert. i want everyone after that guy
that guy who just. skipped out of a courtroom. past hundreds of crazy people and several bailiffs.
haha... the kooraheenes police. to quote phelous... THEY’RE THE BEST!
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“what was the point of all that, anyway?”
search me, phoenix.
“well, i cant help but feel that entire episode was an enormous waste of time”
hey capcom? hanging a lampshade on it doesn’t make it better. it just amplifies how much it sucks.
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“yes! i recognized that piece of paper because it looks exactly like the piece i have! thats covered in blood and unrecognizable!!!”
...nice
OH AND ITS THE PERFECT FIT TO COVER THE BLOODSTAIN WELL ISNT THAT JUST FUCKIN SERENDIPITOUS
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“the ignorant lawyer has not bothered to learn out language??”
well A) he's not an international attorney, B) he was on vacation, not studying abroad, and C) fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. you’re all speaking english all the time anyway, you bunch of fuckin phoneys
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i stg sadmad if you say putrid one more time i’ll cram a rotten egg down your pasty white gullet and show you the meaning of the word
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“the criminal could have only escaped if the high priest helped him out, so why would he kill him?”
hey sadmad? remember that thing about using your putrid brain? yeah, doesn’t take too big a leap to realize that you might’ve just proved phoenix’s ‘idiot theory’ right. maybe the priest um... was a rebel??? who was going to do just that??? and the rebel killer offed his sorry ass?
perhaps, o foolish prosecutor, you should think before you open your rancid lips... lo, in your ignorance, you will be cast down to the hell of those who are kind of stupid....... the hell of perpetual fart smell. there you shall inhale the decomposing winds of ten thousand and one accursed mihtama, while fart fetishists gaze on in envy...
oh wow i didnt even need to go on that spiel, he just admitted it straight up. but yeah, apparently when Lady Kee’ra impersonator kills a rebel, it’s A-OK. But when Maya kills a rebel, well, fuck, she’s a foreign bitch, execute her!!
also the way he said it seems to imply that he knew all along so uh
maybe people should start suspecting this guy. he seems to... know a lot of rebel criminals.
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every time sadmad shakes his head i wanna break his neck
man i remember being annoyed at edgeworth in the first game and wanting to hop my desk and rough him up, but never wanting to physically maim or kill him. you suck, sadmad.
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WE GOT IT, FOLKS!! WE GOT THE ASSAULT!! IT’S UM, IT’S SUPERNATURAL FORCE ASSAULT THIS TIME.
FUCK BIRDS AND SWORDS, I GUESS? ACTUAL MAGIC IS THE WAY TO GO?
hey sadmad; tickling? bondage? can we... keep that out of the courtroom please?
also “oh no! i can’t point my finger!!” phoenix cries, forgetting that he has two arms. i guess capcom won’t spring for more than one sprite tho haha
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“the keera we saw was the statue draped in the sacred robes!”
with a... knife sticking out, apparently. ok..?
also gosh, maya’s really fast, tiptoeing around the abbot, draping the costume just so, then tiptoeing back around? like lightning she is!!
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he just cut off his own theme song.
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“she used her fiendish tricks to fool the court room”
which didn’t work at all if you remember the beginning of this court so fuck you?
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“she sought to use the divination seance to mislead us!”
good going, pointing out an absolutely massive flaw in your country’s legal system, sadmad.
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i cant believe we had a flashback for absolutely no other reason than Sadmad to gloat. I FILE FOR A MISTRIAL ON GROUNDS OF MISUSE OF FLASHBACKS.
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please oh god just let it end i dont have enough space in my stomach for any more ulcers
i can’t stand hearing him say let it go one more time please I'm begging you
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oh no... phoenix has failed... he’s going to die... it’s really going to happen...
just get to the surprise witness or whatever already
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oh thank god. love you, headband guy
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“the dagger bears the finger prints of maya fey!”
wow. the police suck major ass at catching running people, but their finger print checking speed is second-to-none. ...either that or they waited a while before telling people about a dead body.......
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oh gosh!!! its totally maya!!! she arrived 2 years ago and so did lady keera and
yeah no. it’s not her.
but even if it was, kinda awkward there, sadmad? she’s um. kind of a hero to you.
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i dont get it why is everyone freaking out. i thought the keera impersonator was considered some kind of vigilante hero? why is it suddenly bad when they “find out” it’s maya? is it because she isn't kooraheenees?
I'm honestly really confused. everyone was rooting for the masked defender one moment, but now that its maya, it’s murder??
seriously what the fuck. like the gallery was legit going “ah!! lady keera has come back to save us from the rebels!”
and then its like “its not divine its some foreign bitch in a cloak” and now its like SERIAL KILLER. also, nice. we’ve never been allowed another day in court because there was a second charge racked up. awesome. (with the possible exception of Ron Delite, tho he was changing his charge)
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sadmad can go choke on his own braid and the gallery can lick their own hypocritical asses. i can’t believe i stayed up till 2 am to finish this section.
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