#also I live for touchstarved Sunday

[berryless]

Weekend worth of all at once

Sunday x Original Female Character (Fluff, PG || 970 words || preening, kissing, memories, Stellaron Hunter Sunday AU, a pinch of angst (?))

next part ⤞

Read this work on Archive of Our Own.

"I miss your wings," Sejal would say, and Sunday would stare at the message for long enough to blur the last six letters.

Still, he would write, "Interesting you only mention one part."

And without missing a beat she would answer, "Others adjacent parts are also welcome to visit. If you remember to grab them, I might even kiss you."

"Only if?"

"Hmm. Tough question. Fine. Kissing is still on the table even if only one thing comes."

"You spoil me."

"Someone should."

They never talked about their feelings or their future, that plural, shared between them two 'they' remaining quiet and illusive. As if agreed in silent acquiescence that nothing born out of the dream could last far into waking.

Given that those last years in preparation for Charmony Festival Sunday was spending with his life as it was on a timer, it fit him just fine.

Still, bits and pieces of affection managed to slip through the layer of preterition, and each time he swallowed them hungrily, pecking Sejal's fingers for crumbs until they bled. Whatever she was giving him, couldn't be enough to satiate him, but Sunday never asked for more.

What right did he have for that?

Even if his heart would skip a beat when she would tackle him in the doorway as soon as the door was closed, warm and soft and sweet and kissing his head off until everything before him swayed, and he had to hold onto her, hugging tight, fingers digging into soft hips, leaving imprints.

"That was quite the greeting," Sunday said, hiding his shaken breath in Sejal's cheek as he pulled her closer.

"I think it was appropriate level of excitement to display since I'm getting the full package of real you," she laughed, but Sunday suddenly felt guilty.

Because as real as he could be with her, it was never in full.

She caught his wing between her fingers, ruffling the feathers.

"Oh, someone looks ready to hatch."

Sunday blinked.

"What?"

"You growing new feathers, right? Come on, I'll help you."

He let himself to be led into the room and pinned against the backrest with Sejal straddling his lap.

Only then the words returned.

"That's the reason you mentioned wings?"

"Mmm-hmm… Noticed it last week… Now, don't move, I don't want to hurt you."

Sunday opened his mouth to stop her, but nothing came out. His hands that found perch on Sejal's hips pulled her closer as he leaned his cheek against her head. Her nose almost touched his wing with how close she inspected it. Sunday found it hard to breathe with her smothering him this way, but didn't complain.

He was long used to taking care of himself. Not that it was hard with mirrors around.

Still, he remembered the childhood. Mom's soft touch and Robin's restless pinches—little she was always eager to free him as soon as possible. Sejal felt like neither. She held him close and firm, trapped in her embrace, her touch heavy, but not unkind.

"Heh. All ready."

She pulled away, but Sunday didn't let her, holding the back of her neck as he kissed her. Sejal first froze, but soon melted into his hold, her arms snaking around him, scent of her warm slightly wet skin and clean soap enveloping him like a second hug.

"Is that a display of gratitude, or you trying to change the topic? Because I only checked one."

"I can do that myself," Sunday finally said, his fingers trailing over Sejal's cheek.

"I know. I just want to do it for you."

They came so easy out of her mouth, those words.

Sunday caught them with his own lips, mulling, biting them over, rolling them on his tongue.

Many people were ready to do things for him. He hardly needed asking for volunteers, just assigning things were sufficient enough.

He never asked Sejal, though.

Whatever she was giving him, she was always the one deciding to share, pulling and pushing the line of admission, letting him in step by step.

Into her dreams, her body, her waking self, her touch, her…

Sunday couldn't bring himself to think the last word, even inside his own mind.

It wasn't fair of him to think about it. To want it. To ask for it.

Whatever Sejal was giving him should've been enough.

Except it never was, no matter how wide he opened his mouth.

"Hmm, seems someone's ready to welcome their new feathers," Kafka laughed, lightly ruffling his wing. Sunday flinched, pulling it away to cover his face.

"I can do that myself," he said calmly.

"Suit yourself," the woman smiled, leaning against the table he was sitting at. "But if you want some help, little bird, you know you can ask for it. We don't bite."

"I'll make a point to remember."

"No nervousness before your grand debut?"

"It would hardly be my first time following the predetermined script."

"Hmm. Good attitude. Keep it."

He didn't need instructions to do as such.

After dealing with the feather, Sunday washed his hands from keratin dust and looked in the mirror to determine whether or not he needed changing the suits.

In his pocket laid the phone with two named contacts, opened with draft letters consisting only of ellipses.

Sunday pulled it out to check them both, but didn't write to neither.

Silverwolf could probably restore the history of his communications, but Sunday could never ask for that.

Everything that was left at Penacony belonged to the past, and it was where it should stay.

Still, his finger slid over five pointed letters, pausing on the last one before leaving the app and turning the phone down.

No matter how wide he would open his mouth now, nothing would fall into it, and that was the way he chose for himself.

[tylerwritez]

7:45 p.m. Sunday June 20th

Okay well... writing about the entirety of my day is gonna be. Quite the task.

Whatever. I'm dedicated to making this blog A Thing.

Today was Father's Day, so the first thing I did was get up and go downstairs. Gave my dad his presents. He made us pancakes. (I definitely ate too much today... but tommorow is monday so itll be easier to restrict)

We are, watched youtube, then we drove to Wabuman Lake. Idk,, the drive was just that: a typical car ride in which I struggle to find "car friendly" songs, aka songs that everyone will like... aka anything but metal and vocaloid... aka Radiohead, Weezer and Soda Stereo XD

When we got there, we rented a yellow paddleboat, which is this clunky plastic boat that you pedal to move, like some weird water bicycle. It was sunny, and honestly? I've always found being on the water to be calming. After that, we got ice cream (I got Blueberry Cheesecake flavour, my sister R got Cookies N Cream, and my dad got Burgundy Cherry)

I noted that there were at least 2 historical buildings there, along with... I forgot what I was gonna say. Nothing important.

Oh yeah, lots of cool old shiny cars.

We drove back. Got home, exhausted. I cleaned a bit. Idk. Didnt do much until after supper. Since we had fast food for lunch, we only ate a piece of bread and fruit smoothies for supper. We went out, I got a monster XD even tho my parents told me not to...

I got home, took a shower. While I was in the shower my dad got pissed at me for eating some of his chocolate but HE WAS SO SO SO MAD I was thinking to myself he cant be this mad over some choclate but you never know with my parents... they kinda hate me but also dont at the same time it's weird and hard to navigate.

Anwyays when I went downstairs he just. Seemed to have forgotten it ever existed and I mean, if he didnt mention it I wasn't gonna either. I did some homework then "went to sleep" aka went to my room, turned off the light, and pretended to sleep but actually talked to people online

People keep inviting me to hang out with them and I just hope my parents say yes to it all...

My friend Bee on Tuesday, Jay on Wednesday, on Saturday a group picnic...

If they say no to any of this I'll cry /hj

My talk with Jay tonight: I want to fuck him again RIGHT NOW. GET IN MY FUCKINF BED. RIGHT NOWWWW ugh. But also I noticed that since I explained one of my tone tags to him... HE USED ONE IN CONVO WITH ME. And idk. That made me so happy? I dont  know. I like how he proves consistently and constantly that he CARES about being considerate and cares about me.

That's a lot of the letter C but yeah.

And he said at some point that he missed

My body... and my shitty nerd gaming stuff and like. Omg he LIKES MY INTERESTS. I DIDNT BORE HIM TALKING ABOUT COMIC BOOKS AND VIDEO GAMES! SCORE. also he said he'd be down to cuddle without fucking which is. Great too... since I'm touchstarved and well... I call him Daddy. Nuff said.

As for Star... sometimes she just says shit that concerns me like it's nothing and I never know how to respond because I cant help her! I'm not a fucking mental health professional.

... when I told her mY shit she wasnt one either... why do I even try n help. Why dont I just tell her to go to therapy?

I'm angry at her a bit actually. She says shit like "haha just purged" and I'm like.... okay??? What do u want me to say to that.

Or like,,, I NEED TONE TAGS, OKAY??? I DO. this is mainly why I'm mad. She keeps making jokes without /j and I dont register them as jokes.... or maybe they aren't jokes at all and she just says they're jokes cos I get upset.

Sometimes instead of actually telling me how she feels, she uses this emoticon and... I dont understand what shes tryna tell me. And it keeps stressing me out. Idk. I told her look I dont understand it and she said "I'm tired of this Jude, it's a fucking emoticon" and like...

She tells me all the time no ur not overreacting dont let people tell you that you are and here she is. Telling me I'm overreacting. OUCH. THAT ACTUALLY MADE ME CRY IRL. STOP INVALIDATING MY FEELINGS PLEASE.

It actually  hurt me. Like I'm fr crying right now because. Ouch. How hard is it to just put a fucking "/j" after ur words? How hard is it to... use words and explain how u feel instead of giving me a straight faced emoticon. Its frustrating.

Also she keeps saying shit like "omg ur never horny what's wrong w u omg I'm the only one with a sex drive in this relationship how come u never initiate anything I need to fuck someone maybe *sends pic of model* maybe her" which like. A) is ignoring all the times I DID initiate stuff and B) makes me feel inadequate and like. I dont know. I'm tired of feeling like I'm not enough.

:/ I cant really be mad at her for my own brain being stupid.

Why am I so stupid? How come I never understand when people are joking? How come I have these weird things I do to feel comfortable? Why do I twitch and flap my wrists? Why is my ability to sleep restricted by the amount of weight on top of me (I need lots of weight)?

Why am I the worst person ever? I'm being 100 percent serious. My brain doesnt work! It doesnt. My emotions are too strong. They fuck everything up. I hate myself. Like, when Star said "I'm tired of this Jude, it's a fucking emoticon", I started crying. But when Jay said "I always want you to feel comfortable around me", I immediately felt such love toward him and I told him I love you... but I had to say it was as friends. Cos we have a "friends with benefits" thing going on... not even an actual relationship.

Well now I'm sad that he doesnt like me romantically but whatever. Hes too perfect and sweet anywayssss he deserves better than me.

Wait. Where does that leave me?

Alone? Again?

Alone?

ALONE????

Maybe I deserve it... but I actually genuinely cant live like that. I cant. I cant live. Without love. My parents fucked me up like that 🤪

But also I realized that I'm a lot happier in good relationships where people show me they love me and care about me and such.

FUCK JAY JUST TOLD ME HOW MUCH HE LIKES ME... even if it's just as a friendship thing.... I appreciate it so much. Hes so fucking sweet it hurts. I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM SO SO MUCH. he told me, our sex can be rough but our relationship has to be built off trust and respect... LITERALLY FUCK ME RIGHT NOW.

Update we are now officially "best friends forever" but we also kiss and fuck and cuddle okay. That's a thing. I LOVE HIM. it's okay though. I don't know I said yeah let's be bffs then I physcially cringed. It's okay though. I'll be fine. It functions as a sexy romance thing anwyays.

I love him so much. Hes the best. Fucking hell. Hes the kindest person ever.

Also can Star please stop fucking with me. She said she'd stop using the emoticon and I said "thanks" and then she used a weird emoji to react to my thanks because she wanted to "acknowledge that she read my message without liking it".... oh so you dont like it??? What??? I said "okay" and she was like "yikes, you upset?" And I said idk cos I am but whatever and she USED ANOTHER SFUPID DUCKINF EMOTICON THAT I DONT UNDERSTAND WITH THE WORD OKAY OMFG. OMFG. PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT THAT MEANDS. OH MY GODDDD. I'm angry.

Fucking hell. I just wish... whatever.

If Jay liked me ROMANTICALLY as well...  perfect life.

Whatever.

My parents have fucked me up really badly. I know so. Today I saw a comic where a kid started crying while getting yelled at and their mom HUGGED THEM. Omfg. If I cry when my parents yell at me they just yell more. The best thing I can do is stay quiet. Fucking hell. Fuck. I wish I got hugged. When I was upset.

Its 1:03 am. Fuck all this emotional turmoil I'm SLEEPING. Fuck this. FUCK MY PARENTS, FUCK STAR, FUCK MOVING AND FUCK SCHOOL. And FUCK STAR.