#also I just ordered some safety eyes because I'm not a fan of how the embroidered ones look. I thought the little Xs would be cute

[onrainynights]

also im into crochet now!!

I made pigs!!

[whumpofalltime]

whump of all time

SEMIFINALS!

Find links and propaganda under the cut. Quarterfinalist and later match-ups are untagged, so your votes and reblogs matter!

Once Upon A Time:

(gifset 1, gifset 2)

"There's blood, wounds, captivity, bondage, a slow-dipping-mechanism, a big rescue, and excellent acting by Colin O'Donoghue - who delivers the tiniest whimper and the most delectable of trembles for our whump-loving eyes to devour!" ~ @killian-whump

"[...] Killian was BROKEN. Absolutely and heart-wrenchingly devastated. He was tortured within an inch of his life (… or death, I guess) and practically left to slowly drop into a pit of eternal despair.

Killian was not easy to break. He would get injured and get back up with a sneer and an "I'm alright love you should see the other guy".

But to reach that point? The point of telling Emma she should have kept herself safe instead of saving him from this torment, to hold on to her like she was his lifeline, to SMILE that small smile from the first bit of hope he'd gotten since he ended up there?

The relief upon watching this episode for the first time was visceral. For two episodes we knew Hook was being tortured, we saw him try and fail to limp to safety, we saw his resolve and defiance desperately hold on, we saw him accept his fate, we saw him preferring to be tortured further than hurt his friends… And then he got saved! And he had no witty comeback, no effort to hide his pain. He just fucking collapsed in the arms of his beloved, of his saviour, and held on for a moment to realize that it was real, she was there, he was finally safe.

Add to that some amazing, jaw-dropping, emotional acting by Colin O'Donoghue, how can you get any better than that?

Anyway vote for ouat. Because this whole torture mini arc existing is probably what caused a chain reaction of me understanding and accepting I love whump, so. I wouldn't be here torturing blorbos if it weren't for it 🤣" @piracytheorist

"god tier acting" ~ @caliburn-the-sword

The Young Blood Chronicles (Save Rock and Roll's music videos, Fall Out Boy):

(link)

"Everyone gets bloodied, bruised, beaten up, tortured, rescued, limbs are amputated - it's brutal. Alone Together is particularly strong."

sorry for being late, but you want YBC propaganda? then you're getting YBC propaganda. I know you're a FOB fan, but I will be writing this for the benefit of those who don't know what YBC is, for better propaganda purposes! and yeah this is gonna be LONG. sorry.

So! The Youngblood Chronicles (shortened to YBC) is a series of 11 music videos made by the band Fall Out Boy, for their album Save Rock And Roll (you know this album, it's the one with My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark on it). The whole thing is quite short, less than fifty minutes long (even shorter if you don't count the uncut version's credits!!), and every single music video has some element of whump in it. This propaganda is gonna break down each individual music vid, and at i'll also talk a little bit about the irl context the album was written in, and why even THAT can be a little bit whumpy if you're insane like me!

(note: i'm going in the original release order over the uncut order, hence why i'm starting with MSKWYDITD instead of The Phoenix)

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark: Arguably the least whump-y out of all of them, but man, seeing all of Fall Out Boy's discography and memorabilia be burnt while people are dancing around the destruction? Man, when you know the real life stuff (the reception the band had in 2009, leading to them to take a three year hiatus)... and at the end, you see four guys bound in the back of a van!! And that van is getting burnt!! Burn everything you love and burn the... ashes.

The Phoenix: NOW here's the first of MANY whump tastes you'll get. Patrick Stump, the singer/cutie of the band, gets kidnapped, tied to a chair, has his hand CHOPPED OFF and mailed to his bandmate/best friend Pete Wentz, then gets tied down and utterly tortured by women who are laughing at his misery the entire time, getting prodded and stabbed by tools for... well, you'll see. By the end of the video, Pete and the other two members of FOB (Joe Trohman and Andy Hurley) have been kidnapped by these mysterious women too, with Pete specifically getting kidnapped by the blonde woman he was in bed with when Patrick's hand got delivered to him. If you enjoy cute boys getting tied down, covered in blood, and writhing around like worms while getting tortured... well you'll enjoy all of YBC but specifically you'll enjoy this!! I did :D! The war is won, before it's begun, release the doves, surrender love...

Young Volcanoes: Good news, FOB has been reunited! Bad news, by the women who dismembered Patrick! And now all the band members are tied to chairs, hooked up to IVs full of god knows what types of drugs, and blindfolded (all except Patrick). They are then forced to drink, snort hard drugs, and are force fed Patrick's organs! Yep, all four of them are forced to eat their lead singer's guts, and are so fucking drugged up they don't even realize what's happening (and now you know what the women were doing to him in the last mv, and you even get a nice little shot of the hack job of stitching him back up)!! Patrick hallucinates everyone having fun, but of course, at the end, all of them are knocked out because of the drugs. Americana, exotica, do you wanna feel a little beautiful baby?

Alone Together: This is the song the OG propaganda mentioned, and for good reason. All four of them are shipped off into little personalized torture rooms, and, well, tortured! Pete is able to break out and even steals the hook from the girl who was torturing him, but little does he know that'll be his own undoing... also, in general, this song has some whumpy elements, specifically the line "my heart is like a stallion/they love it more when it's broke-in"... but notice how easy it is to hear "broke-in" as "broken"! At the end of the video, Pete is at least able to find Patrick (Joe and Andy have NOT been having a good time, either!! But sadly, they aren't found by Pete, but Pete DOES find Big Sean), and is even able to attach the hook to the stump (ha!) where his hand used to be. But something is clearly wrong with Patrick now. His eyes are yellow, and as the song ends, we hold on him, sneering and twitching. This is the road to ruin - and we're started at the end...

The Mighty Fall: First off if you say this is the worst song off of SRAR I will hunt you for sport. OKAY ANYWAYS, chronologically this comes after MSKWYDITD, and yeah, the four guys are the members of FOB. Pete is able to free himself with Patrick's new hook hand, and is able to get the other three out while Pete is hacking up a lung from the fire they just barely escaped. But they're not done getting their shit rocked yet. A gang of children show up (the leader being the kid Patrick waved at right before he was kidnapped back in the Phoenix MV), and proceed to separate them and beat the living shit out of them. The leader kid who's chasing Patrick plays something on a boombox... which triggers Patrick to go yellow-eyed again (from here on out i'll call it "going Youngblood" or "Youngblood self"). It was confirmed in the commentary track that ANY music would cause him to go Youngblood. And knowing Patrick IRL fucking loves to create/compose music... yeah! Take something he loves and turn it into something that drives him insane!! I'm normal!! And also the irl parallel you could draw to his solo career doing the same thing to him (on a less uh Dramatic level but you know)!!! Ouch!!!! Big Sean is able to save Patrick, but at the cost of his own life (and a killer rap verse... HELL YEAH I'M A DICK GIRL, ADDICTED TO YOU). Oh, how the mighty fall in love...

Just One Yesterday: The last vestiges of comfort you're gonna get for a WHILE. The four are separated, getting even more beaten up, Pete vomits up a snake, Andy gets his shit rocked by a homeless guy, Joe has to use white sheets as a makeshift tourniquet bc his leg got fucked up in The Mighty Fall MV, and Patrick is picked up by a kind stranger (hi Foxes! you have a very pretty voice! PLEASE KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL!). And finally, finally we get a hope spot. Fall Out Boy is reunited (the part where Andy just grabs onto Patrick's arm, in disbelief they're both alive... augh!!! AUGH!!!!), and for a moment, it seems they've been delivered to a hospital... before Foxes' eyes go completely black, looking at Patrick... and turns on the radio. She's able to trigger the Youngblood. And now Patrick is gone. The other three scramble into the hospital, Patrick not far behind, determined to kill them to stop the noise in his head. If Heaven's grief brings Hell's reign, then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday...

Where Did The Party Go: Patrick, now fully consumed by the Youngblood brainwashing, is now stalking his bandmates in a hospital. Patrick is seeing visions of the hospital as an abandoned party, Andy has to painfully disinfect the wounds he's gotten, Pete is able to call for the police, and Joe... oh, poor Joe. He barricades himself into a room, but not well enough. Patrick finds him, and kills him, slitting his throat with the hook hand, showing no remorse at all... until Andy and Pete find them. The Youngblood wears off, and Patrick looks to what he's done, and is horrified at what he's done to his friend. And, bad news for him, the police are here, ready to arrest the murderer. All Andy and Pete can do is watch as tears roll down Patrick's eyes. And for the extra IRL context, this was the first song written for the album that made Pete and Patrick realize they had to get FOB back together... so lets match that with a music video where the member who helped get the band together in the first place dies. By the hands of the kid he found. Let's fade away together, one dream at a time...

Death Valley: Joe gets... uh, a little comfort? I mean, he thinks he's getting sent to heaven but goes to hell, buuuuut I think doing drugs in rock and roll hell with Tommy Lee is actually a pretty sweet deal, better than the deal the other three got! Pete and Andy are being interrogated while Patrick is in a jail cell. We find out that the cult that kidnapped them, Silence the Noise, is lead by Pete's girlfriend from WAAAAY back in the Phoenix MV, Courtney Love. And at the end of the MV... Patrick is bailed out of jail by Silence the Noise. They have him again. And this time, they're not gonna let him walk out until he's fully under their control. 'Cause tonight it's just fire alarms and losing you...

Rat a Tat: Silence the Noise has Patrick, and they utterly brainwash him, A Clockwork Orange style, with electroshock stimulation to keep him from looking away or closing his eyes, until there is nothing left. Patrick Stump does not exist anymore. Only the Youngblood, pliant under the control of Silence the Noise, tasked to destroy what he once loved; music. Andy dies at the hands of the cult, and now Pete has to protect a briefcase, the thing that got them into this mess, and keep it away from Silence the Noise, all while his best friend hunts him down. Are you ready for another bad poem?

Miss Missing You: THE WHUMPIEST OF THE WHUMP. What if we were best friends but you've been driven insane and I know the only way to stop you is to kill you and it was my fault you got into this mess and I was the one who gave you the weapon that will be my own undoing. What if we both died at the same time. What if we died, both of us failing the mission we had before us. What if that was a reference to one of their first music videos. What if this song was originally written for Patrick's solo album but he realized it was more of a Fall Out Boy song so it was scrapped until now. What if there's a legit argument to be made that half the lyrics for this song was written by Patrick. What if we were both boys. Grips walls, yeha i'm normal. If you don't watch ANY other music vid, watch Miss Missing You. Sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger. The person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger.

Save Rock And Roll: And our final track gives us a final bit of comfort. Patrick is able to overcome the Youngblood, and gets into heaven, where all of FOB is finally, finally reunited. God (aka Elton John) gives them new instruments and brings them back to earth, so they can do what they love; play music together. Which just so happens to release people from the control of Silence the Noise! But, because we can't have nice things, a cult within Silence the Noise got a hold of the briefcase, and summoned a spirit that starts to kill everyone. FOB stands together, and blasts the evil spirit, the blood coming up to the gates of heaven and covering Elton John in it. And... that's how it ends. No true resolution. Just Elton John covered in blood, as the song fades out. Oh, no! Wherever I go, go! Trouble seems to follow! I only plugged in to save rock and roll!

UH. AGAIN I APOLOGIZE FOR THE LENGTH. but i really wanted to express just how much WHUMP they manage to fit into less than fifty minutes, all backed by an amazing album colored by the three years they were apart. colored by how they grew, colored by how bad the hiatus was for Patrick specifically, colored by how Confessions of a Pariah got Pete to reach out to help him, and this album came out of it, Fall Out Boy came back out of it, and now here we are, ten years later, with the title track being performed every night for their concert, with all the band singing the final lines together, and the line you are what you love, not who loves you hitting every single night.

SORRY. LISTEN TO FALL OUT BOY. thanks for letting me rant.

[avrorean]

wait why does Nanna not like Cullen?

I'm gonna take this as like, a character question and hope you're not offput or slighted as a cullen fan or a mage warden/cullen shipper ofjgodsfjosidd.

So it isn't really about Nanna not liking Cullen. Something I think needs to be understood is Nanna is First Enchanter Irving's apprentice - that isn't something I made for her specifically, that's dialogue confirmed in the Tower for every mage warden. You are Irving's Talented Apprentice. She's been witness to plenty of his arguments with Greagoir and has no doubt heard his complaints outside of them, something implied when you choose dialogue with him that's critical of the Knight-Commander. She's already primed and trained against trusting templars, because Irving doesn't trust the templars, and in some ambient dialogue with other mages you can understand why. They show almost immediately that the Templars already abuse their power over the apprentices, the youngest or least capable, in small ways; wariness is for her own safety.

In fact in this instance, it doesn't really have anything to do with Cullen himself or what it's assumed he would do. We know at this point he's very dedicated to not being inappropriate with his charges, he's sympathetic to an extent (but fun fact, if you play a male mage, you see he already has those seeds of paranoia against mages planted this early; cause that's what templar training does), it's extremely unlikely that he'd ever hurt her on his own. I'm sure he'd be very sweet in a vacuum.

But even disregarding that the threat that exists inherently, as I'm about to show, as soon as there's an order from someone higher than him, her life is in danger. And as Irving's apprentice, this is something she is already very aware of.

Cullen: O-Oh, um, h-hello. I...uh, am glad to see your Harrowing went smoothly. Warden: Hello, Cullen. Cullen: Th-They picked me as the Templar to strike the killing blow if...if you became an abomination. It's nothing personal, I swear! I-I'm just glad you're alright, you know? Jowan: psst, someone likes you! Warden: Would you have really struck me down? Cullen: I would have felt terrible about it... But... But I serve the Chantry and The Maker. And I will do as I'm commanded.

Slow down there, Romeo. all that just from saying hello. thanks buddy.

I think it's kind of funny that this is framed like a meet-cute with an awkward boy on the surface, but kind of insidiously is a prime example of why a templar-mage relationship within a Circle fundamentally cannot work. At least not healthily. You can be the sweetest, most sexless, classic courtly romance in the world, but as soon as the templar is given an order, that they'll choose the mage's life over their divine duty is slim. The templar inherently has power over their life. Even the good relationships where they do choose their love over duty, like Rhys and Evangeline, kind of inherently carry that power dynamic.

There's also just the fact that this man is not discreet even outside of this conversation. Everyone is telling her every 2 steps that this Templar is in love with you, he's so in love with you, dear maker have you heard this templar is in love with you. You hear about his crush on her LONG before you ever see this man's face. So suffice it to say that Nanna is very aware that she's caught the eye of a templar, and everything that she knows tells her this is a danger zone. So she smiles, she's polite, but this really isn't something she wants to deal with.

also I just wanna. pick through his dialogue real quick in Broken Circle

Cullen: This trick, again? I know what you are. It won't work. I will stay strong... warden: Cullen! Don't you recognize me? Cullen: Only too well. How deep they must have delved into my thoughts.... Cullen: Sifting through my thoughts... tempting me with the one thing I've always wanted but could never have. Using my shame against me, my ill-advised infatuation with her. A mage, of all things. Cullen: I am beyond caring what you think! The Maker knows my sin, and I pray he will forgive me. [...] You are a mage, and I a Templar. It is my duty to oppose you and all you are. Cullen: And to think, I once thought we were too hard on you.

I know a lot of people take this as ship material for cullen & a mage warden, but Nanna does not find this flattering. This is lowkey terrifying. Imagine you've grown up in the Circle and you're being told, in the most off-putting way possible, that your face, your person, and god knows what else has been used by a demon to tempt someone whose job all day is to watch you. Someone who every apprentice prior to this event has loudly announced fancies you, while watching you. And that it has almost worked.

I think it's also interesting to note that he exclusively refers both to his crush on her and her person in a possessive tense. She is the thing he always wanted, she is his shame, his sin, a mage of all things.

And we see in DA2 that he's still hard carrying that torch; when Hawke gets their Amell status back he immediately starts mooning about how special she was. But DA2 is arguably the worst he's ever been in regards to his feelings on mages. And in a less extreme case, it ties into something Anders says in what I believe is the rivalry romance route: you cannot claim to love me and despise what I am. And Nanna is a mage. She is a (mostly) free, distinctly not part of the circle mage. That isn't something that can change for him even if she reciprocated his feelings.

And that isn't to say Cullen isn't a victim in this scenario in regards to Broken Circle or downplay what he's going through in that scene - he absolutely has been tortured and is reacting in trauma. I don't want to downplay that at all. But I feel like to dismiss the implications of that affecting someone else like a mage warden loses some of the interesting factor to it. Nanna, and more broadly mage wardens in general, are also being extremely traumatized in this event, just in a different perspective. She's lost most of the people she's known her whole life too, her friends as well as his. She had to kill some of them herself. It isn't to lessen his suffering, but to highlight their traumas are on the same level, just different in some ways and very the same in others.

I feel similarly on this as I do with Alistair and the Landsmeet; to exclusively attribute the event to how it affects him and no one else involved is to remove the Warden as a character and exclusively view it through the lens of a player. And, yknow, its rp. I'm writing a character. It's not fun like that to just acknowledge a canon character's reaction to events and not the one you're writing.

Currently, being around him makes her uncomfortable. This isn't to say the two can't, at least in a developed Inquisition era, work things out to an extent. These two have a LOT of very complicated, very interconnected trauma that I think would be beneficial in talking to someone who gets it. That's about as close to therapy as Thedas is gonna get. If nothing else, he's made steps and he's been very open to the Inquisitor about wanting to apologize to her. But Cullen is still very Templar-minded in Inquisition, and whether the narrative wants to acknowledge that or not, is still running on a lot of his old biases. Which, that's part of the process, but without more work in that direction I don't see them being much more beyond coworkers, much less developing anything romantic between them. And I don't think it's without reason that Leliana gets increasingly more angry on her behalf in other dialogue over the fact that he keeps asking about her.

[stoopid-turtle]

Consuming Candies Pt. 1: GG and DD are le Gay

Everything is fake. I make up stuff for fun. Do not believe a word of it.

Intro post for this series

I'm a nerd so I feel I need to asterisk just about anything. Basically, this is my list of moments/candies that cemented for me a few things: 1) DD is hella gay; 2) GG is some flavor of gay; 3) that GGDD definitely had a thing around the time of the TU filming; 4) that they're still together.

1 and 2 are needed to establish 3 and, unless you go for a very different timeline than other turtles, 3 is needed to establish 4.

Such. A. Nerd.

I divided this up into 2 posts because I'm incredibly long-winded.

So, #1: DD is incredibly incredibly gay. There is no doubt in my mind. Here's why, in order with the most convincing moments first. Once I accepted these, the following points were easier to wrap my head around.

a) DD checked out another guy's ass at the Tencent Awards Night and exclaimed "Handsome" to his co-star.

Just what it says on the tin. I've watched these 5 seconds over and over, and I can't wrap my head around any other explanation. The man passes by, DD's eyes clearly sweep down, then he says "Shuai!" I'm usually skeptical of lip-readings, but this is unmistakable.

I put this as the most convincing for me because it's not a bts, there's no need for fanservice, it's an official stream of a video and there is literally no other way to interpret this. It's incredibly blatant. He's into men (and, notably, his co-star in LoF is clearly in the know since he makes the comment to her).

(Honestly, it makes me a little uncomfortable, because I've noticed DD has started covering his mouth when speaking to companions at public events, presumably so that fans can't try to read his lips. I'm sure he did not expect that ass-ogle to be noticed by anyone)

b) "I'm not talking about WWX, I'm talking about XZ." I discussed this in my turtle origin story, but this moment in the bts really knocked me over the head with that fact that DD was outright hitting on XZ. There was no way to interpret this as them joking around with the fact that their characters were in a BL relationship (a la the director referring to them as "lovebirds" or someone on the crew calling xz DD's "wife"). DD straight up flirts with GG. Gets turned down because the phrase he used was taken the wrong way. Then calls him "beautiful" (or "fairy-like"). When GG rejects this as not fitting WWX, DD just clarifies that he's talking about XZ not WWX. (Which, wow, what a line. DD is bold)

There's no het explanation for that moment, unless you want to posit that there was an intentional fabrication of fanservice (I address that issue elsewhere).

Add this on top of DD's other comments to XZ, calling him "erotic", asking for kisses, asking for him to sleep with him, declaring his love. A lot of this is joking around, but there's a safety in joking around when you're flirting with someone you like. You can retreat to the joke if they don't like it.

But this moment isn't even a joke. It's sincere. DD's flirting the fuck with GG.

It's not even hard to believe coming off a). DD is clearly into men. GG is very charismatic and seems to attract the attention of just about everybody who meets him (I get serious There's Something about Mary vibes from him sometimes in how people talk about him) (I am old. My references are old). Is it so hard to think that DD would shoot his shot?

He's on a cast with the guy, playing the love interest. They get along incredibly well. DD has a pretty high opinion of himself, to say the least. I'm not at all surprised he'd make a go for it.

There are several moments in the bts where GG teases DD for sending memes of himself (only the handsome ones) or sending (again, handsome) selfies of himself. It is funny, but it also strikes me as someone trying to get some reaction from his crush. It feels a little awkward to have GG openly teasing him about it but DD gets his revenge by showing off the pouty photo of GG, so he clearly managed to deal with it. (And GG clearly agrees that DD is handsome, so DD's text campaign worked)

c) The Nike rainbow shoes and ice cream.

Honestly, I wouldn't have this on here except for this post by potteresque-ire here on tumblr. Within the context in China at the time, and with the response DD received from his fans, it's clear that the rainbow Nikes + Ben & Jerry's were meaningful to DD. It's a shame that the political situation with Nike later required him to fall in line with the CCP and remove it, but I trust potteresque on the context that this post was a Big Deal.

d) His involvement with TU.

I've heard mixed things about the expectations for TU at the time of casting. The landscape for BL was rocky and the production company was unproven, but it was recognized that MDZS was a huge IP and so there was a chance that it could be a gigantic hit. There was also an equal risk that it would completely flop or not be allowed to air. Still, there's a fantastic interview with the non-GGDD cast of TU where the interviewer asks them if they knew that TU was going to be so big. There's a moment of awkward silence until somebody (I think WZC) just says, "No."

My understanding is that WYB was the biggest star they got on the cast. He had other opportunities, no doubt some that were more promising and that didn't result in him losing the support of his homophobic fans. But DD put his hat in the ring anyway.

Why? Maybe he wanted to roll those dice to see if he could sign on to something that would be huge. But he's also gay, and there's every possibility that he just wanted to act in a gay romance.

(This is putting aside some of the speculation that DD and GG knew each other or were even dating prior to casting.)

I bet he saw it as a rare opportunity to play a (censored) gay character, and he was willing to lose fans to do so (much like with the Nike post). DD is bold.

I go into this more when I talk about GG.

(Also, I don't know if he specifically went in for the LWJ role or if, like literally everybody else on that cast, he was trying to get the role of Xue Yang (srsly, what's up with this???), or if he just kept his options open)

e) He has no interest in women.

Just because a guy likes men doesn't mean he also doesn't like women. Except with DD, he seems to have 0 interest in women. At first, I could chalk this up to him being shy, not having much experience around girls, etc. But after a certain point, his clear disinterest has to be taken in consideration with his overt flirtiness and enthusiasm about men.

Basically, he doesn't have a problem with women. They're just not his focus in life or love. He doesn't light up around women. He lights up around men. I know this is real subjective, and that displeases my nerd heart, so the other points matter too, but this is really the heart of things. DD isn't interested in women.

Add onto this some implications he's made that he is...um...not sexually frigid (I tried to find this clip and was unsuccessful. Ah well.) and...well, you can't be shy with women and still be a horndog Leo if you're straight. That horndog energy is being directed somewhere else.

In sum, DD is just really, really gay. Don't hit me with those, "But his hobbies are so dudely" nonsense. Go meet some actual gay guys, list out their hobbies, then get back to me. DD. Is. Gay. Full stop.

#2. GG is some flavor of gay.

GG's always the more puzzling one. DD is so...loud and unapologetic. GG plays close to the vest.

I'm struck by some screenshots I saw of his university peers gossiping about him back in those days. People explicitly said he wasn't gay, so if GG was out back then, he was only out to a few people.

He came from a traditional family, and I get the vibe he was incredibly nervous at the idea of entering a gay relationship. I doubt he "didn't realize" he was gay until he met DD, because I think even the scaredest, most closeted person knows on some level that they're gay. But I think GG might have been set to remain in the closet for the long-haul.

There's an interview of GG done while filming where he's asked about DD (he smiles real big and it's really sweet). He gives the usual response of DD being slow to warm up to people, but when he's asked about his current impression, he exclaims that DD is "a lunatic" (I laugh every time I watch that). Then he comments that DD isn't scared to be "unconventional".

I can't say for certain, but it feels like it's in part a reference to DD being more bold with his sexual orientation. GG keeps things more buttoned up and close to his chest, but he clearly finds DD's lunacy appealing as he signed onto it.

Honestly, GG is hard for me to get a read on. When I see DD outside of the UT bts, I can see the continuity in his personality. I mean, yeah, everything's turned up to 11 in the UT bts because he's clearly infatuated with GG. But he's still a gremlin outside of the bts, just in a more subdued and less targeted way.

With GG, I struggle sometimes to see the continuity between his personality in the bts and his personality outside it (the wig doesn't help with this. it makes him look like a different person). Granted, I haven't delved into his solo work near as much as I have for DD (and, notably, he doesn't seem to do as much unscripted stuff as DD), but he strikes me as a person who is very adept at code-switching depending on the situation. DD is DD is DD, 24/7. GG is more adaptive to his surroundings.

I imagine that's one of the things that drew GG to DD (beyond the massive flirt-campaign...I mean, who could resist DD when he's going so freaking hard for it?).

Do I think GG's attracted to women? Honestly, not sure. I've not seen enough of his interactions with women or his history with women to say (I've spent way more time with DD outside of TU than GG). But I'm pretty sure he's attracted to men for these reasons:

a) His ideal life painting.

Put aside all the other interpretations people have for that. Just the fact that his ideal life included one (1) other person and that that person is a man is significant.

Admittedly, I don't know the background of the painting. It was used in an ad campaign, and if you watch the full video that showed the painting, the cat and bike elements are shown as inspired by stuff GG saw in a walk. I'm not sure how much creative control he had over the whole thing, and I've not been able to find anything in English about it.

But assuming that he had the freedom to paint his genuine ideal life, or at least enough of it to be the one to choose having a man in there (and why would the hotel specifically ask for a male companion in the painting?), then there's no het explanation for that. GG's ideal life is to be at the beach with his cat and another man.

b) When he wore Pride shoes to an interview.

Not just something that incidentally had a rainbow pattern. Straight-up Pride merch.

IME, allies don't wear Pride merch. Any ally I know who wears Pride merch will eventually come out as LGBT+ at some point. If you wear Pride merch, you're gay. (That's the rule)

Okay, more seriously. I grew up in the grimmer days of the 90s and 00s in US South, before rainbow-washing was profitable and before most studios felt comfortable showing even the slightest amount of gay relationships. Back when wearing a rainbow was a serious statement that would attract notice and might get you beat up (I had multiple friends who were physically attacked. I avoided it bc I am a trickster a bisexual and therefore invisible). Back then, the only people who wore Pride merch were actually gay. I can't think of any exceptions.

Later, as the situation for LGBT+ folks improved in the US (let's put aside the anxiety of the current anti-trans wave), I have seen a couple self-identified allies who wear Pride merch. But in every case, that ally eventually came out as gay. The "ally" label was a useful stopping place in their comfort with being openly gay.

Things may be different in China. I think in some ways, it probably resembles the way things were when I grew up--before gay marriage was legal and when the majority of people expressed disgust with gay people. On the other hand, the homophobia of the US has a strong religious element that doesn't seem to be present in China.

But all that regardless, wearing Pride merch is meaningful. Even now in the US, when rainbows are everywhere. It's definitely meaningful in China, where same-sex relationships are censored in the media.

c) I've discussed DD's overt flirting already, but another part of that "I'm not talking about WWX, I'm talking about XZ" video that struck me was GG's response.

He smiles, crinkles his nose, and shyly looks down. This is such a classic "I'm being flirted with and I'm into it" response (shy-person flavor). No straight guy would react to DD flirting with him like that. That reaction only makes sense if XZ is into being flirted with by men, DD in this case.

d) The BDSM conversation in the cave, complete with GG making an obscene, um, tongue gesture.

I'm trying my best to picture this as a conversation between 2 straight guys, and I'm failing here. The whole conversation is gay. Add in the literal tongue in cheek and it's incredibly flirty and suggestive. Like with C, GG's responses are just...not straight. They only make sense in a flirty context, and not one that's playing with them acting as Wangxian.

e) His involvement in TU.

This follows what I wrote for DD above. XZ was not as big a name as DD was at the time, so he was a relative unknown trying out for a role (for Xue Yang's role, specifically) on a show that may never air.

GG likely didn't have as many options open to him as DD at that time, so you could try to argue that he was just trying out for as many roles as he could.

But honestly, I think anybody who signed onto TU has higher than average odds of being LGBTQ+ themselves. Think about it. If you're queer and in the industry, you have few to no opportunities to play a role that reflects your relationships. You have few opportunities to work on a set that is overtly okay with same-sex relationships (at least, of the fictional variety).

You hear that a BL novel is being adapted and while you know BL novels are mainly for straight women, it's still gonna be a gay romance. Maybe your only chance at being involved in filming a gay romance. Of course you're going to want to be in on that.

Being in the closet sucks. Not being able to be yourself fully sucks. Back when I was a gay teen in the 90s-00s, I would just look up photos of girls kissing online (not porn. just kissing) just because I never saw that and it fed something inside of me that was missing. A part of me that was never reflected back at me. I ached for more lesbian relationships in TV and books, and I watched so many shitty movies/tv shows just because there were lesbians in it.

The media landscape is much better now here in the US, but when I think about how queer folk in the industry in China might feel, I think back to myself as a younger queer lady bursting at the seams to immerse myself in a world that actually had a space carved for me.

So yeah, being on the UT, in of itself, is a signal to me. It doesn't mean that everybody involved with it was gay. But I do think that it means that the odds of any particular person being gay is higher than in a non-BL production.

Admittedly, there's no way to prove this, and who knows? Maybe gay men would be less likely to want to work on a BL production because of the strained relationship between gay men and the boy-love genre. But I kinda doubt that because when your relationships are censored, you'll latch onto anything you can get that even resembles them. I watched countless anime made for horny fanboys because they had lesbians in them. I watched, literally, anything, no matter who created it. I know other gay girls who watched lesbian porn of the type made by and for straight men because they just wanted to see their own desires reflected at them, even if the reflection was a little wonky.

And that's just with watching media. Signing up to act in a project means you also get to connect with other people who are hypothetically okay with gay relationships. Who might even be gay, themselves. Fuck yeah, you're gonna leap on that.

So, yeah. This point is the last for both DD and GG but it's important because it establishes how I think about the production of TU. If the set had more gay cast/crew given the subject matter of the show, is it really so far-fetched that some people would hook up? Or start a relationship?

Once I convinced myself that GG and DD are some flavor of gay, the rest wasn't hard to buy into at all. But that's for the next post. :)

I am a clown and everything I say is fake. Don't buy into it.

Next Post: Consuming Candies Pt 2: DD ❤️ GG and GG ❤️ DD

[daughter-of-sapph0]

watched the first episode of the acolyte, and god it's stupid.

my thoughts below. spoilers or whatever...

okay so positives first:

>live action high republic is cool as hell. finally, something that isn't original trilogy or post empire, the most oversaturated and overrespresented eras of star wars. I'm not the biggest high republic fan, I've only read light of the jedi. but I think the setting has potential for some amazing stories.

>the character designs are also amazing. everyone looks super cool. also nice to see people of color given representation in star wars. it's so cool to finally have a black woman as the main character.

>...

>that's it

.

okay now for negatives:

>it looks fuzzy. idk how to describe it, but it looks like there's a layer of static over everything. this is really obvious with solid flat colors, especially in background shots. it just looks blurry. I've seen supernatural gifsets from 2012 with less grain than this high budget star wars show.

>the plot is incredibly stupid. Osha (yes, her name is osha, like the occupational safety and health administration) is framed for the murder of a jedi, but she says she didn't do it. it turns out that it was her twin sister Mae who everyone thought was dead but is secretly still alive. evil twin is literally the oldest most cliche trope ever. and of course they made a point of giving mae and easily identifiable mark on her forehead so you can tell her apart from Osha

>the dialog is so unnatural. "okay, so we need the audience to know more about Osha so they sympathize with her. how can we do that? let's have Yord explain oshas backstory... to Osha!" okay? Why The FUCK Are You Explain Oshas Own Backstory To Her?! "your family died in a fire, and the jedi order took you in when you were 8 years old" She Literally Knows That Already Because It HAPPENED TO HER!!!! In What Universe Would Any Person Speaking In A Natural Way Talk Like This?!??!?! you know that meme of the guy screaming about megamind 2 for megamind to use the dehydration gun? that's me right now about this fucking scene

>everyone is so bland. you can tell their personalities immediately. Osha is kind and helpful. Sol is loving and a father figure and has attachments to Osha. Yord is a himbo. Jecki is as close to a "mean girl" as a jedi can be. and Mae is just pure evil.

>like, incredibly evil. holy shit. Osha has a dream sequence / force vision and sees a young Mae and Mae is singing a creepy rhyme about how they're twins and inseparable and shit and when Osha asks if she killed the jedi Mae goes "yes! I'll kill them all" and her eyes turn fully black and I'm not even making that up!!! I actually laughed out loud at how stupid it was. I know star wars is goofy, but holy shit

>Yord is naked for a short scene for no reason other than comic relief. Jecki makes a marvel quip about it.

.

I want to like this show, mainly because I know the fandom menace hates it. like, having representation of people of color, and having a black woman as the main character is great! but it literally feels like some corporate executives are trying to check all the diversity boxes, and then forgot to write an interesting show.

and I know that if I give any valid criticism about the show, stupid idiots on twitter will go "yeah! and also it's too woke!" and think I agree with their horse shit opinions.

but like legit, I was sorta excited for this show, and now I'm just too tired to even care. it's not often that a show loses my interest completely after the first episode. and I'm pissed, because high republic star wars has so much potential to be cool.

.

tldr, star wars would be so good if it was good.

[photogirl894]

Hello. Would it be possible to get famele reader and Hunter? Hunter sees her with disheveled hair for the first time and thinks that it suits her very well.

Aw, this is a sweet one! Yeah I can totally do that! I definitely focused a bit more on Hunter in this one cuz I got a bit carried away, but I think you'll love it still 🥰

"Wild Woman"

Pairing: Hunter x fem reader

Hunter's eyes slowly fluttered open. For the first time in what felt like forever, he felt well-rested and content.

It was all because of you...and his head turned to find the object of his affections laying beside him in the bed, still asleep.

In recent months, the two of you had grown close since you had joined up with Clone Force 99. You thought he was handsome, courageous, resilient, caring and an upstanding leader. He thought you were beautiful, brave, resourceful, passionate and fiery. For quite a while, there had been some flirtations and stolen glances, but you both had been hesitant on expressing feelings to each other...until just last night.

The day before, you all had been on a mission that had gotten you into some serious trouble. You all had come across some pirates who had gotten a hold of you and used you against the Batch. They tried to trick the Clones into giving them the cargo you all had gone to collect and even when they did, the pirates tried throwing you over a ledge. Lucky for you, Hunter had been quick to jump over, catch you and grapple you both to safety, but in those moments, you both had been scared of losing each other. Later that night, in a moment of quiet desperation, the truth had come out and you had spent the night together in wonderful, loving bliss.

Hunter propped himself up onto his elbow and looked down at your serene, sleeping face. Your hair was fanned out beneath your head, disheveled and unruly. Normally, you wore your hair up in some way to keep it out of your way when in a fight, but seeing it this way was...intriguing. Something about the wildness of it on you seemed to make him smile. It was adorable and he found he almost loved it more than your normal look. It was a fitting look for you. You had your moments where your true personality shined through with the rest of the squad; when you joked around with them, took crazy risks or were perhaps being reckless in one way or another. You had a fire in you that wasn't going to be tamed by anything or anyone. You did what you wanted, when you wanted and how you wanted. It sometimes was irritating when it went against a plan they had, but it was also something Hunter would never change about you. Your tenacity for disobeying orders, even if they were sometimes his, was what made you a wonderful addition to the Bad Batch.

To him, you were perfect in every way, even with your messy and wild bedhead.

He brought his hand up and brushed a lock of hair from your face before leaning forward and gently kissing your temple. You stirred ever so slightly at his touch, but didn't quite wake up. With a loving smile on his face, he leaned down again and kissed you on the lips with the intention of waking you up this time. He felt you tense up and stir under his lips before you released a quiet sigh, kissing him back as you awoke. His heart skipped a beat as he pulled back and saw your lovely eyes looking up at him and a sleepy smile crossed your face.

"Good morning," you said through a stretch.

"Good morning," he said back.

"I can't believe I'm actually waking up next to you," you said, your lips spreading wide in a happy grin.

He caressed your cheek. "Neither can I. I'm rather fond of the way you look right now."

You felt the heat rise up in your cheeks and you turned your face into the pillow to hide it. "Shut up...I have terrible hair and I'm a mess. I look hideous," you whined.

He put a hand on your shoulder and refuted, "You could never look hideous to me and I love the way your hair looks. It suits you...and I'm glad you would trust me enough to see this side of you.".

Hearing him say such sweet things about how you looked made you feel a bit better and less shy about it with him. "Well...of course, I trust you," you told him, turning back to look at him.

"It's a wild look and it fits you perfectly," he told you.

"Are you saying I'm a wild woman?" you asked, smirking.

Hunter just smirked back and replied, "I am...and you already know that's true."

You grinned even wider. "You know, you're right," you said back with a chuckle.

"I would never change that about you," he said to you as he leaned down and kissed you sweetly on the lips.

Not only were you a wild woman...you were his wild woman.

More Hunter fics

Bad Batch Writing Requests

[wonderwhump]

wonderwhump / november_1 fanfiction list

Hi guy's I hope you're all doing fine :)

This is a list of my fanfics. I'm a huge fan of reading and also writing fanfiction of all kinds of fandoms. My AO3 name is november_1.

If you like, check my them out. They are all whump stories with various degrees of emotional and physical whump. If anything triggers you, please check out the tags before reading.

I'm happy about any feedback you might give me. Kudos and comments make my day (yeah, I'm desperate and attention seeking 🤣 But aren't all writers...)

I will add to this list as I write more stories.

FANDOM: Jedi Fallen Order / Star Wars

Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground

After Zeffo, after barely escaping Ordos Eris with his life, Cal is hurt. Physically, but also mentally. He should have listened to his master's words. "Trust in the Force alone." Now he's paying the price for letting his guard down and people in - and this stupid, childish notion that anybody might care about him in this vast universe.

A Cal Kestis whump story.

Endings and Beginnings

An explosion on Bracca and Cal and Prauf are in the thick of it. Hurt and comfort ensue…

FANDOM: Lockwood & Co.

The dread of undying love

Lucy had been keeping a close eye on Lockwood for days. Something was off, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Yet. He was quiet. And pale. Big dark circles under his eyes. She knew something was wrong, but he didn’t talk about it. Of course he didn’t.

Will Lucy and George find out what's going on and be able to help their friend before it's too late?

A Lockwood & Co whump story with lots of angst and pain but also friendship and some undeniable more-than-friends-tension between Lockwood and Lucy.

FANDOM: Chicago PD / Chicago Med

Duty & Obligation

“You want what?!” Voight’s voice came loudly from the office. Way quieter, but loud enough to understand, Halstead said “I need a few days off, Sir, because-“ But Voight didn’t listen. “Are you kidding me, Halstead?! You fuck up the op, let Harris get away and the next day you have the audacity to come in here and ask me for a few days off? What for? Too stressful for you around here? Need a holiday or some relaxing spa days while we are trying to fix your fucking mistakes? Are you out of your mind?”

Jay Halstead is having a tough time. But nobody knows just how tough...

The wrong son

A party. An argument. A car crash. And a dead brother...

Lots of angst and emotional whump for a young Jay Halstead.

Survivor

"What are you supposed to do when somebody calls you out of the blue one beautiful summer evening and tells you, that your husband is missing?"

This story is set some months after 10x3. Jay and his team are captured on a mission in Bolivia. What will happen to them? Will they get out alive?

Brothers

Jay and Will Halstead take a car trip together. It doesn't go that well...

I'll give it to someone special

Jay is out Christmas shopping. But the day doesn't go as planned.

Into the abyss

They find Jay in his apartment, unconscious, unresponsive... dying. Pills and alcohol. A suicide attempt obviously. But was it really?

A week of bad luck

It was one of those days you wish you just hadn’t gotten up at all. That you’d just have turned over in bed, pulled up the sheets over your head and ignored the world out there. It had been a whole week of those days for Jay Halstead and he desperately wished to be able to crawl back into the safety of his comfy bed and hide from the world.

But the world had some more bad luck from him in store.

Life and Death and Baseball

Jay gets injured during a Baseball game. But that's just the beginning and the day gets from bad to worse rather unexpectedly.

Camping is fuckin' dangerous, man!

Jay stumbles into the bullpen and collapses to the ground unconscious. He's seriously injured and drugged up to his eyeballs. Everybody thought he was out in the woods camping and fishing for the last week... But did he even get there? What happened to Jay and who did this to him?!

The bar fight

A good looking stranger steps in to protect a woman in a bar.

Sacrifice

It was Jay's fault that they were in this mess. Now he'd do anything to protect his unit. Even if it meant torture and death...

Pain & Purpose

"The mornings were the worst. The nights were pretty bad too, to be honest. But the mornings made him feel so lost, like he had forfeited the grip on the world. Like the world, and Jay in it, had lost all meaning."

Jay Halstead is a broken man - physically and mentally - when he returns from the war in Afghanistan as the only survivor of his unit. How will he deal with the pain and the trauma?

Remember me

Hailey is 37 weeks pregnant and she and Jay are excited and happy to be parents soon. But one day they are kidnapped right off the street... and suddenly happiness turns into fear, pain, suffering and despair... What will happen to Jay and Hailey and their unborn baby girl? Will they survive this dire situation unscathed?

Beautiful day gone south

The blood felt warm and sticky. It gushed out between her fingers and colored her hands in bright red. She pressed down as hard as she could and he groaned. But how ever hard she pressed down on the wounds, the blood kept on flowing. With every passing second, with every drop of blood, she could feel the life leaving him.

Burning up

Jay knew he was getting a cold. He had been feeling off for the last couple of days: sore throat, beginning cough, headaches, maybe even a fever. But he just ignored it. It would pass. He didn’t have time for a common cold, no time for feeling like shit. And just for the record: Halsteads didn’t get ill. End of discussion.

Shaken

"There was a sharp jolt and then the earth started shaking. From one second to the next the lovely sunny day turned into chaos and destruction."

Will and Jay Halstead are in Los Angeles visiting their friend Connor Rhodes who moved there a year ago to work at UCLA. It was supposed to be a vacation! A little escape from Chicago with sun, beach, fun and drinks. But somehow everything turns out quite differently when an earthquake hits the city and Will and Jay are buried under tons of debris.

Trust and betrayal

Connor's day starts out perfect - until he is wrongfully accused of sexually assaulting a young woman. Suddenly everybody hates him, nobody believes in his innocence, he is suspended and arrested. Who is this woman that accused him of raping her? And what kind of game is she playing? Will Connor be found innocent or stumble deeper and deeper into this mess?

It should have been me

Terry's death hit Jay really hard. It triggers his PTSD and he's spiraling down. But before he can hit rock bottom, somebody from Jay's past turns up and something even worse happens. Something that Jay and his brother Will may not get out of alive...

This story is set right after 3x17.

Shallow waters

If anybody had told Jay that morning that he would drown in thigh deep water in the middle of Chicago, he would have laughed. But right now, he didn’t feel like laughing as the water swashed over his mouth.

FANDOM: Seal Team

Broken

Brock’s last conscious thought was „Oh, fuck – that was it!”. He didn’t feel the shuddering of his body when it impacted with ground. Didn’t feel the bones splintering. Didn’t feel his limbs go slack. He didn’t feel the blood seeping from his nose and head wound, forming a little pool on the forest floor. He also didn’t hear his brother’s screaming. Didn’t hear Cerberus whining.

Wake up, sleeping beauty!

Clay still lay on his side, as he had before, eyes closed and fast asleep. He looked pale. Stella crouched down in front of him smiling, gently stroking his hair. “Hey, wake up, sleeping beauty.” She kissed him, first on his forehead, then on his lips. He didn’t move. Why didn’t he move?

Clay just doesn't wake up the morning after they came home from deployment in Afghanistan. What happened? Will he be ok?

Cold as ice

Sonny Quinn’s right leg was on fire. Well, obviously not literally, as he was lying on his back on the icy ground - in the snow of a dense larch forest. He was sure the leg was broken. He had sneaked a peak down his leg – and no leg should ever be bent in such an angle. But that wasn’t his top concern at the moment. Clay, his best friend, lay about 5 meters from him, his body curled around the tree trunk that had broken his fall down the steep slope - as if he was hugging it. Lifeless.

Too much blood

Brock felt something impact with the back of his head. Hard. His head, and with it his whole body, flew forward and stars exploded in front of his eyes.

Brock is mugged on his way home from the bar.

FANDOM: Six

8 weeks later

Did you ever wonder what happened to Joe "Bear" Graves and his team after the show's last episode (S2E10)? This is my take on that story never told...

Joe „Bear“ Graves was in pain. 8 weeks since the day that had shattered his life to pieces. 8 weeks since the day he had destroyed the life of the people he loved. But now it would be over soon.

[vitani-carnis]

Hello it's time to share...

The Basics of Vitani!

Name: Vitani, just Vitani and V for short. They tend not to think of their last name.

Age: Currently in the game 25, she looks and tends to act childishly, so people think she's closer to 19-23

Date of birth: October 31st, 2052. Her mom was adamant about that and fate granted that wish. Though V isn't a huge fan of her birthday (Halloween in general is a different story, though she still doesn't do much)

Gender: ??? It's unclear. Vitani is just themself in their eyes. But they use she/they pronouns and dresses very femme, so gets mistaken as a woman by many a gonk. Don't call her one though, or a girl (unless you're a certain someone using select pet names, or like, in a really gay way, if that makes sense)

Looks: Well she's the profile pic, so that but kinda chubby, and 5'2. Though at the beginning of the game she had a blue fade into pink, but changed it after a bit of a break down. Really the following pic (obvi not my art btw, grabbed it off Pinterest), is about what her body type is.

Family: V doesn't do family, doesn't like them, in fact, hates families! If she had to choose though, her mom is Mama Welles, and Jackie was her brother. Oh, and obviously Nibbles is her daughter and her lizard son Stewart. (In actuality she had a mom, step-dad, and two brothers, but they sort of just left her.)

Friends: Laughable to ask really. Most of V's friends have died, and it's absolutely V's fault. She shouldn't have friends... (Also in actuality, she gets along with a surprising number of people, but feels very few connections to others. Her closest friends are obviously Johnny, Misty, and Viktor. In that order. At least as far as the alive ones go. If she's counting dead ones it's Jill-an oc made for V's story, Jackie, and Johnny, all of them are equal).

Romance: Not much of one, briefly had a boyfriend, but he was like a blip on the radar in V's life. It was also an online thing started on some forum. They never met up due to home life stuff. As for in game romances? Also none, everyone is great, but really just as a friend... Except for a certain someone stuck in their brain, though it's unrealized until the ✨best day ever and beach scene✨. Because obviously they have a "best day ever and beach scene" thing.

Fears: Everything to a certain degree, but that's the insurmountable anxiety she has. Most of their fears are rational, such as sexual assault (never happened to them, but makes sense from backstory things), people leaving (nullified if V leaves first), and idk their current capitalistic nightmare hellscape.

Hobbies: V likes trying just about anything and everything. A maker at heart. But she loves music, cooking, playing video games, collecting low-tech gadgets, history, and politics. Is politics even a hobby? V doesn't know and doesn't care. It is now.

What's important right now?: Saving both Johnny and herself, specifically by getting him a body (yay! Johnny gets a body AU!). It's a thing they've been dead set on once she thought about it. Mostly because to choose herself over him? Impossible, especially towards the end of their time together... As for the game canon, it's technically the same goal, but unsuccessful.

Fighting style: Talk first, then sneak, then carnage. That's the general rule of thumb with how Vitani deals with things. Not always in that order, and not all at once. Relies on subterfuge and knocking people out, but will become borderline frenzied if spotted or if things go wrong. Typically uses a katana (specifically Evelyn's), but switches to the Malorian once she gets it (it's her safety gun).

And if I'm being honest I don't know what else would be basic questions you ask about a character, so we're done!

[capybaraonabicycle]

Heyaaa, for the wip ask game, I'd love to know about 5, 15, 16, 23, 27! <3 Hope you're having a good dayyy

I am having the best day 🥰🥰 no, seriously, I saw another butterfly that was all black and had little white/pink ornaments at the tip of the wings. I wanted to take a picture for you but it was gone in an instant, unfortunately. And I've just had great food and I got to write a little today, so I am feeling amazing :)

Let's see (I'm gonna do the cat fic bc that is all I am thinking about atm) :

5. What are the main themes?

Trust, Friendship, Manipulation, Identity, Love, Secrets

(In that order of importance, I think. Feel free to ask about any of them and I can tell you more on why I put them here :) )

15. What do you like about this wip

There's a cat! And my favourite characters!! Admittedly, I have quite many of those in dw but I love writing for the fam and River. Always a joy! I also get to focus a lot more on Yaz x Ryan than I originally planned and that is such a treat. They're so good for each other and the mutual support is making me very happy. Also, River gets to be a sneaky little devil and while that is also kinda giving me a headache, I am living for it :)

Plus, writing 'River forces the Doctor to confront her feelings for Yaz' is my favourite thing ever because

she totally would

I kinda want to do it myself (I like how thasmin was executed for most of it but it remains frustrating. I just wanted more for Yaz. I love her. She deserves a happy ever after with the Doctor (and River))

16. What do you find frustrating about this wip

The length! This was supposed to be a silly little one-shot, where did the plot come from?!

The plot itself is another thing : It is complicated to make it work in general and specifically, I wanted to have some alien baddies involved. And like most of what they should have been able to do could have been achieved by either the cybermen - but the fam doesn't know about them until right before Ryan and Graham leave (nevermind that I am busy breaking canon anyway) - or the timelords - which would have been missing a tiny detail and also I did not know who to pick there as - well Gallifrey's gone right?. And then I looked for alternatives but couldn't find any so in the end I made up some species - which I don't feel entirely comfortable with and it isn't like the most inventive idea anyway and doesn't feel necessary you know? Well I kinda fixed that issue but created new ones and just - why does there have to be plot? I'm not a plot writer. I write pretty little pictures of characters interacting. Not adventure stories. Anyway. Good to challenge yourself and stuff.

23. How would you describe your writing style

Kinda messy ngl. I don't have my computer, so I have been writing on my phone. And just. Don't do that?

But well, there are not many descriptions so far - might need to add those - but loads of dialogue and internal monologue. Like, whoever enjoys listening to Yaz having a queer breakdown for pages and pages will have fun with the fic :)

Also quite a few timejumps and 'this is what happened before/after summarised in 2 sentences' passages, especially in the beginning. Complete with Yaz's comments on them. Like, really, this fic is for Yaz fans. (I hope. Unless I wrote her badly, but I really hope I didn't.)

27. Look for three images which best showcase the overall aesthetic for your WIP

[ID: Top image: grey and blue warehouse-like hall with steam and machinery. Dimly lit and rundown. Middle image: brown tabby cat with yellow eyes lying on a pillow (maybe?). Bottom image: still from Halloween apocalypse, Yaz and the Doctor falling onto a mattress. end ID ]

I know the last one's not really an aesthetic - not quite sure the second one is either but cats and cozy, you get it - but just imagine I am the safety net that's throwing them there. And then you get an accurate idea if what 50% of the fic is like (= me putting them into a bed together and them being very platonic about it even though the feelings aren't)

[nadiafalconer]

I wrote this yeeeeeaaarrrssss ago when I was in a specific rom-com era. I want to say this is from like 2015?? 2016? This is a one-shot excerpt. I don’t think this is going anywhere or will be built upon but it was a good exercise on writing a flowing conversation with multiple characters.

Anyway, any constructive tips are appreciated. Who knows?? Maybe I’ll be inspired to breathe some life into it.

meeting the friends

He nodded and we walked in. "Hey, y'all wanna grab a beer?" Tom asked the room. A couple of "yeahs" and grunts ran across the room. "I've got this." I told them, walking towards the bar. As I passed by Grayson, he whispered "incredible" again, with my favorite crooked smile on his face. I smiled back, winking and went to get the drinks. Now, if I remembered correctly, and I do, Tom liked PBR, Jason was a Sam Adam's fan, and Tim and Jack are Bud Light kind of men. Placing the orders, I headed back.

"They'll be out in a second." I said, announcing my return.

"Hey you." Grayson said.

"Hey yourself." I returned, slipping in next to him in the booth.

"So Rachel, what do you like to do for fun?" Tom inquired.

Now, this is a pivotal moment, honestly, this whole evening with the guys is a pivotal moment because it's basically judgement day with them.

"Well, on the surface, it looks like I do normal things like, you know, working out, finding out new places and things, meeting up with friends but really, I'm just wrecking havoc, seeing destruction." I said dead panned with my voice dipping slightly at the end. Jason cracked a smile, Tim chuckled softly, Jack nodded agreeingly but Tom fired on, fulfilling the role of the inquisitor.

"You work out for fun?"

"Yeah I do. It's good for stress. And the body and all that."

"Right, right."

"Yep. I try to drag this one along" I gesture towards Grayson "but he can't quite keep up. So I try to take it easy on him."

"Can't keep up huh?"

"Sorry buddy. It's the truth."

"Don't sweat it." I told him, patting his thigh. He grabbed my hand, gave it a little squeeze and held on under the table. Our drinks arrived then, with fresh beer nuts and the waiter started attempting to distribute it when I delegated the drinks and the owners.

"Damn. That's pretty good." Tim said. "How'd you know?"

"I saw you all with them when I came in."

"We weren't drinking when you came in."

"True. You all were done but the bottles were in your vicinity at the table. I made an educated guess."

"Well, that's a damn good educated guess." Tim said in that sure way of his.

"Why, thank you."

"So Grayson here tells us that y'all met at a rodeo." I nodded.

"Excuse my assumptions but what were you doing there?"

Chuckling, I answered. "A friend of mine from school loves horses. Always has. We recently reconnected and he invited me out. It's been a while since I've been to one actually. College time was the last couple of times I'd been to a rodeo."

"'He' huh?" Tom jumped back into the conversation.

"Yep. 'He.'"

"How close are you and he?"

"How ever do you mean?" I innocently asked. He slightly squinted his eyes, realizing that I was forcing him to voice his insinuations aloud. Staying true to his reputation, he fired on unashamedly.

"How close are y'all? Your rodeo friend and yourself?"

"Pretty close, now that we've reconnected. We do all sorts of things, you know. Sometimes we get together and just braid our hair, other times, we like to go to cafés and bash on people's outfit choices but our absolute favorite pastime would have to be trying on dresses together when we go shopping." He smiled. "Right, right." He said, his twang slipping in. "She's funny." He told Grayson.

"She's also right here." I said, winking at him. "So, tell me, which one of you knew he was going to go riding without any safety precautions?" I turned on them. I saw recognition flash in all of their eyes. "Yeah, that's right. I know. Buddy over here got hurt and on your watch. Let's try to keep that to a minimum yeah?"

A chorus of "Yep.", "Yes ma'am.", "You've got it." rang loud and clear, with Jack staying true to his nature as a man of few words, he nodded and uttered a firm "Got it."

"Good. Now I've heard that you like to get some beers and go to the range?"

"Uh yeah. We do."

"Good. When you're ready, we should go." I told them.

"I like her." Jason said matter of factly, then turned to me and repeated his statement. "I like you."

"Why, thank you." I told him.

"I second that." Tim added. Jack nodded firmly and shot me a wink. I smiled fully and clapped my hands. Tom stayed silent, looked around in betrayal at his friends as though they'd broken a pact.

"Well then. This would've awkward, if I succumbed to peer pressure." Tom quipped.

[gorbo-longstocking]

I'm not saying I want to see more Gaster x reader I'm just saying it would bring me great amounts of joy and delight

prepare for great amounts of joy and delight then! ;3 hes so fun to write hcs for… the skrunkly….

- gaster is generally a very neat person but his lab can only be described as organized chaos. he loves when you visit him at work and will “forget” his lunch at home just so you’ll show up and bring it to him. this is a mix of him missing you, him wanting to show you off to his coworkers, and wanting to show you what hes been working on.

- much to your dismay, he doesnt exactly adhere to lab safety procedures. its an ego thing, he thinks hes too good to have something blow up in his face. you’d think he’d learn his lesson, but obviously not. its a running gag in the office how many times gaster has to use the chemical shower. one time you caught him drinking coffee out of a beaker and freaked out so hard you managed to get him to promise never to do it again.

- you are probably the only person on the planet who can get gaster to not do something he wants to do. hes stubborn, if he has his mind set on something it will take near god-like power to stop him. but with you, puppy eyes will suffice. he will be kind of huffy about it though.

- (the only other person who can hold a candle to your power is papyrus. i am a fan of dadster.)

- gaster is generally uninterested in social media. he has a facebook he hardly uses outside of keeping up with his friends and family, but will excitedly update his relationship status on facebook when you make it official. he’ll make a huge event about it, light a candle, pour some wine, put on some mood music and then cuddle by the fire as you both update your facebook statuses from single to in a relationship.

- he travels a lot for work and kind of drags you along with him. if you like to travel this is definitely a win for you. unfortunately because its for work, he won’t have a lot of time to spend with you, but he will always make sure youre not bored. he really appreciates you coming with him, so he tries to show that in little ways. like ordering you delivery or twxting you places he thinks you might like to go. he also treats you on fancy dates whenever he has time off. the whole shebang.

- he gets cold easily, especially his hands. theyre like ice cubes. to mess with you, he will stick his cold hands on the back of your neck and laugh when you shriek. he’ll insist to you he just wants to warm them up, but you can see his gloves hanging out of his pocket.

- knows how to ballroom dance and would love to teach you. he’s incredibly tall, like absolutely towers over you kind of tall, so it will be a bit of a learning curve. he’ll put on music and dance with you in your living room, unable to look away from you.

- this image makes me think of him

[hwrryscherry]

The one where model Y/N is attacked in Paris.

blurb: Harry and Model Y/N are in Paris for Fashion Week 2020 earlier this year. To celebrate her first time walking for Gucci, Harry decides to take her out for a dinner date when a crazy youtube prankster attacks her while leaving the restaurant and Harry get furious as standing up to defend his girl.

word count: 3.5K

warning: rude and disrespectful attitude, invasion of personal space, violence, anxiety attack quote. DON’T read it if you feel uncomfortable.

author’s note: HIII, I know this took me a while. I was working on it when I got a cold and just couldn’t think of anything to finish writing this, but I’m much better now for god’s sake. I’d like to apologize with whoever requested this for taking such a long time to post it and say a huge thank you or requesting this too! This is completely inspired by what happened to Gigi Hadid in 2016(I guess) and I remember seeing this video and thinking why someone would do that, also, Gigi said once that the guy was lucky Zayn wasn’t with her sooooo I guess I just think Harry would be so furious because even though he’s a very chill guy, his girl safety and well being is the one thing that matters the most to him.

gigi’s video for the ones who didn’t see it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IjsPmjqmcvs

       February 27th, 2020

   Today was the first time that you ever walked for Gucci, and it was amazing, you were beyond happy because getting where you are today being a short model and only being 22 years old it's something to be proud of. It hasn't been easy all the time but you were slowly making your way to the top and that's more than enough. And you were highly grateful for Harry either, of course you walked Gucci's show because of your talent and hard working and no one doubted that, but Harry did a important role in your newest contract with Gucci because you met the team because of him and his Gucci obsession. But anyway, the fashion show was amazing, and you had Harry on the crowd cheering for you all the time and God, he was so proud! He couldn’t even handle himself. He was recording everything and even got up when you did the catwalk next to him as he kept taking multiple pictures. If you have to be real, almost 90% of those pictures looked really bad because he wasn't focusing on the phone but he also wanted to register this moment and when you'd look through them later you'd actually laugh because most of them had a very blur image.

    When the fashion show ended, he had to congratulate you backstage. As you were starting to take off your outfit, you listened to your boyfriend's rough voice making you turn around to face him and see the biggest smile on his face, you could clearly see his dimples on the side of his cheek. He walked over to you instantly wrapping his strong arms around your figure hugging you so tight that you were even afraid that he would get the feat of ruining the rest of clothes you still had on.

— You were so great, I'm so pround of you! — Harry said on a low tone next to your ear before breaking the hug and looking carefully to your face. You had this crazy green eyeshadow that were halfway gone by now which caused him to chuckle — I love your eye look, it looks fabulous! — Harry said making you bend over to stare at the mirror behind you only realizing now you haven't finished taking off your makeup yet. You stand straight again giving him a mocking expression as you grabbed the makeup wipe you were using from the makeup table behind both of you.  

— I know, I'm thinking about wearing this everywhere because it's just really fashion! — you ironically said taking a smirk out of him as you turned around sitting on the chair in front of the mirror so you could have a sight of how you're makeup were doing — But thank you, you know I appreciate it!

— I do! And that's why I'll congratulate you by taking you out for dinner tonight! — Harry said walking towards you resting his hands on both of your shoulders squeezing them gently as he bends over giving you a small kiss on your neck.

— Oh, like a dinner date? — You'd ask with a smirk on as you felt goosebumps on your kiss with his little kiss.

— Exactly like a dinner date! And later, we can have our own private celebration! — He'd say with a  smirk on his lips as you finished taking your makeup off — What d' you think? Sounds good? — He asked you and you nodded at him and just some minutes later you both were out stage going back to your hotel in Paris. Harry called Jeff and asked him if he could make a reservation for both of you for tonight around 8 pm and he glady did, so as it was already 6 pm and as you both were probably the one couple in the world who takes the longest to get ready, you'd come back to the hotel and started getting ready already.

    Jeff made an appointment for both of you to go to Le Cinq restaurant which is located near the Eiffel Tower and Arc of Triumph. You absolutely loved Paris at night, for some reason it seemed more magical and interesting to you. The weather, the lights, the fashion and the language that you learned to master well through the years warmed your heart whenever you’d go there. When you were a child, you got used to always hearing your mom tells you:’’whenever you’re in love, go to Paris’’, and for this reason Paris was one of the first places where you and Harry traveled together as couple. Harry didn’t use to travel a lot for by the way. MOst of the time, he used to travel for work, so this changed a lot since you started dating because you love to travel. You’ve always been a free spirit person, the kind of person that goes wherever the winds takes you so with the time Harry became like this too as you started taking him to do the craziest things on the craziest places around the world.

    You felt the car slower it’s velocity as it got closer to the front of the restaurant, and you both could see by the window that the front was packed. As it was Paris Fashion Week, there were a lot of celebrities in the city and usually, fans settled in front of popular places around the city hoping they’d have a chance to meet their favorite celebs and even though you were already used to crowds at this point of your life, they’d still make you a little nervous, especially when it was in places not well known to you like a city you don’t live on.

— You’ll have to guide me because these shoes are really high and I don't want to step on anyone's feet — You said to Harry while putting your phone in the small black Prada bag you carried with you with your head down looking carefully to it because you’ve lost the count of how many times you thought you had put the phone inside your bag and you didn’t.

— It's alright! Hold my hand because there are a lot of people here! — Said Harry bringing his left hand up to your face to put a lock of hair of yours that fell in your face behind your ear and you nodded to him. Harry was really protective over you, and he has been that way since the beginning of your relationship. He’d always put your safety first anytime you’d go out together. When it was his about his concerts, you’d usually discuss about the fact that you want to be in the audience and he wants you to be backstage. It’d taken you a few minutes to convince him that everything was going to be fine, but it would also have days that it didn’t matter how much time you try to convince him he’d beg you to stay backstage so he could be relaxed during the performance. But you were grateful for him being that way, you were grateful that he cared so much about your well being because you know exactly how much some relationships can be destructive and you felt lucky to have someone this good in your life. Of course he wasn’t perfect, neither of you were but who is? He tried his best and that’s what matters the most.

    But anyway, Harry held your hand tightly and opened the car door, immediately feeling the camera’s flashes burning your faces and listening to some fans starting to shout. Harry’s bodyguards got between both of you and the crowd guiding your way to the entrance of the restaurant and you felt the heat from the crowd instantly even though the weather in Paris was only 59°F, it’d feel lot warmer until you entered the place. And that is one special kind of a place, The decoration was perfectly splendid, gorgeous and marvelous if you must say. The touches of gold and light blue mixed with the yellow coloration of lights and the spectacular french food scent brought a cozy and elegant vibe.The restaurant was a little full, nothing out of the common and you observed the many different sizes of tables and the groups of people in it.

    You both were taken to your table that was located next to the windows but wasn’t actually on the windows at it still had people outside and it feels weird to eat with people watching you. Anyway, Harry as the gentleman he is pulled the chair for you as he always did even though you had told him there’s no need for that. You both ordered glasses of your favorite white wine, neither of you were heavy drinkers but as it was a celebration it was much needed. The date happened naturally, just as all the laughing, talking and even gossips. This the casual couple gossip that you two would have, but it happened naturally. None of you ever felt like you had to pretend to be anybody else except yourself around each other.

    During the night, Harry would get lost in your face admiring your features while you’re talking. He would admire the way your eyebrows move when you’d change expressions, the way your eyes would form a very tiny line when you tried to see something that was away from you, he’d admire your smile and the sound of your laugh anytime you’d remember of something funny or he’d tell you something funny and he’d think of how lucky he is to have you, because even though he knows that sometimes he can be a pain in the ass(just as you can too) , you’re very lucky to have one another and to have someone who would make you feel this great and free about who you are. Because who you are is exactly who you need to be. Of course both of you believes that changing and envolving it’s the most important thing to do and sometimes you’d be surprised to see how much you both grew from the beginning of your relationship until today and that would bring smile to your faces. He feels lucky to be able to call you his girl, and god you loved when he’d do it. You loved when he was about to present you to someone and say ‘’This is my girl Y/N’’, it’d cause you to open a big smile because it felt natural. You’re his and he’s yours, period.

    When you both decided it was time to call it a night Harry paid the check against what you wanted because you wanted to pay this time. You’d honestly hate to have people paying for you, and this would usually be a point of discussion between you and Harry. You don't know why but you hate it, and it's just the gentleman in Harry wanting to spoil his girl again and again until he get tired of doing it, but he never does.

   You were about to leave the restaurant when Harry slid his right hand around your waist bringing you closer to him very calmly to kiss your cheek.

— I know you want to say hi to everyone but just walk to the car, alright? — He'd lowly talk next to your ear making you look at him with a serious expression — It's for your safety, love! It's late now, and we don't know who's there. — And he was right, it was past midnight now and there were still some people out there. How can they stand there in this cold weather? But anyway, you agreed with him as you both walked your way to outside. You felt flashes again, blinding flashing lights making you look to the ground as Harry held his hand on the back of your back guiding you to the car.

    As you walked towards the car, you felt a small hand touch your arm and you looked over to see a little girl with probably 12 or 13 years. She pursued tired eyes, and your heart ached with just the thought of keeping walking back to the car because you had no idea of how much time she’s been outside waiting for you so you stopped walking and bend down a little to get close to her height which made Harry stops walking immediately looking a little surprised but he understood when he saw you taking a picture with the little girl and how your face lightens up after it. You asked her what was her name and her age and she answered that her name was Lily and she was 13 she told you that she wants to be a model just like you when she grows older and that melted your heart. You smiled at her and told her that she could do whatever she wanted to and told her that when she grows up and becomes a model, you’d love to walk a show with her. When you’d stand up again you saw Harry looking at you with a small smile on his lips. He couldn’t deny he loves your kindness to every person in the world. It made his heart happy to know that he’s with someone with the same life philosophy than him. So he turned around to open the car door for you when you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist lifting you up and you froze.

— What the fu... — You'd shout before starting to hit him on his arms with your elbows as you'd move your legs trying to kick him with your heels. You'd feel flashes on your face and heat on your body increasing. It was the adrenaline and you were furious at this point. — Get...Off...Me — You'd shout as you'd hit his face with your elbows as well, Harry looked over to you and stormed out. He'd swear he'd never been like this in his life, he'd basically run to behind the guy's back and put his arm around his neck, Harry'd give him a punch right in the middle of his back and a slightly kick on the back of his knee to destabilise the guy which put you free by the moment he started to fall. Harry's bodyguard would hold you immediately trying to push you away from the crowd as you looked at Harry pushing the guy away from you.

— What the fuck were you doing? — Harry'd shout right into the man's face and watch as the man started to walk away from the crowd but Harry would go after him. Harry swears to god he couldn't even feel his body at the time. He was completely numb, moved by adrenaline and all he wanted to do was to beat the shit out of that man. — WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? — Harry'd shout walking after him getting no response which just made him angrier. At that time he didn't care about the cameras or whoever was watching him, he couldn't calm down when someone threated his girl safety and personal space. It didn't even need to be you. If he saw anyone threatening a woman's safety, he'd freak out in anger.

   You felt the bodyguards strong hands trying to push you away from the situation because that's what Harry would want him to do. He tried walking you towards the car, but you were reluctantly screaming for Harry because he could get himself hurt if he didn't come back to the car now. The other bodyguard walked after Harry grabbing him by the arm and Harry turned over to look at him with so much anger on his look and you'd swear you never saw him like this but then he did started walking over to you again.

   You finally entered the car and closed the door. You felt in panic. Basically paralyzed, you felt your anxiety attacking and your hands shaking. You could literally hear your heart beating so fast and loud that it scares you.

— Go get him! Follow him to hell. I don't care! Take him to the police office! — You'd listen to Harry talks firmly to his bodyguards as he opened the car's door and entered in it. He took a deep breath and turned his face to look at you. His heart broke at that moment. You were a mess. You couldn't even feel the tears leaving your eyes, but he did see them. He saw your hands shaking and how scared your eyes looked and at that moment all of his anger left his body — Love... — He'd sigh getting closer to you while wrapping his arms around your now-fragile figure. He could feel your entire body shaking on his arms. He caressed your hair with one of his hands as he hugged you tight to calm you down. He'd look to the driver and make a sign for him to start driving back to your hotel — Are ya okay? You're hurt? Did he hurt you? — He'd talk on a calm tone squeezing you a little on his arms. You'd lift your head up to look at him with red wet eyes shaking your head to him.

— I'm sorry! — You'd say lowly. He did tell you to walk straight to the car, and you didn't listen to him.

— It's not your fault, love! — He'd say wiping some of your tears and then carefully kissing both of cheeks — Don't worry about it, everything's gonna be fine, alright? It's okay!

   You'd spent the rest of the ride in silence. A comfortable silence. You'd be laying your head on his shoulder while holding his head getting your breathing and heart back to normal and your phones would start buzzing with notifications of what happened but none of you would see it, not now.

   When you got to your hotel, you'd get out of the car in the garage. You'd both walk slowly to the elevator and slowing to your room. You entered the room going directly to the king sized bed and throwing yourself in it because you felt like getting in a coma and just waking up to a time where all this drama would go away. Harry'd walk towards you and sit in bed beside you. He'd put both of his hands on your shoulders massaging them slowly.

— I'll prepare you a bath, so you can relax a little before sleeping, how's that sound? — He'd say trying to cheer you up a little bit.

— Sounds great, thank you love! — You'd turn your head to look at him with a forced smile on your lips. Harry'd bend down to kiss your hair line before leaving to the bathroom.

   He'd try his best to make you feel the most comfortable to sleep tonight. He'd prepare you a bath. He'd give you a message, he'd brush your hair for you but actually, he loves to do that. He loves to brush your hair before you go to bed, it was more like a routine for you both. He loves to feel your long locks on his fingers and to feel the sweet scent of it. He'd cuddle you until you fall asleep too, he'd even be the big spoon tonight so you could sleep on his chest breathing his perfume because he hoped that'd make you have a good night of sleep.

   And after you did, he'd look on the things on his phone. All the posts about you being attacked in Paris and him beating the guy who did it were just too much and he felt sorry that you'd have to see and read all of those stuff as soon as you unblock your phone. A lot of your friends texted him asking what happened and if you were ok. He'd answer the closest ones only, like his mom and Gemma, your mom, Bella and Jeff. He didn't know what you'll decide about the next fashion shows you had to walk, but he also knows that no one would blame you if you just chose to come back home in NYC.

  Harry didn't sleep at that night at all, he couldn't stop looking for what happened and why it happened. The next day, it was everywhere in the media and later you'd found out that the guy was a youtuber and he was making a prank when he posted his stupid youtube vlog with "I pranked Harry Styles's girlfriend and he punched me" as a title. You'd sue him for sure. You don't like taking those kind of actions, but it was necessary, he had to understand that you cannot disrespect people like this, specially people you don't know.

  After that you'd probably understand why Harry is so protective over you and Harry would actually get ten times more protective, if I had to be honest. But as the time passed by and quarantine came you both would leave it behind and move on with your life because in the end of the day you both will still have one another.

[zevexsii]

i love your blog! i started playing idv recently and i'm in love with your writing! know that you have an avid supporter of your blog 🥰 and i would like to see more of Andrew’s little things because i need my boy’s stuff😔

awww! thank you nonnie!

i have some more ideas for andrew, i know this bit plays heavily on his behavior and what goes on in his head, but i think those are important things to start out with, i’m sorry if those parts are dense and/or hard to read.

misc. andrew kreiss headcanons || cut for length

andrew is... a lot to unpack (loving). he’s an asocial, anxious, coarse man, with an inferiority complex complemented by years of intense religious trauma, with a side order of mommy and (lack of?) daddy issues. 

most of his interactions with survivors and hunters alike are very tense and rocky, andrew’s emotions being an unpredictable swing between bending over backward to prove his usefulness or snapping when required to respond in an overly aggressive manner. 

considering the time range that the manor survivors are from, andrew would probably receive some disparaging comments and microaggressions due to his albinism- the manor is already an unsafe place. The expected response from its inhabitants is even more triggering for andrew’s poor self-esteem. 

any sort of friendship or half-honest relationship is incredibly rare, and will only happen by circumstance, or if you approach andrew in just the right way, even platonically. especially platonically. andrew is deeply immersed in the narrative of his own monstrosity, maintaining and constantly feeding into the belief that he is positively unlovable and any kindness shown to him is an attempt to use him or some subconscious pity response. pity is the last thing that andrew kreiss wants from people. 

not only are those infantilizing words blatantly insulting, but andrew’s inferiority complex is tipped off by nearly anything, so even kind statements can be perceived as disparaging jabs or send andrew into a guilt-ridden spiral, thinking that he’s tricked the other party into seeing him as something other than himself. 

now for a little break from the psychoanalyzing lmao

andrew is super illiterate. he was never given any formal education, though his mother did her best to teach him the basics of the alphabet before she passed away. since he worked closely with the church and the bible would’ve been one of the most readily available pieces of literature, it’s expected that he knows a plethora of bible verses, but they’re mainly memorized. 

poor guy has really bad blood circulation, so he’s cold all of the time- another reason for the cassock and patched-up coat he’s always wearing. this isn’t due to his albinism, mainly just because of how tall he is. i headcanon that he’s at least 188cm when his shoulders are hunched, which is pretty much always, and stands at a whopping 195cm when he straightens out. 

now, as for his interactions with the people he trusts the most (still, there’s barely any trust there), andrew is flaky at best. it’s not his fault; his primary defense mechanisms include obscene amounts of self-isolation and some behavior that could be low-key considered emotional manipulation; mainly unintentional guilt-tripping. in particularly overwhelming situations, andrew tends to mutter to himself about any assortment of topics, always in a low, frantic tone, whether he’s discussing his own unworthiness or cursing out someone else. 

contrasting heavily with the media he’s been exposed to, andrew curses quite a lot. he’s not super bad about it, but it’s part of his image that he has to maintain for his own perceived sense of safety. however, if you use the “lord’s” name in vain around him, you’re going to get at least an eye roll or a nasty look shot your way. andrew doesn’t go out of his way to fight or correct people he disagrees with, but he definitely finds ways to passive-aggressively make his opinions known. 

andrew quite enjoys gardening, specifically orchids and irises. back at Lutz Graveyard, he had his own little plot outside of the cemetery walls. 

i headcanon that andrew’s family is german, so, adding a german accent and the occasional foreign phrase, he’d be relatively difficult to understand if you’re not paying attention. not to mention andrew’s mumbl-y speech patterns.

andrew has a surprising sweet tooth! although, he does hold indulging himself in such activities to be a bit of a shameful activity. he favors raspberry pastries or any time of glazed item- cake doughnuts are his weakness. also a big fan of hard candies! he still has some vague memories of sharing small caramels with his mother as a young boy; hence, he keeps it as one of his nostalgic favorites. 

really likes art. he’s always been around artistic depictions of his faith, and, lacking the vocabulary to express himself otherwise, andrew picked up whatever he could and scribbled things out. small pieces of smudged paper (andrew is left-handed), ripped and torn around the edges, can be found around seldom-visited corners of the manor, scrawled over with graphite and ink.  

also tagging @rintares because of their andrew fixation /pos

[thegoldielocks28]

45. "Do I even wanna know?" for Tala and Mathilda (because I'm interested in seeing your version of their friendship when she's with or moving towards being with Spencer) Or if that line doesn't work, either of the others will do as long as it has those two :)

Title: Do I even want to know? Pairing: Sergei Petrov and Mathilda Alster romantically, Yuriy Ivanov and Mathilda Alster platonically. Notice: Written from Yuriy´s point of view. Mostly. Also, I haven't yet read the new manga so some of my headcanons for him might be off, aged or not canon. Also, I kept writing and adding to this for ages, and feel it's a bit of a mess. Hopefully, it shows some emotion that I meant for it to show. Not sure if I will post this anywhere else hm...

Yuriy has mastered the art of ignoring others' eyes on him. Easily walking by as if he's clueless of their attention on him. Even if the fact that they were staring was something he noticed before the person themselves knew their eyes were trailing him.

Observant as he is.

During Yuriy´s early childhood, he’d get looks of hatred and disgust as he lived, or barely survived, in the streets. Wearing old and tattered clothes, pale skin almost grey because of malnutrition, and blue eyes desperately searching for help as passerbys continued to choose not to see him. At times, the hatred in strangers´ eyes was better than being ignored. When they pretended not to see the misery Yuriy was in he ended up feeling like he was already dead.

Soon, Yuriy learned of another kind of fear. The fear that came from those who were threatened by his skill in the bey dish, fear because of the harsh fates waiting for them if they lost to him in the days of the Abbey. Once that first child lost terribly to Yuriy, and was never seen again, his peers started to respect him. Respect born from fear.

As Yuriy and his brothers were manipulated and tricked to threaten the safety of the world, he was looked on as both a hero and a monster. A hero who´d give Russia the top spot in Beyblade again.And as something a little less than human, perhaps closer to a cyborg, leading the world towards its demise while being seemingly void of much emotion. Perhaps only rivaled by how power hungry Kai had gotten together with Black Dranzer. Or even by Boris after that match against Rei. Boris had been Balkov´s triumph card. The man is still recovering from the lack of love he got from a young age, and to learn to handle his growing emotions just as his rage.

Today the world knows how all of it ended, and who to thank for their safety and freedom: the Bladebreakers.

After the Demolition Boys´ loss, people started to look at them with yet a new set of eyes. The eyes of those who viewed them as victims of manipulation, of harsh childhoods. Often with pity. It never suited Yuriy. Being a victim. Rather, he aimed for them to be seen as young, free and brave men redeeming themselves and growing into something better. Growing into the people they want to be now when they have a real shot at it.

Survivors.

Today, Yuriy is well trained in observing strangers and deciding whether or not they´re sincere when approaching his team. If they truly want to get to know them, or if they want something from them. Regretfully the Russians often decide it's safer to assume people are out to hurt them than blindly letting strangers into their lives.

It´s a snowy and cold day in Moscow, Russia. The air is crisp, cold and dry. Chilling to the bone. A good winter's day, with a clear blue sky telling of an even colder night ahead. Probably with stars. The streets are busy with people. Families, couples, children playing around. At a corner of a smaller street a coffee shop recently opened, carrying a foreign brand of coffee to Russia.

To the untrained eye Yuriy´s pale face appears indifferent as he thanks the young woman accompanying him for holding the door open. He's carrying some of the things they bought today. Books. Clothes. Some new toys for his pet dog. However, even if he might look like he'd rather be somewhere else, his eyes tell of a new kind of warmth as he looks at his female companion. An attentiveness few earn from him.

Yuriy´s presence has stirred people to life it seems. Staff greets him with almost spooked expressions and “Hi!”s. They must be newly hired, since the shop has just been around for a few weeks. It instantly sours his mood, as he much prefers workers to treat him like any other customer. From that point Yuriy makes sure it seems like he pays little attention to the people around them, but only after he shows his appreciation with a slight nod of his head. There´s this middle ground he has found as of late. Looking strangers in the eye as they gawk at him while fighting nerves. Some are his fans, and they pay a bit of his paycheck through watching his matches. Supporting him and his family. No matter how Yuriy looks at it, his fans matter, they all do in beyblading. Not all of them are stalkers, or want to hurt him or those closest to him. Even if it is hard to remember that sometimes.

The woman with him takes the lead to a small two-seater table at the back corner of the shop. Fairly isolated, yet with a view towards the street outside. She's always considerate like that. Sitting down with his back against the wall and a good view over the coffee shop, Yuriy´s eyes settle at the woman in front of him. The scent of sweet fruits washes over him. Nothing too overpowering. She takes off her coat, observant eyes darting around the place as she too notices the eyes on them. Unlike Yuriy, she can’t hide her discomfort. Yuriy has already deemed the room safe. The usual quick sweep of the eyes he does every time he arrives somewhere, especially somewhere new. Checking where the exits are, if there’s anyone suspicious around. Old habits are hard to break, and this one he won't try to: it has saved him before. Yuriy lets out a soft sigh as he allows himself to relax in his chair. Body grows heavier as he sinks into his seat. Knees falling apart ever so slightly. The only threat in this room seems to be awed struck fans, and those he can handle. At least well enough to make his friend enjoy their short coffee break.

Although Yuriy appears relaxed, his body language erects a barrier between his safe bubble with his friend and the people around them. Nothing about Yuriy is inviting. He leaves no room for strangers to think it's suitable for a quick chat or to ask about a signature: his focus is on his company. The girl in front of him tries to hide the fact that the attention from strangers gets to her, and Yuriy can´t help but imagine what the fans around them think as they see how she squirms in her seat. How they draw the wrong conclusions. The Russian offers her a hint of a smile in an attempt at making her feel more comfortable. If her attention is on him, Yuriy knows she´ll be able to relax and enjoy herself as well.

Ever since his brother started dating her, no one has seemed to want to accept their relationship for what it is. At first, not even Yuriy. The girl in the chair across from Yuriy is called Mathilda Alster. A young woman with a petite frame, big eyes and soft short pink hair. She is still red in the cheeks from the cold outside. Mathilda holds the hot cocoa she ordered tightly in both of her hands as if her fingers would turn into ice if she didn’t. That, or, it´s another sign of her nerves. Yuriy frowns slightly at the sight. Mathilda has been with them in Russia for over a week, and it seems like even the thick clothes he and his brothers helped her get doesn’t keep her warm enough out in the dry cold. It's the major reason why the two of them ended up shopping for clothes together.

Mathilda can't continue to wear her boyfriend´s shirts and hoodies once she gets cold. It works at their home, but not out and about, as most clothes that's supposed to end by the hips reach her mid-thighs or lower. Every borrowed t-shirt ends up a dress.

And Yuriy can't have her get sick.

”...I don’t really go to these kinds of places often, so it’s making them excited.” Yuriy says flatly, talking about the other people who keep stealing glances at them.

The fans are watching from a respectable distance so far, luckily. Yuriy is a very well-known face in Russia but he doesn't doubt people have realized just who is with him. The red haired man crosses a leg over the other and sips at his coffee, adding a bit of milk after a moment as he finds it just a bit too bitter for his liking. Something his teammates surely would judge him for. They always have their coffee black, black as their souls, as Boris says. A part of Yuriy regrets going to a crowded coffee shop during daytime. He loves coffee, but he´d normally have gotten it on the go or brewed it himself at home. However, Mathilda wanted to go for a snack after they were done with what they needed to do in town... so here they are. Not like Yuriy could deny her that when she looked so hopeful, so eager to spend just a little bit of more time together. Without really demanding anything but some of his time and company.

Before they set out this morning Mathilda had told Yuriy she'd keep him company, and that she had something she wanted to tell him. A secret. It made Yuriy curious. Mathilda might be someone who’d never tell someone else´s secret but she wouldn’t be able to hide that she is in fact, hiding something.

”So, you said earlier that there was something on your mind.” Yuriy asks at last.

Usually, the two of them have these kinds of conversations back at home. During Mathilda´s stays with them it has become a habit to gather around the kitchen table, having tea or coffee with something sweet and just talk. Even if she could just lock herself up in his brother's room and spend all the time with him, Mathilda put effort into getting to know all of them better. Never once voicing she thought their lifestyles were odd, but asking if she could help out with meals and chores while she lived with them. After a few days, they realized that all of them had breakfast, lunch and dinner together at the same hours a day. Even if their work, school, or individual practises were scheduled differently. Mathilda had observed, and made a good schedule that´d suit their hectic life-style. Before that, it had mainly been Sergei and Yuriy who were responsible for any home cooked meal. This change resulted in Yuriy and Mathilda growing closer, spending more time together, and learning each other's habits and likes and dislikes.

Today Mathilda was a little bit too eager to help Yuriy with his errands. She seemed almost anxious to get away from the three other men as she spoke with him in a low voice in the hallway. Asking if she could come with. Mathilda would often be content staying back reading when her boyfriend was at his part time job, or hanging out with whoever was at home, but Yuriy didn´t mind that she wanted his company. He has come to enjoy hers, and found the way she seemed to want to rely on him quite endearing.

However, he's certain whatever she's trying so hard to keep a secret has something to do with her boyfriend. It had left him feeling a bit uneasy for a while, as he's concerned it´d be something negative. Yuriy might not be able to admit it yet but he would miss her if Mathilda ever broke up with his friend. His thoughts straying to if it would work staying in touch even if it happened.

Mathilda´s cheeks end up getting a bit redder at Yuriy´s question. Her embarrassment and shyness is always refreshing, especially since it has never stopped her from doing what she wants in the end.

Leaning his chin in the palm of his hand, Yuriy leans forward over the table. Elbow resting just at the edge. ”Do I … really want to know?” Yuriy asks at last, the corner of his lips turning upward in a smirk.

Judging by Mathilda´s expression this won't be about a break up.

Even if Yuriy´d consider Mathilda to be something like an addition to his family by now, it wasn't always that way. It was something that happened gradually over time, until she was included with no questions asked.

Yuriy had learned to be observant from a very young age. It didn’t take long for the captain of the Russian team to notice that someone was getting uncomfortably close to the tight, sturdy and often very solid barrier of safety he had erected around his team. The intruder was that of a young woman, a woman he knew almost nothing about, during a beyblade tournament where their teams were rivals. Every team was the enemy in a sense.

Yuriy´s eyes soon followed Mathilda every time she was around, looking for any signs of ill intent while a small lump of anxiety grew in his chest. That lump grew in size as he realized she had been around for much longer than he had known. Rude as he sometimes can be, he genuinely decided it must have been because of her lack of presence that he at first didn’t take notice of her. She was always in the background, quiet and didn't take up much space. Not an opponent he´d have to worry about in the dish, but if he was going to be fair, his focus had been on other players.

Eventually he was informed about her, and that they had actually been in the same tournament once before. Alongside the fact that her team had too been victims of greedy and manipulative adults.

As Yuriy continued to observe Mathilda, he noted yet again that Mathilda was neither tall nor had a strong build. Her body, and eyes, showed her emotions as if she was an open book for everyone to read. He also realized that Mathilda was always observing too. Always conscious, self-conscious. With a build like that, and emotions so easy to read, Yuriy concluded that Mathilda wouldn´t become a threat to them physically. Whatever she threw at them in the dish or outside of it they'd know ahead of time and be able to counter. Yet, soon, he also realized that she might come too close in a completely different way than he expected.

Mathilda had her eyes set on Sergei.

With a risk to sound egocentric, Yuriy thought of how there have been people in the past who had tried to befriend, for example Sergei or Ian, with hopes of getting let into the Russians´ circle for their own personal gain or to even end up in his or Boris´ bed. Ian has always been the teammate most strangers assumed to be the easiest one to get close to. Often getting played in return as Ian has through bad experiences learned how people wanted to use him. All it took was for the short man to get excited over a friendship only to realize he wasn't the one the person was really there for. Others thought Sergei could be their key in. For some reason, many interpreted his silence for lack of depth, and assumed he´d accept almost any positive attention shown his way. They often realized their mistake when the usually gentle giant showed signs of irritation, and they realized just how intimidating the oldest and tallest member of the team could be.

It took Yuriy a while to realize that Mathilda was having a thing for Sergei. Even if her skin grew red with embarrassment, her voice cracking, she kept on approaching his brother with small conversations. Eyes were bright with delight as Sergei eventually started to return her greetings. Answered her questions, even if he seemed a bit put off balance by the attention and the fact that the girl didn´t stop approaching him.

Yuriy trusted Sergei to shoot her down if he felt she was overstepping, and he forced himself to let it go, only for him to see the two together more often. The lump of anxiety in his chest grew larger. Now, would this tiny girl, who sometimes stuttered out of nerves, be that cunning, to get close to Sergei with a false promise of.... affections... to later hurt him? Hurt their team? Yuriy didn´t want to take any chances. Yuriy knew Sergei had his walls up just like himself. He might seem approachable, at least the most approachable one out of his other teammates, just for the person trying to strike up a conversation feel like they're facing a cold brick wall. However, Yuriy could tell that Sergei´s walls were starting to crack around Mathilda.

Soon Sergei allowed her into his space, closer than any other stranger, and would expect Mathilda to be around. His steel blue eyes searched for her when she wasn't there when he expected her to be. How the quick meetings in the shared kitchen area of their hotel floor turned into longer and longer conversations over tea and coffee.

At one point Yuriy had felt Mathilda´s Captain Miguel´s eyes on him from across the dining area as they had both observed the same thing, and Yuriy felt annoyed. For once not so much over that Sergei and Mathilda were getting closer, but because of how cautious Miguel´s eyes had been. As if he was telling Yuriy to make sure his team behaved.

It didn't take long for Mathilda´s name to leave Sergei´s mouth around his team. It had made them grow quiet, because it had been rare for any of them to have plans with others outside of their small circle. Boris was the first one to break the silence as he made a crude joke about Sergei´s and Mathilda´s difference in size and that Sergei should be careful not to crush her. Boris deserved the death stare Sergei gave him after that.

Yuriy kept fighting his unease, believing that Sergei knew what he was doing, while also getting ready to act if things got out of hand.

The first time Mathilda ate with them she was very nervous, Yuriy could tell, the whole world could tell, but she still sat there with them and tried. Tried to keep up with conversations even if Boris was rude, and spoke mostly in Russian in a childish way to exclude her. Something Yuriy wouldn´t accept, as he instead used the lunch to talk to her. Gently poke her to see if there was any ill intent, testing the waters.

What in the end convinced Yuriy Mathilda was safe and good for his brother was the way she reacted to Sergei getting hurt. It was a minor injury: Sergei had stepped badly during practise and damaged his ankle. Leaving him with a swollen foot and a bad limp he tried to cover as well as he could among strangers. Somehow Mathilda saw through his pretense and realized he was hurt. The usually quiet girl had stopped Sergei as he and Boris were walking past her in the hallway. Voice a bit high-pitched as she asked about Sergei´s limp, and grew almost pushy as Boris told her it was nothing. As he told her to back off.

Mathilda had spent that evening sitting by Sergei’s feet cooling the swelling of his injury with ice and cold water. Yuriy had only realized this when he returned from a meeting with the BBA. The worry he saw on her face wasn’t an act. The challenge in her eyes as she looked at him and his team while staying by Sergei’s side, daring them to ask her to leave, was her true feelings.

Yuriy´s eyes narrow a fraction. He swirls the tablespoon in his now half-empty coffee cup, and tilts his head to the side while taking in Mathilda's sincere expression. Her face tells him that whatever secret she is hiding her nerves is from excitement and not out of anxiety.

“Our one year anniversary is coming up.” Mathilda starts slowly, her cheeks seeming to get even redder as she tries to word her thoughts as she wants them. “And I'm… trying to decide what I can do for him in celebration.”

Yuriy´s expression softens slightly, his concern fading. “...A year already?” He asks, feeling calm again. The thought that something between Sergei and Mathilda had turned bad had made him feel strangely uneasy. The man mentally sighs at himself. Focus returning to the current conversation and not what he dreads of the future. It feels like he met Mathilda just yesterday, at the same time as he feels as if they have known each other for several years already.

Anniversaries. Yuriy hasn´t thought much about it, but have they ever celebrated things like that, him and his family? They do keep track of a few dates, when things changed for the better for them. Boris is usually the one bringing out the alcohol. They always made sure to celebrate each other's birthdays as well. Celebrating they´re still getting older, living. Being free. Sergei was the first of them to get into a serious relationship. This is all new.

“Sergei probably won't expect anything…” Yuriy trails off slightly. “You have a good shot at surprising him, Mathilda.”

Mathilda has been patient and gentle as she guides Sergei through his first relationship. Yuriy thinks Sergei might not be Mathilda´s first love, but her first in many other ways, and they could experience it together at their own pace.

Sergei rarely wants something for himself, or expects others to do things for him. Emotions that Yuriy has seen grow since he started seeing Mathilda, as the man too learned he wanted her attention in different ways. Sergei had gone from only making sure others were alright to having someone, outside of family, who’d get worried sick about him. Who he would fight wars to keep happy and safe.

Mathilda smiles at Yuriy´s answer, and she seems pleased about what he just told her even if it didn't solve her problem of what to get Sergei in the end. Yuriy wonders what she has planned for her boyfriend. Warmth grows in him as he knows that Sergei now has more dates to remember and celebrate. Just like he too has a reason to spoil yet another person, Mathilda, when he wants to.

“I thought of… kidnapping him for a day, taking him to our favorite places, eat his favorite foods… “ Mathilda speaks, excited. “And-- … “ “You want us to be… somewhere else that day?” Yuriy asks with a slight smirk. The smirk is quite natural as he´ s amused imagining how Mathilda would ´kidnap´ Sergei.

“N-no!” Mathilda exclaims, understanding what her friend means. If they want some more privacy, just for them. “Well, it would be nice but--… “

“I'm sure I can get Boris and Ian out of the house for one evening…” Yuriy continues to playfully tease her.

A low buzz in Yuriy´s pocket makes him reach down for his phone, looking at the screen for just a moment.“Sergei´s off work, he's coming to pick us up on the way home.” Yuriy is thankful as he would rather not get on the public transport again today.

Mathilda nods, clearly thinking time must have passed quickly today, as she too checks her phone. Red cheeks slowly return to a normal shade as her embarrassment fades. Mathilda had neglected her phone simply because she was focused on Yuriy today, and there's an unread message from Sergei there waiting for her. The blonde Russian must have texted Yuriy too, due to the lack of reply on Mathilda´s part.

Just like Yuriy calls Mathilda when he can't get a hold of Sergei.

“I'll go and buy something for the others!” Mathilda says, getting her wallet before walking away. Blue eyes watches her as she checks out the display of different treats. Yuriy can already see Ian grinning at the gesture, and Boris not reacting much but whatever Mathilda gets for him will get eaten before next morning. For once, Yuriy isn´t the first one to notice Sergei. Instead his eyes follow how Mathilda rushes over to him, bag of sweets in hand. Taking in how Sergei´s tall and stiff frame softens as he leans down towards her: listening attentively to whatever she's saying. Yuriy gets up from his seat and pulls on his coat slowly, unable to look away at the sight. They look happy. It warms him, from inside out. He gets Mathilda´s things for her before he moves towards the couple. A long exhale through the nose.

Not everyone is out to hurt them.

[clownistyping]

A Witch & A Hick, Chp. 3

Little Secret

This chapter is just the two learning about each other and car problems lol.

Also warning for Elizabeth offering sex as payment lol, it doesn't happen. Also I do hc Lester living in a trailer bc its extremely common and realistic tbh.

Lester puts the truck in drive and looks at Elizabeth as he presses the brake, 

"I remember you said there's a town nearby, any chance we can go there to fix up my van?" Elizabeth asks as she pets the two dogs, 

"No need, they'll charge ya criminal prices. I can fix it." Criminal prices, he repeats in his head. 

"Oh come on, you've already done so much." Elizabeth says her face soft, 

"I insist! I can't just let them uh take ya money when I can fix it for free." He smiles and Elizabeth mirrors it. Lester gives from the brakes and drives towards his home, 

"I have a feeling there's something...more behind this." Lester gulps, 

"What made ya think that?" Lester nervously laughs and his hands tighten around the wheel, 

"That's how most men are, expect a favor for a favor. Though they often expect ya know." Lester blinks and cringes, 

"Aw that! I wasn't thinking anything like that, hell I wasn't even thinking about you doing anything." 

"I mean I'll do it." His eyes widen and he stops the truck again, 

"What?" He blushes and looks at the girl, 

"I'll get you off, I've done it before." 

"No no! I have to decline, I just ain't that kinda man." Lester nods to the woman who shrugs, he lied. He is that kinda man, he's had victims beg for safety with offers of sex. He always took it, but let's the girls fall back in the hands of his brothers. 

"Not that I don't find ya pretty!" He defends quickly and Elizabeth laughs, 

"You're real purdy, I just. I just can't." He sighs and Elizabeth notices how tense he is. 

"Thanks, for calling me pretty." She smiles, 

"I think you're real pretty too." She compliments Lester who blushes again, Lester has never talked to a stranger this long. Never had a girl call him pretty, never met her.

"Ya just sayin that cuz I'm given ya a ride." Lester chuckles and Elizabeth shakes her head, 

"Nope," she pops her P, 

"Everybody's beautiful in they're own way, just as nature intended." Lester blinks and remembers her van, the witchy collection in it. 

"Oh right, you're a witch!" Lester exclaims and Elizabeth nods, 

"How'd you know?" She teased and Lester laughs,

"How'd you even get in all that junk anyways?" Lester asks and flicks his hat, 

"It ain't junk. Don't be rude," Elizabeth smirks and Lester nods his head, Jonesey puts her head on Lester's lap. He pets the dogs head. 

"Sorry but, how did you ya know..start?" 

"My sister got me my tarot cards, she really showed me the basics of witchcraft. Our parents didn't really care all that much but never let us do it in the house. Guess that's why I moved out so early too." Elizabeth laughs, 

Lester pulls up towards a driveway of a trailer.

The trailer is a once white single wide, covered in vines and ivy. Bones hung from the porch ceiling, 

Elizabeth notices his front door was wide open, and in the yard were scatters of trash, car parts, bones and more. The windows were open but blinds were keeping the inside blocked. 

It looks like nobody lives there, as stray cats scurried under the trailer and hissed at each other.

"I'll be quick, I'll just unload your van and fix her right up in a jiffy." Lester smiles at the girl and gets out of the truck, Jonesey follows and Mac follows after her. 

Elizabeth smiles as she watches the two dogs sniff around and play, getting out of the truck her barefeet sink into the grass and dirt. She stretches, the truck wasn't entirely comfortable with Mac siting right on her. 

"Sorry for the mess, I don't really have guests." Lester says as he unhooks the van, 

"Its fine, I've seen much worse." 

"Nah, doubt it." Lester shakes his head and wipes his hands on his jeans, Elizabeth takes note of the depreciation joke he says. 

As Lester pops her hood and smoke rises from it, Elizabeth frowns. 

"That happened before?" Lester asks as he waves the smoke off, Elizabeth nods. 

"Yeah, I've had a couple engine problems. Mainly because of oil, but my light wasn't even on." 

"Yup, cars will do that. Just spring a problem on ya right as ya were doing fine." Lester grazes his hand over the engine and instantly finds the problem, 

"When's the last time ya changed the cooling fan?" 

"Never." 

"Cleaned it?" 

"Never." Lester sighs and Elizabeth frowns, 

"That bad?" He nods, 

"Your engine is busted, you're gonna need a new one." 

"Nooooo." Elizabeth groans

"Hey its okay, this happens all the time. It's just an accident." Lester tries to comfort the girl, she squats and hides in her knees. 

"Hey now," Lester gets on his knee and pats the girls back. 

"We can maybe order one from the next town over, but it'll take a while for it to come in since we're basically in the middle of no where." Lester then sits with the girl and he blinks when he hears a sob come from her. 

"Jeez darlin, it ain't anything to cry about." He says and Elizabeth looks up, her makeup more runny than before, 

"This is my karma! I know it is and- and I shouldn't be cryin-ing but-" she hides her face again and Lester stutters, 

"Aw no no, this ain't karma just an accident. Honest." 

He isn't entirely sure what else to do, seen plenty of girls cry in Ambrose. Ain't none of them cried like this. 

Crying about karma, hell if karma was real he'd be dead, he thinks and shakes his head. He gently pats the girls back as she sobs. The two dogs show up and sit around the two Mac places his head on the girls back. Pushing Lester's hand away, Elizabeth quickly hugs her dog.

After a couple minutes, her sobs stop and she looks up. 

"Im sorry Lester, I just. It's just been a lot today," she says and wipes her eyes, smudging her makeup. 

"Wanna talk about it?" Lester ask and Elizabeth looks around, noticing the sun is starting to set. 

"No, not right now. I'm just tired now, sorry for bothering you with my emotions and junk." 

"Ain't no bother at all, I'm happy to help." She shows a smile from his words as he stands, he puts his hand out and she takes it to stand. 

"I know, and thanks again. Do you think it's alright if my van stays the night? I'll try to go to another town in the morning and order an engine. I'll find a motel too." She says, trying to clean her face up from tears and makeup. 

Lester raises a brow, and Elizabeth shakes her head already knowing he'll offer his home. 

"Lester please you've already done so much for me! I promise that by tomorrow I'll be out of your hair." She says and Lester shakes his head, 

"Darlin, How about we both go into town order you an engine and when it gets here I can put it in. If you think I'm letting you sleep in that hot van for the night you're dead wrong." Lester stands up straight and crosses his arms, Elizabeth actually has to look up to see his face. 

"I've got a spare room, it's messy and mainly holds all my junk but it's got a bed, a desk and a closet." Lester says and Elizabeth takes a deep breathe, 

"Thank you," she says and Lester uncrosses his arms, 

"I mean it, without you I'd probably be kidnapped by some crazy guy. Unless you are the crazy guy." She jokes and Lester nervously laughs.

"I like to call myself unqiue." Lester jokes and Elizabeth laughs, 

"That you are friend, that you are." Elizabeth says and watches as the sun falls behind the trees.

After grabbing her needed things from the van, the two walk towards the trailer. 

The two walk onto the wooden porch, Elizabeth's hands grazing the bones hanging above, 

"Those are my people repellents, makes hikers skedaddle." Lester jokes and Elizabeth smiles, 

"They're beautiful," she compliments and Lester walks through the open door, 

"Yup, they sure are. I uh, I keep my door open so the strays can come in and relax and get away from the heat." He says and flicks on a light, it blinks a few times but turns on. 

The two are standing in the living room, the couches covered in fur and scratches. Clothes are all around and clean and unclean bones sit on the coffee table. 

But the recliner is free of fur, just a flannel on the back. 

Lester notices his playboy magazine on the coffee table and quickly snatches up the magazine, Rolling it up he laughs embarrassingly. 

"Sorry about that, again not often I get guests." Elizabeth smiles and shakes her head. From behind the two, Mac and Jonesey come running in. They jump on the couch and sit next to each other. 

"My house is there house." Lester pets Jonesy's head and smiles, putting the magazine behind the couch during this. He turns to face Elizabeth whose staring at the bones, 

"I'll show you to ya room," Lester walks to the right and opens a bedroom door, 

The bedroom filled with bones in boxes, books, clothes and random knick knacks. He quickly lifts boxes from the bed and pats the dust off. 

"My casa your casa." He smiles and Elizabeth places her stuff down, Lester stands in the doorway now. 

"Thanks again, Lester. I really appreciate it." Elizabeth puts her hand out and Lester looks down at it. It's so small, he gently grabs it and Elizabeth grabs one of the bracelets on her wrist. She brings it over her hand and onto his, 

"I can't not give you a gift." She says and lets him go, Lester looks down at the bracelet. A whole set of animal teeth with beads in between. 

"I- thank you. It's so purdy." He says and continues, 

"You're a real uh...what's it called?" 

"Freak?" He quickly shakes his head, and takes her hand again. Putting their wrists together with the bracelets, 

"Unique," he smiles, "You're a real unique girl." 

"Is it because I mess with bones and junk?" 

"Well that, and because you're real nice." Elizabeth smiles, 

"You're just as unique as me Lester." She says and the two look at each other for a second, wanting this conversation not to end but not sure how to continue. 

Suddenly from behind Lester, Mac barks. 

Elizabeth laughs, 

"It's past his bedtime, sorry he gets cranky when he's not in bed by this time." Lester let's the dog run past him and onto the bed, 

"Well, goodnight, um. Sleep tight?" 

"You too Lester." Elizabeth quietly shuts her door and Lester stares at the closed door. Jonesy whines from behind him, 

Lester turns to the dog and squats, he pets the dogs cheeks and smiles. 

"She'll be our little secret, right Jonesey?" The dog licks his face. 

[shra-vasti]

MAKES ME WONDER [5/40] The Parting

→ Synopsis : Your dream to attend a Seventeen concert was finally coming true but you weren't prepared for the events that were going to follow after Joshua made eye contact with you and chose to make you his partner for the mini game and take you out on a date as a winning prize.

→ Genre : fluff with a pinch of angst

→ Type : Idol x fan au

→ Word count : 1.5k

→ Taglist :@mngyuheart @vannie24 @uglyratlmao @rjsmochii @dwcljh @noniesgirl (let me know if you want to be added to the taglist)

→ Pairing : idol!Joshua x fan!reader

→ Main Seventeen Masterlist

→ Makes Me Wonder Masterlist

"Wow, I never felt so good while doing something so rebellious and troublesome."

The grin on your face widened when you took a look at his disheveled self, both of you trying your best at catching your breath.

He was not the perfect Joshua everyone sees on camera, you could see the blood in his veins all across his tan skin, glistening in sweat but still managed to take your breath away.

It was truly a sight to behold.

You bend down, holding your knees and watch him do the same before he extends his hand towards you which you gladly took.

"First thing first let's find some accessories to disguise my face, I don't want to take any risk of getting spotted in the streets like this, don't want you to be in trouble because of me."

You would have understood him if he had said he wanted to protect his image while looking for a disguise but you couldn't help the endearing feeling erupting in your chest at his words.

He cared enough to not get you in trouble instead of thinking about himself, his first thought was your safety.

You had to remind yourself that you are his fan, just a fan who managed to be lucky enough to receive a rose from him, dance with him and go on a date with him which led you here, you won't see him after today and the thought made your heart break.

You felt him tug your hand making you look up at him to see him confusingly staring at you.

"What are you thinking? I was calling you from the past 2 minutes, come one take me to a shop so I could get a cap or something."

"I know a shop near this area, let's go."

You unconsciously intertwined your fingers with him as you led him towards the shop which you were talking about, he let you drag him, his eyes trained in yours and his intertwined hands.

A small simple crept up on his face, his hand gripped yours firmly, he was astonished at how perfect your hands fit his.

He wasn't sure if he was allowed to feel the emotion he was currently feeling, you were his fan but he couldn't help but look forward to the rest of his day.

He knew you had something in you which kept him hooked since the time he first laid his eyes on you but what kept him wanting to be closer to you was the fact that you were treating him as a person rather than an idol.

He never once saw you behaving all crazy or too nervous, never heard you gush about how handsome he was or how you could even die for him, heck he was ever more astonished at the fact that you hadn't asked him for his autograph or a selca.

You made sure to maintain your boundaries, you didn't try to ask him about his personal life and didn't really care about anything related to his idol life only caring when he told you how he wish to escape this life for once and here you were granting him his wish knowing that you could be dragged in it too.

He found himself inside a small shop with lots of adorable accessories.

"Here it will suit you."

You put a big pair of sunglasses on his eyes before wrapping up his neck with a thick scarf which covered half of his face.

He looked at the small mirror satisfied with his disguise.

"Don't cover up too much , you'll attract attention."

"You're right."

You smiled at him widely before holding his hand again and taking him out of the shop.

"You see there's this restaurant down there where not many people come but the food there is so tasty and every seat of them is divided by small cabinets like walls for privacy so even if anyone was there inside with us they won't see us."

He just watched you gush about this particular restaurant you were leading him to and with each expression on your face he felt himself getting more drowned by you and his heart filled up with adoration.

Both of you reached the restaurant and made your order.

"Are you happy?"

"More than I could even explain, it feels nice going around walking without worrying if anyone will see me, being able to enjoy myself without being surrounded by fans or cameras or crew."

He leaned on the table, putting his elbow on it as he looked at your face.

"Then I'm happy that I could make you happy."

He laughed and nodded his head before reaching for your hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Thank You so much for today and everything you had done for me and also for paying for these since I didn't bring anything with me."

You frantically waved your hands in the air dismissing his gratitude.

"Think of them as my gift to you."

Both of you continued to eat in silence, neither of you talked but the silence wasn't awkward, it was rather comforting.

"You know-" you looked at him as he ordered the dessert for both of you and talk when the waiter left, "-I know I have said thank you before this but I can't really express how much greatful I'm feeling that you came in my life, I mean since you are my fan you may know that I wanted to quit if it wasn't for Jeonghan and ever since then even if I felt everything was so overwhelming I still tried my best and I always try to be the best version of me, but sometimes things get suffocating and hard that all I want to do is cry but then again I remember I'm an idol and if it cry it would ruin my makeup, my stylist often says that idols don't have feelings they don't cry."

You could feel your eyes getting filled up with tears as he explained to you and you let him share all of his worries with you, if you share pain it divides after all.

"Joshua, sometimes it's okay to break down, you aren't weak, I can only imagine how hard it may have been for you especially during the time when Seungcheol and Jeonghan were on hiatus but know that we will always be there for you."

You didn't even realize you were crying till he wiped your tears with his hands and he wondered how he was lucky enough to find someone like you even if it was just for a day.

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"Don't get me wrong but do you have a boyfriend?"

You were standing in front of the hotel he was staying at as he asked you the said question while both of you waited for your cab to arrive.

"No I don't, I mean I did have one but we didn't end up on good terms."

He nodded his head, stuffing his hands inside his pocket.

"I'll miss you, I hope you'll meet soon somewhere in the future."

Your eyes met his and you weren't sure what he actually wanted to decipher through them.

"I'll miss you too, I was lucky enough to have a date with you let alone be able to spend a whole day with you, I couldn't ask for more, I hope you'll take proper rest and tell others the same too."

It didn't felt right for both of you, Joshua wanted the day to be just a bit more long, he didn't want to leave you yet, he wasn't sure why he was feeling like that but the thought of this being the last time he ever sees your face or be in your presence made his heart feel emotions he never felt, it was almost as if his heart dreaded the thought.

He wasn't sure because it hadn't been much time since he knew you, heck he didn't even know you existed 2 days back and yet here he was aching to hold you back and tell you to not live when you waved him goodbye and got inside of the cab.

You quickly shut the cab's door without giving him a second glance because you knew if you did you would change your mind and hug him tight.

You weren't supposed to feel so strongly for your idol, you weren't allowed to, you were just a fan supporting your idol so you didn't know why the tears were continuously slipping from your eyes at the thought that you wouldn't be able to be that near him ever again.

You didn't understand why you felt like it was your responsibility to take all of his pain away, you didn't understand why your heart was aching.

He would get busy after 2 weeks of vacation and he'll forget about you, you'll just be a vivid memory to be if not a forgotten one, you were just another fan among the sea of many others, there were lots of female idols with more perfect features, it wouldn't require him much time to forget about you but somehow those thoughts managed to hurt you more than it were supposed to console you.