#also I just need a fresh start in general cuz my mom told him without my permission that I’m doing drugs and now he won’t give me certain

[gendertroublemaker]

I need a new psychiatrist.. one that will actually not misgender and deadname me constantly

[dreamersleeps]

Helloo! I really liked your last post on Endeavor being Ra and all of your posts about myths. It reminded me of something someone told me once. They said that myths are intriguing since they teach us lessons. The gods act no different than us. They make mistakes and these things are told through stories. One of the things they told me was how underworld myths usually mean to accept the past. Your post makes think that it represents Endeavor accepting the past and then being born again.

Hello hello, I am really happy to know that you really liked the Endeavor and Ra post, including my other ones! Thank you for sending in your comments, they’re very interesting. Before anything else, I’d like to apologize for responding so late. I took some extra time to think about how I wanted to reply to your comments. This post ended up becoming super long as well (mostly because of the images). 

As you state, I love reading through myths and stories because the majority of them contain lessons for us. You are right when you state that the gods act no different than us, and because of that they make mistakes. Although the numbers who worship and take part in some of these polytheistic religions have greatly diminished over the course of history, in the present time we like to explore these stories and continue to be influenced by them. It is because of their human mistakes that sometimes we even relate to these gods and goddesses. These stories capture our imagination and I’m sure plenty of us have once had daydreams of being a demigod or another mythical figure/creature. 

I do think that the High End vs Endeavor fight was a pivotal moment where Endeavor confronts himself, begins to face the past, and is thus “born again.” The depiction of Hawks and Endeavor’s quirks combined together, of flaming wings had a phoenix like imagery to it. 

Although Endeavor is “born again” it of course does not mean that he is free from all the horrible things he did to his family. It does not mean a new, fresh start. I think that him being “born again” here represents symbolically that he has made an internal change of mind, accepting a different perspective (although to what extent is up for debate). Phoenixes do not d/ie and resurrect once. Similar to how the sun rises and sets everyday, the phoenix lives a cyclical life of d/eath and rebirth. 

I did not know that underworld myths can be tied with accepting the past. If that is true than it definitely does relate back to some of the things I was talking about in my Ra post. So yes, the High End vs Endeavor fight was a very important moment for Endeavor. In a sense, he is “born again” but not with the fresh start it suggests. If he has begun to accept the past what does this mean and how might the next step look like? 

As readers, we all bring very different past experiences and beliefs to the table, and that’s the thing about life. We all think differently. The majority of people have valid reasons as to why they think they do, however I am very much against all the attacking, insulting and discourse that have emerged over Endeavor’s character. 

Personally, on the topic of redemption: I believe that Endeavor will most likely not be redeemed. This is something that he too also believes. However at the same time while we may have opinions, the question of redemption is not for us to really answer. We are mere observers. 

I’ve wanted to do a close read of a certain group of chapters during the Internship Arc for a while. Of course if you don’t agree with what I have to say here or are not interested, than that’s fine. This “analysis” is not written in defense of Endeavor but to take a closer look at how Horikoshi’s been developing and writing him. If anything, please take any excitement you may detect in my writing as my love for “analyzing” and sharing my thoughts.

Chapters 249 through 252 are important chapters after the High End vs Endeavor fight that delve further in to his thoughts and his family’s thoughts as well. You can do a close reading of many of the pages in these chapters but I will only focus on some of Endeavor’s own inner thoughts. 

Unfortunately, since I can not read the raw Japanese text, I’m building everything on top of the “official” English translations so please keep that in mind. If the nuances in the translations are off or lost in translation, then my interpretations may be “wrong.” (Btw, I’m only like 95% sure that the panels I’m using below are all from the official English translation). 

Let’s begin. The two panels below are from Chapter 249 titled “The Hellish Todoroki Family.”

“I’m trying to make amends... going forward.” The “going forward’ definitely suggests that there was some sort of turning point either during the High End fight or shortly after. The definition of amends in the dictionary is:

reparation for compensation for a loss, damage, or injury of any kind

“It might be too late... but I fall asleep every night thinking about... what I can do for my family.” Endeavor expresses that he falls asleep every night thinking about what he can do for his family. We can only take him for his word but keep in mind that these are his inner thoughts. He isn’t talking to anyone but to himself. I acknowledges that it may be too late for him to do anything, all the damage he’s caused. Despite realizing that there’s a good chance that there’s nothing he can do to amend anything, he still thinks about it.

“Lately, it’s been the same dream. The wife and kids, looking happy... at the dinner table. But I’m... never there with them.” Here he states that he’s been dreaming the same dream. This means that it’s been heavy on his mind. In his dream, his family is happy and he is not there with them. Perhaps he believes that their happiness can only become a reality if he is taken out of the picture. 

Now let’s jump to Chapter 252, titled “The Unforgiven.” These panels occur after Natsuo is kidnapped by Ending, and he is rescued by the teamwork of Bakugo, Midoriya and Shouto after Endeavor hesitates and fails to do so. 

Endeavor had his flames on while they’re after Ending but he gets rid of them right before or when he catches Natsuo and Bakugo. So Endeavor usually has his flames on and that’s how we saw him depicted until around the High End fight and onwards, where we see him more without his flames. 

(This has nothing to do with the analysis but this has to be one of my favorite interactions between Endeavor and Bakugo. He does not hesitate to make comments and remarks... hahaha, gets me every time.) 

“Natsuo. Believe it or not... I was never trying to neglect any of you.” Well first of all, Endeavor saying that he was never trying to neglect any of his children is a big slap in the face and to be honest I’m appalled that he states that. Ultimately, it may be absolutely one hundred percent true that he means what he states, however whatever his thoughts may have been, Endeavor neglected them. Period.

Let’s look at Endeavor’s body language. His eyes are cast towards the ground as he can not meet Natsuo’s eyes when he gives his “confession” and it looks like his upper body is bowing towards Natsuo. 

Just in general based on what I’ve read and from my own experiences, bowing is practiced for the purposes of respect, courtesy or apology. Typically it is the younger person who bows to the older person or someone from a “lower” position bowing to someone from a “higher” position. Part of Natsuo’s expression of surprise in the left most panel probably has to do with both the words that are coming out of his father’s mouth and the fact that Endeavor is bowing his head down towards him. 

“But... all I could do was blame others and dodge responsibility. WIth Toya too... I might as well have killed him myself!” Here he admits that for a while he’d place the blame on others and dodge responsibility, including with what happaned to Touya. He admits that he may as well have killed Touya himself. Personally when I first was reading this, it was actually very interesting to see Endeavor confess these things. Isn’t it kind of surprising to see that he’s admitting to all this instead of continuing to be a character who ignores and refuses to recognize faults and consequences of his actions? Or is it just me. 

Natsuo responds with “Didn’t neglect us...? So what...? Toya has always told me everything. It’ll be a cold day in hell... before I forgive you. Cuz I’m not as caring as Shouto.” Natsuo states that “it’ll be a cold day in hell” before he forgives Endeavor. A “cold day in hell” is an idiom meaning: the time of occurrence of an event that will never happen. It looks like he’s kind of smiling probably at how absurd his father’s confession sounds and his eyes are tearing up, a reaction to his sudden confession. He brings up Touya and the estranged state that their family had been living since for possibly as long as he could remember. 

“Even so... Even so... you keep showing up for Fuyumi right? And for your mom’s sake?” Here Endeavor’s addressing Natsuo’s statement claiming that he’s “not as caring as Shouto.” Forgiveness is one of those things we are told that we need to do at some point and if we don’t, that it says something about our character. The one who forgives is the one who has had wrong done to and it takes a lot for someone to give forgiveness after all that has been done. So here, Natsuo says that he can not forgive Endeavor because he is not as caring as Shouto but I feel like there’s also a part of Natsuo that feels like he could be a bad person if he can not forgive. 

Endeavor’s response is to tell him that despite what Natsuo thinks of himself, the fact that Natsuo continues to show up and try to do things that he doesn’t want to do because he cares about Fuyumi and his mother speaks otherwise. Notice the faded background in this panel as well. Btw, here we can see that Endeavor is indeed kneeling in front of Natsuo. They both are sitting on the ground, together, close to eye level but not quite. 

“Your sister loves the idea of being a big happy family... because... that’s exactly what I ruined. She wants that back... she’s so eager to fix everything. And that’s why YOU’RE trying at all. Because you care about how she feels right...?” Each of the Todorokis have different feelings and perspectives about Endeavor. For example, Fuyumi wants to be a “big happy family” which Endeavor acknowledges and claims responsibility for ruining. Even though Natsuo may not want what Fuyumi hopes for, he still comes to visit home despite if Endeavor is there because he cares about his sister. 

“Because you ARE caring. So...” Endeavor states that Natsuo is a caring person. He’s been watching what Natsuo will do for Fuyumi and his mother because of how much he cares about them. Another thing that stands out to me in the English translation is that Endeavor says, “Because you are caring” not just “You are caring.”

Shout out to the guy in the car (o_o)

“You’re getting yourself to be able to forgive him. Because you’re so caring.” In response to Endeavor’s counter that, no Natsuo IS caring, Natsuo responds to this by thinking back to Midoriya’s earlier conversation with Shouto when they were cleaning up the dishes after dinner. Midoriya is someone who does not know about the Todoroki family situation as much as we may but he knows Shouto: his classmate and friend. However, we see that Natsuo overheard those words and I think it made him feel like he wasn’t a good person because he feels like he does not want to or can forgive.

We get a closer angle and view of Natsuo and Endeavor sitting on the ground. Again, the fact that Endeavor is kneeling may be why the guy in the car has the expression they have. So I kind of went looking around to see what the way Endeavor is sitting is called and I think the closest would be the seiza pose. 

Seiza, is the formal way of sitting down based on ancient Japanese standards. In Japanese, Seiza is very aptly translates to “sitting with a correct posture.” In a historical context, the correct posture is defined to have neatly-folded legs and an erect spine. One’s feet must be neatly tucked in place, underneath the body. 

The Japanese consider Seiza with only the highest of regards, as it represents two important values in Japanese culture: courtesy and apology. They believe that Seiza is an essential tool to channel those specific values. 

Another important representation that Seiza upholds in Japanese culture is that it serves as a symbol of apology. Someone who wishes to ask for an apology may place his or her hands in front, with the head lowered down. This form of apology is referred to as “dogeza.” This serves as a position of submission, having one accept his or her mistakes (yabai). 

The picture below is depicting someone in the seiza pose, apologizing. 

This ties in to how Endeavor and the Todorokis live more “traditionally” compared to other characters. We’ve seen the traditional Todoroki house and Shouto’s dorm room at UA as well. Earlier, we saw Endeavor with his head bowed towards Natsuo and here he is no longer bowing but he is still in the seiza pose: a symbol of courtesy and apology. It’s a physical sign of sincerity and humility. 

This is how Endeavor is apologizing, even if it is not as direct as some of us would like it to be. And Endeavor tells Natsuo: 

“You don’t have to forgive me.” Endeavor tells Natsuo that he has no obligation to forgive him, even when he is his father. What a way to say it though. “Because you ARE caring. So, you don’t have to forgive me.” It was kind of confusing for me when I first read this chapter. Currently, the only way I can read this is that (1) Endeavor realizes to a certain extent of the hurt and pain that he caused his family and (2) it is because of what Natsuo experienced as a Todoroki and what happened to his brothers, sister and mother that he can not bring himself to forgive his father. He hurts for his family because he cares about them. “You don’t have to forgive me.” 

We get three panels with Shouto, Bakugo and Midoriya listening in on to this conversation. Notice the white, empty backgrounds in all four panels. Usually this is done to highlight a moment that has gravity and weight. This is them processing what has just been said. The bustling city highway and life fades away and we are left with this moment where time feels like its paused. 

Then Endeavor speaks again: “I’m not looking for forgiveness. Just atonement.” We see Endeavor’s left eye, the side of the face that has been scarred after the High End fight. His right eye, the part of his face that has remained unchanged is hidden behind the speech bubble with the words, “Just atonement.” 

Seeing as how Horikoshi likes to intentionally place speech bubbles to hint at something from time to time, I’m wondering what this particular placement might mean. I will touch on this later again, but Endeavor has a habit of hiding and standing off to the side when it comes to his family and past. Additionally, this is the first time we’re looking at Endeavor’s face from the front and not from the side during this conversation with Natsuo (excluding the panel from the first page from this chapter when he’s holding Natuso and Bakugo before the conversation begins). 

What is atonement? According to the first definition that comes up on Google: 

reparation for a wrong or injury

In general religious contexts, it is: 

reparation or expiation for sin 

In Christian theology, it is: 

the reconciliation of God and humankind through Jesus Christ

So in religious contexts: to receive forgiveness there must be a sacrifice which “atones” for the sin (tastethehoney).

Basically, what I’m trying to point out with the latter two definitions is that this word is often used in religious contexts. I’m assuming that Endeavor is the one referred to as the “The Unforgiven” in the title of this chapter and I think that it’s very interesting that Endeavor’s fire quirk is called “hellflame,” which I’m pretty sure that I can safely say is in reference to the Judeo-Christian/Western concept of hell. 

(Forgive my choice of using a simplified statement here but for the purposes of getting a point across...) They say that those who are not forgiven burn in hell.

“Wow. You got a real way with words... all of a sudden! I know how happy it makes sis, having us all together! But... when I see your face... Those memories come rushing back.” Natsuo’s reply comes from Endeavor’s sudden display of apologizing. And as Natsuo correctly points out, they’re still just words. Words do not mean anything unless actions come with them. He mentions how hard it is for him because the “memories come rushing back.” Even though the life they live now is different from the past, the past keeps coming back. 

“Why do I gotta be the one to come around? Atonement? How’re YOU gonna make that happen?” Again, when someone apologizes or is looking for forgiveness, the person who was wronged or hurt has to come to a certain place to forgive. As we’ve already established, Endeavor is not looking to be forgiven. So this could be Natsuo’s reply to Endeavor’s claims that he wants to change and be better, because it still kind of requires the other party to “come around” as well. Here Natsuo also asks about atonement. Endeavor can not turn back time and do things differently, what’s done has been done. So, how can Endeavor atone, and what will it look like? 

Let’s skip a couple pages to when Endeavor and Natsuo arrive home. 

“I’ve let you shoulder all of that. . . and I stood by while you worked hard. But it’s okay now.” This is referring to how Fuyumi has been planning on welcoming her mother back home. Endeavor states that he’s been standing off to the side, perhaps there is a note of apology as he talks about how Fuyumi’s been working hard by herself. Then he states, that “it’s all okay now.” 

“It’s always the same dream. My whole family’s there, but not me.” So, Endeavor’s thinking back to his dreams of his family’s happiness. He believes that they can only be happy if he’s not there. 

“Because I’m building a new house for you all. One that makes sense for your commutes. And one where you can give your mother a warm welcome back.” He states that he’s building them a new house. One where they can welcome their mother back. This is Endeavor’s idea of what “atonement” might begin to look like 

“If I really care how they feel...” He wants to respect their feelings, and not do something because HE wants to. 

“I’ll remain here.” It seems that Endeavor believes that one way he can “atone” for his family is to remove himself physically from their lives. 

Through this post, am I claiming that Endeavor will be redeemed? No. However, let’s look at what redemption means. According to the first two definitions that comes up on Google, it is: 

the action of saving or being saved from sin, error or evil

or

the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment or clearing a debt. 

There really is not a way Endeavor can “pay the debt” for all the hurt and pain he’s caused. 

So that was a lot but I’m going to point out some things here. Yes, Endeavor is in a position where he is acknowledging the past, and he seems to have begun taking more responsibility for it. He states that he is not looking for forgiveness and is only looking for atonement. However, similar to how he neglected his family because he was running away from the blame and did not want to accept the responsibility due to his actions, he is still in a way running away from it. His idea of “atoning” includes removing himself physically from his family’s lives, partially because he wants to be considerate of his family’s feelings and partially because he believes that they can only be happy if he’s not there. He could be right, but I disagree. 

As many others have stated before, it seems that part of the answer to atonement lies with Todoroki Touya. As I suggest in the Ra post, there were two outcomes of the High End vs Endeavor fight: 1) Endeavor, the public hero establishing himself as the Number One Hero and 2) Todoroki Enji as a father beginning to accept the past and its responsibilities (again, although to what extent is debatable). 

The fight concludes with Endeavor’s first official meeting with his son, Touya as Dabi. To accept and address the past and its responsibilities, Endeavor’s been taking a passive approach to “atone” partly because he’s kind of treating the past as only the past. 

In Chapter 290, titled “Dabi’s Dance,” where we get the Touya reveal, Dabi finally is able to call Endeavor out: "You were finally number one! It’s all you ever wanted! But it must’ve weighted on you, right?! Or was all the praise and admiration like chicken soup for your soul?! When at long last, you could stare your kids in the eye... didja finally start to feel the warm and fuzzy bonds of family?! You must’ve thought, ‘As long as I face the future, I can be better!’ I can tell you’re at a loss for words, so here’s the answer!” 

Being Touya, Dabi’s existence brings the past right back to the present. Endeavor can not keep responding in a passive way, dodging the past even if it weighs heavy on his mind and heart. 

I suppose this is where the real test of atonement begins. 

[yoddream]

The Price to Pay | n.jm

pairing: jaemin x fem!reader

summary: when you’re given your dream job, what will happen to you and Jaemin?

warnings: ANGST, bad writing lmao, depression (not specifically mentioned but it’s obviously there), a shit ton of crying, jaemin being kind of an asshole ngl, mentions of hockey (only because there might be some things that don’t make sense idk maybe they do to somebody who doesn’t watch it), VERY INACCURATE INFO ON BECOMING A TRANSLATOR

notes: here’s part 2 to New Beginnings! idk how to link it lmao im sorry im really bad at this also im iffy on how this came out but at this point whatever i wrote a lot. I’m gonna try to do the bold for korean again (cuz new beginnings on the app is fucking jacked af but on the full website it looks how it’s supposed to) but like just assume that everything the OCs are saying are in Korean and whatever the Dreamies say that aren’t to English speaking people are in Korean

“Please put on your seatbelts as we will begin our descent to Los Angeles, California.”

You did as the flight attendant asked and looked out the window. The ground slowly got closer and closer, and your heart raced with excitement. Despite how you’d felt a year ago, you couldn’t wait to land and start the next chapter in your life. You could still feel the exhaustion from it being in the middle of the night in Seoul, but that was so little compared to all the emotions running through your body.

Once you were out of security, you pulled up FaceTime on your phone and called Jisung. It rang and rang, and you almost gave up when he finally answered the call. He was out of breath, as if he’d just run to get his phone. His face lit up when he saw yours.

“Y/N! You landed safely!” he said. Your parents appeared in the frame, which made you smile.

“I did! I’m heading towards pick-up now, so hopefully I’ll be on my way to the rink,” you told them.

You’d decided you wanted to be an English-Korean translator, so you had been hired as a translator for a new NHL prospect. He was born and raised in Korea, and he knew very little English, so you were going to help him during prospect camp, translating and teaching him English. You expected to be in America until September, but if he made it past both prospect and training camp, who knew what your future held?

“Oh honey, I’m so proud of you,” your mom said.

“We both are. You’re gonna do great, we know it,” your dad added.

You looked around and spotted your name on a sign that was held by a man with a driver’s cap. You told your family you had to go and hung up before walking over. He greeted you with a smile and grabbed one of your bags, heading to the parking lot. You shot a text to the boys, letting them know you’d landed. The drive to the rink didn’t take long, and you were escorted by a security guard through the hallways to an office.

“Ms. Park is here,” the security guard announced before heading back to his area.

“Y/N, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m Rob Blake, the general manager,” a very tall man in a suit said. He held his hand out to you, which you shook. “We’re very happy to have you here. Chi-won Han’s translator from last year has a new job, so we’re glad you can stay for longer.”

“Thank you, Mr. Blake. I’m very excited for this opportunity,” you stated with a wide smile. “So, where should we start?”

Mr. Blake’s assistant gave you multiple papers to sign before bringing you to get your ID made. You proudly hung it around your neck, even though your picture looked absolutely horrible (you just got off an eleven-hour flight). Then, Mr. Blake himself brought you to a conference room where the prospect, his agent, and the coaches were.

“Everyone, this is Y/N Park. She will be Chi-won’s translator.”

You bowed and said, “Han Chi-won, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Park Y/N.”

The boy bowed as well. “Thank you for flying here, Y/N. You have to idea how appreciative I am.”

You then introduced yourself to the agent and the coaches, dropping your bags to bow and shake hands. You told them about your exact role and how to contact you in case you were needed last minute. You’d been given a phone for work with everyone’s contacts in it, along with a rental car since you still had a valid driver’s license. You were then handed the keys to your apartment, which you would be sharing with Chi-won and one of the Kings’ players, Tyler Toffoli.

“Y/N, do you own any skates?” Marco Sturm, one of the assistant coaches, asked.

You shook your head. “I’m not very good at skating, but I’ll definitely do my best.”

“Have Tyler and Chi-won take you shopping for a pair. We really need you on the ice for drills.”

You translated for the hockey player when his head perked up at his name. He nodded shyly, his eyes darting to the floor. You couldn’t help but feel bad for him; he had no idea what anyone was saying, so for all he knew you could’ve been talking poorly about him. None of you would do that, but he didn’t know any better.

“Camp doesn’t officially start until tomorrow. We just wanted you to meet before then so that you can get situated. before the madness,” Mr. Blake explained.

“I appreciate that. It’s past midnight in Korea, so I’m pretty exhausted,” you replied.

“You guys are all set for today. We’ll see you bright and early tomorrow for day one.”

You turned to Chi-won and asked, “You wanna get food?”

He nodded vigorously, saying, “Tyler and his wife were making breakfast when I was called down here.”

Grabbing your bags, you said your farewells to the men before heading out, Chi-won hot on your feels. When you clicked the key fob for the rental car, a new SUV lit up. You let out a low whistle and popped the hatch, tossing your suitcases and duffel in. You and Chi-won then climbed in and decided on a local diner. The car ride was mostly silent, the radio playing softly in the background. When you walked into the restaurant, his eyes widened in fear as the waitress spoke to him. You ordered juice for the both of you and then started translating the menu with ease, watching his shoulders relax at the sound of a language he knew.

The two of you ate in silence for a couple minutes, simply enjoying your food. You checked your personal phone for any messages, but there was nothing. You weren’t surprised, though. The boys were supposed to be asleep, so you expected there to be nothing, but it still hurt to see that you hadn’t even heard from Jaemin. Then again, you probably should’ve expected as much.

“What?” Jaemin asked quietly.

You’d shown up at the dorms, wearing one of your boyfriend’s sweatshirts and a pair of shorts. Your hair was a mess from stressing out, so you had the hood up. He had to know what was going on, and you were out of time.

“I’m going back to America,” you repeated. “A major sports team contacted me last month to help one of their prospects. He doesn’t know much English, so I’ll be translating for him during camp.”

“When you do leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?!” You flinched at the sudden rise of his volume, the sound bouncing off the walls. There was no way the other Dreamies hadn’t heard him. There was no way the other Dreames hadn’t heard him, and you started to panic. This was definitely not how you expected this to go. “You’ve known for a month, and you’re just telling me now?!”

“I was going to tell you sooner, but since you’re working on your comeback, you’ve had to cancel dates! I didn’t have a choice but to tell you now!” you argued.

“Oh, so now it’s my fault?”

“I didn’t say that, Jaemin. I’m just explaining that there wasn’t a good time, so that’s why you aren’t finding out until the day before my flight. I’m sorry it wasn’t sooner.” Your hands were wringing in the kangaroo pocket, but it was hidden by the island in the kitchen.

“How long will you be gone?” When you didn’t answer right away, his jaw clenched. “How long, Y/N?”

Scared by his tone, you said, “I have no idea. Prospect camp is for a few days, but they’re expecting him to continue on to training camp in September.”

“Are you even coming back? What does that mean for us?”

“I don’t know, Jae!” you snapped. Your voice reverberated off the walls, and you could hear shuffling down the hall. “I don’t know.”

There was a heavy pause. He then asked, “You don’t know if you’re coming back? Or you don’t know what will happen with our relationship?”

“Both.”

“You’re very young to be a translator,” Chi-won stated, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You wiped your mouth with a napkin, giving you time to think of your answer without revealing too much. “My step-dad is from Korea. He and my mom got married when I was nine, but he and my step-brother had to stay there while my mom and I live here. We would visit whenever there was a vacation for school, so I learned it over the years.”

“Do you live in Korea now?”

“Right in Seoul. I moved after I graduated high school last year.”

Chi-won was silent after that. After you paid the bill, you plugged in the address for the apartment building and made the quick drive over. Parking along the street, Chi-won grabbed your bags for you and led you to the apartment. You used the key to unlock the door and walked inside. A man and a woman looked over at the same time from the kitchen and smiled.

“You must be the translator. I’m Tyler, and this is my wife, Cat,” the man introduced.

You shook their hands and said, “It’s nice to meet you. My name’s Y/N Park.”

“Come right in. I’ll show you where your room is,” Cat offered.

You followed her down the hallway to a room that had grey walls, dark wooden floors, and a matching wooden dresser. There was a queen-sized bed with fresh sheets on it and a cream armchair in the corner. Identical nightstands stood on either side of the bed, and there was a bathroom attached to the bedroom.

“Make yourself at home. You look like you’re about to fall asleep standing up,” she joked.

“Yeah, I’m gonna take a quick nap, if that’s okay?” you asked.

“Go ahead.”

Cat closed the door behind her, leaving you alone. You collapsed onto the bed and checked to see if any messages had come in before you’d left the diner’s WiFi, but still nothing. Sighing, you put your phone on the nightstand and let your eyes close, the heaviness becoming too much to fight against.

When you woke up, the sun was high in the sky. You groaned as your arms stretched above your head. According to your phone, it was a little past noon, so you rolled out of bed and headed to the kitchen. Luckily, the password to the WiFi was on the refrigerator. As soon as your phone was connected, it started blowing up with messages and snapchats. The sudden sound made you jump, definitely waking you up. You took some time to respond to the boys and your parents, and it took you a few minutes to notice that none of the notifications were from Jaemin. Sighing, you shoved your phone into your pocket and went looking for Chi-won. You found him in his room, looking at an English book with furrowed brows.

“I’m not starting lessons until after prospect camp,” you said.

The boy jumped, clearly unaware of your presence until you announced it. He closed the book and placed it on the nightstand before looking around the room, avoiding your eyes. Sighing, you sat at the desk that was by the window.

“What’s on your mind?” you asked.

“What if I don’t make it past this camp?” he questioned.

You let out a deep breath and said, “Then you go back to your team in Korea, continue to train and practice, and then next year, you’ll come back. The exact same thing as what you went through last year.”

“What will happen to you?”

“I’ll go back home as well. I’m currently under contract with the team, so if you’re not here, I’m not needed. They’ll let me know when I am. You’re stuck with me.”

///

You and Chi-won walked into the practice rink the next morning, a fresh pair of skates in the duffel bag on your shoulder. You’d gone out with Tyler and Chi-won after dinner to buy them, just like Coach Sturm had told you to. The thought of being on the ice with a bunch of hockey players and falling on your ass was terrifying, but you didn’t have much of a choice.

You headed to the weight room and sat on a bench. Skating wouldn’t come until after they were done for the day, so your bag was simply dropped to the floor. You then pulled out your phone and looked at the last message you’d sent to Jaemin.

You: I know you’re upset, but I would love for you to be at the airport tomorrow.

He never showed up. Everyone else had, but he’d stayed at the dorms. The way the conversation had ended left the status of your relationship up in the air, and you were too scared to ask. Your anniversary was supposed to be in a little over a month, but you didn’t even know if that was something to be celebrated anymore.

The sound of the door opening behind you caught your attention. The players started filtering into the room, shooting odd looks your way. You stood up when Chi-won walked in, moving to his side for when the head strength and conditioning coach started talking.

After a speech, the coach came over and introduced himself, apologizing for missing the meeting the day before. When you assured him it was fine, he transitioned the conversation to the first test he wanted Chi-won to run through. You translated everything as you followed them to the bikes, not missing a single beat. You watched as he pedaled and pedaled, sweat dripping down his face as his leg muscles rippled from the rapid movement. You could hear the cheers of encouragement from the other prospects as they watched the others that were running through the tests.

When there was time for a break, Chi-won took the water bottle you handed him, draining it fairly quickly. He then grabbed the towel from your shoulder and wiped his face and neck, tossing it in the hamper in the corner. He looked around at the other prospects, watching them talk and laugh with each other. You felt bad knowing he wouldn’t take that first step. It was understandable, though. You’d gone through the same thing when you started making trips to Korea; you’d been surrounded by people who understood you as much as you understood them, which was not a lot.

After a few minutes, it was time for more testing. You followed the group around the weight room, mostly watching but translating when needed. Everyone’s eyes were on you whenever either of you spoke, but all your attention was on him and whoever was talking to him.

At the end of the day, Chi-won looked like he was about to drop at any moment. You decided to skip the skating and brought him back to the apartment, using the work phone since it could connect to data. He dozed in the car, his face finally relaxed. You’d never noticed how much tension was there until now. Between the stress of getting past this camp and not knowing what anyone was saying, his head was probably spinning.

When you entered the apartment, Chi-won immediately headed to his room to nap. There was a note from Tyler and Cat that they’d gone to run errands, leaving you alone. You tried to FaceTime your parents, but neither of them answered. You knew the others were rehearsing, so you called Mark, but he didn’t answer either. Feeling dejected, you headed to your room and sat in the armchair. You looked out the window and watched the world below, a sudden flashback to the day you and Jaemin were sitting in the mall’s food court. Your heart ached at the thought of one of the happiest days of your life, knowing there was a chance it was all over.

///

It was the last day of the four-day camp for prospects. You wobbled onto the ice as you tried to skate closer to Chi-won. He looked over and rolled his eyes before skating over, grabbing your arm, and dragging you to the group. A few of the players laughed, but you didn’t care. You would be laughing too if you’d seen it.

Yesterday, they’d run drills, so you got to see Chi-won on the ice for the first time, and you could see why he was their first-round pick the year before. However, the true test was the scrimmage scheduled for today. Drills could be run over and over until you got it right, but in a game if you made a mistake there was no going back.

Once the teams were split, Chi-won helped you to the bench. You could hear your personal phone ring with a FaceTime call, but you ignored it. It was most likely Jeno, calling to talk to you before he finally went to bed. He loved to call you before he went to bed, which annoyed Jaemin whenever you were on a call with your boyfriend. You wished you could answer, since you hadn’t had much interaction with anyone. You mostly translated back at the apartment, leaving you craving to talk to someone, but you felt too awkward talking to Tyler and Cat.

The scrimmage was exhilarating to even just watch. Chi-won was fast, despite how large he was. He wove through players, making fantastic plays. His stick work was quick, and he seemed to know where his teammates were, making passes without looking. There was no doubt in your mind that they were keeping him, but seeing the looks on the coaches faces made it that much better. Chi-won played fairly, probably too much; he always passed the puck for a goal instead of taking a chance himself.

During a break, Coach Sturm was going over a couple plays to Chi-won’s team. You translated as fast as you could, trying your best to make it sound clear and right. Hockey pretty much had its own language, so you assumed it was working when he nodded along. As he was about to head back onto the ice, you grabbed his attention.

“Shoot the fucking puck, man. You’ve made plenty of great passes. They want to see what you’re capable of.”

His eyes widened, but he nodded and bumped your held-out fist before skating back to the face-off. You watched the puck drop, and the game was on. Your eyes never left the player you were there for, his form zipping across the ice with a breakaway. He was denied, but you could tell there was a fire lit under his ass. There were still amazing passes, but he was taking shots on goal more. The goalie was just unbelievably good at his job,

There wasn’t much time left in the scrimmage when Chi-won was skating towards the goal, him against two defensemen. His feet moved in a way you couldn’t explain, and he slipped past the opposing players, taking a shot on goal. You nearly jumped with joy as it flew past the goalie’s shoulder, and you didn’t miss the smile on his face as he celebrated with his teammates.

At the end of the day, Chi-won was asked to dinner with some of the other prospects. He nodded his head with a grin, so they told you the restaurant. Your phone connected to the Bluetooth as you were typing it into the map, and “My First and Last” immediately started playing through the speakers. Chi-won sent a look your way but said nothing.

The other players made sure you and Chi-won had seats next to each other so you could easily translate for him. They asked him questions about his life in Korea and his teammates. He talked about his family, his girlfriend Eun-ji, and his friends. You were learning more about him by doing your job rather than conversing with him yourself. You could feel something heavy settle in your chest as they all talked to each other, only looking to you when you translated.

When you were back at the apartment, Chi-won collapsed onto the couch. You sat in an armchair and stared at the ceiling, thoughts of Jaemin running through your head. It’d been five days since you last heard from him, and you were still hesitant to reach out. He was probably in the same boat, but what if he didn’t want to hear from you? What if your relationship was over and you didn’t know it? You hadn’t talked to the other boys about it, not wanting to drag them into your drama.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Chi-won complained.

“Sorry,” you said quietly. “How do you think camp went?”

“I think I did well. My whole body hurts, though. I wish Eun-ji was here. She gives amazing back massages. I would be in constant pain if it wasn’t for her. I’m definitely the luckiest guy in the world.”

That’s what Jaemin tells me. “Is she gonna be starting college this fall?”

He nodded. “She wants to study sports medicine, so she’ll be studying at Seoul University. I’m so proud of her.”

You looked at the time on your phone before realizing that it was your work one. Your personal phone was still in your duffel, which was in the car. Cursing under your breath, you rushed downstairs and grabbed your phone from the bag.

Jaemin💕: 3 missed FaceTime video calls

Shit. Just in case your relationship wasn’t fragile enough, you’d missed three calls from him. It was the first time either one of you had tried reaching out since you stormed out of the dorms in tears. Worried, you headed inside and returned to the apartment as fast as possible. You tried calling Jaemin back, but he wasn’t picking up. It was about ten in the morning where he was, and he never slept in too much no matter what time he’d gone to bed, so you knew he was ignoring you. Trying again, you cursed and swallowed around the lump in your throat. He finally picked up, and he was not happy.

“Hey,” you said as you moved to your room.

“Hey. Where were you?” he asked.

“We were at camp, and then we went to dinner after,” you explained.

His eyebrows raised. “You went to dinner?”

“Yeah.”

“Was it a date?”

Your eyes widened in shock. “What the fuck, Jaemin? Of course it wasn’t a date! Why the hell would you ask that?”

“I mean, you did say you didn’t know how this would affect our relationship,” he snapped.

“That doesn’t mean I would cheat on you. God, do you really think that low of me?” You could feel the sting behind your eyes of tears forming, but you tried to hold them back.

“I don’t know what to think anymore, Y/N. You waited until the day before you were leaving to tell me about it—”

“I didn’t have a choice, and you know it!” you exclaimed. “You know what? I’m done. I can’t do this right now.”

You hung up and threw your phone across the room, muffling sobs into your hands. Being here, having the job you’ve worked towards the past year, it was supposed to be exciting, yet you were dealing with possibly the worst heartbreak yet, and you didn’t even know if there was a relationship to salvage anymore.

Your phone was ringing with a FaceTime call from Jisung, but you ignored it. He couldn’t see you like this; even though you were partially in the wrong in the fight, he would completely lose it and attack Jaemin. You didn’t want to be the cause of something happening to NCT Dream. It would have to stay to yourself, just like everything else about your life.

///

You’d been in America for two weeks, and you were absolutely miserable. You didn’t talk to the boys as much, ignoring some of their calls so that when you did answer, there was too much to talk about for you to think about Jaemin during the calls. You hadn’t talked to him since your last argument, and you didn’t know what to do. Jisung didn’t now, but it was clear he was suspicious of something. You just wanted to go home, but Chi-won had to stay in California for more training and practice. He’d been invited to training camp in September, so it was easier for him to just stay here until he knew his future with the team post-camp.

Chi-won’s English was improving a little, but it was clear he wasn’t confident in himself. Learning a language was hard, and English was one of the most difficult. From conjunctions to words sounding the same but being spelled different to even the sentence structure, you didn’t blame him for feeling self-conscious and frustrated. You had talked to Jisung, and he’d agreed to speak with Chi-won.

“Chi-won, can you come here for a minute?” you called out.

He walked into the living room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He looked at your phone, jaw dropping when he saw Jisung on the screen. You held it out and said, “My brother wants to talk to you.”

He took the phone, sending a glance your way before looking back at Jisung. You moved to the kitchen to make breakfast, giving the boys some privacy. You could hear Jisung’s laugh through the tiny speaker, and it made your heart ache. Not seeing him every day felt like torture. You were so used to talk to him every day, but the both of you were too busy with your jobs, not to mention that you were still unsure of what the others knew about you and Jaemin.

As you were making some fried eggs, Chi-won joined you, holding your phone out with Jisung still on the screen. The hockey player sent a look that told you there would be a conversation later, and then he disappeared to his room. You looked at Jisung and smiled, asking him how it went. He said it went well, that Chi-won seemed to really listen to what he’d had to say. A door had opened behind him, and Chenle walked into the room. His face lit up when he saw you, and he ran over and jumped on Jisung’s back.

“Y/N! I haven’t talked to you in so long,” he said, suddenly pouting.

“I know, I’m sorry. Prospect camp was crazy, and I’ve been busy with teaching Chi-won English,” you replied. “I wish you guys were here. You’d love it.”

“We’ll have to visit sometime. Jisung, we gotta head to bed. We have practice tomorrow morning,” he said.

“Sleep well, you two,” you said with a smile.

“Love you!” they shouted, and then the call ended.

You finished breakfast and called for Chi-won. He joined you in the kitchen, taking his plate from you without a word. The two of you sat at the breakfast bar, eating in silence. Tyler and Cat were in Canada for a wedding, so you were alone with him. You waited for him to say something, anything, but he didn’t. Instead, he washed the dishes and went back to his room. He returned a few minutes later in workout clothes, so you changed into your own outfit and silently followed him to the gym downstairs. He started out on the bike while you went to the treadmill, starting a light jog.

After a few minutes, Chi-won said, “So, your brother is Park Jisung.”

“Yup. Has been for ten years,” you panted.

“I didn’t even know he had a sister.”

“No one does. It’s too dangerous.”

“That must suck. I can’t imagine keeping my sister a secret,” he said.

“Seeing him live his dream makes it all worth it. Besides, once I’m living here permanently, we’ll be able to tell everyone who I am.”

///

Getting out of bed was harder and harder as each day passed. You could feel yourself settle into a deep and heavy depression. and it seemed like the people you were living with were concerned. You never felt hungry, you were having trouble finding the motivation to shower, and you were ignoring every call that popped up on your phone.

There was a knock on your door before Cat poked her head in. You glanced at her before turning your attention back to the window. She sat in the armchair and leaned on her elbows, sending a smile your way.

“So, Chi-won and Tyler talked to the team, and they decided that if you want, you can go back to Korea until it’s time for training camp,” she told you.

You sat up slowly and asked, “What?”

“We can all tell how homesick you are, and Chi-won said that you had an argument with someone that sounded like your boyfriend. They have a back-up translator, so you can go home for a little bit,” she explained.

“He told you all that?”

“Well, he used an app to translate, but yes.”

Leaping out of bed, you hugged her tightly, mentally thanking yourself for having showered that morning. She laughed and hugged you back before telling you to start packing. You started throwing your things into suitcases and your duffel bag as she left, and tears started streaming down your face in happiness.

You hugged Tyler and Chi-won in thanks before rushing to the airport, not wanting to stay in America any more than you had to. You called your parents and Jisung once you had a ticket purchased, and they promised to keep it a secret. Jisung was practically vibrating in his seat once he heard the news, and you couldn’t wait to hug your family again.

Somehow, you managed to sleep on the flight. When you landed, it was about three in the afternoon. You raced towards your family as soon as you spotted them, leaping into Jisung’s arms. He lifted you up and squeezed tight, as if you would disappear if he let go. You then hugged your parents, not afraid to let the tears fall down your cheeks.

“I missed you guys so much,” you sobbed.

“We missed you too, sweetheart,” you dad said.

When you were home, you took a couple hours to settle in before taking Jisung with you to the dorms. Not only did you have some boys to surprise, but there was a certain boy with blue bangs you needed to speak to. Jisung seemed to be excited to be on the other end of the surprise.

As you walked into the building, your stomach twisted into a giant knot. You didn’t know how Jaemin was going to react. Before you could dwell on it too much, Jisung opened the door to the Dream dorm. Jeno and Haechan were playing video games in the living area, but they stopped immediately when they looked at you.

“Sunshine!” Jeno shouted. He threw the controller on the couch and ran over, scooping you into a bear hug.

“What are you doing here?” Haechan asked as you managed to pry away from Jeno to hug him.

“They let me come back home until training camp starts,” you explained. “Where are the others?”

“They’re in their rooms. Jaemin’s napping, but Renjun and Chenle are playing PUBG,” Jeno explained. “It’s good to have you back. Jaemin’s been moping every since you left.”

So they didn’t know. “I’ll go see Renjun and Chenle first. Jaemin must be really tired if he’s napping.”

You walked down the hallway and quietly stepped into Renjun and Chenle’s room. They were too busy looking at their phones to notice, so you sat by Renjun and asked how he was doing. He glanced at you and then did a double take before tackling you to the bed. Chenle complained, but when he looked up a screech left his mouth instead as he piled on top. They started asking you a bunch of questions at once, but you shushed them and explained why you were home. Chenle didn’t want to let go, but you explained that Jaemin didn’t know yet.

Jaemin looked so peaceful as he slept. You could just stand there and watch until he woke up, but the conversation needed to be had sooner than later. Quietly closing the door, you walked over and sat on the bed as gentle as possible. Your fingers carded through his hair, pushing it away from his forehead. He sighed in his sleep, melting under your touch. You called out his name lightly, but he didn’t stir. You tried a couple more times, and his eyes finally opened. He stared at you for about ten seconds before grabbing you. You were suddenly thrown on the bed, and he pinned your arms down before kissing you.

Kissing Jaemin felt like a dream, especially after what you two’d been going through the past few weeks. He pressed kiss after kiss to your lips, finally pulling away with a frown.

"I’m really sorry for how I acted the past couple times we talked. I trust you, and I support your career,” he said.

“I forgive you. God, I forgive you. I’ve been so miserable the past few weeks. I should’ve tried harder to tell you sooner than when I had.”

“Let’s just forget this, okay?”

“Deal.”

He leaned down to press your lips together again, not leaving any space between your bodies. He trailed kisses down your neck, sucking a mark into your skin at the base of your throat. When he moved back to your face, he whispered, “I love you.”

That was the first time either of you had ever said those words. Whenever the two of you were together, there was a good chance another Dreamie was with you, so actual dates were rare, which meant that neither of you felt like it was the right time to say them. However, the past three weeks, had proven that it didn’t matter how much time was spent alone.

“I love you too.”

It was about half an hour before you two emerged from the room. The others made fun of the hickeys that were all over your necks, but in that moment you didn’t care. You and Jaemin were more than okay, and that was all that mattered to you.

[gothamiteneko]

I watched the fifth season's premiere of Gotham some days ago and since then, there have been running some comments about what happened, but i'm not talking about everything about it, i mean, not like general impressions or something like that (it was such a great and exciting episode, btw, i still can't get over with it, omg... But that's another story, lol), but especifically about that scene with Oswald and Tabitha and the whole drama around it... that also has it's own issues for the way the show decided to go with it, but yeah, is not the main discussion here.

My point to walk out of my usual silence, is cuz one dear friend of mine said something like "Robin has tweeted that all of Oswald's humanity will be gone. This hurts me so much" and as much as i love Robin (just like everyone else does, i'm sure), since my friend said that and apparently is not the only one feeling like this, i felt the necessity to share MY POINT OF VIEW of what i think (and told my friend) about this particular topic, so, here we go (this will be long and i'm not that bad with english, but is not my mother language either, so i apologize for the mistakes, hope it can make some sense anyway xD)...

So, about what Robin tweeted... I wouldn't worry that much x) he said the same thing when he realized about Butch's death in the script xD but what happened? nothing, in fact we all celebrated that finally Ozzy had revenge for his mother's death (i mean, c'mon, Tabitha really deserved it, she deeply dug her own grave, literally and figuratively).

If with "Oswald will becomes a monster" Robin means that he will suffer again another lose of a very important person for him (aka Martin) so he will lose his temper and will go berserk seeking revenge against whoever dared to do such a thing (probably will be Barbara... Or maybe Mother?) and when he found them, he will kill each one of them slowly, painfully and without any remorse seen on his face, then will be the same thing like when Butch or Tabitha died, cuz it was something they forced him to do, i mean, even when Butch or Barbara, or Ed or Jim (or in whoever you like to think... Except Tabitha or Theo, of course xD) betrayed him the way they did, Oswald forgave them and tried to pass through it in order to stay at peace with himself and cuz, as he always says -referring here especifically to people with who he is fond of in some way- "for the old times", so if he will "become a monster" then he will REALLY need a HUGE reason to become the cold-hearted and ruthless villain that Robin asures he will become, and even then, i doubt it, because of how the series (forget the comics, let's treat this like the legit AU from the DC world it is) had portrayed -till now- Ozzy's behaviour and development as a character:

Oswald doesn't kill without a reason if it is possible, he almost always needs a motivation to do it (like that time when he killed a man for a tuna sandwich... that could count as self-preservation... In a slightly creepy way but still, lol. Or when after that, he killed that guy in the car that insulted him calling him "penguin", i mean, if the guy would have kept his mouth shut, nothing would had happen to him cuz Oswald was supposed to stay lowkey since that moment), and loves to have the control over any situation, so he usually needs to know that those murders have a purpose (even the most tiny one) in his elaborated plans or to know/be sure that he won't need that person once again (then he will prefer to keep them alive for a while... if they don't cause him any other problem first). But even if he starts killing without feeling nothing while doing it on this season, that wouldn't be new cuz he was already like that too, just right in the first season! i mean, c'mon! he killed a man for a tuna sandwich, he killed one of Maroni's employees just to get his boots, he sat down waiting patiently and smiling while watched how those foolish robbers died for the poisoned cannoli and then he just left with the money as fresh and calm as if nothing would have ever happened, he stabbed a man right in the front door of HIS MOM'S HOUSE... and i could keep going and going with examples just for the S1. So he is not an innocent creature, he can be a very dangerous man despite his short height and general physical appereance, and is very visceral when he is blinded by rage and fear (like when he killed Tarquin using just his hands and a statue that the poor man had on his desk, cuz Oswald thought that he took his father's remains off of his grave to make Os fell in some kind of trap for an unknown reason or just to make him go crazy, ruin his reputation and make him seem weak in front of his enemies), so is not a surprise if he now seems to be absolutely heartless and behaves like an unpredictable and capricious dictator with the people at his service or with anyone in general. In fact, i personally find that change very suitable for him after all the physical and emotional damage he has been receiving all his life, after all those betrayals he had to endure from those who were supposed to be his friends and in who Oswald trusted. So, in contrary, i love how he now says "enough!" and closes his heart to everyone, cuz he is done of being him the one who always gives several opportunities and/or warnings; or the one who always trusts, loves and shares but despite any good intention he could have with anyone, he always continues being underestimated, hurt, humiliated, called names and judged by his acts and thoughts as if they really knew him or like if Oswald was the only one who is being selfish or like if he was the only one to blame for everything cuz he is the only "monster" and psychopath in the room, but not. Also i love how he is absolutely conscious of the enormous power and influence he has now, cuz he earned it all by himself, from the very ashes, from the very beginning all over again, and overall now, in the middle of the worst crisis the city had ever experienced, he is rising and climbing higher than ever before, he is swimming in familiar waters and as everyone very well know, penguins can perfectly fly in the water; so the cold behaviour he has now is not just very well justified but it is also more than necessary for him to embrace it fully, because he is surrounded by a very hostile environment, so then he knows that the desperation and the general knowledge about how he has every resource he could ask (guns, rounds, food, water, territory, minions, "muscle", etc) will make everyone to try to steal anything from him, at least once, and he obviously won't let that happen. He has always been a survivor and he knows with what kind of enemies and obstacles he is dealing with.

Now, if the writers, producers and Robin himself (and i say this with all my love and respect for Robin) want to think and believe that we fans will hate Ozzy because his behaviour "took us all by surprise" and "did a so unexpected 180° turn without any kind of warning", just cuz he is now acting like the villain he has always been, i think they will be the ones that will be surprised when they find out that nothing has really changed about the love of the fandom for our dear angry and murderous birb (is not like if he really suddenly would had went from a tender and sweet boy that we learnt to love from S1 to S4, to a cold-hearted murderer for the sake of "YOLO, haters gonna hate" in S5, pleeeease).

I think that Gotham's version in particular, of Oswald "The Penguin" Cobblepot, has a place very well earned in our hearts thanks to Robin's interpretation (he really embraced the character and brought him to life) and all the other people involved in the character's development,who have give him a complexity, a charisma, a background, etc. so well established and explored until now, that he is more than just another villain (not just in the series but into any kind of media -even written-, including other versions and portrayals of this same character, where his personality and story is not really taken more seriously, or is being exaggerated or being taken out of context or is simply not known enough by the general audience -besides comics' readers or the DC fans, especially if they actually take a moment to try to understand the characters- to make them have sympathy and a deeper and better conection with him, so he would be more loved and popular by who he is, as it happens with other characters/villains, like the Joker's case, for example); now "The Penguin" has become one villain that is also very relatable cuz now we can be first-line witnesses, so we have the opportunity to take a closer and better look into a ONE (1) more tangible POINT OF VIEW (i want to be very clear with this, cuz is Gotham's version, is Gotham's point of view) of his tragic story (his childhood as a bullied kid, his relationship with his mom and his dad including their deaths, all the very few people he once really trusted and/or loved and betrayed him or instead, in some cases, were taken away from him -permanently or temporary- to hurt him), his motivations (he does it cuz he wants recognition because he is ambicious and has always been invisible, outcasted, underestimated; but also cuz he wants a better life for him and his mom, for example; to protect and give her everything they lacked for years, aka, he does a lot of things for LOVE -an irony, considering that this is precisely the main point of his whole tragedy in almost any version of his character, i mean, the lack or absence of it for real in his life-. He is mainly driven by his emotions/his heart, doesn't matter if he is cautious and afraid at first, but after some time he opens his heart and gives it to someone in who he really wants to believe that is a person worth of take care of it... or if he now prefers to hide it to don't get hurt again) his actions and decisions (he is evil, cunning, intelligent, etc. but he is not undefeatable, he is human too, he has his flaws and can do mistakes as everyone else) that now is almost impossible to try to convince us that he is the embodiment of the worst atrocity ever created, doesn't matter how he looks or what he does, even if he never will be redeemed, cuz we all know why he is how he is and why he behaves like that (as i said, he is a very relatable character).

In conclusion, i'm sure Ozzy will always be our fav if they keep his development as solid and well constructed as it has been all this time, i mean, if they keep him in character, if they remain loyal to the story they have been telling us about him along these years (i mean, have been FIVE years, that must mean something for them, some effort and non sleep-time at least) and don't suddenly go 100% OoC just cuz they are forcing the plot to justify his villainy to the point of finally make him "become a monster" (like in "see what he did??? *insert a forced series of absurd and unbelievable nonsense for the sake of it* he is a monster! He is a horrible person who doesn't deserve any kindness or love in his life!") like SERIOUSLY? Are you really throwing to the trash the complex character that Oswald is, just for THIS? *points to the absurd and nonsense plot they throw at us*, are you despising one of the best and well written characters in the show just cuz you are hurry to end the series and you can't go before make your point very clear at all costs, of how you were always right about why we shouldn't like Ozzy so much if he is who he is, and then shove it in our faces? Well, news flash! we already knew it, we know who he is and we still love him and will always do. If we have forgiven (or at least i'm at peace with that) the poor plots involving our dear birb (like the Nygmob cockblock cuz Kristen 2.0, the stupid ending of his friendship with Ivy, the not permanent death of Sofia or the whole absurd drama and betrayal of Ed and Lee or *insert your fav poor birb-related plot's issue here*), i think is safe enough to say that we will be ok with whatever can come to us now and we will remain loving Ozzy to the very end... as long as they don't destroy what they had reached with Oswald as a character after all this time (again, FIVE years), just to try to change our minds and hearts at the last moment, cuz it was already too late for that since years ago.

P.d. Also, there always will exist the fandom to adopt this character (or any other fav you want, depending of the fandom we are talking about) and give him a better treatment cuz that's how should happen, aka, "fix what canon ruined", so the fandom will make our dreams come true xD whichever they are xD and we will be able to happily ignore or change the canon at any point, to give that place to our own versions of the facts instead xD

[galarian-varian]

Beige for Ricky's team and Orange for Alex's team.

I’M ASSUMING YOU WANT ME TO DO THE SHADES OF BEIGE ORANGE BECAUSE I LOVE MY OCS AND I’M GONNA DO THE THING OKAY HERE I GO

Beige - What kind of foods do you eat when you’re bored? Ricky leans towards sweets when he’s bored :’3 Jazz will resort to eating fruits/vegetables ONLY if she’s bored/there’s nothing else. Selena will eat crackers when she’s bored. Mac will eat probably salt and vinegar chips eww

Tan - What is your skin color? Do you like it, or do you wish you looked different? Ricky’s white but he’s got a tan~ Also tanlines from his uniform top and gloves…he wishes he didn’t have tanlines :’3 Jazz’s human form skin color is like mocha-colored, but she’s also piebald with orangey-cream spots/freckles. She’s happy with her piebaldness~ Selena’s got like olive-colored skin tone, and she’s proud. Mac was white, and now he’s…fluffy sickly yellow??? Yeeeah, he’s the only one who wants to change his skin color LOL

Buttermilk - Do you prefer pancakes or waffles? (if those exist in your world) Ricky can’t choose omg I feel bad for this kid XD Jazz likes both because both is food. Selena is a pancake person since people normally put more fruit options with pancakes. Mac is a waffle person because he’s A SQUARE

Oatmeal - What is your usual breakfast? Ricky’s breakfast is usually cereal, milk, and some kind of fruit (he only gets fruit while traveling tho). Jazz’s breakfast is whatever she can hunt outside, or whatever someone in the kitchen is cooking (preferable peanut butter pancakes). Selena is fine with just like an orange or piece of toast. Mac will just eat whatever fresh kill he can have too but he’d prefer an egg sandwich if someone’s buying

Linen - What clothes do you wear to work? Clothes…? Haha jk well Ricky has his hunting uniform, Jazz is a dragon, Selena dresses up when she starts taking college classes/teaching classes in like nice skirt suits or other kinds of business casual dresses. Mac hasn’t changed his outfit ever send help.

Sugar cookie - What reminds you of your childhood? Sappy thing is sappy, but Jazz reminds Ricky of his childhood and how he was super excited to be a hunter like his big sis and mom and stuff. Jazz keeps the wrapper from her very first peanut butter cup from Ricky that reminds her of her childhood. Selena’s reminded of her childhood when she comes across books like Alice in Wonderland that she used to read as a kid. Mac’s violin is a huge reminder of his childhood/family

Sand - Have you ever been to a beach? If so, what’s your favorite thing to do at the beach? Ricky loooves the beach! There’s so many thing he likes like swimming, making sandcastles, and being buried in the sand! Except that once time Alex buried him when the tide was coming in….Jazz likes living in Ricky’s sandcastles. Selena and Mac haven’t been le gasp Ricky will fix this

Hazel - What kind of folklore/myths/stories are told in your family/community? Well, they live in a world of gods and monsters, so there’s that XD Hevology was a big thing in Mac’s household. Selena’s family really just made a big deal out of Dia de los Muertos

Sepia - Do you have any hobbies? If so, what are they? Ricky likes swimming and soccer~ Jazz likes digging for loose change in couches. Selena likes to read and paint and dance…not all at the same time ;; Mac likes playing the violin and archery

Buff - Would you consider yourself to be fit, fat, or skinny? Ricky is fit, but just kinda lanky looking. Jazz is a bit pudgy. Selena is thin, but not in shape. Mac is a beefcake omg I can’t believe I actually wrote that

Latte - Do you like milk in your hot drinks? Selena and Mac are big nos XD Ricky and Jazz are yess

Allie Cat’s turn~

Orange - What are some of your comfort foods? Alex falls into the pit of “All Logans like peanut butter cups” XD Kaos’ turns to bacon cheeseburgers for comfort. Daphne doesn’t need to eat :3c The Great Trent does not believe in things such as comfort food! Donnie has muffins

Spice - Do you like to cook? Do you cook often? Alex can’t really cook for other people. She can cook things for herself for like exercise/training purposes XD But for the love of the gods, do not ask her to like make a cake or anything like that she will ruin it. Kaos is actually a really good cook and helps Alex make stuffs. Daph has no sense of taste, so she can’t make anything XD Trent has never had to cook anything a day in his life. Donnie isn’t a cook, but he’s a pretty good baker!

Tangerine - What is your favorite fruit? Alex likes sporty orange slices (hey she and Selena can bond over oranges I just realized). Kaos likes bananas, Daph likes all fruit..but only to look at :’3 Trent is a fancy pants who likes pomegranate, and Donnie likes watermelon

Peach - Are you generally a more gentle and soft spoken person or a louder and rougher person? Alex and Trent - loud/rough, Donnie and Kaos - quiet, Daph- somewhere in the middle. She can be quiet, but if you get her going over something she’s passionate about, she will be dANGEROUSLY LOUD

Squash - Do you live in an agricultural setting?  If so, are you a farmer or something of the sort? What kind of crops do you grow? Nope, Alex, Kaos, Trent, and Donnie come from suburbia, and Daphne lived in the Arctic Circle before coming into Alex’s life :’3

Amber - Do you wield any sort of superpower? If so, what is it? Alex’s superpower is kicking everyone’s ass jk jk. Kaos is a dragon so he can do dragon things plus take human form. Daph has magical mystical plant spirity powers, but she’s young so she can only control the type of plant she’s named after. Trent’s superpower is being ANNOYING. Donnie is a sea serpent so he can swim really fast, and he also has a human form~

Honey - Have you ever considered marrying someone? What is your opinion on marriage in general? Alex thought she wanted to get married when she was a kid, but then it only took one bad date *cough cough Trent* to convince her that dream was stupid and asexuality forever. Kaos and Donnie don’t think about this thing either because they’re asexual monsters :’3 But Kaos really wants to be a father. Trent thinks he can trick a woman into marrying him so he can have a bunch of sons hahaha joke’s on you buddy, no one wants any of that and Daphne thinks the human concepts of love and marriage are wonderful and really wants to try it

Sandstone - Who in your life has been the most healing for you? After Alex deals with her missing arm and stuff, her father becomes the most healing for her and she finally feels like she can relate to him, so their connection becomes strengthened. Kaos pretty much felt that his mother Rhea was the most healing for him growing up. Daphne goes through a lot of different types of healing, but none of it would have been possible without Miss Alex~ Trent is the most healing for Trent. Donnie unfortunately experiences no healing :’D Anyone who tries he thinks is lying to him

Rust - Have you thought about becoming old? Can you become old? Are you scared of being old? What do you think about elders? Alex is definitely scared of being old, and after her arm incident, she feels pretty useless for the rest of her life. She respects old people, but only to their faces. Kaos, Donnie, and Trent unfortunately cannot become old because they kinda die. Kaos and Donnie are polite and respectful to elders. Trent is a pompous jerk to everyone even old people. Daphne is a special case because being a spirit, she ages a lot slower than humans, so she’s not afraid of being old because she’s barely noticed it happening to her so far. She likes old people :’3 and….all people…

Pumpkin - What is your favorite part of Autumn? (If that exists in your world) Alex loves pumpkin flavored things! Kaos enjoys the cooler weather. Daphne likes the colors the leaves change into. Trent likes that Autumn gets to see HIM again. Donnie also likes pumpkin flavored baked goods especially muffins

Jumpsuit - Have you ever been arrested/ in trouble with authority? Y’know, a bunch of these guys do bad things, but it’s okay cuz they never get caught they hid the bodies well

Bronze - What is your favorite way to warm up when it’s cold. Alex and Kaos curl up with each other in front of a fireplace. Daphne used to huddle up with her sisters, but now she joins Kaos and Alex XD Trent looks in a mirror and compliments himself until he’s hot. Donnie sings and imagines himself being on a tropical island to warm up~

[whatcannotbeconquered]

ASB 2017

It says it feels like -2 degrees here but at some point the cold is just the cold!!

I will be the first to say that I was wrong about what this past week was going to be about. To start, I had a bad attitude in the beginning of the week. All i wanted to do was go home, be with my sisters and my mom and my dad and my grammy and just be happy, relaxed, and helpful at home. Every time we did a group activity or I had an awkward conversation with someone, I regretted coming on this trip and wasting $400 of my parents money and $400 of my money. It felt like I couldn’t really be good friends with anyone there. Then we were assigned rooms and I found myself judging the girl sleeping next to me in her matching pajamas, her quiet/sad voice, and the fact that she was picking at her shoulder while we were in the same bed together (ya idk about this last part cuz im still a lil shook lol). Then I heard we weren’t going to be building at all during the week. We got two days at the beach on Saturday and Sunday yet we were being thanked and congratulated for giving up our spring break to be in Florida, when in reality we were basically paying for a group vacation. Every time it seemed like the chaperones were wasting our money or taking us somewhere we didn’t want to go, I got the worst attitude and acted like this was the worst experience of my life. HOWEVER...

This was such a great week that I think will really impact me as a person. And that is why I’m writing right now. So that I don’t forget what I saw and what I heard and what I felt this past week.

On Monday we worked at a Restore for three hours. To be honest, the work wasn’t that fun and a lot of people would complain the minute they got hungry or when they were bored. Oh how noble it is that we’re dedicating 3 hours of our day and then sitting on a beach the rest of the day...yeah idk about that. But we did meet a family that night who is about to start on their house and it was cool to see what kind of people are moving into these homes and why they need them. This family lived in a mobile home in a bad area and the mom said she can’t let her daughter play outside because she’s worried about what could happen to her. Then came Tuesday. We started the day at a house dedication for Habitat which was one of my favorite experiences of the week. Seeing what comes out of all of the hard work and money that goes into Habitat was so crazy. The fact that so many different people and organizations help fund this dream was so awesome. That the family would get a full kitchen of kitchen tools and food was so great. Tuesday night we did the back to back drawing which was fun with Rachel. 

Then came my favorite day, Wednesday. We worked at an environmental center where we got to use clippers and a machete to clean up a trail the center had in the back. Then we weeded with a girl with a great taste in music which was cool. It was also awesome to see how much passion Kristie, the leader here, had for these non-invasive, natural plants and it was cool to see the behind the scenes of the places that donate to Habitat.

Wednesday night was the highlight of this trip, however. We started by watching a Ted Talk about the danger of the single story. It was about a Nigerian girl who was single storied by her American roommate and who single storied a poor boy who worked for her. After seeing the Ted Talk, the leaders opened up the floor to anyone who wanted to share a story of what they’ve gone through so that people don’t single story them. I thought this would be incredibly awkward since no one said much at all in the beginning. We listened to Lauren tell a story about bullying which helped start it off, but then more and more people would share. I found that I single storied a lot of the people there, without even knowing it. I thought one girl was not a more reserved rich girl from New England when in reality she has two adopted brothers who have gone through a lot. I found out that she has to take care of them all the time at home and that she had to give up her own time to take care of them. This is easily why she sort of seemed like a boring mom at times. Another girl who kind of always shied away from the group told us about how she was kicked out of her mom and dad’s houses and had to live with her boyfriend. Also that she was in the hospital for a month last semester and had to take a semester off of school. That when she went to bed early, it was because she has to take care of her health first. I thought she was sad and homesick like I was earlier in the week, or she just didn’t like hanging out with us. I easily single storied her. James shared a story about how he hasn’t been treated great by his parents and it has made it hard for him to connect to people, even mentioning Mikayla directly. I only got one side of his story (Mikayla’s story) and found out so much more about his situation. And the biggest of all, the girl I initially judged for being awkward and kind of rude and weird, told us she wished she could be someone different and that she never made real connections with people because she is protective of her disabled brother and never wanted to bring anyone home. She has gotten antisocial and doesn’t know how to interact with other people and for me, it was so fricken easy to single story her in the beginning of the week. Hearing people’s back stories made it so much easier to appreciate what I have and to remember NEVER to single story someone, and to realize there is more to every single person’s life, more than we know. Even as the activity went on, I went from thinking I had no back story, to realizing that I put a lot of pressure on myself to find a high paying job so I can support my parents when I’m older since they have been such incredible parents to me...always being generous in every way and always being supportive of every thing I do. I realize I don’t even enjoy business or investing and that I think there’s a bigger calling for me in this world but that I feel like I need to do something that makes me unhappy to be successful and provide for my family. There’s no reason for anyone to single story me either.

In terms of the trip, we finished the work week on Thursday by helping at a farm “in the hood.” We got to eat fresh cherry tomatoes and plant collard greens in some cow manure. In the mean time, I could hear our own leader complaining about how much she hated farming/planting. I think it made me realize that a positive attitude is quite literally the most important part of any experience of activity. But we also got to meet a super nice woman who worked there and we got to provide fresh fruit and vegetables for people in the neighborhood who don’t have access to it. Then, we finished Friday with a great day paddle boarding and kayaking where I learned how much I appreciate floatin around in a life jacket. :) 

Overall, I think this trip made me thing much differently about how I think of other people that I meet. There is never a reason to judge and single story someone until you know everything that they have gone through. It made me see the importance of volunteering, as we made significant progress at each of our job sites. Finally, it made me appreciate the friends and family I have as well as the new 21 friends I have made on this trip. 21 more faces to smile at on campus :) I take back all of my initial regrets I had for going on this trip. I’m grateful for everything.