#also I just extra hate that it’s sullied part 1 for me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fuckyeahscienceparty · 4 years ago

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Fighter (Lover)

Call me fighter, I'll mop the floor with you

Call me lover, I'll take you for a drink or two

You'll get older, and maybe then you'll feel some control...

HOO longest thing i've ever written lads :V hope y'all enjoy! title/description based on fighter by jack stauber bc i thought it was very fitting lol

Engie let out a strangled yell as he finally managed to land a solid hit on RED's Spy with his wrench, the familiar sound of crunching bone and the squelches of blood that accompanied it filling the air and splattering his overalls in French flavored crimson.

Not a very pretty way to die, and he almost felt bad for the fella, knowing from.... rather painful experience how excruciating it was to go through respawn after having your skull caved in. But almost was the keyword here, especially considering the fact that the bastard had unfortunately managed to sap both his dispenser and his sentry in the process, leaving him not only vulnerable to his fellow REDs but without the resources to actually get things up and running again.

What was extra unfortunate was that before he could get to either of them, they'd both managed to practically destroy both affected buildings, causing his dispenser to spark and sputter to a halt and his sentry to explode, sending components and pieces of shrapnel flying everywhere and barely giving Engie a chance to shield himself while hanging on to less than half of his health points.

Great. Just great.

He let out an annoyed grumble, anger rising in himself as he began to at least attempt damage control by basically tearing the sapper off of his dispenser with his bare hand. He didn't even care about all the little metal bits in his skin that tore through his shirt and were starting to make blood ooze out, staining his already sullied uniform. What he cared about was making sure that RED didn't take their final point and not having sentry up, even if it was just a level 1, was going to make that exceedingly difficult.

That being said, if he made it out of this alive, he was gonna have a field day getting all these stains out he mused to himself as his pried open the side panel of his dispenser. He reached for his toolbox, rummaging around for his wire cutters, twist on connectors, and a new set of wires to replace the ones the sapper had fried as he heard a chorus of bullets being fired from somewhere around the next point over.

He frowned. Those were much closer than they were 15 minutes ago. Better pick up the pace.

With a deft hand, he pulled out the wires and snipped out all the unsalvageable ones, tossing them in his toolbox to properly dispose of later. Twist on connectors wasn't exactly a Good fix to all the problems he knew that damn shock box had caused, but it would be good enough to last him until the end of the round.

...He hoped, at least.

After making quick work of the internals and closing the panel back up, he flipped the switch back on, waiting a few agonizing moments before the dispenser beeped at him a few times and whirred back to life.

Engie let out a weary sigh of relief as it slowly started healing his wounds, giving it a couple whacks with his wrench to get it into somewhat working order. It may have been knocked back down to level 1, but hey, at least it actually started up again! Finally, he had one thing was working in his favor!...

...But only the one thing. Now was the issue of getting his sentry back up, and with his dispenser back at level 1, just waiting around for metal wasn't exactly going to be an option this time.

After scanning the battlefield a few times, a disgruntled noise escaped him. Pyro was nowhere to be found. Just his luck. He grumbled to himself more as he picked his dispenser up and moved it to where he thought it would be at least a little less visible so he could go search for an ammo kit himself, keeping a hand on his pistol and his wits about him as he ventured into a nearby building.

He hated to leave any of his buildings unattended without Pyro around to cover for him (usually in return for a joyride into town the following weekend along with the sugariest fruit flavored item they could get from the local candy store), but he really didn't have the time to sit around and hope for the Chance that they'd 1). be in his field of view and 2). not be too busy to play guard dog for 5 or so minutes (5 minutes they could very understandably use to set some REDs running for the hills. or a fire extinguisher).

And as much as he would love to just waltz into BLU's resupply and pick up all the things he needed with little to no effort, he was currently stationed at second to last and the time it would take him to get there and back would be more than enough time for the REDs to not only destroy BLU's hopes and dreams but also to give way for his teammates to complain about how he hadn't been there to defend them.

(As if he wasn't doing enough for this damn team already.)

So taking a gamble with getting an ammo box was objectively his best bet at the moment. Was he happy about it in any metric? Absolutely not. Sure, he knew his way around the place and he actually knew that the building he was currently in housed the largest ammo kit you could find out in the field, but he also knew that other people knew that too. And that meant that there was a very real chance of running into one of them and not only failing to defend BLU's points and having to put up with his teammates' negging but also dying and gettin sent through respawn in the process.

But that's as if anything was really going his way today.

He hopped up the wooden stairs two at a time, knowing that the ammo kit was somewhere up on the top floor. He'd actually passed by the Medkit on the first and as tempted as he was to heal himself up a little, he also knew that any more time he wasted in there was time that could be used getting a sentry back up.

When he'd reached the second floor, the ammo box was just where he expected it to be, sitting next to a window that looked out over the battlefield, giving him a front and center view of BLU's second to last point. He could just about see a sliver of his dispenser, silently relieved that it was still there. From what he could see, RED and BLU were still fighting it out over the mid point, both teams having captured and then recaptured it several times already, only for the other to take it back.

Currently, it was still BLU's but something told him that if he didn't hurry, that was going to change soon.

He quickly scooped up the ammo box, eyebrows furrowing when the top of it came off with relative ease. Odd. You usually need to do at least a little prying with these suckers to get the tops to pop off. He then rummaged around in it to make sure it had what he needed, confusion deepening when he realized that there weren't any syringe cartridges in the box.

And that's when he heard a slight rustling from somewhere just out of his peripheral vision.

He immediately dropped the box, bullets and miscellaneous parts spilling everywhere as he turned around and reached for his pistol.

However, he ended up getting a spray of syringes to the arm, letting out a strained cry as he instead grabbed his pistol with his other hand and randomly fired it in the direction of where the syringes had come from.

His guesswork was pleasantly met with a very loud "FUCK", his eyes finally focusing on a very irritated looking RED Medic who now sported a bullet wound in his non dominant shoulder.

"You wanna dance? Let's fuckin' tango, buddy," Engie muttered mainly to himself, only just about bearing the pain as he tore anywhere from 4-7 syringes out of his arm and dropped them to the floor.

He tried to shoot his newfound opponent again but his bullets made splinters rather than punctured flesh, Engie fully aware that his normally serviceable aim was probably off thanks to the searing pain in his... well, everything, cursing under his breath regardless.

However, before he could even process what to do next, the enemy Medic made a dive for him, the two of them tussling to the floor and struggling with each other for the right to end someone's life.

Engie was able to momentarily able to wiggle his arm out of the other's grasp, managing a solid hit on RED Medic's face that he was pretty sure ended up breaking his nose.

That really only seemed to make him angrier though, the two of them continuing to wrestle it out until Medic finally managed to come out on top, having practically straddled Engie's chest as he pinned down both of his arms to the ground. The both of them struggled to take in air, Engie still making feeble attempts to escape his captivity with little success.

If this weren't a life or death situation, he probably would've told RED Medic that he was rather handsome, even with a broken nose and blood dripping out his mouth and onto Engie's shirt. Truth be told, Engie had always thought him attractive and if the two of them weren't enemies by uniform color, he probably would've asked him if he wanted to go out for a drink some time.

But even if life or death prevented him from attempting to woo the man who he'd just shot, Engie couldn't help but be immensely frustrated with himself, eventually just letting out a wheeze of defeat as he gave out from exhaustion.

"Just- just fucking do it please, I'm really not goddamn having it right now," He growled out, causing RED Medic to squint and tilt his head at him. After all, it wasn't every day that your enemy practically begged you to off them after they (quite understandably) just tried to strangle you.

"Hey, Stitches, you hear me? Just cut my head off or steal my organs or whatever, make my godawful day into an even more godawful one," He reiterated, Medic unable to suppress a chuckle despite how tired he was.

"Sorry- steal your organs? Do you really think I'm going to do that?" He grinned incredulously.

"Dunno. You just seem like the type," Engie said dryly, Medic letting out a cackle.

"Well just because you made me laugh, I'll make this quick. You don't seem particularly happy right now," Medic vocalized, shifting so that he could pin both of Engie's arms down with one hand and reach for Engie's pistol that had gotten knocked out of his grasp in their scuffle with the other.

Stronger than he looks. Engie couldn't tell if his heart beating faster because he was literally about to die or because an item was added to the list of "reasons why I want to take my enemy out to dinner."

...Might be both.

"Golly gee, what gave that away?" Engie deadpanned, feeling the muzzle of his own pistol pushing against his forehead. RED Medic chuckled again.

"No hard feelings, right my friend?" he smiled at him, almost apologetically. At least Engie thinks it's apologetically. Kinda hard to tell with all the blood that wasn't in his body.

He closed his eyes, bracing himself.

"Nah. None at all."

...

BANG!

...And not even 20 seconds later, he suddenly materialized in BLU's main respawn room, immediately grimacing from the skull splitting headache he was saddled with; the unfortunate side effects of being shot in the head. Respawn could only do so much, after all.

He moved to open the resupply cabinet to just get what he needed and get the hell out of there before he was startled by the intercom crackling to life, Engie's stomach sinking when he heard the very familiar "YOU FAILED" accompanied by almost comically sad music.

Had he really been gone that long? He didn't even hear the Admin announcing that mid had been capped, let alone second to last, and surely he would've heard it even if he was being held up by RED's local handsome devil.

But his teammates slowly filing in with various injuries seemed to confirm their defeat, Engie sighing as he reached into the cabinet for a bottle of aspirin instead of a case of bullets.

"Hrr Mrnrph!" Pyro mumbled out as they made their way in, Scout with his arm around their shoulders for support as he hobbled in as well.

"Yo, Engie, where the hell were you?" Scout frowned, clearly peeved about losing that day's round.

"Yeah, maggot, we thought you were on second to last! Their damn Scout somehow slipped by us and ended up capping both of ours after RED capped mid again," Soldier added, Engie sighing. Of course this was going to be blamed on him.

"Sorry, fellas. Spy managed to sap both my sentry and my dispenser and their Medic got me when I was tryin' to get supplies. I was hoping y'all would be able to hold mid long enough for me to get back but that. Obviously did not happen."

"Oh, so it's our fault now?"

"Hey, I'm not sayin' it's anyone's fault, I'm just sayin' that they got the best of us today. We'll give it another go tomorrow, like we always do."

Scout obviously seemed unhappy by the notion but decided it best to shut his trap when Demo gave him A Look because even Scout knew that Demo was not one to fuck with. Engie knew he didn't actually intend real harm, he just tended to run his mouth with things he didn't necessarily mean. Didn't make his life any easier, though.

"Listen, I think we've all had a long day. Let's just get patched up an' relax before tomorrow," Demo interjected, the rest of the team making various sounds of agreement as the final members of their menagerie made their way in.

As he walked past, Medic gave him a conciliatory look that Engie could only give him a knowing smile in return for. They both knew what it was like for the entire team's failure to be blamed on their shoulders alone. Usually it was Medic who received the brunt of it, especially when he'd just been transferred in, but Engie was no stranger to complaints on his off days about how he should've been better or how could've done more.

It made him want to tear his own ears off. Not only because it was annoying as all hell because you didn't see him out here blaming the entire team's loss on one damn person's slip up, but because it was the kind of shit that he told himself when he was younger and it brought him back to times he didn't necessarily want to remember.

He was suddenly brought out of his brooding by Pyro walking up to him, Scout seemingly having limped his way back into base on his own.

"Mrr rrhrrh hrrph phr nrr rphmm hrr rr phrrhrrk phr rrr," They mumbled out sadly, holding their arms out to offer an apology hug and very much looking like a kicked puppy. Engie let off a soft "aw."

"Shucks, Firefly, it ain't your fault. Can't expect ya to baby me all the time, can I?" He joked, pulling them in anyways. Only a monster could refuse Pyro hugs, after all.

Pyro squeezed him tightly, nearly lifting him off the ground despite the fact that they were only a couple inches taller than he was as Engie was momentarily overwhelmed with the familiar scent of kerosene and singed rubber.

When they finally let go, Engie gave them a gentle pat on the head.l

"You go inside now, hey? I gotta check if my dispenser's still out there and you probably got your own injuries you should have Doc look at," He told them, Pyro nodding at him and giving him an affirmatory wheeze. They then gave him another quick squeeze before waddling their way inside, boots squeaking every so often.

Engie sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. Oh well. Nothing he could do now but prep for tomorrow.

He sat in respawn for a little while waiting for the aspirin to kick in and only decide it was time to get going when he finally felt like his brain wasn't trying to squeeze itself down his spinal cord.

After making the trek to second to last, he was pleasantly surprised to see that his dispenser was still on. And also there at all.

(To be fair, RED and BLU had been fighting over mid for so long that RED's Scout probably hadn't bothered to destroy what wasn't shooting at him in a desperate attempt to end the godforsaken match already. He couldn't say that he'd blame him.)

He was also surprised, though not as pleasantly, to see someone waiting for him. Specifically, someone in glasses and a tie that, even though it was covered in blood, had a face that was both painfully smug and oddly endearing.

Though they were technically now in ceasefire until battle tomorrow, he still instinctively reached for his pistol, blinking and looking down when he realized his holster was empty.

"I believe you're looking for this?" RED Medic asked as he picked said pistol up off of his dispenser, Engie nodding cautiously.

"Relax, dummkopf, I'm not going to shoot you. The bullet that was in your head was actually the last one in the magazine anyways," Medic snorted, demonstrating by pulling the trigger while pointing the weapon to the ground and coming up with nothing but empty clicks.

Regardless, he still offered it to Engie butt first, Engie himself still wary but a little less hesitant as he took a few more steps forward and took it in his hand.

"Apologies. I actually meant to put it back into your holster before you went through respawn but I didn't have adequate time. You pack quite a punch," Medic smirked lightly, Engie's attention suddenly being drawn to his still broken nose.

He grinned sheepishly.

"Heheh, yeah, mama taught me well... No hard feelin's though, yeah?" Engie sticking his pistol in its place and his hand out to the doctor, Medic letting out an amused huff at his own words being used against him.

"No hard feelings," He assured, shaking Engie's hand.

"I should probably be off now, I can practically hear my gaggle of idiots begging me to heal their boo boos from all the way out here," He then snorted, Engie letting out a chuckle.

"All good. I should prolly get the ol' girl back to the workshop. Damn sappers always do a number on the internals," He grimaced, thinking about all proper rewiring and circuit board replacement he was going to have to do, not to mention normal maintenance and cleanup.

"As I've heard. Our own Engineer has some particularly... colorful words on what he thinks of your Spy."

"Bit of a wily bastard, that one. Can't say I blame him," Engie shrugged, leaning against his dispenser for support and suddenly feeling face flush as Medic did the same, the two of them now so close that their elbows touched in the middle.

If Medic noticed, he didn't immediately let on, merely smiling at him.

"That we can all agree on, I think. What is it with Spies and deciding to be bastards? Is it a profession thing, does it just come naturally to them?" He said mirthfully, leaning in close enough that their noses were close to touching.

...Never mind, he absolutely noticed.

"'s gotta be, right? I mean, it's the only explanation for why they're all so dickish. That or the ones we've been in contact with just happen to be persnickety lil fucks," Engie grinned, Medic laughing loudly in response.

It only made him grin even wider. Medic's laugh had to be in a class of its own. Borderline obnoxious in nature but somehow brash and unapologetic while still being absolutely ridiculous.

Man, was it just something to die for (which he.. technically supposed he did).

"Ah, look at me, babbling about. I really should get going before I waste any more of your time," he said when giggles finally stoped threatening to rise out of his throat, Engie feeling a sudden pang of disappointment in his chest. He merely waved him off with a soft "shucks, weren't nothin'" as he tipped his hat, Medic giving him a firm pat on the shoulder.

"It was nice talking with you, Herr Engineer. Perhaps we can meet again some time," He smiled before turning to make his leave.

Engie closed his eyes. This was a bad idea, this was a bad idea, don't do it, don't do it Dell, don't FUCKING do it-

"Hey, uh. Stitches."

Medic paused before turning around again.

"Are you... free this weekend?"

An amused glint suddenly appeared in Medic's eyes.

"Well seeing as we all have weekends off, yes, I should be. Why do you ask?"

"You, uh. You wanna grab a drink with me, this Saturday, maybe? I know this pretty good place not too far out and uh. I dunno, 'd be fun to uh. See ya again outside of work, I guess," Engie stumbled out, putting a hand on the back of his neck.

"...I'd like that. I'd like that a lot," Medic smiled, Engie's face lighting up.

"Great! Uhm. I uh, I guess. Meet me on y'all's second to last at about 6? I know how to avoid all the cameras, so," Engie offered, Medic raising an eyebrow at him.

"...Hey, when you live out your days fighting people to the death for an old dinosaur who would skin you alive and turn you into the coat given the chance, finding out where her cameras and all their blindspots are isn't that much of a hassle. We're actually in one right now. Wouldn't've asked you out otherwise," He shrugged, Medic holding his hands up in response.

"I'm not one to judge. Whatever gets me out of playing team mama for the night. I'll just tell them I joined a book club or whatever. And if they don't believe me... well I think a saw to the skull might convince them," Medic said, suddenly pulling out his Ubersaw with a malicious grin.

Engie had to physically restrain himself from saying "hot" in response.

"Heheh, yeah, I bet it might. I'll uh. See you later then," He coughed out, moving to put his dispenser into compact mode and pack it back into his toolbox.

When he stood up with it resting on his shoulder, however, Medic was standing right in front of him, nearly causing it to slip out of his hands.

Medic barely stifled a laugh at his shock, gently removing his hardhat and leaning down to give him a kiss on the forehead.

"It's a date then," He hummed cheerily before putting Engie's hardhat back on his head and making his return to RED, leaving Engie with his hat slightly askew and his face moderately flushed.

And that's when if hit him. A date. He had just asked his actual, literal enemy who had shot him in the head about 30 minutes ago, on a date. And he said yes.

He didn't know if he wanted to scream, punch something, or throw himself off a bridge. Probably all three, if he was honest.

Despite all that, he practically forced himself to turn around and begin making his way back to BLU, readjusting his tool box every so often so it wouldn't slip out of his hands. What the hell was he doing, breaking contract like this? He means sure, he wasn't particularly one for rules anyhow, he's pretty sure he's committed more than a few atrocities against the heavens in his lifetime, and the Admin wasn't always on his case for every little infraction he'd ever made anyways. But between her and God, it was the Admin he feared more and he knew that if there was one rule that the she enforced, it was that cross faction relations were NOT tolerated and were more than a warrant for termination.

Termination of contract or termination of your life? Depended on how nice she was feeling that day.

Needless to say, he was very frustrated with himself.

But then he remembered how drop dead (haha) gorgeous Medic was even when he was bleeding all over Engie's shirt and the way hearing his laugh had made him felt and the way that glint made it look like he had stars in his eyes and...

...Aw hell, if he was going to get fired (or die! both was very possible) for this he might as well go down after having had a good time.

Now all he had to do was make it to Saturday. While also not giving anything away.

Piece of fucking cake.

#tf2 #tf2 engineer #tf2 medic #tf2 science party #medic x engineer #am #fic #c's writing

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reaganjenelle · 5 years ago

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Louder Than Words

An Anders x OC soulmate AU nobody asked for, but didn't know they needed.

Hi there, possible reader! I'm reaganjenelle. I can tell you're on the fence about reading this Fan fiction. Don't worry, you're not alone. I promise that if you try it, there's a strong possibility that you'll enjoy what you find. So, why don't you kick back, relax, and try something new? Enjoy.

Word Count: 2,284

Chapter 1. Kirkwall

Kirkwall, quite frankly, smelled like piss. Julia had half a mind to simply get back on the ship a return to Fereldan, blight be damned. But she wouldn't. Elric was here and now so was she. Julia took a moment to stretch her cramped muscles before slipping off the cargo ship unnoticed. The journey across the sea had been spent hiding amongst the crates and dodging the crew. It wasn't that she wasn't willing to pay for safe passage. She had, in fact, approached the captain about paying to be smuggled into the city. He was just too far up the Maker's arse to agree. Hadn't thought her coin was worth the risk of being caught. Little did he know Julia had hitched a ride anyway, and he was short the gold he would have had. Not to mention the captain was now convinced one of his crew members had been sneaking extra rations.

The docks were crowded with sweaty workers shoving past each other. It took little effort for the rouge to blend in. Everyone was too busy minding the cargo to pay a lone woman any mind. The first thing Julia decided she needed was to find a hot meal and a stiff drink. A surly looking man grunted directions to her for a tavern in Lowtown only after she had begrudgingly handed over a few coins in return. It was hard to see the appeal of Kirkwall for Julia. As previously stated, it smelled something awful, the buildings had seen better days, and the people seemed just as run down. It wasn't just that they all sorely needed to bathe, it was the way they carried themselves. As if they were caught between looking out for pickpockets and trying to find any easy target for themselves. A woman leaned against the door of an extremely run down house, leering at those who passed by and promised a good time for very little coin. A scabbed sore warned on her mouth. Julia wrinkled her nose and passed by more quickly. But not before her deft fingers found coin in a distracted man's pocket. Alleys broke off in several directions. Some were empty, some held people engaged in shady dealings, and still others worked as homes.

A child huddled by himself in ally opening, clothes threadbare and eyes downcast. He took shelter beneath a soiled sheet stuffed between cracks to hold it up. Behind him was a crust of moldy bread with small bites taken in it. It appeared the boy was trying to ration it. A tin can sat empty between his dirty feet; it was most likely used to catch rain water so he could drink. No one paid him any mind. Julia felt a twinge of guilt as she went to pass by, feet hesitating. It was like looking into a mirror.

"Hey, kid." The child flinched before looking up. His dark eyes were slightly glazed and he had trouble focusing on anything. His pale lips were chapped from dehydration and his cheeks were sunken in from lack of nutrition.Julia squatted in front of him before she could really understand how she managed to find herself there. "Got a name?"

He nodded mutely.

She raised an eyebrow. "Wanna tell me what it is?"

His face flushed and he croaked, "Daniel, serah."

Julia 'hmmed'. "Where are your parents?"

Daniel looked down at his boney hands. "Gone."

"Are you hungry?"

His head snapped up, eyes wide. "W-what?"

Julia ran her fingers through her hair. "Are you hungry? I've always hated eating alone."

A spark of hope ignited in his eyes. "Me, too."

"Well then." Julia stood and gestured for him to do the same. "Why don't we find something to eat together?"

He got shakily to his feet. The rouge winced at his boney frame, but said nothing. Instead, she held out her hand for him to take and led the way to Lowtown. Why she had decided to take him with her was beyond her. She couldn't waste time trying to play the good guy. Not with Elric so close. The kid was a liability and expense she didn't need.

One meal, that's all I can do for him.

The tavern was easy enough to find, what with the sign being a hanged man and all. Julia wrinkled her nose when she stepped inside. The aroma of stale beer and vomit sucker punched her senses as soon as she crossed the threshold. It was mostly empty, save for the few drunkards passed out randomly throughout the establishment. All things considered, it wasn't the worst pub she had been to. Who knows? Maybe they had great mead and even better stew. Julia sat the kid down at a relatively clean table before making her way to the bar.

The bartender was wiping down a dirty mug with an equally dirty rag. "Wha' can I get for ya, love?"

"Food for two, a stiff drink, and two glasses of water." Julia said, sliding a few coins across the grimy surface to him.

Cups in hand, she sat down at the table and slid the water over to Daniel. He hesitated before taking a large drink draining it dry. Julia hid her smile by taking a swig of her own drink and pushing the second cup of water toward him. She grimaced at the burn followed by a bitter after taste. Maybe she should have gotten a water, too. The pair sat in silence until a stern looking barmaid practically slammed down two bowls of mutton and a stale loaf of bread on the table before walking away.

"Well," Julia slid a bowl over to herself. "Dig in, kid." He needed no further invitation. "Whoah, slow down!" Julia laughed. Daniel looked up at her, cheeks stuffed full of anything he could get his hands on. "There's no rush. You'll make yourself sick at the rate you're going." He swallowed thickly and did his best to slow his pace. Satisfied, Julia began to eat as well.

The mutton wasn't bad. It wasn't good, but it wasn't terrible either. It was far better than the scraps of food she had managed to scrounge up on the ship, and far more satisfying. Daniel finished before her, and fan his dirty fingers along the bottom of the dish. Which an internal sigh, she pushed her half eaten food across the wooden table.

"Here. Not as hungry as I thought I was."

He looked from her to the mutton and back in disbelief. "But…"

"Don't get you smalls in a twist. I had plenty." Julia said, taking a large gulp of her mead.

When Daniel finished off the last of the food, he looked up at her and offered a small smile. "Thank you."

Julia shoved down the warm feeling his simple statement had given her. "Yes, well. I wanted the company and you had nothing better to do. Win, win."

Except it wasn't. She had spent more than she should have. It was hard enough taking care of herself. Time was wasting. She had enough on her plate without him to worry about.

Clearing her throat, she stood. "I should get going. See you around, kid."

He continued to sit there even after Julia paid for a room and left the tavern behind. She put him out of her mind. He had food in his belly, now. He would be fine. Probably. Or not. Whatever, it wasn't her problem.

Julia wandered around Kirkwall aimlessly, carefully swiping coin from several pockets on her way. The higher she went into the city, the cleaner it became, and the more snobbish people became. They made for the easiest targets. Coins jingled happily in her purse, steadily growing in number. While raising funds (read: stealing), Julia also made inquiries about the Circle. A particularly chatting vendor explained they kept mages in the Gallows. It was a small island like structure in the bay that had once held the Tevinter slaves. A fortress that now housed mages. A large host of templars guarded them, the biggest in the Free Marches, she was assured. When asked about how to get there, the man simply blinked at her.

"Why would you want to go there?"

Why, indeed. "My brother is Templar. I traveled here to visit him." I lied.

With an understanding smile, he explained about the boats reserved for visiting the prison, and gave her an apple for free. "My thanks to your brother. For keeping us safe.

Shadows grew longer as the sun began its slow descent behind the tops of buildings. Leaning against a stone banister, Julia mulled over what she had learned. The templars were the biggest problem she faced. With so many, it would make her goal harder to achieve. Not only that, but the Gallows being an island would make a clean getaway difficult. She also had to account for securing passage to and from the fortress, then out of Kirkwall. Frustrated, Julia pushed off the railing. Stupid blight. If it had waited just a few more weeks to reach them… but it hadn't. Now here she was, having to rebuild her plans. It was terribly annoying.

Finding the red lantern district in the middle of the richest part of town gave Julia a small sense of amusement. She would have thought it would be in Lowtown if only to keep the undesirables separated. She supposed it would too unbearable for rich folk to have to sully themselves by being seen with the rabel.

The Blooming Rose was filled with people looking for comfort in others. While Julia had never paid for company, she could certainly see the appeal when she saw a muscular young man lead a customer into another room with a seductive grin. Shaking her head wistfully, she made her way to the counter.

"What's your poison, darling?" The woman behind the counter was beautiful. Her long hair curled loosely around her bare shoulders. It was a wonder her sleeveless dress was able to keep her ample bosom from spilling out of top.

"How much for a hot bath?" Julia asked, appreciating the view she was given when the woman leaned forward.

"Looking for someone to wash your back?"

A wide smirk appeared on Julia's lips. "Not tonight, just a private bath."

"Shame." The woman said, a pout on her pretty face. She gave the price and Julia handed over the money.

The bathing room was steamy, and a large bath was built into the floor. The rouge folded her clothes neatly before sinking into its warm depths. Weeks of dirt melted off her skin. It was refreshing to scrub her skin until it was pink. Julia let her mind wander and found herself thinking of Elric. It had been years since she had seen him. Nine years, in fact. He wouldn't be the little boy she remembered, no, her little brother was a man now. She wondered if he thought of her. Of what she had done. Julia sighed as she massaged scented oils into her hair. There was no use dwelling on it. Once she freed him they would talk. She would explain why she had done it, how she had been weak. But she wasn't weak anymore. Now she could take care of him, of both of them. He would see.

Julia left the brothel feeling refreshed. Her hair was left down to dry as she made the trek back to Lowtown. Perhaps she would grow it out again. It currently rested just below her chin due to an unfortunate accident involving a nug and a horde of dark spawn. The mousey colored locks hung limply, and would continue to do so even after it was completely dry. At least when it was long she could braid it back. At the moment it was too short to do much of anything with.

The streets were empty aside from the occasional thug looking for easy victims. It was simple enough to avoid them buy sticking to the shadows. All Julia wanted when the Hanged Man rose to greet her was an ale and sleep. Food be damned. The bath had her too relaxed to care for much else, and that apple had been far better than anything the tavern had. That is, until she was him. Daniel sat exactly where she had left him, surrounded by rowdy drunks ignoring him. When he spotted Julia, a relieved smile lit up his face.

He's like a stray dog. Julia though as she waded through the crowd towards him. Feed them once and they never leave.

"I wasn't sure if you were coming back." He said when she had reached him.

Julia forced the smile that threatened to appear away. This was a problem. The kid now thought she was some kind of good person who had taken him in off the streets. She wasn't. He wasn't her responsibility, and her act of kindness had already been fulfilled for the week, thank you. She needed to tell him to scam, to find someone else to leech off of.

"So, you waited here all day?" She asked instead.

He looked down at the table top and mumbled, "Was that bad?"

Yes. The last thing she needed was someone who needed her. Julia sighed and asked instead, "Hungry?"

His face lit up and he nodded quickly.

Later that night, she looked down at the boy who slept soundly in her bed. One night, then he was gone. She would give him some coin in the morning and send him on his way. Mind made up, Julia settled deeper into the rickety chair and tried to get some sleep.

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mariisseething · 6 years ago

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Analyzing Hero Costumes: Girls of Class 1-A

My obsession has spiraled out of control. Let me roast analyze these babes. I’m dumb. I’m tired. I’m gay. Let’s do this.

Warning: I’m a cynical, lazy-ass critic with no consistent taste. Don’t expect a fair analysis.

(This is just for fun, please don’t get mad at me for being an undereducated weeb! I went into writing this with only the knowledge I’ve obtained through watching the show and reading the manga. I don’t know everything about the costumes, and I don’t want to either)!

Ashido Mina (Pinky)

Babe, imma be frank here.

I love her, but—

that shit ugly.

Funcionality: Mina’s quirk (Acid) comes from her hands and feet. If I remember correctly, she has passages in her shoes that her...foot..acid.....can pass through, and her hands are fully exposed. So her costume is “practical”, and works with her quirk.

Design: As I said before, that shit ugly. The body suit has the worst pattern and color combination I’ve ever seen. (Like if Sully from Monster’s Inc. was turned into a cow and hated it). Her tiddies should be popping out any second now, which isn’t great. Her weird armpit vest with it’s stupid fluffy collar is quite reminiscent of Hawks’ jacket, which leads me to believe that their costumes were made by the same designer. (Many of the designers in the BNHA universe put calling-cards in their costumes). Her white mask is pointless, but at least it matches the fluff on her collar. Her boots, though they have a purpose, are ugly as sin. The pale yellow doesn’t match any other piece in the ensemble, and the Dabi-scar colored purple makes me sad. Hate that.

Total Score: 2/10

Her costume does almost nothing to enhance her quirk, and it’s hideous. The only reason it got two points was because of the shoe holes, and the possibility that it’s connected to my boy Hawks.

Seriously, this is some Seasame Street lookin-ass bullshit.

No hate on Mina, she’s lovely, but her taste is atrocious. (see: her bedroom).

Asui Tsuyu (Froppy)

Okay, okay bitch I see you.

I’m here for this.

Funcionality: Tsu’s quirk (Frog) requires a decent amount of flexibility from clothing. Spandex works for that I guess. Normally, I would automatically fail this costume for having goddamn toe “socks”, but for Tsuyu they’re nessecary. Having her individual toes chiseled out helps her grip onto shit when she’s kicking ass. It looks like her gloves are attached to her body suit, which is rad, but I’m not sure what the purpose of that waist belt-thing is. If anything, the chunky pieces of her costume would make it harder for her to swim. I also have no fucking clue what that head piece is. I once thought they were like binoculars or something, but she’s never put them on her face so...they wouldn’t fit....on her face..huh.....I’m so stupid bro.

Design: Lets start with a positive, the color scheme slaps. Everything goes together, and the dark green even matches her hair. The bodysuit has a cool structure, and I can definitely appreciate the slight turtleneck and boot-esq feature; however, the chunky wrist pieces, belt, neck/chest-thing, and head piece confuse me. I guess they’re there for fashion, gutter fashion. Shitty crap face fashion. Ugly butthole fashion. FILTH! I need to calm down holy shit—

Total Score: 6/10

The look honestly only lost points for the random ass statement pieces. Water terrains are Tsuyu’s specialty, and a clunky outfit would certainly slow her down underwater.

The toe shit, turtleneck, thigh-high “boots”, and color scheme are pretty dope though.

(Also, she only has three toes but frogs have four).

(My Hero Academia: Cancelled).

Hagakure Toru (Invisible Girl)

So, here’s the real question.

Is she naked?

Short answer: I dunno.

Funcionality: So she’s invisible, right? A good costume would emphasize that. I can only assume she wears the boots and gloves for comfort and so her allies can see where she is. If she wants to go full invisible, she just has to take them off. At one point, it was confirmed that she was topless during the sports festival, but we’ve had no further updates on her costume. A few people have theorized that her costume is made of her hair (assuming she has hair). We know that this is possible, as Mirio’s costume is made of his hair so he can remain clothed while his quirk is activated. The only issue would be making an outfit out of something you can’t see. If I were Toru, I would choose to fight nude because, I-uh...hmm, I-I can do what I want SHUT UP!

Design: There’s not much to critique here. The shade of blue on her gloves is cute, and the pink stripes don’t make much of an impact. The shoes are just about the most boring thing I’ve ever seen, like why are they beige??? What are they supposed to match? I just—ugh, beige??? What the fuck Horikoshi...smh.

Total Score: 5/10

Since we don’t know if the “hair-costume” thing is canon, I can’t rate it any higher. If that is true, it would be an 7/10. The outfit does its job, but I’m bored and beige sucks.

(Btw I don’t trust her...)

(Sketchy chick right here).

(Sketchy chick with some ugly-ass beige shoes).

Jirou Kyouka (Earphone Jack)

Aww.

She’s cute!

Look at her little face, d’awwwweeeeee!

Funcionality: The lovely Kyouka’s quirk (Earphone Jack), makes absolutely no sense to me. Like, I get that she can hear better and can eavesdrop really well, but how does she...make loud noises??? With the speakers??? Plugging earbuds into a speaker doesn’t make............noise, and the speakers aren’t part of her body. Whatever, back to the analysis. The speakers on her hands and calves amplify sound somehow, and her earlobes are exposed. It’s works.

Design: The speaker boots are basic, but acceptable. She’s got some comfy looking black pants, and a trendy salmon-colored top. Her jacket is iconic, and she’s wearing a choker. (+1,000,000 points for that). The white gloves don’t match shit, but they’re fingerless so I’ll let it slide. Her headphones almost match....meh. I don’t care. (+10 for the face paint).

Total Score: 8/10

Listen, I’d give her a 10 but this costume just isn’t....gimmicky, enough for me? She’s a superhero for fucksake! Now’s the time to dress your goddamn best! The look is practical, and seems to be her taste, I just disagree with her choices. Sue me. I’d either wanna fight in the wackiest most dangerous getup you’ve ever seen, or completely naked. Either way, I’m getting arrested. Jirou needs to get on my fucking level.

Uraraka Ochaco (Uravity)

I don’t know boys,

it seems like she might be...

round.

Fuck sharp angles!

Funcionality: Ochaco’s quirk (Zero Gravity) only requires her hands to work. More specifically, her fingertips. Uh, yeah those are some nude fingertips. *Ahem* moving on. Actually wait, since she often uses her quirk on herself it would be helpful for her to eliminate as much extra weight as possible, so I’m hoping that all of the accessories are hollow. They better be, or I’m gonna start throwing hands with Kohei Horikoshi.

Design: When Ochaco first got her hero costume she was surprised by how tight it was, even saying that it wasn’t supposed to be that tight. Bitch, how could it have been loose? I don’t...fuck it. I like the colors, I like the boots a lot actually, but who cares about that, I wanna talk about her fucking chastity belt. Who she keepin out? (Jesus Christ she’s a child, tone it down Mari). Do you think it’s comfortable to walk around with a chunk of plastic on your crotch?! I don’t know, seriously, is it? Maybe she’s trying to hide something...a hip dip perhaps?! Jk hip dips are stupid, that’s how bones work, don’t be ashamed. Her wrist...spheres... have handles on them, no comment, and whereas I usually LOVE chokers—that one is stupid and I hate it. Curvy little shit.

Total Score: 8/10

I like it overall, but some things are just too strange to overlook. (i.e. the chastity belt, wrist cuff handles, and the ugly choker). This costume doesn’t really scream Uraraka to me either. It’s a bit unoriginal to me.

I just don’t love it.

(Why are her fists clenched? Is she trying to fight? I could snap her like the twig she is and steal her girlfriend).

(Assuming she has one).

Yaoyorozu Momo (Creati)

Oohooohohohoho

hooohohoho

hoooooo mAN do I have some WORDS for this one!

Funcionality: Momo’s quirk (Creation) does require quite a bit of skin to be exposed, but I’m not sure why that skin HAS to be her boobs. She’s got thighs, a stomach, a back, an upper chest, and arms. Why do her Russian nesting dolls have to come out of her tiddies??? Okay, actually, she doesn’t make that many things with her tits. So....why’re they out? This costume definitely lets her quirk run wild, maybe too much.

Design: The red is pretty, and I can tolerate the sandy yellow. Her shoes are unimportant, so let’s just gloss over those. Now, WHAT is that thing? A makeshift, tan colored, plastic tube mini...skirt? I know she has a shelf on her ass that she carries books on, but doesn’t she have a cellphone? Google? Can’t she just remember the molecular make-up of a cannon? (Because she only makes cannons now for some reason). Have we ever even seen her reading those books? Can she read? A large portion of her midsection/chest is exposed up to another one of those weird chest pieces and a neck jacket. Maybe she should cut the neck coat off and glue it to her tiddies.

Total Score: 1/10

Listen, Horikoshi clearly understands what Momo’s costume needs, but he has no idea how to make that. This outfit IS inappropriate, no matter how you look at it. She’s a minor, and I don’t like the idea that she’s running around 75% naked. The only part of this that I like is the shade of red. That’s not good.

I really like Momo, she’s a good character, it’s unfortunate that we have to sexualize her so much. Can’t girls just be smart without also being eye candy for creepy 30 year old weebs?

——————

That’s it for this analysis. I plan on posting more stuff like this since I enjoy writing it so much! You should totally follow me so you don’t miss my future ramblings! 💖

Unless you hated it.

I wouldn’t blame you.

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periodicreviews · 5 years ago

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Uncharted 1-3

With the release of the Uncharted trilogy for free, I decided to finally make my way through them. When I bought my PS4 in 2017, it came with a copy of Uncharted 4 that I’ve left untouched until now. I go into specifics for Uncharted 1-3, then talk a little about the series as a whole.

Uncharted 1

My biggest complaint with this game was the platforming. It was not only tough to figure out which ledges were “grabbable” but even after my 9 hours in the game, I couldn’t accurately judge distances.

Some ledges appear to be close enough, but there’s actually a different side path the developers want you to take. Drake as a character seems to have a variable jump distance depending on if the game detects you are trying to land on a grabbable ledge.

If you jump too soon or at the wrong angle, you’ll execute a short “hop” and fall to your death. I haven’t done any digging on whether such a system exists, that’s just what it appears like.

I died over and over on one of the later levels where there is a series of platforms in the rafters of a church. I just kept misjudging distances and jumping too early.

My primary cause of death had to have been just been falling as opposed to any enemy NPC.

As I say that, I’m reminded of one particular shootout in a courtyard. At the time I remember being really frustrated that being in cover didn’t mean that you were safe from bullets. There was so much gunfire that I couldn’t get anywhere near the people who were shooting at me especially with the number of grenades they were shooting at me. It was tough to have to unlearn everything I know about cover from Gears of War, where you are safe if you don’t peek out from people shooting towards you.

Uncharted 2

Uncharted 2 in some ways felt like a step back and a step forward.

The remastering team on U1 maybe did too good of a job because I felt the eyes of the characters in U2 felt a lot more lifeless.

The step forward was obviously in the improved platforming. I had less and less trouble judging distances. I can’t tell if that’s just because I had 9 hours of practice from the previous game, but I feel like the system judging character movement was also greatly improved.

I died 10 or more times in a single sequence when a helicopter is firing missiles at a building. The building begins to tip over and collapse and you are supposed to jump through a window on a neighboring building to escape.

Fail to jump and you die. Jump at the wrong angle, and you fall between the collapsing building and are crushed. Before I realized I was supposed to go through the window, I thought I was supposed to grab onto the ledge of the neighboring building.

Right after you jump at the exact spot, Drake says “Jump”. But for me, this audio cue always came after I was supposed to jump. I’m not sure if they intended that audio cue to be the cue for the user or not.

This particular scene is a symptom of the root problem in my opinion of the game trying to be too cinematic. I say that, even as a fan of Quantic Dream games. I know there’s a very fine line between cinematic and game. Go too far and you can confuse the player on when they are required to interact and/or make it feel like their actions have no impact. Uncharted 2 had a few such sequences for me. I never wanted to see another train by the end of it.

Uncharted 3

The beginning of the game had me a little worried about the collision detection. It might have just been a side effect of playing with a smaller character model and the collision requirements being slightly different than the regular sized character. There were a few moments when I would get stuck in the chase sequence on corners or edges of geometry.

U3 also put a lot more importance on the melee combat system. I personally prefer to stick with the gunplay but for certain enemies like the shotgun/bulletproof vest guy and the giant brawler types, it felt like a requirement to engage them melee combat. The ability to return grenades and dropdown on enemies in silent takedowns was a welcome addition though.

I really hated the “drug trip” levels. It was very uncomfortable to look at the screen as it distorts and I started to panic during the first level because I was worried I was going in circles and causing this level to last longer than it should. Though to the developers’ credit, that’s really the point of these sequences.

There was one segment I was intent on getting through on all stealth as you infiltrate the airport to stowaway on the cargo plane to the desert. Two enemies at the end guard a door and you can’t shoot either without triggering the “alert”. You had to catch their attention, one at a time, to lure them away from the door and take them out. I really wished I could use the rock mechanic from Horizon Zero Dawn to even get them to spread out on a patrol as they searched for the noise. Ultimately, I was able to remain in the shadows enough to grab their attention but not to fully alert them.

General

I think story-wise, I enjoyed the first game the most, despite it being a little cliché that the Nazis appeared. But gameplay-wise, I probably prefer U2. I enjoyed Elena being presented as someone who didn’t have to rely on Drake to save her. The scene where Elena breaks Drake out of jail in particular was well executed and it was fun to watch these actors perform it.

In U2, although realistic that there would be some animosity between Chloe and Elena, I wished the two could be there as part of a team, not just as two sides of the love triangle. Thankfully they do warm up to each other.

In U2 and U3, characters ask Drake “what’s the point?” and I felt like Drake never successfully answered that. In U1, the driving motivation is rescuing Sully and Elena, then later on it’s in preventing the destructive power from leaving the island. In U2, despite Elena being on death’s doorstep, Drake still decides to face Lazarevic. In U3, especially after getting the warning that Francis Drake himself is alleged to have written. Drake wants to continue on. I guess that just speaks to who he is as a character but the 2nd and 3rd games lost me in that regard as to knowing when to quit. To be fair, he did want to quit in U2 until Schafer convinced him otherwise with the power of the Cintamani stone.

Music

Given Uncharted’s inclusion on stuff like Video Games Live, I expected there to be more to the soundtrack. The main theme is notable but unfortunately that’s the only track that stands out. There are no bad tracks so to speak, but nothing that made me want to listen to it again.

Hints

The hint system was hit and miss at times. I imagine they did a lot of testing to figure out what’s the average time it takes for someone to figure out a particular puzzle and then use that time for how long it takes for the hint to appear. Frequently, the hint would appear when I was already well on my way to finishing the puzzle or when I had just figured it out.

Sometimes the hints would take the form of pressing up on the D-pad and that’s great because I have the option to not press it. It was frustrating when character dialog would tell me what to do instead of letting me figure it out. I know I could’ve turned off the hints in the menu, but I think that would have only worked for the D-pad. It would’ve been nice if that extra character dialog wouldn’t give it all away or could be triggered optionally by the D-pad.

Take a break

It’s probably my fault for trying to rush through these games. But I couldn’t help but notice how high the body count is as you kill non-descript enemy after non-descript enemy. In the first game, they’re just trying to find El Dorado and yet these people are throwing their lives away. In U2, it’s maybe a little more believable because Lazarevic is a warlord basically. And in U3, I guess it’s also believable that this secret society has vast sums of money and influence. Everyone has a price as they say.

At times, I just felt fatigued at having to mow through a whole other squadron of enemies. I know that sounds strange from someone who has played his fair share of Halo, Call of Duty, and Gears of War, where there are no puzzles or exploration, it’s just killing.

In two of those, you’re fighting aliens or “monsters”. I wonder if I played through the 3 Call of Duty Modern Warfare games back to back, would I feel the same way about them? Or maybe it’s merely because Uncharted is not sold to me as being a soldier on a battlefield, you’re just a treasure hunter against mercenaries hired by some rich guy who are just looking for a paycheck (though to be fair, that’s many soldiers as well). Maybe it’s just my personal tastes changing over the years.

This endless warzone type combat also made me yearn for one or two scene where Drake takes it easy. Even just like stopping to eat or sleep would’ve been good. The puzzle and vehicle sections are there to break up the standard run and gun action but I just feel like as a person, it would feel more realistic to see Drake take a nap some time.

Granted, Uncharted is not necessarily aiming for realism. Chances are very low that any person would be able to climb up a train car as it teeters on the edge of a cliff in Tibet. Or escape from a collapsing building that has been shot with rockets from a helicopter gunship. Or survive days walking through the Rub' al Khali with no water and still have the stamina to survive waves of troops in a gun battle. And keep doing it all over and over again.

He does take 1 nap in Uncharted 3 for like 3 hours and I welcomed every second of it. Uncharted 2 opens at a bar where he takes several sips of a drink and of course he takes several sips of the poisoned water in Uncharted 3. But in excluding all of these normal human activities, Drake feels less and less like a human and more like a god.

I feel like maybe I’m missing something that all of these 10/10 and 9/10 reviewers saw. Part of that is probably the time that has passed. I started with The Last of Us and moved on to other games, like Death Stranding, that have built upon the motion capture acting format. Part of it is probably due to me trying to beat these games too quickly, especially when it comes to 2 and 3. I feel like as a whole they are more an 8/10.

I’ve since moved on to Uncharted 4 and so far it feels like a very different game, which I’m not sure if that is a good or a bad thing yet.

#uncharted

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dorotheian · 7 years ago

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So finally I can put my own two cents in on what I saw in Last of the Jedi.

I understand why people would be put out by it. IMO, it’s between a rock and a hard place: multiple perspectives, not enough time—barely enough to round it all out at the end (I kept wondering when the endpoint was going to be), and relying on a thematic/mythic approach that slides over certain cause-and-effect holes. But since when has a Star Wars movie not relied on all the dominoes being lined up just so? And is simultaneously trying to show what happens when the dominoes aren’t stacked neatly? It’s taken almost too far. I’m just gonna accept that the timescales were VERY generously stretched.

Poe’s and Finn’s sides of the conflict were comparatively—perhaps equally—weak. Rey carries the movie; but she’s not even doing that much until the end. Poe and Finn are much more active. Rey has the luxury of time and contemplation which they do not have: they, like the Resistance, are moving in “real time,” getting messy, making mistakes, living on a wind and a prayer and the conviction that if they follow their inner compass, it will all turn out right.

The heroes are contrasted with their leadership. Rey/Luke, Kylo/Snoke, Finn & Poe vs. Leia and Harlo; and right up at the end, it’s Hux/Kylo (Hux is doing his best to knock out Kylo—to be continued). ALL of these leaders are deeply flawed, and I think the movie was attempting to explore those flaws. The flaws of too much experience, and too little; of long service, and temporary roles; of not recognizing one’s place, and struggling to impose an unnatural chain of leadership and command (Harlo and Hux).

In Leia’s and Harlo’s cases... *sigh* Yup, they held onto that idiot ball. Leia’s displeasure should have focused more on taking away Poe’s command (if that plot point had to be there to begin with) than a stupid face-slap. If it is in character, a face-slap reveals Leia’s weakness as a commander in using such a crude and despotic crutch. Then Harlo was abrupt, condescending, and overly secretive. There was no need for her to hide her own plans except for extra drama in the late reveal. Admitting in private that she likes that hot-shot pilot in no way makes up for unnecessarily abrading him in public. Whether Poe is ranked as a soldier or not, Harlo made the mistake of treating Poe like a soldier when he is a fully actualized, free-thinking leader. It cost valuable time. It was a rookie mistake; she stepped in to an interim temporary role and held the reins too tightly. I sympathize, because temporary authority is a deuce to handle, but it in no way excuses her. Nor do I think Poe did right in undermining her; but he was making decisions in real time to save the Resistance. (Interesting parallel in Star Trek Discovery, btw.) I don’t like Harlo’s interpretation of Leia’s favorite saying: there’s no need to manufacture ignorance to spur creativity and faith. Creativity thrives on the facts. Faith does not rise on command. It can be encouraged as a culture but not manipulated or demanded in a battle. Leia, meanwhile, seems to have mellowed in her wisdom: she has grown cautious and withdraws her support too early. Nevertheless (in private) she trusts in and relies upon her fully grown, free-thinking pilots to make their own decisions. (Leia. Leia. Come on now. Show some class. You can’t have it both ways.)

Finn’s arc is plain messy. A cantina, again? OK, it’s a high-class one, we’ll call it a casino. WHATEVERRRRRR. How easy it is to hate decadent rich people; they’re dismissible stock villains. It was too convenient, too chancy. Why couldn’t we have gone to the Star Wars equivalent of Wall Street?!! That’s my main huff. I think Finn and Rose as characters were okay. I don’t like that Finn gets pre-emptively attacked so early in both TFA and TLJ. I wish Rose and Finn could have met a different way. Given in-universe reasons, I do understand Rose’s attack because Finn was acting twitchy and evasive, she’s apparently found other deserters, she’s a good soldier, etc.: she’s no dummy and she did the genre-savvy thing. It’s just genre-savvy to the wrong story. Finn, meanwhile, is canonically terrible at explaining why he’s doing what he’s doing—his first instinct is to make excuses and hide his real intentions (he probably learned that for survival on the Death Star, let’s be real) even if those intentions are good and sympathetic. He just assumes that nobody will listen to him right off. So I don’t blame Rose; I blame the writer who put Rose and Finn in that awkward situation. Rose doesn’t taser Finn because he’s black per se, but she is a bit quick to the punch, and that’s the problematic part. Real black people do get killed because they aren’t afforded the benefit of the doubt. In-universe, if she didn’t taser him right quick, she’s obviously a slacker at her job; if she does, she’s a racist bitch. There’s no good outcome to that situation. Oh, another thing I noticed: Finn doesn’t have time to enjoy himself at the cantina, but Rose can take all the time she wants rescuing the alien steeds? *rolls eyes* Yeah, knock that off. Spare me. It wasn’t funny. It looks bad. I will be disappointed if Finn/Rose is chosen as endgame over Finn/Rey. Fandom is of course free to do and enjoy almost whatever it likes, but I think that making that choice in canon would be cowardly.

Poe bought time. He didn’t have a mission to complete. Finn bought time, and did complete his mission. In terms of story impact, Finn has more. Both are equally mixed up in enjoyment and sensibility of plot. Are their plots racist? *takes a deep breath* Yes, kind of. In a “white women wield power recklessly” sort of way, and in a “white woman author wrote some insensitive situations” kind of way.

Now, onto Rey and Kylo. Despite my wishes, they got center stage. To my surprise...I’m okay with what they did with it. I think the directers put enough bait for Kylo and Rey to exist as a dark ship... perhaps unfortunately... buuuuuuut! I still think Kylo/Rey isn’t romantic. Rey is way more fond of Poe or Finn than she is of Kylo. (Personally, I like Kylo’s face, but I did not really need to see him topless? Not a sexy torso? It was plainly framed and barely romantically coded. Methinks it was restrained for a reason.) I like the argument that this movie is about Rey willingly becoming the bridge for Kylo to get out of the abusive hole he’s stuck in: not immediately, but someday. She sticks with her boundaries, and she respects the shaky place where Kylo stands. Rey will not throw herself or the galaxy away for Kylo. Rey will not give Kylo a free pass for his beliefs and choices. The ball is in Kylo’s park. He must see that empire is not the answer to peace for himself before there is any more cooperation. They have reached détente.

Luke carried on in his way like a grand old grizzled idiot. Kylo’s backstory reminds me more of Jason from the Jedi Academy books than anything. Be that as it may... I grasp in concept why Luke fell to the extent he did: he had a serious crisis of temptation and intent. But emotionally speaking, it’s a lot harder to accept. Why was he of all people susceptible to that temptation? I have only two plausible explanations. 1) Time, age, and possibly an inappropriate station for him—teaching seemed right, but it probably wasn’t really his thing for one reason or another; 2) he trusted the Jedi way and its biases too much, and misunderstood Force presentiments, partially incurring his own tragedy. (Kylo was set up, but he still made his own choices.) He trusted the Force more than he did his own knowledge of the people around him. And even acknowledging that on some level, Luke’s still susceptible to those prejudices! Look, if the Dark and Light are part of the same continuum like you say, why’d you freak out about Rey’s and Kylo’s being naturally drawn to the dark? Plain hypocrisy and superstition make Luke unable to keep a level head. Between them both, Rey and Kylo have a better grasp of the proper place of presentiments than either Luke or the Jedi Council ever did. Rey and Kylo both saw a future biased by their own perspectives. But, knowing the possibilities, they carefully acted on a new present independent of both their visions on a foundation of trust in one another. Both were right, but not completely so—and as it should be.

But I am glad Luke died the way he did; letting Kylo make his choice and rage and do his worst, but by also taking the consequences out of his hands. He made sure Kylo grasped the depths of his own brokennness, and kept Kylo from sullying his hands again. Luke chose to die like Obi-wan chose to die—in confrontation with their past, and falling not on their apprentices’ lightsabers, but at peace with themselves and the Force. It is not precisely self-sacrifice. They purposely make death their last lesson, their last gift of peace and hope, to their wayward pupils. Their life and their death are two things their apprentices could not spoil because Luke and Obi-wan chose in the end not to let them. In doing this, they reclaim ownership of their own choices and their actions, of their own burden of responsibility for the path that their lives took, and assert that these hold more power than their apprentices’ mistakes. It is not only acceptance and forgiveness, and a hope that their legacy lives on even after their death, but a confrontation and a refusal to let their apprentices continue to fall down the path of murder. They deny them this step of depravity.

Rey’s parents? Meh.

#star wars spoilers #probably the one and only essay I'll write on the subject

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daleisgreat · 8 years ago

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Top 10 and Worst 5 Films of 2014 through 2016

I meant to do this last year, but completely neglected it. When I ran my old podcast, one episode a year, my friends Matt, Jay and I would host our annual best and worst movies of the year episode. We did three installments for films that hit in 2011-2013. The podcast is not around anymore so I have not done it since, but I still have been keeping Word documents on my computer with a list of all the movies I saw each year and constantly update my top 10 and worst 5 rankings of the year. I meant to post the best and worst of 2015 as a blog, but as I said it just slipped past me and I will make up for it now with a triple best and worst list for 2014 through 2016. I had a whole extra year to catch up on Netflix and VUDU on 2014 and 2015 releases I missed so I have seen about 20% more films than I did than 2016. So hopefully that will excuse any glaring omissions that did not make my rankings. That said, I am still feeling pretty good about my 2016 list and there were only a handful of films that slipped by me that I have not seen yet. Movies linked on the lists will take you to my review of the film if you want to see my expanded thoughts on the film. One last thing before the lists, I want to give a shoutout to one of my favorite film critics, Scott Sawitz! I have discussed movies, wrestling and a ton more with Scott for well over a decade and have had the pleasure of having him guest host on my aforementioned podcast several times. I have always been a fan of his reviews and weekly column, Monday Morning Critic, over at Inside Pulse. His latest column is his annual top 10 films of the year I always look forward to. Scott has a twist on his rankings this year because he has been putting a ton of work into his weekly YouTube series, Confessions of a Super-Hero, weekly bite-sized episodic viewing all about what super-heroes do in their off-duty downtime. If you have a moment, please check it out! Now, onto the lists! 2014 TOP 10 10) Wild 9) Nightcrawler 8) Gone Girl 7) Equalizer/John Wick 6) Imitation Game 5) Interstellar 4) Guardians of the Galaxy 3) Whiplash 2) Captain America: The Winter Soldier 1) Boyhood Best Documentary – Life Itself

The two comic book films on the list ranked high with Marvel having a stellar year. Guardians surprised me because the concept just seemed impossible to pull off in live action with an animated tree and talking raccoon, but somehow Marvel did it and it kicked all kinds of ass. Winter Soldier was an awesome modern day follow up to The First Avenger. I seem to be in the minority of people when discussing Interstellar, and while I would rank it a notch or two under other non-Batman Christopher Nolan classics like Inception, I still very much enjoyed it that it made it into the midst of my top 10. Life Itself is an excellent documentary all about Roger Ebert in his final days as it documents his and Gene Siskel’s breakout rise as the go to film critics of the nation. Wild hit all the right nerves for me on Cheryl Strayed’s arduous journey of self-discovery. Nightcrawler shocked me at the lengths Gyllenhaal went to get the ultimate creep-o look down and his convincing transition from wannabe ripoff artist to the quintessential conman. I was expecting Equalizer to be a by-the-numbers action flick, but Denzel Washington proved me wrong by adding on many layers to it, and it is bizarre how John Wick came out within weeks of it and both were nearly identical plots, but both delivered in their own unique way. John Wick also gets my dubious award for best ever Kevin Nash cameo. Finally, props to Richard Linklater for delivering on his film that was literally 12 years in the making with Boyhood. Linklater is a risk taker with his ambitious projects, and he knocked another one out of the park with Boyhood getting my vote as best film of 2014. 2014 WORST 5 5) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 4) Tekken 2 3) Pro-Wrestling Zombies 2) Amazing Spider-Man 2 1) Transformers: Rise of the Fallen 2014 saw many terrible films, I actually had nearly 10 films as being ‘worst 5-calibur’ material. The TMNT remake had a few bright spots and scene-saving moments from Will Arnett, but he alone could not save a film with so many gut-wrenching jokes and awful retconning of the TMNT lore I grew up with. I actually dug the first Tekken film as a kind of solid nonsense fighting tournament movie that was kind of faithful to the source material ala Mortal Kombat, but the sequel was this awful attempt at a mafia-crime-mystery-drama that failed on all levels. Pro-Wrestling Zombies was a very low budget zombie slashing film starring Matt Hardy, Jim Duggan and Roddy Piper, but with these wrestling legends it was not even enjoyable in an ironic way like most zombie films, and was just flatout bad. Amazing Spider-Man 2 shocked me because I legitimately enjoyed the reboot, and thought this would be another easy follow up with most of the same cast and crew returning. However, Spider-Man and Electro both cast painful jokes and banter throughout that did not exist in the prior film, and there were countless groan inducing moments. The latest Transformers film outdid the straight-up bad humor and moments throughout the entire wreck of a film. Michael Bay somehow found a way to make it a nearly insurmountable task to get through. 2015 Top 10 10) Southpaw 9) Ant Man 8) The Martian 7) End of the Tour 6) Mad Max: Fury Road 5) Revenant 4) Creed 3) Steve Jobs 2) Spotlight 1) Hateful Eight Best Documentary – Tie: Electric Boogaloo & Winning: Racing Life of Paul Newman

Yeah, I like my feel good boxing/sports films as Jake Gyllenhaal shined again this year in Southpaw and Creed surpassed my expectations with its contemporary take on the Rocky franchise. While the lighthearted moments from Damon seemed a little forced, I still very much dug his Mars survival story, but not as much I got immersed into Dicaprio’s and Tom Hardy’s intense wilderness survival adventure that is The Revenant. Fury Road marked the first Mad Max movie I saw and the bombastic costumes initially had me raising an eyebrow, but once the heavy metal guitar semi-truck graced the screen in its infinite glory I instantly went on board with the film and never got off. I recently reviewed Steve Jobs, and if you recall I absolutely loved its use of creative license to tell a nonstop dialogue juggernaut of three big moments in Jobs’ life. Spotlight is the perfect way to tell a slow building mystery film where investigative journalists gradually picked away at their biggest scoop ever. Finally, I am biased towards Quentin Tarantino as I view the man as being one of the absolute best at dialogue in films, and he delivered once again with countless another excellent script and scenes that stole the show in The Hateful Eight. The setting worked perfectly and I was on my toes waiting to see which one of the eight was going to make the first move in a powdered keg filled with characters ready to burst. 2015 Worst 5 5) Fantastic Four 4) Jupiter Ascending 3) Chappie 2) Ted 2 1) Pixels

I was surprised at how bad Jupiter Ascending turned out to be, and did not expect Channing Tatum to be the only decent part of that film. After the dud that was Sucker Punch and now Jupiter Ascending, I am cutting myself off from all future Wachowski-directed films. I am a fan of District 9 and its director Neil Blomkamp and felt burned by his latest film, the insufferable Chappie in numerous ways. I was anticipating bad things from both Fantastic Four or Pixels, but part of me forced myself to go to see how awful they ultimately were. Fantastic Four was mostly drawn out and dull, and had some very head-scratching moments throughout. I cannot remember the last Adam Sandler film I legitimately liked, does the first half of Funny People count? Any marginal hopes of a semi-decent film were squashed the second Kevin James popped up on screen as the dopey president of the USA. Practically the entire film was bad, but I will at least give it minor props for some pretty good use of the videogame CG in the film. 2016 Top 10 10) Purge: Election Year 9) Deadpool 8) Star Trek: Beyond 7) 13 Hours: Secret Soldiers of Benghazi 6) Captain America: Civil War 5) Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice 4) Hacksaw Ridge 3) Sully 2) Fences 1) The Accountant Best Documentary – ESPN 30 for 30: The ’85 Bears

The last two Purge films have turned into guilty Halloween pleasures like the old Final Destination films. Election Year kept up the same gritty, over-the-top tone and pace as Anarchy Reigns before it. Deadpool surprised me at not being a dud, and far exceeded my expectations with tons of great jokes, dialogue, action and unapologetically aware 4th wall-breaking references throughout. It has been awhile since I got wrapped up in an intense R-rated war film, and 2016 had two of them with 13 Hours and Hacksaw Ridge that both get high recommendations from me. I am a wee bit of a Clint Eastwood fan, but I will give him and Tom Hanks righteous props on how they somehow made Sully’s heroic emergency plane landing into the Hudson River a thrilling feature length film. Some of you who saw the list are probably baffled at why I rank the controversial Dawn of Justice over the much-loved Civil War, but the two ranked so close together I just might change my answer if you ask me any day of the week. If I am splitting hairs I did not care for the shoehorned Spider-Man extended cameo, and his dialogue has me worried that Homecoming is going to be filled with an equal, if not worse script than Amazing Spider-Man 2. Denzel Washington and Viola Davis are sublime in Fences. The small, but mighty cast here delivered powerful performances, with Washington and Davis especially delivering in this dialogue-driven-tour-de-force about hard times for a family making ends meet in the 1950s. I did not know too much going into The Accountant other than it had what appeared to be a gimmick of an assassin with Autism. I could not have been more wrong as there is so much more going on with this film that it entertained me throughout its near two and a half hour runtime. Ben Affleck continues his streak of excellent performances, and I cannot wait to see how his upcoming solo version of The Batman turns out. Worst 5 2) Suicide Squad 1) Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk

I have only seen two movies this year that qualify as “worst 5-caliber.” I could not get into Suicide Squad. The first third of the film played out like an extended trailer scored with worn out songs that I am use to only hearing off trailers. There were several WTF moments throughout, and add in the film felt compromised after audiences griped that Dawn of Justice was not lighthearted enough. DC/Warner Bros. responded by pasting in several post-production groan-worthy zingers that played more to the mainstream, but made me cringe. I am optimistic for the presumable sequel though, because I did dig Will Smith as Deadshot and Margot Robbie’s portrayal of fan favorite, Harley Quinn and I am even interested in what direction they take The Joker next. Halftime Walk usurped it as my worst film of the year however because of how unlikeable the cast is. About 20% of the film is war flashbacks that I actually liked, but the other 80% is the members of the military squad’s day being honored at a football game, and just being super dick-ish and incredibly un-empathetic throughout it. I know this is based off a book, but I do not know if something got lost in translation or if this was the desired vision of the film. Either way, it yields my worst of the year honors! Thanks for sticking with me rambling all this way, see you next year!

#random movie #top 10 #boyhood #transformers rise of the fallen #the hateful eight #pixels #accountant #billy lynn's long halftime walk #suicide squad #spotlight #captain america #fences

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