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aggieslittlebunny · 29 days ago

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PLEASE TALK TO ME

MEN/MINORS DNI!!!

Pairing: University Student!Reader x Older!gf!Wanda

Summary: Reader’s life has always been hard, but as of late, it seems to be extremely harder for you. Your girlfriend, Wanda, is always ready to support you, but you push her away as your condition is getting worse and things escalate.

Trigger Warnings/Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, contain heavy/sensitive topic, mental illness, depressed reader, anxious reader, negative self-talk, self-harm, suicide attempt, suffering reader, reader have suspicion of being an ADHDer (but doesn’t get diagnosed). You have been warned, so don’t read this fic if there is a chance that you might get triggered, no matter how small the chance is. Please never hesitate to reach out to someone close to you or any professional help if you’re struggling mentally. You matter <3

Author Note: English is not my first language, so I apologize in advance for any gramatical and spelling errors ^^

Word Count: 3.5k

Life has been hard for you lately, much harder than usual. You can’t exactly tell since when this has happened and the reasons behind it. Being a university student has always been a challenge. To be completely honest, despite getting A- for most of the courses you had, you always feel like you barely survived. Other students appear to be able to understand whatever topic the professors deliver right away. Besides that, it seems very easy for them to raise their hands and ask questions. Meanwhile, you? You can barely sit through three and a half hours of each lecture, let alone be focused throughout the whole thing. Being glued to the classroom chair for that long feels so horrible. Oftentimes, you think of excusing yourself to the restroom, but you are way too anxious to do that. All you can do is shift yourself in your seat every once in a while, but you can’t do that too much either because then people will notice how fidgety you are. You will attract unwanted attention.

Speaking of unwanted attention and being anxious, those are why it’s hard for you to ask questions during lectures. You don’t like having people’s eyes on you. You also keep asking yourself “what if my question is strange?” or “what if my question doesn’t make sense?” right after your brain makes a question, which gets you stuck in your head and prevents you from being an active student. That doesn’t mean you never ask questions. You pushed yourself to do that sometimes. You need to keep up with other students after all. But you truly despise it. You don’t like the feeling of your hands becoming clammy and how your heart beats very fast, making you breathe heavily.

Before you ask a question, you need to come up with one. That is also a problem for you since you believe that you have a short attention span. Your brain loves to wander, even when all you want to do is focus. You can pay attention to the professors’ voice and write down the important information you want to keep, but before you realize it, your train of thoughts are somewhere else and your hand has already stopped writing minutes ago. You have a lot of questions in your head, but you are afraid that they actually have been discussed and you just weren’t paying attention. You believe that you will look or sound ridiculous.

Your older girlfriend, Wanda, is aware of your struggles, but you haven't told her everything. You just let her know some bits without much detail. She is the most supportive girlfriend you have ever had. Well, she is your first girlfriend so that statement can’t be wrong. Seriously though, she is very supportive and sweet to you. You love her so much and will do anything to make her stay, even if that means hiding most of your problems and keeping your negative feelings bottled up.

You have been doing such a good job hiding how you feel in front of Wanda— and everyone. Thinking of people worried about you filled you with guilt, so you tend to just put on a happy or at least neutral look on your face. These past few weeks, your mask slowly cracks. Wanda started to notice the empty look in your eyes (no matter what expression you are making), the bag under your eyes, the forced cheerful tone escaping your lips, how you space out more frequently, how you seem to avoid people including her, and other behavior changes from you. Everytime she asks how you are doing, you will simply tell her that you’re fine, maybe a little tired. She knows you are not, but she doesn’t want to put pressure onto you and keep praying that you will open up soon. She keeps waiting and waiting. A couple of months passed and you seem to be getting worse. This makes her persuade you harder to tell her what is going on, but no matter how hard she tries, you never tell her the truth. You keep denying her that you are behaving really off and telling her that she is just overthinking.

“Sweetheart, you know that you can talk to me about anything at any time, right?” Wanda randomly blurts. Both of you are currently sitting on a bench in a park, eating ice cream while watching people minding their own business.

“Mmhm.” you replied shortly with a faint positive tone. You can feel her gaze pointed at you, but you decide to keep your eyes watching a little girl laughing with her parents as they play catch with their dog.

“I’m sorry to keep bringing this up. I can’t help but be worried about you, baby. The more time passes, the more I notice how you seem to not be doing well. You don’t need to pretend that you’re okay in front of me. I want you to rely on me. I might not be able to solve all of your problems, but I will always be with you. We can face this together if you let me. You’re not alone. Please tell me what is going on.” one of her hands reaches yours. You look at Wanda the moment she holds your hand.

“I’m alright, seriously. Maybe I'm just a little bit tired. The finals week is getting near and I need to be ready for that. I don’t want to fall behind. Thank you for caring about me, but can we not talk about this right now? Maybe we can talk about it later, just… not now.”

“Okay, baby. I understand. Do you want to grab some lunch after this?”

A day after that, you suddenly stopped meeting Wanda. Most calls from her are ignored by you. The ones you picked up never last longer than five minutes. You told her that you need to focus on your study, but Wanda doubts that. She knows from one of your friends that you have been skipping a bunch of lectures. She considered visiting you in your dorm, but you always refused whenever she asked for your permission. You gave her a hard no right away, every single time, no consideration. She tries to respect your decision, but it is getting harder each day for her, and unbeknownst to her, for you either. You are getting worse and it is actually out of her expectation and imagination.

Now it has been three weeks since you stopped meeting Wanda. She always waits for any message from you that appears to be sent to her less and less as the days pass. Today she hasn’t received any. She is beyond worried, but she also knows that you are having finals this week. The semester ends soon and she hopes she will be able to hang out with you again since you will have lots of free time for a month. She gave you some space since she thought that is what you need. She tries to act chill about it, but each buzz coming from her phone never fails to make her jolt. She will check her phone right away and gets disappointed when she doesn’t see your name (or ‘my baby’ since she set your contact as that) on her notifications.

She heard from you on Friday. It is almost midnight, but she can’t sleep unless she does her daily reading before bed. Therefore, there she is. She is sitting comfortably in her bed, her back against the headboard, and there is an open book in her hand. It was peaceful until her phone buzzed. When she takes a glance at her phone, she swiftly picks it up and opens a message from you. You sent her a link. That link leads her to a letter written by you. Her eyes scan each word carefully. You are thanking her for being a wonderful girlfriend. As Wanda keeps reading, she hopes that you are just giving her a sweet letter of appreciation. Deep inside, she fears that you are breaking up with her, but she tries not to judge quickly since it is a pretty lengthy letter and she barely reaches the quarter part of it.

“When you are reading this, I have done something stupid.”

Wanda freezes for a solid ten seconds. After that, she stands up and runs to her car. She forgets her car keys so she sprints back in to grab it and then she leaves her house with her car. She left her house unlocked and she is still wearing her pajamas, but those are none of her concern right now. Her head chanting your name as well as prayers that you are safe. As she drives, she continues reading your letter. Her eyes moved from her screen to the road repeatedly until she finished reading it. After that she completely focuses on the road and might have crossed the speed limit several times. She reached your dorm room in twenty minutes, thanks to one of your close friends that is still awake and messaged her the number of your room.

She expected that she would have to break the door open, but she was wrong. The door isn’t locked. She knows right away that it was left like that by you on purpose. You told her so many times that you always lock your door twice because you’re afraid of the possibility that a stranger can get into your room easily. The sound of her footsteps echoes in your room. Your room is dark, but there is light from the sideroad lamp slipping through your window. She saw the lump of your body covered with your favorite blanket in your bed and she approached you in a hurry. She cradles your face in her palms. She noticed your irregular breathing and that you are breathing through your mouth. She also quickly noticed that there is a kind of chemical smell coming out from your mouth. Her hand reached the phone in her pocket and she dialed the emergency number, asking for an ambulance. It will take around ten minutes for it to arrive.

Just when she is about to wake you up, she accidentally knocks over a mug on your bedside table. It is now on the ground and the liquid inside it seeps into the rug. At first she thought it was tea, but after a quick sniff into the air, she realized that it is not tea or at least not just tea. The smell is exactly the same as what is coming out from your mouth. She checked the water bottle that was sitting beside the mug. She remembers how you brought the bottle with you all the time. It has such a bold pink color and there is a picture of a rabbit saying ‘life is beautiful’ on it. She opens the bottle and at first glance it looks like it’s filled with normal water, but the somewhat gray look as well as the strong chemical scent said otherwise. Shortly after that, her eyes spot a little trash can near the bed. She noticed some tissues covered with blood as well as an empty bug spray can.

“Shit.” she thought.

“Baby? Baby, wake up. Please. Can you hear me?” Wanda tries to wake you up with panic in her voice. She pulls your blanket away to take a look at your arms and wrists. She found nothing. But a second later she saw some dried blood prints on your shorts, the left thigh part to be exact. After that, she taps your cheek and shakes your body firmly which elicits a groan from you.

“I’m sorry, Wanda. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.” You replied faintly. It is clear that you are slipping in and out of consciousness.

“Shh, you will be okay. There is nothing to be sorry for; I’m not mad at you. I love you very much. Please don’t go back to sleep. Stay with me, sweetie. I’ll get you to the hospital. The ambulance is coming.”

The paramedic comes soon after that and you are brought to the hospital. The emergency room is very cold and quiet. Maybe not that quiet since you hear people’s voices, but everything is so faint and blurry to you. After you get treated, Wanda is allowed to see you. She sees you smiling a little and she smiles back as she walks closer towards you.

You start telling her what has been happening in your life. Wanda sits on the hospital bed that you occupied, holding your hand as she hears your story. You tell her that you always feel so different throughout your life. You always feel like you are always in a race to keep up with other people around you. It gets harder and harder, especially with the fact that you’re a student in a top university. You tell her that since you get into university, your life is way messier than before. Keeping up with other students almost feels impossible. You try and try and try, but it is never enough. You are never satisfied and you feel like you are the most stupid student compared to other students in the same year as you.

Your grades might say different things, but there are endless efforts to get those grades. You are a procrastinator, but it is not because you don’t want to do your responsibility. Most of the time, you just can’t. Your body and brain won’t function the way you want them to and you despise that part of yourself because that makes you feel lazy. But you also barely get any sleep to finish your assignments, prepare your part in group assignments, and sometimes you cover your friend’s part or any extra part. That caused you to sleep like three hours a day. Some days four, the other days two, and this rarely happens but you can go two or three days without sleep. You have been living with this terrible sleep schedule for three years now. All you want is to be like other students. You’re scared of falling behind. You know you will not survive by yourself so you want your classmates to be able to rely on you on group projects. You want as many classmates as possible to like you.

“I’m so tired, Wanda. I’m exhausted.” You sighed painfully.

You proceed to tell her how your head was slowly becoming evil to you. It’s never peaceful in your head. Different things are piling up inside it. They’re messy piles and your brain seems to insist on unpacking them all at the same time. You can feel the chaos within your body and mind. The chaos streaming in your blood makes you want to curl up and disappear. Then it’s getting worse. Your brain started telling you various negative things:

“No one likes you.”

“Your friends hate you. They talk about you behind your back”

“You’re a terrible person.”

You began to believe those things. Watching your friends surrounding a table in the cafeteria leads you to think that they were talking shitty stuff about you. Especially after a friend of yours noticed that you were crying in front of the class but said nothing. After that, you started to spend lots of time hiding in the restroom stall to cry, usually before class. You were terrified by people around you and your own brain. Then you seek out some help. You reached out to a counselor provided by your university. You confessed to her about the problems you have been having as of late, and talking helps, but not much. Your brain is still very mean to you. At some point you really want to know what is going on with you. You desperately want an explanation on why you feel so different compared to others since you were a little kid. You dived into the internet, researching stuff based on your struggles. You are very sure that you’re suffering from depression, maybe even anxiety. But you believe that there is something more. After weeks of researching, you have a suspicion that you might have ADHD. You read some books, watched lots of videos, and asked some of your online friends who are ADHDer.

“I can never be sure until I get a proper diagnosis and I can’t get a diagnosis from a counselor. But if my counselor can at least agree with my suspicion, I assume it will be easier for me to get actual diagnosis. Therefore I talked about it with her, my counselor. I didn’t explicitly say to her that I think I might have ADHD. Instead, I tell her my life experiences that relate to the symptoms. At one point she cut my story.”

“Aren’t you just lazy?” the words your counselor threw at you echo in your brain.

“Am I just lazy, Wanda? Please tell me it’s not true. I’m trying. I always try! Please believe me! I-”

Wanda instantly cups your face in her hands and rests her forehead against yours.

“Breathe, sweetie. Deep breath. I’m with you. You’re not lazy. Not at all. You have been trying your best. I know it, baby.”

“It’s so painful! It feels like she throws away my self-image I’ve been building all my life. The sleepless nights… The notes covering my dorm walls…” you take a sharp breath and continue, “Even as a kid, my parents pushed me so hard to study. In elementary school, they will make me study until midnight during test weeks. In middle school I fell behind, but managed to push myself so that I could get into a good highschool. I push myself all the time to keep up with everybody else. Maybe I also do it so my parents will keep loving me. To them, my grades define who I am. They expect so much from me. It hurts…” you cry at the last two words and Wanda embraces you in a warm hug.

“The day when my counselor said that, I walked back to my dorm room with tears streaming down my face. I sobbed as I walked, maybe some strangers saw me in that state, but I was in too much agony to care. I stopped seeking out help from anyone. I just want to know why I am the way I am. But I can’t stand it anymore. I can’t stand feeling so different than anyone else. I also throw that suspicion away. I can’t face it since then.” you pushed Wanda away gently to look at her face. You can see tenderness in her eyes. How can you be so lucky to have her?

“I guess that pushed me further to this point. I didn’t get any help. I pushed myself even harder. I carried way much more stuff than I can handle. Last week, I constantly had my nose bleeding. That keeps going for like five days. I hurt myself too several times. It’s like I’m literally sacrificing my blood, sweat, and tears to survive. Then my head started telling me harmful stuff and questioning my worth of living.”

“Why are you still trying?”

“Why are you here?”

“Why don’t you just kill yourself?”

“You should just kill yourself.”

“You should kill your family members too. They are in danger and you need to end their lives to save them.”

“I’m terrified, Wanda! I’m scared! I’m scared of myself so much. You have no idea. That’s why I ended up here. I thought this was the only way to fix this. I’m so sorry…”

“Baby…” a tear runs down Wanda’s cheek and she leaves a kiss on top of your head before speaking up again, “Thank you for telling me this, sweetheart. I know there is still so much left unsaid and I know you’re telling me as much as you can at this moment. Thank you for trusting me with this. I’m not mad at you. I’m not angry. I’m not disappointed. But may I know why you kept telling me that you’re fine on those days?”

“I’m afraid that I will become a burden and you will think that I’m too much and…”

“I will leave you?” you nod.

“I'm sorry, Wanda. I truly am sorry.”

“Stop that, baby. It’s fine now. You will get proper help after this and I will always support you. I’m not going anywhere. Let’s take it slow, yeah?” you nod once again and pull her into a tight hug.

“Thank you.”

Wanda’s hand begins to stroke your hair lovingly, “Please never hesitate to tell me anything in the future. You can stay at my place when your head is being very mean to you. In fact you can stay at my place anytime. I won’t mind seeing your little cute face every morning, I would love that. We can work on your sleep schedule together and maybe find a study method that suits you. I know it’s not easy and you’ve been struggling very hard by yourself, but you don’t have to do that anymore. You don’t have to be by yourself. You have me. I got you, sweetheart.”

“What did I do to deserve you, Wands?”

“You don’t need to do anything to be loved by me. I love you, more than you know.”

“I love you too. I love you to the moon and back.”

#bunnywrites.ᐟ #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff fanfic #wanda maximoff x fem!reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda fanfic #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff angst #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda x female reader #mommy wanda x fem!reader

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sweetprfct · 7 days ago

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Bookshop Conversations

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: A meet-cute with Joe at a bookshop cafe was something you didn't expect. Being a lone wolf for a year now and still being haunted by your past, could you open up your door for him and give love another chance?

Author's Note: I have been staring at a blank page for more than a couple of months, almost every day. Wrote unfinished one shots and series and then scrap it up and toss it in the bin. Been going through a really dark time personally (and still is). Events of the last few days after election didn't help either. Writing is art and art always gets me through a tough time, so that's why I'm here. I haven't been updated to any news in this fandom, and I plan to stay that way. I plan on coming here and publishing and interacting through DMs and ask box about positive stuff about my fics only. This idea appeared just a couple days ago, and it started igniting back some inspiration. Am I back? The answer is: I don't know. I'm taking it slow. Let's take it slow, okay? So, here's a new short series. I've missed some of you, and I hope you enjoy this because I'm winging it with no plot notes. LMAO.

Disclaimer: 18+

Wordcount: 1.7K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

The soft pitter patter of the rain hit the wet, glowing pavement outside. Cars passed by from time to time and people walked down the streets, holding their umbrellas above their heads. There was something about this weather that made you feel warm on the inside. Most people would feel doleful with this kind of weather, but not you. It filled you with a warm feeling that it would pool in your stomach, almost bursting and invading your veins.

It felt peaceful.

This cute bookshop cafe that stood on the corner of your street was the only place that made you feel safe lately. Autumn season was starting, and the trees were turning into their orange and yellow hues, surrounding the city of London. The string of light bulbs that hung around the bookshop cafe and the dark wooden shelves made the place feel cozy. It was almost like you were stepping into another world when you entered this place.

Claire De Lune was playing in a low volume around the shop as you picked up your cappuccino and took a sip. You have been sitting at the small table beside the window for about an hour now. Your head had been stuck in your book, your focus totally disappearing from the world around you as you indulged in a different universe.

Moving to London was something you had been thinking about for several years now and, knowing the fact that you finally made it, you couldn’t help but feel at ease. The troubles you left behind in California seemed so far away now, even if it still lived in the back of your mind. There were certain things that you still thought about, still feel the pain from the experiences, but you pushed it away. Something you seemed to be an expert on lately.

This place has been a peaceful solitude for you. It was quiet enough for you to enjoy the peace whilst reading your book, but also enough crowds for you to not be able to drown in your own deep thoughts, unlike when you were all alone in your flat.

“New book?”

You had paused from your reading and had been watching the raindrops roll down the glass window, letting your brain play the game of which raindrop was going to roll down first. Turning your attention away from the window, you looked up to see Sara, the owner of the bookshop cafe. Her light brunette hair was in a ponytail today, hazel eyes twinkling in curiosity. She was wearing her usual apron, while carrying a coffeepot in her hand.

“Um… yeah. Just got it the other day.” You smiled softly.

As much as you and Sara had a lot in common and actually had pretty good, interesting conversations, you couldn’t help but distance yourself from her. She was always kind, and her eyes always twinkled with sincerity. It wasn’t like she was the problem. It was you. You had closed yourself off too much from other people, especially strangers. As much as you would love to be friends, there was a part of you that kept hesitating.

Sara tilted her head and squinted her eyes towards the title of the book you were holding.

“Oh, Little Women.” She smiled. “That’s a good one.”

“Yeah.” You gazed down at the book cover before looking back up at her. “I have never read the book. Thought I should finally do it this time.”

Sara nodded her head in agreement. Just right before she could say something else, Sara's attention turned to the front door when it opened.

Both of your eyes caught a man with curly brown hair walking in. He was wearing a navy trench coat and carrying an umbrella. The cold breeze trailed behind him, blowing it through your hair. Sara immediately walked up towards him with a smile. You watched as she greeted him kindly and asked if there was something she could help him with.

You couldn’t help but reel in the sight of him the moment he gave her a soft smile. From the two months of you hanging out in this shop, you have never seen someone so alluring walking into the shop before. Your eyes were glued to him, and you couldn’t seem to peel them away.

“Thank you.” He murmured to Sara before disappearing between the tall bookshelves.

Looking away, you cleared your throat and felt your cheeks ignite as you tried to focus your attention back on your book. You picked up your cappuccino and took another sip when you caught sight of him again when he passed by in front of you. You looked at him through your lashes until you realized how ridiculous you must look in front of him.

His chocolate button eyes immediately caught yours, making you glance away from him instantly. Your cheeks were as red as a tomato at this point as you set your cup down on the table and focused on the book you were reading. There were a million thoughts running through your mind, cursing yourself for being so weird. He must have thought you were strange for staring at him since the moment he entered the shop.

From the corner of your eye, you could tell he was smirking slightly as he looked through the books in front of him. Your eyes studied the shop and there were only a couple of people hanging around, looking through the books or sipping coffee and reading their books. You couldn't help but curse at yourself mentally again for bringing so much attention to yourself in front of him.

You hated the attention, and you certainly didn’t need a stranger’s attention when all you wanted was to enjoy your book and mind your own business.

“That’s a classic.” He interrupted your thoughts.

You just now realized that you have been reading the same line in the book repeatedly because your mind was distracted by him. When you slowly gazed up at him, you saw a kind, soft smile tugging on his lips, and you swore you felt your knees went slightly weak.

“So, I’ve heard.” You replied, giving him a slight smile back.

There was no going back now.

Now that he was standing near to you, you could see the freckles on his face and his long lashes fluttering softly. A strand of curl fell perfectly on his forehead and little drops of water from the rain covered his trench coat.

Your eyes fell on the book he was holding before biting your lower lip. You have read that book because Sara had recommended it to you before, and you knew what was the text behind it. It sure made you glad that he wasn’t afraid to read things like that. The man glanced down at the book he was holding before snickering.

“Something wrong?” He asked.

You shook your head, biting down your inner cheek to stop yourself from smiling. It wasn’t like the book was all… sex. It was about finding yourself and knowing what you want. Although, knowing the people you had before in your life, they certainly judged you for reading something like that. So, you couldn’t help but have that glued to your brain that maybe those kinds of books weren’t really everyone’s cup of tea.

“Nothing wrong with a little… erotica.” You murmured before he chuckled softly.

“I think it’s sexy.” He gave you a small smirk, studying the cover page of the book. “I’m assuming you read it before?”

“Um… maybe.” You gave him a playful smile.

He hummed approvingly, “So, tell me… Is it really just about… sex?”

He squinted his eyes at you, and you could tell he was teasing. Leaning back in your chair, you marked the page that you were reading and closed the book.

“No, it’s about the characters finding themselves and how intimacy can be in different ways other than just physical. I don’t want to spoil too much for you, though.”

He stared at the book cover again and nodded in agreement.

“I guess I’ll just have to give back a review when I finish it.” Smiling, his eyes studied you for a moment before walking away.

What did he mean by that?

You stopped yourself from getting up from your seat as he made his way towards the coffee counter. It was rare for you to encounter certain people that pull your gravity towards them. The moment he entered the shop, you felt that pull already. That micro conversation that you both just had, you already felt the spark between you two.

Letting out a small sigh, you pushed the thoughts away and told yourself that he was just a stranger.

A stranger with a nice smile.

For a few minutes, you went back to indulging yourself in your book, finishing your cappuccino before you heard the front door open. Feeling the breeze through your hair again, you glanced up to find him giving you a warm smile before walking out the door.

Accepting it, you knew it was one of those rare occasions where you would meet someone interesting and lose them forever. It wasn’t like you were interested in meeting somebody these days, but sometimes, you couldn’t help but think that it would be nice too to have a small meet-cute in a bookshop.

God, you have been reading too many books lately. It was getting in your head.

“Seems like someone has taken an interest in you.” Sara smiled, placing an apple turnover on a plate for you.

“I didn’t order this.” You shook your head, pushing the plate towards her lightly.

“Someone did for you.” Sara winked.

You turned your head to the side, side eyeing her before Sara chuckled softly at your reaction.

“That cute man just asked if you were a regular customer here.” Sara explained. “Don’t worry, I didn’t give out any details. Though he insisted on at least getting you a pastry.”

Staring at the apple turnover that was in front of you, you bit back a smile before looking out the window. He was gone, and you didn’t even get the chance to thank him.

You couldn’t help but wonder why he did such a gesture.

***********

Taglist:

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#Joseph Quinn #Joe Quinn #Joseph Quinn x reader #Joe Quinn x Reader #Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader #Joe Quinn x Fem!Reader #Joseph Quinn x You #Joe Quinn x You #Joseph Quinn Fanfics #Joe Quinn Fanfics #Joseph Quinn Fics #Joe Quinn Fics #Joseph Quinn rpf #Joe Quinn rpf #bookshop conversations #sweetprfct #part one

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groenendaelfic · 5 months ago

Note

Hey,

haven't seen you around a lot lately. Just writing to check in. how is it going? Wish you a nice evening

it is going, thank you for asking!

Life has been very busy these past few months but is moving in a hopefully good and definitely exciting direction.

In this particular order (if memory serves correctly) I've:

decided to move halfway across the continent

marked the one year anniversary of the worst time of my life

had other people mark the one year anniversary of the worst time of my life with all that entails

quit my job (I'd been planning that for a while)

had my boss and hr offer to let me go instead and half my notice period to two months (aka 'give' me more money and facilitate my move, yay pity)

started looking for a place to live and organizing my move

found a new job in a slightly different corner of halfway across the continent (I start July 1st)

got my request for citizenship approved (epic timing guys)

found a place to live in an awesome area (I will be able to do all my errands on foot and my new job is only a short bike ride away)

told everyone I was leaving for sure

signed the paperwork to have my uncle in law take over the place here

had my cousin offer to move my stuff with his remodeled fire engine in exchange for gas and (bridge) tolls

did all the paperwork in the universe ever

started saying my goodbyes for now (I still have lots of family and friends etc here so I'll be back a lot)

had my cousin tell me he'd make a bro trip out of the move because his friends really wanted to see a basic bridge, and room and board plus no girls was all the compensation they needed for getting to carry my boxes

said thanks but no thanks to citizenship (sorry Wille, you'll always be my King)

was asked if I minded the move taking a bit longer because the guys wanted to stop for totally unplanned soccer (a not insignificant part of their motivation if not a deciding factor I dare say)

did more move and job leaving planning and paperwork

welcomed, fed and watered a bunch of guys really into soccer bridges and very disappointed I didn't have more boxes they could compete carrying

prepared a big lunch basket and said goodbye to said guys and my boxes

sat down to write this list wondering where I should celebrate midsummer (aka do I want to travel back and forth to get everything ready or stay until it's time to hand in my work laptop etc)

Phew, yes. Also a million other things which won't come to mind right now. Thank you to everyone who left me such kind messages btw. I appreciate them so much but am still learning to respond to kindness and compliments without awkwardness. They nevertheless give me life.

In more interesting news to everyone here I've also done a lot of writing.

Mostly on One Wild Summer, which has already grown into a monster, but I've been writing the exciting parts later on and still guesstimate a 15k or so stretch which needs bridging to get to all the fun stuff I've already written.

but also on The Prince and the Barista and As Long as We Have Each Other. I only need to make it coherent and once again fill the gap to where I stopped posting.

plus *cue exasperated sighs* I'm also 9k+ into a new fic! The (once more) absolutely most self-indulgent thing I've ever written in this fandom and something I swore I never would turn into a proper fic. Expect the prologue for that (which was meant to be 500 words and not 5k) soonish.

Everything else including regular updates not before mid to late July though I think. Because moving and starting a new job and life means busy times and while I can write scribble down connected sentences with half a mind, I can't beta read and edit with half a mind.

tl;dr: I am still writing yr fic and haven't abandoned my fics, but am also busy moving. goodbye cloudberries and lingonberries, hello wineberries vineyards and appleberries apple orchards.

#random ramblings #ask me anything #what I've been up to #not young royals #irl updates

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mitchhbitch · 8 months ago

Text

The Unknown: The Strangers!Nick Folio

Pairings: Nick Folio x OC

Warnings: Angst. It contains language. Blood/Violence. Dark themes. If this makes you uncomfortable or you are under 18, please do not read! Thank you.

Summary: A weekend getaway turns into a nightmare when Nick and Michelle's vacation is disrupted by three masked intruders, one least expected.

Authors Note: First off, I want to say that this is the first fic I have ever written. It is something that I enjoyed writing, so I hope you enjoy it just as much. I am sorry that it took me this long to finish it. This is based on one of my all time favorite horror movies The Strangers. Thank you for reading it! I hope you all love it. Also, shout out to my bestie @thescarlettvvitch for helping me with this and for showing amazing support and love.

TAGS: @thescarlettvvitch @thefallennightmare @spicywhenspeaking @cookiesupplier @dsireland86

As I get out of my car, I see nothing but darkness. It was late by the time I pulled in. All I can hear are the animals being vocal. My boyfriend Nick invited me to his family’s cabin. It was an exhausting three hour long trip.

Nick came bounding down the stairs with a big smile on his face, “Hey babe. Glad you made it here safe. I’m sorry I wasn't able to drive up here with you. There was a problem with the shower so I had to come and fix it up.” He greets me with a kiss.

I smile excitedly and kiss him back “Hi baby. I’m glad I finally made it. No worries. Were you able to fix the issue?”

He grabbed both of my bags with one hand. How he managed the strength? I couldn’t say.

“Oh yeah. It took about half of the day but I got it all fixed up. Plus I needed everything to be perfect for when you got here” he winked at me as he went inside the cabin.

I blushed. My cheeks turned a vibrant red in hue as I followed him, “It’s going to be perfect because we are going to be together.” Closing the door and walking into the living room, “wow this place is nice. Feels very homey.” My eyes gleamed with warmth.

“Are you ready to just relax this weekend?” Nick said softly, grazing my cheek with this thumb as he passed by me walking into the living room.

Sitting on the green sofa, he looked so content. I turn to look at him with a big smile, getting up from my spot on the lounge chair to go sit next to him.

“Yes. School has me wanting to rip out my hair. It's just been so hectic with studying for finals. It has me on the verge of a breakdown. But I am so glad to be here with you. With that, that also means no school and work talk anymore.”

Gently putting his arm around me, I nestled under the crook of his arm. I looked up at him longingly, he placed a kiss on my forehead, “Sounds like a plan babe. I forgot to mention that being up here, we don't get very good or any signal and the wifi has been out for a couple of days. I got an email about that before I came up here. I have been trying to get someone up here but it's been difficult.”

Leaning into his arm, I joked, “well that sucks. How am I supposed to let my family and friends know that I haven't been kidnapped or killed?”

Nick throws his head back and lets out a loud laugh, “Don't worry. I’ll protect you from anything Michelle.”

—------------------Line Break—------------------------------------------------------

While cooking dinner, I pour myself a glass of whiskey. Whiskey was my weakness. Hennessy and a lot of bad decisions.

Nick shouted from the living room “I'm going to go take a shower. I'll be back.” He left for the bathroom. Once I hear the shower start, I put my phone on the speaker and play some music.

There was a knock at the door. It was loud and echoed through the house. I was Confused. We weren’t expecting anyone. I went and opened it half way, peeking my head out. “Hello. Can I help you?”

A woman with long black hair, yellow beanie snug on her head. She was short in stature and whispered low while looking down at her shoes. “I'm looking for Jamie.”

I couldn't see her face because of the porch light. It was too bright, I responded with a scowl. “I'm sorry there is no Jamie here.”

She asked me again, more demanding while keeping her head down “Is Jamie here?”

I sighed, already fed up. “There's no Jamie here. I already told you.”

The woman brought her head up to look me in the eyes, her gaze penetrating. “Okay. Whatever you say.” Slowly began walking away from the door.

I closed and locked it shut. Walking towards the kitchen. Another knock is heard from the door.

Frustrated, I turn back over towards it, peeking through the peephole.

Christ, these people. Slowly reopening it, I was greeted with a different female this time. I couldn't make out her features but was only able to see her short and crimson locks.

She quietly says as she looks down to the heels of my feet. “Is Jamie here?”

I look at her, irritation steering through my veins. “Look I told your friend that there is no Jamie here. So leave before I call the police.”

The girl replies “okay.” She slowly looks up at me for a couple seconds and walks off.

Closing and locking the door with a sigh, Nick asked from behind me “who was that?”

I jumped and turned to face him, “You almost gave me a heart attack. I don't know who that was. It was a strange chick looking for someone named Jamie. It was weird.” Shaking my head at the thought. Maybe I was losing it. “Anyways, dinner is ready. Let's go eat.”

As we eat our dinner, Nick looks up from his plate, placing his fork on mine, fiddling with my carrots. “How was the drive up here?” Did you enjoy it or was it too much for you?” He was never one for a quiet dinner, rambunctious by nature.

I look at him with a bright smile, all teeth. “The drive was okay. I'm not a fan of long drives but this one was manageable. It was peaceful.”

Nick gave me a goofy grin. I melted internally as he grabbed my hand and placed to his lips leaving me a tender kiss, “You know i wouldn’t torture you with a very long trip.”

I chuckled, taking his hand in return. “How very thoughtful of you, baby.”

I start gathering the dishes and take them to the kitchen. I place them on the sink looking out the kitchen window, I see a person standing near the trees. Confused, I called out for Nick “hey babe! Come here please”

Nick walks into the kitchen “what's up?” he goes over to me and puts his arm around my waist.

“There is someone out there. I saw someone standing near that tree” I turn to look at him

Nick turns to look out the window “I don't see anyone out there babe. Maybe it's just the drink getting to you.” He looks at me and smirks

I roll my eyes and move away from him “I only had half a cup. I swear to you I saw someone out there.”

As soon as he opened his mouth to reply to me there was a loud bang coming from the front door.

Nick goes to the front door and opens it only to be greeted by no one there. Confused, he looks around and goes back inside “that was weird. There was no one there.”

I shrug and go back to the kitchen. I see that my phone isn't on the counter, confused. I start looking around for it “babe have you seen my phone? I left it near the counter when I was cooking and it's not there.”

Nick leans against the door frame “no i haven't seen it. Are you sure you left it there? Maybe you just misplaced it.”

Looking at him annoyed, I answer “No Nicholas. I didn't misplace it. I know where I left it at. It couldn't just get up and walk away from me.”

Nick “I'll help you look for it. I'm sure it's around here. Like you said I don't think it got up and just left.” he looks around the living room.

I walk into the bedroom and look around for it. I get on the floor to look under the bed when I see a pair of feet on the other side of the bed. I see the person wearing black dress pants and black boots. Confusion running through my head, I sit up and look up to find no one there.

“Nick come here please” I say from the bedroom while getting up. Nick walks into the bedroom “yes Michelle?” I look down to his pants and his shoes and see that he is wearing black levis and all black nike air max 90s.

Nick smirks at me “baby if you want something you just gotta say it, you don't have to be a tease about it” he sits on the edge of the bed close to me.

I roll my eyes “have you always been wearing those shoes or did you just change them?”

Nick replies “I have always been wearing these shoes. Why?” I look at him horror flashing through me making me get goosebumps “I I think someone is in here. When I was looking for my phone under the bed, I looked across and I saw a pair of legs. The person was wearing boots”

“Are you sure? The only people here are us. I would think we would have been able to hear if someone came in here. Again, you need to stop watching horror movies” Nick says as looks at me

Frustrated I responded “I swear on anything I saw someone standing on the other side of the bed. Stop gaslighting me Nicholas. I'm so close to leaving you here. I still can't find my phone.”

Nick sighs “I'm sorry. Please forgive me?” he pouts and brings me close to him.

I smile and kiss him “I guess I can accept your apology Folio. You are going to have to make it up” I put my hands on his shoulders as I stood between his legs.

Nick looks up at me and smirks “you don't have to tell me. I have thought of every way I am going to make it up to you baby.”

Just as I was about to lean down to kiss him, the lights were cut off. I gasped in horror not knowing what could have caused this.

Nick looks at me “well that's strange. I'm going to go to the garage to get some flashlights. I’ll be back babe.” He says as he makes his way out of the room to the garage.

I make my way to the living room to see if I can find some candles. I hear a tapping sound coming from the back door. Confused, I make my way to the back door, pull open the curtain when I'm greeted by a girl in a mask holding a knife. I scream and back up.

As I'm running to the bedroom, I see a shadow down the hall. I gasp and run into the bathroom and lock the door. I go inside the bathtub and sit. I bring my knees up to my chest. Crying and shaking out of fear, I look at the door. I see it being shaked and pulled. I cry even more.

The door gets kicked open and the shadow gets close to me. “Michelle, what are you doing here?”

Nick asked me while standing near the bathtub. When I hear his voice, I get up and encircle his waist. “Oh Nick. I saw someone outside holding a knife and I don't know if it was the same person b b but I saw someone in the hallway. I want to leave. Please, I want to go home.” I plead.

Nick sighs and holds me tightly in muscular arms, “Alright, Alright. Let's go back home. Let's start packing” He goes to the bedroom.

“No! I don't care about my stuff. I just want to get out of here!” I get out of the bathroom and go to the living room. Nick follows me “What is going on with you? There is no one else besides us here” I turn to look at him and see someone standing a few feet away from him. I scream.

Nick turns around and backs up to me “who are you!” he calls out. The masked person walked to us slowly. It was the same girl that was tapping the window.

Nick holds my hand and runs out the front door to the car. I held and ran with him. As we got to the car there was a masked man standing near it. He had a ski mask and was fairly tall. He was holding a lighter in his hand. As fast as we saw the lighter in his hand was just as fast as he threw it to the car making it light up.

Nick looks at the car “fuck. We ran back inside. As soon as Nick closed the door an ax came down on it. Screaming, I backed away from the door. Nick ran to me and turned to look at me. With his hands, he grabbed my face looking at me.

“I need you to go hide for me, okay? I have a weapon in the garage and I need to go get it. I'm going to come right back for you. I love you” he kisses me softly and lets go of me and makes his way out of the room.

I grab his hand to stop him “Nick I want to go with you please. I don't want to be left alone here.” Nick looks at me “it will be okay. I promise you. Everything will be fine Michelle.” I let go of his arm “please be careful Nick.” I say to him as he walks out of the backdoor. I follow behind him slowly watching him till he gets to the garage. Suddenly I hear a noise near the garage thinking that Nick could have gotten hurt, I go out and start walking towards it.

Once I get close to it I see that there is a girl standing there in a pin up mask. I look at her out of fear and start walking backwards. As I take my steps she starts walking towards me. I turn to run and she walks behind me.

I ran into the house and hid in a closet. I cover my mouth to keep any noises from coming out of me. I suddenly see a silhouette standing across the closet door.

Suddenly the door gets pulled open and there is a girl wearing a doll mask standing in front of me. I let out a horrified scream.

Trying to run past her, she slices my arm with her knife. I ran to the living room. As soon as I got to it, I saw a man in a mask dragging Nick by the shirt and tossing him into the middle of the living room. Nick is beaten and bloody.

I gasp and go to kneel beside him and hold him. I cry and look at him. The three masked strangers stand in front of us next to each other. The masked man squats down to look at us.

I look at him and say “Why are you doing this? Why us?” He looks at me with a smile and says “because you are here and you answered the door.” He stands up and stands next to the other two girls.

The masked man looks at both of the girls and says “It's time”. He takes out a knife and looks at Nick and I. The room is silent except for the sobs that are leaving my mouth.

“Please don't do this. Please. You can take whatever you want. I-I promise I won't say anything to anyone.” I plead to them.

The girl in the pin up mask takes it off and throws it on the ground. Next to take off their mask is the girl wearing the doll mask.

The last one to take off their mask is the guy in the ski mask. He stands out to me the most because he looks familiar.

Nick looks at me and says “I'm sorry this had to be done.”

He gets up and stands next to the girl with the long black hair. He wipes the blood from his lip with the back of his hand and takes the knife that the guy gives to him. I look at him shocked and confused and angry not knowing what to do.

“I I don't understand. Why?- Wait- you’re apart of this? Why did you do this?”

Nick looks at me expressionless. “Because you were so different from the rest, don't you get it? You sweet, sweet dumb girl. You were a mere ploy, a means to an end.”

I look at him shocked. “You don't mean that, I don't believe you!”

Nick goes to me and squats in front of me “you don't have to” He traces the knife along my jawline.

I look at him with a terrified expression and whisper “Nicholas, don't do this please.” I beg him crying on my knees. He leaned so close to me, his lip grazing my ear and whispered, “Nicholas isn't here right now, please leave a message after the beep.”

Three long beats go by and he leans back to look at me. I look at him and see his pupils are dilated.His eyes are no longer the light brown that I know, all I see is darkness showing no emotion. No love. No worries. Nothing.

Nick looks at me with an evil smirk and grabs my jaw, squeezing it hard, he licks his lips and said;

“You look so delicious like this, so weak and defenseless. Makes me want to put on a show before you lose.”

I look at him angry and spit at him “Fuck you Nick! I hate you!” Nick laughs and wipes the spit from his face with the back of his hand, “those are some nice last words you have to say baby.” I try to move his hand from my jawline but he's stronger than me.

He lets go and pushes me back, making me fall back onto the floor. I turn to see that one by one the strangers are leaving the cabin. Nick stands over me and knees down to straddle me.

His knees are on either side of my hips. Eyes locked on mine as he spoke harshly, “You know, I wasn't lying when I said that you were different from the rest. You were my favorite one.”

I look up at him screaming, a guttural and loud growl erupts. “Please! Nick please! Don't do this! I-I promise I won't say anything to anyone!” I kicked my legs and hit him on the chest.

Nick takes one last look at me and pushes the knife right above my right breast. I scream in horror and try to fight him off of me.

Nick pushes it deeper and takes it out. As he takes the knife out, blood starts seeping out and spilling on my shirt and on the floor.

Specks of blood land on his arms. He stabs me a couple more times and gets up to look down at me. I open my mouth to scream but nothing comes out. I roll over onto my stomach and cry.

Trying to crawl away from him, he grabs me by the foot pulling me back. I turn to him to look at him, still on my stomach as tears fall down my face, I whisper “I love you Nick”. As those words leave my mouth, no emotion is being shown by him.

I close my eyes to not look at him. Remembering all the happy memories we shared together. He brings down the knife stabbing me on the back.

Nick takes out the knife, setting it on the kitchen counter. He takes one last look at me before walking out of the cabin. He gets into a car with the three strangers.

Taking off. I open my eyes and look around to make sure he isn't around anymore. I get up slowly and make my way to the kitchen, seeing my phone on the counter as if it was never missing.

My hands shake as I pick it up making a phone call. Hearing the dial tone on the other side, I take a deep breath.

911 what's your emergency?....

#nick folio x ofc #nick folio fanfiction #nick folio au #the strangers au #The Unknown!Nick Folio #nickfolio #theunknown nick folio #nick folio fic #nick folio x oc

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pikapitou · 8 days ago

Note

for the writing questions: 5, 8, 29, 37!

helloooooo cly. whoaaa this ended up long

5. Share one of your strengths. hmmmmmm I think I'm pretty good at capturing a character's emotional reality in a restrained but effective way. I always try to convey emotion without over-stating anything, either by grounding emotions in physical/physiological reactions or by stating an observation point-blank in the pov and leaving it up to the reader to fill in the blanks of what they're feeling. some of my favourite feedback is when ppl say that they felt exactly what the characters did/had the same physical reaction. once someone said I gave them an actual stomach ache I was soooo honoured lmao.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“Yeah, um.” Buck’s eyes are stuck on Eddie’s, wide and searching like he might be able to figure out Eddie’s reaction before he says anything. “Chim was telling me that, uh, now that you have—me, you can work more because you trust me to be there for Chris.” Fucking Chim. Eddie opens his mouth but Buck barrels on, “And—and I want that. I want to do that for you. But, I—I also—” He ducks his head and takes a sharp breath, steeling himself. Then he looks up. “I want to help with money,” he says, expression lit with determination.

"I want to help with money" scene from baby birch you will alwaysss be famous. this warm early-morning moment so steeped in love, breakfast on the table and buck offering up everything eddie's ever wanted, and underneath it all is eddie's dread-guilt-anxiety. I also think I captured buck's voice and mannerisms so well that's my guyyyy!! I love writing his heart-on-his-sleeve and his long, stumbling sentences...... 29. If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose? not exactly a sequel, but when I finished Live and (Don't) Let Die I was like I want to read about them being off-putting and freaky and crazy and sick to the stomach from five minutes apart foreverrrrr. I'd love to write something playing further into everyone around them being uncomfortable and honestly kind of concerned about them, because wow. they are soooo scary codependent. buck and eddie should start doing blood transfusions for fun 37. Talk about your current wips. I haven't been writing much lately but circling around in my mind currently are. 1. working title 'california poppies', this short glance-of-blinding-sunlight vignette of shannon's mother dying and shannon realising that from the very beginning she was never going to go back to eddie and christopher, so it doesn't matter what's left in california or what's left of her. 2. working title 'figures', this non-chronological series of moments eddie remembers where he Didn't/Wouldn't/Couldn't Say Something bc it felt too dangerous or destructive or weighty, while everyone's waiting for buck to wake up in the hospital. I want this one to be. very confusing and vague and floaty. my recent waiting room experiences have truly prepared me....... 3. presumed deaddie buck being basically catatonic with grief yayyyy 4. cattails......... this one will almost certainly never get done. mainly bc I only write it when I'm upset and since I truly believe eddie is getting out I don't think I will be able to tap into that well. but for all of these - we'll see!

#thank youuuuuuuuuuu for these wonderful questions....#murk posts #asks

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mshroom1e · 2 years ago

Note

Hello! I'm here to request for The Wanderer! Hope it's not too specific.

So Scara's been kinda doubting himself lately so his s/o tries to cheer him up by leaving him food with little notes telling him how much they love him.

Hello! Thank you so much for your request! To be honest, I wasn't really sure what to do with the story for this one, so I tried to just go for a single short and sweet type of fic. I hope you enjoy!!

To the Heart | Wanderer x GN! Reader

type: fanfic

Summary: they say that the fastest way to the heart is through the stomach. It appears that the same can be said for people like The Wanderer as well.

1.2k words

Warning(s): none

Saying that food was your speciality was a complete understatement. You were proud of your cooking and took great pride in it. You always found a way to share your cooking with others, and your beloved, The Wanderer, was no exception.

He was snarky and sometimes a little mean, but you knew that it was just his way of showing that he cared. He never overstepped boundaries and kept the playful teasing and remarks to a minimum. However, it was very rare when you saw him without some form of humour or smile on his lips as if the thought of doing something to tease you crossed his mind. You could read between the lines and knew exactly what made him tick, even though it may look like that he didn’t care. In reality, he was prone to self-doubt.

You also learned that he often had nightmares about past events that occurred in his previous home. That fact alone was enough to make you feel guilty every night since you knew that those incidents were caused by one single person, but that person was most definitely not you. It just hurt that you couldn’t do anything to change the past, so there wasn't much that you could do except help him get better.

Lately, for the past week, you haven't been able to find the time to spend it properly with The Wanderer. In the little moments that you were able to be together during the day, you noticed he seemed a little down. You wondered if it was because of your regular, untimely absence or just his mind catching up with him. It wasn't the same without his snarky remarks and teasing you that almost always backfired on him. He wasn't being himself and it didn't take long for you to notice.

The first thing that crossed your mind was food. You saw the way his eyes lit up and sparkled whenever trying the dishes that you made during your travels together. He always gave a curt reply, briefly telling you that he enjoyed the food while avoiding your eyes, but you could see right through him. You knew it meant that he appreciated it.

So, here you stood in the kitchen of the Inn you and The Wanderer were staying at for the next couple of weeks. You asked the owner for permission to use it for cooking (with a bribe of one of your best dishes, of course). You decided to go for a simple Inazuman-styled lunch, something that would remind him of his first home. You knew about his past and how much sadness and regret he felt when it was brought up, but the fond, faraway look in his eyes only proved to you that the feelings associated with his home weren't fully negative.

You hoped you could bring back a new, wonderful feeling with your food. Something that would make him smile softly as he ate it, while shyly trying his best to give a sincere compliment.

And off you went, cooking up a storm.

Kuni woke up with sunlight gently kissing his sleepy eyes. From the looks of the position of the sun in the sky, it was about midmorning, the usual time he woke up. The gentle, savoury scent of rice, meat and vegetables flowed through the air.

When he arrived at the kitchen which was the primary source of the delicious smell in the air, he saw that you were nowhere to be found. On a table that stood at the centre of the room, there was a light blue lunchbox. Strangely, the pattern of the box matched the motif of his outfit, that alone earning his curiosity. He raised an eyebrow, partially scowling, hoping he wasn't wanting his time.

"Might as well..." He muttered to himself and stomped towards the box. His scowl remained as he opened the lid, not fully convinced it was left with the intention of being for him, but the lunchbox's design said otherwise.

He let his guard down, soon realising the lunchbox was from you. His eyes grew the tiniest bit more eager, but he still had an annoyed expression painted on his face.

Then, he opened it.

He felt his eyebrow twitch and his frown deepen when the first layer of the lunchbox was unleashed to be viewed by his eyes. A note. In your handwriting.

'Eat well, cutie. Meow.'

He blinked. Then he blinked again.

A wave of heat travelled up his neck and invaded his entire face. Of course, the note was from you. You were the only one who had the guts (and stupidity) to call him dumb, cutesy names like that. It irked him, especially how you managed to call him things like that so casually. To be completely honest, he kinda liked it. But still!! It was so- ugh...

He felt the dark cloud that plagued his mind clear up after reading the note. Your usual ridiculousness easing his tense face into a smile when he couldn't conceal with his usual smirk or scowl. Anticipation built up in his chest as he got closer to see what you made for him this time.

It was a cute, simple dish. A portion of rice shaped like a cat, which made the 'meow' on the note slightly less weird, but The Wanderer still thought that you were ridiculous for that. The cutely shaped serving of rice was surrounded by various spiced vegetables in the shape of flowers and slices of meat cut into hearts. Some of the cutting was a little clumsy, but it was clear that you gave it your best when putting it together.

When he started to eat, the flavours melted in his mouth. Even someone without a heart could feel the emotions and flavours that were all packed into that first bite.

He took another bite. Then another. And another. The bursts of flavour felt exactly like home. Not the home that abandoned him, but the home that he found with you. His mind welled up with emotions that he wasn't even sure he was able to feel anymore. Eyes glossed over, tears glazing over them and giving them an iridescent sheen. Feelings of sadness and self-loathing loathing being washed away by just a single gesture. Little did you know about the overwhelming impact that your actions had on the young puppet.

He didn't even realise he was crying until a drop of water fell on the smooth paper, causing the affected area to become a shade darker.

Usually, when you left him a meal like this, it was because you were too busy to make something with him during the day. Your work usually meant that you'd be away from The Wanderer for a few days, or only be available at odd hours in the morning. When you weren't busy, you would make something for him and yourself, chatting about your week while he watched you with adoring eyes but a frown on his face to veil the joy he spent from spending time with you.

#gn reader #genshin #genshin fanfic #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfics #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin scara #scara x reader #scaramouche #the wanderer #wanderer #wanderer x reader #scaramouche x reader

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atticssmellgood · 1 year ago

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I have a request!

I've been feeling super super dysphoric lately and haven't been able to find a fic that just scratches my brain in the right way, and I was wonder if I could request a Spencer Reid x ftm reader where the reader is feeling super dysphoric bc they're pre transition, like no binder level and Spencer helps them feel better with like little words of affirmation shit u know, nothing like super specific you can have creative freedom just definitely words of affirmation

thank you so much!!

To Carry the Weight of a Dead Person with You

Spencer Reid x ftm trans!reader

Summary: Reader feels really dysphoric, Spencer helps

Contains: gender dysphoria, slight mention of misgendering/dead name, hurt/comfort, words of affirmation, slight mention of body parts that could make someone feel dysphoric

A/N: HEY!!! Okay so sorry this took forever to post but I’ve actually been wanting to write this concept for a while, so I’m really glad you requested it! I kinda based this off of my own experiences with gender dysphoria so I hope it still resonates. I hope this makes you feel better🫶🏻 also the title of this is a lyric from “Sweet Cis Teen” by dazey and the scouts

(ALSO LOOK AT HIM HES SO CUTE)

You stand, naked in front of the bathroom mirror, steam from your previous shower fogging up the edges and making the air feel heavy.

It was hard taking a shower when you couldn’t even look down at your own body, and sometimes you succeeded—albeit with a bit of effort. Today was, unfortunately, not one of those days.

Your reflection seemed to beckon you to take a glance when you walked by it and towards the door, it always did. Except today, you listened.

Who knows how long you’ve been standing there, staring at all the parts that just didn’t fit. Your chest that wasn’t flat, your hips that were too wide, your waist that had a curve. None of it felt familiar despite the fact that you’ve lived with this body your entire life.

This week had been especially hard to deal with, the dysphoria practically eating at your insides whenever you had a moment alone with your thoughts. It certainly didn’t help when almost everywhere you went, people just saw you as a woman with short hair and in turn you would get called ma’am by a barista or miss by a stranger trying to catch your attention. You hated it, and yet no matter how hard you tried to ignore them, the thoughts and the comments, you always gave in eventually.

Maybe that’s why you felt stuck, staring at a reflection that you never really recognized as your own. The thoughts began to swarm your mind once more, repeating the one word you hated more than anything.

Girl, girl, girl, girl, gi-

A sudden knock on the bathroom door ripped you away from your trance and a sweet voice spoke to you through the barrier.

“Y/n, you okay in there?” Spencer asked tentatively. He seemed to be a little worried.

You’re quick to respond as you finally turn away from the mirror and crack open the door a bit so your body is hidden behind it but your face is still visible. “Yeah, I’m alright.” You plaster on a smile, one that you hope convinces him of your statement. He looks a little skeptical at first but smiles back.

“Sorry, you were just taking a while and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He leans in and gives you a small peck on the lips “I’ll leave you alone now.” He grins and turns to leave, walking back to the bedroom.

You close the door and lean your forehead against it with a sigh, closing your eyes, water droplets still dripping from your hair and onto your bare shoulders.

—————————

Not too long after Spencer came to check on you, you emerged from the bathroom dressed in a baggy shirt and large sweatpants. Your moment in the bathroom still clung to the back of your mind as you stepped into the shared bedroom, the door creaking slightly.

You leaned up against the doorframe and smiled at the sight before you. Spencer was sitting against the headboard with his glasses on, reading through a novel rather quickly. He seemed so engrossed in the words on the page that he hadn’t even noticed you watching him, admiring how the dim light of the lamp on the bedside table highlighted his features perfectly. It warmed your heart to see him waiting for you to come to bed, despite how tired he probably was from his eventful day at work.

I padded over to my side of the bed and slowly laid down, not wanting to disturb him. My efforts were in vain however, because as soon as he felt the mattress dip under my weight, he was quick to close the book and turn to me.

“Feel better?” He asks quietly, staring at me with a sleepy smile.

I nod and give him a kiss on the cheek before laying down completely. He took that as a sign to say no more and turn off the lamp light, effectively shrouding the room in darkness. You felt his arm wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him so you were cuddling.

He looked at your face for a second and brushed a piece of your hair back gently. “Your new haircut looks amazing…” he complimented, messing with the now short strands and smiling. When you didn’t say anything back his gaze seemed a little worried.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” His voice was soft and his hand was placed gently on your cheek, his thumb rubbing across the apple of it.

“I’m fine sweetheart, really.” You tell him, although it was a lie. Your thoughts still ate at your mind as you lay there in his embrace. Usually they would’ve gone away by now but it seemed as though they were here to stay this time.

His slight frown indicated that he knew you were lying but he didn’t push you any further on the subject. If you wanted to tell him, you would.

Soon enough, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, his steady breathing signifying his slumber.

After watching him for a bit, you turned over so your back was facing him, his arm still wrapped around you. You try to close your eyes and let sleep pull you under but instead you were stuck staring at the wall, unable to quiet your mind.

As time ticked on and your eyes stayed open, you fell deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole of self-consciousness and dysphoria. You found yourself hearing those same words, over and over and over again, repeated like a mantra in your head.

Girl, her, (dead name), woman, ma’am

This time, you could feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes but you made an effort to keep them at bay so you didn’t wake Spencer. You didn’t want him to see you crying over something so stupid. But it wasn’t until you looked down that you couldn’t help but let out a small sob.

Spencer’s arm had tightened around you in his sleep, effectively pulling the baggy shirt you wore tighter around your body. It now showed the swell of your chest and the curve of your waist as you laid on your side.

The tears started rolling down your face, then. You clamped a hand over your mouth to muffle the sobs but you couldn’t stop the way your body was shaking. You felt Spencer move a little behind you, stirring from his sleep due to the sobs wracking your body.

“Y/n?” He mumbles groggily from behind. You quickly wipe your eyes in a poor attempt to hide your little breakdown and turn over to face him.

You sniff and attempt a small smile “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.” You say, your voice cracking slightly and more tears escaping from your eyes.

Spencer quickly but gently pulls you closer to him and wipes your tears with his free hand. His expression is one of concern and softness.

“What happened?” He asks quietly, looking into your eyes with nothing but love.

“Nothing, nothing, I’m fine really…” more tears streak down your face as you continue to lie.

“No, it’s not,” he says as he moves your hair out of your face again “please talk to me, love. I want to help you.”

You finally let the useless facade fall as you bury your head in his shoulder and let it all out.

He strokes your hair softly as you cry on him, wetting his sleep shirt with your tears and shaking in his arms.

After a short while your tears begin to dry a little and you pull back to look at him. He doesn’t say anything but he keeps you close and waits for you to speak.

“I-…” I take in a shaky breath “Why don’t I fit, Spencer?” You ask quietly, your voice wavering.

“Why can’t I look in the mirror and not hate the way my chest isn’t flat or the way my face is too round?” You ask again. You can feel your eyes getting wet again when you speak. “Why couldn’t I have been a boy?”

He strokes your hair lightly and his eyes widen in understanding.

He pulls you to his chest and kisses your head.

“Sweetheart, listen to me,” he looks down at you with a gentle expression “You are a boy, no matter what body you’re in.” He smiles softly.

“It doesn’t matter if your chest isn’t flat or your face is too round, you’ll always be my handsome, dashing, loving boyfriend,” he kisses your forehead “and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

You sniffle a little bit “It would be nice if I could at least pass though, I just hate it so much…” a few more tears escape your eyes

“I know, but you know what?” He lifts your chin up gently so you can look in his eyes “I’ll be here to help you through your transition, every step of the way.” He smiles and wipes your tears away once more.

“But I want you to know that you already pass perfectly fine in my eyes.” He chuckles and kisses your lips softly, stroking your cheek.

You feel a little better when he says those words, and you nuzzle your head into his neck, mumbling a small “thank you”

He kisses the top of your head again and you both stay there for a moment, soaking up the warmth and love that was filling your small bedroom as he peppers kisses all over you and plays with your hair.

Spencer is the one to break the silence with a small yawn and a whisper.

“You know, I really meant what I said about your hair,” he mumbles as he twirls a strand around his finger “it makes you look even more handsome than usual….” He smiles and you feel a grin coming to your face too.

“There it is…” he chuckles warmly as he pulls back to look at your face with soft eyes.

“I love you so much, you know that?” He whispers, snuggling to you close once again. You smile even wider as he says that.

“I love you more…”

You end up falling asleep like that, cuddled up in Spencer’s arms as he whispers sweet compliments to you, running his slender fingers through your hair.

You knew that you would still have these days, the ones that caused you to break down with just one look in the mirror, but you felt happy regardless.

Because you knew Spencer would be there to give you those small compliments that made you feel so much better in your own skin.

Every step of the way.

#spencer reid x reader #ftm reader #trans!reader #hurt/comfort #spencer reid #criminal minds #x reader fluff #fluff x reader #dysphoria mention

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time-travelling-chaos · 6 months ago

Text

Good omens fic recs

So in a previous ask game, I have been asked that question (thanks @fierceyetflawed )

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

But of course, I wasn't able to choose only one, so here is a full list of recommendations with no particular order (brace yourself, it's gonna be long)

Charming never so wisely by Hapax

AU where Aziraphale is a cryptid and Crowley has been hired to tame him. Absolutely beautiful, some angst, and an amazing worldbuilding, if I had to choose, it would probably be somewhere in my top 5. Or even in my top 3, it's one of my absolute favorites

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46204543/chapters/116321455#workskin

Crazy Little Thing Called Love by krowtenretsnom

One short, focused on the relationship between Warlock and Crowley as Nanny Ashtoreth. Absolutely beautiful, and a tiny bit heartbreaking

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53699422

The Godfathers - Or storge and other words for family by bluebirdboy

Crowley and Aziraphale as queer guardians for a young trans man. A story about healing and queerness, and a lot of other things, absolutely comforting, and has been so helpful at times, once again, pretty high in my list of favorites. [As a note, I've only read fully the V1 as I haven't found the time yet to read a lot of the V2, but from what I've read, I'll trust it will be as good as the first one, if not better]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54947194/chapters/139285795

Shine bright like a diamond by LadyAJ_13

Pre-canon, Crowley observes Aziraphale that is always helpful and always alone. I loved it so much, but it is also somewhat heartbreaking, because the story ends before the actual one, so nothing is resolved yet at this point, but please go ahead, it's absolutely worth it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20000173

An author for that one: AppleSeeds

They write amazing stories, and I particularly enjoy how they write Aziraphale and Crowley in various (human) AU. Two of my favorites are Never too late, where Crowley is a rockstar and Aziraphale used to be a fan when he was younger and Your virtual companion, that occurs in a post-apocalyptic world where humans cannot interact together anymore and Crowley finds some comfort in a virtual companion: Aziraphale.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52576741/chapters/132992890

The Good Demon, by Dannye Chase (HolyCatsAndRabbits), HolyCatsAndRabbits, smolalienbee

Crowley is turned mortal as a punishement for not being evil enough and needs to make Aziraphale fall to get his status back. With some queer guardian angel Aziraphale that is absolutely delightful, very soft story, and quite funny as well, with a really nice lore and the relationship being built amazingly. Once more, quite high on my favorite's list.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24932368/chapters/60341929

Touched by HolRose

Aziraphale is given as a mission to help some autistic child. Very soft, very comforting. Aziraphale is autistic himself and it makes the interaction absolutely brilliant. It's very short (around 500 words) but so much is said in such a small story, without any bad pun, it absolutely touched me as well.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40487874

Like a spiral sea unending by Hapax

It's an astronomy AU (yes it exists) where Crowley is a black hole and Aziraphale a bright star. It's a really poetic story, really original and (I feel like I spend my time saying that here) absolutely beautiful.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48704143

How to make friends on Halloween by not_vatican_approved

Aziraphale is human, Crowley is a demon, and Aziraphale's shitty friends decide to summon him to scare Aziraphale. It's a really cute one with protective and comforting Crowley, quite fun as well. (And yes, the shitty friends get what they deserve)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/50473762?view_adult=true

The art of human nature by IneffableDoll

Human AU with fem!Aziraphale and fem!Crowley, Crowley is a painter and Aziraphale commisions her to make her portrait. It's absolutely beautiful, with some fat positivity and queerness (Crowley is trans in this one), gorgeous talks about nature. It's also really poetic. It's not love at first sight, but it takes a bit more time to settle, which I absolutely love. (It's also the fic that convinced me to give a chance to good omens human AU)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48191107

'Tis the Damn Season by KiaraMGrey

Human AU, after an awful proposal on Christmas Eve, Crowley ends up boarding on a train with no plan in mind and meets Aziraphale there. It's very cute, soft, and a really comforting hollidays fic.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28213518

The Ones Who Walk Away From Nevaeh by soft_october

Fantasy AU, inspired by a story of Ursula Le Guin. To keep suffering away from the city, Crowley is kept alone in the dark in a cell, without any human interaction. That is, until Aziraphale becomes the new guard and starts listening to him. It's quite angsty, but with soft elements and a happy ending. And also, I adore the worldbuiling on that one, and the context of the story.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/21485824/chapters/51206389

Fond(ant) by ddagent

Human AU, Aziraphale pretends to have a fiancé and to be getting married to be able to enjoy Crowley's cakes. It's funny and soft, I love ddagent's way of telling stories and their portrayal of Crowley and Azirphale, but it's the first one I read from them, so it's the one I'm going to recommend here.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49257229

crossed wires by tealeafthief

After 6000 years of emotional abuse by Heaven, and internalized ableism, Aziraphale learns about autism and start to embrace who he is with Crowley's help. It wasn't the easiest read (at least for me, because it came a little bit too close from home) but it was an amazing one. It's wonderfully done, the progression and evolution of the character is beautifully done and Crowley is so caring on that one, I can only recommend it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25135141

Sorry (Not Sorry) by ineffablefool

Human AU, Crowley and Aziraphale were friends when they where younger and end up reconnecting at a friend's wedding. It's so soft, with fat-positivity, and a really beautiful story.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40584780

My Safe Place by IneffableDoll

Aziraphale wonders if, being an angel, he can be queer or not. Crowley is really supportive on that one, and the discussion about queerness is so interresting and comforting. It's also an asexual relationship, which I love to see, so yeah, quite an amazing one.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43258482

Pieces of Creation by angelwithawand

Crowley gets attached to Jemimah after seeing that the thing she made is the most important thing to her. It follows their relationship all through her life, and it's really soft, I love seeing Crowley or Aziraphale interacting with humans. It's, of course, slightly heartbreaking at the end, but it's so much worth it. And there is also some backgroud Aziraphale/Crowley relationship that is very soft as well.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49046113

So that's it for now, I hope you'll enjoy those fics!

#and now I want to re-read all of them!#good omens #good omens fanfiction #fic recs #good omens fic rec #eweryan's fic recs

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coloursflyaway · 7 months ago

Note

That's so sweet of you to even reply! Um now that you've put me on the spot 😂..honestly I'm a bit clueless 😅. I'm not very imaginative. I just really enjoy reading zowens and so far the few I've read from a couple of you guys have been reallyy good reads!

All I know is that may be something where it's mutual pining and Sami's lost all hope but it's actually not unrequited?? May be a bit of possessive Kevin thrown in? Idk 😭 is what I just said even classified as a prompt??

PS. I know you said you haven't watched wrestling in a while but did you happen to catch the zowens moments at wrestlemania at all! ? 😍😁

Hi!!

So, first of all, great prompt, fits them fantastic, loved it. I just ended up overdoing it by a little, I think, so now it's not really a prompt fill anymore, but a whole fic 😂 really didn't expect that because writing has been Hard lately, so thank you for that!!

Here's the AO3 link, but I'll include the text here too.

PS. I have mainly seen the gifsets of them, but they are!!! so!!!! I love them ♥

There is a brand-new, shining belt in his hands and Sami is aware that this should be the happiest moment in his life. It isn’t. He looks down at the silver plates, the leather strap, heavy and solid and everything he worked for, and he’s happy, of course, but in the back of his mind, he knows that it doesn’t compare to - Well. No matter. Some things you cannot have; Sami has learnt that years and years ago.

Kevin’s face is shining with joy about the match he won and the beers he has had to celebrate it, and Sami’s heart aches at the sight, fierce and wild and beautiful. “The next time”, Kevin mutters into the too-short distance between them, and when Kevin takes another deep swig of his drink, Sami knows that he will have forgotten the words the next morning, “the next time, we’ll tag and we will take all of them out. Jus’ you and me, we’ll fuck them up and send them back crying to their mothers. An’ then we’ll do it again, and again, and again, until we’ll get a shot a’ the titles and then we’ll take ‘em too. An’ we’ll be unstoppable.”

He’s beaming and leaning in and Sami feels himself swaying closer, cannot stop himself. Kevin is magnetic, always has been, and Sami sometimes wonders how long he’ll be able to stop himself from giving in to his pull.

There is a knock on the door of his dressing room, which finally pulls him out of his reverie. Sami takes a moment to compose himself before he answers, wiping silly fantasies from his mind that he has known to be useless for most of his life now like he would wipe tears from his eyes. He’s used to both, after all. “Come in!”

The door swings open, and he shouldn’t, but Sami knows who is behind it before he sees Kevin standing there. “Shouldn’t you be celebrating?”, Kevin asks instead of a greeting, stepping into the room like he owns it. In some way, Sami guesses, he does. “What makes you think that’s not what I am doing?”, he asks back, getting up, because knowing Kevin, he’ll be pulled into a hug within the next thirty seconds. Knowing himself, he won’t ever be able to turn down a chance to be close to Kevin.

His words draw a laugh from Kevin’s lips that Sami treasures, and just like Sami knew he would, Kevin wraps his arms around him the second Sami has stood up. The edges of his belt presses into his stomach painfully, but that is a small price to pay for the comfort of Kevin’s thick, warm arms around him, the faint tickle of Kevin’s beard against Sami’s neck.

“To start with”, Kevin begins to answer while still pressed against Sami, only slowly pulling back, “because you are in here and not out there, where you should be. Also, because I have known you for more than half my life and this isn’t your celebratory face.”

“Sounds good”, he replies easily, then adds, “only that we’ll have to wait a bit longer with doing that, I’m booked to tag with Quicksilver the next show. But after that…” He doesn’t expect more than a scoff – Kevin isn’t that fond of Quicksilver, but then again, he isn’t fond of a lot of people – but instead, Kevin’s face darkens, his brows furrowing and his eyes suddenly glistening in the dim light of the bar. It’s a look Sami half-recognises from the ring, because the intensity is almost the same, but there is something else mixed into it. Something dark, something dangerous, something alluring.

He’s right, of course he is, but Sami still tries for a few moments to come up with an excuse, before he finally nods. It wouldn’t make a difference, saying anything else, when Kevin knows him so well. “It’s nothing”, he adds, because he can see Kevin starting to worry within half a second. “Just a bit of nostalgia. Reminiscing about the old days, you know the drill.” “How old?”, Kevin asks and, thank God, the smile is back in his voice and his eyes and Sami wants to luxuriate in it, wants to stay here forever. In any moment with Kevin, really.

“Ring of Honor old”, he replies with a wry smile, because it almost feels like a confession; to be here, at the pinnacle of his career, and thinking about being young and dumb and so, so hopeful. Again, it makes Kevin laugh, makes him clasp a hand on the side of Sami’s shoulder; a point of contact that is so warm it would be enough to sustain him through a winter. “That is old.” “I know.” “Anything special? Or just the general beauty of horrible hotels, being sixty percent bruises and having to put me in bed after I drank my weight in shitty lager?”

There is something about old wounds, the way their pain becomes familiar, almost an old friend. Sami’s lips tingle, remembering, his heart aches, dull and yet fierce, but he smiles nonetheless, too used to the pain for it to feel disruptive.

“All of the above, I’d say.”

“Quicksilver?”, Kevin repeats, and even his voice is different, rough and full of something that Sami doesn’t understand, yet desperately wants to. “Yes. You know, silver and blue mask, used to hang around with Scorpio Sky?” “I know who he is”, Kevin replies, but his voice hasn’t changed. Maybe Sami missed a fight between them in the past? “Why are you tagging with him?”

Sami self-consciously pushes a hand through his hair; it’s becoming too long again. “Well, he asked and I didn’t see anything wrong with giving it a shot. He seems like a-” “You shouldn’t tag with anyone but me”, Kevin interrupts him, and suddenly Sami does recognise what is dripping from every word he speaks: hunger. “Fuck Quicksilver. Fuck all of them. They don’t have what we have. They never will.”

“Doesn’t sound very celebratory”, Kevin states, but there is humour in his voice. “How about tomorrow, after I win the United States Championship, we’ll do it properly? I don’t think I’ll be able to give you the customary three dozen bruises until then, but if you really miss it so much, I am sure we can find some terrible highway motel we can crash in. And as long as it’s better beer, I don’t mind drinking too much of it.”

It’s a joke, of course it is, and a sweet half-serious offer to relive a bit of a time Sami misses dearly on occasion, and yet it’s suddenly too much. Because he has a title in his hands, because out there, there are thousands who cheered for him, and yet, it isn’t the happiest moment in his life, not by far.

The familiar ache in his chest breaks open like the earth cracking in half to spew fire, and Sami knows that he cannot keep the pain from his face even before Kevin reacts. But react he does, worry suddenly clouding his gaze, the hand he still has on Sami’s shoulder gripping harder.

“Sami?”, he asks, and his voice is too much, his gaze, his concern, his friendship that has never been all Sami wanted. “Are you alright? Should I get a doctor?”

“I’m okay”, Sami manages to force out, but he doesn’t sound it, not even to himself. “Just. Don’t say that, Kevin. Not with the… the shitty hotels and the drinking.” It takes a moment to get a reaction, which Sami understands; he isn’t making sense, after all. But then, all of a sudden, Kevin’s expression crumples, his shoulders drop like a burden, half-forgotten, has been forced upon them once more.

“I’m sorry”, he mutters, fingers tightening reflexively around Sami’s shoulder before they fall away. “I never… the last time, when I got so drunk you had to take me to my room, you never told me what happened, even if I have an inkling… I don’t think I ever had the guts to say it, but I’m sorry. For whatever it is I did.”

“Kevin”, he breathes out, unsure, because surely this cannot be happening. Sami has been aware of his own feelings for years, but there is no way they could be requited. And yet, there is a glint in Kevin’s eyes that looks like yearning; and yet, Sami’s heart picks up its pace, spelling out in morse code: pleasepleasepleaseplease.

A moment of silence stretches between them, thick and viscous, then Kevin knocks back the rest of his beer, before crushing the can and dropping it on the floor. “Fuck it”, he mutters, and Sami wants to ask what he means, but before he can get the words out, Kevin reaches out, one hand on Sami’s hip, one on the side of his neck, and pulls him in. He tastes of gas station beer and stale chips and almost ten years of quiet, desperate, hopeless longing, and even before he manages to kiss back, Sami knows that this is the happiest he ever will be.

“What?”

Kevin isn’t looking at him anymore, but there is so much pain written in clear, horrible letters across his face that it washes away the ache in Sami’s chest; how could it matter, when Kevin is hurting right in front of him?

A wry laugh escapes Kevin’s lips, which might be the worst sound Sami has ever heard, but then he speaks, still not looking at Sami, and makes it worse. “I’m sure you remember it as well as I do, that one night when we were still in ROH. Before you started tagging with Quicksilver. When Chuck, I think, got all that horrible beer from the gas station around the corner and I just didn’t know when to stop. I never had the guts to ask what happened either, but you were so different afterwards, didn’t want to be touched, to be alone with me… and the scribbling on my arm… tell me if I’m wrong, but after some time I figured that I probably, you know. Kissed you. Which I shouldn’t have, of course. Against your will. So, don’t worry, I won’t do that again. Ever.”

“Did you sleep well?”, Sami asks the next morning when Kevin opens the door of his hotel room, looking dishevelled and hungover and utterly beautiful. For once, they had splurged on two hotel rooms instead of sharing one, and while Sami wishes he could have woken up next to Kevin, maybe even wrapped up in his arms, this, too, is wonderful.

He hands Kevin one of the coffees he picked up at a nearby café, idly wondering if this could become his thing now, treating his… his Kevin to coffee in the morning. After all, he usually is up far earlier than the other.

“Ugh”, Kevin replies, taking a gulp of coffee before even trying to form words, and it might be the most enchanting sound Sami has ever heard. “Think so. Can’t remember much. About sleeping or last night. Did you get into a fight, by the way?”

“What? No, no fights”, Sami replies distractedly, wondering if that means Kevin doesn’t remember their kiss, wondering if that means they will get to have two first kisses. Almost smiles at how much he will get to tease Kevin about it if he really has forgotten. All but plans to start the story of how they got together with this from now on: you know, I was in love with Kevin for almost a decade and he kisses me and then immediately forgets about it! Can you believe that?

“You sure?”, Kevin asks again between sips of coffee. “I know my handwriting is awful and drunk it’s even worse, and the letters are really smudged, but I wrote Don’t fuck with Sami on my arm last night.”

It takes a moment to sink in through the layers of happiness and imagined mornings and afternoons and evenings together, but eventually, Sami learns what it feels like to have the world end while not making a sound.

Sami recognises the pain on Kevin’s face; it’s the twin of his own, the one that has been with him for so long that it has found its permanent home at the bottom of his heart, with him in every moment he spends with Kevin, every one they are apart. It’s old and it’s weary and it’s familiar, and Sami should hate it, but.

But if his heart houses the other half of it, then that has to mean something.

And then Kevin says kissed, and for a moment, Sami thinks that he remembers, before realising that, no, he doesn’t, and somehow that is worse.

“You did”, he answers, and finally, Kevin looks at him again. His eyes are wide and terrified and still beautiful, and Sami hasn’t allowed himself to think it for a decade at least, but he loves him so much it is tearing him apart. “You kissed me that night. And then you didn’t remember it the next day, only had that writing on your arm and I thought you were trying to warn yourself not to do it again. But. Kevin. I kissed back.”

Kevin stumbles into his room, his lips still tingling with the last kiss Sami pressed onto them before closing the door behind him. Smiling so brightly Kevin thought he would burn up just looking at him, so happily that Kevin wanted to burn. Sami. The name alone is enough to make something within Kevin break open and pour out six or seven or eight years of pure love into the space between his ribs. He can’t explain why he had the courage to kiss Sami tonight, when he had sworn to himself he never would again and again and again, but now, knowing how Sami’s lips feel against his, how his hair feels between his fingers, his body pressed against Kevin’s, he thanks every divine entity he might believe in or not that he did.

Sami.

The alcohol is making his movements sluggish and sloppy, but Kevin manages to find a pen at the bottom of his backpack anyway, stored away for – maybe, hopefully – signing autographs after the show. He didn’t, but not even that matters anymore, because he needs it now for something much more important.

Don’t forget kiss with Sami, he writes on his arm, letters sloping and curling into each other, a smudge across half of it.

Not that he thinks there is much risk of doing so. After all, hadn’t Sami kissing him back been the happiest moment of his life?

There is no answer for several seconds, Kevin just staring at him like he has changed his life and hung the stars and the moon and the sun itself, and Sami is stuck in place until he isn’t anymore. Because the first time, years and years ago, Kevin had been brave enough to take the first step, and afterwards, Sami hadn’t dared to do the same. But maybe now is the time to return the favour.

Trembling, he picks up Kevin’s hands, which are warm and familiar, have caused as much hurt as they have healed, and puts them on his own body: one on his hip, the other on the side of his neck. And he steps closer, until he’s so close he can read the hopeful disbelief in Kevin’s eyes, can feel that the other’s breath has stopped.

“It was just like this”, Sami explains, and Kevin’s gaze drops to his lips, shoots up again as if he has to make sure that Sami wants this. “You didn’t want me to tag with Quicksilver. Or anyone else. You said that they could never have what we have, and you were right, and then you pulled me in and-”

Kevin kisses him.

He tastes like chewing gum and Red Bull and love, and Sami drinks him in until it feels like he is drowning, and even before he manages to kiss back, Sami knows that this, now truly, is the happiest he ever will be

#kevin owens #sami zayn #zowens #kevin steen #el generico #steenerico #wwe #wrestlemania

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omgkalyppso · 7 months ago

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things I would like to know about fellow writers

I was tagged by @dustdeepsea, thank you!! (:

Putting a cut in this because I'm very specific in some sexual language (not about my sexual history).

For this reason I'm too shy to tag anyone else, but if you see this and want to answer the questions, please consider yourself tagged by me.

Last book I read: The last book I finished must've been American Gods.

Greatest literary inspiration: I don't know. I like reading for reading and for learning, but no one that I really want to write like, and I feel bad for naming big names, still. JRR Tolkien, Douglas Adams, Diane Duane, Isaac Asimov (the short story Liar! has really stuck with me). And even then, that might influence how I used to write original fiction, but not at all how I write fanfiction, which I do almost exclusively now. I write far more original poetry than original fiction, and then ... I'm inspired by my mother, people in my community, all the music I listen to.

My fanfiction is a little inspired by my friends. I was going to link their a/o3 accounts but realized they may not want that. fghdfghdfg

Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write: Let's think of 3 for bg3 and 3 for fire emblem.

Vlaakith's defeat. - Idk enough about githyanki politics / how many "elite" forces (if any) are at her disposal.

Minsc's homecoming. - I feel like I'd have to play the first two games to be up to this.

He Who Was in control of his faculties but subbing very sweetly for Tav/Durge of any gender with bondage, hair pulling, overstimulation, spanking and the presence of a knife (I'd say knifeplay, but I don't mean bloodplay / cutting for him). - Reminder that this isn't a w/endy's, it's my blog.

Slowburn, longfic of Marianne moving to Faerghus with her eventual marriage to Dimitri. - Time.

Shura holding Kana for the first time. - I could write this. I won't.

Kink scene, free-use Hilda where her inner monologue is as complex as she is while still being wildly indulgent. - I started this wip; Hubert was also up for grabs in it. But it isn't happening.

Wait, also, Sylvain x Mercedes x Dedue starting a relationship with miscommunication and pining. - Planning this feels hard. fghdfg

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me:

With the note that I know I have at least 5 enablers who will (probably?? fdghfgdhfdg) always express interest in my completion of a project even if the won't read it, and so "nobody" being interested applies to strangers:

Komira and Locke, either domesticity or sexual intimacy.

A fic where Wyll and Ulder talk and it results in reconciliation, and then a bigger rift, and then understanding (people really don't like Ulder).

My Blaiddyd Bastard oc Almanzor learning to let go of the hang-ups on sex his parents gave him and fucking my oc Peregrine.

My oc Fae as a Student AU longfic.

You can recognise my writing by: The temptation to insult my own writing is so, so strong, but I don't mean to insult anyone who reads my stuff and enjoys it so I have to be nice. Hm. I don't know. "The way I write dialogue / inner reflection" is vague, but it's all I've got.

My most controversial take (current fandom): You guys (gender neutral and vague) can't call that shit self-insert if it's a non-human Tav (or Durge). It's first or second person writing (often, and not even always lately???), and x Reader fic, but self-insert To Me means that either any reader or at least the author has to be able to picture themself Being Inserted into the story. I haven't seen 1 isekai situation using this tag, which isn't a requirement, but you're giving the self-insert tiefling-tails and backstories, which is fun, but that's not a self-insert to me.

Top three favourite tropes: Slowburn (or emotional slowburn, sexually complicated), Hurt/Comfort (emotional or physical, whatever), Battle Relationship.

What’s your current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): How current is current? Because potentially 0/10. I'll say 4/10 though.

Share a random frustration: I hate psyching myself out of a project because I worry something won't make sense (and I should post it anyway) or that it won't be up to my personal standards for myself.

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incandescentflower · 7 months ago

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tagged by @stickers-on-a-laptop!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

107 (2 are wips)

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

849,849 (that's really true. kind of spooky huh?)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

whatever hits the feels and gives me ideas. the majority is bl. right now it's Bad Buddy and Cherry Magic Thailand. The fandom I've written the most fics for is the Cherry Magic jdrama.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Up the Ante, Bad Buddy

Logical Syntax, Semantic Error

a boyfriend demo with premium features, Semantic Error

Be a good hyung, Semantic Error

one week is long enough to dream - Kieta Hatsukoi

5. Do you respond to comments?

always! sometimes it takes me a little longer than others but I always want to acknowledge when someone comments because they are such a boost.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually end in angst but I wrote something for a 1K challenge and it definitely was the angstiest ending I have ever written - before you go in Bad Buddy fandom.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The overwhelming majority of my fic have happy endings and I don't really know how to determine the level of happiness. I do think angst with happy endings feels more cathartic. I have 8 fic in that tag.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I only once got full on hate on a fic. A reader said they wished they could take their kudos back. It was top/bottom drama and I don't engage in that bs.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

72/107 fic are rated E or M. It's always for smut. I once had a reader tell me that I am the master of the comfort smut genre. I am very pleased with that. :)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

I have never written one, but lately I've had some ideas churning

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yep! many times. I'm very honored when someone does that. Same goes with podfic or art.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, haven't been able to yet. It's hard for me to find the time to dedicate to something more complex like that.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I don't like to choose favorites. All my ships are beloved for various reasons, but wangxian is the one that first truly set my brain on fire.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't have one. If I want to finish it, I will finish it. I'm stubborn like that. It might take some time. I've had a few where it has taken me a couple of years to complete, but I still completed them.

I have had a few fics I've given up on because I didn't want to write them anymore.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'm not sure. My writing is led by character emotions and I think people enjoy that. I've been told I am good at characterization.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I love clauses, give me all the clauses, who needs to end a sentence... we can just go on forever.

Long plotting and story structure is often overwhelming for me too.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

This feels like something strange to have an opinion on, honestly. If it fits the story then why wouldn't you? You just have to keep in mind what it tells the audience who are reading in the primary language.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The Raven Cycle - a wonderful YA book series if you have not read it. It's my favorite book series.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh no, more trying to choose. I honestly don't think I have one. If I wrote something long, it's because I had an idea I loved. And sometimes my short fic get to the crux of what I love about a show and distills it in a way that lets me roll around in it for a while. I think usually my favorite fic (and also my most hated fic) tends to be the one I am currently writing.

tagging @galauvant @dimplesandfierceeyes @sunshinedobi @bestbuds55 because I've seen you all writing lately, but no pressure! Feel free to pass if you don't want to do it.

#tag games #fic writing #my fic

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husbandograveyard · 2 months ago

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Fic authors self rec! ♡ When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ♡

Heylo Lale! aaaaa So excited to get this tag. This also made me realize just how little I have written in recent months. So some of these are a little old? Anyways, here goes [in unspecified order]

1 - Winter Holidays - SatoSugu x Reader → JJK

The first one that came to mind when I noticed I had gotten the tag. It's just pure fluff with Gojo and Geto in a winter setting, in my favorite AU: the one where I ignore that everything is very very sad in JJK. I liked the shenanigans and interactions I got to write, and I am definitely planning to write some more throuple things with those two.

2 - For the mission - Tengen x reader → KNY

Is it a little cheesy to put the fic I wrote for you in reply to this tag? Yes. Will I do it anyway? For sure. I loved writing this -despite the physical pain i was in-. It's not my *best* work, but it's the fic that got me back onto tumblr the past few weeks, and I regularly re-read the feedback cause it gives me so much joy. And it has Tengen. We love Tengen.

3 - Teeth - Tengen x Reader → KNY

Vampire AU Tengen for an abandoned spooktober that I am still working on in between other projects. It's one of my most descriptive fics, and I just liked the way it flowed, because I don't think I have ever been able to dedicate so many words to such a short moment.

4 - "Have you seen my socks?" Nanami x reader → JJK [suggestive]

Not sure why I like this one so much, but it's part of my awkward pillow talk event, one of my first proper suggestive writings. I like the vibe it gives, and I enjoy writing Nanami, despite him not being my favorite. I just think he's neat.

5 - Loving touches - various x Reader → KNY

For my last one I kind of want to cheat, so it's a collection more than an individual work. It's my KnY drabbles, the way i stayed into writing last year. It's little (mostly) fluffy character studies with some of my and my friend's favorites. It's really self indulgent, and some of these are some of my favorite blurbs I have written. It was also one of the first times I proper wrote (and finished!) something that was not requested, just done by me, and that gave a whole new level of satisfaction to it too.

---

there are some One Piece works I am proud of too, but those are a little older, and I haven't been super into One Piece lately. I still look back up on them fondly, but I feel like I want to focus on my current obsessions a bit more. Hence this selection. Thank you for the tag, and thank you for the newfound motivation to write some new things UwU

#hazel speaks #self promo #tag game #hazel and frenz #lale-txt

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teenwolf-theoriginals · 1 year ago

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over the past week, i've gotten some lovely messages asking if i'm okay, where i was, basically kind anons sending love. and then there were a few anons who asked about my peaky fics. this is kind long, so i'll put it under the "keep reading" line.

firstly, thank you to those who checked in. am i okay? not really, that's why i took time away. lately, it has been a real struggle with writing. i know it seems like i'm singing the same old tune. but this time around it felt different. i needed to step away, take time out for me and try to figure out why mentally i wasn't connecting with writing. i haven't completely figured it out, i'm still slowly working through falling back in love with my writing. it's been small steps this past week. i have written a little more for the shelby chaos family, organizing the stories has helped me break them down, it's just a matter of committing to writing them and hopefully not hating what i write. on top of me disconnecting with my writing, i felt really deflated with life in general. short version, i'm just feeling so sick and tired of feeling like nothing is working out for me. it's little things that had piled up, getting my hopes up with personal things, and dealing with up and down emotions.

secondly, the reason why my peaky fics aren't visible is because i have made them private. a large reason why i was starting to disconnect from writing was because every time i looked through my notifications, 99% of them were people mass liking. it made me question what the point was in me stressing over these fics, trying to perfect them if that's how they were going to be treated (if so many think writers should write for themselves, then why not just keep them to myself, which made me feel really sad that i was having that kind of thought). that then led me to self-doubt and i didn't want that to spiral further and end up hating my writing to the point where i stopped writing altogether. so, i made the decision to cut out seeing those mass likes for the sake of my sanity and love for writing (a.k.a overthinking brain making issues more intense and stressful than they need to be). if i wasn't constantly seeing like after like after like after like, i could focus solely on finding that spark again for writing. i know it might seem like a drastic or silly thing to do. i know most won't understand unless you have gone through that as a writer or content creator. it's very difficult to communicate just how mass liking can affect a content creator if you aren't one. it's a struggle writers go through constantly and it sucks. so many writers have shared how powerful feedback, interest, and excitement can be and it feels pointless because it ends up being the same tiresome cycle. there is only so much excitement a writer can harass for their own fics before they need others to do the same. this quote by ernest hemmingway describes it perfectly: "writing, at its best, is a lonely life". writers spend so much time alone with their fics, that sharing them makes us not feel so alone. and i don't think asking for a better balance between likes/reblogs/comments is an unreasonable request (also, i understand tumblr's algorithm sucks and it's hard to get most content to a wider audience. especially if so many are posting and only the popular ones end up on top of the tags. that is why reblogging is so important).

i don't know when i'm going to make the peaky fics public again. i don't think right now i'm 100% in a place where i can do that and not go back into that rabbit hole of self-doubt, frustration, over-thinking, etc. i might do so once i have finished a fic. i might even post later more about the shelby family chaos series, share a little bit of the upcoming fics. i hope nobody is too angry at me for privatising the fics. you will be able to read them again, just please be patient with me. especially since there are a handful of fics that you guys will be getting, so i hope that sorta makes up for not being able to read my older peaky fics right now...

also, in regard to my tommy "sweetheart" series. i made the decision after reading through it to delete all chapters but the first one. i know that may disappoint some people, but i have tried to find something that i like within it and i just haven't been able to. i really love the first part, but the rest i hated. and i know some may think that's unfair, especially if other people did love it, but i wasn't happy with it and i don't think the quality of the other parts matched the quality of the first part. maybe, way way down the road, i will write something new for it. but for now, it's going to stay a one-shot like it originally was meant to be.

i'm sending lots of love to anybody who may be struggling right now, or may not feel good enough either when it comes to writing, personal issues, etc. you are good enough! please, take care of yourself, it is not selfish to do so. life is heavy at times, find some joy and hold on to it. breathe and take it one day at a time. if you ever feel overwhelmed, talk to someone, blast your favourite tunes, go outside, binge-watch your favourite show. just do things that make you feel happy and peaceful. ♡

#personal #writing #peaky blinders

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 9 months ago

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Good evening,

Just popping in to say hi and check in on how you are doing? I’m really enjoying the pieces you have put forth for your febuwhump! There are all so good and leaving me wanting more and imagining what would happen next. I’m also loving how each piece features a different character I.e Dean, Jensen , or Beau. And especially Beau since we got to see so little of him so I’m enjoying all fics that expand on his character.

Couple of questions.

When ideas spark for a new fic with no specific character in mind. You know you want your reader to be this and dealing with that and have X Y Z happen but it doesn’t matter who is the character, my question is how do you pick. As in how do you decided to make it a Dean, AU Dean, Sam, Soilder boy etc? Do you just choose your favorite or brainstorm the world you want it happen in and then think the idea would fit if better if it was in a world with powers or spn-verse? (I hope that made sense)

Also who is your favorite non Jensen character to write for?

Lastly do you ever go back and just read your own fics for fun or simply to dive back in the world or are you the type of person who doesn’t like to read your own stuff? I find myself personally doing it a lot lately and it makes sense cause I wrote it bc I wanted it and was curious if others did the same.

Hope you are doing well. Thanks for everything!

Hi there! Things have been a little hectic lately! Overall things are good but work's been a wee bit nuts to put it mildly. I've been working late most nights this year (and last) but my boss told me to leave early today which was a win!

The febuwhump drabbles have been fun to work on! They're definitely snapshots in time that could easily keep going. There's one in particular that's not out yet that I think could draw a lot of interest for more 👀 I'm glad I'm able to jump around with the characters! It makes things a little harder which is a good thing to me since it makes me think.

For your first question of how I pick characters for stories, I try to let the plot drive the decision. If it's set in the SPN world, in cannon where the boys are hunters, I generally go with Dean because he's my favorite but also because I feel like I can write him better than say Sam. Now say it was a story about a superhero. Well let's say I've got AU Dean, AU Jensen and Soldier Boy as my options. Do I want the hero to be dark? Vulgar? Sensitive? Rich? Poor? How do I want the relationship with the reader to develop? Short answer is I ask myself a lot of questions in a short amount of time and branch down whatever path I think makes most sense. Sometimes where it really could be anyone, if I'm leaning towards someone in particular I'll pick them, or if I haven't written for them lately it'll go to them. It's a complicated answer but it really does change depending on the story!

Favorite non-Jensen character in the fanfic world to write for is Benny and Michael (I'm going to consider him separate even though he's Michael!Dean). Benny's one of my favorite side characters to throw into AU's you might notice. He's easily a good fit for a best friend character but has a certain...roughness to him that compliments Dean if that makes sense. If they do more SPN, I demand more Benny lol. As for Michael, I think he's a truly complicated character that is capable of both good and evil. When I wrote Wicked Game that was a big risk since it's a story focused so much on Michael. A reader is absent for a significant part of it even. But I just find the concept of the villain having a soft side so much fun (and writing that dark side too).

I do read my own stuff! Generally I do this with series more than one shots or imagines but I have my favorites I revisit with those too. I think all writers should re-read their stuff for fun. There's so much that's freeing when you're not being critical of the work but just enjoying it and it really helps you understand why readers might love something you think is awful. One of my favorite things is to see someone like or reblog a fic in my activity feed and then I get reacquainted with a story I completely forgot about! You're definitely not alone in re-reading!

I hope you're doing good and have a great day!

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bungoustraypups · 4 months ago

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In which Mori struggles, and Fukuzawa is there to help, in more ways than just the obvious. (AKA I once again haven't posted anything significant in months so I wrote this in a burst of inspiration)

i once again return with the sillies who live in my brain!! take mori being very pregnant and also very stubborn as well <3 read it on ao3 or under the cut! it's very short, 679 words! this takes place during "dog days are over" between chapters 13 and 14! you don't need to read that fic to understand this though, this stands entirely on its own plotwise

Ougai has never been very fond of the saying "you don't know what you have until it's gone", but he's recently been forced to admit that there's some truth to it.

This revelation is largely driven by the fact that his current condition- that is, being nearly eight months pregnant- has made getting up and moving around on his own nearly impossible most of the time. Even if he's having one of his increasingly-rare good days where he's not completely exhausted or fatigued, the shrapnel lodged in his lower back combined with the extra weight he's now carrying has made pain that he used to be able to ignore a constant problem, and the swelling in his feet and ankles makes walking, even when he can get up on his own, also a painful process.

All of that means he needs more help now more than ever; however, Ougai is nothing if not stubborn, and he'll be damned if he asks for help of his own free will without being forced to admit defeat first.

This is how he's found himself in his current predicament: it's late, he's tired, and he wants to get off the living room couch and make his way to the bedroom he shares with his husband so that they both can sleep, and he's just insisted to Yukichi (the aforementioned husband) that he can do it on his own.

To his credit, Yukichi doesn't immediately try to argue with him (if only because he knows it's useless, that Ougai will have to realize that himself, and it would only make his emotionally compromised husband more distressed, which is the last thing he wants), instead watching from where he stands in front of him as Ougai struggles uselessly for about a minute to get up on his own.

Finally, after letting out a defeated huff, Ougai falls back against the back of the couch, muttering "Alright, fine. Help me up," as he frowns, avoiding meeting Yukichi's worried gaze as frustration boils in his chest, threatening to spill out in yet another uncontrollable emotional outburst if he doesn't—

His thoughts are abruptly cut off when his husband scoops him up into his arms. Ougai lets out a soft sound that can only be called a squeak of surprise as he wraps his arms around Yukichi's neck. "What- Yukichi, put me down!"

"You told me to help you up," Yukichi says simply in response, ignoring the protesting of his husband in favor of giving him and his sore feet a much-needed break (even if Ougai won't admit he needs it). "That is what I am doing."

Ougai's face flushes a bit with embarrassment. "You know I didn't mean-"

"You were also clearly frustrated, and on the verge of tears," Yukichi continues. By now, they've reached the bedroom, and he tenderly sets his husband down on the bed, letting him arrange the "nest" of pillows and blankets he's started to maintain (especially now that he's spending more time there) before settling down next to him. "I didn't want you to get more upset with yourself than you already were."

Ougai cuddles close into Yukichi's side, resting his head on his chest as his husband wraps his arm securely around his waist, holding him even closer tucked against his side.

"I would be much less upset if I weren't so useless right now," he sighs. The frustration starts to return, his throat constricting as he tries to fight the very feelings his husband just spoke of, but it disappears as quickly as it came when Yukichi leans down a little to press a kiss against the top of his head.

"You are far from useless, Dove," Yukichi murmurs. "You may not be able to agree with me for now, but know that I could never think of you that way. Not now, and not ever."

As difficult as it's been to accept the limitations his body has put on him for now, Ougai is willing to admit that having Yukichi at his side has made admitting that far easier.

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