#also I hate the inconsistent spacing of paragraphs what the heck is that about

[squigglywindy]

Mini rant? Ramble? Pondering? Idk. I’m not angry so it’s not really a rant I’m just really heckin torn on what to do.

Anyway. I feel guilty for being on here when my family doesn’t know. Which is dumb, because 1: I’m doing nothing wrong. And 2: I’m literally in my 20’s. But I still feel like I should tell them. But if I did, I know they wouldn’t like it. They hate social media and the internet. They think it’s dangerous, which is can be, but they don’t consider that I know how to be careful. And if I did tell them, it’s not like they could (or would) make me stop, but then I would know for a fact they didn’t like it, and they would know I was doing it anyway.

And I just want to talk about y’all; you’re my friends. But then I’d have to explain y’all and I’m scared. For no justifiable reason, because my parents are genuinely the absolute best, they just…they’re wary of the internet and haven’t quite realized I’m an adult.

Idk I’m just talking. Been feeling pretty bad about this recently and haven’t worked out what to do. I can’t just say ‘oh I’m on Tumblr’, because then I’d have to say more. And they’d get protective. And it’s a lose lose and making me want to delete everything and vanish so that they never have to know.

But y’all are the bestest friends in the world, and I hate that I can’t talk about y’all to anyone. I hate that nobody in my real life knows about any of the people that are the reason I bother to eat most days. Idk I’m just having a lot of thoughts and I’m not generating any solutions and I hate it. It’s gotten worse since I came home for break and am with them all the time and they always want to know who I’m talking to (not in a weird nosy way, they just like to know what I’m up to in a ‘you moved out and we’ve kinda lost touch some how ya doin’ kind of way) and I’m just like ‘a friend’ and then they want to know who, and I don’t want to lie. But I don’t want to explain.

This probably makes no sense. It’s a stupid problem to have for a whole adult who doesn’t live at home and has a whole adult life and shouldn’t be thinking like this, but. I’m very close to my family. I want them to know what I’m doing. But I don’t want it to cause some argument. Idk. It’s a stupid problem, but it’s me. I am in fact one of the dumbest people alive; so it checks out.