#also Bee specifically: I get so excited to read your posts every day ever since I found your account!! Your writing is just *chef kiss*

[majokothesmol]

@honey-crypt You are how I found the Elliott Club and every time I see the Elliott squad it makes my heart happy to know so many people also love him!!

...so naturally, I needed to draw my own self-insert/farmer admiring the crew.

[rexhc]

rosebuzz kids

been meaning to make this post for a while but rosa and buzz have too many kids (SIX) lol. but they live on a farm (which i will post about eventually) outside of houston so they have plenty of room.

jacob abraham “jake” goldman

born september 15, 2018

his biological mother is polly bernhardt, but rosa adopts him when he’s seven and has been basically raising him since before he was five

guitar and piano prodigy. has been obsessed with music since buzz gave him his ukelele as a little kid.

total metal head. all his sisters hate it except sil.

he’s in a metal band for a long time. rosa’s very into it (in a really nerdy mom way) and goes to almost every show he plays in the city. she always wears a bunch of their merch and calls herself their “roadie” (which jake hates). buzz comes sometimes but it can be too loud for him to handle. jake understands.

teaches guitar and piano lessons for a living when he grows up. he’s classically trained and goes to berklee after high school.

he plays drums in school band in middle school and is on the drum line for three years in high school. also plays bass for the jazz band.

started skateboarding when he was six and when they leave the city for the country, rosa designs him a mini ramp on their land since the roads are mostly gravel or dirt.

hates having his hair short

such a good big brother. older than the rest by eight years but he takes his role as a big bro very seriously and looks after his little sisters and brother. he never complains when he has to babysit when he’s older.

he doesn’t mind working on the farm but he’s not into it like his dad is. but when he’s eighteen, buzz shows him the greenhouse where he grows medical marijuana for local dispensaries - which had always been strictly off limits for the kids. it’s the first time jake thinks of agriculture as fun.

very quiet and introspective. most of his focus is spent on his music. frequently referred to as antisocial and was teased a lot as a kid.

lilia hannah “lily” goldman 

born may 21, 2026

very skilled artist. loves drawing and painting. she draws on the walls a lot as a little kid and her parents never ever paint over her drawings. they love to talk about her masterpieces.

could be found every morning before anyone else woke up watching cartoons in the living room. loved cartoons so much.

loves “old” (old in the 2030s) cartoons her parents show her. she dresses as finn the human for halloween four years in a row. 

draws cartoons all the time about her family. which her dad loves so much and always hangs on the fridge.

the first one she does is of buzz with a beard of bees when she’s three and he keeps it in his wallet forever

fridge features include grumpy old man jake and rosa as a superhero called supermama who appears multiple times 

becomes an animator when she grows up

very bubbly and optimistic, excited about everything but also very bashful and is constantly embarrassed by her family

to be fair she’s very awkward and usually embarrasses herself more than her family does

hates disappointing people and always takes too much on her plate to make everyone happy

is constantly way too hard on herself and gets stressed out very easily

she gets this from her mother, who can always tell when lily gets in that mood and tears her away from her homework to watch animated movies and decompress

sophia demetria goldman

born november 4, 2027

fraternal twin of silvia

they couldn’t be more different and they aren’t that close but sophia always stands up for sil no matter what.

total daddy’s girl. loves working in the fields with him more than anything. they talk for hours.

they spend so much time gossiping. buzz knows so much about the social hierarchy of every class sophia is in. he knows about every snotnose kid who was mean to his daughter and gives them dirty looks when he drops the kids off or sees them at birthday parties. 

she tells buzz basically everything about her life. they’re super close.

when she goes to college she makes buzz get whatever device they use in 2046 so they can message all the time. he iris messages her every time anyways.

goes to the farmer’s market with buzz every weekend and is always a smash hit with the customers. she knows how to play up her cuteness.

she’s just like the nicest, sweetest, most well-behaved kid. buzz and rosa have no clue how it happened.

loves flowers and gardening. they didn’t have a flower garden before sophia expressed interest, but buzz set it up just for her. she spends so much of her free time there. even if she’s not gardening, she has a hammock set up where she’ll do her homework or hang out.

ridiculously caring and selfless. 

the sweetest nicest bean ever. would not hurt a fly.

so smart. not just in school but rosa swears she got 100% of the athena wisdom gene. she gives amazing advice. 

ends up becoming a therapist when she grows up. and her home garden is magnificent.

silvia atenea “sil” goldman

born november 4, 2027

fraternal twin of sophia

she prefers “sil” to silvia

got buzz’s crazy curls

loves loves loves animals, bugs, and biology. has to be told several times by her parents to stop hanging out with wild animals on the farm and still doesn’t really listen.

she sneaks insects inside that end up escaping and it’s no fun for anyone. she did this with a snake once and got grounded for a month. never again.

whatever it is it usually ends up in sophia’s bed because they share a bunkbed. sophia has a complete meltdown every single time.

talks to caterpillars and chases butterflies when she’s supposed to be picking vegetables. also loves playing in the dirt as a kid.

seriously buzz and rosa have to wash her like three times a day because she keeps coming back inside covered in mud

reads all the time, mostly nonfiction books about animals. 

she enthusiastically shows pages about inchworm digestion to sophia, who screeches immediately

doesn’t get along great with her sisters but is super close with jake (also adam to an extent because they’re both science geeks). they’re both kind of social outcasts in school so he gets her really well even though he’s nine years older.

jake shows sil metal and she’s all about it

when she’s 10-11 and he’s 19-20 jake takes her to a couple of his shows and she has the time of her life.

on the spectrum. she’s has high-functioning autism. she mostly just doesn’t look people in the eye and when someone is saying something she’s not interested in she tends to tune them out completely.

tomboy/gender non-conforming. doesn’t care about gender norms.

not very interested in other people or in making friends. she has her own thing going on instead.

can be mean but it’s not on purpose

ends up becoming a wildlife biologist when she grows up. plays the doctor card nonstop as soon as she gets her phd. even her nieces and nephews call her “dr. auntie sil”

amalia michelle goldman

born july 12, 2029

her family often calls her ‘mali/molly’ but she prefers amalia

the most dramatic of the six kiddos because there’s too many of them and it’s really hard to get attention. she’s the kid who always has to cause a scene.

car rides are a nightmare. “mama! adam keeps poking me! tell him to stop right now!” “no i’m not! tattle!” “mama if adam keeps poking me i’m going to open the door and get out on the street and probably die!”

every time she gets sick as a kid she acts as if she’s going to die and writes a will where she leaves her jerk siblings nothing because they’re jerks who suck 

had a grudge against adam until he was like six because he usurped her as the baby of the family.

there’s an infamous family video of a five year old amalia pushing a crying two year old adam off his tricycle and it gets played at every hannukah and christmas.

somehow around the time they’re about 7/9 they actually become friends

your typical try hard nerd. very much like her mom. gets over-competitive about everything, total know it all, tries to take control of any room she’s in

president of like every nerdy club in high school

she loves using difficult vocabulary. everybody else hates it.

amalia and rosa have been prohibited from being on the same team or going 1v1 on family game night because it gets too intense too fast and then family game night is cancelled

consistently has the cleanest bedroom in the house

very logical and efficient. comes up with her own systems so she can be the best at everything.

becomes an english teacher. all her siblings say they feel bad for her students. she eventually becomes a principal. they say the same thing about the entire school.

adam emiliano goldman

born february 14, 2032

total mama’s boy. loves his mom and hangs out with her all the time. even in his teens. he doesn’t care what anyone says about that.

she calls him lovebug because he was born on valentines day

very smart, witty, and energetic

really a heartbreaker tbh

naturally gets attention by just who he is as a person

this enrages amalia

he loves school but always gets sent to the office for arguing with teachers. this happens throughout his entire schooling from kindergarten to senior year

rosa is so proud every time

very into his video games. and this is in the future so i bet it’s super cool and VR by then.

weirdly good at rapping and most of the family’s kinda unsure how they feel about this

gets into 90s east coast rap and buzz tell him he was there he was a toddler but he was there

he listens to so much old school rap it really amps him up

isn’t intimidated by anyone. constantly stands up to bullies no matter who they’re targeting.

he get’s buzz’s height - ends up being even taller at 6′4″ - and gets pretty good at basketball. he even goes to college on a basketball scholarship.

buzz hangs a hoop in the driveway and they play so much

buzz sees him playing basketball on tv for the first time and cries real dad tears

science nerd - loves chemistry specifically

becomes a research chemist

[hyotaem]

why kim kibum is a RAVENCLAW

first of all kim kibum’s ugly ass can fight me for shoving his “““““““““““slytherin””””””””””” self in my face with all his stupid instagram posts this is the FIRST time i haven’t been excited about him posting. now let’s be real here the sorting hat must’ve been smoking some crack or something if it put kibum in slytherin………. he’s CLEARLY A RAVENCLAW and i have PROOF. SO MUCH proof that i’m about to write six pages of this shit!!!! ten virtual bucks and all of miss sha’s love to you if you actually read all of my anger induced rambling :)

okay!! now let’s get rowling’s awfully one dimensional and un-fleshed-out definition of what a ravenclaw is out of the way : the smart ones. that’s it. “wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure” blah blah all of that. basically the way she set it up in the (amazing) shitshow that was the harry potter books, most people interpreted it as “oh you do well in academics and stuff you get straight as and all that cool jazz so you must be a ravenclaw!” EXCEPT. getting good grades isn’t the only type of intelligence you can have and this especially applies to kibum because although i don’t know how well he did in school i do know that he has immense creative intelligence that screams ravenclaw AND NOT FUCKING SLYTHERIN GOD DAMN IT. also point number two!! if that was the only thing that made you a ravenclaw then hermione wouldn’t be a goddamn gryffindor. if you think back to book one (for those of you that have forgotten already, that’s the sorcerer’s stone or the philosopher’s stone depending on where you came from - a completely unnecessary change that still baffles me because despite the fact that americans are dumb i don’t think we’re THAT dumb that we wouldn’t know what a philosopher is but i digress) there’s that scene while they’re in room with the logic test with the poison and she says something along the lines of “yeah logic and cleverness is great and all but bravery and friendship is where it’s at harry!! now go beat voldemort’s ass!” (keep in mind i don’t have the books in front of me right now lol) it’s because she values those gryffindor qualities more than she values the qualities of intelligence that she was placed in gryffindor but that wasn’t very well expanded on in the books and it isn’t super relevant to ravenclaw kibum so i’ll move on.

one of my biggest points is the whole intelligence isn’t limited to getting good grades in school one. so in 1983 a developmental psychologist (don’t know what that is and i’m too lazy to google but i’m assuming he knew what he was talking about) came up with this theory?? idea?? whatever. that there are in fact nine different types of intelligence and you can’t bullet point in essays so bear with me: there’s naturalist intelligence which is like nature and stuff… not my thing and not kibum’s either so we’ll move forward; musical intelligence - let’s stop this list right here so i can point a giant finger at kibum’s obvious musical talent (which fingers crossed we’ll get to see in his solo album which will happen i have hope) - logical/mathematical (it took me four tries to spell that right could you believe i used to be a three time school spelling bee champion hahhahhahah) which is what i believe most people think of when they think “intelligence;” existential (why do we exist? what is our purpose here on earth? what the fuck exactly is a human? what is consciousness? this is for the ones who have existential crises every other day congrats you’re smart). this paragraph is getting too long lemme move to the next one -

yes hi where were we : interpersonal! this is a another one i think kibum has a lot of; he’s really extroverted and have you ever noticed that he knows like. everyone because he makes friends super easily and everything?? he knows how people work and he’s comfortable around them. next, linguistic intelligence, which he possesses a lot of too - we all know the man’s smart as hell when it comes to languages it’s real sexy; intra-personal (this is like…. knowing yourself and your thoughts/feelings which sounds fake to me but whatever); and last but not least (or yes least depending on how much of it you have) spatial intelligence which yeah kibum has a lot of because this applies to visual art and stuff and also comes in handy if you’re an engineer. (shout out to any of those reading this now stop and go do your job or something fucking nerds!)

so we’ve established that kibum is super intelligent, especially creatively, which you already should’ve known if you’ve been a shawol for longer than two seconds or aren’t stanning solely for visuals… my point is : kibum’s a smart dude!! so one box for ravenclaw checked! i’m not trying to say if you’re not a ravenclaw you’re stupid by the way because all of this means jack shit if you don’t value your intelligence, which brings us back to the whole situation with hermione - she was in gryffindor because gryffindor’s qualities were more important to her. but i think it’s clear kibum takes a whole lot of pride in his creative accomplishments and he’s always looking to add more to his loooooong resumé of cool shit i’ve done at such a young age (taemin has one of those except his is cool shit i’ve done at an even younger age). it’s these traits of his that stand out the most in my opinion which checks another ravenclaw kibum box!

completely unrelated to actual house sorting but kibum looks incredible in blue. pretend i attached pictures for reference.

listen being in ravenclaw isn’t all flowers and rainbows (that’s more hufflepuff; you can find them in the kitchens xx). this emphasis on logic and intelligence can often create a chasm between the more human side of things. ravenclaws tend to forget that emotion plays just a big a part in how things work as pure, cold logic does - which obviously doesn’t always apply, because interpersonal intelligence is a facet of ravenclawism?? let’s pretend that’s a word. ravenclaws can also be real perfectionists and super hard on themselves. and don’t forget that they can get big heads too - placing a higher value on intelligence, creative or not, doesn’t make you better than the rest of the houses, ravenclaws.

trust me, i know. i’m a ravenclaw. fuck pottermore.

i just realized something. in any proper school essay, you never just jump into things the way i did. idk if any of you learned tags?? theme, author, general, specific (or something like that; forgive me if i can’t remember, oh sophomore year honors english teacher) but yeah i forgot to do all that and just kinda went KIBUM IS A RAVENCLAW FUCK HIM so…

i’m assuming whoever’s reading this has either read and/or watched at least one of the harry potter books/movies. if you’ve only ever seen the movies (or worse, just one movie) get the fuck out of my sight! nah, just kidding, i’m ready to explain all this shit to y’all. so buckle in, kids and non kids, because you’re about to have a crash course on hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry completely from my shitty memory!

so hogwarts is this amazing school in england that teaches young, impressionable kids magic tricks but with real magic. it’s the wave your wand, say the latin inspired magic words, and boom! you just turned your rat into a teacup (or if you’re ron, you got stuck halfway and now peter pettigrew is having the worst time of his life since [spoiler]). it’s pretty much the most dangerous place you can send your kid especially if one (1) harry james potter is in the student body, because this snake man with no nose is coming to get him because he’s holding a ten year or so grudge that he couldn’t kill him when he wanted to. also [spoiler] plays a part in that lmao voldemort isn’t that shallow. but he is pretty shallow.

on your first day at this super cool school you put a magic talking hat on your head and it compartmentalizes you into one of four houses based on your personality, your values, and your strengths. it’s like divergent except less black and white. (and if you’ve seen/read divergent and not harry potter get your fucking priorities in order wtf???) you’ve probably heard of these houses - gryffindor, slytherin, ravenclaw, and hufflepuff - even if you know shit about harry potter because you’re friend has said to you “oh yeah i’m a hufflepuff” and you went “oh cool haha sounds fucking dumb” and unfortunately for your poor hufflepuff friend most people look down on hufflepuff. thank god that’s changing and fuck rowling for making it that way. no one has time for her silly “all slytherins are evil” narrative.

rowling-wise (hope y’all are realizing by now that i’m not her biggest fan) the houses are pretty much as one-dimensional as divergent was: gryffindor was for the big, strong, brave people; ravenclaw for the smart; slytherin for… well, evil; and everyone else gets to be a hufflepuff and get labelled as nice. nothing wrong with being nice, but if you’re just nice, you’re boring, and hey, hufflepuffs don’t deserve that. maybe it’s tweaking canon a bit, but fandom has collectively shifted away from these stereotypes and effectively (more effectively than rowling, at least) expanded on what actually makes a gryffindor a gryffindor and so forth. (also, yeah, i thought i was a hufflepuff for years before i took a good look at myself in the mirror and realized i’m a lazy piece of shit that doesn’t deserve to be in that house)

off the top of my head, hogwarts was founded by four wizards with varying levels of assholishness, and their last names are where we get the houses. each one of them basically picked the qualities they wanted to see in their students (gg : “i want the loudmouths who are brave and awesome!” rr: “i want the ones who think being smart is sexy” ss: “i want the ambitious prideful ones” and lovely helga hufflepuff was like “cool i’ll just take the rest they’re amazing too”) and so the houses were formed. things quickly unraveled after that because mr. slytherin was a racist piece of shit and he only wanted the “pure-blooded” families to send their kids to hogwarts (meaning the ones wizarding families who were all wizards) and the rest were like “wtf bro?? what about the mixed kids. or the random muggle-borns blessed with the ability to bewitch??” and salazar was like “nah i’m out goodbye fuckers i hate you all for being open-minded and shit.” so, i mean, it really doesn’t come as a surprise that slytherin gets such a bad rep considering the first ever slytherin was on the high end of the asshole spectrum. and then all that shit with the [spoiler] in chamber of secrets happened, so not only was he an asshole, but he was also fucking insane. good riddance. but the rest stayed, and they made hogwarts famous, and then they died and became ghosts to haunt the corridors of the school or whatever.

so now that your brief hogwarts, a history lesson is over, let’s talk a little more about slytherin because i feel like it! also the whole idea about all slytherins being evil, power-hungry, greedy fuckers is wrong and needs to be dispelled. yes, power does play a huge role in who a slytherin is, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a “crush everyone underneath me” kind of thing - it’s more like an ambition-driven one. sure, a lot of slytherins are bad, like, say, voldemort, who was so obsessed with power and living forever that he pretty much killed himself, with a little bit of help from our lovely hero harry. and like… i could go into detail about how horrible and abusive snape was (yes he did have a few good qualities but they certainly weren’t redeeming ones fuck off) but i’d max out the number of pages for this essay so maybe another time. if you’re a snape apologist…… well i hope you see the light soon. that’s a real stain on your person. but yeah - not every single slytherin you see is pure evil; regulus black exists (please read the books) and like. narcissa malfoy just wanted to protect her son, you know? doesn’t excuse most of the shit she did but her intentions weren’t completely “oh i want to be powerful also i’m better than everyone because i’m pureblood and you’re not haha.”

also taemin!! there’s a lovely slytherin. smart, ambitious, sweet, great smile, i’ll stop before this turns into a soft rant - taemin is textbook slytherin but surprise he isn’t in the game just so he can put other people down. and i wasn’t serious about my other if you’re blank then stop reading this but if you don’t think taemin’s a slytherin you can exit. right now. i’m serious i don’t want to be associated with y’all. AND IT’S EVEN WORSE IF YOU THINK HE’S A HUFFLEPUFF!!! you’re going to put lee “work over relationships” taemin into hufflepuff? he’s pure slytherin; he’s driven by ambition - idk if you noticed when he was talking about his budokan concerts but he mentioned how he worked so hard on it for his own sake. he wanted to prove to himself as well as others that he could pull off something so grand and incredible (and he did but once again that’s soft rant territory so i’ll pull back) and that’s slytherin. this isn’t necessarily in a bad way, but he’s so willing to throw his members under the bus for his own sake - go watch their weekly idol. THAT DOESN’T MAKE HIM EVIL LMAO a big part of being a slytherin is relationships with others!! when the worst comes to worst, loyalty is important to slytherins. it’s not one of their defining characteristics like it is for gryffindor but it’s still super important. that’s not to say he doesn’t have hufflepuff traits (y’know, working hard! being dedicated!) but those coupled with entirely slytherin motivations of proving oneself and becoming the best they can be point him towards slytherin’s direction. slytherins have a tendency of throwing everyone and everything away (including, many times, themselves) for the sake of achieving their goal and taemin is a perfect example of that. sure, he’s as sweet as a person who laughs when other people are crying can be, but that doesn’t automatically make him a hufflepuff. it’s not like everyone who isn’t a hufflepuff is mean or that every hufflepuff is a gooey pile of chocolate and sunshine.

anyway… this is about kibum…

(fun fact : the animal associated with the ravenclaw house is actually an eagle. something about soaring to new intellectual heights or something. would’ve been easier to just make it a raven because it’s not like ravens can’t fly too but whatever.)

probably one of the biggest roadblocks with sorting people into hogwarts houses is the overlap that occurs between traits of different houses. having one trait - or even a few of them - doesn’t automatically mean you fit solidly into a house, because you have to take your own ideals and values into account, as well as the way you approach things in life. it’s not to say kibum isn’t ambitious, because yeah, he is, but the way his ambition is directed towards his creative pursuits for the sake of expanding his creative intelligence is a ravenclaw thing you know?? same with jonghyun (who is also a ravenclaw) - the way he approaches all of his creative pursuits is completely in the artistic sense. jonghyun is creatively brilliant - let’s look at his radio show, or his song-writing, or his composing, or his book writing, etc. - and just because he’s a ravenclaw doesn’t mean he’s not ambitious. sure he’s ambitious but is anyone sitting here calling him a slytherin?? no, seriously - does anyone think jonghyun’s a slytherin? because i’ve never seen that. most people put him in hufflepuff and not ravenclaw… but why? is it because he’s soft? because that’s a hell of a stereotype, too, and it’s not like all ravenclaws are cold, emotionally detached bitches who only care about getting 100 percents on their quizzes.

what i’m trying to say is people can’t be categorized into boxes the way the houses were originally constructed; otherwise, most of the population would just be hufflepuffs. sorting also takes your personal wishes, your goals, what you think is important into consideration. so, yeah, if kibum really wanted he could totally be a slytherin, but it would pretty much be for the sake of being a slytherin because that cunning is not what he deems most important. let’s go back to harry potter himself - the sorting hat was really fucking ready to put him in slytherin, and as much as you can argue that it was because a piece of voldemort, of evil, was in him or whatever, you can’t deny that harry has a lot of inherently slytherin traits. he knows how to work people, he knows how to get out of tricky situations because he’s witty and yeah, cunning as hell. and yes, he asked not to be put in slytherin, but that’s mainly because he walked into hogwarts having heard nothing but stereotypes about the house (like that one line that ron said about how not everyone in slytherin was evil but how everyone evil came from slytherin, the whole square rectangle relationship). and keep in mind that he didn’t specifically ask to be put into gryffindor but that the sorting hat recognized those qualities that he also had and the fact that he valued them more as well and made the decision to sort him into gryffindor.

sorting is a tricky business, thanks to those gray areas. there are ravenclaws that could be academically behind others, but they work their asses off because they want to learn. hard work is, again, technically a hufflepuff trait but their objective, their main focus, is the learning aspect which makes them a ravenclaw! an excellent real life example would be minho, who you can argue has several gryffindor traits, like… he’s loud and i guess he’s brave and all, but hufflepuff fits him a thousand times better. the importance he places on relationships and especially loyalty is purely hufflepuff and he makes a damn good one, too. i think that’s what annoys me most about people who think taemin’s too “sweet” or “nice” to be a slytherin - i hate to break it to you, but not every slytherin is mean and selfish. they just value being at the top because they believe they deserve it, and you can’t really fault a person for that, and it doesn’t mean they think everyone else is automatically lesser, either.

i’m going to wrap this up now because i want to watch final life and i’ve also made pretty much every point i can think of right now. kibum might be out there dropping $100+ on overpriced slytherin wands and parading around in his slytherin scarf but honestly? i’m still convinced he’s a ravenclaw because it just fits him so much better. but i guess slytherin is a good second choice! he really made me angry enough to write an entire goddamn essay about this wow

[like-a-bag-of-potatoes]

With You By My Side - Seven

A/N: I am now finished writing this series. There will be in all ten parts, and I will try and post every day, but I make no promises. Thank you to everyone that has liked, reblogged or commented on this series. I loved writing it, and it keeps me motivated to read all of your kind words. Special thanks to my beta @thorne93.

Characters: Jensen x Reader. Jared x Genevive

Warnings: This is pure fluff.. All the way. I got cavities writing this.

Wordcount: 2731

Catch up HERE

*not my GIF*

“What?” you whispered in disbelief.

“Marry me..” he repeated a little more confident this time.

“We can't get married, Jay!” you exclaimed, shooting out of the bed. “I can't make any plans for the future when I don't know how long it’ll be. I can be gone within a year.” You paced the floor, running a hand through your hair.

“All I know is that I want to be with you, for as long as I can. I don't want to waste anymore time (YN), I want you, and I have wanted you for years now. Take this leap with me,” he pleaded, placing two strong hands on your shoulders, making you look into those emerald orbs of his. Before you could say anything he was down on one knee in front of you, looking up at you. “I love you, more than I ever thought possible. You are an amazing woman (YN), and you make me a better man. You have been there to support, encourage and motivate me for years, and you always manage to put a smile on my face. Will you (YN) (YLN) make me the luckiest man in the world and spend the rest of your life with me?” he finished with a smile.

“Are you really serious about this?” you asked carefully.

“Yes.”

“Then, Mr. Ackles, I would be a fool to turn you down.” you said with a wide grin.

Jensen got to his feet and wrapped his arms around you and lifted you from the ground to spin you around a couple of times before he sat you back down, kissing you deeply. Never in a million years had you imagined that you could be this happy, especially considering the circumstances.

“But you know, if this thing in Germany works, you'll be stuck with me for life,” you teased.

“Nothing would make me happier,” he said, leaning down to kiss you again, deep and passionately.

**

The next couple of weeks flew by. You had talked to the clinic in Germany and had Dr. Hansen send over all your files, there had been quite a few calls back and forth, but you were now ready to go and get your first treatment.

The doctor assigned to you, Dr. Bauer, seemed like a nice man. He had sent you all the information you needed as well as walked you through the treatment step by step. This first time was a little more extensive than the other treatments would be since you had to insert a new access port in your thigh, which would be done on day one along with some PET scans and MRI’s. The chemotherapy itself would take three days, which was what you were used to, but for this you had to stay in bed at the clinic all three days. The side effects were minimal since this kind of treatment were designed to attack only the cancer cells and not your entire body. Although he sounded very positive he made sure to remind you that this is still experimental and that you shouldn't get your hopes up too much, but they would know after just a month if it would work or not.

You and Jensen arrived in a cab from the airport at the Hufeland clinic early monday morning. It was a modern looking building almost in the middle of nowhere with great nature surrounding it. The sun was shining down on the beautiful garden in front of the main building, the area so quiet that you could hear the bees buzzing from flower to flower.

Jensen squeezed your hand as you followed a friendly nurse, first into the room that would be yours and then to meet with Dr. Bauer before you got prepped for surgery.

**

It was five long days in in the Hufeland clinic before you were allowed to go home, or maybe it just felt long because you knew what was waiting for you back home.

Because of your situation you and Jensen had decided to get married as soon as possible, with as little fuss as possible. The two of you had found this small, beautiful church just outside of Austin where you were gonna get married the day after you returned from Germany. Things were happening so fast your head was spinning, but you wanted this, you wanted to marry Jensen and you wanted it to be only yours and his, no big wedding party, no public announcement, just you and him.

Jared and Gen were the only two people who knew about this. Jared was Jensen's best man, and Gen was your matron of honor.

“How are you doing?” Gen asked as you stood behind a little partition wall to put your wedding dress on, she had already helped you with your hair and makeup.

“I'm a little nervous,” you chuckled. “But I'm also excited to marry the man of my dreams.” You stepped out from behind the partition. “Can you help me with the zipper?”

You turned around so that you could look in the mirror as she helped you. It was a simple white dress, not a typical wedding dress, but it still made you feel like a princess. It had a straight cut neckline and a deep v in the back, the dress hugged your feminine forms nicely and you were surprised at how confident you felt in it. You had gotten a bra made to fit the dress so no straps were showing and you couldn't have been happier about the result. Since the breast removal surgery you hadn't really felt comfortable in any dress, opting instead to hide under large t-shirts, but right now you felt more beautiful than you ever had before.

“You look so beautiful, (YN),” Gen said, her eyes swimming with tears.

“Thank you, Gen. And thank you so much for everything you and Jared are doing for us,” you said turning to face her.

“I almost forgot.” Gen turned around and started digging through her purse. “This is the garter I wore at my wedding, I thought it could be your something old, something borrowed and something blue.” she said, handing you the blue garter. “Tom and Shep also got you a little wedding present, and if you want, it can be your something new.”

Gen handed you a little velvet jewelry box. Inside was a bracelet made from those little plastic beads, made in pink and blue hearts. You took the little note that was curled up inside and read it out loud. “To our favorite aunt, we love you so much because you always make us laugh and you give us candy when mommy and daddy says no.” There was no use trying to hold the tears back any longer. You loved those two little boys and it just now hit you that you might never get to see them grow up.

“I wrote it, but they were very specific about what they wanted the note to say,” Gen explained before you pulled her into a tight hug.

You slipped on the garter that Gen had given you and the bracelet from the boys, took one last look in the mirror and then headed down stairs to where Jensen was waiting for you.

The organ started playing and Jensen had his full attention on the door he knew you would appear in any minute now, his heart pounding in his chest, his palms sweaty and the butterflies had gone wild in his stomach. Ever since he had learned about your cancer he had this dull ache in his heart, but today he couldn't feel it. Today was about you and him and the love that you had for each other. He needed today to be about just that. Jared gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze just as the door opened and Gen came walking down the aisle flashing the two men a wide smile.

The music changed as you appeared in the door and Jensen’s heart stopped and his breath got caught in his throat. You had always been beautiful, but nothing could have prepared him for this. His eyes was glued to you as they filled with unshed tears, his heart finally beating again, racing in his chest while he watched you walk towards him.

The minister started talking as you joined Jensen, but none of you were paying much attention to what was being said, busy drowning in each others eyes like two lovestruck teenagers. It wasn't until Gen nudged you with the ring that you realised it was your time to talk.

“Jensen, I tried to sit down and write down my vows to you, but no matter what I put down on paper it wasn't good enough, so today I'm just going to speak from my heart,” you started, taking a deep breath before continuing. “About six years ago, you took me on a road trip, telling me you had just broken up with someone and you needed to get away for a little while. You told me then, after a few beers in that god awful hotel we stayed in, that you were tired of the dating scene. You wanted to find a girl to settle down with, someone who could be your best friend as well as your lover. I can't go back in time and pinpoint the exact moment that I fell in love with you, but that night was the night I realized that I was, and probably had been for a while. I wanted to tell you how I felt that night, I wanted to scream at you and tell you I was right here, that I wanted nothing more than to be the girl you were talking about, but I chickened out. My biggest regret will always be that I didn't tell you how I felt sooner. But I vow to you today Jensen, that I will tell you, every day for the rest of my life, how much I love you and how insanely happy you make me. You are my best friend, my rock, my hero and my lover, you are my partner in life, you are my home.” Your hands were trembling as you tried to put the wedding ring on his finger, laughing nervously to cover up your shaky voice.

Jensen took the ring from Jared before looking deep into your eyes once more. “This morning when I woke up, I had no Idea what to say to you, but after what you just told me, I have to come clean,” he started with a crooked smile. “I broke up with that girl because I realized that my heart belonged to someone else, and I took you on that road trip to tell you how completely in love I was with you, but I also chickened out. Lately I’ve been thinking about all the time we have wasted, not being together, but I also realize that even if we haven't been romantically involved we'd still been together, and there is no person I would have rather spent my time with than you. So my vow to you will be to always make you feel loved and appreciated, I will make sure you know how amazing you are. You are the love of my life (YN) and I can't wait for us to start our life together, whatever our future might look like.”

Tears cascaded down your face as you took in his words. You knew very well that your time together might be limited, but right now all that mattered was the beautiful man standing in front of you, declaring his love.

**

After the ceremony you went to get some pictures taken at this beautiful, secluded place along the banks of lake Austin. You had made reservations to have dinner at a romantic restaurant after that, but Gen and Jared seemed to have other plans.

“Where are we going?” you asked as Gen and Jared lead the two of you down a small road closer to the water.

“We might have taken a few liberties,” Jared said with a mischievous look on his face.

You looked at Jensen who looked just as confused as you felt, and realized he didn't have a clue what was going on either.

In a clearing underneath some tall trees a gazebo came into view, lined with small lights all around it and a table in the middle, set for four people. There was a string quartet that started playing as soon as you arrived as well as a waiter, ready to show you to your seats.

“What have you done?” you gasped in awe, your eyes wide.

“It's a wedding gift. We know you didn't want to make a big deal out of this, but we wanted to make it as memorable as possible,” Gen explained.

“If you want to have the night to yourself, you can. We totally understand if you want to be alone,” Jared continued.

You looked up at your new husband, that was just as in awe as you were. “No. We want to celebrate with our friends,” Jensen said honestly.    

You couldn't believe what your friends had put together for the two of you. The food was amazing, the gazebo beautifully decorated, and the music was calming. After dinner, Jensen lured you out on the grass to have your first dance as husband and wife.

“Have I told you how amazing you look tonight?” Jensen asked as the two of you swayed to the music.

“A couple of times, but I don't mind hearing it,” you confessed. “You don't look to bad yourself Mr. Ackles.”

“I'm happy,” he said contently.

“Beyond happy,” you agreed.

As the song neared its end, Jared came up and pricked Jensen on his shoulder, “Mind if I cut in?” Jensen nodded, gave you a quick kiss and then approached Gen to ask her for a dance. “You look beautiful today, (YN), you look happy,” he offered, his hazel eyes shining in the dim light.

“I am happy,” you said, smiling. “Thank you so much for setting this up for us, Jar, it means so much more than you will ever know.”

“Only the best for you two. I actually wanted to ask you something,” he tried wearily.

“On this, the day of my wedding?” you said with your best Don Corleone impression, which to be honest wasn't all that good.

“You’re a dork,” Jared chuckled. “I know that you and Gen have a girly day planned, and I realize that you would want to spend as much time as possible with your new husband, but I want a day too. Just you and me, hanging out and catching up. I've known you since I was 14 years old, and the thought of losing you is killing me.” Jared wasn't the type to get real like this to often, he was more the type of person to joke away things that made him uncomfortable. Having him be so honest with you took you by surprise.

“Of course, Jared. I want to spend time with you too. Just pick a date and I'll be there.”

“You sure?”

“Yes,” you exclaimed. “Jared, we've known each other for so long, and even though we don't spend as much time together as we used to, I still consider you one of my best friends. I love you, you big moose,” you said, trying to get him to understand.

“I love you too, Mrs. Ackles,” he said with a wink, quickly followed by a big hug and a peck on the cheek.

The night was perfect, so much better than you could have ever imagined. When you and Jensen got back home you were all tuckered out, your energy level not the same as it used to be.

You unlocked the door and was about to step inside when you heard Jensen yell. “NOO! STOP!” you froze in place, worried that something was wrong. Jensen walked up to you and picked you up effortlessly, carrying you over the threshold. “It's customary for a husband do carry his new wife into their home,” he said, a wide grin on his face. You couldn't help but giggle all the way up to your bedroom, laughing as he threw you onto the bed and started kissing you.

“I love you,” he said warmly.

“I love you too.”

TAGS: (add yourself here)

All things spn: @frenchybell @itseverythingilike @percywinchester27 @feelmyroarrrr @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @mrswhozeewhatsis @you-know-whodoesthat-crazypeople @drbagels123 @sandlee44 @buckysmetallicstump @torn-and-frayed @thereisnolumos @tia58 @charliebradbury1104 @devilgirlsarah @shadowexorsist009 @bea789 @supernatural-jackles @mariairwin666 @madamelibrarian @atc74 @you-didnt-see-that-cuming @hanny-writes-spn @livelylaynie @therewillbeblood @ruprecht0420 @samgirlforeverandalways @youremycrimsonpain @melonberri @iamnotsaneatall @donnaintx @fangirlextraordinaire @fernandasvaldi @moonstar86 @deanwinchesters-67impala @aquabrie @mcdaring

All things: @clairese1980 @girl-next-door-writes @spontaneousam @supernaturalyobessed @mogaruke @idorkish @ashleychinrock @grace-for-sale @artherra @homara-the-red-clan @avasmommy224 @we-know-a-little-about-a-lot @mayasmedberg @iceninekiller-blog-blog @starstruckblizzardqueen @winchesterswantmypie @dustycelt

WYBMS: @devilgirlsarah @iamnotsaneatall @donnaintx @fangirlextraordinaire @akshi8278 @keepcalmandbeajunkie @mayasmedberg @pretty-fortune @acreativelydifferentlove @supernatural0826 @fernandasvaldi @you-didnt-see-that-cuming @smittyjaws @foreverwishingilivedinabook @viviandarkbloom06 @tornjeansandabrokenheart @sleep-silent-angel @wanderlustnightwanderer

[goblinhorde]

Tagged by @strangelock :D

Rules: Answer the questions in a new post and then tag ten blogs you would like to get to know better. Or don’t. It’s up to you.

Nickname: does Goblin count? It's less a nickname and more a second name...

Sign: Aquarias

Favorite Music Artist: I tend to center more around albums (e.g., Avengers Assemble, Hamilton, The Browncoats Mixtap) or songs (e.g., Young Volcanos by Fall Out Boy, Shatter Me by Lindsey Stirling, Radioactive by Pentatonix) at any given time rather than specific artists. But I've loved David Bowie since I was a kid and I've been listening to Lizzo a lot lately while I work.

Last TV Show You Watched: I binged Supernatural and Emerald City on Friday because I was sick and staying home from work, but haven't watched anything outside of YouTube since.

Last Movie You Saw in the Theater: Technically, the last thing I saw in theaters was the Sherlock finale, but if we're only counting movies, Moana.

What Are You Wearing Right Now: sneakers with prescription orthotic inserts, knee-high toe socks, jeans, a t-shirt that says "Epic Rap Battles of History” from the ERB YouTube channel, a Burning Man sweatshirt my camp made as "camp swag" two(?) years ago switched to a plain grey sweatshirt since I started this last night but now I’m at work and that’s the sweatshirt I keep handy at work, right wrist: an oversized, men's Fossil watch, left wrist: FitBit, Supernatural replica skull bracelet, red/white meditation bracelet with a turtle on it (to represent Raphael from TMNT), a bee bracelet with honey-colored beads (to represent Sherlock Holmes).

What Do You Post: Anything that moves me (fandom related or otherwise), random stuff about my day/thoughts, and auto-posts from my Instagram that are often usually of my dog, Raphael, Tiny Dog, or the other members of the Puppy Pack (Gus, York, Buddha, Pax, and Gato).

Do You Have Any Other Blogs: Technically I have a Wordpress blog on my website, but it's rare that I post anything there (although I'm hoping to change that this year!).

Why Did You Choose Your URL: I've used some form of "goblin" as my online handle since around 1995. When I had to pick a username for Xbox Online circa 2005, all my usual goblin variants were taken so I tried "goblinhorde" as a last resort and it worked. I've used it pretty consistently online (especially on social media) ever since :)

Do You Get Asks Regularly: No, I think I've probably had less than 5 since I joined Tumblr :( I suspect I’m not terribly interesting to others *shrug*.

Hogwarts House: I'm half Native American so forget Hogwarts, native magics all the way, yo!

Patronus: Phoenix, maybe? I seem to rebuild/renew my life in significant ways every 5 years or so... *shrug*

Pokémon Team: Originally I thought I'd be Team Mystic, mostly because I like blue better than red, but I play with my mom and she picked Team Valor so I went with Team Valor as well :)

Favorite Color: Blue or green in deep, earthy tones.

Favorite Character: Dean Winchester & Castiel & Crowley (Supernatural), Raphael (TMNT), Sherlock Holmes & John/Joan Watson (all the things), Patty Tolan & Jillian Holtzmann & Kevin Beckman & Egon Spengler & Ray Stanz (Ghostbusters), Peter Venkman (RGB fanfic/fanon mostly), Spock (ST:TOS), Worf (ST:TNG/DS9), Alexia Tarabotti (The Parasol Protectorate Series), Paksenarrion (The Deed of Paksenarrion), Abbie Mills (Sleepy Hollow), Eliot Spencer (Leverage).

Hobbies/crafts? Gardening, cooking, reading, swimming, and writing/editing. Again, haven't had a lot of energy for personal writing the last few years but I’m hoping to change that this year.

Collect anything? Does knowledge count? I really love learning about things (especially food, culture, language, and storytelling). Re: physical collections, I recently gave in to my love of pens & analog writing equipment and have a very small pen and ink collection started :) and I also really like art (e.g., paintings, drawings, prints, original comic pages, handmade stuff, sculptures, carvings). As a general rule I'm not super into physical "things" that don't serve a purpose, but if something I love has a book or t-shirt or sticker, I'm probably going to buy it eventually, especially if I can support an independent artist or small company in doing so... and I guess, technically, I collect Pokemon on my smartphone ;D

Current challenges you face? I'm two months into a new job and I still feel like I'm floundering/ramping up/not pulling my weight. Lots of health challenges lately (bad feet/ankles, Crohn's being annoying, and a smattering of colds/bugs). The general state of dumpster landfill fire that is my country at the moment :(

Things you’re looking forward to? Lots of things: A "Sugar Cookie Tea" with one nephew (we're gonna make German Sugar Cookies and watch Tinkerbell movies) and a "Pokemon Go walk" with another (gonna walk around the neighborhood and catch Pokemon). Seeing two of my closest friends get married (I am excite! ^_^). The Atlanta Pen show (my first!). Seeing Hamilton in the spring (omg!). The STC Summit (tech writing ftw!). Burning Man. And I'm really hoping Sherlock Seattle happens again this year (and that I'll be able to go).

Anything you want to promote? Logic, compassion, empathy, the Scientific Method, the fact that "free speech" != "speech without consequence or a guaranteed platform", responsible pet ownership, penmanship, The Oxford Comma.

Anything else you’d like to share? My dog, Raphael, is a Chihuahua/Xoloitzcuintli mix (he has the frame of a Xolo and the coat/coloring of a Chihuahua). I had never heard of the Xoloitzcuintli before I got him but Xolos are basically my favorite breed now. The nearly-hairless ones with the little mohawk tufts on their heads are the best <3

Tagging: @sallyskellington18, @completelyrandomtumbling, @purpleshoeofsex, @anonsally, @green-circles, @the-sign-of-tea, @waltzforthree, @frantasticmissfox, @boyfrienddean, @pursuitofnerdiness

[benwade95]

i changed all the real names for fake names. this is what happened in second half 2012/ first half of 2013.

http://perfectbenz0.tumblr.com/post/58778147108/perfect-song

lexi was the most incredible girl i've ever met. she was almost my first love, she wasn't my first indeed because she didn't let me love her. we could've been something, but we weren't because suddenly, without explanation, se disappears of my life. but I'll tell you something curious, i wasn't; sad or brokenhearted...everyone who knew lexi would expect this from her.

she was so unique, she had the spirit of freedom. She had a light golden hair that matched with her hazel eyes, that were pure glow. She was so...her own. she used to tell she wanted to travel the world, and i don't doubt she is doing that nowadays. however she knew how to appreciate the little things of life, and I am so grateful she showed me that.

she liked to go to concerts of bands that no one has ever heard about, neither she. i guess the idea of sitting at a table in a corner of the bar alone was something appealing to her. and sometimes, early morning, she used to like to walk around the city, in silence, alone. at the time that no store was open and there were few people in the street. no music, just the sound of the great big portland. but she just liked to do that sometimes.

How I was saying, she knew how to appreciate the little things of life. When it is snowing, she just stop for a moment to appreciate every snowflake dropping from the sky and falling in her black coat from the north face, or falling right over her tiny reddish nose. When it was raining she became that one person who would jump in the puddles and get all her clothes wet, but she didn't care . lexi was too cool to care. I can't tell you what she used to do when the sun was shinning bright or when the flowers were growing, because, how I said, I didn't had much time with her.

Lexi was too cool for me, for everyone. the bad thing is that no one really noticed that. She appeared at school when I was at the middle of my junior year for the second time (yup i had to do my junior year two times because i used to suck in biology and other subjects). It was January and we had just came back from the winter break. We were at lab class and my partner was expelled so I was alone, lucky I was that she just entered at school and was going to be my partner. At first I didn't care, she wasn't hot or popular. She was cute, just cute. And I was hooking with jolie prinstson, a third year girl cheerleader.

jolie was half french, her grandparents were from France, so that's why the name.

So everything starts there, me and Lexi, biology lab partners.

We agreed to meet at cafe t',  a  café near our school that was more expensive than starbucks. She arrived there first, and when I saw her I knew there was something about her that was different of the other girls. She wasn't trying too hard, she wasn't even trying. She wasn't super flirty, or trying to be someone else to impress a guy or beeing slutty and stuff. She was just beeing Lexi.

When I arrived at that café, there she was. Sitted in a table on the corner of the restaurant reading a book. Harry Potter, what a clichê. With her messy bun, green-army jacket and round classes, she smiled at me and then she drinked her black coffe.

We obviously didn't make our work, we talked. talked and talked for hours and hours. That moment it was the one I knew I feel. She was so ambitous and talked passionately about travelling. She told me her mom's job requires her to move frequently. She has lived all around the world. she has a love-hate relationship with moving countries all the time.

first complaint; her mom always had new boyfriends and she hates that. she keeps in touch with her dad, that is from florida, her mom completely hated her dad, so their parents wouldn't; even talk. they met at college and her dad was an artist, and they really never dated but had lexi accidentally. after a few years trying to live together they had these huge fight and they now hate each other. 

second complaint; she has an awful relationship with her mom, that kinda doesn't give a shit to her. she wanted to live with her dad but he isn't financially able to live with her, and also her mom doesn't let her. 

She told when she lived at Australia, Perth more specifically. It was the first placed she moved in, she was five and didn't remember much. Than, at ten years old, there she went to South Africa, Cape town. And the city is pretty normal actually, people shouldn't get stuck into stereotypes, it's bullshit. Yeah, she met an elephant and a lion, that was named simba by the way, like the disney movie. And than between her mid thirteen and fifthteen she lived through europe. Manchester, Oslo, Barcelona, a city in France that I forgot the name, Amsterdam. Near her sixteenth birthday they moved back to USA. Than she lived one year in Boston, six months in New York City and than, there she was, here in Portland.

This whole thing of moving cities sounds exciting, but not for me. For her. And her australian-south african-little bit american accent she had , although she is American. She was born and raised until 5 years old in Tampa, Florida. Right now she is somewhere in the world, she constantly changes her number and she doesn't have facebook or twitter. I should try to find her on Instagram, but she probably uses a different name as her username.

I wasn't really into politics and this kind of stuff, even thought I am part of the LGBT community, I didn't really cared at all. She showed me that I had to care, that I had to fight for my right just like she fought for hers. She was so independent and used to talk about feminism in a really passioned way. I was always a really chill guy about stuff like equal rights, but the thing, quoting her: "it isn't effective if you are chill about it, you must do something." And she was right, she did something. She would go to that women's march and she really fought for equal rights, for every gender. She made me a better person.

So, after two months of talking about travelling and politics and don't doing the biology project, we finally agreed to come to my house and do the biology project. And we didn't do it, again. But this time was different, she was worried. She was kind of sad, and i asked what was the matter and she told she wasn't feeling well. I dropped her home and that was it. The next day she appeard at school, kinda depressed. And then, the other day she didn't appeard at school, and the following day too and the other one. She wouldn't answer my calls or texts, I tried to talked to a friend of hers but she didn't know about lexi. I was freaking worried, so I went to her house. One of her mom's opened the door and went talked to her.

"Sweetie, there is a friend of yours that came to visit"

"I don't want any visits"

So there was I, entering at her room. She was at her bed, with her purple pajamas. Adorable. Looking at her eyes I could't see that Lexi anymore, the strong independent empowering ambitious women. She was depressed.

"I was worried about you, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"There is something going on."

"I know, but it it bullshit."

"Lexi, we all go through hard times and it gets better when we have friends to help us."

"I know"

"You probably heard something about me in this school. About me being gay or stuff."

"Actually I heard something about you hooking up with some other boy and something like that."

"Let me explain you this-"

"You don't need to explain me nothing. It's high school, people talk shit all the time."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. But I want you to know."

"Go ahead."

"So, it was last year's summer that this happened. I was kinda questioning myself about my sexuality but i kept it a secret. I was really insecure, still am. I had friends, but not actual friends. Like the real ones who would be there for you in any circunstantes. That made the situation worst. I was really into boys, like seriously into. A sixteen years old guy is like, super horny and have you seen zac efron shirtless in high school musical?" She laughed. "But girls were still hot as well. The thing is...hmm..Do you know Dylan, school team quarterback, a senior?"

"Yeah, he is hot, but looks like an asshole."

"He is. So Dylan's grandparents have a house in Eugene and Dylan's had some friends at the University of Oregon Campus. So we went to a party and hooked up with a guy in front of everyone. I was a bit drunk, and it was a pretty bad way to almost having sex; a random guy called Isaac. Anyways, back to school and everybody was talking about me hooking up with a guy. And my friends weren't the same, they were like no homo all time and calling me gay all time. I still don't get the calling me gay thing, I think they were trying to insult me. I told them Iam  bi, but they still didn't listen to me. The only guy at the football team that was listening to me was Tyler. That's how we became friends. People still don't listen to me , and everytime I try to hookup with a girl from school they always ask me If I was gay, and there I go, explaining my sexuality to everyone. That's how fucked up the world is."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For having shitty friends."

We were in silence for about five minutes and than I left. It was April and I still didn't understand why did Lexi was kinda of weird for the past months. Now she was okay again, the same happy, euforic Lexi. And we finally had to do our Biology work, so we met at her house, on friday.

I was still having this thing with Jolie, the cheerleader. It was my dumb way to prove to my fake third year friends I was somehow straight, I hadn't hooked up with boys since the incident. Maybe I had with one at winter break, but no one knows. So shhh.

He was lovely, with light brownish hair and some curls. We spent our Christmas at a ski station, Timberline. Fun Fact, they filmed a horror movie called The Shinning there. So I met this guy when my snowboard got stuck and I could't move, so he helped me. We became friends, he kissed me first, and we were a thing through 2 weeks. He was from Canada, he knew French and it was kinda sexy when he talked in french. okay, maybe i just realized i have a thing for people who have any relation with france. We were the same age but I was taller. I should have almost-lose my virginity to him, not the Frat guy that i don't even know the last name.

Anyways, my thing with jolie was still up, but nothing serious, for both sides. We were friends and she was a really cool girl, sometimes she would make a stupid observation, but she was still nice. She used to hook up with Ryan blunt , the captain of the Lacrosse team at School. Yeah, apparently Lacrosse is a thing.  She was asked me If i wanted a threesome with her and Ryan, and I said no. I don't wanted and he didn't too. This was one of the stupid things jolie would say.

Back to Lexi, friday at her house. Her mom wasn't there. A boy and a girl all alone at her room. This time we actually finished the project, thanks god. So we started a conversation that leaded to some kisses. We made out for twenty minutes straight and we stopped.

"You wanna order some pizza?" She asked. She was the most random person ever. I loved it.

"Sure."  

And we ordered our pizza, and we talked for a while. But the we were running out of talking.

"So, this guys from the frat house you hooked up with."

"What?"

"Was he your real first or your first time with a boy?"

"We hadn't  had sex, I just blew him. I had never had real sex."

"I had a boyfriend when I lived in Oslo, Norwegian boys are my type."

"So apparently I'm not your type."

"Your not, but I like you."

"Thanks, I guess."

"We almost had sex, me and this boy. But he backed off. So I had this other boyfriend in Boston, Aroon."

"Sorry to interupt, but how many boyfriends have you had?"

"Two, you silly. It's hard to have a boyfriend If you keep moving cities all the time."

"Fair."

"So, I had my first time with Aaron. He was a sweet boy and than he broke up with me because he said I was crazy."

"Oh."

"So you had never had sex with a girl huh?"  She asked.

And you know the rest of the story. Lexi had atitude. 

It was Monday again and the school had announced Saddie Hawkins prom, the one girls asks guys out. Jolie came to talk to me and asked me, so I said yes.  I was really surprised because I thought she was going to ask Ryan. She also asked me If I wanted to go somewhere after school with her, she was kind of upset because her grandpa had just died.

That same day Lexi came really excited and asked me If i wanted to go to prom with her. And I wanted to, but I said no. I promised Jolie I would go with her, so I explained that to Lexi. She said okay and gave me a little smile and left, I could see in her eyes she was upset. 

The next day I went to cafe t' with Jolie. When I arrived there Lexi was there at the same table in the corner that I almost fell for her. She was alone, but this time not waiting for anyone, she was with the same jacket and drank a little bit of her black coffe. No sugar or anything else, coffe was coffe and it should be appreciated without any exterior things, as she said. She saw me with Jolie and Left the café.

It was prom night, I picked up Jolie at her house and she was wearing a blue dress that would look better on Lexi. It was a fun night until we left and than she got really drunk and wanted to have sex with me. Of course I didn't, it would be rape. The next monday she thanked me for not raping her (?) , and also for taking care of her. She slept at my house, she couldn't arrive that drunk in her house.

The day I refused Lexi's invitation to prom until two weeks after prom Lexi didn't talked to me. I missed her, and everytime I tried to ask her out she would say she couldn't. I knew she was lying.

She made me feel kinda bad, for real. She is probably thinking I just wanted to bang her and leave, and it wasn't that. I wanted to be with her, but she wouldn't let me.

June arrived.  It was thursday and I was studying because the final tests starts on monday. It's eleven at night and something was hitting my window, I looked down to see what it was. And here we go again, it was her with a tight little black dress and some black converse.

I went downstairs quietly to meet her.

"What the fuck Lexi?"

"I think we should have some fun, it has been a long time we don't hang out."

"It's almost mid night."

"I know, and I thing you should change. Like, this pajamas are not really cool."

She was crazy, seriously, but I wouldn't breakup with her like the Aaron guy. So I changed my clothes and there we were going somewhere I had no Idea. She was driving.

After 20 minutes we arrived somewhere. At first I was bit scared, it was dark, but she was confident, just like she went there everyday. And I was right, she knew everyone at this strange tiny bar.

"'Night Mark." She said to the manager and

" What up Steve?" To the waiter

Remember when I said she used to go to local bands concerts that no one knew, this one of those. It was a classic rock band and they made some cool Guns n' roses covers.

She was fancy, I can say. She didn't drink beer or vodka, not even tequila or something. She was a champagne girl. For some reason she had quite a lot of money with her, she bought two small bottles of champagne, one for me and one for herself. I felt bad for not paying it, I know this is a sexist idea i have to get off of my mind. But I should have payed mine at least.

We went to a park near her house and got pretty drunk. I can't remember if we hooked up or not, I think we didn't. Anyways, when we sobered up a little bit she drove me house and we chatted a little bit in her car.

"Hmm...Ben." She said before I was leaving the car.

"What?"

"I want you to know something."

"What? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I just want you to know that was really nice meeting you. you are an incredible person, and one day you will find a boy or a girl that will love you unconditionally, the way you deserve."

"what if i have already found that someone." i was referring to her, and she knew it.

"ben, you don't know me. "

"i don't?" i was starting to get mad at her

"nope. you just know what i letted you know, there is so much more."

"and i want to know the rest of it "

"ben, my love" she putted her arm over my shoulder. "before you think of dating me you need to know that i'm a huge mess. i have struggled with things for the past few years of my life. and there are nights i'm curled up on a ball on the floor and i won't talk to anyone. i'll shut you out, just like i did before. i'm not gonna be able to trust because everyone i knew during my life has always left or chosen someone else. i will need reassurance. i will need you. i will need you to keep choosing me. i'll need you to care when i text you saying i'm getting bad again." she takes a deep breath "i'm a lot. i know this. maybe that's why my past boyfriend broke up with me. so before you think i will be alway happy, and sometimes i will, that i will always be smiling- know the reality before you get involved. don't fall in love if you can't handled it." 

and i knew i couldn't handle her, so i kept silence. 

She gives me a soft kiss on my lips. "Goodbye Benjamin."  

And she left.

Forever.

one of our random hangouts, 2012, we shared the drink. we asked these random french guy to take a picture of us.