#also!!! the k on the sneakers!!!!!! luke!!!!!!!!!!

[gods-favorite-autistic]

Just watched the newest Percy Jackson ep and I genuinely liked the way they did the Medusa part and how they’re handling Grover

[seasidewriter1-writes]

Modern!Balance AU Headcanons (pt. 2)

This is a continuation(ish) of my last Modern!AU headcanons!

There’s so much angst in Balance right now, that I took a break in writing Ch. 44 to write some cute, fluffy stuff for the Modern!AU––a reminder that things will get cute and fluffy in canon.

Elara and Anakin used to live in Arizona; Coruscanti Elementary is somewhere in New England. The adjustment to the weather was rough

Obi-Wan also totally gave Elara his snow/ice scraper in the school parking lot one day, because she desperately needed one. It had snowed during the day, and once school let out he saw her scraping snow off her windshield with her teacher ID card

In talking about where folks hail from––Obi-Wan grew up in the UK, attended an independent school. After Uni, and after teaching a while over there, he moved Stateside and became a teacher at CE

If you want someone who is gung-ho about spirit week, it’s Elara. Her classroom is definitely undefeated in the friendly ‘competition’ they do every year; all other 2nd grade classrooms vow to beat her next year

Elara likes make sure Obi-Wan is watering his plants properly; this leads to some playful bickering about when, and when not to water certain plants

Blinker, the erratic art teacher, is still the one who started the ‘will-they-won’t-they’ betting pool; and he’s still woefully not-subtle about it

Obi-Wan is an accomplished fencer. He’s practiced in all three disciplines but prefers the foil. He’s got medals, competed in competitions (maybe could’ve gone Olympic, but didn’t)

There is most certainly a date (or two or four) that involves Obi-Wan teaching Elara to fence (and as is true to the canon of Balance, he doesn’t go easy on her once she gets a hang of it, and doesn’t just let her win)

Obi-Wan’s favorite soda is ginger ale. Like... real ginger ale, the stuff that kinda burns your throat; but he’ll drink Schweppes or Canada Dry (if he must)

Elara doesn’t put much, if any, creamer in her coffee; but she does use flavored syrups or sugar. With tea, the preparation depends on the type of tea she’d opted for

Obi-Wan is a ~fashionista~

This man has an impressive wardrobe, and he knows how to use it. He’s got turtlenecks, sweaters, button downs, t-shirts, cardigans, scarves, coats, jackets, jeans, slacks, trousers, boots, dress shoes, well-kept sneakers...

And a small, but very flattering, collection of glasses

Elara’s apartment is filled with books, plants, and antiques. You cannot convince me that this woman would not love buying antique tea cups, tea pots, plate-ware, and furniture

She’s luck enough to have an apartment that’s got a bay-window with a window seat, so you can damn well bet that she and Obi-Wan snuggle up on that window seat with blankets, tea, and books and just have the coziest time

The first time that Obi-Wan invites Elara over to his apartment for dinner, they wind up dancing in the living room with ‘Dancing in the Moonlight’ by King Harvest playing on his record player

Obi-Wan is a motorcycle enthusiast, and people are genuinely surprised to discover this

He comes off as such a gentle, almost mild-mannered fellow that him being into something as loud and dangerous as motorcycles doesn’t compute. But he loves the freedom that they lend, the excitement of the ride––it’s, quite frankly, a great way to unwind

He typically takes a couple-days-long bike trip at the start of every summer to decompress

Also––bike date. Be it a ride, teaching Elara to ride, or eventually going on that post-school year trip... bike date.

And there’s an instance where Obi-Wan’s car breaks down so he has to ride his motorcycle to school last minute and everyone is s h o o k when he rolls up in his riding jacket, sunglasses, and boots. And the audacity to look that good like that and have his cross-body, leather school bag, too?

Elara is absolutely standing there, in the parking lot just like:

👁👄👁

Anakin either drives a pick-up or a Jeep Wrangler with those LED halos around the headlights; and whatever that front piece is that makes them look like angry eyes. The halos are usually blue, but sometimes he feels edgy and makes them red when he’s had a bad day

Ani and Padmé are happily married, and they both very much hope that Luke and Leia will be in Elara’s 2nd Grade class, and then, eventually, Obi-Wan’s 5th Grade class

Elara and Obi-Wan babysit the twins often and are always happy to do so

People sometimes mistake them as being their parents; and though they politely correct the assumption, they almost always get ‘you’d make great parents’

(...and I’m not [I totally am] saying them being so good with/always babysitting the twins is one of the reasons they, eventually, are like ‘we should have kids,’ but...)

These ones are a little sporadic, just things that came to mind that kinda flesh this AU out. Also got some Anakin stuff in here! I’ve got other, more comprehensive ones planned, because this AU brings me joy!

[oyesmendes]

wildflower - calum hood

a/n: i’ve had this storyline sitting in the works for days soooooo.... its gonna be a couple of parts so lets see where this takes us ya? full of dialogue and unnecessary descriptions. 

summary: after a nasty breakup, Karla Rivera finds herself working as one of the new producers/songwriter for 5SOS. She had no intention to fall in love right now, but one conversation struck a chord with her. In between producing a smashing album and writing hit singles, Karla finds herself entangled in the arms of a man who she never thought she’d end up with.

“Alright boys, as much as I love working with you guys, I think it’s time I bring in someone new.” Andrew says as he shuffles around the kitchen of the Malibu beach house. The boys had rented this place out for a month to work on their new album, as well as to take a short break from tour. They had only arrived yesterday, but things were already starting to bloom and they had a few songs on their hand they thought would fit the album.

“What do you mean? Are you leaving us?” Luke sat up in his seat. All the boys were sprawled in different corners of the kitchen, munching on their breakfast before the day of writing began.

“I’m not leaving, just bringing someone new in.”

“Who? And why do we need someone new?” Andrew could only roll his eyes at the question, downing the last bit of his coffee before throwing it into the sink.

“You’ll know her when she gets here. She’s talented, and I think she could provide something fresh.” He looks at the time on his phone, “She should be here soon, just play nice”

The boys all gave each other looks. They haven’t really stepped out of their circle of people when it came to music, so working with someone new and not to mention a female songwriter, could really give them a whole new perspective on things.

Karla finds herself sitting in the car for way too long. She was parked outside a gorgeous beach house on the quiet side of Malibu and she was dressed in an old concert T-shirt she had stolen from her brother, along with a pair of shorts and sneakers. She takes three deep breaths and gives herself a small pep talk before climbing out of her car. This is your job she reminds herself, it’s something you love to do.

When Karla first received the phone call from Andrew, she was reluctant to move even an inch off the bed in the guest bedroom of her brother’s apartment. All she wanted to do was shove down another pint of ice cream and watch old re-runs of Real Housewives. She knew her brother was the culprit behind the phone call, filling Andrew in about her breakup with her boyfriend of three years. Andrew had blown up her phone afterwards, calling Karla every single day until she finally agreed to come write with him for a week. Though it was a good intention, trying to get Karla out of the house, Andrew knew it was also her prime time. The overwhelming emotions she felt more often than not would be translated into the most beautiful words, and she would produce sounds unheard of. So here she was, standing in front of the door of the house. She had her water bottle and duffel in hand, notebook, phone and iPad in the other. The white door swings open, and Andrew pulled her into his arms immediately,

“There you are!” She returns the hug, a genuine smile on her face after finally him in the flesh. Andrews pulls away, hands clasped to her upper arm and he takes a good look at her. Karla thanks god for the Benefit concealer she’s slathered under her eyes or she’d be getting an earful from him. He grins at her and pulls her into the house, down the hallway to the living room where she spots the four boys with their heads buried in some form of instrument or notebook. They don’t take notice of their presence at first until Andrew clears his throat, and the boys look up at him.

“Boys, this is Karla Rivera, she’ll be working with us for the week!” Andrew says a little too enthusiastically. Karla gives them a small wave, and she notices the look that the boys give each other. They were unsure of her that was for sure, having not met her before. Ashton stood up first, Karla reaching her hand out but the boy pulled her into a single arm hug. She laughed when she was caught off guard by him, which set the boys smiling as well. Calum, Michael and Luke followed after, and they were settled down at the couch so they could show her what they had been working on.

-

“This is good… maybe we can add a bum bum bum.” She hummed a tune the boys had never heard before, and Andrew scrambled to play it on his guitar.

“And then for the lyrics maybe we could do - killin’ me slow with the words you wrote, the heart you broke…” Karla paused to scribble words onto her notebook before singing out, “calling my name, I don’t wanna stay but I’m wide awake, I’m wide awake.” Everyone in the room was in shock at how naturally the words flowed for her, this being the second song that was almost done and definitely had potential in being on the album. There was a lot of humming and words being muttered under their breath, until Calum shot up from his chair.

“How about - just one more taste of you my love. Then we repeat the first two lines? This could be the chorus!” Luke was already by the piano, playing out the melody and singing to the lyrics they had just written down.

“Thin white lies”

“What was that, K?”

“Add the line of thin white lies after that line that Calum just said, have someone sing it in the background or something.” Andrew looked to the boys who followed suit, their eyes widening when they heard themselves perform it. Karla had a wide grin on her face when she heard it unfold, her eyes meeting Calum’s who looked equally as satisfied. They still had a long way to go with empty verses that needed to be filled, but this was a small victory worth celebrating.

“Holy shit.” Ashton mumbled after hearing the small part.

“I told you she was good.”

“Didn’t tell me she was that good.” Andrew smirked at him before working to compile all the components of the chorus together. After the chorus came together, everything else in the song fell into place easily. All four boys worked on the lyrics with Karla, who made the words fall out of their mouths. They had almost the entire song written from top to bottom, the melodies and layering all in place, and they were just missing a bridge and outro.

“We could just stray away from the conventional structure” Michael suggested, but Ashton shook his head.

“No, it feels like something is missing.”

“How about…” Karla had her head in her notebook, flipping through the worn out pages of it. She often dug through the words she had written before but never used, and they would often be essential in a situation like this. Her finger ran across the page that was filled with her scrawly handwriting just a week after her breakup, and that’s when she found the exact words.

“I don't think I like me anymore. Can someone tell me who I was before? We can repeat this twice, I think it fits.” Calum writes it down on the paper that they had the lyrics on, and Luke proceeds to sing it out. Those words definitely fit. They all cheer, high-fives thrown among each other. Karla smiles softly, celebrating with the boys. They take a fifteen minute break for Andrew to record everything down, and Karla took this chance to step outside on the balcony. This was her favourite kind of view - watching the sea crash into the sand, the sun shining above the horizon and a few people laying on the beach having a good time. She thinks about all the time she’s spent at the beach in her three year relationship. How they’d spend every important date in their lives celebrating in the salty water, getting sand so far up their ass they’d shit sandcastles for days. She laughs to herself then shakes her head out of those thoughts. It’s been a whole month since that faithful day, she’s got to get over it. Just as she was about to go back inside, Calum startles her with his voice and she jumps.

“Jeezus, you couldn’t be any stealthier huh.” He chuckles, and Karla notices how his eyes crinkle.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” She gives him her middle finger, and he stands next to her, admiring the view as well.

“What you did in there, those words were really cool y’know?”

“Thank you.” She says shyly. It’s been nearly five years since she started working as a songwriter, and she still couldn’t handle compliments well.

“Those words came from somewhere?” Karla knew where this conversation was going, but she wasn’t ready for it yet. She nods to Calum, then shrugs her shoulders. He understands and doesn’t push the boundaries.

-

They worked on a couple more songs before they called it a day. The boys had all agreed that Karla brought something different to the table, and pushed them to a whole new level they never knew existed. The lyrics were definitely more vulnerable and honest, and they were enjoying every single moment of it. Food and beer was strewn all over the table, the boys chatting about the next leg of the tour and what not. Karla was the first to notice that Calum wasn’t in the room with them, and she looks around only to find him on the balcony, a cigarette in his hand.

“You know, one too many of those and you could die.” It was his turn to jump, and Karla smiles at him when he dramatically raises his hand to his chest.

“I’d die of a cardiac arrest first.” She playfully shoves him, then moves to take her place on the outdoor sofa. Calum joins her and the pair stay quiet for awhile, just watching as the waves crashed harder on the sand.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Karla hums in response, her eyes closed as a cool breeze passes by. Calum places his hand on her knee, squeezing it slightly to get her attention. Her eyes flutter open and she looks at him, brown eyes and all, just staring at her.

“It just reminds me of my ex.” She sighs, leaning her head back on the chair.

“What does? The ocean?”

“That, and everything else. It’s like I wake up and all I can think about is how awful I feel without him by my side.” His heart scrunches up at her words. He’s finding the right response to her statement, racking his brain for the exact words. But is there a correct response to such a statement? Her voice gets him out of his head, and he’s listening intently again.

“He cheated y’know? I wasn’t in town and he fucking cheated. Had sex with a girl on our bed.”

“A fucker.” Calum seethes. He hears her chuckle and it confuses him for a moment before she speaks up, “that’s an understatement.” Karla leans on his shoulder, a soft sigh escaping her lips. She felt a sense of relief admitting this to someone other than her brother or her best friend. And it felt good to finally get her emotions out on to paper and into a song.

Calum felt his heart race at a dangerous speed when her head came into contact with his shoulders. It was unlike any other feelings that he’s had before. He finds himself being curious, wanting to get to know more of her, and so desperately wanting to feel her touch against his skin. They sit like this for a long time, the sound of the waves and soft music in the background. He leans his head onto hers, humming a soft tune every now and then.

[5sos-kingsandqueens]

In This City~chapter16~Luke Hemmings

IN THIS CITY

CHAPTER 16

MCKINLEY P.O.V

My plans to seduce Ashton were quickly shot down every single time I tried anything. I tried wearing sexy short clothes and anything else he has ever complimented me in.

"You're killing me!" He shouted covering his head with the comforter on my bed. I giggled as I climbed into bed beside him. "We can't do that."

"But you want to right?"

"Of course I do! But I can't. I can't do that to him, K. I can't." I knew pushing this on him was really messed up and I should respect him for saying no. Hell, I should respect myself and just hook up with a random guy.

"I'm sorry." I said putting a shirt on over the lingerie I was wearing. "It was wrong of me to do that."

"If you didn't have all of this history and feelings for Luke, I would fuck you senseless. But you do and I think you would regret doing that to him."

"I agree. But you'll still cuddle with me right?" I asked sinking into the bed beside him.

"Of course I will." He commented pulling me into him.

"Thank you for all you've done for me, Ashton. You have no idea how much it means to me." I rested my head on his shoulder as he flipped through Netflix.

"It doesn't matter how close I am to Luke. You needed me and I am here. I'm not going anywhere." I smiled at his words. "Maybe you should talk to him. Tell him how you feel."

"I think about what I would say to him all the time." I started tearing up and covering my face with my hand. "How much it hurt when he left. But, I didn't want to hold him back from his dreams. He wanted to be a music producer, I wasn't going to be the reason he was unhappy. But seeing him now, with her, seeing that he's clearly unhappy, it kills me! It kills me to know that he isn't living his life to the fullest because of her."

Ashton was silent but moved his hand along my back trying to comfort me.

"What would you do if Liam came back to you?" I shrugged. I had no idea what I would do. I wouldn't date him, I knew that. He was too nice in bed. "He was a good guy."

"Yeah but he sucked in bed."

"So I've heard." He chuckled. "Is that a deal breaker for you?" I nodded before sitting up and getting off the bed. "Where are you going?"

"Let's go to the Hollywood sign."

"It's 11 o'clock at night." He said sitting up watching me get dressed. "We could get arrested."

"It'll be one hell of  a story." I smiled throwing his shirt at him. He sighed but put it on and stood up. "And we don't need to get right up to them. Let's just go walk the trail there."

"Think it'll help?" He asked. I nodded as I grabbed a water bottle and filled it with sprite and a couple shots of vodka. "No." He groaned.

"Can you for once in your life just have fun?" I asked filling another water bottle with ice water.

"Should I see if Calum want's to come?" He asked.

"Sure." I smiled. While we waited for a response, Ashton got dressed.

"He wants to know if Luke can come with us." Ashton commented.

"I guess." I shrugged. "But no wedding talk." I commented heading for the door. I got my sneakers on before waiting for Ashton. Calum opened the front door and walked in with Luke behind him. Both of them looked exhausted. "Were you sleeping?" I asked grabbing my phone.

"No. We were watching a movie." Luke answered. "How come you wanna do this so late?"

"When was the last time we went on an adventure?" I questioned handing him the water bottle with the vodka. He took a sip and nearly gagged.

"What is this?"

"Vodka sprite." I shrugged.

"It's really strong." I nodded grabbing it and handing him the other one. "We're really going on an adventure." He commented.

"Yup." I stood by the door waiting for them to leave out it before I locked it. We headed down to the street where Ashton ordered us an Uber. I was smashed in the back between Ashton and Calum. "Where's Kristen?" I questioned. Not that I wanted her on this adventure but I'm sure if she found out Luke was hanging out with me she would be pissed.

"At her place." He answered. "I can hang out with whoever I want to." I nodded and looked over at Ashton.

"Any of you ever have sex at the Hollywood sign?" I asked them looking at each of them.

"No." They all answered at the same time.

"It's a pretty open place." Ashton answered further. "Also we're in an Uber so if you could cool it that would be great." Ashton was usually very open about sex and making jokes until I did. I sat back and sighed but stayed quiet.

"This is the stupidest idea we've ever had." Calum commented as the Uber driver dropped us off at the bottom of the hill.

"It's a great idea." I commented starting for the trail with them behind me.

"So there's vodka?" I heard Calum behind me. I held the water bottle above my head before chugging from it. "I want some." I stopped walking letting Luke pass and handed it to Calum.

"Let's get blackout fucking drunk." I said continuing to walk beside him and pulling out a bottle of fireball from my hoodie pocket.

"Where did you get that?!" Ashton shouted taking it from me.

"What are you my mother?" I looked at him. "I have a stash that you don't know about."

"Clearly." He commented. Calum handed me back the water bottle and took the fireball from Ashton.

"Bro, relax." Calum patted him on the back. "I'll take care of her if she gets too drunk." I smiled before chugging the fireball right from the bottle.

*LUKE P.O.V*

It seemed to take forever to get to the top of the trail where McKinley wanted to look at the Hollywood sign. Of course her and Calum were taking turns drinking out of the bottle of fireball while I carried her water for her that she seemed to totally forget about.

"The last time she drank like this, she had to get her stomach pumped." Ashton commented to me as her and Calum were sitting on the ground and laughing. I was sitting on a rock a few feet away from them. Ashton was standing off to the side of the rock stretching his legs.

"When was that?" I asked watching them finally finish off the bottle.

"A few weeks ago. She hasn't drank anything since but it worries me." I kept my eye on them. A few other people around our age were also lingering around. "It's been really bad." He added.

"Because of me?" I asked.

"Yeah." He answered. He sighed as if there was more he wanted to tell me but was afraid to say something. "She keeps asking me to have sex with her. I don't know if it's because she wants to get back at you or if she's just lonely but it's stressing me out."

"Have you?"

"Had sex with her? No. I wouldn't do that to you." He confirmed but I thought about it. I was having sex with other people. There wasn't a reason why she couldn't have sex with Ashton.

"Give her what she wants." I said looking from her to him.

"What?" I nodded.

"Just do it." He looked at me like I had lost my mind. Maybe I had. Maybe I didn't want to feel guilty about not being with her anymore. And fuck if she was having sex with anyone I would prefer it to be with Ashton and not some random guy off the street. "I've been feeling so guilty. Since I saw her. The look on her face and if just if sex is what is going to get her mind off it, just do it. We're not together. I can't stop you from doing it."

"Have you lost your mind?"

"Probably. And am I in love with her? Yup. But it doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, Luke. You're in love with her." He said sitting beside me. "That means everything and I can tell you what I know. She's in love with you too." I looked over at her laughing with Calum. Her hair a mess and her pants dirty from sitting in the dirt and I wanted nothing more than to go over there and kiss her and I couldn't. "She wants you just as much as you want her."

"It's too late."

"Look at me." It pained me to look away from her but I looked at him. He was standing in front of me and he grabbed my shoulder's to steady me as tears brimmed my eyes. I didn't want to be a baby and cry but I didn't really care at this moment.

"She loves you. She wants to be with you. For her, it will never be too late." He said holding my shoulder's tighter. "She will always be there waiting for you. And getting married to anyone but her, is the stupidest thing you could ever do."

"What about Kristen?"

"What about her? You don't love her." He was right. I didn't love Kristen. Of course I was attracted to her. I enjoyed her company. I liked her. She was lovely and beautiful. Any guy would be lucky to have her. I just wasn't that guy.

"You're right." I said standing up.

"Where are you going?"

"To break up with Kristen." I answered pulling out my phone to order and Uber. "Make sure she get's home safe. I'll eventually be there." He seemed shocked that I had finally made a decision and the right one.

"Wow. Okay. Good luck. Call me if you need me." I walked over to Calum and McKinley who were now laying on the floor looking at the dark sky.

"I'll see you guys later."

"Where are you going?" McKinley slurred looking at me as I stood over her.

"I have something to take care of." I answered. "I'll come see you later."

"You're gonna come see me?" I nodded. "So sober up." She giggled before rolling into Calum and giggling. I then turned and ran down the hill. My Uber was waiting for me. I have him the address to Kristen's parents place. I was nervous. I knew that this was the right decision but it wasn't going to be easy. We had already spent so much money on this wedding.

I rang the doorbell and her dad answered the door. I'm sure I looked like a mess. I was sweating and probably dirty from the hike.

"Can I help you, Luke?" He asked letting me into the house.

"Is she awake?"

"Yes. She's in the kitchen." Hopefully her family wouldn't be around to listen to me break up with their daughter.

"I need to talk to her." I commented heading towards the kitchen. She was sitting on a stool eating cereal when I came around the corner.

"Luke!" She smiled standing up to hug me. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

"We really need to talk." I commented running my hands over my sweaty face and through my hair.

"About?" She questioned sitting down looking concerned. "Why are you sweating and such a mess?"

"I went on a hike with Cal, Ash and McKinley." I answered. "Then basically ran here to talk to you."

"Well spit it out."

"I think we should call off the wedding." I blurted. I wanted to phrase it differently but I was so confused and had no idea what was going on or what I was doing.

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm in love with someone else." She didn't say anything, just laughed. "I can't be with you anymore."

"Let me guess."

"I don't think you have too." I commented. I didn't want to hurt her but I was hurting without McKinley. "I'm not happy with you. And it's not you. It's 100% me but I want to be happy with someone who makes me happy and who I love."

"So you don't love me?"

"Of course I do but I don't love you the way I love her. You deserve more than me. If we got married, we would be divorced not long after. We both know that."

"You're a dick!" She shouted. "Do you know how much money we've spent on this wedding?!"

"Yes! I paid for some of it too. But it's not going to work out. I'll give you the money back." She scoffed as her parents finally came into the room.

"What's going on?" Her dad asked.

"Luke is breaking up with me. So the wedding's off." They almost looked relieved.

"Well honey, you barely know this man." Her mom said. "Do you really love each other like you claim?"

"No." I answered before she could answer. "I love someone else." I said being honest. "And she's amazing. As cheesy as it sounds."

"You don't need to talk about her like that in front of me!" Kristen shouted. "I knew all along. I should have left you when you moaned her fucking name!" My eyes widened.

"Kristen, please." Her dad commented as she stormed off. Her mother followed her leaving her dad and me together in the kitchen. "I can't tell you how relieved I am." He sighed. "When she told us you were getting married, I knew it wouldn't work out."

"I never wanted to hurt her but I've done some stupid things in my past and I'm not doing that again."

"She'll get over it." He answered. "You didn't love her. That's not your fault. You can't change people's feelings." He patted me on the back as we walked to the front door. "Go get the one, son." I nodded opening the front door.

"Thank you for being so understanding."

"I wish you the best." With that he closed the door and I ran down the driveway and down the street. McKinley's apartment wasn't far from here but I knew that I wouldn't be able to run the whole time. When I really couldn't push my body any further, I ordered an Uber.

I called Ashton.

"How'd it good?"

"I'm almost back to the apartment. Where are you guys?"

"At our apartment. They are now drinking beers."

"Can you please get some water into her? I want to talk to her."

"I can try my best but they're having a lot of fun." His voice was cut off by the surround sound music system.

"I'll be there soon." I said before hanging up. As soon as the Uber pulled up to the apartment building, I opened the door and ran inside not bothering to wait for the elevator and running up the stairs. I flung the door open and she was standing on the coffee table dancing with a beer in her hand and a water in the other. "You did great at getting sober." I commented.

"Hey! It's my ex who's marrying some bitch." I chuckled as she pointed her beer at me.

"Wanna know a secret?" I asked into her ear.

"Yeah." She smiled bouncing a little.

"I'm in love with you." She gasped and looked at me. "And I broke it off with her."

"Are you serious?"

"Dead." Then I smashed my lips to hers. I held her neck as we kissed. She wrapped her arms around me and held me as close to her as I could possibly get. I smiled into the kiss before taking a breath and sucking on her bottom lip. I slipped my tongue into her mouth making her sigh. I missed her. Her scent, her taste, her soft skin. Everything.

"I'm in love with you too." She whispered pulling away from me. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you more, baby."

[lady-thor-foster]

Loving Danger // Bucky x OC Reader

Pairing: Bisexual!Bucky Barnes x Pansexual!WOC OC  (Jax “Danger” Cassidy), Brief Luke Cage x Danger (platonic), Bucky x J“D”C x OC (Eva Carter) (for sexy times) Word Count: 4.2k+ Warning: EXPLICIT Language, Fluff, Humor, Filthy Smut. That signature Foster Slow Burn. Honestly guys, I’m just gonna tag this Jax Cassidy because she’s a walking warning sign, fuckin hell. You’ve been warned. I have no control over what she does/says. Nobody does.   Summary: Danger couldn’t quite forgive Bucky for getting the both of them caught during their attempted prison break. Goddamn that man’s incessant need to please Sometimes revenge isn’t the best thing to solve a problem. Jax Cassidy is walking temptation, very few can resist her.

A/N: This was supposed to be a goddamn 500 word one shot for the Adventures of Danger and Bucky one shot series but I HAVE NO FREAKING SELF – CONTROL. So here you go. 4k+ words of filthy debauchery. Goddamnit Jax Cassidy. You should thank Kate bc she’s the reason you’re all getting this way earlier than I intended. Also I chose this gif because that fucking man bun haunts me. 

Fave club Song: Circus ~ Britney Spears

PREVIOUSLY // NEXT CHAPTER

“Cassidy, are you absolutely sure about this?” asked very concerned and confused Bucky Barnes. You tossed him a wicked grin through the mirror. Payback was going to be absolutely sweet; Barnes would never live this down.

“Totally, Barnes. This is perfectly acceptable attire for the modern society. Don’t worry, you’ll fit right into the club we’re going to. Trust me.”  Barnes narrowed his eyes suspiciously at you in the mirror. Luckily, your poker face was the epitome of perfection. You were so thoroughly proud of yourself for convincing Barnes to wear a leather chest harness over a sheer mesh shirt and leather pants. He was going to be the talk of the queer club you were tricking him into. You had to admit, he looked freakishly hot in it, especially with his hair tied up in the sexiest bun you’d ever seen. Wait...when the hell did you start thinking Barnes was sexy? Fuck. Shaking your head, you straightened the zipper on your bodysuit. It was so damn comfortable; why couldn’t you wear this all the time????

(Danger’s club outfit)

(Bucky’s harness)

Bucky tried really hard to pretend like he wasn’t watching you through the mirror. Really fucking hard. He was infinitely grateful that the pants you forced him in came with a particularly restricting jockstrap because the hard on he had from looking at you in a leather bodysuit and thigh high boots was k i l l i n g him. Your high ponytail and black lipstick made you look so powerful and so fucking sexy that he honestly just wanted to melt at your feet and let you walk all over him. He’d probably thank you for it.

The weirdest feeling fluttered in his gut every time you smirked to yourself; he briefly wondered if this was you finally getting your revenge for the failed prison break. Naturally, all thoughts flew from his brain the moment you bent forward, reached around the front of his waist and tightened his belt. He prayed to whoever might be listening that you didn’t notice the raging hard on hiding in his pants. You didn’t, at least he really hoped you didn’t.

“Alright Barnes, I think we’re finally done. You ready?” you asked mischievously. He suppressed a groan as your hands left his body.

He sighed, “We might as well get this over with.”

You snickered. You couldn’t wait to see the look on his face when he finally saw where you were going.

Sneaking out of the Tower with a large and leather-clad Bucky Barnes was easier than you originally anticipated. Since Tony and Fury both agreed being cooped up could do more harm than good to Barnes’s rehabilitation, they granted him access to the outside world as long as he was with you (with your powers of electricity and telepathy being one of the safest ways to disarm him without further damaging his brain) or Steve (for obvious reasons). You figured if you had to be saddled with a 250+ pound man, you might as well get some fun out of him.

Walking through Hell’s Kitchen dressed like you were headed to a kink party was definitely earning the two of you a few stare and comments. You could feel Bucky shifting uneasily beside you; part of you enjoyed his discomfort but a larger part suddenly felt like maybe you’d taken things a bit too far.

“Uh...Danger...?” he murmured below his breath.

“What, Barnes?” you hissed.

“Are you sure...we’re dressed okay? People are staring.”

“You’re James Buchanan Barnes, best friend of THE Captain America and former Winter Soldier of the infamous HYDRA. Current Avenger. Oh! And, you have a metal arm. When are you not getting a lot of stares?” He looked at you incredulously; that funny feeling in his gut was only getting worse.

Getting into the club was a snap. Totally helps being a frequent customer, an amazing tipper and close friends with the bouncer.

“It’s so good to see you, Cage!” you exclaimed, pulling the large man into a tight embrace. Bucky fought the urge to snarl at the sight of another man’s hands around your waist. What the hell?

“Jax Danger Cassidy as I live and breathe! What brings you to Hell’s Kitchen?”

“Oh you know,” you said slyly gesturing to Bucky behind you, “He needed to see the sights.”

“Is that…,” Luke started, shocked.

“Don’t worry, he’s neutered. I’ve got his leash tonight.” Luke smirked at your assurance and word choice. Bucky scoffed; he was more annoyed that Luke hadn’t removed his offending hands from your body. Get a grip Barnes.

“You do know I’m standing here perfectly capable of hearing every word you say, right?”

“Yeah, Barnes. We know,” you laughed. He rolled his eyes. Luke (finally) let you go and unhooked the velvet rope in front of the door. Pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek, he tossed a wink at Bucky.

“Have fun you two!” he chuckled. Bucky didn’t know why but he felt his stomach lurch. This couldn’t be good.

The moment you stepped foot into Top/Bottom the crowd roared. Danger had finally arrived. Poor Bucky looked like a deer caught in unsuspecting headlights. You couldn’t help but cackle. Gripping the front of harness firmly, you lead him to your usual VIP section on the second floor. Drunken men called lewdly at Bucky. You could practically feel him blushing behind you.  

“Heyyyyy Daddyyyyy!”

“Oh honey, I’d bottom like hell for you!”

“Does that harness come with a whip?!”

“Damn, I hope that ass isn’t straight!”

Bucky found himself strangely aroused from the combination of the overly raunchy attention and the firm grip of your fingers on his harness. Faint jolts of electricity flowed from your skin and hair. Nothing strong enough to cause any real damage yet, enough to make people think twice about touching you without express permission. Butterflies wreaked havoc on his insides but he did his best to keep his face impassive. Finally reaching the top of a half spiral staircase, you pushed him into a plush love-seat and sat beside him. A gorgeously muscular man wearing nothing but daisy dukes and sneakers coloured suspiciously like Captain America’s shield brought the two of you a stunning crystal bottle of whiskey. You’ve been here enough that you no longer need to place an order; they keep your favourite on hand at all times.

He couldn’t help but watch as you slid a $20 in the back pocket of your sever. You were right: the look on his face was absolutely worth him getting the two of you busted. He didn’t know what shocked him more: the ease you exuded while sipping expensive whiskey from an even more expensive glass or the fact that the guy in the shield shorts looked an awful lot like Steve. He nudged you gently to get your attention.

“So…come here often?”

You snorted in complete surprise, “James Buchanan Barnes! Did you just use a pick up line on me?”

“Honestly doll, I don’t know. This whole place has me a bit turned around. They didn’t have places like this where I came from,” he said while his eyes drank in the colorful yet drunken chaos around him.

“Sure they did; you just needed to know where to look,” you chuckled.

“You’re seriously telling me they had gay clubs in my time?” he asked skeptically. You leaned in and nipped his earlobe. Your hot breath tickling his ear renewed the raging hard on from earlier. Clearly you planned to be the death of him.

“Who said this club was just for gay people?”

“Wha-what do you mean?” he half murmured, licking his semi chapped lips.

“It’s New York, Buck. This club is for all queer identifying people. Gay, bi, pan, ace/aro, trans, non-binary, agender, etc. Black, white, Asian, Indigenous, Latinx, etc. If you’re queer, you’re here. They even accept straight people from time to time, but only if you’re vouched for by a current member.”

He sipped his whiskey and nodded. Good for them, he thought, people need spaces to find their own. He only wished things were as progressive when he was growing up. Mighta saved him a whole lot of fights and heartache.

“So…are you…?” he trailed off.

“Am I gay?” you asked. He nodded.

“Oh Buck, as much as I love eating pussy, I could never give up dick. So no. But what I am is a lover of all people. It’s not so much about the physical for me. If we connect, if there’s passion there, we’ll get along fine.”

Bucky choked violently on his whiskey. In hindsight, he should have expected something crude and surprising from you. You were Jax Cassidy; ‘crude and surprising’ was your tag line. With you pounding his back roughly, he regained proper breathing in no time.

“Christ, Danger!” he wheezed, “warned a guy before you drop something like that, woulda?”

You laughed wholeheartedly, “Sure thing, Barnes. I’ll be sure to warn you the next time I go into explicit detail about how I love to let women ride on my face until they scream. Or maybe about how much I enjoy draining a pair of balls until they person they’re attached to begs me to stop. I’ll absolutely warn you next time.”

Bucky’s cock twitched painfully in his pants. You were some kind of siren. It actually terrified him to wonder why you train exclusively with Natasha Romanoff; you certainly lived up to your nickname. He regarded you as impassively as he could manage. This might have been a love seat you were perched on but he could have sworn it was your throne. Your eyes danced with wicked delight as you surveyed your kingdom. No one was safe from your insatiable gaze.

Downing the last of your current glass, you made your way to your feet. You were so damn glad Natasha made you train in heels because goddamn, these 6 inch thigh high boots would be murder on your poor toes. Bucky looked at you in curiosity.

“Dance with me,” you said simply. Despite the fact that it wasn’t a request, Bucky couldn’t find any reason he should want say no. He nodded and pulled himself to his feet. The opening notes to your favourite club banger graced your ears. Nodding at the DJ in thanks, you stalked your way back down the staircase with Barnes in tow.

There’s only two types of people in the world,

            The ones that entertain and the ones that observe

Well baby, I’m a put-on-a-show kinda girl

           Don’t like the backseat, gotta be first

Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off the way you glided to the dance floor. Your charisma was completely hypnotizing. He could see sparks flying from your fingers as the crowd parted around you. The air was so charged he could taste it. He didn’t fully understand your powers but he suspected you had something to do with it.

I’m like the ring leader

             I call the shots

I’m like a firecracker,

             I make it hot

When I put on a show

Even without your telepathy, you could feel the intense sexual energy in the room. It was actually setting off your electricity so much that you had to release little spurts just to keep yourself from overloading. A thin layer of sweat covered your bare arms. The room smelled like sex, sweat and alcohol and you couldn’t get enough of it.

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins

             Spotlight on me and I’m ready to break

I’m like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage

            Better be ready, hope ya feel the same

Your strong fingers pulled a very aroused Bucky into your body. He lost control of his breathing the moment you flipped around started grinding your plump ass into his crotch. You could tell he wasn’t sure what he should do. It was really quite adorable. Pulling his hands around your waist, you leaned your head into his shoulder. The pounding of his super soldier enhanced heart echoed your own. Funny how this all started with a bit of revenge.

There’s only two types of guys out there,

             Ones that can hang with me and one that are scared

So baby I hope that you came prepared

             I run a tight ship, so beware

Bucky didn’t understand how normal people survived this exquisite kind of punishment without combusting in their pants. Your delectable ass, the smell of your skin, the tickle of your hair, your confident fingers holding his firmly against your hips, all of you sent his body into overdrive. Bucky craved nothing more than to lose himself in you.

I feel the adrenaline moving through my veins

              Spotlight on me and I’m ready to break

I’m like a performer, the dancefloor is my stage

             Better be ready, hope ya feel the same

The grip on your hips tightened as Bucky gained more confidence. You grinned to yourself. Finally, you’d get to see a glimpse of the sensual man he used to be. Abruptly, you found yourself staring into those icy blue eyes. His nose was mere millimeters from yours. Your breath intermingled. When you started this day, kissing Barnes was the last thing on your mind. Now here you stood, face to face with the bane of your existence. The man who seemingly lived and breathed just to piss you off. Part of you wanted to just shove him away bu—oh! Goddamn 

The moment Bucky’s eyes met yours he knew he was lost. You’d entrapped him completely. He could feel himself entirely wrapped around your finger and he couldn’t be bothered to give a single damn. He watched your gaze flick down to his mouth and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. Crashing his lips to yours had to be the best goddamn decision Bucky Barnes ever made. Your fingers found their way into his hair and he groaned obscenely. You grinned wickedly into his kisses; this knowledge could be useful for later. His massive hands snaked their way to your voluptuous ass, pulling you even closer into him. It was your turn to moan into his mouth when you felt his substantial boner grinding into your crotch. Thank all the gods for 6 inch heels making the both of you finally equal in height. Forcing yourself away from his bastardly sinful mouth, you leaned into his ear.

“Let’s get out of here,” you murmured. Oh thank god, he thought. Sweeping you off your feet, Bucky carried you bridal style out of the sexually charged club. You snorted at his impatience. The chill of the night time air soothed your overheated skin as he carried you outside.  Bucky set you down, but didn’t let you go.

“I think we should call a cab, doll,” he said. You grinned mischievously. A quick snap of your fingers later and a black Cadillac Escalade rolled up to the curb. If he were anyone else, his jaw would have hit the floor.

“How did you…?”

“Stark isn’t the only rich motherfucker in New York,” you said simply. He shot you a toothy grin. Your driver stepped out and opened the door for you.

“Evening Ms. Cassidy,” she said. Bucky helped you into the car and quickly followed behind you.

“Eva, how many times must I tell you: It’s Jax or Danger. Ms. Cassidy was my shrew of a mother,” you chastised once she returned to the driver’s seat.

“My humblest apologies Ms. Jax.”

“I’m never going to break you of your professionalism, am I?” you questioned. Bucky snorted at your question.  You shot him a dirty look.

“Unfortunately not, Ms. Jax,” she replied in amusement. Bucky busied himself with trailing open mouthed kisses from your ear lobe to your clavicle. Concentration was suddenly a difficult task to accomplish.

“I-- ugh goddamn Bucky—pay you enough to drop the snooty, don’t I?” This man’s tongue would haunt you for the rest of your everlasting life. He hadn’t even gotten to where you craved it yet!

“Certainly, Ms. Jax.”

“What, do you want a raise or something? Fucking shit Barnes!” Eva’s sultry giggle floated to the backseat. Bucky’s chest rumbled with laughter.

“Something wrong, Danger?” he asked, pressing butterfly kisses into your shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m in this tight ass body suit in the back of a car and it’s getting in the way of me getting fucked!” you half shouted. Eva laughed even harder. Bucky’s right hand found your zipper and inched it down slowly.

“I could help you with both of those things, doll,” he whispered into your ear. And to think, all of this started with petty revenge!

“Eva, what’s the nearest property I own?” you asked huskily. The lust reflected in her eyes through the mirror wasn’t lost on you.

“8th Street, Ms. Jax.”

“Make haste, beautiful.”

“As you wish, Ms. Jax.

Bucky was driving you insane. Bucky was driving himself insane. His flesh fingers ghosted over your aching cunt, torturing you endlessly. His teeth in your skin made your head spin. Reaching up, you grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked his head back. He groaned loudly in pleasure.

“Don’t tease me, Barnes. Either give me what I want or don’t bother, got it?” you snarled.

“Yes, Miss,” he practically whimpered. The steel in your voice and impressive grip on his hair set his blood pumping. He wondered just how far he could push you before you punished him for it. He was half desperate to find out. You kissed him roughly and shoved his hand back into your crotch. His fingers made quick work of pushing your body suit aside and sinking inside your soaked and needy cunt. You hissed loudly in pleasure.

“That’s it Barnes. You’re such a good boy for me,” you purred. His answering moan alerted you to his praise kink. Oh, you could do so much with this.

“You like being called a ‘good boy’ don’t you Barnes?” He didn’t answer. Now was a terrible time to suddenly remember you weren’t alone in the car. You gripped his hair tighter and forced him to meet your gaze. “Answer me, James.” 

“Fuck, yes! I like so much.” You smirked impishly. A small whimper from the front seat reminded you of the petite Latina currently struggling to focus on the road. This night had suddenly turned into something filthily wonderful.

“How much longer, Eva?”

“Ten minutes, Ms. Jax.”

“Perfect.” Turning your attention back to a painfully horny Bucky, you came up with an idea.

“Here’s the deal, Barnes. You make me cum in the next ten minutes and I’ll show you what being pansexual is all about with the lovely Eva up there. You take longer than ten minutes and poor little Eva gets left to her own devices. You wouldn’t want leave the deprived darling to solve her little problem all alone would you?” you taunted. Bucky’s eyes grew impossibly large. He bit his lip in a vain effort to suppress another obscene noise.

“No, Miss.”

“Get to—oh!”

Bucky had never been one to back down from a challenge. He and Steve were alarmingly alike that way. The promise of getting to pleasure the beautiful girl sitting in the front seat whimpering softly if he held up his end of the bargain was more motivation than he needed. Scissoring his fingers inside you, he watched as your head lolled back into the headrest in pleasure. Your noises were pure music to him. He felt your grip on his hair loosen and used the opportunity to sink his teeth into your neck. He might like you being in control, but he’d be damned if he couldn’t let the world know who you belonged to.  

Eva was finding it nearly impossible to focus on driving safely. Between your moans and Bucky’s grunts of exertion, she’d soaked her panties completely through. The entirety of the car smelled like your sex and Eva had never smelled anything more delectable. Sweet and tangy, your scent permeated her nose. As subtly as she could, Eva snuck a hand under her skirt in a desperate attempt to find some much need relief. Your eyes missed nothing.

“Oh, Eva. My beautiful darling…just—ugh fuck Bucky just like that—what the hell do you think you’re doing?” you half snarled. Eva’s eyes widened in the mirror. She couldn’t believe you noticed!

“I need—I—. Nothing, Ms. Jax. I’m so sorry Ms. Jax.” she said. Removing her fingers from her throbbing cunt was excruciating. She was so thankful the drive would only take five minutes longer.  Your eyes lit up dangerously; you could hear the poor girl’s thoughts practically screaming to pull the car over and beg you and Bucky to fuck her into oblivion. You made it a point never to listen in to people’s thoughts without permission or off mission but Eva didn’t seem to know her mental shield had completely abandoned her.

Bucky was growing frustrated at your absurdly strong resistance to his insane finger skills. You found his determination completely refreshing. Any other woman would be a puddle in his hands at this point but your stubbornness was a force to be reckoned with. He curled his fingers briefly and you twitched harshly in response. Ahh, there it is, he thought. Pressing the pad of his thumb to your clit, he circled his index and middle fingers over your internal button. You cried out and yanked his hair roughly in pleasure. For the first time, someone had discovered your kryptonite without even being told where to look. 

“F u c k! James!” you wailed under his assault on your body. A whine left his throat at hearing his birth name tumbling from your lips. Eva’s own whine mimicked his. In the back of your mind, you reckoned you’d have your hands full with these two

“Please cum, Miss. Please,” he pled, “I wanna make you feel so good. I wanna be a good boy for you, Miss.” Goddamn this beautiful bastard.

Eva turned down a familiar street. You could see your pristine white manor coming into view. Bucky noted your eyes widening in recognition and felt his stomach lurch. He was going to let you down. In a final attempt to break your resolve, he curled his fingers harshly into you and rubbed harder on your clit. You couldn’t hold out any longer; you erupted. You released Bucky’s hair and sank your teeth into his neck in a poor attempt to muffle your scream. Eva pulled into your impressive driveway with just enough time to watch you convulse around Bucky’s sinful fingers. She felt her own orgasm rip through her as she tried her best to stifle herself. Even in your state of heightened bliss, you missed nothing.

“Well, my darling boy, it looks like you gained two orgasms for the price of one. Maybe Eva didn’t need to join after all,” you purred against his skin. Bucky looked at Eva in confusion until he noticed her chest heaving in exhaustion and a small puddle that formed on the leather of her seat. He smirked devilishly

“I don’t know, Miss,” he said, “no one gave her permission to cum. It looks more like she needs to be punished.” Lifting your head from his shoulder, you quirked your eyebrow at them. Eagerness rolled off their bodies in waves. 

You hadn’t been this giddy in a years.

End P1

NEXT CHAPTER

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@emilyevanston @redstarstan @sebbymylove16 @lancefuckrr @ek823 @iarnasoldat @thecaptainofamerica @quicksilverbells @bubbleboss15 @myluvislikewow @daisykane535 @morgandakotaq

[epicwinsauce]

I’m not sure when I started saying “peeps” unironically.

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?  Pandora if I had to choose I guess. I technically just listen to the same shit I have or if I’m feeling adventurous, I go to youtube. lmao.

is your room messy or clean? I don’t think my room is cleanable. I don’t think it’d be possible to achieve that right now. It’s in a weird place right now, emotionally

what color are your eyes? Not sure, I haven’t looked at them in a while. But usually blue or green or some gray-ish color between the other two.

do you like your name? why? I like my name, but I don’t like how people insist on shortening it.

what is your relationship status? single, but annoying someone with romance

describe your personality in 3 words or less no, thanks.

what color hair do you have? it’s usually described as dirty blond. which is light brown tbh

what kind of car do you drive? color? Esmerelda is a gray 2007 Toyota Prius. I love her.

where do you shop? that’s awfully vague, like, what kind of shopping?

how would you describe your style? I don’t try to describe it but I’m pretty insistent about my hat.

favorite social media account what kind of question is this. I mean I’ve had them all for a long time now, so...???

what size bed do you have? it’s like a twin or something.

any siblings? two older sisters

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? I already live in Florida, it’s where I plan on dying

favorite snapchat filter? I haven’t used a filter on snapchat in a while but I really love the flower crown, I hope they still have that one

favorite makeup brand(s) SEPHORA. no I obviously know nothing about makeup, don’t take this answer seriously.

how many times a week do you shower? as many as I damn well please.

favorite tv show? One Piece!!!

shoe size? 8.5, or 9 on a good day

how tall are you? 5″5′, or 5″6′ on a good day.

sandals or sneakers? sneakers please. I know I live in Florida but please let me just cover my whole feet.

do you go to the gym? my gym is my bed ;) by which I mean no, I just sleep a fuckton.

describe your dream date I’ve actually written about that, look: http://morgengesang.tumblr.com/post/160787553824/51717

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? $6 in cash

what color socks are you wearing? I’m not wearing socks, I haven’t left the house at all today. I barely left my room tbh

how many pillows do you sleep with? just two.

do you have a job? what do you do? my job right now is just a phone agent for a credit card of a store, but I also train classes to take those calls.

how many friends do you have? I joke about having none but I actually have plenty. Nikolai, Mariah, Leah, Melissa, Samantha, Dylan, Luke, Chris... that’s not even counting internet friends like Jannell, Davey, Morgan.... Yeah, I got plenty.

whats the worst thing you have ever done? joined this goddamn website

whats your favorite candle scent? I have asthma, dude

3 favorite boy names consider me biased but if it starts with a D or a J, I probably like it

3 favorite girl names I like names that start with A or K, which is also me being biased

favorite actor? I mean I don’t really have one specifically, I’m not really emotionally invested in acting just in general

favorite actress? *slams desk on the table multiple times* EMMA WATSON

who is your celebrity crush? ...don’t have one

favorite movie? I love the Princess Bride tbh (I also don’t wanna put a lot of thought into these questions apparently)

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? no, besides internet, I’m awful at reading just in general. my favorite book is a fuckin’ history book..

money or brains? ummm??? both??? give me money though, I already have brains (I just don’t want to use it anymore)

do you have a nickname? what is it? Nick, Nicci, whichever.

how many times have you been to the hospital? not a whole lot, but like five or six? mostly as a child. speaking of which, I have no idea where the nearest hospital around here is, eerrrhh woops.

top 10 favorite songs In no particular order: “Good Morning, Goodbye” by Backseat Goodbye “Sidewalk Sing Along” by Backseat Goodbye “Seelenfresser” (Soul Eater) by Schallfaktor “i lack a spine” by flatsound. “Los” (-less) by Rammstein "The Medicine Show” by Clockwork Knotwork “Funeral for the Falling Leaves” by Backseat Goodbye “Mein Versprechen” (My Promise) by Cephalgy “Zu den Sternen” (To the Stars) by Megaherz “Pressure” by Billy Joel

do you take any medications daily? No.

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) I mean I guess it can be oily, it’s just skin. It can get really hairy, too.

what is your biggest fear? hallucinations. like the kind where you’re dead because you just got creamed by a pole on the side of the road but you’re dreaming that your life is going on and on even though you’re dead. I can’t even explain to you how many times a day that idea plops in my head.

how many kids do you want? hahaha.

whats your go to hair style? ponytail because it’s easy.

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) it’s small-ish, I mean it’s not an apartment small but it’s definitely not a house.

who is your role model? Chad Sugg.

what was the last compliment you received? I don’t remember exactly what it was but it was a really good compliment, I remember being impressed.

what was the last text you sent? “Actually considering how long we’ve been playing Diablo, Blizzard should be paying us to play it tbh” (me to my sister)

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? I never really “found out” really, I just stopped caring.

what is your dream car? I don’t really have a car preference so Esmerelda is perfect because she’s practical.

opinion on smoking? I used to hate it back when I cared about things but now the most I can say is that I’m not a fan. but everyone should have the right to choose their own death.

do you go to college? Been there, done that.

what is your dream job? I don’t really want to live???

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? rural I’d have to say, I love my trees.

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no, I didn’t even use them when I was in Miami.

do you have freckles? no.

do you smile for pictures? Usually.

how many pictures do you have on your phone? too many, probably, but I get sentimental and can’t delete anything.

have you ever peed in the woods? Yeah.

do you still watch cartoons? yes.

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? I haven’t gotten any from either in the past few years, I don’t even know.

Favorite dipping sauce? Ketchup.

what do you wear to bed? Usually whatever I was just wearing, or if that’s uncomfortable I just sleep nude.

have you ever won a spelling bee? I probably should have, I’m a spelling genius. But I lost once and got frustrated and gave up... you know, like I do with everything! lol

what are your hobbies? my go-to hobby is learning languages, but if you’ve been reading information about me for this long, you probably know that by now.

can you draw? I can and I love to, but damn, I rarely ever do.

do you play an instrument? I used to play clarinet and recorder and used to also try guitar but I could never get good so I quit. lmao.

what was the last concert you saw? Clockwork Knotwork at an Irish pub in Madeira Beach.

tea or coffee? No.

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? I don’t go to either.

do you want to get married? I don’t particularly, no. Not as a concept.

what is your crush’s first and last initial? My crush already knows, I tell her I’m in love with her sometimes

are you going to change your last name when you get married? I’m probably not going to get married. And if I did, I’d consider adding a name, but not changing mine, no.

what color looks best on you? Blue or green, I think.

do you miss anyone right now? yes.

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed. Closet door open though.

do you believe in ghosts? Life is more fun if you do.

what is your biggest pet peeve? Spelling “women” when you clearly meant the singular “woman.” I mean with all the discourse that goes on, it’s willful ignorance at this point and I’m not about that shit.

last person you called? My dad called me and we talked about anime.

favorite ice cream flavor? Umm cookie dough, duh?

regular oreos or golden oreos? Idk what golden oreos are but I probably love them, too. so yes.

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? Rainbow!

what shirt are you wearing? My “UNDER PRUSSIA” shirt which was about Hipster Hitler as a joke but I don’t wear it to work or outside considering there are like real Nazis out there and I sure as hell don’t want people thinking I’m one of them for wearing a Hitler joke on my shirt.

what is your phone background? my "crush”

are you outgoing or shy? Shy. I almost died in Miami because I can’t ask for food by my goddamn self if the food areas are small and look like closets lmao

do you like it when people play with your hair? I dooo but it almost never happens.

do you like your neighbors? I mean the most interaction I have with them is “howdy neighbor!” “hey neighbor!” but I don’t hate them, no.

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? I wash my face every time I go to the bathroom as a habit. It’s part of how I dry my hands off lmao

have you ever been high? Alex let me try hookah once but that’s the most I can say I’ve had, and it wasn’t really even like being high, I was just losing breath because I was trying to make an impressive puff of smoke lmao

have you ever been drunk? ooh yeah. 

last thing you ate? a whole French baguette because I like them when they’re like old-ish, hard, and only $1 because I am literally Smiley Bone lmao

favorite lyrics right now I’ve been staring at the screen for like two minutes, I don’t have one

summer or winter? I hate winter so much I moved to the bottom of the US just to avoid it.

day or night? man, why you gotta make me choose and do me like this?

dark, milk, or white chocolate? mmmm milk... but I am also very partial to dark chocolate. ... and I also like white chocolate. Just don’t hide shit in the chocolate like cherries or some shit and we’re good for the most part

favorite month? July!

what is your zodiac sign Capricorn on Greek, lamb in Chinese

who was the last person you cried in front of? umm??? I don’t know???? I don’t cry often these days, or feel, or care about anything lmfao

[peachhplum]

Three Ways to Start Volunteering In NYC

// Sponsored by State Farm® (my social media fee was donated to Food Bank of NYC) and all views are, as always, my own.

Here in NYC summer has finally arrived! I love summer because it’s so full of color and energy. Just the simple act of being able to get outdoors and navigate the city by bike makes me smile! There’s also stacks of opportunities to socialize outdoors during summer, from leisurely sidewalk brunches to festivals and concerts. Speaking of festivals, you might have seen on Instagram that I attended the Governors Ball in NYC a couple of weekends ago? My friends at State Farm invited me to volunteer with them as they had an activation to raise awareness of the State Farm Neighborhood of Good website. The portal is a place where you can find volunteering opportunities nearby, and it helps to match you with local organizations who need help. They set up a volunteering village to show festival goers that volunteering doesn’t have to mean a huge commitment and that even a small amount of time spent micro volunteering – from 15 minutes to a few hours – can truly make a difference to those in need.

There were three volunteering homes in the village: one was for packing food kits for local homeless people; the second was for making musical instruments to give local school children; and the last house was where you could write notes of support to local at-risk youth. These are just small things, but they are a start! It was heart-warming to see so many young people taking time out of their day at the festival to stand in line and volunteer. If you are going to any of the below festivals makes sure to go along and volunteer at the village:

1. Forecastle 2. Lollapalooza 3. Music MidTown 4. Austin City Limits

My day helping State Farm with their micro volunteering got me thinking of what other volunteering opportunities there were in the NYC area. So, I went over to the State Farm Neighborhood of Good website and found a local opportunity that matched with each one of the micro volunteering I did at the festival. Check them out below – and if you aren’t based in New York City head over to Neighborhood of Good to find volunteering opportunities in your local area!

1. Hunger – Food Delivery Support in West Harlem

Unload the truck and help deliver new food items at this choice-style food pantry that provides more than 40,000 meals a month. Volunteers should wear closed shoes or sneakers and comfortable clothes, such as jeans and t-shirts. For groups of volunteers, it’s recommended you wear a team color or your corporate t-shirts. Some outdoor work and heavy lifting may be needed. Alternate tasks can provided to those who have injuries/health issues that prevent them from participating in such activities.

Click here to see if this opportunity is still available and to find out more.2. Music – Musicians on Call Volunteer Guide at Mt. Sinai St. Luke’s

Musicians on Call is a non-profit organization that brings live and recorded music to the bedsides of patients in healthcare facilities. Volunteer Guides escort Volunteer Musicians from room to room as they play for music for patients. Volunteer Guides knock on each hospital room door and ask patients if they feel like hearing music. They also introduce the musicians prior to their performances and guide them through the facility. Each guide is assigned to a specific healthcare facility. The Volunteer Guide is the “eyes and ears” of MOC during the Bedside Performance Program as well as the liaison between the hospital and the Volunteer Musician. But most importantly, Volunteer Guides know the protocols, policies and expectations of the hospitals or healthcare facilities in which they volunteer and are responsible for making sure these guidelines are upheld during the program. Volunteer Guides are critical to the success of the program. After completion of screening and training, volunteers commit to volunteering once a month for at least one year.

Click here to see if this opportunity is still available and to find out more.3. Youth – Classroom Volunteer/Literacy Coach

Behind the Book is a non-profit organization that provides rich, innovative literacy programs in high-needs New York City public schools. They identify books that speak to pre-K–12 students, then partner with teachers to create immersive curriculum units that bring the authors into the classroom, where they discuss their work and teach a genre of writing, encouraging students to see themselves as readers and writers. No experience or training is needed to volunteer. As a writing or research coach, you’ll engage and support students as they work on their projects. Individual workshops run an average of 90 minutes on a school day, usually in the morning. You can volunteer for any number of workshops in any number of programs, which are scheduled over a few weeks at schools around the city.

Click here to see if this opportunity is still available and to find out more.

I’m looking forward to partaking in more volunteer opportunities later this year!

[3one3]

The Sequel - 814

Fish Store

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea/BVB players, and random awesome OC’s (okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

“Hi hello good afternoon! No you don’t have to call me back.”

“I can if it’s important.”

“This is fine. I just called because I was chopping food and speakerphone is easier than texting. I’ve already eaten the food now. Can I come to the beach next week?”

“When next week?”

“The middle. Or the end.”

“That doesn’t really narrow it down.”

“TWT or FSS but I have to leave in the morning on S. Are you going there or do you have other plans? Schü is with DFB and I want a mini break before WCF.”

“I have to do a thing in Berlin in Tue. I was going to spend a few days there instead of the beach but I can do both.”

“Is anyone going to Berlin with you?”

“Toni, but that can change. Would you like to meet me there and be my translator around town? :) Or do you need the beach?”

“I need *you*. Location not important.”

“Are you ok?”

“Mhm I just know I’m gonna miss you by then and I’ll want to see you before I go to the WCF.”

“Meet me in Berlin Tue evening and we can be tourists for 2 days.”

“K!” About 12 seconds after she sighed with relief and put her phone down, Christina heard André announce his presence in her cozy viewing lounge.

“Anybody home?” he called from by the door, which was in a de facto little hallway made by the glass on one side and the dividing wall for the “cafe” on the other. His girl held her hand up so he could see her. Zoe found the most squishy, rider-swallowing sofa in the entire world to put right up by the windows, which were floor to ceiling in the middle of the room so that one could sink into said couch and still be able to see what was happening in the indoor ring. Christina was laying on it though, and the arms were very tall, so no one could see her there without getting closer. She had a brand new burgundy, monogrammed throw pillow for her head and shoulders, and two very sleepy Toy Fox Terriers in their little coats for her lap. André leaned over the back of the black leather couch to kiss her hello. “Were you napping?” he questioned. No one was riding in the ring below.

“No, I was sulking.” His wife turned her lower lip over and moved her hand from Spencer’s head so that he could pet him too. “Dirk is hurt. Not very hurt. Just a little hurt. Temporarily hurt. But hurt enough that I can’t take him to Omaha.”

Oh for fuck’s sake, the footballer groaned inside under the influence of snap panic. The only thing that could possibly make our situation harder right now is the horse being injured. The world is going to end. This is a disaster. This is-

“Do you want a latte? Or a martini? We have the possibility of both now with the professional espresso machine and the full bar,” Christina pointed out somewhere between sarcasm and resignation. She liked her lounge. There was a nice refrigerator and freezer, a microwave, a blender, the espresso machine, a coffee maker, a full size sink, a drawer full of utensils, cabinets with coffee mugs, plates, and bowls, and even a dishwasher with which to clean all that stuff. There were two square tables for 4, and a wet bar area with a counter and 4 stools. A comfy reclining chair accompanied the couch by the windows, and then there was another sitting area at the far end of the room with two more sofas, a couple of upholstered chairs, coffee and end tables, and even a TV. The walls were burgundy with 12” crisp white adidas stripes at about eye level, and full of poster-size photos, actual posters or framed and matted advertisements and magazine features, and shelves heavy with the spoils of competition. The sheer number of trophies around the large room made Christina feel self-conscious, because all that silverware on show said “major bragging” to her. Zoe insisted on displaying everything.

“No. Are you okay?” André reached to the right to pet Lucky too, who was closer to his mom’s knees. Both dogs were shedding white hair all over her navy breeches and black knee socks, even with their coats on. The effect of Dirk’s injury on her was of much more concern to their dad than her tidiness. She looks awfully relaxed here though, he decided after taking in her state.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just bummed. I wanted him to get to go to a final on his own, without the team. He doesn’t have many chances left, probably. Do you want to sit? I’m willing to lift my legs so you can share this couch with me, but just know they’re coming right back down in your lap if you do. My knee is kiiiiiillling me.” The rider really was okay with her prized stallion’s situation. She was being honest with him, not just pretending, or trying to hide her feelings for his benefit. Also, she was too tired to be upset.

“Why aren’t you icing it?” Her partner moved his hand to the inside of her right knee, over the synthetic suede knee patch part of her breeches, and gently palpated it.

“Puppies like warm laps, not ice.”

“What’s with Dirk? How did he get hurt?”

“Bad step, probably. There’s some swelling in one of his fetlocks. He jogs sound but he didn’t feel right when I got on him. Tom is sure it’ll go down with poulticing. We gave him some horsey Tylenol and he’ll have a few days off with cold hosing and poultice and then we’ll see. I’m not worried. This is too close to feel good about taking him to the Final though, so I changed my entry already,” Christina explained while playing with the unfinished end of her long braid. She believed the couch had claimed her as its own, and was fine with that. There was no desire within her to ever get up, or move other than to pet her pets, put her hands in her track jacket pockets, or rest them on her chest. Her hair ended up there and she could play with it without having to move much. “Rio gets a chance to defend his title. I don’t know if any horse has ever won the World Cup back to back,” she added with a thoughtful and curious lilt.

“There is something you don’t know?”

“Shut up.”

“Do you still want to take Mausi to a fish store today?”

“You’re funny,” she giggled. Who says “fish store”? You go to a pet supply store, or an aquarium supply store even. Maybe in German it’s literally a fish store. She enjoyed the curious and confused look on André’s face while he tried to figure out what she thought was funny, and also how much better he looked since having taken his beard down a notch that morning after her extensive campaigning to get him to shave. He was much more handsome to her when she could see more of his face instead of a dead ginger colored animal clinging underneath it. “I don’t think Luke wants to go anywhere. I just had lunch with him a little while ago and he still seems kinda under the weather. He wasn’t very hungry, or at least not for veggies and chicken and millet. Espen said he just wants to nap and watch TV or hear stories. I have one more lesson to do and then I was gonna go hang with him.”

“When is your lesson?”

“Momentarily.”

“Do you think I should go check on him, or can I sit in the middle of the ring and try to talk to you while you try to teach?”

“I think he’s fine with Espen, babe. He’s better off, from a wellness point of view, with a paid professional than with his noob dad. I don’t really care though. You’re welcome to stay and be bored.”

André was happy to remain and be bored. He made a to-go cup of tea to bring down with him when the resident trainer put her sneakers back on and shooed the dogs down the stairs, around the corner, through the hall, and back into the barn. Footballers were allowed in the indoor, but not terriers. The one who paid for the indoor sat on a jump in there and talked to her whenever she wasn’t telling Stefanie what to do with Julian. He did that before in London sometimes. Sometimes the lesson plan dictated that Christina was going to be talking the entire time, and there was no point in him hanging out. Sometimes the exercise involved more observing and then giving comments or advice sporadically, and she was more than capable of having a conversation about something unrelated while studiously examining every stride and hand movement. Something they talked about that afternoon during the lesson was her plan to spend two nights in Berlin with Juan. That made the player less happy, but not enough to complain. He hoped she’d go to Germany’s friendly on that Wednesday since it was happening right at the Westfalenstadion. She said she probably wouldn’t have gone anyway because it was just a friendly and had “terrible game” written all over it. Whenever the team came together for just one training session before a match, it was indeed a signal that the contest wasn’t very important and probably wouldn’t turn into an all time great.

Better than hanging out during Stefanie’s lesson was hanging out as a family at home afterward. Espen was relieved from duty and the lethargic little prince of the new castle spent his evening alternating between resting on one parent and two, depending on in which way they were resting on each other. They watched a 1981 comedy starring Bill Murray, John Candy, and Harold Ramis, about some friends who join the army. Everyone got rubs. Christina got ankle and knee rubs. Lukas got back rubs. André got head rubs. No one wanted to get up to make dinner. It was supposed to be steak and sweet potato taco night. The blonde boys had to gang up on their chef to get her out bed to do the grilling and the avocado smashing, and then she had to go wake them up to do the eating. André and Christina teamed up for story time. They did a shortened, semi-modernized version of Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet, and split up the parts. The rider was better at conjuring different characters for the female roles than the player was at making up different voices and personalities for the male ones. Lukas surely didn’t understand most of what was said, regardless of the acting. He enjoyed it nevertheless, and it did put him to sleep on time.

“Are you going to read to me now?” André yawned when Christina returned to bed after transferring the child to his crib. Bed was base camp for the entire family for about 6 hours, and that was perfect. That was all he wanted on a cold and gray weekday. His girl was okay with it too, and without a literal acknowledgment to herself that a day like that was exactly what she needed for things to start feeling right in their relationship again, she was already feeling the effects of that.

“Can we watch the end of Monaco and Man City? And can I lay on you?”

“You’ve been laying on me for half the day. What makes you think you need permission now?”

“Half the day,” Christina snorted whiled crawling into the spot she wanted, between André’s legs. “My day starts a lot earlier than yours. It’s a lot longer.”

“Poor Prinzessin. Her life is soooooo exhausting.”

“You should suggest Bring Your Girl To Work Day to Tuchel, and I’ll try one of your typical days and then you can try one of mine, and we’ll see which is more tiring.”

“I would like that just because I’d get to spend a whole day with you.” He smooched the side of her head while she moved around to find a comfortable position, and it made her pause, and stop. Did I push a wrong button, he wondered, momentarily disheartened and worried that an innocent peck was no longer acceptable. Christina was pushing on both of his thighs to hold herself up, leaning back against him, intending to fold her legs up a little and then settle into the perfect comfy spot. There was no lowering back down.

“Can you flatten a little so I’m still up here?” she asked timidly.

“What do you mean?”

“When you sit up this straight and I sit in the middle then I’m far away from you.”

“You’re literally going to be laying on me...half of you is touching me...”

“No I mean from your face...” She let go of his thigh to bend her arm and hold his left cheek instead, and leaned over her shoulder to kiss the right cheek. He put an arm around her and slid down some so he wasn’t so upright, and her legs unfolded as they arrived at a sort of natural arrangement where the footballer was like a cozy lounge chair and if the rider turned her head and lifted her chin then she could have all the kisses she wanted. And that was why she didn’t want to be far away from her partner’s face. Kiss convenience suddenly mattered. He was correct to remind her that they’d been at close quarters ever since they got home that day, but that closeness didn’t involve any kissing. He caught himself each time he went to instinctively press his lips into some part of her, afraid of the reaction he’d receive. And Christina saved all of her affectionate pecks for Lukas.

“We should have put this on sooner!” His dad was surprised by the score in Monaco. Pep’s City was headed out as it stood, after a lot of back and forth in terms of goals and away goals.

“I hope y’all get Monaco in the next round if they go through. They don’t believe in defending. It’ll be fun since your team doesn’t believe in it either.”

“Hey.”

“The only way your defense could get worse is if Tuchel put you and Dembele at center half.”

“I was once a very good left back.”

“When you were like 14.”

“You were a really good pony rider when you were 14 and you still are, so...”

“I was also really good at tying my shoes and still am, so...”

“If Guardiola’s team can’t outscore them, what makes you think we can?”

“He doesn’t have a Schü,” Christina smiled, patting the arm wrapped around her and holding up one of her breasts. “Or an Auba,” she added under her breath.

“Marco might be back by then.”

“That’s good.” Sort of. For the team. Not for you.

“Mm.”

The pair of football fans watched the remaining 10 or so minutes of the match in silence. The action on the screen was pretty intense. One goal for Manchester City would have changed everything, and nobody watching the Champions League would have bet against it after what they saw Barcelona do to PSG’s 4-goal advantage taken with them to the Nou Camp. Half of the pair wasn’t actually that into the game. She never liked the Manchester City manager, and decided from the moment André turned the match on that his team was not going to stage a comeback- that he was going out, in shame. She nodded off while her lounger watched intently. Happy place or no happy place, trademarked and capitalized or otherwise, he could still be a very nice place to rest. Christina fell asleep in that place the night before too, just rotated 45* to the right. His breathing was comforting and his smell was familiar, and nice to her nose. And the way his arm felt around her, even when he was sleeping and no matter whether it was truly holding onto her or just resting on her person, was incredibly important.

He didn’t hold her like the wife he was obligated to hold at night, or that he was entitled to hold, or that he was simply in the habit of holding. His hold on her was exactly as passive but necessary as hers on Lukas the baby zebra when she slept alone and felt stressed out, and the same as with all the other important stuffed animals that served lengthy residencies in her bed since she was a toddler. André held her like she was the thing that helped him sleep comfortably at night, without any bad dreams or having to figure out where to put his arms. Christina knew how weird it can be to have to find a good arrangement for one’s arms with nothing to holding onto, when you don’t know if you should just fold them in front of you, or tuck one under your pillow, or fold your legs up and sandwich your hands between your thighs, or stick them out straight, or what. All of those options have pitfalls, like numbness, or just a feeling of awkwardness that leads to restlessness that leads to poor sleep. She was accustomed to falling asleep with one arm tucked gently to her body and the other on her partner’s chest or stomach, or having a forearm in front of her own chest to hold onto, or a hand there to engage in some way. Even if the arm didn’t make it in between hers, it could just hang over hers and kind of lock them in so they didn’t want to move around. If the arm and the hand just rested on her hip, or her thigh when she curled up, then she could put hers on top of it and it would stay there as if docked to the other limb. Sometimes she could hold a whole person in her arms and then really not have to figure out what to do with them. Without a partner for bedtime, only a stuffed animal could provide the rider with an easy and comfortable arm solution, and only an easy and comfortable arm solution could make sleeping alone feel all right, or make sleep in general come quickly and peacefully. She felt “not alone” with André’s one arm around her during the match, and that made it easy to nod off.

Most nights, in another time, he would have felt rather inconvenienced by that. Having to keep his legs apart and being unable to straighten them out wasn’t the most comfortable position, and it was early still. Most nights, it would be annoying to get trapped there, and he would shamelessly wake his wife to get freedom to find a more comfortable arrangement, or even to go do something elsewhere, without her. Sometimes he played video games when she went to bed early. Sometimes he just watched TV in another room with the dogs. He thought about that while he watched the post-match breakdown by the pundits who were as eager as Christina to tear Guardiola apart for his team’s performance. “Most nights” hasn’t been a thing for us in over a year, he realized. You can’t have a “most nights” when you don’t have enough nights to distinguish between “most” and “some” or “a few”. It’s nice to be inconvenienced this way when the real “most nights” is wishing there was a girl around to turn your thighs into armrests and pass out on you. When did she switch from white v-necks to black, I wonder. She had one of the white ones on last night, but every other night she’s been home and I’ve been home she has black. Is that like a reflection of her mood? Is she in permanent mourning? It’s too bad I won’t be home tomorrow night. We only seem to have two nights in a row together and we have to spend the first one fighting, or having heinous life conversations. I just want to do nothing with her. Or go on a date! I thought last Sunday was going to be like an all-day date, but she barely talked to me. It was like she went on an all-day date with Mausi and her phone. I can’t believe I won’t see her for a month. Does she understand that I’m upset that I won’t see her for a month even when seeing her is more often unpleasant for me than nice? Doesn’t that count for anything?

André used his girl’s topknot to scratch a little itch on the side of his nose, and considered what to do next. The inconvenience of being made into a lounge chair for a napping beauty was actually really great for the time being. Trapped and immobilized was fine for him since it wasn’t a “most days” situation- it was a rare exception, to be savored. But he didn’t know how long he could remain still and comfortable for the object of most of his problems, and he wanted to do other things with her besides serve as furniture. He wanted to talk more, since they were able to do that. He wanted to work on the affection deficit. He wanted sex too, and not just because he physically missed it. The more Christina went off to do things with Juan, the more André felt he needed to be with her to remind her what they had together, and to reassure himself that they still had it. Part of him was very jealous of the sexual relationship his wife had with his old teammate, and he did know how unusual it is for someone to believe only a fraction of his conscious was worried about something like that. For most people, all of them would be freaking out about it. For most people, he believed, a spouse having any sexual relationship with someone else would be a huge deal. He just accepted it. He encouraged it because he thought it was good for his relationship, and good for Christina. It was getting more and more difficult for him though. Letting his girl hook up with her best friend now and then was fine when they had a vibrant, healthy, happy sex life. Despite her assurances that they weren’t sleeping together that often, the Borussia player felt as if that relationship was starting to take the place of his own sexual one with her. That kind of thinking didn’t blend well with his football struggles.

Feeling inadequate and treated like an underperformer at work- at his passion- was not best complemented by the same at home. Two of the things he missed most that night were the authentically appreciative pat on the back from his manager, and the little squeaking sound Christina made when she was maximum-level turned on. He missed contributing value on the pitch and in his sheets. He almost didn’t even miss the feeling of being free from stress and conflict anymore because it had been so long since he experienced it. It was practically forgotten. He wished for it the way one does for something he’s never known, instead. For much of his life, André missed tranquility at work and at home the way Christina missed soda and espresso whenever she tried to drop or cut back on caffeine. He’d come to want that tranquility more like the way 6 or 7-year-old Christina wished to go to The Lost Forest to meet puggles and flying pigs.

What does Prinzessin dream about these days, he wondered as he let the hand on her tummy move a little, to rub gently. Being on an Olympic podium? Riding in the jump off at the World Cup to defend her title? Or more mundane things, like a morning without crunches and side plank dips to maintain these, he considered, a finger following a contouring line down the side of her abs. Playing with penguins? I could see that. I could see her playing on an ice slide with a ton of penguins. She would wear that wool hat with the furry ball on top and it would bounce around when she laughs, which would be the whole time, probably. Her dreams aren’t usually nice though. They’re crazy, and anxiety driven I think. She’s always telling me about having to run or hide from bad guys, or being confused at the airport because she can’t get to the right gate. She hasn’t told me about any dreams in a while. I am torn between wanting her to have a nice dream right now and wanting to tickle her, the footballer thought with the beginnings of a mischievous smirk. It would probably cause World War III. “I’m so tired and you can’t even let me sleep for 5 minutes because you need attention wah wah wah”. I do need attention. What’s wrong with needing attention? Isn’t it flattering when someone wants your attention? I like it when she sits next to me and quietly pokes my arm until I acknowledge her, like a cat touching somebody with his paw and staring. I like when I’m trying to talk to Papa on the phone and she starts taking clothes off and pretending it’s not to get attention, or she walks through the room in some ridiculous underwear like it’s normal to change into a thong for bedtime. I’m quite tired too, André yawned in conclusion. I guess I can stay relatively still for her a while more. No sooner had he prepared to convince his legs to stop complaining about being stuck in their current position did the girl keeping them there begin to move.

“Love you,” Christina murmured sleepily while turning to the left and trying to pull her bare legs up close to her upper body. She wanted his chest for a cheek pillow instead of for the back of her head. Her eyes didn’t want to open, and they didn’t. André took advantage of the opportunity to straighten his legs. He was still going to be stuck in an uncomfortable position, especially since his wife had just managed to wriggle her way to trapping his crotch under her hip, and her feet were pushing flat against his inner thigh.

“What are you dreaming about, Prinzessin?” he inquired.

“Sebastian Vettel,” was the not very awake sounding response.

“Oh.”

“He’s gonna...win in...two weeks. Held.”

Little known fact, the player narrated to the imaginary audience in his head while petting hers. Chris always calls Vettel her hero in German, never “hero” in English, because she saw a VT that the BBC did with German fans for the German Grand Prix forever ago and she thought it was really emotional and a bunch of people in it called him their “held” and now each time he does something impressive, or just impressive to her, like when he’s disappointed with being second even when everyone else is thrilled with what he did, she thinks “mein held”. I hope she starts telling me things like that again. I like the inner workings of her head. I love them, actually. They’re what make her special. I’m happy that she’s having dreams about her hero though. That’s a good sign.