#alr pack it up im going insane

[ultr4vjolence]

@givemea-dam-break i need to be put in a loony bin yoooo 😭😭😭 hey so it's not even Funny anymore. (also, every universe mulan is now lady aoro in my hc???? i guess??? FUCK IT WE BALL🙌)

[wellnesscard]

stumbled across the tiktok term "ingredients household" the other day. everything coming from that app makes me go insane. food is ingredients is ingredients is food the fuck do you mean. and i did look it up dont try to explain it i looked it up alr chill. im just venting here bc i think its stupid, nonsensical, and basically just means low/minimally processed so like. how are you gonna look at for example what i packed for lunch today and not see food in front of your fucking eyes. idk. yall are too much. whats actually not a real food is these "snacks" made in some factory providing you all the nutritional value of sand off the beach.

[uwujaes]

ceo! jaehyun

prompt: ceo jaehyun who is soft for reader

genre: fluff

yall met as boss and employee (jaehyun's the boss if this isn't clear yet)

ok but HOW yall met was pretty........ eventful

basically your department plays rock paper scissors to decide who buys coffee for the day

so after ordering drinks at the cafe downstairs, you were waiting to collect them

when you saw 12 drinks getting packed, you walked to the counter to collect them

but at the same time, this really tall dude in a suit walked over at the same time asdfghjkl

both of yall took the same bag of drinks and looked at each other sHockEd

"these are my drinks"

"no these are mine, i ordered them first"

soOoOoO yall had this 5 minute debate over who these drinks belonged to

but then the barista realised they forgot one of ur orders bc yall ordered the exact same thing

so technically the drinks belonged to both of yall and well embarrassment sets in bc ur 5 min debate with him is now irrelevant lololol

u swear both of u blushed big time but aljdhdhfksk wtv moving on

both of y'all get ur drinks and part ways

back in the office, u gave out the drinks

ur colleague who set next to you asked why u took so long

"ugh it's a long story skjddhdbhd basically i fought with someone over these drinks but it turned out that it wasnt our fault bc the barista forgot one of our orders"

just then, someone walked in to greet everyone

everyone in ur department and stood

u didn't know what was going on but u followed suit

BUTBUTBUT u looked at the person who just walked in and—

"good morning everyone! i bought coffee for u bc i wanted to thank everyone for ur hard work"

u whispered to colleague "who is this?"

ur colleague looked at u "bRoo r u serious that's our ceo, jung jaehyun"

right then ur manager said "y/n (as he said that he pointed to u) has already gotten us coffee but thank you for the coffee, guess we are ready for ot today!"

jaehyun looked at u and u swore he smiled a little

after that he just left to go back to his office

at night, everyone in ur department left for home already or maybe the club bc it's a friday and the night is young

everyone but u

u had lots of work to do bc u joined the company recently and had to juggle learning the ropes here and actual work

u were finishing up and looked at the time

it was literally almost 12am

"are u not going home tonight?"

u turned to look at who asked that and when u realised who it was, u instinctively stood up to greet the person

"i-im leaving s-soon"

jaehyun laughed a bit and said "why are u stuttering? is it bc u realised im ur boss?"

and then u realised yeah right why were u stuttering? besides it's after work hours now so technically he isn't ur boss anymore

"im just, idk i guess? i mean ur my boss im ur employee and how we met earlier wasn't exactly the best situation for me to meet my boss for the first time"

jaehyun walked towards u and sat on ur table

"but im not ur boss now it's been 5 hours since work times ended"

"yeah.."

"also im.. sorry about earlier. even though it was none of our fault but u know? i didnt know what to say when i realised it wasnt our fault"

wow what a gentleman Hhsbxhdjjd

"me too im sorry about earlier, it was awkward right?"

the silence was deafening, both of u didn't know what to say

right before u were gonna ask why was he still in the office, he asked

"truth is.. i waited till u got off work and was intending to take u to dinner as an apology for what happened in the morning"

"oh... sure i havent had dinner yet anyways"

throughout dinner yall talked and oddly it wasnt awkward at all???

in fact yall enjoyed urselves so much that u didnt realise that it was alr 4am

u were tired but u didnt want the night to end; u didnt want to stop talking to ur new found friend

when jaehyun realised u were almost on the verge of sleeping face on the table, he said

"y/n i think that u shld go home now, it's 4am. come on ill drive u back"

that late night dinner was just the first of the many late night dinners u had with jaehyun

fast forward 1 year

u are wayyy closer to jaehyun than u were 1 year ago

in the office, u respected that he was ur boss and knew ur place

but outside of work, u saw him as a friend who would listen to ur complains of the crowdedness of the morning bus to work, how the barista messed up ur order and just things u would tell ur best friends

likewise for jaehyun, he did not show any sense of biasness for u in the office

and outside of work, he showed his child-like side and sometimes complained about the problems he was facing at work

one day, he was over at ur house (again) probably sleeping over bc he complains that his house is TOO FAR

when yall were eating dinner, he suddenly asked a question/topic yall hv (surprisingly) never talked about before

"do u hv a boyfriend?"

"no why?"

"was just wondering.. but why?"

"too busy yaknow? and idk where to find guys i literally hv no guy friends. well i mean except u"

u notice that jaehyun's ears started to get really red but u brush that off bc it was hot

"y/n, u know... ur like my best friend right?"

"yup and ur mine too why? did u need confirmation on that HAHAHAHA"

"i love u"

nothing big or complicating, just a simple 'i love u'

"i love u in THAT way, y/n. i really do and its driving me insane"

ngl u were shocked but

u thought of all the times he:

waited for u till ur done with work to make sure that u do not skip ur meals

listened to ur drunk-talk and constant rambles about life

took care of u when u were drunk

the countless times he encouraged and reaffirmed u when u felt like u were the ugliest person on earth

most of all, u remembered how he never fails to put a smile on ur face whenever ur with him

then, u realised it was really that simple too — u were in love with jaehyun the way he was with u

"it's ok if u dont feel the same way. it's just that... all the times u compare urself to other girls and how u say ur uglier, fatter, worse than them... it hurts me when u say that.. just wanted to let u know that ur very attractive in my eyes and it's a pity for whoever misses that"

he gave his dimply smile to mask all signs of anxiety but u could see through it all

u walked over to his side of the table

and gave him!!!! a big bear hug!!!!!!!!!

"i love u in that way too silly"

when yall pulled away, he planted a kiss on ur forehead

"so tonight's our day 1 right?"

[whiteheadphones]

Just a teeny education rant, don't mind me hehe.

So like I asked for mandarin lessons because my mandarin is shit. MY MOM GOT A TUITION TEACHER IMMEDIATELY??? MOM I SHOWED YOU HOW PACKED MY SCHEDULE IS PLEASE IM GOING TO GO INSANE IF YOU GIVE ME MORE SHIT TO DO.

I HAVE TRY OUTS THIS MONDAY, THEN I HAVE MY FINALS, THEN I HAVE MY PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES TEST THINGY. ALL IN THE SAME MONTH. AND YOU EXPEVT ME TO HAVE MANDARIN TUITIONS AND SLIGHT POSSIBLY PIANO TUITIONS EVERY WEEKEND KNOWING FULL WELL THAT MY SCHEDULE IS FUCKING PACKED TIL AT LEAST I GRADUATE??? WHICH IS LIKE MAY

MARCH IS ALR STRESSFUL ENOUGH. APRIL I HAVE NATIONALS EXAMS AND THATS GONNA DETERMINE IF I FAIL OR NOT AND I KNOW YOU DONT CARE IF I FAIL BUT I DONY WANT TO RETAKE THE WHOLE SEMESTER AND FEEL WORTHLESS EVEN MORE THAN I HAVE AT THE END OF IT. I DONT THINK IM MENTALLY CAPABLE OF HANDLING THAT, HELL, I DONT THINK IM GONNA LAST NEXT YEAR.

I'M SLOWLY GOING BACK TO THAT MINDSET I ESCAPED FROM BACK IN EIGHTH GRADE, AND THIS TIME I DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO HOLD ME ON EXCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU ALL WILL BE SAD IF IM GONE. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO ANYMORE.

ASIDES FROM EXAMS I STILL HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO. I HAVE TO CRAM THREE YEARS WORTH OF O LEVEL BRITISH EDUCATION STUDYING AND THEY HAVE SUBJECTS IM NOT EVEN LEARNING AND I HAVE TO CATCH UP ON EVERYTHING. AND YOU TALKING BOUT COLLEGE PROBLEMS AND HOW IM UNSUITED FOR THE MAJOR IM PICKING FOR HIGHSCHOOL ISNT MAKING ANYTHING BETTER.

I HAVE BEEN BREAKING PIECES OF MYSELF OFF PIECE BY PIECE I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I DECIDED TO LAST THIS LONG ANYMORE. IM REGRETTING EVERYTHING AND I HATE EVERYTHING. I CANT CRY IN FRONT OF PEOPLE ANYMORE NO MATTER HOW HARD I WANT TO. I CANT FEEL ANGER ANYMORE BECAUSE IF I DO ILL FEEL GUILTY AS SHIT.

everything hurts. I don't find anything that makes me happy anymore. Its just to keep my mind busy. Or to tame my emotions so I don't burst. God I feel like throwing up. I don't want to live anymore please. The only comforting feeling right now is the hunger in my stomach, im not kidding. I don't feel like eating anymore