#along with every other weird little worldbuilding detail she added

[mirkwoodest]

Thinking about the Rohirric horse milk yogurt in Okay NOW Panic. That's canon to me.

[therealvinelle]

The illustrious then-@keerka, who now goes by @troquantary, sent me the following ask. Tumblr, of course, ate it, but luckily for us all I store all my asks on an outside server, so it wasn’t lost.

(A moment of silence for the fact that I took so long to answer this one that the ask was eaten and the asker got a new blog in the meantime.)

This was the ask:

Hi! When you have time, I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on the worldbuilding in Twilight and its logical consistency (if that's not too vague a question to even pose). For me it's almost hard to assess because the canon universe feels very...sparse? Kind of undeveloped? But that also means more room to develop headcanons, so I'm not complaining. Curious to know what you think, though!

This is my answer:

I think I’ll divide my answer in two sections, first I’ll give you an example of a franchise that has poor worldbuilding, then get into my thoughts on Meyer’s worldbuilding.

Supernatural.

Low-hanging fruit, but all the better an example for it. 

Supernatural introduces us to a world where everything is real. Everything that goes bump in the night, every myth and every monster, it’s all real, and 99% of them are out to hurt people. Who will stand against this evil, you may ask? Why, a scruffy but all-American bunch of self-declared hunters. These people are not organized, in fact most of them work alone. They are all outlaws. Their expertise is questionable, as Bobby Singer is considered remarkable for the fact that he usually knows what something is.

That’s it.

These people, all of them independent, most of them weird as fuck, are it. You’re in 21st century America, your country wields the most formidable military force in the world, and if something supernatural is wreaking havoc in your town you’d best hope one of these hunter nutjobs happens to have spotted the right newspaper clipping.

We’re offered no explanation as to why the American government doesn’t know about the supernatural, or why the world doesn’t look completely different. In our world, people don’t believe in ghosts because ghosts aren’t real, but in the world of Supernatural, people don’t believe in ghosts because [footage not found].

There’s no demon nor government conspiracy to keep the world at large ignorant, in fact this subject is never broached.

Hunters would make sense if they were bountyhunters, but they’re not. The secrecy could make sense if the angels were behind it, but they’re not.

“Maybe the military does know!” you might say, “it’s just that they don’t let the hunters know they know!” Well, we would have found out in season 5. Dean and Sam were caught up in the apocalypse, the government would definitely have gotten involved with that one.

Then we have the fact that the supernatural entities aren’t internally consistent either. We have angels, demons, humans - good, got it. I know what these three are in relation to each other. But, wait, we have wendigos, banshees, ghosts, witches, vampires, and tricksters as well. How do they all fit into the same world? How does the Christian God and every pagan pantheon, both of which are canon per Supernatural, fit into the same world? Who knows? Not Supernatural.

Supernatural is a world that is written on an episode-to-episode basis, by writers who wanted that gritty bounty-hunter aesthetic for their show about supernatural marks.

Back to Twilight.

Twilight, by comparison, makes a great deal of sense to me. 

I’ll admit that some of this is me reading into the text a lot, but I do that with every fandom I’m in. Twilight is a rare one where I can find an answer to every question.

We have these insanely powerful vampires whose exploits leave no survivors and whose numbers are kept low because it’s so hard to create a new one. They’re kept in line by a powerful organization no one can fight, and new laws are created as Aro discovers new threats (Immortal children, his debate on what to do with Renesmée). There are at least two other supernatural species out there, but of the two mentioned one is in place to protect humans, and the other was run extinct by the very organization that keeps vampires in line as well. None of this is fantheory, this is canon as Meyer created it.

Of course, I’ve gone some strange places in guessing why the Volturi exist, why the world of Twilight looks the same as ours, and why the supernatural world appears so limited. However, all of these things are extrapolated from canon. And I can extrapolate very easily because Twilight canon is consistent.

And this here segues into section two of my reply to you, as I imagine you (and many others reading this) are now saying “It’s not solid worldbuilding if the fans are doing all the work!”

Well, again - the difference between her and a lot of other authors is that when I overthink her work I find satisfying answers. That’s not a given, for instance I can’t do that with GRRM’s A Song and Ice and Fire, and half the point of that series is the worldbuilding! (My complains are many, I had to cut them from this meta, but the big one: why don’t the peasants revolt?)

I can’t think of a single plot hole in Twilight, nor of a logical inconsistency. Something either makes sense right off the bat, or I can look a little closer and easily piece together a logical explanation.

More, there’s no excess. I suppose this is what others don’t like about Meyer’s worldbuilding, but I enjoy it. Characters don’t prattle fun facts about things that ultimately don’t matter to the story, and if they do then it turns out later that yes, it did matter. Quite notably, when Carlisle gives Bella a crash course on vampire history, Meyer skips all of it except the part about immortal children, because that’s what was important. Later in that same book we meet Amun and the Romanians, and learn what the world used to be like, so it’s not like Meyer hadn’t come up with it. She left it out because it would have been off-topic and meandering.

This is where Meyer’s approach to worldbuilding comes in. It seems to me that she created the people and the story first, and then let the world they lived in fall into place around them, rather than the other way around. Now, there’s no right way to worldbuild, but I personally prefer authors who do it this way. To my tastes it generally leads to better stories, as this kind of author will show you the world through the story. We discover it as we go along and it becomes relevant to our characters, and if we don’t learn everything about it then that’s fine, though we’ve been given enough clues to guess. Consistency is key in this.

By contrast, authors who do it the other way around and build the world in full detail first, usually end up with worse stories. They get lost in their worldbuilding more often than not, their worlds end up so complex they’re inconsistent, and the story gets off-topic. Too much worldbuilding distracts from the story while adding nothing.

(There are of course exceptions to both, and I have more thoughts on this, but overall this has been my experience with fiction. Too much worldbuilding is in fact too much.)

The world should always serve the story, not the other way around.

(Again gonna use GRRM as an example. I don’t give a fuck about Aragorn’s tax policy. It’s not important to the story.)

So, these are my rambly thoughts on how I think.

There’s also the fact that, judging by Twilight and The Host, Meyer is just plain good at worldbuilding. She gets very good ideas, and she’s intelligent enough to successfully implement them into a story (look to Supernatural for an un-intelligent way of impleneting good ideas). And that’s all I ask.

[florvinhara]

my detectives (part 2)

celebrating the end of this semester w infodump part 2 ft luna! (part 1)

Luna [redacted] Kingston

Romances A or M

Age: 27

Birthday: September 12

Star sign: Virgo

Height: 5'3"

Hair: black, wavy and shoulder length w choppy front bangs

Eyes: dark blue

Other appearance details: eyesight is bad enough that she usually wears glasses but she can still mostly see w/out them. long scar on neck from the murphy attack. old scars on knees and elbows (the Klutz special).

Languages: Conversational fluency in lots of them!

Stats:

Charming/Intimidating

Impulsive/Cautious

Sarcastic/Genuine

Friendly/Stoic

Easygoing/Stubborn

Heart/Mind

Optimist/Pessimist

Team player/Independent

Primary skills: Deduction & people

Strengths: Outgoing, kind, trusting, creative thinker, jack of all trades, open-minded, thoughtful, devoted, loyal, strong-willed

Weaknesses: Guilty, flighty, overactive imagination, clumsy, low self-esteem, unfocused, nervous, dishonest, impetuous, irrational at times

Personal:

her middle name is currently [redacted] bc im pretty sure rook's sister is Evil and for the Drama im gonna make luna's middle name the aunt's first name ;) if it turns out the aunt isnt a villain then.... idk maybe she still will be in my heart <3

she's worn glasses since she was 12, but her vision is. Technically good enough that she can mostly get by without them, leading to her always putting them on top of her head and subsequently losing them

in my heart she's an investigative journalist who moved back to wayhaven after sm things went down at her old job that made her want to find out what really happened to rook and reconnect w rebecca, but then got caught up in the murder plot with UB starting book 1, but in the vein of canon, she joined the force to follow in rook's footsteps etc.

she was kind of a weird kid, always daydreaming and making up her own very in-depth games and stories in the corner- she was pretty shy! sometimes she wld write them down and that's what first got her interested in writing

the car is named Tracy and she is a LADY who is doing her best!!!! at this point tracy is a cherished friend, jokes about her being bad will Not be well received >:(

she's very much in her head all the time, smtimes her sentences sort of meander and just go off on tangents and then kind of drift off at the ends

rebecca sent her to boarding school for a while following an Event in luna's childhood that made rebecca feel like wayhaven wasn't safe for the time being, she had lots of fun but that's kind of the time when luna started to worry she'd done smth wrong and that's why rebecca didn't want her around, since she'd kind of blocked out the Incident

many nervous habits! including but not limited to: cleaning her glasses, braiding small strands of her hair, jostling her leg, cracking her knuckles

she is actually v smart! in a book sense at least :0 she's clever and good at solving puzzles, and she remembers a lot of rlly obscure info abt lots of things- look into her eyes and you can basically hear the mii music playing, but she is intelligent!

she loves animals :') walking anywhere with her takes Ages bc she wants to stop and look at birds and if there's a worm on the sidewalk everything comes to a Halt while a rescue operation is performed

rocks!!!!! she's a huge geology nerd and she Loves them sm, fun crystals and pebbles alike :) she collects them all and if you picked one up and asked her abt it she wld know exactly when and where she got it

she hates seasonal music!!!! halloween songs and Especially christmas songs!! she cant explain why but it drives her up. the. wall. during the last few months of the year she's like that gif from community of the woman hitting the guy with a candy cane like "its December 10th!!!" its the one thing about the holidays she doesn't like

lots of her favorite books are from the golden age of detective fiction! she also reads a lot of poetry and history books, and loves nonfiction :D she's a sucker for any book with really in depth worldbuilding and/or a map on the front inside cover- she DID read the entire silmarillion AND enjoy it! she loves animated and stop-motion movies, laika is her Favorite studio and she owns every studio ghibli movie

she loves any food or drink where the main ingredient is sugar <3 catch her eating lucky charms dry straight from the box! she'll only drink coffee if it has like. vanilla or sm other sweet flavoring added to it along with 12 packs of sugar

her sleep schedule.... oh no! she had insomnia even before murphy, and now with the nightmares, it's even worse :( it's ok though! she uses the nighttime to work on art or baking or writing etc.

she listens to lots of indie/folk music- the oh hellos are one of her favorite bands! also she's a big fan of fun pop music- carly rae jepsen, bleachers, hayley kiyoko, HAIM, etc. also smdfnsj she Does listen to lofi music

she's loved chess since she was a kid and often plays against herself or another opponent- she also usually has a puzzle she's working on, and really likes crossword puzzles/sudoku games!

background noise is a Friend <3 it rlly helps her focus!

she loves her potted plants a lot! she has very detailed instructions on how to take care of them and she does talk/sing to them to help them grow

her house Looks minimalist? she values the aesthetic but she cannot commit- open any drawer in her house and you'll find like 7000 receipts she hasn't thrown out yet

she is Sweet but! untapped Rage is there... she has a tendency to bottle things up until one tiny thing makes her Go Off with all the stress and anger she's been holding back :( she Will cry and yell and then be completely horrified and spend the next 3-4 weeks apologizing profusely

she feels bad about. Everything :( she blames herself a lot,, it's easier to tell herself that things are going wrong bc it's her Fault and she did smth wrong rather than accept that it's out of her control

on that subject things with rebecca are Awkward!! they kind of drifted apart and luna feels like she shld have tried harder to keep in touch

her primary love language... probably words of affirmation or physical affection! she's very open w her affections and telling/showing people she loves them (to the extent they're comfortable with it! she prefers to let whoever she's with dictate the pace of the relationship)

if you see her Sleeping on the floor.... just leave her be,, she's sleepy

she is. weirdly lucky at small things and games of chance? catch her being dealt a full house right out of the gate during card games or finding quarters on the street all the time! she wins carnival games like nobody's business <3

absently she knows all the Lucky things to wish on! shooting stars, ladybugs, eyelashes, pennies, 11:11, etc :)

she dresses like. a very specific kind of influencer lowkey, w the oversized t-shirts and jeans ksdfm, the Sweaters/coats, etc.

hot weather does Not spark joy- she owns like 700 fans and loves getting to wear all her cute winter clothes :)

she's not allowed to watch cooking/baking shows unsupervised anymore, following the Incident where she watched one and then spent the entire night building a Giant gingerbread mansion spreading across the floor of her apartment

she deflects. a Lot! not even intentionally really but it just Happens :/ she's naturally a pretty open person but smtimes she just naturally is Not Talking abt it and tries to play things off, especially personal things abt her feelings/reactions to things <3

she is Nervous,, her base level of stress is. kind of up there! surprises Do Not work bc she will just Shriek and drop what she's holding sndfsjn.... it was like that even before murphy but. you know. it's more pronounced now :/

in her heart she is like. a human golden retriever! she's excited!! she wants to be friends!! she's roaming around,, take her for a walk and maybe she will find a cool stick to carry!!

she walks with a little bit of a skip in her step! on her toes a bit so nobody can tell she is Short... (it doesnt work)

[banshee-king]

‘Rise of the Ynnari: Ghost Warrior’ Book Review

So I finished this book a while ago, but I’m only getting to the review now because reasons. Anyway, I’m going to split this review into 4 categories; Characters, Plot, Structure, and Misc. Characters is about the people and personalities of the story, plus character grow/arc and all that. Plot is the events of the story. Structure is the sentence/paragraph/chapter/overall structure of the writing. Misc is special details that should be taken into consideration, in this case, it’s the new lore that this book adds to the whole of 40k, but also how this story fits into the overall narrative of the Ynnari. I guess I’ll each a score out of 5, but I won’t do an average for the total score, since each category isn’t necessarily worth the same, and since some of these categories blur together. Anyway, spoilers ahead…

Characters: 2/5

A little less than halfway though the story, every character is put through a hallucinogenic test by the Harlequins. This test probes at each person’s weakness, which they’ll need to pass for their upcoming quest. The Harlequin Shadowseer prophesised that one would fail their test, and this is foreshadowed to be the Visarch who saw the bloody hand of Khaine, which is a symbol for betrayal. This ‘betrayal’ comes near the end of the book where the Ynnari find Eldanesh’s tomb, where the Warshard of Khaine Guards. The Warshards radiates an aura of bloodthirsty madness, which affects almost all the Ynnari army, including the Visarch. But like, there are hundreds of other Eldar present? Was this really a betrayal if the Visarch was forced, and also wasn’t the only one? Also, nothing amounts to this, the Visarch’s character doesn’t learn anything, other than the fact he lacks the same incredible willpower as the other major characters. All he does is momentarily attack Yvraine for bit. They lose nothing, learn nothing, develop nothing.

As for the Autarch Meliniel, in his test he saw Biel-Tan fall and he had to act but couldn’t do anything. Then when facing the Warshard, he resisted the urges and fought the shard of Khaine. As a reward, he gains the ability to turn into an Avatar of Khaine… despite the fact that a wraithlord also fought the Warshard, Iyanna crippled it by throwing her spear into its neck, and Yvraine did the finishing blow. But yay Meliniel? I have no idea how this relates to his test, or why Khaine would reward an Eldar for resisting him. Wouldn’t Khaine reward an Eldar for giving into their bloody urges? Also, Meliniel does very little of importance throughout the book. His defining moment is leading a couple squads of Eldar against some Genestealer cultists and being forced to flee. Yay for Biel-Tan’s greatest Autarch. Overall, like the Visarch, his personality doesn’t change, he learns nothing, and his character isn’t developed.

Now for Iyanna, she is the best character in this book, and the reason why I give the Characters section 2/5 instead of 1/5. If she were to be the main character, I’d give 2.5/5, but she wasn’t, and her underused role doesn’t make up for everything else. Unlike other characters Iyanna has an actual character arc. She has emotional vulnerability, and an actual character flaw. After loosing her family, she has become incredibly isolated and lonely, yet she won’t admit that to herself. She doesn’t want to face her sadness. This leads to her trusting people she shouldn’t, because she yearns for a new family, a new home. In this book she faces the hurtful truth and accepts the feelings she’s been hiding, she realises that she has a home/family with the Ynnari. This also aligns with the Harlequin’s test she faced earlier, so her story is more coherent than say Meliniel’s. I feel like her story could have been done better, it’s not perfect, but in comparison, Iyanna is so much more interesting than every other character in this book.

And now for Yvraine herself. I actually have a lot to say after thinking about this for a bit, so I’m going to put my thoughts about Yvraine/the Ynnari in a separate post. In short for this review, Yvraine lacks personality, an adequate character arc, she lacks chemistry with the antagonist, and she lacks emotionally investment or impact on the reader. Yvraine was present in this story, that’s it, great, but I honestly wish this entire book had been set through Iyanna’s eyes, because Yvraine’s perspective doesn’t add anything and the page space could have been better spent on Iyanna.

Finally, special mention to Iyasta and Telathaus, Azkahr, and Idraesci Dreamspear, for also being in the book, and having very little purpose whatsoever. I almost forgot they existed. As for the antagonist characters, they work well with Iyanna, Sydari was threatening/intimidating and a good foil for her. Yet they don’t really work well with the rest of the cast. The Warshard was important for the Visarch and Meliniel but wasted on Yvraine and the rest, and overall felt tacked on to the end of the book.

Plot: 2/5

The story of this book is better than Fractures of Biel-Tan, yet I still have some major gripes. My first one was that nothing was really gained. Iyanna’s character was grown and developed, Meliniel got the power to transform into Khaine, but that wasn’t the point. The original goals were to find the fifth Cronesword, and to form an alliance between Iyanden and this new Craftworld. Neither was accomplished. Iyanna reconnecting with her family and getting closure was great and all but it wasn’t on the agenda of the Ynnari’s goals, and this book is meant to be about the Ynnari.

This book suffers from the same problem that so many Eldar books do, it doesn’t seem to understand what its audience wants. The only people reading this are fans of Eldar, so a story that feature two groups of Eldar killing each other isn’t great. A bunch of Eldar die in this, as if they don’t die enough already when they’re the antagonists. Like seriously, there’s a squad of Howling Banshees in this book that did very little and could have nearly survived, but just had to die at the end, because we can’t have an Eldar book without an obligatory Banshee killing.

Like this book kills the Avatar of Khaine twice. TWICE! The first one gets corrupted by Genestealers, and the second one is said to be the greatest shard of Khaine ever, and it stills dies. Like BL now has to get creative with how humiliating they kill off Khaine. I swear they’ll make Khaine die of childbirth before they let him be cool. The fact that this mystical manifestation of the concept of murder and strife is now some toy that Meliniel can activate with the push of a button is even more humiliating. Making Khaine serve Ynnead is also degrading.

Additionally, the whole point of getting Iyanden’s Ghost Warriors to go with the Ynnari was pointless, as was the conflict of getting the noble houses to rally their warriors. In terms of worldbuilding and showing their culture it was fine, but the book could have easily been rewritten to not include them. The Ghost Warriors only show up for one battle near the end, but it’s so one sided, that you could have easily changed it so that the Ynnari won on their own. Iyanna tagging along was fine, but how many pages were wasted on the politics of Iyanden, when it ultimately didn’t go anywhere? Too many characters had plotlines that didn’t go anywhere, too much time was spent worldbuilding things that didn’t matter to this story, just too much stuff could have been cut out in general.

Structure: 2.5/5

Again, this book is better than say ‘Fracture of Biel-Tan’, but it’s not great. It’s more coherent/straightforward, the descriptions of things and locations were good, dialogue was fine, but the pacing was a little weird. They don’t reach Zaisuthra until halfway through the book, despite being the main focus, and the plotlines that go nowhere don’t help. The battle between the Ynnari and the Zaisuthrans is also incredibly short and is glossed over too much for my liking. I just feel unsure what this book was trying to showcase. If this book was exploring Iyanden or Iyanna than so many chapters feel pointless. If Yvraine was to be the main focus than why was so much time spent elsewhere. Meliniel feels like he should be a major character, yet he has such a small presence, and none of his scenes seem connected to his final test against the Warshard.

I mean this book is called Ghost Warrior, but it features them so little. Spiritseer would have been a batter choice in my opinion. I just feel like this book was messy, and the overall story would have been so much more concise if it wasn’t trying to show all these characters/worlds, without actually putting the time in to do them properly.

Yet my worst complain has to be the second person intro. I really didn’t like the introduction to this book that spoke directly to me the reader. I want to escape into this fictional world, not have a conversation with the author. When it talks about tales too complex to retell here, or asks if I would doubt the reliability of the narrator, it just annoys me. I don’t need to be told “we join Yvraine in the garden of Nurgle”, just show me it. Another striking moment was when the Ynnari landed on Zaisuthra, and the book basically said “imagine that there was suitable festivities because I can’t be bothered describing it”. Like, this book’s structure is fine, acceptable, but it’s nothing to write home about.

Miscellaneous: 2.5/5

Although I complained about the worldbuilding not feeling like it belonged in this story, or dragged down the pacing, it was good. I liked the snippets of lore we get from this book, I like the portrayal of Iyanden and Zaisuthra. I really don’t like the entire plotline of the Warshard however, I wish it didn’t exist, and I’m not looking forwards to seeing that in other books.

However, this book also added questions to things I thought I understood before, and that’s not good. Although I’m still going to mark it off against this book for complicating a matter that wasn’t complicated before, I’d like someone to answer this for me, do the Eldar still worship their gods? Specifically Craftworld Eldar here, because this book pointed out how strange it was for the Zaisuthran’s to still be worshipping the “Old Gods” like Asuryan, Isha, or Vaul. Yet they don’t worship Cegorach apparently? I know they wouldn’t worship Ynnead because he’s so new, but I’m now confused as to who worships what. Like Iyanna thinks the Gods abandoned them in the War of Heaven, and the Ynnari don’t care when destroyed Zaisuthra about crushed the monuments to dead gods. Yet is Craftworld Iybraesil and Yme-Loc not dedicated to Morai-Heg and Vaul respectively?

I’m so confused. I enjoy the little bits of worldbuilding in this book, but the Warshard and perhaps this… I just… if GW has made the Craftworld Eldar atheists, I’m going to be so pissed.

Conclusion:

This book is bad. I really want to like the Ynnari and Yvraine, but there’s just so many problems. Like I don’t even think this book is that well written. Even if you want to know about the Ynnari, this book doesn’t add much that the others don’t. I don’t even give that much insight into the Ghost Warriors. Read if you want to learn about Iyanna, otherwise just skip in my opinion. =/

[alexistitania]

TOKYO GHOUL ENDED AND I AM EMOTIONAL

Like, it legitimately ended. That’s it. No Part 3. I mean there IS material for potential Part 3 but this is the definitive closure to the story. 

AND GUESS WHAT? IT AIN’T A TRAGEDY?!

I know people are always gonna be divided on this, like I’m seeing actual hate in the tag, and I guess that’s to be expected, this always happens when a popular series is ending. But I don’t think this particular ending deserves so much hate, and hopefully there are more people who are happy with it. Personally, I will FOREVER be thankful for this chapter! It’s not perfect, but then again, no ending is. Yes, it could’ve wrapped up more loose ends, but I think it did enough. What’s more important is that it’s not bad (in MY opinion ok chill thanks). No, it’s SO far from bad! For me, it’s an overall GREAT ending, more or less along the lines of how I always imagined TG ending. I just never really believed it WOULD end this way, like I was legit afraid Ishida would go for the tragedy thing instead, but hey, thanks anime gods! 

I think most people expected a tragic ending with Kaneki dying and everything being hopeless or bittersweet at most, but we actually got an extremely pure and happy chapter, with a neat bow on top, and I for one am LOVING it! Because I’ve been following TG since 2014, and I’ve wanted a happy ending for Kaneki and all of these characters for so long, and now I’m finally getting the payoff for all those years of suffering, don’t TOUCH ME I AM FRAGILE! 

It still feels kinda weird though, seeing genuinely happy things happen in this manga, it’s like a dream I never thought would come true, but it did! Obviously, you can’t please everyone, and there will always be people who will hate this ending because they envisioned it differently, but I think at the very least the ending shouldn’t ruin the rest of the story, for anyone! Of course, people will have to take some time to recover before they decide exactly how they feel about the series after its ending, but I mean, we all stayed for the ride, didn’t we? And although this final arc - for whatever reason - felt rushed toward the end and stuff, I think Ishida made the most out of the final chapter, considering where the previous chapter left off!

So we have TSC instead of CCG now, and good riddance, I hated that organization lol, although I loved a lot of the characters who were a part of it. I really like how it’s emphasized in this chapter that nothing is really over yet, the fight still continues. The difference is that there’s a new enemy of both humans and ghouls now. As expected, for the two species to finally coexist, a mutual enemy was necessary. But even though a lot of ghouls are now living peacefully with humans, thanks to the two races’ joint effort, it’s not like everyone is willing to make peace. Speaking of peace, I like how we have the title “peacekeepers” now instead of investigators (it reminds me of one of the home worlds from the Spyro the Dragon game, but that’s just my own nostalgia speaking), although it’s just in Tokyo, because apparently, other branches of CCG are still active and fighting the ghouls that are disrupting the peace. Hopefully the investigators have a new policy now, and they don’t attack friendly ghouls nowadays. Of course, there are always gonna be bad feelings from both sides, but hopefully the hostility isn’t as strong anymore. I actually wish the chapter had gone into a bit more depth and explained the nature of an investigator’s job in this new world, since some of the characters we know stayed investigators, but oh well.

Basically, both species have obviously made incredible progress in the past six years, but it’s not all flowers and rainbows, not EVERYONE is happy with this new world. And that’s so very like real life. What I think is great about this chapter is how it builds this new society as broadly as possible, and tries to explain as much as possible from different angles, because so many things have changed, it’s practically entirely new worldbuilding. It’s surely only a glimpse of what this new world looks like, but I believe it’s as detailed as the 30-page format allows. And I actually LIKE how we aren’t given everything, I feel like that’s very much Ishida’s style, leaving some things open. Because, nothing is really concluded, this fictional world didn’t just magically reach Nirvana, nor did it completely crumble down; it’s just transformed, it’s still transforming, PANTA RHEI MY DUDES! The overall theme of this chapter goes perfectly with the message of Kaneki’s speeches about the world and the never-ending change. I just really, REALLY like how the chapter emphasizes that constant change. And I like how you get this sense of cause & consequence from the chapter, as it’s made very clear that, while the Dragon war was definitely horrible, it actually allowed for new technologies to develop, which ultimately led to a better world, a changed world. We’re definitely meant to see this chapter as a closure, or actually more of an afterword, but we’re also urged to realize this is not the end of the story; the story goes on, and we were only shown a fragment of it. Like, that’s real poetic stuff right there my man.

Now, I also have a few things to say about some of the characters featured in the chapter. There are so many, I can’t even remember half of what was said about most of them, although I reread the chapter three times. It’s just extremely text-heavy. So I’ll just list the things that were important to me personally, mostly the things concerning the main characters. Otherwise, this post would get waaaay too long.

We actually got these little notes about pretty much every character I can think of (man this manga has so many CHARACTERS), telling us what all of them have been up to during the six-year timeskip. My only real complaint is that there was no mention of Eto, even though the previous chapter didn’t really bother to explain what exactly happened to her. It would’ve been fine if she’d never even come back at all, but this way, it kinda feels like the author just forgot to mention her lol. Maybe I’m just reading too much into it, it’s probably just that when the Dragon died, so did she. I was also hoping for a Rize mention, since she was such an important figure in Kaneki’s life, but at least we got a mention of the Washuu clan. And that was actually really sad, but it’s a fitting outcome, the main branch going extinct. Because first Furuta died, and then Rize shortly after, although her destiny had already been sealed much earlier. The fate of these two, and especially Rize, foreshadowed this outcome; Rize & Furuta equals Washuu inside the narrative, and when they disappeared, the Washuu they symbolized had to disappear as well.

Ok, I lied, I have another real complaint, and it actually bugged me much more than the lack of Eto mention. And that is, we only got a cameo of Akira and Amon, and no textual explanation of what was going on with them. We actually didn’t even see their faces, when literally 384576 other minor characters made an appearance. Like, they’re super major characters, what’s up with that? I guess we’re just supposed to assume they got married and lived happily ever after, but other than that, what else? Like what do they even do these days? Even just one sentence for both of them would’ve sufficed, and I really hope it’s included in the volume version of the chapter. Like, it didn’t really ruin the chapter for me, but I kinda felt like I was left hanging. And they deserved to have their faces shown one last time for closure, why all the mystery? They were both pretty important in the final arc too. Maybe we’ll get an omake about them in the final volume, who knows, but they still should’ve been shown in the last chapter. Well, I’ll admit it IS kinda poetic how we only see their backs and how it’s implied they live peacefully nowadays, and this closure IS kinda fitting for them, but still, I’m a little salty. Another thing I felt was missing was a note about Touka. I was really looking forward to learning where she ended up, other than being a mother and a wife. I mean, it’s still amazing that she was blessed enough to be able to have a normal life with her family, but the girl also wanted to do things. So yeah, it’s another thing that I hope will be added in the volume version. 

Other than that.... I think pretty much everyone else was mentioned, but then again, I am not a machine and I’m pretty sure I’m forgetting a lot of characters already, so I’ll just talk about what really made me happy personally. I really liked how the narrator of this chapter was Hide, it allowed for a kind of outside look at the very end of the story. It wouldn’t be the same if it were Kaneki who was narrating, and anyway, having slept for weeks, he wouldn’t even be able to tell us the full story of the events that took place right after the Dragon war. Hide was the perfect choice for the narrator, because he’s so involved with everyone and everything. We even got Hide’s very summarized backstory, and although I believe he deserved to be exposed more thoroughly much earlier, I’m thankful Ishida didn’t completely forget about it, and that he told us basically all we needed to know. It would’ve been nice to know more, since Hide is one of the main characters, he could’ve been given a more meaningful backstory, but as it stands now, it seems that his story isn’t really crucial to his character or the series overall, so I guess I’ll take it. One thing that made me extremely happy about Hide’s ending is that he’s literally travelling and changing the world, he’s like some kind of hero history books will talk about. That’s the ending Hide deserved! And DAMN, he deserved to stay Kaneki’s friend for the rest of his life! They’re finally together, and together they’ll stay, and my heart is so full right now! Oh and another thing. I’m pretty sure the part of the translation where it says Hide was adopted by fatherS was just a typo or a mistranslation, since there is no plural form of nouns in the Japanese language (so you can’t always tell if it’s father or fathers), but it was nice believing Hide had gay dads for a while, even if it was a short while lol rip.

I like what Tsukiyama ended up doing, he’s helping rebuild the society and his family, basically being super important and leading the entire ghoulkind, more or less. The boy will go down in history! I knew he had it in him, his character growth has been incredible, and he’s finally getting the recognition he deserves! But I still think wedding planning would’ve been the ideal career choice for him.... Also, the way he spoils Touken’s daughter later in the chapter is ADORABLE! And he has different hairstyles in these two scenes, I like the second one better. And there’s Banjou, awww he’s also a really important figure now, I’m happy for him! Old man Marude got a new hairstyle too, and a beard, why am I not surprised? And he’s still the boss, so that’s cool. Ah, Kiyoko being such a forever single mood lmao. Ui boy’s doing his best and I am proud of him, but he’s missing his girlfriend rip... As for Hirako, damn, the boy looks so distant, I hope he’s doing ok. Well, he’s finally living a normal life, even if he’s detaching himself from his comrades. And wow Yusa really out here at the top of his game, both his career and his looks, damn. 

The Qs also got their own satisfactory endings, I believe. I nearly sobbed at Urie searching for Shirazu’s body, this boy’s amazing development and how he constantly goes back to Shirazu in his mind has seriously cost me a few years of life. And then him visiting Shirazu’s grave, with Shirazu’s sister there! I was hoping to see her, we finally know what her condition is, and can sleep peacefully knowing Shirazu would be so incredibly happy that she’s all up and healthy again! It’s kinda sad how Mutsuki seems to not be around as much, but at least he chose his own path that hopefully fulfills him. And it’s super sweet how he sends Touka apples, like I was totally not expecting that, but I am so glad they are on good terms now and Mutsuki is doing much better emotionally and mentally. Also, I was totally expecting like a Moment™ between Mutsuki and Urie but I guess not lol... I don’t really like actively ship it, but I like their relationship, they could have gotten more of a wrap-up, so there’s that I guess... And then there’s Saiko, who has just... become so beautiful? Like what the hell, she’s just so gosh darn pretty? And is apparently living her best life, so you go Saiko! And she’s such a CUTIE when they’re visiting Touken family, calling Touka “mama-wife” and everything, baby you are my ANGEL!

And then comes the Suzuya squad, and they’re all doing fantastic, bless. And then Suzuya and Shinohara and I jUST! I’ve been waiting for this scene for so long, and I am SO glad it didn’t just happen off-panel during the timeskip! We actually got to see it, got to experience it first-hand, the full emotional impact of it! And let me tell you, this is the scene that FINALLY made me sob! Wtf so many years of suffering paid off, and Suzuya crying at the top of his lungs, but out of happiness, paralleling that panel where he was crying out of despair in Part 1 of the manga? I’M CRYING! AND THEN! Suzuya’s also like the literal star of this whole TSC project, YOU GO LITTLE MAN! AND THEN! And then Naki and Miza, and just... WOW! Miza, how much D can you even take?? NINE KIDS??? I mean good for you, I love you both, but DAMN! Man, I’m just so happy they’re both alive, I seriously thought Naki was a goner until a few weeks ago, so seeing him and Miza happily together like this is so surreal. And then we have another very important ship, Nishiki and Kimi, and damn Nishiki is either having a bad hair day or that’s simply a bad haircut lol. Like dude seriously, go back to the fantastic hairstyle you were rocking before. But anyway, I’m so happy seeing him and Kimi together and MARRIED? BLESS! Been waiting for that for literal years! Kimi is doing such an amazing job, helping create a more peaceful society, even though she’s using her boyfriend as test subject in the process lol. LOOK AT MY GIRL CHIE YO! She be going PLACES! SEIDOU! DUDE! Why you gotta be an Edgelord like that, please come back! Well, he’s probably too broken to fit into this new society, so he’s working out ways to live his life the best he can, helping in his own way. But don’t make such a sad face Seidou! I was hoping to see a bit more of him, but I guess we’re not meant to know much. He’s a loner, a mystery even for the readers. 

And now... AYAHINA IS CANON MY DUDES! THAT IS ALL! Listen, I don’t even like... hardcore ship it, but it’s just plain obvious, it’s just right THERE! Hinami is playful, Ayato is tsundere, and love is in the air! PEACE! Also, Ayato sure saved his brother-in-law’s ass back there, just like we’d hoped he would, he really does care! Hinami is a teacher *sobs* Kaneki you taught her well, and Ayato’s this cool Main guy, look how far he’s come! I’m just so happy for both of them, I’ve been rooting for these kids for so long, Hinami is finally free from all her burdens and is genuinely Happy, and being Ayato is no longer suffering, can y’all believe??? And then we have Yoriko and Takeomi and a new addition to their family, how precious is that! Now, I would’ve liked for those notes about each character to say something about Yoriko’s relationship with Touka, I mean they were best girlfriends! And their friendship was kinda huge, I think it deserved at least a mention. Just something like “She visits Touka regularly” would’ve been enough. Ishida probably just forgot lol, the poor man, having to think about so many characters and their entire lives, I don’t blame him for just randomly forgetting to include some things. I just think this is one of those things that are kinda hard to forget, considering how meaningful this friendship was for Touka, and how it even played a big role in the final arc of the manga. But hey, maybe there’s hope that it’ll be included in the volume version lol. Or maybe in the omake! Ishida you have the opportunity to give us such pure, domestic omake, you’ve never failed us before, do your magic! 

YOMO!!! RIBBONS! YOMO WITH RIBBONS IN HIS HAIR!!!!!! This transcends all the levels of adorable of anything ever! We were right, Yomo is the most doting uncle in existence, and it’s all I ever wanted! And damn, he still bangable af. AND THE SMOL TOUKEN BABY! Well, she’s actually like six now, BUT BABY! THE TOUKEN BABY IS A GIRL is this Ishida spoiling the shippers again? And she looks like a tiny Haise, can y’all believe?! Even Haise practically made a cameo, through this precious child. Amazing. I guess she has no name, so we’ll just keep calling her Pleasure-chan, sorry baby, it’s your parents’ fault. And I guess the Clowns are just doing their thing as usual. Clowns always have the last laugh, so of course this new society has nothing on them, they’re just laughing at everything and gathering for drinking games on Friday nights. Uta is still the Sasuke to Yomo’s Naruto, I guess some things never change. 

AND THEN TOUKA MY LOVE! She looks so pretty, so beautiful, so dazzling, so fresh! I am so happy for her and so proud! She finally has a peaceful home and a happy family she’s always dreamed of having, IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES! And on top of that, she has all these amazing friends who come to visit her! So many good things for my favorite character, thank you Ishida for my live! Again, I would’ve liked to know more about what she’s doing in life, but I can still hope the omake will tell me that lol. I’m just satisfied knowing she’s living her absolute best life, after struggling so much through life, suffering from such an early age, having to deal with abandonment issues her entire life, and then selflessly waiting, AND IT PAID OFF MY GIRL IT ALL PAID OFF! 

AND THEN COMES OUR BOY! OUR BOY! The lonely boy who has gone through so much pain, lived his own tragedy for most of his life, never even imagining he would ever find joy or fulfillment or that he would ever heal. YET HERE HE IS! HERE IS THAT BOY WHO ONLY WANTED TO GO ON A DATE BUT GOT HIS LIFE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN INSTEAD! And now his life is finally, FINALLY fixed and things are OKAY and he is so LOVED and has a FAMILY! And yes, he’s definitely not 100% ok, and he never will be, but he has matured so much and come so far in life, he’s able to at least be at peace with himself and live a somewhat normal life. IT’S WHAT HE DESERVES! Like, I know we were all expecting Kaneki to face the consequences of his actions. From the narrative point of view, it seemed logical. But looking at it now, it wasn’t really necessary. Kaneki’s already learned his lesson. And he’s not living a life free of burdens either. He’s still an active part of the collective effort to recreate the world, and the chapter gave us a glimpse into his mind and his feelings. He is still unsure and conflicted, and it’s frustrating not being able to do anything, but he has to live with it. Finally, Kaneki has to settle for “there are things I cannot do”. He has to settle for a new and different life, and learn to live with himself and everything his actions caused. The consequences follow him every day, in the form of this new conflict. He has already suffered enough, is torturing him more really that necessary, just because he’s “the tragic protagonists”? Characters have gotten away with worse things, just saying. Also, judging from the marks on his face and neck, it seems he’s still having some trouble with his RC levels and healing and stuff, I just hope it doesn’t affect his body in bad ways. I mean he’s damaged his body so many times, it would be unrealistic not to expect consequences, but at least it’s not serious. Otherwise it would’ve been addressed. I mean, judging from Touka’s round tummy, it appears he managed to fill her up yet again, so yeah, he fine. (All the condom jokes can end now, Touka and Kaneki are nothing compared to Naki and Miza.)

In the end, Kaneki’s story ends on a positive, hopeful note, although still somewhat bittersweet. And it pulls the whole narrative, with all the other characters’ individual stories, along with it. The cycle of tragedy is finally broken. And personally, I just couldn’t be happier! I’ve been hoping for this kind of ending for so long, I literally never really wanted a tragic ending! And don’t give me that “Happy ending = Bad ending” NAH! You can’t deny that happy endings can be good if written right! It’s true that the general profile of Tokyo Ghoul screams “TRAGEDY” but that’s exactly why I think this ending is a beautiful twist! You might have expected it, you might have not, but it’s certainly a neat contrast to the rest of the story, but instead of ruining the “vibe” imo it worked unexpectedly well! Now, if your problem doesn’t lie with the type of ending we got, but the execution of it, then I guess we’re just not on the same page lol...

Now, this ending certainly wasn’t 100% happy, which is GREAT, but it’s still very hopeful and kind of bittersweet. All in all, I’d say it’s a beautifully positive closure to an incredibly sad story. It gives a positive message, that things can sometimes work out even if life seems hopeless. We may not always have control over it, but we can damn well do our very best! And it’s not unrealistic, it’s just real life! And it’s not your typical “happily ever after “ type of ending either, because, as I said earlier, the story isn’t actually over! The author simply decided to stop telling it at this particular point. And by teasing some future events, he made this chapter feel not just like an ending, but also a new beginning, a very hopeful one at that. And one that leaves infinite possibilities for potential Part 3, if Ishida ever feels like writing one, though right now I doubt it. I think he’s done with this series, and what an amazing job he’s done, for seven years! 

Well, I think that’s probably all I wanted to say lol. My emotions are all over the place and I’m practically slamming my keyboard in excitement right now, so I’m probably forgetting a lot of other thoughts that were going through my mind as I was reading the chapter. But this encapsulates most of it, probably.

Tokyo Ghoul has been one of my main fandoms for four years now, and I’m so thankful for all the time and effort Ishida put into this work! It’s so unique and means a lot to me! It has helped me through some tough times in life (which is probably hard to believe since the story itself is sad but yeah...), so seeing that all the suffering wasn’t in vain, and that it all led to THIS, is just so amazingly fulfilling and satisfying!

Thank you for everything Ishida-sensei, get some rest now!

[writer-and-artist27]

3, 4, 8, 11, 12, 13, 15, 18, 22, 23, 24, and 25 for the get to know your author ask?

Ahhhh! An ask! Thank you, anon. :) Anyways, let’s do this!

3.) What order do you write in? Front of book to back? Chronological? Favorite scenes first? Something else?

Considering my working on both Civilian Pianist and The Sea and Stars, I’ll have to say it depends. For CP, I tend to write from front of book to back in terms of the order, with chronological stuff coming with it, but with interludes and so on, I’ve had to delve into the timeline for the sake of consistency. I usually collaborate with Josh and Leo in that regard when it comes to keeping things on track. 

For S&S though? I try to do the same, just with sprinkles of many conversations with Lang and by extension, Beta, on keeping the CYB elements true to some extent (big ones being Kei and a lot of the CYB characters). Sometimes, this leads to me writing favorite scenes first, but then they go into storage for me to figure out for later. Most of the time, it’s still chronological first.

4.) Favorite character you’ve written

I’m actually going to exclude Tomoko from this question considering she is me to an extent. But for actual original characters barring influence like that, Hisako and Judai have been my favorites, with Hisako basically being able to say a lot of things that Tomoko just doesn’t say or won’t, and Judai being that funny, protective-yet-lenient dad I thought he might’ve been had Canon GX gone that way. A runner-up for this category is actually CP Kakashi though, since writing his floundering throughout the entire process of figuring out his feelings for Tomoko have been amusing. :d

8) Favorite genre to write

Emotional fluff. That’s all I can use to describe it. There’s a reason why a lot of early CP had so much hug-inducing fluff, and aside from me getting used to writing for Naruto in general, I enjoy writing those moments of lighthearted joy that Tomoko has when seeing friends (which in a way has shown up again and again in S&S whenever she hugs Kei). It’s only with CP going into arcs such as the Chunin Exams and everything leading up to Kannabi that adding in the emotion really got me going because of how emotionally open I myself can be. 

11) What aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?

Hm… that’s hard to say since there are still moments where I go to early CP and think, “Holy crap, I wrote that?!” in an incredulous voice before rereading again and realizing, “Hey, this is kinda cute.” But for the aspect I’ve improved in the most, I would like to think I did a lot in the fight scene and rising-action/tension categories. Early CP had so much fluff, it was easy to accidentally lose people in it. But when getting into the hard-hitters, well, they hit hard with my most recent work, so I’m proud to look back at those chapters and pat myself on the back for making them.

12) Your weaknesses as an author

Ah. This question. Well, I can only think of two:

Falling back on others a little too often when my writing muse comes to a screeching halt (I mean, Lang’s seen a lot of my stuff when I’ve floundered to the point where I’m surprised she still likes reading my stuff, and there have been many moments where I held myself back from calling Josh and Leo for the sake of trying to figure something out on my own)

Missing commas and em dashes (basically “—”). This is yet another reason why early CP is kinda on the love-hate category for me, because past me missed so many commas. Argh.

13) Your strengths as an author

Just one I can think of:

Delving into the emotions of the character I’m writing in. Even if I struggle with understanding the character in some way (e.g. Kei since she is Lang’s OC, not mine, so she’s harder to write for), getting into their minds and showing the emotion that can come from them is my specialty somehow. Whether it’s because I’m so emotionally open in real life, or just me trying to understand the motivations of the people around me, it shows in CP and S&S really well to where I’m proud (and also kinda mortified) when reviewers comment saying that they’ve cried. Definitely have come a long way from last year, even if I still flounder from embarrassment at seeing my early stuff.

15) Why did you start writing?

I can only really think of a few reasons. Hope you don’t mind the long text post. *scratches head* Then again, you’ve come this far, and I’m grateful. :)

To convey an idea I really wanted to write that no one had really done so far. I’ve said before that CP started with the question of “What if Kakashi had a best friend?”, and that still stands. Adding in how there are very few Civilian OCs that I’ve seen in the Naruto fandom, along with the low coverage of civilians in Naruto in general, that was one factor.

Lang inspired me. Simple as that. Catch Your Breath literally caught my heart when I discovered it in the summer of 2015 (at least, I think it was 2015, I can’t fully remember), and when seeing Kei, I wanted to try writing something along the lines of that too. Not to mention, it’s because of Lang that I got back into Naruto, and I can’t thank her enough. 

Silver Queen’s Dreaming of Sunshine made me see beyond fanfiction again. Shikako caught my heart just as much as Kei.

I wanted to reflect on the growth I’ve done so far as a person. There’s a reason aside from angst as to why I had Vy die at age 18 to the point of it affecting Tomoko in her new life, since so much has happened since then. I’m still attending college, figuring things out little by little, but Tomoko is essentially that self-reflection that I never got to do until now. And seeing how I could’ve been while also exploring the current me in writing has been very much worth it.

I wanted to see what it was like. Posting on Fanfiction and all. Cross-posting on other sites (including AO3) was never really my thing, and my old FFN profile was just sitting on the website, dusty and all after a few select reviews for an old fanfic a friend was doing, so I just dusted it off and got to work.

18) Were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? What were they?

Yes, there were. No doubt about that. For fanfic stuff…

Catch Your Breath. Still my main inspiration to this day. 

Dreaming of Sunshine, especially since it started the whole SI-OC genre in general.

Deja vu no Jutsu, for the worldbuilding and the limits that a writer can surpass (since Vixen Tail wrote a lot to take in, and it’s hard when your brain’s not hardwired for binging), and

Inoue Shiori by Hermionechan90. This was actually the first ever Civilian OC fic for Naruto I ever read, and after seeing Shiori’s accomplishments and her realm in the shinobi world, it got me thinking.

As for books…

Dan Brown’s Robert Langdon series. For the mystery and attention to historical detail.

Robert Galbraith/JK Rowling’s The Cuckoo’s Calling and following books in the Cormoran Strike series, for being a mystery series that I found myself loving.

22) Are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?

Sex scenes or anything related to smut, period. First, because I’m a demisexual person and the idea of Tomoko doing that kind of stuff equals “WHAT.” 

(Not helped by how Hisako is my spiritual avatar in the sense of protecting the girl, just because she’s so precious to me and the idea of her doing that equals O^O). 

And secondly… well, those CP fans who have seen Chapter 21 and my later “Announcement” chapter will easily understand why. For others, let’s just say I’m not as protected from society’s stuff as it might seem. I’ve seen some uncomfy stuff too, and it’s hard. 

23) Any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?

I feel like this is a weird answer, but strangely, my interactions with the older members of my family factor into this. The reason why I personally feel Judai and Hikari are so powerful in CP’s narrative (and not just because they’re honoring my original fanfiction roots in trying to write for Yugioh GX or their being our main heroine’s parents) is because my real Mom and Dad are personally involved in my life. I try to keep them updated every day I can, they help me whenever they can, and it’s been a mutually beneficial and loving relationship. I’ve seen my parents falter and worry, as Judai and Hikari have in-story, while also having a first-hand idea of how even adults in a child’s life can make mistakes (considering how things in life can be - my parents coming from Vietnam more so). So, having them in my life really helped in fleshing out the adult figures in Tomoko’s life, Judai and Hikari included.

24) Have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?

I would like to say ‘yes’ to this, but for once, I don’t think I can. I’ve had to research things to the point of knowing the subject matter better (e.g. wartimes in Naruto, looks into the psychological state that Tomoko might have, etc), but I still had outside help in the form of Josh, Leo, and by extension, Lang, Beta, and Abalisk. So I can’t call myself an expert. But considering how a lot of my stories have been rooted in emotion, I think I’m in fair territory.

25) Copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud of.

Oooh. Well, I don’t want to say too much, but an entire snippet for you, anon! This is all thanks to you~ :D 

The following scene was actually something I wrote while I was on my summer road trip, thinking it would be for the aftermath of S&S Chapter 13 (where the Drunk Guy incident happened, just with a better ending in the final version), but after some convos with Lang, Beta, and Leo, this specific scene ended up being scrapped (especially since Tomoko was saved much earlier than in CP, with the culprit not even being able to touch her). That doesn’t mean I still don’t like it - no - I just feel bad that I wasn’t able to include this!

Being set up to rest in my room for most of the day felt almost suffocating. Even if I knew it was for my own good.

Apparently trying to cook pancakes on my own after a long night seemed to not be the best idea I had in mind. Even if it sounded good at the time.

I gave everyone I knew such a bad scare last night, I had thought making them breakfast would be a good way to cheer them up. Instead, everyone was clamoring towards me, bustling me back into bed without even letting me finish cooking.

If I wasn’t physically a child already, this said more than enough.

Trying to sleep was difficult though. I wasn’t sure whether it was because of the endless stream of thoughts going through my head about what had happened and what I should be doing now or the state of my throat (which Kei did try to tend to again this morning before putting me back into my futon), but my eyes just couldn’t close. Sure, I could blink, but actually falling asleep didn’t seem like an option.

So instead, I was left staring up at the ceiling, counting the number of tiles up there while occasionally testing my voice with some light singing. Needless to say, it didn’t go so well.

“Haaa… haagh.”

I could’ve been a wheezing teapot if I didn’t know any better.

At least a notebook and pencil was left in reaching distance for me to use if I wanted to talk. My throat seemed to not be happy with me if I tried anyways.

I was already reaching 30 tiles when the door opened. Without even sitting up, I knew it was Kei from the casual sleepwear and messy black bedhead alone, walking in with a tray of food.

“You doing alright there, Tomo?” she said, voice quiet but still recognizable.

With my voice gone, I could only really nod and put on the best smile I could offer.

It was a broken smile, but a smile nonetheless.

But judging by Kei’s face, she didn’t believe the smile or me. Instead, she locked the door behind her, walked over to set the food to my right side and then hung her head. She wasn’t looking at me, but I could tell she was disturbed about something.

Then, she looked up at me with resolute eyes. “… I think I’ll ask Minato-sensei if I can take a break from missions.”

My heart froze.

Whether or not my panic showed on my face, Kei seemed to notice it enough and shook her head. “I know what you’re thinking, Tomo. This is the time of the Third Shinobi World War, and I should get some more experience out there before Kannabi happens.”

I nodded my head as fast as I could, not even caring that my hair was slapping my face while doing so.

“But Tomo, you didn’t see it.” Kei took a breath, and I didn’t miss how her hands clenched the sides of my blanket. “You didn’t feel your own chakra when it happened.”

Now I was feeling confused. In my funk, I sat up and reached over to grab the notebook, flipping to the first blank page to scribble. It took a few moments, but by the time I looked up at her again, Kei was inclining her head at me in confusion once I turned the notebook over in her direction.

What do you mean, Kei? What does my chakra have to do with this?

“Tomo…” Kei then sighed, reaching over to poke my head. “Tomo, Tomo, Tomo.” With each repetition of my new nickname, she poked my forehead, and I found myself getting a bit irritated. “I’m a sensor, remember? And even if you’re okay now, you didn’t feel your chakra when you got attacked yesterday. You… You didn’t know how close you were to… well.” She paused, looking up at me again and I couldn’t miss the amount of emotion rolling through her eyes. “I almost lost you yesterday, Tomo.”

Oh. I opened my mouth, then closed it. The throbbing in my throat was becoming more obvious.

What am I supposed to say right now?

“I-I can’t…” Kei clenched her fists again as she looked down. “That can’t happen again. Until everything boils down, I want to be there for you if any bastards target you again.”

I could only find myself mouthing Kei’s name before closing my mouth again.

What was I supposed to say?

I glanced down at my own hands before the lightbulb went off. Then, I turned to another page in the notebook, scribbling again. Near me, I could hear Kei’s confused grunt at my actions. I was honestly hoping what I was writing was enough to reassure her.

Kei needed to hear my opinion at least. Even if I couldn’t physically voice it.

When I finally turned the page over in her direction, I tried to hide my own gulp.

I’ll be okay. I’m not fully alright now, but I’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about me, Kei. You should focus on your training and your work so that this doesn’t happen again.

I’ll be alright.

Once Kei finished scanning my message, she looked up at me with softened eyes before reaching over. The last thing I was expecting was for her to push my notebook down into my lap before pulling me into a hug. “Tomo, you’re not fine at all. And it’s okay for you to rely on friends sometimes, y’know.”

I opened my mouth again, only to close it.

A hand started to run through my hair. “You’re my friend, Tomo, so let me be here for you. Please.”