#allos stop clowning on aro posts challenge (difficulty: MEGA IMPOSSIBLE)

[panictimesfour]

way to miss the entire fucking point of the post. did you even read it or did you just ignore the entire third paragraph?

I dislike it because it's a product of a sex-negative society that deems queer people to be disgusting sex pests and instead of going "that's fucked up because there's nothing wrong with sex" people go "that's fucked up because we're not like those dirty disgusting predators who want sex without romance (coughalloaroscough)".

I dislike it because arophobia is rampant in the queer community and people will throw us under the bus for points and have. (Stonewall UK posted a tweet acknowledging aros during aro week and other queer people called us predators and implied we were cishet invaders)

I dislike it because the word love is shoved onto aros and whenever we say "please don't" people just redefine it to force it on us.

(paragraph breaks and bold added to highlight certain parts and for readability)

your entire first paragraph is really just...proving ops point. i dont want to have to spell out just how stupid your reasoning is, so please, read it again, and use those reading comprehension skills you learnt in school, please.

it's fucking insufferable how when we talk about how love is almost exclusively seen as a romantic thing, allos have to barge in and say "um ackshually love isnt just romantic! maybe ur the arophobic one! gotcha!" like we don't ALL know that friends, family and the warmth of the sun are not the first thing that comes to mind when someone mentions love. stop it. stop being pendantic. we all know you're doing it just to do it.

Love is love is not conflating gay couples with straight couples it's highlighting the infinite capacity of love and how it makes us like one another. That we all in some capacity desire human connection, friendship, care, and love.

uh huh...you do realise that this is just blatantly untrue, right? humans are very capable of liking something without loving it. human connection, friendship and care are also entirely possible without love. i wouldn't say i love the old lady who lives across the street from me and teaches me to sew in exchange for some baked treats, but i sure do appreciate her friendship and care about her.

as for the "infinite capacity of love", please. don't make me laugh. love is like hatred, anger, sadness or happiness - an emotion. i suppose you could argue that all emotions possess infinite capacity - i won't argue with you on that - but then it is not unique in it either. love is morally neutral. it can lead to good things and wonderful memories. it can also be the cause of intense suffering and abuse. i mean, there is no hate quite like christian love, am i right? they merely want to save us from the eternal suffering of hell.

i could go on but i feel like abuse and violence stemming from love is kind of its own post and i dont want to derail op tooooooo much. suffice to say, you need a little nuance, and you have to look at their actions from their own point of view. nobody thinks of themself as the villain.

Queer spaces are so centered around casual sex now a days, I wonder in what ways an aro person would feel left out?

...you do realise that casual sex is really only acceptable in your teens and early twenties, right? even ignoring all the romantic expectations and stereotypes surrounding fuck buddies, you're still expected to settle down with a permanent partner by 30. less and less people are up for casual sex as you get older. a 50 year old who wants casual sex is 1) looked down upon, and 2) has almost no options barring sex work, which is its own can of worms.

oh, and let's not forget the age-old favourite: "what the fuck is queer about men using women for sex?"

i dont even want to get into that one honestly.

I dislike the phrase "love is love" because I don't believe that minorities should have to say "we're just like you!" In order to be accepted. I dislike it because it doesn't apply to all queer people, (including bisexuals, gays, lesbians, etc) but people treat it like it does.

this part is important to me as someone who's queerness is entirely void of love, who has no queer love, but is still undeniably queer.

i am transgender and alloaro. you could say i am bi- or pansexual - i am sexually attracted to men, women and everything outside or in between - though i choose not to label it for simplicity's sake.

none of it is related to love.

i hate dysphoria. it ruined my teenage years, haunts me every day, it is one of the worst things that have happened to me. i am working on accepting my body, the damage done to me by puberty, the fact that i will never be the same as a cisgender man. i hope that in time i will learn to love and accept my body. but my transness is not related to love. it did not come from love and is not motivated by love. body acceptance is not the same thing as love.

i am explicitly aromantic. i do not romantically love. i hope this is self-explanatory.

my sexuality is also not defined by love. i find people hot, and i want to have sex with them. that is, quite literally, about it. sometimes i end up enjoying that person's company, and we end up friends, but that is entirely unrelated to the sexual attraction. again, not related to love.

yet the queer community expects me to neatly slot myself into "love is love".

(there's also a whole thing about how "love is love" is also criticized in the trans community, but that's also a seperate post and also not quite my domain.)

aros, especially alloaros, are pushed out of queer and aspec spaces by the people who are supposed to be supporting and uplifting us. we just want to be seen, be heard, be accepted, not pushed aside and thrown under the bus. irl community is nonexistant. online community...i mean, i only know of this little tumblr corner, but i'd be very glad to be proved wrong.

there's a lot more i want to say, but i really don't want to derail ops post more than i already have, so i'll stop here. apologies for the bad formatting and if anything is unclear, please ask instead of assuming. i am not always good at wording my sentences correctly/politely/inoffensively and i'm happy to reword to clear things up.

People are now calling aros homophobic for saying "love loses" and disliking the phrase "love is love"

I don't dislike the phrase "love is love" because I'm aro and I hate the concept of love and I want to trample on queer joy and I don't understand the meaning behind love is love.

I dislike the phrase "love is love" because I don't believe that minorities should have to say "we're just like you!" In order to be accepted. I dislike it because it doesn't apply to all queer people, (including bisexuals, gays, lesbians, etc) but people treat it like it does. I dislike it because it's a product of a sex-negative society that deems queer people to be disgusting sex pests and instead of going "that's fucked up because there's nothing wrong with sex" people go "that's fucked up because we're not like those dirty disgusting predators who want sex without romance (coughalloaroscough)". I dislike it because arophobia is rampant in the queer community and people will throw us under the bus for points and have. (Stonewall UK posted a tweet acknowledging aros during aro week and other queer people called us predators and implied we were cishet invaders) I dislike it because the word love is shoved onto aros and whenever we say "please don't" people just redefine it to force it on us. I dislike it because there are better alternatives. I dislike it because rainbow capitalism has taken it over. I dislike it because it just feels a bit overused and cliche at this point. I dislike it for plenty of reasons, from legitimate to petty. Because I'm a person, not an evil aro who wants to destroy the queer community.

Aros, for a very long time, have had the word love used against us as a tool for our oppression. (Yes, love can be used to oppress people) And a lot of aros are sick of not being represented in queer spaces. The community puts so much emphasis on romantic love in an effort to not be the stereotypical sex obsessed queer but that leaves out aros. And people will be like "it's to uplift gays, bis, and lesbians" but there are aromantic gays, bis, and lesbians! I'm an aromantic bisexual person! I am directly harmed by the whole "we're not dirty sex pests, we can love (romantically) just like you!"

I, and many other aros, dislike the phrase love is love because it leaves us behind in the dirt. We often feel like the dirty side of queerness that no one wants to acknowledge. Saying "queer love is real love" isn't a bad thing, but having that be the one and only thing queer people ever talk about leaves out a portion of the community and we're allowed to talk about it.

"Love is love" doesn't represent me as a bisexual aromantic person. Not everything has to represent or include me but it would be nice if just one thing did. My version of queer joy is not represented by love is love and I just want a fucking alternative that does include it!

[Don't tag as ace/aroace or derail]

[bo-an-aro]

allos insisting that we have to love in some other way to make up for our lack of romantic attraction - first of all, I hope your favorite food rots in your mouth every time you take a bite of it.

secondly, no. I honestly consider removing the word 'love' from my vocabulary every time someone demands I use it, so the little bastard is on thin fucking ice at this point.

queerness is about so much more than simply romance and I pity everyone who doesn't realize that. y'all are missing out something fierce.

read OP's post again. read the previous post again. a few times, actually. reflect. you'll be better off for it.

People are now calling aros homophobic for saying "love loses" and disliking the phrase "love is love"

I don't dislike the phrase "love is love" because I'm aro and I hate the concept of love and I want to trample on queer joy and I don't understand the meaning behind love is love.

I dislike the phrase "love is love" because I don't believe that minorities should have to say "we're just like you!" In order to be accepted. I dislike it because it doesn't apply to all queer people, (including bisexuals, gays, lesbians, etc) but people treat it like it does. I dislike it because it's a product of a sex-negative society that deems queer people to be disgusting sex pests and instead of going "that's fucked up because there's nothing wrong with sex" people go "that's fucked up because we're not like those dirty disgusting predators who want sex without romance (coughalloaroscough)". I dislike it because arophobia is rampant in the queer community and people will throw us under the bus for points and have. (Stonewall UK posted a tweet acknowledging aros during aro week and other queer people called us predators and implied we were cishet invaders) I dislike it because the word love is shoved onto aros and whenever we say "please don't" people just redefine it to force it on us. I dislike it because there are better alternatives. I dislike it because rainbow capitalism has taken it over. I dislike it because it just feels a bit overused and cliche at this point. I dislike it for plenty of reasons, from legitimate to petty. Because I'm a person, not an evil aro who wants to destroy the queer community.

Aros, for a very long time, have had the word love used against us as a tool for our oppression. (Yes, love can be used to oppress people) And a lot of aros are sick of not being represented in queer spaces. The community puts so much emphasis on romantic love in an effort to not be the stereotypical sex obsessed queer but that leaves out aros. And people will be like "it's to uplift gays, bis, and lesbians" but there are aromantic gays, bis, and lesbians! I'm an aromantic bisexual person! I am directly harmed by the whole "we're not dirty sex pests, we can love (romantically) just like you!"

I, and many other aros, dislike the phrase love is love because it leaves us behind in the dirt. We often feel like the dirty side of queerness that no one wants to acknowledge. Saying "queer love is real love" isn't a bad thing, but having that be the one and only thing queer people ever talk about leaves out a portion of the community and we're allowed to talk about it.

"Love is love" doesn't represent me as a bisexual aromantic person. Not everything has to represent or include me but it would be nice if just one thing did. My version of queer joy is not represented by love is love and I just want a fucking alternative that does include it!

[Don't tag as ace/aroace or derail]