#all you are doing is encouraging scalping. i am not paying 100$ for a book written by the lead singer of a pop punk band

[slimywren]

should i read salems lot or interview with the vampire first

[ardent-musings]

Attention and Atonement

A Murphy McNully Smut 

For my girl @kc-needs-coffee. I hope you enjoy this bb. 

Warnings: NSFW. 18+. Sexual Activity, Lap Dance, Hair Pulling, Oral (f receiving), Riding

+ Murphy was stressed out from working all day and you do what you can to help him unwind.

           You were absolutely losing your mind as you walked back and forth in your kitchen. Murphy was sitting in the next room working and scribbling in his spread sheets and books that were filled with every Quidditch maneuver one could imagine; and he had no idea how tempting he was as he did so. It was dreadfully sinful how the blonde so good; he was hunched over at his desk, his skillful fingers twirled a quill with ease as he bit down at his lower lip in concentration. His current expression was far more intense than it usually was and it began to affect you in more ways in one.

           The first part of you, the part that adored the boy with your whole heart worried for him. He had been working himself to the bone trying to come up with solutions and strategy, eventually finding problems in everything he devised. He needed to take a break but with deadlines creeping up on him, you knew there was no way he was going to allow himself the luxury. But the second, and perhaps the stronger part of you, needed him. And you needed all of him. You couldn’t stop staring at him as he crumpled a piece of parchment and tossed it to the ground into an already existing pile of trash.

           “Babe,” you quietly approached him, sensing how much tension he was holding in his strong shoulders. God, if he wasn’t a commentator, he would have been a perfect beater; his body was molded for it. “What’s wrong?”

           He tilted his head back, exposing his neck to the girl as he groaned in frustration, “Everything is wrong. I thought I had devised a perfect schedule for myself that would allow me enough time to get all my work done. There was a 97.3% chance that I would get everything done days in advance but I was off. My numbers were wrong. And now, not only do I have to draw up new plays and techniques for the team to test out but I also have to rush to get it all done.

           “I’m losing my patience, darling. Truly I am beginning to panic and I don’t know if I can stay on track. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cannot leave this desk until I am done.”

           He let all of that out in a single breath almost making himself pass out from the stress. It hurt you to see him so overwhelmed, “Everything will work out, love,” You draped your arms over his strong shoulders and gave his a kiss to the shell of his ear which notably made the boy shiver. “How about I go make you a lavender tea?”

           Murphy nodded enthusiastically as he brought all of his attention back to his work. You pulled away and noticed him running his hands through his usually perfectly styled hair, the messy look only reminded you of how ruined it looked in the morning after a long night of fun.

           He needed a break, you needed him. So you turned to the kitchen and began making him some tea, but once that was done you ran to your room and pulled out a stunning strappy cobalt bra with matching panties. It looked gorgeous against your skin and from past experience, you knew it was Murphy’s favorite. You hid the gorgeous set beneath a robe while you grabbed your boy’s tea and shuffled to him.

           “Here you go, sweetie.”

           Murphy hummed, not only from the smell of the calming tea but from the way your nails were slowly playing with his hair. He was adoring the feeling of you grabbing at the roots followed by a gentle scratch of his scalp.

           “Fuck, darling, you’re distracting me,” Murphy stared at you desperately.

           “Well good, baby boy, that was the plan,” your hand trailed from his hair to his neck and rested at the base of his neck.

           “I told you I can’t leave this desk, I have too much to do,” he whined.

           “Who said anything about leaving the desk, baby,” you undid your robe to expose your lingerie to the strategist whose eyes rolled back at the sight of you. “Just pay attention to your papers. I’ll just be here.”

           You patted his lap as you slowly seated yourself on top of him, finding his strong thighs the perfect chair for you. “In my humble opinion, I feel like it’s a smart strategy to give yourself a break, yeah?”

           Murphy groaned as you rested your head against his shoulder, slowly gyrating your hips on top of his, “Darling, god do I want you but I don’t have enough time to stop working,”

           “Then let me do the work,” you smirked as you continued to rock against his lap, and playing with your hair. The boy behind you started breathing more heavily at the friction you caused against him, you were glorious.

           “Goddamn, baby you look good,” his hands placed themselves on your hips, encouraging you to sit down on him fully. That did nothing to help your need for him, the trousers that he was wearing rubbed against you perfectly. “You been missing me, sweetie?”

           “Well you have been ignoring me,” you stood up momentarily just to sit back down, this time to face the flushed boy. His lips looked slightly swollen from all the lip biting and it sent a rush of energy straight through you. “I almost had to take matters into my own hands.”

           You kissed at his neck and he gulped as your teeth grazed his throat, “Fuck, you know, I think if I take a break there will be a 76% chance that-“

           His rant was caught off by you pulling at his hair again, the burn only made Murphy want you more.

           “There will be a 100% chance of you fucking me if you just stop talking, baby boy,” you warned him with a sweet smile.

           His eyes widened at your filthy admission, his stare was suddenly animalistic as he effortlessly lifted you by your hips and placing you in front of him. You were surprised by the sudden change in location, but when Murphy started placing hungry kisses at the inside of your thighs, all you could do was stare. Nothing looked more beautiful than the sight of your baby boy between your legs.

           “Gonna put your mouth to work?”

           Murphy shook his head, caught off guard by your cheekiness. But your jaw dropped when he rolled closer to you and locked his chair so he could get as close to you as he could. He looked up at you with a smirk and lowered his mouth onto you. Nothing could make this moment any better; and then he pulled your legs and placed them over his wide shoulders.

           “Well, darling you and I know how fast I can move my mouth,” he joked as he placed a teasing kissed to your lace-covered clit. Your heart pounded at his grazing tongue that traced the pattern in your panties. God, he was always so fucking good at that you thought as you fell back on his desk. He grabbed at your hips and pulled your pussy closer to him, effectively caging you in his toned arms. “Fuck, I’m gonna make you feel so damn good.”

           You loved when he got like this, so incredibly desperate that he couldn’t help but want to get a taste. And he was certainly starving tonight. He pulled your panties to the side as he finally began to run his tongue along the expanse of your pussy, making you grab at his hair once more. As his tongue teased you, his other hand held you open for him, giving him all the access he needed to your aching clit.

           “Fuck, baby,” you cried at him, which made the boy chuckle into you making you arch your back beneath him. He loved hearing your pretty moans; despite his love for talking, he would go silent just to be able to hear you beg for him.

           “Yeah, gorgeous? You like that?” He smiled as he dug his tongue deeper in you, drinking every drop of you. Murphy took one hand and began rubbing his thumb slowly on your clit, smirking at the way it made you shake on his desk. You gasped in surprise, grinding yourself into the new touch that made you catch your breath.

           “God, fuck, you know I like that, baby. I love that.”

           You began to grab at your breasts through your blue bra, your nipples were already hard just from him teasing your clit. This was going to be a long night considering how tortuous he was with you. He would go from fast kitten licks to your clit and pulling away entirely to kiss your thighs. Nothing was sexier than you being denied your release, he thought as your breasts were heaving beneath your grabby hands.

           “Pinch those nipples for me, honey pot,” he moaned, licking a wet finger and sucking it into his mouth. He hummed lowly at your taste as he placed that same finger and dipped it into you, rubbing at you as he began licking your clit.

           You followed orders, grabbing at your boobs as he continued to fuck you with one goal in mind, to get you to cum on his face. He now held you down as he worked his tongue firmly against your clit as her finger fucked you. Your cries sounded like music to him as he added another finger and pounded into you perfectly. It was so overwhelming how good he was at eating you, and Murphy knew your body from his extensive hours of getting to play with it.

           “Fuck, I can feel you squeezing my fingers, love,” he said as continued to fuck you with the most satisfied smile on his face. “Does baby need to come?”  

           “God, yes,” you cried as his tongue went back to suck at your clit, “Baby, please baby.”

           Murphy smirked against you, thoroughly enjoying the taste of you on his lips. You held yourself up to watch him play with you. He looked so engaged with that part of you, devouring you like he couldn’t get enough.

           “You better cum for me,” he taunted. “I want you to be a good girl and cum for me.”

           His movements were relentless, pressing and rubbing at you which made you jerk against his tongue. Murphy held your hips down on his tongue, making it impossible for you to squirm away. It was overwhelming you; you knew you wouldn’t last long as he pressed down on your swollen clit. Your hips jerked towards him, racing towards your high.

           You were trying to hold it off, wanting to prolong the moment, but your attempts were fruitless as he relentlessly fucked you. He just craved you, moaning after every lick. Your breathing was labored, every part of your body feeling hot to Murphy’s teasing. It just felt too good. He felt so good.

           You cried out, holding his beautiful hair in a tight grip as you finally fell over the edge. He didn’t let you go; Murphy continued to lick at you, working you down from your high. He rubbed at your thigh, calming you until you sat up and pulled him up for a sloppy kiss. You were still trying to gain focus, but after kissing you, the thought of fucking him brought you back down.

           “You look so hot when you cum, darling,” he chuckled against your lips as he rolled away a bit.

           All you could do was lazily smile as you kissed up his jaw to the side of his neck. You weren’t done with him, and from how tight his pants were, you knew that the night wasn’t over.

           “As do you, baby boy,” you wiggled off of his desk to begin unbuckling his belt. “That’s why I’m gonna ride you.”

           He smirked at you, placing his arms behind his head, giving you all the room to undo his pants. You hated how cocky he looked at the moment, but god, it made you want to fuck the smirk off his face.

           You pulled him out of his pants and boxers, rubbing your hand over him. The slight touches made the boy groan in delight, you loved how sensitive he was.

           “Fuck,” he growled quietly to himself, the sound making you sigh. You loved when he vocalized how good he was feeling. Everything that came out of that man’s mouth was perfection.

           “Wanna get fucked, sweetie?” You asked as you sat on his lap, continuing to stroke him. He grinned at you, knowing that no matter what he said, the night would end with you sitting on him. He knew how much you loved getting fucked by him.

           “Come on, baby,” he cooed at you as he unclasped your bra, kissing and sucking on your chest. “Show me how good you ride. Prove yourself, Rising Star.”

           God he was perfect. He knew exactly what to say to get you to lose your mind. Without hesitation you placed a condom on him, rubbing his dick teasingly, which shut him right up. He gripped your hips tightly as you sat up in order to maneuver him. Both of you were desperate for each other, staring into your glowing eyes as you kissed roughly. You just had to be as close as possible.

           Once you sunk yourself down onto him, Murphy let out a whine; you squeezing him was almost too much for him. He had been hard since he saw you in your lingerie. You looked so perfect as you bounced on top of him. Your hair cascaded behind you as you tipped your head back, getting overwhelmed by how good he felt. Murphy loved how your mouth was wide open, gasping as he began massaging your ass and rocking you harder against him.

           “Look at me, baby,” he said as he grabbed you by the back of your neck and directing your eyes to him. It was so intense like this, staring into his eyes with your chests pressed against each other, his dick perfectly filling you. You loved him. Everything about him. He was so beautiful to you, everything about him made you feel drunk of Amortentia; his voice, his body, his heart was gorgeous. “I love you so much darling.”

           You moaned against him, smiling at his declaration and holding his face in your hands. “I love you, Murphy. I love you.”

           The both of you were huffing, with him groaning swears under his breath every time you swiveled on top of him. You could feel yourself tensing on him, every time he slammed up into you brought you that much closer to getting off again.

           “Are you getting there?” He asked as he kissed at the base of your neck. God he was everywhere.

           “Yes,” you whined on top of him, increasing the speed of your hips as he timed his thrusts with you.

           “Well then let’s get you there, beautiful,” he began to firmly rub at your clit, enjoying the way it made you scream his name. “I wanna see you cum again.”

           Your body was moving on instinct, knowing exactly what to do as you fucked in tandem with him. Once again, his attention to your clit left you breathless as you rocked carelessly on his lap, fucking him into his seat. From his position he could smell the lovely floral perfume you always wore. It smelled glorious. But all you could focus on was how you were gonna get off.

           “I can feel you getting close,” he moaned. “I’m right there, too, honey.”

           You could tell; he was jutting into you sporadically, it was all becoming too much for him too. He held onto your hips tightly as he began to nibbling at your neck. Your body was on fire, chasing your high. After moaning his name you came around him as he continued to rock into you. It was painfully blissful, your body shaking at the relentless fucking.

           Murphy was right behind you, gasping at how damn good you felt on him. His hard chest heaved at the feeling and he groaned out your name as he finally came. It felt like every worry he had that day just disappeared and all he could focus on was you. He loved feeling you pressed up against him, he loved how your hearts started beating in time with one another. You kissed his cheek tiredly as he placed kisses on your neck. Times like this with him meant the world; just happily existing in time with each other.

           “Feel less stressed?” You asked as you popped a tiny kiss to the tip of his nose.

           Murphy nodded. He could barely function; he felt so relaxed and could only offer you a soft smile.

           He just held her as she hugged him back, “Thank you for that, love. I needed a break.”

           “I’m just glad to have helped,” you giggled at him.

           Murphy’s eyes grew wide as he rolled closer to his desk, with you still on his lap. He began scratching at his sheet with a hopeful smile. Once again he was back at it, but after a minute he dropped his quill and threw his fists up in victory.

           “I got it baby! I figured out the flaw in my strategy,” he cheered as he finally solved what had been bugging him all day.

           “Really? Post-nut clarity was all you needed?” You laughed at Murphy who dug his face into your neck at the teasing. He nodded with blushy cheeks once he pulled away to stare at you lovingly.  

           “God, that was good,” he began to tickle your side which made you jump off of him and run into the adjacent room. Murphy laughed at your reaction and rolled right after you. Now that he fixed his issue, he could possibly play with you for longer. And you were about to find out.

[chemochronicles]

What does life look like now? Update: 5.26.17.

What does life look like now? And/or… Are you better?

The most asked question that I get. I never get upset with people for asking.. it’s a fair question! But there is no simple answer, and I’m not capable of answering that question in passing or on the fly. So I’ll try my best to keep it simple…

- Is the cancer gone? Yes, it’s in remission. Once my cancer is in remission for five years I will be considered “cancer free”.

- Is there a high risk of it returning? Yes.

- Is there a high risk of getting all other types of cancer because of your treatments? Yes.

- Are you still getting chemo / radiation? No. I finished all cancer treatment when I had my transplant in November 2015.

- So why am I still not working? / Why isn’t my health back to normal? / What does life look like for me now? Each month has been different for me. For about 6 months after the transplant I was isolated, recovering at home and went in for checkups once a week. Slowly over time they went down to every other week, eventually a few times even once a month. Then the Chronic Graft Vs Host Disease set in, around late last summer / early fall last year (2016). Things changed. CGVHD is a very rare autoimmune disease caused exclusively by stem cell (and bone marrow) transplants. I started to show symptoms last fall, around the time that I wrote my last blog post. Woah, sorry for lagging on the updates! But life gets in the way and honestly updating the world is not my first priority. Living is. and I’ve been having a hard time keeping up with just that. So I guess I’m not really that sorry! Priorities ;)

Along with that, all those intense chemo / radiation treatments that I had in preparation to the transplant have caused many of my organs to shut down, which has its own unique challenges to functioning in daily life.. The hardest to deal with has been the ovarian failure, how I miss the very thing I used to complain about! You’d be amazed how much hormones could effect every facet of your life. Be thankful for even those little monthly reminders that you think you hate!

Then, last fall (almost a year after my transplant), I started to show symptoms of chronic graft vs host disease. This means that my transplanted cells started recognizing my body as foreign and started attacking me. Some people who have stem cell or bone marrow transplants get this, and some don’t. Some get it severely and it can be fatal, but some (most) live with it for the rest of their lives, with flare ups that can be debilitating and you just learn to manage it… the symptoms very greatly from person to person.

For me, It started with GI trouble, I lost 20 pounds within maybe a month or two as a result of those GI issues… I looked a little bit like a skeleton. Then it attacked my liver a little, my eyes a little, and then the worst was my skin, on the inside and out. I developed an itchy scaly rash all over my body and I wasn’t able to sleep for about a month due to the itching. Also a rash on my scalp (more on that in a bit), and the inside of my mouth and gut lining. I had to limit what spices and acidic foods I ate, it wasn’t until recently that I’ve been able to tolerate ketchup again without extreme pain! I never knew what I was missing before! I count down the days until I can tolerate Sriracha… if that day ever comes I will surely throw a Sriracha themed party!🤞🏻

Thankfully things have improved a little since then… but it comes and goes in waves and I’m working on figuring out what causes my flare ups so I can prevent them. I have tried (and am still trying) everything under the sun. Every healthy real food diet, every form of detox, juicing, supplements, adaptogenic herbs, home made bone broth, nutrition courses online, wellness and detox institutes in FL and Mexico, read several health books, essential oils, and all the same lifestyle choices that I’ve been purposefully and prayerfully doing over the last seven years… not to try and control God’s plan for my life, but for the sole purpose of being able to function better… so I can be more effective. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe all of these things are making a day and night difference! But you can’t reverse health issues caused by extreme toxicity overnight, and there is no one cure-all for all people because we’re all different, exposed to different things and process those different things, differently. But who knows how much worst I’d be if I weren’t diligently taking care of myself? Would I even be here? I don’t know, but what I do know is: God is sovereign and has a good plan for me. He also calls me to do my best with what He’s given me.. while trusting Him and keeping Him as my focus. So that’s what I feel confident in.

Back to the story: Last fall, all of these side effects start happening all at the same time! THEN the real struggle of breaking my pride hit: my precious, few inch long, newly-grown-back-for-the-second-time hair that I CHERISHED (I now can see how this is a struggle of idolatry in my life) started falling out. Again. In 1-2 inch wide patches of 25-50 hairs at a time sporadically throughout my scalp… This time, with no rhyme or reason, no chemo or radiation to blame it on. Just a rare unexplained symptom of the chronic graft vs host disease. That symptom I just had to wait out and pray that it might grow back, thankfully some of it has, and I still see more peach fuzz sprouts growing. My oncology/transplant team put me on some high dose steroids again to help most of the other symptoms, which thankfully it did! But unfortunately steroids are just a band aid for symptom management, that also cause other problems… They’ve caused my adrenal glands to shut down and for me to get Cushing’s Syndrome: AKA strategically placed weight gain in what became my hilarious chipmunk cheeks… Which are finally going down, thank the Lord! Talk about humbling, to look in the mirror with bald patches on my head and chubby cheeks, when you’re used to having pretty hair and proportionate cheeks!

For about four months I drove to Santa Monica from Camarillo and then from Santa Clarita after we moved, for a special light therapy three times a week to help my skin condition (photo therapy). This is the only machine they have available within 100 or so miles, and it’s basically a glorified dermatologists UVB tanning bed for 3-5 minutes at a time. A total of around 10 hours commuting on the road per week only for a total of 15 minutes of the actual treatment! But it helped my skin rashes on the outside and gave me a nice little tan! That was (and is) a rough season… I had doctors appointments / check ups / treatments every single weekday for about four months, which is time consuming and costly. With this graft vs host disease I have to see a lot of specialists and they all like to check on me often. Those appointments just all add up. Thankfully I’m down to 1-3 appointments per week instead of 6-9! Not too shabby. But man, was that tough for a while.

On top of being tired from heart, adrenal and ovarian failure and then the resulting thyroid issues… graft vs host disease… spending 3+ hours on the road each day to maintain each doctors checkup or skin treatment or cardiac rehab or whatever else was on the list! It was a LOT! So I didn’t see people, and did NOT know how to respond when well intentioned acquaintances inevitably smile in passing at church and say something like, “How are you? Do you still have cancer? No? Okay great!” Well, my well intentioned and kind acquaintances… Thank you for caring! I’m not really sure what a good alternative question to that would be. Personally, I’ve trained myself to stop asking people how they are unless I am sitting down with them and really want to let them open up. But that’s just me, of coarse we’re all different and that’s okay. Maybe a safe alternative could be, “Hey! Great to see you! Hope you’re doing well!” Or something. I don’t know.

So why do I share ALL of this?

1… in hopes that I can be used as a tool to help you (whoever you are!) be aware of how to be sensitive and pray for people with chronic autoimmune diseases. Cancer isn’t the only debilitating health issue worthy of your patience and care. Plenty of people are unable to work due to chronic illnesses, and it feels so awkward to have that conversation when you meet for the first time or see someone in passing! People tend to listen when they find out that I’ve had cancer.. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to use that platform however the Lord sees fit. But we can all learn from those suffering from chronic illnesses. I just want to encourage you (whoever you are) to take the time to listen quietly to others… and care for them. I am not the only one who is overwhelmed with health issues and at least I have a tangible way of explaining mine, but there are plenty of people who don’t have that luxury. Don’t dismiss them because they feel “tired”, and their doctors can’t figure out a diagnosis. They actually might legitimately be more tired than you can wrap your head around, and they might have valid physiological reasons why. Or maybe they’re just selfish and lazy millennials, making excuses! Either way, it’s not our place to decide that for someone else :)

2… because sharing gives purpose to these seemingly endless trials: aka: life! If I can encourage and help others pay attention to the blessings in their own lives, and take the time to thank God for them - it adds a silver lining to all of these annoying hard things!

3…. I’m really tired of answering the same questions over and over :) If I see you in person, I’d rather hear about YOU!

4…. I want to bring awareness to people exactly what they’re signing up for if you are diagnosed with cancer (or any other chronic or acute illness) and you start down the path of western medicine. It DOES work for some situations (like mine), but not without its very difficult challenges. I wish everyone would educate themselves about how to be well before they’re diagnosed with someone life changing… just for sake of improving your quality of life. It’s much harder to recover from a lot of these issues after you start, and a lot of the medications cause a slippery slope of more diagnosis’s that sometimes only stronger medications can get you out of. It’s a confusing line that I’m walking on, one that needs balance and purpose and prayer. I’d recommend everyone to watch the documentary series The Truth About Cancer, the next time they have a free viewing online.. or read the same titled, best selling book on amazon. There are plenty of other resources available but I feel that one is the most comprehensive. It never hurts to do your homework. There are other options and alternatives that might be better, it’s something worth prayerfully exploring both sides, especially if you’re diagnosed with a more chronic (slow growing) localized cancer.

So.. how am I? Well, I’m alive! And I’m staying afloat somehow! Life is overwhelming and hard but it’s improved from where it was a year ago. 

Here are the blessings that I’m thankful to God for:

1. I’m a year and a half farther out from my transplant, that’s one more year of being in remission (the longer you stay in remission without relapsing, the more your odds of survival increase!) 2. God is sovereign and good, so it doesn’t matter what my survival statistics are anyway! (I don’t know mine, if you’re wondering. It’s either 100% chance or 0%, but either way I’m going to heaven and have a LOT more to look forward to! This crappy GVHD and cancer and the peace and joy and confidence I have in Christ just make that reality SO much sweeter!) 3. I have a hard working megababe of a husband… I’m realizing now that most people aren’t aware of how much spouses of people with chronic illnesses suffer - how is that not clearly obvious??? You guys. Caleb works WELL overtime each week to take care of me. Just for me to merely survive, I’m an expensive date! Then he comes home after a 12-16 hour day, exhausted, to an exhausted me who has no energy to get anything done. Let alone energy to take care of him at the level that he deserves. And then he serves me some more. The guy leaves the house at 4:30 am most mornings, studies his bible more than anyone I know, learns and leads, and works until he’s physically unable. Then we go places and people ask me all these questions about how I grow through my trials and what not. Totally oblivious to the fact that this man holding my hand has so much value and wisdom to share, yet he quietly listens and serves with no entitlement or expectation for anything in return. He anchors himself in the truth of scripture and learning from wise order people and it sets the whole tone for our family of two. Him. I’m thankful for him. 4. Our new puppy, Danger! I begged Caleb for a puppy and on top of everything else he got me one. He’s an adorable Pomeranian who’s my little purse-fitting, therapeutic friend while Caleb’s working hard. He brings me so much joy! Don’t let his tiny fluffiness fool you, he’s a tough guy! He’s killin it with cuteness all day long! 5. We have our own place now! For the first time since August 6, 2015, the day I was diagnosed and my dad died, when we moved in with my mom that next day… I’m so thankful that chapter came to a close. Though I love and miss my moms beautiful property with her gardens and chickens and perfect 70 degree weather year round. It was the perfect place to recover. But it’s nice to have a little space of our own again. 6. My hair is starting to grow back again! And my cheeks are starting to look more normal! Soon, I’ll feel comfortable leaving the house without a hat or wig! I’m hoping to start looking like me again! 7. My family is going on our first cruise / vacation together since I can’t remember when! We’re starting in Seattle and cruising to Alaska next week. Can’t wait! I’ve been missing the Northwest something fierce. I cannot wait to shuck some fresh oysters off that clear blue coast. 8. After we get back I’ll start seeing a special kind of acupuncturist… I see SO many specialists, some natural and some medical… All confusing and at times contradictory. I’m hoping this might help keep my GVHD symptoms at bay… We shall see… But I’m thankful that God has given me options and provided a way to explore them. 9. I’m still exhausted, my troubles haven’t gone. But I have hope in so much more than whether or not I’ll have the things I long for… Like long hair, proportionate cheeks, having biological children someday, a house of our own, a jeep for Caleb, the ability to travel through Europe, an artistic and inspiring life, the list can go on and on… those would all be nice, but I know I’ll be okay without them… If it weren’t for Christ, I would probably be depressed and have given up. But because of Him, rather than sorrow, I have joy. Rather than anxiousness, I have peace. And rather than fear, I have hope.

I don’t know what my life will look like next month, or next year. I don’t know if it will stay this way or eventually get closer to the “normal” I used to know.. I hope it does. But for now, I know what’s right and good and true. For now, I’m thankful for those things and trying to discard the rest. For now, I take one day at a time and my best. (Oops! Unintentional rhyme just happened. Cheesy!)

❤ E

PS. Thanks to the Up & Comer’s Show for having me on their podcast last month! It’s a long interview, but you can listen to it here. :)