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jokidden · 4 years

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Twin brothers. Nicoló di Genova and Fabio di Genova. They came from one of the oldest family in Italy, from wealth and luxury. Nicoló is the good kid, the perfect kid, well behaved, good in school, teachers love Nicoló good Nicoló talented Nicoló Nicoló Nicoló. Fabio hates him.

He isnt "normal" his parents said. "There is something wrong with this child" said the governess when she found him killing and dissecting frogs in the backyard. Nicoló tried to help him, tried to love him because his heart overflows with unconditional kindness. He stood up for him when their parents said bad things about Fabio behind his back, in front of the guest but it never helped. What a good angel you are Nicoló for loving even a brother like that. It made Nicoló immensely uncomfortable he wasn't stupid he could feel Fabio hating him even more.

One day Fabio decided fine, then so be it. If little Nicky is the angel then he will the motherfucking devil himself. He stole drugs, cars, money whatever that would make him the center of attention. He is di Genova this will be all over the Fucking NEWS he thought ! The faild child, the black sheep, the fucking DISSAPOINTMENT of this fucking family. But money speaks louder then any crime and so no news of Fabio anywhere. Fine, he thinks. He will go BIG. He will be RICH and FAMOUS even if he has to destroy and blast the whole of Italy to nothing.

But then. There comes Joe. This fucking perfect human being falling in love with his whore of a brother while he is trying to save his ass from those fucks that keep destroying his FUCKING BUSSINESS. He tried to find out who they are but every time he sent people to suss it out none of them came back. What he knows is that they are connected to his sweet little fucking Nicky and his boyfriend because OF COURSE its Nicoló, here to take away what little he has.

Until Nicoló dies and Fabio falls into an unhinged rage because Because who DARES TO KILL HIS OWN BROTHER even if he hates his guts they are one blood. So he goes to find and kill all of them, end there he IS this Joe trying to do the same. Of course the grief stricken man mistakes him for his dear beloved and oh how Fabio hates that the world is still about Nicoló even when he is DEAD.

Bad guys come. Joe is shot. He heals. Fabio loses his fucking mind from greed but ultimately runs away to save his life.

And then turns out Nicoló isnt actually dead. Fabio never wanted to see his brother but now he must because WHAT THE FUCK and also how can he become like this too?? Fabio arent very lucky that day (or is he?). Nunzia and her gang had enough if his shit so they decide to burn his sorry ass to the ground but Lady Luck has other plans and so Fabio crawls into the water and drowns in chemical waste.

And then lives.

How ironic it is that his fucking brother resurrects like an angel like fucking christ like a miracle to live his forever happy life while here is Fabio almost burned to death, choked on poison and died just to crawl out of the water like the devil crawls out of hell. His face is disfigured, hair burned away but he Is Fucking Fabio and he is a master at saying Fuck You so he puts on make up, a wig, a motherfucking drop dead gorgeous outfit and readies himself for a deadly dance. Films all of it, puts it up on youtube and waites for his brother and friends to find him so he can saunter up to sweet and shocked Nicoló because

CHI CHIN Nicoló! Long time no see what an absolute GORGEOUS man you became! Happy Death Fucking Day! Have you seen my Video Nicoló? Im famous now and LOOK WHO ISNT and bangs his fist on the table ITS YOU! Death that fucking son of a whore TRIED to take us but no good THANK FUCK! Because how would you see me succeed if you are fucking dead? How? Thats right. You WOULDNT.

Goes all up into Nickys face, cups his chin to whisper in his ear you thought you saw the last of me brother huh but i will show you who i am you will see me on every television on every fucking surface of the fucking internet i will make myself a MOTHERFUCKING EMPIRE and not you nor your friends will be able stop me.

And he grins, eyes like Nicolós open wide, licks his theeth and steps back until Andy shots him in the head because she had enough of this loudmouth fucker and anyway everyone wanted it just she was the only one with balls enough to do it. Nicky is in shock Joe is in shock but he tries to comfort his love and trying very hard to not galance to the twitching body on the floor with his Nicolós face. Everyone is freaked out and although noone can speak yet they all think the same thing

What now?

#Look at me rambling about this au #I will die on this crossover and its every variations like Fabio with my wig dramatically descensing down to the bottom of the river #Dont ask me what next cus i dont even know #Will they chain him up?#Kill again some more?#I dont have a clue folks #My creative juices only flow so far #The old guard #they call me jeeg #Fabio #Lo zingaro #Nicky and his evil twin #I want them to have to gang up #Or be stucked in an elevator

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reeree1500 · 5 years

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The New Boy

Luke x Reader

How did you come to find yourself in this position? Sitting across from probably the hottest crackhead you’ve seen by far and playing a game of spin the bottle.

Oh Yeah....

You were lying on the couch trying to have a nap, after coming home from an exhausting day of work. It wasn't only enough that you had tons of shit to deal with and catch up with at school. But, you were forced to do everyone else’s jobs at your workplace making it your life that more stressful. After spending an extra 2 hours at work (without getting paid) and doing everything for everyone you just wanted sometime to yourself and if that meant sleeping on the floor, so be it. Just as you feel yourself drifting away to a peaceful sleep, a loud disgusting sound erupts through the air. And sadly for you, it’s right next to your face.

“TOMMY!! YOU LITTLE SHIT!!” you scream at your 4 year old brother, who's rolling on the ground laughing. Just before you are able to pick him up and swing him around you get a text from your friends. Rolling your eyes and wondering what they want now you open the group chat.

Lucia: YALL NEED TO LOG ON IMMEDIATELY

Lucia: WERE GOING TO A PARTY

Maria: I just got home from Church, now you want to go to a party?

Lucia: Mitch is going to be there and you know he just broke up with that whore

Maria: Let me ask Momma

Lucia: Alex is going to be there....

Maria: PICK ME UP IN 15 MINS

Jayme: Im hereee

Jayme: Where is we going

Lucia: It only took you half a century, but were going to a party at Kian and JC’s, because my boyfriend is going to be there

Jayme: ahhh okk

Me: .....

Me: are ya’ll for real

Me: wtf

I should really stay home, but if I do I might kill the little shit...

Me: Pick me up in 20 mins

After getting dressed and putting on the new outfit you bought recently at Urban Planet, you were finally picked up by the girls. Maria was driving and you could hope for was not crashing into anything.“GET OUT THE FUCKING WAY, YOU SHIT!!!” Maria yells for the hundredth time...

Whilst you tune out Maria’s screaming and Spanish songs, you look around and see Lucia and Jayme gushing over some new guy they found on the internet. You wondered to yourself how the hell you were friends with these girls...

“WERE HERE!” Lucia and Jayme scream. Maria being the special little midget she is, breaks abruptly and you end up hitting your head on the dashboard. “Omg, are you okay?” Maria asks while laughing. “Just peachy” is your reply, but all you wanted to do was kill her. She parks the car, and then you all proceed to enter the Mega packed house, you could smell the weed from like a mile away.

As you make your way into the house, you lose track of both Maria and Jayme. “Oh great, we lost the little one” you yell to Lucia over the loud speakers. Lucia doesn't reply to you, but keeps on looking around as if she's looking for something or better yet someone. “There she is.” Not too far from you you are able to make a small form wrapped around a large one. “Is she with Alex? I can’t see from here.” you reply. “You couldn't even see them if you were right in front, because you're blind af.” Lucia says to you. Its true that you cant see, but hey thats not your fault, its probably the environmental factors as you recall from your psychology class. “ Well she looks like she's having fun, so lets just leave her to it.” Maria and Alex had just gotten together a couple of months ago, he was this sweet danish boy who had just transferred to your school, he was a well renowned model in Denmark and Maria was lucky to have found someone so sweet especially after her past relationships.

After almost dying in a sea of sweaty bodies dancing to the beat of the music, you are able to find Jayme in the kitchen mixing herself a couple of drinks, whilst talking to a few boys. Just as you turn to tell Lucia that you've found her, Lucia is already across the room flirting with Mitch. She's had a crush on him since 2 years ago were she “accidentally” bumped in to him in the hallway and faked a sprained ankle. You gotta give it to her though, the girl is determined. Not long you found yourself outside on the porch sipping on some Vodka Cran. You were a drinker, but you figured since all your friends are getting drunk right now you might as well be the sane one.

“Is the party that boring that a pretty girl like you is sitting by herself?”

You look up to find who the words belonged to, when your green eyes met his enticing blue ones. You felt as if the earth had swallowed you hole and couldn't find the words to say anything. You just stared at him, at those blue eyes that reminded you of a calm ocean and infinite sky. His gentle fingers caressed and held your cold ones. “I’m Luke, and you are...”

“Jelena.” you reply slightly looking down as your hair cascades down to hide the blush on your cheeks.

“Well its a pleasure to met you Je-le-na.”

You felt as if you would collapse right there into his arms. The way he took his time to pronounciate your name was probably the most angelic thing love ever heard.

“You know that’s a really pretty name for an even prettier girl” Luke says.

“Well thank you.” You say once agin trying to hide your blush.

His hand ever so slowly lifts up and goes to brush your hair away from your face. “Don’t hide from me beautiful” God could this boy get any hotter was all that you could think of. You couldn't tell whether it was the alcohol or the fact that you were so close to him, but you could've sworn you almost kissed each other. “Luke get your ass in here we’re about to play Spin the bottle!”says Ashton, one of the most popular kids in school and who also happened to be friends with Luke. As you attempt to regain your composure, it all goes sideways when Luke grabs your hand and whispers in you ear with a husky tone “Come on Jelena, I think we should play and maybe we could have some more fun.” But before you can protest to playing the game he holds you by your waist and pushes you through the crowd to where a couple of people are playing the game. Luke sits you down beside his best friend Michael and his girlfriend, and then goes to sit in front of you. Luke can’t help but smile at your confused face, you thought he would sit beside you, considering he's the one that brought you to play the game any way. However, your confused face soon turns to a bright red tomato as he mouths to you...

“This way I can finally kiss you and not get interrupted.”

#luke hemmings #luke 5sos #5sos #5 seconds of summer #request #anonymous #luke hemming imagines #luke x reader

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causeimalady-thatswhy · 5 years

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Is this room getting smaller? It feels like its getting smaller. I hear the sound of footsteps in the apartment above. Our window is open to try to circulate the suffocating air and I hear cars driving past, going well over the speed limit. Our TV is on, the portable dishwasher is going, and I hear two unfamiliar voices enter the building. Which is like sitting on your bed in the house you live in and hearing someone walk down the hallway right past the door to your bedroom, only you have no idea who the fuck they are. We hear everything here. All of the noise is polarizing. And then I hear my kids. I get lost in the noises of our musty cave. My children find me and bring me out. They ask for a snack. I smile, say no. They continue playing. They don’t know, because this is all they know. I continue sitting, lost in thought, dreaming of anywhere to take them that isn’t here.

We almost rented a house. A few times. But things came up, we decided not to, we decided to wait. Four years later we’re still where we were. Everything is more expensive, so we fucked up. We’re trapped. In this small apartment. With the small rooms, that feel smaller with four people living in them. Four people. 900 square feet. That’s not even that bad. I hear stories of people close by and far away that have it way worse. My mind wanders to that place, and then the guilt sets in. I should be so lucky to live where I do. There are people in the world who are suffering. I don’t deserve pity. But as much as I try to pull myself out, I am suffering.

We almost bought a house. That just happened. We got so close to freedom. We were denied our loan. The details make sense now, but we were told it was a go. We were pre-approved, our offer accepted, all inspections passed, title work done, closing costs covered. Nope, just kidding. A week before closing. The closing of our hardest chapter, by far. A week before we could get the keys to a real home, with a real yard, and a real fucking laundry room. With neighbors far enough that if they lit a bong the smoke wouldn’t damage our mattresses and couch cushions and my innocent babies wouldn’t wake up with black boogers. Neighbors far enough where I don’t have to explain to my young children what they’re smelling in the hallway as were walking down to do laundry. Neighbors far enough where when there are domestic disputes until 6 am, loud enough where it sounds like they’re going to spill through our cave door, our kids wont wake up confused. Neighbors where if the drunk idiots next to us decided to throw a fucking party, the bass from their stereos woudn’t scare my kids into thinking there are loud monsters in their room. Privacy. Peace. Fresh fucking air.

I live in a safe place. Safety, to me though, is relative to your mind and your thoughts. My sister basically lived in the ghetto and mentally, was totally fucking fine. She wasn’t scared. My apartment has “security”. The security guards couldn’t do anything about the drug problem but hey at least I have a number to call. I live in a safe city. Full of tourists in the summer, rich or poor people in the winter, but pretty much safe. This city, like most others, is completely unaffordable for people trying to start their lives. Low paying jobs galore, expensive homes galore. Middle class? Gone. There are people in the world who are dieing. I am selfish to think I deserve more than them, more than those mothers who, like me, so deeply crave a better life for their children. But their better life is across the country, continent, ocean, world. Mine can be almost anywhere in my county. I am blessed and lucky to be born in America. But am I really safe? Never.

My husband is a veteran. He went to war instead of college. When it came time for reenlistment, I was pregnant and he decided to take me home and try college again. He does everything for me. I say he doesn’t show me affection but everything he does, he does for me. As I’m writing this he is talking to me more than usual, and touching me more than usual, because he knows. I want out of here. I want my kids out of here. And hes the only one who can do that for us. Really I should be fine, the pressure is on him. But my mind betrays me. He works hard. He deserves a house more than me, but my kids deserve a house the most.

Theres a park down the street with a playscape and a cute beach on the bay. My kids basically grew up there. No backyard, remember? Once when we were at this beach, my kids were playing on the playscape. Two men were sitting on a bench looking out at the water. They both got up and walked towards the parking lot, towards us. One man was holding his phone, and as he got close I saw that his camera was on. He smiles at me, looks up at my son, takes a fucking picture of him, and says “cute kid”. Safe my fucking ass. No where is safe. I could kill myself for not ripping the fucking phone out of his hand, and shoving it up his weird old fucking ass. I called the police, because I am who I am. And the person on the phone seemed concerned, but my husband said everything was probably fine. Except I read about pedophilia and weird fucking people on the internet all the time. In my mind, one of those people might now have a picture of my son. Because we don’t have a backyard.

Theres a splash pad downtown where I live. It was shut off and my kids were too little but I try to get them outside when its sunny. I try to take them places and give us all some fresh air, a break from our cave. So I got the double-jogging-stroller and we walked. I have a stroller for every occasion, my parents think that’s weird. But when you live in an apartment its necessary. I always have to pack, and plan, and prepare when I want to go outside. We were walking back to the car from this splash pad, looking out at the water. A man starts walking toward me. He has a phone in his hand but I didn’t notice until he took a picture of us. He told me “You belong in Hollywood”. I smile and quickly walk toward my car. He gets into a green truck with branding on the side. At least this time the kids were bundled in hats and blankets. They probably weren’t visible in the picture. Safe.

Once I was at my friends house. She owns her house all by herself. She is not afraid, ever. At least I don’t think. We got out of the car and started walking to her front door when a man on a bicycle rode by really slowly, and stared into our eyes the entire time without saying hi or anything. When he got to far and had to break the stare, he turned his head around the other way to keep staring as he kept riding his bike. Eventually he stopped looking. My friend told me, “Ive never seen anything like that here before”. I know….its me. But I digress.

I packed a lot of stuff already. Each box is labeled with it’s contents and what room of the house the stuff was going to go. I printed out the dimensions of the house so I could have them with me if I decided to go into home depot and plan. I planned how I would arrange every room. I thought about where I would put a Christmas tree, how the tree in the front yard would be perfect for a tire swing. I thought about how cute it would be to put pumpkins outside and what it would be like to take my kids trick or treating without driving them somewhere else. I thought it would be fun to build a teepee in the backyard for the kids to play in, and what it would be like to actually be able to have bonfires. Once I dreamt that we pulled up the carpet to reveal hardwood floors, just like in Fixer Upper. Now that we’re staying I might as well throw away the stuff in the boxes. I packed almost half of our apartment and we still don’t have any space.

My family could have stayed with us. There were two rooms in the basement. One for a guest room and the other for a playroom. Perfect. We live 4 hours from our families. My husband and I both work. He works a lot more, so im home a lot more. He has always been good at making friends. I guess its probably me...I think im nice, friendworthy? Maybe im too nice. Either way, I was going to try to convince my mom to live with us in the summer. Then I would be safe, and have company.

I grew up in a suburban middle-class subdivision. I played outside with kids in my neighborhood all the time. I was born in 91, so I am one of the last generations that remembers a time before the internet. We didn’t even get a VCR until DVD players were a thing. I loved my childhood. I had fun. I had a happy and healthy childhood with parents who loved me and a safe, happy home. I was spoiled for that. I know now, that is rare. And that is to be treasured. And I must do that for my children, as soon as I possibly can. They are loved, and we laugh, but only inside.

I have to mourn the loss of this home, the memories never to be made. Painting my kids rooms. Watching them play in the leaves. Watching them ride their bikes. Reading books by the fireplace. Picnicking in the backyard. My kids playing with our neighbors, who are the same age. Planting a garden. Going on adventures without going somewhere unfamiliar. Opening the back door and letting them run. Just run and run. I want to let them out and let them run until their little legs get tired. And then bring them inside for a sandwich. I feel like Sandra Bullock in Birdbox. I don’t want to have to tell them to slow down, that they will die because cars are driving by too fast, or people are doing drugs on their balconies, or to tell them they cant play on the sidewalk because the creepy guy above us will linger out there too long. I have to mourn the loss of my kid’s almost first childhood home. And pray, pray, pray it will come sooner than later. But hey, at least we have somewhere to live, and to everyone else it’s probably safe.

#anxiety

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mini-pretzel · 6 years

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alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love.

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion?

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine?

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room?

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love?

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate?

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to?

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet?

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance?

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film?

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle?

idk

tell

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world?

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number?

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general?

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy?

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy?

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert?

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français?

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved?

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about?

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now?

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile?

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot?

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone?

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl?

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine?

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine?

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs?

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall?

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes?

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past?

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future?

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest?

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree?

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot?

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry?

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going?

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

#ask #asks #the-trth-untold #klsfjflksa #omg i can't believe i did all of that #holy shit #lkdsjflkda #about #seriously

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thelunarfeline · 6 years

Text

I still only feel comfortable blogging here

thinking too much about goals and the next years. its so strong because the past year (two years?) have been such a limbo state for me. I feel like a dog being held on a leash and I’m running in place so excited to be let free.

I want to say I’d delete this but I know that this writing will be permanent and public and that will make me more accountable. it's like writing my dreams and goals on a wall or on in a letter left out on a shrine. I’ll never know if anyone is looking but I know that anyone can see it and that makes it more real. Out of my head. Real. BUT this got very long so .....

first off, I don't think a day goes by that I don’t imagine what having my own apartment will be like. It’s getting so close. I want to have an office. I want to have a space that I go to work and it's not the same space I sleep in. I want to have all of my books and art supplies in clear view. I want to have that space where I do only my work-related task and I stay there doing that work and not getting distracted. I want that office where I can leave and close the door. Work will not exist outside of it.

I want light to pour in from the window and I want blank walls where I will sticky note everything. I will have thoughts i will remember a person i will learn something i will have ideas and I will write them down and fill up a wall and connect things. I will have my goals big and clear i will have my most important projects and priorities up and I won't get distracted or feel lost not knowing what to do next.

fucking hell, i will have a cat. do i need to go on? It will be wonderful.

I will have a kitchen all to myself. I won't feel anxious about cooking and people watching or be around me. I won't feel anxious about getting too much in the fridge that doesn't have enough room. I will cook my own food and I will be healthy and i’ll lose weight.

Speaking of which I will be able to exercise in my own place and not feel anxious from people hearing me jump around or people watching me in a gym. if i’m lucky and get a place next to the park, then I’ll go there and do running and other workouts. I’ll just do an hour every other day with body weight exercises and I’ll do it while i’m watching youtube (cuz i gotta keep up with my youtubes!) I’ll stick to the routine and I’ll build up my muscles and maybe pass more.

and I’ll cook for friends! I’ll have people over and we can have game nights or just hang out and I’ll be open and let people just come over just to relax and get away. i hope. i want to hang out with more of my queer friends.

i want get closer to Galen. i want to chill with June shes so smart and interesting and I want to document her. along with Justice. I should keep up with Elana and learn more about the journalism world. i can't wait to be back in the community. i want to spend half of my days (mornings or afternoons) visiting the organizations again. I want to get closer to PRYSM i want to help out DARE. I want to know what people are doing i want to document and share them. i want to help i want to go to all the events i want to build these relationships with time. I want to help out AMOR and document Cata and all her amazing work i want to get back to fighting the police i still want to help the CSA i want to work closely with Steve and get my work out there more and figure out what that means.

I know that I can’t rush into another video project I want to just put a camera up in from of all my young friends but I know that’s not right and so I have to stay the course of taking pictures of events and film it for B roll I’m still trying to understand what I’m doing with video and I know it’s a long shot but I want to work with my footage and pull out moments that I could ask people about to contrast what has happened in two years since and I want to think about it all critically and think of it as evidence or ways to point out larger ideas or something does that make sense?

i need to make my website i don't know what distracts me so much from it. i know i need to i know i need to put up all my photojournalism that's my main work that's what im proud of. i just don't know what kind of work it will get me

i want to do my project with annaleise and document share more about the RI legislation and how it works maybe learn more and really solidify my ideas about what needs to be changed or at least try out the look at art get paid idea.

I should stay in contact with Sara trickerser she seems like she likes me and my work and she has the career that most resembles what mine could go in and I’d really enjoy it that being a cinematographer for both non fiction and fiction work and she’s only maybe ten years my senior so again it’s a realistic mentor to look to so I really look up to her I have other people that stick in my mind Sam polars and that I think his name is Elliot editor those people I want to contact but irl know will be a long shot I want to get close to Neil and hopefully help out his career uprise and get to learn and gain experiences from that along with mike sun. Alex and Jordan too as they progress in their director careers. I hope Eileen kody and Chris will continue again to pass along opportunities to me

There’s any Walsh working with her was great and creatively challenging in the good way.

Omg the PSU and following the kids and getting an understanding of the youth point of view and helping project their voices

i want to do my project about understanding all the systems that exist and affect people and what people are affected by and how to trace it back to a voted in official and keep them accountable do i still want to do my idea about making the CSA ordinances into large posters?

I need to learn more about how that is going I have this lingering idea always still to make all kinds of quote posters not even well-designed ones just to write out progressive reminders and quotes to plaster all over my home. all these projects might not even happen because i dont know whats going on in Providence! I might come back and find out there's something more pressing that i can make a project about and help with. I can bet that the biggest issue still that exists when i come back will be the housing crisis and rent reform. i want to help. i want that time to just live in the community and be a part of something and give and give back instead of being isolated.

i still follow cinematography and filmmaker social media all over the webs and those just get me thinking oh i should also try to get some more AC jobs see if i can get onto sets see if i can be a part of that too. i’d have to travel to Boston or nyc im not sure i want to make those relationships i want to understand better the documentary world. all i have is my my one film and i feel like i should be doing more with it but i dont know what and im not sure if i should and im not sure what is next but i feel like maybe i should be trying to get into these documentary circles at least to maybe get a job as DP or editor mabye maybe maybe????

i worry so much about what am i going to make? what am i going to do with my life. i hate it because on my year off still in limbo just god i was just going i was just doing. i was JUST DOING. and i loved every moment of it i felt no worry no more anxiety no stress about where my life was going to go it was going. part of me is looking back on this writing and thinking im being so unrealistic or im worrying too much. honestly its just being so cooped up and jittery. i’m daydreaming so much because i have nothing else to fucking do and im on the internet so much. I never go on fb at all because the amount of jealousy and feeling that im missing out on my community and all the projects i could be helping out on just fucking kills me it destroys my day. but fuck, i gotta get my internet fix so i’ve been hanging out on instagram and reddit. Instagram is like FB light mixed with reddits problem which is seeing people i do not know doing their thing whether it be activism or filmmaking or even being an artist and I just think why am i not doing that?

I hate being in the limbo state because all I can do is overthink and not just do

and i just feel so held back and its my circumstances and its all going to be fucking gone starting in January and i’m so ready for it. i am feeling my body tense up and my heart rate rise just from writing this all out. its not good i know i know. like fuck. i need to live in the moment. but. Stop. taking a big breath. I’m glad I’ve written this all out. Im excited for a year from now to look at this. honestly, i kinda want to print this out and then mark and annotate on it all the things that did happen or didn't happen. i know im so fucking young and i’m going to get that time to build out the relationships i want.

#2019 #me

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beccaboosthings · 6 years

Note

1-50 for the asks❤️

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?

All the time. No one specific just I like the idea of having a different life so i can just start over

2: What is your full name?

Rebecca Bates

3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?

Im 16 and that’s the age people think I am

4: Have you ever dyed your hair?

Yes I used to have blue hair, then I went purple for a few weeks

5: What’s your eye color?

Dark Dark Brown

6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with it

My opinion on it changes everyday. Sometimes I can be like “wow I’m kinda attractive”, others I physically can’t look in a mirror.

7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

I have a basic ear piercing but thats it

8: What would you say is your best quality?

My empathy towards other people

9: What are you really bad at?

Knowing when to take care of myself

10: What talent do you wish you had?

I wish I could sing

11: Are you nice to everyone?

Yes. You could run me over with your car and I would apologize for being in your way

12: What do you think about the most?

Music or my gf

13: Things you like/dislike about yourself

I like that I help others even if i suck at it and dont know what to say, but I also dislike that i feel like i need to help EVERYONE even if i don’t know them at all.

14: What is your least favorite word?

Any sort of slur

15: What is your favorite word?

Thwack because of an inside joke with my dad

16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?

I have my dads humor and my moms empathy

17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Yes

18: A reason you’ve lied to someone

To spare their feelings

19: Are you lying about anything right now?

20: Have you kissed someone older than you?

Nope

21: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Kinda but not really

22: Do you believe in soulmates?

Not really

23: Are looks important?

24: Opinion on relationship age differences

IF YOU ARE AN ADULT AND DATING A MINOR YOU ARE THE WORST KIND OF PERSON THERE IS!! But like if you are both consenting adults I don't really have a problem with it.

25: Would you date someone off the Internet?

I currently am

26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

Yes

27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

All of my celebrity crushes

28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?

Nope

29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

I mean I was bffs with someone my friends hated for a few years (The bff of which is now the only person in the world that I hate) but romantically no.

30: Have you ever liked your best friend?

Yes my gf was one of my bffs before we started to date

31: How does someone win your heart?

Be kind and understanding. Make me feel wanted

32: What turns you on?

My gf ;) XD

33: What turns you off?

what is it called? Humiliation kinks? Where you call your partner a slut and shit wile you fuck them? Because that.

34: Do you get jealous easily?

Not really

35: What is your definition of cheating?

Doing stuff you would normally do with a SO with someone behind your current SO’s back

36: Do you forgive betrayal?

Depends

37: Have you ever been cheated on?

Nope

38: Have you ever cheated on someone?

Nope

39: How often do you listen to music?

24/7. I can't stand being in a silent room

40: First concert you attended

Dodie

41: Last movie you watched

The Nightmare Before Christmas

42: Favorite type of movie

Idk i don’t really watch enough movies to be able to tell

43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Past family struggles

44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

When I want to be

45: Do you fall in love easily?

46: Do you think people say I love you too much?

No. I think they don’t say it enough. Spread the love

47: What’s your favorite holiday?

Halloween

48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?

Yes and sometimes

49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?

Idk haha. If there is one I don’t think I have been there yet

50: What’s your “type”?

If i end up watching a tv show or something I always fall for a very specific type of guy. Idk why. They always have long hair, like without fail every time, They are always either nerdy or geeky, and they always either, look soft but could easily kill someone, or they have killed people but on the inside they are super cuddly and soft. Idk why that's apparently my type but I guess it is. As for girls, I don’t really have a type. Or at least I haven’t found it yet. Just like girls all soft and beautiful and I love them all. But mainly my gf is my type because wow she is perfect. In every way. Like how tf did I get so lucky?

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confidence-alive · 6 years

Note

oren for the ask meme with the letters of his name :3c

im….. distressed that this made me realize he doesnt have a middle name yet

E: External Personality

1. does the way they do things portray their internal personality?

pretty much? hes a very genuine person, although he does have a self-depreciating shell that comes across as asshole-ish or douchey - but that way of thinking is genuine too

2. do they do things that conform to the norm?

uhhhhhhhhh hes a bit of a frat bro tbh so i guess??? his family’s not very “traditional” in some ways i mean. youre bound to do things that dont make waves in society this is a bad question

3. do they follow trends or do their own thing?

mostly does his own thing, trends usually tend to coincide w his interests when he does them

4. are they up-to-date on the internet fads?

oren is a memeing vapelord who absolutely got vine famous . next

5. do they portray their personality intentionally or let people figure it out on their own?

hes a genuine person and likes to keep it authentic but often things get lost in translation, so there’ll be things about him that will be missed if the other person doesnt pry, and theres of course things he’ll be reluctant to volunteer

N: Never Have I Ever1. what would they never do?

this is…… also a bad question like…….. you gotta be specific. the only thing i can think is that he Would kill someone?????? he’d probably never lie to his parents

2. what have they never done that they want to do?

for some reason all i can think is that hes wondered about wearing dresses, which is kind of hard bc ya boi is 6′1 and built af………. he thinks about it sometimes but it never goes anywhere (hes not a fan of maxi dresses tho)

3. is there anything they absolutely can’t believe people do?

use ya fucking turn signals shitweeds

4. what is the most embarrassing thing they’ve done?

uhhhhh [redacted] hes cried a lot about it

5. have they done anything they thought they’d never do?

honestly dating his dfs both at the same time is…. really good. he feels like hes really lucky to be able to date not one, but both of them

O: Optimism1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

hm…… id say slight optmist? he tries to look at situations as realistically as possible and go with whichever seems more likely but prepares for all outcomes

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

if thats what the other person seems to need? hes very sensitive to other people

3. are they good at giving advice?

he gives off this air that says hes carefully considered what advice the person would need and want to hear but also, whos going to listen to the dude who thought monster coffee was an appropriate morning drink (the trick is to warm the monster first)

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

probably his dad, his pa is a realist and his mom and brother are pessimists and i dont know enough abt his dfs to answer for them

5. were they always optimistic?

uhhh sure……. as a kid he was pretty optimistic and then he got into his learning problems and that fucked him over for quite a while. as soon as hes like partway through university he stabilizes and focuses on realism

R: Rules1. do they follow rules?

if the rules are reasonable and make sense (look both ways before you cross the street, dont kill people, drive according to the manual (ok, sometimes he bends these rules), dont drive drunk) but otherwise he takes them on a case by case basis

2. would they be a strict or laid-back parent?

honestly his dad was the biggest influence on him growing up so he’d turn out to be an equally laid-back father? but he’d be very attentive, its not like he’d just let his kids run loose

3. have they ever been consequenced for breaking a rule?

Yes

4. have they broken any rules they now regret breaking?

um [redacted]

5. do they find any rules they/others follow absolutely ridiculous?

probably all the ones that enforce homophobia/ableism/misogyny/etc etc bc he grew up in a super accepting household and ya boi’s taking all this shit personally bc if he doesnt what else are they gonna do to others like? why would you be such an insufferably hateful prick and target things people cant change about themselves

#oren

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actualbird · 7 years

Text

BIG LONG POST of bakunawa boy world building under the cut sponsored by the fucking star of an anon who sent me so many mcfucking incredible asks about this au world

ohhhhh gosh i love this so so much. language is a huge interest of mine and seeing this progression of it is FASCINATING. “fog” used as the term is so fitting because supernaturals, most probably werewolves, since theyre the most common, would describe the feeling not as a loss of control, but instead like things are just...a little harder to completely focus on. and when the focus slips, other older, more magical things ring out a bit clearer, and they would follow.

moonlust would ABSOLUTELY be deemed offensive because it implies not only the loss of control but like. the sexual tinge to it would make people >:(. the moon is a very important figure for many supernaturals and while it isnt worshiped, it’s definitely respected. that big rock in the sky takes care of us, do NOT say that to it. (possible meme: dont fuck the moon)

since only werewolves come up in my head when i think of creatures that shift at full moon, this term is totally used by literally anybody who is even remotely affected by the moon. sea spirits, harpies with owl blood, and of course the bakunawa. not everybody really agrees with the implications of moonfog though. there are a bunch of spns that describe the moon’s magic as something that makes everything even clearer (sea spns mostly).

for michael, he finally gets what moonfog means when he first manifests. it’s hard to think straight when the rumbling in your head is louder than ever.

i still cant get over “fogged” tho. it’s sounds close to fucked so “DONT TALK TO ME IM STILL FOGGED UP” hjskdfdsfsdhhh

:(((((( fuck i hate thinking about the ugly bits of any world but this is real shit.

guhhh i wanna disagree with the implication that spns go berserk and kill humans tho. only because if this were true, this world would probably be a lot more dystopian. i want things to be slightly okay so:

spns rarely ever go “berserk” these days and youre kinda a dick if you still believe spns are big scary monsters. i figure a lot of aggression existed back in ye olden days, because magic is powerful and passionate and righteous, but all those things remained while the aggression diluted. prolonged and generally peaceful co-existence with humans does that. that being said, HUMANS R STILL DICKS

there are always complaints coming from spns about human neighbors not following regulation, but theyre usually handwaved away if youre in a human majority community. if ur lucky, maybe the human will get told off. once in a blue moon, theyre fined. spns everywhere look into the camera like in the office.

same would go for basically...every thing that humans deem mundane and safe but are actually harmful for spns. the blanket statement is “how was i supposed to know that hurt them?” which is bs but also school’s would only really have a super basic intro to a handful of spn biology. spns are used to being the ones to have to adjust.

like a common for all spns is that conversation they have to have with every human friend about stuff that’s harmful for them. michael was a sweetheart explaining to jeremy because jeremy is awesome but everybody else? werewolves and vampires and the such kinda have it a little easier since their weaknesses are common knowledge but michael is Rare Boy. dragons hybrids are already uncommon the bakunawa? people cant even spell it right, much less know what sets michael off. he’s joked about having a business card. “hi im michael im a bakunawa and loud noises make me feel Very Afraid thanks for listening to my tedtalk” hkjhkjkhdd.

(while im on this thread, #JustSpnsThings is a hilarious hashtag that totally exists. you know kinda like #GrowingUpWithAWeirdName thing? something like that but it’s just spns screaming into the internet. “late for my 8am lecture because a coworker dropped a box of paperclips and i Had To Count Them All FML”)

i went a bit off topic here. uh. welp

ohhhh gosh i love this!!!! especially the bit where like. sometimes it doesnt work.

the thing with spns and magic is that both are very heavily tied to nature. while magic in technology has made huuuge leaps in the past century, no witch/sorcerer architect can find a way to build anything thsat truly makes a spn feel at home like the real thing. spns totally get this and since not all of them are fucking loaded, they just make trips to wherever they have to be.

post-manifestation, michael starts driving to the coastline. he’s not allowed to stay for too long though. and he’s not allowed to go alone.

(the thing about the real thing sometimes is that the magic is so strong, you might not be able to say no to whatever it might say. the sea doesnt know how to stop calling its children. the magic doesnt know how to reel itself back.

so spns have to be the ones to adjust.)

//BIG EYES EMOJI!!!!

hrmh okay so this is def a case to case basis. generally, after the confusion of the first shift/manifestation, spns would slowly get used to it. kinda like riding a bike: once you learn it, you cant unlearn it (i think. i never learned how to ride a bike, but thats what people say so).

ive referenced in previous discussions that spns with a shifted form find that part of them selves like a separate aspect in their head that they can hear/understand. in sunny’s bakunawa fic, Sleepsong, this is illustrated beautifully:

There was a voice in his head, grumpy and rumbly, telling him he should pull back. Too cold, too cold. Michael had ignored it, of course, because he’s seven years old, he can make his own decisions thank you very much

and this is like. That’s It. going off of this, when shifted, it’s more of the former!! spns are their usual self, but that spn aspect in their head is louder or holds more control. up to the person themselves on whether or not theyll follow it.

post-manifestation, it would take maybe two or three more full moons for michael to completely get a hang of the fog and not be a loopy mess. when he starts practicing shifting outside of the full moons (where he either involuntary shifts or feels the Great Need To Be Shifted), the instincts are a little bit more dulled since he’s the one in control and making choices. i hope that makes sense kjhkfjdhkfsd

wb!anon thank you so much for sending all of this in!! this was so much fun and your brain is a STAR!!!

#@ followers on mobile: im so sorry #discussion here is mostly worldbuilding/au setting but michael pops up a bunch cuz i love him #bakunawa boy #i miss this au a lot....i cant wait to slam dunk forest so i can go back and write continuation fics //longing sigh

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roccoroks · 7 years

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VOLUME 6 DAG FILES GATHER ROUND FUCKERS.....ITS THAT TIME AGIAN! ITS STORY TIME WITH ROCCO!!!! its been a long fucking week, elevator took a shit, roof blew off and the Indians are back from cherrokee and all of this in one 18 hour period, not to mention i have a desk clerk that thinks he is supreme overlord over the internet systems and security systems and he is not. thats my job. i am to supreme pizza as he is to cheese pizza but he has yet to figure this out. anywho (count down to when someone photoshops dicks into that gif) to day started out harmless enough, bird chirping and shit, sun was out, it was like 80 degrees but that was the highlight of my day. see i was being called in because we could no longer remote view our security systems because Lord WiFi fucked up the routers again. 10:30 am i arrive at the motel..... IN MAH NEW TRUCK MIGHT I ADD! *phone rings* me: hello (bleeeeep) how my i help.... dag: YES I WOULD LIKE TO BOOK ONE OF THOSE ROOOMS, THEY GOT DAT JACUZZZZZZZZI IN EM me: (MOTHER OF FUCK COULD YOU TALK ANY LOUDER!!) YES MAM, WE HAVE THOSE (MEETING HER VOLUME EQUALLY AS LOUD) dag: HOW MUCH IT BE FO 1 NIGHT? me: just one second.....( rack rate of 59.95, 10 dollar fee for destroying my hearing in everyway possible and the 5.00 i hate you fee) mam? dag: WHAT? me: huh? oh it will be 89.95 (i rounded up) dag: last time we stayed there... me: (oh for fuck sake, here we go) dag: it was 29.45 and tax me: was not, it has never been that rate.....ever dag: it was to me: was not, i know for a fact it wasnt, our minimum rate is 49.95 not 29 (oh shit im being a asshole and jill said i wasnt allow to be a dick anymore) you may have us mistaken with another motel mam dag: i dont like your tone me: (i dont like you) im sorry mam but the truth is that our rate is 89.95, now if you stay 3 nights i can give you 10.00 off dag: (yells to here husband) HEY! RICKYBOBBYJIMBOB BASS HE SAYS HE WILL GIVE IT TO US FOR 10.00 OFF IF WE BOOK 3 NIGHTS OR MORE dags husband: SHEEEEEIT THATS ALMOST 40.00 OFF *heard in the background* me: O.o (you no math what good) dag: OH YEAH WE TAKE THAT, THATS A GOOD DEAL 10 OFF A NIGHT! me: (i seem to have made the screaming mongoose happy) ok i just need some info from you and we can get your reservation in place, when are you coming? ( i swear if you say as we speak and start moaning that the last person did, i will commit suicide) dag: uuhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... me: ( WAS THAT A FUCKING MOAN) mama? dag: HOLD ON, IMA THINGKIN (say it just as i spelled it) me: ........ *begins making the universal jack off sign* dag: oh! WE IS COMING TODDAY ME: (REALLY.....HOW CAN YOU BE THIS STUPID AND NOT KNOW WHEN YOU ARE EVEN COMING IN.....WHEN ITS TODAY!!!) *A SHORT SERIES OF QUESTIONS LATER* me: ok i need your zip code please dag: ******* (its cherrokees zip code) me: (fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.... you people always cause problems) ok mam i have your reservation right here and i will see you soon! *dag hangs up with out further conflict* -12:4.....something pm IDK- -there is a nasty storm moving is and the wind is cutting about 60 mph in straight lines and shit getting crazy up in hurr- *struggling with printer, trying to refill the paper tray* me: *grabs multiple sheets of paper* yes, take my load of white paper *wont fit, grabbed to much paper* me: how about now *still no beuno* *removes more paper* me: now? *begins shoving paper into tray at maximum force* *still to much!* me: I WILL DESTROY YOU HP LASERJET P1101W! *phone rings* me: *throws paper in fit of rage, paper now covers 95% of the desk* .... O.e FML!! hello how may i help you? Jill: rocco? me:.....what jill: the cameras still dont work, i cant see shit on my phone me:......no shit? that might be because i have yet to get to that problem.... jill: dont be a ass just fix it me: why does this need to be delt with right this moment, im in the fight of my life with this stupid printer.... jill: i need to be able to watch everyone work... me: ......pervert.. jill: blow it out you ass me: you would like that wouldnt you...*heres her hang up the phone*...PERVERT! *TURNS AROUND TO SEE A LARGE LADY STANDING IN MY LOBBY* ME: hello what can i do for you? Dag: yeah hunneh wez gotza reservation widjall (good luck reading that shit) me: oh ok, whats the first name .....*notices she has what looks like a cross tattoo on her right shoulder*....thats a interesting tattoo you got there dag: oh this old ting? hunneh thats from a long time ago... me: oh is it tribal? (she indian so must bee) dag: sweety child no thats a pork chop... me:..........(BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH WTAF!) *snicker* uh...how come *pfssssss* i mean to stay *choking back tears* what pork chop dags husband: *from the couch in the lobby* BECAUSE SHES A FAT ASS! me: e.o.....(ho god ho god ho god! i cant do it! i just cant do it) falls in the floor laughing my ass off dag: mothafuck i told you not to speak! bitch you want to eat tonight dont you! me: (oh shit!) snaps to attention dags husband: pfssss wtf ever you know who wears the britches in this relationship! me: (shut up dude, this bitch has the size and capacity of a small bread truck, you may never be heard from again) here are your keys enjoy your stay (please dont eat me) *dag leaves, phone rings* me: hello how may i help you? jill: rocco me: now what jill: moms dog is sick me: i dont care jill: oh and bobby is sick, you have to cover third shift tonight, we have 3 late reservations coming in and you need to take care of it *loud noise heard in parking lot* me: OH SHIT NIGGA! THE ROOF JUST BLEW THE FUCK OFF AND LANDED ON A CAR! JILL: WHAT?! *hangs up phone and runs outside* me: *see that part of the roof has blown off and landed on one of the maids cars* OH THANK GOD, its just marys car thats distroyed. mary: OH YEAH BECAUSE THATS SOOOOO MUCH BETTER! me: meh.....*goes back inside while mary rages out* -12 am now...things are quiet.... to quiet... me: *le derpin on the omputer* *loud thud heard from outside* me: maybe its just thunder and it will go away. *more more disturbing louder noises heard from out side* me: please be thunder! please? please?? *yet another loud noise followed by muffled cussing and a loud clang!* me:.....my suspicions are now aroused..... *phone rings* me: front desk customer: yes we are in 304 and there are some people fighting on the balcony. me: yes sir i will get right on that! - it was that this time all hell broke loose- me: *looks out in the parking lot to see not one not two but all, yes all of my patio furniture from third floor laying in the parking lot and just then i see a tv fall to the ground* HOLY FUCK! *runs out the door* *screaming that i could hear running up the steps to 3rd floor* "your a piece of shit! i cant brelieve you would smoke my last cigarette you boofalo fuckin squirrel shit eating ass clown" me: holy shit! porkchop is fucking pissed! *arrives out of breath to 3rd floor* HEY HEY HEY! YOU TWO NEED TO KNOCK IT THE FUCK.... *pork chop throws a ash tray at me, just as it passes me i hear it break the sound barrier* me: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! *DUCKS* WTF! LOOK YOU BEST STOP OR IM GOING TO CALL THE COPS! *porkchop is now ignoring me and is attempting to throw her husband off the 3rd floor railing, yes they are hammered drunk* dag: "ima kill you, you sorry fucker! how dare you smoke my last cig!" me: *calls the cops" 911: 911 whats your emergency? me: yes my name is -------- and im at the --------- and there are two indians beating the shit out of each other on my patio 911: sir? me: SEND THE COPS! THE FAT ONE IS TRYING TO EAT THE LITTLE ONE! 911: ok sir units are dispatched and on the way me: *hags up phone and hides in ice room* -about 29 seconds later, two squads show up- me: oh thank god! -by this point the husband was locked in the bathroom narrowly avoiding being eaten, and porkchop was dragging out all the furniture on to the patio saying all the while " your ass can live outside just like that chicken of yours!" me: wtf does that even mean! - cops arrive on the balcony to find me hiding in the ice room and porkchop the great white grizzly bear destroying the room- cops- mam, your under arrest for destruction of property and DIP (drunk in pubic) dag: *grabs a remote off the table and squares up to fight.....i shit you not...* cops: *circling the enraged wildebeest, one goes in for the kill and nails a lucky blow to the back of her knee and she drops like a 900 pound bag of booze, shit and regret* your going to jail! me: oh snap! 20 mins later after filling out a report cops: ok have a nice night. me: wa....wait, whos going to help me clean..... cops: no me... *leaves* so there i sat, parking lot covered in furniture, 3rd floor could legally be turned into fema for government aid and 302 completely destroyed. me: *looks around......locks the doors and goes home*

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starspangledsteves-a · 7 years

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i’m having to run around again, but i just wanted to post this so everyone knows where i am. idk how to say this … but i’m not feeling great. i had a bad day yesterday, one bad day, why am i being like a baby? well i had one bad day and because i was - i am sad i watched this other evans movie and it made me sad and fucking cry and i can’t get that one scene out of my head and i can’t disassociate this song that played with chris, not his character, chris crying. because that’s all i really saw when i watched it and i just wanted to cry with him and none of this makes sense.

okay, what i’m trying to say i feel really sad rn and i haven’t been able to shake it. and i don’t … want to? it’s like, yeah i can still smile, i can still laugh, i can SCREAM, but then it falls back to me being sad. and the things i’ve been listening to i can’t dissociate it with something sad or being sad, but i like it. idk how to describe it. i wouldn’t call this depression but idk. this must sound so confusing and the fact that i’m spilling it all over the internet … i’m sorry. i guess i’ll give yall a little hint into my life: i’m a very optimistic person. very. things rarely ever keep me down, it’s impossible for me to stay down and then i see something that makes me laugh. and all the friends i’ve ever had in my life, know that. i think that’s why they’ve liked me so much. i think that’s why ppl haven’t picked on me, all throughout school. sorry … i’ve always wondered that. i was nice to everyone. like, they’d feel guilty if they picked on the nice kid.

and i’ve had friends literally thank me for being so nice, and i’m just like … being nice like a human being? and i’m always wondering, with my friends, has no one ever just been nice to you? has no one ever treated you like a decent person? because i’m just being nice. i’m not doing anything extra. and that makes me sad too, if that were ever true. because i love them. sorry … thinking outloud.

all the to say, i don’t want steve. slade. or johnny to suffer because i wanna feel … pain. not physical pain, but emotional pain. idk, i feel like i need to get something out and this is healthiest way i can do it. i’ll be online, but preferabbly when everyone’s probs gone, it’s really late my time or something. cause i think rping can help too … the good and the bad. since i’m still kinda happy. but i don’t think i wanna talk to anyone … i love yall. i do. yall are like my second family and that might be a stupid thing to say but i do. and probs because of that, i don’t want yall seeing me like this. i sound so happy all the time … … … i don’t wanna hurt anyone’s feelings for being sad. god, i care too much about ppl. i’d probably die for every one of you, just like cap. i’m too nice. but i love yall. and i know we’re all here for each other, and then i leave msgs like this, i won’t let anyone in but i’ll tell ppl i’m in pain, and if you’re lucky i might tell you. i don’t like telling ppl my shit, I DON’T KNOW. I just wanna bottle up in inside and make other ppl feel okay. cause maybe it feels like weakness, but it’s not. I know it’s not, it’s strength, and when yall tell me things it’s not a weakness. but i feel very vulnerable whenever i talk about it myself, however small it may be. like i’m already soft, i don’t need to be more vulnerable. god, like you’re weak mipsy. you’re weak.

i hate this entire msg already.

idk if i’m having a crisis or a breakdown.

so i kinda wanted to spend this time alone, idek if i wanna talk to my rl friends. but i might. it might help. and i don’t wanna bog yall down when i see all these new people and these characters. i’m just thinking about my life too, and i deep think about that shit, and i get caught up in it cause i like deep conversations. i like deep stuff. but i love yall, and even tho i spent more or less 6 years on my own, i don’t wanna shut myself out from the world. and i know that’s not healthy. because the last time i shut myself out from the world and felt lonely, not alone just lonely? i was just a kid.

and i asked my mom what she would do if i killed myself.

but i was too afraid to do it because i was afraid of pain.

i remember one of my best friends used to cut, and she’d show me, and it broke my heart, because i wanted her to stop. there. that and the thing about myself i don’t like to tell people. i don’t think i wanted to say this stuff either, cause i didn’t want ppl judging me, but i’m fucking saying this shit. fuck, man. and i’ve had friends who have gone through a lot worse shit than i have, like suck it up mipsy. you’re living good compared to a lot of the world, my problems aren’t valid. i’m gonna go. i need to leave. but if you really wanna message me, go ahead and IM me. just pls don’t take it personally, if i don’t msg you back immediately. i don’t think i’m depressed, i’m not suicidal or anything not anymore, … … i don’t wanna say this either, but occasionally i have the sucidal thought, nothing to worry about, because i always remind myself why i’m here. there’s so many things, so many memories i wanna make in my life. and then i’m cool again.

i just think apart of me wants to cry. and it’s so hard for me to cry. other ppl cry and i can’t. i always thought something was wrong with me.

idk what i want.

so i’ll give the body what it wants.

#pls feel free to ignore this #idk #i'm sorry #trigger suicide #trigger suicidal thoughts #trigger mentions of depression

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asplashofvodka · 7 years

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B.A.P. Party Baby NYC 2017 Fan Account

So it’s like 80 years late buuuuutttttttt I figured I might as well write down this fan account to continue with the tradition. I’m going to put concert, hi touch, and photo together into one. Gifs and photos included, pray for your internet.

Alright, so I came into the city late the night before the concert and met my 2 friends for a relaxing night. Sadly I had to work that day so I missed some of the earlier fun. We stayed near Grand Central for a change this year. We hung out in the lounge of the hotel for a while and just joked around most of the night, a much needed precursor from what was gonna be the day from hell.

So while we enjoyed our night for bit we actually had two of our friends lining up before us that we were planning to join a little after midnight. When we were just about to leave she actually called us and told us that security had made them all leave because it was too cold and they didn’t want anyone getting hurt or anything. It was nice because it was FREEZING that night, and if you’ve never been to Terminal 5 it’s right near an underpass and next to the water, not the best combo for camping out.

SOOOOOO onto show day!!!!

We lined up around 6 a.m. … we gave our friends a break since they stayed out. Steph, Megan and myself were nice enough to bring hot packs for majority of the line cause everyone looked like a popsicle. After the line was split up we actually got lucky enough to be interviewed for the Fomo Daily video, thank god a lot of the awkward stuff got cut out. <_< 12+hours in line wasn’t so bad for the simple fact all of our friends were in line with us.

So fast forward to concert time.

Our view.

Real life right here. I’ve never been this close for a concert of a group I hardcore stan. So although we were in the corner of the stage we had… an eventful, let’s say, evening.

I have to give props to the DJ B.Shoo cause he just had to go and pull out songs we weren’t expecting. I honestly can’t even remember what the song was but all of the people in my section were LIT. There was actually a staff… possibly manager standing there and he started to record the crowd. Where that video went, the world may never know. So he leaves after he records and then another Korean staff member shows up and stays by the curtain we’re in front of. Normal enough… or so we thought.

The DJ’s set ends and the intro video starts playing. Cue all the craziness and excitement. While everyone is going insane over the video, my friend Megan and I both notice people appearing one by one behind this curtain and we start to lose our shit. Honestly, it was like, “Oh, I think I see someone behind there… oh look two more… SHIT THERE’S 5 OF THEM…6 NOW!” All while this staff member is laughing at us.

First song was the Hurricane Remix. I’m not a huge EDM/House person so I can go along and tolerate it. Lol

Next was BADMAN. BITCH YES. JUST YESSSSS. This remix is still hands down my favorite. I was hoping they were all gonna hit the choreography flawlessly like last time but alas Himchan. First he was too early and then completely forgot what the hell he was doing and actually slipped off stage while laughing at himself. LMFAO Jongup and Zelo still killed that choreo IDGAF!

After that was No Mercy and BANGX2. I honestly couldn’t even tell you what happened during this cause I was too hype. The only thing I remember was the long ass staring contest Daehyun and I had for NO DAMN REASON. NONE WHATS SO EVER and none of my friends noticed it, but it is in photo.

I’VE BEEN WAITING MONTHS TO HEAR FINALLY HEAR THAT’S MY JAM AND DO WHAT I FEEL LIVE. I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED AT ALL. I FUCKING LOVE THESE SONGS. I was ready for it, my friends were ready for it but the staff member was surprised as hell at our enthusiasm. He was thoroughly amused by us.

Dancing in the Rain is always a cute song, you can’t hate it.

The dress code pick happened next. That was an interesting 5 minutes. So, Himchan is my bias, not secrets there. I was dressed for a Himchan pick is all I’m gonna say. My friends thought it would be hilarious to SCREAM AND SHOUT for him to pick me… from not only next to me but also in other spots down the front where others were standing. -_- Guys,pls. At one point they screaming so loud and pointing at me that not only was the staff member DYING AT MY SUFFERING but Youngjae and Daehyun started to look over to our area and I had to duck and hide behind people. Let’s not ever… nah no. It was a cute little segment though, I totally would’ve spilled my drink on Himchan too if I would’ve been that close too. Them feels are seriousssss.

NEXT WERE THE SOLOS AND BITCHHHHHHHHHHH…. WHEW LAWD.

I believe it was Jongup, Zelo, Youngja in terms of order but my feels were attacked so I can’t be sure.

JONGUP. MOON. FUCKING. JONGUP. HE DID NOT COME TO PLAY WITH THE HATERS, BAND WAGONERS, AND DENIERS OF FEELS. TRY MY LUCK THERE’S NOTHING I CAN SAY ABOUT THIS THAT DOESNT INCLUDE AN OBSCENE AMOUNT OF SWEARING. Just know you guys got the tame and PG shit for TV promotions. FUCK IT UP, MOON JONGUP FOR LIFE.

Zelo decided that the year 2017 he would return to his sweet and innocent appearance after fucking the floor last year. Thanks, bro. Appreciate it. The song is actually really cute though and I need the recorded version, get on that TS.

YOUNGJAE.

YOO.

YOUNGJAE.

I have this deep deeeeppppppp LOVE HATE with Youngjae (mainly love but still) he didn’t have to come for life this way. I didn’t need it, didn’t want it, I just wanted to live peacefully that day. His solo…. I literally found the corner of the banister, rested against it, covered my mouth in amazement and didn’t move for the duration of his solo. He didn’t have to remind me why he’s bias 1.5 like that. Jesus. Also I need that studio version too.

Fermata, I Guess I Need U, and Body and Soul… Im not even gonna try and explain the level of I CANNOT reached.

Skydive, Young Wild and Free and Wake Me Up in a row… OT6 FOR LIFE. FUCK ME UP. They killed it and us.

Now for Wake Me Up apparently we did a little much. As if we didn’t go hard enough for the other two songs, us continuously doing the choreography got us recorded during Wake Me Up… by the staff… who also turned out to be one of their managers. At first he tried to sneakily record us but I caught him and laughed and he stopped. Then he did it again and didn’t care that we saw him. Which he then scurried to the backstage area as soon as that song was over. Yeah….

So after that Zelo came back out and take us the hormone increasing dance (2014 concert goers should remember that one). No one knew what the fuck they were doing it was hilarious.Check on starts playing and all of sudden my friends and I start to notice that BAP is gradually looking more and more to our corner, which for the most part went kinda unnoticed for the other half of the show. Now I’m not gonna say they saw it, but I can say for a fact that manager posted it on his instagram that same night. (which also took me a whole week to find ) But the next bunch of songs were the fun ones Spy, Feel So Good, Be Happy and Carnival.

They did their usual goodbye talk before performing B.A.B.Y *thug tear* That was supposed to be the end, but it wouldn’t be a BAP concert without an encore. They did BANGX2 again.

Now it’s time for the Hi-Touch and photo op shenanigans.

They had everyone with Hi-touch go first, they turned it into a whole damn exercise circuit. Just what everyone wanted to do, climb 3 floors, come down and go back up. But anyway… So the panic was real guys. So the order I can remember was Youngjae, Zelo, Daehyun, Jongup, Yongguk and Himchan. Literally my death in the beginning and end.

So before we get to go up to the guys the staff is doing their annoying “phones away,” “don’t give them presents,” “hurry up” speeches. I roll my eyes and continue walking to the guys.

Youngjae is first. Lord jesus I wasn’t mentally prepared, but my makeup was still in tact. *bless you Laura Mercier powder* He is the only dude I know that is ALWAYS ready before the damn fan that’s meeting him. He was already eyeing me before I got up to him. His usual smirk followed by a cute smile after I hi fived him.

I was actually proud of myself this hi touch cause I was able to look at and actually hi five everyone this time while still mentally dying.

Next was Zelo… he’s tall as shit… why? Anyway he smiled and I high fived him and went on to the next one.

JUNG. DAEHYUN. What’s your deal, bro?! So I get to Dae, I was prepared this year to feel close as fuck to him as always. Apparently he was not and made it obvious… VERY OBVIOUS. So I get to him and look him dead in his eyes and this boy legit goes O_O and looked shocked as al holy hell. I actually tilted my head a little and giggled at him and he kinda recollected for a second, but I felt victorious for once.

Megan 1- BAP - 3 Years

Anyway… onto Rude Boy Jongup. So he was right after Dae and ISTG I don’t know what was going on that night but he too felt the need to look at me with a squint but from under his fringe so I was confused.

Next was Gukkie! He’s so cute and friendly at hi touches. He looked so good though, thank goodness I’m not a Guk stan. That’s like instant death.

So last but not least, Kim Himchan.

One question, just one. WHATTHEACTUALFUCKHIMCHANWHYTHEFUCK?!

We’re going to take a little mental journey to understand this. So Himchan is last but he’s not behind the table like everyone else. He’s actually at the outside corner, so if you’re walking towards him you can see him straight on not an angle.

Ok so as I’m done hi fiving Yongguk, I turn so I can face Himchan, normal course of action right now. Would’ve been a quick go through had when I turned his hand be ready for a hi five and he would’ve been looking at my face.

Till this day this part gets me all flustered and gets my nerves going. *deep breathing*

So I turn slightly to see Himchan checking me out in the most shameless way. This man is a greaseball and I KNOW THIS. BUT NOTHING. NOTHINGGGG COULD’VE PREPARED ME. So he’s checking me out, at least from hip/thigh area and slowly pans up to my face and then proceeds to bite his lips and smirk at me and then put his hand up for a hi five.

We’re gonna have seat for a minute cause LORD HAVE MERCY IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME AT THAT MOMENT TO CONTAIN EVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING.

For reference Himchan’s face was basically this Xuimin gif.

Like… how does one act normal in this situation. Well if you’re me, you try to give off the most controlled shocked face and act dead inside so you don’t get arrested.

For reference

Me:

So I high five him and proceed to high tail it the entire fuck outta there as quickly as possible. I made it to the hallway where I then had my breakdown, still couldn’t speak and explain anything then though.

If you had photo op they made you go allll the way back up stairs and pick your groups. Two of my friends are Zelo bias so they weren’t even gonna attempt to take a pic with each other. lmfao So we found this other group of girls and I deadass went and asked any of them if they were Himchan bias and luckily no one was. Then this staff comes over and is like “Who wants to be line leader?” I was like fuck it i’ll do it. I get to be the first person to pick a spot duh! So I tell my friends to line up behind me so they can get to their biases before the other girls and they do. So we get downstairs and we’re dying all over again cause now we’re the first people they see in the line and as soon as the group thats with them leaves, Youngjae and some of them look over at us. Great,

I look Youngjae in face again, smile and casually walked and stood in between him and Himchan. My other friends got lucky and all got to stand with their bias too. *YAAASSSS* Now, I had made it a mental note to stand a little bit away from them cause I have a butt and didn’t want to bump into one of them. All I would need to haunt me forever. Despite all my attempts, I did end up bumping into someone… I don’t even wanna know who cause I’m traumatized enough from that day, lol But a girl was rushing to kneel in front of me and I scooted back just a tad and bam… leg or something. I’ve never readjusted so fast in my life. The picture was taken and I took off in a diagonal for the gift table cause we left our stuff over there. (One of the staff was not happy about it but we didn’t care) There was amusing shit that happened on the other side with my friends Daph and Megan but I can’t even begin to get that story correct. All I know is Daphne booked it for the table while I was waiting for her and had BAP in hysterics.

Then as we were leaving we told the manager we would see him next year and ran out of there as fast as possible.

Also here’s Himchan’s face in our photo… which I conveniently compared it to the FSG face for you.

If you find the full i’m the one in the red.

‘twas a hell of a night.

Fin.

#BAP fan account #BAP #LOE NYC 2017 #party baby world tour #himchan #yoo youngjae #daehyun #zelo #yongguk #jongup #hi touch #jesus lord help #the feels are strong with this one

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eyes-like-honey · 7 years

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This day. This day you looked so beautiful. You looked like an angel. An angel that I never wanted to leave. I probably don't deserve you. I'm an evil person. Everyone likes to remind me of that. I've done the most fucked up shit. But I've only done it out of love. The love I wish I could get back but never do. Everyday it seems like your feelings towards me seem to fade more and more. And everyday it gets harder, more and more. I miss passionatly staring into your eyes. I miss the tight hugs I give you, that turned into slow dancing rocking back and forth in our dark living room. The ones the filled me with love I want to have forever. I hope you go back and read the pages of messages I sent you. When you use to look at me a different way. The things I told you, the things I wanted you to know; of why you should be with me. I know words don't mean much to you;and actions do. And I could do a million things for you. But I can't. It's not fair. He has a car. He can get you flowers. He can get all this shit to make love potions to make you fall in love with him again. But I can't. All I can do is write. I use to write all this stuff for myself. To the only person i trusted. But then I began to trust you. And now here I am writing away. I hope you read this. Because I will delete it after today. And I hope you do look at this tumblr everyday. Because i will post things. Things that are hard for me to write. And i probably will delete. I want you so bad. I know I'm crazy. And I know it's cheezy as fuck. But I'm crazy about you. For real. Your the most beautiful and perfect creature I've ever seen. Your laugh fills me up with so much emotions I can't explain. When you stare back I have to look away. Because Its like staring into the eyes of an angel. It's hard to have and hug everything you've ever wanted. And then the next day not being able to hold it. It feels like a cruel game. I fuck up so much shit and i really don't want to fuck this up. But my emotions take over. The only problem I have right now. Is that I can't be with you. Joseph is a gaint barrier I can't break down because I don't want to lose either of you. My phone is full of your pictures and videos. And i look at them everyday. Every fucking day. They're frozen moments of times that make me so happy. When your smiling. When your happy to be with me. And I like to think they're moments of happiness caused by only me. Moments of frozen times where we're both filled with pure happiness. Even this tumblr. I made it because it'll be on the internet forever. Even if it gets deleted. You can go on the dark web and see it. I want the memories of you and I to be forever. And if your not here anymore. Or if Im not here anymore. We can look back at this and remember what could of been. Even if it takes 30 years. And we don't even talk I want you to see this. See what could have been. What a relationship with someone crazy over you could of been. How crazy happy your life could be. The way I act. I acted for you. I never want to hurt you. Even if it feels like you've hurt me. I say shit that I shouldn't. But like I said. I tell you everything. Because that's what you want. That's why I'm writing this. Everything is falling apart. And it's because of joseph. He's here. Always. He's here Always watching. Always when I'm at work. Your alone with him. He tells you things about me. He tells you things to blur your vision of the future and to think of the now. I miss the old days. When we went to Dunkin donuts and get our iced coffees. Where I didn't have to say anything about our future. Where you could imagine and know how us together could be like forever. And how Joseph's and your future looked. I miss the days where we awkwardly went to stores and the mall together and people thought we were together. When you said I can say you were my girlfriend, even when we werent as close as we were today. Before I told you how many feelings I have about you. But now we havnt been hanging out alone. I dont even remember the last time we were alone. The last time I remember was when you ran away and I had to tell joseph to stay away. We were alone at the mall. But I'm pretty sure he was following us. And looking for us. We weren t really alone. But when we were there at the mall together. Even when he was iin the same mall. You were happy. We were happy. We held hands, and hugged. You posted snaps of us. And you didn't care what he saw. I miss you. I miss you so fucking much. And I want it to be like old times when we could spend time alone. I want you to remember the memories because that's all I have, because I'm not sure if I'll be able to have a future with you. And everyday it seems like it's fading more and more. That your forgetting everything we've been through before joseph tried to stop everything we had. Because he's always here. When we were alone. It was real. Real happiness. And now that we don't have real happiness. I'm losing you slowly. I don't want you to have a baby with him because he almost lost you and now he's just going to lock you down with a baby. I don't want you to see him after 9 months holding your baby awkwardly. And not being the person he tells you he'll be. If it took 3 years to finally see what he was doing to you and almost lose you. I don't think your future with him will be okay. I know you guys will have so many problems. And if your already wondering how he's going to look when he holds your baby. I feel like it's already a big red flag. I wish I could show you our future together. How perfect it could be. I wish I could do things for you. The actions and not words you want but like I said it's not fair. I can't even get a ride to the dmv. I can't go get you flowers. I can't go see you on your breaks everyday. Because I WOULD. That way you can never be alone. Guys won't come to you. And I can befriend your friends And we can all go do stuff And go out. And it wouldn't be a burden like it would be for joseph. I want to spend every second with you.i want to go to olive garden and pick up food for you without you askijng so you can eat an amazing dinner when you get home from work. I want to surpirse you with things, and do things for you at home. Like massage your back or feet. I want to take you on crazy adventures. Around tucson and road trips across the country. I want to see the world with you.Joseph can do that stuff RIGHT NOW and before and he doesnt. He can make you happy. But not pure happiness. I know I can do that. I can do that for you but if your still not choosing, joseph will shut everythijng I do with you down. Because he thinks I'm not allowed too. Seriously everything he's doing right now. Is stuff i told him to do 3 years ago. And stuff I told him right now in the middle of this shit storm to help him look good even when I'm trying to get you too. To help.him out. Now it feels like it's biting me in the ass. But it's only the basics I told him. And he's only doing the basics. I'm not basic. I will be extra. Your the girl that needs the extra. The one that need more than just a guy that loves you. You need someone to make your life the most amazing ever. Don't you want to live life happy everyday? Don't you want to brag to your friends and hair stylist/when you go to the nail salon about your bf? Don't you want girls telling you how lucky of a gf you are? How they wish they found a guy like me? I know I can do that. And I never lie to you. You are precious as fuck and I don't want to lose you ever. Because I can see our future together. Our future nights out. our future adventures. Our future wedding. Our baby. Our future house. Our future as old people. Before you I was literally nothing. No had no purpose in life. Art was just a distraction. I was waiting for my mona Lisa, the masterpiece and art I want to stare at my whole life. And you see me. Staring at you. Even when I'm not at you or your mad at me. I look at you in awe. Your not mine. But you see me amazed by you. Your personality. Your jokes. Your smile. Your stare. You tiny ears. Your laugh. I see your goals in life. I see where you want your future to be. I see everything about you. When i stare at you. And when you stare back. I see not only you. But my reflection in your big beautiful brown honey eyes. I see how all of you and how all of me can be together. And I'm forced to look away because my heart beats too fast. I start to not breathe. Because knowing I can't have it. Terrifys me. My body is trying to kill itself when we look into each other's eyes. Because it just wants to go to a place where me and you are a thing. To go to a heaven to stare at you forever. I want you to believe were soul mates. But I can't when we can't even be alone anymore.like we use to. When we had fun pretending we were bf and gf. Tonight I'll be trying to fall asleep and you'll be in the room with joseph with the door closed. Most likely going to have sex. Even though last time you had sex with joseph on acid. He said some horrible stuff about you and how you looked like to him and how it traumatized him. But when hes horny it doesn't matter who you or what you look like to him. He'll still try. And while in there. I'll be going crazy inside. I've been trying so hard to not let my emotions go crazy. But you mean everything to me. Your are the only thing I care about in this world. And when your not by my side . I go crazy. When your locked in your room with him with the door closed. It seems like you choose him and not me. Someone who destroyed what you could of had. And is picking up the pieces and your letting him super glue it all together. Rather than the guy that would NEVER let it get to that point. And when we were alone. I know you know I can make you happy forever. And its the happiness you want forever. Please for the love of god though. Don't go into his room when your on acid.ornhave sex with him. I care about you. And I hope you care about me enough to respect me. I can't tell you what to do.or how to feel. But if you know it hurts me please dont do it. I would never intentionally want to hurt you emotionally. If i knew you didn't want me to do something I would never ever do it. And even when your high. I want you to remember me. And maybe think about us. And not only him. Just because can be there and not me. Remember you said you'd rather be with me than him at the mall. Remember if he wasn't here you would choose me and not him. You even told him that to his face. I am fucking crazy. But it's a good type of crazy I swear. It's only for you. I will give you a baby today. I know I can handle everything. Unlike him. I'm mature and I've had so much more responsibility in my life than him. I pretty much raised joseph and every baby animals or toddler myself. The foster kids. 4 kids and i was more of a parent than my own mother. I quit my job for them.when my mom babysat a relatives toddler. I was always there to take care of them too. I know can be a father. And I'm crazy enough about you to be your babies father. I want to prove to you how serious I am about you. I swear to god . Choose me. I'll give you eveything youve ever wanted and more. And you won't regret it. If you choose me. I can finally show you. In just need a chance. The chance joseph got and failed.

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perfectionistincrisis · 7 years

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Day 83, 84

Didnt post for awhile cause I needed to get some thoughts straight in my head. Idk if i could get them totally straight and i dont even know whether i will ever be able to get them to but its okay i think. I mean it just comes with the baggage of life and inshaAllah I will deal with it along the way whenever it is in action.

So theres been many thoughts coming in my head but then all of it can be connected and related to each other so its just more like one big massive ball of thoughts. I will try to mention whatever comes in my head for now. But hmppphhhh where do i start *wonders*

Okay so i have 2 start points, ill pick the one which is currently still a thought cause the other one is kind of resolved :3

So this is about this conversation i had with him a year ago, exactly around this time last year. I will not talk about our conversation on the internet :3 but just what it was about so that I can get to what it is in my head

Well we werent really going through a good phase back then and once he told me something about ‘love’ & ‘duty’. Like there are things you do out of love, and there are things which are ‘duty’ but you do not love doing them but have to anyways.

The thing is, it is kind of hard for me to understand the relation between ‘love & duty’. To be honest, i did get what he meant back then, and things were different back then (meaning, we were going out) & if not so much, but you could put what he said into context at least a little.

But now, I just dont understand the connection, nor can i appreciate the difference between these two terms. When i say i dont understand the connection - i mean to say i dont understand it, but i believe they are more related and similar than they are different.

When you love someone, and they mean the world to you, and you put them before yourself. You can do anything for them, to protect them, to make sure they are ok. Their happiness matters to you so much. It is so important for you - because you love them unconditionally. and also because when they are not happy, you are not happy either. So you want the best of the best for them, for their happiness,

“and in turn - for yourself too”

“and in turn - for yourself too” ---> this is why I dont understand this difference. You see when you love someone and you want all of that, you always wish you could do something for them. and you actually do everything “possible for you to do” for them. And when you cant, it kills you and you ‘wish’ theres something you couldve done. Now all these wishes, all these wanting to do something, all these prayers, all these urge, these pain - these are just a package. They come along when you fall in love. And they are there.

Now in other words ^ I think i can simply say - “you feel like its your duty to take care of them, to do whatever you can for them”

Now what is “duty”? Idk what it means front he dictionary point of view, but for me it responsibility - and responsibilities/ duties - i think i can come up with 2 types right now - one that is enforced upon you (you dont like doing, maybe) BUT then there is another one - One that you enforce upon Your. Own. Self. because of your affection for someone/ something. Now i really want to point out that there is no “pressure” here in the second one. You are doing it to yourself, technically you can snap out of it but you actually can not. YOU wont let yourself do that. YOU will bound yourself to care, to love, to worry, to act out - you believe its your responsibility.

AND there is nothing bad in it. In fact i think it is amazing!

Why i am pointing this out is that - this is the only way i seem to appreciate the connection between ‘love and duty’/ love vs responsibilities - I think they are are the same. atleast for ME, they are the same. So i have been trying to look deeply into it, and find out something that ive been missing out to appreciate the difference but every single attempt to do so leads me to this same concept which i just mentioned. and it is more like something being solved even before i sat down to figure it out. it all seems so simple.

now how this plays in my daily life right now is how i always wish i could do something for him. now idk much about him obviously cause we dont communicate. but still wondering if he is okay - and worrying about him, and thinking of him - i dont need to make myself do that cause its there by default - and on top of that this tiny feeling of guilt engraved at the bottom of my heart because im aware that there is only so little or lets say nothing much at all i can do ----- that, i believe is the duty/ responsibility i was talking about. something i brought onto myself and i dont mind it at all. but this is the very same reason why i dont get the difference between love and duty at all. i dont think you have to give someone your word in order to have a responsibility towards them. I believe if you love someone, you automatically feel like its your duty to take care of them.

At least thats how it is for me!

so yeah, theres that. i always feel this way. everyday. I really pray that day comes soon where i can do way more than just sit and worry about him, inshaAllah

Now thats that! like i said all the thoughts are related. So now ill move onto the “fear”. Now about the fear. well

misunderstanding and misinterpretations

misunderstanding and misinterpretations - these are always there. always. even when people ‘communicate’ they indeed fail to communicate well. Now just imagine how ‘cool’ it gets when you dont communicate - not so cool

I mean it scares me - is something giving the wrong? anything i do, or anything i say - is it something he’d like? does it seem not right? i mean i have no intentions of hurting him or doing anything negative but it is only human nature to make assumptions - or to misinterpret something - or to misunderstand - and it is not anyones fault - because although there may be a million reasons why one could get a wrong message - one of the main ones are fear once again or being worried, or caring.

So yeah, theres always this fear at the back of my head, trying not to be irrational. and when things are bugging me, trying to shut up, stay shuttttttt instead of acting out. because, this moment will pass, but something i express just out of current volatile mood could get to him and do i ever want that? nooo

^ so that is one of the reasons why i dont always blog. and also the same reason for this weekend drama!

Okay so this is the other stuff i could start my post with. this is fun loll. so i still am not sure whats up but this is my solved case lol - as in what i figured out myself and think is actually what happened. so i woke up on friday and i saw one of his tweets. it seemed to me like it was the time when someone last checked into some social media. UH WELL. and yeah thats it :) that is what got in to my head. a lot of things at once actually. i guess ill just point a few -

1- someone lucky enough to get that much attention from him that hed tweet something like that. i mean its definitely not me, cause all i could think of was whatsapp and well i have the time thingy hidden there AND ALSO, honestly i never had any real conversation, like a real one where im instantly replying to someone and shit with anyone i think after we stopped talking - basically i cant communicate well with people - i feel like having a normal conversation where i sit with my phone and talk to someone and actually bother to give them instant replies is too much of commitment & no i cant put that much effort for anyone ------ so yeah, that kind of made it clearer that obviously its not me, i dont even go to whatsapp! Bleeeeeh - well yeah later i just think i figured its some other app - idk - or maybe there just is a special new person :)

2- It just started to seem really really disturbing - how the tweet bothered me so much. I mean i have no right to get bothered. Like what am I? I mean we’re definitely not together right now. And we dont talk. And even if we were together just saying, i definitely dont want to be a creepy chic who has a problem with things like these. like, woah hold your brakes. who are you to feel bothered by stuff like these :)

3- And then i realised that i really need to take a BIG BIG step backwards - like Breathe, honey. chill. dont let every little thing get to you. EXPAND your mind, think bigger. i mean im not thirteen anymore and this is not a teen fiction novel where teenage girls get jealous over stuff, and everything bothers them, and blabla shit. Ugh hindi movies and tv series are the same too lool. ---- Wel anyways long story short - i was just - “Training my mind and soul to just let go and think bigger”. I shouldn’t be getting bothered by things like this in his life, thats not my place right now i think!

SO YES THATS IT - UH i finally got to jot down this stuff! Such a relieffff ~

So lets re-cap :3

~ Aha, so turns out im basically always thinking about him, theres guilt wishing i could do something, theres fear hoping i dont screw up in ways im too stupid to even realize, and theres me being a little girl, but one badly in love! ~

Ok bye :)

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sadrien · 8 years

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Ok so YES I love the long distance internet friends au but consider! Long distance wrong number au

honestly anon, thank you so much for this tonight.

i took long distance and made it loooooong distance to the point where it probably doesn’t make sense, but ~~suspension of disbelief~~

texts between adrien and the mystery person (wow i wonder who) are in italics because theyre in french. also i didnt want to bother anyone so ‘numéro inconnu’ is from google translate so im sorry for….that

finally i tried to streamline how i do texts for this just because the way i do texts is usually a lot clunkier? so it looks more like wanna chat but isnt in like….the contact names are still what the other person would see? like when it says pretty boy thats ninos contact name for adrien and—

frick just tell me if its too confusing and tell me how to fix it im really tired

[on ao3 in case the read more is a butt and wont open]

2:51 PM unknown number: Did this work????? unknown number: a;slkdfjadj its me btw unknown number: I mean duh its me who else would it be unknown number: If you screenshot this conversation al I swear to go d Ill kill you

Adrien squints at his phone. Not only does he not know this number, but the text are in French. That’s…unusual. He thinks that it’s a lucky coincidence that his father is from France and insisted he learned the language before replying.

2:52 PM numéro inconnu: I think you might have the wrong number. numéro inconnu: Sorry if my French is bad I don’t speak it often and I write it even less

unknown number: Ohmogd unknown number: IM SOSO RRY IDNT MEAN OT unknown number: AHHHHH I MUSTCE TYPED IT IN WRONG???????? unknown number: Im sorry IM osrry Im sorry Im s orry Im sorry!!!!!!!!!! ; ^ ;

It takes Adrien a minute to translate the texts with the typos. He’s not nearly as fluent as he thought he was. His dad will be thrilled about that. Maybe he needs to mention to Nathalie that starting Chinese has left him a little rusty with his French…

Not that this is going to be a thing. Because it’s not. He’s not going to keep texting some random stranger from— Wait a minute.

2:54 PM numéro inconnu: On the off chance of sounding really stalkery numéro inconnu: (I’m not sure if that’s the right word, I had to use Google Translate) numéro inconnu: Do you live in France?

Yup. That question is just as creepy as it sounded in his head. Adrien spins slowly in his chair as he waits for a response, completely disregarding the homework he needs to have done before he leaves for fencing.

2:57 PM unknown number: Ummm unknown number: I dont know if i should be telling you this random stranger I texted by accident unknown number: But seeing that its a big country unknown number: ANd idk how youd find me to like murder me or something unknown number: Yes. Im from France unknown number: Why??

3:01 PM numéro inconnu: It’s just that numéro inconnu: I live in the United States so… numéro inconnu: I’m trying to figure out how you got a wrong number that…wrong numéro inconnu: That sounded mean I’m sorry!!!!!!!

Adrien puts down his phone and groans. Scaring people off from literally an ocean away. He’s always known he’s not the greatest at socializing but this is some next level shit. He stares at his darkened phone screen for a minute before deciding that whoever he’s been texting is probably extremely weirded out and won’t be replying.

He’s strangely disappointed by that.

And while he could go back to doing physics work, he’s not going to. Because now he’s distracted and he doesn’t really want to be thinking about sound waves right now. Maybe in like fifteen minute, because sound waves are cool and add a whole new layer to music that he kind of loves, but not right this second.

The next time his chair spins past the desk, he grabs his phone and pulls up his conversation with Nino.

3:09 PM pretty boy: Have you ever been texted by someone who has the wrong number before?

duuuude: yup duuuude: it was weird af duuuude: didnt turn into a full convo cause they never responded

pretty boy: What did they send?

duuuude: a rad horse painting and the message ‘jen painted another horse’

pretty boy: Ok wow yeah that is kind of weird

duuuude: yeah i didnt respond duuuude: but then the next day they asked about florida?? and flooding??? and were like yo have you seen or called anyone and i was like oh shit i should probably respond because this seems important incase theyre looking for someone

pretty boy: Yeah that sounds like a smart move pretty boy: Did you ever hear back from them

duuuude: nah duuuude: unfortunate too i wouldve loved to see more horse drawings duuuude: anyway that was kinda a random question any reason why you ask?

pretty boy: I got a text from a wrong number pretty boy: From France

duuuude: what the fuck duuuude: bruh international texting fees duuuude: good thing youre rich my dude

pretty boy: Nah it’s ok it was all iMessage

duuuude: bless duuuude: so was it like duuuude: in french

pretty boy: Yup

duuuude: aw man you lucked out duuuude: is it like a full conversaiton??

pretty boy: Idk they haven’t responded in like 15 minutes pretty boy: It was nice while it lasted

duuuude: :/ rip

Adrien blinks in surprise when a notification from the unknown number pops up at the top of the screen. He clicks it immediately, not even reading any of the text before he does.

3:27 PM unknown number: I dont?????? KNow???????????? unknown number: My friend got a new phone and wrote her number on my arm but her writing is always kinda a mess and also I smudged the numbers because IM a mess and I unknown number: Somehow???? unknown number: PLUS I managed to add the us country code????

numéro inconnu: Well I’m pretty sure that’s just a 1 so that’s understandable

unknown number: And any other numbers I needed??? Hwo did I?? unknown number: I don t know how I did it D: unknown number: Ohmy god and I just realized you probably dont want a million texts from a total stranger in a language you barely speak?? unknown number: IM SO SORRY ILL STOP NOW unknown number: YOU SEEM REALLY NICE SORRY FOR WASTING YORU TIME unknown number: OK BYE

3:36 PM numéro inconnu: It’s fine! numéro inconnu: My dad is actually from Paris so I do know French numéro inconnu: I can’t really say I’m totally fluent in it but I spoke it a lot when I was little numéro inconnu: This is good practice! numéro inconnu: And you’re weren’t wasting my time at all, I promise

Good going, Agreste, he thinks to himself. Over enthusiastic and weird. He tries not to think about it too much and goes back to physics. Physics with its constant equations and complex numbers and waves and waves and waves and waves. It gets a little easier when he’s able to connect it to something he knows. He can hear frequency in his music and beats when he tries to tune instruments. He finds his fingers itching to spread across the black and white piano keys and lose themselves in the music.

By the time Nathalie is calling him for fencing, he’s mostly forgotten about the conversation he had with the stranger across the sea. Not entirely, it’s still in the back of his mind, but he’s moved past the disappointment of likely never speaking to them again. While he’s fencing, his mind has no room for those thoughts and he throws them away. He won’t be needing them again.

When Adrien checks his phone after practice for schedule updates from Nathalie or texts about the weekend from Nino, he finds a single text in French at the bottom of his pile of notifications.

He can’t stop himself from smiling as he opens it. He’s not exactly sure what time it is in France right now, he assumes it’s fairly late and doesn’t expect a response anytime soon, but he replies quickly anyway. His reply is short and simple, but he doesn’t know what else to say, so it’ll have to be enough for now.

Maybe this is a one time thing. Maybe it isn’t. He’d like it to be the latter, but right now, he’s just winging it.

4:02 PM unknown number: Well if youre really really sure… I mean I wouldnt be talking to you often obviously!!! But it might be cool to know more about America? Ive always wanted to visit and wow this probably is super weird and Im so sorry for that like this conversation hasnt been weird enough already ahahahhhhhhhhh but um. I just mean to say that if you wanted to maybe keep talking I wouldnt mind?

5:19 PM numéro inconnu: I’d love to keep talking if you want to! :)

#Anonymous #Thanks from the Argo!#adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #nino lahiffe #my fics #i shouldve gone to bed an hour ago i feel like total garbage

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