#all the pretty new shinee content is my job at this point so im gonna be real sad if i miss something)

[speakofcompersion]

Ajdhskdbskldgnlkjss i'm away from the internet for a week, and so many things happened??? 😫😭

[lovelytonys]

The Official Lovelytonys Guide to Iron Man Comics

Not to toot my own horn, but I’m about to save some lives. Buckle up.

Six months ago, I was asked for comic recs. I’m posting those recs today. Why so long? Because I couldn’t just make a rec list, no, I’m too extra for that. I had to go and make, to the best of my ability and knowledge, my own entire personal guide to Iron Man comics. I also have a tendency to start projects and not do them. But I did this one! And now I share it with you.

For your assistance, I’m going to link this Comic Book Herald article which is a full Iron Man reading order (LIFESAVER) and has links to amazon to buy the collections & arcs being talked about if you are so inclined.

You can find comics on amazon, ebay, the marvel website or Marvel Digital Comics Store (you can buy digital versions of comics), or just find a local comic shop and see what they have. You can easily find any comic you want free to read online, but the websites are a little shady. I’ll leave it to your discretion.

Disclaimer: Remember that these are all my personal opinions. Often, they will not line up with popular opinions. You might really like stuff that I didn’t care for. You might dislike my favorites. You might agree with my opinions. If any comic fans read this and are offended by any of my opinions, please don’t be!! Opinions on comics are SO subjective, just find out what you like and stick to it. I just figured I’d lend my own personal helping hand for you get started, because doing so can be intimidating.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, let’s begin under the cut! (If you are on mobile...I am so, so sorry about this)

Short version (the recommendation-y part)

Recs because I like them:

Iron Man Volume 3 (1998)- #1-25 (my actual absolute FAVORITE RUN of all time and my number one recommendation. It’s by Kurt Busiek, Roger Stern, and Sean Chen), #26-30, #62-63, #73-78. Iron Man Volume 4 (2005) #1-35.  Invincible Iron Man (2008) spanned many years so you should read at least some, and it has many fans, but I am not one of them, so I’m not gonna rec too much. Issues #1-6 and its epilogue, #7, are worth a read and the arc spanning #8-19 is probably the best from the era, I would say that I enjoyed that arc. Next is Brian Michael Bendis’ stuff, which has a pretty bad rep and while I don’t hate it as much as others do, I wouldn’t say I love it. It is, however, the most recent completed run & important stuff happens, and there’s some good stuff here and there, so yeah. I don’t really have any specific recs from here...just read the whole thing and see what you get out of it or scroll down to the guide section and see the highlights I picked out. Invincible Iron Man (2015) #1-25, and Invincible Iron Man (2016) #1-600 (they changed the numbering halfway through, it’s not 600 issues it’s only I think 19).

Recs because important stuff happens even if I don’t necessarily like them:

Civil War I (occurs during the Iron Man run starting in 2005), Civil War II (occurs during Brian Michael Bendis era), Iron Man (2012) #9-17 “The Secret Origin of Tony Stark.”

Long version (the guide-y part)

First off, I’m going to tell you that my suggested starting points are Invincible Iron Man (1998) which was my starting point, and Invincible Iron Man (2005). Much more on those below.

I haven’t read Mr. Stark’s classic adventures yet because there’s a daunting number of them and I still need to find a starting point, so we’re gonna start with...

Volume 3 (1998):

Okay I have SO MUCH to say here because I’d die for this volume!! It’s considered by many to be nothing special but there’s a lot to appreciate if you’re a fan of Tony in the way that many are here on tumblr- caring about character development & character moments first and foremost. I’ll break down my favorites for ya

#1- does a good job of setting the tone for Tony and this era of Invincible Iron Man. Some nice Tony character details are in there. Volume 3 is started with Kurt Busiek writing (later joined by Roger Stern) and Sean Chen on pencils. I LOVED this team, this is my FAVORITE run of Iron Man that I’ve read, PLEASE read all 25 issues. I thought Busiek understood Tony really well and I just loved the way Chen drew Tony (and everything else), and their first issue is surprisingly enjoyable for mostly existing to set the groundwork for a fresh start.

#4-5- I think this is where the run starts to kick into gear. Tony’s on-and-off girlfriend for the era, Rumiko, is introduced and she’s fun (but as the years went on, deserved much better writing). Tony kicks some butt & is a hero.

#6- an awesome Iron Man/Black Widow team up. It shows a really nice friendship between Tony & Nat. Also, Nat kicks butt & it’s great

I’m recommending every issue that builds Tony’s relationship with Carol Danvers (at this time, she was Warbird, not Captain Marvel). #7, #11-12, #18, #19, #21, and #23-25. Their storyline details Tony’s endeavors to help Carol overcome alcoholism. At least read the Carol parts of the issues she’s only in a few panels of. Major highlight of the Iron Man comics I’ve read. Also- knowing this background will definitely make Civil War II have more weight

#8-12- Tony gets the actual daylights beaten out of him and then some, leading into a compelling 2-issue Mandarin arc, this then leads into an interesting 2-issue team up with Warbird that gives us an answer as to why his injuries were so bad. It hurts but it’s good

#13- an actually really compelling single-issue story that involves some trippy, creepy mind control stuff and takes a look into Tony’s head- specifically questioning whether or not being Iron Man has become an addiction. You can’t tell yet but I’m trying my hardest to not recommend every single issue

#26-30- The Mask in the Iron Man arc. This is the first issue without Busiek writing- Joe Quesada steps in and it’s good stuff. It’s also Sean Chen’s last arc. It starts with Tony punching a guy in the face to protect Rumiko but getting punched back and having to wear a nose splint- it’s really cute. Then Tony and Ru run into relationship problems. Then the Iron Man armor becomes sentient, basically falls in love with Tony, and kidnaps him on a remote island. Wait-what? Yeah, it’s really weird in hindsight, but while you’re reading it, it sure does pull you in. One of the biggest standouts of the whole era and something of an instant classic. Also, the first few pages of #31 give you a little aftermath.

#37-40- this wasn’t my favorite arc but I’m recommending it just because of how wild it ends up being. These were the days when IIM wasn’t afraid to have a big imagination. And I mean big, like, who thought of this? Well, Frank Tieri is writing at this point (he’s okay, not my favorite of the volume), and Alitha Martinez & Paul Ryan are on pencils (it’s fine, but you’ll miss Sean Chen) (you’ll always miss Sean Chen). Also, a major player in this arc is Tiberius Stone so maybe read it to know who he is.

#50- “Tinman”. Issue 50 was meant to be a place for new readers to jump in. Mike Grell & Michael Ryan are at the reigns as writer and artist. Grell’s characterization was fairly solid, my favorite next to Busiek in this era. His version of Tony is more in touch with his emotions, I guess, than some like to characterize him. Sometimes he gets aggressive when he’s angry but there’s also a lot of really sweet moments and they portray him as doing a lot of good, like funding a rehab/safehouse for kids on the street. Grell’s stories are generally grittier and more violent but Tony himself doesn’t really take a dark turn. Issue #50 has both action and a VERY SOFT Tony, definitely recommend it

#53-55- “Book of the Ten Rings”. Again, it’s grittier than the stuff that came before it, but it’s good. Once the main story wraps up, something really important happens at the end. Also, it’s important to note here for people that weren’t previously into comics that at this point, Pepper and Happy are a thing, not Pepper and Tony as seen in the MCU

#59-61- “In Shining Armor”. Tony travels back to Medieval times and it’s not exactly a good time for him but it’s a wild time for us. Gotta love a good old fashioned time travel arc

#62-63- “You Can’t Always Get”. Oh god PLEASE read this one, if you only listen to one of my post-Busiek & Chen recs this is the one, the Tony content is so precious

#73-78- “The Best Defense”. The arc detailing Tony’s journey to becoming Secretary of Defense because yes, that happened. A very interesting concept to watch Tony go through and one of the most notable stories in this era.

Volume 4 (2005):

This is the last of what I consider the Really Good Stuff (except for Civil War, but we’ll get there). These comics defined Tony Stark as we know him today, and you’ll notice that MCU Tony was definitely influenced by them. If you’re starting here, it’ll be Iron Man as you basically already know it. If you’re coming here off of Volume 3, then you’ll notice the tone of not just the stories but of Tony himself get darker. For whatever reason, writers looked at Tony and said “let’s find ways to bring his morals into question bc that’s Interesting!” It’s not bad (the Iron Man title, that is- Civil War is bad) but it doesn’t really reflect what came before it, I guess. I’m recommending all 35 issues bc why not but I’ll break it down for ya & make sure to point out my favorites

#1-6- “Extremis”. A must read. One of the most iconic Iron Man stories in 21st century comic history. It’s on everyone’s list. You are, as an Iron Man fan looking to get into IM comics, legally obligated to read this. This would also be the arc where I believe the MCU looked for inspiration for Tony characterization. Also Extremis obviously ended up in the MCU but it’s like way different in the MCU than in the source material

#7-12- “Execute Program”- Basically, Tony is screwed up post-Extremis. Poor guy. Please read this. Directly leads to Civil War…

Civil War (2006) #1-7- Ugh. So. Civil War. In my personal opinion- not a fan. I actually like the movie MUCH better and imo the movie is the way this should have been written. Unfortunately, you’ve gotta read it because it’s an important event. You’ll see people calling it “Tony Stark characterization murder” and THAT’S VALID. Like. Tony suddenly became...a villain?? literally the worst?? under the poorly written guise of “just doing what I have to do” but the stuff that happens….it just can’t be explained with “doing what I have to do”. Honestly it reads like the writers just wanted to pit Tony against Steve and didn’t care about keeping him in character. Tony basically had to be turned into a villain to make the story work because In-Character Tony would not have fit their needs. It sucks and I don’t want to recommend it but you have to read it because it affects so much that comes after it.

THE ONLY CIVIL WAR ANYTHING YOU SHOULD SERIOUSLY CONSIDER are tie ins and oneshots and I will tell you a couple

Invincible Iron Man #13-14- IIM’s CW tie ins. Issue 13 comes after CW #2, issue 14 after CW #5. Read these 

Captain America/Iron Man: Casualties of War- oneshot to be read after Civil War #4. Tony offers Steve the chance to try and talk it out. Both explain their positions and a lot of comic history between them is brought up.

Civil War: The Confession: SO after CW, SPOILER SPOILER poor Steve is assassinated in Captain America #25 (it’s actually more wild than that bc superheroes don’t just die but whatever) and this is a oneshot with two halves, the first takes place after Steve is dead and is Tony-centric and I LITERALLY CRIED and the second takes place when Steve is imprisoned before he is killed. PLEASE read this

There’s more tie ins involving Tony that you should read but I’m sick of talking abt CW

BACK TO THE IRON MAN SOLO TITLE

Sooooo the title now changes from Invincible Iron Man to Iron Man: Director of SHIELD but it’s the same book

#15-18- It’s Tony’s first story arc as Director and it ends up being kind of wild actually

#21-28- ��Haunted’. Starts out as a sort of murder mystery thing, spirals into something much bigger. Also, poor Tony is so screwed up in the head but what’s new. Definitely read this one

#29-32- ‘With Iron Hands’. Basically, an entire arc of Tony feeling guilty about his past?? Pretty much. There’s also a terrorist and a giant weapon and more fun stuff. The last you’ll see of Tony for the volume bc stuff goes down in the Secret Invasion event and War Machine takes over for the last 3 issues of the title. Wish I could be of help in regards to Secret Invasion, but I haven’t actually read it because I haven’t been able to find it. Just, idk, google search the plot of Secret Invasion like I did and you should be able to get by

Invincible Iron Man (2008) AKA Other Volume 4:

Okay lots of comics fans think this is one of the best Iron Man runs in history and I respect their opinions and perhaps you will share them but I’m gonna cut to the chase here: I am not one of those people. Look, I read all 62 issues so I have a fair opinion, and I’m just not a huge fan. Matt Fraction is writing and Salvador Larroca is drawing. In my experience, the stories drag on and it gets to the point where you’re just bored. I think I read the 89 issues of volume 3 faster than I read the 62 issues of this because I was just so bored with it. Also, I’m really not a fan of Larroca’s work on the book. I really disliked the way he drew Tony and the more I looked at it, it almost made me...uncomfortable? Some of his art is kind of gross imo. Plus, I didn’t love Fraction’s Tony characterization. I can’t quite articulate why, it just didn’t sit nicely w me. There were some moments where I thought “oh yeah that’s Correct” but many other moments where I thought “No Why Did You Write That”. He was good at writing some wild and intricate stories but sometimes I felt that character got lost in the midst of the action. That’s just me though, you might really like Fraction’s run, and there is some stuff worth pointing out.

#1-6- ‘The Five Nightmares’. A fairly iconic modern Iron Man story. Tony’s worst nightmare comes true when the son of Obadiah Stane uses Stark tech to cause absolutely horrific acts of terrorism. It gets pretty serious, but it sets the groundwork for this entire era of Iron Man. As far as Fraction stories go for me, it’s one of the better ones.

#7- Five Nightmares Epilogue. A team-up of sorts with Spider-Man that I actually genuinely think you should read, especially for the ending (and because Peter & Tony clearly wish they could be buddies again in this post-Civil War world).

#8-19- Okay it’s really long but I remember it stood out to me, all I remember is that it’s basically Tony Stark Brain Annihilation over the course of 12 issues and it hurts like heecckkk. Actually I’m gonna say definitely read this one. Also Rescue happens and that’s A Thing you should know about. Stuff gets fixed in the next arc, #20-24, but it’s not worth recommending imo so don’t read this if you’re gonna read it but if you’re not just know that SPOILER SPOILER Tony is fine except he accidentally erased Civil War from his memory (god I wish I could do that). SPOILER OVER

I think I’m gonna end it there for Fraction issues of interest. There’s probably more in there I should be recommending but I just. Can’t be bothered to comb through Fraction’s volume sorryyyyy I’m just not a fan

Iron Man (2012):

So this run is by Kieron Gillen and I don’t really want to recommend anything from it. I didn’t love it as a whole. Gillen laid way too heavily into the idea of “Tony Stark is a walking ego”. The stories were kind of interesting in theory but I thought the execution was mediocre for some reason. Although, not necessarily the art but specifically the coloring was nice- very vibrant. The actual art was by Greg Land who comic fans really seem to hate. I didn’t think his work on this was too bad idk. Again I don’t really want to recommend anything so there’s only one thing I’m putting on here and it’s:

#9-17- “The Secret Origin of Tony Stark”. So here’s the thing. Kieron Gillen said to himself “I need to do something that turns Tony Stark’s identity on its head. I need to redefine him”. And he actually kind of succeeded in that. And it’s actually annoying and it actually feels like something that should be retconned…. but hasn’t been?? And since it hasn’t been, it’s going to be important going forward so you should probably know about it. You could also just google it.

Invincible Iron (2015) by Man-Brian Michael Bendis

Yes, the infamous BMB. So, what’s the truth about his run on Iron Man? Is the amount of hate warranted? Well…that’ll be for you to decide. Personally, I think it was generally...meh. Not necessarily terrible just. Meh. Many fanboys act like this run is the bane of their existence and I don’t think I dislike it to that extent at all. I mean, it gets boring after a while, but the good moments are really enjoyable and I think it’s worth reading. Bendis’ characterization was sometimes weird because it felt notably inconsistent. However, the moments when he nailed it, he really did nail it. His Tony is a bit of a dork, a bit of a hot mess, a little vulnerable, and the moments when that’s at the forefront are great. There’s also some notable stuff going on here- Civil War 2 falls under this era (I hate it less than the first one but Marvel could do 50 Civil War events and I will probably not like any of them), and so does Riri Williams (who I love, just to get that opinion over with). Finding recs for this era is kind of weird for me because the things that stood out were almost never actual issues or stories, but rather specific character moments, so like, the volume is only 14 issues so tbh you can just trudge through them all and savor the good moments, but I’ll try to pull some recs out for ya

#2, #3- just for some character moments. These two are a part of a larger arc so it might be a little confusing to read them on their own but who cares

#4, #5- Tony fights ninjas and visits kids at a hospital and MJ Watson & Doctor Strange make appearances so it’s kinda cool idk

#9-11- only because you meet Miss Riri Williams, the other parts won’t make sense since it’s in the middle of an arc but eh. Honestly the actual story didn’t strike me as being very special so like unless you’re into it you can just skim for the parts that Riri is in since she’ll be important later

Aaaand CIVIL WAR 2

Civil War II #0-8- okay I don’t dislike it as strongly as I dislike the first CW but I still?? Don’t like it?? Like at all? But something really important to Tony’s stories happens at the end and Tony is one of the main characters in the event so like. You should read it. The main problem I remember is that the pace felt so slow. This event is Iron Man vs Captain Marvel which kinda hurt me bc of how much I loved them from 1998’s volume but it’s fine!! They never address their past in the actual event but there’s a tie-in that does so that’s good I guess. Just get through it idk what to tell you

Back to Invincible Iron Man

#12, #13, #14- tie-ins to Civil War II. #12 and #13 I think come after CW2 #2?? Maybe?? And I think #14 comes after CW2 #6?? Anyway #14 actually acknowledges Tony & Carol’s past so you should give that a read while going through the event.

Invincible Iron Man (2016)

Sooo some Serious Stuff happened in Civil War II that’s going to have an effect that lasts a while. I don’t wanna spoil it, though. When you do get to the end of CW2, you can rest assured that Tony will still have a major presence as a character in this title, but Riri Williams takes the spotlight. Opinions on her are mixed, I personally love her. This, like its 2015 sister, can honestly just be read all the way through, it’s only 19 issues, but I’ll try to find stuff. Also, Tony & Riri’s banter is ALWAYS golden so just read to enjoy it tbh. On we go!

#1, #2- gives you the background on Riri now that she’s taking center stage. She’s just so darn endearing.

#11- It’s basically an issue about everyone reflecting on how Tony is a good person and different from how the public perceives him. He holds orphaned babies from around the world. It’s good stuff.

#593-600- the numbering changed, there’s obviously not actually 600 issues lol. So yes this is kind of long for an arc, but it’s important because it resolves what happened to Tony in Civil War 2. I remember getting bored with it after a few issues, like it wasn’t bad I just remember it feeling slow. Idk. It’s important. Just read it.

Stuff that I don’t think is worth your time:

Invincible Iron Man volume 2 (1996)- I think Marvel was doing some kind of reboot or something because Iron Man’s origin was redone as well as The Hulk’s. It’s amazing how a run that was only 13 issues felt like such a large waste of my time. I didn’t think there was anything of note. I basically don’t even remember what happened in it. Also the sexualization of women was so casual and constant on top of the run not being particularly remarkable so yeah don’t waste your time  

Superior Iron Man (2015)- I dislike the idea of this so much that I don’t even want to explain it ugh it’s a spin off of an event called Axis that involved some psychic type stuff that altered the personalities of those involved, boosting Tony’s worst qualities and making him evil. Marvel then decided to make a series about it and it’s only 9 issues but wow it’s amazing how hard it can be for me to get through 9 issues. I could barely read it I just so strongly dislike this idea ok so basically Evil Tony creates Extremis 3.0 which is an app that lets a person make themselves physically into the person they wish they were (In the pages of Axis, Tony personally made himself not an alcoholic because that’s not disrespecting an incredibly important character detail and there was one particularly awful panel of him drinking alcohol in front of a crowd of cheering people and saying “I missed you, sweetheart”). He is testing this app on San Francisco and effectively creates two classes of people- the “perfect” people who could access the app and the “imperfect” people who can’t and that goes about as well as you’d think. Then he makes it obscenely expensive to use which also goes about as well as you’d think. And more stuff happens. Here’s the thing. I’m sure many people thought the concept of a villainous Tony Stark was cool, but I just don’t like the implications of it. The way it’s written kind of gives the idea that, with his personality, Tony could easily become a villain. Given that some people already think of Tony Stark as a villain, reading it just made me cringe. And the WORST thing about it is that, while this is a result of Axis, it’s still Tony himself. According to the writers, he has “surrendered to his id and his legendary ego” (god I’m about to gag) after the mind-altering events of Axis brought those things out in him. Despite my qualms, was the book well-written? I will never be able to read it that objectively, so I can’t say. But clearly, as you can see by the size of this here rant (sorry), I dislike the very idea of it enough to put it on my “do not touch” list.

Okay. Wow. I finally did it. Wow. Six months and it’s done.

I am simply the mentor figure in your hero’s journey. As you get used to navigating comics and reading orders, you’ll find it easier to venture out, and there’s so many ways to go. A character crossed over into something you read and you liked them a lot? Look up their reading order. A writer or artist really impressed you? Do a google search and find what else they’ve worked on. There’s a whole world of comics out there. Go have some fun.

I leave you with 3 rules of being a comic fan:

1. No one hates comics more than comic book readers. We’re bitter because we care. You’ll be like a jaded war veteran who writes a thousand word rant about why a certain author’s mischaracterization of your fave offended you personally way faster than you’d think.

2. Follow the trail of what interests you and, while acknowledging what may be widely believed, proudly own your personal opinions.

3. It’s addictive. Embrace it. You start with one issue, and before you know it, you’ve read 200 issues and know 20 years of history on one character in less than a year. That might be how it goes for you. Just go with it.

Happy reading!

[curly-q-reviews]

ROAD TO THE OSCAR MAYER WIENER AWARDS 2K19

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, 2018 (dir. Joel Coen, Ethan Coen)

Nominated for: Best Original Song, Best Costume Design, Best Adapted Screenplay

SPOILER ALERT THAR BE SPOILERS AHEAD ME HEARTIES BE YE WARNED

wowee what a cool film!!  i went into this not knowing much about it except it was directed by the Coen brothers (directors of Fargo and The Big Lebowski) which set real high expectations for me.  these guys are real masters of storytelling and what immediately come to mind when i think of movies that know how to effectively use dark humor.  i also love the kinds of stories they tell in general, how they take subjects and settings that seem kinda mundane and just give them this little extra spark. 

so is this newest film just as good as their other work???  well id say yeah for sure!!!  it reminds me a lot of a film they did shortly after The Big Lebowski called O Brother, Where Art Thou?, because theyre both period pieces AND because they both feature a myriad of eclectic and interesting characters.  the one thing that makes The Ballad of Buster Scruggs really stand out from their other films however is the fact that this is actually an anthology made up of six different stories, all set during the same time period in The Wild West.  its also worth mentioning that this movie was made to premiere on Netflix, which is something ive started to see more and more as the streaming platform becomes the new go-to source of media content.  its very exciting to see such prolific directors go the Netflix route and have great success with it, because it means that the platform really is capable of creating high-quality movies and TV shows and working with big-name talent.  im sure the big hollywood production companies are all quaking in their lil booties cause this means big BIG changes are on the horizon

ok so ive reviewed anthology series before, notably Black Mirror, and with those reviews i ranked the short stories in order of least to most favorite.  so i guess in this case ill do the same, although its hard to really rank these cause i truly enjoyed all of them in different ways.  there was one however that didnt really tickle my fancy much, which was “Near Algodones”.  this one stars james franco as a bank robber who seems to have met his match in a fiery (probably crazy) bank teller.  he gets caught and hung from a tree by the town’s sheriff, but nearly manages to escape death when a Native American tribe swoops in and kills the sheriff and his crew.  james franco is saved by a cattle driver, only to be caught again by the next town’s sheriff for allegedly trying to hawk the cattle (which was not the case at all).  right before they kick the chair out from under him at the hanging, he sees a beautiful woman in blue, who at first smiles at him but then looks unnerved as he stares back at her. 

i think with this one the ending really didnt do much for me, i kinda didnt get it.  i did understand the whole irony behind surviving punishment for a crime he DID commit but getting hanged for a crime he never committed, and the bank teller was pretty hilarious, but everything else about the segment was just ok.  james franco didnt really blow me away (he never really does but thats besides the point), the rest of the performances were fine, and the story just kinda zipped on through.  maybe ill give this one another watch to see if the ending makes any more sense to me, or if theres any sense to be made from it at all

next up for me would be “The Gal Who Got Rattled”, and this segment i have mixed feelings over.  its about this brother and sister who set out on the Oregon trail so that the brother can get his sister to marry his business partner in Oregon.  the sister seems like a kind of wishy-washy, subdued character who just kinda goes along with whatever her brother says without giving much of her own opinion.  i gotta give credit to zoe kazan (who starred in The Big Sick) cause she does a great job with this character, totally spot-on performance.  ok so turns out the brother is a fucken HORRIBLE businessman who screws up all his business deals all the time, and he tragically dies like two days into being on the oregon trail.  he has this annoying-ass dog that barks all the time and everyone else on the caravan is sick of it, so when the brother dies the sister just lets one of the trail leaders put it down.  turns out the sister like did not like her brother at all but was always too afraid to say anything.  now getting back to the bad businessman thing, apparently he had promised the helper boy that is helping move their covered wagon a large sum of money, half of it halfway through the journey and the rest when they get to oregon.  problem is, the sister doesnt have the money, so it was either left in the brothers pocket when he was buried or there wasnt actually any money at all and he lied, y’know, like a bad businessman does.  the trail leader who put the annoying dog down offers to help her, and the two start to get close.  so now its like a pseudo love story thing.  except it ends pretty tragically (the sister dies its a long story and pretty ironic just watch it if u wanna know)

so uuuhhhhh this one was long as shit, like a lot longer than the other segments when it didnt really need to be???  like it just kept  going and going, and again the ending didnt really make up for how long it was.  i really liked zoe kazan in this, but otherwise nothing to write home about. 

number four on my list would have to go to “All Gold Canyon”, which basically just follows the story of a gold miner in the mountains trying to get that money honey.  this segment is the simplest one out of the bunch, but i gotta say its absolutely gorgeous.  what beautiful scenery and cinematography.  it provides a nice contrast to our disheveled, run-down gold miner who is just tearing up the beautiful grassy fields trying to get to this gold.  there seems to be a theme in this one of man’s relationship to nature, and how the gold miner does put in effort to respect it but still takes advantage of it for his own benefit.  and i guess theres a broader theme of greed, or the ruthless and endless pursuit of wealth which can drive people to do crazy and desperate things.  i definitely really enjoyed this one, especially the gold miner character played by tom waits.  but otherwise it didnt stand out as much to me as the other segments im gonna talk about

SPEAKING OF WHICH heres number three!!  “The Mortal Remains” is right up my alley, and has some more mythical elements to it than the other segments ive talked about so far.  so we have a wagon full of passengers all going to this hotel for various reasons, and its a really diverse cast of characters: we have the older wife of a prolific religious lecturer, a rich Frenchman, a trapper, a foppish Englishman, and a cheery laid-back Irishman, the last two seeming to be companions of some sort.  they all get on the topic of the true nature of mankind, and the three characters opposite of the strange pair all have something different to say.  the trapper believes that all people are inherently the same, with the same basic needs.  the older woman disagrees and insists that there are two kinds of people, upright and sinning.  and then the Frenchman says that both of them are wrong, that human existence is much more complicated and nuanced than that; no one persons life is exactly the same as another’s.  and then we have the Englishman and the Irishman, who turn out to be bounty hunters of some sort (is heavily alluded that they are grim reaper-type figures).  they explain their method of completing their kills, and talk about how they enjoy watching their victims “try to make sense of it all” in their death throes.  these two clearly have a much more cold and sinister idea of the nature of mankind, and the rest become very unsettled all the way to the hotel.  no one else even dares to step out of the carriage while the bounty hunters drag their latest victim through the front entrance and up the stairs.

oh man this segment was great!  i think the reason its third on my list is cause i really wish there was more to it, like if the Coen brothers spent more time on this one instead of “The Gal Who Got Rattled” it would be perfect.  Jonjo O’Neill and Brendan Gleeson as the bounty hunters were so enthralling, and i loved watching them play off of each other.  hell, i couldve had a whole movie featuring those two.  and the screenwriting really shines in this segment too.  this segment almost feels like a fable or something, which is really fitting for the time period.  makes me wonder if they had based it off of an actual fable.  but anyway yeah this ones awesome!

i had a hard time choosing between “The Mortal Remains” and this next segment for second place cause i liked them both equally, but in the end “Meal Ticket” gets #2 purely because of the utterly fantastic performance by Harry Melling, who plays a quadriplegic actor in a traveling show run by liam neesons character, an irish traveling entertainer.   the story itself is really simple, we just see this disabled actor be carted from one town to the next, doing the same stage show which is basically just him reciting famous prose throughout the ages.  meanwhile liam neeson is trying to get as much money as he can out of the audience members.  he doesnt interact much with harry melling outside of feeding him and helping him piss and get dressed.  u get the sense that he doesnt really see his disabled actor as an actual person, but more of an entertaining object or a pet.  and this becomes even more apparent when the irishman gets some competition from another traveling entertainer who has a chicken that can do math.  he sees this chicken getting more money than him, so he buys it off of the other guy and takes it with him.  and finally, the poor limbless actor is literally and figuratively tossed aside for the next best thing.

man oh man what a great segment!  harry melling blew me away with his performance, the fact that he was able to get such a nuanced range of emotion out of the few lines he was given (basically he had to recite the same shit over and over again) was so impressive to me.  and his non-verbal communication was really solid too.  liam neeson did really well in his role too.  and again the story itself is really great, simple but effective and really gets the point across without having to beat the audience over the head with its message. OH YEAH ITS REAL GOOD LOVE IT

and finally we have my #1 pick, which i think the directors knew this was the best one out of the bunch too cause its the first segment as well as the title of the whole movie.  “The Ballad of Buster Scruggs” has that signature Coen brothers wit and dark humor that i love, it plays off of typical Western movie tropes and is very tongue-in-cheek and i ate that shit up.  tim blake nelson as the titular buster is just so fucken perfect for this role, he really shines in this and its kind of a shame that its one of the shorter segments cause it really is the best one and he knocks it out of the park.  we got some great music in this segment too, which is where that Best Original Song nom comes in.   this one also has some strong fable-y vibes to it, like this story could be amongst the likes of American folklore like Paul Bunyan and Johnny Appleseed.  i wont get much into the plot of this one but i highly recommend watching it, even if you dont wanna see the rest of the segments. 

the segments fit together pretty well overall, although the tone of each of them differs slightly the fact that the setting and time period are the same is enough to firmly knit all these stories together.  its a really unique idea for a movie, and is so far the best attempt at an anthology movie that ive ever seen purely because the stories really all make sense together and play off of each other well.  in other anthology movies ive seen like The ABC’s of Death the segments usually dont have much at all to do with each other, except that they all fall in the same genre.  so overall id say give this a watch, especially if ur a Coen brothers fan, cause theres some real good stuff in here.

well thats all i got for now cowboys!!  i watched Roma the other day and CRIED REAL HARD so get ready for me to kiss that movies ass in a review that should be done in the next few days.  until then go uuhhhhhh lasso a cow or something.  chew some tobaccy.  fondle a barmaids titties.  die of dysentery.  y’know just old west things~

[anenium]

i’ve never loved a music group as much as i love seventeen. i was over stanning idol groups by the time i ran into them and was focusing on university and finishing my thesis and etc, so i can’t stress enough how much each and every member are ALL extremely special to me for me to make a whole new space in my life for them. but obviously i have a favorite, and he has treated me so well since the very start, and i want to mention beforehand that this entire ...wall of text is gonna be about me as seungkwan’s fan and my personal anecdotes from seeing him at ideal cut, and not that much about the other members. it’s not that i don’t love them very much! but seungkwan is extremely special to me and he is the comforting and reliable sunlight who i want to scream to the world about. 

i don't need to tell you guys how hard it is to be an international fan cos most of you all know those pains.. and i was definitely one of the carats hoping there would be some announcement for NA tour before i finally bit the bullet and decided to go ideal cut. but there's also smth else that hurts, that i haven’t explicitly shared. of all my insecurities about being a carat, i often myself particularly insecure about being forgotten by seungkwan. 

i know it’s a lot to expect him or any idol to remember their all fans, that’s exactly why i don’t mention this insecurity on twitter (til now...). being forgotten by your idol is smth that i know has put people off of their biases completely. i’m lucky because boo himself a couple years ago told someone to relay to me a tiny message, so without me asking him about it, i suddenly was aware he knew for sure i existed and knew i went to see him at schedules as his fan. and i was so happy and enamored by the idea that i never wanted it to change ;;

but ofc i moved away, and i never properly talked to him in the first place (fansign is expensive and i was a full time uni student hhhh) so i have a constant worry that it’ll seem like i stopped supporting him or he will just forget completely that he has me as his fan. which again.... is totally fair and in the first place i would never even ask him if he remembers me IF i got the chance. the last time he saw me was... 2017 summer, so who knows if he remembers my face or my sign. or if he even knows my sign = me ?

i tried not to have any expectations or hopes about interacting with seungkwan during ideal cut. it’s a concert, first of all, not a meet and greet or a fansign. and i knew i might be far away or he might be on a different side of the stage, and i also knew that i wanted to just listen to him singing after a long time and experience concerts with my friends who i don’t get to see often.

but somehow, even if it’s just cos of my neon bright sign with his name on it, seungkwan sees me. he smiled at or waved to me (or even both ;;;;;) in every country i visited after he’d seen my sign and that’s so.. the chances of that happening is completely crazy. but what’s important to me is how he acted when he saw it. every single time was meaningful to me and by manila all my worries were gone.

i did get to see the boys at the airport in incheon before the concert during my layover to jakarta and even had a cute interaction outside with soonyoung ; 3; so my heart was a little more at ease the next day at the concert cos i got that “refill” of seeing them already. i spent time with dani and met a lot of carats handing out my transparent fans and i don’t remember feeling that stressed or nervous, somehow. dani and i stood against the back bar of our standing section and we had an amazing view and i finally saw pinwheel and the lights hitting seungkwan’s face and i was so ;;;; filled with awe at the end that these kids i ran into three years ago have become such amazing performers, you know? 

i could write miles about each concert, how dynamic hht has become, how much joy i feel watching performance team, all the nostalgia when they all perform Adore U and the burst of energy that explodes in the venue when the boys sing Run To You like.. carats and seventeen running to each other. my heart felt so full after seeing Seventeen at their own concert after such a long time. at the end and when i was already giving up the hopes i told myself not to have, boo finally saw my sign.

he looked so HAPPY. i can’t even tell you how my heart leaps to watch the fancam of the moment he smiles at it. he just smiled so brightly and he returned the little heart i shot him after a couple seconds. i seriously watched that moment so many times because im so happy that HE smiled as big as he did ; ; he was happy cos of the sign, happy cos of dani’s and my reaction after he saw it, and.. idk how else to say it, i just want to make a blanket out of that smile ; ; im so happy that i can be the reason for his smile. 

at the fansign the next day i was “meeting” him and vocal unit and i was really scared... cos i already knew it was going to be fast (and it was damn FAST...). but then, he saw my sign even before we went up to them at the tables. it’s understandable i got a shock, right ; ; he and jeonghan staring down my camera made me wonder if he recognized my sign from the previous day... and i had already been worried because i wasn’t sure what to say to them.

actually i told seungkwan i loved him twice before, once just saying it through the kbs window in 2016, and once at hitouch at diamond edge new york. but at kbs there’s no way to know 100% what he said (cos the glass..........) and at diamond edge he just... “thank you~ OHOHOHOHOHOHO” ....:D so naturally i was on the fence about saying it again. cos i thought isn’t it.. a bit redundant if i say it.. again? shouldn’t i say something more creative or meaningful? and i’m being honest that when i see all the fanaccounts that boo returns an “i love you too~” at hitouches i feel a little jealous and reluctant. but bethany kicked some sense into me right before i went up and i wanted to share it. 

it’s true that i want him to know how loved he is by his fans ; ; especially after earlier this year when he admitted his insecurities about loving himself.. even if he’s been seemingly content lately i would still want him to be reassured as many times as possible. so i sucked it up and i did!!! just!!!! “hi! i REALLY love you!” at jakarta fansign. 

and...........i have no idea what he said back to me cos it was too loud ^^

but it’s alright BECAUSE i got to see his pretty smile when i said it. i have no regrets about saying it! i dunno about next time (if there’s next time) but this time i was really happy that i could look him in the eyes and say tht i love him cos i DO adore him a whole bunch u___ u;;;; and although i’d have liked to express my feelings in more, accurate words, i was only in front of him for two or three seconds and that was the best thing i could have said to him, now thinking in retrospect. and gosh he was definitely tired that afternoon, but he was so so handsome ;;;; seeing him eye to eye never gets any easier. 

in singapore dani and i were joined by my beloved jo! and we three were together in standing~ and shock of my life, at the end of the concert boo pointed to my sign and smiled and waved and as dani put it, once she heard me and jo screaming and freaking out it was like a “check” ; ; it’s not the first time he points to that sign in particular so i just felt.. reassured in that moment. he doesn’t smile with surprise like in jakarta, but still he’s pointing and grinning and acknowledging me and inside im like YESYESYESYESYESYE- part of it too is, this is happening and im with my friends and ; ; i know im not just imagining things, you know?

in malaysia we got $oundcheck and i didn’t say this yet but soundcheck was just as amazing for us as the concert ; ; we got to be at the front (there weren’t queue numbers so... it was a sacrifice of a lot of WAITING) and luckily, there was a pause in the music at the beginning while the boys were at the extended stage near carats. so they interacted with us a bit and! i got to wave to hansol and hosh and.. that’s when boo looks down and he saw my sign; ;;; but cos the venue was all lit up for rehearsal he actually looked me in the eyes and wave-waved calmly to me ; ; and actually.. he didn’t smile~ but he was barefaced and it’s just soundcheck after all~

i don’t think he ever waved to me without cracking a smile before so i felt a little ? when overthinking it but.. his expression was kinda nice, too ;; performing is his job after all, so just making sure he looks at me and waves during their technical rehearsal is really sweet of him, even if he’s not feeling super HAPPY or something at that moment, he took the time to acknowledge i was there. i want to stress that what i really learned over time is that boo really knows how important and meaningful it is to wave to fans and try to give individual acknowledgement when he can, even when it’s small, esp cos seventeen can’t always meet us individually. 

i was at the opposite side from where i was the three other concerts in kl, and i can confidently say... boo was not on the right side much ^^~ but it was nice to pay a lot more attention to the other members, and see a different angle of all their performances!! i have no regrets being on the right side because frankly there’s some members i might have no memories of from this tour if i hadn’t been on the opposite side of boo. 

next is~ manila! and manila was a dream ; ; i was with dani and many friends and we were right THERE at the bar and i hadn’t been that close to the boys at a concert.. ever. at recordings yes, and hitouch yes, but dani told me being close at concerts is different and it absolutely was. seventeen is a group that shines the most when they’re performing and concerts are where they thrive. 

seungkwan is born to be on stage. he mentioned that he works hard on his expressions but, i wonder if he knows it’s more than just his hard work. the way his voice carries emotions and his body language when he feels the music he does in ways that are just so *him*. it’s the lights bouncing off his cheeks in pinwheel when he’s singing to the sky. it’s how he hits you in the heart when he belts his lines in Run To You and he’s dramatically swaying on his mic stand, and his entire aura change during Flower. when he coolly gives his ending speeches with heavy eyelids cos he’s tired but all anyone is looking at are his full cheeks and how pretty his eyes look outlined with champagne-colored glitter. his comfortable warm smiles to carats at the end of every concert and all the efforts he put in to communicate with us, to have fun with us and make each country feel special to seventeen. 

habit is my favorite song from the kids. i can’t even casually listen to it because it triggers a lot of attached feelings ; ; i’d seen it four times on the tour but, only in manila i felt a tear sliding down my face. cos i was looking at seungkwan and thinking that it was my last time to hear it, and my last time watching him sing it, and suddenly i was so overwhelmed with affection for him. i was trying to listen but in my head i can only remember him doused in lights and his passionate singing and how much i'm thankful for him suddenly ; ; and also i was ... embarrassed to be crying~

when vocal unit came up to the extended stage for pinwheel i tried to hard to just listen to him ;; he was so close and i was looking up at him and seriously just ;;;;; he was the most beautiful human being i’ve ever seen in that moment. he is never more gorgeous than when he’s singing and there’s really no one like him.

when the boys performed ‘thinkin’ about you’, they interacted with fans a bit at previous stops, so i had my sign out just in case~ and when the boys walked around in a circle at the end of the song, boo looked SO CUTE cos he borrowed coups’ leader flag and was marching around with it ;;;;; idk why but that made it even more special that he saw me at that moment, and smiled at me with big eyes before walking by ;;;;;; i looked at dani and she looked at me and we shglfndjkh;fkhlfd together ;;;;;;;

during their final ment the boys sat down at the main stage to talk to carats, and boo was diagonal from my spot, so i could see him well. i didn’t hold up my sign from the start cos.. he was literally so far away i didn’t think he could see anyone beyond the fans around the main stage. but during hosh’s ment i kinda thought i had a chance and he was looking our way.. so i unfolded my sign and BAM he reacted alfdjklgjkdfls!!! 

actually watching a fancam of it now, what i couldn’t tell then, is that while he was nodding he had legit raised his eyebrows at me l o l. and he just kept nodding and grinning while at the side hoshi was giving his ment, and for some dumb reason i ducked my head behind my sign in shock and in a fancam i can literally see tht he was about to look away—but doesnt ;;;; dani is next to me seeing this happen and i’m not hiding behind my sign anymore and she’s pointing at me to confirm it’s really ME and he gives a thumbs UP and im DYING AT THIS POINT. 

[dani next to me: HER? HER ? OK DAMN BOO YOU’RE SO AMAZING YES OK DONE OK YES YES STILL THUMBS UP? OK-]

i made another ridiculous finger heart to him and he’s STILL NODDING ND WAVES AND GIVES ANOTHER THUMBS UP AND THEN!!! hoshi was in the middle of the stage belting his “지금 몇 시???” and the moment is over~ honestly it seemed more dramatic and long at the time but... i was seriously in awe. i don’t remember any ments after that (i didn’t even know what hosh had done until after the concert) until seungkwan started talking himself cos i couldn’t believe that happened..

the ending felt bittersweet ofc ; ; the boys were literally right THERE and they all looked so gorgeous and handsome and i wish the “aju NICE”’s could have lasted for an hour or ten...  but there was still send-off.

i always have this issue where i miss a lot of the members because i start panicking looking for seungkwan... ofc the same happened now. i don’t really remember the order, but i only remember that i waved to hoshi who was first and also got to say bye to josh as he walked by, his eyes got so big and his smile was really pretty ; ; and then second to last there was boo.

like i mentioned in my tweets, he was in a cap for send-off~ and as he’s walking towards where i was i held my sign over the railing so he could see it as he approached and!! ofc he did ;; he was already smiling but he spotted it and grinned right at it and nod-nod-nodded and even pointed directly to it and istg his smile was... different once again. he literally looked like he was expecting to see it and i felt so ; ; even if he couldnt hear me i called to him that i’ll see him next year (which wasn’t *technically* true.. i went to see them at the mall the next day heh) and he was still walking by and was already even past me but!!! dani had called his name and he had looked up from my sign and was smiling really at *me* ; ; he wasnt actually last but.. i distractedly watched the back of boo’s cap until he was at the end of the tiny hall and turned into another room out of sight..

and then i was just crying behind my uchiwa. hehe.

the next day was the manila saem fansign and as everyone else said, it was damn crowded. and i was damn far away with dani. and it was so hot and loud and we were actually thinking of leaving because it was just too much... by the time seventeen arrived and were at the fansign stage i had a hard time holding my camera up, and i don’t even *have* a bazooka lense. still, i had a smaller “boo” sign dangling from my cam, and dani was holding up my lucky sign where boo could see somewhere next to my head~

i really don’t know how he can see it from so far away ; ; but he did, right before they started meeting carats for autographs. it was the same as always, i saw him seeing me first and i dropped my camera to wave and THEN i started taking pictures.. he is seriously the most patient. ever. i took precious photos of him making a “V” with his fingers and smiling at my camera and the moment he looked away in my mind i just thought.. REST.

i wish i knew how to better explain the feeling after attending their tour. it’s the first time i think i feel the word... lucky. before, at the radio and at recordings and hitouches, i just felt that my consistency going to see seventeen and specifically cheering for seungkwan made it possible for him to remember me well and acknowledge me as his fan. but at this tour, where there’s so many thousands of people and it’s hard to see everyone in the audience, and at fansigns where it was crowded or when i really thought he wouldn’t be able to see me, he still did. im lucky that seungkwan is seungkwan. i’m lucky that he’s attentive to carats, that he’s understanding and kind, and that he has FANTASTIC eyesight.

i don’t really know if he knows i’m the same fan from sukira, or if he remembered the sign from previous years’ concerts and recordings. but for me, it’s enough that by the end of the tour he could smile so comfortably at me like ; ; i’m 100% sure he remembered that.. my sign = ...me. and that makes me so happy in itself. i feel sad often that i can’t support boo as much as i used to, that i can’t cheer for him where he can hear it and that i can’t take pretty photos to share of him like before. during Oh My promotions in july, i hesitated to get a signed page from him... exactly because i didn’t want to ask something like, if he remembered me or not. instead~ i asked for him to cheer me up until i could see him again. the friend who was getting the page for me told him i was from the us, had gone to kcon japan just to see him earlier this year, and that i was going to the ideal cut stops, too.

(i’m clarifying here for anyone new~ that the trip to japan was planned with my friend from uni, and seventeen was conveniently announced for kcon after my trip was almost fully sorted. it was too perfect to not go see them * ^*)

seungkwan verbally responded to her saying it must be hard for me to go all the way there ;; in english and korean on my page he wrote thank you, and that he really wished for us to meet ;;;; and thinking back to that page some months later, it came true as much as it possibly could have. 

im lucky that seungkwan is the one i came to like. because even if he doesn’t know anything about me or even my name, he knows im someone who likes him and that’s enough for him to take a moment to let me know he knows i’m there. and i know that i’m not the only fan of his he takes his time to acknowledge. every concert tour there are new fan accounts of his kindness and attentiveness, his friendly interactions with carats and people writing how much they appreciate him after seeing him in person or on stage. he’s such a special and talented individual with such a big heart and i hope that everyone can feel reassured that.. if there’s an idol who will do their best to take your love and return it tenfold, seungkwan is definitely one. 

i know i mention it only vaguely but i have had such a difficult, tiresome year. i don’t feel like i’m exaggerating when i say the happiness i got from seeing seungkwan, seventeen, and most of all my friends last month is what’s going to get me through the rest of it. im not sad (yet...) that the tour is over, or that it’ll be a while until i see seventeen again. im still so ridiculously happy, and i feel motivated to work hard until the next time ; ; im not worried anymore, because seungkwan never fails to cheer me up whether i’m at a concert on the other side of the world or i’m just seeing his post on instagram on my own side. i would give him a planet’s worth of love if i could and i hope he continues to recieve praise and affection for as long as possible, for just being his wonderful self.

[nokktilucent]

Tag Game/Get To Know Me

Tagged by @tutotismic a suberb dude whose content and art is a++

Nicknames: Nokk? i guess?

Gender: Non binary

Star Sign: Leo 

Height: 5′4 maybe im still not sure how that works

Time: 2:49 pm

Birthday: hmm

Favorite bands/ solo artist: Gorillaz, P!ATD, Imagine dragons, and i guess theres more but those come to mind

Song currently stuck in my head: i’ve actually been blessed by the no-song goblin right now

Last movie: this really shitty movie called secuestro or something which i thought was gonna be good but then wasnt

Last Tv: Dirk Gently’s holistic detective agency

Why did you create this blog: to follow artists mostly, then i thought about posting my art and chickened out lmao, but i made a new blog which has two (2) of my arts tm so that’s progress i guess

What do you post/reblog: shit i like, vidja games, animay, shows, pretty much just random interests

Last thing you googled: “claw caps" my cat is wild and i dont know how to stop him

Why the URL: noctilucent is a latin word for light shining or smthing and it refers to some clouds that shine during twilight and im all about that shit, also nokk cause its a pun

I follow: 529

Followers: 66

Lucky Number: 11

Instruments: i wish

What are you wearing: my mint green pjs and a white panda shirt

Dream Job: anything art related but at this point i’d settle for anything that makes good money

Dream Trip: anywhere outside of here

Favorite Food: theres so much food and i love it all

Favorite Song: idk choosing a favorite thing on anything makes me anxious

Last book you read: Kitchen by banana yoshimoto, its so good

Top 3 universes: Pokemon!, soul eater maybe? and any universe with superpowers is cool, idk

i m not gonna tag ppl but do it if you want its fun

[bangtan--ff-blog]

Whatever It Takes - Chapter 20

Summary - Y/N has moved to Seoul and landed a job working at the company that her godmother Kay composes for. Four months after her heart was broken, she’s left to figure out how to be away from her widowed father for the first time in her life. Genre - Angst/Fluff Word count: 2,500(ish) A/N - Guys, sorry about the slow update. I finished the chapter pretty much a few days ago, but I haven’t had much time to upload because I’M MOVING TO KOREA TO MAKE A CAREER OUT OF STALKING BTS AND DEAN AND JAY PARK. I’ve got the next few chapters planned out, then who knows. Hopefully won’t be as slow once I have everything sorted. okay biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. ---

It took me a while to recover from Jae’s question, but when I finally did, I spluttered out “please tell me you’re joking?” Jae laughed and turned his head to avoid my gaze before turning back to me and cheekily responding, “I am if that’s a no?” I shook my head in disbelief. “No. I will not go out with you, and my love life is none of your business.” “Aish, okay, okay. I deserved that. You do look beautiful though, and you and I always worked so well… I think it would be worth a shot.” My eyebrows shot up. “We worked so well that you broke up with me 4 days before my birthday with the most clichéd line in the world?!” “Look, maybe ‘we should see other people’ was the wrong thing to say, but it’s what I meant! We’d been together since the first week of University, we were so serious Y/N. It was our first real relationship and we both needed to experience other things. We’d devoted our lives to each other before our lives had even started. Come on, I’m sure at some point during this year you’ve been out there trying new things and having fun? You’ve probably done stuff that you couldn’t have done if we were together, and now we happen to be working and living in the same city again? Plus, we bumped into each other in China, I mean what are the odds?!” It was my turn to laugh this time. I leaned back in my seat and began to gather my things. “Jae, you’re an arrogant asshole. We were good together, then you broke my heart so you could fuck other girls. Just because you’ve got that out of your system now and you’re ready to pick things back up where we left off doesn’t mean I am. I haven’t been sitting around waiting for you to come back believe it or not and the “this is fate” bullshit might work on other girls, but not me - so, thanks but no thanks.” I stood up and Jae did too. “Y/N, I’m sorry. Hearing you say that… Look, I know I’ve been an asshole. I’m still an asshole, and you deserve so much better than me. I shouldn’t have even asked you that just now. I’m an idiot, just seeing you… I miss you, that’s all. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I know I was your first heartbreak, but I do want you to be happy, even if that’s with someone else. I hope one day we can be in each others lives again, even if it’s just platonically. We were best friends at one point.” I rolled my eyes and sighed, some of my annoyance seeping away. “Jae, you weren’t ‘always’ an asshole, just after we broke up. BUT, in hindsight it was probably the best thing for both of us. Maybe we can hang out again, who knows, but not right now, okay?” Jae nodded and smiled, “I get that, and I really am sorry – I’ll see you out okay?”

---

One month after my coffee shop run in with Jaebum, I was sitting in my kitchen finally about to log off after a horrendously stressful week of work. It was early afternoon on a Saturday but the gallery was almost ready to open and there was so much to do. Another reason to keep myself busy was to help with the dull ache that had been my number one companion since Jimin and I broke up. I closed my laptop and stretched glancing over at the calendar on the kitchen wall. It was the 12th October. Tomorrow was Jimin’s birthday. My stomach flipped and I eyed my phone on the counter next to me. Should I text him? It’d been over a month since the last time we spoke and I still missed him just as much. I’d deliberately avoided the TV and radio so that I didn’t have to come across him. Other than the odd text from Namjoon or Hobi, who generally steered clear of the Jimin topic, I had no idea how he was doing. I opened my laptop again. Instead of texting him to find out, I could just have a quick look… I spent the next 3 hours looking at videos of “BTS reacting to…” or their latest interviews. Every time I clicked a new one I promised myself it would be the last and it wasn’t until my stomach started rumbling after 5pm that I slammed the laptop shut. I inhaled heavily to try and clear my head of the Jimin haze and shook my head in an attempt to shake off my anxiety and guilt about the fact that he looked, and seemed, completely miserable. And he was right, the fans were noticing. I chewed my lip worried, and picked up my phone, wondering if I should text him. Strangely it began to ring in my hand, making my heart pound. It was Taemin. “Hey you.” I said, trying to sound bright. “Hey – that was quick… What are you up to tonight?” I shrugged, even though he couldn’t see me. “I’m not sure, I’m getting pretty hungry, I think I’m gonna order take out maybe. Down a bottle of wine to drown my sorrows.” Taemin made a sound of disgust. “No, you are not. You’re coming out with us.” I quirked my eyebrow. “Who is “us” exactly?” “My degenerate housemates and friends. G-Dragon is hosting a night at one of the clubs in Seoul, you’re coming.” I mulled it over. I loved Taemin and I loved the rest of Shinee, and I was already planning to drink myself into oblivion. Why not do it surrounded by friends and good music?” I shrugged, “sure- what are the plans?” Three hours later I was primped, preened and pulling up outside Taemin’s house. I was greeted at the door by Minho, who was thankfully (or not) wearing a shirt this time around. I could already hear music and laughter coming from behind him so I knew the party must already be in full swing. Minho greeted me warmly, pulling me into a crushing hug, and I laughed against his chest. “Okay, Minho, I need to breathe..” He laughed and let me go. “Come on, everyone is through here. We’re playing tippy-cup.” I joined in the fun and in less than two hours I was already pretty smashed. There were a lot of people from SM around, and even some people that I thought I recognised from the Big Hit studio. I pointed them out to Taemin and he nodded. “This is pretty much set to be one of the biggest parties of the year. It’s more like an exclusive concert – everyone in our business will be here.” I nodded, glad that BTS weren’t really the clubbing type. Unfortunately the next person to walk in the room I knew for sure was the clubbing type. I groaned and leaned into Taemin and he turned and looked at me questioningly. I nodded towards the door before glancing back up at Tae. “Im. Jae. Bum” I said and Taemin’s eyes widened. He looked up at Jaebum who was greeting the people around him warmly, followed by an equally handsome boy with white blonde hair. ”THAT’S Jaebum?!” Taemin asked in surprise. “He’s hot.” I rolled my eyes at him and put down my cup. “Maybe, but he’s also an asshole.” Taemin nodded, his expression turning grave. “Right, an asshole. Also, he’s definitely no Jimin… Hey have you spoken to Jimin by the way? It’s his birthday tomorrow and I know he’d love to hear from you he misses-“ I slapped my hand over Taemin’s mouth. “NO. No Jimin talk tonight. I’ve had a lot to drink and my make up looks too good to be cried off.” Taemin pulled an apologetic face. “Sorry, Y/N”. I simply nodded in response. I suddenly felt very sad, so I picked up my cup and drained the contents. As I slammed it back down on the counter I heard a familiar laugh and looked up to see Jaebum (and handsome blonde) standing there. I sighed loudly before saying “Jaebum, Taemin. Taemin, Jaebum” in a bored voice. Jae, ever the charming one, shot Tae a killer 100 watt smile and held out his hand. “Nice to meet you. This is my friend and colleague, Jackson.” I watched as Jackson shook Tae’s hand, and did the same when he offered it to me. Jaebum waited for us to shake hands and then informed Jackson, “this is Y/N.” Jackson’s eyes widened in recognition. “This is the one you were an asshole to that you want to win back?!” Taemin and I exchanged looks and Jaebum forced a very loud laugh. “Ignore him, he’s already wasted. I just told him that we bumped into one another and that you looked great.” He shot Jackson a look. Jackson laughed and turned to Jae “dude, I’m helping you out here, don’t be in denial.” In return he received the filthiest glare I think I’d ever seen anyone give, the Jae turned back to us. He nodded at my drink and asked, “can I get you a refill?” The drinks kept flowing and it turned out that Jackson was hilarious. I found myself having fun and it wasn’t long before Jaebum and I got into our old routine. The drunker I got though, the more I thought about Jimin and on the way to the venue my melancholy was clearly apparent on my face because Jaebum leaned over to ask if I was okay. I nodded and then continued to stare forlornly out of the window. When we got to the club the party was already in full swing, G-Dragon was tearing up the stage and spraying champagne on the party go-ers. I was way past smashed at this point, and was watching everything from the balcony in our VIP booth whilst everyone behind me continued to drink and dance. After a little while all the flashing lights made me feel dizzy so I decided I needed some air to clear my head.I made my way over to Taemin attempting not to sway and fall over and shouted in his ear that I was going outside for a minute, before grabbing my purse and my coat. I somehow managed to make my way down the stairs and out of the club. The fresh air felt good on my face, but I suddenly realised just how smashed I was. I leaned against the wall and attempted to steady myself deciding that my best plan of action would be to get an Uber. I pulled out my phone – oh Christ, it was only 12:02 – No wonder the queue outside was still so big. I blanched at the fact that I was already having to leave and then I realised that it was the 13th October. It was Jimin’s birthday. Before I could process what I was doing, I pressed into his contact and held my phone to my ear. Jimin picked up immediately. “Hello?” “Jiminiieeee. Jimin, it’s your birthday.” I slurred out. “Y/N, are you drunk? Where are you?” “YES. I’m drunk. I’m really, drunk. I’m ummmm.” I pushed myself off the wall to look up at the sign on the side of the club. “I’m outside Octagon, I’m about to go home soon. I’m really drunk” “Y/N are you okay? Are you by yourself? Listen, I’ll come get you, don’t take a cab home by yourself okay?” Even in my drunken state my heart thudded at the thought of seeing Jimin. “Jimin... I miss you.” The line was silent for a moment and then Jimin sighed. “Y/N wait there, please. I’m going to come and get you okay?” Before I could respond I felt an arm around me. I pulled my phone away from my ear and jerked away from the person grabbing me “what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” As I turned I lost my balance dropping my phone and my purse and almost falling on my ass. Before I hit the deck Jaebum caught me. “Oh, it’s just you” I said as Jaebum bent to pick up my things. Suddenly my mouth began to fill with saliva. “Um, Jae. I think I’m going to be sick.” Jaebum quickly pulled me around the corner into an alleyway to allow me a little more privacy. As I threw up the contents of my stomach, he held my hair back off my face and rubbed my back. He waited until I was all done and then pulled his jacket around my shoulders. I leaned into him and shivered, I did not feel good. He pulled my phone out of his pocket and found the Uber app, before ordering us a cab to my house. I was pretty much out of it the entire way back and I didn’t really wake up until we pulled up outside. Jae wrapped his arm around my shoulders as he guided me to my front door. I noticed a movement in front of my eyes and saw two figures standing up. In my drunken state I had to squint to focus and I made out the silhouettes of one very tall guy and another smaller guy. I blinked three times and stumbled forward a few steps before falling into the arms of the shortest stranger. I didn’t have to see his face to know they were Jimin’s arms. He straightened me and then held me to him possessively, looking over at Jaebum. For some reason in my wasted state I found the whole turn of events hilarious. I began laughing so much I snorted before shaking my head. “What a ridiculous, ridiculous situation” I slurred out. “Heartbreak number one” I said, pointing at Jaebum, “meet heartbreak number two” I finished, giggling and then passing out drunk in Jimin’s arms.