#all the other songs have been in previous years lists so no idea how Glorious got there but I'm gonna vote for it <3

[sebastianvettel5]

Everyone talking about Spotify wrapped meanwhile I'm trying to pick 35 songs to vote for the Top2000

[snowbellewells]

CS Fic Rec Monday: Fics I Loved in 2019 /// July - September

Continuing my goal to celebrate the fics I most enjoyed last year, here comes by third list of great fics for 2019. Again, I am sure there were even more, but these were the ones I remembered or found in scrolling by through my history...

“Break Me” by @thisonesatellite​ 

It’s hard to believe it’s really only been about six months since I discovered and started reading Stephanie’s incredible and affecting stories! And this one was the one that reeled me in! An amazingly unique, heartwrenching, and thrilling supernatural fic that you just won’t be able to put down. I certainly couldn’t!   (I also discovered her older short MC “it’s our scars that give us character” during this time frame, for a bonus suggestion. :)

“A Drowning Soul Will Clutch at any Straw” by @shireness-says​

This one shot was written for last year’s @cssns​ event, and features a pirate Killian and his discovery of a mermaid Emma. Where they go from there is so beautifully well-done it reads like a true classic fairy tale. It’s lovely and inventive, and I can almost guarantee you’ll want to go back to it again and again.

“Sadie Hawkins Dance” by: @searchingwardrobes​

Okay, so I just had to list this particular fic from Melanie’s Fandom Birthday Playlist separately, as it was written for my birthday!! ;) <3 I loved every little bit of it, but it feels particularly special since Emma and Killian are teachers like me in this modern au version, and it’s so touchingly sweet and perfect how they go from friends to more.  (Other birthday playlist highlights in this time period: “If I Fall” and “Your Love is a Song”)

“Just Human, Volume 2″ by: @donteattheappleshook​

This touching story is also from last summer’s @cssns​ event, and a take on the BBC’s show Being Human, with Emma, Killian, and David as the ghost, vampire and werewolf roommates. I love how emotionally affecting this was. It has really stayed with me ever since reading it.

“One Day” by @darkcolinodonorgasm​

Another @cssns​ fic that just reeled me in right from the start and hasn’t let go of my imagination since! I love the version of a cursed Storybrooke the author has created, and her Henry just struck me right in the heart. This WIP has me hanging on every update to see how things will finally be put right.

“Historical Inaccuracies” by @thejollyroger-writer​

This is a lovely July 4th flavored fic with a fun CS and Charming family feel and just a happy modern au one shot. Such an entertaining read with an adorable little Leo Nolan for added irresistibility. :)

“Rainbound” by @profdanglaisstuff​

This one shot sees Emma and KIllian stranded at his remote cabin, thinking they hate each other, but over the course of their time there, they find they have more in common than they’d realized. It’s beautiful how they come to this, and the connection that flares between them.

“On What They Fall” by @profdanglaisstuff​

This story of Emma and Killian as younger versions of themselves in a non-magic AU will tug on every single one of your heartstrings all throughout the course of it!  You will ache for Emma and for Killian both, even as they cause each other more pain with misunderstanding and self-doubt.  It makes the hard-earned ending all the more glorious a reward though! Plus, there’s lovely CaptainBook in this one as well - which I always love! ;)

“The Very Witching Time” by @profdanglaisstuff​

Oh my goodness!! This entry to last summer’s @cssns​ event features a witch!Emma and perhaps the most completely adorable version of Killian I’ve yet read.  I don’t want to spoil all the lovely thrills and chills of this one, but if you missed it, you’re in for a supernatural treat!

“Time and Again” by @kmomof4​

This engaging and completely romantic take on Killian and Emma as soulmates destined to meet even in a non-magical modern AU is wonderful!! It has mutiple chapters, but you’ll want to devour it all in one go to see as our lovely OTP’s connection strengthens and their True Love grows.

“Sick of Love” by @spartanguard​

This one was such an interesting take on the whole idea of soulmates and how they find each other. I could feel Emma’s pain and how torn she was all throughout it and how much Killian wanted to reach out to her. Neither of them could ignore how drawn to each other they were - really amazingly well-written!!

“Mistress of the Sea” by @let-it-raines​

This lovely short series of one shots has such an appealing take on the Captain Wench version of Emma and Killian. I love how they meet, how they completely charm each other - changing the course of both their lives up to that point - and set out together on their own new adventure! You don’t want to miss this one!!

“An Education in Southern Gothic” by @searchingwardrobes​

Man alive! This entry into the @cssns​19 event has just the right about of thrills and chills without becoming too much for a definite chicken like me. I honestly can’t resist Killian as a teacher/professor, which Melanie gives us here, and the mystery surrounding the school, as well as the still very real threat reaching its claws into the present will make you unable to stop reading this one until you reach the end. There’s friends to love romance, pining, suspense, supernatural danger, both Captain Cobra and Captain Book friendship, and just everything you could want in a fic really!

“Took My Soul, Wiped It Clean” and “Echo” by @shireness-says​

Two lovely, feelsy and AMAZING one shots I discovered during this time period. “Echo” is a much more deeply layered and affecting take on heart-sharing, and “Took My Soul, Wiped it Clean” has one of the most heartwarming daddy!Killian versions I’ve ever read (and one of the most engaging and perfectly formed CS kids I’ve read as well!)

“Until the Day Breaks and the Shadows Flee” by @searchingwardrobes​

This alternate take on the Cupid and Psyche myth also brings to mind previous of versions of the Beauty and the Beast fairy tale and gives nods to elements of the OuaT 5b Underworld arc (but much more affectingly written!) I loved Emma’s bravery in this one, and how she and Killian tentatively move toward affection and genuinely knowing each other’s hearts. Achingly lovely!!

“Life Meant Nothing Until You Used My Toothbrush” by @let-it-raines​

This one shot first written for last year’s @csseptembersunshine​ event is one of my favorite of Raines’ MANY awesome stories. I love the cozy small town feel of it, how it’s a bit of a mash-up with Gilmore Girls, and the friendship Emma and Killian have and the way it finally becomes romantic for them as well. :)

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2017

Not a very good year for hit songs. Still better than the next one, though.

And a very satisfying #1 that launched an entire infodump about a specific band. I’m not even sorry.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

2017 might not sound super distant, but it’s already distant enough to analyse what started to happen to me that year with some clarity. This is when I started to lose some of my energy and motivation. A lot, in fact. Everything suddenly felt exhausting and this whole “what’s even the point of anything” mentality started to fall on my shoulders. And you know what, at first, while making these recaps, I had no idea what started it all. Was it that super rare infection I caught in early 2018 and almost made me lose a part of a finger? Was it both my grandfathers dying in mid 2018? Was it the general state of the world? But no, I did some digging and noticed this general exhaustion actually started right during summer 2017 and I was like what the f█ck happened in summer 2017? That summer was fine?

And then it clicked. I know exactly what kickstarted my spiral into about 18 months of depression, and it’s got nothing to do with health or family. It’s something that shouldn’t have affected my life in any way, and that I kinda tried to ignore at the time, and some of you might even find me overdramatic or cringy for letting it affect my life. But yeah, as I’ve realised while making these lists, Linkin Park was actually a super important part of my life, so it makes perfect sense: what started it all was Chester Bennington killing himself. Clearly, someone who had contributed so much to convince me that life was worth living and who suddenly decided it wasn’t worth it, that had a huge impact on me, whether I wanted it or not.

Aaaand now I’m crying again. Great.

Anyway. Uh. Important albums that year! Yeah so uh. Depeche Mode made Spirit and it wasn’t good, and so I kinda lost faith they would ever make a great album again, but I did realise one of my teenage dreams and saw them in concert in the Stade de France in July 2017 (it was huge. Going home after that felt like waking up from some sort of hypnotic trance. They even played Walking In My Shoes, one of my absolute favorite songs from them, along with a video featuring a trans person going to work and I started to bawl my eyes out in the middle of the f█cking crowd). Nine Inch Nails also made Add Violence and continued to be super good, and Indochine made 13, and while it wasn’t nearly as good as Black City Parade, it was also better than La République des Météors, so I was pretty happy about that. EDIT: Forgot about Under Your Spell by The Birthday Massacre, which blew my goddamn mind, but still not as much as the next album I'm gonna talk about.

But the defining album of the year, to me, was Mike Oldfield making a sequel to my favorite album from him, with Return to Ommadawn. Of course it’s not as good as Ommadawn. But still. If Ommadawn felt like discovering a new strange country full of weird folklore and forests and mysterious buildings, Return to Ommadawn feels like going back there half a century later and seeing things in ruins and wounded people, but still trying to seek beauty and joy in a partly destroyed landscape. It makes perfect sense considering the circumstances that surround the making of this thing, and it was the only way to make a good sequel to such a legendary album.

Unelligible songs that piss me off... uh, actually there’s only Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen. Why wasn’t it a huge hit. Come to think of it, why hasn’t any Carly Rae song been a huge hit since Good Times. This feels unfair.

Time for some honorable mentions, then.

Feels and also Slide (Calvin Harris and a lot of other people) - Got nothing to say about either of these songs, but they’re both pretty good.

Katchi (Ofenbach) - Nice little earworm.

No Roots (Alice Merton) - Super surprised this was a hit. Good.

OK (Robin Schulz ft James Blunt) - That’s a James Blunt song in the year of our lord 2017 and it sounds actually good??

What About Us (Pink) - Really caught my attention and made me wonder if I should listen to Pink again after a long streak of mediocre Pink songs.

Congratulations (Post Malone) - I find the song mostly boring but the guest verse ending with “uh, Malone... I gotta play on my phone...” is the stuff of legends and that got a chuckle out of me every time I heard it.

Glorious (Macklemore) - I’m glad this was a hit here but at the same time it’s not my favorite song from him. The music video is adorable, though.

Fly (Odyssey) - Nothing to say about that one.

XO Tour Life (Lil Uzi Vert) - The fact that I was regularly humming this is either a sign of quality or yet another sign I was depressed as shit.

Devil in Me (Purple Disco Machine) - What a great artist name.

Symphony (Clean Bandit) - Nothing to say here either, just good sound all around.

Attention (Charlie Puth) - 2017: The Year Charlie Puth Made A Great Song.

All Stars (Martin Solveig & Alma) - The last cut. It was on the list at some point. I really like it a lot, though.

And now, the list. The stuff I genuinely love starts at #6 and things that are still on my mp3 player to this day start at #4.

10 - Chained to the Rhythm (Katy Perry)

US: #73 / FR: #10

I just love the concept of a Katy Perry song about how Katy Perry songs are happy nonsense distracting you from actual issues. What can I say, I’m a sucker for meta stuff.

9 - Water Under The Bridge (Adele)

US: #88 / FR: Not on the list

An Adele song projecting actual positive energy!? That automatically goes on the list.

8 - Praying (Kesha)

US: #67 / FR: Not on the list

You know I mostly dislike slow emotional songs regardless of how good they actually are. I will, however, make an exception for this one even though I very rarely listen to it considering how emotionally taxing it is. That’s definitely a fantastic song, though.

7 - Viens On S’aime (Slimane)

US: Not on the list / FR: #53

“Listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their words and their decorum, listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their ideas and what they’re saying”. Well said, dude, well said.

6 - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back (Shawn Mendes)

US: #23 / FR: #91

That’s a very good song for running and that is becoming increasingly rarer, so I’ll take what I can get.

5 - Paris (The Chainsmokers)

US: #42 / FR: Not on the list (that’s irony for you)

Unlike Closer this is an unrelatable song about rich young people that can afford to live in Paris just “to get away from [their] parents” but honestly that’s the only negative thing I have to say against it. It sounds fantastic.

4 - Castle On The Hill (Ed Sheeran)

US: #40 / FR: #50

We’ve now entered the realm of songs that are still on my mp3 player to this day. This is the only Ed Sheeran song I’ve ever liked, and I love it. It sounds like a lost U2 song. Maybe from a strange dimension where U2 became more fragile and emotional instead of more pretentious.

I have no idea why this guy keeps making such boring stuff when he’s got that kind of song in him. I have no clue.

3 - Something Just Like This (Coldplay & The Chainsmokers)

US: #5 / FR: #19

Hey so Coldplay is still on my lists, apparently. It’s a bit too slow, some lyrics about superheros don’t make much sense, and the drop isn’t super good, but my god, that guitar near the end makes everything worth it. Just amazing colors and textures all around.

It’s not even my favorite song on that EP! I think Miracles (Someone Special) is even better, but eh, this one is a close second.

2 - 24k Magic (Bruno Mars)

US: #16 / FR: Not on the list (#13 in 2016 but I put it on the 2017 list instead)

Am I the only one to like this more than Uptown Funk? It’s so much fun to sing along to it. And unlike Uptown Funk, it’s making me feel nostalgic for an era I actually (vaguely) knew, the super colorful and ridiculous early 90s. My s.o loves it too and when it comes up on the radio or on our playlists you can bet we’re both going PUT YOUR. PINKY. RINGS UP. TO THE. MOOOOOOOON like two idiots.

This is the song I could have put on the previous list but elected to put on this list instead since it was elligible for both years, by the way! Since 2017 was less good than 2016, I thought it would be more interesting to save such a great song for later.

It would have topped the list too, if it wasn’t for something I didn’t expect to be elligible before reading the French year-end list.

Strap yourselves in, because I had no real opportunity to talk about this band at length in the posts made for the years when it was the most relevant in my life, so this is going to be quite long.

1 - La Vie Est Belle (Indochine)

US: Not on the list / FR: #44

As you already know if you remember some of my previous lists, Indochine is a band I started to love right in the middle of the absolute worst years of my life. These guys had been around since the 80s as a super successful new wave band, then became very unpopular and went underground for about twelve years in the entire 90s, then one of them died, then every member except the singer basically rotated, and then they suddenly re-emerged in 2002-2003 with Paradize, a monster of an album, full of energy, sinister themes and weird provocative songs, and an entire generation of angsty teenagers (me included as you can guess) embraced it wholeheartedly.

And all of a sudden Indochine was the favorite French mainstream band of local young punk/goths! So many kids with the Indochine logo in highschool. Nowadays the band is mocked and well-loved in equal doses by just about everyone, but I suspect it’s just because we’ve all grown up.

Placebo, Linkin Park and Indochine were the bands that ruled my entire world in 2003/2004. My mother hated all three of them, because of course she did, but especially Indochine, because according to her it was partly their fault if I was gender non-conforming. See, she used to say, they had put all kinds of bad ideas in my head and now I was all messed up.

...Holy shit, that’s a lot of blame to put on a ridiculous new wave band who’s first hit song from 1983 is just a long nonsensical list of shitty old Bob Morane pulp novels.

But here’s the problem. Even if Indochine kept having hit song after hit song, those were never the best songs on their albums. Here I am, 31, making these top ten lists since last December, and becoming more and more frustrated to see none of my favorite modern Indochine songs are elligible. My favorite Paradize singles were Mao Boy, Popstitute and especially Marilyn (god, this song rocked my entire year alongside Placebo’s The Bitter End. 2003 was such a fantastic year for dark energetic hit songs)? Too bad, the biggest hits were J’ai demandé à la lune and Le Grand Secret. Alice & June had four fantastic singles? Too bad, none of them is elligible! Same thing for the entirety of Black City Parade. Oh, but that song I hate from La Republique des Météors is elligible, I guess!

So we’re in summer 2017, and my life is completely different now, and Indochine releases La Vie Est Belle (I’m linking the album version and not the music video because it has some violent themes in it). I’m in my car doing some errands and the local radio goes “hey new song from Indochine” and I’m like “oh shit, gotta hear this” and then two minutes later “oh wow, that is super good. Won’t be a hit though”.

And yet, it was a hit! It became huge, even! And at that point I was already loving that song even though I thought it was just a super good but tragic love song about a significant other dying too young.

And then, about a month later, the wordplay of the first line finally hit me with the force of a semitruck. It’s not a love song. It’s a song about the singer’s dead twin. Who died in 1999.

It’s such a devastating, beautiful song, and yet it’s full of energy. I. adore. it. It’s exactly the kind of song you need to continue to fight and to live and to help other people in this day and age. “Life is beautiful and cruel, it looks like us sometimes” indeed. And it’s one of the best on the album, too!

So yes, 15 years after I first fell in love with this band and after they helped me during super dark times, finally, I can put one of their songs at the top of one of these lists, hands down, no debate whatsoever.

That probably sounds ridiculous but it’s genuinely making me feel extremely emotional.

Next up: I thought music sucked that year because I was depressed but I relistened to it and no it wasn’t just me

[jerkbitchidjitassbutt]

What If I Told You (4)

Characters: Jensen x Reader; Jared Padalecki; SPN Cast members

Summary: You and Jensen have been the closest of friends for years after meeting on the set of SPN, but what will happen when you and Jensen have a kissing scene?

Warnings: Cursing; divorce; break up; angst-ish at times, but mostly fluff.

I consider this an AU, as Jensen is divorced from an unnamed ex in this fic. This is completely a work of fiction, and I wouldn’t want his reality to be any different, this is purely for entertainment.

A/n: Here it is!! The kiss! But... This is not the last part!!!! There will be more. This is just the beginning *evil wink*

Read previous parts here! Or check out my Masterlist here!

“Dean? What’s going on? You’re scaring me.” You confessed, widening your eyes as you took a few steps forward.

“Look, I don’t know how to tell you this...” He began, placing his body in front of yours. “I—Sam and I aren’t supposed to be here... We were brought here by something. We’re from a different world, where we live in an underground bunker and hunt monsters for a living.”

You let out a short snicker, thinking he was starting some sort of joke before you took in the sincerity of his eyes, effectively shutting your mouth as he pursed his lips. “What are you talking about, Dean?” you asked, growing nervous at his exploits. This was your Dean, the man you’d been with for 7 years; through college and adulthood, single life and married. “Are you on something? Seriously? Are you drunk? Wh—what are you even talking about?” you stammered.

When he exhaled heavily, frustrated, you continued, pacing and running your fingers through your hair, “I mean, I knew you were acting different the last few days, but this is going a bit too far. If you’re trying to play some sort of trick on me, I’m not enjoying it, okay?”

“Its not a trick, sweetheart.” He said softly, pain evident in his features. He was in a world without monsters, without loss, and with you, but he couldn’t stay. His eyes glazed slightly when you backed away from him as he stepped closer, a fear and panic in your gaze. “I’d never do anything to hurt you, I swear. Not the you here or the one back home. And trust me, I’d never lie to you about something like this.” you blinked up at him, trying to decide if the man you love had literally gone insane as he rambled, “God knows its hard for me to say this... But Sam and I have to go back; we have to go back to you and our life there. Its important. We’re important there.” he said, a slightly bitter tone on the edge of his voice.

“But you’re important here too, Dean!” you exclaimed.

He nodded slowly, placing his hands on your shoulders, “I know this doesn't make sense to you, and I’m honestly not sure what’s going to happen here when we leave, but I need you to do something, okay? This is very important and I wouldn’t make you do this if it weren’t absolutely necessary, alright?”

Your nerves were palpable in your stance and the slight mist of your eyes, but you nodded anyways.

“I need you to destroy your grandfather’s pocket watch.”

“What?” you breathed in shock, “Dean, that's all I have left of—“

“I know. Really, I do. I’m so sorry, but you have to do it or something bad could happen… to me. And to the rest of our family.”

You looked at him wearily, but conceded.

He moved closer, his glorious bowlegs carrying him swiftly towards you, narrowing the distance between you to only a few inches. “But listen, Y/c/n…There’s something I need to tell you though; something I could never tell you before, in my other life, because—well, because I’m not brave enough…” he paused, reaching to brush a stray wisp of hair behind your ear.

You tried to concentrate on maintaining your character’s façade, which was sort of easy since you were supposed to be a mixture of scared and desolate, but you couldn’t help the quiver that shook through you when his fingertip traced your jaw, a ragged breath fleeing your lips.

Shit, that’s not in the script.

If Jensen noticed, he didn’t let on. A fleeting emotion swept through his gaze as he swallowed thickly, moving his arm to slide sensually around your waist as his hand cradled your cheek.

“I need to tell you how much you mean to me. I—“ he choked. “I love you. I always have, from the day that we met. I don’t dare cross this line in my real life, but I don’t know that I’ll get another chance to tell you. I love you, Y/n. I’ve always loved you.”

You knew you were supposed to speak. You’re next line hung from your tongue but went unspoken; instead, all you could manage was a strangled incoherent word, your mouth slightly parted as you gazed into your best friend’s eyes, speechless.

Jensen felt his chest tighten as he held you and felt the smoothness of your skin beneath his fingertips. The scene was supposed to progress. You were supposed to deliver another line, calling him crazy and backing away from him before he spun you towards him and planted a kiss to your lips passionately.

The script actually said passionately. Damn those writers.

You weren’t backing away, though. Your y/e/c eyes were boring into his as your chest heaved with your shallow breaths. He could easily seal his lips with yours; trace every curve of your mouth with his. His whole body begged for it, and when your eyes left his to glance at his lips, he unconsciously ran his tongue along his plump lower lip.

Your heart pounded furiously, screaming for the man in front of you. The feeling of being in his arms tore your soul into a million pieces, and when he licked his lips a flash of heat coursed through your body.

To top it off, he wasn’t backing away either. If anything, he closed the distance between the two of you further, tightening his hold around you.

Jensen waited for you to move. When you didn’t, he softly ran his thumb along the curved edge of your mouth. Slowly, torturously, he leaned down and gently grazed your lips with his.

Your eyes fluttered shut as you carefully kissed him in return. After a feather lite touch, he pulled back, keeping a strong hold of you but searching your eyes, almost desperately asking for permission.

A quick, barely noticeable nod was exchanged between the two of you before he was pressing himself against you, gripping the back of your neck with fervor as he snaked his hand into your hair. He kissed you with more need, but tenderly, allowing you to feel the strength and softness of his build as you held him to your body.

Jensen’s tongue ran across your lower lip, opening you to him as you gasped into his mouth, the warmth of him flooding your senses as you grasped his shirt in your fists. His hand traveled along the hem of your sweatshirt, lifting it slightly to press his palm into the small of your back, creating chills as the heat sunk into your skin.

Suddenly, you both pulled away slightly, chests heaving in sync.

Still in each other’s embrace, faces mere inches from each other, neither of you spoke for a moment but slowly studied one another. Jensen’s large hand remained twisted in your locks when he took in your features, the flush of your skin and your kiss-swollen lips made his head swim in fog.

His eyes shone with an emotion you couldn’t place as he tried to decipher his next move. He could continue; sweep you into his arms and trace your curves with his hands—silently confess what he’d been denying existed deep within him for fear of loosing your friendship.

You breathed a thin breath, and released your hold on the tails of his shirt, still relishing in the feeling of the fabric against your skin. His freckles danced in the dim light of your small apartment, but they couldn’t hide the shadow of rosiness that was splayed beneath them.

Speaking finally, your voice hoarse and shy, you stuttered, “I, um… I think that works—for the scene.”

Unmoving, he replied, “Yeah.” a gruffness present in his voice that made your knees go weak. “I think your right.”  

.......

It wasn’t until later that night, lying awake in bed, that you’d realize that it has been your name that left his lips earlier that day.

<Series Masterlist; Part 5>

A/n 2: I received an anon ask when I was looking for fic ideas(see below) for a Jensen x actress!reader fic a while ago, but recently got hit with a spark of inspiration. This is based off of the song “What if I Said” by Anita Cochran and Steve Wariner and will be a short mini-series. Thanks to @our-jensen-ackles-love for being my bets, and my favorite. Also there is a wife mentioned, but I purposefully left this person nameless as to not insinuate anything for Jensen’s real life.                                                                

Anonymous said: Hi! Just saw your post about looking for fic ideas. I’ve had this idea that I really like where reader is an actor on Supernatural and is friends with Jensen. They have a scene where they have to kiss or even just have to be right up in each other’s space and it makes them realize they like each other. It’s probably a common thing to write about, but I thought I’d ask anyway. Thanks!

Tagging: (this is my experimentation with my new tag list - if you don’t see your name here and have asked to be added to one of these lists, please send me an ask and I’ll get it fixed.)

What If I Told You:

@pretty-fortune @jamielea81

Forevers:

@akshi8278 @acortez82 @atc74 @berrygutz @blackcherrywhiskey@caitsymichelle13 @daydreamingintheimpalareturns @deanssweetheart23 @deanwinchesterswitch  @destielshipper88 @empyreanwritings @gh0stgurl @heyitscam99 @iopenthegates @jackburtonsays @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @jfrank1048 @jotink78  @maddiepants @mrswhozeewhatsis @nerdstackular @nerdysandwichqueen  @okay-okay18 @our-jensen-ackles-love @samsgirl93 @sandlee44 @spnbaby-67 @tardis-is-mine  @winchester-writes @xtina2191

If you would like to be tagged in my work, please read this and send me an ask!

[dokidokiliteraturegirls]

 Hello everyone! Yui here, with today’s special feature, DDLitG Behind the Scenes: What’s the deal with Ako?

In this special update we’ll talk about her character in general, design, her place in the story, and more! So get comfortable in your seat, get yourself some good snacks, and let’s delve into the background of DDLitG’s 1st-ish original character~

Who is Ako?

Ako, formerly known as “female student”, was originally one of the many NPCs used by the game’s engine to fill its world with nondescript background characters, so as to make it feel less empty. However, Sayori took a special interest in her, and decided to befriend her, following the steps of a young MC who befriended Sayori in a similar situation and ended up saving her life. This would in turn allow Ako to grow as a character beyond her 1 line of coding and get her own sprites, as well as being able to interact with the world. She would later go on to fall in love with Sayori and shenanigans ensue.

Ako was created with the purpose of telling the story of the Friendship arc.

Designing Ako.

Let me make one thing clear: I’m not a character designer. I don’t know jack about it besides the very basics. But I did try to make someone who looked mildly original and, most importantly, different from the other girls.

Originally, she was going to be the image of a shy, fragile girl who Sayori befriended out of pity, more than anything. Based on this initial idea, I made this beta Ako design on one of my copybooks when I should’ve been working:

As you can see, her very first sprite was the one where she’s shyly looking away to avoid eye contact (and to seem annoying, but more on that later). I was happy with the pose but not with her face, as it looked super unoriginal. She resembled Ochako Uraraka from My Hero Academia a bit too much, so I tried to change her hair to make her stand out more. Here is her second iteration:

This time, I felt like I cranked it up too much to the other side. Now she stood out TOO much. Her hair felt like it came more from a protagonist than someone who’s supposed to be a background character. I adopted a new philosophy after seeing this result: she had to look as bland as possible. She had to be the kind of character you see all the time in the background of an anime - those simple, unassuming designs you’d never look twice at because you’re too focused on the protagonists with candy-coloured hair. In DDLitG’s canon she’s a filler NPC brought to the forefront, and her design had to reflect that more than my desire to make her look “cool”.

With this in mind, we come to Ako v0.3

As you can see, this is much closer to her current design. But this was still a sketch (even the drawing above is very much unfinished). As you can see, I got closer to her 0.1 version with the hair, but changed the eyes to make them look more unique, giving her that more neutral, “nothing” expression. Having finally found some ground I was comfortable with, I redefined her design a little further, gave her some more details around the hair and clothes, adjusted the proportions of her body (because apparently I draw heads huge), and made her finalized design.

I was happy.

What’s with this sassy... monochrome child?

If there’s one constant to be found in the pictures above, is that she was always meant to be black and white. There are plenty of reasons, which I’ll list because, honestly, there are a lot.

1. I didn’t want to look her like the rest of the cast at fucking all. She is an OC introduced in a story with already established characters made by a much more talented writer. She’s an outsider, someone who doesn’t belong with this cast of colorful characters, and I wanted readers to be able to tell that at first glance. No, she’s not like the other girls. They don’t belong in the same place. She is not a member of the original DDLC cast, and it shows.

2. I know I can’t draw as well as Satchely, so trying to copy DDLC’s art style would just end up looking awkward and wrong. I had no choice but to do my own thing. And if I’m doing my own thing, why not take it all the way? I already gave myself artistic freedom, I might as well go crazy with it~

3. I just adore characters in a fictional universe that look different from the rest of the cast or have some strange design choice for literally no reason. Like Krillin from Dragonball, with his eyes that make him look like he belongs in an entirely different manga...

...or even Jotaro Kujo, whose hat merges with his hair because why not!

I live for dumb crap like that.

4. A huuuuuge inspiration for me while writing (besides my own uninteresting life) is music. Many times I listen to a specific track or imagine situations with specific background music to make them seem more real, and be able to better portray the feelings of a scene when writing [For example, I listened to My Chemical Romance’s Welcome to the Black Parade a lot while writing Monika’s Death].

Ako’s creation was no exception. Her appearance was partially based on the cover for not only one of my favorite Vocaloid albums of all time, but one of my favorite albums period: Wowaka’s glorious Unhappy Refrain.

I’ve been writing stuff based on this album alone for years because it’s just so damn striking to me. The picture of the faceless schoolgirl falling into the unseen abyss, the background uninterested characters that imply they are used to seeing fellow girls suffer, the distorted world they live in, the album’s way to explore teenage depression, the freaking name of the album, EVERYTHING! IT’S SUCH A GOOD EXPLORATION OF THE DIFFICULT LIFE TEENS FACE THAT OFTEN GOES UNNOTICED!! AAAAAAHHHH IT’S SO GOOD.

5. Ako was also based on a previous design I made for another character meant for an original visual novel I was writing and I’m probably never going to finish, who was also going to be monochromatic to reference this album (in that context it made more sense though cuz every character was a musical reference).

This character, in turn, was based on Monoko from Yume Nikki, which is more obvious because of her crying eye and extra arm.

So basically at this point it would’ve been weird if I hadn’t made her monochromatic.

Naming Ako

This was one of the most difficult parts, ngl.

As I mentioned, Ako was originally going to be a fragile, shy girl. Based on this, her original name during the design face was Moromi, which is one more letter than “Moroi”, which Google translate promises me means “Brittle” or “Fragile” in Japanese.

However, after the philosophy change that happened during her conceptual stage, “Fragility” was no longer at the core of her character, as it was now “Nothingness/Blandness”. Because of this, I changed her name to “Ako”.

Many people have submitted their interpretations of the name, ranging from its meaning “To teach/to learn”, and “To yearn for”, which all fit better than the original tbh.

The intended meaning is for “Ako” to be read as “A-Ko”, which is a way by which Japenese media often refers to filler characters, as it translates to “Girl A”.

Examples of this can be seen in Super Danganronpa 2, where a character in a videogame is called “A-Ko” to hide their identity...

...and in a movie called “Project A-ko”, which was a parody of the anime tropes from the time, so they gave the protagonist the most generic name ever. The antagonist and side character, by the way, are called “B-Ko” and “C-Ko” respectively. This movie is fucking awesome.

This name also made sense in the context of the story, because we already had a character named “Student A”, so this goes to show that the game just gave Ako the default name it had stored for female NPCs.

Blinded Ako, or How I Learned to Convey Emotion Through Ahegao

When I came up with Ako, she was meant to have most of her character revolving around her infatuation with Sayori. She was, after all, written in the story with the purpose of falling in love with her, and nothing else. Her character, personality, likes/dislikes, and hobbies came afterwards. As the story progressed, however, I decided that she should have a personality separate from just being in love with another character. So to separate the actions she committed under the influence of her passion, I did a little design change in the middle of the arc: Blinded Ako.

In this version, Ako has been literally blinded by love and stops being rational. This is represented by the hearts covering her eyes, and clouding her judgement. This was done not only with the purpose of representing she was past her breaking point, but also to differentiate the Ako that makes mistakes with the Ako that was introduced in the beginning of the arc. Almost so as to make them two different characters, so when she is reintroduced as a regular character after Friendship, readers could think “oh, she’s not going to do dumb stuff again, she’s not blinded by love anymore.”

Many people compared the above panel with “ahegao”, a trope in hentai manga where a character does a silly face to represent them breaking from enjoying themselves so much. This was done partially on purpose. The main idea was to represent Ako being blinded by her infatuation for Sayori, not to equate her sate of being with anything sexual. It DID end up looking more hentai-esque than I expected though, as, well, Ako is in black and white, and the heart eyes are also a trope in ahegao. And she’s sweating. And she’s saying that she’s about to break....

.....

....well at least I drove my point home.

Ako’s musical influences

Above I mentioned how music was a big part of my inspiration, and how I listened to Welcome to the Black Parade while writing Monika’s Death, so the question in no one’s mind is: what music did Yui use as inspiration for Ako’s character and the arc? 🤔

Well, hypothetical reader, the answer is that since Ako was meant to be bland and flavour-free, her original depiction is not based on a song or anything. Her desperation towards Sayori and Blinded Ako, though, are based on TRONICBOX’s 80′s style remix of Ariana Grande’s Into You. And yes, this 80′s remix in specific. Not the original song. I highly encourage you to give it a listen and pay attention to the lyrics if you want an insight into how Ako was feeling during her breaking point.

Also, as a side note, no one has asked me this, but I imagine Ako’s voice to sound like the vocals of Panty and Stocking’s ending, Fallen Angel. It’s a truly beautiful song, and once again, I highly encourage you to give it a listen and pay attention tot he lyrics if you want an insight in Ako’s current feelings towards Sayori.

Ako’s reception

This is more something personal than an explanation of the character, but it’s something I want to share nonetheless.

Remember when I said Ako was meant to be annoying? Yeah... xD

When I decided to add a new character I did so under the idea that everyone was going to hate her, because it’s a purposefully boring OC made by some insane person with the sole purpose of being added to an already interesting and loved cast of characters just to fuck everything up.

The first scene I ever wrote for Ako was the part where Monika asked if she had hurt Sayori, and she said “Not intentionally...” while looking away, which is why her first sprite ever was in that position. She was meant to make people feel frustrated over this girl just looking away from her problems and avoiding responsibility, while also telling Monika to her face that she had done something bad to Sayori. Readers were expected to hate her. That’s why in the beginning she says she doesn’t like literature, to assure you that she’s not joining the literature club. That’s why there’s a scene where she gets punched in the face. That’s why she looks so extremely out of place.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DISLIKE HER!! omg I’m still surprised at how warm the reception was, you guys are just too nice for me~ ❤️

Because of the unexpected reception I had to change some parts of the arc, which were originally going to be much crueler towards her [I even questioned adding the punch at all, but it was an important part of Monika’s development so I felt it]. I also established her as a recurring character in spite of her dislike of literature, and did my best to make her less hate-able than she was originally going to be, even cutting some planned lines of dialogue that made her pretty irredeemable. Looking back, I am glad I did those changes, we ended up with a well-liked and pretty nice girl because of it~

Final thoughts

The introduction of Ako and writing Friendship in general was a very intense experience for me. It was very difficult to balance Ako as being both relevant to the story and moving the plot forward, but not make her the sole focus of everything and have her obscure everyone else, because OCs in established pieces of media tend to do that.

This arc also got a LOT of mixed reviews, some people liking it, some hating everything I did. This made me really question what I was doing and at many points even regret I was writing Friendship at all. At a certain point I lost almost 50 followers in a single update.

I also had trouble writing some parts because they were too sad. And that’s not my style! I like writing happy people being good friends, damn it, not everyone crying and hating each other.

But when all is said and done, I’m happy I wrote both Friendship and Ako into the story. I’ve received many wonderful, supportive messages telling me how much readers enjoyed it. Even some people saying they had been in a similar situation to the one depicted in the story, and were glad to see a story that showed a positive outcome.

Will I write more OCs into DDLitG?

Meh, who knows. I love writing more original stuff and expanding the world of DDLitG, but I also feel like if I introduce yet another OC, people will crucify me and hate me for flooding the story with too much stuff that’s irrelevant to the DDLC they’re used to. That being said, writing this blog is my first, and very possibly last chance to expose my stories to such a large audience. And seeing people like what you do not only because you’re riding the coattails of a recognizable brand, but because they like what you do with it, makes me pretty darn happy. Being completely honest, I’d like to add another character. But just one. And only if it’s something that will push both the story and the girls’ character arcs forward. Not just adding OCs for the sake of it.

Thanks for sticking until the end of this BTS, and I hope you found it an enjoyable read, or at the very least I made you a little bit less bored~ ❤️

Next time, in DDLitG Behind the scenes: What’s the deal with The Perfect Yuri?

[rkhyeon-blog]

   YOUTUBE - @LHHCOVERS UPLOADED A NEW VIDEO                     WHAT U COVER - BY HOHYEON, MARK,                      HYOJEONG, ROCKY, MINHEE & COCO

@rkmxrk​, @rkhyojeong​, @rkrocky @rkxminhee​, @rkcoco

this was, without a doubt, the most ambitious thing he had decided to do for his youtube. only last month he had decided to branch out into trying to dance and rap at the same time. but even compared to that this was a hard swerve in the opposite direction - taking out the rap completely and focusing on the dancing instead. 

if this worked out, this was going to be one of the best covers he had ever done. but first, it was the work of trying to find people to do this crazy idea with him. the song was not popular and not many people had listened to it. not to mention they whole song was done incorporating the use of heely’s as well. dancing was one thing, but dancing with a wheel on each foot was a completely different story and there were most likely to be falls. 

it took some time to assemble enough people, by either approaching them at school during lunch breaks and by putting out some feelers through twitter to see if anyone bit. and they did, before too long, he had five willing volunteers to try and get this dance cover down so he could upload it. the deadline was set to the end of feburary and for a very long time hohyeon wasn’t sure if they were going to reach that goal. it was hard enough to learn a dance, even more so trying to learn how to use heely’s as well. 

as expected, there were quite a few falls, hohyeon managed to sprain his wrist at one point after completely collapsing on it, but he powered on through. he knew this was going to be hard and was not about to give up. 

the mastery of the shoes on his feet came slow, but with extra practice in them by just going to school wearing them and wearing them out, he started to feel comfortable in them. his mother still thought he was crazy for wanting to do something like this, but the ever supportive woman she was had no intentions of stopping him and was always there to patch him up if he happened to fall and get hurt. 

weeks and solo and group practices later, hohyeon was comfortable enough that they were all good enough to start recording this video. right from the start they had decided to share the more acrobatic parts of the dance between the willing members, not wanting one person to just do them all. it cut down on arguments and was also just easier to learn one complicated move instead of multiple of them. 

the day they were going to be recording this, hyeon made sure to arrive bright and early, giving him enough time to set up the camera he had borrowed from school properly. even as he moved around the room to make sure everything was set up he found himself just wheeling around instead of walking. he’d come to love having wheels on his feet, it was far easier than walking for him and now and he wouldn’t be surprised if he found himself wearing heely’s more often and just zipping around the place. 

slowly the other five started to trickle into the room and, once they were all assembled and warmed up, the real work began. 

he had been hoping to just get this over and done with during one run through, but o course that was just wishful thinking. almost as soon as the music started for the first time, hohyeon managed to put a foot wrong and completely messed it up meaning they started once again. and they just kept going, hohyeon didn’t want to stop until everything was completely perfect. no mistakes or slips or one person moving before everyone else, even if it was just by a second. this was going to be perfect and it was going to be glorious. 

when the music started again for what felt like the hundredth time, hohyeon started moving his head to the beat, pushing away from the wall with his hands with the others, wheeling towards the middle of the room. he was determined not to make any mistakes this time, this was going to be the perfect version he wanted and he had confidence in the others to do it. he admired them and knew they were talented dancers, so he really shouldn't worry about them.  

the music just moved through him, full concentration on what each of his limbs were doing, trying to do most of the dancing on the balls of his feet to avoid the wheels in his heels until he needed them. it was strange, feet heavier thanks to the extra weight, but it was something he had grown used to. 

when they reached the first chorus he really started to get into things, seamlessly following the movements, keeping in time with the bodies either side of him. though he was tired from the previous attempts, feet starting to ache and sweat forming on his brow, the teenager pushed through all of that. he just wanted to nail this so one day he could look back on this and be proud of what he had accomplished. and he could rely on the five others around him to put in their best efforts as well. he was glad he had decided to do this as a group and not just a solo cover. now he people to rely on and he was sure this was not the last time he was ever going to talk to them. 

a smile started to form on his face, completely enveloped by the movements, the sound of the music drumming in his ears, the sound of the in rhythm footsteps on the wooden floor under his feet. just the sound alone was enough to help him keep going, putting in maximum effort until the very last beat of the music. though he could never completely zone out, having to be careful as he wheeled around not to crash into anyone else. thankfully, they were doing this on a flat surface. he had learned the hard way how hard it was to wheel around on a bumpy and uneven surface. 

though he was taking this seriously, it was still rather fun. he almost laughed at one point as he spun around on his wheels, moving to his next position. there was an almost freeing feeling which came with this choreography, almost addictive. 

the song was reaching it’s final moments now, and hohyeon had not put a foot or a hand put of place the whole choreography. and the teen was determined to finish off strong, keeping his eyes focused on the camera at the front filming all of this as he did his last couple of steps, putting the top of his foot down to stop his movement forward, folding his arms across his chest in what he thought was a cool pose to finish, a smile on his face and chest heaving with the effort he had just gone through. 

dance had always taken a back position in his list of things he loved doing, rapping remaining right at the top for years now, but just doing this was making him think about that, made him start having other thoughts about how seriously he wanted to take his dancing as well.

it would be something to consider once this was all said and done.

[shemakesmusic-uk]

INTERVIEW: HAIKU SALUT

Haiku Salut, the acclaimed instrumental trio from the Derbyshire Dales, release their third album There Is No Elsewhere today via PRAH Recordings.  

Haiku Salut are a dream-pop-post-folk-neo-everything group which consists of multi-instrumentalists Gemma Barkerwood, Sophie Barkerwood, and Louise Croft. Between them, Haiku Salut play accordion, piano, glockenspiel, trumpet, guitar, ukulele, drums, and melodica. Their music also features electronic elements, which they refer to as “loopery and laptopery”.

Influenced by the evocative film soundtracks of Yann Tiersen and Benoît Charest, the genre-melting electronica of early Múm, and the impressionistic writing of Haruki Murakami, the band released their debut album Tricolore in 2013, to critical acclaim. They later wrote about the experience in their debut book, Japanese Poems Steal Brains, a fully illustrated collection of haikus, which told the story of the band to date. Haiku Salut’s second album, Etch And Etch Deep, was released in July 2015, to similar acclaim.

This year’s release, There Is No Elsewhere, is Haiku Salut’s first album for neo-classical and electronica label PRAH Recordings and sees the trio continue their distinctive re-imagining of dreampop and rural electronica.

We were lucky enough to have a chat with band member Gemma Bakerwood all about There Is No Elsewhere amongst a few other things. Read it below.

Hello! You've just released your third album There Is No Elsewhere. What can you tell us about the record?

"We’ve spent three years making this album. When we began writing we were working with ideas of existing on the periphery, occupying your space and celebrating community. There is an overarching thread of belonging and what it means to belong and solidarity that weaves through the album. We wanted to write a party album that addressed the notion of living according to the predefined cultural landscape (and defying it)."

You've collaborated on tracks on the LP with Glastonbury Brass. How did that come about?

"We were really keen to work with a brass band, particularly as this album’s central themes are about pulling together and celebrating community. What better way to that than with a brass band? A literal example of coming together to create something bigger than the sum of its parts. We had initially hoped to use a band local to our area but when we found out our friend’s dad played the tuba in Glastonbury Brass and that they were happy to get on board we couldn’t pass up that opportunity. We took a mid-winter trip to Somerset to record with them which was an incredibly humbling experience. To hear our songs being played back at us by championship musicians was something else. There was such a warmth of feeling and hope and community."

How does There Is No Elsewhere compare to your previous two releases, Tricolore and Etch And Etch Deep? How has your sound and songwriting evolved?

"I think this album is a lot more cohesive that the previous ones. We had a real vision of what we wanted this album to be about and I hope that comes across. We have always written in the same way, we write fragments of songs together and separately which we then patchwork together. We try not to write with playing live in mind to remove any restrictions on what instrumentation we include. This is usually how someone suddenly ends up with the arduous task of having to learn a trombone."

It has been said that this album sees you finally finding your place, both musically and politically.

"We wrote the album at a time of political uncertainty and helplessness and the ideas we had were inevitably permeated by the news and political climate. It is hard to avoid the sense that these are particularly terrible days and I think it’s natural to become confused about the outcomes or reasons for pursuing creative ventures. You feel the need to make a big gesture, to make large statements and pursue instant changes, yet you feel small and insignificant. You’re making electronica in a village in Derbyshire whilst people are fleeing their homes and being treated barbarically by their country and our own. It all began to seem so very menial and privileged. But it was this sense of helplessness that encouraged us to advocate a sense of what we believe in and what we can do about it. It is an album about occupying your space, being proud of what you believe in and who you are. It’s about making small life changes, making better decisions, writing better songs, having better conversations, knowing that these can lay foundations for change. It’s about finding who you are and not being dictated to about what you should be. It’s about celebrating others. It’s about making changes for a better future and the importance of rejoicing and celebrating each other and our communities."

The cover of the album features original artwork by the painter Geoff Diego Litherland. What was the reasoning behind choosing that particular artwork?

"We’ve admired Geoff’s work for some time and feel very honoured to have him on board! The piece we have used is an oil painting called ‘A Field In England’. I think his style of painting fits really nicely with our music often fusing the organic and inorganic, the bleak and the beautiful. This piece has become very important to us and very much helped shape the album’s expression. The portal, the warning and symbolic meaning behind the octagon all gave a further significance to the album. The octagon has a symbolic meaning of infinity and transition, which reinforces the significance of the endless ‘now’ and the responsibility we have for the ‘here’. We should say that the music, the album title and the artwork provide a triforce of meaning. All work together equally to make the whole. If you take one element away the coupling left take on another meaning altogether."

You're going to be taking your celebrated lamp show on tour again later this year in support of the new release. How did the idea of a using lamps in your live performance come about?

"I can’t remember how we came up with the idea for the lamp show, we liked the idea of experimenting across media platforms to create a sense of space and emotion for the audience. The lamp show was intended to create a haunted living room feel. Our good pal and long-term collaborator Robin Newman came on-board to help us to develop the idea. Lamp shows are our favourites, there’s so much planning and effort that goes into pulling them together but we always get lots of great feedback. There are still some of the original lamps in the team, but we have seen A LOT of lamps meet a very ugly demise. What a way to go though eh!"

You also recently did a collaborative piece with the Robot Orchestra which was performed at the Great Exhibition of The North 2018 earlier this month and featured self-performing instruments. Intriguing! Tell us a bit more about how that happened.

"When we were approached by Brighter Sound to take part in The Hexagon Project we had already begun experimenting with the idea of turning the electronic back into analogue. We use field recordings in our music, taking these sounds and mangling and manipulating them into rhythms and beats. We had begun thinking about ways in which we could turn that on its head and make wonky and glitchy beats play out on objects using motors. We wanted to stretch the process, go full circle, use electronic impulses to trigger organic instruments and remove the boundaries of electronic and analogue experience so began experimenting with various MIDI triggered motors and solenoids along with Arduino and Ableton’s Max For Live. We spent some time writing a piece of music that would really showcase the machines, in the final performance they took centre stage whilst we operated organic instruments playing static repetitive loops which we chose to mirror with automation. We also got to work with a young programmer Dan whose skills far exceed our own in this area. He had built and programmed a robotic glockenspiel that was definitely the showstopper!"

Which of the new songs are you most looking forward to performing live?

"I’m really enjoying playing ‘The More And Moreness’ at the minute; it’s a real fun one to play and Louise has been learning the trombone since the last album in our attempt at creating our very own mini brass band! We’ll also be playing some songs that we haven’t played live before which is always equally exciting and terrifying."

What's your favourite thing about performing live and being on stage?

"Haiku is unlike any other band I’ve been in, there’s a lot of preparation and sculpting that goes in before songs are ready to be performed live. The amount of practice and choreography that goes in to get everything running smoothly is ridiculous! When we’re finally able to get out there and perform them in front of an audience it’s magical!"

When on tour, what do the three of you do in your down time between shows?

"There is a tour manual. With an extensive list of sightseeing opportunities. We used to plan activities en-route (an escape room here…, nipping to Stratford-upon-Avon for a jazz brunch there…) but sometimes nothing beats just a good ol’ wander."

And which has been your favourite city/venue so far?

"I always love playing in Glasgow. We’re at The Great Eastern this year, which I’m particularly excited about. The venue moonlights as a music hall but spends it days as a day centre promoting social inclusion and helping reduce loneliness. The venue hire money goes towards supporting the day centre. What a bloody glorious idea!"

Finally, what does the future hold for Haiku Salut?

"After tour we will be back to working on the score for The Ada Project, a play about Ada Lovelace. We’ll also be developing some electronic triggers that will be integrated into the set design to allow the performers to interact with the props to make music. We’re also planning to develop some of the ideas from the recent Robot Orchestra Collaboration and see what we can come up with."

There Is No Elsewhere is available now via PRAH Recordings.

[thesinglesjukebox]

KANYE WEST - ALL MINE [3.67] Want more Ye takes? We've got the scoop-di-dee-whoop right here!

Juan F. Carruyo: The first meaningless Kanye single, and thank God. [2]

Will Rivitz: Kanye the lyricist is dead and gone ("I love your titties 'cause they prove I can focus on two things at once"), but Kanye the producer and sonic overseer is at least still with us. Others will likely (and rightfully) excoriate the content of what he's saying, but as of the past two album cycles Kanye's remained excellent pretty much exclusively because of his instrumentals: here, the elasticity of the bass's minimalism careens around untethered until the massively distorted claps of the second verse grind it to a halt. No matter how glorious his previous maximalism, nobody strips it down quite like Kanye. [6]

Stephen Eisermann: As if his ridiculous politics weren't bad enough, he follows up his ludicrous statements with... this? Between the weird Kardashian drama in here coupled with terrible lines like, "none of us would be here without cum," I'm just not sure what to make of Kanye anymore. The production is interesting and makes me long for College Dropout Kanye, but I'm starting to believe maybe that was more of a one-off and everything after seemed better by association -- because this, this is not good. [3]

Katherine St Asaph: Ye, if nothing else, is proof that no amount of genius or creativity can make a polished masterpiece of a rush job. But to those concerned about the decline of Kanye's lyrics and/or quality control, allow me to remind you of the existence of "Drunk and Hot Girls," or his verse on "Knock You Down," or -- actually, if he can release an unedited brainstorm, I don't need to finish either. [3]

Alfred Soto: From bits on Beyonce and The-Dream songs to his own meisterworks, Kanye's been stupid about women for years. Using staccato Trevor Horn-inspired shrieks with the help of Francis and the Lights, he conjures a private hell -- his own VIP room in which he encourages no one to appear, not even his sexual fantasies. Too vaporous to make an impression -- it's received smut. [4]

Jonathan Bradley: In 2005, Kanye thought he needed a Nia Long. In 2010, it was "some light-skinned girls and some Kelly Rowlands." Now it's Kerry Washington, Naomi Campbell, and -- dear me, I nearly fell asleep writing this out -- Stormy Daniels. In 2004, he was trawling through Black Planet; this year it's Christian Mingle. My issue isn't with West repeating himself -- even if Ye gives the uncomfortable impression that its author's once restless creativity can be resolved to a selection of tabloid quips and abrupt production punch-ins -- but with the way he abandons any attempt at situating his pop-culture nods within a wider thematic or narrative context. It's rap as listed trending topics: a refusal to allow us to consider that Kanye West might still be more than his Twitter account. From "On Sight" to Extremely Online in five short years. [4]

Tim de Reuse: "Bound 2," released almost exactly five years ego, was a fever dream collapsing, wherein Kanye wrestled with his own monogamous urges like a failed organ transplant; the lines "Maybe we could still make it to the church steps / But first, you gon' remember how to forget" had an immediate, satisfying narrative finality, the kind of line that you hear right before the credits roll. Then, take this paper-thin single that sees the fever dream back up and running, like nothing ever happened -- no deeper theme beyond Ant Clemons talking about his dick, no actual content beyond a few jokes that might have been worth a chuckle were the whole thing not so depressingly empty -- a no-calorie cable TV spinoff held fast at an indeterminate moment of non-time, status quo tortuously maintained. If there's actually something more interesting to talk about here, it's buried under layers and layers of twitterverse context. You could spend your time digging through them if you wanted to, but you could also spend your time listening to literally anything else. [1]

Leonel Manzanares de la Rosa: "All Mine," like the rest of Ye, is the work of a genius. I'm not saying it's really that good -- it's weak lyrically and very inconsistent, but Ye's brilliance shines through every nook and cranny (this record, along with Daytona, Kids See Ghosts and Nasir are proof that he's still in the top five of the best rap producers ever). True genius does not care about clean and perfect; there's always something broken, raw, real. Some people hate Kanye being called a genius, but almost no one in modern music fits that label as him. I compare Mr. West to Salvador Dalí (particularly on his obsession with money/celebrity and his problematic romance with ultra-conservative ideas) and, like him, his body of work is quite spotty. But also like the painter, there's an insatiable search for transcendence, and one can recognize an innate ability to create something powerful and iconic in each of Ye's strokes. Like Kanye, Dalí had a weird, dark dystopian period (Yeezus), an ultra-religious phase (Pablo) and a time where he favored austerity (Ye). These all happened after he "peaked," way after he actively tried to make something perfect (MBDTF). But genius doesn't peak, it just evolves and travels wildly wherever it wishes to go. Kanye is rightfully criticised about a lot of things (like the Trump love or the slavery comments), but to "cancel" him would be to shut down a conversation that should remain open. This song is kind of a portrait on where he is in his life right now. Many call it a "dad/old man record," and yes, that's what he is too. Is it as good as others in his discography? Does it really matter? Are we really gonna shit on him for not trying to make a second MBDTF? Dalí unveiled his perceived masterpiece "The Persistence of Memory" in 1931. Then, his work ranged from dreamscapes, to historical and religious scenes. But sometimes he just wanted to paint his sister next to a window or his wife with a swan. That's what "All Mine" is at heart. [6]

Nicholas Donohoue: Nihilism, misogyny, crassness, and misery. Effective in making the listener sullen, and that's most certainly the point. The organ dropping out, the debasement of sexuality to body parts and celebrity, a clunking beat mixed with horror movie stock sounds. I wish this were easy to brush off, but the production details work too well technically and the outside context of Kanye West and what he used to mean has me curling my fists. I guess I care despite it all. [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[seulgisolomon-blog]

Dilemma of Multifandom: Does the MAMA Filter Out Fake Fans From Real Fans?

Disclaimer: There is a fair amount of generalization in this post, so please bear with me. I will try to keep it as objective as possible, but I don’t think it’s possible to write something of this nature without generalizing at least a tiny bit. I used Arabic numerals for small numbers to prove my point more clearly. I didn’t proofread much, so please forgive my grammar xD

If you are an international fan who have been around the K-Pop world for a long time, I think you will know about Korean fans’ view on being “multifandom.” Of course, the degree of unacceptability will vary within individuals. However, most hardcore Korean fans (those who religiously vote, stream, purchase, etc.) will consider any jahbduk (multifandom: stanning multiple groups) as fake fans. Here’s why.

Korean fans believe they feed their artists. You know, like a father or a mother supporting his or her offsprings. I do not think that is being too farfetched, considering album and concert ticket sales are probably an artist’s top sources of income. They have great pride in the process of growing up together, building the fan-star relationship, and sharing the honor of their artist’s success.

Now, building upon the idea, imagine you are the chief of a clan, working hard to support everyone in it. But let’s say you decided it would be nice to be the chief for two or more clans. Your resources are limited, and you have to figure out a way to distribute them. You say you love each of your clans equally. But can you show that by distributing your care evenly? And even if you manage the seemingly impossible feat, are you really doing what is best for each of your families?

Take MAMA voting for example. Let’s say you support three boy groups, Group A, Group B, and Group C. You are limited to 10 votes per IP address a day (correct me if I’m wrong). You would be giving only 3~4 votes to each for Artist of the Year if you want to split. Let’s say you vote for Group A 4 times. This leaves 3 votes for Group B and C each. You harmed Group B and C’s chance of winning by voting less for them. Looking at it from the point of view of Group A supporters, you could have gave Group A 6 extra votes per day, but you didn’t. Fans who only support Group A will consider you a third of a fan. But since you wasted 3 votes each for Group B and C, you technically only helped Group A to gain 1 vote, making you one tenth of a fan. Wow, a triple whammy. Can you really call yourself a real fan of any of the three teams?

Sure you can. Well, depending on your definition of a fan. You did vote for them, which shows you do care about them. But is that really all a fan needs to do? Koreans don’t think so. As Jessi once said, your three faves aren’t on the same team. This is a competition. There is only one Artist of the Year, and only that group will get covered in the main article on Naver as the winner of the glorious category. Let’s say Group A won. Who knows, maybe Group C could have won if 10,000 “multifandomers” like yourself did not waste their votes on the other two teams. “How disloyal of you,” say Korean supporters of Group C.

So are all international fans who are “multifandom” disloyal? No. Disloyal is hardly the right term. In fact, most international fans are not loyal to one specific group, so how can they be disloyal? Not only do international fans not hold the same responsibilities as Korean fans do, they do not need to. I am not trying to be rude or generalize (I sincerely apologize if you are offended). It’s the truth. Before i-fans are fans of a group, they are listeners of K-Pop. Koreans don’t listen to K-Pop. They simply listen to… music. Korean fans appreciate other artists as casual consumers. They listen to their songs, watch their music videos, and sometimes check out their live performances, even. They respect their hard work and craft. But doesn’t that pretty much sound like what a fan would do and think? 

Yes and no. Koreans don’t really need to be a fan of an artist to listen to his or her music. Just easy, passive listening. However, international listeners will place themselves in the fan category if they are doing all of the things listed in the previous paragraph. It is easier for international listeners to form special connections with the artists they listen to. That’s inevitable because the path they take to discover a group and to like its songs is much more active, adventurous, and significant than that of Korean listeners.  It requires i-fans to step out of their comfort zone, learn new Korean names, read romanized and translated lyrics to sing along to and comprehend the song, find the fan subbing channels, etc. With such efforts, it is understandable why international listeners feel the number of fandoms they are in reflects their knowledge and experience in the K-Pop world. Many i-fans join K-Pop because of the tight-knit communities. It’s always nice to be welcomed by a group of people. It’s almost like a cool thing to be part of more fandoms.

So it all comes down to this. Koreans are already exposed to all different sorts of Korean music. They were born to it. It requires something really special for them to be drawn by one specific artist. Almost like destiny. Once they become fans, they have an intimate relationship with their artists. They watch them perform more than five days of the week during promotions, raise money to buy them gifts, attend their fan meetings and fan signs, and so on. They cry together, laugh together, dream together, and develop together. Unfortunately, international fans do not have such opportunity. For international fans, every K-Pop star is a representative of the genre. Each and every group that delivers great quality K-POP to them is precious. Koreans think the same, too. They appreciate the many singers who present great music. It’s just they don’t call that “stanning.” They reserve that term for the very special one and only. Because the term is used very frequently, almost synonymously as “appreciating,” Korean fans, in a way, misunderstand international fans for being “disloyal” and liking “whatever’s good and new.” International fans can also have the one and only true group they will stay loyal to, but restraining themselves to one artist will severely limit their K-Pop experience. It only makes sense for them to explore and be into multiple groups.

With that said, don’t be sad or angry when you see groups like Red Velvet not doing well for Daesang-tier awards, such as Song of the Year. Almost everyone likes Red Flavor and Red Velvet is probably on almost everyone’s “multifandom” list. But when it comes to voting, multifandom doesn’t exist, just like how it doesn’t exist in the dictionary. When they have to choose one, they will choose the Group A in their hearts. The question is… What do we call them? Fake fans? Casual fans? Not fans at all? Does it even make sense for a fan to be “casual?” I would say the answer is “cannot be determined, nor should anyone try to determine.” I think it’s more important for K-fans and i-fans to understand their differences when it comes to their ideas of “fandom” and that neither is superior to the other. Any type of positive attention to the group is a good thing. It’s during the award seasons when the divide between fully dedicated fans and “casual” fans is exacerbated, due to the drastic take-all or nothing nature of voting. The situation will be mitigated once the stupid awards are over.

Personally, I am thankful for all the international fans who listen to and follow K-Pop, especially i-ReVeluvs. They are the ones making the genre more dynamic and diverse. I know many ReVeluvs who try their best to get involved in activities such as streaming on Melon and voting on music show programs, which are not easy to do overseas. Korean fans are surely aware of that and are very thankful.

But what if Group A and Group B are competing for first place on Music Bank? Who will you vote for? :)

[actualbird]

hey!! if u dont mind me asking, what are ur top 5 bmc fics of all time and why? (including the ones you've already recced!!) anyway i hope ur doing great ily

THIS IS SO DIFFICULT WTF but i did it anyway. pls take note that these r my personal faves and curating this list was HARD bc i love so many fics and there r so many good ones out there hhhhhh!! but i did it!! god!!!! i tried to keep my paragraphs of praise (relatively) short-ish and spoiler free.

(!!!make sure to check the tags and the ratings of these fics!!! my previous bmc rec lists can be found here, here, and here.)

without further ado here is, in no particular order, 4 fics id take a bullet for (I KNO U ASKED FOR 5 but there are only really 4 that struck me to the point that i go on and on about them embarrassingly)

no such mirrors by Kalopsia

Jeremy didn’t know of any other superhero that had to commute.

Sometimes he was alone when he got the text, and it was easy to slide open the window and sling on over to whatever disaster was striking the City That Could Never Catch a Break. Other times it was during things like his parent’s divorce hearings, in Hackensack, and he’d have to spend his bar mitzvah money on a cab ride to the bridge and change into his spandex in the bathroom of a Dunkin’ Donuts. Even at home, he’d have to spend fifteen minutes slinging webs across highways and toll booths and the George Washington Bridge before he even saw what he was up against.

At least Christine could fly.

(or, the AU nobody asked for in which Jeremy is Spiderman and the rest of the crew has superpowers, except Michael, who has No Idea About Anything except for the fact he’s Spiderman’s #1 fan)

ive recced this before and i love it and! just!! GODDD!!!!! so i think this was one of the first fics i read upon falling into bmc and ive followed it even before i started writing any fic for the fandom myself. reading it was definitely a turning point which maybe cemented my stay in this weird corner of the internet because 1) it was the first Full bmc au fic i had read and 2) it’s so good.

exciting! hilarious! an incredible balance between jeremy’s normal life and jeremy’s spiderman life!! im usually very picky with fight scenes (ive been in several spy movie fandoms) but the ones here are so good fast paced and!! the movement!!!! it feels like watching a movie. of course, when the action dies down, this fic goes fucking hard with the emotions. the last few chapters have had me clutching my chest basically the entire time because god. damn. damn. send help. not just to me but like, to various characters in this goddamn fic, jesus. anyway overall this fic, when not hurting me, is so much fun to read.

your song’s got me feeling like by DivineProjectZero

“Actually,” the DJ says, “I watched you dance for a while.”

God, he just wants to have this man for one night.

this fic was literally just posted yesterday but it’s so good it’s my top 4 already. like okay ive been in love with DPZ’s fics since two years ago in the kingsman fandom (which u should also read if ur interested bc they are 👌👌👌) and when i saw she started writing for bmc i did the mental equivalent of vaulting over a 40ft hedge to yell at the world.

GOD THIS FIC!! heads up, this is porn. and it’s damn good at that. the gang are now functional adults and poor jeremy just meets the most gorgeous dj ever. like. okay all the characters here each get a little bit of their own screentime and it’s SO GOOD! the buildup? FANTASTIC. the chemistry? A++++++. the bit after? added 10 years to my lifespan and also made me believe in love. jeremy’s pov here is sooooooo good because it’s the self esteem mess we all know and love but translated into an older (though not exactly surer) version which is just a joy to read. well written and well paced and fantastically characterized and also the smut is incredible. i need to lie down for a bit.

Like Mother, Like Son by hurricanesunny

“Jeremy gets a text from his mom after a year of her being gone without contacting him.”

i have also recced this fic before and the first time i bingeread it i cried twice over the course of six chapters. i mightve cried more had i not paced myself. who knows!!! all i know is that this fic maybe probably totally owns my ass.

this fic is hands down my favorite post-canon fic for like. so many reasons. all the characters in this piece are glorious messes. like, no joke, they mess up and make mistakes and there are consequences everywhere, be it from the events occurring in the fic or events that had happened prior. theres so much . and. then. this fic confronts each and every one of those consequences. the structure of this piece reads like a one by one revenge arc, but instead of revenge, it’s jeremy making amends. AND IT’S THE BEST THING EVER. each chapter is a special kind of catharsis boosted forward by incredible characterization and a pov internal monolog to die for. the writing is phenomenal. the development is like. beyond words and i wanna scream. or maybe cry for the third time. anyway just. it’s good okay. im beginning to lose my coherency.

you give me miles and miles of mountains (and i’ll ask for the sea) by left_uncovered

It scares Jeremy sometimes, the things Michael does for him.

(Michael is in love with Jeremy. Jeremy just wishes loving and being in love were the same thing.)

havent recced this before but here i am now and. you have to read this. well, okay, you have to read this if youre fine with your heart being ripped out gently by an incredible fic that is a mosaic of pining and pain and how unfair things are sometimes. if ur alright with that, PLEASE READ THIS. IT’S SO GOOD.

left_uncovered, resident pain lord, is startlingly bad at actually getting Michael and Jeremy together in her fics but she’s so ridiculously good at constructing a story that is so real it cuts you to the bone and makes you hurt. it’s not the Over The Top kind of hurt, but the hurt that’s even worse because against all odds and optimism and hopes, you understand why it’s happening. sometimes things dont match up, and it’s a little bit of a tragedy for everybody involved. that’s life. this fic is just so gentle and so good at telling you that with short scenes and a stunning writing style that, at times, can only be described as brutal. in one word: ouch. in many words: ouch but holy god, this was fantastic.

so yeah!! there it is!! i highly recommend all these fics and the other fics these authors have written too. make sure to leave kudos on fics u like!! make sure to comment nice things!! show love!!

[my-job-is-to-fangirl]

I went for my first ever concert this April in Bangkok with two of my best friends (Nabi and Bunky, as mentioned in my other Bangkok posts). I am still not over the fact that we actually went, and it’s been four months. I just thought I’d make a blog post because I think I can handle looking back at the videos now without hyperventilating. (edit- I couldn’t.)

Anyway, I will talk about everything in detail- the ticketing process, the days leading up to the concert, and the day of. Also, my ‘favourite moments’ list went on and on so I stopped after a while. Let’s begin! I hope this is slightly helpful at least, and if not, enjoy the video! xD

TICKETING We found out that they were having a concert in BKK in October and began the process of badgering our respective parents to let us go, and in my case, to come with us on the trip. Everything worked out pretty soon and we couldn’t handle our excitement. Then we remembered how hard it would be to get the actual tickets. We prepared ourselves for the worst, obviously, and I had my mom tell me practically everyday ‘don’t be disappointed if you don’t get tickets okay, you can try later’.

The tickets were going on sale in December, and I think we religiously prepared for the ticketing process for a good week before ‘the day’. I don’t think we slept the previous night, I have butterflies in my stomach even as I’m typing this that’s the sheer amount of anxiety we had about it. We all had notebooks with seating charts and which seats to aim for and everything ready. 

The morning of the ticketing, we were up by 6:30, ready with laptops and the webpage open (thaiticketmajor.com). And of course, our notebooks, a pen, and water to last us the hours ahead. Oh, most importantly, we had credit card details written down too. There would be a very tiny window to finish payment, assuming we got tickets. We were on a conference call, dying in anticipation. I had my aunt, mom, dad, and grandfather all walking around the house, probably thinking ‘these kids are mad’. They all helped though, they were my hype-people, giving me food and saying ‘have hope’ xD

It took forEVER to enter the damn website, and once we did, we had to wait in line. We also had other friends on the conference call to help us out- THANK YOU ALL, and all we said for hours was ‘my man moved!!’ (you’ll see in the picture below what I mean). We all used multiple browsers, and for me, Safari worked magic. I got in line at about 8 I think, and finally got into the website at around 9:45. We were on the website from 7 though, refreshing and waiting for it to open. I don’t know how mine was fast, we all got in line at the same time.

Once I reached the end of the line and entered the website properly, there was a lot of screaming in my earphones. ‘STAY CALM YOU CAN DO THIS WE NEED THESE TICKETS.’ I went through, picked seats that were close enough (after about a minute of deliberation, we didn’t have more time than that), and waited to see if it would go through. I think I had to change seats thrice because they were booked by the time I clicked on ‘select’, but we unknowingly got great seats (more on that later). My aunt was sitting ready with card details so we went ahead and paid!! Again, there was a lot of screaming. I think we all went silent for a few seconds just taking it in.

This is what it looked like in the beginning. The man kept walking and taking the green line with him.

Now, the next three months, we kept counting down and planning our trip, it was so much fun researching where to go and what to eat at the 7/11’s (okay that was mainly me). Buying and figuring out what to wear at the concert, listing places to shop there, what to do on the day of the concert- our priorities.

THE MORNING OF 7.4.19 My parents obviously didn’t come for the concert, but they spent that day taking care of us and giving us food because we were so excited, it was like having an out-of-body experience, I swear. We got up by 6:30, got ready (not in concert wear, because the concert was in the evening, and we were going to come back to the hotel after collecting the tickets because it was quite close by to the venue), ate breakfast and went to the venue. We walked around a little bit to find the stalls for tickets. We were greeted by posters of each of the members and a HUGE one of all of them with the concert details.

This is the clearest one I have.

We were sitting in line in the sweltering heat, but thankfully it didn’t take too long, we were early and there weren’t that many people.

  We didn’t know it would be that hot, we didn’t have anything to cover our heads with. Anyway, we got our tickets pretty quickly and then stood in line for army bombs. They give you a sheet with all the merch and you have to select everything you want so it becomes easier. We just got those, got them synced to our respective seats, and then got Fanta xD they were selling giant cups of ice with whatever flavour of Fanta, we all got strawberry. I don’t know why, but I felt the need to include that detail. We then went and got small fans outside on the street. We saw 90% of the people holding fans and we thought ‘oh we can take the heat we’re from India’, but god no we needed them. [Random shoutout to the really sweet girl from Indonesia I stood in front of in line for the army bombs :D] While leaving, a random girl was coming to each of us and saying ‘sorry, please take this’, and I thought it was a pamphlet or something, but it was a cute Hobi sticker ㅠㅠ The concert experience had officially begun xD

EVENING We left at around 4 to go to the venue, the concert was at 7. Adventure time (not the show)- We were in the cab on the way, and the cab driver stopped somewhere and started to talk to us in Thai. We kept telling him we needed him to speak in English and finally, he told us we had to get down there. Google maps showed that we were almost 2 km away from the venue, we thought we could walk, but there was traffic for as far as the eye could see, and we’d get all sweaty and disgusting. While we were contemplating what to do, there were a lot of guys wearing traffic vests (I am so sorry I don’t know what they’re called) and one guy spoke into his phone and showed us google translate, it said we had to get out here and cars weren’t allowed past the point because of traffic. They said they’d drop us on bikes to the venue, and after seeing a lot of other girls going, we decided to go too. This was honestly one of my highlights of the trip, it was so much fun, and such a good initiative.

ANYWAY. We went in and were ogling all the people there, MAN they dressed so well. We saw a queue in the middle somewhere and thought we had to go for the bag check so we joined in. IT TURNED OUT TO BE A GIRL GIVING OUT A FREEBIE. We were so happy with it. We walked around, joined a lot more queues, we couldn’t be stopped, it was too good to be true. We collected so many freebies, and the quality of the photocards and whatever they gave was so so so good, it was unbelievable that people were just giving them out for free. That’s how nice Army’s are :’))))) Here are all the freebies I got.

the first freebie we got, its a sticker :’)

this was for us to place our ticket in the centre, we didn’t :p

love this one.

the other side of the card above. the quality of this card is amazing

kook postcard!

the girl who gave this to us is friends with honeyjoonie94 we were so excited!

this girl told everyone to take two Jin pictures each I love them

the Jikook and Vkook ones were literally packaged in plastic covering, look at the dedication :’)

all together now, lets say thank you armyyyyyy.

Where all the queues were happening.

our beautiful tickets :’)

Army time :’) We were so lucky to get a banner with lyrics from Moonchild, it made it extra special ���ㅠ

Standing around for a little more, we finally went inside the stadium. I’m not kidding, we all almost cried just entering the place.

LOOK AT IT I MEAN CAN YOU BELIEVE IT

There’s not much to say about the actual concert other than they were amazing, we’re still not fully convinced they’re human, anyone who says they’re not good live, please show this to them for proof that they exist on a meal of their own CD’s. That’s how good they are. BTS has been such a huge part of my life for the past two and a half years, only armys will understand how happy we get when we see them or listen to them. They really are something else, and something so different from usual artists, they never, ever fail to make me smile.

Best moments (in no particular order) in bullet points because otherwise, this will get way too long:

1- Love. Screaming 사랑 사랑 사랑 was the best thing ever, I will never forget the army bombs making purple hearts in the crowd. 2- Yoongi in the glorious red suit for Seesaw + his choker later on. 3- Serendipity- Jimin sitting on the stage like a baby. My friend who isn’t even army watched the clip and said it made her so happy :’) 4- I DON’T KNOW NAN MOLLA. 5- Them walking towards our side. We were shocked by how close our seats were, we had no idea. And we could see them up so close ㅠㅠ 6- Tear. That’s all. 7- Chanting Jhope for Just Dance. We screamed it for a long time and you could see the surprise on Hobi’s face, it was adorable. 8- The fact that we actually got to see Run and I Need U live is insane. 9- Baepsaeeee. We wanted this medley solely for Baepsae. If you know, you know. 10- Euphoria. I feel like Koo and yellow army bombs together were perfect :’) 11- Singularity. Unreal ethereal out of this world beauty of Kim Taehyung cannot be explained. 12- Epiphany. Singing ‘I’m the one I should love’ felt cathartic. I put a nice long clip in the video. 13- Ours being the last concert of the Love Yourself tour was a blessing. 14- Jimin’s adlibs in The Truth Untold. 15- Mic Drop red cult+dance break+Yoongi. 16- Anpanman. This was one of the songs I was most excited for because they’re always so chaotic. 17- So What. I never listened to this song much, but after seeing it live, I love it. It brings back memories of just so much energy and the rush of being there. Also fake ‘mist’ that was apparently water. 18- Army time with Love Myself+confetti. 19- Seeing 50,000 people on the streets all waiting for cabs. I had to include this because it was just so fun xD 20- The number of freebies we got I LOVE ARMIES. 21- Curly hair JK. YEAH WE GOT TO SEE OUR 90’S HEARTTHROB LIVE. 22- The rain. The rain that did certain wonderful things. Again, if you know, you know. Just look up Namjoon pictures from that day, you’re welcome. 23- Tae speaking Thai was the cutest thing ever. 24- Fire dance break. 25- FANCHANT. I was living for it. 26- Army bomb. Just buying it and having it in my shelf now. What a feeling. 27- Large cups of iced Fanta. yes, it’s a highlight for me. 28- There was this girl who screamed ‘Park Jimin, ULJIMA’. An icon. 29- Seeing armys all over the city felt like some weird dream. Honestly from the minute we landed, they were everywhere. In the airport, in the hotel (there were about 60 armys in our hotel), on the streets, e v e r y w h e r e. 30. Going to an actual BTS concert was a dream of ours for two years and we were lucky enough that everything worked out in the end. I couldn’t be happier. I haven’t sung in like 15 years, but I did that day. And the next time I sing will be at another concert, I hope, only in the presence of 50,000 people who truly love these boys. It was a surreal experience, and what made it even better was going with two friends who mean so much to me.

[In conclusion- this is what I wrote the day after our concert in my journal- ‘Joon is poreless. Hobi is everything. Tae is beauty. JK is baby. Jimin is angel. Yoongi is pale. Jin is ethereal.]

Okay bye. I’m glad I finally made this post. Now enjoy the video! I made a video with all the clips, the individual ones are huge and not viewable. I had to upload it on youtube because I thought it wouldn’t upload here. Anyway, you have two options now :p

Love Yourself.

  Post (BTS) concert depression is real ㅠㅠ I went for my first ever concert this April in Bangkok with two of my best friends (Nabi and Bunky, as mentioned in my other Bangkok posts).

[jakejamesjournalism]

vampire weekend in the post-rostam era

6/8/2019                                                     

A group of high school kids starting a rock band is a great American past time… especially for those kids cut from the baseball team, THE great American past time.  The type of practice and commitment to collaboration it takes to become a good band or a good ball player is what makes both past times so appealing to the rest of us.  It was the love of the songwriting process first.  It was the smell of the fresh cut infield grass that got the particular individual in a single-minded mission in trying to turn the past time he chose into art.  Famous songwriters and performers loved and obsessed over the music they were recording long before the record deal came the same way pro athletes dedicate their lives to training years before draft day. 

That in itself, becoming successful at your chosen past time, turning it into art, and making a career out of it makes you all the more appealing to your inevitably growing fan base.  Aside from giving their specific audiences an emotional release, the love also comes from the acknowledgement that none of what you had was inherited, it was earned from tireless hours seeking perfection way before any dollars rolled in.  Sadly, most high school bands that scrape together money for studio time and college athletes who put it all on the line don’t ever come close to getting the recognition for their hard work.  They certainly don’t get the money.  This is not to say either activity is a waste of time.  Almost everyone comes out the other end of a band or sports team a better person.  Forming a band and being part of a team can build future collaborative skills that can positively affect the participant in numerous aspects of life…but the money and fame escape him.

Fortunately for some already privileged Columbia undergrads casually starting a band after a night of beer games turned into more than what any of them at the time could’ve imagined.  Although true, it was clear from the very beginning that Vampire Weekend wasn’t just another band.  Ezra Koenig, Rostam Batmanglij, Chris Tomson, and Chris Baio (excuse my oxford comma) made a name for themselves on the indie rock scene within 18 months of their inception.  While some critics spent time whining about how much the band sounded like Paul Simon��s ‘Graceland,’ most heard it as I did.  An indie record at heart with accessible pop ideas that weren’t carried by synths and predictable filler but rather tribal African drum rhythms, live instrumentation, and brilliant, witty wordplay.  This was highlighted on A-Punk, a self-referential gem about New York City that ironically catapulted them to fame way out of the five boroughs.  The two members of the band benefitting the most from the increased acclaim and exposure was Ezra Koenig, lead singer and lyricist and Rostam Batmanglij, who was the multi-instrumentalist often credited with being the brainchild behind the bands entire sound. 

“Rostam and I are the two main songwriters” Ezra said in an interview early in the bands career.  With Contra, the 2010 follow up to their self-titled debut that mythology continued to grow.  The two of them became masters at employing subtle differences in their recording styles.  Instead of using familiar echo sounds and various chamber effects that previously yielded glorious and simplistic pop harmonies, Rostam opted for a more digital sound.  Contra did this while also staying true to the bands organic DIY style.  From a critics standpoint this time around, it was more of a Talking Heads 80s experiment than a Paul Simon one.  While Ezra remained a capable songwriter, he felt the liberty to have more fun with his vocal palette.  On Contra, the band expanded the vocal possibilities.  There was gibberish wailing on the standout track ‘White Sky’ and even distorted speed rap on the song ‘California English’; both came off as successful sonic endeavors.  Rostam mixed Ezra’s vocals beautifully, knowing exactly when to let his feral tendencies run wild and when to harness them into gorgeous vocal textures.  The winning team was making their pastime a thing of true art.  A tandem now responsible for writing two of the most significant indie records of the new era.  It seemed like a partnership that would yield classic tunes for years on end.

It initially seemed this way on the bands third LP Modern Vampires of the City.  A level of maturation some detractors never thought the band could reach was on full display here.  Rostam’s production (this time assisted by pop guru and future collaborator Ariel Rechtshaid) was darker and more experimental without losing a shred of accessibility.  Ezra’s lyrics were far more introspective, dealing with themes of faith, mortality, and ‘Dying Young.’  The album features both ‘Step’ and ‘Hannah Hunt’ the two best songs the band has ever written.  Overall it was a masterpiece.  The band hit full stride; headlining major festivals, winning Grammy awards all while remaining true to their sound.  They were able to solidify themselves as serious artists with a singular vision.  No longer prep school boys who create decent music by taking the best pieces of their influences and mashing them together, this was the sound of a band in total control of their past time. 

It went unsaid, but it was understood, and well deserved, that Vampire Weekend would be enjoying a hiatus after the success and laborious touring schedule surrounding Modern Vampires.  Even so, after the Grammy, the critical acclaim, the incredible sales numbers, something totally unseen to the general public between the two main songwriters wasn’t right.  To everyone’s surprise and utter bewilderment, Rostam decided to leave the band indefinitely.

“My identity as a songwriter + producer needs to stand on its own.” Read Rostam’s public statement.  The news instantly polarized fans.  Many, like myself, criticized Rostam for leaving a good thing, while coming off extremely pretentious and ungrateful.  The man is lucky enough to be cooped up in the most successful songwriting duo in modern day rock music, why would he feel unfulfilled achieving greatness in the setting of a great band? Why must his work stand outside the efforts of collaboration? Who does he think he is?

It was known that Rostam, the multi instrumental production guru was always responsible for the sound of Vampire Weekend, while Ezra supplied the lyrics.  The parting seemed amicable, but all in all it left the future of the band in a precarious situation.  What was Vampire Weekend without Rostam? That very question went years unanswered. 

In the years since Rostam left Vampire Weekend, he has had limited success finding any traction as a solo artist.  His best effort thus far has been a collaborative record with Hamilton Leithauser of the Walkmen.  A brilliant record full of the same elegant strings, organic drum sections, and blissful pianos that came to define the sound of his former band.  Even so, it was still a behind the scenes production victory to add to his resume.  Hamilton is excellent on that record, giving Rostam’s instrumentals a visceral feel with his raspy passionate hoarse vocal delivery. 

As a front man himself, Rostam hasn’t achieved much.  His debut album Half-Light, released in 2017 came and went without much of a peep from anyone.  Indie circles overlooked it, it didn’t have a repeatable single, the vocals were shaky at best I gave it two listens and it passed it into the pile of albums that came and went without making a sound.  Since then, Rostam has not been able to find his voice.  Whether or not he can be an important voice in pop music remains to be seen, the talent behind the boards is there but it’s time for him to realize what he can and cannot do.  It takes a necessary self-awareness to know one’s limitations in any job, in any past time.  A contact hitter who plays his role by getting on base doesn’t swing for the fences.  I believe Rostam’s ego and infatuation with being the front man took him away from his true self a bit. 

Left alone in all this is Mr. Ezra Koenig. Years went on without a whisper of any new music and people started to wonder that same question: What is Vampire Weekend without Rostam? and more pressingly: Can Ezra write a Vampire Weekend album without him?  Turns out, answer is both yes and no.

Enlisting in pop guru and Max Martin collaborator, Ezra and co. brought back Ariel Rechtshaid to give the band help in the production department.  Ezra also used his smarts to understand the best way to go about marketing the new album.  A record far more freewheeling than previous releases, Ezra became more eclectic than ever, and shared a plethora of wide-ranging singles way before the album was scheduled to drop. 

The fourth album by Vampire Weekend, the 18-track record titled Father of the Bride was finally released May 3, 2019. Noted for its fusion of nonchalant broad-ranging grooves and witty pop songs about love, summer days, locking hate at the gate, and a few morbid things as well.  Ariel creates a template of shade from the warming sun for Ezra to bask in and the results are often satisfying.  While this new album won’t go down in history as an instant classic like its predecessor, it’s still hard to consider Father of the Bride to be anything but a monumental success.  Quality songs exist all throughout this thing and contain some of Ezra’s best songs yet.  An arena tour on the way, good new songs to play, and first week sales eclipsing 140k.  Say what you want about sales in today’s musical landscape, it’s impressive when a group of guys who still primarily play guitars can sell 140k first week.  It’s special.  You would have a hard time listing bands that released their debut record after 2000 than can sell over 100k first week and sell out Madison Square Garden.  What Vampire Weekend has is special.  

I’m predicting FOTB to be a summer 19’ novelty.  I’ve already heard cuts out on the streets of Asbury Park NJ, backyard cookouts, and New York City bars alike.  Can jam, car rides with the windows down, and poolside convos, Father of the Bride is a free-wheeling summer record that also has a thing or two you can learn from. 

It’s a wonder to me, knowing what he knows now, if Rostam would make the same decision all over again.  Joining a band is an American past time.  Playing in a band that influences the masses on a grand stage is special and should be cherished and appreciated as such.  Leaving such a beautiful situation seems egotistical. It may not be the case here, but it is the perception.  Ezra has proved himself to be just fine without him.  Rostam has time to blossom.  He is still young and has shown shades of greatness (the production on Frank Ocean’s Ivy is otherworldly) but that once again, is a highlight in music production-something behind the scenes.  Rostam, if you have a voice worth hearing, now is the time. 

[docholligay]

May Schedule

Did you know that it’s only the limits of my full-time job that keep me from bringing you ENDLESS HOLLIGAY CONTENT? It’s true, this is the sad reality in which we currently live. Still despite the need for things like “mortgage” and “food”, I offer up about 15-18k words in stories alone every month, between this blog and my Patreon. How is that possible? You! My Patreon allows me to justify to my wife why I spend so much time writing and blogging, and is also instrumental in my bid to move part time, and then, hopefully, make GLORIOUS content creation my full time job. 

PATREON HERE

Stuff I don’t have time for now that I could: 

You may not know this, but I’m an accomplished crafter. Things I’d like to do include: Craft works! Tutorials! GIVEAWAYS OF FANDOM CRAFTS. 

A Madoka Magica Liveblog! I have seen Madoka roughly 45,908 times, and I still find I have more to say about it every time I watch it. Given the opportunity, I will say each and every one of them to you. 

A proper serial longfic on the main blog! I have St. Raph on the Patreon, but what if we did Sleeping Beauty? What if we did a 50,000 word rewrite of I Am The Sea? I have so many ideas I want to write and share with you all, and I can’t wait. 

That’s just a sample of what lies ahead in our amazing future together. HERE’S WHAT’S ON TAP FOR THIS MONTH: (Patreon in Bold) (not included because it’s not scheduled--cooking video)

 Friday, May 5th: Bad Lesbian Advice  

Do you enjoy Ask a Drunk Doc? WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE THAT LIVE, AND WITH MY WIFE? We do it once a month on Patreon, and I take everything from the very serious to the very silly questions, and we always drink too much and end up laughing at something ridiculous my wife says.

 Saturday, May 6th: Baking for the Baking tier 

Did you know there are slots open for my delicious bakes? I’ve made Jaffa cake cupcakes, individual mini pies, fudge! Lots on offer here. THis coming month will be bourbon sea salt chocolate chip cookies! Not feeling it for yourself? You can send it to a (US-based) friend!

 Monday, May 8th: Sailor Moon Prompt Day

 All Sailor Moon Ficlets, all day long, as prompted by YOU, my loving audience. Want to see a dead lesbian? Want to see TWO dead lesbians? What’s that, you have an idea with no dead lesbians at all? Whatever, I guess I’ll take those too. Glorious words about glorious Senshi, mostly posted here, with a few tantalizing tidbits exclusively on my Patreon. Start prepping your prompts now! (Consider: dead lesbians.)

 Tuesday, May 9th: Overwatch Prompt Day 

SAME AS ABOVE ONLY OVERGAYS 

You all know me. You know I am a generous and giving soul. My heart cannot be constrained by just one set of gay nerds. Today is Overwatch Prompt Day, where I’ll take your prompts and deliver ficlets all day long. Will Tracer want to watch some footy? Probably, and maybe get shot while doing it! Your prompts, my words, Hon Hon Hon for everyone!

 Tuesday, May 9th: Eurovision semi 1! 

If you’ve been paying attention (and of course you have), you know my love of Eurovision eclipses my love for most things on god’s earth. This year, we’re going to make a goddamn party of it. Today is the first semi-final, and you can expect no small amount of screaming in my text-based livebagel. (Hinging on my ability to record it, as I’ll be working. Don’t be a dick, universe. Let me have this.)

 Thursday May 11th: Eurovision Semi 2! 

SAME AS TUESDAY, ASSHOLES. JOIN ME. 

Same great livebagel action from your preeminent Eurovision trash. Again assuming the recording situation works out. If for some reason it doesn’t, we can devote this time to me swearing at the unfeeling void. 

Friday, May 12th: Kubo and the Two Strings 

Hey would like to listen to a lesbian ramble about stories about stories, how stories teach us about how to react in life, and the importance of the teller on the story? CONGRATS THIS IS FOR YOU. Open to all Patreon levels, I think will be a really great stream, sponsored by @anonnatsfan 

(I really, really recommend watching this movie before you watch it with me--I’ll talk over the whole thing)

 Saturday, May  13th: Eurovision! 

The single greatest day in our entire lives is finally here: the Eurovision final! Technology allowing (and if not, there will be blood), this will be a Rabbit livestream of me fucking losing my shit. I might have to move this to text depending on my mother’s computer’s power, since my child is off to reform school. Rest assured, however, me fucking losing my shit will happen.

 Wednesday, May 17th: Ask a Drunk Doc

 Everyone’s favorite! I get shitcanned and make myself a fancy dinner and answer questions on the blog. No question to big or small. I am an equal-opportunity drunk.

 Friday, May 19th: Date with Jill

Between my ‘real job’ and the Patreon, I work about 60-70 hour weeks (you don’t see me when I’m physically writing stuff, very often) and Jill misses me.so, once a month, you nice Patreon folks can know that you’re sponsoring a night out for me and Jill together, so I can keep my butch happy and bright.

 Saturday May 20th: Kaguya Kaiteiban 

@yamadara generously sponsored this, and oh holy shit, am I so excited! This is my favorite Myu, FAR AND AWAY, and I am going to squeal through the whole thing, which also includes the best Mamoru song of all time, I Do Justice. 

(again, HIGHLY recommended to watch before watching with me)

 Saturday, May 27th: Bioshock Infinite (hinging on me having my computer back--mom’s literally can’t run it) 

AN ALT HISTORY GOOD TIME WITH NON-GAMER HOLLIGAY. I really, really, am getting into loving this game, like you wouldn’t fucking believe. I shoot things and swear and bring up random historical bits because it’s my perfect time period! 

Sponsor me for moments such as: 

Sunday, May 28th: Brawlligay? (again with the computer) 

We’ll see!! 

This has always been an amazing time, and it’s something I’m hoping to get back to. Blizzard’s put in so many new custom game options, it seems a shame to not bend them to my will. We’ll all gather and play and kill each other and there will be no turrets whatsoever because fuck turrets, oh my god. Previous custom games have included [and here I can’t remember what they were all called, but I’d say list out like two or three with brief descriptions]. (Brawlligay dependant on my computer situation.) 

Monday, May 29th: Utena, Episode 16 

What are you doing for Memorial Day? Incest??? SEEMS LEGIT.

Wednesday, May 31st: Inbox Nuke

[believermag]

American Afterlife

David Leo Rice On Steve Erickson’s Shadowbahn

Simultaneous Histories

Shadowbahn, Steve Erickson’s 10th novel, opens with the impossible happening in America: the Twin Towers appear in the heart of the Badlands in South Dakota and Jesse Presley, Elvis’s stillborn twin, wakes up on the 93rd floor of the southern one. Much of the “United States of Disunion,” as the nation is known here, flocks in to bear witness, only to fall into intense disagreement about what has happened and what it means.

Long obsessed with the the fault lines running through the American soul, Erickson has now given us the first key novel of the Trump Era. Written before the election but published after, Shadowbahn is hyper-aware of the ways in which America has not only been split into rival factions, but into mutually exclusive realities. If the old wisdom was that “it’s impossible to be in two places at once,” in 2017 it has become impossible to be in one place at once. All places in Trump’s America, which represents both the End Times and the supposed return of a great mythic past, are frighteningly multiple.

After an opening scene in which a trucker whose truck bears the bumper sticker “SAVE AMERICA FROM ITSELF” discovers the “American Stonehenge” in the Badlands, Shadowbahn only gets stranger as it goes along. Jesse Presley works up the nerve to jump out of the South Tower and finds himself flying into a revised 20th century where JFK lost the Democratic nomination to Adlai Stevenson and the Beatles never took off. Making his way as a cantankerous music critic, Presley meets Andy Warhol and falls into a bizarro version of the Factory scene, commenting on the decline of America from within the novel just as Erickson comments from without. Meanwhile, a brother and sister (one born in California, the other in Ethiopia)  drive across near-future America via a series of lost highways and secret tunnels, discussing their fraught relationship with their writer father (a clear Erickson stand-in, carried over from 2012’s These Dreams of You) en route to visit their mother in Michigan. By the time they reach the Badlands and see the Towers for themselves, numerous realities have been born and died and reemerged transfigured, and the map has gotten ever more skewed without quite ceasing to be navigable.

In bringing all these strands together without forcing them to cohere, Shadowbahn marks a culmination of both Erickson’s apocalypticism and his vision of history as a porous entity, full of glitches, wormholes, and “Rupture zones.” Straddling the Millennium, the terms of his ongoing project are most clearly defined by 1989’s Tours of the Black Clock, which charts a simultaneous history in which Hitler far outlives the 1940s, eventually coming to America. That novel—which lent its name to the glorious and now sadly defunct literary journal Black Clock, yet another casualty of 2016—develops the notion of hidden events running parallel to, and occasionally intersecting with, those we’re aware of. The black clock itself is the embodiment of this idea: it’s the “dark back of time” (to borrow a phrase from Javier Marías), ticking with unseen minutes and hours behind those we perceive passing.

Like the black clock, the shadowbahn renders subjective experience objective, making Erickson’s psychic landscape disturbingly physical. Cutting “through the heart of the country from one end to the other with impunity,” it connects disparate times and places the way a jittery radio dial splices together stations.

On the one hand, it’s a dangerous strand of wishful thinking to imagine a simultaneous America in which Donald Trump is not our president, or one in which he turns out to be merely a blowhard and not a tyrant; on the other hand, the election represents a possibly unfixable rift in the fabric of our national consciousness, so that the present we now occupy is both unimaginable and hyperreal—so in-your-face it’s impossible to see.

Not Quite a Surrealist

By charting this process, Erickson’s work bears resemblance to that of sci-fi visionaries like Philip K. Dick, J. G. Ballard, and William Gibson, but he differs from them in that he has a poet’s soul, not a paranoiac’s. Though he makes use of the language and imagery of sci-fi, his simultaneous histories excavate buried layers of how our reality actually is, not alternate paths it could have taken or could one day take.

This is not to say that Erickson’s work isn’t heady, just that its primary theme is heartbreak, not cracks in the matrix. He believes too strongly in the promise of what America could be to give in fully to highbrow cynicism. In this sense, he’s a patriotic writer, one committed to an American promise that’s been broken over and over again without yet ceasing to resonate.

Just as Erickson isn’t exactly a sci-fi writer, he’s not quite a surrealist either. Perhaps in the European surrealism of the early 20th century—Buñuel, Dalí, Magritte—there was a sense that the external world had become too real, and thus that departing from it (or rising above it, in the literal sense of the term sur-real) was a necessary and plausible response. But now, almost a century after Un Chien Andalou, the events around us and their incessant representation online are too bizarre and too ubiquitous to satirize or depart from: everything, in one way or another, is part of the same post-truth morass. If this is the logic that 21st century fascism will exploit, then Erickson’s determination to plunge all the way into the real, deeper than is comfortable, rather than departing from it or offering any reassuring vision of its ultimate unity, has never been more necessary.

Disjunctive Style

Shadowbahn is self-consciously a symptom of the situation it reflects: the style itself (composed of lists, snippets of dialogue, newspaper clippings, and free-floating paragraphs) is as disjointed and hard to navigate as the lost roads its characters drive down. In this regard, Erickson’s authorial logic has a strange resonance with Trump’s: the shared understanding that our American language is one of constant revision and self-contradiction, and that the grotesque distance between the American Dream and its reality only makes that Dream grow stronger. Needless to say, this language holds great potential for both good and evil.

Living in the End Times

Jesse Presley dates America’s lifespan as running from 1776 to 2001, and yet he still exists in America; indeed he exists for the first time long twenty years after the Towers fell. This means that he’s living in an afterlife, along with everyone else in the novel.

Whether one chooses 2001 or 2016 as the year of America’s death, there’s no denying that we’re all sharing that afterlife now. The apocalypse may have come, but here we still are. In this sense, the book's value lies in its exploration of the Times aspect of the End Times. The End, if and when it truly comes, will neither require nor allow for literature (”when you're dead, you're dead,” as they say), but the Times do require interpretation and consideration, more so than ever because their rules are unwritten.

Since life goes on, growing stranger but not yet unlivable, a book like Shadowbahn serves as a bulwark against numbness and the dangerous belief that the only response to incomprehensibility is inaction. Much to the contrary, Erickson argues that even when reality has splintered, it still contains right and wrong and the two remain distinguishable, in art and in life, until enough people stop believing they are.

American Music

Animating these End Times, as in much of Erickson’s work, music is the one source of renewal. Perhaps because it’s an ephemeral, ever-evolving entity, deriving its power from groove and rhythm, not from rhetoric and ideology, music, especially the blues, which was born out of oppression and worked to overcome it, is the one sanctum in which the American Dream can’t be killed. Music streams from the Towers “like the northern lights”—a natural phenomenon that verges on the supernatural—and everyone who flocks to the Badlands hears different songs, from a sheriff nostalgic for the tunes of her youth to an older man hearing Brian Eno for the first time. This too echoes the current multiplicity of news and social media feeds we all curate, plugging into whichever version of reality we find most satisfying or most exciting, and yet, beneath this disjunct, the power of music itself remains singular.

Late in the novel Erickson writes, “At the previous century’s root was a blues sung at the moment when America defiled its own great idea, which was the moment that idea was born.” Throughout Presley’s and the siblings’ long strange trips, blues, rockabilly, and spirituals like “Shenandoah” (which recurs numerous times throughout the book, sometimes with the word “Shadowbahn” set to the same tune) express both yearning for what America could be and outrage at what it’s become.

Further, with many of the novel’s sections organized as annotations to playlists of classic and forgotten songs, and an absent father (the “Supreme Sequencer ensconced on a mountaintop”) communicating with his children through his mp3 collection, Shadowbahn posits music as our only means of straining to hear the voice of God in the new American desert. Maybe, in one simultaneous history, the current moment will revert us not to some whitewashed version of the 1950s, but all the way back to an age of primal wandering among weird monoliths and along unmarked highways, praying for salvation wherever it may be found. And perhaps out of this, a new America, however disfigured and unruly, will begin to grow, one in which we listen not to the punishing voices of the Old Testament patriarchs but to that of Elvis and the blues and whatever musical forms are still to come.

A Future

The possibility of such a regeneration is the only hope Shadowbahn leaves us with. This is a hope for American life going on, and also a hope for Erickson’s continued literary project, which has by now fully processed the psychic fallout of the 20th century and begun in earnest on the 21st, a time when it seems that “wealth and power is the only American idea left.”

Until now, all of Erickson’s novels have been self-referential, a giant interconnected body of work developing alongside the history we all share, deviating from it but always returning to some recognizable baseline of communal fact. Now that history is unraveling, splitting into ever narrower and less internally consistent versions, perhaps a similar unraveling will occur in Erickson’s future work. There’s certainly no American author better suited to embrace the assault on reality we’re now witnessing, and the ways in which history has been jump-started again, after the lull of the Obama years. No longer are we listening to an album we all know; the soundtrack of 2017 is a stranger’s mp3 player set on Shuffle. Given that there’s no longer any stable ground to stand on, the job of serious contemporary fiction is to reflect this instability, not to deny it.

At the very end of the novel, the truck with the “SAVE AMERICA FROM ITSELF” bumper sticker reappears, this time in a ditch beside the highway, its driver having fallen asleep at the wheel. The siblings, after some debate, decide to rescue him. In beginning to consider how such an act of rescue might still be possible on the national scale, one could do far worse than consulting Shadowbahn for inspiration.

David Leo Rice is a writer and animator living in NYC. His stories have appeared in Black Clock, The Collagist, Birkensnake, The Rumpus, Hobart, Volume 1 Brooklyn, and elsewhere. He's online at www.raviddice.com, and his first novel, A Room in Dodge City, is available now.

[einayim]

Here are some songs I liked from this year:

100. LANY - yea, babe, no way: This is almost too cute— but that chorus makes the banalities of phone conversation into something beautiful, and the slightly fussy arrangement does it wonders.

99. Flume, Vince Staples & KUČKA - Smoke & Retribution: Vince Staples’ punk-rap yelps and Flume’s glitchy synths go surprisingly well together— they both sound like they’re straining to get out of the track. KUČKA’s fine.

98. Sing Street - Drive It Like You Stole It: This is way too polished to be by a fake new wave group made up of Irish 9th graders, but it’s so good that I’ll ignore that it totally broke my suspension of disbelief while I was watching Sing Street. 97. Drake, Kyla & WizKid - One Dance: This is here half because I’m somehow not entirely sick of it after months and months of overplay, half because of what Kyla and Wizkid are doing. Drake’s fine, I guess. 96. ANOHNI - I Don't Love You Anymore: This is one of those big, earth-shattering ballads that floors me every time— it isn’t super fun to listen to, but god, her vocal performance and the way the synths bubble at the end are not to be missed. 95. Dinosaur Jr. - I Walk for Miles: Dinosaur Jr. have been doing basically the same thing, with a few hiatuses, for 30 years. Fortunately, that thing has been “be the best guitar band in America.” 94. Against Me! - 12:03: Laura Jane Grace writes these wordy, dextrous anthems better than anyone this side of John Darnielle— and her stuff has better guitar solos than the Mountain Goats. 93. Aesop Rock - Blood Sandwich: I’m normally not a fan of non-theater musical storytelling, but this is great because it avoids the two major pratfalls of the form: it’s not melodramatic and the music behind the story actually sounds, y’know, good. 92. Deakin - Footy: Some songs are speeches or conversations or presentations. “Footy” feels like something else, like being pushed around by tides or blown away in a storm.

91. Sturgill Simpson - Breakers Roar: This is achingly beautiful and sweet and well arranged and oh god I think I like country music now. 90. Cloud Nothings - Modern Act: Cloud Nothings took a year off and are back, sounding exactly like Cloud Nothings. Fortunately, I really like Cloud Nothings. 89. Vulfpeck - Dean Town: I’m a bass player, so of course I was going to put a three minute bass instrumental on this list. Fortunately, Vulfpeck exists. 88. Hamilton Leithauser + Rostam - When The Truth Is…: Pop music made by pop obsessives tends to be either very good or really boring. Leithauser (who’s the guy from the National) and Rostam (who was the other guy from Vampire Weekend, but now is just generally a cool guy) are both clearly historians of pop music— there’s a bit of every pop genre from doo-wop onwards here. Yet they don’t ever let their historical knowledge turn their music into fussy pedantry— it feels alive even as it channels dead styles. 87. FKA Twigs - Good to Love: On her previous albums and EPs, FKA Twigs could sometimes sound inhuman, an otherworldly creature with a digitally altered voice, singing over a bed of synthesizers. “Good to Love” destroys that notion— it’s gorgeous in its sheer humanity, in the bare, unrestrained emotion it allows its singer to display. Even when the synths do come in, they fit the tone perfectly, pulsating like a heartbeat.

86. The Lonely Island - Finest Girl (Bin Laden Song): This song is definitely the best song ever written about having sex with a girl who want you to fuck her in a manner reminiscent of the 2011 raid that killed Osama Bin Laden. I have no other comment. 85. A Tribe Called Quest, Busta Rhymes & Elton John - Solid Wall of Sound: The final Tribe album was a beautifully meandering collection of weird ideas— case in point, this reggae track with a transcendently beautiful Elton John outro. Music is weird, my dudes.

84. Vic Mensa - There's Alot Going On: This is basically a five minute therapy session, but Vic is a great storyteller— this is interesting from an inside baseball perspective, anyways.

83. Fat Joe, Remy Ma, Jay-Z, French Montana & InfaRed - All The Way Up (Remix): If you put a good enough saxophone loop together, it turns out that I will listen to three older New Yorkers talk about how cool they are for five minutes. Remy Ma sounds great, though, and Jay-Z actually is on his game for once. 82. Deerhoof - Life is Suffering: Deerhoof sounds like if you told aliens to make music based entirely off pictures of rock bands. This is my highest endorsement. 81. Courtney Barnett -Three Packs a Day: I could listen to Courtney Barnett talk about anything, honestly. This is about ramen and I’m pretty sure it’s better than the entire careers of some serious rock bands.

80. Sad13 - Tell U What/Speedy Ortiz - Death Note: Sadie Dupuis is one of the best songwriters in rock music, and in 2016 she showcased her range by releasing both an EP with her punk group Speedy Ortiz and an album as a synth pop solo act. On both, her writing is as sharp as ever, covering topics as far afield as consent and anime.

79. Yuna - Best Love: Of course there's incredibly smooth Malaysian R&B on this list.

78. Frankie Cosmos - Is It Possible / Sleep Song: Two great songs for the price (and time) of one! 77. Whitney - No Matter Where We Go: I, too, love 1973. 76. Wild Nothing - Life of Pause: I, too, love 1978. 75. Sia - Reaper: Sia has realized better than any contemporary songwriter that pop music is best when it's desperate— “Reaper” is about exactly what you think it's about, and that's the glorious thing about it. Defying death is the subtext of most pop, and “Reaper” just makes it text.

74. Vince Staples & Kilo Kish - Loco: Vince Staples raps like someone’s trying to take the mic away from him. On “Loco”, his feverish determination is met by the sneering insouciance of Kilo Kish, and the combination is electric. 73. PJ Harvey - The Wheel: This is a beautiful piece of war poetry with a sick guitar solo at the start. 72. Santigold - All I Got: This is the best kind of kiss-off, the sort that dances over a sunny reggae beat while telling you to go to hell. 71. Savages - Adore: I didn’t realize they made sludgy, ponderous rock like this anymore— at the very least, I didn’t realize that they made good rock that sounded like this. The pauses and anticipations here are what make it work— the pause before the outro is dramatic like nothing else. 70. Bon Iver - 33 “GOD”: This sounds like a malfunctioning poetry robot and I’m here for it.

69. Röyksopp & Susanne Sundfør - Never Ever: I’m so glad this collaboration exists, both for putting together two of the preeminent synthpop artists of recent years and creating the most Scandinavian artist listing possible. The song itself is an amazingly propulsive piece of neo-disco, full of beautiful little details in the arrangement. Yet Sundfør holds her own here— what truly raises “Never Ever” above the dance-pop crowd here is the sheer personality of her vocal performance.

68. Skepta - Man: I’m personally offended by literally every thing Skepta says on here and I love it. 67. White Lung - Narcoleptic: Writing up some sort of fancified description of this song’s appeal would be pointless— either you get the appeal of pure, streamlined post-hardcore, or you don’t. 66. Margo Price - Hurtin' (On the Bottle): This one’s really grown on me— it’s got a charisma that allows it to turn use its country cliches to its advantage, winking all the time. The solos here are serious, though, and the move down to the bridge is something sublime. 65. Ka - I Wish (Death Poem): This doesn’t even really sound like rap— Ka’s sermon on death and survival almost seems to fade into the background as the guitar sings, and eventually it all fades out into sampled audio on samurai, lending the whole track the feeling of a guided meditation. 63 (tie). Tegan & Sara - U-turn Carly Rae Jepsen - Roses: I’m writing about these together because this is a long list and I love these two pieces of Canadian new wave revival pretty much equally. 62. Porches - Be Apart: This sounds like falling, like being propelled by some force beyond your control into an unsure future, like walking on the moon.

61. The 1975 - UGH!: I’m a little annoyed to have this so high on the list, mostly because it sounds like if you slowed down an old INXS record and made it a little more muzak-y. But that’s one hell of a guitar riff, and this is the one time that Matt Healy’s weird slimy vibe works to his advantage.   60. Lemon Demon - Lifetime Achievement Award: Theoretically speaking, Lemon Demon is a novelty act. In practice, this goes hard as hell. If it takes novelty pop for me to get my fill of keyboard solos and meditations on fame, death, and legacy, then so be it. 59. The Avalanches & Camp Lo - Because I’m Me: Of all the dazzling, kaleidoscopic sound collages the Avalanches have made, this is certainly the best song, the most fully formed creation. There's so much joy and care in all of this, from the horns to the hook to Camp Lo’s expertly retro verses.

58. Half Waif - Tactilian: The first half of this is all reserve and mystery, fragments about tangerines and dreams over a tightly coiled piano and drum beat, which makes the second half so beautiful in its openness. From just a single sentence, “Then I open the door and I know I'm not gonna be back for a while,” Nandi Rose Plunkett reveals a world of emotion, of longing and hope and regret. 57. D.R.A.M. & Lil Yachty - Broccoli: Lil Yachty references Columbine within the first two bars and this is somehow still the most joyful song of the year. 56. Tinashe - Superlove: Fucked up that you can just make a better version of “Super Bass” and not get sued, but I’m glad Tinashe did it.

55. Into It. Over It. - Closing Argument: At this point, it’s clear that “artfully arranged punk-adjacent” is my favorite genre. 54. Shearwater - Filaments: This is the exact sort of pretentious pseudo-prog rock that shouldn’t really exist any more. Nothing here really makes sense, but it’s kind of glorious— I don’t know what “Like a worm in the bloodline/Like an urge wants release/But you roll away the sun/Throw it back into the east” means, but it sounds cool as hell over that bass groove and that dulcimer(?) hook.

53. Kamaiyah - I'm On: My introduction to Kamaiyah’s music was on YG’s “Why You Always Hatin?” (more on that later), where her hook, brash and sneering, made an immediate impression on me. Her debut, A Good Night In The Ghetto, made good on that promise, with opening track “I’m On” most clearly demonstrating her ample charms. Kamaiyah has a striving energy and talent not seen in many of the current class of upstart rappers, and I’m excited to see what becomes of her in the future. 52. DJ Shadow & Run The Jewels - Nobody Speak: It’s weird to hear Run The Jewels over non-EL-P production, but DJ Shadow steps up to the plate ably with a dazzling array of guitars, synths, and horns. On the lyrical side, EL-P and Killer Mike bring their standard hyper-competent bravado, but I’m not complaining. 51. Isaiah Rashad - Smile: Every single Isaiah Rashad song is gorgeous and hazy— he’s established that his lane is one of smoky melancholy, and honestly I’d be fine if he never strayed from it. His style is one I’ll never get sick of, and “Smile” is a virtuoso example of it, from the artfully flipped sample to the way he switches from double-time to molasses-slow flows. 50. Rihanna & Drake - Work: Drake is always on my year end list too many times for an adequate rapper and mediocre singer, but that’s mainly because he’s very good at attaching himself to great pop singles. Here, he mostly manages to stay out of the way and provide a few decent jokes while Rihanna delivers one of her two standout vocal performances of the year (the other’s “Famous”, for the record). Anyone who claims that “Work” is just meaningless pop is (a) biased against nonlexical communication (b) ignoring the second verse, which is a work of art. 49.  Desiigner & Kanye West - Tiimmy Turner (Remix): The original “Tiimmy Turner” freestyle was a fascinating oddity, 30 seconds of weird, mesmerizing sound from this year’s most inexplicable rap star. The song that the freestyle turned into squandered that promise, brushing away the original’s mystery for bog-standard trap music featuring the less-than-inspired verses of Desiigner. The remix fixes those problems, using the original freestyle as a base for a standout Kanye West guest verse and some highly dramatic synth play. 48. Blood Orange - Hands Up: The drum loop is the key to “Hands Up.” It’s a simple figure, only changing up slightly throughout the song, but it’s the force that drives the rest of the song, that makes it work. Without it, Dev Hynes’ melodies might seem too slight, the dazzling guitar solo at the end too untethered from the rest of the song. Blood Orange’s music is consistently among the best arranged in all of pop, and “Hands Up” is just another example of that customary excellence.

47. Amber Coffman - All to Myself: “All To Myself” is the perhaps the most serene, self-realized song ever written about being alone and unloved. The song’s gentle waltz and anodyne vocoder harmonies lull you into a certain serenity, but they never hide the fact that “All To Myself” is not really a happy song. It’s a song about coming to terms with your circumstances, of finding in yourself what you can’t find in others, and yet Coffman’s vocals and the instrumentation turn bittersweet or even bitter material into something gorgeous. 46. Eskimeaux - WTF: “WTF” is a beautiful, tense little piece of mumbly indie rock, a song about uncertainty that’s fully sure of what it’s doing. Also: the bass line is secretly killer. 45. Radiohead - Burn the Witch: It’s fucked up that Radiohead is allowed to still be good in 2016. “Burn The Witch” isn’t anything revelatory for them— their skill was always in conveying paranoia and loneliness, but rarely have they sounded this gorgeous and sleek. 44. Danny Brown & Schoolboy Q - Pneumonia: Throughout Atrocity Exhibition, Danny Brown raps over a variety of different cacophonies, but this is definitely the most compelling. 43. Schoolboy Q, Jadakiss & Dem Jointz - Groovy Tony/Eddie Kane: Schoolboy Q ditches his normal laid-back style to rap like his life depends on it, Jadakiss projects menace like it’s still 1998, and everyone involved generally does their part in making the grimiest gangster rap record of the year. 42. Sampha - Blood On Me: “Blood On Me” is a master-class in musical efficiency— there’s not much here beyond the vocals, a propulsive drum loop, and some ominous pianos, but Sampha manages to make the song into a full on horror story (in a good way). 41. Anderson .Paak & Schoolboy Q - Am I Wrong: I feel like I’m the most stylish person in the entire world when I listen to this song. 40. Infinitefreefall - Beautiful People: Full disclosure: I know this guy on the internet. Regardless of that fact, “Beautiful People” is a great pop song, a little marvel of synthy songcraft. 39. Miranda Lambert - Vice: Lyrically speaking, “Vice” isn’t covering new ground, in country or pop music in general. What makes “Vice” more than just another ballad about bad behavior is a mix of Miranda Lambert’s masterful vocal performance and the arrangement, which is a perfectly murky bit of downtempo blues-rock, complete with an absolutely electrifying guitar solo. 38. The World Is A Beautiful Place And I Am No Longer Afraid To Die - Eyjafjallajokull Dance: Congratulations to both this band and this song for being super difficult to say. Also congratulations to the keyboard solo on this for being the coolest sounding thing ever. Honestly, this whole thing is the 3rd best argument for epic rock songwriting of the year (see #s 23 and 16 for arguments 2 and 1). 37. Childish Gambino - Baby Boy: Awaken, My Love! was frustrating as all hell to listen to— so many great ideas mixed with weird trifles and what seem to be attempts at intentional self sabotage. But when the album works, it works. “Baby Boy” is a 6 minute long, clavinet driven slow burn, which is inherently a risky concept, but Donald Glover, leading us off with four minutes of his weird, entrancing pitched-up falsetto, guides us to some weird place of funk nirvana, capped off by a minute of dueling organ, guitar, and clavinet solos and then another further minute of that, but with Glover also doing spoken word. It’s beautiful.

36. David Bowie - I Can't Give Everything Away: Blackstar is a weird and uncomfortable album to talk about because it’s clearly a concept album about the death of David Bowie that came out the day before David Bowie died. It’s good, then, that the songs on Blackstar are the best Bowie’s sounded in years. On “I Can’t Give Everything Away”, Bowie takes his final bow over a jazzy, unstructured instrumental, repeating the title as a mantra as saxophones, harmonicas and guitars solo behind him. It’s a fitting farewell for one of music’s most notable shapeshifters in that it sounds like nothing he’s done before while simultaneously making perfect sense in his overall discography. 35. Young Thug - Hercules/With Them/Webbie: 2016 was the year that Young Thug untethered himself from all notions of what a rapper had to be, and while that was exciting on a purely conceptual level, it’s also cool because it meant that the artist possibly known as JEFFERY was able to make a seemingly infinite supply of tracks that were beautiful in their pure melodic mastery and unexpectedness. 34. Miguel & Kacey Musgraves - waves (Remix): The non-remixed version of “waves” wasn’t a particularly interesting sex jam on Wildheart, Miguel’s album full of good-to-incredible sex jams. Fortunately, he remixed it 6 different times this year, with the best version being this absurdly cute collaboration with country singer Kacey Musgraves. 33. Andrew Bird & Fiona Apple - Left Handed Kisses: This teeters on the verge of pretentiousness— it’s a love song about love songs, which is, like, so deep, man— but it so artfully walks that line that I can’t begrudge these aging folkies for a bit of over-complicated pop. 32. Minimall - My Full Moon: POWER POP FOREVER WORDY POP SONGS FOREVER BANDS WITH FIVE MEMBERS AND FIVE SINGERS FOREVER

31. Maxwell - Lake By the Ocean: This is the aural equivalent of a spa day— mostly it’s because of the acoustic guitar, which avoids the normal strummy bullshit for much more artful figures, but really this whole thing is just ridiculously well apportioned and arranged, smooth without being “smooth.” 30. Kaytranada & Anderson .Paak - GLOWED UP: Anderson .Paak makes a dumb joke about poop and chowder and it sounds like a come-on, because the world is unfair and some people are just preternaturally cool. That he’s riding on two hyper-smooth Kaytranada beats doesn’t help— the way the bass and piano play together on the outro should be illegal. 29. Ariana Grande - Into You: Ariana Grande had been on the verge of making a truly great pop song for about three years, and with “Into You” she finally succeeded, with a chorus that goes off with the force of a nuclear bomb 28. Lady Gaga - Just Another Day: I’m glad Lady Gaga is back from her vacation of doing oldies bullshit with Tony Bennett so that she can make oldies bullshit on her own, and I mean that sincerely.

27. For Everest - I'm in a Boxcar Buried Inside a Quarry: A lot of songs start off slow and then build to a big, dramatic climax— it’s a tried and true method for giving your song an epic import, from “Stairway To Heaven” to “New York I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down.” “I'm in a Boxcar Buried Inside a Quarry” doesn't quite have that sort of build. Instead, it basically operates on a binary. For two minutes, it simmers, a low key piece of third way emo. And then the guitars turn up and your flesh melts off. I love rock music.

26. Solange & Lil Wayne - Mad: A Seat At The Table works best taken as a complete work, but that doesn’t mean that its individual songs don’t hold up on their own. Case in point: this entrancing song, with Solange and Lil Wayne airing their grievances over a beat that uncoils like a snake. 25. Case/Lang/Veirs - Honey and Smoke: This is the love theme from the Western that I will never write, three minutes of the smoothest neo-country you’ve ever heard. 24. Miya Folick - Pet Body: This feels shorter, more concentrated than its three minute runtime would suggest, all frantic energy and sloganeering and desperate cries. More garage punk about bodily autonomy in 2017, please. 23. Car Seat Headrest - The Ballad of the Costa Concordia: There’s just so much to write about here— that tends to happen when dealing with songs that break the ten minute mark— but the moment that made me sure of the greatness of “Costa Concordia” happens just around the midpoint of the song, as the breakdown builds and builds and three different layers of guitar spiral out of control and Will Toledo starts to layer his voice into even further cacophony and then suddenly everything comes together into one statement of purpose: “I give up.” 22. Parquet Courts - Human Performance: If I have to be honest, my inner monologue sounds most similar to a Parquet Courts song. 21. Thao & The Get Down Stay Down - Nobody Dies: The first time I heard this, without really paying attention to the lyrics, I thought it was joyous— the fuzzy guitars, the loose, laid-back drums, the vocals most of all in terms of pure sound. Looking deeper, though, that surface joy is tempered by the clear melancholy of the lyrics; Thao Nguyen is using this song to process the role of her absentee father, and the tone of the lyrics on paper is fittingly conflicted. But her vocal performance and the band (especially the garage-y guitar solos) keep it from being a slog— “Nobody Dies” is a celebration, a rallying cry, even though it’s a bitter-sweet one. 20. KING - The Greatest: This is glorious in all of its synth-y cheese— it’s so chill that it threatens to fade into background music, but the singers of KING are too poised and skillful in their performances to ever let that happen. Instead, it sits in its groove perfectly, taking us along for the ride. 19. Alex Anwandter, Ale Sergi & Juliana Gattas - Siempre Es Viernes En Mi Corazón: Good disco transcends language barriers, but the lyrics for this are great anyways, a beautiful lament on being queer in hostile spaces. 18. PWR BTTM - New Hampshire: The first half of “New Hampshire” is fairly low-key, a meditation on longing and death and melancholy. The song blossoms into something far more sublime midway through, with a guitar solo that seems to float up from the track, freeing itself for greener pastures.

17. Ty Dolla $ign & Future - Campaign (Charlie Heat Remix): Take a bog-standard autotune trap song, add an improbably jazzy piano line, and get the song that’s been stuck in my head for the past 3 months. 16. Angel Olsen - Sister: There’s something Buddhist in how Angel Olsen repeats “All my life I thought had changed” throughout “Sister”, something of a meditation on the nature of the self, of the patterns we trap ourselves. The guitar solo she repeats it over, on the other hand, just sounds extremely cool. 15. Rae Sremmurd & Gucci Mane - Black Beatles: I’m so glad that this was the song that knocked “Closer” off the #1 spot on the hot 100 because it’s basically that song’s exact opposite. Nothing on “Black Beatles” feels formulaic, from the psychedelic burbling of the beat to the off-kilter, almost parodic backing vocals on the chorus. Of the three rappers on the track, the MVP here is Swae Lee, who sets the tone expertly and provides a verse that makes the word “trollin’” sound slightly more dignified than it actually is. 14. Japanese Breakfast - Rugged Country: Japanese Breakfast is magical realist rock. Everything on Psychopomp sounds vaguely dreamlike, untethered from reality by cascading synth layers and dueling guitar solos. Yet the genius of “Rugged Country” is how something so unreal can also have so much humanity bound up in it— the song, for all of its spacey expanse, is about caring for those affected by trauma and violence. 13. Chairlift - Polymorphing: “Polymorphing” sounds like its name, a song in constant flux. Is it indie rock? Is it disco? Funk? Pop? I don’t really know— but anything with a groove this deep and lyrics this gloriously nonsensical deserves a spot on this list. 12. Pusha T & Jay-Z - Drug Dealers Anonymous: I could listen to Pusha T and Jay-Z trade old boasts over this beat for eternity, I think. Bonus points for sampling Tomi Lahren, tbh. 11. Kendrick Lamar - untitled 08 | 09.06.2014.: Kendrick Lamar has had a good year for a guy who released no new music— that tends to happen when every single guest verse you drop is worth the equivalent of most people’s entire discographies— but his verse of the year is the third one here, a dazzling 24 bars of ego destruction over the tightest bassline of the year. 10. Travis Scott, Young Thug & Quavo - Pick Up The Phone: “Pick Up The Phone” is genius because it realizes that Travis Scott works best as a guest on his own song, lending a vague autotuned swagger to the proceedings but ceding most of the room here to Young Thug and Quavo, who do similar vocal things as Scott, but can actually, y’know, rap. The whole conceit of the song is unexpectedly sweet, too— Thugger’s always had a romantic streak, but it’s never been clearer than here. 9. Gucci Mane - 1st Day Out Tha Feds: There’s a moment late in “1st Day Out Tha Feds”’s verse where Gucci Mane says “My own mama turned her back on me/And that's my mama” and then he just pauses for a second, like he’s shocked by his own depravity— and that sums up  post-prison Gucci Mane as well as anything. He’s a man aware of his own villainy, half wanting to make amends, half wanting to lean into it. He sounds great here, helped out by Mike Will’s best beat of a year of great beats.

8. Frank Ocean/André 3000 - Solo/Solo (Reprise): Some critics claimed that Blonde was a forgettable album, one that you wouldn’t actually be listening to two months after it came out. Bullshit. Both versions of “Solo” are some of the most electric pop songcraft I’ve ever heard, with the original showcasing Frank Ocean’s entire tonal range over just a few organ chords and the reprise somehow upstaging it with a monster of an André 3000 verse. 7. Mitski -Your Best American Girl: I keep thinking there’s going to be a time where the lift from the prechorus into the chorus here doesn’t utterly destroy me, but it just hasn’t happened yet. There’s just so much power in those four bars of anticipation and then that incredible swell of distortion, a novel’s worth of story in ten seconds of sound. 6. Kanye West, Ty Dolla $ign, Vic Mensa, Sia & Frank Ocean - Real Friends/Wolves/Frank’s Track: The Life of Pablo was messy as hell, but at its best moments it nearly reached the peak of Kanye West’s capabilities as an artist, producer, and arranger. The triptych of “Real Friends”, “Wolves”, and “Frank’s Track”, found at the heart of the album, is one of Kanye’s masterpieces. And now, for the nerdiest thing I will ever write: In the biblical scheme of TLOP, “Real Friends” is the old testament, a story about bonds of blood where everyone gets what they deserve, while “Wolves/Frank’s Track” is the new testament, a story about managing to transcend your own failures and find salvation. 5. Pinegrove - Aphasia: Pinegrove pulls a neat trick here: the song’s about finally being able to speak your mind, and as singer Evan Stephens Hall reaches greater self-confidence so does the instrumental, rising from quiet guitars unfurling over the first verse to a full guitar solo that dominates the last minute of the song. That solo is perhaps the best encapsulation of Pinegrove’s sound— it’s clearly skilled, but not overly flashy or pretentious, able to communicate a wealth of emotional feeling just through simple, listenable means. Pinegrove was the band I spent the most time thinking about in 2016, and “Aphasia” shows why— it’s as beautiful and honest as anything I’ve heard. 4. Noname, Cam O'bi & Raury - Diddy Bop: Nostalgia, in general, is overrated. It’s so often used as a crutch, a way to telegraph emotions by tying things back to childhood without actually making any substantive statement. On the other hand, it’s the force that drives “Diddy Bop”, so it’s alright in my book for now at least. Noname is excellent, of course, spitting the kind of effortless-sounding, impossibly dextrous verse that she delivered throughout 2016, but special commendation goes to the the two guests here, with Cam O’bi providing a beat and hook that expands the track to the stars and Raury carrying it forward with a perfect bit of imagery to start his verse: “And I am not a star/I am a meteor on a crash course towards Earth across the cosmos”.

3. YG, Kamaiyah & Drake - Why You Always Hatin?: Some musicians make grand statements of the purpose of life, or pure expressions of deep emotions, or virtuosic showcases of technical skill. That’s not really YG’s thing. Instead, YG is a master of the taunt. More than any other artist, YG has refined a sneering tough-guy image into an oeuvre of infuriating 4-minute tracks. He’s been the all-rap taunt champion for the past 4 years (“My N****”, “Who Do You Love?”, “Twist My Fingaz”, and this, for those of you keeping score at home), and with “Why You Always Hatin”” he’s made his magnum opus. It’s his Fifth Symphony of stunting, his Last Supper of haterade. Drake tags along, because that’s what Drake does, and gets off a couple decent Oakland references, but it’s actual Oaklander Kamaiyah who steals the show, lending a perfect sneer to the song’s hook. 2. Beyoncé - All Night: “All Night” is Lemonade’s crowning moment, a “Purple Rain” for the modern era. There’s a stateliness and poise here that would normally seem to preclude this being any fun to listen to, but Beyoncé’s masterwork here is making this the most lived-in, human moment of the record. Nothing feels contrived or constructed— this sounds like the song Beyoncé was put on earth to create, like there’s nothing else that exists in the world for the five minutes.

1. Chance The Rapper, Eryn Allen Kane, T-Pain, Noname, and Kirk Franklin - Finish Line / Drown: From the moment I heard it, I knew “Finish Line” was going to end up near the top of this list. But it was only when I heard “Drown” that I knew it would be #1. For completeness’ sake, here is an abbreviated list of “Finish Line”’s myriad virtues:

Chance manages to make a song at least partially about xanax addiction and dog death sound like the most hopeful thing ever created

He also references an obscure bit of Space Jam lore???

T-Pain sounds like an entire choir

There is also an actual choir

It ends with a killer saxophone solo, the most important power move in all of music

And yet, “Drown” is the better half of the song, from the way choir plays over the electric piano as the section begins to the wordless, beautiful vocals at its end. Of course, it’s the stuff in the middle that really stands out— Noname delivers the best verse on an album full of great verses and the Kirk Franklin leads us to the close with a full-on sermon. On an album where Chance frequently stepped into the role of curator, the ringleader in the circus of his mind’s eye, it’s fitting that he spends the last few minutes of the best song on the tape letting his friends have the spotlight, leading us to the promised land.

[noiseartists]

Beauty In Chaos- U.S.A. finding beauty in the storm before the calm

Guitarist Michael Ciravolo has worked with an amazing array of musicians (see some below) over his career. As his project, Beauty in Chaos (BIC) is about to unleash its new album, The Storm before the Calm (love the title), Noise Artists meets with the head honcho.

But first let us thank Michael. Fanboys/girls that we are at Noise Artists, we are awed by the kindness Michael always had for fans like ourselves, and the time spent this article and the previous one. This is an honor.

Also a shout out to Shauna, from the Shameless Promotion PR that introduced us and represent BIC, and many other exceptional artists.

In January 2019, Michael had the gentleness to record his experience in creating and recording the songs of the first album, finding beauty in chaos, with the various featuring artists. A gem. You can find our article, Stories of an all star recording told by Michael Ciravolo , THERE.

The various artists that have been working with Michael on the BIC albums are: Simon Gallup (The Cure), Wayne Hussey (The Mission), Robin Zander (Cheap Trick), Pete Parada (The Offspring), dUg Pinnick (Kings X), ICE-T (Body Count), Michael Aston (Gene Loves Jezebel), Michael Anthony (Van Halen), Dirk Doucette (Gene Loves Jezebel), Ashton Nyte (The Awakening), Pando (A Flock of Seagulls), Evi Vine, Betsy Martin (Caterwaul / Purr Machine), Marc Danzeisen (The Riverdogs), Kevin Kipnis (Purr Machine / Kommunity FK), Rudy Matchinga (Red Scare), Johnny Indovina (Human Drama), Tish Ciravolo (StunGun/ Daisy Rock Guitars), Steven Seibold (Hate Dept.) Rafe Pearlman, Curse Mackey (My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, Pigface EVIL MOTHERS), Kat Leon (Holy wars) and Adrienne LaVey

Needless to say that you should rush to buy not only the new album, but also the previous one. Some gems from great artists in a generous range of genres. You can find the music on the band’s website.

Now discover the project and the music with this interview given by Michael.

INTERVIEW

Who are the group members?

The consistent members in Beauty In Chaos is our producer Michael Rozon and myself. The ‘BIC Family’ as we like to refer to the amazing artists that have lent their talents is constantly revolving and evolving. The Mission’s Wayne Hussey and The Awakening’s Ashton Nyte amazing voices have each been featured on four songs to date. Other rock ‘luminaries’ include Simon Gallup (The Cure), Al Jourgensen (Ministry), and Robin Zander (Cheap Trick). Former Gene Love Jezebel’s drum Dirk Doucette has played on many of the tracks, and along with bassist Tish Ciravolo, have appeared in many of our videos.

In addition to Hussey and Nyte, our new album, ‘The Storm Before The Calm’ features new BIC Family members Curse Mackey, Steven Seibold, Rafe Pearlman and Holy Wars’ Kat Leon.

How did you come up with your name?

The name Beauty In Chaos was inspired by a photo I saw that some friends took of an abandoned building. While the structure was dilapidated and falling down, trees and vines had begun to almost reclaim it. Something about it struck me as ‘beauty’ in the middle of the destruction. I think each of us have both beauty and chaos in our lives … what those are my vary.

What is your music about?

I think we set the mood for light and dark, beauty and chaos. I always feel the best lyrics are the ones that are open to interpretation by not being so literal. I think all of the BIC singers do that extremely well.

What are your goals as an artist artistically/commercially?

Artistically I want to make a record that I am proud of. I feel that if I please myself, at least a few others will enjoy it. As far as commercially, that’s sort of a hot button with me. I think today there is a totally lack of ‘value’ placed on the art of making music. Maybe there is too much music out there. Maybe with some technology it seems too easy to make music. I hate the idea of streaming. To me, and I’m probably dating myself - music should be heard on vinyl. The entire experience of it. It is truly something special that many never experienced and sadly don’t care to experience. For BIC, I would just like to sell enough physical product for our label, 33.3 Music Collective to want to continue to release physical albums and CDs. I honestly don’t know if I would still do this if our only avenue was strictly digital.

What are you trying to avoid as a band?

While not being a typical ‘band’, I still try to make everything BIC does unique and different. This includes individual songs, albums and our videos … all while keeping a common thread throughout. I never want our albums, which feature different singers to sound like a ‘compilation’. It is a tall order but I think we have navigated this challenge remarkably well.

Why do you make the music you make? Is it in you? Is it your environment?

Beauty In Chaos started out for a fleeting moment as my ‘solo’ record. I wanted to prove to myself (and probably a few others) that I could do it. It quickly turned into something more … a lot more.

What inspire you for the music or for the Lyrics?

I’m inspired to create soundscapes to move our various singers to create something special. The simple phrase ‘beauty AND chaos’ is really all the input I give them. The music, which certainly contains both elements seems to set each on a path. It is almost like Christmas morning when I get their vocal parts back … which is always been a pleasant surprise!

Tell us what you are looking when trying to achieve your sounds. Do you experiment a lot or have a clear idea of what you want?

It varies. Some songs had a very clear path and some others twisted and eventually evolved. On our debut album ‘finding beauty in chaos’ I set some self-boundaries or limitations. I would play all of the guitars and there would be no synths. I wanted to create a heavily orchestrated sounding album, with lots of textures and all created with the electric guitars. Even though I think those ‘limitations’ were missed by many, I do feel we did just that. We employed so many different devices to manipulate the guitar on ‘FBIC’. 100+ guitar pedals, E-Bows, real violin bows, a crazy device call the ‘Gizmotron’ and more.

Describe your palette of sound.

Anything and everything! We certainly ‘play’ the studio, if that makes sense? I love guitar effect pedals, and in many instances the sound that happens when I step on a combination of pedals is the genius of a song.

Who would you want as a dream producer, and why?

I have my dream producer! BIC would not be possible without Michael Rozon. He pushes me, sometimes to the point of insanity … but this always leads me into doing something better than I thought possible. Besides being a world-class producer, he’s a great musician and as much as I hate ‘music theory’, his knowledge has proven invaluable. Number #2 on my ‘dream list’ is Tim Palmer (The Mission, Tears For Fears, Tin Machine, Robert Plant, HIM), and we have been blessed to have him do several remixes on our ‘beauty re-envisioned’ release. Tim is also onboard for the next ‘remix’ record (currently dubbed ‘Out Of Chaos Comes …’ which we hope for a Halloween release). Not often do you get to work with the top-2 on your list!!!

If you could guest on someone else’s album, who would it be and why? What would you play?

I’d love to play guitar on the new Cure album.

What musical skills would you like to acquire or get better at?

I think my lack of being a guitar virtuoso has led me to creating my own specific style. Not sure if that is good or bad, but it is a fact. I have started to attempt to broaden my ‘guitar chord’ repertoire. I did use some different chord voicings on some of the songs on our new album.

Which other musician/artist would you date?

Ha! I married her! My wife Tish Ciravolo, who has played bass on several tracks on our debut album and co-wrote and sung the amazing ‘Look Up’. But if you are looking for dirt I’ve always had a slight crush on Shirley Manson 

Is there a band that if they didn’t exist you wouldn’t be making the music you make?

Wow, that’s hard to say. I guess I have to look at the bands that made me want to be in a band from my teen years. T. Rex, Slade, David Bowie and The New York Dolls. These artists changed my path from wanting to play football to wanting to play guitar. I quickly learned girls liked guys in bands more than jocks!

You are from the USA, what are the advantages and inconvenient?

I was born in a very musical town, New Orleans, but have lived in Los Angeles since the mid-80s. I think everything you could want is here … and that is a blessing and a curse. There is a lot of ‘phoniness’ in Los Angeles. You do need to weed through the fake people. I think technology has leveled the playing field quite a bit. Everyone now has a chance to be heard.

What are some places around the world that you hope to play with your band?

In the beginning, I never looked at BIC as a ‘live entity’, but I have begun to wonder both ‘how’ and ‘what if’. I think BIC has a lot of fans in Europe … so I would say London, Rome, Paris and Berlin would be a great way to start. Time will tell.

When is the next album/EP due?

Our new full length ‘The Storm Before The Calm’ will be released on May 22nd, which coincidentally is World Goth Day. It is available on 180g vinyl (including a LTD Edition Black and Blue vinyl), CD and Digital. You can order any and all from our BIC STORE (www.beautyinchaosmusic.com)

Some artists you recommend.

I think any one artist that is part of our family is very worthy of delving into their individual catalogs. Ashton Nyte has made some glorious records, as has Evi Vine. We have some great singers on our new album that might not be as much of household names as some on our debut… but they sure as fuck should be! I really implore everyone to check out what they have done, as it is stunning.

Anything else you want your fans to know?

As I got on my soapbox about the lack of ‘value’ placed on music. I ask that everyone realize that Spotify and the likes do NOT allow artists to continue to make music. It is their touring, merchandise and physical product sales that support them. If you like a band or artist and you would like to hear another album from them … go see them live. Buy their T-shirt but above all . BUY their music. This is really not just in reference to BIC, I sincerely mean it for all Indie Bands.

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All photos by Anabel DFlux