#all the creativity leaves my body along with my energy 🥹

[baishouqijia]

ok kinda cringe under the read more

i have. like a careers coach (it’s corporate therapy) HOWEVER. it’s really helped me outside of work. idk if i have anxiety but lemme just get my Thoughts out.

i didn’t really realise how anxious i am and how much i avoid things that are new. because i don’t like the unknown. so it manifests like… when ppl talk to me, i drop the ball when i start forming a friendship because - what if you think im weird. what if you don’t like me. what if i say the wrong thing etc. etc. like as soon as we get close, i withdraw, because i am so uncomfortable with new things.

it looks like i ignore people, when in reality, i am so afraid of making a new friend that i will do anything in my power to not take a friendship further 🫥 because of ??? what, exactly? oh no, dima, you’re likeable and people want to speak to you? want to hear what you have to say? it’s so silly, like i never learned how to make friends when i’m as talkative as i am — like i have all the pieces, but i never learned to put them together.

SO this is kind of an apology if you ever messaged me and i just never replied, most likely because i left it so long that it became awkward, but also a thank you for still trying. you didn’t say anything wrong, i’m just still learning how to socialise at the ripe age of 27 🖤