#all the concrete positive things i have rn that ive worked so hard for and that have helped so much w my adhd + mental state
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didn't sleep 👎
I have to be up for work in 3 hours and I'm gonna be real I think ive hit the point where I might not be getting any sleep at all. for fucks sake.
#ykw. maybe this is just bc ive been sat here for 9 hours feeling like shite and ruminating but maybe this is the wrong thing#to be fucking around with right now. like yeah its great i can access it free of charge and yeah the sunk cost of having waited months#but also it doesnt matter so much really. i can always try again in a few years or whenever i feel more ready to#like maybe it would work eventually but i feel like its not worth the stress its causing me or the hassle of trying to fit it around-#this life that ive kind of only tentatively just started living i mean im still getting used to having a job and living in a new place#and i had only just settled my sleep routine and im eating well and i have a good workout routine and i dont want to be gambling away-#all the concrete positive things i have rn that ive worked so hard for and that have helped so much w my adhd + mental state#on the slim chance that suffering through 500 shitty side effects will maybe incrementally improve one or two symptoms i struggle with#for a limited amount of time. and only so long as i have access to that one specific med and if i ever want to stop i have to suffer More#i dont know its just a lot innit. i dont want to make any drastic decisions at 6am post all nighter tho lmao#ill leave it for today and just try to get thru work. and then hopefully sleep tonight. and ill see how i feel tuesday#and write to my doctor tues evening. but for now i need to go make breakfast bc i have an hour til i leave for work ourgh#.diaries
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