#all that stuff you guys love. unfortunately he has yet to get to bomb collars snails or bisexual men but there’s still time

[ct-multifandom]

If I met award-winning murder mystery author Stuart Turton (the 7 1/2 deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle, the devil and the dark water, the last murder at the end of the world) in person, I would gift him a copy of the zero escape trilogy the way Matpat gave the pope undertale

[marksburyscripts]

Episode 12-- The Last Good Days

Google Doc

Content Warnings: - Accidental misgendering -Parental death -Cancer -Implication of potential murder of a parent

[Several old videos. The first is from winter of 2014, in the Frankenstein house]

HENRY [Whispering]

He’s definitely in there?

ELLIOT [Whispering as well]

Yeah, he got home an hour ago.

[They throw the bedroom door open]

HENRY

Mothers and fuckers, bastards of all ages!

ELLIOT

Clerval and Lavenza present, 

HENRY

Ingleside University’s brand new problem!

VICTOR [Laughs] 

Who told you guys?

ELLIOT

Evelynn.

VICTOR

Ah.

HENRY

Figured you’d be celebrating. Living large, getting wasted.

VICTOR [Sarcastic, but with a smile]

Yeah, I’m a regular party animal. What am I thinking? [Beat.] Are you recording?

HENRY

I prefer the term “documenting”.

ELLIOT

No, but seriously. Congratulations, you deserve this. Ingleside’s gonna be perfect for you. 

HENRY

Just try not to have a complete breakdown being so far away from us.

VICTOR

No promises.

HENRY

I know it’ll be torture not to see this face every day.

VICTOR

However will I survive?

HENRY [Comically dramatic]

I trust that you’ll have the strength to endure. I can only hope that I’ll be able to say the same for us.

ELLIOT

It’ll be weird without you here.

VICTOR

I mean, I’ll text. For you, I might even call.

ELLIOT

Wow, willing to make a phonecall. We should date or something.

VICTOR

Maybe we should.

HENRY

Hey lovebirds? Remember me? I still exist.

ELLIOT [Laughs]

Who’re you again?

VICTOR

Seriously though, guys. I won’t be leaving until August. You’re stuck with me for a little longer.

EVELYNN [From down the hall, clearly joking]

Unfortunately.

VICTOR

Fight me, Evelynn!

EVELYNN

I will! I’ll kick your ass!

ELLIOT [Laughs]

She’s right, you know.

VICTOR

Yeah, I know.

HENRY

C’mon. We’re goin’ out.

VICTOR

Are we now?

ELLIOT

Yep! 

VICTOR

And do I get a say in this?

ELLIOT AND HENRY [In synch]

Nope!

VICTOR

...Y’know, I’m not sure if that was more horrifying or impressive.

HENRY

Whichever gets you off your ass and over to the diner on Blackwood Avenue.

--

[The next recording. Some months later. Evelynn’s bedroom, early evening]

VICTOR

...You really don’t own anything that’s not black, do you?

EVELYNN

It’s a choice. Hmm. Which earrings do you like better? 

VICTOR

They’re both good.

EVELYNN

You’re. Not. Helping.

VICTOR

Why are we doing this, anyway? You never ask me for fashion advice, and for good reason. 99% of my wardrobe is collared shirts and sweaters. Also, why the camera?

EVELYNN

So I can go back and watch it next time to get ideas. Tights or knee-high socks?

VICTOR

What’s up with you? You’re putting way too much thought into this, it’s not like it’s-- [Suddenly getting it] Oh!

EVELYNN

No.

VICTOR

Oh, I see what’s going on here.

EVELYNN

No you don’t, shut up.

VICTOR

This is a date, isn’t it?

EVELYNN

What, are you gonna play protective big sister now? Who cares?

VICTOR

Uh, I do, because that changes everything. Where’s that choker with the cameo Old Man Dan got you for your birthday last year?

EVELYNN

Right here. 

VICTOR

Now… these socks. They go just above the knee, right?

EVELYNN

Right. 

VICTOR

Good. Shoes I’d say the cargo boots, contrast the dress. Hair’s good. I suggest a lighter lipstick than normal so if you two kiss you won’t have to worry about it being super visible on him--

EVELYNN [Softly]

Her.

VICTOR

Hmm?

EVELYNN

Her! I…. She’s... a girl.

VICTOR

Well in that case, so you won’t have to worry about it being super visible on her. But honestly, if you have a darker one that doesn’t come off easily, knock yourself out.

EVELYNN

You took that very well.

VICTOR

Yeah, of course. I’m not a bigot or a hypocrite, so--

EVELYNN

Wait, what do you mean? I thought you don’t do girls.

VICTOR

Well, I don’t, I’m…. [Sighs] Well, since we’re coming out, you might as well know. Just… Just don’t tell mom and dad yet, got it?

EVELYNN

Lips are sealed.

VICTOR

I’m... turning this off first. 

--

[The next recording. A few weeks later. Outdoors, night]

ELLIOT

There! See it?

HENRY

Yeah, hate to break it to you, but I’m pretty sure that’s a plane, dude.

ELLIOT

But do you know that it’s a plane?

VICTOR

He’s got a point, you know. 

ELLIOT

We don’t know for sure what it is, so by definition, that makes it an unidentified flying object. 

HENRY

Shit dude, you’re right.

ELLIOT [He gives a small, sad laugh]

...I’m gonna miss this, you know.

VICTOR

Elliot….

ELLIOT

No. You’re going to Maine, Henry, you’ll probably be busy with your school stuff, too. We haven’t got much longer for nights like this.

VICTOR

Elliot, it may be different, but who says everything’s just gonna stop? It’s not like I won’t visit. Plus, I’m not sure you’d let us get out of these investigations even if we wanted to.

HENRY

And you’ll still be able to wake me up at all hours.

ELLIOT [He laughs again, this time more honestly] 

I’m holding you to that.

CAROLINE

And what are you three doing?

ELLIOT

Our... best?

CAROLINE

It’s two in the morning, I think it’s time to pack it in.

VICTOR [Sarcastic] 

But moooooooom.

CAROLINE [Laughs] 

Inside. Are you staying the night, Henry?

HENRY

Might as well. 

VICTOR

Gross.

HENRY

Excuse me, I am a delight.

VICTOR [Laughs]

We’ll be in in a bit.

[A pause as Caroline goes back inside]

HENRY

You tell her yet?

VICTOR

No.

ELLIOT

You know she’ll be fine with it.

VICTOR

It’s a big thing, you should have seen me freaking out about how I was gonna tell you guys.

ELLIOT

I get it. And if you ever want someone there to back you up, you know where to find us.

HENRY

Even though you haven’t told us your new name yet.

VICTOR

I wanna finalize it before I make any announcements. I’m bouncing between two right now. One’s gonna end up as the middle name, I’m just not sure which.

ELLIOT

Well I’m sure they’re both wonderful.

--

[The next recording. The Clerval house. Day. Henry and Elliot are making drumroll sounds on the table]

VICTOR [Laughing] 

Guys, stop.

HENRY

No way. This is a big moment!

ELLIOT

The true identity of the firstborn Frankenstein son.

HENRY

A mystery seventeen years in the making!

EVELYNN

Which for some reason has to be revealed at Henry’s house.

VICTOR

Look, I’m just not ready to drop the bomb on mom and dad yet. They’ve got enough going on. Once mom feels a little better, then we’ll worry about that.[There are a few seconds of silence. Everyone is thinking the same thing, but no one wants to say it] Right. Who’d like to do the honors?

ELLIOT

Boyfriend Privilege! 

[The sound of paper as he grabs it out of Victor’s hand]

HENRY

Dammit, always blocked by the Boyfriend Privilege.

ELLIOT [Clears his throat, speaking dramatically]

Ladies and gentlemen,

EVELYNN [Laughing] 

You guys are dorks.

ELLIOT

I hereby announce the true name of this man, dearest friend, partner, and brother--

HENRY

Dude, if you don’t spit it out, I’m gonna lose it.

ELLIOT

A secret so well-kept that no one dare to so much as whisper--

VICTOR

I am literally begging you to just get it over with.

ELLIOT

The name being…. [Dramatic pause] Victor Percival Frankenstein. 

[Beat.]

HENRY

...Percival?

VICTOR

What?

HENRY [Laughs]

That is the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard, and I love it.

ELLIOT

It really does suit you.

VICTOR

Figured we’ve already got William Jonas and Evelynn Renata. Might as well keep up the tradition of old fashioned names.

EVELYNN

It’s fitting. I like it.

HENRY

That is one sexy name if I’ve ever heard one. Even if it is an old man name.

VICTOR [Laughing] 

You’re a jerk.

--

[The next recording. June 30, 2014. Outdoors. Day.]

HENRY

I just don’t see why you didn’t tell me.

VICTOR

You didn’t ask!

HENRY

$40 a person, and all you do is walk through a hundred exhibits about how the thing was built, then you stand outside in the wind, where it’s so crowded you can barely move.

VICTOR

Hey, you’re the one who said that you wanted to go to the top of the Empire State Building. I wasn’t going to crush your dream. 

HENRY

Man, are you recording me?

VICTOR

Yes! I wanna remember this look of absolute misery on your face.

HENRY

Oh, you want misery? Wanna hear how it got worse? We’re in Central Park, and I see this girl, right? Gorgeous, I mean it. Anne, she said her name was. And we get to talking, and I invite her to the Empire State Building, too. I have this whole plan. I’m gonna test the waters, see if she’s interested, and who knows? Nothing creepy obviously, but a guy can hope to score a date. So we get up there, and before I can say anything, she kisses me.

VICTOR

Shut up!

HENRY

Seriously! I think, well this is going perfectly! And you know what she says to me?

VICTOR

Tell me.

HENRY

She says, “I really want to see you again, Harry.” [Victor begins laughing harder than we’ve ever heard] I swear to God.

VICTOR

Hello, this is my best friend, Harry Clerval.

HENRY

I nearly died, Victor. 

VICTOR

I’m nearly dying right now, oh my God.

HENRY

That’s it! I’m never trying to pick someone up ever again! 

VICTOR

You don’t mean that.

HENRY

I do! If anything’s gonna happen, I’ll let it happen naturally. Not all of us can have our fuckin’ soulmate live right across the hall. Some of us have to work for it. 

EVELYNN

Victor?

VICTOR [His tone changing immediately. Something is wrong]

What? What is it?

EVELYNN

We need to go, it’s…. [A breath] It’s mom.

--

[Present day. The Frankenstein house. Night]

VICTOR

...There’s… nothing really noteworthy in any of these. If there were, I’m sure I would have picked up on it a long time ago. It’s not exactly the first time I’ve gone through them. There’s nothing to suggest that there was anything else going on behind the scenes. Not that I’d really know what to look for even if there were.

...I keep thinking about the woman. What she said. That hers was the last voice mom heard before she died. What does that mean, what if….

VICTOR (Cont.) 

...Cancer works quickly, especially if you catch it late. That’d be… very convenient for something trying to get rid of someone who was looking into things they shouldn't know about. And if mom got on the wrong side of this… thing that can kill with a glance….

VICTOR (Cont.)

...When she died, it… it didn’t feel right. I’d always seen my mother as invincible, like every little kid does. I was so convinced that she would be okay. Because she had to be. Mom could beat her cancer, because she could beat anything. I believed that, even at that age. Then she was gone. And it still didn’t sit right with me. I always felt like something about it was wrong. A-- And now, even with what little information I have… I think I might have been onto something.

NEXT EPISODE➝

[theheavymetalmama]

Final Fantasy XV absolutely has a woman problem

And it’s okay to acknowledge that.

It’s not uncommon for fandoms, particularly gamers, to associate saying that something has problems means that you hate it, that criticizing something automatically means you’re condemning it. I know it seems like an alien concept to some, but you can like something and admit that it has problems. But apparently that’s just too hard for some people to grasp, as my review of Final Fantasy XV isn’t even a week old yet and already my inbox has been bombed by angry fans accusing me of hating the game and being paid off by Bethesda or whatever. Funnier still is that they think I hate the game not because of the shit driving or that Noctis is an entitled little whiner, but because of the game’s woeful female representation.

This may blow some people’s minds, but you can like something and admit that it has problems. I actually like Final Fantasy XV. I don’t love it, but I like it. Having said that the game isn’t without problems, and topping those problems is the abysmal female representation. The game has female characters, sure, but most of them barely stick around long enough to make an impact. Iris and Aranea are both guest party members that join the beautiful boys at certain points in the game, only for them to stick around for maybe one dungeon (neither of which take more than ten minutes to finish) and then piss off for the rest of the game. Iris gets the short end of that stick, as her defining character trait is ‘she has a crush on Noctis.’ Lady Lunafreya, despite being both Noctis’ love interest, toted as the game’s female lead, and has tons of build-up throughout the game, sticks around for 20, 30 minutes tops and then just vanishes from the game. Hell, depending on what ending you get, you may never see her again.

But the biggest offender in Final Fantasy XV’s women problem is in Cindy, the mechanic at the Hammerhead garage and rest stop.

Yeah, let’s get the obvious one out of the way. Short version, Cindy’s outfit is fucking stupid for a multitude of reasons. For starters, it’s completely impractical and it doesn’t make a lick of sense for what she does for a living or where she lives, and because she’s the only character in the who dresses like this it clashes with the tone of the rest of the game.

Long version.

To be fair, there is the germ of a good idea in Cindy. Respectable blue collar jobs like plumber, carpenter, and mechanic are almost exclusively male dominated when portrayed in media, especially in video-games. The fact that she’s the only one who can fix the Regalia and that the four main characters on their bromantic road trip are completely inept at one of the bro-iest pastimes that ever bro-ed could have provided some pretty good commentary on both the restrictions and absurdities of forcing gender roles. Unfortunately not only does the game never capitalize on that, even if it did anything said would have been completely undermined by her ludicrous appearance, not helped by her equally ridiculous chicken-fried Southern accent that even Yosemite fucking Sam would call out on being stereotypical.

I mean look at her! Does that look like a mechanic? No, she looks like a model for a calendar that would hang in a horny guy’s workshop. No professional mechanic worth their weight in salt would wear something like that, especially if they lived in the desert. Not only would their chests and mid-drifts be peppered in bruises, scorch marks, and cuts, but all the sunblock in the world won’t stop their skin from looking like sun-dried Spam before lunchtime.

I’ve heard three knee-jerk defenses of Cindy’s outfit, the first being that fan-favorite Tifa wore a mini-skirt and a tank top and nobody complained about her while the other being that Gladiolus has his shirt open so it’s equal opportunity. And finally that old chestnut “Well it’s FANTASY, what do you expect? What, you want there not to be monsters and stuff too?”

For starters, Tifa was a bartender in the slums, not a mechanic in the Final Fantasy equivalent of rural Nevada. Second, suspension of disbelief only allows me to accept a world where magic, monsters, and robots exist. Stuff like Cindy wearing something no mechanic would ever wear is asking me to not think, and that’s something I refuse to do. As for Gladio, yes, his default attire has his shirt open showing off his chest and abs. However, not only does the camera never focus on his bare chest like he’s a Playgirl model at any point in the game, but players have the option of actually dressing him up and making him put on a shirt. Where’s the option that let’s players put Cindy in a mechanic’s jumper? Nowhere to be found.

When Cindy’s design first fell under scrutiny with the release of the demo, Hajime Tabata defended Cindy’s outfit saying that she wasn’t intended to be an erotic character and that her outfit was supposed to represent her outgoing and free-spirited personality. Never mind the fact that no free-spirited and outgoing person would spend their time at a garage in the middle of nowhere, but either Tabata wasn’t in the room when they did Cindy’s animations or the guy is simply a liar. In either case the “She’s not meant to be erotic” thing is big load of bull because just like Quiet in Metal Gear Solid V not only does the camera gawk at Cindy every chance it gets but she’s constantly bending over and flashing her tits and ass for the camera like she’s a model posing for a hot rod magazine. Fuck, the first thing you see of Cindy, the first woman you meet in the game, is her hand and then her butt. Hell, when you refuel the Regalia at Hammerhead not only do you get a shot of Cindy bending over and thrusting her ass to the camera like that scene in Cool Hand Luke, but immediately after that she’s washing the car just a slip away from pressing her tits against the windshield. Does that happen anywhere else in the world map when Cindy isn’t around? Do you get to see Noctis’ beautiful boy butt ready to burst from his one-size-too-small booty shorts while he puts gas in the car? Of course you don’t, because it’s complete selective bullshit. Made even worse by Prompto lusting for her at time to time, which I guess was supposed to be cute but just comes off as cringe-inducing and kind of creepy.

The very least they could have done was have the other characters comment on Cindy’s absurd attire, because she’s the only character in the whole game that dresses like that. That way they could have hung a lampshade on how female characters in video-games are typically designed with male titillation on the forefront of everything, but they didn’t even give us that. Instead they play it completely straight, which given the tone of the rest of the game makes the affair not only completely jarring, but dreadfully embarrassing to boot.. Here’s this game presenting itself as this big, deep coming of age story about war, love, and friendship, and then there’s Cindy prancing about in an outfit even Daisy Duke would leave in her dresser. And please spare me any arguments about how appearances don’t matter. Appearances aren’t everything, but they do matter, especially when it comes to character design as it can make or break not just the character but the entire show as a whole. How seriously would you have taken The Godfather if Marlon Brando wore Groucho glasses and a silly hat through the whole movie? Or Arnold in the Terminator if instead of a biker he dressed as a Chippendale dancer? Or Nathan Drake if he wore toy Hulk-Hands and a big stupid clown nose through the whole game? Hell, in an environment where nerds will lose their damn minds over a woman wielding Thor’s hammer or the possibility of a black guy playing James Bond, I don’t want to fucking hear anything about how “appearances don’t matter.”

I’ve harped on Cindy quite a bit now, but fact of the matter is that she’s the perfect metaphor for the role women play in Final Fantasy XV. The developers and plenty of pundits built up Cindy being the one who fixes the car and makes the whole adventure possible as a sort of consolation prize for lack of a prominent female party member, but while their intention was surely to soften the blow it only served as a big punch right to the gut. I doubt this was their intention, but it’s the creepy message that comes across all the same. In Final Fantasy XV, women can assist the boys on their adventure. Women can encourage the boys on their adventure. Women can help the boys on their adventure. Women can serve the boys on their adventure. Women can inspire the boys on their adventure. Women can even make the whole adventure for the boys possible in the first place.

But the one thing women can’t do is join the boys on their adventure. Not only is that fucked up, but as a long-time fan of Final Fantasy, a series that always brought great, compelling female characters and made them playable long before the demand for better female representation in gaming was even a thing, it’s nothing short of heart breaking.

So for those of you who stuck around this long and are still reading instead of flooding my inbox calling me a beta SJW cuck (or whatever buzzword for “Person I don’t like who says/does a thing I don’t agree with” is currently trending,) you’d be forgiven for thinking that I hate the game. I don’t, actually. I like Final Fantasy XV, despite the fact that it has problems. It’s not the best Final Fantasy and it certainly isn’t my favorite, but I still like it. And that is the point I’m trying to make. Acknowledging and addressing that something has problems is not an admission to weakness or failure, and it certainly isn’t damnation. Pointing out that something has flaws is not the same thing as condemning it. The point of criticism isn’t to say that something is bad, but to point out flaws and problems so that they can one day get better. If I’m still playing video-games by the time another numbered Final Fantasy game comes out, I hope they bring back and refine a lot of mechanics and elements found in XV and I damn sure hope they do a better job at representing women. Or at the very least, acknowledge that we like camping and road trips too.

That’s all.