#all spike knows is be lame and be in love with buffy

[bitethebullets]

i said best vampire not favorite. spike is a loserrr he is so lame meanwhile my girl drusilla had premonitions,,

[juniperhillpatient]

I have talked about this a lot before but it’s on my mind & also it’s something that really should be discussed more in Buffy fandom -

People are constantly talking about how Spike defies all the rules Buffy was taught about demons & vampires & rightfully so. A vampire falling in love with a slayer & fighting for his soul for her is such a romantic notion & I do love it but the nuance of Spike’s arc is even more interesting than that! He does love Buffy but not only that he befriends the Scoobies too. He brings flowers for Joyce after she dies. He helps prove that Tara is not a demon when her family tries to gaslight her & isolate her. He becomes a pseudo big brother to Dawn.

And yet none of that is even what I’m here to talk about! Spike IS a hero & he does have a long spanning redemption arc before the soul (& we’re NOT here to talk about Seeing Red right now, as usual that topic is too expansive & requires its own post) that should be acknowledged & his character is rightfully praised but he is NOT the only exception to vampires having nuance & it drives me crazy that we act like he is. The Judge isn’t just talking to Spike when he says this:

“You TWO.” He’s talking about Drusilla too! He says that they share affection & jealousy. That Angelus in his total sociopathic lack of human emotion is the odd one here.

Then you have things like this -

Conversations with Dead People has Buffy sharing a very long & deep conversation with an old acquaintance turned vampire. And it’s far from the only example in universe of a vampire retaining some sense of camaraderie with people from their life!

That’s right this entire rant has been a lead up to talk about my best girly Harmony Kendall. You’ve fallen for my ruse if you’ve read this far muahaha! Admittedly Harmony’s strongest moments are mostly unfortunately on Angel but even in season four of Buffy when she dates Spike she is clearly intended at times to be sympathetic. Season 4 is also interesting because we see a lot interactions between various gangs of vampires like Harmony’s so-called minions & even Sundays gang where they’re very much evil but also sharing in living (existing?) space & acting like bickering roommates or siblings. Like creatures with bonds & personalities & intricacies.

The point I’m trying to make is that the show never truly wants to grapple with the existence of Spike in all his nuance but it’s also not just about him! In general there is so much to grapple with in the idea that vampires can change & be redeemed & I’m not saying I’m anti scary evil vampires I’m just saying the universe gave us these hints of nuance & then the characters never grappled with it & that’s lame. For Buffy killing things that have a shot at redemption however small would be a major emotional blow if she ever addressed it! Especially in her season 5 “am I just a killer 🥺” arc. Let’s deal with the implications!

Let’s deal with Xander’s trauma about killing Jessie & just how much it would/should hurt for him to see Spike increasingly choose good & work with the Scoobies. I would LOVE to know Xander’s reaction to Harmony’s arc on Angel or Cordelia befriending her & letting her go ina world where the writing acknowledges that he drove a stake through his best friends heart!

It’s just that the writers accidentally complicated their own lore & then totally refused to ever let their characters address what the cracks in the stories they tell themselves mean. Giles says that a vampire is no longer the person but instead the thing that killed them. What’s scarier: the idea that your loved one was killed & something wears their face like a mask OR much more insane (to me) the idea that your loved one came back very wrong but it’s still them? Your brother eats people now but he still remembers how you like your eggs & can quote every episode of the cartoon you watched as kids. Your mom murdered that woman from the PTA who always talked too much in cold blood but she still remembers the recipe for your favorite pancakes. The show wanted scary vampires but it got so caught up in never addressing the infinitely more complex & scarier vampires it accidentally created & sticking to the more simplistic initial idea that it did both the characters & lore very dirty. And I’ll never shut up about it!!!

[nossumusstellae]

Tips for Writing Mythical Creatures #1: Vampires

Firstly: Can we all just let go of the whole sparkly-like-fairy-dust trope? Please. That is not the skin of a killer.

Anyways.

Vampires. There are so many iterations of the myth, from Bram Stoker’s Dracula to Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Spike to Preacher's Cassidy. The word may have first appeared in the 1700’s, but the stories have a history stretching back to ancient civilizations. And all of them are different.

This is what bugs me the most about modern vampire stories: they all seem to follow the Dracula pattern. Handsome, charming, and a fondness for young women who are years younger than they are. The roots of the myth seem to be forgotten. There is so much creativity to be found in the old stories, so many different interpretations. In Russian folklore, for example, vampires were witches who had rebelled against the church in life. Europeans would place bags of grain at the graves of suspected vampires, with the belief that when the creature awoke for the night, they would be compelled to count every single grain. Vampire graves could be found by leading a virgin boy on a black horse through a graveyard. In ancient China, if a corpse was jumped over by a cat, that person would awaken a vampire.

Even the act of killing a vampire has various stories. Certain kinds of wood for the stake (Europe, Russia, Serbia), iron or plough bits driven through hearts (Bulgaria), even slices of lemon (Germany)!

The tale of the vampire has its roots in blood-sucking demons. This is the part we often forget: the myth began with stories of demonic creatures. It is this aspect I feel we could all use a little of. Vampires are not nice. They are not human. They are animals at heart, vicious and capable of murdering as many people as they need to survive.

So here are my tips for writing a better vampire:

1. Remember. They are not human. A vampire is probably not going to experience the world the same way a human would. Maybe they can see in the dark, or in ultraviolet. Taste the air like a snake. Or even hear the heartbeat of their victims. Heightened smell, and hearing. Think about the animal kingdom, the hunter animals. What traits do they have? Apply those to your vampires. Retractable Catwoman-style claws, anyone?

2. Your vampire doesn’t have to be 1800’s Victorian. Vampire myth is not exclusive to Europe. Stories exist all over the world, from Mexico to Africa. Be different!

3. Turning into a bat is cliché. How about turning into a wolf, or a rabbit? Or pigeon?

4. Shape-shifting faces: I love this about the vampires in Buffy. The way their faces would become grotesque and reveal the monster within was a great interpretation.

5. Your vampire doesn’t have to be immortal. Maybe they age the same way as a human, or just a little slower.

6. Vampires are believed to not have reflections because a mirror reflects the soul and vampires do not have one. Also, silver is said to ward of evil spirits. Take that a step further: perhaps silver is fatal to your vampire the same way it is to werewolves!

7. Think about the history of the vampires in your story. Do they have their own myths, their own gods? An entire underground society? Do people know about them, are there Hunters?

8. I’ll say it again. Sparkling like a fairy is lame.

[neros-very-first-fiddle]

BEE’S TOP 20 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER EPISODES EVER:

20. S4 E1, The Freshman

Sunday and her gang are just so much fun to watch. I wish there were more fun vampire stoner-types in the show. I love the whole college allegory with Giles leaving Buffy to figure things out on her own. especially showing how she goes from being scared to realizing she does actually have the power to survive without an adult watching over her. Also I think about the klimt poster game every time I see a college dorm now.

19. S1 E9, The Puppet Show

The first (and only?) Buffy episode to ever genuinely scare me. I watched it late at night, alone in my room in the dark when no one else was awake. I don’t fuck with doll horror movies. The puppet skittering about Buffy’s room made me tremble. Also I just love anything theatre related and watching Giles very poorly do a magic circle was fun. And! Framing Snyder as a villain was such a good choice. And I think about him saying “I don’t get it” at the end of the ep a lot. Just really fun in general.

18. S1 E12, Prophecy Girl

“I may be dead, but I’m still pretty.” Her outfit is iconic. Her reaction to finding out she’s going to die is heartbreaking and realistic. I love that Xander is the one to revive her, forever cementing him as one of Buffy’s best friends and a crucial part of the gang.

17. S3 E20, The Prom

The class protector award will always make me tear up, like fuck. people in a town that actively ignores the horrors acknowledged that Buffy was keeping them safe from the horrors. she deserved that moment so much.

16. S3 E13, The Zeppo

I am a Xander apologist and I’m not afraid to say it. This episode is so fucking funny. I love getting to see what goes on in the background of every Buffy episode. I think it adds so much more to Xander’s character to know that he gets left out of the main plot and has his own wacky adventures that he doesn’t talk or brag about. He is the epitome of Just A Guy. He knows he isn’t like Buffy and the rest of the scoobies, but he also knows he can be just as brave as them. The moment where he’s in the basement and smiling about the bomb about to go off, “I like the quiet,” shakes me so much. Iconic.

15. S2 E6, Halloween

Ethan Rayne’s first appearance! I love how kitschy it feels. willow’s costume is gorgeous.

14. S6 E16, Hell’s Bells

Jesus fucking christ. The portrayal of dysfunctional families is just spot on. Anya looks stunning the entire time. Xander choosing to walk out because he loves Anya too much to even risk following in his family’s footsteps and abusing her is so heartbreakingly real. Is Xander in the wrong for ever letting their relationship get this far when he had doubts? ABSOLUTELY. Also the scene when Anya walks down the aisle crying makes me want to sob, it’s such a perfect shot. Ughh

13. S6 E8, Tabula Rasa

fun amnesia episode! I love seeing what’s inside the characters when they don’t remember anything about themselves. the loan shark bit is so stupid and funny. Giles and Spike having a father/son relationship is perfect. “RANDY GILES??!?? might as well call me desperate for a shag Giles.” also “a vampire with a soul? God, how lame is that?”

12. S4 E12, A New Man

This was the first Buffy episode I ever saw! Caught it on tv and fell in love. I remember watching willow and tara float the rose and thinking “gay.” Then I saw Giles and ethan laugh together over drinks after he, like pinned Ethan down in a crypt and I thought “gay.” And you know what, I was right on both fronts. Also spike crashing the car is so funny.

11. S2 E7, Lie To Me

Everyone talks about wanting to see more of ford, and we get to see more of the main girl, but all I want is Diego/marvin content. I love his stupid sparkly blue cape. I also love how Buffy reacts to finding out ford has cancer; “I’ll kill you myself.” Being in a horrible situation doesn’t excuse the horrible crime you’re about to commit! He’s just a very well written character

10. S7 E15, Get It Done

After watching this, I had to lie down for a moment because it was so much and I cried (which I rarely do with tv shows). The origins of the slayer just fucking wrecked me. The first slayer was just a girl who was violated and used.

9. S2 E22, Becoming pt. 2

Genuinely just one of the best season finales of all time. They perfectly took away everything Buffy had and brought her to the point of no return. The part when Angel asks her “what’s left?” before attempting to stab her with the sword, but Buffy shuts her eyes and perfectly catches it and says “me” is the most breathtaking, iconic scene ever. Gut wrenching and absolutely devastating.

8. S7 E7, Conversations With Dead People

Willow’s conversation with Cassie is so jarring. Buffy’s conversation is so so great and fun. Also “mommy’s milk is red today” is such an INSANE thing to write.

7. S2 E19, I Only Have Eyes For You

I love the concept that a haunting is just a house re-enacting a terrible night over and over again to try and understand what happened to it. This is extremely similar. Just a guy replaying his greatest and final mistake in an attempt to gain forgiveness, to somehow make everything turn out all right because he can’t live or die with that guilt. And the connection to Buffy and Angel’s relationship is just the cherry on top.

6. S2 E17, Passion

I’m a sucker for Angel’s monologue in this one. The scene where he kills Jenny is just, so. Her death perfectly shows how serious things have gotten. All the fun and games are over. Having Giles find her in his bed is absolutely sickening, but I love how they set up the fact that Giles has never seen Angel’s letters until then, he isn’t aware that’s the paper and handwriting from Angel and not Jenny. Also the shot where Willow and Buffy find out that she’s dead is great. I love that we see it from outside the house, looking in.

5. S4 E10, Hush

Astonishing that one of the greatest episodes has extremely little dialogue. the end from Riley’s perspective is just that his girlfriend screamed and the heads of these demons exploded… did he think she had like a banshee scream ability?? I would’ve. Giles’ drawings are so fun

4. S5 E7, Fool for Love

“I’ve always been bad” -jump cut to spike writing bad poetry. I love the little detail that Halfrek was the girl who turned down spike in 1880. The entire subway scene is perfect. Every slayer has a death wish. Buffy saying “you’re beneath me” is so perfectly cruel, and throwing the money is too. the end with spike going to kill Buffy then seeing her upset and comforting her is just a perfect picture of their entire relationship.

3. S4 E22, Restless

“Props?” “No.” “Props?” “YES!” Death of a salesman should have a cowboy in it, actually. Spike selling himself out as an attraction is so believable. like yeah, he would love to be photographed all the time by admirers.

2. S5 E16, The Body

One of the best portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen.

1. S6 E7, Once More With Feeling

Duh. I rewatch this episode A LOT. Anya and Xander’s song gets stuck in my head pretty regularly. I listen to the music on spotify. Hinton Battle kills. I recently watched this with my friend who does ballet and she said Dawn’s dance was really good! BROADWAY LEGEND HINTON BATTLE!!! Spike and Buffy’s kiss at the end is so perfectly built up and executed. Just an absolute masterpiece.

[hiddenbysuccubi]

2000 Lover, you were gone so long Lover, I was lonesome Spike bumped into her at the Bronze. Buffy, that is. The chit - Joan - had been gone for a bit. He still found this encounter a bit odd. He hadn't given up the game of his chip being gone, so that wasn't what was off. It was maybe how nonchalant or discombobulated the blonde slayer seemed to be. "You don't have to worry about me drinking." he offered sarcastically, "'less you're here to protect innocent beers." Correct timeline went a little shit after that, but. After all Buffy had never been the one in that scene. So Older Buffy - Joan, didn't know what to say next. Her eyes just lingered on the beer a little too long.

Low, keep your head, keep your head- Harbor me

----

Joan was disgruntled and trying not to throw up as she was thrust back in time, more so than every time before. She delicately dodged her own worries and put up a stoic front, but she couldn't help but crave release. Her answer came in the dingy reflection of the bronze's bathroom mirror. Faith had- but Faith was. What? In Jail? Dead? Hospital.... Joan groaned, not caring what fate had put her into her younger body for this time jump. She realized faintly that it hadn't been her in her body in this time in the first place. Felt like uncanny and all kinds of wiggins. ---- Joan grabbed the beer from Spike. "So what if I am?" She countered lamely after swallowing. "Be doing you a world of good if I did." And, she reveled in his little slack-jawed moment. She stretched in her younger form and felt the power within her muscles and the strength of her will as she harmlessly put her arms behind her back and leaned towards the vampire. Hers. Then, forever. But not, he'd.... 'but thanks for saying it....' "Spike..." Was all she said as she relaxed, a bit lost. Her head pounding, temples bulging, eyes strained, shoulders tight.... "You know why I really hate you, Summers?" He spat back, in defense. She could see that, all vulnerable and spitting like a cat with its back arched and fur high. Joan preened, smile all teeth after years- years of self hatred and self blame, just aching for his answer. "Because I wound you? Reject you? Because I'm everything and nothing that you need while being everything you want?" she prodded. Spike looked abashed. "Well, yeah, that covers a... lot of it." He conceded. Joan was too hurt and after having finished a drink abandoned on a table... a little too tipsy. "Yeah and, oblivious and prejudiced and self absorbed, that about sum it up? What If I said I love you?" Spike blanched. Pushing her away in the face of his feelings because... this was wrong. Everything was wrong. "No you-" he barely got out before she socked him in the mouth.

He watched as the young, blonde slayer in front of him teared up and fled. "No, I didn't. Not yet. But I had to say it." She whispered as she ran. 'No, you don't. But thanks for saying it.' he thought, unbidden. More prominently he thought 'Joan?'... before shaking all thoughts away and stomping out of the Bronze. Hey, little songbird, let me guess He's some kind of poet and he's penniless?

[wolfstrong]

Buffy season 3 reflection and quiet contemplation:

Of course in general I very much enjoyed this season, but I do feel like compared to the past two seasons episodes varied more in quality and my enjoyment of them. The epic highs and lows of season three if you will. There was definitely more episodes that I really loved or just thought were pretty good as compared to episodes I felt were a little weak and the good very much outweighs the bad. But anyway, here is what I did like:

I could tell they had a budget increase for this season and for the most part I think they really used it to their advantage. We got a lot more fights where Buffy and friends had to take on a biggggg gang of baddies and it usually involved bigger sets where they could jump all around and have some awesome fight choreography. I felt like almost every other episode we were getting a big warehouse battle with complicated exciting fight choreography. I think it’s epic and I’ll never get tired of seeing Buffy beat the tar out of demons.

I think they were a little more artistic with their directing too this season, like Zeppo definitely comes to mind where they didn’t just stick with straightforward storytelling and instead gave you a different perspective. Just in general I felt like the directing was more fast-paced and engaging in a lot of episodes.

Now I have to preface this by saying I did not enjoy all the character conflicts that were introduced, however, one thing I really enjoy about Buffy is the way it deals with interpersonal relationships. The show is not afraid to have its characters make mistakes and also have other characters react realistically to them. I really liked dead mans party because of this, where we get to see the fallout of Buffy running away over the summer. At first everyone is very glad to see her, but there is this uncomfortable awkwardness between them all that needs to be addressed, and it all comes to a head with a yelling match between our main characters. I like that they couldn't just talk it out at first because that's really never how it works. Also I thought Buffy and Angels breakup was pretty well done too. We all know that relationship was very much doomed and wrong in a lot of ways so I'm glad the show was able to have them acknowledge that and split up for that reason.

Some of my favorite episodes (besides the Zeppo and Dead mans party as mentioned above) were Homecoming (for the cordelia and buffy forced bonding) Band Candy (for the campy fun) Gingerbread (idk this one was just very fun) and Doppelganger (i loveeee the willow focus:)

And honestly, I only had one big issue with this season and that was the overarching plot with the mayor. For one I just didn't like the mayor that much as a big baddie villain of the season. His bit where he like acts like a very normal nice guy but is actually psycho was very one note and not super interesting to me. I liked The Master and Spike (and eventually evil Angel) as the season big bads a lot more. I did find the plot a lot more exciting when Faith joined him. It was all a bit uninteresting but all together fine, it was just the season finale that really sucked. It felt like a lot of build-up to very much nothing and I can get into a lot of nitpicky shit (like.. what was up with then Buffy was like "Xander, you are the KEY to this whole plan" and then Xander ended up doing nothing at all? i could go on) but yeah just overall very anti-climatic. Also Buffy came up with a plan to defeat the mayor by just like exploding him and killing him, and then her plan went EXACTLY as predicted with no bumps in the road at all to add excitement. They were just like "we are going to kill the mayor now" and then they did. Very lame.

My other big gripe was the Willow and Xander cheating arc which I can literally write a whole paper on but I won't do that to you. I guess to sum it up I really wish we would have had a resolution to that conflict that was satisfying, and maybe explored a little more why Xander and Willow suddenly cheated on their respective partners with each other. And I really don't like what it did to Cordy, who was pretty much not in the group anymore after that. My guess is that maybe the writers wanted her out of the scooby gang so that she could go over to the Angel show, and that was their way of getting her to break up with Xander and kind of hate all his friends. It just makes me upset because Cordelia was really starting to find her place in the group and also have a genuine affection for Xander. I liked that in the prom episode Xander buys Cordy her dress and doesn't tell anyone her family lost all their money, HOWEVER I needed more resolution. I wanted MORE!!

My least favorite episodes were Amends (probably the overall worst episode of Buffy i have ever seen... like literally what was the point of that) Choices (this episode kinda just felt like boring filler and that scene where the mayor lectors Angel and Buffy about their relationship for 5 minutes uninterrupted was so weird and out of place) and then Graduation part 2 (just for being a very anti-climatic mess.)

In my season 1 review I talked about my feelings on the characters that appeared in that season, and I think I pretty much feel similarly about them all now, but here are my thoughts about the new people!

Oz: I think oz is the biggest addition since season one and really what is there to say! he's a man of few words, he brings a calm level headed energy to the cast that I think really helps to balance everything out. I like that he's a werewolf of course, I think that's awesome and we even got to see him flex his werewolf powers in season three and attack another beast. I hope we get more of that. I am curious about whats gonna happen with his and Willows relationship because well. well. but ANYWAY for the time being I think they are good for each other

Faith: I found her to be kind of annoying... but I just don't really like girlbosses who don't give a fuck type characters, sorry just not for me. I did think she was a lot more interesting once she went bad and overall the concept of a slayer going bad cool so I'm glad they explored that

Wesely: I think hes donefore and doesnt appear in season 4 (tho i know he's in Angel) But idk. he was like so bad that he was good. Like i don't like him as a person but his presence on the show was so camp. just some sniveling loser that everyone's hates. i love it.

Alright, I belive thats mostly all I have to say! talk to me about Buffy anytime, literally any time.

[perexcri]

15/16 for your fic ask! I always love your titles

omg hi Maebh the elf <3 see you saturday for another bi night at the gay bar to begin our quest heheheh >:)

15. How do you come up with titles for your fics/chapters?

for titles: i am a sucker for using song lyrics (especially fall out boy ones lol), so a lot of them come from songs that i think fit the fic/vibe well!! and i go to great lengths to find the right lyrics. for example, i knew i wanted my fic what a match: i'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet to have a fall out boy title because it had such pining loserboy qualities that i thought only a fob lyric would suffice. i literally went through each of their albums and looked through the lyrics of each song until i found that line from the disloyal order of water buffaloes that became the title :D

but sometimes, i try to be original and come up with titles on my own lol. i think my favorites of those have been drowning on rooftops, which i came up with like right before i posted, and beneath these boughs, my devotion blooms, which i don't recall how i came up with title, but i know i really really like it :)

and then there's si vis amari, ama, which is a quote from Seneca in the original Latin 🙃

for chapters: i actually only have six fics with actual chapter titles, so i can just give my reasonings for each one lol

Maybe it's Called Growing Up: all the titles come from TXT song lyrics! each chapter was a byler scene based off of a TXT song :3

To Hell and Back Again: ok the chapter titles for this one are super lame because i just named them after an important symbol/aspect/object in each chapter. like there's literally one chapter that's just called "bike" :)

the truth beneath the rose: i basically am doing what i did in thaba but am making things more descriptive and pretty sounding :D so instead of it just being like "wine" it's "wine in bottles, wine on tongues"

come to me again (in the cold, cold night): all three of the chapter titles are taken from this scene from buffy the vampire slayer, which is one of my all-time favorite Spike scenes. it's when he reveals to Buffy that he's won his soul back, but he speaks in these really broken and poetic lines that i love. AND THEN IT ENDS WITH HIM DRAPING HIMSELF ON A CROSS??? hell yeah 😎

sweetheart, you're so cruel: so the chapters on ao3 don't technically have titles, but each one has a heading designating it as Side A, Side B, etc like records! and then each side is divided into subsections with headings taken from classic rock lyrics :D

si vis amari, ama: each title is a Latin phrase! i tried to make most of them liturgical or related to the church in some way or another, but i don't think all of them are

16. At what point in the process do you come up with titles?

usually in the middle/towards the end! i rarely have a title planned out before i start something, and the title usually gets changed multiple times before it gets posted heheh

thanks for stopping by, my friend!! see you on the adventuring road later *salutes* 💜💜💜

[sainthelgas]

Am now back to watching buffy the vampire slayer after taking a break. Am now on s2e9.

S2e9+ S2e10 Spoilers below

Xander got a role as a prison guard. Which he treats as a bad thing but like prison guards get paid bank. I know my uncle (who is bald) is one and is rich beyond reason

I like how all the characters are flawed but in unique ways. Willow is naive, Xander is a myspgynist, angel is a predator, giles is british.

I love this lame ass vampire spike keeps around to do the translations. He doesn't seem to be into the weird shit the rest are into. It feels like he's just tagging along because if he doesn't they'll kill him.

The slayer system sucks. Cause I feel like a weaker woman than buffy would've just moved to new york and told the rest of the world to fuck off. And if a new slayer can only be appointed when the old one dies I can't imagine the vampire community would wanna kill her if she isn't going out to kill vampires. But also they might cause the end of the world if not pushes back against so like she doesn't really have a choice.

She had to give up her dreams when she became a vampire slayer... fuck me!

"Xander, can you shut the fuck up?" -giles

I like this chud assasin who pretends to be a door to door salesman. Maggots ftw

Oh shit the guy who owns the bar they frequent knows there are vampires who use his bar as a hunting ground. It's like a fnaf situation. As long as he can keep his business running smoothly he'll allow them to pick off a few of his patrons just to keep the peace.

And he's like selling them blood on the side? Damn. Vampires get slayed buffy gets angel. What does willy get? Paid.

I wanna see a spin off about this guy on his own. Even though there seems to be a high chance of spike killing him for ratting him out. Maybe he can move to boston and open a new vampire friendly bar. It'll be like cheers but with vampires. It'll sell a million dollars

Willow has a fear of frog? Holy shit same! Maybe not a full on phonia but some feogs freak me out.

The chud vampire is named Norman Pfister? Pronounced like fister? That's insane. I thought maybe pfister was another name for a worm or a maggot or something but no! Apparently it's just some swedish last name. Pfister? I barely even know her!

Ohh shit just finished episode 9. She is a vampire slayer too??? There are multiple of them? I thought it was like a one and done sort oft hing. Like the pope or the dali lhama.

And thats why she tried to kill angel! Cause he's a vampire! Ooohhh

I love seeing angel actually squirm and worry for his life. He's always been the hot guy who usually has control over the situation. It's nice seeing the other side of him. Makes him feel a lot more human even if he technically is not.

Okay so there aren't multiple. Kendra was summoned to the position due to a technicality when Buffy was dead for a bit at the end of season 1.

Woohoo Willy is alive! And he made bank from selling out Angel!

Did Spike really drag angel down here just to make him sit in the cuck chair?

And shit. Xander and Cordelia? I would pretend to be surprised but I got spoiled about thay already. But we can still play pretend.

John green got shot! That cop wasn't even supernatural or anything that's just what she does.

Buffy and Kendra are such good foils. Kendra seems like she is kinda like what buffy is expected to be. Someone who exists to be a vessel for "the slayer" while forfeiting her own life in the process. It's weird how she had a weird amount of respect for Xander. I thought it might be because he's a man or something but she didn't act that way around giles. Maybe she has a crush on Xander or something? Idk

This episode is basically just Angel squirm compilation. They're putting him in such peculiar situations. As someone who never really found angel atteactive prior to this episode I get it more now. What does that say about me?

"I am the bug man, coo coo cachoo" killed me. Xander had a banger every blue moon.

Were Druscilla Spike and angel like in a polycule? If vampires were real they'd definitely be super into polyamary I think.

"He's a vampire, he should die" (vine boom) (thunder) (werwolf howl)

Willy is such a little weasel. I love his traitorous ass. I know he'll probably be dead by the end of the episode but still.

I love Kendra so much. Something about girl raised from birth for a single purpose just gets me. She had a better character arc in a 40 minute episode then a lot of characters do in whole movies. I hope we see her again.

And willy gets away! It's all turning up will.

Oh and Xander/Cordelia is happening I guess. I thought they might wait on it but I gues not. Fair, I guess that's a fine relationship. It probably won't be end game but as long as this stops him from longing for buffy/ leading willow on i'm happy.

[spnae]

38 When the Levee Breaks

Depictions of domestic violence. Chapter title taken from the Led Zeppelin song by the same name.

Willow walked into the library to find a tired Giles still pouring over the information Xander had procured on his extended trip. There was so much material to go through but they were finally making sense of it all. Giles pinched the bridge of his nose as Willow set down a tea tray in front of him.

“How’s it going? Have you found any glaring translation mistakes that make it all fall apart yet?”

“No, I haven’t, in fact everything I’ve found seems to support what you have already told Buffy. However I do wish you hadn’t used the word ‘immortal’ to describe her condition until we can confirm it.”

“How would you have liked me to put it, Giles? We both know she should have never been able to get up after being run through and according to the girls there she did way more than just get up. Her pain tolerance is through the roof and she’s healing from more severe injuries than she used to. Even when Warren shot her… I took the bullet out but she was up and around a whole lot faster than she should have, even with my help..”

“That does not equate to immortality! Perhaps she just got an extra boost of her natural Slayer abilities. This passage here—“ he gripped her arm lightly to pull her towards the passage.

Willow winced and pulled back a little, “I’ve read it. If that were the case she would probably be healing faster and getting stronger too and yet those things are relatively the same as always.”

Giles narrowed his eyes a fraction “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, go on, you were saying?”

“I confess that it does seem as though Buffy is a unique case,” Giles pushed himself back from the desk a little with a large sigh, “We need confirmation. For her and the other girls. Unfortunately for that we would need one of the other girls to reach 26 and then receive a mortal wound, and considering that no Slayer on record has ever lived that long— How did she seem when you told her of the possibility?”

Willow sat down heavily, “Fine I guess. You know her. I mean obviously there are some definite perks for her and Spike. I think she’s more worried about it not being true. Probably comes with being in love with a vampire, I guess.”

“Naturally.”

“I don’t think we’re going to get anything looking like confirmation for a long time,” She said a little lamely.

“I suppose half of an answer is better than none at all.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Giles started closing books and organizing the table. “Is Ruby still visiting with her family?”

“She got back early this morning. She says things are a little weird with her parents. Sheena is doing a lot better though, they had a really good visit.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Oh, Willow, would you mind fetching that curious sword Spike was assaulted over?”

“Sure, taking a break from the Slayer life puzzle?”

“It’s time I focus my energies elsewhere for a while. I rather think it’s best if we both do.”

“Yeah you’re probably right I’ve been obsessing over this for a long time now. I was afraid to tell Buffy much of anything and then I just blurted it all out after I found that last little bit. I probably shouldn’t have said anything at all.”

“I suppose we all have things to atone for.”

Willow walked over to where the sword was being kept and laid it on the desk in front of Giles. Then poured tea for them both, “Do you still think I’m a ‘rank amateur’?” She smiled at him.

Giles returned the smile, “I think you have learned a great deal since then. Although I do caution you to keep up with your studies.”

“Yeah, that's part of the reason why I accepted the other half of the duplex. I think it’s a good idea if I am closer to the Devon Coven. As well as I’ve been doing with everything. I still think I need that connection and I’m not sure if I’m getting that in Rome, not the way that I would like to anyway. At least being here in Scotland, I’m a little closer to Devon,” she shrugged her shoulders.

“Well I think that’s a very mature decision. You’ve definitely shown growth, that’s for certain.”

“Thanks,” she sighed heavily, “Now, what on earth do we think this thing is?” She asked, picking up the sword and setting it down again.

Giles let out a long breath, “I’m certain it’s a sword of power of some kind. I haven't spent a lot of time on this to be honest.” He pulled out a magnifying glass and peered at some writing on the blade.

Willow gestured with her hands, “May I?”

Giles moved aside and watched as Willow ran her hands over it touching the hilt and the length of the blade, “Oh there’s definitely something coming off of it. It’s subtle, I can barely make it out but it’s old and strong.” She shook her head squinting down at the blade. “I might have to try a few spells to help figure this one out.”

“Whatever you need to do,” Giles resumed his seat and pulled another book towards himself as he joined her in her examination of the sword.

Hours later Giles and Willow entered the living room with the sword in hand. Buffy and Spike were already there waiting for them along with Ruby and Xander. Faith and Callum came in a few moments after.

“So what’s going on?” Xander asked a minute later.

“Willow and I have been spending the afternoon working on Spike’s sword.”

“Buffy‘s sword, Spike’s bike,” Buffy said cheekily.

“We have co-ownership,” Spike corrected, “Yours mine and ours remember?”

“We really should have someone look at your bike and see if we can get it fixed.”

“Don’t remind me,” he whined.

“You can always just steal another one,” Xander smirked.

“Didn’t steal this one, Harris. Got it off a baddie who was done with it.” He said, wrapping an arm around Buffy.

“Well, I’m afraid the sword in question can't belong to either one of you.”

“Aww, man, every time I get a fun sword I have to destroy or give it back or– this stinks.”

“I feel you, Pet.”

Buffy sighed, settling into Spike on the couch, “Alright, so what’s wrong with this one?”

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say ‘wrong’, perhaps ‘significant’ would be better.”

“How so? It’s not some big apocalypse-y something is it? Because I don't think I’m up for one of those right now,” Faith huffed as Callum wrapped his arms around her from behind.

“So totally last season,” Willow joked before catching Spike’s eye.

He wasn’t amused, having been part of the LA front just a few months ago. “So what’s the deal with it then?”

Giles straightened up at that and there was suddenly an almost childlike glow to his face, “This sword most certainly belonged to Sir Lancelot, given to him by his foster mother the Lady of the Lake.”

Callum‘s eyes lit up mirroring Giles, “You’re putting me on! Can I hold it?” He slipped his hands out from around Faith’s waist and held them out hopefully.

Giles was slightly taken aback by his sudden enthusiasm, Callum was normally more reserved around him, but he passed the sword over to him anyway.

“This is amazing, I can't believe I’m actually holding Sir Lancelot‘s sword!” Callum‘s eyes were alight with wonder.

“Woah, there buddy. You’re not gonna like totally geek-out on me, are you?” Faith asked him sardonically.

He looked at her with a very boyish grin, “Oh I think I’m well past that. I’m definitely geeking-out, you have no idea how obsessed I was when I was a kid.”

Faith gave him a bemused smile. Callum had been the very definition of a strong shoulder to lean on ever since the attack on the castle. Giving her everything she needed, even when she didn’t realize she needed it. He had still been going to work and running errands for his family per usual but when he was with her, he was utterly hers.

Faith had been so consumed with the goings on at the castle and her own inner thoughts over the last week and a half that she had hardly given a thought to his needs and wants outside of the point they intersected with hers in the bedroom. The light in his eyes now at seeing something he was so fervently interested in was startling. Something swelled in her chest, an emotion that was unfamiliar to her. What was this? She was happy to see him happy but she didn’t know what to call it and the confusion led to something much more familiar, anxiety.

Faith took a deep breath trying to breath through it the way Angel had taught her; before her anger flared. There was no reason she should be anxious or angry over the scene unfolding in front of her. Instead she tried focusing on the pure joy on Callum’s face as he examined the sword. She released the breath and watched the way his fingers skimmed lightly over the blade. Her very hot, tall, muscular Scottsman holding a very nice looking sword. Oh yeah… that was a much better, more familiar, feeling she could deal with.

“Yes, I confess I had a bit of an obsession when I was a child as well,’ Giles uttered in solidarity.

“What good little English boy didn’t?” Spike scoffed, “No offense Cal, you know what I meant.”

Giles cleared his throat, “It would seem that this sword is meant to be a key to some great treasure of Lancelots.”

“Do you think it could be the Holy Grail?”

“Surely not. From what Willow and I have uncovered it seems to be a personal treasure that he wished to keep secret and safe even from Arthur himself.”

Buffy crossed her arms in her lap clasping her elbows, “Probably why these biker dudes are after the thing.”

Spike inclined his head towards them, “Treasure usually means money. Do we have any idea where this treasure was kept?”

Willow stepped forward with a large map of Scotland, “I have a pretty good idea actually. I was able to use the sword in a mapping spell to find out where the lock for the key is and it looks like it is in some sort of a sea cave up north, I’ve never heard of the place.” She unfurled the map of Scotland, laying it out on the coffee table next to the spot where Buffy and Spike were sitting and pointed to a small charred dot, “Some place called Smoo Cave. Have any of you ever heard of it?”

Callum, Giles, and Spike peered at the map as she spoke.

“Oh sure I have,” Callum nodded, “family holiday one summer when my brother and I were in our teens. It’s an interesting place, beautiful and eerie at the same time, but I don’t think it was mystical. They run tours inside. It’s a pretty popular tourist spot. Hell we stayed at a bed and breakfast pretty close to the cave and it’s not the only place to stay up there. Pretty sure someone would have noticed.”

Willow shrugged, “Most mystical places are hidden in some way. I’ve heard of some really weird ones.”

Buffy turned towards Spike, “Didn’t you tell me Angel took you into one once that was inside of a tree?”

“The Deeper Well, yeah, that was one hell of a humbling experience. Talk about eerie. Great big bloody hole that goes all the way straight through the world, playing prison to countless comatose ancient baddies.”

“Plus Angel made you hold hands with him.”

“Bloody hell, Slayer, how is that your takeaway? Make it out like we were snogging, why don’t you?” he huffed, “For the rest of the class. Peaches was palming a wire. It was a battle strategy! Nothing else.”

Giles rolled his eyes, “Yes, well, I’m sure it was quite effective knowing the two of you. As we were saying, Willow and I believe that the sword will lead you to and unlock the location.”

Spike looked at the map too, “I’ve heard of Smoo Cave, never bothered going.”

Callum shrugged, “The cave is massive and has these amazing waterfalls inside. My brother and I got into a bit o’ mischief when we snuck off to explore on our own, climbed up to see the waterfalls from a higher ledge. Nearly got kicked out but the view was worth it.”

“Sounds pretty,” Willow said.

Giles continued, “Willow and I think Buffy is quite right that our demonic friends after the sword are looking for the treasure within.”

Buffy interlaced her fingers into Spike’s hand, “And you want us to check it out.”

“Well, I imagine it can wait a few more days until Spike is back to full health.”

“Bones are healing nicely, shouldn’t be long now.”

Be faster if you had some of my blood.

Buffy, you know how I feel about that. A taste here and there is all in good fun but I’m healing up just fine with the pig’s blood.

Buffy snorted loudly drawing Giles’s attention, “Is there something wrong Buffy?”

“Oh ah, no, just– I thought he might heal faster if–”

“That’s enough, Slayer. If you're in such a big hurry that you want to go knick a bag o’blood from the hospital for me, fine.”

“What’s the rush?” Xander asked.

“No rush really, unless we think these guys are going to try to get it on their own.”

“I don’t know if they could, not without the sword,” Willow admitted.

Faith cast a look at Callum then to Buffy, “Probably be smart to take backup anyway. I think Callum and I should come with you.”

Callum couldn’t help the grin on his face and Faith was surprised by how happy it made her to have put it there.

Buffy raised an eyebrow, “You seriously want to go on a treasure hunt with me and Spike?”

“Sure, why not? We can give the whole couples retreat thing a try. Maybe there will be something for us to kill.”

Callum grinned widely as he set down the sword and pulled her into what would be a crushing hug to anyone else but was only a comforting embrace to her, then kissed her temple, “When do we leave?”

Buffy laughed dryly, “Well, we should definitely give Spike’s leg a few more days and someone really should stay with Giles.”

“I’ll stay. I have to be fix-it-man anyway if I don’t want to keep being homeless-couch-surfing-man and I don’t need to go back to Rome for anything so I might as well hang on here.”

“Oh really, you don’t need to. Let's just plan this out first.” Giles stated.

“No, Xander has a point. I don’t like us being all spread out. I want us all together again as soon as we can, so it makes sense.”

Spike straightened himself up, “Look, Pet, I understand the bit with the house and Giles. But I got Ruby to think about now too so unless you feel like taking a baby vamp as a fifth wheel...”

Ruby had been sitting quietly listening. She shifted in her seat and arched an eyebrow, “I don’t need a babysitter here.”

Spike shook his head, “Course not, but I don’t think I’m comfortable leaving you here at the castle without one of us around. Will is going back to Rome and even if Xander does stay here I just, I don’t like it. It’s not like this sword thing is a pressing matter is it? Unless we think the rest of these biker guys are going to come after us. Not like they can reach us at the castle now that Red’s done her spell work. Might try jumping me in the tunnels again but what the hell? I also got to think about getting the bike fixed.”

Callum smirked at that, “Alright, English, how about we go on this trip and I get you set up with someone to help you get that bike fixed for a song?”

Spike folded his arms across his chest, “How do you propose to do that?”

Callum shrugged, “I know a guy.”

“Still doesn’t help us out with our little Ruby problem.”

“Seriously, I’m right here. An adult and everything.”

Willow cleared her throat, “What if I take her back to Rome with me?” she asked.

Everyone looked puzzled at Willow, “What are you talking about?” Buffy asked.

“Will? Are you sure you want to do that?” Xander asked seriously.

Willow caught his eye, “Not now Xan. I mean yeah I would have to make some slightly different travel arrangements to accommodate her but she could come back with me. She can stay in your room, Buff. It could be all the good. Just think about it. She doesn’t know any of the Slayers in Rome and it might do everyone some good to get her away from the castle for a little while. It would also give the Rome Slayers a chance to meet her. Andrew can do his watcher thing with her, you know how he loves to tell stories. He can fill her in on the last couple of apocalypses. She can train with Vi and the girls and I can keep an eye on her. It’s not like we’re going to be back in Rome long and it might even give you two a chance to continue on your seriously interrupted trip.”

“What about Kennedy?” Xander’s voice was cold.

Colder than Buffy had heard him in a very long time. Buffy turned towards Willow, “I want to know about that too. How do you expect that to work out? I mean even if she has moved out, do you think that she’s just gonna be totally fine training with Ruby?”

Willow shook her head, “I can handle Kennedy.”

“Will, you’re on a breakup trip. What makes you think you can handle Kennedy if she decides Ruby is the reason you’re breaking up with her.”

“Because our relationship was sinking like the Titanic long before I even left. We had a fight, Buffy. We had a fight,” her voice cracked.”

“Willow?”

“We had a fight and Dawn tried to defend me… Kennedy laid into her and it just sort of got worse from there.”

“She didn’t hurt the bit, did she?” Spike said with a barely contained growl.

Before she could even answer him Xander slapped his leg like he just realized something and looked at Willow seriously, “I knew there was more to this. You don’t want Ruby going with you to keep an eye on her, you want backup… maybe even a little protection?” Xander’s voice was quiet but his words hung in the air as realization settled over the room.

Willow looked from Xander to Ruby, eyes wide and frightened.

Spike stood up looking at Willow, he placed a gentle hand on her arm. He was angry that Kennedy would even think of hurting his friend. When had she become his friend? He kept his voice calm. “You want to tell us why you feel the need for backup at all? Never mind the fact you want a clueless fledgling to fill the post against a Slayer. One that I suspect has been doing a bit more than being an insensitive lover. You know we’re here for you.”

“Willow?” Buffy stood up next to Spike. She caught Faith’s eye and shrugged in a silent plea to give them the room.

Faith patted Callum on the chest, “Come on, babe. This isn’t for us.”

“Don’t fancy a trip to Rome do you?” Callum murmured to Faith.

Spike caught it and gave Callum a ghost of a grin. He knew he was only joking but it meant something to him that he would be willing, even after just knowing Willow for a few days. He gave Buffy’s hand a squeeze. It meant something to her too, he could tell.

When they had left Buffy spoke, “Sit. We need to talk.”

Ruby’s eyes were wide as she looked from Buffy and Spike on the couch and over to Giles who was looking deeply troubled in one of the barrel chairs and then to Xander who had collapsed in the other. Willow sat glumly at the opposite end of the couch she was on. She couldn’t keep her eyes from Ruby’s a moment ago but now Willow wouldn’t look at her. She cleared her throat, “Maybe I should go too… I—“

Willow shot her a pleading glance that froze her in place. Ruby settled back into the couch, still uncomfortable but willing to stay. Willow had been a pillar of strength holding her up the last few days, clearly she needed the same now.

“Willow, talk to us. We’re your friends, you’re family. What’s going on?” Buffy asked, “What happened with Dawn?”

“It’s nothing, just stupid stuff it—“

“Willow, if anyone knows what it’s like to be in a seriously unhealthy relationship, it’s us.” Buffy said, waving a hand between her and Spike.

Spike snorted, “Got that right, some of it even with each other. Past tense of course.”

Willow gave a watery chuckle and cleared her throat, “We’ve been fighting— a lot. For a while now. Mostly we just avoid each other or I avoid her— We’re just—“

“If you say oil and water I might break something,” Buffy said.

“How do you expect me to come to you when—“ Willow buried her face in her hands.

“Look Red, I sure as hell ain’t proud of it but the first part of our relationship was— You remember our talk the other day?”

“Yeah, I— Spike, this isn’t the same thing.”

“Not saying it is. Just saying, remember who you’re talking to.”

Willow hunched over a pillow in her lap. “We fight. Kennedy doesn’t really understand how things work with the Scoobies; she wasn’t too happy about Xander coming to stay.”

“Thought she was twitchy,” Xander mused.

“She doesn’t get the magic thing and— Meditation is a big part of maintaining balance for me. In order to wield the magics that I do now I have to maintain a pretty strict meditation schedule. It helps with the magic, it helps with my mental state, it's just all-around a good and I have to do it.”

“Meditation, equals good, got it.” Xander said.

Buffy eyed Xander disapprovingly, “Go on Will.”

“She keeps making snide comments about me not doing anything. She says I’m using it as an excuse— but I have to keep up with the meditation and the exercises the Witches in the Devon Coven gave me if I don’t want to backslide because the temptation is always there and I know— I’m better, I really am but if I don’t keep up with it I run the risk of going right back. She’s never seen me at my worst, she doesn’t know— she doesn't get magic she doesn’t—“ she broke off.

“She doesn’t understand you’re always going to be an addict,” Giles supplied, “one who is doing splendidly, I might add.” He gave her a fatherly smile, “I’m rather proud of the progress you’ve made.”

“You mean she doesn’t want to know. She’s denying a part of you exists that you’ve worked hard to come to terms with and it’s bringing out the worst in her. Gee where have I seen that one?” Spike gave Buffy a sideways glance.

“Riley.” Buffy nods.

Spike’s face soured, “Except Kennedy isn’t content taking her frustrations outside the relationship, she’s taking it out on you ain’t she?”

Willow paused for a moment, “We fight— she’s a Slayer so, you know, strong. I don’t think she meant it the first time and I— I didn’t want Dawn to know we were having problems. I didn’t want anyone to know…” she inhaled and shrugged out of the top she had on over her tank top. She took another deep breath and ran her hands down in front of her, palms facing herself flat like a pantomime. There was a shimmer of air around her and suddenly there were healing bruises visible on her arms and one on her cheek.

“You’ve been using a glamour.” Giles murmured as he placed a hand over his mouth. “Why didn’t you come to us? Any of us?”

“I just— she’s a Slayer, she’s sort of in charge in Rome when Buffy is gone and—“

“Why didn’t you go to one of the other Slayers for help?”

“I wasn’t really sure who I could trust. The girls kinda look up to her. I did sort of try to say something to one of the Slayers Kennedy had gotten a little carried away with during a training session, but she sort of just shrugged it off as slayer stuff and I ended up just backpedaling and I kinda laughed it off.”

“Willow—“ Xander started.

She held up a hand, “Most of the girls like Kennedy. I was just feeling a little… isolated I guess.”

Buffy looked at her confused “Willow, I only went to Paris because you talked me into it. Was this going on then too?”

Willow nodded, “Just a couple of arguments, we’d snipe at each other and then make up and it was fine. It really wasn’t that bad then.”

“So when I called you from LA looking for Buffy—“ Spike started, suddenly feeling guilty for taking Buffy away and not going straight to Rome.

“We were doing alright there for a while, but then…” she paused so long it didn’t seem like she was going to start talking again.

Ruby moved closer to her, “Willow?”

Willow couldn’t bring herself to look at any of them, “I guess I was sort of used to the stupid arguments after a while. I mean she would just start up over nothing and then I started avoiding her. Angel came to visit. She didn’t like that for some reason I still don’t understand unless maybe Angel said something about her getting a little rough with the Slayeretts during training. Then Connor started coming around a little and she started getting a little rough with me… but it still wasn’t— it wasn’t that bad…”

“How long?” Xander asked.

“She grabbed me a few times before but that was it really. We mostly just argued,” she gestured towards her current bruises, “This— this was—“ she turned her eyes towards Xander, “Remember your ‘Dr. Who’ marathon with Andrew?”

“Yeah, you said you were going to come for the third day and then— but I just thought that was because Buffy called about the castle.”

“It’s sort of what set her off. Sort of— I mean I guess it was technically Spike’s call a few days later really, but the same situation. Kennedy thought I was talking to Buffy again—“

Spike looked confused, “When I called? That was mostly business, we just discussed the warding around the castle and started toying with the idea of ensouling Ruby.”

“Yeah, that didn’t really matter. It kind of got me thinking. So when I got off the phone with you I placed an order at the local shop for supplies, they actually had what I needed on hand so that was super easy. Anyway, I started packing just after that and Kennedy, she just— she lost it. I didn’t even have time for a binding spell before— Dawn came in to see what was going on and then— then Kennedy grabbed Dawn’s arm and—“ for a moment Willow felt like she was back there. Packing her suitcase for Scotland in her bedroom when Kennedy came in.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Are you seriously just going to run off to Scotland just because she calls? Are you really such a codependent little bitch that you can’t let her deal with her own problems?”

“That was about the situation at the castle I think I can help out and—”

“What the hell are you going to do that they can’t handle up there? What the hell are you gonna do any better than them?”

“This isn’t just about research. They need a witch.”

“They can find another witch, you're not leaving!” Kennedy had grabbed her upper arms, she spun her around, shaking her violently and threw her down to the bed. Willow hit her open suitcase hard enough she knew she was going to have a bruise on her side.

Slowly she pulled herself back up into a standing position. “Ken— Kennedy, p-please stop! You’re being st-stupid, this is part of my job! I’ll just call the library they will understand, I’ll only be gone for about a week or— or so—“

“I'm not an idiot, I know you have a thing for Buffy!”

“That’s ridiculous. You're being completely paranoid!”

“How dare you talk to me that way!”

“Buffy asked for my help!”

“Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! It’s always all about Buffy! Like the sun shines out of her every orifice!”

“She’s my best friend Kennedy! We’ve been over this! She needs my help!”

“She’s been gone for months and she calls now? How stupid do you think I am?!”

“You don’t understand this isn’t jus—“

Willow had been cut off with a hard backhand to the face. “Shut up! You’re just looking for an excuse to leave me!”

Kennedy’s words might have stung if she had been coherent enough for them to register. The blow was so hard it had knocked her into the nightstand. Willow’s head swam and for a brief moment she wasn’t sure which way was up. But then there was another voice breaking through the fog and Willow pulled herself up instantly unwilling to show weakness.

“Yeah well I think you just gave her a pretty damn good one!” Dawn yelled from the doorway. “I think it’s time for you to leave!”

Kennedy rounded onto Dawn, grabbing her wrist as Dawn attempted a somewhat feeble smack of her own. Kennedy pulled her arm enough to topple Dawn to the ground.

Something about the action was enough to pull Willow out of her shock. She threw her hand out in front of her with an incantation and shoved Kennedy out of the bedroom door, into the hallway and against the wall. Then Willow struggled to get to her feet and help Dawn up. “You absolutely will not hurt her!” she said, standing up to her full height. “Dawn and I are leaving and when we get back you WILL be gone!”

Even in that instance Willow could feel the darkness growing. Using magic in anger, even for just a moment started to ignite forgotten feelings. Delicious feelings of power drowning out weakness. She took a deep breath and shook them off as she watched Kennedy retreat out the apartment door.

Willow collapsed onto the bed taking deep breaths and trying to calm herself. She’d almost lost control and that wasn’t something she could allow to happen. She could hear Dawn locking the front door and walking back towards her in the bedroom. When she looked up, Dawn was in front of her holding her arm where Kennedy had grabbed her, “What was that all about? Are you alright?”

Willow stood up shakily, “I’m fine Dawnie. Are you alright?”

Dawn eyed her dubiously, “What happened?”

“Nothing. Just a fight. I’m fine. I need to go to Scotland—”

“Was there another attack?” Dawn asked worriedly.

“No, Spike called, we were brainstorming how to strengthen the castle’s defenses and what to do with their captive. They need my help and Kennedy—“ Willow choked, she couldn’t say anything else.

Dawn narrowed her eyes, “Why would Kennedy be upset about that?”

“Dawnie, please don’t make a big deal out of this please? I’ll handle it, okay?”

Dawn rubbed her arm, “So what do you want to do?”

“Well first I’m going to finish packing and call Andrew. I’ll take you over there. Then I’m going to take Xander and we’re going to go up to Scotland to help Buffy out.”

“Willow, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Just go pack your things, alright? I can’t do this right now, Dawn.”

Dawn frowned and looked like she wanted to either fight or cry but she left the room with an uncharacteristic lack of drama for which Willow was grateful. It gave her a moment to ground herself. She pulled open the nightstand drawer and eyed the little jar of salve. It would help cut healing time down on the bruises that were coming. That was the real reason she had made it in the first place but she didn’t want to use it. She wanted to keep the bruises this time as a reminder why Kennedy wasn’t going to be getting any more second chances. She tossed it into her suitcase and continued packing, she also knew she didn’t want anyone else to see the bruises too so she decided to cast a now familiar glamor to cover the bruises new and old. Then she finished packing while deciding just what she was going to say to Xander and Buffy. The idea of seeing them, getting away from Rome and seeing her friends, was like a lifeline that she clung to desperately. Her friends would make everything better.

It took Willow a moment to come back to her senses and realize Ruby was absently rubbing her back and shoulder. It took her another moment to realize that she had apparently been telling the story out loud to the group and Willow choked as the words caught in her throat.

“She hurt you, she hurt my sister, you felt yourself going dark again and you didn’t think you could tell us?” Buffy’s voice came out hard and cold. Much more than she intended. Spike squeezed her closer to him. Let the girl talk, Pet. There will be time for our anger later.

Willow’s eyes shot up, “Buffy I’m— I thought I could handle it. I thought I—“

And suddenly Buffy understood, “You thought you deserved it…”

Willow let out a sob and buried her face in her hands. Ruby drew her closer to her. Her face was a mixture of concern and bewilderment. As much as they had talked over the last few days they hadn’t had much time to talk about Willow’s personal life and they had both been making it a point to avoid the subject of her current relationship. It suddenly hit her just how right Spike had been when he asked her to take things slowly with Willow. They were going to have to have a serious talk later. She pulled Willow against her a little more, stroking her hair. The desire to care for her and protect her was growing stronger by the second.

Buffy slipped off the couch sinking to her knees to hug Willow, “Look at me. We’ve all done horrible things. You do not deserve to be treated like this. No one does. Not me, not Spike, and not you. Do you hear me?”

Willow dissolved into fresh sobs as Xander rushed over to the other side of Willow.

Spike and Giles looked on for another moment until Willow settled her breathing. Buffy looked up at her friend, “We’re going to get you through this and we’re going to get you and Dawn up here safe and sound.”

“What about Kennedy?” Willow choked.

“I’ve been getting a few rather disturbing reports from the Australian Outback I think she would be particularly well suited to handle,” Giles said with an edge of steel in his soft tone. He got up from his seat fumbling with his crutches, “In fact I think I have some phone calls to make. Please excuse me.”

Giles gave Willow one last fatherly smile, “I will be in my suite with my contacts list if you need me.”

Xander patted Willow on the shoulder, “I’ll see if I can help move things along.”

“Thanks guys,” Willow choked out.

Spike watched the two men go and stood suddenly, not giving a damn about his leg, “Tea?”

Buffy arched an eyebrow at him and turned back towards Willow, “What do you think Will? Tea?”

She nodded weakly, “Yeah, tea sounds good. Thanks.”

“Be but a moment.” The truth was that he just needed to do something. Anything. What he wanted to do was rip out Kennedy’s throat and make her his third Slayer. He was angry enough to do it, soul or not. Buffy’s friend; his friend was in pain and fetching tea was something he could do for her. He’d annihilate a sparring dummy later. He went into the kitchen, leaving the three women in the living room.

Buffy gave Willow one last squeeze before rocking back on her heels and resuming her seat on the other couch. “Willow, have you talked to Kennedy since you’ve been here?”

She shook her head, “No. I’ve kinda been trying not to think about her…” She fingered the bruises around her arms lightly. Five blotched circles for each finger Kennedy had wrapped around her arm. Other bruises, in other places, were fading but still visible, including a nasty one on her chest just below her collarbone.

“Guess we have a lot to talk about too, huh?” Ruby asked quietly eyeing the marks on her pale skin.

Willow turned watery eyes towards her, “You sure you even want too?”

“You’re barmy if you think I’m going away that easy. If you can put up with a murdering-blood-sucking-mental-case I’m pretty sure I can figure out how to deal with whatever you got rolling around.”

“Yeah I kinda get the murdering part better than I like to admit.”

“You didn’t loose control and kill your want’a be girlfriend too did you?”

“No, I magically skinned the man who murdered my girlfriend and then I tried to destroy the world.”

“You did save my life before that though,” Buffy chimed in trying to remind Willow of the good she had done as well. As horrible as things were at that time, as awful as everything had been, Willow still had the presence of mind to save Buffy‘s life even when she already knew she couldn’t save Tara.

“Wow I— Okay, the mega witch thing is starting to make sense. Is it weird that I’m kinda turned on by that? That’s probably the demon part of me talking huh?” Ruby looked at her quizzically then cracked a smile.

“Yeah, probably,” Willow chuckled lamely.

“At least I got a grin out of you, that’s something. I can live with being weird,” she shrugged with a grin, “Sort of feels good to know you got a dark side too. Do you think some of that meditation stuff would work for me? You could teach me.”

That made Willow sit up a little straighter, “You’d really do that?”

“Course, if it helps keep us both in check, why wouldn’t I?”

Buffy shifted her gaze between the two women. Ruby still had her arms wrapped protectively around Willow and Willow had found one of Ruby’s hands entwining their fingers. Ruby released the hand around Willow’s waist in order to move a few stray hairs from in front of Willow’s eyes revealing a faded bruise near the outer edge of her left eye. She fingered it lightly, “That bitch doesn’t deserve you,” Ruby whispered.

“That’s what I’ve been saying from day one,” Spike said loudly as he brought tea in for Willow and Ruby.

Ruby quickly but gently extracted herself from Willow to take them from him and handed one to Willow. “A nice cup’a for you.”

“Thanks,” she murmured.

“Think nothing of it.”

“Where’s mine?” Buffy pouted playfully.

“Kitchen, didn’t want to risk spilling. I want to get some blood too.”

“I’ll come with you. Willow, are you alright if I go?”

Willow glanced at Buffy and back to Ruby, “Do you mind staying with me?”

“Wasn’t planning on going anywhere until sundown anyway,” Ruby smirked.

Spike held out a hand towards Buffy, “Think they’ll be just fine, Pet.”

A shot of electricity ran through Buffy’s hand along with barely contained rage that nearly edged out her own feelings towards Kennedy as she took Spike’s hand. Their eyes locked, “Spike?” She asked as she let herself be drawn up and out of the living room.

“Don’t want your tea getting cold do we?” Outwardly his tone was light, but through their link he was seething.

That trip Giles has planned for Kennedy had better be the one way kind.

It’s a permanent post and I doubt it’s a super happy one judging by the way he talks about it. I guess they are having trouble with some nasty called a yara-mara-who-who.

Spike cracked a genuine smile as they entered the kitchen, “You mean a yara-ma-yha-who?” he asked aloud.

“Oh humm yeah, that’s it.”

“Bloody brilliant,” he said, handing her a cup of tea and turning to prepare himself a mug of blood.

Buffy hopped up onto the counter between the sink in the microwave, “You know these things?”

“Enough to say I’m glad he’s not sending us, Love, nasty little blighters. Australia is full of that sort a thing. Even if the yara-ma-yha-who don’t get her, there’s a good chance something else will.”

Buffy frowned, “I don’t know, as angry as I am at Kennedy….”

“Oh come on, Buffy, it’s not like it’s a death sentence. Place started out as a penal colony and those folks survived just fine. I imagine Giles thinks it’s a bit of poetic justice in a way. As nasty as these things are, they normally leave their prey alive,” he shrugged a shoulder, “Well I say usually— 50-50. Point is that it’s not exactly a death trap. I mean if you exclude all the supernatural nasties that go bump in the night, even the regular creepy crawlies are pretty dangerous. Given the bitch happens to be a Slayer I’d say she actually has a fair chance really.” He huffed.

“But who’s to say we don’t deserve that too?”

Spike narrowed his eyes at her realizing where her mind was. Their initial relationship really was a train wreck and it had hurt them both on many levels. “Well for starters ours was a mutually screwed up relationship. We beat the hell out of each other didn’t we? And not just physically, Pet.”

“Well yeah, pretty much what made it so sick and twisted.”

Spike shrugged and took a sip of blood, leaning against the counter on the other side of the microwave, “Could have stopped you if I wanted.”

“Doubt it. And you’re seriously not making me feel any better about this.”

“Far as I’m concerned that wasn’t even close to what Kennedy is doing to Willow. You and I�� I’m not saying it was right, far from it, but we had something of an understanding. We started out trying to kill one and other, not really your typical meet-cute now is it?”

“No, I guess not.” She sighed, thinking about all the times they had tried to kill each other. Her mother standing over Spike with an ax, Sike taunting her about Angel, and even the time she beat the crap out of Spike when he wouldn’t let her turn herself in when she thought she had killed Warren’s ex-girlfriend.

Spike’s voice sounded through their link and she realized that she must’ve been projecting towards him. That was a different time, Love, and you know it. We are both different people now. “There are much worse punishments than being sent to Australia, Pet. Point of fact, plenty of folks live there happily and by choice I might add. She’ll be fine, and if some beastie gets her then ‘Que sera’. Lot better than the bitch deserves if you ask me. Not all that different from sending any of the girls to their new posts really.”

Buffy shrugged and hopped off of the counter, “I guess you have a point.” She strode closer to him. I’m going to do a sweep of the castle and call Dawn. I expect to see you upstairs later.”

“I’m a might curious about how the bit is doing myself. You talk to her since Red got here?”

“Yeah, sure I have, she didn’t say anything about Willow.”

“Yeah well the witch has certainly put on a convincing ‘nothing to see here’ show.”

“I still can’t believe I didn’t see it.”

“Didn’t want you to see it. Ashamed I suspect.”

“It’s just scary how good she was at hiding it.”

“You know how you were when we were together before, you would have staked me to keep your friends from finding out about us. Is it really all that surprising?”

She looked down at the floor, “This isn’t the same thing.”

“She’s just been putting up the emotional smokescreen a bit thicker than you did. Hell of an actress it turns out.”

“No kidding… I think that’s what bothers me so much.” She wrapped her arms around him loosely and they stood there in silence for several minutes while Spike sipped his blood.

“How’s the leg?” Buffy finally murmured against his chest.

“Walking better tonight aren’t I?”

“You’re still taking the elevator back upstairs.”

“Of course, promised my lady I’d take care of myself.”

Buffy made a happy little hum as she pressed into him closer, “Maybe you deserve a reward.”

He set down his mug with a grin, allowing Buffy to lean in for a kiss and moaned when she pulled away a little too soon. “You’re a tease, Slayer.”

“Just a little something for you to think about. I’ll see you upstairs, give me about an hour?”

“As you wish,” he drawled.

Buffy pinched the bridge of her nose, as she held her phone to her ear.

“Hello?”

“Oh thank god, Dawnie,” her breath came out a little too relieved.

“Buffy? What’s wrong?”

“I— I just talked to Willow and— Dawn… did you know? I mean Will says that you didn’t know. She said that she’s been hiding it from you, but did you know about what Kennedy was doing to Willow?”

“I knew about the night she brought me over to Andrew and Vi’s. I mean I sort of freaked out on her when she smacked Willow and she just grabbed my arm. The bruise is already gone thanks to Willow’s stinky salve. I’m fine. What’s been going on with Willow? Is she going all scary again?”

“No, it’s not that. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m still at Andrew and Vi’s place. It’s been all school and studying and movie nights with ice cream. I haven’t seen Kennedy at all.”

“Okay, that’s great. But why didn’t you say anything about it?”

“Will was super freaked and she just wanted to get up to the castle ASAP, and then I guess I was just afraid you’d freak out. This whole thing has just been kinda crazy. I just didn’t want to make it worse. I remember when Will broke my arm and this whole thing was a bit too much like a bad re-run.”

“This isn’t the same thing, Dawn. It’s kinda the opposite of what was going on with Tara…”

“Is Willow really okay?”

“She’s safe here and we’re keeping an eye on her. Do you know if Kennedy has moved out yet?”

“I went back the other day with Vi, Kennedy wasn’t there and it looked like most of her stuff was gone but not all of it so I just grabbed some more clothes and came back with Vi.”

“Alright, I guess that’s good news…”

“Buffy? Is everything alright?”

“I— I should have been there. You are my responsibility Dawn. Not Willow, not Vi, not Andrew. Me.”

“Just stop. First of all, you’re not just on a sex romp with your boyfriend, you are actually working. Like paying the bills and everything. Second, I’m the one who told you you should go up to the castle with Spike. Third, I’ll be 18 next month, Buffy, I’m not really a little kid.”

“I swear Spike just had this conversation with Ruby.”

“That’s the new vamp Willow got the orb for right?”

“Yeah. Humm… Dawnie, listen. There are a few things I was waiting to talk to you about but things keep coming up and the timing has just been really off and it looks like we might be taking another detour before we start heading back down to Rome and—“

“You’re thinking about moving up there permanently aren’t you?”

“I— how did you know?”

“It’s not hard to figure out. I know Italian isn’t your thing, Buff. You barely go out unless you have someone with you that speaks the language and I know how much you like being up there close to Giles… it’s sort of logical.”

“When did you get all insightfully?”

Buffy could almost hear her shrug over the phone, “I dunno. So…should I be looking into transferring my credits? I’m sure it’s too late to enroll for the fall semester, how soon do you want to do this? Would we be staying in the castle or are you already house hunting? What about Willow and Xander?”

“Wohh, slow down. We sort of already have a place in the works for all of us.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I— I kinda thought we would have already made it back down to you by now and I could show you pictures or something. I don’t want to mess with school, I mean, if you didn’t want to move up here at all I would understand and you could stay with Andrew and Vi, but I—“

“Do I get my own room?”

“A big one with double closets and your own private bathroom.”

“Are we talking shower only or is there a tub?”

“Both. Nice big tub.”

“Rent or own?”

“Own.”

“Spike is on board?”

“Totally.”

“And I get to make all the decorating decisions in my room?”

“If you want to, yeah, absolutely!”

“Sold!”

“Are you sure?”

“Totally!”

Buffy couldn’t help a laugh as relief washed through her. “Cool, you start getting things ironed out with school, I’ll see what I can do on this end. I was sort of hoping to get into our new place before Christmas so you can start the spring semester up here but I don’t know how realistic that is.”

“Sounds more realistic than trying to get into the fall semester now. We’ll figure it out, Buff. How is Willow anyway?”

“Pretty rough. We still have a lot to talk about.”

[folksy]

regarding spin the bottle and tabula rasa. a read more because it has another person’s post

this was the post I was talking about in my tags. which seeing the post made me watch the two episodes and I feel this really takes their reactions out of context. in spike’s case, the characters forget who they are. they have no clue what their names are or what they do or anything. however they do maintain aspects of their personality (buffy’s natural protection towards dawn before coming to the conclusion they’re sisters, anya’s bluntness, willow and tara’s attraction to each other). in the angel episode, they clearly revert to younger versions of themselves before they met each other, thus they obviously have very different personalities with angel’s being his human self before becoming a vampire. furthermore, the circumstances of their surroundings and situation are also different. buffy and spike are trying to cause a diversion but fight back, where spike finds out he’s a vampire. angel finds out he’s a vampire after the group has come to the conclusion they’re doing a test that involves slaying a vampire- and he must be the vampire they’re slaying! of course he’s going to have a different reaction when they’re all ganging up on him not knowing what’s going on and that he’s a vampire. the humor of these episodes (haha the buffy characters don’t remember who they are versus oh here’s versions of the angel characters who have never met and some aren’t even aware of the supernatural and here’s a guy from 200 years ago in the past who doesn’t have his Irish accent despite being Irish) and what they’re doing for their respective plot lines are different as well (setting spike and buffy up versus providing a mirror between angel and connor regarding their father issues). I think it’s important to note that spike literally just describes angel and it’s an obvious reference to angel’s show when he comes to the conclusion he’s a good vampire which gives this whole sense of irony given how much spike has harped on angel for possessing these traits and is a tongue in cheek way of addressing spike’s role in buffy versus angel (and again- the irony with buffy saying that’s lame while literally being in love with angel earlier in the show). idk I know it’s no big deal and a silly post from last year but things like this where you just take things out of context and pit them together when they’re not even truly comparable bothers me especially when it’s used to prop spike up lol both in their soulless forms spike was known as the one who jumped headfirst into violence because he liked the thrill of it as opposed to angelus who liked the art of it and preferred to strategize attacks and draw them out for psychological torture as well. this is a pretty big part of both their characterizations

[sorryforbeingcrazy]

Buffy and Spike deserved more...talking.

I´ve been marinating this in my brain for a couple of days, so here I go.

I really liked the relationship between Buffy and Spike. And I´m not only focusing on the “romance” part, but in general. I loved their transition from enemies to allies to....friends? I just enjoyed how when it came to serious threats, they always looked  and relied on one another for help.

That´s why one of the things that disappointed me the most about the last season was the fact that they never really talked about how wrong they did to each other on season 6.

Season 6 is a very very dark season, for all of the characters: Willow´s addiction to magic and the effects it has on Tara, Xander´s fears that end up leaving Anya on the altar, Giles feeling that he is useless...But who really takes the trophy home in this one, is Buffy. I don´t even know how to start.

From the moment she is brought back to life, she suffers. We were expecting her comeback to be a happy moment, filled with tears of joy, laughter and hugs. Instead, she wakes up in her grave, has to dig herself out and then she walks around a Sunnydale on fire and full of demons. Can you imagine the shock? Only the crawling up from the grave should be enough to send someone to therapy for the rest of their lives. The mere thought of waking up in a coffin, six-feet undergroundnd makes me anxious...But let´s keep going.

She is back. She is traumatized and shocked beyond belief and at home with Dawn (after reliving everything that happened before she died). She is quiet, trying to process everything while Dawn is constantly talking to her about how things are and asking if she is ok. Her hands still wrecked from the diggin. And suddenly, she is face to face with Spike. (This is a sidenote related to the actors. I cannot give enough credit to James Marsters portrayal of Spike in general. But in this scene...man, 12/10, flawless). He looks at her in disbelief. And despite the fact that he was happier than ever that she was alive again, he does not try to touch her or approach her, and the moment he sees her hands he acknowledges what she has been through. So he just tell her that they are going to take care of her, and sends Dawn away to fetch stuff to clean her wounds. And they are alone in the living room. He does not overwhelm her with questions or hugs or anything. He just stares at her, giving her time to put her thoughts in order.

It may look like a trivial scene but I´m not kidding when I tell you that, for me, this is the most important scene of the whole season. And it is because it defines how the dynamic between Buffy and Spike, and Buffy and her friends is going to be.

When Spike is holding her wounded hands, letting her ask questions, just staring at each other, there´s silence. Peace. Calm. It´s the first moment since she is back that she is at ease. But the moment her friends burst through the door, is chaos. Noise, questions, worry, light, people...And this is why this scene is so important. During the rest of the season, the reason why Buffy goes away looking for Spike is because she wants that peace and quiet. She wants the calmness she gets around him, when she does not have to worry about being fine and happy in front of her friends. She can take her mask off when she is in front of Spike. That´s why she tells him that she was in a good place. That´s why he turns into her confident.

And for sometime, it works. Whenever she feels like she can´t take it anymore she goes to spend sometime with Spike. The problem is that her life gets harder and harder: financial problems, Giles leaves, Willow´s addiction, her relationship with Dawn. Her struggle becomes unbearable to the point were Spike is the only safe constant in her life. The only person she can rely on. And of course, mixing this with Spike´s feelings and their “tension”, their relationship turns physical. Very physical. And here is when Buffy starts using, quite wrongly, Spike.

The first time could be a slip, but not the rest. She may not have been aware at the beginning, but deep inside she knew what she was doing. She knew that Spike had strong feelings for her. She knew that he would never deny her and even if he did (that he actually does a couple of times) he wouldn´t last long. So she takes advantage of him and his feelings.

Someone, blind as a fucking bat, could say “Spike wasn´t minding it. He was enjoying the sex with Buffy. It´s what he wanted.” Fuck, no. He spents the whole season wanting to talk to her about their relationship. To discuss what is going on between them. If you are in it just for the sex, you don´t care to ask questions. You just don´t care. You just take what you came for and then you leave. The way Buffy does. And this bothers him. It bothers him that the moment they are finished she runs away. It hurts him. More than once he calls her out by the fact that whenever they are not “in bed”, she is constantly yelling at him and insulting him and his feelings, and yet, she always comes back to him.

Now, for those who think that Spike was fine with this I want you to imagine for a second, that you are in his shoes. As a human being, and not caring about genders. Imagine you loved someone, beyond reason (i´m not even going to throw in the fact that he saw her die even though i could). And because you care about this person, you spent time with them because they are in a bad place mentally. And that person enjoys your company. And starts spending more time with you. And one day, you kiss. Once. Twice. Then, you sleep together. Once. Twice. And god knows how many more times. You could think “If they like to spend time with me, tell me things they do not to their friends, kiss me and even sleep with me, they must feel something, right?” It´s a fair assumption. But instead, this person is constantly telling you how disgusted they feel with themselves for being with you physically, to the point were they keep what you have in absolute secret from their friends, and they run from you everytime you sleep together.

Fucking. Imagine.

Evil or not. Souless or not. That fucks you up my friends.

What leads us to the horrifying events of Seeing Red. You won´t see me coming any close to justify what Spike tries to do to Buffy. There´s no excuse in the world that clears you from that one. But I do see where it comes from. And it´s not just because Spike is evil. That´s a lame excuse of an argument. That scene, is the representation of Spike hitting rock bottom. He wants what he had with Buffy back. Even if it was only physical, it was at least something. And so, he is desperate...and well....we all know what happens. I swear to you, that scene creeped me out so fucking much.

That´s why it angers me how they did not approach these subjects on season 7. They both did terrible things to each other. They should have talked about it in depth. And even though I´m quite satisfied how they ended up acknowledging each other in ways any of the other characters do, I cannot hide my displeasure about that missing conversation. They needed more closure for what happened on season 6.

Good lord. This really turned out long.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[amywritesthings]

fic writer interview.

found this in the tags while I was browsing & thought it could be a fun way to end 2022! i am not tagging anyone, but if you'd like to fill it out, then feel free to copy + paste it to a new post!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Eleven, soon to be twelve!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

113,915

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Marvel (The Avengers, Moon Knight), Star Wars (The Mandalorian, Andor), The Last of Us, The Bubble, and Stranger Things

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Point A to Point B (493)

Where Shadows Meet Spaces (356)

Meet Me at the Usual (277)

A First for Breathing (226)

Meet Me On the Other Side (118)

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Every single one, no matter how long or how short! Reblogs on tumblr and replies/comments under the posts are literally my life source to keep me going through the day. I try to make sure I don't miss a single response if I can help it.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It isn't finished yet, but I have the finale outlined for Famous Last Words as I only have two more parts to go. (That I intend to finish some day I promise!) Same Old Mistakes will have the angstiest ending out of all of my fics.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I do not. I totally could one day, though. Just has to have the right mood.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No! Luckily I am fortunate enough to say that I have been given only constructive criticism to my fics, which is not equivalent to hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I actually really get nervous about writing smut. Like it'll take me eons to write smut chapters versus normal chapters because they're the pieces of writing I'm most self conscious about. (Even if... nearly all of my works constitute as smut-based fics.) I primarily write f/m smut just because... well, it just happens that way? And I write smut for me, so I don't primarily write things that I don't find hot. Because fic-writing it's about self-indulging, baybeeee.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No! Not that I am aware of, anyway. Hopefully not, because stealing fics is lame.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of, no.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I'm actually more well-versed in roleplay writing than I am with fanfics, so I want to say... yes? Because I've written collaborative stories with friends that I've just never published to the public, but it's a long-winded way of say yes and also no.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I don't know if I have one? I write mainly reader insert because I would be writing original character x canon fic, but they don't typically sell well, so I adopted 2nd person writing to get with the times.

In terms of readership, I loved Buffy/Spike from BtVS as a kid, Garrus x Sheppard from Mass Effect 3, Zutara from ATLA, Jack & Elizabeth from POTC, Obidala, Dramione, Reylo... I'm typically a big proponent of enemies to lovers, if that hasn't been obvious yet, lol.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I have a Succession fanfiction that is extremely dark and 'dead dove don't eat' territory that I've had sitting in my google docs for over a year now. I think it's some of my best writing, but I know that it's extremely taboo and very much not safe for work, so I struggle with posting it despite how I go back to read it all the time lol. I write a really good Kendall Roy, guys!

15. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue. I went to school and have a degree in pre-production motion picture and television writing, so screenwriting is my niche little hobby that I wanted to turn into a career and never did. That being said, I think that I can really pick up on dialect of characters and actors very well in order to translate them into original pieces / fanfiction, so I think most of my strengths lie within my verbal writing.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. I absolutely loathe writing long paragraphs and descriptors and tend to gloss over when others write very long paragraph writing. My attention span just cannot handle non-quippy and whippy writing, and that goes for myself as well. I'd rather just write the dialogue and the drama going on between interpersonal relationships, and tend to struggle with setting up locations and atmospheres in a broader, descriptive sense vs. abstract.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't do it because I would have to use Google Translator and that's a total gamble, but I admire those who can and do fluently. I can read Spanish, but I cannot write it. The closest we get is me writing Din speaking in Mando'a and quite honestly I do not know if those translations are even real / up to Wookiepedia code lol.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Y'all are going to lose. your. shit over this.

Jimmy Neutron. I was nine years old. A 12-part story I still say is my best work 😂

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Point A to Point B will likely be my favorite. I have put so much of my heart and soul in that storytelling and world crafting that I'd be remiss to suggest anything else.

[annyankers]

i’m increasingly obsessed with the idea of billy and buffy being step siblings. like taking the eh episode that is ted and taking what is was supposed to be talking about (your parent getting involved with an abuser and no one believes you until it’s too late) and have it be neil. have the hargoves move in (+max shh it’s the law you can’t break up the billy-max siblingship) and it be so fucking tense between the summers girls and especially billy. max they warm up to fine, billy is another story.

billy and buffy not liking each other at all and her being so annoyed that he’s Like That and them constantly fighting. all while neil is being even controlling and shit to her and dawn now that he’s got more control. buffy getting chewed out by neil over her bad grade and yeah her dad sucks but at least he’s not neil. billy just being like “welcome to fucking family” when she complains.

they convert the basement into a room for Billy and his weights and the house they use for filming btvs has 4 bedrooms irl so the girls all get rooms upstairs.

then buffy comes home one day and billy’s on the floor very obviously just beaten up and max is ghost white and dawn is crying and there’s a bruise on her mother’s cheek and she’s just. standing there. blown away.

she’s the slayer. she protects people. she should be able to stop anything. but this is happening in her home and she’s helpless against it. because she’s not supposed to hurt humans right? but then how can she not when this is what’s happening? how can she not take on neil to protect her family. so the next time neil starts shit she steps in and when he tries to hit her she just goes off like in ted and accidentally kills him. buffy fully losing herself over it while billy comes over and comforts her because frankly he’s glad neil’s gone. for the first time in his life he feels like he can breathe.

joyce officially having custody of the hargrove kids and everyone just being miles happier. billy and buffy becoming friends and real siblings and stuff. billy comforting her and protecting her when angelus shit happens. billy and eddie becoming super close friends (bc this is ofc the au where eddie replaces xander in the plot). billy getting his camaro and the whole family has a little party for him.

s3 rolls around and billy gets possessed as part of the mayor’s ploys to get buffy of his back while he gets ready for the ascension and it’s all a metaphor for the cycles of abuse and the behaviors learned from abusers and he’s saved with love and compassion and doesn’t die. billy and faith having some kinda something going. another weird mirror-foil-shadow self thing going on there lol.

buffy and dawn acting like billy’s so ugh lame and gross while also bragging about how cool he is and yeah, he’s got a camaro.

dawn and max being an unholy goblin duo from day 1 committing all sorts of crimes against nature. just unimaginable amount of hijinks. max asking buffy to teach her some cool fighting moves. dawn following billy around like a puppy because he’s sooooo cooooolllll and she’s all excited to have a cool older brother and he goes with it bc it’s an ego boost. billy standing up for buffy during dead man’s party bc he Gets It.

Billy stepping up as a caretaker in s5 and handling the household shit after joyce dies because he knows buffy can’t handle it and slaying all at once. and like he loved joyce sure and he’s broken up but it’s different for him and he can handle this side of things easier bc of that. Billy, Spike and Eddie all hanging out and smoking and listening to metal and punk and talking n shit.

like as you can see............ I’M THINKING THOUGHTS.

[we-pay-for-everything]

What are your thoughts about Buffy's cookie dough speech to Angel in Season 7?

I've written about this before: x, x. But, tbh, I don't know what I said there, so I'll give you answer straight from the heart.

As a Bangel shipper, I don't like it.

As an Angel fan, I don't like it.

As a Buffy fan, I don't like it.

The cookie dough moment is supposed to be our farewell to Bangel doubling as an important Buffy character moment, but it is clearly more of a Buffy moment than a Bangel moment. Because of the whole Spuffy situation, plus Angel having his own show, their reunion was never going to be anything special. For all of us still holding out hope for Bangel endgame, the writers gave us a vague, yet hopeful(ish), "Maybe". Would Buffy and Angel ever realistically end up together? Not unless Angel turned human. Would that realistically happen in Buffy's lifetime? No. So the moment doesn't mean much to me.

To be honest, the cookie dough speech is so half-assed. It's the kind of speech only female characters make. You never see dudes talk about finding themselves outside of a relationship (although they should, because people often throw themselves into relationships to avoid facing themselves). Of course, it's generally women who are defined by their relationships and encouraged to find the man of their dreams, but I find it pretty lame when a woman ends up alone just because she's a woman and an independent woman can't be with someone. Buffy's problem had never been that she couldn't be herself or find herself in a relationship - though I'm not disagreeing there are times when being single is the best thing for you - it had been that she thought being "normal" meant dating, and, instead of loving herself for who she was, she liked to pretend she wasn't a slayer through dating (as much as she could, when she dated vampires and vampire hunters). You'd think that Buffy realizing this would make me happy, but I don't think her speech hit the mark. She can't be with Angel because she needs to find herself? Really, is that why? Or is it because he was dead and she was alive? Her speech implied that, was she ever done baking, they'd be together, but we all know what's not true. And does Buffy genuinely think anyone is ever done baking? People are always growing and changing. Are married couples supposed to get a divorce and go soul searching when one of them has a middle age crisis?

The cookie dough speech is clearly about Buffy, but it misses the mark and is much too late. Even in season 7 she tried to date Principal Wood after the fiasco with Spike. Does it seem like Buffy had let go of the notion of needing a man to be normal? It's more like the moment she stopped trying to be normal, because she was completely burned out, is when she decided to be alone. Although her words are hopeful - she wants to explore herself and looks forward to her future - she sounds dead tired. It's like she's saying both "I'm too exhausted to date. I've nothing left to give, not until I have some time to myself." as well as "I can't maintain the illusion of normalcy anymore", but the writers wanted to make a feminist statement, so they expressed it as Buffy wanting to be herself away from a man. I wish she had realized she doesn't need to date to be normal, because she is normal and valid the way she is, but that's just not what I get from the speech. As much as I hate stories about women finding "the one" or some shit like that, I'm equally tired of everyone thinking a woman ending alone is some grand feminist statement. That just goes to show that people don't actually know what feminism is. Women wanting to be independent usually means financial independence and not putting themselves second for a man - like men are never encouraged to marry rich or to change themselves for a woman. Being independent is not the same as being single, because we all need someone (be if friends, family, or partners).

So yeah, I think Buffy's speech is kind of nonsense and pseudo-feminist (it was written by Whedon, so what else would you expect). Buffy's character arc was shit. Season 7 was shit. Buffy looked more like a zombie than a person in most episodes. It's like Whedon tried to wrap up her arc nicely in the last episode, and obviously failed, because there was no arc to speak of - there wasn't even a Buffy anymore, she had practically become a different character.

Lastly, I'll tell you why I don't like the speech as an Angel fan. The dude had just lost a child (in many ways), and Cordelia was in a coma. You can argue he was feeling nostalgic when he asked Buffy about their future, I don't mind that part. After losing so much, he wanted some hope. It's also not that I believe he wasn't himself in that scene, but it just feels so shallow. I wish Angel had told Buffy everything. I wish the moment had been a little bit about Angel as well. When Angel is on Buffy's show, it's all about Buffy - this sounds stupid because it is all about Buffy on BtVS, and it feels like I'm saying Angel is a man so he shouldn't be all about a woman, which is so sexist. But I still wanted Buffy to give Angel a hug and words of comfort. I wanted them to really connect for a moment, to acknowledge how far they'd come, and how similar they still were. I think that's what Angel and Bangel deserved. After everything they went through and all that stood between them, maybe it was impossible to be happy with their ending, but I still hoped for more.

Thanks for the ask! Sorry for this mess. My English is pretty bad these days (by my standards). I'm so awkward and long-winded, and not terribly coherent either. Sorry!

[chasingfictions]

this my grave or yours?

rated: T | words: ~44k | relationships: Faith & Spike | Faith & Dawn | Faith/Buffy in a longing grief way | Spike/Buffy in a longing grief way | Spike & Dawn

In which there’s only one Slayer left standing, but someone still has to guard the fucking Hellmouth. Also, in which Anya enforces mandatory fun, Spike’s best friend is Dawn and everyone agrees that’s really lame of him, and Giles wants to be invited to build-a-bear. But, mostly, in which it all just hurts. All the time.

Faith kept thinking, when they buried Buffy, would Faith wake up with dirt in her mouth?

—

Part v of don’t know how to stick around, but i wanna <3, an alternate universe where, instead of seeking redemption by going to jail, Faith joins the Fang Gang. And also in which she's a lesbian. | read on AO3 <3

hi!! this series sure has been me rewriting ats against my better will but for a great n terrible n beautiful moment it gets to be me writing btvs s5-s6 interlude my beloved <333333 a fic about haunting <333 a fic about how i love dawn <333 a fic about how i missed writing spike <333 a fic about how grief is messy and so is faith lehane <33

[gallavictorious]

The BTVS reference in the role playing fic got me thinking - what would Ian and Mickey’s thoughts be, if they binge watched Buffy together?

Okay, okay, okay, it's been a hot minute, but in honour of Halloween, let's do this!

To be perfectly honest, I think Ian and Mickey's unfortunate lack of taste when it comes to entertainment would keep them from watching the glory that is BTVS, but let's say that they did...

Mickey would probably find Riley's upstanding Iowa corn boy citizen deal pretty damned lame, but he'd still be a little bit into that, 'cause Riley is a beefcake and we know Mickey's got a thing. Besides, the military vibe has him slightly nostalgic for the stupid ROTC enthusiast he once fell in love with.

Obviously Mickey doesn't at all get Buffy's obsession with doing the right thing and risking her life to save the world again and again, but she's tough and into weapons and not averse to a little fighting as foreplay, so she's okay in his book. Faith now... Mickey initially likes Faith a lot because why wouldn't you use your powers to do whatever the hell you want? This chick gets it! But then she has that whole redemption arc and Mickey isn't a fan, of the arc or of how Ian keeps throwing him these meaningful looks throughout it.

Mickey also doesn't care for Giles, who is suspiciously English and way too fond of books, but we'll forgive Mickey this because he was raised by a pack of Nazi wolves and doesn't know any better. He might feel some grudging respect when Giles pulls out his inner Ripper, but I have this ide that he have a very hard time forgiving the times when Giles goes behind Buffy's back, even when it's supposedly for Buffy's own good. At the end of the day, Giles is an authority figure and Mickey don't hold with that kind.

Spike is suspiciously English too but he has this whole hedonist bad boy attitude that Mickey really vibes with – not to mention how he's prepared to do exactly everything for the person he loves. However, Spike's one-sided obsession with Buffy makes him a bit uncomfortable (reminds him, perhaps, of the times when it – however erroneously! – seemed as if he cared more for Ian than Ian cared for him) and while he supports them getting together (c'mon, it's fight/fuck at it's finest and you know he just can't stop grinning at Ian while that building falls down around them in season 6) the attempted assault pisses him off because you don't hit women and because it makes him think of Mandy and all the guys who treated her like shit.

On the one hand Cordelia annoying reminds Mickey of a bunch of condescending West Side women he'd rather not be reminded of, but on the other hand she's pretty funny, always speaks her mind and takes no shit, and he can respect that. She also have strong opinions on fashion, and he respects that too.

Finally, Mickey is delighted by being able to add Wolf boy and Miss Rosenberg to his endless cavalcade of red hair-inspired nicknames for Ian. Ian is not impressed.

Ian probably admires Buffy and Riley – people working hard and doing their duty and having something to show for it! He's probably a little bit envious, too, even though he's not too keen to admit it. (I figure they eventually have a conversation about it, Ian letting slip that it seems kinda nice, having that sort of purpose, being chosenfor something, special, and Mickey gives him and incredulous stare and scoffs and asks what the hell is so great about being chosen to fucking almost die so a bunch of ungrateful fucks who don't even know you get to live another day? and Ian just hums andthen Mickey catches on and he makes a face and some quip about how hard is it being special if you're fucking born to it, of course she saved the world a lot, she had a nice home and a mum who took care of her and she never had to steal to put fucking food on the table, and she was given goddamn super powers, never had to fight for that shit, and I'm telling you, being born without one single thing going for you and still makig something of yourself, now that's fucking special and Ian smiles a little because he knows Mickey doesn't really get his strive to Achieve Things but still cares enough to give a little gruff peptalk and that's sweet.)

I have a sneaking suspicion that Ian favours Bangel over Spuffy, but doesn't talk too much about it because he knows that Mickey will mock him for it. Ian thinks Spike is a bit of an idiot, really, but it's complicated, because he also strongly reminds Ian of his idiot at times, so... yeah. It's complicated.

When Mickey first starts comparing Ian to Willow Ian just rolls his eyes because he knows it's just because of the red hair, but... as much as Ian would like to identify with Buffy, there's something about Willow living a little in Buffy's shadow and being industrious and wanting to play by the rules (until she doesn't) that feels a touch too familiar. Watching her grow into her power is kind of empowering. Then she's gay (What did I fucking tell you, bitch, you're basically the same person – What? Because she's gay? You're gay too! – Yeah, but it's not the same.) aaaaand then she loses her mind a bit and ends up doing a bunch of really stupid stuff and that shit's actually far too familiar. (Mickey might think so too, sneaking worried glances at Ian, and when he sees Ian's set jaw he tries to argue that Willow's really more like Lip anyway, a genius who fucks up because they get addicted to shit.)

Neither of them are particularly fond of Xander. Mickey loudly criticizes The Trio for being Bad at Crime. The Body fucks Ian up a little, as does watching Dawn take a knife to her arms.

Aahahhaa, this got long! And these are just a few scattered thought, not a full analysis. ;o It's what I've got though – hope it answers your question, dear! This was such a fun ask! Feel free to add on (or come with alternative interpretations!).