#all of this because i realised it was a certain dumbass reblogging everything

[drawingofevanbeingsalty]

I DO NOT KNOW WHY IM TELLING TUMBLR THIS BUT I JUST LET OUT THE MOST DISGUSTINGLY GAY GIGGLE I HAD TO PAUSE TO MAKE SURE IT WAS ME THAT MADE THAT NOISE

[dukedrakes]

Finally

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Lily)

Rating: PG-13 (some cursing)

Words: 2.3K

Summary: Lily and Ethan finally talk about ‘us’.

This was requested by a beautiful anon who wanted to see my take on what happens when Ethan and MC finally decide to screw ethics and let themselves be together – I’m so sorry it’s taken so long; life hasn’t been kind. Thank you so much for the request and please send me any prompts if you like!

P.S I really miss Ethan.

Don’t forget to tell me what you think, Reblog and Like! Enjoy!

Find my other work here.

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(I curated the tag list by adding people who wanted to be tagged + people who interacted with any of my posts of or about my fics and/or are mutuals/friends, so if you’d like to be added or removed, let me know!)

Lily sat in the locker room bench; legs crossed with a medical textbook in front of her. She had an apple in her hand which she ate she scanned through the passages filled with medical jargon that might help her with treating one her patients. It was unusually quiet in the locker room, no doors slammed or chatter from the other residents. But Lily welcomed the serenity, it gave her the opportunity to focus and concentrate on the words in front of her.

However, she couldn’t. For a certain fellow member of the Diagnostics Team was consuming her thoughts instead.

It had been exactly 4 months and 17 days since she’d been offered the position that everyone had been vying over. And it had also been exactly 4 months and 17 days since whatever was between herself and Dr. Ethan Ramsey had ended. In truth, she wasn’t expecting it to hurt as much as it did. Even though she’d known that night before was going to be their last now that Ethan had been reinstated. She thought she had prepared enough emotionally. That their night together would’ve satisfied her enough to let him go. But she was wrong. Incredibly wrong.

She hadn’t expected to be offered the position on the Diagnostics Team, she was grateful to be even given a second chance at Edenbrook. She definitely hadn’t anticipated being promoted. And certainly not to the very team where the man running it was one she’d slept with twice and had an undeniable connection with.

She knew ending whatever it was between them was the right thing to do. She knew that. But it was still hard. Especially when she saw Ethan every day, had to work with him on patients, confer with him on treatment plans – all the while pretending that everything was fine when in reality, she wanted nothing more than to take his hand in hers and just touch him.

That was the thing that got her the most. Not being able to just touch him. Hold his hand. Trace her fingers up his arm. Or run her fingers across the stubble on her jaw – her favourite thing to do. She could handle not kissing him – she wanted to do that too – but to be starved of his touch was the hardest. There were times where Ethan’s hand would graze hers as he pointed to something on a chart, or his arm would brush against hers as he passed her, and the energy of that contact travelled through her entire being, giving her goosebumps and making her stomach flip. It was kind of like that feeling you get when you accidentally touch the person you’ve been crushing on, but it was all backwards because Lily had already been with Ethan.

Lily sighed and closed her textbook and tossed her apple core in the bin. She put her head in her hands. She didn’t know what to do. She’d been pretending and walking on eggshells around Ethan for months now. She was tired. And she didn’t know how long she could keep this up. It was even more of a stab in the heart when she saw Ethan being so irrevocably and completely normal around her. Like nothing had changed. Like nothing had even happened between them. It was like Lily had imagined the whole thing and was holding onto nothing but a fantasy.

She stood up and put the textbook in her locker. With her break over and no progress on a plan for her patient, she straightened her classic white doctor jacket in the mirror, before leaving the locker room. She walked down the hallways, making her way to Ethan’s office, her feet knowing the familiar route without even thinking about it. She needed advice on her patient, and she was clearly getting nowhere by herself. She had no choice but to talk to Ethan. No matter how much she didn’t want to. It was much easier to pretend when she wasn’t near him.

It wasn’t long before she was in front of his office door. The dark blue nameplate that read “Dr. Ethan Ramsey” a contrast to the light wood of the door. He might not even be in his office. She hoped he wouldn’t be. But there was also a part of her that wanted to see him. Because this was all she got now. She had to take what she could get. Until she eventually got over him. If she ever did.

Lily took a deep breath and raised her slightly trembling hand to the wood of the door. She stood there for a few seconds that felt more like hours, contemplating whether to even bother Ethan with this, he’s no doubt busy and she was more than capable of figuring this out herself once she forced herself to concentrate. She didn’t want to rely on Ethan. She didn’t want to be that girl.

With a clenched hand and her fingernails digging into her palm, she mumbled. “Just knock, you dumbass.”

“Lily?”

Lily whipped her head to the side and saw him. Ethan. He was standing there with a clipboard in hand, looking as handsome as ever in his classic blue shirt and tie under his Edenbrook coat. Lily took in breath both from the sight of him and the realisation that he’d seen her in front of his door, just standing there with her hand poised to knock.

“Ethan. I mean. Dr. Ramsey. Hi.” Lily stuttered as she jumped back and quickly retracted her and held it behind her back.

Ethan cleared his throat. “Dr. Murphy.”

There was a beat of silence between them where both weren’t sure what to say to each other. This interaction felt different somehow. Every time they’d spoken there was this level of distance and professionalism that they maintain to ensure that neither of them got too close – that there was a boundary between them. But this time Ethan had caught Lily in this private moment with herself, it almost felt like an intrusion.

Lily took a breath. “Um, how long have you been standing there?”

Ethan shook his head. “Not long.”

He was lying. Lily could always tell.

“I need to talk to you about a patient.” She asked tentatively.

Ethan nodded and strode to his door to unlock it, he opened it and stood to the side to let Lily in first. Lily mumbled a ‘thanks’ as she walked into the office. Ethan followed as he went behind the desk, put his clipboard down and began to file the papers in the meticulously organised filing cabinet.

Lily stood at the edge of the scene in front of her. She watched him move effortlessly, the awkwardness in the air around them.

“Well? What is it?” Ethan asked. “I’ve got a meeting with Banerji in 10 minutes.”

Lily blinked at his bristled tone. “I need some help with figuring out the best course of action with a patient who’s got some contradicting issues.”

“Can’t you do that yourself? You’re more than capable, Li— Dr. Murphy.” Ethan huffed.

Lily frowned. “Excuse me for disturbing you. I just wanted to treat the patient correctly.”

Ethan sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”

“So, what did you mean?” Lily crossed her arms.

“I meant, you’re a good doctor, Lily.” Ethan replied.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t need help every now and then.” Lily retorted.

Ethan ran his hand through his tousled hair. “I haven’t got time for this right now.”

“Then make time!” Lily exclaimed with a spark of anger.

Lily and Ethan looked at each other, both surprised by her outburst. Ethan was often hard to read, but this time, his eyes betrayed him completely. “Why do you keep pushing me away?” Lily whispered.

Ethan closed his eyes and hung his head. “Don’t do this, Lily.”

“Just answer the question, Ethan.” Lily said sternly.

“You know exactly why.” Ethan replied sharply.

“No, I don’t think I do. Maybe you can explain it to me in a way that I understand.” Lily patronised.

“Stop acting like a child, we’re adults, Lily.” Ethan rolled his eyes.

“Says the man who can’t deal with and express his emotions.” Lily knew the words were harsh and unfair, but she was angry. Months of frustration and hurt that have been bottled up were finally coming out. “You’ve barely looked at me properly in months. It’s like everything that happened didn’t even matter to you.”

“You know damn well that’s not true.” Ethan flared.

“Do I?” Lily challenged. “So, answer my question, Ethan.”

“You think it’s just so easy, don’t you?” Ethan replied, acid on his tongue with every word as he stepped towards her. “Have you even considered the ethnical and workplace consequences of us? There are patients to consider, the team, HR, we can’t just say ‘fuck it’ and do what we want, Lily. There are bigger issues here than me and you.”

“I’m not some petulant child that doesn’t understand consequences, Ethan. But I know when to take a risk for something that’s important to me.” Lily replied.

They were almost chest to chest now, and Lily has to crane her neck to look at Ethan.

“I’m not a risk-taker. You know that.”

“So, I guess that translates into; ‘You’re not worth the risk.’ Got it.” Lily smiled with contempt. “Guess I have my answer.”

Lily stepped back and began to turn away from Ethan, but he reached for her arm and pulled her back. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

Lily raised her voice, exasperated and said; “Then what are you saying, Ethan!? Stop speaking in riddles and just fucking tell me! I’m so fucking tired of tiptoeing around you and us. I know you saw me standing outside your door for longer than you said, I can’t even talk to you anymore without getting this awful dread in the pit of my stomach that I hate because I shouldn’t feel like that around the person that I—”

“I’m scared, okay?!” Ethan exclaimed. Silence enveloped them, the only sound was Lily and Ethan’s breaths, heavy from the argument. Ethan cupped Lily’s cheeks as he said; “I want you more than anything, Lily. But I’m scared of what could happen if we…” He shook his head.

Lily blinked at him. Before she let out a breath of disbelief mixed with relief and dare-she-say, love? And put her hands over his, rubbing her thumbs over the back of his hand. Finally. “If we what, Ethan?”

Ethan took in a breath. “If we pursue this, what would happen when everyone finds out? I don’t want them thinking negative things, especially about you.”

Lily shook her head. “I don’t care about anyone else. And you shouldn’t either. You’re Ethan fucking Ramsey for god’s cake.” Lily smiled. “I care about you. Anyone that knows me knows the truth.”

“And what if…if this doesn’t work?” Ethan asked. “What would we do then? How would it affect our work?”

“But what if it does work?” Lily whispered.

Ethan shook his head, pulling away from Lily and turning his back, running a hand through his hair again. “I don’t know, Lily. I don’t know I can do this.”

Ethan stood with his hands on his hips and his head to the ceiling, his eyes closed. Lily walked behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, her forehead resting on his back. She couldn’t deny that she felt him relax under her touch. And Ethan couldn’t either.

Lily moved to hold his right arm with both hands, before moving one to hold his hand. His fingers instinctively interlaced with hers. “What if we…what if we come up with a plan?” Lily looked up at him.

“What kind of plan?” Ethan asked, looking down at her by his side.

“A plan to try this. Try us. See where it goes. But we’ll keep it a secret, so, we can see if we like us. Then we’ll talk to Banerji about this if we really do. He’ll understand. You’re like a son to him. And then if it’s okay, we’ll tell some people – my friends, but still keep it quiet so it doesn’t impact the workplace.” Lily suggested, her thumb rubbing his hand again like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“And if it’s not okay? What if Banerji says no?” Ethan asked.

“Then we figure something out. I move from Edenbrook, maybe.” Lily replied with a small shrug.

“I can’t make you do that.” Ethan shook his head in disapproval.

Lily leaned her head on his arm. “But I would, for you. For us.”

“Us...” Ethan whispered.

“What do you think?” Lily asked with a small voice. “Can we do that? Do you want to?”

“It’s going to be hard.” Ethan said.

“I know.”

“But I want to. God knows I want to more than anything.” Ethan sighed like a weight was lifted off his shoulders and turned so he could take both of Lily’s hands. “I can’t bear another day without you.”

Lily didn’t know who moved in first. But their lips finally connected, and both of them collapsed into the kiss. Lily wrapped her arms around his neck as Ethan’s arms went around her middle, holding her there before lifting her to his height. Lily wrapped her legs around him and smiled into the kiss, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. The world stopped around them. They both starved for this kiss and it was finally happening, and it was as if all the pieces of the world’s hardest puzzle fell into place.

When they finally broke away, they rested their foreheads together. Smiling and looking into each other’s eyes. Ethan was still holding her effortlessly as Lily hugged him tightly, burying her head into the crook of his neck as his stubble tickled her skin. Ethan held her just as tightly as he did the same, his eyes shutting as he breathed in the smell of her skin and the familiar smell of her cocoa butter shampoo.

Lily pressed a light kiss to Ethan’s neck. “I missed you.”

Ethan smiled into her skin. “I missed you more.”

I hope you all enjoyed it! Let me know what you thought!

If you have any requests, please send them in! It might take me some time to get to (I have a list of fics I want to write) but I would love to see them!

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