#all of my interjections became yiddish or arabic
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slowly remembering so many of the reasons why i avoid being wordy online like the plague
#i love how the everything just bubbles to the surface in me#the ways my brain weaves through things in nonsensical patterns that show in how i communicate#the way i my brain is always trying to use words that don’t exist to explain concepts that language fails me on#the ways that my brain soaks up shards of languages i am culturally immersed in to try and fill those gaps in how i’m able to express things#i feel so strange sometimes with how i genuinely talk and type#the more time i let myself be as i am the more blatant it all becomes#and with that i feel more and more like i stick out awkwardly#my sentences are full of made up english - mvskokean - yiddish - yinglish - hebrew - arabic#and i feel like in some ways it’s ‘worse’ in writing. more comes when i lose the ability to stumble so awkwardly over my phonetics & rhythm#it’s still v prevalent verbally - my brain usually fills in the gaps with nonsensical words or an excess of words that barely scratch it#and it all grows more and more over time#i swear i blinked and the next thing i knew i was using hebrew and english filler words in near equal volume#all of my interjections became yiddish or arabic#and i stopped retyping written laughter in english#despite not even knowing when i stopped automatically laughing in english#and the more i actually ‘speak’ online the more i fucking see it#i suppose i’m notoriously bad at processing half of what i say out loud -#so it would make sense that all that awareness would crop up once i started typing more frequently#dai.. for real i’m a complete balagan rn. i need to sleep. i’m so tired. i’ve been gmurah for days and the party tonight did me in.#i’m going to be for real now y’all - yalla bye ♥️♥️♥️
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